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Hello everybody, this is Two Douchebags and Microphone. I am the marked portion of it.
And I am the raw portion of it.
Real quick, I would like to get to something here that I've been wanting to say for a while.
And anyhow, this is it in a nutshell.
Am I fired?
How can I fire you? I don't pay you a dime.
Yeah, but still, I mean, you know, hey.
Hey Rob, quit working for me for free.
Yeah.
No Rob, you're doing fine.
I know you are. I know you are.
I think everyone out there will agree that Rob is really progressing well.
And I mean, for just being thrown into fire like that.
I mean, dude, you're sacking up and just doing it man. I gotta give you credit.
And I'm trying to make up for last night because I had to call up, just so everybody knows, I had to cancel last night.
Because I've had this croup or whatever the hell is going around.
Yeah, I've got the crud too now. Probably not as bad as you did yesterday, but I got the crud.
Been in my throat. Yeah, last night I could hardly even talk. That's why I was coughing.
And I'm either, my nose is either running or I'm stopped up either or.
Yeah, the same here.
I mean, it's that time of year, but if you want to go ahead into what you said really quick earlier.
Yeah, here's what I was thinking.
Okay.
Back when we were growing up, we would call this a cold.
It is a cold, Rob. It is.
Yeah, yeah. Well, now they're calling it influenza A. That's a type of flu.
Okay, I've got a theory on that, Rob. And correct me if you think I'm wrong.
But I think they're trying to get more people to take vaccines for influenza.
I'm not saying it's right or wrong. I'm not saying that you need it or you don't or whatever.
I'm not giving an opinion on that because that is a hot button issue. I don't wish to step into that shit.
Yes, yes. No, and I understand that. I know where that can lead to. I'm reading into it.
To me, by identifying it as big bad influenza A and not the common cold, it's beneficial to that, right?
Yeah, I think they can make more money out of it. Because the doctors do stuff that way.
Very possible. Very possibly could be. Because doctors say...
I don't know. I'm not a doctor.
Let's play. Okay, you come in here. I'm the doctor, okay? Okay.
Okay, Doc Wallace, Rob Radford's in next. Okay, all right. Send him in, nurse. Thank you.
Hello, Rob? Hey, Rob. How are you?
I feel like shit. Oh, really?
I've got a sore throat. My nose is either running or it stopped up. I can't tell minute to minute, you know.
Huh. Oh, well, Rob, you got the sniffles.
Yeah, I got a cold. Yeah, you got the sniffles, man. Don't worry about it.
Go home, take some fucking Dimetapp or, I don't know, NyQuil or something and go sleep it off.
Okay, now here, okay, Rob, you're coming in again only. I'm trying to get you to get a vaccine next.
Nowadays. Nowadays.
Nowadays. This is back then, nowadays. All right, okay.
Dr. Wallace? Yeah? Yeah, what, nurse? Mr. Rob Radford's here for his appointment. Oh, okay, send him in.
Oh, hey, Rob. How are you, man?
I'm not doing good. I'm pretty sick, you know. I'm coughing, my throat's sore. I can't tell if my nose is running or it stopped up.
Oh, shit. Rob, I, here, sit down. Sit down, Rob. Sit in the chair. Okay, okay, Rob. You have influenza A, okay?
The flu? Yes.
Yes. It can be very serious, Rob. I want you to think about this.
Okay, here's why I have a problem, Doc. Oh, yeah?
Back when I was a kid, the flu meant you were throwing up, you drank seven up and stayed in bed all day.
You were throwing up. I'm not throwing up. It's very cold.
Rob, I got some old crow here. Let's just drink this and go to bed.
You got it. All right.
I think all of our listeners got that one.
Yeah, yep. Old crow will fix it. Until the next morning. But anyhow, okay, I've got to go into this. I've been wanting to do this for a while.
Yeah, go for it. Go for it.
Okay, all right. I keep hearing this fucking babble about the Kansas City Chief's holding.
Uh-oh.
Oh, they're cheating all the time. Okay, let me say this. So what people are saying is there's a concerted effort in the NFL.
Every one of these referees got together and they said, hey, we know the Chiefs are holding, but you don't call it on them because they're the chosen ones.
These guys can't do that. Are you kidding? That would have been out so quick.
Hey, man, there's a big thing going on with the Chiefs. Don't call them for holding. Here's what it is.
Okay, okay. Can I say something right here?
Yes, go ahead.
Before you go any further.
Okay.
Look at the rest of the NFL the rest of the year.
Yes, okay.
All I got to say.
You fit right into perfectly what I'm going to say. Let's go back to what was it? 2009, I think.
The Patriots had a perfect season. They were 16-0 and they were in the Super Bowl. 16-0 regular season.
Then they won the two games and then they're in the Super Bowl.
The New York Giants with the defense led by Steve Spagnolo, who is our defensive coordinator for the last two years, did the same thing.
He shut down the Big Bad Patriots offense because he knows how to coach exactly how to let a person go and twirl them around without getting called for a holding play.
If any other team doesn't like it in the league, they should take the time to learn it and teach their players how to do it.
Steve Spagnolo did this back then and he's doing it now. He knows a fine line of exactly how far you can take this without getting the penalty called.
So it is not cheating. He is doing it the correct way.
I learned this stuff in high school. How you can basically hit someone in the face but not get called for it.
It's called strong fisting, strong arming, forearming.
There's all these little things. We all know this. This is no different.
Like I said last night to a new friend of mine, people are taking it as spirit of the law. This is letter of the law.
It is exactly what you can do and get away with it.
So that is what's going on and all this rattle is just hurt feelings.
You got Jamar Chase over there. Anybody but the Chiefs. You got all these little sub lines and people mouthing off.
I remember the period in time when Tom Brady couldn't spin on the sidewalk without being criticized.
Everybody piles on the winner.
