Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it's two douchebags and a microphone podcast.
And now it's time for the Daily Douchebag Pledge.
Two douchebags and a microphone pledge. I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to download every show. I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to grab family members phones and download the show from there.
I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to go to public computers and download the show from there.
I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to laugh at all the unfunny jokes. I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to lie to all my friends and tell them how good the show is.
And finally, I, Joe, or Jane listener, promise to visit Montrose, Missouri to take advantage of the power plant, campgrounds, and junkyard all within its quarter mile radius.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Why can't I just buy a can of thin paint? Why do I always have to go buy paint thinner?
Hmph. I may never know.
Now it's time for Pick Up Lines from a Loser.
Hey, girl, are you a beaver? Cause daaamn.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
Hurry up. Kim Jong Un is playing Santa at the mall again this year. Yay.
And now, the brand new feature, Strange Pinsults from an Alien.
May you always step in a wet spot after putting on fresh socks.
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes and...
Hey, who took a dump in the cooler?
Somewhere in the heavens, your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little beabo is listening to this film.
Two douchebags in a microphone. I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
As you guys may notice, I am pretty much through with my horrible, horrible fucking cold that I had.
Oh gosh, I feel so much better.
Oh, I hope so.
Geez, that thing was about to kick me, it kicked me in the nuts, dragged me by the hair, spit on me, called me a bitch,
made me wear a dress, fucking made me sit in the corner, sucked my thumb. It was fucking horrible, dude.
Well, the sad thing is, now everybody's coming down with the crap again.
Because the same night you were suffering from that, that was the night we had the 60 degree temperature change.
Yes.
So yeah, Friday we had, my son took off work, he was sick, he had like 101.3 temperature, just felt like shit.
His throat was swelled up, you know.
And then we had two other guys that left work before lunch.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know.
And also that crud's going around, but also influenza B, I think is it, is going around too.
A or B, yeah, it's the one that is like a cold.
Yes.
Yeah, but it's not throwing up, eating chicken noodle soup.
Yeah, and all that shit.
It's a cold.
The ones where you wish you were fucking dead, I mean.
We discussed, yeah, I thought it was influenza A, it might be B.
I don't know for sure.
I don't know for sure anyhow, yeah.
I just saw a little fucking snippet of it the other day about influenza, I thought it was influenza B.
It could have been A just as easily, I just thought it said B.
I don't know.
Yeah.
The shit's going around, look at the weather, like I said, we had 60 degree temperature change the other day.
Your body's not meant for that, your body is not meant for that.
No, it's not.
Your body goes and shit.
And I called it before and then our boss got pissed because people were getting sick.
And I looked at him, I thought it was a dude.
Yeah.
You shouldn't know, man, it's 60 degree temperature change.
People are going to get sick.
Whenever that happens, it weakens your immune system.
We live in Missouri.
Yep.
Oh well.
I got an interesting little article here, Rob.
You know how we're always bitching about the NFL, you know.
And one of my biggest bitches is, and this may be a way to solve it, one of my biggest bitches with NFL is the first down markers.
Because it's completely at the discretion of the guy that was standing there.
And I think a lot of times that guy didn't know what the fuck he's seeing.
You know, would you agree that a lot of those are just...
I've been seeing articles in the news about that.
Yeah, go ahead.
Yeah, and I say bravo if they do this because I think something needs to be done.
The NFL has reportedly tested optical technology to track first downs in multiple games, including at February's Super Bowl.
If approved and implemented, the technology would replace the long outdated and off-criticized system of sidelined chain crews that invites human error and guesswork into high stakes first down measurements.
This is according to multiple reports from the NFL Scouting Combine on Thursday, citing league officials.
For NFL Network's Tom Pellicero, the technology is not ready to be rolled out for the 2024 season, as with any significant rule change, it would require a vote of team owners to be approved.
The ability to digitally track the ball has long been available, but used by the NFL for its next-gen stats technology, per the league.
A tracking system is installed at every NFL stadium that includes 20-30 ultrawide band receivers, 2-3 radio frequency identification tags installed into players' shoulder pads, and RFID tags on officials' pylon sticks, chains, and in the ball.
So in other words, they already have this technology to do this.
And so, then do it.
Yeah, well, it sounds me from this article as it takes a vote from all team owners.
And they're working on it. Yeah, I understand that.
Yeah, so, I mean, this article didn't exactly say if it's going to go up for a vote anytime soon. All this article really stating is, is they have the technology and they could do it.
So I don't think it's, you know, after just reading what I did, I don't think it's even on the table right now.
So, yeah, yeah, let's see, except for the next-gen stats. It says here. It'd be nice if we'd come up with something to fix that.
I think it would make the game better. I mean, as long as it's in a timely fashion, you know, you can't be waiting forever on it.
But if it's in timely fashion, I think it's perfect. It's great.
You know, bring it out. Bring out the new technology to make the game better, to make it more precise.
So, hang on. Well, we'll see what happens. I mean, you know, first thing is it's starting to get awareness. People are starting to see it.
You saw it. I saw the article. So, it's starting to get some awareness. So maybe I'll start getting some steam behind it.
Yeah, hopefully.
Yeah, we'll see.
You got anything you want to go into, Rob?
Yeah, I got something here.
All right.
Um, and this is one of your favorites.
American songwriter?
It's not the American songwriter.
Of course. That is my favorite.
But I'm going into something that I said I'm going to do but haven't yet.
Oh, I think. Go ahead. I think I know what it is.
This is five country songs banned in the 2000s and 2020s that will still hits.
I think I know some of them. But go ahead. Yeah.
I'm sure you do. I'm sure you do.
Yes. Yeah, go ahead, Rob.
First up, we have Red Rad Top by Tim McGraw, 2002.
Back in 1994, Tim McGraw faced some criticism for his hit Indian Outlaw and its Native American cliches.
Nearly a decade later, when Tim McGraw covered Red Rad Top, originally written and recorded by Jason White,
and his seventh album, Tim McGraw and the Dancehall Doctors, some stations refused to play it
since the song centers around a couple's decision to have an abortion.
Oh, okay.
