Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it's Two Douchebags and a Microphone Podcast.
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Two Douchebags and a Microphone Pledge, I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to download every show.
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And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Whenever I mow my lawn, then I look back at the front yard and there's always a couple of blades sticking up.
Are those the blades of grass that were smart enough to duck?
Hmph, I may never know.
Have you ever wondered what something is about?
Have you ever looked at something and said, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of...
This is the story of Dr. Pepper. Originally made in Morrison's Old Corner Drugstore in Wacoop, Texas, the drink's unique flavor was a hit when it was first sold in 1885.
Wade Morrison, the drugstore owner, named it Dr. Pepper after Dr. Charles Pepper, a Virginia doctor who the father of a girl, Morrison, he was once in love with.
You can still go to the Dr. Pepper Museum and still purchase the original formula with pure artesian well water and pure cane sugar.
It's quite a treat if you're into Dr. Pepper.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
You have the personality of a soggy newspaper.
Two ass bags and a box of Cheez-Its will be right back.
Hello everybody, this is Two Douchebags and Microphone. I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Alright. Well, Rob, I got some music news here. I mean, here in a little bit, Bruce Dickinson, lead singer of Iron Maiden, came out with a new album, The Mandrake Project.
And on the last podcast, which will be released a little bit later this evening, I promised to...I reviewed Ace's new album and Mick Mars's new album.
I promised to review Bruce Dickinson's new album, which I will be doing here in a little bit later on.
But first I have some other music news that I found really interesting because this morning before I went to work, I was just, you know, doing some drinking coffee and TV time.
And I think it's Vice or I forgot what channel. One of those channels that has like the behind the music stuff on it, you know.
And this was one about Guns N' Roses, okay. And I was talking about their turbulence and how Axl Rose was like, you know, he was like abused as a child.
He was like unpredictable and just like off the wall and hateful and mean and all different kinds of stuff, right?
And anyhow, it went into some certain things that I had no idea about.
What caused the rift between him and Slash was because evidently Axl said that he was sexually abused as a child.
When Slash went to work, he went to work for Michael Jackson. It infuriated Axl Rose because...
Well, that explains the...
Axl Rose viewed...
Sorry, did I say that?
You can say whatever you want. It's a podcast, man. All you got to do is say my opinion. Was it your opinion, Rob?
It's cutting in and out, Rob. I can't hear you. Hello?
Michael Jackson, my opinion.
There you go. Okay. So he viewed Michael Jackson as a pedophile and it infuriated Axl that Slash would work with him because Slash knew that Axl was sexually abused as a child.
This is what I saw on TV and I'm like, wow, that was really interesting.
Well, they both evidently were.
Yeah, I'm going to take up for Michael Jackson on this.
Some let him to do what he did.
Who knows? I mean, you know, supposedly his dad was like brutal on him.
His dad was an asshole.
So anyhow, yeah, I know there's reasons.
And not like our friends, Axl.
Unfortunately, abuse is like something that's...
He was a true asshole.
Abuse is something that's handed down, you know, unfortunately a lot of times from family, you know.
So anyhow, I guess Buckethead came into work for him after Slash and Duff and everybody quit the band.
And I guess Buckethead had a habit of having hardcore pornography on while he was playing.
Yeah, yeah, I heard each right out.
Yeah, so Axl made him go back when he found out that there's hardcore pornography going on during the tapings of this.
He thought that it would reflect into his soul somehow.
So he made them go back and erase all of the work that they'd done and infuriated Buckethead and he was pissed.
And they had to erase everything and redo it without the pornography in the background.
And there was just a lot of other stuff that I was just like kind of floored at.
So anyhow, I found it extremely interesting.
I guess Axl was like extremely suicidal too.
He would have a gun in his mouth talking to people.
Yeah, I've done a little research myself.
I know what you're talking about.
So anyhow, that leads into this.
In the mid 1990s were a strange time for Guns N' Roses founding guitarist Slash would ultimately quit the band in 96 followed by bassist Duff McKagan and drummer Matt Sorem in 1997.
But before all that, Guns N' Roses were entertaining the idea of having then Ozzy Osbourne guitarist Zach Wild join the band.
Did you know that?
No, I did not.
I didn't either.
This is a very well known secret because I'd never heard this ever before.
In an interview with Sirius XM Ozzy's Boneyard, Wild said he was called by Guns N' Roses camp while working on Osbourne's Osmosis album asking if he wanted to get together and jam.
Wild then called Slash who confirmed that his name had come up when the band was discussing who they wanted to try playing with.
Wild would jam with the band but ultimately form Black Label Society instead.
So, anyhow, Zach said that he would go over there and jam with them.
And then finally Ozzy was like, hey man, I'm getting ready to go on tour. I need to start figuring some stuff out.
So Ozzy was like nothing was going on with Guns N' Roses at the time.
I guess they were in a state of flux, they were all not getting along and all getting ready to quit the band and Axl was getting ready to take it on his own and hire all these other musicians.
It ultimately didn't work out.
So anyhow, Zach went back to Ozzy. Like he said, he said he wouldn't even be talking to him if it wasn't for Ozzy.
So he went back and he played with Ozzy.
Yeah.
So then finally he ended up just forming Black Label Society because he noticed that the band...
Awesome band.
He noticed that Guns N' Roses was really staling out and not doing anything.
So it felt extremely interesting that everybody in Guns N' Roses wanted Zach Wild to join the band because it would seem to me like it wouldn't be a very good fit.
Can you blame them?
No, not at all.
Zach Wild is the man.
You know, I guess he could tone it down.
To be honest, we've done a lot of research lately, a lot of our lists, and we happen to have Zach Wild on it because he's a great musician.
