Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it's Two Douchebags and a Microphone Podcast.
And now it's time for the Daily Douchebag Pledge.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone Pledge, I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to download every show.
I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to grab family members phones and download the show from there.
I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to go to public computers and download the show from there.
I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to laugh at all the unfunny jokes.
I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to lie to all my friends and tell them how good the show is.
And finally, I, Joe, or Jane listener, promise to visit Montrose, Missouri, to take advantage of the power plant, campgrounds, and junkyard all within its quarter mile radius.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Joe Buck and Troy Aitman are being all televised in radio games of the NFL this year.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Should I record frog sounds in the radio?
Should I record frog sounds in the summer, then play them when it's zero degrees on my ring doorbell for the Amazon guy?
Yeah, that sounds like fun.
Hey look, I think we found land. Oh my god, I think we're safe.
Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes.
I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
Once again, it's time for ramblings of a madman.
I believe Congress needs to synchronize tap dance for 20 minutes before each session.
That needs to happen.
Two douchebags and a microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright, well that was a nice little adventure, wasn't it Rob?
Well, I hope your volume still sounds off to me, but I hope it sounds alright.
It's coming up good on the recording device, on the audio tonic, so I guess we'll go with that.
I don't wear earphones in here.
Yeah, I have my earpod and yeah, you're a little low volume wise.
Okay, well you know what?
It's a bit normal, but we'll see how it goes.
You know Oreo kicked off 2024 boldly, and with a new limited edition flavor, said to be inspired by the galaxy.
On Tuesday, January 23rd, the fan favorite cookie brand revealed a new flavor called Space Dunk.
It will be added to its lineup, taking Oreo themes, space dunk.
Dunk, not dunk.
Like I said, the volume, I'm having a hard time with his voice right now.
I hope it's you or me.
I don't know, I don't know, so anyhow, it's coming up okay on my recording equipment, that's all I know.
Okay, there was this everybody.
Alright, so taking Oreo fans on an expedition where no Oreo cookie lover has gone before to the edge of space.
The latest edition comes over a little over a month after Oreo confirmed three other flavors of cookies
that would hook store shelves in 2024, and honestly, we're here for all the Oreo news, is what they said.
Okay, anyhow, wonder what a bite out of the galaxy would taste like?
Us too, but according to official press release, each cookie is stuffed with layers of blue and pink cosmic cream.
No, with marshmallow flavor.
With marshmallow flavor, no, and popping candies that could create a supernova bursting sensation with each bite.
The space dunk cookies don't just feature a whole new otherworldly flavor profile,
but one of five never before seen galactic adventures.
Okay, well alright, you know what, that's all I need to say about that.
Everybody gets the idea.
It just goes on and on about what a great cookie it is.
So, I'm not going to read that.
Well, I'm happy for them, but when I think of outer space, I think of darkness.
Yeah.
So that's why I mentioned triple chocolate.
Nope, they have a different thing in mind, and anyhow.
Well then, we have, yeah.
Actually, I didn't really, me personally, I didn't like the description.
I probably will be not trying them.
So, it just didn't sound appealing to me, but if other people like them, God bless you, do it.
So, we have some ass padlins, Rob.
Let's do it.
Alright.
I'm ready, I'm ready, after today I'm ready.
Yeah, I know, okay.
I've had the sprinkles today, I'm ready.
Alright.
Ass padlins originated a long time ago when Topher and I first kicked off the podcast.
I think it might have been in number three episode or number four.
But what it is, is we were walking on the beach, me and Topher.
Rob and his brother say we were holding hands, but we were not.
So, and.
We'll get him on the air one of these days to clarify that.
Okay, so anyhow, we were not holding hands, although Rob and his brother say we were.
But anyhow, we were walking along the beach and the sun was rising and the wind was gently blowing in our hair.
And bam, I stumbled over something and I stubbed my toe and I'm like, ah shit.
Turn around, it looks like a bottle with a cork in it.
And I'm like, man dude, that looks like a genie bottle.
Topher's like, eh, it's not a genie bottle, you're being stupid.
We walked over there and I took the cork out and poof, out came a genie.
So anyhow, we're like, yay, we get three wishes.
And he rolls his eyes, he goes, no, you watch too much TV.
You get one wish, one wish only, make it and use it wisely.
You know, like world peace and hunger.
So Topher and I looked at each other and said, we want to be invisible so we can ass paddle people who need it.
The genie was very reluctant.
He rolled his eyes and he goes, and just kind of tis, tis, tis, tis.
And he goes, okay, very well, I have to honor your wish.
So once a month you can turn invisible and you and your buddy there can paddle people's asses that need it.
So poof, he's going.
So anyhow, this is our invisible ass paddling for this month.
Bill's Mafia for throwing snowballs after their loss.
Oh hell yeah.
Yeah, they all need a paddling.
And the reason is, man, it's like, come on.
You know, what you do is like what they did there on the field.
You know, there was quite a few fights that broke out between each, between the players and everything.
And there is a lot of feelings and emotion.
But at the end of it, they all shook hands and wished each other well and congratulated each other on a great season.
Okay, why can't fans do that?
I mean, you know, you got those snowballs at them, you little bitches.
They need ass paddling.
So the next one.
Ass paddling, I believe it.
Yeah, yeah, I think they should have been number one like I put them too, right?
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
Okay, next one.
PETA for trying to rob, PETA, people for the ethical treatment of animals.
Yes, yes.
That's what I agree with. I agree with it. Sometimes.
Some of their stuff, yes.
But not this one right here.
PETA for trying to rob Punxsutawney Phil of his only use in life.
And that's predicting how many more weeks of winter we are getting.
