1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it's Two Douchebags and a Microphone Podcast. 2 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:22,000 And now it's time for the Daily Douchebag Pledge. 3 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:29,000 Two Douchebags and a Microphone Pledge, I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to download every show. 4 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:36,000 I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to grab family members phones and download the show from there. 5 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:43,000 I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to go to public computers and download the show from there. 6 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:49,000 I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to laugh at all the unfunny jokes. 7 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:56,000 I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to lie to all my friends and tell them how good the show is. 8 00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:08,000 And finally, I, Joe, or Jane listener, promise to visit Montrose, Missouri to take advantage of the power plant, campgrounds, and junkyard all within its quarter mile radius. 9 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:22,000 The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat. 10 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:28,000 Dirt and apocalypse, don't forget the nuts. Hickory nuts that is. 11 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:42,000 Yeah, we know, Hickory wood gets all the glory and all the love. Everyone loves the Hickory trees. They cut them down and they make great sandwiches out of barbecue and meats. They smoke them and it's a fantastic deal. 12 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:51,000 But little does anyone know about the Hickory nuts. Dirt and apocalypse Hickory nuts could be the best thing you can find. 13 00:01:51,000 --> 00:02:02,000 Hickory nuts can be eaten raw, toasted, or added to various recipes. Their rich buttery flavor and crunchy texture make them an ideal ingredient for both sweet and savory dishes. 14 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:08,000 You can use Hickory nuts to make nut butter, pesto, or even a unique Hickory nut milk. 15 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,000 There are five types of Hickory nuts. 16 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:26,000 Bitter nut Hickory, shag bark Hickory, pig nut Hickory, mockernut Hickory, and smooth bark Hickory. Hickory trees are considered part of the walnut species and are plentiful at least around Missouri and surrounding areas. 17 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,000 So, Dirt and Apocalypse, don't forget to grab your nuts. 18 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:36,000 This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags in a Microphone. 19 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:40,000 People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast. 20 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:45,000 1. Smell. Go to the city market and start sniffing. 21 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:52,000 Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats, Tabasco sauce, and old sock with dark fuzzy urine. 22 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:56,000 2. Look for the spot absent of patrons. 23 00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:01,000 3. The most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably. 24 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:06,000 4. Just call us at 816-512-7717. 25 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:31,000 Do you have two douchebags in a microphone, raw and uncensored? See behind the smug show. Watch as the douchebags get stung by its walking bees. Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out. Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for all the mad shitter accusations. 26 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:39,000 We have DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar. Mark off the day with a douchebag looking at you. Supplies are limited, so act now. 27 00:03:39,000 --> 00:04:00,000 I've got something for you here. Sorry, I am a little sick, like I said. I'm a little sickly tonight. I've got something for you. 28 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:15,000 I'm not being sick, so I'm on a roll. 29 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:30,000 No, I did not. 30 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:49,000 It's like they did Kelsey. I've got a shirt right here. The same thing as the Rock said. 31 00:04:49,000 --> 00:05:06,000 Yeah, Jibroni's. Know your role, Jibroni. That's what he told the Cincinnati mayor. The mayor mouted off. It was a very famous moment and it was funny because we just beat them and was going to the Super Bowl. 32 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:34,000 They mic'd up George Kettle. And anyhow, Karloftas stripped their player. I think it was, let me see if I can find it here. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go into this, but I just wanted to ask you this before I forgot about it. 33 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:40,000 No, no, no. You're like me. You pull up one story and then you touch one button. 34 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:53,000 Oh, it was McCaffrey. It was McCaffrey. Okay, so on the 49ers opening drive of the Super Bowl, running back Christian McCaffrey fumbled the ball away to the Kansas City Chiefs. 35 00:05:53,000 --> 00:06:09,000 Chiefs linebacker Leo Channell forced the ball free while defensive end George Karloftas recovered it during the play. Kettle blocked Karloftas, but after sending aside the defender, decided to have some fun. 36 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:14,000 Hey, George, the 49ers star joked and knowledge of the two had the same first name. 37 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:25,000 With his back turn, Kettle failed to realize McCaffrey dropped the ball, but Karloftas, who never replied to the tight end, instantly turned around, jumping on the ball for the game change and recovery. 38 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:34,000 In the newly released mic'd up footage, NFL fans blamed the 49ers' 25-22 Super Bowl loss on Kettle and his shenanigans. 39 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:39,000 Too busy he's trying to get mic'd up to recover the fumble. That's crazy, one wrote. 40 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:56,000 I think that he is getting some... Okay, all of them, all of them deserve a piece of this loss. And all of them earned a piece of this loss, agreed? 41 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,000 Yeah. 42 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:12,000 It wasn't one person. Okay, the blocked extra point, let me go into this one more time, the blocked extra point was three inches away from going through and being a completely different game. 43 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:32,000 Harrison Buckhurst's 57-yard kick was a low kick, it was three inches away from being blocked. Okay? So, those two things right there could have been different. 44 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:42,000 It doesn't matter if Kettle saw the ball or not. Karloftas was right there to retrieve it, and it's just misplaced anger and sadness is what it is. 45 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:57,000 Get off Kettle's ass, you know how many games Kettle's won for you guys? I mean really, Kettle has won a lot of games for you guys, he brings it, he's a great tight end, he might be in the Hall of Fame too at one point. 46 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:08,000 Yeah, I honestly believe he should go to Hall of Fame, he's a good player. He's a really good player. I like Kettle. I just wish he played for Kansas City. 47 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:14,000 Well, I mean we already have Travis Kelsey, oh jeez can you imagine, two tight ends like that, oh man. 48 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,000 That's what I'm saying, we'd be unstoppable. 49 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:19,000 Or you could trade him for a really good player. 50 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,000 Well, we can't lie, we're going for a three-peat. 51 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,000 There we go, yes. 52 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,000 We might be unstoppable. 53 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,000 Well, we'll see next year. 54 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:35,000 Don't you think Rob, that this criticism is unjust? Because everybody could have played better, or how about the coin flip? 55 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,000 Oh exactly, I mean. 56 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:49,000 The coin flip where they took the ball first, a lot of people consider it insane, because you're going to give the ball to our offense, with Patrick Mahomes last. 57 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:54,000 So when the Chiefs held him to three, you could feel it, the momentum just went completely. 