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Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their ass with politically correct washrags. Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in 3, 2, 1.
Hello everybody, this is Two Douchebags in a Microphone. I'm Mark. And I'm Rob.
Well, as most people know, we originate here in Kansas City and also from Camdenton, Missouri where Rob lives. But this program is considered Kansas City because that is where it is sent to you at and all that.
So we are obviously Chiefs fans. And the Chiefs did very well. We're very happy with what they did to Miami. Dismantled them. Only let them score one touchdown. Didn't let Tyreke Hill go off on us like he was promised and all that.
We handled business the way we should have.
He never does.
Yeah. Was it 26 to 7?
And once he gets there, he don't do it.
Yeah, the thing is, like I said, like Jamar Chase, fear makes you act out like that.
I like the silent knowing. People are like, you know what, I don't have to say anything. I used to love what Marcus Allen said. I want to celebrate. Act like you've been there before.
Yeah. He go to the end zone and hand the ball off to the official and walk off.
I was just going to add, also Tyreke Hill knows Kansas City.
Yes, what it is. You know what I mean?
We already talked about this and I'm certain this is what happened.
Yeah, we have. He stepped on his dick like Chris Jones is getting ready to do.
Yeah, he is.
Chris Jones, in my opinion, is a cancer to the Kansas City Chiefs. I told you, you know, he held us for hostage the first of the year.
Then he's making remarks about how much money my home makes. You don't do that. That's bullshit. I don't go up to people.
You got a $1.25 million bonus and buys everybody Rolex.
Yes, and the only reason is because Coach Reed let him stay in three fucking quarters and he shouldn't even have been there in one quarter.
The guy couldn't even get it done in that amount of time. He's overrated, very overrated. The guy we need is Slygeria Snead.
They need to sign Snead, let Chris Jones go off somewhere because I'm certain he's a cancer and I'm going to prove it here in a minute again.
I mean, at first, you know, he held us for hostage the first of the year. We couldn't get another receiver because Travis Kelsey had to restructure his contract to make Chris Jones' ass happy.
Okay, so finally he holds out one game.
Hey, hey, hey, now think about this. I didn't think about that until now.
That might be why Kelsey's been a little pissy this year.
It could be.
It could be. Okay, Rob, here's why I don't subscribe to that.
Kelsey took himself out of the last game. He is not a me guy. He's an us guy. He's into rings.
He did it for the team. He wanted to get through the playoffs.
Chris Jones wasn't worried about the team. Chris Jones is worried about the back of the jersey, not the front of the jersey. He's worried about himself.
And I'm not saying not be worried about yourself. We all have to be worried about ourselves, right?
We all have to be worried to make sure we do the best we can in life.
But there comes a point to it where it's detrimental to the people around you and that's why you don't do it.
It's detrimental to you winning another Super Bowl.
It's detrimental to all these other people that are taking pay cuts to stay.
Okay, so and here, like we started off saying, right Rob, remember we went over the a few podcasts ago.
We went over his remarks about Mahomes' money, right?
They, you know, they asked him and, and, you know, hey, what if you get that bonus or whatever or no, they asked him about Mahomes buying the golf cards for his offensive line.
And he rolled his eyes again. Well, I don't make Mahomes' kind of money.
No, no, no, no, no, that's taboo. So he goes and buys Rolexes.
Well, yeah, yeah, he ended up, he ended up actually imitating Mahomes doing that.
But he kind of, he kind of criticized Mahomes and the Chiefs inadvertently without really doing it.
Do you agree? I don't go around, I don't go, I don't go around work, right?
I don't go around work and go, yeah, that guy right there, he makes, I don't know, 150,000. That guy right there, he makes 180,000.
That, you know, that is something you don't do. You don't comment or worry about other people's money, right?
No, you worry about yourself.
You worry about yourself. And any comment towards anybody else's money is not right.
It is looked at and frowned upon in every aspect of our society.
Yeah, yeah.
That's considered not minding your own business. That's considered being a troublemaker when you start doing that.
Okay, but that was only one of the things. Okay, so number one, Chris Jones holds the Chiefs hostage.
They have to restructure Travis Kelsey and a couple of contracts just to get him in. He held out the first game, remember?
And we lost that game to Detroit. We might have won it if there was a little bit more pressure on him.
But actually everyone kept dropping the balls, otherwise we would have won it.
