Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it's Two Douchebags and a Microphone Podcast.
And now it's time for the Daily Douchebag Pledge.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone Pledge, I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to download every show.
I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to grab family members phones and download the show from there.
I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to go to public computers and download the show from there.
I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to laugh at all the unfunny jokes.
I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to lie to all my friends and tell them how good the show is.
And finally, I, Joe, or Jane listener, promise to visit Montrose, Missouri to take advantage of the power plant, campgrounds, and junkyard all within its quarter mile radius.
Oh shit, what's that over there? Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes.
I asked my date to meet me at the gym. She didn't show up. I guess we're not going to work out.
When taking a shower, remember to scrub your asshole with soapy water, because nobody likes a stinky asshole.
Now, from this underground bunker camped in Missouri, stock-full of dried guts, canned food, and a couple of vibrating toys, is ramblings of a madman featuring Rob Rant.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong walking.
Next up, things overheard in town. Joe Buck and Troy Aitman are being all televised in radio games of the MFL this year.
Remember to bleach your Bluetooth after every show.
Two douchebags in a microphone, because we all need dick jokes.
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in... Hey, who took a dump in the cooler?
Music
Hey everyone, this is Two Douchebags in Microphone podcast. I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright. Well, Rob, how are you doing, mate?
I've been a little busy, mate.
Sounds like it. My grandson came by and I cooked dinner, and just as I was finishing up eating dinner, my adopted son and his girlfriend swung by.
And here I am now. They're still in the other room.
Oh, okay. Alright. I've got some emails.
I'm starting to get a little caught up on them. I still have more to go, but like I said before, if it's just a basic...
I always go up here for my assholes.
Yes, yes. And assholes are the people that listen to us.
That's our fans' name.
Yeah, yeah. You know, like Bubba Loafsponge has Bubba, Opie and Anthony had Pess, Man Cal had the Militia Love, let's see.
Howard Stern had the Wack Pack. Well, we have assholes. We deem you guys assholes.
Yeah, we're douchebags, so you guys are our assholes.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, actually...
We're the other version of the douchebag.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys are better on the pecking order, you see. We're douchebags, so we're like the worst. And you guys are like, not quite douchebag level yet.
So, we gave you guys a primo spot, so there you go.
I don't know, some of you keep it up, you might reach that level.
That's true. That's true, especially one guy from Des Moines that just doesn't think we should have a day off.
I, uh, I, uh, listen, you know, I'm not even getting it. Fuck it. You know what, man? I sent my message back. It was very polite.
I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. Give us just a few more years until Bill will retire and we'll give you a show every day.
Okay, Blake from Des Moines, find us some sponsors. Then you'll get us a lot more.
Well, yeah.
There you go. There's your answer.
We'll send us a check every week. So, until then, we have other lives we have to do, like make a living.
Yeah, yeah. We both work for a living.
And believe me, if I have sponsors or you send me a check every week, I will take the equipment along and I will podcast on vacation.
But until then, you're just going to have to wait like everyone else did. So, but we'll get to you.
We love you, man. We love you.
We love you. You know, I, I, I'll read it to you later because, um, I didn't print it out when I sent back to him. I'll read it to you later off air.
Alright, alright, alright.
I was very polite, but I also, you know, just kind of let him know, hey, come on, you know.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're all friends here, right?
Yeah, we are. We are. Yeah.
We love you and we appreciate you listening to us.
Yeah. Yeah.
We have jobs just like everybody else.
Absolutely. So, I don't know. He sounds like a good guy. I mean, he loves the show, obviously. So, you know, hey, I can't get, I can't get mad at anyone for loving the show.
So, anyhow, and we're glad you're doing. Thank you, Blake and everyone else that expressed interest in us being off.
And most of them were pleasant, don't get me wrong. Most of them were pleasant. But, I mean, it's really kind of odd to be needed like that, you know?
So, anyhow, um, I, uh.
Well, Mark, I, off air, I've told you how much this show has changed my life.
That's cool. That's really good to hear. And in a good way, that's why I said that's cool.
And if we can touch other people, great, man. I love it.
Yes. A good touch, not a bad touch.
Yeah, a good touch. Yeah, a good touch. Yeah. So, there you go.
You're down in the dumps. You listen to us.
We only do good touches. We only do good touches around here, despite what anyone could say or think. We only do good touches.
Oh, by the way, my puzzle sails are down.
Oh, man. Speaking of bad touches.
Come on, guys. Come on, guys.
I'm going to have to throw that thing in there like every other...
Robin, rain forest, come on.
In a lawn cloth.
How can you beat it?
Yes. Looking up at the sky, screaming. I mean...
Yeah.
I was really having a bad day that day.
Oh, and yeah, yeah. I mean, the photographer that followed him around the rain forest just took the epic picture.
And actually, he's the one that made it into a jigsaw puzzle. He was so enamored by it.
He timed it just right.
He has three of them on the wall.
Yeah, I was having a bad day that day. He caught it just right.
Yes. So, I've got... you know, we still have this game going on, and it's going to go on as long as we keep playing this show for people.
Catch us in bullshit. Call bullshit on us, and we'll let you know if it is or not, and you win a free bag of pencil shavings.
No kidding. A free bag of pencil shavings if you catch us in bullshit.
So, anyhow, this leads to my first story.
You realize what you're asking for, Mark.
I know. I thought I had...
You've had a hard time keeping up with emails now.
I think Blake's going to be breaking one off.
No, I think Blake's...
You've got to catch us in bullshit.
Yeah. Yep.
Well, anyhow, my first...
This is something we've been working on, by the way.
Yeah, yeah, and I think it's going to go over well. I've always thought that that would be a neat thing to do, is to throw in bullshit stories and then have the audience call you on it.
You know, if nothing else, you've got a bunch of people Googling shit that you just made up. That's funny in itself.
So... okay.
This story, I claim is real, and I'm certain it's real. I've checked it out through everything, but I could be lying. You don't know.
But you know that Abraham Lincoln pardoned Joe Biden's great-great-grandfather?