He decided not to have a child, so we did what we did and we tried to forget.
And we'd slur up and down. There would be no regrets in the morning light.
Okay.
Red Rad Top, pick at number five on the Billboard Hot Country charts.
Okay.
Next up, we have Smoke a Little Smoke by Eric Church.
Oh, I remember that song. Okay.
Even though Eric Church's 2009 single, Smoke a Little Smoke, wouldn't get played by some stations,
the song still hit top 20 on the country chart at number 16. Co-written by Church, Jeff Hyde, and Driver Williams,
Smoke a Little Smoke faced controversy since it referenced drug use, specifically marijuana.
Okay, yep. I remember that one.
A Little More Right, A Little Less Left, Little More Right Now, Little Less What's Next, Act Like Tomorrow's Ten Years Away,
and Just Kick Back and Let the Film Flow. Drink a Little Drink, Smoke a Little Smoke.
Cool.
What we said?
Oh, I remember there was some discussion going on at the time that when the song came out,
people were kind of up in arms about it, remember?
People were going, oh, this song's no good. It's talking about pot and all this stuff.
Yeah, I remember that. When the song came out, it was under some controversy.
Well, that's what all these songs are about. Controversy.
Okay.
Okay, next up, Follow Your Arrow by Kacey Musgraves, 2013.
Follow Your Arrow?
Yep.
Okay.
Kiss lots of boys or kiss lots of girls. If that's something you're into, Kacey Musgraves sings in Follow Your Arrow.
Co-written with openly gay songwriters Shane McAnally and Brandy Clark,
Follow Your Arrow was crusized for its support for the LGBTQ community.
For its, oh, for it, when the lyrics call out more, that's judged within society.
Okay.
Sorry about that.
That's all right.
I can't find my mute button. It's weird.
Okay, next up, Girl Crush by Little Big Town, 2014.
Yeah, I remember that. That had quite a bit of controversy, too.
Yeah, by 2015, Little Big Town's hit Girl Crush was getting pulled from country radio for its gay agenda for some same-sex-sense stations.
The lyrics, I've got a girl crush, hate to admit it, but I had a hard rush. It's slowing down.
Okay, and the last one? I think everybody knows this one because it's the latest one.
Okay.
Sorry about that again.
The whole world's sick, I'm telling you.
Okay, this last one?
Yes.
Try that in a small town, Jason Aldean.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
2023, fresh out of everybody's minds.
Yep.
When released in May 2023, Jason Aldean's single, Try That in a Small Town, didn't spark much reactions.
Yeah, it did.
Yeah, it did, yeah.
The song written by Kelly Lovelace, Neil Thrasher and Kelly Kelly. What the hell?
What?
Somebody's trying to call me and just blank out my damn phone.
Oh, shit.
Here we go.
Okay.
Here we go.
Where was I?
Yeah, Try That in a Small Town, didn't spark much reactions. The song written by Kelly Lovelace,
Neil Thrasher, Kelly Kelly and Kurt Allison address crime, the deterioration within smaller towns, and how people can do something about it.
Yep.
I don't know why it said.
I knew that one was going to be on the list.
Yeah. Yeah, you could have guessed that. I forgot about it for a little bit. But yeah, you're right. That would make the list definitely.
By the way, Rob, two people tried calling you out on your forklift story. But Rob sent me the photo.
Okay, you want to go into this now or you want to go into that later?
You know what? Go into it now. I mean, I already brought it up.
So.
Okay.
Well, if you're calling me out on the forklift story,
that is a true story. I sent the picture to Mark Horgo.
Yes. Yes, I seen it. It's true.
It shows a light switch on the side of the steering column and that is our reverse switch.
We they actually wired in a light switch for a reverse switch.
It that is a true story.
Two people said that was bullshit. I sent them back going, you are at the wrong alley.
Just like we talked about, we figured that would be the one they would call bullshit on.
I got some emails.
That is a true story.
What?
I got some emails I'm going to read off. Someone caught my bullshit story.
Someone called me on it and they got it. They got it right. I own pencil shavings.
Oh, did they? All right.
Yes, I own them pencil shavings. And I will get them their pencil shavings.
I'm a man of my word. You will get pencil shavings from me because you caught me.
You caught me.
By the way, the person calling me was my old friend Tabby.
Oh, okay.
I talked about her. She's got some of her friends that listen.
Her last name is Kat.
Yeah, I will say that.
Okay, Tabby Kat. All right.
All right, here I got another little story here and then we will take our first break.
We will come back with some emails. Does that sound like a good plan?
Sounds great.
Okay. Beekeeper Coffee is now going to be served at Taco Bell.
Beekeeper Coffee is really good. I've had it before.
They're not all over. They're in certain areas.
They're not around the Midwest. I know this, but I've been to areas that they have been.
Taco Bell recently partnered with the Ready to Drink Coffee brand, Beekeeper,
to create its brand new Haraucha Cold Brew Latte.
The cold coffee drink will be available for a limited time at participating Taco Bell locations,
although it's unclear when this menu item will start rolling out or its price.
However, we know that we can expect regarding the taste, Beekeeper stated in a press release
that the new Cold Brew will be a delicious blend of smooth cinnamon and creamy vanilla,
perfectly paired with a drop of honey. Sounds good to me.
Yeah.
The company went on to add that they hope the Haraucha Cold Brew Latte will provide the perfect pick-me-up to customers,
especially helping to fuel the morning crowd because Taco Bell started serving, well, what they call breakfast,
you know what I mean, and they started opening up earlier.
We're incredibly excited about this partnership with Taco Bell. We can't wait to level up breakfast for their guests,
said Beekeeper co-founder Farah Leff. So, yeah, I think that's a good idea.
Beekeeper is a great brand. They have a great coffee, and I think it's going to do well at Taco Bell,
and it's probably going to really help Taco Bell initiate their breakfast brand. That's what I'm thinking.
Yeah, it probably will.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, it's like all the places that have a Starbucks or something for their base drink.
Someone that people recognize, that definitely helps.
Anyhow, we're going to take our first break. We'll be right back with some emails,
including one that called bullshit on me, and they were right.
