1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it's Two Douchebags and a Microphone Podcast. 2 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:22,000 And now it's time for the Daily Douchebag Pledge. 3 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:29,000 Two Douchebags and a Microphone Pledge, I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to download every show. 4 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:36,000 I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to grab family members phones and download the show from there. 5 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:43,000 I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to go to public computers and download the show from there. 6 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:49,000 I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to laugh at all the unfunny jokes. 7 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:56,000 I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to lie to all my friends and tell them how good the show is. 8 00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:08,000 And finally, I, Joe, or Jane listener, promise to visit Montrose, Missouri to take advantage of the power plant, campgrounds, and junkyard all within its quarter mile radius. 9 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:17,000 Hey look, I think we've found land. Oh my god, I think we're safe. 10 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:21,000 Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes. 11 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:30,000 What do you call a well-balanced horse? 12 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,000 Stable. 13 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:47,000 Now, from this underground bunker encamped in Missouri, stock-full of dried guts, canned food, and a couple of vibrating toys, is rambling some madman featuring Rob Rant. 14 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:53,000 When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong walking. 15 00:01:53,000 --> 00:02:03,000 The next rambling feature, strange insults from an alien. 16 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:11,000 May you always step in a wet spot after putting on fresh socks. 17 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:22,000 Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes, and scream, Hey, there's no toilet paper in here. 18 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:39,000 Hello everybody, this is Two Douchebags and Microphone, I'm Mark. 19 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,000 And I'm Rob. 20 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:52,000 Alright, well Rob took the time, and I thank him very much, the great Don, Tony Orlando, and Don Caper that we spoke about on the last podcast. 21 00:02:53,000 --> 00:03:03,000 We didn't know what happened to Don because he was talking about Tony Orlando, and we didn't know what happened to Don. Well, I think Rob has the answers about Don. 22 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,000 I have the answer. 23 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,000 Alright, Rob has the answer. 24 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:16,000 And actually, it was simple, I just looked them up. I googled them and pulled them up on Wikipedia. 25 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:27,000 But, just nice expecting. You were, the way you were talking, you were thinking Don was one person? 26 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,000 Yes, that's what I thought. 27 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:37,000 Don was two people. They were a duo. 28 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:47,000 I remember watching Tony Orlando and Don on TV. There was Tony Orlando and two women. 29 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:51,000 Oh, okay, I got you. 30 00:03:51,000 --> 00:04:02,000 And then I met Tony Orlando through Jim Baker's new TV show in Branson, Missouri. Yes, the Jim Baker's televangelists. 31 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:10,000 You see, I thought one was Don and one was a backup singer. I had no idea they were both Don. Interesting. 32 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:15,000 No, that was their name, Don, was both of them. 33 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:22,000 Okay, now it makes sense. I thought one of them was Don and one of them was a backup singer. I thought I didn't know. I was like, okay, whatever. 34 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:33,000 Okay, on this one, it doesn't give much information. You can look them up. Anybody can just google them and look them up. 35 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:47,000 Yep. Okay, the first one's name was Joyce Vincent Wilson is an American singer best known as part of the group Tony Orlando and Don. 36 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,000 Okay. 37 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:53,000 And this one don't give much. This don't say much about it. 38 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,000 Okay. 39 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,000 But here's the interesting one. 40 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,000 Okay. 41 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:03,000 The other person in Don. 42 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:09,000 And this is, yeah, this is a little bit here. 43 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,000 Okay. 44 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:29,000 Kelma Louise Hopkins is an American actress and pop singer. Hopkins rose to prominence as a member of the pop group Tony Orlando and Don. Okay. 45 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:46,000 She had several number one songs. She also performed on the CBS variety show Tony Orlando and Don from 1974 to 1976. 46 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,000 Okay. 47 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:58,000 Along with Tony Orlando and Joyce Vincent Wilson. That's the TV show that us old bogeys are talking about, remember? 48 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:10,000 Just look it up if you're younger or don't even know anything about him. I don't know what age would be the stop for the Tony Orlando and Don show, but if you don't know about him, just look it up. 49 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,000 Yeah. Yep. 50 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,000 Okay, keep going. 51 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,000 Okay. 52 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:21,000 In the late 1970s, Hopkins began working as an actress. 53 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,000 Okay. 54 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:33,000 Playing roles on various sitcoms, including Isabel Hammond on Booze and Buddies from 1980 to 1982. 55 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,000 Okay. 56 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,000 You remember that show? 57 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,000 Yeah, I sure do. Tom Hanks got his start. 58 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,000 That really wasn't our type of show, but yeah, Tom Hanks. 59 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:59,000 Tom Hanks got his start and then I think he bought all the episodes. If this is true what I read, he bought all the episodes because he didn't want that out because he was dressing in drag because the apartment complex only allowed females, if I remember correctly. 60 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,000 Yeah, yeah. 61 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,000 And there's only one they could afford or get, so they had to dress up like females. 62 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,000 Okay. 63 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:17,000 She also played Adelaide Addie Wilson on Give Me a Break 1983 to 1987. 64 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,000 Okay. 65 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,000 Now a lot more people would know that one. 66 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,000 I know this show all too well. 67 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,000 Okay. 68 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:30,000 She also played on Family Matters. 69 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,000 I'll be damned. 70 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:43,000 Which is a show with Steve Urkel, 1989 to 1997 as Rachel Baines Crawford. 71 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:48,000 If you know that show, Aunt Rachel. 72 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:53,000 Is Dawn. One of the Dawns. 73 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,000 Half a Dawn. 74 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,000 How? 75 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:12,000 She's also starred in different movies like Are We There Yet, Partners, Trancers, Trancers 2, Trancers 3, The Wood and The Love Guru. 76 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,000 Rob, great work. 77 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,000 That's pretty cool. 78 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,000 That shocked me. 79 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,000 Me too. 80 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,000 I did not know she was Aunt Rachel on Family Matters. 81 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:26,000 Okay, it got me on a lot of different ways. 82 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:31,000 I didn't know there was two Dawns and also I didn't know that one of the Dawns became fairly prominent. 83 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,000 Excellent Rob, thank you. 84 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:39,000 She's the one that, actually I think she made it bigger than Tony Orlando did. 85 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,000 Probably so. 86 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:46,000 Probably so because Tony Orlando, after the Variety Show went away, so did he. 87 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,000 I mean, you didn't hear from him. 88 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:55,000 Well, honestly that's what got us talking about because he just retired. 89 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,000 Yeah. 90 00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,000 That's what got us on. 91 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,000 He just retired. 92 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,000 Well, it's a niche thing. 93 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:08,000 He either liked him or he didn't and if he didn't, you didn't look him up. 94 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:17,000 I mean, I didn't listen to any station obviously that ever promoted him because I never heard once of him coming by Kansas City and I'm sure he had to have. 95 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,000 So anyhow, interesting stuff. 96 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,000 Anyhow, thank you Rob. 97 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,000 Great sleuth work there. 98 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:29,000 Alright, I got a little interesting thing here. 99 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:34,000 There's great news for exquisite couples out there. 100 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:39,000 Barilla, the pasta company, is bringing back its heart shaped pasta. 101 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,000 How about that? 102 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,000 Alright. 103 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:49,000 Well, because of this, Jeffy X has uncovered other heart shaped items. 104 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,000 Jeffy, oh by the way. 105 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,000 Yes? 106 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,000 Jeffy came by. 107 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,000 Jeffy X did? 108 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,000 He got his Christmas present for me. 109 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:06,000 He got his embroidered underwear with a special Steven Piercy of rat pouch on the inside. 