They want to replace him with a giant coin to flip.
I'm not joking.
They say it's cruel to take this groundhog and put him in front of a bunch of people and see if he's shit or not.
So their suggestion is-
I understand that.
Their suggestion is a giant coin instead.
Well, I understand the meteorologist's point of view, but if you listen to a lot of meteorologists, they don't like that.
I know, I know.
Yeah, they don't like Phil.
No, it demeans it.
But because of all the cameras, all the flashes, that's what throws off the shadow.
Okay, so I got this right here.
So do you agree with PETA then, Rob?
I say they leave him alone.
Okay, so do they get asked by-
I say they leave him alone because they wake him up and what screws him up-
They're wrong pretty much every year because of the cameras and stuff.
Well, we're going to get six more weeks of winter regardless.
Yeah, Mother Nature is going to do what Mother Nature wants to do.
Exactly, and I've never known a winter where we didn't get six more weeks of winter after.
It may have been intermittent. We might have had some good weather in between.
That's what? February 2nd? Is that right?
Yeah, I believe so.
Yeah, well, it's snow. How many times do we get heavy snow in March?
Quite a bit. April even.
Yeah, so-
Leave the old boy alone.
Okay, well I think PETA needs to stick to more important stuff.
So I think they get an invisible ass-paddling because of that.
Yeah, deal with our other ass-paddling. They're trying to breed different style dogs.
Oh yeah, they're getting an ass-paddling. They have already done that.
Yeah!
So, yeah, that's crazy.
Alright, next one.
McDonald Douglas for once again sending out a plane with obvious safety issues like the fucking door flying off, allegedly.
Okay, I did not hear that. I did not hear about that. Did you say McDonald Douglas?
Boeing. Boeing.
Oh, I thought you said McDonald Douglas.
Well, I said both because Boeing owns McDonald Douglas.
And anyhow, allegedly-
Well, the last job my mom had was with McDonald Douglas in Kansas City.
Oh really? Okay.
Yeah. Yeah.
But, yeah, that's a different story.
Oh, well I'm pretty sure she wasn't involved in these planes.
That was a few years ago. She has dementia now.
Yeah, that sucks.
Okay, the Bill's Idiot fan that caught himself on fire after body slamming a table that was on fire. Did you happen to see that, Rob?
I loved that dude.
He's getting an ass-paddling for burning himself.
We're going to wait until his ass heals.
It's a moment that you'll never forget.
You hit YouTube.
Okay, Rob, do we suspend his ass-paddling?
I'll let you make the call.
Yeah, no, do not give this dude an ass-paddling.
Okay, I hereby take back-
Dude, that would have been me in a championship game.
Okay, I hereby suspend Idiot Bill's fan that caught his ass on fire, body slamming a table on fire.
I hereby suspend his ass-paddling and we're going to go ahead and just- he has been pardoned for being ass-paddled. How's that?
Think about it. That's what me and you would have done back in the 80s.
You know what, you're right. Okay, so Bill's fan-
Because the East would have won a championship game in the 80s. Yeah, you and me would have been front page.
Okay, all right. Bill's fan, you are hereby been pardoned like the turkeys on Thanksgiving Day. You have been pardoned. So there you go.
You're welcome. Thanks to me.
Yeah, I was going to ass-paddle you. Rob is the one you thank.
No, I disagree with that one. Totally.
Okay, we took him back.
We would have done it for the Chiefs.
Oh, hang on one second. Hi, Opal. Hi, Grandma Opal.
Yeah, hi Grandma Opal.
Thank you, Mark. I can't believe we missed it, but anyhow, we got it.
Oh, no, we would have got her. We would have got her.
I had her in my lineup.
Grandma Opal, I'm sorry we should have made you first, but we had temporarily forgotten.
We claim insanity, and I think everybody that listens to this podcast knows we're definitely insane.
And we love you, Grandma Opal.
And as soon as you- Even though we don't know you.
Yeah, yep. I hope her grandson or son emails me so we can include him in on the hello.
I'm thinking he said grandson originally.
I thought so too. So, okay.
Yeah.
Well, I hope she's still listening. I hope he's making it over there.
Well, I'm waiting on an email to come in. I mean, if she's still listening, I'm sure he'll email me.
He emailed me a couple times before, so I think he will.
Okay, the next one.
The Chief and Dolphins fans that went shirtless in 35 Below Windchills and promptly went to the ER for Frostbite right after the game.
Can we agree on that?
Yeah.
Yeah. You did not need to go shirtless.
Just being out there bundled up showed your fandom and showed that you were a true fan.
So you did not have to go shirtless.
You did not have to have parts of your skin cut off because it literally died on you because it was too cold.
So, you know, we don't care if your ass got frostbite.
As soon as it heals, we're ass-paddling you.
So, and that's also the Dolphin fans that did that too.
I don't care if it heals.
Oh, okay. You know what?
It takes what it gets.
You know what? As soon as we catch you, you're getting ass-paddled.
Whether you got a...
Heal or not.
Whether you got chokes out of your ass missing or not, we don't care.
So...
All right. The next one.
We are the only ones that are allowed to act like douchebags.
That's right. And it's in our name.
Right.
All right. Jamar Chase, again, just because he's a big mouth idiot that has vacation plans during this year's Super Bowl, once again.
Enjoy your vacation, Jamar Chase.
Anyhow, you're getting ass-paddled just because.
You've already been there. You've already had your ass-paddled.
But I've decided to go ahead and paddle your ass again because...
Just out of... Because you're just dumb.
Yeah. You deserve it.
Okay. Okay. Is there any word whether he's going to watch the Super Bowl or not?
Well, he did say that he wanted anyone to win but the Chiefs.