Did you know that, Rob?
I don't know how to answer this.
Okay, no. I will back you on this.
I'm claiming it's true. You can go look it up.
That was one of my stories for tonight.
I will back you on this.
Well, it doesn't matter. Someone thinks we're doing bullshit, they can call bullshit on us. I mean, you know, so...
That's true, Blake.
That's part of the beauty of the game. Someone could be like, I don't believe that for one second.
And then they could go Google it or not. I mean, you know, it's up to them.
We have our sources, too.
Yep. All right. So here is the actual story.
While Joe Biden has the power to grant pardons for those convicted of federal crimes, one of his own relatives was once granted a pardon himself by none other than President Abraham Lincoln.
Historian David J. Girlman writes in The Washington Post that documents completed by the U.S. National Archives show that Biden's great-great-grandfather, Moses J. Robinette...
You can't make that name up.
Moses J. Robinette was pardoned by Lincoln after he was charged with attempted murder following an 1864 brawl.
The charges against Robinette came after he got into a fight with a fellow Union Army civilian employee in Virginia, ultimately drawing his pocket knife and cutting the man.
The Post reports that Robinette, who was then working for a veterinary surgeon in the Army, argued that he was acting in self-defense but was convicted of attempted murder and sentenced to two years of hard labor.
Ultimately, three Army officers appealed to conviction to President Lincoln, arguing it was too severe.
Lincoln, who was president from 1861 until his assassination in 1865, agreed issuing Robinette's pardon on September 1, 1864.
Girlman writes that 22 pages of court material, transcript found in archives, helped to fill in an unknown place of Biden's family history.
22 well-preserved pages of Robinette's trial transcript was squeezed among many hundreds of other routine court material cases, and National Archives revealed the hidden link between the two men and between two presidents across the centuries, Girlman wrote in the Post.
So...interesting, isn't it?
Yeah.
It makes you want...
That sounds like word for word the same exact article I read.
Well, all the articles spawned from one article, and that's the article that I did.
All of them were that article. So when you went to references to make sure it was okay, it went to that article. It all went to that one article, and then the USA Today's and the Washington Post decided to post it.
So I believe that it's probably true.
It's just weird because you hear so many things like that.
I want to do...we're going to do the Origins series coming up, and my first one's the origin of Dr. Pepper because I find it fascinating, and I know the story.
I've been to Waco, Texas, the Dr. Pepper Museum, and we're doing an Origins series, and that's where we bother to look up the origins of certain things that interest us, and it's going to be a segment.
It's going to be right next to Satan telling you that he loves to burn souls listening to us, and deep thoughts from Mark playing frogs at what is 10 below for the Amazon guy or whatever.
In between all of this stuff.
And I actually come up with one big stuff for that show.
I have seven ones that I'm itching to get to.
So, okay, this thing could be on the origins if we decide to delve into it enough, and I think we will because I really like the idea of it.
But how presidents are related to each other, most of them, if not all of them are.
Is that coincidental? Are we all related to each other because we're all human and came from, if you believe what I believe, Adam and Eve.
So we would all be related in some way, right?
Or if it's part of an overall theme of us and them.
This is something that I'm going to do some research on, and I am going to report at least the presidents that can be proven, you know, like John Adams and John Quincy Adams, right?
Or like Theodore Roosevelt and Franklin D. Roosevelt.
The ones that can be proven are pretty easy and have been proven that they're related.
But there's other ones that they claim are related like Bush and Obama's are related, you know, and all the stuff that everyone's heard.
So I'm going to delve into that and I'm going to bring up some reports and this will also coincide with someone calling bullshit on us.
So I could come up and go Obama was the great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson of George Washington or John Quincy Adams or what, you know what I mean?
I could say that and then it would be someone to call bullshit on me and to prove it's bullshit and then to email us at doucheb66 at yahoo.com.
So that is my idea of something that's coming up. What do you think of that, Rob?
I love it. I love it.
Cool. Very cool. Let's see here. Oh, I got caught up bullshit. I got called bullshit on anyhow when I read the emails off about something.
And I will go into that. It will be the last email that I do.
But it was interesting because I didn't expect the certain subject to wear its head up again. I didn't think it was that interesting.
But for some reason it seems to be. But we'll get to that here in a little bit.
But Rob, do you have anything you want to get to here real quick?
Yeah. You know how I watch a lot of reruns of that 70's show.
Oh, Danny Masterson? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh huh.
In prison? Uh huh.
Well, Danny Masterson has been transferred to a medium and minimum security men's colony in central California.
Yes. He's a protected species it looks like.
After a brief stay at the notorious Corcoran State Prison, the one time maximum security home of Charles Manson.
Uh huh.
Which I almost, I almost did a story on that. Yeah, I read a story one night on that.
About how you got transferred to the state prison.
Yeah, I've got a whole theory on that whole thing, but that's not for this podcast.
It's much deeper than that.
And I think other people will probably automatically it will trigger what I'm talking about.
But that's not for this podcast because we like to stick to dick jokes.
But there's an overall theme of protected people and things that they do.
And I believe he's one of them. But go ahead Rob.
Anyway, the former of that 70's show star was assigned in January to Corcoran.
Situated about halfway between Bakersfield and Sacramento after he was convicted last May by a Los Angeles jury of raping two women in the 1990's.
He was sentenced to 30 years to life and spent several weeks in LA County lock up and North turn state prison intake facility before being moved to Corcoran, which housed some of the state's most hardened criminals.
But after a little over two weeks, their mass soon was transferred to California's men's colony in San Luis, Abisco.
Yeah, there you go. Over concerns for his well-being.
According to deadline, which first looked forward to transfer signing a law enforcement source.
Wow.
Inmates at the men's colonies can pursue technical skills like electronics, automotive, and small interest repair and arts, as well as work in the facility's textile and three factories.
Masses will first be eligible for parole in 2042.
Hmm.
The thing that gets me about that whole article, it does not give any reason why.
It would appear on the surface like it was all for show.