But okay, so we couldn't get another top notch receiver because Chris Jones is like over there pouting like a baby in my opinion.
And I didn't appreciate that. So, and I'm sure there's other people that didn't appreciate it either, but they won't say that on the team.
Because they are team people, not me, me, me, I, I, I people.
Okay, then number two, he commented on Mahomes money. So obviously he's keeping track, right?
He's got a little dial in the back of his head and he's like, well Mahomes just got this.
Okay, number one, Chris Jones is not a Mahomes. He is not a generational player.
He's not a guy that can take the team on his back and win the game solely with his will, like Mahomes does.
Like you said, not Kelsey is even replaceable.
Yes. All of them.
And the two that are not replaceable is Mahomes and Andy Reid.
Absolutely Rob, absolutely. Yes. Those two people.
And I'm starting to think Eric Benamy.
Benamy, well, okay, hey, we'll get to that here in a minute. Okay, let me finish this point and we'll get to that.
I think that Matt Nagy can be bypassed and I think he has been bypassed.
Okay, I think Mahomes did, but I'll get to that here in a minute.
I'll give an example why I think that.
Okay, now this is the third straw against Chris Jones.
Chris Jones was talking to the media after the game and he found out through the media that he only got a half a sack because George Karloftis, who I think is better than him now, got the half a sack and he went on a tirade.
They're always giving him part of my sacks. That was me. That was I. I should have got it. I'm getting tired of this shit.
What kind of a person. Exactly. He should have been like, you know what?
George is a great fucking player and I'm glad that he got that half a sack.
Why is he so worried about that sack? Right? He's only worried about himself.
If I was Karloftis, I'd go over there and go, you know, hey Chris, keep my fucking name out of your mouth.
But Karloftis won't do it. You know why? Because he's a team player.
You know who's going to be on this team next year? Karloftis. You know who's not going to be on this team next year? Chris Jones.
Chris Jones can go to Miami. He can go join Tyreek and step on his dick like Tyreek did because I'm getting tired of Chris Jones shit.
I have three words for Chris Jones. Exit, stage, left.
And I got three words. No, four words. Grow the fuck up.
Quit being a little baby in the corner telling about what everyone else got for Christmas.
Now, it's bullshit and I'm tired of it. So, anyhow, since we're talking about the NFL, the Cowboys.
Yeah, we got a lot going on. The Chiefs went through with flying colors like we thought they would.
But we did have some doubt because they have had some bad play. But they seemed to have gotten it together.
The only thing I didn't like was too many field goals. But some of that was because of Jawan Taylor getting a touchdown call back.
Because he was off sides. Reminds you of anything? Yeah.
Yeah, reminds me of virtually every game we've been on. A score has been called back because of Jawan Taylor.
They're going to have to correct that in the off season. And they're going to have to win despite him.
Okay, so the Cowboys, they lost. Once again, Dak Prescott, he threw two interceptions.
Screwed himself over. He just can't do the big game. He can't do the big game, right Rob? Right.
Every time he goes and does the big game, he fucks it up. He is not a clutch player. He is the opposite of Patrick Mahomes.
He can put up all these stats and look great, like Mahomes does. But when it comes down to it, he can't win the big game. He never has been.
He's no better than a glorified Tony Romo.
Tony Romo did the same thing in Dallas, didn't he? Yeah, he did.
Put up great stats. Never won crap. That's because to win, you've got to have that in you.
You have to have that in you. That want to is what my coach used to call it in high school.
Hey Wallace, I didn't see a lot of want to in that tackle. What do you mean? You either want to or you don't, right?
Okay. Next time you get out there, I want to see some want to. I don't want to see you looking at the fucking stands.
I don't want to see you looking off over the other way. He said, if you don't have any want to, then get the fuck off this field.
So, I developed more want to because I wanted to be on that field. He's a great coach.
I won't say his name because I don't know if he wants to be a part of a podcast called Two Douchebags and Microphone.
My coach is Greg Williams. Nasty Greg Williams. Yeah, the guy that got in trouble for dirty hands.
Greg Williams. Yeah. Yeah. You're not the only person that told me that he was a dick.
I know. We went over this. Yeah, we did. So, the Cowboys shit the bed.
And for all those out in Douchebag land, go back and listen. Yeah. Yeah. And if you haven't listened before, you're a bad person and we have nothing to say to you.
