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Should I throw away all my socks, then only buy 30 pair of one kind of sock? Will they eventually not match up?
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I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of...
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Two douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark. And I'm Rob.
Alright. So Rob, I think we need to congratulate the Kansas City Chiefs. Did you see the news?
Yes I did. Yes I did. I don't know if it's congratulations or not, but I've seen it.
Well, I mean, okay. To the rest of the league who didn't want to see it happen and said that it wasn't going to happen,
but I kind of thought it wasn't going to happen either. The Chiefs have re-signed a five year deal with Chris Jones.
So anyhow, you fuckers think the Chiefs may not three-peat, you better get your head out of the sand.
You better get ready. Yeah. Like little fucking skippy bailus.
I have an article if I get to it, if I even want to give that little bitch some time, saying that Joe Burroughs is better than Patrick Mahomes.
I have all the stats and it's not even close. But if I get to that, we get to that. If not, we don't.
But anyhow, I have a neat little story here Rob. Remember...
Which, by the way, Chris Jones got a five year deal that goes 95 million.
Yes. He is the highest paid defensive end and he probably deserves it.
So anyhow, you know what? I'm glad they raised the salary cap because we're going to fucking need it.
Yeah, we are.
Well, Mahomes is talking about restructuring and doing a bunch of different things.
Some of the other stars of the team are going to restructure because they want to keep this thing going.
They want to keep winning. So they care a little bit more about winning than they do money. So that's great.
And also Andy Reid just resigned for a few years. Steve Spagnolo resigned for a few years.
And I can see where this is going. Andy Reid steps down, hands the keys to Spagnolo.
That's what I think is going to happen eventually.
Very well could be.
I think they've both been talked to and said, hey, here's what we would like to see happen.
The Hunt family or whatever here at Chief's Kingdom.
You know, when you're ready to go, Andy, we, you know, we don't want you to.
But when you're ready to go, we understand.
So you hand the keys over to Steve Spagnolo and we're good.
So I could see that happening very easily.
So anyhow, I've got a nice little story here, Rob. Remember Mike Tyson?
Asking you not for getting.
Okay. Did you know that he's going to fight again?
I've heard when he was, when that he was, and I've heard rumors of who it was going to be against. You tell me.
Okay. Social media star turnboxer Jake Paul will fight former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson on July 20th at AT&T Stadium.
That's a huge stadium, dude.
Netflix announced Thursday that I believe that's the Dallas Cowboys Stadium, isn't it? AT&T.
I think so. I think so.
Okay. The streaming platform will provide live coverage of the bout between 27 year old Paul and 57 year old Tyson, who hasn't fought since he took on Roy Jones Jr. in the exhibition in November, 2020.
Paul and Tyson will be in the main event of the first combat sports show for Netflix.
And in recent fortes into live sports productions is the way Netflix is headed.
It's still uncertain whether this bout will be staged as an actual pro fighter exhibition, particularly given the age of Tyson, who will be 58 by July.
The specific still must be approved by the Texas Department of Licensing and Regulation, which regulates the boxing in the state.
Tyson posts workout videos on social media.
Rob, on a side note here, and anyone else, you need to look at these workout videos.
The dude is in impressive shape.
He looks fantastic.
Mike Tyson, he has been hitting it good.
He is not out of shape.
Doesn't look like there's one ounce of fat on him.
He's got the V shape.
I mean, he is just one kind of strong guy.
Honestly, I think he just might beat against Jake Paul.
We will find out.
The California State.
Just saying.
Jake Paul is younger.
Mike Tyson is older.
He's going to need to be in shape.
Well, here's the thing I think is Mike Tyson hits him one time.
One time and that guy is done.
Yeah, you got the Mike Tyson touch there.
Yeah, well the thing is, Jake Paul, if he's smart, he can beat Tyson, but he's got to stay away from him.
He cannot get in a situation where that uppercut or that left hook takes him out.
Yeah, he's going to have to keep some distance.
One left hook or one uppercut, Jake Paul is gone.
He's history.
So, the California State Athletic Commission required this bout against Jones to be an exhibition.
So, this Texas boxing match might be an exhibition too because they're not comfortable with a 57, well soon to be 58 year old man fighting a 27 year old man.
And you know, but I'm telling you, I don't think there's much danger here.
I think that Mike Tyson.
Yeah, I don't take there's going to be much of an exhibition.
Yeah, this is in guy down the road.
I know you found out how the old dude can whip the young dude's ass. That's about it.
This is a guy down the road. This is one of the best boxers ever to live in great shape.
And I don't care if he's 57, the guy looks like he's been working out all 57 years.
Yeah.
And the thing is, we're not talking about a real boxer per se anyhow.
Jake Paul is okay, but if you put him in the WBC, he would be nothing.
He'd probably be a tomato to you.
Okay.
Jake Paul went into MMA.
Oh, okay.
So, he's making a crossover going to boxing.
Yes.
Now his brother who is now in the WWE was in the boxing.
I didn't know that. Okay.
Yeah.
Well, Jake's.
Logan Paul. Logan Paul was in the boxing. Jake Paul was more into MMA.
Okay. Jake Paul's only loss came last year to Tommy Fury. If you wonder the Fury name, yeah, it's less accomplished.
Dude, that is a little accomplishment right there.
Tyson Fury. He is a little brother.
Yeah, Tyson Fury. That is a major accomplishment right there.
Yeah. Well, you know what? I mean, we shall see.
I'm kind of interested in this fight, to be honest.
Yeah, me too. Me too.
I mean, look, boxing is so good. Boxing is so hard to come by anymore. And I really miss it.
I remember me and my brother used to go to the Golden Gloves every year and watch them.
We watched Tommy Morrison get dismantled by a lesser known boxer.