Zach Wild to me is one of the best guitarists ever.
And I don't think anything is ever going to change yet. That's the way I feel. I'm firm on that. I mean, I've seen his work. I know his work and his work is brilliant.
I'd put him in number two.
He's up there. I'm not sure. I would have to go through and...
I'm not going to say who my number one is, but I put Zach Wild as my number two. That's my opinion.
That's fine. I could definitely see that. I could definitely see Zach be number two easily on anybody.
Yeah. Yeah.
I've watched him play on a... what's that? Little Kitty or whatever, that cartoon that they made into guitars and shit.
He plays a guitar on YouTube, playing one of his hit songs. It's like a little kid's guitar.
Oh, I believe it.
Hello Kitty. That's what it is. Hello Kitty.
Oh, okay. A Hello Kitty guitar. Okay, cool.
Yeah. We played an awesome song on a Hello Kitty guitar. Look it up on YouTube.
I can totally believe it. So anyhow, it wouldn't be the best fit because Zach is so exotic. He's so fast playing.
But I have heard him play other people's music and he's played it very well. Like he played...
He can play anything.
Zach Sabbath, I've seen Zach Sabbath two times. And he plays Tony Iommi very well. He doesn't really go crazy with anything until his solos. And then his solos are his solos.
Yeah, his solos are his solos.
He could have toned it down enough, I guess, to play Guns N' Roses. Yes. So you thought that was interesting.
But his solo is him. That's why it's called his solo.
Yes. So anyhow, I've seen him play with his teeth, behind his back, fast, up on top of stuff, upside down. He's just amazing.
So anyhow, like I said, I promise some music here. And so now, after I'm done with that first article here, I'd like to go into Bruce Dickinson's solo album, The Mandrake Project.
Yeah, I want to hear this.
Okay, Bruce Dickinson.
I love Iron Maiden. I love Iron Maiden.
I do too. And Bruce Dickinson is amazing.
Like we said on the last podcast, Bruce Dickinson wears many hats. Very talented individual. A top ten fencer in America. He used to fence. He may still, I don't know. He used to fence.
And now you're about to hear.
Okay, so anyhow, top ten fencer in the world. Writer, artist, airplane pilot, producer, singer. The guy does everything. He's been successful at everything.
Yeah, he does.
He quit Iron Maiden to fly for British Airways for a few years.
Yes, he did.
And his solo career did very well. The guy is extremely funny in person. I saw his spoken word, Davey and I saw his spoken word in Kansas City at the Uptown Theater. Extremely funny individual. Extremely intelligent individual. Extremely intriguing individual.
So, it would make perfect sense if he came out with such an intriguing album like he has. So, I like all of his solo stuff, but this right here may be his finest moment.
So, like I said before, Bruce Dickinson, The Mandrake Project. Afterglow of Riggoric is the first title song. Or not the title song, but the first song on it. Guitar is nice. Great groove and riff. Vocals are very good. Nice range. Fantastic lead-off song.
This is a nicely written song. Has a great harmony and hook to it. Really catchy, like most of the songs on this thing are. Very good. Extremely good.
Many Doors to Hell was the second track. Again, guitar work is amazing. I'm going to have to look up who the guitarist is that's on this album. Because I think there's a few of them. I don't think it's just one.
I think he went with a bunch of different musicians on this album. Some keyboards to back up the rhythm. Bruce sings in lower register than normal, but not too dark. The hook is Iron Maiden good. It's like a really Iron Maiden sounding hook.
The vocal harmony is on course. The song flows perfectly. The harmony Bruce is up there in range. So he's singing in low register, but then he goes up on the harmony to a higher one. He sounds perfect. Nice, slow solo in the groove. Bruce's voice with the solo is killer and the writing is superb.
Rain on the Graves is just wow. Rain on the Graves is the title song in the hit or what should be the hit. The riff is amazing and is the lead off single and very deserving.
The heartbeat bass is out of this world. The chorus is such a catchy hook. Brilliantly written. This is a hit. Bruce's storytelling on this is amazing to say the least.
He talks through it on a lot of it. When he talks through it he's telling a story, but then he goes into singing on the chorus. It's amazing.
Rain on the Graves is just an incredible song. I encourage everyone to go out here and listen to this album if you like this type of music.
Resurrection Men is good. Just not my favorite. Different type of song, but nice. Kind of a western feel at first. Interesting bass and steel guitar maybe. I think it might have been steel guitar.
Not sure. Good song still. Now the guitar bridge is absolutely crazy great. It changed my mind to love the song after I wrote all this before. So many pieces to it. It's a masterpiece.
The bass is funky as hell also. Love it. So Resurrection Men is a really key note song on this. If you're going to check out a song I would check out Rain on the Graves and Resurrection Men.
Those two songs would be the two songs. I suggest you check out first. I will look at. Fingers in the Wounds. Not Woods. Fingers in the Wounds. Nice balladish type of song. Very catchy.
Bruce's voice is spot on. Dude's amazing. Great piano on this one. Good catchy mellow song.
Eternity Has Failed. It is I believe the same song as If Eternity Fails which is our main song off the Book of Souls which came out about three years ago.
If it's not it's a different take on the song. It's slightly different but it's at least almost the same song.
There's got to be some difference. There's differences. There's got to be. They would not be able to re-release it. I believe it's the same song. Anyhow. You'll have to listen to them both.
There's something different about it. Eternity Has Failed. Nice Native American feel on the opening flute. The song is interesting.
Kind of reminds me of Eternity Has Failed or If Eternity Fails from Iron Maiden. I think it's the same song actually. Great new take on this one. Love it. Both versions.
This take on his song from Iron Maiden's second to last effort, Book of Souls, is amazing.