Watch this. We're going to send them to a maximum security.
And then they was probably hoping, I don't even know how many people even notice the article to be true.
You know, I would say 99% of the people didn't even read it, so they don't even know it happened.
So, I think it's something that's done quite a bit.
And it's like, they send them somewhere knowing they're going to take them out of there after a month or so.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I don't know why they did that.
Or it could have, honestly, what I'm wondering?
I wonder if you could pay them off.
Somehow, pay them off, pull some strings.
I think they did an asshole depth chart and he was getting near the end of it, and they're like, we've got to get him out of here before he blows his asshole out.
Well, okay, think about it. You are a big time, or you were a big time television star.
And you're accused of those atrocious acts.
And for, what I said, 30 years to life.
Until 2042, I think.
30 years to life. For wiping.
Yes. It could be that, or it could be something more sinister.
But like I said, everybody, everything is out there for you to read and look at. It's all right there for you.
As long as the internet is not censored, and thank God it doesn't appear to be right now, you can look at all this and figure it out for yourself.
I have my own opinion, but it's not for this podcast because we promised ourselves dick jokes and topical stories.
And that's what we're doing.
So, that was my topical story.
And thank you, Rob.
While we're talking about, well, not stuff that's related, but stuff that's, I don't know, topical.
You know that there is a Dorito theory on dating. Did you know that?
No, I did not.
You never heard that? Okay, well it's kind of a big thing right now.
Modern dating and relationships are not only complex, but they also need modern solutions.
After the orange pill theory, another theory has, and I think we went into the orange pill theory quite a while ago, didn't we?
Yeah, yeah, that was quite a while ago.
Yeah, after the orange pill theory, another theory has gained people's attention on social media called the Dorito theory.
People are now trying to figure out their relationship and whether it is healthy through this new theory.
However, many people are breaking up after testing their relationship based on this theory, which I find absurd, but it's okay.
The Doritos theory has gained a lot of attention on social media, especially on TikTok. Oh, that old gag, TikTok.
Where it has gained over half a million views as per reports.
The theory is based on the idea that if you end up eating a lot of Doritos chips without giving much thought to it,
then this attitude can spread to other parts of your life as well.
It shows one lack of self-control and boundaries, which also spills to other aspects of their life, thus leading to unhealthy patterns.
So, anyhow, TikTok user Celestaria explained this theory by saying, as per LAD Bible is the name of it, and anyhow it's a website deal,
one thing I can't stop thinking about is called the Dorito theory.
I learned about this and now I see everything a little bit differently.
The idea is that only experiences that aren't truly satisfying are maximally addictive.
And that's true. So imagine eating Doritos. When you eat a Dorito and finish your bite, you're not fully satisfied.
It's not the same as eating a steak or eating really satisfying food that's high in protein.
Where after you bite and you really feel the fullness and that warmth of satisfaction,
eating potato chips is addictive because the peak of the experience is kind of when you're first tasting it and not after.
It's kind of the micro-moment of having is the satisfying part.
Now, okay, first Rob, I want to get your thoughts on it, then I'm going to go a little bit deeper into this, if you don't mind.
Okay.
Okay Rob, go ahead with your thoughts.
I really don't know, man.
Okay. I've always had a weight battle.
You've got to remember I've had a long day too.
Okay, that's fine Rob. I just wanted to see if you had a take on it. I'm going to go ahead and go with mine now.
Go for it.
Alrighty. I've always had a weight battle all my life and I expect it to continue for the rest of my life.
Good, bad, whatever it is, that's what I've been dealt with.
And also, I'm not a heroin addict.
I'm not like a lot of different things I could be, but my problem is food and I seem to always get offered food.
Okay, so it's kind of like the way the universe works.
But I was taught this because I actually did some hypnotism that did help.
And when I went to my general doctor about this, she said that the hypnotism works on this basis.
That people that tend to overeat also can be subject to other things that are satisfying only for the moment like promiscuous sex, drinking, eating too much.
They're all in the same class as what she was saying.
Okay, well that's any addiction.
Yes, it is.
If you want any addiction, you have to pick up a new addiction.
Yes, so I see where they might have gotten some of this at.
I think a lot of it is completely wrong and I think it's absurd because sometimes people just eat some Doritos and they just eat Doritos.
And it doesn't mean there's an overall pattern.
Yeah, it doesn't mean an overall pattern.
But I think what this was based on was based on some sort of therapy and they're taking it from there.
Although you won't read it right now, but that's what I think.
That's my thought on it.
So anyhow, that was my take on it.
So let's go ahead and take our first break, Rob.
We'll come back with these beautiful emails.
Does that sound good?
Sounds good.
We'll talk to you guys in a minute.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
You know what would be really cool?
If George Gray of The Price is Right was talking about a 20 ounce bag of fish sticks and actually said a 20 ounce bag of fish sticks.
Yeah, that would be fun.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Let's see here. A package of 8 hot dogs. A package of 10 hot dog buns.
I would have to buy 10 packs of hot dogs and 8 packs of buns to even it out.
Should I buy them at once? Should I freeze them?
Or just continue to zigzag them and hope for the best?
I hate adulting.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
I will roast you, but my mom told me to not burn trash.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go, but we can tell you what you can eat.
On most of these apocalypse series, we tell you what plants you can eat in case of an apocalypse and you have to go out to your yard for food.
Well, this one is going to explain to you the plants you may be aware of to not eat.
Plants that could be toxic usually might have milky white sap, thorns, spines, or fine hairs, or leaves or stems.
Pods with bulbs, beans, or seeds, stems or trunks that have an almond scent, three-leafed foliage growth.
Also be aware of intensely bitter or sappy flavor, foliage reminiscent of dill, parsley, or carrot.
Now, from the makers of the Who-Mit-My-Asshole Board Game comes the Rob Rad Jigsaw Fuzzle. That's right, put Rob back together.
This brilliant glossy photo of Rob wearing a loin cloth and a rainforest is the perfect stocking stuffer. Order now and get a free butt plug keychain.