58 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,000 Yeah, I mean yeah, yeah, yeah, stupid. 59 00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:00,000 It was in the air, everybody knew that Patrick Mahomes was going to find a way to get it done. It was done. 60 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:12,000 People were like, here we go, he's going to do it again, just like he did 13 seconds in Buffalo, just like he did to the Philadelphia Eagles the year before in the Super Bowl. 61 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,000 Here it goes, he's going to do it again. 62 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:22,000 So I understand Shanahan, his idea of the defense being gassed. 63 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,000 I understand, yeah, I understand. 64 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:36,000 And I also thought that there was little of this, although he didn't quite say this, but I think Shanahan thought that our defense was gassed and they were going to be able to ramrod it. 65 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:44,000 And then another thing is, they were running fine. There were no time limits on the game when it went into overtime. 66 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:51,000 I don't understand why they didn't try to run it more with McCaffrey, unless they thought he was going to fumble again, I don't know. 67 00:09:52,000 --> 00:10:00,000 So anyhow, I just think that this criticism of Kittle is unjust, and I just wanted to bring that up and talk about it. 68 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:06,000 But like we're getting towards the end of this podcast, you got anything that you want to add, Rob? 69 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,000 You got a story that you want to talk about or anything? 70 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,000 Yeah. 71 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,000 All right, Rob, go forth. 72 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:19,000 This is one I came up with while we were on vacation. 73 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,000 Okay. 74 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,000 But then I just read more about it. 75 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,000 Okay. 76 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:30,000 Okay, you remember, and this is an update on the story. 77 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,000 Okay. 78 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:47,000 You remember how you were talking about the college student that started doing, what do you call it? 79 00:10:47,000 --> 00:11:02,000 You come up with information, and he starts saying Taylor Swift's jets caused the most emissions impact on the earth. 80 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,000 Right. 81 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,000 It's her green thumbprint. 82 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:17,000 Well, if anybody's following this, Taylor Swift's arguing with him. They're going to court. 83 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:22,000 I know, I know, and I like Taylor Swift, but I find that ridiculous. 84 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,000 Okay. 85 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,000 Okay. 86 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:35,000 Taylor Swift has sold one of her private jets for $40 million. 87 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,000 Wow. 88 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,000 What kind was it? 89 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:55,000 The Foxit Sensation sold her the Salt Falcon 900LX on January 30th to Missouri-based car insurance company, Car Shield. 90 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,000 Really? 91 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,000 Car Shield? 92 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:06,000 Missouri-based Car Shield bought her jet. 93 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,000 That's pretty interesting. 94 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:28,000 Swift reportedly purchased the jet for $40 million in 2011, but the flight is now estimated to be worth $7 million secondhand. 95 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,000 Wow. 96 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:36,000 Do you think some of that is the fact that it was Taylor Swift's old jet? 97 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:42,000 No, here's the thing. 98 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,000 Okay. 99 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:57,000 And if you listen to me, this song's celebrities on Fox News. Go read it. 100 00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,000 Okay. 101 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:03,000 No, they go into the emissions, everything you got into. 102 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:19,000 Well, it just so happens that after you made your report that this college student called her out on, she sells this jet. 103 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,000 Oh. 104 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,000 Oh, okay. 105 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,000 Okay, I'm getting it out. 106 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:39,000 But it's kind of weird how it was sold to Missouri-based car insurance company, Car Shield. 107 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,000 Yeah. 108 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:48,000 Now that she's one of her addresses, it's Kansas City, Missouri. 109 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,000 Uh-huh. 110 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:57,000 Yeah, she's trying to weasel her way out of it, but no, there's lawsuits coming. 111 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:04,000 No, I have, there's a bunch more reports. This ain't stopping yet. 112 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,000 Good. 113 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,000 This dude ain't giving up. 114 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:15,000 I think it's funny, man, because look, I like Taylor Swift and she's great for Menopel, but she's awful preachy. 115 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:24,000 She's preaching about emissions and shit, but yet she owns quite a few planes in here. 116 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:31,000 I know, I know. It's just like Roger Waters is one of the biggest preachiest assholes around. 117 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,000 Right, right. 118 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,000 And that guy's stage show is so enormous. 119 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,000 I've got nowhere I agree with you on that. 120 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:49,000 I can't stand Roger Waters. Like I've said for many years now, Roger Waters, if you really love America, shut the fuck up and pay up the national debt with your large bank account that you made here in America. 121 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,000 I love your music, though. 122 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,000 Your music's excellent, but you're an asshole. 123 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,000 But if you want to back America, back it. 124 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:01,000 No wonder David Gilmore wants nothing to do with you. You're a miserable piece of crap in America. 125 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:03,000 Right, I agree with you. 126 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,000 Yeah, I don't blame you. 127 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:08,000 David Gilmore would write a check for America. 128 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:13,000 Eh, he's kind of a surly bastard, too, but not as surly as Roger Waters. 129 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,000 All of Pink Floyd's a surly bastard. 130 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,000 He would write a check for Roger Waters. 131 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:27,000 The parts of Pink Floyd that are still alive are all surly bastards, but I think David Gilmore's not quite as surly as Roger Waters. 132 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,000 And maybe you're right, maybe he would write a check for America. 133 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,000 Yeah, I think David Gilmore would. 134 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,000 Right, you know what? I'm going to go ahead and think. 135 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:42,000 Oh, come on. David Gilmore was on, uh, what was that song back in the 80s? 136 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,000 Um, would Pink Floyd or what? 137 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,000 The World Peace Sang, you know. 138 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 139 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,000 Real World? 140 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:57,000 Yeah, it was an aid for starving children in Africa. 