Oh, hang on. Hang on. Hang on. We screwed up already, Rob. Hi, Opal.
Yeah, Grandma Opal. Grandma Opal, we love you. How are you doing, darling?
Yeah, hey, I hope you enjoy the Chiefs talk. I understand you're a big Chiefs fan.
Oh, gee, I did not know that. That's cool. Yes. No, he sent another email.
He said that she's hard of hearing, so she's not going to get on the program with us. But he said he might call in one time.
Yeah. Yeah, that'd be awesome. But he said that... He heard Grandma up, he's more than welcome.
Yes. Grandma Opal still loves us. She's not a Ruth Ann. Ruth Ann dumped you, Rob. I'm sorry.
Ruth Ann dumped you because she didn't like me. She's willing to hurt you.
She dumped me. She's willing to hurt you to get to me. That's disgusting, Rob. I'm sorry. Do you need a hug?
You know I'll take a hug from you anytime, Big Bird.
I'm sorry if I accidentally rub any parts on you. I believe in giving a really big hug.
I'm used to it. Yeah, yeah. No homo, right? Yeah.
No homo. Okay, well speaking of no homo, and that's not derogatory. Everyone used to say that all the time.
Oh man, I want to give you a kiss. No homo. It's funny. So anyhow, and if anyone's offended by it, I apologize.
But that's the way we grew up. That was back in the day. Yes, and I've even heard gay people say that.
So anyhow, Dolphin player Christian Wilkins accused of inappropriately touching Josh Allen's junk.
Quarterback for Buffalo Bills.
First, what happened is, is Josh Allen complained. Nothing was made of the accusation.
Now someone sent in a video. It's emerged of Wilkins grabbing Allen's tally.
Okay, well this was before this weekend. Yes it was.
Wilkins has been accused of several other times in college. The problem is proving it.
The behavior only seems to happen in dog piles.
So anyhow, well Mr. Wilkins. Oh that reminds me of somebody. Who, Biggin? Biggin the ball-biter? Yes.
Well that only happened in dog piles. Are you sure that ain't Biggin? It might be Biggin.
I'll have to look at his profile pic on NFL.com and I'll let you know if that was Biggin.
I always wonder what happened to him. Biggin was, you know what, I'll just do the story real quick.
Well this dude's got people's junk in the bottom of the bed. That sounds a lot like Biggin.
Okay, Biggin was this big old motherfucker in high school.
And we put him on the line, the offensive and defensive line, because you couldn't get around the son of a bitch.
He was just massive. You run into him and bounce off and he wouldn't even feel it. It would be like a gnat on his leg.
He was just a big corn-fed fucking, big fucking goofball.
And no one liked him because that motherfucker, whenever you'd be in a dog pile,
okay, let's say they're trying to run the ball and get one yard, you know, big dog pile there,
he grew his index finger and his thumb finger out and sharpened them to where he would pinch you right up there in the corner,
where your fucking nut sack almost is and where your inner thigh is, and he would leave fucking bleeding and bruising.
And okay, my coach was like this and it used to piss us off because he took advantage of it, Biggin knew.
You did not say anything about someone fouling you.
Like if someone tripped you, if you went to the coach and said, hey, fucking Jones over there tripped, he tripped me,
he'd make everyone run gassers because you didn't squeal.
And so we'd be like, oh fuck, you know, hey so and so tripped me, that's how come I didn't get to quarterback.
Wallace, you and the whole team are going to run gassers now because we don't put up with snitching.
So then everyone's mad at me and they fucking kick the shit out of you in the locker room, you know, so you couldn't tell on them.
Yeah, they're trying to get you to work as a team.
Yeah, so you couldn't tell on them.
So anyhow, it was September and it was really hot stretch.
It was one of those, you know, summer slamming the door on the way out deals, you know, we always get them in September around here,
mid September all of a sudden it gets back up and in the 90s it was really humid and we're getting ready to play Drexel, our arch rivals.
Okay, so anyhow, we used to get hand-me-down helmets because we had no budget where I went to school.
And the hand-me-down helmets were like from, I don't know, Bishop Meade or I don't know, Notre Dame des Sein or something like that.
The more well-off schools would give us their old equipment so we could play and these helmets were beat all to hell and they'd always fly off of our face.
Okay, so we had this little running back, Jimmy. He was fucking, he was good. I mean, he could just run circles around Biggin.