Mystery and Mercy is a good but not my flavor. Kind of faster but the hook didn't really get me.
Face in the Mirror. This is neat. Wow. Bruce's voice is quite clear and brisk. Kind of sing talking, easy sounding, mellow with great high spots. Has your attention quickly.
I love this one too. Nice acoustic guitar in the solo. Nice folkish picking. It's a very talented song.
Shadow of the Gods is good. Nice late night feel to this one. I like this one as well. Not my favorite but good. The piano is fantastic to hear. The keys mix with the music. Quite musically diverse. Very lovely song.
Sonata is the last song. Interesting drum opening then drums. Bass and piano all together. Gathering steam to Bruce's voice. Kind of spooky sound.
Another good song I'm going to be listening to this album quite a bit from here on. Might be Bruce's finest. I believe it is and that's saying a lot.
Can't wait to read the graphic novels that accompany this because every one of these songs come with a graphic novel. Did you know that?
No I did not. Yeah so he did all this. He did the graphic novels, he did the graphic novels, he did the songs and it all goes together and goes into the Mandrake project.
I'm going to figure out, I'm going to look online and I will let everyone know if you're so inclined where you can get these graphic novels from.
Also if you want to get the album I think that's pretty easy. You guys, excuse me. I'm still a little sickly.
I let on you were going deeper than what I thought you were.
Oh, well I'm not sure exactly. That's what we get for not knowing what we're doing.
Yeah that's right. We're guessing.
Look we never discuss what we're going to talk about ahead of time. No we do not. We like it to be a surprise to the other person because I like that organic effort from both of us.
And I'm glad you brought up music because I got a lot of music tonight. Alright. Well go for it Rob. Do you have the stuff there waiting?
Oh yeah I got one right here in front of me. Alright well go for it Rob.
I'm going a totally different way.
Okay. I'm going like I promised I would. Country?
Six classic country songs that tell powerful stories.
I think that sounds great.
And guess where this comes from.
American Songwriter.
Our friend's American Songwriter. You are correct. This is something anybody can look up.
I refuse to look at that website because I want to hear it through you. You find the best.
Dude I got so much I can't get all of them.
I can't just talk about music. You know that.
No I know.
Okay well the first one on the list. Long Black Veil by Lefty Purzell.
I'm unfamiliar.
Written by Danny Dill and Murray John Wilkin.
The story is told from the perspective of a dead man. A decade earlier there was a murder.
If you went and said the slayer looked a lot like the storyteller.
The alibi that saved him would reveal their affair.
Wow. Okay.
And it goes on giving words of the song.
Okay.
I'm just shortening it up. Okay next one.
I know you know this song.
El Paso by Marty Robbins.
Oh I love that. Yep.
Written by Marty Robbins.
Fantastic song. Classic.
This one tells the story from the perspective of a dying man.
The storyteller falls in love with a young Mexican maiden named Polina.
Yes. I love that song. Marty's voice on that is just insane. So good.
And like I said each one of these give a few words of the song and I'm not reading them.
Okay.
Okay next up. I know you know this one too.
Okay. A lot of people do.
A lot of people know all these songs.
Big Bad John.
Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. I love that one. Oh that brought a smile to me guy.
Do I need to read anything on this one?
No but go ahead if you want.
Okay. Written by a bystander's perspective.
Jimmy Dean based his main character on an actor he worked with named John Minto.
Big Bad John is established as a large miner with a reputation and possibly a criminal past.
Yeah maybe so.
Oh that is a classic. I love that. That is a great choice.
Oh good. Yeah. Now there's more. And you're going to know them.
Next one I know you know too.
Actually yeah the next two which that next three which rounds it out I know you know.
Okay.
Okay next up. Harper Valley PTA by Jeannie C. Reilly.
Oh yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. Written by our man Tom T. Hall.
Yes. Which sang Take This Job and Shed It.
Yeah it was his famous well Harper Valley PTA was a famous song too although he didn't sing it.
Well no no no. Tom T. Hall sang Take This Job and Shed It.
No I know. I know.
But he wrote Harper Valley PTA and Jeannie C. Reilly sang it.
And sang it yes.
The daughter of the main character Nicholai telling the story.
The parent teacher association. Notifies the wit. Everybody knows the story.
Well basically the whole town was full of sluts and idiots and thieves.
If you listen to the song Harper Valley PTA you'll get it.
It basically points out hypocrisy.
This thing is about country songs that tell stories.
And it's a great story.
Yeah.
Next up. Oh my God.
Devil Went Down to Georgia.
Oh yeah. Yep.
That is such a descriptive song too.
You know. It's like Devil Went Down to Georgia.
Look at where his soul distilled.
Just the way he sings that is just so good.
Go ahead. I'm sorry.
Hello. Rob did you hit the mute button again?
Rob.
Oh shit I think.
Okay there we go. Hello you there?
I am so sorry I hit the wrong button.
That's okay.
I was flipping through my story and I hit it. Oh what the fuck?
If I would know what happened I would just keep talking.
And if I would know you was calling back because it doesn't run over the board here.
I would just kept talking and no one would ever know.
But anyhow go ahead.
Oh now I'm lost.
Devil Went Down to Georgia.
Okay I'm pulling up this story.
Okay Devil Went Down to Georgia.
Everybody knows that story.
Yes. Yep.
Your phone is cutting out again Rob.
Can you turn another way or something?
Hello?
There?
Yeah there. Okay go ahead.
Okay.
That's my good part. I don't know what the fuck.
I don't know if I'm going to have charging or whatever.
But last saw.
We all know.
Cowherly County by Kenny Rogers.
It surprises me that that's number one.