A lot of podcasts just come from a can. Here at Two Dish Bags and a Microphone, we pour our own podcasts.
Now we go to the amazing Mark the Palm Reader.
Hello everybody and welcome to Mark the Amazing Palm Reader. First in line, please step up.
Let's see young lady, I see a long lifeline. I see success, happiness, love, fortune. I also see a bit index finger.
$20 please.
And we are back. Two Deuce Bags and a Microphone on Mark.
And I am Rob.
Alright, well like we said before, we got some emails here. I needed to start getting to them because it's really starting to clog up there.
And actually start to slow my phone down a little bit. There are so many of them on there.
So, anyhow, I got through a bunch of them. There's still some left so I didn't get to your email and it deserved an answer. I will.
Including one that I get called bullshit on, Rob. I think I mentioned that a little bit ago, right?
Yeah, you did. You said you were going to say that one for the last.
Yep. Alright, first one. Hey Deuce Bags, what is your normal podcast posting days? Is there any way to have it sent to my inbox?
It would be really cool if that were possible. Thanks in advance, Tally in Washington State.
And this is, I assume, a mail, T-A-L-L-Y. Does that sound like a mail name?
Washington State? Wow.
Yeah, from Washington State. Well, first off, thank you, Tally in Washington State. I assume you're a mail.
Yes, thank you.
Okay. I'm working on all of this. I would love to send it to your inbox. I think there are services that do that like Podbean and some other ones.
They just send it straight to your inbox if you're a subscriber, I think is what they call it, to that podcast.
I'm not sure. I imagine it probably costs quite a bit more than what we would be able to do right now because we're not making a dime off this.
Right.
I mean, to be perfectly honest.
Everything is out of our pockets at this point.
Yeah. Some of that stuff we may be kind of handcuffed unless we start getting some revenue.
I do know that if you subscribe to most services like In-N-I Heart and Spotify and a lot of the fine services that we're on, that they will let you know.
And TuneIn.
They will let you know when a new podcast is up and then simply you just go to where you get it at.
But as far as being delivered to your inbox, I wish we could do that. And I know there's ways of it. I've read of it happening.
I've actually had it happen before. Back when I was a subscriber to Kevin Keatsman's Has Issues podcast, it used to be sent to my inbox.
But I think the card I use to become like the platinum or whatever, the insider, whatever it is, I think that card expired and I never renewed.
So I don't get it sent to my inbox anymore.
I think if I remember correctly, I think it was Keatsman's show.
Okay, now I know on I Heart, after a day or two, it will send you an email letting you know you have episodes to listen to.
That's how it's done. Okay.
On our show, on Do-Do's Bags on Microphone.
You have to subscribe, right?
I don't get any mail.
Do you have to subscribe to it? Is that it?
I run off the free one. I run off the free I Heart for years. Kind of like you and TuneIn. And now I've got to pay $9.99 a month.
I can't believe you had to pay for it. I've never. Okay, now it does, since you told me how to do it. It prompts me for the pay service. But I've never paid for it for years.
I don't know. I had no idea that there's a.
Yeah, see I'm the other way around. I Heart, I've had for years for free. I run off the free trial.
Maybe it's like this. Maybe. TuneIn. Yeah, they automatically ask for my credit card.
I've had the app downloaded for a long time, so maybe that's it. Maybe I got the app when it was free.
Yeah, see, and that's like me with I Heart. I'm grandfathered in on that. Okay. Yeah.
Well, okay, Tally, the answer right now is no. But if there's any way we can do it in the future, we will. Because we want. Yeah, we will.
This is a dream come true. We're going to grow this as big as we can. Trust me.
And also think about that. Something like that's a dream come true for sponsorship. You know how many inboxes I hit and all these guys are between this age or these females are between this age. That is a sponsor's dream.
Right. There's so many here. There's like Tally in Washington State. Washington State, we have 600 people that listen regularly.
Connecticut, we have 3000, you know. So yeah, if there's anything like that, not only would it help you, but it would benefit us.
So yeah, we're constantly looking at things like that. If there's any way possible, do something like that. Tally, we will. Thank you. Thank you for the email. Appreciate it.
Yes, thank you.
This next email I really appreciate, too. There's some good ones on here.
Mark, your choice for voiceovers are great. I love it because it reminds me of growing up listening to the radio and having the booming voice guy call out the station's call letters and ID.
Sabrina in St. Louis. So she probably heard K. She and she had the guy on their K.S.H.E. 95, you know, and we were listening to K.Y. 102. We rock Kansas City and stuff like that.
We rock Kansas City and stuff like that, right?
Well, to be honest, you have one of the voices.
I've heard that all my life.
You do. You have one of those voices.
Oh, thank you.
I think you do.
I've heard that from actual professionals that I've been friends with. Maybe I should have done something with it, but like I said, I'm a broadcast school dropout because of what we did.
Look, the sheet metal union was going to pay me to work or I could go be an intern at some station for eight years and get CDs and make just enough to eat.
You know, to me, it was a thing I had to do growing up was I can make great money and learn a trade and have it all paid for when I get out of school or I could go to college, pay that debt up and not make nothing for eight or nine years being an intern and then hopefully be on the air.
So, you know, I just did what I thought I had to do.
Maybe I made a mistake. Maybe I didn't. Who's to say?
I don't know at this point. I know this. I'm happy and I did very well. So I don't know.
You had to make a living for your family.
Exactly. So, anyhow, it is what it is. But I've heard that all my life and I appreciate it and me hearing it repeatedly from some professionals. I'm not going to say their name because some of them are still around.
Some of them are not.
And anyhow, and I hope the couple that are still around, I hope they listen to this because I would love for them to email me because I don't have their number anymore and they know who they are.
They know me. So if they know that I'm doing a podcast, I wish that you would email me and give me your honest critique because the two people that I'm thinking in particular would absolutely know for sure how good it is.
So, anyhow.
Yeah, and I'm actually waiting on feedback from my DJ buddy.