141 00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 142 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,000 We are the world. Yeah, we are the world. 143 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. He was there. 144 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,000 David Gilmore was on there. 145 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,000 You know what? You're right. David Gilmore was. 146 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,000 Hang on, actually, I got his number. Hang on a second. Let me give him a call real quick, Rob. 147 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:16,000 Okay, just hang out right there. And I'm going to ask him, okay? Hang on. 148 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:22,000 Get him on here. I want to hear this. I'd love to talk to David. It's been a while. 149 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:28,000 Hello? Who the fuck is this? 150 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:36,000 Uh, this is, uh, Two Dishbanks Microphone on Mark. Oh, yeah, I love your show. I was just listening to the last podcast. 151 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:38,000 And I'm Rob. I'm here, too. 152 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,000 Oh, hey, Rob. I love you, man. 153 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:46,000 Oh, yeah, I love you, too, man. You've been a big part of my music history. 154 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:53,000 I was just looking at your underground bunker in Camden, Missouri. I was wondering if next time I'm running by that area, if I could come by and tell you a look. 155 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,000 Oh, I'd love for you to. 156 00:16:56,000 --> 00:17:01,000 Well, hey, Mr. Gilmore, I got a question for you here real quick. This is why we called you. 157 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:06,000 Well, you know, we were saying, you know, Roger Waters. Oh, fuck that guy. He's a piece of shit. 158 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,000 Well, yeah, we know this. 159 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,000 We understand. We understand. 160 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,000 He would not write a check for America and Panther Nation or that, would you? 161 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,000 Oh, hell yeah. Let me get a pen. How much you need? 162 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,000 Three hundred trillion. 163 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,000 What? 164 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,000 OK, I'll scratch it out. 165 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,000 Yeah, yeah, we don't want to sound like everybody. 166 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:36,000 Look, David Gilmore, go ahead and go back to what you're doing. We'll talk about this whole check thing later, OK? 167 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:41,000 You're welcome, America. We just paid up the debt with David Gilmore. Thank you. Allegedly. 168 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:44,000 Thank you, David, for coming on our show. 169 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,000 Yep, he just hung up. 170 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,000 All right. Yep. And if that was cheesy, I don't care. 171 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:59,000 You know what? You're getting your money's worth, guys. If that was cheesy and it didn't sound good because we have no budget, that's too bad. 172 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,000 Right? 173 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,000 That's all we're recording because that was actually David Gilmore. 174 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,000 It was. Absolutely. We would not lie to you. 175 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:12,000 Oh, yeah, we would. Yeah, we lied to you all the time. 176 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:19,000 Well, we'll put it this way. OK, how about we start something new? 177 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,000 OK. What's that? 178 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:26,000 Actually, this was your idea before you went on your cruise. 179 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,000 Oh, OK. 180 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:43,000 If any of our fans think we're lying to you, telling you fake stories or whatever, email us. Email us. 181 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:48,000 Oh, that's right. Yes. Thank you, Rob. I want to read it out. 182 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,000 You're the one who came up with it. 183 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,000 Yeah. Every now and then. 184 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,000 I got it better during your cruise you forgot about it. 185 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:59,000 I did. I did. OK. Every now and then, Rob and I are going to... 186 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,000 Anytime. Anytime. 187 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:11,000 We're going to produce a fake story. And it's up to you guys to figure out which one it is. And we want you to call bullshit on us. 188 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:21,000 OK. Now here's the thing. It could be... it could sound like a story we're reading off the Internet. 189 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:29,000 Yes. Or it could be one of our personal stories like back in the day type shit. 190 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,000 Yes. And it's up to you to figure out. 191 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:36,000 You said we're calling bullshit? Email. We want to know if people are listening. 192 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:45,000 And we also want to know the angle. Did we make it up? Is it a story that Rob and I participated in back a long time ago? Or is it true? 193 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,000 Did we do it or did we not? 194 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:50,000 Yeah. And I'll go a step further. You guys can win... 195 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,000 Or is the story true or not? 196 00:19:53,000 --> 00:20:01,000 You know what I'm going to give people if they come out with... if they participate? I'm going to give them a free bag of pencil shavings, Rob. 197 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:05,000 A bag of pencil shavings. 198 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:15,000 Well, I'll tell you what. As much homework as I've had to do off for this show, I have a pretty good storage of pencil shavings all pinched in. 199 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:21,000 For a show with no budget, you know what, man? Pencil shavings is a great gift. 200 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:25,000 Yeah, I mean, I can't afford pen. I have a pencil. I got to... 201 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,000 We were giving out bags of air. 202 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,000 I got to say, I put it in my pocket and I just sharpened my pencil. 203 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:38,000 You know, bags of air, we're giving out bags of air, but people, I mean, they just didn't respond to it very well. So we're going to go ahead and go with pencil shavings. 204 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:46,000 Because we want you guys to really earn this. You guys went pencil shavings, we know that you earned it, right? 205 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:58,000 So from here on out, anybody who wants to call bullshit on any of our stories, wish there will be one here and there. 206 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:08,000 Yes. Let's put a ground rule of one a week. So every four shows, there will be one bullshit story in every four shows. Does that sound about right? 207 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:13,000 And it could be Mark, it could be me. You never know. 208 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,000 And you guys figured it out? 209 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,000 I like this. I like this. 210 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:29,000 I do too. DoucheB66 at Yahoo.com and everybody that's emailed me, I'm going to get back to you. We're going to... the stuff that's on air, we'll put that on air, the stuff that you want on air. 211 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:34,000 The guys over there in Montrose, we're going to get to you. 212 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,000 Oh, my buddy in Montrose. Come on, man. 213 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,000 Des Moines, we took a little break, man. 214 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,000 Des Moines, we cannot keep up with you. 215 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:50,000 Yeah. Look, I think it's fucking fantastic. You guys love us so much. 216 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,000 Dude, I look today. Wow. 217 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:58,000 I know. And you ought to see all these emails I got from there. 