But I agree with it.
Well they don't rank them.
They don't rank them.
They just list them.
There is no number one, number two.
They just pick songs.
Well then it deserves to be on there absolutely.
But I'll tell you what I always loved Cowherly County.
Oh that's a great song.
That's a good story song.
I told you I get into songs that tell stories.
Oh I do too.
Alright hey let's take our first break and we'll come back.
I've got an interesting story when we come back that's kind of.
Well you'll just see.
We'll be right back with it here in a minute.
And there you go for my country fans.
Yes.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Dirt and apocalypse don't forget the nuts.
Hickory nuts that is.
Yeah we know hickory wood gets all the glory and all the love.
Everyone loves the hickory trees.
They cut them down and they make great sandwiches out of barbecue and meats.
They smoke them and it's a fantastic deal.
But little does anyone know about the hickory nuts.
Dirt and apocalypse hickory nuts could be the best thing you can find.
Hickory nuts can be eaten raw toasted or added to various recipes.
Their rich buttery flavor and crunchy texture make them an ideal ingredient for both sweet and savory dishes.
You can use hickory nuts to make nut butter, pesto or even a unique hickory nut milk.
There are five types of hickory nuts.
Bitter nut hickory, shag bark hickory, pig nut hickory, mocker nut hickory and smooth bark hickory.
Hickory trees are considered part of the walnut species and are plentiful at least around Missouri and surrounding areas.
So dirt and apocalypse don't forget to grab your nuts.
This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags in a Microphone.
People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.
One, smell.
Go to the city market and start sniffing.
Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats, Tabasco sauce and old sock with dark fuzzy urine.
Two, look for the spot absent of patrons.
Three, the most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.
Four, just call us at 816-512-7717.
Somewhere in the heavens your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little bevo is listening to this film.
Hello, this is Satan.
You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to Two Douchebags in a Microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and reflect on all the souls I burned that day.
Enjoy.
Two Douchebags in a Microphone.
Because we all need dick jokes.
All aware of the Amber Alert, right?
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This fantastic early warning device helps one stay dry and rid of all those annoying mattress invoices.
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Bablin Brooks, Ocean Waves, and Roaring River for those close calls.
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Invisible ass paddlings, new douche flavors, and horrible pranks.
What the fuck is wrong with these guys?
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
Dishwater has the top ten spots on Billboard Hot 100.
Two Douchebags in a Microphone.
I am Mark.
And I am Rob.
Rob, check this next story out.
I found it concerning and interesting.
Do you want me to look it up?
No, no, I mean if you want to you can.
Okay, I'm just going to listen.
You said check it out.
You want me to look it up?
What I mean is listen to it and I want to hear your opinion.
Squatters take...
Like always. Yes.
Squatters take over 1200 homes in Atlanta.
Open illegal strip clubs and terrorize neighbors.
Don't maul them in jail.
Yeah?
Don't maul them in jail.
Okay.
You should watch.
I agree.
Squatters are ruining entire neighborhoods in Atlanta and police response to evict is so slow.
Some homeowners have resorted to paying nuisances to leave.
They're actually paying them to fucking leave, Rob.
Raising squatters even opened up an illegal strip club on a property they had taken over.
One of the 1200 homes which has been squatted in the city according to the National Rental Home Council trade group.
I'd be terrified if Atlanta...
In Atlanta to lease out one of my properties, Matt Urbansky, who manages a local home cleaning company, told Bloomberg.
Urbansky's company cleans out homes for corporate landlords and in some cases has to remove squatters' possessions.
Recently one of his employees was shot after attempting to remove intruders from the property.
Right.
Simon Frost, CEO of a large scale landlord timber capital group, said there have been incidents of unlawful documents, brandishing weapons and threatening neighborhoods which affects the city...
I hear about that all the time, honestly.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Which affects the safety of neighborhoods and other residents according to Bloomberg.
Evicting squatters in Atlanta is tough, involving negotiating court backlogs and straining police resources.
Meanwhile, online listings of virtual real estate agents make it easy for squatters to identify vacant properties to break into.
So they simply just go online and they look for these homes that are sitting and they fucking break into them.
No, it happens down here, man.
Oh, I know it happens down there. It actually happens down there a lot.
It happens down here, it happens up there. You're in the city, I understand that.
I know both sides of the wife, you know.
Yep. In October in Atlanta...
And what sucks is the court systems have to take so long to do something about it.
Oh, well, and then when they do...
That's what you're getting to. Go ahead.
Yes. In October an Atlanta neighborhood found itself at the center of a scandal involving squatters who transformed a home into an illegal strip club, complete with weekend parties and even live horses on the property.
Oh my God.
I know. The drama unfolding in South Fulton area were four individuals, D'Antony Maddox, Jeffery Wheat, Kelvin Hall and Trashae Forde, took up residence without permission.
Little did the neighbors know that the 4,000 square foot, five bedroom home with three bathrooms would become a den of illicit activity.
The squatters ran...
I know.
Someone's going to think...
I got a comment when you get done.
Someone's going to think I made this story up, but it's fucking true. I encourage you to Google it.
I believe you. I believe you.
The squatters ran the clandestine strip club, held noisy parties and even organized car races in the street, ruining the neighborhood for others according to local reports.
They would get live horses one day. They had live horses, one neighbor told Atlanta station WSB.
Eventually a SWAT team had to clear out the house and recover two stolen cars, a stolen weapon and stolen credit cards from the property according to the local report.
One neighbor told the Post they are afraid to even go on vacation because if squatters find their home is vacant, they just might move right in.
In another incident, US Army Lieutenant Corporal Daisha Laoray discovered a convicted criminal squad in her home.