Mahomes was loved a couple years ago. They couldn't wait for him to take the dome from Brady.
They're like thank God it's someone else.
Well now that Mahomes has been doing it regularly and Kansas City Chiefs are in Andy Reid, everybody wants to knock their block off.
Would you agree with this Rob? They push you up so they can knock you down.
Yeah, yeah I would totally agree with that.
And I dare anyone to study these films and then study the rest of the NFL and you tell me what the difference is.
The difference is when they let go. Everybody holds. Everybody holds and a certain amount of it is tolerated in the NFL.
Yeah, you got to.
Yes, so the thing is knowing when to let go.
So it's just kind of like you're frying some chicken right? And you're sitting there and you're looking at it and you're looking at it.
And if you turn it over it's going to be like a doughy right? If you turn it over too late.
Yeah, I make some damn good fried chicken.
Oh I know you do Rob. You had a lot of practice in many different restaurants that we worked at right?
Yeah, I didn't work at many restaurants. It's what I did. I paid attention.
Oh okay, alright. I thought you worked at quite a few like I did. I guess you didn't.
No, no I've been mainly in construction most of my life dude.
Oh okay, alright. Well anyhow, so you turn it over too early and it's doughy and it's not good. It's not nearly as good.
You turn it over too late and it's too crisp, too hard. You have to do it right at the right time.
And the way you do it at the right time is being taught and learning how to do it right.
Exactly.
Yeah, this is no different than anything else. If you learn it correctly you're going to do it right. If you don't bother to fine tune, you don't.
You're just not going to do it correctly.
So anyhow, that is my take on everything.
And DoucheBee66 at Yahoo.com if you want to argue. I'll listen to anybody that thinks they have a valid point.
And I will bring up anything if I think they have a valid point I will definitely bring it up.
And so please, I mean we're not done all be all. That is kind of like our opinion and I think that's your opinion too right?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
And while you're mentioning our email, I'm kind of missing our monstrous boys.
I've got to get to that Rob. I've got to get to that.
The monstrous boys have struck again.
I love them guys. I've got to get up and see them.
And so has the mad crop duster struck again too.
I have not had a chance to print them out. The crop duster, he got me again and he let me know that he got me again through email and he laughed at me and he's having a big ha ha on me.
So and then the monstrous boys.
He knows who you are dude. Come on.
Oh I know, I know. And let a lot of people at work evidently know I have a podcast now.
Oh well yeah.
They think it's a sport podcast and I told them, even the big boss, hey here we have a podcast looking at.
Yeah it's a sport podcast but I got some dude here farting on me.
Yeah and he goes, ah talking sports?
Sometimes.
Yeah sometimes.
And a couple other people I got a little bit more in depth with. I'm like, no dude it's stick jokes.
We do some sports but we chose quite a while ago that I told one of the assistant general managers yesterday as a matter of fact.
I told him, I said, no I said everybody at our age knows their political alignment.
You're not going to change anybody's opinion by saying anything about either side.
Okay.
And that's one thing that you and I agreed on from the get go.
Yes. We're not political. Okay.
And we're, we are, we're not sports. We do some sports.
I mean the chiefs kind of commanded us to do sports.
Yeah well yeah.
Chiefs are hometown. Come on.
Yeah. Yeah. So if Des Moines had a.
The Royals suck.
Yeah the Royals aren't worth mentioning. And neither is baseball.
Neither is baseball. Baseball sucks.
Baseball killed itself. It shot itself in the foot. Good riddance. I'm done with it.
So anyhow you know you want to, you'd rather make profits? That's fine. You're going to do it without me.
So anyhow I tried to forewarn anybody that I had a minute with.
I'm like yeah go ahead and listen to it. Yes it's two douchebags and a microphone. Yes it is. That is it.
And I said remember the name. Remember what the name is. Two douchebags and a microphone.
Now does that sound like a serious podcast or does that sound like a bunch of dick jokes?
Sounds like a bunch of dick jokes. That's what we got going on here.
Everybody asks, you know anybody I talk to.
I talked to a couple new people just a few minutes ago over at my friend's house.
She's having a birthday party which I got to miss.
That's alright. I took her out Friday night for dinner.
Alright cool. Did you bang her?
No. Hell no. I told you that.
Rob I'm sorry I'm being a dick. I got to do that.
Yeah because you know back in the day I would have.
Well yeah I know. We're just friends. Our dogs even hang out.
That's part of the reason I do that Rob is because I know you're not like that anymore and that's not the way you think.
So I do it to get you to go no. It's that little bit of outrage.
I love it though. I love it.
That little bit of outrage at first.
I'm like damn why didn't I? Oh I know why. Because I'm 30 years older.
Because we generally don't think with our dicks anymore. Generally.
That's the last fucking thing I think of.
Yeah. I'm thinking.
What I think of my dick is to take a piss.
Are you blowing dust off it to take a piss Rob?
Oh dude it's bad these days. It's bad these days.
Oh yeah.
I'm just saying I'm going on a year.
Wow. Okay. Alright. Wow.
Okay I need to buy you the hookers and not Jeffy X.
Oh wait. We don't break the law here. We don't break the law here so we wouldn't do that.
But if we did I guess Rob.
I got to thank our hookers legal down here. No they're not.
No. I bet Jeffy X gets all they can handle anyhow with that Sergeant Pepper's outfit that you embroidered.
I just need to go find me some barflies.
There you go.
I don't hang out at the bar anymore.
Well you see it's kind of hard to find a barfly if you're not in a bar right?
Right. I'm screwed.
Yep. So Rob.
That's how I used to find my access.
I plead the fifth. I'm just not going to. I'm going to act like that question isn't there.
No. This is about me not you. You're happily married. Let's leave you out of it.
Okay. Alright. That sounds good.
Because if you want to get into stuff like that I got some stories.