218 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:02,000 Oh, shit. Yeah, we got to hear them. I got to hear some. 219 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,000 You have to send some up to me. 220 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:07,000 I'll tell you what. Yeah. 221 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,000 On my private email. 222 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,000 I'll take the top three and send them to you. 223 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,000 That way I can help you out with them. 224 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:18,000 Yeah, we can do that. But they're not happy because we took a week off. 225 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:23,000 Well, actually more than a week off. And anyhow, it's nothing personal. 226 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,000 We just needed a break. And if there's any... 227 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:34,000 Sorry, guys, man. When you work 40 hours a week and you do this four nights a week... 228 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:36,000 That happens. 229 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:38,000 It is a time. 230 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:40,000 And also, another thing is this right here. 231 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:44,000 It is a time of life with the kids and, you know... 232 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:51,000 And all that stuff. Yeah. The thing is, I was trying to figure out a way to podcast from the boat. 233 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:56,000 I know you tried your best, buddy. You did. 234 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:02,000 But the equipment that I have to use is this big laptop, these huge microphones, earphones. 235 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:06,000 Yeah, we're already at capacity with all our luggage. 236 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:10,000 We tried. We did everything we could to try to get this to work. 237 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,000 But there's no feasible way without like... 238 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:19,000 I mean, number one, I don't like carrying a couple of big cases of suitcase and a carry-on bag and all that. 239 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,000 I like to travel as light as I can. I like to grab and go. 240 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,000 Hit my shed, hit the Uber or hit the Express and go. 241 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:31,000 So there's no really logical way to do it. No easy way to do it. 242 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:35,000 The only way is like with all the heavy equipment and it just couldn't be done. 243 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:39,000 So the original plan was if we could figure out a way to do it on my cell phone, 244 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:44,000 because my friend Mark does his podcast on his cell phone, that sounds fine. 245 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:49,000 But he doesn't have anyone call in. So I'm having Rob call in. 246 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:53,000 But dude, did I add in thousands of luggage? 247 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,000 Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying is it just wasn't feasible. 248 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,000 Yeah, yeah, it was too much. 249 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:01,000 So here's what happened. I understand that. 250 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:05,000 Here's what happened. I recorded podcasts, we did the tests before the show. 251 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,000 Yeah. It would record me, but not Rob. 252 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,000 So it just couldn't be done. 253 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:15,000 I'd be sitting there and you'd hear me say something and laugh at something Rob said. 254 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:20,000 Nothing, nothing, nothing. And then I'd be like, yeah, but then the monkey came over and bit me on the asshole. 255 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:25,000 And then nothing, nothing, nothing. And then, oh yeah, I knew you were going to say that. 256 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:30,000 And honestly, when he told me that, I believed it. I laughed my ass off. 257 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,000 That's true. He believed the monkey bit my asshole. 258 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:34,000 Yeah, I believed it. 259 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:38,000 Yep. Yep. It was just like this guy I used to work with. 260 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:42,000 I used to torture him with like crazy stories. 261 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,000 He was an old man named Bill. He was a nice guy. 262 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:50,000 And anyhow, he used to come over there and like make fun of me all the time. 263 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:54,000 And he'd find something to like to start accentuate on, you know. 264 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,000 Like one time I kind of shaved a little bit of my goatee off. 265 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,000 I nicked it and it looked horrible. 266 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:04,000 And he'd come over there and go, hey fumble fingers, you stupid ass. 267 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,000 Why don't you shave the whole fucking thing off? 268 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:10,000 Because I look 10? Hey, look at that stupid ass. You can't even shave a goatee. 269 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,000 Yo, he's just fucking with me. 270 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,000 So I go, Bill, you're on your way home tonight, right? 271 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:20,000 And you're on a Bruce Walken 71, you know, 71 highway through the city, right? 272 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,000 Bruce Walken's? Yep. Okay. 273 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,000 49. 49. Well. 274 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,000 No, no. Bruce Walken is 71. 275 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,000 Yes. It's not 49 highway. It's not I-49 yet. 276 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:35,000 That's through the city for us. 277 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:41,000 Yes. And a gorilla escaped from the Kansas City Zoo, not very far away from that area there. 278 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:47,000 And while you're stopping at the stoplight, the gorilla notices you and it falls in love with you. 279 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:52,000 He runs over there and he smashes out your window and it grabs you. 280 00:25:53,000 --> 00:26:00,000 It takes you to a vacant house and continually rapes you for 10 hours while they can't find you. 281 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:05,000 I'd fall in love with him. I'd say it. I'd fall in love with him. I love gorillas. 282 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:15,000 Then they come over there to save you and every time they shoot the gorilla to try to knock him out, all it does is piss him off and he fucks you harder. 283 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:22,000 This goes on for three days until they finally get that boy from you. 284 00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:27,000 I don't know why I'm saying this. It sounds fun. 285 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:37,000 Oh, I used to come up, I had so much more that I added to it and every day I would come up with more shit and then the ape did this and then the ape put a dress on you. 286 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:48,000 And finally he goes, my God, Mark, just stop. Just stop. I'll shut up. I won't make fun of you anymore. Stop with the ape stuff. 287 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:55,000 I'm sorry. I just had to put you up. Pause. I was laughing too hard. 288 00:26:56,000 --> 00:27:06,000 And also this is the same guy that I played the trick on, the K-Polk. K-Polka. 289 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,000 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 290 00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:19,000 This old guy that I worked with, he went out and he bought one of these new mini bands and I had one of those new Nokia smartphones in the late 90s, right? 291 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:27,000 Which, to know this story, you're going to have to go back and listen to a lot of old ones. 292 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:32,000 It's been a while since Mark has brought this story up. 293 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:36,000 I'm going to go ahead and do it since we started it anyhow. 