Laoray returned to her property to find a squatter living in her sprawling $500,000 resident while she was away on active duty. She previously told WSB TV she came home to find a man by the name of Vincent Simon living in her home.
When Laoray reported the unwanted man in her home to cops, they initially told her their hands were tied...
Oh shit.
They initially told her their hands were tied because it was a civil matter. Servant and eviction papers also didn't help.
After an obscure law was used to finally get the police involved, cops found guns and drugs at the home.
To find out that this person moved into my home right after I got done renovating, it was very aggravating and I was angry.
I told the Fox. What the fuck? There's more but I'm going to stop it right there.
Just stop. Just stop, Mark. Just stop, please. You've got my mind all over the place on this one.
First off, you started talking about pornography and horses.
Evidently they weren't connected.
Well, hopefully they weren't connected. It didn't say they were connected.
I don't know.
So you're talking about like real live donkey shows here in America?
Dude, I'm in that mood tonight.
I'm sorry, man. We talked off the air. I'm trying to lighten up and dude that story just lights me up.
A friend of mine that used to go to TJ all the time, also known as Tijuana, saw donkey shows.
I have no interest in them. No interest in a donkey show or a horse show.
I think that would be vile and disgusting is what that would be.
So. Love it. Love it.
Anyhow, Rob, go ahead man. You got something you want to talk about?
I don't know after that one, man.
Oh, shit. Let me go.
I'm going to leave alive animals and all of that alone because it did not specifically mention that.
So I'm just going to pretend that it doesn't exist.
I have no proof that that's what happened.
So, Rob, we turn to you. You have a story.
Like I said, man, that just lost me. That whole story.
It got me thinking about porn and horseless and then taking over a house.
I'm like, oh my God, really.
Let's see here. What do I have?
Oh, shit. I've got a little story here.
Quick break. Okay.
I've got a story here that we can go into.
Evidently, all across America, there has been a concerted effort to get to take control.
These highway signs, you know, the big flashing boards that says road work.
Come in May 10th or something like that, right?
Yeah.
Well, it's been one specific message. Angry raccoons ahead.
They've done this in every state of the union.
All over each state, spread out.
People have been, I don't know if it's a network or what, but people have been taking over these boards.
You know, they screw with these boards every now and then and put up obscene messages or weird messages or whatever, right?
Yeah.
Okay. Well, we're taking a hold of these boards and they keep putting in angry raccoons ahead.
Dude, now you're going into angry, you're losing me all the way around tonight.
Now you're going into angry raccoons.
Hey, I mean, how can people have been talking?
Maybe it's like an internet chat board or something.
And they're like, hey, tonight's the night.
I'm back with you by the way. That last story just lost me. You went everywhere with that one.
Well, I'm back with you.
This angry raccoon still, right? Okay.
Yep.
It has to be like an internet chat board or something where people get on it.
They're like, okay, everyone go out and sneak to these signs tonight and put up angry raccoons ahead.
I mean, how else could they get them in all the states, all over the states, angry raccoons ahead?
All right.
All right, Rob, you had a story to go to?
I'm going to go back to music.
Okay. Can't go wrong with music.
Dude, you're, yeah.
There's been interesting stories sent to me because I,
What about animals that are floppy?
I, you know, I have to look up some of these stories and try to find the stories behind the stories, right?
Right, right.
I get weird stories sent to me because my Google history being so odd.
Now they send me weird stories like this all the time.
So anyhow, we turned around.
Okay. Well, how about I give everybody another American songwriter.
I'm going back to music.
Can't go wrong with American songwriter.
You know my feelings about that website.
Three rock songs that are odes to late musicians.
Oh, this'll be good.
First of all, I'm going to go back to music.
First one, Angel of Harlem by U2.
Who's that to?
So U2's Angel of Harlem is specifically an homage to Billie Holiday.
It also acts as an overarching ode to jazz as a whole.
Irish rockers nod to several heavyweight jazz performers, including Holiday, Miles Davis, and John Coltrane.
They place them in their titular playing ground, New York City.
Wow.
Yeah, see, I was shocked by that one.
I had no idea.
Okay, the next one.
Okay, Edges 17 by Stevie Nicks.
I didn't know that one either. Go ahead.
Edges 17 was inspired by two life altering events in Stevie Nicks' life.
Okay.
The death of her uncle and that of John Lennon.
Really? So she was 17 when the...
The men shared the same name. Listen.
Okay.
The men shared the same name and close to death dates.
Okay.
The white winged dove in the song is a spirit that is leaving a body and I felt a great loss at how both Johns were taken.
Nicks wants explained.
I'll be damned.
Yeah, so Stevie Nicks' uncle was John Lennon, but not the John Lennon.
Another John Lennon, okay.
Right. And that's where she came up with the song, Edges 17.
I had no idea the one winged dove was assigned that. Okay, interesting.
Okay, and the next one? You're going to like this one.
Okay.
All Those Years Ago by George Harrison.
I knew that was. Go ahead. I love this song. I told you, George Harrison to me was...
Yeah, yeah. I've been catching on.
I love George Harrison.
We don't really get our music changes, don't we?
Well, I never... I always thought that George Harrison was a decent guitarist, but not that great.
And he was just kind of like lucky to be along with the Beatles until I got older and started discovering the music he did without the Beatles.
And the dude was so passionate.
He was like the backbone of the Beatles, honestly.
Yeah, amazing stuff he came up with. So creative, so passionate. Anyhow, go ahead.
Okay, well, here's what it says.
About John Lennon, I believe.
These songs were written in honor of Lennon.
We're finishing our list out with George Harrison's All Those Years Ago.
His former bandmate's death was enough for Harrison to bury the hatchet and invite both Paul McCartney and Rego Starr to help him with this track.
