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Hello everybody, this is Two Douchebags and Microphone. I'm Mark. And I'm Rob.
So let's see, a lot of things happened today in the NFL and yesterday.
A lot of acquisitions and teams going from one to another.
And another thing that was really interesting is this right here.
A lot of teams opted out of their running back to get a different one.
Running backs in particular were like the hot commodity today.
Those were the ones that were really being traded, or not traded, but they were the ones that were being signed.
And I directly attribute this to the Patrick Price.
Teams are trying to find a way to beat my homes.
And one of the ways that they can maybe, well you're not going to stop them,
but you can contain them is a strong running game and a strong defense.
So you take up time off the clock, you score seven points,
and then you hope your defense can contain my homes enough.
And then you get back on the field, you take up another 12 minutes on another drive,
and you just hope at the end you got like 10 points to where you can't come back and get you on seven or whatever.
You see. And I think a lot of that is because they are trying to develop ways to beat my homes,
and that is the big thing right now. And that's why you're getting these running backs and these different schemes going on.
That's part of it. And then there was a lot of running backs just actually, their contracts were up for whatever reason.
And when I tell you this, it's going to be pretty interesting.
Because I don't think any of your teams retained their running back that was up.
They opted to get another running back that was up from another team. Isn't that interesting, Rob?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why you wouldn't go with a guy that you have
and go into someone with similar stats in a different place.
I mean, it could have been money. Maybe the guy you were hiring was considerably lower than the guy you're trying to retain.
That could have been part of it. But I found it interesting why you'd let a Pollard go and then hire someone else.
I'll go into this now. I believe they got Jones, Aaron Jones, or something like that.
So, okay, first we're going to get to Kirk Cousins here in a little bit.
I got an article and I got some thoughts about it that I'm going to speak about.
Kirk Cousins was signed by the Atlanta Falcons. The Vikings opted to let him go.
They thought he was, you know, cost too much, I guess. And Atlanta seems to think that that was a good purchase, obviously.
Another one that happened is Snead is a free agent, not a free agent, a franchise plug.
He's got the franchise tag, but it is open to where he can be traded if they come up with a good enough offer.
So it's not the exclusive franchise tag. It's the franchise tag that allows you to shop him to other players.
So if someone comes up with too much money and you can't pay it because of the cap,
you can get a couple of draft picks for him and hopefully draft the next Legerius Snead.
So, anyhow, so those two went on and that's all we really got to say about that.
That all speaks for itself, the Kirk Cousins thing I'm going to go into here in a little bit.
But this is interesting. Derek Henry, Hall of Fame running back from the Tennessee Titans, went to the Baltimore Ravens.
Did you see that one coming, Rob?
No, I did not see that one coming, but I read that today. I was like, oh my God.
I know. I mean, I think he's going to fit right in.
It's kind of scary the way he's going to fit right in, Rob.
Yeah.
Yeah. You already got a couple of good running backs and you got a running quarterback up there.
I mean, is it going to be ground and pound with their brutal defense? Is this the way they're going to get to the homes?
And Derek Henry, he's known for ground and pound.
The only question I have is how much is left in his tank.
He's been dropping off and getting injured considerably more the last couple of years and that's because of age.
He's taken a beating. I know he's a big guy.
Well, that's kind of what the article that I read was going into with his age and everything.
For what reason?
I think it's going to be interesting and I think Kansas City better get ready because they're going to have some competition that's coming here.
Well, like I said last season, if I was to bet money on anybody, not being a Kansas City fan at all.
I live in, I don't know, Idaho.
And someone said, all right, Mark, pick who's going to win the Super Bowl and if you don't get it right, I'm going to like kill you.
I would have to go with my homes.
Do you think your answer would be that too?
Oh, definitely.
Absolutely. Not only pedigree, but guts, balls, smarts, everything.
The guy has it all and he can beat you with all of it and he does.
I mean, he has other key components too. Yes.
The defense really, really wanted for us. Yes. But my homes found a way to get it done.
Yes. Yeah. So, okay.
So I would have picked my homes anyhow. So I mean, to me, it isn't a far stretch of them winning to a lot of people.
And I'll admit, I did not think they're going to win it. Christmas Day after the Raiders game.
I was like, well, hopefully next year we can get something going. Maybe we can get some receivers.
But I was completely wrong, thankfully.
And they really, they got to the playoffs and just put it in another gear.
So anyhow, so we have the Ravens picking up Derek Henry.
The Cincinnati Bengals let their warhorse, Joe Mixon, go to the Texans.
I didn't see that coming either. I knew they were.
I did not either. Well, the Texans swooped in there and got him because they were going to release him.
And I guess the Texans were worried that someone else was going to pick him up.
So they worked out a deal ahead of time before he went to free agency.
And they gave him some draft picks or took a lot of cash off of, you know, off of what they owed him or something like that.
But they worked out a deal to get Joe Mixon.
And I knew Joe Mixon was going to be let go because of salary cap reasons.
But I didn't figure the Texans would swoop in there and do that before he was on the free agency market.
So that was interesting.
The really interesting one I find here, Aaron Jones to the Vikings from Green Bay.
Oh, wow. I did not hear that one. Yeah.
Aaron Jones, really? Yeah. Yep.
But when I see who they got to replace Aaron Jones, Josh Jacobs from the Raiders.
Oh, sure. Yeah.
So the Packers let Aaron Jones go knowing they were going to pick up Josh Jacobs or try to pick up Josh Jacobs.
So I see that one. They got a definite upgrade, in my opinion.
Josh Jacobs is a workhorse, and I think he's going to do well in that system. He's going to really help Jordan Love out considerably.
And not like Jordan Love did a horrible job or nothing.