All right.
All right. All right. We'll talk to you in a minute.
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The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Hi, all. This is Mark here. I'm usually the one telling you what to eat during an apocalypse.
Well, this time I decided to go the other way.
You ever consider just going to Ground Zero and saying fuck it?
Do you really want to be the guy running around looking for radioactive deer,
guessing whether water is not contaminated or not? No food, no shelter, no nothing.
Oh, no. There's a strong argument that says, you know what?
Let's just go to Ground Zero and see what's for us after. Just a thought.
Hey, look. I think we found land. Oh, my God. I think we're safe.
Oh, no. It's the island of horrible jokes.
Oh, my God.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
Brick shit house energy drink. That's right. Brick shit house energy drink.
Make men feel good.
Chomp on their balls.
You want to fuck shit up?
Run for a scum across America?
Brick shit house is for you.
Please enjoy Brick shit house energy drink responsibly.
It's not readily available anywhere because of liability issues.
Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes, and scream,
Hey, there's no toilet paper in here.
Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we. That's why we give you the origin of.
What is the origin of Mountain Dew?
Tennessee bottlers Barney and Ally Hartman developed Mountain Dew as a mixer in the 1940s.
Soft drinks were sold regionally in the 1930s and the Hartmans had difficulty in Knoxville obtaining their preferred soda to mix with liquor,
preferably whiskey so the two developed for your own now known as Mountain Dew.
Two douchebags and microphone on Mark.
And I'm up.
I'm real quick on on a web page here that I was reading an article that I was going to go into later.
You know, Samsung, this is an advertisement.
Samsung has two ovens in one.
It's one oven, but it's two ovens and you can cook two different dishes at different temperatures in it.
Oh, that'd be cool.
Yeah, yeah, it's pretty interesting. It looks cool.
It almost looks like two microwaves. One's a little bit bigger.
One's a little bit smaller. They're stainless steel and really nice looking piece.
Anyhow, I just saw that I was like, yeah, that's cool.
So like I was talking about a minute ago, we have some emails that I'm going to go to here.
OK, first one. Mark, there is no such animal as a mini capuchin monkey.
Give me my pencil shavings. Mitch and Murphysboro.
Murphysboro. Yeah, that's a Nashville area.
Yeah, I wonder if they go to the Filthy Bean.
Mitch, if you go to Filthy Bean, I'll be back or I'll send you your pencil shavings
and go in there and tell Rick not to hate us that we will be there sooner or later.
Yeah, we're trying to get there.
I don't think he's really happy with us. He hadn't talked to me in like three weeks.
That's the longest he's ever went.
No, you're the one that had to go on the cruise.
I know. You took your vacation going there.
Yeah, I should have. You're right.
Well, you know what? I mean, as far as I know, Rick's still doing good.
I've got to get a hold of him. Yeah, yeah.
Have you talked to him? We're trying to get there, Rick. We really are.
His expresso's that he's selling were doing really good.
I mean, he said that they couldn't keep up with demand
and that they were actually out for like a month and that pissed people off.
So anyhow, Rick, we'll get there.
But okay, Mitch in Murphysboro, you are correct.
That was my fake news story. Thank you. You got it.
Yeah, no such thing as a mini-kaboochie monkey.
And that's why I put that in there.
It's because I knew someone out there would know that there's no such thing as a mini-kaboochie monkey.
And that's something that you could look up really easily and go, mini-kaboochie monkey.
Oh, no, that's no such thing. He must be lying.
So you copy that.
Actually, Murph had to tell me that was the bullshit story.
Well, I mean, most people, I mean, if I'd heard it, I'd been like, oh, okay, there's mini-kaboochie monkeys.
All right, cool.
You know, I wouldn't have gave it a thought at all. I'd just been like, okay, all right.
Next one. Hey, douchebags.
How about an asshole sticker to identify as listeners? Beth in Montgomery.
I would say that's coming, wouldn't you say?
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Now that I know they like the name, we got it. Yeah.
Well, it seems to be catching on because people are referring to themselves as assholes.
That's what I was hoping for.
Yeah. And now we got someone wanting that.
That's great. Now we got, yeah, we're working on it.
Someone wants an actual asshole sticker. That just kind of solidifies it, doesn't it?
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, I think we have two different types of stickers, Rob.
Okay. We could have an asshole sticker proclaiming that you're an asshole.
We got like three different types.
And then we could have one that has a QR code that people go up, scan, and it takes us straight to our show.
And then we could have maybe another one. I don't know. Maybe a special one for Des Moines.
Well, we got to have one for the more laid back people.
Oh, yeah. People who don't want to be called an asshole.
Okay. We might have like four or five different. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, okay. All of this stuff, what's your name? Beth.
We'll give it to our marketing team. Yes. Yes.
Give it to our marketing team. They'll figure it out.
Yes. So, Beth, all that is coming in time.
You know, I mean, we're a small operation. We're not making a dime.
You know, I'm lucky to be spending what I am here.
You know, Val's good enough to let me spend a little money on my hobby.
And luckily, you know, I mean, it's, you know, to me, it's worth it.
And luckily, she is kind enough and considerate enough to let me pursue it and, you know,
and use a little money to, you know, to do this. So, anyhow.
She is a good woman. Yes, she is.
And you could tell her I said that more.
I will. Right now, she's watching the granddaughter over there.
But once she gets home, I'll say, hey, Rob said you're good.
Oh, there you go. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Okay. Next one.
She puts up with your ass. She's got to be a good woman.
I would say so. I'm very annoying at times. I like to do things that annoy people.
And I like to do it over and over. Why? It's the way I am. I don't know.
And she knows that. Oh, yeah.
I got this thing called the chicken cluck and the turkey gobble I do.
I used to call it my friend Michelle. And all I do is a turkey gobble.
She gets so mad. She go, what do you want? I go, what? What do you want, Mark?
And then she goes, not again.
I go, and I just do this for like an hour.
She set the phone down. Then I hear her pick it back up.
She goes, fuck. Okay. But anyhow, there's other stuff I do that.
So anyhow. Okay. Next one. Rob.