So if the Chiefs...
But is he going to the Super Bowl to watch?
Oh, I don't know. I have no idea.
I hope he wastes his fucking money because his ass is paying for it. He ain't in it.
Like I said, he has vacation plans.
Sorry, Jamar.
I'm not sorry, Jamar. I think you're an idiot.
I'm not. He fucking runs his mouth every fucking year and...
He's getting tired of getting embarrassed by a luxurious...
He's running over.
He's getting tired of getting embarrassed by a luxurious need.
And so he puffs out his little fucking bird shit.
And he needs that, you know.
There's no room for it.
Whatever, Tommy. It goes up against generosity.
Fucking sleep easy.
Yeah. So get better or shut your mouth, Jamar, in my opinion.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. The next one that gets an ass-paddling.
Paramount and Peacock for charging fans to watch the playoffs.
Ridiculous.
You have to pay to watch.
Okay.
That is un-American.
I have to agree with you on this.
Even though I have Peacock, I do not have no local TV, but I do have Peacock Plus.
I started watching games on Peacock.
Bird, Roller, Watch. All of them.
Well, okay.
And the only way you can do that is on local TV.
If you already subscribed, then that's fine.
But a lot of people had to buy a subscription just to see the game.
And I think that's wrong.
And the NFL is a part of this too, so they can get a part of this ass-paddling too.
Because the greed is not good.
Okay. But just so you know, for me to get an antenna to get local TV.
Yeah.
I have to get an antenna which Columbia is closer.
It's 89.5 miles.
Okay. I got you.
For local TV.
That's okay. I'm not speaking about you.
A lot of the antennas you buy at Walmart look like 40, 50, 60 miles.
I would have to stand a fucking tower out here to get local TV.
Okay, Rob. I'm not speaking about you. What I'm speaking about is the people.
I know. I know. I'm just saying.
I'm defending the people I believe. The people that have the money.
I'm defending everybody.
Okay. The next one. NFL for selling broadcast rights to a subscription-based streaming service.
Yes. Yes.
Like I said, they're half of this.
It's bullshit.
It should be on local TV.
This next one I think you're really going to agree with, Rob.
Burger King for making employees have to say you rule to the customers and offer them a paper crown.
I'm not kidding you. Look it up.
Oh, dude.
So you go in there and you order a Whopper and some fries, right? Maybe a Coke.
You're getting paid what?
$13 to $15 an hour.
Yeah, and you have to look at that person and go, you rule.
And you have to look at every person and tell them you rule.
And you have to offer them a paper crown.
Fuck you.
I mean, you know what? Yeah, I think anyone can agree with that.
It's demeaning to everybody involved.
The person being offered a paper crown.
That's demeaning to the employee.
And also the people coming in. How would you like to be the guy ordering the Whopper?
You rule. Do you want a paper crown?
Yeah, be some construction worker.
Come in and have a crown put on your head.
You want a paper crown? Do you want a fat lip?
Okay then.
Yeah.
It's ridiculous.
And then finally, Alaskan and United Airlines for continuing to use the Boeing Max 9, allegedly.
And if anyone doesn't know what I'm talking about.
I do.
Yes, look up the Boeing Max 9.
So, anyhow, let's take our first break.
We're on the biggest buyers so far. Supposedly.
Allegedly and all that good stuff.
Anyhow, we're going to take our first break and we're going to come right back.
Sounds good.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Let's see here. A package of 8 hot dogs. A package of 10 hot dog buns.
I would have to buy 10 packs of hot dogs and 8 packs of buns to even it out.
Should I buy them at once? Should I freeze them?
Or just continue to zigzag them and hope for the best?
I hate adulting.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
Well, that new Hanson CD is just a laptop. Uh huh.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Dirt and apocalypse, don't forget the nuts. Hickory nuts, that is.
Yeah, we know, Hickory wood gets all the glory and all the love.
Everyone loves the Hickory trees. They cut them down and they make great sandwiches out of barbecue and meats.
They smoke them and it's a fantastic deal.
But little does anyone know about the Hickory nuts.
Dirt and apocalypse Hickory nuts could be the best thing you could find.
Hickory nuts can be eaten raw, toasted, or added to various recipes.
Their rich buttery flavor and crunchy texture make them an ideal ingredient for both sweet and savory dishes.
You can use Hickory nuts to make nut butter, pesto, or even a unique Hickory nut milk.
There are five types of Hickory nuts.
Bitter nut Hickory, Shag Bark Hickory, Pig Nut Hickory, Mockernut Hickory, and Smooth Bark Hickory.
Hickory trees are considered part of the walnut species and are plentiful at least around Missouri and surrounding areas.
So, Dirt and Apocalypse, don't forget to grab your nuts.
Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes, and scream, Hey, there's no toilet paper in here!
Two douchebags and a microphone on Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Okay, should we get to our top 15 classic rock songs per the last episode that we were speaking about?
I got mine in Brummie.
Alright, do you want to go ahead and go with yours?
By the way, I just want you to know this is kind of funny.
I ran across another Oracle and a singer's room.
Yeah.
The same place we came up with this list.
And if you go and look at it, they have another list.
The same list, 15 classic rock songs, but they reversed them.
So, if you look at the numbers and look at the songs, they reversed them.
I don't know where that came from, but I can board it.
You know what?
I made my report, we're doing our own.
Rob, go ahead, you start off.
You want me?
Yeah, go ahead, and I'll do mine last.
Yeah, well, I kind of went a little slower.
Well, some of them were slower, some of them were harder.
It doesn't matter.
Your songs are your songs.
So, it's fine.
Yeah, these are my favorites.
Top 15 classic rock songs.