It's just next year, if their defense is like it is, if they didn't lose too much on defense or possibly be gained on defense,
I can see them getting a little ways in the playoffs very easily.
So and then Pollard from Dallas went to the Vikings.
Yeah, I heard that one, too. Yeah.
That one was kind of like, eh, okay.
The Vikings are kind of like one of those teams that whenever they do a pickup, it's always kind of loopworm.
The Kirk Cousins one is like, okay, so you might get in the playoffs.
Then what? That's what I felt about it. Is that how you felt about it?
When they when they bought Kirk Cousins, I was like, okay, you're going to get to the playoffs and that's it.
You're going to get to the playoffs and that's it.
I love Kirk Cousins as a person, but he is not.
Kirk Cousins is not a guy that will take the team on his back and take him to the promised land.
He is a guy that makes you respectable and maybe even a top 12, 10 team.
But he's not a guy that's going to win you a bunch of Super Bowls or even probably get you to the championship game.
So Atlanta, I mean, Atlanta really paid a lot for him.
But I was talking to Christopher today and he brought up this point.
He thinks the reason they hired Atlanta and I think I have to agree with him thinking about it for sales season ticket sales.
They were like horrible. They got, you know, their oh, I forgot their Ryan.
Oh, shit, I forgot his any. Yeah.
Yeah. Anyhow, Ryan was his last name.
And let him go a couple of years ago and any other quarterback.
And since then, they haven't been the same. They're really floundered and mediocrity.
So Toversiggin is to appease the season ticket holders and all that stuff and put some sort of a little bit of buzz back to the Atlanta Falcons.
So, OK, maybe because of that, they overpaid for Kirk Cousins and maybe they make it to the playoffs and get a little bit of buzz.
So we'll see.
Then Justin Fields to the Raiders.
I heard that. That was just on the wire two hours ago.
That is going to be interesting because I really like their coaching now.
We. Yeah, she'll see how that works out because I've always felt that Justin Fields has a world of talent, but he's never been.
Um, coached right. Never been molded into what he could be.
Do you think? Right. Do you think I'm close on that, Rob?
No, no, no, that's that's about as close you get.
He's never had an offensive line. He's one receiver, not much of a running back.
He didn't have anything to work with. Plus, the coaching there.
So I've seen flashes of talent of when you do stabilize and you're on a good team that he could take that talent a long ways.
So this is going to be interesting. I mean, I know they lost Josh Jacobs, but we'll see what happens with the Raiders.
It's not like I'm a Raiders fan or nothing. Of course, being a chiefs fan, I don't care for him.
It's just this is an intriguing signing or an intriguing get for the Raiders.
We'll see how far they can take this thing.
So I've got this article about Kirk Cousins here, and then I'm going to add some of my words to it.
Kirk Cousins has been ridiculed for his inability to win enough big games or take his team to deep playoff runs.
However, he still has a lot of value in the NFL as a productive veteran quarterback.
It just won't be the Minnesota Vikings anymore.
Atlanta Falcons are going to find out what Cousins has left.
Cousins agreed to deal with the Falcons, according to multiple media reports.
Adam Schefter is one of them. The move has been rumored a few days ago, and now the Falcons get a big quarterback upgrade with new head coach Raheem Morris.
So I could read more of this, but I'm not going to. I'm going to go into some of my words.
But after I wrote this, I started coming up with a different thought process.
Now follow me with it.
Okay, the gem of the NFL now is a selfless Alex Smith tutoring for a year a Patrick Mahomes, a young Patrick Mahomes rookie.
He's watching him all the defenses, everything that is up in that brilliant head of Alex Smith.
And it worked out famously, famously. Could not have worked out any better.
Maybe Kirk Cousins isn't there for Kirk Cousins. Maybe Kirk Cousins is there for player X to be drafted this year, next year, maybe the year after that.
Very well could be.
Yes.
Oh, I did not think. Yeah.
He's the same player basically.
A good smart guy with a decent arm, but doesn't have a good enough pinpoint laser arm to take you deep into the playoffs.
He's a guy. He's like me. He's like me at playing pool.
Okay, go ahead. I want to hear.
I can tell the shots. I can tell somebody how to do the shots.
But me doing it personally won't make it.
But I can call it and somebody else can do it.
I love that Rob. That's true. That's so true.
Seriously.
Yeah.
If it's me personally doing it, I can see it being done. Oh, it's perfection.
But me doing it, I'm going to screw it up over time.
Yeah.
I would make a better coach than I would a player.
Rob, you couldn't, I could have not, I, no one could have said that any better than what you did.
I know exactly what you're talking about.
I think you're saying real life, then with me and.
No, no, no. I'm the same way at pool.
I can tell you exactly how to bank that bitch and get it where.
But me doing it, forget it.
Yeah.
Yeah. I could go, anybody, the best player around, I think, and go, yeah, you need to hit that right there.
And they're going to go, yep, you're right.
And, but you want to do it, Mark?
No, no, you should do it.
I get you. I get you.
That's, that's a great way to put it.
So I think I could read a lot of what I wrote, but I don't think I'm going to now.
And because I was really bagging on it really heavy,
call me Atlanta Falcons pretty much stupid for signing that much.
You know, and I kind of equated it to the rudderless chiefs after Marty Schottenheimer and Dick Vermeel era.
Yeah.
And they had, you know, Marty Schottenheimer had the great defenses with some worn out quarterbacks
and some of them that were supposed to be good, but weren't and all that.
Had some great teams.
Dick Vermeel had Trent Green, no defense.
So, you know, a Peyton Manning or Tom Brady would come up, a Peyton Manning, not Manning,
a Peyton Manning or Tom Brady would come up and kick the shit out of us.
First round of the playoffs every year.
So there is no chance of getting past there.