We watched Razor Ruddock win a couple of titles.
I think it was Municipal Auditorium. I mean, we used to love the sweet sport. It was so good.
But, you know, time went on and more people went to MMA and people lost interest in it.
So you have a sport that isn't nearly as good as it used to be. It does not garner the same audience or care.
It used to be whenever there was a big fight coming up, there was a buzz in there. Remember?
No, everybody was watching.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, let me think of a pretty good matchup.
Well, of course, Muhammad Ali against Joe Foreman.
Sugar Ray Leonard.
Or Joe Frazier. Sugar Ray Leonard was a good one.
Yeah, one of them.
You would see this fight would be coming up, this epic match.
Let's say Holyfield and Tyson. The whole world would be abuzz.
You'd be in the store and people would be talking about, I don't know, man, you know what, Holyfield, he's really quick and he could stay away.
But you know what I mean? There's like a buzz in the air, you know?
And, you know, it's just not like that anymore. People just don't seem to get it.
Oh, yeah, there was definitely a buzz around Holyfield, that's for sure.
Well, Holyfield was...
He couldn't hear right after that fight.
Yeah. Well, that was the third one.
That was the third one when he started.
Supposedly, did you read... I read an article on this, OK?
And I don't know if this is true or not.
Now, tell me if you think this is true or not. You seem to know quite a bit about boxing like me.
OK, the reason that he said that he bit Holyfield's ear was, Holyfield kept headbutting him and putting, you know, lacerations in his eye.
I heard that when it was happening. When that fight happened, I heard that.
Yes, and that was supposedly the thing that keyed off Mike Tyson was he thought it wasn't fair that the guy, you know, would like open up a wound with his head and he felt he should have been called for some fouls, but he didn't.
OK, but if Holyfield was headbutting people, he did it very precisely to where it was hidden.
So I'm still debatable about that because Holyfield was kind of a clean fighter. He really was.
Yeah, I know. And I mean, yeah, I've seen video. I've seen video of a headbutt right before that.
Oh, you saw the actual video. Is it out there? Yeah.
Did it look like I mean, years ago? Yeah, he headbutted Tyson before that. So Tyson bit his fucking ear off.
You know what? I kind of get it. I kind of get it.
Tyson just did payback. You want to fight dirty, so can I. But I did not see it as Holyfield headbutting. I think it was coincidental.
OK, OK. My opinion. OK, all right. Well, anyhow, who knows? But anyhow. Yeah, that was 20 some years ago.
In the break room at work today, there was a little bit of a buzz.
I showed some people the article that I was looking at. I go, hey, check this shit out. And they had not heard it yet.
And there was a little bit of a buzz, Rob. People were like, wow, man.
Then they saw the picture of Tyson and how great he looked. And people like, you know, I may just take the time to watch this thing, which is what boxing needs.
Look, Tyson is not going to be boxing for any amount of time after this. This might be and probably is his last one ever.
Probably. Yeah, I would guess. But just the fact that he gets back in the ring and gets some buzz, I think boxing needs to come up with a couple of really good matches really quick while there's a little bit of interest in there.
So, yeah, because interest in boxing is dying out. It really is. Oh, it has. I mean, the Klitschko brothers just have no star power, no star power.
And then everybody else, you know, I could name some names, but nobody would know who they were. So who cares?
You know, we've been keeping up with our boy Tyreke Hill, right? Yeah. OK, well, there seems to be another little issue with him.
Tyreke Hill was reportedly involved in a heated confrontation at a Kevin Hart comedy show on Friday night after a woman accused him of taking her seat.
According to TMZ, I know you can't write this shit. Hill was at Hart Show at the Coca-Cola Roxy in Atlanta when the woman grabbed him after he got into a seat.
Hill denied stealing the woman's seat and at that point decided to leave before the situation escalated further. He reportedly did not use any physical force, which is good because he would have.
Yeah, that's good for him. He is on probation. Yeah, he would have got thrown out of the league. I mean, ask Kareem Hunt about that.
Soon after, according to TMZ, the woman pushed someone from Hill's group before the venue's security intervened.
The woman was also said to be accompanied by a male companion and she verbally confronted Hill's group.
Anyhow, cops reportedly showed up as well as and then they separated the parties.
Cobb County PD told TMZ that after reviewing the video, they determined the woman was the primary aggressor in the incident and she and her male companion were reportedly handcuffed.
Hill's friends, though, did not want to press charges and everyone was released, which is very cool of them.
This thing comes after a lawsuit exclusively obtained by the Daily Mail said that Hill broke a woman's leg when he charged at her with crushing force during a backyard.
We already reported on that backyard football lesson. Influencer Sophie Hall says Hill, 29, felt humiliated when she managed to hold her down and even knock him backwards during a series of drills at his Florida mansion.
So we already reported on that. Look man, I'm in Hill's corner. I want to be in the league. I like a league that has a Tyreke Hill because it's a better league.
Are we afraid of him? No. No. We beat him so many times. We beat him like a drum.
He just needs to keep his ass out of trouble.
Yeah, I want to see him in the league and I want to see him do well. I would love to see him break that record. He was on par to break the all-time yards record, but it didn't happen.
I would love to see him get that accomplished. So anyhow, Tyreke, we still love you and KC even though you're kind of getting shady here and there. We still thank the world of you.
We do. We do.
Yep. So come here Tyreke. Give us a big old hug. Come on.
Yeah. Come on little guy.
Come on you little ball of muscle. Come here.
Alright. Now get out of here. Go back to Miami.
Alright. Rob, you have anything you want to speak of?
Yeah, I do.
Okay.
I'm going to go into the fiend line.
Okay.
Talk about some cats. How's that?
Alright. Talk about pussy. All you want.
Yeah.