Mm-hmm.
So, yeah.
It was... I love the lyrics.
It goes like, you were the one they said was so weird all those years ago. You're the one that had the courage.
I mean, there really... it was like such a tribute to John Lennon because it talked about how...
Okay, well, here's words from the song.
Okay.
Now we're left told and sad by someone the devil's best friend.
Mm-hmm.
Someone who offended all Harrison Sang Rux and Lennon's killer, Mark Chapman.
Mark David Chapman.
Three... I'm just stating that because, like, the famous killers have three names. He was one of them.
Yep. Yep.
Like John Wayne Dacey, Mark David Chapman. There's other ones too, so anyhow.
Yep. Yep. No, I know exactly where you're going.
Yeah.
But yeah, that's the end of that American song, right?
Oh, okay. Yeah, I really appreciated that.
But I'll tell you what. That person really got me. I did not know that about Angel Marlowe.
I didn't either? And I didn't know that about Stephen Nix?
The Peter Billy Holiday and Miles Davis and John Coltrane.
They left it...
They left out one that I think is one of the most brilliant pieces Elton John ever recorded, and that's Funeral for a Friend, and that was about John Lennon too.
And to me that was the best piece that Elton John ever wrote. And he wrote a lot of great pieces.
Okay. Okay. Well, see, that's a thing, Mark.
Yes.
This is three songs.
No, I know.
If they wouldn't have thrown Angel Marlowe, all three would have been about John Lennon.
You know what? Well, and also another thing is, is I think everyone knows what Funeral for a Friend was about anyhow. I think they knew that was about John Lennon.
So what they were doing was they were letting you know about songs you may not have known was about Fallen Rockers.
Anyhow, let's take our second break and we'll be right back here in a couple minutes. Does that sound good?
Sounds good.
All right.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Sheep sorrel and wood sorrel are salad variety greens, reminiscent of Romaine types of lettuce.
They are both healthy and delicious. Vinegar and oil can be stored for a long period of time, so a post-apocalypse salad is possible.
It can also be ground for a tasty spice as well.
Oh, shit. What's that over there?
Oh no. It's island of horrible jokes.
If I ever find that doctor that screwed up my limb replacement surgery, I will kill him with my bare hands.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Brick shit house energy drink. That's right. Brick shit house energy drink. Make men and women feel good.
You want to go to the malls? You want to fuck shit up? You want to force them across America? Brick shit house energy drink is for you.
Please enjoy brick shit house energy drink responsibly. It's not readily available anywhere because of liability issues.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Should I record frog sounds in the summer, then play them when it's zero degrees on my ring doorbell for the Amazon guy?
Yeah, that sounds like fun.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
You remind me of a penny. Two-faced and not worth much.
And we are back, two douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
I was recently looking over some old sayings, right?
Yeah.
You know that a lot of them come from shady references and some racist and sexist references and stuff like that and I had no idea about.
So I'm going to go over a few of them and see if you know about them, Rob.
I found it surprising where a lot of these, because these are references that are used all the time. Sayings and references.
Long time no see.
You hear that a lot, right?
Similar to No Can Do and its mocking of Chinese immigrants, English the phrase, long time no see.
As an alternative to I haven't seen you in a long time, began as a racist expression making fun of the pidgin English spoken by Native Americans.
Do you know that?
Okay, okay, I'm having a hard time with that one. Because I grew up at that time.
Nobody knows where it came from.
As a term of endearment.
No, I know. I know.
And now they're changing it?
No. They're saying where these, they said where these references came from.
People aren't meaning them like that.
Nobody's saying them today, I'm pretty sure, means them like that. It's just where they came from.
I'm just saying back in the 70s, it was a term of endearment.
It still is. It's like, hey, long time no see. Yeah, I know. How you been?
Yeah.
So anyhow, you know what, let's not even do these. Because you know why?
I do. I need the time to come up with the next one.
Okay.
I told you I've had a long day, dude.
No, it's okay.
We talked off the air before.
No, I know. That's why I'm going to keep it lighthearted.
No, we're going to do this show one way or another.
Yeah.
I need to come up with my next story.
New Zealand had a problem with their gas pumps leap year day. Did you know that?
No, I did not.
Dozens of unattended gas pumps across New Zealand were out of service for several hours due to a leap year related software issue.
Gas station chains including Allied Petroleum, Goal Z, and Waitomo reported they could not process card payments on Thursday because their computer systems were not programmed to accept February 29th as a valid date.
Motorists have been turning up and unable to get fuel, Julian Lee said, a spokesperson for Goal New Zealand told the New York Times.
It's been incredibly frustrating for our customers.
LASIK Gold stations as well as all New Zealand gas stations were unattended pumps used technology provider Inveco. Payments were still able to be processed at gas stations where employees were present.
But some stations said customers had to go inside rather than paying at the pump.
John Scott, the chief executive of Inveco said the company operates pumps in over 100 countries, but only New Zealand was affected by the issue.
So, oh really?
Yeah. We clearly know about leap year, Scott said. We've been dealing with them for the last 20 to 30 years.
He said the issue resulted from a specific software update from the early days of COVID-19 pandemic.
He said the system was back online around 7pm Thursday.
So, whatever they had to do to update their software for COVID screwed them on February 29th.
So, anyhow, you said you had a story that you found.
Be my guest.
Hello? It's cutting out again.
It's cutting out again. It's still cutting out, Rob.
I'm going to go ahead and read the story until I start hearing you.
Because it's cutting out so bad I can't even understand you at all.
The theft of a giant radio tower was silenced what used to be the voice of the small Alabama town and the surrounding county.