Okay, Rob, listen.
He never had a guy back with me.
I've been told about this from said professionals. The smaller you get, the smaller market, the more insecure they are.
Because that's just the way it works. The bigger guy in a bigger station isn't worried about it because if his booming station lets him go, there's 10 in line.
The guy down there on Osage Beach or whatever, he's worried about his job.
Let me put it like this. Okay. Johnny Dare in Kansas City, not worried about his job.
Guy down the road, service in Osage Beach, probably worried about his job and probably not really interested in helping anybody. Right?
I could be wrong. Could be wrong. He could be a great guy. But that's why I said don't expect to hear anything.
He has been. He has been for years.
Okay. All right.
I've known him since 2003.
Okay. Well, I hope I'm wrong and I hope the information I got is wrong on that too.
So anyhow, you know what? It doesn't matter if you hear from him. Great. If not, we're doing fine.
And besides that, I don't know what he could do anyhow.
Even, even.
I was just asking for some advice.
Oh, for advice. Okay. I got that.
What's your bid? What?
That's, that's what I would look for.
What could I do different? I was asking for me.
Okay. The guys I'm talking about.
When we first start, when I was first starting today, I'm good at this. He says cool.
Yeah. Okay. Maybe I could be completely wrong on whoever you are.
Whoever you are, if you're listening, I'm very sorry, but I was told that by someone that I thought knew.
So anyhow, we're just going to leave that right there.
And that's what I was wanting from the people that I still know that are still actively in this business or not this business, but radio business.
The people I know that are still actively in it.
All I would want is our opinion because podcasting is podcasting.
Everybody and their little brother is doing it.
So he also did move from here up to Warnsburg.
Oh, okay.
That big radio station out of Warnsburg.
What big radio station out of Warnsburg? No, I don't.
Well, no, no, what is it?
Uh, is it Power 95?
Don't know.
It's what some right?
No, there's one other.
They played around Camp City.
Pick it up everywhere.
He's on there for a while.
Okay, I'm going to come back down.
Yeah.
Here.
Go into something.
Okay. Okay.
Next one.
Rob, I really want to bass fish in Lake of those arcs.
Anyway, I could get you to be my tour guide.
I have a 35 pack of Natty light and a fifth of night train.
All we and Indy Rob.
Dude, I used to work on this lake.
I used to set boat missing docks.
I know this lake very well.
Come on down, buddy.
Only an Indy. You heard it.
Got an open invite.
DeuceB66 at Yahoo.com.
I can get you directly in touch with Rob.
Night train and a 35 pack of Natty light is right up his alley.
Right, Rob?
You've got to bring the boat.
Oh, okay. You bring the boat.
That's a long ways from Indy.
You might have to rep one.
Ollie, I suggest you rep one instead of taking that boat down narrow ass I-70.
All right.
Next.
Dudes, hurry up and get back on the air.
Sheesh.
Des Moines going stir crazy.
We were forced to listen to those two idiots on this local rock station.
Please and thank you, Tony and Wes Des Moines.
The two idiots, I have no idea who they are.
On what rock station, I don't know.
There might only be, I might be able to look them up because there might only be one rock station in Des Moines.
It's not that big of a market.
But anyhow, thank you.
We're back on.
Back on the air or whatever, on the internet.
I guess would be a better phrase.
All right.
This next one I really like because I find it extremely interesting.
Mark.
I really thought growing up in small town Missouri, like you and not too far away from the same time period, was intriguing.
But I too used to listen to WLS Powerhouse Rock Station out of Chicago at nights.
I couldn't wait until I heard the local small station around Kansas City Lower and WLS come in strong and clear.
I would camp out in Southern Cass County and Blair WLS all night.
I bet other people used to listen as well.
Anyway, thank you for bringing me back to my youth, Benny and Drexel.
I love that.
That's awesome.
It is.
Pretty much what I did about 10 miles away from me.
Right, right.
Drexel, Cleveland, yeah.
This is stuff I love to hear.
You talk about connections like this, right?
I mean, that's really cool if you really think about it.
You know, some guy found us and he used to do exactly what I did.
Only I was in my garage like painting on the walls and shit.
And he was camping out in Southern Cass County.
I would assume near Drexel.
Yeah, you were only what, 15, 20 miles?
Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Yeah, not that far away from me.
Same county.
Yeah, pretty cool.
Pretty fucking cool.
Benny, email me again.
I mean, let's keep in touch.
I mean, that's cool.
I mean, I still live in Kansas City.
Rob's don't throw away, but he's there.
Okay.
I'm here.
This next one is from Montrose.
Oh, my boy.
They came back with a twist.
Hey, douchebags.
This is the Meat Packers on Jay Highway just south of Montrose.
Why is it that the power plant campgrounds and junkyard get all the love?
I bet those guys can't skin a cow or cut it up into tender steaks.
Hell, we'll even carve up your tasty roadkill as well.
P.S. I even know the junkyard owner in Titewad and get a 72 Coupe de Ville bumper in a day.
Rosie in rural Henry County.
There you go.
Coupe de Ville bumper tomorrow.
Wait a second.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Do you know where Rosie is?
Okay.
Wasn't the guy that was looking for the Coupe de Ville bumper from Titewad?
Someone got it messed up here.
Whoever wrote me.
I'm going to have to go back and listen.
I believe the dude looking for the...
Rosie, if you're a fake it's going to break my heart.
But, but, but, they're saying no, they got one. Hey.
There it is.
Okay, let me start this here.
P.S. I even know the junkyard owner in Titewad and can get the 72 Coupe de Ville bumper in a day.
Rosie in rural Henry County.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, well now this should be neighbor helping neighbor here.
Oh, I even know the junkyard owner to take it to Titewad.
Okay, okay.
But the original person was from Titewad if I remember.
Okay, okay.
You know who you are if you're listening.
Hmm.
Alright, well, we'll unravel it later.
I'm going to go back and look at the transcript because all of them are transcribed since then.
And I'm going to find out what the original one was.