I did not say that tongue in cheek. Come on.
Okay.
Oh yeah.
Okay maybe.
Come on. Yeah.
Guys, get your mind out of the gutter. Geez.
Okay.
Cats communicate in my way and their eyes are powerful tools in their communication arsenal.
When your cat stares at you, it's not just a simple gaze. It's a complex form of communication that can express a range of emotions and intentions.
Understanding the subletties behind their stares can enhance the bond between you and your fiend line friend.
Okay.
One of the most heartwarming interpretations of a cat stare is affection.
Okay.
When your cat looks at you with a soft, slow blink, it's often referred to as a cat kiss.
Oh, okay.
This gentle blink is a cat's way of showing trust and comfort.
Okay, I kind of figured that, but I didn't know they called it a cat kiss. You can kind of tell by the way they look at you and how they act that they're like affirming that, you know.
Yeah, yeah. Just a gentle look and blink. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
But there are others.
Okay.
Sometimes a cat stare is simply a request for your attention.
Mm-hmm. Whether they're hungry, in the mood to play, or seeking some cozy cuddle time.
I have a cat that does that, our big yellow cat, Kitzer. That's what he does.
I do too.
He comes up and looks me in the eye. I'm like, what, you want food? He stares at me. You want to go outside? He stares at me. Oh, you want me to pet you? He puts his head down so I can pet him.
So, yeah, that's cool. Your cat does that too.
One of my son's cats. Every morning when I'm first getting up and I'm in the bathroom, his cat's got to come in with me.
Oh, cool. Just to let me know, hey, time to eat.
Yeah. Yeah. They have definite personalities like dogs.
Yeah, so that's another way of communicating.
Yeah.
And then cats are naturally curious creatures, and their staring often stems from an intense interest in their surroundings.
Mm-hmm.
When your cat stares at you, it might be trying to figure out what you're up to, or simply finding you fascinating.
Well, yeah, I've seen cats study people before, including me.
Yeah, yeah, mine do. Mine does.
The coolest though, man, is have you ever been around a monkey when they examine people's faces?
Yeah.
It is really interesting because you can see them thinking. They're like, man, they kind of look like us, but they're kind of different. They're much bigger. Look at that, man. Yeah.
Yeah. My cats do it. My cats give me that look all the time.
Yeah. Hear that, or monkeys thinking, man, these guys are stupid. Geez. Get them out of here.
Okay. And lastly, in the feline world, staring can also be a way of establishing territory.
Yeah, there's that.
When your cat stares at you, they might be asserting their presence and reinforcing the special bond you share.
Cool. All right. Thank you for the pussy report, Rob.
Yeah, always, always want to help them with a pussy report.
All right. Rob is awesome with pussy. He knows all about it. So anyhow, let's take our first break and we will be right back with more garbage. How's that sound, Rob?
We'll be back.
We are two two-sponsored microphones.
As charming as a leaky sewer pipe, somewhere in the heavens, your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bebo is listening to this film.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
Oh, wow. Look, the Wayne Newton Channel was the highest rated network.
Oh shit. What's that over there? Oh no. It's an island of horrible jokes.
If I ever find that doctor that screwed up my limb replacement surgery, I will kill him with my bare hands.
Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their ass with politically correct washrags.
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in three, two, one.
Hey, look. I think we found land. Oh my God. I think we're safe. Oh no. It's an island of horrible jokes.
Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks with them when they golf? In case they get a hole in one.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Wild asparagus is plentiful and easy to find. It can be stewed with garlic and onion, which is both wild, which can be easily found in a very tasty post-apocalypse food.
You can make this into a delicious stew, and this will hold you over at least for a couple of days until you can find some other food.
Two douchebags in a microphone, raw and uncensored. See behind the smoke show. Watch as the douchebags get stung by a scorpion beast.
Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out. Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for all the man-shitter accusations.
Act now and get both high-quality DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar. Mark off the day with a douchebag looking at you.
Supplies are limited, so act now.
And we are back. This is Two Douchebags in a Microphone, and I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Um, Rob, have you ever heard of Shadow Milk Company? S-H-A-T-T-O.
Okay, Shadow Milk Company is a dairy farm north of Kansas City. I think its address is Osborne, Missouri. Osborne.
Yeah, I know where that is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like on 36 Highway just east of St. Joe and west of Cameron, I believe.
Yeah.
Okay. Well, Shadow is, they're really cool. They do all different types of specialty milks, including old-fashioned delivery service.
In glass bottles, they bring it to your port, set it down, and get your empties. They still do this. Isn't that cool?
Yeah.
Yeah. They have their own delivery drivers that come out and put milk down there like they used to. And you do remember that, Rob. You're old enough to remember that, right?
Yeah, yeah, I do.
Okay, for those of you that don't know, they're a little bit too young, because this is going way back. There used to be a milk delivery man, and I'm not kidding you.
Yep. We had one in Belk.
Yeah, yeah. There was one in northeast Kansas City where I did some growing up at in the wee years. And anyhow, he would come down and he would hit the whole block.
You know, he would go out there, take a couple of quart bottle containers and leave a couple, and I guess they'd cut him a check every month or whatever. Yeah.
So, Shadow Milk.
Yeah, that was back in like the 70s.
Early 70s.
Because they started carrying milk in the grocery stores probably about mid 70s, and then by the end of the 70s, everyone got it from the grocery store and people didn't give a shit about getting it from the dairy or whatever. So, it's interesting.
Yeah, it was about the mid to late 70s. We would have the milk man swing by our house in Belk.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
I remember that.
He used to wear a white uniform, right? Remember that?
Yep, yep.
Yeah. Okay, well Shadow Milk Company is really, it's unique. They offer tours. As a matter of fact, have you ever seen Ozzy and Jack's World Detour? We're talking about Ozzy and Osborne and his son?