110 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:12,000 The flying bat suit. 111 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,000 He wore it home, didn't he? 112 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,000 He wore it out, didn't he? 113 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,000 Yeah, he'd go home in it. 114 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,000 I knew he would. 115 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,000 And his second favorite was the bat suit. 116 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,000 The flying bat suit. 117 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,000 Just like we thought. 118 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:34,000 And then embroidered underwear, he can wear that going out if he wants to fill that front pouch up. 119 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,000 No, he stayed where he lives. 120 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,000 There's a lot of high canyons and stuff. 121 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,000 Yeah, he turns on using that bat suit. 122 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,000 Alright, great. 123 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,000 So, Jeffy X in true fashion. 124 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,000 He's a great guy. 125 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:51,000 We would have to be getting us all this information. 126 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:57,000 So, Jeffy X has uncovered other heart shaped items that failed the focus panels in testing. 127 00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:03,000 Well, the first one, Jeffy X always uncovers this stuff. 128 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,000 Jeffy X, like I said, I owe him a bunch of stuff. 129 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:10,000 If I was to do something illegal, I would buy him a bunch of hookers and blow. 130 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:14,000 But I don't do anything illegal, so I will hand him money when he comes by. 131 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,000 But Jeffy X is our sleuth. 132 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:20,000 He uncovers the new douche flavors and all of this stuff that's going on. 133 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,000 He does everything for us. 134 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:28,000 Yeah, he sneaks into these focus panels and he brings us the information that we're not supposed to know. 135 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:32,000 He's a bigger part of this show than we are. 136 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,000 I know. Yeah. 137 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,000 Matter of fact, people call themselves after him. 138 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:40,000 Montrose, there's a Jeffy there named after Jeffy X. 139 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,000 There are several other emails for Jeffy X. 140 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:47,000 By the way, I got to control our auto parts people after a while. 141 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,000 Okay, cool. They want that 72 Coupe DeVille bumper bat. 142 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,000 I'll come find him here after a while. 143 00:11:54,000 --> 00:12:00,000 Okay. Well, Jeffy X has uncovered other sharp heart-shaped items that failed the focus panels. 144 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,000 Heart-shaped dildos did not work. 145 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,000 Women cited it was too uncomfortable. 146 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,000 Well, I get the answer. Who are you? 147 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,000 Well, these ones, I guess, heart-shaped dildos didn't do it. 148 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,000 It didn't work. So they said it was too uncomfortable. 149 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,000 So we understand that. 150 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,000 Part of that, a dildo would probably be pleasure. 151 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:27,000 Them shaped like a heart, I guess, just didn't fit very well, shall we say? 152 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:34,000 Okay. Well, I still say they need to take another different panel. 153 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:39,000 You know, I don't know where they get these people, but they do. 154 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:44,000 You make double sides on one end. Think about it. 155 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:49,000 Yeah, you know, I don't do these panels. I don't know. Jeffy X is one that I don't know. 156 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,000 Was this an older panel or a younger panel? 157 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,000 I don't know. 158 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,000 Oh, I'm saying. 159 00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:00,000 Okay, gotcha. Okay, the next one is heart-shaped butt plugs. It was a no-go as well. 160 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,000 I think I could probably understand that, you know? 161 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:11,000 Yeah, well, if you flip it over pointy end and you got something to grab a hold of, pull it back out. 162 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:16,000 I guess, yeah. I don't know, you know. Maybe they just got a bunch of prudes to do this focus panel. I don't know. 163 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,000 I think they were looking at the double-ended point. 164 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,000 I think you're right. 165 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,000 That's the problem with both these so far. 166 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:28,000 Yep. Well, the next one that failed was heart-shaped tampons. They didn't seem to work either. 167 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,000 They're looking at the other end. 168 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,000 I know, I know, Rob. I know. 169 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,000 It's going to wedge in. 170 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:39,000 I know, I know. Look, I don't think anyone's there to explain to them the true uses of this. 171 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:46,000 So, you know, they just probably gave them all out there and said, hey, check this out, see if it works. 172 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:48,000 And then they all came back and said, it don't work. 173 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:54,000 And honestly, I just had this sudden weird feeling come over me. 174 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,000 Yeah? 175 00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,000 Because I'm defending a heart and the asshole and the vagina. 176 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:06,000 That's what happens on this show, Rob. That's what happens on this show. 177 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,000 Reduce back. I told you. 178 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:13,000 The next one that failed was heart-shaped crack pipes. Failed the focus panels, too. 179 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,000 Seems they're too hard to lip one and they're horrible on the gun line, too. 180 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,000 So, I guess, you know... 181 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,000 I'd say a double-hitter. 182 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:26,000 That's what I thought, but no. Uh-uh. Who wouldn't like a double-hitter crack? 183 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,000 It gets right on the trigger. 184 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:34,000 Yeah. I mean, it's smooth, delicious crack in two barrels. 185 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,000 I'd say pass that one on. 186 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,000 Yeah, I guess so. I guess so. 187 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,000 Let them weed themselves out. 188 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:47,000 So, the next one was heart-shaped ammo. It was a failure, as well. 189 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:54,000 I guess when you're getting ready to mow down people, your counterpart in a rival gang or whatever, no one wanted to load a bunch of hearts. 190 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,000 I think I get that. 191 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,000 Well, okay. Okay. Well, think at this point. 192 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,000 Okay. 193 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,000 You stick a heart in a gun barrel. 194 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,000 In a barrel, that's right. It would backfire and hit you. 195 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,000 So, you put the point towards the firing pin. 196 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,000 Uh-huh. 197 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,000 And your head is split. 198 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,000 Okay. Okay. 199 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,000 You're going to miss your target. 200 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,000 Unless you're a bad shot to begin with. 201 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,000 And actually hit him. 202 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,000 This is the first one that made any sense, then. 203 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,000 Yeah. Yeah. I agree with that one. 204 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:31,000 Okay. The next one is heart-shaped false teeth. It was not received well. 205 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,000 I say why not? 206 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,000 You don't think your mouth will... 207 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,000 Yeah. 208 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,000 Yeah, you know what? You're right. You're right. 209 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:44,000 No, no, no, no, no, no. Wait a second. I have to defend that one. 210 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,000 Okay. Go ahead. 211 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:51,000 Eighty-year-olds need Valentine's Day, too. 212 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:58,000 You know what? You're right, Rob. How dare these people deny an eighty-year-old of a heart-shaped mouth on Valentine's Day. 213 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,000 Yeah. 214 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,000 They're cruel people. 215 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,000 We're coming up on it. Which, by the way... 216 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,000 Yeah? 217 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,000 This coming Valentine's Day... 218 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,000 Yep? 219 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,000 February 14th, and today is January 20th... 220 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,000 Uh-huh. 221 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,000 ...will be my seventh anniversary at work. 222 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,000 All right. 223 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:24,000 Valentine's Day is my anniversary. To my work. 224 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,000 Congratulations, Rob. 225 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,000 That is me. 226 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:35,000 The next one, heart-shaped dentist drills. Didn't make the list. I think any dentist drill probably. 227 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,000 I agree with that one. I agree. 