294 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,000 I'll try to be quick on it. 295 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,000 You can't beat polka music, man. 296 00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:50,000 So anyhow, he bought this new mini-band and I had this new Nokia smartphone that you could get on the internet, but it was very primitive. 297 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,000 You didn't have the same smartphones that we do now. 298 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,000 And anyhow, he kept telling me to pair it with Bluetooth audio. 299 00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,000 I'm like, what the hell? 300 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:03,000 Me and him used to park next to each other in the parking lot underneath this tree. 301 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:12,000 And so I'm answering a call and he went out to get into his trunk and I heard my voice go over his speaker. 302 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,000 I'm like, oh shit, I just paired up with his. 303 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:17,000 So I shut it off real quick. 304 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:19,000 I'm like, huh, what can I do? 305 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:27,000 So then every time that he went to listen to radio, I would interrupt it with this because I found out that I was connected to his Bluetooth. 306 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:32,000 My car didn't have Bluetooth enabled, but his new mini-band was Bluetooth enabled. 307 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:34,000 It was one of the very first Chrysler's that did that. 308 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:43,000 And so every time it would connect in the parking lot, I would put on this station that I found previous a couple of days before called K-Polka. 309 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,000 It was nothing but polka music. 310 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:49,000 So he would be sitting over there and he'd be getting ready to listen to country music. 311 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:54,000 He loved country music, you know, and he always wore like a big 10 gallon hat and all that stuff. 312 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:56,000 You know, he concerned himself somewhat of a cowboy. 313 00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:03,000 And so he's over there and all of a sudden polka would interrupt his country music and he gets so fucking mad. 314 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,000 What the hell? Where's this shit coming from? 315 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,000 And I'd be like, I don't know, man. 316 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,000 Wow. Let me turn on my radio. 317 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:13,000 It's working fine. I don't know. 318 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:17,000 And I talked to him, hey, how's your radio? Is your radio working good? 319 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,000 Yeah, my radio's fine. 320 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:23,000 So anyhow, so he's over there just like scratching his head. Well, what the fuck? 321 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:38,000 So anyhow, to even get him even better, one day I had to go to the doctor's office and I was, I showed up late to work and we had this auxiliary parking lot across the road. 322 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:42,000 So I pull in there and like, oh shit, I'm not going to be able to get him today. 323 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:48,000 So when I get to the auxiliary parking lot, lunch was just, everyone just went out on lunch. 324 00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:52,000 So I'm like, well, okay, I guess in another half hour and wait for lunch to be over and then I'll time in. 325 00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:56,000 So all of a sudden it says connected to audio. I'm like, oh cool. 326 00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:04,000 So he had no idea I had nothing to do with it because I was over to the other parking lot and it connected to it and I turned it on K-Polka again. 327 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,000 And so I hear him over there screaming and shaking his head. 328 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:12,000 So the next day I go, man, yeah, I saw the news last night. 329 00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:21,000 There's a recall on your particular van over there. Something about, you know, something about it connects to like some sort of an internet station or something. 330 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,000 Fuck. Okay. Thanks, man. Thanks for letting me know. 331 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:29,000 So he goes into the dealer and raises hell with him and they're all like thinking he's insane. 332 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:33,000 They're like, get out of here, you idiot. You're completely wrong. There's no recall. 333 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:37,000 No, no, no, is on the news. There's a recall and you guys just don't want to fix it. 334 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:40,000 Like there's no recall. Get the fuck out of here. 335 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:44,000 And I think they ended up like calling a restraining order on him or something. 336 00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:52,000 So anyhow, if it wasn't a restraining order, it was like very, it was worded very, very loudly. 337 00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,000 Like, you know, don't come here again. Leave us the hell alone. You know, that kind of thing. 338 00:30:56,000 --> 00:31:03,000 So, so one night I even tested it because he lived in the little town that I lived in to Cleveland, Missouri. 339 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:06,000 Only he lived on the other side of it and I lived in town. 340 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:10,000 So I followed him home all the way down Holmes Road. 341 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:12,000 Oh my God. 342 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:18,000 Just far enough behind him to where it would keep connected to it because I, one time it would say disconnected. 343 00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:20,000 Then I get a little closer. It will connect again. 344 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,000 And I was always behind him. So he didn't think anything of it. 345 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:29,000 So a couple of times around June dawn and a couple of areas it disconnected for a little bit, but then it would connect again. 346 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:35,000 So anyhow, he goes, yeah. He goes, damn it. Now it's getting to where I can't even go home and that shit's going on. 347 00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:39,000 I'm like, really? It played all the way home? Yeah. Fucking tired of this shit. 348 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:41,000 So anyhow, one day he comes up with. 349 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:43,000 Playing polka. 350 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:45,000 Yes. Playing polka. 351 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:47,000 Dude, you could have picked a better music. 352 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:52,000 Oh, I just happened to find that internet station a couple of weeks or a couple of days before. 353 00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:54,000 Yeah, it'd been awesome. 354 00:31:55,000 --> 00:32:01,000 And as soon as I heard it connect and I found out that it was, it was connected to his car, there's no question. 355 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:09,000 It had to be K-Polka. So anyhow, he ended up trading his car and he was so frustrated over the polka situation. 356 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:11,000 That one was not Bluetooth enabled. 357 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:19,000 Not Bluetooth enabled. And he has passed on since then. So I feel horrible about my war crimes. 358 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:27,000 And I've repented and I feel horrible. And in the great beyond, Bill, don't hate me. It was a great trick. 359 00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:32,000 I think in heaven you can even say, Mark, I gotta give it to you. 360 00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:34,000 No. Okay, my opinion. 361 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:36,000 Yeah. 362 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:38,000 I don't even know the guy. 363 00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,000 Yeah. 364 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:49,000 But knowing you, like I do, I'm sure he enjoyed it. 365 00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:56,000 I'm sure he's on a cloud somewhere right now, Chuck. 