Yes, I have. Yes, I have.
Okay, well for those of you that don't know this, Ozzy, Osborne and his son Jack do a, well they did, not now, they don't now, but they did where they drove all across America and even went to some other countries I believe, and they visited different places.
Shadow Milk was one of the places that they visited, and they got to milk cows and do all this shit. It's really interesting.
Okay, I did not see that at the time.
Well, you can look it up on YouTube, the Ozworns at Shadow Milk Company. So anyhow, they went there and they milked and everybody was like kind of in awe of them, even the people that didn't really know who he was, you know, this long hair with tattoo and the son, you know.
So anyhow, so Shadow Milk Company releases Niners Tears flavor in honor of our Super Bowl win.
Kansas City, Missouri, Dayline. The Shadow Milk Company is releasing two new limited edition flavors to commemorate the Kansas City Chief Super Bowl victory over the San Francisco 49ers.
The first flavor taken a jab at the 49ers is called the Niners Tears Milk.
Boulevard Brewing Company releases special beer for International Women's Day. That was on the bottom here, and I decided to go ahead and read it because Boulevard is a local beer company.
The milk is a salted caramel. The first launch will be at the Shadow Milk Country Store in Osborne, Missouri on Saturday, March 16.
The drink will then be available at grocery stores located throughout Kansas City Metro, Des Moines, Orangeburg, St. Joe, and Columbia, along with Betty Ray's locations.
Betty Ray's is an ice cream company that is just fantastic, dude. They have all these homemade ice creams that you just would not believe. Shadow Home Delivery is a...
I could catch Columbia. It's only an hour and a half from here.
It's the closest one.
Yeah, you could go there and get it. Shadow Home Delivery.
Yeah, only an hour and a half.
Well, you're going to have to wait until after March 16, I guess, because that's when they introduce it to their country store up there in Osborne.
So you can go up there and get it, which I wouldn't because it's probably going to be sold out in a couple hours.
Which actually, that sucks because I think I'm going up that way next weekend.
Oh, damn it. You're just going to miss it then.
Yeah, a week before.
Okay. Well, it's going to be available in all those places after Shadow Home Delivery is accepting pre-orders now for delivery by the Shadow Milkman.
The name and flavor of the second milk has not yet been released. The company hasn't announced what its second flavor will be yet.
There you go. Now you like that.
Yeah.
As long as they got chocolate, that's all it matters.
Oh, dude. I'm not kidding you.
They've got to have chocolate.
They've got the best milk. And also when you go there and you do a tour, you get free samples.
I've never heard of it.
It's a pretty cool place. Pretty cool place.
Anyhow, Rob, do you have anything you want to get into?
Yeah, I got one here.
All righty.
There's been a lot of conversation about just how long future Hall of Fame quarterback Aaron Rodgers intends to play in the NFL.
Mm hmm.
Yes, I'm going to A-Rod.
Yep.
With retirement rumors and speculation seemingly popping up every off season.
But it doesn't sound like Rodgers has plans to retire anytime soon despite all the chatter.
During a recent interview on the Look Into It podcast with Eddie Bravo, Aaron Rodgers gave an update about his recovery from the Achilles injury suffered in September and boldly announced that not only
not only will he not be retiring this year or next, but he plans to play up to four more years in the NFL.
We'll see if the NFL can have him for four more years because if nobody wants to sign you and you're ineffective, you know, so we'll see.
Now I'm Jets and he's coming back with the Jets, which he had to be honest, he didn't get a pair of shots so he could do with them.
Nope, but I can't wait for Mahomes.
First quarter, first game he was taken out.
I know, really quick. I think it's the third play, the third offensive play. Snap.
Yeah, yeah.
So, I can't wait to see Mahomes and company whip the shit out of him in the playoffs if they make it that far.
But according to him on this podcast, he's probably going to be in a rep for a while.
Okay, well wait.
At least four more years. We'll see if his body holds out.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying, man. I mean, look, I mean, we'll see. I mean, that was a hell of an injury to have at that age.
So we'll see if he can come back from it.
He was what, 39?
Yeah, yes. So we'll see. He may want to play as long as Brady did, but Brady was a special kind of a person too.
His cheat meal was kale. I mean, he took care of his body and he practiced and he learned and learned and learned all the other defenses.
You know, he won not because he had the best arm. He won not because he was the smartest guy on the field.
He won because he's the most dedicated guy on the field. Right?
Right.
Yeah. So we'll see if A-Rod is actually like that. A-Rodge, not A-Rodge.
We'll see if A-Rodge is actually like that and committed to it or not. Because I don't. Personally, my belief is he's not.
And I don't think he'll be around five years, just my opinion. So anyhow.
Okay, thanks for that report.
You know, a lot of people have problems with bananas after they buy them. They go bad really quick, including myself.
Right. Everybody. Everybody.
Well, it seems like we have not been taking care of bananas correctly all along.
This is how you take care of bananas and you have them stay fresh on you for a while.
Wrap the stems with plastic wrap to keep the bananas ripe for longer or to stop them from becoming overripe too quickly.
The method slows down the release of ethium glass gas.
I can't talk tonight. Which is responsible for ripening fruits.
Another one is.
I'll just quit blowing off my bench here.
Prevent sliced bananas from browning by dipping them in lemon juice or orange juice.
The citric acid in juice helps to slow down the oxidation process, keeping the bananas look fresh for longer.
And you can also do that with potatoes.
You know, like whenever people make fresh cut fries, remember they fill oxidation in there?
Yeah.
OK. Well, you can also use orange juice or lemon juice. I've seen that done before.
Bananas can be a useful and tasty substitute for eggs in some recipes like brownies, cookies, muffins and cupcakes.