228 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,000 Yeah. Yep. 229 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,000 I don't like dentists, anyway. 230 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:46,000 Yeah. Yep. Every time I go there, it involves pain. They're not my favorite. 231 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:52,000 Especially if you pull out a drill and then you pull out a double-headed drill. 232 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,000 No, you ain't touching me. 233 00:16:56,000 --> 00:17:02,000 Okay. Then next, the new heart-shaped Tesla. It was a flop. Not very aerodynamic, it turns out. 234 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:06,000 So, I, you know, I think I get that. 235 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,000 Yeah. 236 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:13,000 Yeah. Doesn't go through the air very well, you know. It kind of slows down because it's heart-shaped. 237 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:19,000 So, the next one, the next one really bothers me. 238 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:26,000 They want to do a heart-shaped paddle for invisible ass-paddling, and it failed. 239 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:31,000 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Repeat that. 240 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:36,000 They wanted to do a heart-shaped paddle for invisible ass-paddling, and it failed. 241 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,000 Who did? 242 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:43,000 The focus, whoever wanted to make this, whoever the maker was that took it to the focus panel. 243 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,000 They wanted to do a heart-shaped paddle. 244 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. They wanted to do an ass-paddling? 245 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:53,000 They wanted to do a heart-shaped paddle for us for invisible ass-paddling. 246 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,000 Well, how did they know that? 247 00:17:57,000 --> 00:18:02,000 I don't know. I don't know. That's the question. You're going to have to ask Jeffy X. 248 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:06,000 I don't think he even knows. He's turning to high. 249 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,000 They must listen to us. 250 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,000 Damn. 251 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:15,000 I know. The next one was heart-shaped footballs for the NFL. 252 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,000 Might as well. 253 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:23,000 Yeah, why not? Yeah, it could get even worse. 254 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:27,000 I'm going to try not doing the football tonight. 255 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:39,000 Right now, an interesting game is on. I'm trying to watch C.J. Stroud because he's coming off to a pretty good start. 256 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:44,000 He's a really good thrower. It would be nice if he knocked off the Ravens, then the Chiefs knocked off the Bills, 257 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:50,000 and then the championship game would be back at Arrowhead, which everyone does not want except Kansas City. 258 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,000 Okay, he's back to sports. Let's get back to where we were. 259 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:58,000 Heart-shaped Valtrax was a complete fail. I guess Herpes takes the fun right out of you, Rob. 260 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,000 I've heard that. 261 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,000 I guess so. I guess. 262 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:13,000 Well, the next one really kind of hurt, Rob. The brand new Heart-Shaped Two Douchebags and Microphone podcast is a go. 263 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:18,000 So watch for our Heart-Shaped episode coming up soon. 264 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,000 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 265 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,000 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 266 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,000 And then finally... 267 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,000 We have it in the works, by the way, guys. 268 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:35,000 We will let you know when the Heart-Shaped episode is coming up. We will let you know. 269 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,000 By the way, hi Grandma Opal. 270 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,000 Yes, hi Grandma Opal. 271 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,000 Thank you for listening. We love you. 272 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,000 Yes, we definitely love you, Grandma Opal. 273 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:50,000 And by the way, I've been noticing you've been reading emails and stuff. 274 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,000 Yeah. 275 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,000 And I'm trying to get a little shocked. 276 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,000 Why? 277 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,000 We have quite a few female listeners. 278 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,000 I didn't think we had one to tell you the truth because of how crude we are. 279 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,000 Turns out women like crude humor, too. 280 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,000 So, I know. 281 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:13,000 And especially here, this 87-year-old lady listening to us, or 90, I think. Yeah, anyhow. 282 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:19,000 And finally, Ruthann from North Central Ohio gets a Heart-Shaped replica of Rob's manhood. 283 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:27,000 Since she is not watching the playoffs with her team, she'll have plenty of time to enjoy it. 284 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,000 That was low, wasn't it? 285 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,000 Ruthann, if you hear this, I love you. 286 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:40,000 I don't know. She's pretty sore at me. I don't think she's listening. She's hurting you to get to me. It's not right, Rob. 287 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,000 It ain't my fault. 288 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:46,000 I know. I know. But yeah. Yeah. 289 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,000 Hey, I got a question. Did you come up with your hairy asshole Olympics? 290 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,000 I haven't answered. 291 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:56,000 Oh, okay. Did you come up with your hairy asshole Olympics? 292 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,000 Next week. 293 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,000 Okay. All right. That's cool. 294 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,000 I've got a lot going on, dude. 295 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,000 No, no, no. That's fine. That's fine. 296 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:21,000 No, my neighbor, my friend, my neighbor, when I took 38th Special Concert and all that, her radiator blew in this cold weather. 297 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:28,000 And she owns her own cleaning company and stuff. And she went and worked. 298 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:41,000 And here we are in zero degree weather and we're trying to find another radiator, which I think we finally found one and it's like a half hour away. 299 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:51,000 But we just found out we're now laid off on Mondays. 300 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:56,000 That sucks. Did they say how long it's going to go on? 301 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,000 Well, it's till whenever. 302 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:07,000 It's not that bad. We're still going to work four days to get full day's pay. 303 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:11,000 And we're signed up on work share through unemployment. 304 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,000 So you get half the day's pay. 305 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,000 You get 60% of your pay. 306 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:22,000 But if you're smart, you take out your taxes. 307 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:25,000 Which means about 40%? 308 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,000 10%. So yeah, you're getting half of that pay. 309 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:33,000 Well, you know what? At least it's something, Rob. 310 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:38,000 Okay, why don't we take our first break, Rob, and we will be right back. 311 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:47,000 I have some life hacks that are really cool that nobody really thinks of, but we did. So we'll be right back in a couple minutes. 312 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,000 Cool. 313 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:53,000 And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark. 314 00:22:54,000 --> 00:23:08,000 So, if I have a glass of ice water, and the ice melts into the water, is my water then watered down? 315 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,000 Hm. I may never know. 316 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:19,000 Next up, Things Overheard in Hell. 317 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:24,000 Howard Stern just signed a 10 year contract extension. 318 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:30,000 Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their ass with politically correct wash rags. 319 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:37,000 Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in 3, 2, 1. 320 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:48,000 The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat. 321 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:54,000 Dirt and apocalypse, don't forget the nuts. Hickory nuts, that is. 322 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,000 Yeah, we know, hickory wood gets all the glory and all the love. 323 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:06,000 Everyone loves the hickory trees, they cut them down and they make great sandwiches out of barbecue and meats. 324 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:12,000 They smoke them and it's a fantastic deal. But little does anyone know about the hickory nuts. 325 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:18,000 Dirt and apocalypse hickory nuts could be the best thing you can find. 326 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:22,000 Hickory nuts can be eaten raw, toasted, or added to various recipes. 327 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:29,000 Their rich buttery flavor and crunchy texture make them an ideal ingredient for both sweet and savory dishes. 328 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:35,000 You can use hickory nuts to make nut butter, pesto, or even a unique hickory nut milk. 329 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,000 There are five types of hickory nuts. 330 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:46,000 Bitter nut hickory, shag bark hickory, pig nut hickory, mockernut hickory, and smooth bark hickory. 331 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:53,000 Hickory trees are considered part of the walnut species and are plentiful at least around Missouri and surrounding areas. 332 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,000 So, dirt and apocalypse, don't forget to grab your nuts. 333 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:03,000 All aware of the amber alert, right? Well, get rid of your disinfectants and rubber bed spreads, kids. 334 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,000 It's the all new Amber Heard Alert System. 