366 00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:05,000 Yeah, don't feel bad about it. In the long run, he knows it was you. He enjoyed it. He enjoyed the prank. 367 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:11,000 He's gonna go like he tipped his hat down and go, Mark, you're a little stinker, that's for sure. 368 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:16,000 You really got me a good one with that one, boy. You're such an egg. 369 00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:23,000 Yeah, I mean, you like a prank like you pull him out of the driver's seat and beat the fuck out of him. 370 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:25,000 No, no, this is a prank just to be... 371 00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:29,000 But he was fucking with the music. I'm sure he loved it. 372 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:44,000 Anyhow, when I went over this with Toefer, the original trick, and I talked about it, I can't do it here because of the dynamics, but I actually played K-Polka. It's actually still on the internet. It plays all polka music 24 hours, 7 days a week. 373 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:46,000 Is it really? 374 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:50,000 Yes. It's a great station to piss someone off to, I can tell you that. 375 00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:54,000 Imagine hearing that, Chuck. 376 00:33:54,000 --> 00:34:01,000 Hey, hey, hey, that's word for future programs here. 377 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:06,000 Actually, I've got an idea I could do with that, and we'll see if it works. 378 00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:08,000 Yeah, we may come up with something there. 379 00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:11,000 Rob, I'll tell you off air what I plan on doing. 380 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:13,000 Yeah. 381 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:16,000 Oh, I think this is gonna be a good one. 382 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,000 I can read your mind already, brother. 383 00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:27,000 Yep. You are correct. All right, everybody, we're like way, way over. 384 00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:30,000 Here's what I'm gonna find out. 385 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:32,000 Okay. 386 00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:35,000 Everybody at my shop has their own Bluetooth. 387 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,000 Uh-huh. Oh, okay. 388 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:46,000 I wanna figure out how to get polka throughout the shop. I think that'd be hilarious. 389 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,000 That would be, dude. 390 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:55,000 I mean, we got people who listen to Howard Stern, and we got people that listen to this music, that music. 391 00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:57,000 Uh-huh. 392 00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:01,000 Yeah, everybody, yeah. Pull your shit up. 393 00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:03,000 Polka? 394 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:06,000 Connect to all of them and put them up there. 395 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:09,000 Here's what you do. Connect to them. 396 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,000 And they would not know where it came from. 397 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,000 If your intercom is Bluetooth enabled. 398 00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:15,000 Now they will. 399 00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:19,000 If your intercom is Bluetooth enabled, do it like that. 400 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:23,000 No, no, it's not an intercom. It's everybody individually. 401 00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:25,000 Okay. All right. 402 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,000 So we would have to interrupt everybody's service to do it. 403 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:30,000 That would be great. 404 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:35,000 Yeah, see, that'd be hard. That's the hard part. But it'd be great. 405 00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:37,000 Hey, I'll tell you what, just do it individually. 406 00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:39,000 Get polka music throughout the shop, all that. 407 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:41,000 Do it individually. 408 00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:43,000 Just to screw people. 409 00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:45,000 Oh, hell yeah. 410 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:49,000 Actually, I think I'll play it supervisor, probably like it. 411 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,000 He might. You never know. 412 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,000 He might. He needs probably to wait. 413 00:35:56,000 --> 00:36:01,000 Um, I've got a little story here you care if I cover really quick. 414 00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:07,000 A guy that got fired on his first day for clogging the company toilet with his turret. 415 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,000 Oh, there it is. Oh, this sounds awesome. 416 00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:10,000 Oh, it is. 417 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:16,000 Um, all was going well, but I offered coffee earlier and of course accepted it because I love free stuff. 418 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:21,000 He wrote, the coffee was so, so good and I drank it down really fast. 419 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,000 So, of course, coffee did what coffee does. 420 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:27,000 And before I knew it, I had to use the bathroom, their bathroom. 421 00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:35,000 The man admitted that he was able to let it all out and that there was a lot of excess in his system that morning. 422 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:39,000 It took a lot of toilet paper for me to get my ass cleaned too, he wrote. 423 00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:46,000 After he washed his hands and admired the really nice bathroom, he returned to his desk to finish the paperwork. 424 00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:52,000 The forgetful man sadly did not remember to flush the toilet and that's when things appeared to have gone wrong. 425 00:36:53,000 --> 00:37:00,000 A female employee walked into the bathroom and found the OP's excrement in the toilet. 426 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:04,000 And, anyhow, sorry here. 427 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:15,000 And, locked the door and I heard the sound of a flush from the toilet and she tried to get rid of it so that she could go. 428 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:20,000 But I didn't hear the toilet bowl clear. I only heard the bowl fill up with water, he wrote. 429 00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:25,000 The woman was not happy and told her boss that she discovered it when she discovered it in the bathroom. 430 00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:31,000 I was the only new person in the building so of course everyone knew it was me, the OP wrote. 431 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:40,000 I wrote, I tried to just pretend like I was on my computer the whole time and they didn't yell at me or anything, they just dealt with it. 432 00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:47,000 The employees managed to find a plunger but according to the OP, a lot of toilet water had gone all over the bathroom floor. 433 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:53,000 After the man finished his paperwork, he gave it to the boss who was not very friendly towards him. 434 00:37:53,000 --> 00:38:01,000 I finished my paperwork but I never heard back from them or even after I tried to follow up, they almost knew I wrote. 435 00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:10,000 He has since blamed the coffee after being distracted by the nice bathroom with a sliding oak door. 436 00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:20,000 Other Reddit users have similarly dissed him and one person asked if he was an animal since he pooped at his job interview. 437 00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:31,000 So basically, without going into some more of it and all that stuff, this guy was in a job interview, he was a prospective candidate. 438 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:38,000 They were going to have him work for a little bit and see if he fit in nice and see if they liked his work. 439 00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:46,000 In the interim, he got free coffee and he had to take a dump and I guess it was a huge dump and there was no plunger. 