So I was thinking, you know, our team was rudderless.
So what did Hanks do?
Went out and got Andy Reed as soon as he was let go in Philadelphia.
Gave the keys to him and also John Dorsey who had a lot with getting Mahomes too.
And said, where do you go?
So, anyhow, that's enough of that.
And they really could be doing that with Kirk Tate.
It's going to be seen.
They've got a decent draft pick, but they can always.
I mean, he is getting up there in age.
He's 35.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, he is.
What's your name going to coach?
Yeah, coach player type of deal.
Yeah, I always wanted to see Alex Smith be a coach in the NFL,
a quarterbacks coach specifically.
Oh, yes, yeah.
I think he would be great at it.
But he's got that cushy job on ESPN.
So I don't think he's leaving it anytime soon, do you?
No.
He's good.
Besides that, he almost died.
I mean...
Oh, good boy.
Yeah, yeah, he's probably like, NFL?
Nah, probably not.
So, anyhow, you had some NFL stuff you wanted to get to, so feel free, Rob.
Yeah, I had another player that changed teams.
Oh, okay.
Russell Wilson officially has a new team.
Uh-huh.
Wilson announced via social media Sunday night that he is joining the Pittsburgh Steelers.
The video played the song Renegade by Sticks, which is the same song, played at the Steelers home games.
The video featured Steelers fans waving terrible vows.
Uh-huh.
Wilson will be signing a one-year deal with Pittsburgh.
The Denver Broncos will be paying Wilson $38 million this season after cutting him despite the money he was owed.
You know where it went.
That means the Steelers will be getting Wilson for $1.2 million.
Doesn't that warm your heart?
Okay.
I think that Russell Wilson's going to have a great year for a couple of reasons.
And you tell me whether you agree or not, Rob.
I want to hear your input on this.
He's on a one-year deal.
This is a prove it or get out, right?
One-year deals make you much better because the uncertainty after that, you better bring it.
He didn't have this huge deal he signed with Denver to where he didn't necessarily have to bring it.
He's getting his money guaranteed anyhow.
He didn't care.
Well, he's getting money from Denver.
But if he wants to play in the NFL and not be a backup next year or the year after, he better come to town and he better bring it.
Okay.
Number two, Pittsburgh has a history of drafting young, really fast, good wide receivers.
I think as in tandem with each other, are going to make Russell Wilson is going to beef up his stats a little bit and make him a better quarterback.
Will they go far in the playoffs?
It depends on who they play first and second.
You know, if they go straight to Baltimore, forget it.
And maybe even the Texans with CJ Stroud down there and some of the new guys in the draft, you know, they drafted really well the last couple of years.
They have a good strong draft.
Even the Texans could maybe take him out really easily.
So, you know, I could see this doing really good for the Steelers and Russell Wilson.
But I also think if they played the wrong teams in the NFL, it's going to be a really quick one and out.
Right, right, right.
So now if they get ahold of the Jacksonville or something, then they could maybe go for a game.
If they get lucky on another one, they could maybe back their way into the divisional.
I don't think the championship game is there for them.
But anyhow, they could be respectable with maybe a playoff win here or there because of all those factors.
Anyhow, were you going to go on to more, Rob?
Well, you just mentioned that Pittsburgh got these quick pass receivers.
They have a history developing them.
Wilson is known for being a quick passer.
Yes.
Going in quick passes, get it down, just go, let's go.
Don't you think that that's the way Mike Tomlin is going to have this game played?
I think that could be good.
I think it will too.
I think that could work. I really do.
Yes, yeah, I agree with you, Rob.
Okay, well, I mean, we're both in agreement on that.
Did you have anything else from the NFL you wanted to get to?
Because I have another NFL story.
That's all the NFL I have tonight.
Okay, I've got another one, but I'm not going to get to it right now.
We're going to go to some lighthearted stuff.
This is Dallas Cowboys quarterback, Dak Prescott, was accused of sexual assault.
And he's suing the chick.
He's suing her for false allegations and also blackmail or something like that.
So, we'll go into that a little bit later because I want to get to some lighthearted stuff.
Like Paul Stanley being called the creep and stuff like that.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, you've got to hear the article.
So, anyhow, let's take our first break and we're going to come back.
Rob has a story he wants to tell you all.
Well, not a story, but he's got an article that is pretty interesting.
So, we will be right back.
Yeah, I couldn't believe it when I first started reading it.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
So, if I have a glass of ice water and the ice melts into the water, is my water then watered down?
Hm, I may never know.
Now, it's time for Pick Up Lines from a Loser.
If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I would have a whole five cents.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
May every empty parking space you see in the distance actually contain a motorcycle.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
Are you always such an idiot, or do you just show off when I'm around?
As pleasant as fifty-grit sandpaper to your inner thighs.
Hello, this is Satan. You might know me from my pet name, Inflation. I'm here to tell you
that there's no better way to relax than listening to douchebags and microphones by a nice warm
fire at night. I sit there and reflect on all the souls I burned that day. Enjoy.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
Joe Buck and Troy Aitman are being all televised in Radio Games of the NFL this year.
Have you ever wondered where something came about? Have you ever looked at something and said,
Hmm, I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin Of.
Where did podcasts originate? The term was first coined by Ben Hammersley, a writer for The Guardian
in 2004 by combining the words iPod and broadcasting. In 2005, Steve Jobs, founder of Apple,
introduced the idea of subscribing to a podcast by building the concept into the iTunes interface.
Who made the first podcast ever? 2004, Adam Curry and Dave Weiner are accredited with the invention
of podcasting. Who exactly did what is up for dispute? But in the end, these are the two guys
who got it rolling. The term podcasting was mentioned by Ben Hammersley in The Guardian newspaper article.