Substitute one banana for one egg to add moisture and binding properties to your baked goods.
There's no wrong way to peel a banana. You can peel it from the top and bottom or even give the banana a light tug in the center to break it into two clean even halves.
The flexibility in peeling makes bananas convenient and easy to enjoy.
Need to quickly ripen a banana? Preheat your oven to 300 degrees.
With the peel still on, place the banana directly onto the oven's baking rack.
Check on the banana after five minutes. If it hasn't ripened enough, wait five more minutes or until the peel is dark brown.
Let the banana cool for a few minutes before using it. The oven will help caramelize the sugars in the banana, making it sweeter and more flavorful.
So there is your banana report, Rob.
Cool!
Yeah. I didn't know all that about bananas, did you?
No, I did not.
I just happened upon that one and I'm like, you know what, this is cool. I'm going to report it.
Do you know I have a Things to Whisper in a Stranger's Ear in my hands?
Oh, God, I miss it.
I know you do. Well, we're bringing this back up. We're bringing it back to life, resurrecting it from the dead, if you will.
Yeah. This came about on our podcast very early, maybe the third or fourth show.
It's Things to Whisper in a Stranger's Ear. You know, like there's a crowd of people and just walk by someone and whisper something in their ear, which would, you know, it could be like nice, it could be odd, it could be threatening.
I mean, who knows, you know, these are things that we think would be funny to whisper in somebody's ear to make them go, what?
So the first thing that I have is to whisper in a stranger's ear, is ravioli a meat pop tart?
I like that one. I like that one.
I think it's a meat pop tart. What do you think?
It's got to be.
It has to be. What else can it be? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a meat pop tart.
Next one. I shaved down there.
Now, you could get punched in the face for that. I don't know.
If I walked up and said that to somebody, I would get punched in the face. I would expect to get hit in the face.
Yep. Yep. Okay.
Okay, maybe not do it. Unless it's a woman.
Oh. A woman may appreciate that.
That's true. You should be like, oh, you got rid of the thatch. Thank you.
Next one. Pull my finger.
Now you get your head every time.
To a stranger. Yes. You walk up there. These are things to whisper in.
Now you get your head every time. Things to whisper in a stranger's ear. Yes.
Oh yeah. Yeah. That one right there. Thanks to grandpa. Yep. Yep.
Grandpa. Yeah. Grandpa was the one who taught me that one. Hold them down and make them smell your vile nectar.
Next one. I have implants. Didn't say where.
Could be anywhere, Rob. Good point. Yeah.
Could be penis. Could be. Could be tooth. Yeah. Yeah. It could be anything. Yeah.
Yeah. So, yeah. That may not get you hit.
You may explain to them later that you were talking about your tooth. Yeah.
That they didn't need to hit you. Yeah. So.
Next one. If it's a man. Put the lid down.
Next one. If it's a woman. Put the lid up.
Yeah. Very acceptable battle.
Not feeling it, Rob? Not feeling it? Come on, man. Come on.
Okay. It's always been to the guy. Put the lid down.
Well, why can't a woman put the lid up? That's what I'm saying.
Come on. Come on. Cut us a favor.
But us men have kept quiet for so many years. We've been suffering in silence for years.
We have. It's up to us to do the work. Yeah. Come on. You guys fit in too. Yeah.
You lift the lid up for us. Yeah. Yeah.
You know what? Everything. That's fair here. We want women to be equal. That's it. Yeah.
You want to be equal? Be equal, Danny. There we go. Lift the lid up.
All right. Let's go ahead and. We'll put it down if you lift it up.
We'll move on before we bury ourselves too much, right Rob? Yeah. We better. We better.
Okay. This next one you will probably remember. But a lot of people won't.
But a lot of people won't. So look the quote up if you want to.
Who wears short shorts?
We wear short shorts. I knew you'd remember it. It was an old Nair commercial.
I cannot believe I just remembered those words. You sure did.
Oh, anyhow, it was a Nair commercial. It's joy to be a kid in his seventies.
Oh yeah. You see a bunch of women with shorts on going, we wear short shorts.
And yeah. Yep. And I didn't even know what Nair was.
And for all you younger people, look it up. That's what Google's for. Google it.
Now this next one I would only do it to women, not men. Because you probably could hit in the face.
Spit or swallow?
Oh dude. Dude. Yeah that would get your ass knocked out.
If you said that to a guy, yeah. Yeah women might hit you in the face too.
But it probably wouldn't hurt as bad if a woman did it. So there. So that's my reason.
No, their husbands are going to walk up.
Okay, make sure they're single. Yeah, you're getting your ass kicked dude.
Make sure they're single before you do that. There you go.
This next one, you'll get it, I'll get it, and a couple of, probably about 60% of the guys will get it.
Women, I'm not sure. Meat whistle or ant eater?
Ant eater. Let's see, how can we describe this?
Well, let you describe it. This is going to be interesting.
When they circumcise a male, you know you have that little onion ring part and then you got the head of your penis, right?
That would resemble, that could resemble a whistle.
Okay. Now when you don't get cut when you're young and you have the dick flap, that would resemble an ant eater.
So there you go. That's your anatomy lesson of the day people.
Nicely done Mark. Nicely done. Thank you. Yes.
The next and last one, luckily for you people listening, got batteries.
That could mean anything. I like that one. I like that one.
When you say my alarm clock, it died on me and I need batteries. I couldn't find any. That's all I'm asking.
I wasn't making any reference to some sort of a vibrating toy you might or might not have in that bag of yours.
Wasn't that at all, right Rob? Right.
They need to get their mind out of the gutter, don't they Rob? Yes it does.
Alright. Let's take our second break. Then we're going to come back with Rob's choice.
And also, we skipped this week. Next week, let's bring back fake stories.