Why is it you are the only on a couple of the funny bits or do I just miss them?
Just wondering. Jeremy in King's Town. Where's King's Town?
Yeah. I'll have to look it up later.
Yeah. Give me a minute. Okay.
We're working on that. We're working on that.
Yeah. I mean, we're two and a half hours away. That doesn't help.
And I'm yet to get Rob his own equipment. I have it here.
So when I get Rob his own equipment, and then he can be, he can, I can show him how I get some of the sounds and noise, you know, all the stuff that we use.
And he can do his own. Okay.
But right now, I mean, I got some time off coming up at the end of March.
So I could probably give Rob a call a couple of days there.
Yeah. Normally be working.
We'll have to line up. Yeah. You know, I work during the day too.
I'll have everything lined up. All I need him to do is just say this line, say this line, say this line, and then I'll put it all together myself.
Okay. Okay.
Oh, great. Go ahead. Go ahead.
Oh, no. That was it. That was it. I was just saying I'll put it all together. So yeah, Rob's got to have them with him.
Is that King's Town with or without an E?
With an E.
With the E. Yes.
Okay. That is a suburb in Franconia, Virginia.
Oh, okay.
Okay. Without the E, it's King's Town, Michigan.
Okay. No, this is with the E.
Well, either Michigan or Virginia. Virginia is with the E.
It's Virginia then.
Oh, here's another King's Town without the E in Rhode Island.
Hmm. Well, it's with the E, so I guess it has to be.
Okay. It's with the E.
Hello, Virginia.
Hello, Virginia. Thanks for listening. We appreciate you.
And Jeremy, thank you in King's Town, Virginia.
Next one. Listen. I love football too, but enough with the fucking NFL talk.
Seasons over, stop. Ron and Louisville. No.
Oh, dude, you're just...evidently people just know how to piss you off.
They know how to push your buttons.
I'm just simply...
Tell you not to do something. You're just going to turn around and do the opposite.
Yep. Yeah. I mean, it's already too late for this one, isn't it?
We already talked about the NFL already.
Yeah.
Or I might be a brand board, you never know.
Yeah. I mean, we talked about, you know, the new technology and all that that they might be implementing.
So, yeah.
Ron and Louisville, the closest professional team to you that would be in the NFL would be the Cincinnati Bengals.
No wonder you don't want us to talk about football. It hurts your feelings.
Do not go talking about Ohio, please.
Oh, Ruthann doesn't even listen anymore.
Please, please, please. She might. She's been quiet, you never know. I could be hopeful.
I'm very disappointed in her. She dumped you to hurt me.
We are. She just ain't responding no more. She still might be listening.
She might be listening. I mean, we do have quite a few listeners in North Central Ohio, you know, where Ruthann would be.
So, OK.
OK. Next one.
Hey, I just recently listened to your old stuff that you attached to the last show.
Who is Christopher and is he still a part of the show?
Christopher is a guy.
Can I answer this one for you? Go ahead.
Go further back in the shows.
Christopher did like three seasons before me.
Yes. Christopher decided to step down. He didn't want to do it.
Right now and then, he doesn't want to do it.
He holds the door open for maybe doing it later.
But Rob was ready, willing and able to take the reins from Christopher. And that's what happened.
Christopher does a thing where he calls straight from Topher's desk.
And then every now and then we talk about what he wants us to talk about.
Sometimes he'll do a little bit and he'll throw it in here. So, yeah, you're not getting rid of Christopher that easy.
Actually, if you go back and listen, I was making call ins to Mark and Christopher.
Yes.
They were doing the show live and I was calling in.
Yes.
And yeah, Christopher will always be part of the show.
Yes. And he also has some sort of creative influence too because I talked to him often about the show.
Yes, he does.
And he has his own little flavor that he likes to talk about and stuff.
And he influences the show still, whether he's doing a straight from Topher's desk or doing a bit that we put in it or whatever.
And also, he is also in a couple of bits too.
Yeah, he is.
Listen, so, yeah, that's Christopher and he may be back. But if not, he's still a part of the show. So, yeah.
Yeah, if not, he's behind the scenes.
Okay. And this person didn't...
He is. He's a big part of it.
This person didn't give their name. But anyhow, yeah, we've done a lot of seasons with Christopher and most people don't go back and forth whenever they pick up a new podcast. So, anyhow.
Next one. I have a bonfire going right now. Just waiting for you douchebags to show up. Where the hell are you fellas?
I have to now go get more Natty Light in case you guys come by.
That's Robbie Montrose.
I'm over in the corner of Montrose near the power plant, the junkyard and the campgrounds.
But just a wee bit away from Rosie at the meat processor plant.
Willie and Montrose.
We got the whole damn town.
Yeah. Willie, we will be there for Natty Light. Don't worry. We'll get there.
Dude, I'm telling you, it sounds like per capita Montrose may have Des Moines beef.
Oh, I know.
Per capita.
I know.
Even though Montrose is only like 10 or 12, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
They got like seven or eight of them.
And we love Montrose. Where else can you get a...
We got to get up there. I got to get up there.
A power plant, a junkyard and campgrounds. Where else can you get all that in a quarter mile radius? It's heaven.
So, Montrose...
And a meat processor.
Yeah, down the road. Rosie at the meat processor.
Yeah, down the road. It's a little down the road, but it ain't that far.
Yeah, yeah. It's a little bit down the road.
I know where it's at.
I do too. I know where they're talking about, actually.
Yeah, it's been there for years.
Yeah, so Willie is just a wee bit away from Rosie, but he's in the mix of everything else.
Willie, keep that Natty Light cold. We'll be there.
Yep. Keep it on ice, buddy. I'll be there.
Keep it on ice. We're ready for the Natty.
Natty's my drink. Natty's my drink.
Natty. Yep. Eat the bottom of that can.
Don't laugh too hard, Mark.
I like Natty Light. I used to drink it myself. I like Natty Light better than Bud Light. A lot better.
Yeah, Bud Light does not give me a headache.
Honestly.
And it doesn't even taste good. I know. Me too. I don't...