So anyhow, we're practicing and Biggin was playing defense and Jimmy was like running on offense.
But anyhow, Jimmy was having sort of a rash or something on his inner thigh, like, I don't know, like maybe jock itch or something.
So he could not wear his jock strap, you know, so he's like, all right, I'm going to play but man, you know, I can't wear my jock strap.
It's digging into that kind of infection I have down there, you know, and so, okay.
So next thing I know, okay, Biggin took and okay, Jimmy, you know, fucking was in the dog pile and Biggin, instead of using his fingers,
fucking bit Jimmy on the inner thigh because every now and then if his helmet popped off, he would bite you on the inner thigh.
That's how dirty this guy was.
Oh, no, I went to a totally different school and I heard about it.
No, because they knew about it.
Yes. Yeah. Drexel knew about him. Archie knew about him. Everybody knew about this guy.
He was the psychopath that played for us. Everyone knew him.
So anyhow, Biggin goes to bite fucking Jimmy in that corner and his fucking nut sack was exposed hanging down a little bit and he fucking bit his nuts.
All of a sudden, Jimmy comes fucking jumping up out of the ball, blood running down his white pants.
The coach runs over there, fucking pulls his pants down. He thought he had a jock strap.
He sees his fucking big old gash in his balls. He's like, who the fuck? He didn't say fuck.
He said, who the hell did this? What happened here?
And anyhow, everyone points to Biggin. That's your culprit right there.
And anyhow, Jimmy said, I think he fucking bit me. He's like holding his inner thigh and it's bleeding.
So he goes off and he goes in their medical team. I forgot what they called him. Just medical team come out.
He went in there and anyhow, Biggin got fucking screamed at and kicked off the team for a while and all that stuff.
And anyhow, so this guy is like, he might even be Biggin. If I take a look at his picture, I'll tell you if this psychopath is Biggin or not.
But yeah, Wilkins has been doing this and anyhow, I just thought I'd go into the Fondler.
And anyhow, the videos, you can see him man. He fucking just fucking reaches up there and grabs Josh Allen's picture.
How do you like to be Josh Allen? Dude! Dude!
Only in the NFL.
So anyhow, I just wanted to get to the crotch grabber, Wilkins, the Miami Dolphins, who will not be grabbing any crotches anytime soon because they are now out of it.
Thanks to our beloved Chief. And of course, we're going to compare him to Biggin.
Yes, we are. And it might even be him. I'll have to look. Although I think he'd be too old to play now.
So anyhow, let's take a look. Yeah, good point. Good point.
Yeah. It might be his son. He taught his son how to bite crotches.
He trained him right. Yes, he did. Biggin, if you're out there listening, let me know.
And two guys in Harrisonville that emailed me.
Call in. I'm certain I know you. Because just some guy, he wouldn't tell me who he is. He claimed to be Reggie, one of my names that I come up with whenever I'm playing pranks on people and stuff.
When I used to phone scan people when we were teenagers, I used to go by Reggie.
So he goes by Reggie in Harrisonville. He started asking me, hey man, you still play Pac-Man and all that on the arcade in Harrisonville?
And anyhow, somebody emailed back, who are you? He wouldn't tell me.
So anyhow, dude, let me know who you are. Call in. You probably have stories we don't even remember.
You never know. You might even know me. You never know.
I think he probably knows us both because he hung out at the arcade. He knows us both.
So anyhow, it was cool. But he's being coy and he won't let me know who he is. Because we'd have to know him.
So how would he know all this information? Like Fridays and Saturday nights.
He evidently must remember you more than me.
Well, he's talking about how we used to fucking grab nerds and smack them around a little bit and make them leave.
We'd go in there, remember us long years? We'd go in there and fucking pull a couple people and go, you get out of here. This is cool people only. Get the fuck out of here.
And we'd smack them around a little bit.
He's probably one of the people we smacked around.
Uh-uh. Now we might be in trouble.
Yeah, we might be. But anyhow, he even went into that.
I don't know. He's following. He ain't that pissed.
You know what? He's listening. You're right. So anyhow, I was pretty impressed with that. I was like, wow, okay.
So I'm pretty sure we both know him. But he's being coy. So whoever you are, we're going to call him Reggie X from Harrisonville. How's that?
Reggie X.
Yeah. Come forth and identify yourself.
Anyhow, let's take our first break, Rob. We'll be right back.