Since both our fake stories were found out already. Yep.
So starting Monday, anything from there on that whole week, there could be a fake story in there somewhere.
Today is Sunday, so it's after this episode.
Today is Sunday the 10th, so starting Monday the 11th, there could be a fake story anywhere in there.
So anyhow, alright, we'll see if people can catch us and bust our nuts.
Alright, we'll be right back in a couple minutes. Sounds good. Alright, thanks.
Hi all. This is Chicago. I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me. Oh yeah? This is Kansas City here. Hold my beer bitch.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Man, I sure wish I was the garbage man. You know what I could do if I was the garbage man?
I could go to the wrong parts of town on the wrong days periodically in the morning.
And then watch everybody run out of their house in their underwear with two bags of trash screaming, stop, halt.
Yeah, that's what I'd love to do.
Now, from this underground bunker camped in Missouri, stocked with dried goods, canned food, and a couple of vibrating toys.
It's Ravlings of the Madman featuring Rob Rad.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. That needs to happen.
Two douchebags and a microphone. The number one show for people that lie about their favorite podcast.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
Howard Stern just signed a ten year contract extension.
You need protection from fucktards. You have people coming and fucking with you constantly.
You need answers, you need solutions.
Smack in the nuts! That's right, smack in the nuts is what you need.
Smack in the nuts, get rid of said losers in no time flat.
Smack in the nuts! Available everywhere wherever you buy self defense items.
Here are just a few testimonials from some satisfied customers.
Stupid fuck sack come to me. He talk stupid. He no let me go.
Smell like sack of shit. He spit talk all over. I remember smack in balls. I use shit sack. Shit sack lie on ground. I walk off.
Thank you smack in the balls. You save me from smelly smelly spit.
Well I had this stupid son of a bitch come around me. He would not shut his fucking yap or for nothing.
He gets up on me and he talks all stupid. And I didn't know what to do. I could not shake this motherfucker like a booger.
Then I remember smack in the nuts. I pulled out old smack in the nuts. And that motherfucker went down like a sack of fucking potatoes.
Thank you smack in the nuts. You save me once again from stupid motherfuckers.
Smack in the nuts. Don't leave home without it.
And I am Rob.
Alright. Rob the floor is yours.
Alright. If you look at sites like Franklin where people vote up or down haunted places you occasionally see one isolated Missouri lake get mentioned.
It's the upper big lake dam area just north of Charleston Missouri.
Oh okay.
Missouri Haunted Houses tells a tale of a fisherman whose nephew was accidentally killed with a shotgun.
As they tell it the fisherman later returned to upper big lake to fish again but was tragically drowned by what many claim is the ghost of the nephew.
Oh wow.
The story does it in there. Upper big lake near Charleston Missouri has had way too many reports of drownings.
Where including a Sexton man years ago a tall lake like this is not only what you would associate with drownings.
Oh wow okay.
So yeah upper big lake is known for drownings man.
It's a nice calm lake and they're saying it's haunted.
Very well could be. Very well could be.
Yeah.
Okay.
I wish this article went into more but it didn't.
Well I think everyone I got to just of it I think everyone else probably did too Rob.
Yeah I did. My mom looked into it.
Yeah I mean if you can find out any more about it please bring it to us.
But I mean that was pretty cool.
There was a list released last week or the week before and it was a list of people that are trying to date the worst thing someone did to them while trying to date them.
So they compiled this list of what you definitely don't do during a first date.
Place a sports bed online while waiting for your food.
I think I get that one don't you?
Yeah.
Yeah so.
Double dipping.
I guess I hate that on a first date.
Like you order artichoke dip you know spinach artichoke dip or salsa or something right.
Let's say you're in a Mexican place.
I've always been told that but I don't see it being done.
I didn't think anyone gave a shit.
I mean I really don't think.
Well I guess women I guess people actually do.
I've heard it was bad manners for years.
Oh okay well according to them.
I don't see the problem with it myself.
Well I guess it's a problem for some people if their first date they're double dipping already.
I guess they take it for a sign of things to come or something.
I don't know.
So.
Did you feel comfortable already?
I don't know.
Okay next one.
No talking about your ex.
Okay if someone.
First date no.
No if they're talking about their ex run.
Because it's like one of those people they have a problem with 30 other people.
And they and they swear it's all them to see it 30 other people.
You know what I mean.
Right.
Yeah.
You're thinking 30 people you have a problem with maybe it's you.
That's the problem.
Yeah.
So yeah.
Then don't ask if they want to throuple.
Which is a threesome.
That one I love.
Yeah you're going out with someone.
Hey I know we.
You know just had some tacos.
But you know what you think about bringing someone else in this thing.
You know.
Come on man at least wait till the second date.
Yeah.
Come on be a sport.
I got this chick on speed dial.
You want me to call her.
Yeah.
Okay so here's a list.
Of a few things do's and don'ts.
That they say.
Do speak up when you're talking.
They hate mumbling.
The other person you know that's there with you on a date.
They hate mumblers.
Don't wear things that you can't walk in breathe or talk in.
So if it's too tight.
Don't wear it.
People don't like that.
They find that annoying on a first date.
Do.
Be on time.
They hate tardiness.
Oh.
That's a big thing with me.
Yeah because to me.
It may not be like this.
But I think like this.
Oh I wasn't important enough for you to.
Alter your plans enough.
To for you to be here on time.
That's why I feel.
You know what I mean.
It's like oh Mark said.
I've always been one to get to work like 10 15 minutes early.
You know I need to be early.
I know all the time.
I go to work early.
Don't drink too much.
Yeah.
I mean that's a good way to like do stuff that you're going to regret.
I mean whether you say something.
Act a certain way.
Or just be an asshole.