The radio station's general manager said, a thief for thieves made off with... Are you there, Rob?
Are you there?
Yeah, there you are. Okay, you know what? I can tell the story in a minute.
I know. I'll go ahead and finish it.
Okay. I got the problem solved.
Okay. A thief for thieves made off with a 200 foot 61 meter tower shutting down KJLX radio in Jasper, Alabama.
So far no arrests have been made.
The slogan of our station is the sound of Walker County.
And right now with our station down the community has lost its sound and lost its voice.
WJLX general manager Brett Elmore said to the Associated Press,
This hurts and it hurts our community.
The theft was discovered February 2nd when a maintenance crew arrived at the wooded area where the tower once stood and found it was gone.
They also found that every piece of broadcasting equipment stored in a nearby building had also been stolen.
So they stole the whole fucking radio tower, Rob.
Oh damn.
Yeah, and all the broadcasting equipment in a nearby building.
They broke into the building and stole all my equipment and the tower, Elmore said.
So why the hell couldn't they leave me the tower, the most expensive thing to replace?
Elmore said he suspects that the tower's guy wire was cut first, which would have brought the structure to the ground.
And then he believes that the cut into the smaller pieces and hauled away.
Some pretty simple tools you could get from Home Depot could cut this up in no time, he said.
The station had no insurance on the tower or the equipment and he estimates it will take $60,000 to $100,000 to rebuild.
We're a small market and we don't have that kind of money, he said.
Elmore has heard from people around the nation to hop in to help.
The GoFundMe page has been launched online to raise donations.
He said he was reluctant to start the fundraiser, but a friend told him to put his pride aside if people are willing to help.
More than $1,100 had been raised by early Friday afternoon.
The M station has been on the air since the mid-1950s and Elmore's quarter century into the radio business carries on work his father did at the station before him.
It's more than a job and radio, he said. It's just part of who I am.
Jasper police are investigating spokeswoman Rachel Carr said on Friday in a statement.
Police said the theft was reported to police on February 2nd, but the date and time of the crime is not known.
And they're seeking tips from the public. Anyone that knows anything, please call your local authorities in Jasper County.
And I find that crazy that they could just come up there and steal a whole radio tower.
Interesting.
You never know about crackheads. They can do some shit in a short amount of time.
Or meth heads too. Meth monkeys can too.
Same thing. Same family. Same family.
Anyhow, go ahead Rob, you add something you want to talk about.
Who's that? Do you remember Malaysia Flight MH370?
Yes. Disappeared?
Yeah. Malaysia's government says it may renew the search for MH370 after a US technology firm proposed a fresh search in the southern Indian Ocean where the Malaysia Airlines airplane is believed to have crashed.
The plane with 239 people on board vanished a decade ago while en route from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing.
Transport Minister Anthony Lopes said Sunday that Texas-based Ocean and Fendi proposed another no-find, no-fine, no-fee search.
So this company's got a good answer.
I think that's fantastic.
And they'll find it. They're not charging.
You know what? I think that's fantastic because I think people deserve to know what happened to this flight.
Well, here's the thing Mark. A month or two ago I had some stories that I just threw away.
Oh, are you getting ready to go into what I think you're going to go into?
There was like a fisherman, or there was a gentleman, I think he was a fisherman, that thought he pinpointed this wreckage.
But he went back and reported it and nobody listened to it.
Wow.
I wish I would have made them reports back then.
Because now here they are, they're going to search for it again.
And after what I read, and there was a few reports about that story.
Now didn't they think that the Russians shot it down?
I honestly believe that the guy found it. I really do.
I don't see why he couldn't have found it. I mean, yeah.
Didn't they believe that the Russians shot this down? Wasn't that the first story that we heard?
But yeah, now Malaysia is actually going to renew the search.
Well, if they can find it, then they can tell what happened. Was it shot down or not?
Yeah, that's the problem. Everybody else in the world has been looking for it.
Yeah.
But Malaysia is just now going to renew it.
I don't know how much resources they have to dedicate to it as far as I'm aware.
Makes me wonder.
Yeah, who knows? I mean, yeah.
Truth is always stranger than fiction.
I got a feeling they've been hiding shit about that flight. A lot of people did.
I can see that.
Or who was on board? Who was on board that they needed to shut up? That's what you always hear, right?
Who was on board? Who was?
There was 39 people on board.
Hey Rob, Rob, I got the answer. Who on board was getting ready to testify against Hillary?
What?
Just kidding. I said who on board was about ready to testify against Hillary?
Just kidding.
Who the fuck would have been on that plane that would have busted Hillary?
Allegedly. Just kidding.
Anyhow, let's see. What else have I got here? I want something lighthearted, man.
You know. Ah shit. Let's see here. Oh, I wanted to talk about some of the new segments.
Did you hear the last show?
Yeah.
Damn it. Your phone's doing the same thing, Rob.
It's still 830.
Okay, there you are. Okay, why now?
Yeah, I went to bed like within a half hour after we finished last night.
Oh, okay. So you haven't heard it yet?
Yeah, and I woke up at like 8. Yeah, we got down at like 9, 915.
Yeah, something like that.
I was in bed at like 930. I didn't wake up till 830.
Oh, wow.
I caught up on my sleep, which I entirely needed.
That's good. Well, did you listen to the last podcast?
Not the last one, but I heard the one before it.
Okay, alright. Well, then you wouldn't know. I did some new segments in there and I just wanted to get your read on them.
Like I said, we're starting up the Origins series.
Oh, yeah, yeah. I did hear the Origins series.
Okay, and we're starting to fire in on some more deep thoughts.
I'm going to start doing some more things over heard in hell.
I'm going to refresh the Strange Insults from an Alien.