But it was the junkyard in Montrose and someone from Titewad wanted it, right?
Yeah, yeah, somebody in Titewad wanted...
I wonder if Rosie meant it the other way but kind of worded it like this.
Well, no, she said she knows the owner of the junkyard in Titewad.
So there's a junkyard in Titewad too.
He said he can get one.
Evidently, or...
Okay, so it's done.
She's got one for him right there in the same town.
He did not do their own work.
Gotcha.
So I've been running around...
You've been running around for nothing.
I made a trip to fucking Springfield here a few weeks ago.
Looking for that fucking bumper.
Robison Titewad, where this other person's at.
Hell, I'll come down there and I'll carry the fucking bumper to him.
Titewad's what, like an eighth of a mile across at the most?
I could yell at the person,
Hey, here's your bumper.
And they open their window in the living room.
All right, man, just send in the front lawn and be done, right?
Well, if they're still listening, they'll know now.
That's right.
Damn it, take off me 40 bucks in gas.
Hope you guys are happy, poor Rob.
Next one.
Hey, Mark, this is a mad farter.
And I was very happy I could burn your nostril.
Oh, fuck.
Wait until you hear the one after this, the final one.
Hey, Mark, this is a mad farter.
And I was very happy I could burn your nostril hairs out Sunday on your way out.
And that the mad farter did.
It got me really good.
Did burn my nostrils, probably seen me gagging and coughing in the corner.
Enjoy my nectar, bitch.
Crop Dustin is an art.
And I'm the fucking Picasso.
He he.
I'm going to catch this fuck.
I'm going to catch him.
I don't know.
I don't know what's cool enough to get him back.
We'll have to like, I don't know, figure out something.
Well, it got me again.
And yeah, he did burn.
He or she did burn my nostrils out.
And yeah, I was in the corner.
They got me a lingerer.
They have to be able to like do it really quick and get out of there.
Yeah.
I don't know, man, whoever did it.
Well, I have to admit whoever's doing it, they are Picasso.
They are the greatest in crop dusting.
Yeah.
They got me one.
Me too.
OK, I got the final email here.
Mark, I call bullshit on your sugar snob story.
Real cane sugar snob story, I think what they're talking about according to this is a few podcasts ago, I told how I became a sugar snob, right?
Right.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, OK.
Self professed sugar snob.
I've said this all along.
I'm a real sugar snob and that means you look for products with real sugar and not corn syrup.
OK.
Right.
And it said it's all the rage now.
Well, I guess it is because I looked it up.
It's like a big ordeal.
And they're saying that I'm doing it because it's a fad and that I didn't do it a while back for the reasons I said I did.
Well, here is the full fucking story, whoever this is, because they didn't leave their name.
OK.
They go out of town for work a lot and with a guy named Brian.
Brian always drank real sugar everything.
And this is a few years back, I'm pretty sure before this whole real sugar rage started.
Besides that, Brian was not a guy that copped on to the latest trends.
I mean, we were working in Nashville and the company bought us a steak at Jay Alexander's.
What does he show up in?
Jim shorts, striped Jim shorts, Bobby socks and sandals.
OK.
So he's not following some sort of a trend.
He really liked real sugar, pepsis and stuff like that.
And so anyhow, I was like, hey, what's the difference?
I mean, you know, I got this regular Coca-Cola here and he said, well, you know, once you get rid of that corn syrup taste, you're never going to want it again.
You're going to hate it. It's going to taste horrible to you.
And the real sugar is what you're going to really crave.
So I thought, well, you know what?
I'm going to try to switch to real sugar stuff because you go into any quick mark, quick trip or whatever.
You don't see real sugar or anything because it doesn't sell good enough.
No, you don't.
Every time I went to go get a gas fill up my car, I'd always end up with a soda and it was just uncontrollable.
And it drove me nuts. I'm like, I don't even want this fucking thing, but I always buy it and I drink it.
It's no good for me. So I was like, you know what?
Brian said that you lose the taste for corn syrup and you can't stand it anymore.
And he's right. He was right.
So now I don't drink nearly as much soda because I'm not around real sugar or anything when I go to the quickie mark.
I go to quick trip, they don't have it. I can't touch it.
The only place you can get that is like Walmart and like Price Chopper, you know, the big stores.
But you have to make a dedicated trip for that.
And I've since found out that like the emailer said, real sugar is like a huge trend now.
You know, like Mexican Coca Cola is like really big and that has cane sugar in it.
It's a big trend now.
And I guess like part of it was like, you know, what a burger, right?
The stuff that Patrick Mahomes loves and he brought the franchise to Kansas City.
They're huge in Texas, Oklahoma.
Okay. Their ketchup is like the main threat to Heinz.
And their ketchup is made with real sugar.
Their ketchup is better than Heinz in my opinion and a lot of other people's opinion.
Their ketchup is phenomenal and they make it with real sugar.
And then all of a sudden I noticed Heinz started making this new Heinz Simply with real sugar.
So and then I started noticing a lot of other products like coming out with real sugar products, you know.
So I think that the reason it might be a craze right now, but that's not why I started.
I started because my friend got me onto it that I used to go work with all the time.
And well, he didn't get me onto it.
I took an interest in it because I wanted to quit corn syrup.
And I have pretty much for the most part, except for the stuff that you can't get around, you know,
and you don't really taste the corn syrup in.
So anyhow, that's all for emails.
Well actually, I think people may be starting getting back to the basics.
You know Rob, that's a good point.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I do know what you mean.
You're finding out that all these artificial stuff is bad for you.
Yeah, like corn syrup is heavily processed.
Right.
And corn syrup actually started I think in the 80s.
And that's where the government wanted like the big producers of sodas.
And also corn syrup is easier to mix into formulas too, so it helps the companies out too.
But I think there's like some sort of a law still in place that they have to use corn syrup whenever they can instead of real cane sugar.
Because we have such a surplus of corn every year.
Well, they need to change that.
They may have.
I thought someone was saying that like it's not a law anymore and that the big companies just choose to use corn syrup.