Yeah.
Don't drink too much.
Not only that but if I'm out on a first date with a chick.
And she drinks too much.
I probably won't have a second date with her will you.
Probably not.
Yeah because you're like oh already.
OK.
Don't.
Obsess over your appearances.
Yeah.
Yeah I went out with chicks before they're constantly looking in the mirror.
Going to the bathroom trying to make sure their boobs are aligned and all that stuff.
To me that's annoying.
It's like look didn't you do all that shit before we went out.
It's still the same.
Leave it alone.
It hasn't changed in 15 minutes.
You don't need to look at it again to make sure it's the same.
It's the same.
Here let me adjust it for you.
Well that's different.
Do.
First date.
Got to find out.
I agree.
Do put your phone away.
Yeah.
That is a must.
Yeah there's nothing more annoying than trying to relate to someone staring at their phone.
Because they always do that.
Yeah yeah I get it.
Yeah yeah you said a barrel on fire monkey.
You know and they just get key words out from what you said and save them in their head so when you ask they go yeah yeah yeah you were talking about the concert the other night.
When actually they knew they weren't listening but they're trying to get out of it.
Right.
Do.
Ask questions.
Because especially women like to explain their story.
And they have a certain amount of words they want to get to you to feel comfortable.
And do offer to pay.
So.
Anyhow.
I think that's a pretty good list.
Yes it was.
You got something you want to go to or.
Yeah I got one.
Yeah I got one here.
Read.
Oh yeah.
That's sore spot.
Go forth.
Yeah it this one is kind of touchy.
But.
Reading it.
I understand.
It's very touching around these parts let me tell you.
Yeah but I understand where this is coming from.
OK.
Missouri Governor Mike Parson made headlines earlier this month.
When he commuted the prison sentence of former Kansas City Chiefs assistant coach Rick Reed.
Son of revered head coach Andy Reed.
Providing clarification on the decision Parson's office.
Suck.
I don't even know what that was.
Outline the reasoning of Parson.
Initially slated to serve a three year prison term after pleading guilty to felony drug
driving resulting in service physical injury.
Reed's sentence was abruptly shortened after just 16 months behind bars.
He will now fulfill the remainder of his sentence under house arrest.
Yep.
This is going under a lot of criticism.
I'm going to break it down.
The judge that sentenced him came back and said that if she knew this was going to happen.
She would not have let him have a plea bargain.
I'll go a step further from what he did.
He didn't plea bargain doubted.
But the story also goes into it goes above her.
On a three year sentence.
He was eligible for parole.
Yes.
So what they're doing is they're actually pervading him.
But he has to serve the remainder of his time.
On house arrest.
The scuttlebutt around here.
What people are whispering about.
I know a lot of people are thinking it's favoritism.
But according to this article it is not.
It very well may not be.
He served his time.
He was up for parole.
So they gave him his parole with house arrest.
That may be standing procedure.
Whatever you want to call it.
That may be the norm.
But the scuttlebutt right now is.
And this is being whispers.
Hush tones.
That there was a big parade in Kansas City.
Mike Parsons was there.
And Andy Reed was there.
Get what they're alluding at.
I got you.
Yes.
That is what the scuttlebutt is.
Saying whether that's true or not.
I had not heard any of that.
Well I'm here in town.
You're not.
So that's the scuttlebutt.
That's the thing that's being whispered around.
The secret Iggy is that.
But I mean that may not be true at all.
I don't have any clue whether that's true or not.
But I was just trying to point out to you.
Why one of the reasons is such a touchy.
Touchy issue right now in Kansas City.
That and the girls parents rightfully so.
Should be very upset.
Because that girl's never going to be the same.
Right.
Yeah.
Britt Reed ruined her life.
By driving drunk.
Without a doubt.
So.
Allegedly and all that stuff.
Whatever.
So.
I'm going to go ahead and.
I'm going to go ahead and say that stuff.
Whatever.
So.
So yeah.
I mean.
I understand why people are outraged.
But yeah.
Yeah.
But I don't know.
I don't know.
I mean.
Well see the judge thought he would do the full three years.
Yes.
Yeah.
But come to find out.
16 months he was eligible for parole.
He went for parole and made it.
See I don't know why.
But he has to do the rest of his time on house arrest.
The judge she may have said that.
But I don't know how you let somebody go with the possibility of walking.
Why don't you put some restrictions on it.
You're the judge.
Why don't you say yeah.
Well she gave.
She gave it three years.
Well it also you know a pardon is completely different than anything else.
A pardon.
Well he didn't pardon.
It's just that Mike Parsons gave him the parole.
OK.
That is a form of pardoning.
You know whenever a president can't run again.
OK.
Or they lost.
The incumbent lost.
And on their way out they pardon people from jail right.
Yeah.
Like Bill Clinton famously had like 200 people on that list.
Every president had people on their list that they parted and said you get out of jail.
Every president did.
So this is a form of pardoning.
This is the governor saying let him out now.
And he is a lame duck governor.
He cannot run again.
He served two terms.
He's done.
He can't do it again.
So that's why the scuttlebutt is there is like a secret.
Hey hey why don't you do this for me Gov.
I can see where that goes.
OK well I wish I were further into this story because the very last paragraph starts out with.
Speculation has arisen regard Parsons personal allegiance with the chiefs.
Yes.
And that's because he was there.
The young deputy openly suggesting it may have influenced the decision making process.
See I wish I would have read that before.
No no no Rob.
Thanks for bringing that report to life man.
It's actually it's pretty good to report on this and talk about it.
OK.
So I'm just telling you the secret like little scuttlebutt going on in town about what they say actually happened.
I don't know how anyone could know because if a conversation like that happened it didn't happen out in front of her.
They had to happen behind closed doors.