335 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:12,000 This fantastic early warning device helps one stay dry and rid of all those annoying mattress invoices. 336 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:17,000 Simply hook up to child under six or psychopath and wait for the running water sound. 337 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,000 This clever machine has three distinct settings. 338 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:24,000 Bablin Brooks, ocean waves, and roaring river for those close call. 339 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:28,000 Order today and get a free Cinnabon Renuze It Cartridge. 340 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:36,000 Do douchebags in a microphone raw and uncensored. 341 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,000 See behind the smoke show. 342 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:41,000 Watch as the douchebags get stung by a forked beast. 343 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,000 Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out. 344 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:50,000 Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for all the mad shitter accusations. 345 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:55,000 Act now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar. 346 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,000 Mark off today with a douchebag looking at you. 347 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,000 Supplies are limited, so act now. 348 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:05,000 And now, deep thoughts with Mark. 349 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:13,000 What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 350 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:15,000 Hmph. 351 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:17,000 I may never know. 352 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:26,000 Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes and... 353 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,000 Hey! Who took a dump in the cooler? 354 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:30,000 Who took a dump in the cooler? 355 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:57,000 And we are back to douchebags in a microphone. I'm Mark. 356 00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,000 And I am Rob. 357 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:19,000 Can I say one thing? 358 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:27,000 Yeah, sure. Okay, I used to... Okay, when people would give me a life hack or whatever, I didn't care. I'm doing me. 359 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:29,000 Uh huh. 360 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:38,000 But the older I get, honestly the more life hacks and stuff, I'm enjoying it and I'm getting more out of it. So these are good things. 361 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:42,000 It must be an age thing because I was the same way. I used to be like, I don't give a shit about that. 362 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,000 Some of these could be good. 363 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,000 Wait until you hear some of these. 364 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,000 As long as you are open minded. 365 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:53,000 Well, wait until you hear some of these Rob. They're really simple ideas that you don't think of. 366 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:57,000 And I've really had these problems before and I mean it's pretty cool. 367 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:05,000 So, the number one one was, if you have a candle that burned down too far, you know, and you can't get the lighter to reach it. 368 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:11,000 You know how a candle burns in and then you'll have wax on the sides and you can't fit in there to reach the wick way down there? 369 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:18,000 You can use a piece of uncooked spaghetti to light it. Uncooked spaghetti ignites. 370 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,000 Actually, I did that here a while back. 371 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:24,000 Oh, you did do that? Did you know it was a life hack? 372 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:28,000 I did that here a while back. Yeah, I heard about that. 373 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:30,000 Okay. 374 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:34,000 And it was either light a paper towel or, and then I heard about it. 375 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:36,000 Okay, let's try to make spaghetti. 376 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:38,000 Because my candle was all the way down to the bottom. 377 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:45,000 Yeah, uncooked spaghetti works great. I never knew about it, so this is new to me. I'm like, hey, that's cool. 378 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:49,000 Yeah, no, I can vouch for that one. It actually worked. 379 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,000 Do you do a couple of them or one of them? 380 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:56,000 Lighting a piece of wood, like a little stick on fire. 381 00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:04,000 Okay, cool. That's good to know. I mean, because I have those problems every now and then and it'd be nice to know. 382 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:11,000 Or Val's trying to light candles because she's more into candles than I am. I'll just tell her, hey, man, why don't you use this? 383 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:17,000 The thing is, you got to keep the lighter on it for a little bit for it to really light up. 384 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,000 I could imagine. Yeah. But once it lights your gold. 385 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:22,000 It will work. It does work. 386 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:27,000 Well, there you go. Rob tried it for you. So this is try it before you buy it, Rob Radford. 387 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:31,000 And this was before Mark even mentioned it. 388 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:35,000 Yep. He was already on it, man. All right. Next one. 389 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:42,000 You ever have a book that you had to put highlighter, you know, like yellow or something to highlight areas? 390 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:49,000 And then later on, you're like, oh, shit, man, I wish I didn't have that highlight there because I don't need it now. 391 00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:53,000 Do you know that lemon juice will take the highlighted areas away? 392 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:58,000 Are you talking about like highlights in your hair? 393 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:02,000 No, no, no, no. OK. You're you've got a piece of paper. OK. 394 00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:08,000 And you want to accentuate something like it says turn the knob to the left three times. 395 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:12,000 And you want to make sure you remember that. So you take a light highlighter. 396 00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:16,000 It's like a marker only. It's a really light color. Yeah. 397 00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,000 Yeah. I got you. Yeah. A highlighter like that. 398 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:33,000 Yes. Yes. Yeah. And lemon juice will remove it, which is excellent because I have these code books at work that I'd love to take the highlighting away because I already know them and I don't need to like go to that area. 399 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:38,000 And anyhow, I'm just going to take some lemon juice to them. Had no idea. 400 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:42,000 So OK. I know I did not have that idea either. 401 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:51,000 I didn't either. All of these ones, I did not have the idea. That's why I put them down because I figured there's if I didn't know, some other people didn't know. 402 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:57,000 So this next one I love, but I've done it differently than this. 403 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:03,000 Identify your house key immediately. Take bright colored nail polish and paint the key. 404 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:13,000 My answer to that was there's this little hardware store down the road and they had Royals and Chiefs keys. 405 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:19,000 The Royals key was the back door and the Chiefs key was the front door. 406 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:24,000 But I mean, this is a good way if you don't want to buy a specialty key. 407 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:29,000 This is a great way to identify it. You know, like at night you're like fumbling through your keys. Where the hell's the house key? 408 00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:36,000 Oh, OK. Here's the red one. This is it. Here's the purple one. Makes sense, doesn't it? 409 00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:42,000 No, yeah. And also, I used to work in property management. 410 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:47,000 And so we had everybody's condo keys. 411 00:31:47,000 --> 00:32:00,000 What we did is we had a stamp set where you set the letter on that key on something solid. You hit it with a hammer. 412 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:05,000 Oh, yeah, yeah. And you ended up with 103. 413 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:12,000 Yeah, but no, like you said, there's different ways. You take the hardware store. There's different ways. 414 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:16,000 Yeah, well, like I said, I had the Royals and Chiefs keys and it worked well. 415 00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:22,000 It depended on where I needed to get in or whatever. I'd be like, oh, OK, I need to go in through the back. I got my Royals keys. So it worked. 416 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:28,000 OK, here's the next one. And this one is great because I did it the other day. 417 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:37,000 And anyhow, I had to kind of unfreeze the area around the hot tub. And so I needed hot water, right? 418 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:43,000 But there's no way to get it. Hey, is the hot tub up and running? Yes, it is. 419 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:51,000 It's going to happen when I come up there, brother. Sure. Yeah, it's going to jump in that thing. It's going to be the hot tub. 420 00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:57,000 And the chemicals are balanced in it because I have to because the new pump is actually in the water. 421 00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:04,000 The old pump was the the gears and stuff were encased where they were in the water. 422 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:09,000 So if you don't keep the chemicals balanced, they'll fuck that pump up. 423 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:14,000 So every day I'm out there in the cold trying to figure that shit out. So anyhow. 424 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:20,000 So you're talking to somebody that was nationally certified for 10 years. 425 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:27,000 Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't do that, the alkalinity will eat that metal up and fuck your pump. 426 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:33,000 I could went anywhere in the United 50 states, United States, 427 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:41,000 down any swimming pool that looked unfit to me. Florida is where you want to go. 428 00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:50,000 And if it plunked, I could have locked it down until it passed my inspection to open it back up. 429 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:57,000 Yeah, a friend of mine went to Florida and he only had like, I don't know, it was worker condos. 