To be honest, Natty Light is still an Anheuser-Busch product.
Yeah, yeah. So if I...
I feel safe with it.
Yep. Yeah. So anyhow, Natty Light is cheap.
And it's cheap.
Yeah. It's really cheap.
And another one that I liked, have you ever had this before? I'm sure you have. Old Milwaukee.
Oh, yeah. That's what my dad drank. Old Milwaukee.
I liked Old Milwaukee.
That's the beers I used to have. My dad's fridge.
And I don't even know if they sell this anymore, but how about Schaeffer?
Oh, God, yeah.
Remember that shit?
Yes.
Yep. Let me go a little bit...
I loved it though. I loved it though.
Let me go back a little bit further. Malt Duck.
Oh, damn, dude.
It was great Kool-Aid with fucking alcohol in it.
I have not heard that in years, man.
Yeah, Malt Duck.
In those little bitty bottles.
And my nickname is Duck.
Yeah, yeah, that's crazy.
Oh, I remember we used to slam Malt Ducks all night.
Oh, dude. Yeah. Yeah.
Then I got another one for you. Little King's Cream Ale.
Okay, I vaguely remember those.
They're in a little green bottle with a cap to twist it on.
Yeah.
I vaguely remember those.
Yep. Yeah, they were good too.
But I really like Malt Duck because they tasted like great Kool-Aid with fucking alcohol in them.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
They were so easy to drink and I mean if you drank enough of them you'd get a nice good buzz
but not get so fucking smashed out of your skull that you couldn't move.
It was a good go-to drink for the duration of the night.
So, anyhow, Rob, you got something you want to go into?
Yeah, I'm going to step into the NASCAR world here.
All right.
Before the 2022 NASCAR Cup Series season began,
Eric Amarola announced that he would be retiring once it ended,
ending a five-year run with Stewart Haas Racing and a 15-year career at NASCAR's top level.
But during the season he changed his mind and opted to return for 2023.
While his new deal was said to keep him behind the wheel of the number 10 Ford for 2023 and beyond,
it was believed to contain a clause that would allow him to move on after the 2023 if he chose to do so.
The 39-year-old Fort Walton Beach Florida native
made his Xtreme Series and his Cup Series debut with the same team, Joe Gibbs Racing.
He competed in Xtreme D Series races for the team in 2006, 2007, and one Cup Series race for the team in 2007.
Oh, damn it, don't do that. Okay, go back.
Well, then he went on to race for Stewart Haas.
Well, he's coming back.
Oh, wow.
He signed with Joe Gibbs Organization to compete part-time behind the wheel of the number 19 Toyota in 2024
after Ryan Turex opened up the season behind the wheel of the number 19 Toyota
with a 21st place finish at Daytona and a 9th place finish at Atlanta Motor Speedway.
Emeril is set to make his official return to Joe Gibbs Racing this weekend.
Okay.
So what he's going to do is he's started with him, he's going to finish with him.
He's used to be a part-time driver. There's going to be multiple drivers for the number 19.
Okay.
Oh, here we go. In addition to Amarillo, Turex and Salilich, I guess is his name, the cars confirmed drivers for the 2024 season
include Joe Graf Jr. and Taylor Gray. So there's going to be five different drivers for that car this year.
Okay.
Damn.
Yeah, I didn't realize there was going to be five drivers this year for that car.
Wow.
I just thought it was cool that I like Eric Amarillo. I do. I do.
I like NASCAR. I very rarely sit there and watch the whole race, but I follow it, you know.
That's cool.
Kevin Hart, Rick was my man.
All right. Oh, cool. Good reporting there. How about if we take our last break and we're going to come back.
I got some Gen-C stuff I want to talk about. Does that sound cool?
I always love hearing about this.
Oh yeah, yeah, some more frolicking. All right, we'll be back.
We are TG Sprouts and Microthelma.
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The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Dandelion can be stewed with wild mustard and wild garlic for a very tasty stew.
You could even introduce our old friend the hickory nut for a bit of smoky flavor.
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Chimney balls. Who wants to fuck shit up? Run for a scum across America. Rick Shit House is for you.
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Hey fellas, remember to wipe away from the twins. Stay fresh ideas from the douchebags.
Next up, things overhead in hell.
Great news. William Hung's world tour has been extended.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
So let me see. Let's say I was offended by people being offended.
Then would people being offended all the time have to not be offended around me because I was offended by them being offended?
Hmm. I may never know.
Next up, things overhead in hell.
Baseball's third season of the year begins tonight. Yay!
Oh shit. What's that over there? Oh no. It's the island of horrible jokes.
I asked my date to meet me at the gym. She didn't show up. I guess we're not going to work out.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
How does a butterfly take a dump? It never stops long enough. Maybe it just shits while lofting. Maybe it shits real quick while chewing flowers.
Hmm. I may never know.
New douchebags in a microphone, raw and uncensored.
See behind the smoke show. Watch as the douchebags get stung by a scorpion beast.
Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out.
Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for all the mad shitter accusations.
Act now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar. Mark off the day with a douchebag looking at you.
Supplies are limited so act now.
And we are back. Two douchebags in a microphone. I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright. Well as I promised, I said we have some Gen Z talk we're going to do.
Gen Z seems to have some sort of a thing going on with the do not disturb mode of their phone.
It's always on. And like the older people, like the boomers and the axers are like frustrated.
Because every time they try to call their kids or whatever, it's always on do not disturb.
And they're like, well why do you even have a phone if you never answer?
Okay, I got something about this.
Okay.
My mom who has dementia, God bless her.
Yeah, that sucks.
She keeps switching her phone over to do not disturb.
Oh wow.
And my brother, I think my brother probably figured it out how to block it or something.
I don't know. But yeah, I try all weekend to get over it. Couldn't get a hold of her.
Oh wow.
Well I know she ain't running around. She's sitting right there.
Yeah.
Plus it's because she had switched her phone over to do not disturb.
Oh wow. And she didn't have any ideas she did?
No, she didn't. She could call anybody but she wouldn't receive a call to ask nothing.
Okay. Well New York political strategist Max Burns declared that Zoomers use the do not disturb DND feature to avoid anxiety when receiving a call.