Two douchebags and microphone. This is Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Rob, we turn to you.
Yeah, like I said, I read this article and I said, hey, this has got to go on our show.
Cool.
While there are definitely beauty standards in our society, we're not all attracted to the same things
when it comes to a romantic partner. But according to a new research, there's a more universal ideal
when it comes to the perfect partner for an affair. And one company set out to find out what that ideal person is.
And yes, I said, and it's there.
OK.
The study comes from Alicent Encounters, the UK's largest dating site for married people.
So they're pretty much the experts in this area. They analyzed the views and clicks of their more than 1.5 million
members over the last year to see which profiles get the most attention.
What did they learn? Wives who want to cheat on their husbands would ideally pick a man who's 52,
has green eyes and brown hair, drives an Audi and makes more than $64,000 a year.
He also has size 10 feet, athletic build, and is a Libra.
Wow. They narrowed that down.
If your husband's looking down on this girl, their ideal woman would be 44 years old,
five foot six with blue eyes, blonde, curly hair, and earn more than $38,000.
And also being a chorus with size five feet and a toned physique.
That's crazy, man.
The way they narrowed that down, precisely.
They took their 1.5 million views and they just averaged out everybody. And this is what they came up with.
Really interesting stuff there. Really interesting.
I was just amazed at how they narrowed it down so well.
Yeah. Yeah.
Even down to the both sides.
Yeah. Yeah. That was one of the things that got me.
Libra and Aquarius.
Wow. Very interesting stuff there, Rob.
We are called two douchebags.
Yes, we are.
I had to come up with that.
Oh, that was great, Rob. Now I've got Paul Stanley being a creep.
Only on Two Douchebags.
Yeah. I can understand that.
Yeah. Only on Two Douchebags and Michael Goody do you get the real story behind this story.
Somebody called Paul Stanley a creep. And we're going to get to the bottom of it right now.
Who called him a creep and why?
Bobby Brown.
The ex-wife of late Warren singer, frontman Janie Lane.
And the video vixen in Warren's Cherry Pie. So now we all know who she is, right?
Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Blonde. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.
All over my bedroom wall.
Yep. Oh yeah. I think she got a lot of target practice, right?
A lot of people. That's what I mean.
Okay. Anyhow, recently fans submitted questions via the Fuse TV website.
Asked who was the creepiest rock star that ever hit on her.
Bobby said Paul Stanley from Kiss.
He was just infeminent. Extremely infeminent.
I don't know. He was pretty creepy, I have to say.
I mean, no offense to Kiss and all that stuff, but it was bizarre.
And I think maybe, I don't know. Who knows? I don't know if he's gay or not.
But I really had the feeling that he might be. I don't know.
Oh. Oh ho ho ho.
That's not a good thing to be, I mean, the gay thing doesn't matter.
The infeminent and creepy thing? Yeah.
Boy. And I don't know. That kind of caught me off guard.
I mean, yeah, he does have some kind of feminine mannerisms, yes.
But wow. Okay. Well, I don't think he's gay.
I mean, I think it's possible. But found that very interesting.
So, anyhow, I can go to this next interview with Ace Freely from Hard Rock Magazine.
You want to hear this? Sure.
Okay. Ace Freely said concerning Kiss, I don't think they're going to retire.
They've been retiring for the last 20 years.
Ace isn't convinced that last year was Kiss's final show.
Ace went on to say, you will never see an avatar of me in a million years.
That's a pretty good jab.
Because the avatar is the new Kiss. It's all going into cyberspace.
Let's call it for what it is.
My opinion, a complete money grab and a waste of time.
You think in 20 years, one person is going to give a flying fuck that Kiss is in cyberspace?
Jane and Paul are long gone and Kiss is going to live on in cyberspace? No.
No one's going to give a shit. No one's going to care about Kiss in 20 years.
No one's going to be left, just like hardly anyone gives a shit about the mama and the papas anymore.
Right? Because a lot of those people are gone.
Strawberry alarm clock. You don't hear people going around stressing that they're not around. Why?
Because a lot of people are not around anymore. Or if they are around, they're worried about living the next day.
They're not worried about strawberry alarm clock.
So, anyhow, I go on.
10,000 volts, his latest effort, could be one of his finest.
Ace's interest in space comes from his father, who was an electrical engineer.
He designed some transformers. Oh, I did not know that.
Me neither. That's why I decided to pick this article to talk about.
It's not the space, it's the electric.
Yeah, okay.
So, I chose to verbally display this because I think it's an insight into how Ace thinks, and I love this.
He designed some transformers that are in the rover.
That's how it connects to space. That's on the moon.
He bought my first guitar, a cheap $25 Japanese guitar.
One I hit the E chord with the volume up, and it was love at first sight or hearing.
Steve Brown from the band Trickster helped Ace with the album.
Ace has put out five albums in the past 10 years.
All other rockers your age are slowing down. Why are you going full throttle, Ace?
I love to write songs, I love to record.
My fiance has me on a strict diet of organic foods and working out.
I lost 45 pounds and feel great.
I think most know I don't have a master plan.
I'm just going to keep going until I cannot anymore.
Why stop? I'm having the best time ever creating and recording, and he is not being messed up.
He's not impaired by drugs or alcohol.
He's clear taken, and his new drug is what his first love was, music.
Right.
I think it is completely fantastic that he found himself after all these years.
He cleaned up, and he's doing good. He's been clean up a long time.
But it looks like he re-energizes his passion for music.
And now I think the fact that Paul and Gene were dogging on so much gave him some new effort.
Some new umph behind him to do better.
He's going to go, you know what, you guys are retiring and you're dogging on me.
I've been sober for 20 years. Watch this.
I'm going to do an album that you couldn't do without me or Peter.