430 00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:03,000 He only had enough for a couple months rent and food and a little bit for utilities. 431 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,000 And he had a plan to just go around and service swimming pools. 432 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:13,000 So he went knocking on doors. And now that's what he does for a living. He makes a great living. 433 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:20,000 He just services swimming pools. He said like the other day he put in a light in a swimming pool. 434 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:25,000 He put in a light in a swimming pool. And he said all he had to do was hold his breath for about 30 seconds. 435 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:29,000 He went underwater, put a new light in, fucking $100 just like that. 436 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:33,000 Took two minutes. Lady was happier than hell to give him $100. She got her light in there. 437 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:38,000 He said that shit happens all the time, man. He'll like go and bounce the chemicals. 438 00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:50,000 Yeah, it's better than draining the pool than how to pay the water to act back to the pool and the chemicals to balance it back out. 439 00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:52,000 Yes. So... 440 00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:58,000 Yeah, no, I know a lot of people that do that. I used to do that. 441 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:04,000 Well, he made money in Florida because he knew that there was a huge need for that. 442 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:09,000 Yeah, Florida. Yeah, because there's pools everywhere and everybody needs their pool service there. 443 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:15,000 Nobody wants to do it themselves there. And he went down there like he is living great. Just doing that. 444 00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:24,000 Honestly, you would be shocked if you knew how many pools were around Lake of the Ozarks. 445 00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,000 No, actually I wouldn't be. There's a lot of them. 446 00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:29,000 Yeah, there's a lot of them. 447 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:36,000 You have Lake of the Ozarks, the lake in your backyard, but before you get to the lake, you've got your own pool. 448 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:45,000 And all the condos have pools and all the resorts have pools. All the cabins, a lot of the cabins have their own pool now. Yeah. 449 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:48,000 You know what people like me see? 450 00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:50,000 Money. 451 00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:52,000 Dollar signs. 452 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:56,000 Hell, you could probably do that, Rob. Or are you still certified? 453 00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:59,000 I could. I'm thinking about it. 454 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:12,000 Well, hey, you know, I might have to retire sometime, but I'm not going to be able to fully retire. So I've got to have something on the side. 455 00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:15,000 That would be a great thing. That's something to think about. 456 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,000 And it's not heavy lifting. 457 00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:27,000 No, okay. So anyhow, back on track here, trying to fill up a mop bucket, getting water all over the floor. 458 00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:32,000 Use a pool noodle as a hose to reach the bucket from the faucet. 459 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:36,000 A pool noodle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 460 00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:43,000 Yeah, I did it the other day. No mess, no water on the floor, nothing. Hot water in the bucket from the faucet. No big deal. 461 00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:46,000 Yeah, it worked great. I could not believe it. I'm like, wow. 462 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:51,000 Yeah, my water is anything. It's a solid tube meant for water. 463 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,000 Yeah. I've seen that one. 464 00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:58,000 Next one, you want to keep your bathroom mirror from fogging up. 465 00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:01,000 Try applying a small amount of... 466 00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:03,000 I wish I could. 467 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:08,000 Here's how you do it, Rob. Put a small amount of car wax on the mirror, like turtle wax or something. 468 00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:15,000 Just a small amount and rub it on the mirror and that will keep it from fogging up. 469 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:19,000 Okay, you gave me another idea. Something else would work. Rain-X. 470 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,000 Rain-X, yeah. Yeah, that's where they got the idea from. 471 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:25,000 Okay, I never thought of that. 472 00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:31,000 Because I take my showers so... yeah. You walk out of the bathroom... 473 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:36,000 I take my showers hot too and then you go to see your face and you can. It's all fogged up. 474 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:37,000 Rain-X or... 475 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:41,000 I would not do well in jail if it's because of showers. 476 00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:44,000 Jails have cold showers. 477 00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:46,000 Oh, that would suck. 478 00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:48,000 The hotter the better. 479 00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,000 And not to mention all the people making fun of you because it's like cold showers. 480 00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:53,000 That's why I don't go to jail. 481 00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:58,000 Yeah, you got to know your role in life and if your role is not going to jail, don't be there. 482 00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,000 I just shower, no. 483 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:06,000 Alright, next one. You got wrinkles in your clothes? 484 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:15,000 Try throwing a few ice cubes in a wet washcloth in the dryer with the wrinkled clothes and that will take the wrinkles out of them. 485 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:22,000 Just a couple of ice cubes in a washcloth. A damp washcloth. 486 00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:27,000 And when you take them back out, the clothes will be unwrinkled. 487 00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:29,000 Alright. 488 00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:35,000 Yeah, that's a very good one. I'm not quite sure how that works but I think I have an idea. 489 00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:42,000 Because I used to finish out stainless steel and we used to be able to take dents out with a... 490 00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:44,000 You know what, forget it. 491 00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:46,000 Trying to start a brush fire. 492 00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:49,000 Well, can I say something? 493 00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:51,000 Yeah, go ahead. 494 00:38:51,000 --> 00:39:01,000 I'm a single man. In a month I'll be 55. Well, a month and a half I'll be 55. I don't give a shit about wrinkles. 495 00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:05,000 I got you. I'm the same way. That's why I went on. 496 00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:07,000 Just saying. 497 00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:09,000 You're married. 498 00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,000 There's a big difference in wrinkles. 499 00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:19,000 The reason I didn't go along with my story was I think nobody gives a shit about it. So I was like, I'm just not going to. 500 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:20,000 So anyhow. 501 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:22,000 Well, that tells you I'm listening. 502 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:26,000 No, you are. I know you are. But I mean other people I think will be bored by it so I moved on. 503 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,000 Okay, trying to start a brush fire. 504 00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:33,000 Take lint from the dryer and use it as kindling. 505 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,000 That lint is highly flammable. 506 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:41,000 If you throw it underneath some brush, it will catch the brush on fire. 507 00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:47,000 It burns slow and it burns hot and it burns long. I mean it burns for a long time. 508 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:48,000 Yeah, yeah. 509 00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,000 And then finally. 510 00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:54,000 You're out on the beach, right? 511 00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:59,000 And you don't have any place to put your money and your ID and all that stuff. 512 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,000 You don't want to bring your wallet because it could get wet. 513 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:09,000 You know, sometimes you can have like a waterproof bag. We have one for vacations, but we don't always have it with us. 514 00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:18,000 An empty tube of sunscreen is an easy way to waterproof cash and other valuable items that you don't want to get wet on the beach. 515 00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:20,000 Maybe you have your passports. 516 00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:27,000 A big bottle of sunscreen. I don't know if it will fit your passports, but it will definitely fit cash and other things in there. 517 00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:31,000 So that makes a lot of sense. 518 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,000 When you're done, I have a solution. 519 00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:36,000 Okay, go ahead. 520 00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,000 I'm done. I'm done. 521 00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:44,000 Grab like a half gallon or a gallon water jug. 522 00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:50,000 You know, with one of the ones that's got the spout on it, fill it down, take a big old swig. 523 00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:52,000 Uh huh. 524 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:56,000 Shut it next to your stuff. Nobody's going to touch that. 525 00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:01,000 It could be tea, it could be water. Nobody's going to touch it. 526 00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:08,000 There's a nice little hiding spot. And I just, as you were reading that story, came up with that. 527 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,000 That's pretty cool, dude. That will work. 528 00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:16,000 And I haven't been on a beach since I was 15 years old. 529 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:22,000 Oh wow. Not even down there, Lake of Ozarks, they have some beaches there? 