Yep.
And I'm shocked this one came in at number 15.
Okay.
Shooting Star by Bad Company.
I can see that.
I love that song. I always have.
Great song, it's the only song Paul Rodgers did not sing on Bad Company.
It's just that there's others on my list.
No, that's fine, it's great.
Okay, number 14.
Which I really should have ranked higher.
Turn the page, Bob Seeger.
I could definitely see that one.
When you think, we mentioned classic rock, this is what I think of.
And these are my songs.
Songs that touch me the most.
Rob, there's no right or wrong, it's what you feel.
So, yeah, go for it.
So far, you're doing fantastic.
Well, you think I ain't afraid of singing them.
Okay.
Okay, number 13.
Wheel in the Sky Journey.
Oh, another good one.
Robert Fleischmann actually sang on that song and it was not Steve Perry.
Right.
A lot of people don't know.
I had visitation with my oldest son once every two weeks.
I would drive from Fort Scott, Kansas to Belton, which you know that route, 69.
That food direct will come up, OMS.
And I'd be listening to that song the whole way.
Oh, wow, cool.
Brings back memories.
Yes, all these songs bring back memories.
Cool, good.
Okay, number 12.
Life in the Fast Lane by the Eagles.
Oh, man, you're reaching in some really good ones, Rob.
Yeah, that's a good one.
Well, I reached into the, to tell the truth, I reached into the artist.
Yeah, I know.
And I picked my favorite songs out of those artists.
Okay.
That's how I did this.
It's fantastic so far.
And they're classic rock all the way through.
Okay, so where are we at here?
Number 12.
Life in the Fast Lane by the Eagles.
Didn't you just say that one?
Did I?
Yeah, number 11.
Well, that's number 12.
Wheel of the Sky was 13.
Life in the Fast Lane was 12.
I'm going down my list here, dude.
Okay.
Okay, number 11.
I have to go back to the singer room list.
Uh-huh.
Imagine John Lennon.
Good one.
Epic song.
Got to go with it.
Okay.
Number 10, I have to go off their list.
Okay.
Stunt to be the Devil, Rolling Stones.
Iconic song.
Had to do it, man.
I understand.
Number nine, a song that's close to me.
Okay.
And I'm surprised I put this far down on the list.
Okay.
Because it's a song that really got me into rock and roll.
Okay.
I started listening to it on an AM station, me and my cousin.
Uh-huh.
We had fond memories of us listening to it.
That's how I know this song.
Okay.
It's Refugee by Tom Petty and Heartbreakers.
That's a great classic rock song.
Could not argue with that.
When it first come out, me and my cousin will listen to it on AM radio.
Hearing the crackle in the background of lightning off in the distance on a summer night.
Yeah, it is hot.
Very humid summer night.
I remember it so vividly.
Love it.
Go ahead.
I'm going to turn you off a little bit.
I'm going a little slower.
Please do.
Number eight.
And I'm shocked this one's down on this floor on the list.
Okay.
Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton.
Wow.
You think?
Classic rock.
You got to have Eric Clapton.
My song is Wonderful Tonight.
Yep.
I believe that was written for George Harrison's wife at the time.
Yes, it was.
I've read his story.
Interesting story.
And then they broke up and Eric Clapton got with her.
Anyhow, allegedly.
Yep.
Okay, number seven.
Fire in the Mountain by Marshall Tucker Band.
Oh, that's out of left field.
No, I got some left field.
Oh, I like that one.
That was a great, great pick.
Oh, dude.
Yeah, I'd seen how I'd just see him here.
It was like 20 fucking degrees out.
At the end of the theater right here.
Yeah.
Oh, dude, no, that's an awesome song.
I always love that song.
It's a great song.
Okay, number six.
Midnight Rider, All My Brothers.
Oh, another man, dude.
Yeah.
I wanted to go a little higher with that one, but you'll see.
Wow.
I don't think anyone could argue with that.
That's a great choice, Rob.
Okay, number five.
Another song.
Okay, when you think of classic rock.
Yeah.
You've got to bring up the Doobie Brothers.
Yeah, oh yeah.
Yep.
Yeah, I totally agree.
Number five is number five on my list.
I had Black Water by Doobie Brothers.
Great song.
Cool.
Oh, dude, yeah, that just, oh.
Great song, can't argue with it.
Shit, here's it.
Here's what I've been dreading.
Okay.
I hope I don't catch too much flash off this.
Just do it, Rob.
Say it.
My number four, I Have a Led Zeppelin Song.
That's fine, I do too, I believe.
Yeah, I do.
But it's not Starway to Heaven.
Me neither, mine isn't either.
My number four is Rock and Roll by Led Zeppelin.
Iconic song, you don't have a classic rock station.
Get up, move in.
Okay, here, okay, we've mentioned how Starway to Heaven and Freebird is on every list.
We've mentioned that.
The problem is they're overplayed.
Yes, I agree, and that's where songs like Rock and Roll come up.
Although you do hear it quite a bit.
It's not the cornerstone.
Yeah, but dude, it's a up-moving song.
It's a great song.
It's a classic rock song.
Yeah, yep, can't argue with that.
Okay.
Number three, that's where my Leonard Scannard comes in.
Okay.
But I'm coming in with Simple Man.
Very good choice.
That song's good.
No, my kids already know that song played at my funeral.
Yeah, you said that, they're instructed, so yeah, that's good.
Yeah.
It's all a good song, great message.
Now we're going into some classic rock.
Alright.
My number two, Barrett, Treated by Heart.
Wow, okay, can't argue with that.
Yeah, and it's...
It's a great song by a great classic rock band.
It's a classic rock song, and it's...