Beer. Hold my root beer.
Yeah. Kind of like Kansas City holding a beer.
I love that poem.
My root beer is sober. Hold my root beer.
So that promo is excellent, isn't it?
About Chicago and Kansas City.
I'm really proud of that one. I'm really proud of that one.
Because there's so much truth in it, and also it's funny.
So, um, Eddie here.
He was not dogging in Chicago.
No. I'm dogging in Kansas City.
Yep.
And rightfully so.
Until they get this crime situation cleaned up, I'm going to keep speaking about it.
So, anyhow, we had a, I didn't go to this because I wanted to catch you by surprise.
We have a podcast syndicator, if you will.
That's what you call them.
Show an interest in us, Rob.
Yes. You mentioned that to me last year.
Oh, did I? Oh.
Briefly. Briefly.
You said we would talk about it.
I only got one email from them, and I didn't know if it was, uh,
I didn't know if it was true or not, but now I've gotten four emails from them.
And they're really interested in us.
But, they want full rights to our stuff.
I don't know.
I think, I don't know.
I think we just keep, you know what?
I, I, no. My vote is no.
Me too.
I mean, we, Topol, you and I, and other people, have worked too hard on this.
I would agree. I would agree.
And the money isn't that great that they're talking right now.
I don't see anything.
But it's not about money for us, anyhow.
If it was about money for us, we would have never done this in the first place.
No. This is about hobby.
Yeah.
This could save it. This is, this is actually, has helped save me.
I was down, and it's brought me up.
Yeah.
And I'm growing more and more everyday, as a person, because of this.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
I personally have been putting too much into it. I know you have.
I've been putting everything into it. I enjoy it so much.
To sign, to sign it away, and for us to keep doing it, if they even let us keep doing it.
No, I know. Once we sign the rights away, it could be anybody.
They might be, they might be just wanting, just with a damn name.
Could be.
It's a bad ass name, man.
It is. That's why I bothered to trademark it.
The lawyer was snapping so fucking hard.
But I told him when I initially called up, he's a local guy, and I talked to him, he's a trademark lawyer.
He goes, yeah, what is this name? You're interested in trademarking.
Two douchebags and microphone.
What?
Two douchebags and microphone.
Oh my God, I love it. And I hope he's listening.
He said he was going to listen, because he is a humor, he's a humorous guy, a big Minnesota Vikings fan.
I told him, hey, call in, email me. So I have you call in. We'll dog the piss out of the Packers.
So anyhow, he hasn't yet. I hope he does.
Hey, hey, if we ever push the envelope here, we might have a little backup.
Yeah, I know, I know.
No, believe me, I got him on speed dial.
Welcome aboard. Welcome aboard.
Yes.
Anyhow, Rob, do you have a story you want to get to? I just wanted to bring that up on the show.
Yeah, while you're talking music, I do have a musical.
Okay.
A legendary American rock band, the Doobie Brothers, are planning to release a new album,
and it will include a familiar face who is returning for his first recorded album with the band in more than four decades.
Co-founders Tom Johnston and Patrick Simmons are reuniting with singer and keyboardist Michael McDonald
to record their first original studio album together in 44 years, they told Billboard.
Holy damn.
It will mark the Doobie Brothers' first original record to feature Johnston, Simmons, McDonald, and longtime guitarist John McPhee since one step closer in 1980.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's cool. Very cool.
And they're doing a bunch of travel. I see why they're going to be in Kansas City, and they're going to be here in Kansas too.
It would make sense if you're going to bring out Back the Lineup, you might as well do a tour.
People are going to be interested in seeing that. I am.
No, they're coming out with a new album.
Yeah. I would not be interested in it if it didn't come back like this. I'd just been like, okay, so, cool.
Well, that's good to hear.
Just so by looking at them, I still say they're about hairy asshole.
They are in it, aren't they?
Yeah, it's Alice in Chains versus Doobie Brothers at this point, unless we want to continue and add more bands.
I would work about that.
At this point, yeah, a couple of them.
Yeah.
Okay. Well, I think we're going to have to go back to the Hairy Asshole Olympics sometime here soon.
For those people who don't know.
We put musicians and famous people and stars and actors and all this stuff together and try to guess who has a hairiest asshole.
We cannot prove it in any way. It's just how we feel.
And we try to use logic.
Yeah, we try to use logic to like if they're an athlete and they're still an athlete,
maybe they wouldn't have a hairy asshole because they probably would be like there in that so they wouldn't get so sweaty and it wouldn't get tangled up in a jock strap.
We use common sense like that to try to determine who wins the hairiest asshole battle.
And we put two people against each other. I have 10 people. Rob has 10 people.
We have one musician band, the one musician band.
We each have a wild card and we have a bring someone back for free card or a pass card or whatever you want to call it.
A safe card.
A safe card. And that is the game right there. If you want to call it a game.
So anyhow, we will be getting back to that in a couple of podcasts.
We're going to go back and then we're just going to keep this going. What is this? Is this season two? One?
Season four.
Season four. That's right.
Okay, season four. First battle is done.
Second battle. No, this is the third battle.
I think we're on our third.
We're on our third battle. You're right.
Yeah, our third episode of it.
Yep.
Let's take a slow break and I got us some Coca-Cola lawsuit news here.
We'll be right back.
Alright, good. Yeah, good. Yeah, let's switch some gears here.
Yeah, yep. We got it. Alright, we'll be right back.
Bye.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Hi all. This is Mark here. I'm usually the one telling you what to eat during an apocalypse.
Well, this time I decided to go the other way.
You ever consider just going to ground zero and saying fuck it?
Do you really want to be the guy running around looking for radioactive deer, guessing whether water is not contaminated or not?
No food, no shelter, no nothing.