440 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:51,000 He forgot to flush it anyhow because he got distracted by the nice bathroom. 441 00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:59,000 So when he went out, the female employee went in there to use the bathroom only to find this big stink log covering the toilet. 442 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:11,000 So she tries to flush it without a plunger and it starts going all over the floor and the stink log is bubbling up and the corn back rattler is flying at her and stuff. 443 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:19,000 So she's freaked out. So anyhow, they found a plunger, they had to clean the bathroom, they had to chomp up the shit, I'm sure, and plunger it down. 444 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:32,000 By that time, they were pretty fucking pissed off because the shitter was sitting there and they had to clean the toilet because of what he left. 445 00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:41,000 So anyhow, he tried to act like he didn't do it and they knew he did good. He was the new guy there and he wasn't hired yet. 446 00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:49,000 Then when he got back to him, no one called him back so he was pretty much not hired because he clogged the toilet. 447 00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:56,000 While we're on shit, let me tell the Clinton mad shitter story real quick. Do you want me to go into that? 448 00:39:56,000 --> 00:40:03,000 Well, yeah, go ahead, but I guess we're going to run to overtime. 449 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,000 Hell yeah, man. Are you okay? 450 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:17,000 Well, just so everybody knows, I was sick last night. We did not podcast last night. 451 00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:26,000 You might be trying to make up some tonight. We're on overtime now. 452 00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:30,000 We're way on overtime so let's just go ahead and roll with it just a little bit longer. 453 00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,000 Let's do both in one. 454 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:38,000 Anyhow, you're welcome, America. Sorry, Rob, I didn't mean for this to happen. 455 00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:45,000 No, no, actually you're good. I'm good time-wise. We're good. 456 00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:51,000 Okay, so we're into shit stories so a lot of people that have not listened to the podcast previously. 457 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,000 In Clinton, Missouri, I am the mad shitter. 458 00:40:55,000 --> 00:41:00,000 Yeah, yeah, you're good. The shit stories, I got something about Robin from Batman. 459 00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:09,000 Oh, okay, cool. All right. So many years ago, 1995-ish, I had sleep apnea and I had the surgery. 460 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:15,000 And I went back, did the sleep study. Congratulations, Mark, you're cured. 461 00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:24,000 The Apria Healthcare called me up and said, hey, your insurance said that the operation was a success. 462 00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:30,000 Bring the machine back to us or we're going to start charging you per day in some huge amount. 463 00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:36,000 All right, well, I'll bring it in right now. Okay, where do I go? Oh, we're in Clinton, Missouri. 464 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:40,000 What? I got to go all the way there? It's over an hour away. 465 00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:47,000 Well, unfortunately, since you're on the south side of town, we are the people that service your area. 466 00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:53,000 So, okay, fuck. So how long are you open till? Oh, five. Okay, all right. I can make it there before five. 467 00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:59,000 So I grabbed the CPAP machine, one of those old big ones, and I ran it down there, no problem. 468 00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:05,000 And on my way out, you know, Clinton was over an hour away back then because 7 Highway was 55 mile an hour. 469 00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:12,000 So anyhow, at the edge of town, there was a... Wow, this town was 80. 470 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:19,000 It's, yeah, everybody thought it was 80, including me. That was in my younger days. Same here. 471 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:23,000 I had a few tickets, so I had to go 55, to be honest. 472 00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:32,000 So anyhow, I'm on my way back, and the last station before you hit 71 and then eventually Harrisonville, 473 00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:39,000 only one on 7 Highway is this subway slash Phillips 66, and it's the last one. Everybody knows it. 474 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:44,000 I stop there, I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna get a 7 up, take a piss. 475 00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:52,000 So I go into the bathroom, and it's someone, I had a nurse friend tell me that it's done with a colostomy bag. 476 00:42:53,000 --> 00:43:00,000 It was like liquid shit was all over the wall. And I went in there, and I'm about ready to vomit. 477 00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:08,000 It's so bad. I'm pissing so fast, it's hurting me. I'm like trying to piss as fast as I can because I'm dry heaving, 478 00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:14,000 and I'm about to pass out, it smells so bad. And then just as I'm like, I'm getting piss all over me. 479 00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:18,000 I got piss all over me. I'm like, I gotta get out of here, fuck this. 480 00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:27,000 So, anyhow, I get done really quick, and I'm zipping up, or I'm getting ready to zip up, and this old man comes in. 481 00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:31,000 I caught him, I caught him, I caught the man's shitter, and he's pointing at the wall, and I'm like, what? 482 00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:36,000 I go, dude, I just got in here. I ain't shit all over anything. I just pissed, man. 483 00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:41,000 And he's like following me behind me, chirping, I got the man's shitter, I got the man's shitter. 484 00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:44,000 I'm like, I'm not the man's shitter. I didn't do it, man. I just walked in here. 485 00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:47,000 Yeah, I just wanted to do an early promo. 486 00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:49,000 Yeah, I said, look, man. 487 00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:54,000 I said, look, I just walked in here, man. Didn't you guys see me just walk in here? 488 00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:58,000 No one would back me up, I think, because he was the owner, and they're afraid to. 489 00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:05,000 And anyhow, so like I'm getting my 7-Up, and I go over there, and I'm like, man, I'm still, I'm going to get my fucking 7-Up, because I'm thirsty. 490 00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:07,000 So I get my 7-Up. 491 00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:09,000 Was he an owner, or was he an old thug? 492 00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:12,000 I think he was the owner, by the way, or may have acted. 493 00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:20,000 So all the people in the subway are looking at me like I'm the mad shitter, and I go up to the counter, and I'm like, here's your money. 494 00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:24,000 And I go, oh, look here, I go, I'm not the mad shitter, and she goes, sure you're not. 495 00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:28,000 She didn't believe me either. They all think I'm the mad shitter. 496 00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:34,000 And I didn't do it. To this day, I'm probably known as the mad shitter of Clinton, Missouri. 497 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:40,000 And dude, I'm going to have to come up to you, it's not just you. 498 00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:51,000 It's not just you. I mean, I'm going to have to come up with some of my old stories of shit that I got blamed on me, I didn't do. 499 00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:55,000 Yeah, you're going to have to. This will be a great segment. 500 00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:59,000 Yeah, I'm going to have to. I'll come up with one just to match the mad shitter. 501 00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:02,000 I don't know, mad shitter's good. 502 00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:06,000 It would only happen to me, Rob. Only to me. 503 00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:15,000 I don't know if there's a few people it could happen to, but it just happened to happen to you. 504 00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:18,000 I expected nothing else, honestly. 