Okay. Now we're coming back to NFL stuff.
Sounds good.
I smell bacon.
No, Wade. It's just Mark sweating.
Hey, look. I think we found land. Oh my God. I think we're safe.
Oh no. It's the island of horrible jokes.
What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed veggie.
Now from his underground bunker in Camden in Missouri, stocked full of dried guts, canned food, and a couple of vibrating toys, is rambling some madman featuring Rob Rant.
My mechanic told me I couldn't repair your brakes. So I made you one water. Good job.
Two douchebags and a microphone, says.
You ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass?
Just asking.
Continuing our quest here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone to be constantly funny, once again we offer you strange insults from an alien.
When you all sit up on your computer, with your headphones so attached.
Hello. This is Satan. You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to Two Douchebags and Microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I burned that day. Enjoy.
We are back. Two Douchebags and a Microphone. I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright Rob, we got more NFL stuff. Please, the floor is yours.
Yes I do. And this has to do with last night's game being on peacock.
Mmm. I figured that was going to wear its ugly head.
You know, that slippery slope of greed. Ask baseball.
Go ahead.
Oh dude. Okay. This comes off a letterhead, which after I read it, I'll tell you who wrote this.
Okay.
And this came out on Twitter.
Um, that's X.
Dude.
No, I'm joking. That's X.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now X. Now X. You're right. I'm sorry.
I'm being a douche. Well, it is two douchebags. Anyhow, go ahead.
Yeah. We got it.
Yep.
Dear Commissioner Goodell and Mr. Fordella.
The NFL playoffs begin tomorrow and fans of fans are looking forward to kicking back and watching their favorite teams play.
It's a tradition as American as apple pie, for decades NFL playoff games have been widely available on national TV networks so that Americans can conveniently watch the playoffs at no additional cost.
Yet this year, you decided to rip off fans by exclusively broadcasting tomorrow's Cheese vs. Dolphins wild card game on beat cop.
Okay, so this was Friday.
Okay.
For the first time ever fans will be forced to choose between signing up for yet another expensive streaming service or missing out on a major playoff game.
It's a disgrace.
It's a disgrace. Fans already face extravagant prices to watch every game during a regular season. They don't deserve to be squeezed even further by greedy corporations.
Yep.
The bait and switch particularly, okay, egregious for consumer, whatever that word is, for consumers who already pay for NBC as part of their cable package.
Since peacock is a subsidiary of NBC universe, this exclusive deal essentially double charges loyal fans to watch games they thought they already paid for.
Enough is enough. The NFL raked in 12 billion in 2022 while NBC universal made nearly 40 billion. It's time we put power back where it belongs with the fans.
Absolutely.
The NFL and NBC must take this right. I'm questioning that you offer the game on broadcast television and the exclusive and exploitive streaming deals for good and commit to making games more affordable and accessible to fans to watch throughout the season.
Mm hmm.
Give me a second.
Okay.
Congress planted the NFL and antitrust exemption in its broadcast deals with the expectation that you wouldn't use it to screw over fans. That was clearly a mistake.
I look forward to your prompt attention to this request. Sincerely, Patrick K. Ryan, member of Congress.
Patrick K. Ryan.
Congress gave them this chance.
Mm hmm.
And here they are screwing customers over.
I got one word for the NFL.
And he's called them out on it. This is on his letterhead.
Actually, I have three words for the NFL. Major League Baseball.
Right.
You're going down that slope, NFL.
First off, you can't trust the referees for nothing because they seem shady as fuck to me. If there's ever a game in question, it's usually the refs doing something, tacking on a foul that really didn't exist.
Right.
Like Detroit Lions, they may be not.
I'm telling you what, I did watch that game last night.
Uh huh.
Draft Kings was all over that son of a bitch.
Yes.
Draft King commercials was all over.
They must be the number one advertiser. Forget like who used to advertise a lot. Taco Bell.
Yeah.
Burger King.
Actual Places.
Virgin. You know, all these other ones, Procter & Gamble used to advertise a lot on there and stuff. It's all become Draft Kings.
And that's because that's where all the money's being made right now. And I wonder why. I think I know why.
You don't see Budweiser anymore.
No, Budweiser was a really big one. No, they, yeah.
Oh yeah, the Clivesdale's. Every Super Bowl.
Uh huh. Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy how it's changed. But also it kind of lets you know the direction NFL is going too.