Okay, some Gen Z kids keep their cell phones on do not disturb 24-7 so they never have to face anxiety of answering the phone, Burns tweeted on X, formerly known as Twitter.
The DND feature on smartphones shuts off notifications to calls, texts or applications and send push alerts, distracting them from work, studying or resting.
Alright.
So anyhow, there's more to this.
Okay.
A study conducted in 2023 by ComBank and Telco provider Moore revealed that 90% of Gen Zers are anxious about speaking on the phone, which would be attributed to popular usage of cell phones on DND.
Burns came up with this theory after discussing the feature with colleagues.
I was having a conversation with two of my Gen Z coworkers about do not disturb and they both had mentioned that the anxiety of getting unexpected calls.
The post garnered over 5.1 million views on X with Zoomers, Millennials and Gen X's sharing their hot take on DND toggle.
I don't think it's a Gen Z thing. I think it's an overall anxiety of being plugged in 24-7, one person wrote.
Sir, I think you mean last person under 50 commented a joke, sir.
While Gen Zers use DND to help their anxiety, other generations use it to avoid robocalls.
I'm not a Gen Z. My phone has been in DND mode for going on eight years at this point. I don't need to answer robocall spam, tweeted a user.
Calling someone on their cell phone when you aren't in a life or death situation is disrespectful, another user said.
Anxiety is just too loosely used these days. I don't want to talk on the phone 90% of the time, wrote another one.
Also, because the notifications are endless and I would agree with that, I hate the fucking notifications.
It's like, no, I don't want to know this shit. Why are you telling me this shit?
You know, it's like I signed up for it but I didn't.
And it starts telling me some shit because it figured out something I searched for on my phone.
So, um...
I have a simple solution, which is something I do all the time and it drives people nuts.
Okay.
My phone has a silent mode. I could turn my rigor off, I could turn my notifications off.
Honestly, I pretty much are off 95% of the time.
If I want to know what's going on with my phone, I'll look at it.
Yeah. I, um...
Which is actually quite often, unless I'm working. Then I can't be, I won't hear it anyway, so, you know.
You see, I had mine on vibrate and turned upside down.
Yeah, yeah, mine's on vibrate. It's on silent.
But, you know, I check my phone enough. I'll see if I missed a call.
Yeah, me too.
Or whatever. And I have caller ID, you know.
Uh-huh.
Text me, you know. And I get all the notifications. I still get everything.
You know, and...
It's all my time.
Another reason why I do on vibrate and turn it upside down is because there was the, um, the urge to fiddle with my phone when I'm doing anything.
And it's so distracting. I miss parts in movies, I miss parts in the news.
And, you know, I'm like, okay, I gotta watch the weather. I need to know what's going on. I got a bunch of stuff in the yard. I gotta do tomorrow.
Then all of a sudden I'll look on my phone and there's a Facebook something.
And then next thing I know I look up and the weather's over. And I get sick of doing that.
And the best way to stop that is, to me, is to turn on vibrate. It's always on vibrate.
And turn it upside down to where if it like lights up with a ping, you don't see it.
And then you can check it out. Commercial's on. I'll go look right now.
Yeah. So to me...
Well, that's like last night. My neighbor cooked me dinner.
Uh-huh.
Which, to be honest, was a two-bone on the grill.
Ooh, nice.
Two two-bones on the grill, a couple twice-baked potatoes. Yeah, I mean, it was a good meal.
Uh-huh. Sounds good.
And my son, while I was eating, tried calling me 17 times.
Wow. What did he want?
I never heard of...
Nobody wanted me to do him a favor.
I got done eating, finally looked at my phone, I called him back and said,
Sorry, I was eating a T-bone, dude.
I'm eating a T-bone. You're the last on the list.
Yes. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
Especially when somebody else cooked it. And it was delicious.
Hell yeah.
You did an awesome job.
Cool. Your neighbor sounds pretty cool.
Yeah, she is. We're good friends.
Oh, okay.
Our dogs are even friends.
Well, that's cool. Good.
That's cool.
That's as far as it goes.
Does she listen?
No.
Okay. All right, what's her name?
She just takes Glenda.
Oh, okay. Cool.
Let's see. Shanghai.
The happiest place on earth for cats might just be here on Cat Island,
a feline playground just a few miles from Shanghai, Disneyland,
while humans whoop and whirl in the ladder of 400 plus kitties who call Cat Island home,
rest in the shade of specially constructed grass-covered play tunnels
or lull about in the goats.
They cross a wooden bridge and stalk through a pair of orchards
and intrepid among them, even venturing into the horse stable.
The pampered residents were here once strays in downtown Shanghai,
a city of 25 million and somewhere between 400,000 and 1.5 million stray cats.
But efforts are underway to stem the exploding feral population in the metropolis
and find homes for at least some of the newly neutered cats.
Cat Island, the entire population is up for adoption.
Many cat cafes in the city do a similar thing,
provide a space where people can befriend and potentially take home a neutered kitty.
There's no equivalent to the American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals in China.
Instead, it's just left to grassroots organizations like these to step in and save cats
from the streets or from people who think that they're better off cold.
Cat adoption has become quite popular in recent years, especially among the younger generation.
See, Erica Gow, Rene Volgast, the cafe.
Yeah, so that's pretty cool.
Cat Island is a pretty good idea.
The reason why I see why, cats are a lot easier to take care of than dogs.
Dogs need more attention than cats do.
Yes, dogs do very well on...
Just being a pet owner, I know that.
Dogs would do very well on their own island.
No, not at all.
Cats would be right up town, man.
Yeah, they'll be fine.
They'll be chasing birds, they'll be chasing rodents, they're fine.
My cats just lay around sun themselves on the beach, sipping on a coconut.
That'd be my cats.
While we're on cats, I've got a cat story for you.
Oh, sure.
A junkyard worker who was about to crush a car in a lot in Asheville, North Carolina,
made a startling discovery that led to a heroic rescue and a happy reunion.
Cool.
The man who had gotten that Brother Wolf animal rescue last week received a panic call
from a partner who works at a nearby junkyard.