Okay.
Are you ready for my number one?
Yes.
Do you remember what I said back when I read the original list?
Yeah.
The original list did not have Fleetwood Mac on it.
Okay.
That was off Stone Rider.
Look it up.
Okay.
My number one song goes to Fleetwood Mac.
Okay.
For the song Landslide.
Good, good one.
Alright, rock, great.
Dude, yeah, that...
Great, great, great, great, great, great list.
Can't argue with anything on there.
Rob, I decided to go...
That's my opinion.
I mean, that's some good music, right there.
I wanted to add so many others.
Well, I mean, that's a whole point...
I wanted to add Steely Dan, I wanted to add so many others.
That's the whole point of doing 15 songs.
But there was only 15.
Yeah, that's the whole point is, is you narrow them down to the best of the best.
Now, I looked at this differently, Rob.
I looked at iconic songs...
I know you did.
You went a little harder, didn't you?
Not really.
No, you'll hear.
Okay, Rob, here's the...
Okay, here is the way I took it.
Okay, this is what I thought I should do.
These are iconic songs to me that set the tone of the time that it was out.
You see what I mean?
It's a classic, Rob.
It's still played today.
It set the tone for the time of what was going on.
Like a protest song maybe during Vietnam.
You know, it's cornerstone to me.
Just to remind everybody...
Classic goes back 25 years.
A classic car is 25 years old.
And a classic song is 25 years old.
And that's how classic rock...
So that's the way we're wheeling off this.
I went classic.
Okay, alright, number 15.
Queen, Somebody to Love.
That's a good one.
Yeah.
Like we said, it depends on your taste.
Yep.
Number 14, Pink Floyd, Wish You Were Here.
Dude, I'd better not do in your top five.
The way we talk about that.
Well, you would have thought it was in mine, too.
Like I said, I thought of this a little differently.
They're cornerstone songs that set the whole trend of what was going on.
These are songs that other bands looked at, to me, that looked at and said, we need to do that.
These are what I call cornerstone songs.
I looked at it differently, Rob.
I understand that you're going from the heart.
I decided to do it like this.
I think these are cornerstone songs.
Dude, I almost threw some American in there for Sickened Gold.
I almost did, too, Rob.
Almost did, too.
Okay, next one.
Leonard Skinnerd, Tuesday's Gone with the Wind.
Oh, awesome. Awesome. Awesome song.
Yeah, that song made everybody turn their head.
That was a head turner.
I'm sure Rob is just as simple man as planned to be.
Either one.
Like in my piano.
One of them are great, great songs.
I just didn't want to double up on bands.
Oh, I understand that. I didn't either.
You see what I mean?
Yeah, I felt the same way.
I'm like, you know, one from each band I felt strong enough.
Next one, George Harrison, My Sweet Lord.
The feeling and emotion of that song made other bands take notice.
It was a cornerstone at the time and it was also really interesting
because before that, John and Paul had all the love
and no one really thought about George Harrison that much.
He wasn't the greatest guitar player, although good,
but he came out with a relatively simple song
with so much emotion and feeling that it made people go,
gosh, you know what, I would like to emulate that right there.
Can I say something?
Yeah, sure.
I am shocked you brought that song up.
Why?
Because I know you. You're a harder, you're more harder music.
But back when we knew each other.
I still love hard music, but my taste of experience...
But I see you're getting into it. The more we talk, I see you. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
We're older now. We're getting into another music.
Let me pull a... I still listen to heavy stuff too.
Let me pull like this. If you eat...
I eat too. I eat too.
If you eat the same sandwich every day, you get bored,
and it doesn't taste that great anymore. You're sick of it.
You have to try other things.
You know, my...
We've been eating bologna so many days in a row.
Yeah. I never threw away my old music.
It's just I made room for new music or new to me.
And I've always liked these songs, but these are the songs, like I said,
and it's not even necessarily that I loved them that much.
It's what I consider changed the music scene, the landscape of it at the time.
Cornerstone songs.
So the next one...
I went off of what meant the most to me.
Yeah, it's fine. There's no right or wrong here.
Yeah, I know. I know that.
Turn it on, my friend.
All righty. Fleetwood Mac, Go Your Own Way.
Hell yeah.
That's a great song, and Lindsay Buckingham's solo on that is just insane.
The bridge that he comes up with is so unique.
Dude, dude, dude. That is the ultimate song.
It's great.
That is the song where Stevie Nicks is on stage
singing Lindsay Buckingham, waking in his eyes after they broke up.
That is the song.
Yeah, and he was married to Kristy McVie before that. Did you know that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that whole band was...
Yeah, that whole band was there fucking knocking dicks since they broke up.
Yeah, it was a mess, but I'll tell you what.
Fleetwood Mac come out with some of the best music ever.
Oh, they really did. They really did.
And it's disappointing. Well, I know Kristy McVie died,
which sucks because I would love to see her again.
Yeah, just as last year.
Yeah.
But Lindsay Buckingham...
I think I did a report on it, didn't I?
You did. Lindsay Buckingham doesn't even talk to the band anymore.
They hate each other, and that's disappointing.
Next one. Meatloaf. Two out of three.
I consider that a cornerstone song.
I think that changed the landscape of music at the time.
I think that it made people want to emulate that song,
and it set the tone of how America felt at the time.
Okay, okay. I see your feelings there, but I could have went with another song from there.
There's so many. You could have went with a bad out of head one.
No, no, no, no.
Which one?
If you're going with that, go with Paradise by the Dashboard Line.
Yeah, that's fine.
That lit up many bars. I mean, people danced. Yeah, people got into that.
Okay, well, like I said, there's no right or wrong. This is what I felt.