Oh no, there's a strong argument that says, you know what, let's just go to ground zero and see what's for us after.
Just a thought.
Since we haven't a budget here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, here's a random guy on the street to promote our show.
Hi everybody, I'm Freddy. I love listening to Two Douchebags and a Microphone and I get all my pertinent information from them.
They are incredible and I love them so.
Now, from this underground bunker camped in Missouri, stocked with dried goods, canned food, and a couple of vibrating toys,
is rambling some madman featuring Rob Rad.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. That needs to happen.
Oh shit, what's that over there? Oh no, it's silent and horrible jokes.
Want to hear a joke about paper? It's terrible.
Oh lord, that man just saw a puppy in ha-
Hey there, don't worry, I have a clown nose.
Oh no, that drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay, I have a clown nose.
Clown nose, just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office? Murder people in public? Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions. Grab one today and make magic happen.
Two douchebags and a microphone, because we all need dick jokes.
Two douchebags and one microphone.
Two douchebags and microphone on Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Like Thor mentioned, we have a Coca-Cola lawsuit that's pretty interesting.
I want to get your thoughts on it too, Rob.
A Florida tequila lover is taking Coca-Cola to court because its top of Chico margarita hard setzers, or seltzers, however you want to call it, do not contain the Iguabe liquor.
Tamra Fletcher bought one of the company's seltzers at a store in Miami-Dade County, expected a margarita in a can, but was disappointed to learn it was just a tequila-less beer product designed to taste like the cocktail, according to the lawsuit filed in federal court on Monday.
She now claims Coca-Cola duped the 60% of Americans who say a margarita is their choice of drink by including Iguabe plants in the design of the can and by calling their seltzer drink a margarita, court documents obtained by the Post show.
Fletcher even went as far as to cite definitions of the word margarita from Merriam-Webster and Wikipedia in her efforts to prove that the drinks are supposed to include tequila.
So, Fletcher is like all consumers and the public who associate a margarita with tequila and expect this distilled spirit to be part of any alcoholic beverage described as a margarita, the lawsuit says.
And I think I could agree with that. What about you, what do you think Rob?
Okay. Do you have much more to read?
I have more to read, yes. Okay, I'll go through it all and then I'll give the floor to you. That's a good idea.
She prefers alcoholic beverages.
Yeah, because it may take a turn because I know which way I'm at.
Okay, that's cool. I know which way I'm going too. I thought about it.
So, the labeling of margarita hard seltzer across the field of Iguabe plants suggests and tells consumers they are buying a canned version of margarita defined by its presence of tequila, it says.
Instead, consumers get an alcoholic beverage without tequila replaced with an alcohol base.
She also argued that the ingredients list on the back and top of Chico cans, which note that they contain Iguabe syrup, not tequila, was insufficient to truthfully inform consumers of what they were buying.
The only place buyers are told the margarita hard seltzer is another name for beer has been met through nutrition facts, the suit reads.
If you if any would turn the packaging around to know to look for this.
She also found I'm going to skip over a little bit of it because it's redundant. It's pretty much telling you the same thing.
So I will go to the last page and the closing argument, per se.
She also found it implausible that the plaintiff in that case thought she was buying a product container of tequila when the top of Chico cans were surrounded by soft drinks, beer and hard ciders, hard lemonades and hard sensors.
But no hard liquor or cocktails, which cannot be legally sold in grocery stores in New York State.
Had she lived in New York for any length of time, she would know that cocktails contained in hard liquor are not and cannot be sold in grocery stores.
So, okay, Rob, I will let you speak and then I'll go into it.
No, I don't hold it for me. Read the can. Read the can.
That's exactly where I'm smart enough to know if it looks like beer and it says five percent, it's beer.
Also, I remember back in junior high or so, we sold candy to the school and we sold candy that was Margarita flavored.
Suckers, you know. You had Margarita flavored candy.
That's a really good point, Rob.
That's a really, really good point.
Oh, there's the pineapple and the tropical, you know.
Yeah, you know what, you're right. And they do have mocktails, margaritas, which are, you know.
Yeah.
Okay.
Also, another thing is, another reason these hard seltzers are so popular is the younger mindset of less alcohol is better.
Right, right. Yeah, you touched on that here, Rob.
Yeah. And I don't think it's necessarily for this lady. I think it's for the Ziers and Millennials trying to get to them.
Yeah, yeah.
Because the younger ones aren't into soda pop like we were growing up. They don't really care that much for it.
So, I could see the reasoning of coming up with a drink like this and selling it like that.
I don't know. My 19-year-old is a big soda drinker.
Oh, okay. Well, I guess, you know, there's exceptions.
Yeah, there is.
I'm just saying on average from what I've read, you know, like Dr. Pepper's really worried because none of the younger generation even realizes there's Dr. Pepper, it sounds like.
No, no, my father agrees. Dr. Pepper and Pepsi, he bounces between the two.
He's the exception then, I think, because I'll try to look for that article. I may have even went into it once on the show about brands that are afraid that they're going to go bye-bye.
You know, like McDonald's was, so they come out with Cosmax, which are doing very well.
Cosmax is a micro part of McDonald's with an expanded menu that isn't that big. It's just a different menu. It's more like coffee drinks and pastry type stuff.
But what it's designed to do is get to the younger generation and it is, you know, the Starbucks generation.
And it is actually working pretty well. So now they have a concept of where they might go in the future. You see.
So anyhow, we'll see where this goes. My prediction is it's going nowhere. It's going flat on its face.
Yeah, I don't see it going any further.
But I've been wrong before.
Oh, we both have, yeah.
So anyhow, Rob, you got something you want to speak of.
Yeah.
All right.
Before is yours, Mike.
I love AI at its finest.