530 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:33,000 Oh no, no, yeah, here on the lake, I'm saying the last beach I was on was Pottery Island, I think. 531 00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,000 Oh, okay. Yeah, down there in south Texas. 532 00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:38,000 And it was right after a hurricane. 533 00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:40,000 Oh, the water was all murky. 534 00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:42,000 The beach I was on was on the Gulf. 535 00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:44,000 Okay. 536 00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:47,000 It was either, yeah, Texas. 537 00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:49,000 The Gulf is my favorite side. 538 00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:54,000 Oh no, I was younger than 15. I was like 13. 539 00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:57,000 Oh wow. You need to get back there, Rob. 540 00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:04,000 Last time I seen the Gulf was south of New Orleans. 541 00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:06,000 Okay. 542 00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:08,000 Because they totally never go. 543 00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:13,000 Yeah, yeah. That's the Mississippi River and mud and all that stuff, yeah. 544 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:19,000 That's where you worked and yeah, see I'd be right at home down there. 545 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:21,000 Was it oil platforms or what? 546 00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:27,000 Oh no, I went down to visit in-laws for the first time. 547 00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:29,000 Okay. 548 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:38,000 And they lived in Beerus, which is like an hour south of New Orleans. 549 00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:41,000 And I believe it's on 23 Highway. 550 00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:44,000 There's a peninsula that goes down through there. 551 00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:52,000 And they were like four miles off the end of the coast. 552 00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:54,000 Oh wow. Okay. 553 00:42:55,000 --> 00:43:03,000 And his shrimp boat was at the very end in a marina that they called end of the world. 554 00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:08,000 Because they call it the most southern point of the United States. 555 00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,000 Now I don't know if that's the Florida Keys. 556 00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:12,000 I don't know if it's that or the Keys. 557 00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:14,000 It could be the Florida Keys too. 558 00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:16,000 They go almost to Cuba. 559 00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:18,000 They're like 50 miles or 40 miles from Cuba. 560 00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:20,000 It's one or the other. 561 00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:22,000 Well, you've been to New Orleans. 562 00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:24,000 Yeah, yeah. 563 00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:26,000 Imagine living an hour south of there. 564 00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:34,000 Well, to get from Miami to the Florida Keys, the very N1 Key West, it's a good four and a half hours. 565 00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:39,000 I think we're talking about different fingers. 566 00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:41,000 Well, okay. 567 00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:45,000 The Florida Keys go to the east and the west and that goes straight south. 568 00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:47,000 It very well could be. 569 00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:49,000 I'm just like kind of telling you what I do know. 570 00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,000 Yeah, this one's a, I think this is a different finger off Florida. 571 00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:54,000 No, no, no. 572 00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:56,000 You're talking about New Orleans. 573 00:43:57,000 --> 00:44:00,000 Down there, that could be the furthest southern part of America from there. 574 00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:02,000 Yeah, you got me. 575 00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:03,000 Yeah, no, no, that could be. 576 00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:05,000 Louisiana. 577 00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:07,000 Yeah, Louisiana. 578 00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:09,000 So anyhow, who knows? 579 00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:11,000 I mean, you know what, Rob? 580 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:13,000 That's your next assignment. 581 00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:16,000 Look at the most southern point of the US. 582 00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:18,000 All right. 583 00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:20,000 Can you do that? 584 00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:22,000 Okay. 585 00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:24,000 On our next podcast, Rob will deliver the... 586 00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:26,000 Yeah, probably. 587 00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:28,000 Yeah. 588 00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:30,000 I got a little story here. 589 00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:31,000 All right. 590 00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:33,000 It's no joke. 591 00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:39,000 Humorous and quirky messages on electronic signs will soon disappear from highways and freeways across the country. 592 00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:51,000 The US Federal Highway Administration has given states two years to implement all the changes outlined in this new 1,100 page manual released last month, 593 00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:56,000 including rules that spells out how signs and other traffic control devices are regulated. 594 00:44:56,000 --> 00:45:03,000 Administration officials said overheard electronic signs with obscure meanings, references to pop culture, 595 00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:11,000 and those intended to be funny will be banned in 2026 because they can be misunderstood or distracting the drivers. 596 00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:14,000 Those are the only ones I read. 597 00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:16,000 Are those? 598 00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:18,000 Yeah. 599 00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:20,000 Yeah. I don't know why they're cracking down on that. 600 00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:22,000 I don't think they're... 601 00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:24,000 I think they're barking up the wrong tree, really. 602 00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:25,000 I mean... 603 00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:27,000 Yeah. 604 00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:30,000 A bunch of people getting paid to figure things out in air quotations. 605 00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:33,000 So, Rob, you got something before we go to break? 606 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:36,000 Yeah. I got it. 607 00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:38,000 Okay. 608 00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:40,000 All right. Flora is yours, Rob. 609 00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,000 And this is on the Associated Press. 610 00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:45,000 Okay. 611 00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:49,000 And this was one day ago. 612 00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:52,000 This would have been January 19th. 613 00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:53,000 Okay. 614 00:45:54,000 --> 00:46:06,000 And this goes back on a story that we talked about, I was a few months ago, and you'll realize which one it is. 615 00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:08,000 Okay. 616 00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:25,000 A grand jury indicted Alec Baldwin on Friday of involuntary manslaughter charge in a 2021 tail shooting during the rehearsal of a movie set in New Mexico. 617 00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,000 Is this a different state doing it now? 618 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:31,000 No, New Mexico. I thought he was cleared of that. 619 00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:33,000 No. 620 00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:37,000 They opened it back up, Mark. 621 00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:40,000 Oh, okay. Cool. All right. 622 00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:44,000 So they must have found some compelling evidence. 623 00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:46,000 Huh? 624 00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:49,000 They must have found some compelling evidence, Rob. 625 00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:52,000 I mean, they don't usually open these things back up. 626 00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:56,000 Dude, I could read this whole story. 627 00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:59,000 Well, no. Just get the high spots. 628 00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:02,000 It's going to take half our podcast. 629 00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:04,000 No, just get the high spots, Rob. 630 00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:07,000 So they, okay, I think we can get into that. 631 00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:09,000 Okay, here we go. 632 00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:11,000 Okay. 633 00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:24,000 Special prosecutors brought the case before a grand jury in Santa Fe this week, months after receiving a new analysis of the gun that was used. 634 00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:27,000 Oh, okay. 635 00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:35,000 They declined to answer questions after spending about a day and a half presenting their case to the grand jury. 636 00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,000 Okay. 637 00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:50,000 Well, it goes, a lot of this is going into describing the case. 638 00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:53,000 Okay. 639 00:47:53,000 --> 00:48:01,000 This is where Alec Baldwin was jacking around, pulled a gun, shot somebody. 640 00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:04,000 So he was screwing around that led to the person's death. 641 00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:07,000 Okay, that's different then. That's different then. 642 00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:27,000 Supposedly, the gun had blanks and he is swearing that all he did was pull the hammer back, but he never touched the trigger. 643 00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:31,000 And obviously they don't think that's true. 644 00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,000 So he's finding malfunction in the gun. 645 00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:36,000 Okay, but here's the thing. 646 00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,000 Where the fuck did the live bullet come from? 647 00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:43,000 Exactly. No, what they did was they did the blister. 648 00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:50,000 Now they're trying to hook him up because of his action. He was jackassing around. 649 00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:52,000 Yeah, and it led to a person's death. 