In case she ever looks into this episode.
I told you she does not listen to my filth. She has a lot more class than me.
Yeah. But with your luck the more she would listen to you it would be this one.
Yes.
When you admit something she'll listen to it. I got women.
Yeah. Well she kind of knew my reputation before she knew me.
Exactly.
Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.
So anyhow moving right along.
Let's let's take us a break and come back with our top 10 or maybe 12 because Rob went ahead and went over a little bit.
Well yeah I pulled the mark.
Yep. Guitarists of all time.
And these are guitarists that you think deserve more credit than they ever got.
It doesn't mean the speediest.
Underrated guitarists.
Underrated yes. And this came about because I was reading an article on underrated guitarists and like these guys are idiots.
And I said Rob and I could do this much better than I thought. You know what. Send Rob a text and see if he's a game.
So we're getting ready to come back and we're going to do the top 10 each one of our list of the most underrated guitarists.
So we will talk to you guys here in a couple of minutes. Sound good.
Invisible ass paddling's new douche flavors and horrible pranks. The fuck is wrong with these guys.
And now deep thoughts with Mark.
Should I record frog sounds in the summer then play them when it's zero degrees on my ring doorbell for the Amazon guy.
Yeah that sounds like fun.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Hi all. This is Mark here. I'm usually the one telling you what to eat during an apocalypse.
Well this time I decided to go the other way.
You ever consider just going to ground zero and saying fuck it. Do you really want to be the guy running around looking for radioactive deer.
Guessing whether water is not contaminated or not. No food. No shelter. No nothing.
Oh no. There's a strong argument that says you know what. Let's just go to ground zero and see what's for us after. Just a thought.
Two douche bags and a microphone. Cause we all need dick jokes.
Remember to bleach your bluetooth after every show.
Oh shit. What's that over there. Oh no. It's the island of horrible jokes.
I found my copy in Microsoft office. I will find you and I will have my word.
Next up. Things overheard in hell.
Howard Stern just signed a ten year contract extension.
Next up. Things overheard in hell.
Howard Stern just signed a ten year contract extension.
Oh lord. That man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there. Don't worry. I have a clown nose.
Oh no. That drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay. I have a clown nose.
Clown nose. Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office? Murder people in public? Just grab a clown nose and bam. Everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions. Grab one today and make magic happen.
And we are back. Two douche bags and a microphone. I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Alright. Like we said previous. We are going to do our top ten list of most underrated guitarists.
This is our version of it. What we think is. You guys probably have a lot different versions of it. But this is the cool thing about this.
Well if you listen to us in the past you know we go above ten.
And I want to do a disclaimer. Well normally Mark does. So this time I did.
Yes. I've got a couple that I scratched out that I'm bringing back to life now because of that. So we'll be even.
Well I had ten. I had my top ten. But then there was a couple I got like no man. I got a full month.
Rob you don't need to explain. I understand.
I know.
Anyhow I wanted to do a disclaimer here. I'm pretty sure Eddie Trunk has covered this. Like this before.
Because they do most underrated bands. Most what should have been a hit and stuff like this all the time.
I'm sure they've done this. And if they did. God bless them. But I mean Rob and I love doing stuff like this too.
I'm sure a lot of different radio shows have done this.
You know what. You're probably right Rob. I'm sure there's quite a few. So this is our take.
So Eddie we're just joining everybody else. We're not robbing off of nobody's stuff.
No.
This is our list.
Alright Rob go ahead and go with your top twelve and then I will come back with mine. That sound good?
Okay number twelve. Well since we started at ten I had to top you. So number twelve Aldo Nova.
Oh he was almost on my list too. Shit.
Okay he did his album with Fancy. But I'll tell you what that was a bad ass album.
Yeah and so was I.
Side A, Side B. Both awesome songs.
Yeah yeah.
Ball and Chain and a bunch of them.
And then Monkey on the Back was like the second.
Yeah Monkey on the Back. Awesome song.
Yeah I love the effects he did with that guitar with his not even using Wangy Bar.
I would agree with you. He's not on my list and he almost made it because I did think about him quite a bit.
We're taking top ten.
No that's cool. I agree with it completely Rob.
Okay my number eleven. I'm so sorry he did not make this on my top ten.
Okay.
And that's how I come in at number eleven because I thought of him before Aldo Nova.
Okay.
Mr. Steven Piercy from Rat. We gave him so much credit on his show and he did not make my top ten.
Are you sure you're not talking about.
I was going to talk to you there.
Steven Piercy is a singer Rob. You're talking about either Robin Crosby or Warren D. Martino.
Oh okay Robin Crosby.
Robin Crosby okay.
Rat Rat.
Yeah okay. I would agree.
I agree. I agree because he did all those like the round and round and lay it down and all that stuff.
He came up with the rhythm that was so catchy.
Oh God yeah and they went on from there. Invasion of your privacy.
Yeah.
I would agree Robin Crosby.
Although he's no longer with us.
Yeah I'm sorry. I did not mean to.
No no no that's fine. And I didn't want to I didn't want to correct you but people might have been like well what the hell is he talking about.
No you're right.
I knew you were talking about Robin Crosby. That's why I said that at first.
You're correct on that.
Okay alrighty.
Okay down to number ten.
Number ten Billy Corgan smashing pumpkins.
Not a bad choice at all. Can't argue with it.
Very good. Very good.
Yep.
Number nine Jerry Cantrell.
He almost made my list. I agree with it.
You'll see why I didn't put him in. I put someone else in this place.
I understand that.
I got one that's way off play dude.
Oh I can't wait to hear it. Those are my favorite.
Okay number eight.
Somebody off one of your other lists.
Tim Thal.
He's on my list.
He's on my list. He was on my hairy asshole Olympics.
The guy looks like he can carry some air.
Yeah Kim Thal. Excellent.