NFL is going for the big money and they don't care about anything else in my opinion. That's what it looks like to me.
Looks to me like everyone's been.
Yeah, well guess what? People are going to quit spending money on it.
Like I said before and I think you agree with me. After the Patrick Mahomes era is up. And we start becoming bad again.
And you know, I don't think that they're going to go like Green Bay did from a Brett Favre to an Aaron Rodgers to now a Jordan Love who's emerging as a really good quarterback.
Yeah. Yeah.
They had two Hall of Famers in a row. I don't think that the Chiefs are going to do that. But if they do, I'm completely wrong and I hope they do.
But after the Chiefs end this era and Mahomes is no longer playing, I don't see myself giving one ounce of shit about football.
And that's because of their practices and how they're doing things. Just like baseball. The Royals suck now and they suck.
And so I have no interest in any other games. Where football, if I saw a good game, I would be like, oh hell yeah, I'm watching this.
Earmark it in my head like, okay, that's 330 Sunday. Okay. I want to see that game or I'll DVR it or whatever. So when I get home now, it's getting to where what's the point?
They're going to fuck somebody out of something anyhow.
Yeah, I mean, I agree with that. Right.
I do too. We salute you, dude. Great job.
100%. Thank you.
Yes. Thank you.
Rob, you want to switch gears a little bit here?
Yeah, let's do it.
Did you know that Lake Superior University and a couple other universities banished words in 2023?
No, I didn't.
At the end of 2023, they don't want these words being used anymore. They banished them, at least at their colleges. There's like four colleges that went along with this.
And hey, I will deliver them to you right now, Rob. Sound cool?
Yeah.
Hack is the number one word that they want banned.
The term hack has increasingly become a popular buzzword, frequently utilized to impart an aura or innovation or sophistication of various subjects.
Its widespread adoption in multiple contexts, extending beyond its initial technological context, has a potential to lessen its inherent significance.
Using it everywhere, even beyond its tech roots, could make it lose its magic.
So hacking used to be computer specific, remember?
Yeah.
It used to be someone hacked into my computer and stole my bank information.
Well, now hack means someone that like does a job, butchers a job up really bad or something.
So yeah, so I can see how come they banish that name because it's not even what it originally was.
So the next one.
Honestly, I still feel it's fitting.
I still like the term hack.
You're a hack, you're a hack.
I love the term hack.
Number two, impact, especially as a verb.
Why use this word when we have a perfectly good word that makes more sense?
Effect? Overusing it not only makes, takes away its pizzazz, it also robs other words of their spotlight.
Yeah, I guess I could go along with that.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm not so high on that one being banished, but okay.
Number three, at the end of the day.
I think I can kind of agree with that.
Everybody uses it now.
Well, at the end of the day, it means, you know, in a lot of times I don't have to say that, you know, I'm even guilty of it.
So sometimes a word needs to be re-banished.
And this is one of them.
Many comments note that it is overused and meaningless, often employed as a rhetorical device that attempts to encapsulate the complexities of a situation summarily.
Lacking nuance and depth.
Okay. All right.
Yeah.
I know, I know.
And I don't even really agree with hack. I like using the word, but these are words that they think lost their coolness, lost their impact, overused.
So I guess on that point they are right, right?
Number four, Riz.
Riz derived from the shortened form of charisma gained prominence as Oxford's Word of the Year and has become a familiar presence in the realm of social media disclosure.
The ebequity of this term prompts contemplation on whether it retains its prevalence.
With language doing the cha-cha of change, we're wondering if this word still rocks the charisma scene or if it's time for a language remix.
I don't have much of an opinion on Riz, do you?
No, not really.
Number five that they want banished is the word, slay.
Okay.
While perfectly acceptable in specific contexts, slay has transcended its original meaning and infiltrated situations where its usage no longer aligns with its intended significance.
Its transition from a specialized term denoting exceptional accomplishment to a commonplace expression for any achievement prompts scrutiny to its misapplication, particularly the characterization of routine or mundane actions.
Now it's sprinkled everywhere from wearing a stylish outfit to tackling the art of parallel parking. I couldn't agree more.
I think they hit that right.
I did not know that's where it started.
Yeah, it did.
I thought it meant to kill somebody.
You know what? You know what? I think they missed that. It did mean.
Yeah, back in the Viking days.
Yeah.
They kept saying slay people.