No, no, I understand where you're coming from. I love that song.
I have a huge Meatloaf fan, too.
Okay, the next one, Rainbow All Night Long.
That is a great song. That was Graham Bonnet.
Yes, I know.
Yeah, he came in after Ronnie James Dio,
and it was when Richie Blackmore wanted to go a little poppier and a little bit more mainstream,
and to me, he hit the nail on the head.
That whole album was just so good, and to me, that song is a toe-tapper.
People hear it. They love it. They recognize it.
It really set the trend of what was going on, because America was going harder and poppier, and that's what he did.
Okay, you are correct on that. You are totally correct on that.
And they just come out with commercials and shit playing that song, so it brought it on the charts again.
I give that to you. I give that to you.
Okay, next one, Led Zeppelin, In the Evening.
Oh, wow.
The guitar on that.
You went deeper. You went deeper.
The guitar on that.
Not everybody knows that song.
The guitar on that, the guitar on that, the guitar on that, the guitar on that.
Just listen to it.
I almost went immigrant song.
I got to go with In the Evening.
But I changed it to...
Jimmy Page's solo.
Yeah.
He starts off pretty much just smacking his guitar around.
Yeah, yeah.
It is just...and the thing is, it fits the song so well.
It fits the song so well. He didn't try to do anything complex. He just kind of like, this works right here.
Sloppy, kind of smirky guitar.
Yeah, but come on, rock and roll.
Nope, In the Evening for me.
This is 15 classic rock songs.
They have it in the name.
Rock and roll.
Next one, ELO, Evil Woman.
Oh, shit.
Oh, you went somewhere. Somewhere I should have.
It was great. What a song.
Dude, ELO is awesome. I love ELO.
Yep.
Yeah, they got some of the darkest stuff ever.
Next one, John Lennon, Imagine.
I mean, how can you not put that song in?
I am 11.
I got him down further.
Next one...
Actually, that song is one of my karaoke songs, so I can't put it down.
That's cool. The next one, Beatles, Let It Be.
Dude.
That's a great song.
Yeah, you went in a different direction I thought you were going to.
A little bit more mellow-er than I thought it was going to be, isn't it?
I figured you would go...I would go on the mellow edge.
Yeah, you went there too.
I listened to all of it, Rob. I got room for that.
I know you do. I know you do. We're not as young as we used to be.
Nope. Next one, James Marshall Hendrix, All Along the Watchtower.
The Bob Dylan song that he actually did better than Bob Dylan.
Or Dylan or whatever.
I knew that was coming. I knew that was coming.
And if you don't like All Along the Watchtower, Voodoo Child was really close.
Dude.
Oh no, you want Voodoo Child? Watch Voodoo Child with Slash.
Next one, CCR, Back Door.
That's right, Credence Clearwater Revival.
What?
Looking at my back door.
Dude, I did not see this one coming.
It's a cornerstone song.
I did not see this one coming.
It's a cornerstone song that set the template for music for the next five years.
Oh, it did. It did. It did. It truly did.
I did not think I would hear that song coming out of Morris Mouth.
This next one, because the emotion, the raw emotion of this song is so powerful and so clear, he wouldn't have to say.
Isn't this your number one?
No, this is number two.
This is number two.
Elton John wouldn't have to say this is funeral for a friend for his great friend John Lennon who was just shot to death.
That song, emotion, rings so true and through the world.
I mean, anyone who does it, it's a masterpiece.
It's true art in its greatest form. It's amazing.
Honestly, I almost put John Lennon in it.
Elton John?
Elton John in for Piano Man. I almost did.
That's a great one too. And finally, I have a tie.
I have a tie for...
Yes?
Oh, you cannot tie for first.
I have a tie for first.
That means I've got to bring somebody else.
You don't have to. There's this in the competition, Rob.
I'm going to bring somebody else. If you have a tie...
Okay, then bring somebody else. It's fine.
What is it? 16? I only brought 15.
Okay, then get another song. That's fine with me.
It is a tie. Free. All right now. Slash. Cream. Badge.
That is my top 15.
Good.
Yeah.
Good.
Yeah, still here.
I know you. They're still there.
Well, you said dude three times. I'm like, I'm right here.
I'm like, no, I'm just bugger speechless because I did not expect those.
Like I said, it doesn't mean it's my most loved song.
It's the song that I consider change the landscape of music.
They're cornerstone songs. That's the way I viewed this list.
Okay. Well, I'll tell you what. Change my list around.
Okay.
Did you come up with 16? I got a 16.
Okay, that's fine. Come up with another one. That's fine.
Anyhow, let's take our second break.
Throw in... No, I'm saying right now.
Okay, then do it.
Throw in Tiny Dancer by Elton John.
Great, great one. Alright, now we shall take our break.
Let's put it... number five.
Number five. Alright.
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And I'm Rob.
Alright. I got some unique Valentine's Day gifts here.
But not what's coming up.
Yes.
So we focus on the...
Yeah we need to be talking about that don't we?
Yeah. Jeffy X sent me a list that's going to be on the next podcast.
It is a list of Valentine's Day cards that were denied.
Okay well then I need to change. If you're going that way I need to change subjects.
Okay. So this is just unique Valentine's Day gifts.
This is actually true and this actually came out of several magazines.
And this is the trend of what people this year are giving their loved ones for Valentine's Day.
First one is custom Valentine playing cards.
And those are ones that say, let's say your girl name is Anna.
Anna you are the greatest. I love you. Or something like that.
Or remember when we sat under the bridge and listened to CCR. You know right?
They're customized.
Oh yeah. I wish I knew somebody I used to sit with.
Sit under the bridge and listen to CCR.