650 00:48:52,000 --> 00:49:04,000 If you have a toy gun in your hand, I don't care if you're a kid or an adult, if you have a toy gun in your hand, you're going to look at somebody and say, pow, that's a laugh. 651 00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:10,000 This happened to have a live bullet in it, which he did not know. 652 00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:14,000 Well, the whole point is he should have not been jacking around with a gun. 653 00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:25,000 Although, he swears all he did was pull the hammer back. He swears he never pulled the trigger. 654 00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:28,000 So therefore it would be a malfunctioning gun. 655 00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:30,000 Hmm. 656 00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:35,000 Now that's going to be the hard part, the proof. 657 00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:37,000 They were filming it, right? 658 00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:40,000 Although they have stuff on film. 659 00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:44,000 That might be how and why they opened it up. 660 00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:46,000 They may have been zoned in on that film. 661 00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:49,000 That may be how and why they opened it back up, Rob. 662 00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:51,000 Compelling evidence. 663 00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,000 This is going to be interesting. 664 00:49:55,000 --> 00:50:03,000 This is going to be interesting because if he did pull the trigger, then that is clearly manslaughter and he'll be charged. 665 00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:06,000 Okay, okay, but here's my question. 666 00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:08,000 Okay. 667 00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:26,000 If it's manslaughter, if you think there is a blank in that gun that has come through people in the TV business, then you are giving it clear on that gun. 668 00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:31,000 Okay. If he was jacking around, he should not have been messing with a gun. 669 00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:33,000 Now Rob, listen, listen. 670 00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:38,000 Okay, here's the deal. Your negligence causes a death. 671 00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:40,000 That is a manslaughter charge. 672 00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:47,000 So if he was jacking around with that gun, okay, when he shouldn't have been, it doesn't matter if they gave him the clear or not. 673 00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,000 He was fucking around and it led to this person's death. 674 00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:54,000 They can charge him with manslaughter and it sounds like they intend to. 675 00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:56,000 Okay. 676 00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:58,000 Alright. 677 00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:02,000 No, no, no, I'm kind of getting it now. 678 00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:04,000 Yeah, you can look up the definition. 679 00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:08,000 Even though it's not his fault the real bullet was in there when it hit him. 680 00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:11,000 No, what they're saying is he shouldn't have been fucking around with a gun. 681 00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:14,000 Well then he could go after somebody else other than them. 682 00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:27,000 Maybe it will be unraveled in this whole court dealing, but right now what they know is Alec Baldwin or what they think they know is Alec Baldwin was jacking around with a gun when he shouldn't have been if someone ended up dead. 683 00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:34,000 So therefore they're going to try to charge him with manslaughter and they can probably get him on that. 684 00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:37,000 So let's take our first or second break. 685 00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:39,000 I'll keep you updated. Yeah, we're late on our second break. 686 00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:41,000 Yeah, we are. We'll be right back. 687 00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:43,000 I know, sad too. Alright. 688 00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:47,000 Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. 689 00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:50,000 It's strange insults from an alien. 690 00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:52,000 Real hilarity. 691 00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:55,000 You remind me of a penny. 692 00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:58,000 Too faced and not worth much. 693 00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:01,000 Hey look, I think we found land. 694 00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:03,000 Oh my god, I think we're safe. 695 00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:07,000 Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes. 696 00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:11,000 I'm going to get you fired. 697 00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:18,000 What do you call an angry carrot? 698 00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:21,000 A steamed veggie. 699 00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:24,000 Ho ho ho ho ho. 700 00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:29,000 Two douchebags and a microphone says. 701 00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:34,000 You ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass? 702 00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:36,000 Just asking. 703 00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:44,000 Next up, things overheard in hell. 704 00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:50,000 Baseball's third season of the year begins tonight. 705 00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:52,000 Yay. 706 00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:57,000 A lot of podcasts just come from a can. 707 00:52:58,000 --> 00:53:00,000 Two douchebags and a microphone. 708 00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:03,000 Two douchebags and a microphone. 709 00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:06,000 Three douchebags and a microphone. 710 00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:09,000 And now, deep thoughts with Mark. 711 00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:20,000 Okay, if I borrow money from a pessimist, would they expect to not get it back? 712 00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:29,000 I may never know. 713 00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:52,000 Hot shit. 714 00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:08,000 I'm Mark. 715 00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:10,000 And I'm Rob. 716 00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:13,000 I've got an interesting story here, Rob. 717 00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:15,000 Yeah, sure. 718 00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:20,000 A 84 year old McDonald's cashier who worked for the company for 45 years is finally retiring. 719 00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:34,000 Dot Sharp, who recently turned 84, served her last customer, her granddaughter, from the drive-thru window at a McDonald's in Gibsonia, Pennsylvania on Friday, according to the Business Insider. 720 00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:48,000 A spokesperson for McDonald's franchise, Tri County Management, told us the outlet, the drive-thru line was wrapped all the way around the corner of the building because all her regulars wanted to wish her well before she retired. 721 00:54:49,000 --> 00:55:01,000 Mrs. Sharp initially secured the job in September 1978, and a single mother enjoyed the flexible schedule and it worked out for her for that many years. 722 00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:05,000 She's 84 and finally retiring. God bless her, that's excellent. 723 00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:12,000 So, it sounds like she had a lot of people that really liked her too, so that's even better. 724 00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:14,000 Yeah. 725 00:55:15,000 --> 00:55:24,000 Yeah, so anyhow, a bunch of truck drivers got together on social media. 726 00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:29,000 This guy found this cat, and he didn't know where it was from. 727 00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:38,000 He saw this lady, she was moving to Tennessee with her family and her cat got loose. 728 00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:47,000 They moved to Tennessee, and anyhow, she was from California, so her cat ran off in California, right? 729 00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:49,000 So, she's in Tennessee. 730 00:55:49,000 --> 00:56:00,000 A truck driver found her cat in California, but he wasn't going to Tennessee, they found out on social media they found this cat, and that looks like the cat that's missing. 731 00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:03,000 She put it up on social media. 732 00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:06,000 I see this all the time. 733 00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:18,000 Okay, yeah, so they identified that this was a cat in California, so they got a network of truckers like a baton race where you pass a baton. 734 00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:29,000 One would take one, let's say one's going to Nevada, then Nevada would be going to Nebraska, Nebraska would be going to Missouri, then Missouri's going to Tennessee, something like that. 735 00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:37,000 But every one of them, they would go to truck stops and they'd pass this cat off until they got him to the owner in Tennessee. 736 00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:41,000 That is pretty damn cool, I think. 737 00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:44,000 Yeah, that's awesome. 738 00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:48,000 Yeah, truck drivers are good people, they get a bad rap, but I'll tell you what, man. 739 00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:58,000 Oh man, I've known some, most of the best people I've known are truck drivers. 740 00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:01,000 Yeah, yeah, they're good people. 741 00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:04,000 Off the road and at home. 742 00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:08,000 Yeah, yeah, no, I agree. I know a lot of truck drivers too and they're great people. 743 00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:21,000 And I have a good friend right now, Paul, that had to retire, but his wife is kind of taking up for the business. 744 00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:23,000 Cool. 745 00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:26,000 His wife I went to school with, that's how I know Paul. 746 00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:28,000 He's battling cancer. 747 00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:35,000 So he cannot be on the road no more, but they also own a transport company. 748 00:57:35,000 --> 00:57:41,000 So his wife's doing the work, yeah, I love them to death. 749 00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:47,000 Well, let's all say a prayer for Rob, or not Rob, but what's his name, I'm sorry? 750 00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:49,000 Paul and Karen. 751 00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:56,000 Paul and Karen. Let's all say a prayer for those guys and hopefully he beats his cancer and gets back on the road. 752 00:57:56,000 --> 00:58:05,000 Yeah, he's having to sell off a lot of stuff. He just had to sell off his Harley he just bought two years ago. 753 00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:08,000 Ah, that's tough. 