You know what, Rob, you're right. You know what?
I got confused whether it meant killing somebody or Santa Claus is right, you know.
Yeah.
Oh, speaking of Santa Claus, have you heard the latest crotch the old Saint Prick?
Yes, I did.
What did you think?
Yes, I did. I loved it. I loved it. You know me.
All right. That poor little hamster didn't deserve that, did he?
Oh, hell no. But why not?
Yeah, why not? It made little, what's her name? Yeah. All she wanted was world peace. Why did Saint Prick do that?
Yeah. Number six, iconic.
That's because his name's Saint Prick.
You know what? You're right. Full disclosure. His name's Saint Prick.
Number six, iconic.
The one appeared on the list in 2009, so perhaps it's time for another attempt to point out its overuse and lack of meaning in most situations.
Despite its initial recognition as a word worthy of distinction, its repeated application in contexts that don't merit such a claim challenges its genuine iconic status.
It's like the one hit wonder playing on loop.
I agree. I agree. Everything's iconic.
Everything's iconic. Oh my God. The guy walked the road across the road. It was so iconic. I mean, they use it in the most ridiculous situations.
So I think I agree with that one. What do you think?
Yeah.
People do misuse it a lot.
It's words I'm used to using, and now they want to change the crap again.
Well, I mean, no one's changing it.
It's generation.
It's only four or five universities that in air quotations banished these words. Other people don't give a shit. I bet you most people don't even know they got banished.
Only people who listen to this podcast might know it now.
I mean, come on.
I accidentally found this.
That's an everyday word. Iconic is an everyday word.
You know, I accidentally found this, so it's not like it's mainstream.
No, no, I believe you. I believe you.
Yeah. So this is like four or five universities saying, hey, you can't do that anymore. Like we care.
Anyhow, number seven.
We have more money than we do.
Yeah.
Number seven, cringe worthy.
From the comments, the use of this term is cringe worthy. The irony is served hot and very term cringe worthy finds itself under the spotlight.
It's like a word caught in its own cringe worthy moment.
Now, as we usher in the new year, it's time to decide is logistic drama deserves an encore or if we should bid cringe worthy audio to make room for fresh, less cringe inducing expressions in 2024.
I don't I know. I don't agree with that all.
That's a great, great way to describe a disaster.
Right.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's like, hey, hey, how was that new band?
It was cringe worthy, dude.
I won't go see. I won't go see the bootstrap or whatever their name is.
All right. Thanks.
Number eight, obsessed.
The use of this word for things that are not truly being obsessed over makes it a good candidate for rethinking how we use the word.
The casual use of obsessed to describe routine interests or preference preferences underscores a potential misappropriation of the term, prompting a reconsideration of its application.
Should one be obsessed with a new kitchen gadget or a new shade of paint?
This year's contributors think not.
I think obsessed is still good.
It describes something it's like, so how's how's somebody like that new game that that new online game?
Oh, he's obsessed with it.
That means that like he can't put it down and that's all he thinks about.
And I mean, I think it describes really well.
That's been forever.
Yeah.
Like I said, this is four or five universities like who gives a fuck.
I think they're just trying to change humanity myself.
I think they're my opinion.
They're they're ridiculous and they overthink everything and that's it.
Oh my God.
They overthink everything and they have too much time on their hands to come up with this shit.
Honestly.
Number nine, side hustle.
The term side hustle has gained widespread use, prompting considerations about its impact on how we perceive economic challenges.
It may be worth reflecting on whether its prevel prevalence inadvertently downplays the genuine reality of the situation.
While side hustle adds flair to our language, our contributors feel that the only hustle is the one needed to get to their second job.
I don't agree with that one either.
OK. OK. Yeah.
It's like, hey, Rob, are you still doing those signs, those outdoor signs?
You're cutting out of old barn material with a plasma cutter.
Yeah, I'm doing my side hustle.
Yeah, that's your side hustle.
It's just like a guy in Nashville when I was working there quite a few years ago.
He was a retired metal worker and he was making these giant signs, beautiful signs, with just a plasma cutter, some light sockets, wiring and a plasma cutter.
And it was just beautiful. That would be a side hustle, right?
And I think he even said that, oh, this is a good side hustle.
Yeah.
Number ten.
I know a lot of people that do stuff like that.
I do things on the side.
Actually, I want to do it. I mean, not necessarily to make money or anything, but just because it's so cool.