He's great. He's a great guitarist.
Some of those rhythms he comes up with. Great music. Just really soulful.
Intricate pieces.
He can play anything.
That guy's the real deal. He is one hell of a guitarist.
Okay now I got another for number seven. Another older one.
Alright.
Tommy Bowlin.
I almost put him in mine. Tommy Bowlin.
Played with the James Gang Rush.
Deep Purple.
Oh there's awesome guitarists.
Was that Mark Bowlin? No that was Tommy Bowlin in Deep Purple.
Mark Bowlin was rather.
No no no no. Tommy went on to play with Deep Purple.
He played with James Gang Rush and Deep Purple.
Yeah Tommy Bowlin was a very underrated guitarist.
Part of the problem was he died in a car wreck early.
He didn't really have a chance to blossom.
He was in Deep Purple.
And he passed away I believe in Deep Purple.
And he'd come in and just did all the stuff that Richie Blackmore did.
And he put his own twist to it. And people were really grooving it.
They're like man this guy's good. Oh this is awesome.
And then remember the story about Tommy Bowlin's guitar I covered not too long ago.
And actually it was his guitar tech and not his.
And they're looking for it forever. Yeah.
Anyhow go ahead I'm sorry.
No you're fine. You're fine.
Because my number six.
Alex Lyson from Rush. He's on my list too.
So Rush took my number six and seven.
Your list is fantastic dude.
My number five will throw you off dude.
But I think even you will agree because it is pretty much out of our genre.
Number five.
Prince. He's on my list too Rob.
Really? Yes.
Dude he can wail on guitar. Oh I know.
Rob we think alike so much.
We have crossed over. And everybody that you mentioned I thought about either put them on my list or almost put them on my list.
That's how close we are on this.
So anyhow go ahead.
Okay. Well now we're in my top four.
Alright.
Number four.
Lindsay Buckingham. He's on my list too.
I can't believe this.
We did not cheat. We did not cheat.
No you know why Lindsay Buckingham is so original.
Is because he never. Yeah I do. Yeah we covered this here all back.
Yeah he never played electric guitar. You told that story. Go ahead.
He played acoustic guitar his whole life.
The deal was for him to join Fleetwood Mac he would have to play electric guitar.
And he agreed to it. So everything. He didn't know how.
No he was just like. They were telling him.
Yeah they were telling him do it the same way you do it only it's going to sound a little different.
But then he started using some more power chords and rhythms and stuff.
But yeah I mean the guy is so unique because he was a folk guitarist.
He really never really aspired to be much more than that.
But then when he joined Fleetwood Mac he took on a whole other realm of music.
Great stuff. Yeah at the same time Fleetwood Mac's music would not be Fleetwood's magic.
I know. Music without that guitar. I know that guitar was just brilliant.
It fit perfectly. He never did too much.
Which makes him always one of my favorites.
It's kind of like drumming. You know John Bonham.
What he didn't do was more important than what he did do.
You know sometimes simplicity is a key. More in silence and you can make him words or noise.
I mean perfect. So anyhow go ahead Rob.
Oh yeah he was awesome. Yeah I would agree.
Okay number three. Miles Goodwin from April Wine.
Oh I did not get that one. But I love it.
I'm missing their bass on my bass list.
Dude their music is just. They were in tune.
Think about like Runaround and the guitar on it.
Yeah. Yeah I couldn't agree more. Or Sign of the Gypsy Quint.
I mean they just fit so perfectly. April Wine. Yeah.
Oh I agree. Yep.
Number two from one of my other top bands. You may have to help me with the name.
Rudolph Schenker. Yeah Rudolph Schenker. Yeah.
The Scorpions. Yep.
One of the most underrated guitarists right there dude.
His brother Michael Schenker is really good too.
And his brother started in the Scorpions first.
Yeah. He was in UFO and Michael Schenker group. So anyhow.
You know that. Yeah. That's a good one. Can't argue with it.
Okay my number one underrated guitarist. Uh huh.
Bobby Egram from Molly Hatchet. Wow. Okay.
You listen to Molly Hatchet. Yeah I love Molly Hatchet.
A lot of Molly Hatchet's music. I used to call him Molly motherfucking Hatchet.
Oh dude. I'm still in love with it.
They were like Leonard Skidding with a sledgehammer.
I'll tell you what. You listen to all of the peacemakers.
That's some badass guitar.
Dude I couldn't agree with you more. That whole list.
And they don't get credit. I know. I know.
I don't understand why they don't get credit because I'll tell you one reason I do know this.
People considered them a rip off of Leonard Skinner which they were not.
No they did their own thing.
Yeah they were related to Leonard Skinner a couple of the members of the group.
I forgot how they were related to a couple of the members.
I think they were cousins or something. Yeah something like that.
But that's the only really significance between them and Skinner.
That's why I said it's like Skinner with a sledgehammer.
They did some of the same guitar sounds but much heavier.
Anyhow I couldn't agree more.
Yeah you listen to Skinner. You listen to Molly Hatchet. You can tell the difference.
Yep. Alright. For mine. Yeah there's my top list.
Number 12.
Donald Buck Dharma Rosier from Blue Oyster Cult.
Oh damn dude. Yeah. I almost threw him in.
That guy. That guy's insane. He's insane. I've seen him in concert.
The shit that he does. I mean like Godzilla.
All the picking he does. I imagine. That thing is nothing but picking.
I imagine. The whole thing is a solo with a kick ass rhythm behind it.
Yeah that's all new.
Donald Buck Dharma Rosier may even been further up than that.
But I went ahead and left him there. That's fine.
Yeah so. And then number 11 I say is Rick Nilsen of Cheap Trick.
Okay see. I would have thrown him in.
Do you think he gets credit? I consider him rated.
Okay you see I think Cheap Trick. I consider him rated.
Let me give you an example of why I went this way.