You told me about this too.
Yeah, yeah.
A Saudi robotics company's unveiling of a male humanoid robot didn't go as planned after it appeared to improperly touch a female reporter.
Saudi robotics company QSS debuted Mohammed the humanoid robot at DeepFest in Ra'ad last week.
The robot dressed in traditional Saudi attire spoke Arabic and English.
And look at the picture, man. Yeah. I would think it was a human.
Rob, I'm looking at the picture right here. I found the article you're talking about. It looks human to me.
Yeah. In a DeepFest post on X, Mohammed was described as the first Saudi robot in the form of a man as well as a national project to highlight Saudi Arabia's AI achievements.
During a presentation, a reporter from AI Arabia, Raya Kassim, stood in front of Mohammed as she spoke to the audience.
A viral video of the incident showed the robot appearing to extend his hand forward to touch her backside.
In the clip, Kassim Kassim responding with a stern wire followed by a raised palm and Mohammed before she continues to talk.
It could be AI is still a man. Yeah, AI is still a man.
We're all pigs at heart, right? Yeah. Well, what a story. Is that it? You got any more? No, that's not it.
Okay. Well, real quick. That's enough on that one. In the interest of fairness, Rob, we have to talk a little baseball.
So I'm going to go into spring training news right here, okay? So hang on a minute. Let me...
Yeah, we are getting into baseball. Oh, shit. I lost the paper. Even though it ain't your favorite.
Yeah, I lost the paper. We can't do it. Okay, maybe next time.
You see, we're not near running out of time. We still got another 10 minutes. I couldn't do that.
I've got an interesting one here and it's kind of a bummer, but I wanted to get to it several weeks now and I'm going to get into it now.
Oh, shit. There goes my beer can. Oh, shit. Yeah, no. No, it's an RC Cola, but it had already been previously drank.
So no harm, no foul. Okay, microplastics are... Hey, do this stupid video. It don't matter what it is.
You know what? Talk this cheap studio where everything goes, including cans hitting the ground.
And it don't matter whether it's Coke or a beer. No, no, no, no, no. But we do want everyone to know that the only Coke, very snobbishly served here, is not...
Coca Cola. Mexican Coca Cola with real cane sugar because we are sugar snobs in the Talk This Cheap Studio.
Just to be fair. So, anyhow, microplastics are everywhere. Even in the fatty deposits called plaque that can build up in the arteries that cause heart disease and strokes.
So, they've been doing microplastics for how many years now, Rob? Would you say 30 years? At least?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, at least. At least.
When did there become a big jump in heart attacks and clogged arteries and heart disease? Would you say 30 years coming?
Yeah.
Correlation? Very possible. Proving it? I don't know how you would. But it's something to think about. It's something to keep in the back of your head.
Now, researchers in Italy have found that in people with microplastic in the plaque clogging their neck arteries, the risk of heart attack, stroke, or death was four and a half times higher than in those whose plaque didn't contain plastic,
said Dr. Eric Tappo, a cardiologist and executive vice president of Scripps Research in La Jolla, California.
It's extraordinary, he said. I'm a cardiologist for three decades. Plus, I never envisioned we'd have microplastics in our arteries and this presence would accelerate ardeoskeloserous.
I never could say that. Anyhow, they're talking about, you know, heart disease.
The study was published in this week's edition of the New England Journal of Medicine. While it was able to link the presence of microplastic to health effects, it does not prove that the microplastic caused the increase in deaths or heart disease, as there could be other variables at play.
Blockage of the arteries, especially the cardioid, uh, cardioid arteries in the neck. Oh no, it's carotid. I'm sorry. Why would I say carotid? Especially the carotid arteries in the neck is a well-known danger sign for stroke and heart disease.
When the neck arteries become blocked or congested with plaque, less blood flows to the brain, sometimes resulting in a stroke or even death. One treatment is to surgically remove the plugs of plaque.
Many studies have shown that tiny bits of plastic, some too small to be seen, can either enter the human body through food, inhaling or exposure to the skin, and have been found to be in placenta in lungs, liver, breast milk, urine, and blood.
Placenta is afterbirth. To find out there were microplastics in the fatty deposits, the Italian researchers tested the microplastic in the plaque and had been removed from the necks of 257 patients between 2019 and 2022.
Of those, 158 had measurable amounts of polyethylene and sometimes polyvinyl chloride.
There are some other, it goes into some other stats, statistics, what have you, but they're all about the same.
And it does make one wonder if the last 30 years, 40 years, that heart disease has been rampant in America, become the number one killer of women, and I think men too, is associated with all these microplastics that they just recently found, or in all of us, in the air.
They go through us. They become part of ourselves.
Right. Yeah. So, it makes you wonder how much damage has been done and how much damage is yet to come from these things.
Because let's face it, the cat's out of the bag. They're not going to quit making plastics. There's too much money in it.
Right. So, yeah, that's pretty much it. I really have nothing else to go into on that, except it's pretty scary when you think about it.
I agree with you on that. Yeah. Yeah, I've been wanting to get that one for a while, but we've had some pretty white hearted broadcasts.
And I was like, you know what, I had to get that one out there before it became old news. So, and it might already be old news by now, who knows.
Oreo has a new flavor, and so does Pringles.
Oh, yeah. Two favorite flavors, Oreo and Pringles.
Yeah, you can't beat that with a stick. I thought Oreos wasn't going to come up with any more flavors, but they did.
And it's a new lemon-lime, citrus type of a cookie. And there is also...
Hey, is this a Jeffy X-List?
No, no, Jeffy X.
That sounds like one. Hell no.
Lemon-lime cookie? No.
You know what, I will have to ask Jeffy X. You know what, you're right.