I'm going to refresh the Island of Horrible Jokes.
And let's see, we got a couple of new parodies.
Maybe I can give you some thought on that.
Yeah, we've got, I've got.
Yeah, we need to work together on it.
I've got a few mad man ramblings from a mad man that I need you to do.
But like I said, I'm going to have some time off in March to where we can like work on that.
Because it all takes your involvement and right now all the recording equipment is up here.
Right, right, right.
We have to do it like this, like I call him Bluetooth and then record it like this.
So, you know, like someone on the emails yesterday, which hasn't been released yet, but you guys will hear it,
was wanting to know how come Rob wasn't on more of these parody bits and all that.
And that's simply because we don't, we both don't have equipment right now.
And if we did, then Rob would be involved in a lot more.
So the best way to get Rob involved is to come up with some time that we both have,
we both have, you know, we both have some time to where I can record some of this stuff.
Yeah, yeah. And honestly, Mark pretty much walks through the door from work to podcast.
Yes.
I can vouch for that. Yeah, he pretty much walks through the door at his home, goes to his studio.
Yeah, yeah, he had to stop and say hi to his wife.
Yeah, yeah, I have to do that. Yes.
But here's the deal, man. I mean, I was on the phone when you said hi to your wife.
I know. That's why I was like, hang on, we can't start the podcast just yet.
Just yet. She just walked through the door.
Yeah, she got a little salty over it.
She told me she loved me anyway.
Yeah, she was fine. So, okay, so anyhow, I, you know, I take a lot of time editing this and coming up with the bits and stuff like that.
But it won't always be like this. We're going to have more bits and everything later on coming up.
And we keep growing to our whole reservoir of bits and funny little things.
Yeah, we're getting there. You know, and parody bits and all that stuff.
It's growing constantly, but once Rob gets some of this equipment and learns how to use it, then we're going to really take off because he's going to be doing his stuff.
I'm going to be doing my stuff and we're going to put them all together and it's going to be really cool.
So, yeah, yeah, when we're not sitting here in your ears, we're going to be doing our own shit.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Mark will be up in Kansas City doing his shit. I'll be sitting here doing my shit and all of you got to hear it later.
Yeah. Yeah. So anyhow, right now, I know, I mean, we've been growing bits and we've been doing new stuff and introducing new stuff like the new origin series.
I'm pretty excited about the new one that's going to come out in a yes.
I'm excited about origins too.
I did. The first one I did was.
I got some in the works. That's good. I know.
And I can't wait for that because you have a unique perspective on everything.
It's going to be really bad.
Not yet. They're good.
Oh, no, I believe you. I believe they will be.
Right now, I chose Dr. Pepper and the next one I'm doing that you're going to hear on the podcast before this is origin of Mountain Dew.
I'm starting off with some soft drinks and maybe some different.
Yeah, some light stuff. I'm going to go into some other stuff that's a little bit more detailed.
So anyhow, we're growing. We're going to keep doing new stuff. We're going to come up with new bits.
You know, like I said, you know, we don't have a ton of money to work with.
So we're primitive. We know this, but we still think that we're funny and we're entertaining and think that we can we can actually hold an audience and make an audience laugh with what we have.
So we're going to continue to try to do that. As long as you guys listen, we'll keep doing it.
So anyhow, and oh, hey, real quick. Hi, Grandma Opal.
Yes. Hello, Grandma.
Jimmy. Best great son ever.
You guys are awesome. Dodge City, Kansas.
So and and hello, Des Moines. Yeah, Des Moines. Thank you guys.
I cannot believe this. Did you notice how I got my problem fixed?
Yeah, yeah. And switch out the my other ear pod. My other one was great.
My other one was drained low on battery.
Oh, that's what it was. I switched your pies and we're good.
Yeah. Let me look. I'm pretty sure we're still our M1 Markets Des Moines. I'm going to check real quick. I haven't in a couple of days.
Dude, I'm telling you, I think I need to get on a laptop because my phone reads everything I have always read.
OK, same numbers, same everything. Yep. Number one, still Des Moines by by double of what Kansas City has.
Well, see, I'm not updated on that. I think it's because I'm running off my cell phone.
But Harrisonville, Harrisonville, Missouri, I cannot believe the amount of hits out of Harrisonville.
Yeah, they were in our top five in Ashburn.
When I look when I go up on my phone, they're still up there. But I'm telling you, I think it's because I'm running off my phone instead of a computer.
Yes, I'm not reading the correct. I'm reading old results.
It is. It is. Once I get you the Google Chromebook, you're going to be set because then you can log on to RSS and read exactly what I'm reading right here.
The numbers. I mean, the numbers in Des Moines are awesome. Thank you, Des Moines. You're our number one market. Kansas City second. Harrisonville is a really close third.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm just I'm astounded by the number of people that would have to listen in Harrisonville.
It's a it's a city of about five thousand people. Love all of you. Yeah. Yeah. You get that. Come on.
I have a son that lives in Harrisonville. I got to say, love you, Jesse. If you listen to this podcast, let's hope so.
Jesse, Jesse, if you listen, send us an email. Do 66 B66 at Yahoo.com. What?
I have not been in his life. Oh, oh, OK. But but we admit we admit we admit each other.
His mom lied to him all his life. Got it. Anyway, that's yeah. Yeah, we'll go on. We'll go on that. All right.
Well, we're well over an hour, so let's go ahead and just go ahead and call this a day. Thank you all for listening. We appreciate it. Thank you, assholes.
Love you, assholes. Good night. Good night.
Hey, where do they go? Where the douchebags? Oh, my God. Someone took a dump in the corner. Oh, geez.
Glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back. Man, that smells.