Right.
So how would people know that that speculation too.
Maybe Britt Reid got the average sentence.
Maybe he didn't.
But the thing is is I can't prove it either way.
So I don't know.
So it also as far as the girls parents go they should be outraged.
They should be pissed.
They should be screaming and they are.
So you know I mean that is is there a lawsuit.
Oh yeah.
Yeah yeah yeah.
Is there.
Yeah.
OK.
Well the chiefs paid a lot of money just stay out of it.
It sounds like allegedly.
You know it looked to me like it was like this.
The chiefs threw him a little cash at first paid all the money all their medical bills and everything because Britt Reid did leave the facility.
It wasn't like he went to three bars.
This is during COVID.
They had a little get together before the Super Bowl the next day.
Had a little raw raw session at Arrowhead Stadium.
And I guess all the workers or whatever the coaches and all that partook in it.
And Rick Reid got hammered apparently and drove and did this.
You see.
Yes.
Yeah.
So anyhow.
No I'm glad you I'm glad you brought that up.
You want me to do another story or you feel like going in and calling it a day.
Go ahead.
OK.
There's a new beer in town in Charlotte North Carolina and is shining a spotlight in environmental sustainability issues.
It's called Renew Brew and it's the first beer in the Carolinas to be brewed with ultra sustainable recycled water QC water.
The beer is a collaboration between Charlotte Water Town Brewing and Global Water Technology Company Asylum.
The limited edition pale ale is considered a demonstration project and will only be available in tasting rooms and demonstrations for now.
It debuted in Friday.
No in February at the Queen City Brewers Festival and won best in show after a blind taste testing competition.
In an industry where the majority of our product is water and knowing the large amount of it that it takes to make a single pint of beer.
It is vastly important to be a part of any sub sustainability effort that we can especially an ingredient as important to us as water.
Frederico De La Torre with what Town Brewing head brewer said the water for Renew Brew comes from the Charlotte's Water McDowell wastewater treatment plant that goes through several treatment stages before reaching the beer.
As part of the treatment the bar the water goes through carbon filtering reverse osmosis and advanced oxidation.
What ultimately becomes QC water and tested for more than 150 potential contaminants and the team notes that exceeds pathogen reduction requirements as well as environmental protecting agency guidelines through the Safe Drinking Water Act.
So that sounds cool I mean you know I mean they're taking what's wastewater and making beer out of it and people like the beer want to taste test.
And but it's not really considered like a product now it's considered a pro prototype for things to come.
Do you see?
Alright.
I think it's a pretty good idea.
I do too.
Okay and to follow that I have how long does beer last by container?
I have your answer.
A bottle.
I need to know this.
Okay.
I can take a picture of it send it to you afterwards.
Okay bottle in refrigerator it lasts two years.
That's more than I thought.
Cellar two to ten years.
Pantry six months to one year.
Can beer.
Refrigerator one to two years.
Cellar one to two years.
Pantry six months to one year.
Wow bottle lasts a lot more than can.
I knew that.
Untapped keg.
It's okay you can't put it in the refrigerator.
The cellar six to eight months and you can't put it in the pantry.
So it's six to eight months in the cellar.
Vintage bottles five to ten years in the refrigerator.
More than ten years in the cellar and five years in the pantry.
Open container.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
But.
Good.
Okay.
Cool.
Open container refrigerator less than a day.
Cellar a few hours.
Pantry a few hours.
Tap keg.
The only place that you can have a keg is is the cellar forty days.
So you can take a tap.
I didn't know this.
If you have a cellar you can take a keg that's been tapped and then just drink out of it for forty days.
Did you know that?
I didn't.
That is gross dude.
Well I mean I'm not saying I would but I mean you know hey there's a lot of kegs that are that are not.
Evidently what they're saying medically you can drink it up to that point.
Well it's probably flat as hell it tastes horrible yes.
Okay.
Dude you're going to be puking your guts out.
A growler and I didn't know this because I've drank I've drank growlers two years after I bought them.
Good thing I didn't get sick.
Refrigerator three to five days.
Cellar three to five days.
And a pantry just a few hours.
That's for a growler.
Holy shit.
We've all we've all did not do.
I mean you know I mean we're all lucky we're not like we didn't go to the hospital aren't we.
Right right right.
Wow.
All right we're well over the hour Mark.
Rob do you feel like doing any more stories or you want to cut it off and call it good.
Actually it's 79 brother and we just had one hour time change.
Yes.
Oh that's messed a lot of people up today.
Oh I know everybody at work was slow because of that.
It's normal.
Oh a programming note.
I put up the wrong podcast this morning.
I took it back down.
It was unfinished.
It wasn't.
It was only one part of the one yesterday.
It was the but it wasn't the full thing put together with all the bits in it.
That one's coming up right after we get done podcasting.
I just needed to get home where the file is to.
I listened to the one this morning.
I did.
Yeah and although it sounded great.
I was like wait a second.
The whole first part of that is missing.
I know it's going to be there.
I know we're recording more than it's going to be there in 10 minutes Rob.
All right.
All this to it in the morning while I'm getting ready for work.
Yeah yeah.
So and also I got something I got to tell you off there.
But but what I did here sounded good.
We were we were on it last night.
We were on it.
We were very good on it.
So anyhow OK.
All right.
Everybody have a good night.
Thank you for listening.
Oh hi Opal.
Hi Grandma Opal.
Hi Grandma.
Hi Jimmy.
Hey Jimmy the world's greatest grandson.
Thank you both for listening.
We love you guys.
Thank you.
God see you at Dodge City Kansas.
We love you guys.
OK.
Everybody have a good night.
Thank you for listening assholes.
Good night assholes.
Hey where do they go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God.
Someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh geez.
I'm glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man that smells.