754 00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:13,000 And that was his life dream, buy a Harley, he bought it. 755 00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:19,000 Well, you know what, living, he can get that Harley back, he's only got one life. 756 00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:23,000 So I'm sure he's more than willing to do that. 757 00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:28,000 Yeah, well, yeah, trust me, Paul's a strong man. 758 00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:30,000 Alright, I'm sure he'll pull through. 759 00:58:31,000 --> 00:58:32,000 He's a veteran, he's a veteran. 760 00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:34,000 Good man. 761 00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:36,000 He's seen life out of him. 762 00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:46,000 I hate going into a story like this after something like that, but Jack in the Box has a first new burger in eight years. 763 00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:54,000 Jack in the Box wants the Smash Jack to be the best burger in the fast food industry and it's off to a great start. 764 00:58:55,000 --> 00:59:00,000 Two weeks after launching, the Smash Jack has become a fast food unicorn. 765 00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:07,000 It's nearly impossible to find as the chain ran out of supplies to make the specialized burger which customers could not get enough of. 766 00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:16,000 We're sold out, Ryan Ulstrum, Jack in the Box chief marketing officer told reporters at a media event Wednesday at the chain's San Diego headquarters. 767 00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:25,000 The fast food chain, a self-built edgy rival to McDonald's quietly rolled out the Smash Jack in early January. 768 00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:30,000 No marketing, no advertising, we just put it on the menu, Ulstrum said. 769 00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:37,000 But word got it, still got out, leading to hordes of fans scrambling to get their hands on the $8 premium burger. 770 00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:42,000 Ulstrum said the chain nearly sold out 70,000 burgers in a single day. 771 00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:47,000 One store received a single order for 27 Smash Jacks. 772 00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:57,000 Ulstrum said the original plan was to quietly launch the burger for about six weeks to get restaurant teams prepared for the national launch in the spring. 773 00:59:57,000 --> 01:00:05,000 But the Smash Jack was so popular that after two weeks supplies ran out and the chain couldn't get enough patties out to stores. 774 01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:09,000 And it looks really great because it's a Smash Burger, right? 775 01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:21,000 But it looks like it has sauteed onions, cheese, pickles, on a toasted, some sort of specialty bun, I'm not sure. 776 01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:27,000 But it doesn't really go into what exactly a Jack Smash Burger is. 777 01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:29,000 It sounds good to me. 778 01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:33,000 It looks really good. Look it up online, Rob. 779 01:00:34,000 --> 01:00:35,000 Yeah, I will. I will. 780 01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:44,000 It's a good looking burger, it really is. So anyhow, I think it's going to be doing good. 781 01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:46,000 You got something you want to go into? 782 01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:49,000 Yeah, give me a sec. 783 01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:50,000 Okay. 784 01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:56,000 Okay, until then. 785 01:00:57,000 --> 01:01:03,000 At the time an order of small fries was just 35 cents and the chain signature Big Mac sold for 90 cents. 786 01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:05,000 New York Post reported. 787 01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:15,000 And this is about McDonald's and the flexibility that it had to grow. 788 01:01:15,000 --> 01:01:22,000 And anyhow, okay. Remember when I said they bought premium real estates? 789 01:01:23,000 --> 01:01:24,000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 790 01:01:25,000 --> 01:01:29,000 I'm back with you. I stepped out of the studio for a second, you caught me. 791 01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:31,000 Oh, okay, no, that's cool. 792 01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:33,000 I'm back in the studio. 793 01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:39,000 That's a long article. I just started reading it because it was too much silence. 794 01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:41,000 But I'll read it later. 795 01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:43,000 Are you talking about the McCosmics? 796 01:01:43,000 --> 01:01:55,000 No, no, no, no, no, no. This is a particular article I was talking about a while back about how McDonald's bought properties 30, 40, 50 years ago that they knew was going to expand. 797 01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:58,000 Yeah, yeah, in that town where they're kind of wanting to put the McCosmics. 798 01:01:59,000 --> 01:02:03,000 Well, some of them are, yeah. And some of them are also regular McDonald's, but yes. 799 01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:09,000 Anyhow, we'll get to that because that is a long article. You had something you wanted to get to, Rob, so do you have it? 800 01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:13,000 Yes, that's where it's coming up towards the end. 801 01:02:14,000 --> 01:02:15,000 Okay. 802 01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:29,000 Dennis icon Richard Simmons is disting himself from a new biopic about his life starring actor and comedian Polly Shore. 803 01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:31,000 Okay. 804 01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:51,000 In a rare social media statement, the reclusive former weight loss guru and pop culture personality denied having any part in the upcoming film about his life. 805 01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:57,000 I didn't know there was one, but evidently there is. 806 01:02:57,000 --> 01:03:02,000 Okay, well, you know the story on him, don't you? He disappeared. 807 01:03:03,000 --> 01:03:05,000 Yeah, yeah, I do. I do, yeah. 808 01:03:06,000 --> 01:03:18,000 And they thought maybe someone was keeping him, kind of, you know, like keeping him shut up and maybe, I don't know, kind of brutalizing him or threatening him or something. 809 01:03:19,000 --> 01:03:25,000 But he actually came out a couple of times and now it's speculated like he maybe switched genders. 810 01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:28,000 People say that he looks like he became a good... 811 01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:30,000 Okay, well, I have his quotes. 812 01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:32,000 Okay, go ahead. 813 01:03:33,000 --> 01:03:42,000 Okay, it went from that. And, okay, this is on NBC News. 814 01:03:43,000 --> 01:03:44,000 Okay. 815 01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:46,000 Alright. 816 01:03:46,000 --> 01:03:57,000 It goes into saying, Hi everybody, you may have heard they may be doing a movie about me with Polly Shore. 817 01:03:58,000 --> 01:04:01,000 Simmons posted on Facebook on Wednesday. 818 01:04:02,000 --> 01:04:03,000 Uh huh. 819 01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:12,000 I have never given my permission for this movie, so don't believe everything you read, he wrote. 820 01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:18,000 I no longer have a manager and I no longer have a publicist. 821 01:04:19,000 --> 01:04:22,000 I just try to live a quiet life and be peaceful. 822 01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:26,000 Thank you for all your love and support. 823 01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:28,000 Hmm. 824 01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:42,000 The upcoming film is being developed at the Wappler Organization, a subsidiary of Warner Brothers, despite the lack of endorsement from Simmons. 825 01:04:43,000 --> 01:04:46,000 The company remains committed to telling his life story. 826 01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:48,000 I'm wondering... 827 01:04:48,000 --> 01:05:00,000 Okay, he's going, but yeah, Richard Simmons has not given his permission for any biopic you see. 828 01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:02,000 Okay, I wonder about this. 829 01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:04,000 Okay, I'm not taking up for him. 830 01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:06,000 Okay, go ahead. 831 01:05:07,000 --> 01:05:08,000 I don't care about Richard Simmons. 832 01:05:09,000 --> 01:05:10,000 Okay, fair enough. 833 01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:22,000 I'm just saying, but if people go make a movie and stuff about your life and you don't give permission, isn't that awesome? 834 01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:26,000 That's what I was getting ready to ask. I was going to pose the question. 835 01:05:27,000 --> 01:05:28,000 No, no. 836 01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:48,000 Nowhere in this article does it say he's going to sue him. Because honestly, the article does go into saying we're a polished sword. 837 01:05:49,000 --> 01:05:50,000 Uh huh. 838 01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:56,000 He's actually doing this as a tribute to Richard Simmons. 839 01:05:56,000 --> 01:06:04,000 Okay, okay. Well then, you know what? There's different laws and different rules, and I don't think they could be even taking it this far. 840 01:06:05,000 --> 01:06:13,000 I think if Richard Simmons truly didn't want it out, that he could, if he had any legal recourse, he would have done it, right? 841 01:06:14,000 --> 01:06:16,000 Oh, but dude, I'm looking at a picture. 842 01:06:17,000 --> 01:06:18,000 Uh huh. 843 01:06:18,000 --> 01:06:32,000 Okay, the biopic will not be the first time Shore plays the role of Richard Simmons. He stars in the new short film, The Court Chester, directed by Jake Lewis. 844 01:06:33,000 --> 01:06:34,000 Uh huh. 845 01:06:35,000 --> 01:06:43,000 It's not related to the upcoming feature film. But I'm looking at a picture that I hit the button and go into YouTube on. 846 01:06:44,000 --> 01:06:45,000 Uh huh. 847 01:06:45,000 --> 01:06:48,000 Dude, you ought to see Paulie Shore as Richard Simmons. 848 01:06:49,000 --> 01:06:52,000 I can believe it. 849 01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:54,000 And, Lois. 850 01:06:55,000 --> 01:06:57,000 Very cool. 851 01:06:58,000 --> 01:06:59,000 Just saying. 852 01:07:00,000 --> 01:07:01,000 Okay. 853 01:07:02,000 --> 01:07:03,000 Alright. 854 01:07:04,000 --> 01:07:07,000 Alright man, thank you Rob, and anyhow, this is the end of this podcast. 855 01:07:07,000 --> 01:07:16,000 Thanks for getting in early and getting this one in early. We will do another one tomorrow. I'll try to have this up tomorrow sometime. 856 01:07:17,000 --> 01:07:18,000 So, anyhow. 857 01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:29,000 Everyone have a good night. As of right now, the Texans are tied with the Ravens 10-10. Interesting game going on up there in Baltimore right now. 858 01:07:30,000 --> 01:07:31,000 Alright, take care of me. 859 01:07:31,000 --> 01:07:37,000 Yeah, yeah, that's pending our game tomorrow. 860 01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:41,000 Yeah, interesting game so far up there. We'll see how the other games shake out. 861 01:07:42,000 --> 01:07:43,000 We'll get down to four teams after tomorrow. 862 01:07:44,000 --> 01:07:48,000 Yes, and we will have plenty to say. Anyhow, take care, thank you for listening, bye. 863 01:07:48,000 --> 01:08:01,000 Good night everybody. 864 01:08:02,000 --> 01:08:06,000 Hey, where did everybody go? Where are the douchebags? 865 01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:10,000 Oh my god, someone took a dump in the corner. 866 01:08:11,000 --> 01:08:12,000 Oh jeez. 867 01:08:13,000 --> 01:08:16,000 Glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back. 868 01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:18,000 Man, that smells.