They are in the Rock and Roll Hall. I totally understand.
They're in the Rock and Roll Hall. I consider him rated.
And they open up for everybody. They open up for smaller groups.
I don't understand it. Yeah they open up for everybody.
Yeah I think they're one of the most underrated groups ever.
Especially the Gahars. Oh and the Basist.
Oh geez man he's the one that came up with the 18th string bass.
Well this mainly is into another list.
You know what there's a couple of lists.
And that's underrated group or underrated guitarist.
Underrated bassist and groups.
What no that's work on underrated groups.
Okay that sounds good.
We're a couple weeks. Top 10 underrated groups in two weeks.
Alright you guys have been warned.
Number 10. Lindsay Buckingham. Fleetwood Mac.
Yeah. Nuff said. We talked about him.
Just fantastic. Fantastic music. So original.
Alright. Number 9. Mark Nuff.
Oh hey you gotta add. You have to add.
Add. Having your ex girlfriend.
Oh yeah. Looking you in the face.
And telling you about how much she hates you.
What a miserable piece of shit you are.
Why do you play guitar.
Yeah yeah yeah.
Oh man. He is probably like who gives a fuck.
That's why Lindsay Buckingham. He's my top artist.
You know Lindsay Buckingham probably went over to Christie and said.
Hey come here.
Hi dude. You see the front row there.
I'm gonna fuck half of them.
Hahaha.
And Lindsay probably said who cares.
See that other part of the front row. I'm gonna fuck half of them.
So anyhow number 9. Mark Nuff.
I think Stevie Won.
You like Stevie better than Christie McVie?
Huh?
Oh okay. Anyhow.
Oh Stevie Nicks. Oh my god.
You know what. That's a whole other platform I feel. We'll get to that later.
Number 9. Mark Nuff.
I'm a Stevie lover. Just saying.
Okay. No that's cool. She's fine.
The whole thing about doing it Stevie Nicks style and Jessie Co came through your asshole because you burnt your nose out.
Just didn't do me any good for her at all.
Anyhow.
Okay. Give her a broadcast.
Okay. 9. Mark Knopfler.
Dire Straits.
That guy.
Nice one.
Yeah. Listen to.
Yo-Yos. Yo-Yos. That's the way you do it.
They play you a guitar on your MTV.
That's. That whole song.
This song is so intricate and complicated.
But did. Okay now was he the same guitarist on Knights and White Satin?
No no. Knights and White Satin was Moody Bloops.
Oh yeah. Okay. What other song was that?
Oh shit. Let's see.
Back in that era.
Salt and Swing.
Yeah. Salt and Swing.
Yeah. Same guy. Same guy. Mark Knopfler.
Still awesome.
Yeah. All of it's good.
Number 8. Alex Lyson.
Rush.
We already went over all that. I mean the guy's insanely good.
Number 7. I want you to take note Rob.
Robin Trower.
Of Robin Trower.
Oh dude.
I know. I. The guy.
I would have figured him as top notch.
His rhythm. I mean his lead stuff. Just like Tony Ahomey. Nothing right home about.
But the rhythm stuff that he came up with. And some of them were Mark Knopfler.
The rhythms that they came up with were so unique and so respected worldwide.
And so new and fresh. And the sound. The tone.
Every bit of it was just so good.
It made a generation turn their heads.
Right. Yeah. Like I said. I would have considered him a top notch.
That's why he didn't. He wasn't. He didn't come near my list.
I don't think he got. He was already up there.
He didn't get any credit dude. You look anywhere.
Anywhere on any list at all.
People forgot about Robin Trower because he never did make it that big.
I never forgot about him.
I didn't either but he was always 7 or 8 on any type of a festival. 7, 8, 9.
He was always the first day during daylight.
Which in travesty the guy was so good.
I mean really he could have wrote some hit songs a little bit more.
Than just doing guitar pieces. That probably would have helped him.
But you know what. You know what. They don't pay me to do that. So moving right along.
Number 6. Prince.
Prince. We know that.
I had the number 5.
I mean I could have put Prince in number 1.
Because no one ever talked about his guitar.
He was awesome.
Shit.
Something that shit he laid down was badass.
That and all the feeling he had in it. Wow. Dude was just phenomenal.
Yeah. I mean we're back in the 80s.
I'm in the hair metal and shit and Prince come out with Purple Rain.
Everybody was like what the fuck.
I caught everybody's attention.
Yes it did. It was from.
And that guitar. He was badass.
It was from Bebop Deluxe to Heavy Metal. Everybody loved Prince and respected him.
So number 5. Kim Thal of Soundgarden. Of course.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude was awesome. What can you say?
Number 4. Dave Mustaine.
Shit. Okay. Yeah. See. No.
Okay. No. No. No. Okay. I'm going to. Okay. No.
Here's why I said that but I'm going to take him off the list. I agree with you.
He's going to go off the list because Megadeth is a huge group.
But the reason I put him as a guitarist is because you never hear about guitarists.
You never hear him as a guitarist. You always hear about his vocals.
And I just wanted to bring awareness to him.
Okay. Okay. I will give you that. I will give you that one.
But let me go ahead and go with.
You have a good point there and that's why I did not. Thank you.
I'm taking him off the list. I just wanted people to be aware that nobody ever talks about him as a guitarist.
And he's an excellent rhythm guitarist.
He was a badass guitarist. No. You were correct. I will give you that one.
Okay. My number four that I went with instead of Dave Mustaine is John Sykes.
John Sykes. He wrote the Slided In album, White Snake.
And he wrote their big album, the self-titled White Snake album with Is This Love and Still In The Night and all that.
He did all of that music. He wrote it and performed it.
That guy and all the stuff that you didn't hear for White Snake because they didn't make it big over here in America yet.
John Sykes is brilliant. A brilliant musician and a brilliant player.