Pringles, I'm really excited about this one too. Pringles has come up with honey mustard chips.
Oh, that sounds good.
Yeah, yep, yeah, that sounds really good.
That sounds damn good.
The article that I read did not say exactly when they're going to come out, but anyhow, that is a new product that they're going to be offering.
And the other thing is, I don't know if it's for a limited time or if it's going to be a staple.
Something tells me that it's probably going to be a limited time, do sales. They take it away, bring it back, you know, kind of like the McGrib type of deal.
And then while we're talking about food, you know Shake Shack had a really interesting deal.
If the Oscars went under a certain amount of time, the average time the Oscars are, we're going to give away like chicken sandwiches.
If we went over, they're going to give away hamburgers, right?
Well, the Oscars were on the other night.
Shake Shack has given away the free Smoke Shack all this week thanks to the Oscars.
Here's why. Perhaps an attempt to be thrown in and out as a burger destination of choice for post-award attendees,
the popular New York-based Burger Chain announced last week that it was offering a giveaway based on awards show runtime.
Join us for an award-worthy guessing game during Hollywood's biggest night.
How long will Tinseltown's grandest spectacle last? Will it be an epic marathon or a swift sprint?
Shake Shack wrote on this website, according to the official announcement, Shake Shack crunched the numbers
and predicted the Oscar ceremony would last at least three hours and 31 minutes.
The circulation, which was determined by marketing known, incorporated both recently weighted items series and show components.
So, Benny, I don't know what all that had to do with the data that they retrieved.
In the telecast, whenever Shake Shack's prediction, customers could get a free chicken shack.
A bestseller, consistent crispy white meat chicken goes into that trying to sell it.
And anyhow, the purchases totaled about $10. So it went over, so everybody got a Smoke Shack burger for free.
But it was also, the offer starts today and lasts through March 18th.
And guests will have to place a $10 order using the code BIGWINS via Shake Shack kiosk or through the chain's mobile app or website.
It's important to note that you cannot claim the free Smoke Shack by ordering at the restaurant counter or through delivery platforms.
Also, the deal is not available in Shake Shack locations at airports, stadiums, arenas, travel plazas or museums.
And paid add-ons such as bacon or avocado are not included.
And the reason that they don't include them in all those places that they said is because those are franchises that are not owned by Shake Shack.
Ah, franchises.
Franchises, yeah. Franchisees or whatever you want to call them.
The F-word.
Yeah, the F-word.
So, anyhow, you got anything you want to go into?
Yeah, I have a story.
Okay.
But first off, hi Grandma Opal, hi Jimmy.
Hi Grandma Opal, hi Jimmy, the greatest grandson ever. Dodge City, Kansas. Ra-Ra, we love you guys.
Yes. Yes.
But, yeah, tonight I'm going to end this on a ghost story.
Awesome.
Yeah, let's go to bed with a ghost story. How's that?
Oh, good, good. Maybe we'll have horrible dreams.
If you look at sites like Wanker where people vote up or down haunted places, you'll occasionally see one ice lake, Missouri Lake, get mentioned.
It's the upper big lake dam near area just north of Charleston, Missouri.
The story haunted houses tells the tale of a fisherman whose nephew was accidentally killed with a shotgun.
As they tell it, the fisherman later returns to upper big lake to fish again, but is practically drowned by what many claim is the ghost of the nephew.
The story doesn't end there.
The upper big lake near Charleston, Missouri has had way too many reports of drownings there, including a Sexton man years ago.
A calm lake like this is not normally what you associate with drownings, but it happened at upper big lake more than it should.
Did a tragedy years ago trigger paranormal activity at this Missouri lake?
It depends on the stories that are now told by those brave waters there.
Wow. I've never heard of that one, ever.
I get into a little bit of paranormal stuff.
So yeah, I have kind of heard about stories about that big lake.
Well, I do too. I'm very interested in the paranormal. Very.
But I've never heard that one. That's cool.
And it's Charleston, the upper lake in Charleston, Missouri? Is that the upper arm?
Upper big lake.
Upper big lake in Charleston, Missouri. I'm going to look that up and try to find out a little bit more information about how to get there and when you can see whatever.
Like, is it apparitions?
Well, no. It's people that drown. You can just drown, dude.
So it's nothing more than just drowning, I guess. Okay. Alright.
Yeah, just drowning.
Okay, for some reason I correlated that into apparitions. That's just my own mind.
I don't know. I don't know.
I want there to be apparitions there, evidently.
That's all this one. I did not back it up.
Well, thinking about it, I guess you did not. I'm trying to go deeper into it. You did not mention apparitions at all. I made that up in my own mind.
So, anyhow. Oh well.
Anyhow, that's why my mind works. Seeing is believing.
So, anyhow. Everybody, thank you for joining us, man. We'll have another fine podcast tomorrow night if the good Lord lets us, right?
Amen.
Yep. If we're not under some tornado warning or something because the weather might get a little shaky around here tomorrow, proving that it might be springtime.
I'm in a bunker.
He's not worried about it. He's underground. I mean, I don't even know how you get phone reception in there. You must have some pickup antennas in there, right?
Maybe one or two.
Well, you can find Rob's bunker online at robrad251 at yahoo.com, right?
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Or it was...
Yeah.
Or it could have been... Okay, for Netscape browsers, you can only get it on the Netscape browser. It's rob251, rah rah, on the Netscape browser.
If you don't know what Netscape is, look it up.
There you go. Thank you, guys. Have a great night. We love you. The assholes.
Bye, assholes.
Ahhhhhhh!
Hey, where'd everybody go? Where're the douchebags?
Hm.
Hey.
Oh my God. Someone took a dump in the corner. Oh, geez.
Ugh. Glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back.
Oh, man, that smells.