Well, it's probably cheaper.
Because I mean before that, I mean before pure cane sugar, they use a lot of beet sugar and everything.
So, anyhow, let's go ahead and take our second break and we'll be right back with more fun whatever we figured out.
We'll talk to you guys in a minute.
Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser.
Are you a parking ticket?
You got fine written all over you.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
How does a butterfly take a dump?
It never stops long enough.
Maybe it just shits while lofting.
Maybe it shits real quick while chewing flowers.
Hmm.
I may never know.
Break Shit House Energy Drink.
That's right.
Break Shit House Energy Drink.
Make men and women girl.
You want to have balls.
You want to fuck shit up.
Run for a scum across America.
Break Shit House is for you.
Please enjoy Break Shit House Energy Drink responsibly.
It's not readily available anywhere because of liability issues.
Oh shit. What's that over there?
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
Ugh.
What do you call a bundle of hay in church?
Christian Bail.
Ha ha ha ha.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Good news.
If your good old pal your dog survives the apocalypse too,
broadleaf plantation is a good answer for both of you.
The entire plant is edible from root to tip.
It can be roasted or raw and is safe for canines and humans.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
Hey, your chair.
Produce a sound similar to a fart.
But only once.
Such that you cannot reproduce it and prove that it was just a chair.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum.
Two deuce lives in a microphone.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Hmm. Let's see.
If I identify as a dog and I start wandering around the block without a collar on,
could animal control come by and pick me up?
Hmm.
I may never know.
было
and I'm Rob. Alright Rob you got something you want to go into or I got a couple stories
here that are kind of neat? Yeah I got one here for you. Okay. How about the first round
voting of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Oh yeah yes yeah go ahead Rob. Ozzy Osbourne
emerged as the front runner in the initial week of fan voting for this year's Rock and
Roll Hall of Fame induction. And how could he not? But the question is will he accept it? I say nominated.
I say nominated. You know I think I think he will accept it. The thing is is he may finally he may
finally. The truth is is Ozzy had a much more successful career solo than even Sabbath and
Sabbath had a story career and already in the Hall of Fame. Yeah which one of which had Ozzy. Yes now the
problem this is what I had a problem with the Sabbath nomination is Ronnie James Dio had more
than two albums with him and that's what the limits are to put someone in the Hall of Fame.
Ronnie James Dio stuff with Sabbath is legendary legendary and they omitted him and it really
pisses me off because Ronnie James Dio should be in it. Now solo it could be debated because he
had like three really good albums and then he didn't sell that much. Ozzy is the only guy in
the 90s that was metal or hard rock that survived all a grunge and did just as good if not better.
His best-selling albums are in the 90s or one of them at least. No More Tears is his best-selling
album it's like quadruple platinum if not more and that was done in the 90s during the height of the
grunge era. So he was stood everywhere. And look at his last two albums. His last two albums are
nothing less than brilliant nothing less than brilliant I mean especially the people that he
chose to work with. Man you know Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck, Elton John. I mean he just there's
many more people too you know he worked with Iommi of course and and just so many other people. I
mean he just just incredible career. Notorious stuff that he's done. Outlandish behavior. He's
a rock star in every epitome of anything that you could think of being. And he deserves to be in the
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He probably deserved to be there as much as Sabbath and the reasons I say
as much as is because without Sabbath there would be no Ozzy there would be no Dio there would be no
a lot of these bands. So I have to give Sabbath right there with him but as far as success goes
Ozzy has been much more successful commercially on his own than Sabbath has been over their
careers and he has more music out. He has more hits out. He had more things. He had more successful
projects like the Osborns, Ozfest. He just he deserves it and you know a lot of what I thought
was really cool was he did. He's like the godfather of heavy metal to be honest. Every band today,
every band back then, every band in the 80s. Like when Metallica was opening up for Ozzy and I got
to see that concert at Kemper Arena. Great concert but Ozzy was getting ready to fire Metallica
because he thought they were fucking with him because they were playing Paranoid during their
soundcheck and Ozzy got pissed. He's like they're fucking making fun of me. They go no Ozzy because
he didn't think any band like that would love him that much and he's like man he goes fuck those
guys. They're fucking ribbing me. You know he's ready to fire him and anyhow his assistant pulled
back and said no Ozzy they love you. They love you. They love that song. It's a tribute. It's a tribute.
Yeah he's like really? Me? He's like yeah you. You're the reason they're here Ozzy. Oh no shit. Yeah
because he was ready to fire Metallica. Anyhow you can see that video online. I saw it back on the
Don't Blame Me video set that I bought many years ago. During the 90s he had very successful albums
Osmosis, No More Tears. There's probably another one that I'm leaving off but anyhow Lollapalooza
he wanted to join Lollapalooza and Lollapalooza got back with him and said you're not cool enough.
Sharon was enraged. Sharon said fuck those guys. Fuck them and she went and started Ozfest and
Ozfest was known as the mutant Lollapalooza fest. If you were a freak and you liked outlandish
stuff or you know fucking grind music or whatever yeah yeah yeah you would go to Ozfest as opposed
to Lollapalooza that had the you know some smashing pumpkins and the fucking screaming
trees and shit like that on it. It was a great alternative to the hippie fucking I'm sorry I'm
standing on the you know I'm sorry I'm ruining the earth because I'm breathing fucking whole
thing going on right then. And what did you say screaming trees? Screaming trees look it up.
Is that an actual band? Yeah from Seattle and they were very. I'm sorry I'm sorry I've never heard of them.
I have never heard of them. I'm sorry. Just look them up okay. I will. Yeah so. Okay now can I get further into the story?
Absolutely I'm sorry I went off didn't I? Well no we're talking about Ozzy. Okay what are my strong points?
This Mitch is a lot more than Ozzy. Okay I'm sorry. No you're alright. I forgive you. Alright Rob.
Okay as of Saturday morning I was born a legendary figure from Black Sabbath and it made 105,115 boats.
Okay I'm going to start mentioning more people with the exact amount of moat amount of boats.