Yeah. He went a little deeper than I did.
Sometimes if you don't. I know you know him Rob. I know that you know.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I know you're aware of him. Sometimes do yourself a favor and just go to YouTube and seek out John Sykes music bits.
And just. Yeah. The guy's been on. Just listen to his music. Yeah. Yeah. He is crazy good.
Number three. Izzy Stradlin, Guns N' Roses.
Izzy Stradlin got absolutely no credit at all. The gems he put together on Appetite For Destruction.
Listen. Everybody knows Slash. Everybody knows Slash's hooks and all that.
He sounds a lot like Joe Perry. He's an excellent guitarist. His mom was an actor. Everyone knows Slash.
Izzy Stradlin played a lot like Keith Richards in the background.
He's doing the chunks and the twangs. He made that album feel like a dirty nasty album because of his playing.
Izzy Stradlin is a genius at guitar.
I give you that one also.
Yeah. And if you don't believe me. Yeah. Listen to Appetite For Destruction.
This is a good one. This is a good one.
You and I brought it on this. I'm very proud of both of us.
Izzy Stradlin is just... He did a masterpiece on Appetite For Destruction.
I mean, simply put, if you get on there... Yes, he did. That's the album that made him big.
Yes. And a lot of it is because of stuff behind the scenes.
I mean, anyhow. You know what? I'm just going to move on. If you don't believe me, listen to Appetite For Destruction.
Don't listen to Slash's lead parts. Look it up. Yeah.
Look up Izzy Stradlin bits off of Appetite. So anyhow. Look it up.
Number two, Mick Mars.
And I do believe that Mick Mars is underrated. Motley Crue is a very big group. But nobody...
Okay. No. No. No. Okay. Okay. I agree with you. He was underrated for the group he was in because the group he was known for more.
But I still say he's a top-notch guitarist.
No, he is. That's why he did not make my list.
He never gets credit though, Rob. Nobody ever goes, oh Mick Mars is the best. People always go, I do. We do.
I do. You do. I know a lot of people that do.
These are people that grew up with Motley Crue. A lot of people think that Mick Mars is a substandard guitar player and I'm not kidding you.
Just like a lot of people think... Yeah, that's why he's one of the greatest. That's why he did not make my list.
I can see that but I was compelled to... I was compelled to... I was compelled to... I understand.
Yeah, because I think he is seriously underrated.
He is. He is. He's a fan. He makes him underrated.
And I'm sticking with him on that because I hear too many people slide him all the time.
Now look at it. He's fighting for shit he wrote.
And he's going to get it too. He's going to win it all.
Yeah, he will. He's got to.
I can't wait. I will have a celebration. You and I are huge Mick Mars fans and I can't wait for him to win it because Motley Crue has done him wrong.
He deserves everything he's got coming.
He does. He wrote the music, obviously. The great stuff. Not this shit they came out with in the last few years.
Shit we grew up listening to.
Yeah, and if you don't listen to his solo album you hear a lot of that stuff in there.
Although he went modern. He plays modern type music. That guitar backbone is still there. That's so good.
Okay, number one and this one I think is so underrated. Criminally underrated.
Brad Gillis. Brad Gillis and Night Ranger. And Ozzy.
Oh! Oh!
Let me explain this to the layman out there that doesn't understand this.
And that's fine. Not everybody is into music like this.
I did not even think of that one.
Randy Rhoades is known as one of the best guitarists ever. He had a short live career because he was killed in that plane wreck.
Randy Rhoades. Yeah. Fantastic.
If he could have lived longer, oh my god the things he could have done.
So anyhow he was killed that tragically killed that plane wreck. So he never did get to finish his career the way he should have.
But okay he had to play the plane wreck. Ozzy had gigs that he had to fulfill.
So the only person that could learn Randy Rhoades stuff in that amount of time in like a week or maybe I think it was more like four days.
Brad Gillis did. Yeah I think it was like four days.
Brad Gillis came in and learned them all and played them. And did very well.
He got offered the gig before Jakey Lee, before Zach, before anyone else.
Brad Gillis was offered Randy Rhoades vacant spot.
And he turned it down to join Night Ranger because he really liked what Night Ranger was doing and they did very well.
Yeah they did.
But Ozzy and Sharon wanted Brad Gillis and he didn't want to do it.
He played in Randy Rhoades vacant spot. He did that.
But he didn't want anyone to do with it. And also Ozzy was a little nuts back then.
I'm sure he's kind of afraid to join Ozzy. He thought that Ozzy was going to do something and derail the whole thing.
I'm sure that had something to do with it too.
But anyhow that is my top ten most underrated guitarist.
I love that number one.
Good. And I love your stuff too. We both brought it. I'm very proud.
Yeah we did. We did. We did good tonight.
Yeah we did. Alright let's take our second break Rob and then let's come back.
I got a little article I'd like to do.
Jeffy X has some stuff that he came out with if you're right here.
Oh great. Yeah I can't wait to hear from Jeffy. I miss him already. He's got to come back and visit.
Oh yeah. He said he will. He loves his Sgt. Pepper outfit and he loves his flying bat suit and his embroidered underwear with a Steven Pearson pouch.
Hey we'll be right back.
We get it warmer around here like the Ozarks. I'll take him out for a really good time.
Oh he said that he has a pair of leopard skin Speedos he's ready to wear.
Oh it'll be perfect.
I know. It'll be perfect.
Alright we'll be right back guys.
Alright see you in a minute.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Dirt and apocalypse. Don't forget the nuts. Hickory nuts that is.
Yeah we know hickory wood gets all the glory and all the love. Everyone loves the hickory trees. They cut them down and they make great sandwiches out of barbecue and meats. They smoke them and it's a fantastic deal.
But little does anyone know about the hickory nuts. Dirt and apocalypse hickory nuts could be the best thing you can find.