I don't know them anymore.
We're too damn old. We moved on.
Rob I know. I wouldn't know any of the girls I used to chase around or whatever if they bit me on the fucking leg dude.
Honestly. Honestly.
Okay. You remember I mentioned Cady.
My old friend. Actually she was my seventh and eighth grade girlfriend.
Uh huh. I think I knew that. I think you told me that.
We're still friends. We're just friends.
Yeah. Yeah. So I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah.
I've had this happen to me several times. And these girls.
No no. And the reason why we broke up is on my Facebook too.
Oh.
She caught me talking to a younger girl at state land.
No. This is crazy. This is crazy shit. I've talked to her about this.
Yeah Joanne.
Uh. We were at state land. We were teenagers. Eight grade.
And she caught me talking to some younger girl.
Uh huh.
Because she was out on the state ring. I was over on the side.
But she could see me and I was talking to this younger girl.
Well what she didn't know at the time was this younger girl had some dude bother her.
So it was.
Jobs taken up with this girl.
It was purely innocent and you got hung because you were trying to help this girl out. Wow.
Yeah yeah yeah. She was like three years younger than me. But this dude was bothering her.
Uh huh.
So I kind of took up for her and she. We were sitting down talking over on the side at state land you know on the seats.
Oh yeah. Yeah.
We had her skates on. We were over on the seats.
Uh huh.
On the far side. On the far side.
Well my girlfriend sees this shit.
Uh huh.
Well I didn't get a chance to know what was going on.
Yeah.
Well I didn't even know she seen us.
So we get up. We go back. You know I get up. I go back skating.
And the song hit me with your best shot.
At the editor's plan.
Uh huh.
My girlfriend at the time was into that night.
Yeah.
Was skating with one of her friends. I come up beside her and I'm like damn it hit me with your best shot. You know skating.
Yeah yeah. I understand.
And she did dude. She laid me out right there on the front floor.
Uh huh.
We've talked about this. She's like I can't believe you remember that. I said hell yeah. Can I not forget it.
The night we broke up.
That was just your luck too Rob. That was just your luck.
Oh dude yeah. But still today that same girl that was over on the sideline.
Uh huh.
That's like a little sister is still we're still friends on Facebook.
That's awesome.
We're still like brother and sister. So me and this girl broke up over nothing.
Here's what happens to me Rob.
But at the same time she had problems too.
Yeah yeah yeah. Yep.
Okay. Here's what happens to me Rob.
These girls I used to think were so fucking cute and nice and all this stuff.
They come up to me and they remember me and I don't fucking remember them and I feel horrible about it.
And they have to tell me I'm like okay and then you know I just learned to kind of like act like I know them now.
And I really feel bad about it but I just don't remember them.
Okay well here's the problem.
Yeah.
You're murdered to bow. I'm single. I can remember this shit but nobody comes up to me.
Well I haven't seen one in a long time.
Because I ain't up there.
Well yeah that's true.
That's true you're down there way away from where you grew up so you probably would not run into any of them.
Yeah.
Yep.
I have a girlfriend by now.
Yep.
Well when you move back up there if you do there you go.
We'll figure it out.
Don't forget how you found this program was because of an ex.
Wasn't it with that girl you went out with for a little bit in Belton.
Oh no no no no no no no.
No I called you.
Oh.
I got in touch with you. I just happened to be with her.
At the time.
Okay okay.
I thought she showed you like I heart and all that stuff.
No no no no no no.
Okay I got it completely wrong Rob.
No.
I talked to you and I started calling you.
Well I remember that.
We'd be down at the city market and you'd call in and it was cool.
Yeah yeah yeah.
No I had contacted you. I had nothing to do with my ex.
You didn't even know that ex.
No I know I didn't. You told me I didn't.
Yeah.
Okay next one of the unique Valentine's Day gifts that are the trend for this year.
Custom Valentine's Day socks.
And this is like people's like you can put people's faces on them.
Put their names on them. Whatever.
Their genitals maybe. I don't know. Whatever.
I see your shit all the time.
Next one is a You Complete Me jigsaw puzzle.
I prefer the Rob Rad Jigsaw puzzle myself.
Actually I know a lot of people that do.
Yeah yeah.
Yeah the Rob Rad Jigsaw puzzle is the most popular jigsaw puzzle going around.
Oh it's sold off the shelves. We're trying to get more in.
I mean yeah I mean it's crazy.
It's crazy. As soon as we get more in they're gone.
It's on back order.
All I know is I'm making a good chunk of money off of it.
Oh that's cool. I think it's your loin cloth.
Yeah I get copyrights off that.
I think it's your loin cloth.
When you do a jigsaw puzzle signing do you wear your loin cloth?
I think it's my body.
That's what it is. It's got to be.
Next one a Bluetooth shower wine holder attaches to a shower and it's a Bluetooth speaker and it has hearts on it.
So you get a Bluetooth that you can take in the shower with a speaker that is a wine holder.
You listen to music and wine while you shower.
I just don't need the hearts on it.
No no no no. Mine would be a beer holder though.
A beer holder without hearts on it.
Hey beer holder, wine holder same thing. Same thing dude. Same thing.
Well one would be a can and one would be a bottle are you sure?
Yeah.
Okay. Alright.
If you don't hold a bottle it will hold a can.
Okay. Alright. I guess the same thing then.
Just put some over the top of it so the water can't get into it and water down your pit.
Yeah.
No I agree you have to put it to the side or something but anyhow.
Trust me. Yeah. I got this.
This next one is funny. It is a cast iron heart shaped dutch oven.
And not the kind that you do whenever you want to fart on somebody and you put their...