I'm going to round them off. Okay. Placing them ahead of Peter Frampton 87,000 boats.
Okay. Foreigner. Oh shit. Okay now I'm going to say these two figures. Okay. Peter Frampton had 87,374 boats.
Okay. Foreigner had 86,916 boats. There's a strong case for foreigner or even Peter Frampton. Probably like 400 boats right there.
Uh huh. Okay and then comes Dave Matthews band with 85,000. Okay. Share with 75,600 something. No thank you.
Lenny Kravitz 65,000. Lenny Kravitz probably should be. I believe he should. Yeah. Honestly. I don't know if this record sales though.
How did we miss him? Underrated guitarist? No I thought of it but I don't think he made it quite.
He might have been number 14 or 15. I don't think he quite made it. Okay you're right. You're right. You're right.
Okay and then we go on to Mariah Carey with 55,000. It would be great if she was rock but she's not.
Well it's like always. Well it goes on. Okay. Probably closely were Kool and the Gang with 53,000. No I love Kool and the Gang but they're not rock.
Oh wait. 49,000. No way. Sinead O'Connor 38,000. She had one hit and it wasn't rock. And Prince wrote it.
Prince wrote it. 36,000. No. No. Not rock. Okay now wait a second. How did this band end up down this low? Who?
James Addiction. 35,677. First off Perry Farrell wouldn't be caught dead in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Okay. Okay. But what I'm saying James Addiction is a hell lot more rock than Sinead O'Connor.
I would. I would agree. Rob I got your answer. I got your answer Rob.
Anyone else? Any fan of James Addiction does not care or may not even know the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame exists.
Agreed? Good point. And if they do know it exists they're definitely not voting because they hate it.
Well I like James Addiction but still. I do too and they deserve to be there more than most of those names.
Yes. But Perry Farrell would just he would laugh at him if they said you want me to do what? Go to the Rock and Roll Hall?
We're not rock. Get out of here. We're alternative. He was very adamant about that during his whole career.
And he took pride in not being rock music. The typical rock music. So number one he would not be a part of it.
Number two his fans would not be a part of it. So I'm surprised they got five votes even.
Think of the James Addiction fans. We were around them when they were really big right?
Oh I loved them. Yeah. Well think of their average fan. Their average fan hated mainstream music. Hated rock.
Good point. Good point. So there you go. They're not going to make it and they're never going to make it.
I mean someone got cute and decided to nominate him but that's probably as far as it's going to go Rob.
It's probably not going to go any further just because that is not the audience. You know. That's not the audience set up.
Alright one last paragraph. Oh okay. The total count surpassed 835,000 votes since voting commenced on February 10th.
Fans have the opportunity to vote for seven artists daily until April 26th.
Everybody listen to that. April 26th. There he goes. One vote for Hall of Fame.
With the latest standings accessible on Rock Hall website.
You can also cast your vote there. Rock Hall website. Cool.
Very cool.
Alright well Rob I think it's. Alright. Yeah.
You want me to do this Wendy's story here real quick and then wrap it up?
You got a little extra time or you want to go ahead and cut this off right now?
Oh well unless you. Alright.
There's some comments from some of these people. Okay go ahead.
In contrast Liam Gallagher of Oasis responded to their nomination with fuck the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Similarly, Cher Blumly stated, I wouldn't be in it now if they gave me a million dollars.
I'm never changing my mind. Lies. They could just go you know what themselves.
They could give that guy ten thousand dollars and he'd be a pro. Oh shit.
Well you know what this might be my last Rock and Roll Hall of Fame thing.
I thought it was a great article Rob. I love the way you brought awareness to it.
I did too.
Well I got to read more.
Yep. Now I need shares against them.
Alright.
I guess Jamar Chase had a. Alright we'll do the Wendy's article maybe on the next one if at all.
There's about their new breakfast sandwich and you know what you want to know about it look it up online.
So Jamar Chase. No no no no. Hey that's the thing.
Yeah. For a while now since you announced we're having this thing where people call us on bullshit.
Oh yeah you're right. We no longer announce where we read it.
Oh no that's yeah. Okay. Unless you wanted to be known.
No no no no no. I didn't get a challenge. I didn't. I did announce where I got my stuff from tonight and neither did you.
So keep it like that and then they can look it up. Yep.
You know for all you know half of those bands may not have been elected to the Hall of Fame. Maybe maybe not.
Go look them up.
Okay. From someone on the Internet Wendy's is sweetening its breakfast lineup with a new treat that comes from an unusual place.
Another fast food chain. It's a risky bet that other chains have made before partnerships between rivals can boost sales.
But they can also anger restaurant owners as they risk diluting brands and giving consumers fewer reasons to go to some individual stores.
Began in February 26 Wendy's is partnering up with Cinnabon to add a new cinnamon roll like baked good in its morning menu.
Making a partnership between the two chains that often compete for similar price conscious customers.
So it's going to be some sort of a pastry and Cinnabon is going to make it and Wendy's is going to sell it.
So and I think it may have started off this week.
So there you go.
Anyhow Rob you got anything before we wrap this bitch up and send it on its way.
Honestly I'm one out brother.
Thank you and thank you for going overtime. The other one I was able to make it into two podcasts.
It was great. It was great.
I will not do that to you again. I'm sorry. I just got the fly in and I should have I should have put on the brakes.
But before I knew it we're like 55 minutes into the second one. I'm like shit.
Mark. Mark. Yeah.
I was definitely into it. I would have realized it.
I was right there with you. I know. I know. I just didn't like what we do.
You know what it was fun. It was a great podcast. I'll listen to it.
Yes it was.
All right. Everybody have a good night. Thank you for listening again.
And Des Moines we love you. Come here. Give us a hug. We're back. We're back.
We still love you. You still love us. Right.
Love you all. Good night assholes.
Good night assholes.
Hey where did they go? Where are the douche bags?
Oh my god. Someone took a dump in the corner. Oh jeez.
Glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back. Man that smells.
Man that smells.