Hickory nuts can be eaten raw, toasted or added to various recipes. Their rich buttery flavor and crunchy texture make them an ideal ingredient for both sweet and savory dishes.
You can use hickory nuts to make nut butter, pesto or even a unique hickory nut milk.
There are five types of hickory nuts.
Bitter nut hickory, shag bark hickory, pig nut hickory, mockernut hickory and smooth bark hickory. Hickory trees are considered part of the walnut species and are plentiful at least around Missouri and surrounding areas.
So, dirt and apocalypse, don't forget to grab your nuts.
Now, from this underground bunker encamped in Missouri, stocked full of dried guts, canned food and a couple of vibrating toys, is ramblings of a madman featuring Rob Rant.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong office.
Hello, this is Satan. You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to two douchebags in microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and reflect on all the souls I burned that day.
Enjoy.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
So, if I have a glass of ice water and the ice melts into the water, is my water then watered down?
Hm, I may never know.
And we are back to douchebags and a microphone on Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright, well, as promised, I have this list here, but we're going to get to the list here in a minute. We have an article to go through before we get to Jeffy X's list, but I had to get your guys' attention, right? And what better way than to have Jeffy X come up with another list?
So, due to millennials and Gen Z's lack of interest in soft drinks of the soda variety, Coke is branched out yet again, trying to keep up market shares to the younger generations.
Introducing new Coke and Coke Zero Spicy Raspberry, trying to freshen up the product line to appeal to the youngsters.
I'm believing anything less than Coke-Boba-Bubble is probably a waste of time.
They need a Boba or Organic attached to the name to keep any interest from those two generations. Don't you think so, Rob?
Yeah.
I mean, you gotta have that gimmick, you know, it's gotta be Boba, oh, it's got the bubbles in it, or it's gotta be, oh, the new Coca-Cola is organic, and then all of a sudden it's like, organic? Good, I get to pay ten times the amount of cash for it. Oh, I love that.
So, anyhow, so our good buddy Jeffy X has uncovered some other soft drink fails, trying to appeal to the Z's and the millennials.
So, anyhow, this happened like it always does. Jeffy X is our undercover sleuth that finds these lists of things that have failed focus panels, and this is no different.
These are soft drinks that they tried to get through focus panels and groups and test marketing, and it failed.
And anyhow, like always, he sent me an email and said, hey, here's a list that I came up with, I did some sleuthing, and I gotta get the hell out of here in ten minutes, and the email destroys itself.
So I downloaded it in nine minutes, and I printed it out, and then boom, ten minutes, it was gone, like always.
Hey, hey.
Yeah?
I gotta give you a pat on the back, brother.
Yeah?
You were on it every time receiving these.
I know, I know, one time.
You do not let them go by, you gotta be on it.
One time I had to do some snickery.
I appreciate that, and I know our listeners appreciate it.
Yes, yep, yeah, I mean, I was in an establishment in a store.
Yeah, I mean, they can hit you any time.
Oh, what I did was I had to act like one of the employees there. I ran back in their office and had it printed out really quick for my cell phone.
No, there you go.
Yeah, yeah, I did what it took, and I got it, so.
Yeah, yeah.
Anyhow, so Jeffy X.
How's it going, brother?
In order to repay him for all his sleuthing and his life-risking behavior, you know, trying to find these things for us, because this is heavily guarded secrets.
Rob Rad, he was generous enough to make him a pair of embroidered underwear with his full name, Jeffy X, on it, embroidered on the underwear.
Was one gold-colored underwear, what was the other one?
Silver.
Silver, oh, perfect.
Yeah, he loves them.
Yeah, golden silver.
Yeah, he loves them.
He wears them all the time.
And then Sergeant Pepper outfit, you embroidered him.
I don't think he's worn that thing yet.
No, he's worn it every day and he refuses to take it off.
The pictures he keeps sending me, there is no way he's worn it yet.
Oh, I know, he is not.
I've seen the pictures pretty much daily.
And I told him, dude, you gotta have it dry cleaned.
Well, it's getting yellow stains underneath the underarms. I told him he needs to like it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, and then...
That's on him.
I know, I know, he can do what he wants.
Rodney Jeffy!
He can do what he wants, and then of course, the only time he ever takes off the Sergeant Pepper outfit is to put on the flying bat suit that you made him, which he only does at night.
Yeah, that's, yeah, he told me that's only at night.
Only at night, during the day, he wears the Sergeant Pepper outfit with his embroidered underwear that he embroidered him.
He mentioned something about betraying Batman.
Yes, yes, yeah, he said that to me too.
Okay, and then me being a much more simpler man, I'm a meat and potatoes guy, I simply, if I was to break the law, I was going to buy him 30 pounds of cocaine, and I think I'm up to 90 hookers, right?
Well...
But I don't break, we don't break the law here at 2-D Sports, remember?
Yeah, he was happy you passed up the cocaine.
Yeah, yeah, he said at his age that, you know...
But the hookers he would have loved.
Well, he said he's dying to see what they think of his Sergeant Pepper's outfit, he wanted to put the smooth up on him and see what happened, you know, so...
Yeah, yeah, so, we gotta get him them hookers.
But since we don't break the law here, I'm going to give him the cash equivalent and leave it up to him.
Yeah, we can!
Yeah, I'm going to go find his owner for the rest of my life.
Yeah, yeah, what we'll do is we'll estimate the value of hookers now-a-day and we'll just do a...
I did, I did.
Yeah, you did.
We're just going to do a rough estimate of the value of a hooker and we're going to times that by 80, and I'll just give him the cash for all he does for us.
Whatever.
And the embroidered underwear...
He'll be happy, he'll be happy.
And the special thing about the embroidered underwear that Rob Radd made him was he has a special Steven Piercy pouch embroidered on the inside of the underwear so he can put a couple of socks in there and look more appeasing to females and maybe possibly some gay males.