Dude that's the first place I went.
Those are the cool dutch ovens.
That's the first place I went.
Oh speaking of that.
I forgot about the old dutch oven.
The Madfarter crop duster.
I am old school yes.
I forgot about them.
The Madfarter crop duster got me again.
Did he? Yes.
Dude you got to bust his ass.
Oh I'm going to catch him. I'm going to catch him.
Come on dude.
Because I believe the last thing he said was enjoy my...
Hey kitchen who's around you?
I have been. I have been.
I believe his last comment to me in the email was enjoy my anal nectar loser.
Wasn't that the comment he put in there?
Yes he did.
He needs to come on the show. That's what's funnier now.
It is. It is.
Enjoy my anal nectar loser.
I don't care how much he's egging you on.
I would welcome him on the show.
Oh he's having a woohoo on me. That's for sure.
Dude dude he's whipping all over your ass.
Oh yeah.
Not to mention my poor nostrils. Oh my gosh.
Dude can fuck...
Oh dude. I'm not nodding.
Now he's not like the farter that I used to work with.
Like used to fart in the job boxes and three weeks later when they opened it the fart would kick everybody's ass when they opened it.
He's not that good.
Not the guy that I used to work with that his farts lingered for days.
But he still dropped them.
But they're still pretty bad.
And he's still getting to you. That's what kills me dude.
Yeah he is. He knows.
You're getting old. You're getting old.
I guess so.
You would have busted him in a heartbeat.
I will catch him. I will catch him.
Alright.
Just pay attention who's around you.
I have been.
I done told you how to do it but you ain't doing it. You're still going to the bottom floor.
You would have to be.
You'd have to shit on somebody else if you ain't shitting on you.
You'd have to see the layout of what I'm doing with you.
That was our secret here a while back.
Just so you know fart man.
The next one is a custom romantic drink coaster.
So you could drink a drink off a coaster that has your loved ones face on it or hearts or whatever.
Or so and so loves so and so.
Joni loves chochee or something like that.
No dude that is so sweet.
That is sweet. I like that one.
It is. I do too. That would probably be the one I did have all these.
His and her matching heart underwear.
I can see that.
Yep.
The next one on the list is a heart shaker.
Even though I'm not in a relationship right now I can see that.
I've been in a relationship.
You know Rob. You know when you just don't have the pool to pick from down there is the problem.
There's a lot less people and there's a lot less single people down there.
If you were up here you wouldn't have that problem Rob.
Well no the problem is I ain't looking.
Oh okay well then there's that.
No I'm not looking. I'm concentrating on myself.
Okay that's cool. Good.
Alright the next one.
Over a year now.
A heart shaped succulent house plant.
That's pretty interesting. It's cool you ought to see it if you Google it.
It is in the shape of a heart. The leaves and everything and it's pretty cool.
And it's almost like a cactus that's in the shape of a heart.
The next one a book to log all your date nights.
Which is pretty cool if you think about it.
Date nights.
Yeah yeah.
My date nights is our podcast nights.
No seriously my date nights is our podcast nights.
Well I mean last night Bell and I went on a really cool date.
I have nobody in my life. I've got my neighbor but we're just friends.
Okay.
That's all it is. All that will be.
Something like this would really benefit me because like last night the kids bought us this great show.
At what used to be the American Heartland Theater in Crown Center.
We went to it. It was fantastic.
And it was called Whiskey Dynamite and it's an aerial show with dancing and singing.
I mean it was just fantastic. That would be great to write into.
That would be great.
That would be great to write in a journal and then remember.
You went to that last night?
Yeah it was last night.
Oh cool.
Yeah yep.
And then finally his and her custom figurines.
I love that you can have a little figurine of them.
No.
No?
No.
Okay.
That says too pussywicked.
I think to me it's a joke.
No not just pussywicked but dickwicked because the woman is coming up with the idea.
Yeah that's just too much.
I agree with you but I think it would be funny.
It would be funny.
I mean I'm not looking at it like that.
But if you have people in your house you're showing it off.
And look we got real figurines of each other.
I would tell everybody.
I would tell everybody yeah I would play the role just to see what they thought.
I'm not doing it. I was just saying I think it's a great idea.
I don't.
And just because of the shock.
That's my opinion.
I want the shock value. I want someone to come in and go is that a little Val?
Why yes. Yes it is.
I just think it would be awesome.
No it's different. You got Val.
I don't know anybody.
You know what Rob.
I have to have a little figurine of an eagle boss.
You know what you're concentrating on yourself Rob and God bless you.
That's what you need to do right now.
You know.
I'm helping to help the show.
There's nothing wrong with what you're doing.
You're doing fine Rob. I mean you know.
There's nothing wrong.
All righty. Well we are way over our time limit.
Yeah we are.
Anyhow all right everybody. Thank you for listening.
Have a great night.
Good night everybody. We'll catch you tomorrow night.
Yep. Oh and by the way tomorrow night.
Yeah.
Right now as we speak the WWE is having their Royal Rumble.
Oh good we're going to wrestle.
We will have a Rob's Rasslin' Roundup tomorrow night.
Yay.
I love these.
That's what I've been waiting on.
Every other story I've read is speculation on what's going to happen.
I do not want to give my reports over speculation.
There you go.
Because I don't know what's going to happen.
Rob that's what makes you a true journalist.
Is because you wait and you wait until the true facts come out.
You're a true journalist Rob. You are fantastic.
I try.
All right anyhow everybody have a great night. Thank you.
Good night everybody.
Hey where did everybody go? We're the douchebags.
Douchebags? Hmm.
Oh my god someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh geez.
Ugh I'm glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back.
Phew man that smells.