505 00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:25,000 Yeah, Rob, do you have something you want to, a story you want to get to? You said something like you had to. 506 00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:29,000 Yeah, I got something out of the fucking blue here. 507 00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:31,000 Oh, more of those? 508 00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:36,000 Oh yeah, this comes off, do you remember? 509 00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:38,000 Oh, okay. 510 00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:45,000 It's a long story, so I'm just going to touch and go on it. 511 00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:47,000 Okay. 512 00:45:48,000 --> 00:46:00,000 Batman, actor Burt Ward, said he was given pills to shrink up after a complaint. 513 00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:03,000 Oh, his underwear, yeah. 514 00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:07,000 Anybody that does not know who Burt Ward was. 515 00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:09,000 Robin. 516 00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:13,000 Burt Ward was the original Robin on Batman. 517 00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:16,000 Yeah, yep, yep, yep. 518 00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:23,000 Well, I'm just going to break down on this instead of reading the whole thing. 519 00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:25,000 Okay. 520 00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:32,000 I guess Burt Ward's costume was too tight for him. 521 00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:35,000 Uh-huh. 522 00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:48,000 So instead of adjusting the costume, they gave him medication to shrink him up. 523 00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:50,000 Wow. 524 00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:53,000 You know what I'm talking about. 525 00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:57,000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. He is the opposite of the Steven Pearson couch. 526 00:46:57,000 --> 00:47:04,000 He's in the 50s and 60s, there's one area he did not want to look too big. 527 00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:09,000 Well, I guess he looked too big. 528 00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:12,000 And that was, yeah. 529 00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:14,000 Good problem to have, right? 530 00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,000 Yeah, yeah, always a good problem. 531 00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:19,000 Yeah. 532 00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:30,000 But, no, you look it up, it goes into, no, Burt Ward had a problem and they had to give him pills to shrink him. 533 00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:33,000 Yeah, he wrote a tell-all book. 534 00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:35,000 And his costume. 535 00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:38,000 I'm like, dude, why did you take him? 536 00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:44,000 He wrote a tell-all book that pissed Adam West off. 537 00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:47,000 They were still friends to the time of Adam West's death. 538 00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:50,000 Yeah, yeah, that's what the story goes into. 539 00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:56,000 He was talking about all the Hollywood orgies that they partaked in and all that, and I guess Adam West didn't want that out there. 540 00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:59,000 And Adam West denied it for a long time. 541 00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:02,000 He said, no, that never did happen, but I do believe it probably did happen. 542 00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:08,000 And Burt Ward kind of exposed a lot of that underbelly of the old Hollywood scene. 543 00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:15,000 And there was quite a bit of, there was a lot of problems over that because Adam West did not want any of that out in the public. 544 00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:20,000 Okay, well, here it is. 545 00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:29,000 As we were talking here, I just ran across one paragraph in this story. 546 00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:31,000 Okay. 547 00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:41,000 Ward highlighted that the critique was directed solely at his character and not at Batman. 548 00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:58,000 He also mentioned that producers avoided similar criticisms of Batman's costume by finding timely solutions. 549 00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:04,000 With Adam, they put Turkish towel in his under-spots. 550 00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:11,000 So in other words, Burt Ward was hung better. 551 00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:14,000 Much better than Adam West. 552 00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:21,000 Yeah, in other words, Robin was hung better than Batman. 553 00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:23,000 Yes. 554 00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:25,000 Original. 555 00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:28,000 What a great story, Rob. I love that. 556 00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:31,000 Thank you. 557 00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:36,000 Thank you. All right, well, should we go and wrap this bitch up and call it a night? 558 00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:38,000 We've got to keep our listeners entertained. 559 00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:41,000 Yes, we do. All right. Thank you all for listening. 560 00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:46,000 Why not talk about, well, we say we talk about dick jokes. 561 00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:55,000 That's what we do. And okay, next podcast, we're recording Tuesday night, right? 562 00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:57,000 Tuesday night. 563 00:49:57,000 --> 00:50:05,000 Tuesday night. Okay, I'm going to have some emails. I'm going to have them. I'm going to print them out Tuesday during the day when I'm off. 564 00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:12,000 I'm going to print them out and I'm going to have them ready for us. And there's quite a few usable emails on this thing. 565 00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:17,000 Yeah, yeah. I can't wait to hear it. We've had some time off. 566 00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:19,000 And Rob and I are going to... 567 00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:21,000 We have some criticism coming, I know. 568 00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:27,000 We're going to address some of the... We love you guys in Des Moines. We still love you. Keep listening. 569 00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:36,000 But we're going to address some of the ones that got a little pissy that we were off for a little bit over a week. 570 00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:46,000 And it's all, we love you guys. We're not mad at anybody. But we're going to address them and just say, you know, hey, here's what to do. 571 00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:48,000 And I already have my answer ready. 572 00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:54,000 And me too. And I mean, and I'll do it right now. It's free. 573 00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:58,000 No, no, no. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Do it in that box. 574 00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:02,000 You're right. You're right. Okay. Anyhow, everybody have a good night. Thank you for listening. 575 00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:04,000 We love you each and one. I mean... 576 00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:10,000 Yep. Oh, hi Grandma Rude. Opal. Hi Grandma Opal. 577 00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:12,000 Oh yeah, Grandma Opal. 578 00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:14,000 We love you Grandma Opal. 579 00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:16,000 I am so sorry. 580 00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:24,000 And whoever her grandson's name is, we love you both. Thank you for listening. Have a good night. 581 00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:26,000 Good night. 582 00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:42,000 Hey, where'd her bae go? Where are the douchebags? 583 00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:47,000 Oh my God. Someone took a dump in the corner. Oh geez. 584 00:51:47,000 --> 00:52:15,000 Ugh. Glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back. Man, that smells.