Because supposedly Steven Piercy, the old glam band rat, used to do a little fill and fool in there with that special pouch.
So Rob Radd took the initiative to go ahead and put a couple of them in his underwear, one in the gold, one in the silver, and if Jeffy X wanted to fill and fool, it was up to him, but we're sure he doesn't have to.
Right?
And it's Jeffy across the ass and X across the front.
Very good.
You love that idea.
Oh yeah, yeah.
You can't go wrong with that, Rob.
Work of art.
It was my own design, man.
Work of art, Rob.
Pretty good this time.
Work of art.
So, without any more, we're going to go ahead and go to this list.
So, how about some kale flavored Pepsi?
What?
Kale flavored Pepsi.
It failed.
How, how, how can you mention, we have not mentioned that word in months, dude.
I know, I know, I know.
Kale was a joke played on.
Do we have to keep bringing it back?
I'm sorry, I didn't make this list.
Jeffy X did.
I know he did.
I agree with you.
That, that sound just produced me.
After everything they did, it's over.
Come on, man.
My soul cries whenever I hear the word kale or anyone that claims that they like it.
Oh, God.
Kale was a joke that someone came up with and he thought that no one would believe it,
and then when they started believing it, he couldn't believe it.
So, he was just like, fine, whatever.
He just brought this shit out and he's like, hey, watch this.
I'm going to make people think this is good and then they're going to like throw it at me.
And then Ruben started liking it.
So, I mean, yeah, anyhow.
Yeah, kale is trash.
That's crazy.
And what you do with kale is, is as soon as you identify it, you throw it in the garbage so no one gets as mixed up with real food.
Agreed?
Yeah, I mean, they've ruined the show.
And then plus what they did, they took a really good co-host.
Kidnapped Topher because he.
Kidnapped him?
Yeah.
Maybe I could bring somebody like me in.
They made him touch kale.
They made Topher touch kale.
You took out the good one and had to bring him in.
To the kale.
Well, anyhow.
Anyhow, it failed, which is great.
So what do you think about an avocado crush, Rob?
You know, there's avocado toast.
Like cola?
No, crush.
Like orange crush, grape crush.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like orange crush, cola.
Yeah, avocado crush.
That, that, that I could possibly get into.
It failed?
Seriously.
It failed?
Seriously.
Oh, God.
Well, I might make it my own.
I guess so.
You're going to have to squeeze avocado juice or whatever.
I love avocados.
I love, you know, south ways.
Well, the avocado crush is off the table, Rob.
I'm sorry to say.
Ah, damn it.
I know.
So how about spinach infused with an iced tea with lemon?
No?
Yeah.
You think they're right on this one?
Turn it down.
Okay.
Now, spinach with infused vinegar?
I can see.
Not lemon.
But with an iced tea with lemon?
Oh, oh, I thought you said spinach.
Spinach infused, licked in iced tea with lemon.
No, no, fuck that.
Fuck that.
No iced tea with spinach.
No.
I'm sorry.
I missed licked in iced tea.
All right.
Well, that failed, so you don't have to worry about it coming out.
Yeah, fuck that.
No, no, no.
The next one.
You're talking to Mr. Iced Tea Drinker.
I know.
I knew you'd have something to say about it.
Next one.
Poke bowl flavored Sprite.
You know, poke is like little pieces of fish cut up with like different vegetables in a
jar.
Yep.
I agree.
Not in a Sprite.
I would agree, 100%.
Next one.
Hummus flavored Dr. Pepper.
Yep.
Agreed.
Bust.
Out, gone, no more.
Next one.
What about Caesar salad flavored Gatorade?
Okay, now we might be onto something there.
I thought that sounded kind of appeasing, yeah?
Yeah, yeah.
As long as it's Caesar salad.
Yeah.
So let's see.
Yeah.
That could be it.
I agree.
So you're sitting there drinking a Caesar salad flavored Gatorade, right?
Yeah.
Hey Rob, what you got in your hand?
That's a different looking Gatorade.
What is that?
It's a Caesar salad.
Oh wow.
Okay.
Man, it looks good.
Pretty good, is it?
Yeah.
Oh no, you get all the nutrients you need in the morning.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Yeah.
All right, I'm in.
You need the bacon, ham, the eggs, yeah, you got everything in it.
I cannot believe.
So you're saying a Caesar chef salad, even better.
Yeah, yeah, it's all in there.
Oh yeah, I get the chunks in the Gatorade.
All in the Gatorade.
Sounds delicious.
I don't know why they denied it.
So how about plant-based RC Cola?
Well, it didn't work.
It went, it's gone.
Anybody that is listening to the show knows how you and I feel about RC Cola.
We love RC Cola.
It is our favorite.
Yes.
And it's even-
Above PFC, above code, RC all the way.
Yeah, we grew up on RC.
And it's sentimental and it's a really great cola and I drink it every chance I get.
The real sugar because-
Yeah, get the real sugar.
Yeah.
That's a big deal, right?
I'm a self-proclaimed real sugar snob.
I accept this.
You got me going on it.
Yeah, I tell you.
Yeah, you drink the corn syrup and just have the-
There's definitely a difference in taste.
There really is.
It's just so much better and cleaner and crisper with the pure cane sugar.
It's just so much better.
And then finally, the one soda that did make it was any soda that you could deliver to a high-rise apartment in a loft in any downtown urban area of any major city.
I've set it up.
There you go.
That'll work.
Seriously.
Yeah.
7up would float up there like bubble up.
So, in-
I can't believe I got that one.
All right, Rob.
I got something for you here.
Sorry, I am a little sick, like I said, a little sickly tonight.
I've got something for you.
I'm coming off being sick, so I'm on a roll.
Okay, Rob, I've got something for-
Hey, where did they go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh, geez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.