During his shift, he stumbled on a cat that had sought refuge in a car that was about to be crushed.
Oh, wow.
The man who had gotten the partner spotted the cat just in time and spent the rest of his shift
with the small feline tucked in his jacket.
Oh, wow.
When his shift finished, he drove the Brother Wolf rescue to get help.
When they arrived, the cat, later identified as Lily,
was immediately attended to by staff who treated her for dehydration
and conducted a thorough medical examination.
But while Lily was being examined, fate intervened.
Batten's partner had a phone call from his co-workers at the junkyard
who had been contacted by a man frantically searching for his missing cat,
who is known for his impromptu car adventures.
Oh.
So, to make a long story short, the cat was reunited with its owner.
The cat got saved. It was a good day for everybody.
Everybody felt good.
And actually, I thought that was a cool story, man.
That is cool.
I am an animal lover.
You know, so.
I am too. So, wow. That's a cool story.
So, the guy found the cat, kept the cat, and then the cat went back to its owner.
So, great.
Yeah, it happened that the timing was perfect when the owner was falling around.
You know, so.
Okay.
Evidently, the cat had crawled into a junk car he had all off and about got crushed.
About did. I mean, you know, that would have been all of his nine lives, I would think.
That would be it. So.
Oh, yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. All at once.
I got a new rule.
That's probably been about 15 lives out of nine.
Yeah. Yep.
There would be any going back on that one.
Yep.
There have been numerous studies about gossiping here lately.
Scientists, for some reason, are wondering how come people gossip.
And they claim that 100% everybody gossips.
And I believe they do. They just don't realize they do.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, to a certain extent.
Yes, I mean.
And some people may not consider it gossiping, but it's actually like gossiping.
Yeah, every time you're talking about a subject or having it being present and talking about certain situations, yeah, it's probably gossip. Yes.
And especially speculation is definitely gossip.
But numerous studies have revealed that gossiping can actually be healthy and a significant amount of it is not malicious, but intended to be helpful.
You know, I.
OK, you're going to have to explain this to me.
I'm having a hard time just with that part.
OK, I personally feel like.
You're going to have to explain.
I personally feel like gossip about football and things that I'm not sure what the whole story is.
You know, we do talk about football and we don't know the full story.
Yeah.
So that would be considered gossip.
I feel that my brand of gossip is speculation is sometimes hopeful that my team does what I think will do to help them.
So anyhow, thus far, research has, for example, shown that people were motivated to engage in gossip,
to bond with their group members, to entertain themselves, to exchange information, to vent emotions and to maintain social order.
Oh, order. These modes can be argued in to be quite harmless and even based on constructive tendencies.
But it does stay here, says not all gossip is harmless and not all of it does come from a good place.
But what the article is saying is they're saying like there's a more of a majority of people that aren't meaning to hurt someone with a gossip that they're trying to be.
OK, you know, go ahead.
I was just going to say that article took it a little different direction than what I was saying.
I know me too.
Especially when they go in, you know, talk about sports.
OK, I don't consider that gossipy.
Although I guess technically it is.
No, I got to thinking about it because I was reading this article and I didn't read I didn't download the full thing and I didn't read the whole thing.
Because it goes into the different types of gossip and all that.
So what we see in the NFL is actually gossip.
It's a type of.
I know we don't think of it like that, but it is.
Yeah, you're right.
Technically it is gossip.
Yeah, but we're not meaning any harm by it.
Right, right.
Yeah, I mean, we like to hash out what we think is going on.
We like to hash out what we would like our team to do.
We like to hash out what we think another team's doing.
You know, we like to we like to speculate about who we're going to resign.
We would like to speculate about who we could sign.
I mean, I think any good football fan does that.
But all that speculation is considered gossip.
So.
Anyhow, I mean, I think a lot of that article was true.
And I think some of it, it kind of glossed over some stuff, too.
Because sometimes people talk about people maliciously on purpose for envious reasons or whatever.
There's other reasons, too.
And that happens quite a bit, too.
But I understand what this article said, and I do agree with a lot of it.
And I think a lot of it's true.
But I also think it kind of glossed over some of the more nefarious stuff that happens.
You know, so.
Anyhow.
I think this podcast about over with Rob, you got anything you want to talk about here before we.
Yeah, I got another quick little story.
Sure.
And this comes out.
Our country music on MJP.
OK.
22 artists pay tribute to a rock legend.
Tom Petty left this world in October 2017, which was too soon and certainly is missed by many fans.
The influence continues to this day across many different genres.
Yeah.
The three time Grammy winner was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2002, along with his band, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.
Cool.
He released more than 20 albums from 1976 to 2016.
Now more than 20 country artists are paying tribute to Petty on a new album.
Petty Country, a country music celebration to Tom Petty.
The album is set to release on May 31st from a partnership of the Tom Petty estate, along with Big Machine Records.
Dirk Bentley released a preview of the album on February 23rd with American Girl.
The album Petty Country is a star-studded affair with guests such as George Strait, Jamie Johnson, Chris Stapleton, Luke Combs, Medland, Lady A, Ryanan Giddens, Eli Young Band, Laney Wilson and more.
Wow.
I have this song list in front of me on which song everybody's singing.
Do we have time to go into that?
No, go ahead.
Okay, the first song is I Should Have Known It, which will be sang by Chris Stapleton.
Okay.
Next is Wild Flowers, which is a very good song, which is going to be sang by Thomas Rhett.
Running Down a Dream, Luke Combs.
Uh huh.
Southern Accents, Miss Dolly Parton.
Cool.
Here Comes My Girl, Justin Moore.
Cool.
American Girl, Dirk Bentley.
Oh yeah, I heard that. I like that. That's a really good cover, anyhow.
Which by the way, this is just a tribute thing. Tom Petty's last live song in concert was American Girl.
Really?
He finished his last concert with that song.
Wow, that's good.
Look it up on YouTube. You can watch on YouTube. That's where I found it.
Very cool.
Next up, Oh This Would Be Good, Stop Drinking My Heart Around, Lady A, or Lady Annabellum.
Yeah. Uh huh.
Well, seeing that, that would be a good mission. Yeah, they could do that song very well.
It would be like a duet, anyway.
Cool.
Okay, I Forgive It All, Jamie Johnson.
Oh wow. Okay.
I Won't Back Down, Brothers Osborne.
Cool.
Oh no, I don't know how I feel about this.
Okay.
Refugee, Winona Judd and Lainey Wilson.
I'd have to hear it. I'd have to hear it.
Yeah, I'm gonna have to hear that one. Okay, let's move on.
Okay.
Angel Dream, number two.
Okay.
Willie Nelson and Lucas Nelson.
Oh, is Lucas like his son?
I think that, yeah, I think that's the family band.
Okay.
Which I do believe they're coming back here to Campton this year.
Very cool.
I'm still working on that roundup on the list.
Okay.
Okay, next up, Learning to Fly, E.D.I. Young Band.
Cool, I bet that's good.
Breakdown, Ryan Hurd featuring Carly Pierce.
Uh huh.
Oh, here'd be a good one.
Okay.
You So Bad, Steve Earle.
Oh, I like that.
I bet that is a really good one.
Yeah, that would be a good one.
Okay, Ways to Be Wicked, Margot Price and Mike Campbell and the Heartbreakers.
Isn't Mike Campbell part of the Heartbreakers?
The original band?
It sounds familiar, but I don't know.
I have to look it up.
Oh, okay, there we go.
Okay, Mary Jane's Last Dance.
Cool.
Midland.
Free Fallin', The Cadillac Three featuring Breeland.
I Need to Know, Marty Stewart and his Fabulous Stupulatives.
Uh huh.
Don't Come Around Here Anymore.
Yes.
Ryan and Giddens featuring Ben Mott Tinch and the Heartbreakers.
Yep, Mike Campbell.
And Last Dance.
Huh?
Mike Campbell was a member of the Heartbreakers, yes.
Yes.
Okay, very cool.
I'm guessing Ben Mott Tinch too, of the Heartbreakers, it says.
Yep, you're correct.
Okay, and then lastly, You Wreck Me, George Strait.
Oh, that sounds good for George Strait, doesn't it?
Yeah.
Very cool.
I'm going to read all of them and who sings them.
Very cool.
I'm going to look into that.
I mean, yeah.
I'm going to listen to that.
I've been a major Tom Petty fan all my life anyway, so.
Um, later tonight.
I just don't know about the refugee with Wynonna Judd and Lainey Wilson.
Like I said, I'll give it a chance.
I'll listen to it.
I'll give it a chance.
I got to hear it.
I think tomorrow, if I get a chance, I'm going to listen to it tonight.
Bruce Dickinson's new album, Bruce Dickinson from Iron Maiden.
Oh, really?
Yes.
Yep.
This, The Mandrake Project is what it's called, The Mandrake Project.
And it's also going to be a series of graphic novels too, that accompany the album.
Oh, really?
Yes.
Bruce Dickinson, what can you say about the guy?
I went and saw a spoken word a couple of years ago.
Oh, I did.
He's amazing.
He is.
He's amazing.
One of the top ten offenses in the world for years.
He flew for British Air.
On and off the stage.
Yep.
On and off the stage.
He is an amazing person.
Best-selling author, producer, flies a jet, has a jet, has a pilot.
A pilot's license.
He quit Iron Maiden to fly for British Air for five years.
Has a fantastic solo career.
And is still the lead singer of Iron Maiden.
And a very fucking good singer too.
Dude, just this amazing.
Oh, he's amazing.
And he's a master brewer on top of that.
Really?
Yes.
Have you ever, you've never tried his beer, have you?
Never, generally not.
As I said, I'm a naughty light.
You know what?
You're lucky you got me drinking.
Yenling?
Yenling.
Although I love Yenling.
That is good.
Okay.
When I see you, I will have the Trooper beer for you.
It's really, really good.
It's an ale and it's sold in pint bottles.
And he has different types now.
He has like, anyhow, they're named after songs.
They're different ones.
He has different types of beer.
But my favorite is just the Trooper.
And it's kind of a amber ale.
And it's made in the...
We drink an Iron Maiden drink together.
Oh, yeah.
And only be fitting.
And the cover's badass.
It's got Eddie in the flag.
Yeah.
It's fantastic.
Yeah, the Trooper beer is a fantastic beer.
And when I bring you your laptop and equipment,
I will bring you some Trooper beer.
And maybe we'll do a little impromptu show right there,
drinking the Trooper beer.
Hey.
We got to try the equipment out.
Yeah.
That's right.
Make sure it works.
Well, I got to show you how to operate it.
And it's not going to take out...
Right, right.
This is easy stuff to operate.
It's record...
Send the record to the file.
Name the file so you know where it's at.
Cut and splice the stuff you want to put in there.
Okay, just stop right there.
You're going to bore everybody else.
You know what, you're right.
You're going to lose me at this point.
Sorry about the nerd stuff.
I'm not looking at it.
All right.
If I'm looking ahead, I can figure it out.
You're just telling me it ain't going to happen.
You know what?
Yeah, you're right.
I'm the same way.
I'm the same way, Rob.
All right.
You're just going to bore everybody else at this point.
Yeah, everyone already hung up.
They're out of this.
They already got off the podcast.
All righty.
Hey, everybody.
Thanks for listening, man.
Have a good night.
We appreciate you.
Good night, everyone.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
Hi, Opal.
Oh, yeah.
Hi, Grandma.
Yeah, sorry, Grandma Opal.
Sorry to have stood at the end of the show, but we did say hi to you and Jimmy.
And Jimmy.
Jimmy, her grandson, who was awesome, too.
Jimmy, yeah.
Jimmy, he was awesome.
Jimmy, he was awesome, too.
Jimmy, yeah.
We hear he has a huge wiener and is damn handsome.
Sorry, Opal.
You and I have heard that.
I heard shit.
Anyhow, have a good night.
Thank you.
Good night, assholes.
Hey, where did they go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh, geez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.
Dude, we need to grab a few more of those, Carlson.