You go get these old barn tins off the side of them and you can layer them. You can tack weld them together. You can make multiple layers.
When I was there, this guy is at the international market in Nashville. I got his card somewhere. And anyhow, he would draw this stuff out on the old tin and he would cut it out with a plasma cutter.
And then he would paint some of it like he had a just married one that he was doing for a guy.
And he had a bunch of sayings and stuff. I mean, it's just cool. And it's like, oh, this is my side hustle.
I get my pension. Plus, this is what I make on my own.
So anyhow, ten. Wait for it.
If we're watching the video, then we're already waiting for it, right?
While wait for it is trying to be the hype master, let's question if adding an extra sparkle or just stating the obvious.
Concluding the 48 of this tradition.
You know what? I've had enough.
Okay. Let me answer this one.
Go ahead.
I'll give him that one.
Okay.
I'll give him that one.
Okay. All right. Hey, let's take our next break. And I think you have a little bit more to say, don't you, Rob?
Yes.
All righty. We will be right back in no time.
All right.
Now we go to the amazing Mark, the Palm Reader.
Hello, everybody, and welcome to Mark, the amazing Palm Reader.
First in line, please step up.
Let's see, young lady. I see a long lifeline.
I see success, happiness, love, fortune.
I also see a bit index finger.
Twenty dollars, please.
When taking a shower, remember to scrub your asshole with soapy water because nobody likes a stinky asshole.
Hello?
You still there?
You were still listening.
You must be really fucking bored.
And now, a brand new feature.
Strange insights from an alien.
May you always step in a wet spot after putting on fresh socks.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum.
Two douchebags in a microphone.
Oh, Lord. That man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there. Don't worry. I have a clown nose.
Oh, no. That drunk guy just hit my child.
It is okay. I have a clown nose.
Clown nose. Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office? Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
Two douchebags in a microphone. I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Rob, like I before mentioned, you got some stuff you want to get to.
Yeah, I got something I ran across here.
All right. Go forth.
It's a newly filed Missouri bill.
Okay.
And House Bill 2132 was pre-filed by State Representative Ian Mackey, Democrat, on December 28.
Oh, and by the way, this is in the state of Missouri.
Okay. Thank you.
Yes. State of Missouri.
Yesterday, the measure was passed through its first reading in the House of Representatives, and today it was heard for a second time.
It will need to be passed through a third reading by the full House before it can be sent to the state Senate.
Okay.
The proposed law states, notwithstanding any provision of law, the odor of marijuana alone shall not provide a law enforcement officer with probable cause to conduct a warrantless search of a motor vehicle, home, or private property.
Amen.
Recreational marijuana was legalized in Missouri in 2022 for those 21 and older, with marijuana stores open February of last year.
Oh, and just the law allows for the possession of up to three ounces of marijuana, the personal cultivation up to six flowering marijuana plants, six immature marijuana plants, and six plants under 14 inches of size.
Wow.
Okay.
But yeah, so what caught my eye, they can't stop you just for the smell of one.
If you're over 21, there is no probable cause of one.
Good.
When it comes to marijuana.
Because...
And law enforcement.
If they were going to use that to go against people's rights, then that's wrong.
They can no more.
Good.
Other than probable cause.
You see, I kind of figured like they may do something like that.
Like, well, we smell marijuana.
We don't care if it's legal or not, but that's going to give us a reason to check your stuff.
That's wrong.
You said the guy introduced the bill, did it pass or do you know?
Ah, well, it went through the second time and I guess it's going to the state senate.
Okay.
I haven't heard.
It should pass.
It should.
This is a Democrat doing it.
There's a lot of Republicans.
There's nothing else, just go in there if you're under 21.
Well, they already did, they already did that didn't they?
Well, I mean, what's going to stop them then if they do that to look into the logs of a dispensary, getting your name and putting you on a list?
Right.
Yeah. Yeah.
There's a lot of Republicans in rural Missouri.
Senators.
This should go through.
Right?
Yeah.
A conservative would not like this.
If they're a true conservative.
This came from a Democrat.
Mm-hmm.
That's why I'm saying if a Democrat did this, then I'm pretty sure the Republicans will be on board because I mean, in my opinion, for what they say they stand for, they should have been the ones to introduce the bill.
So. Right.
But anyhow, that's okay.
Let's see here.
You got something you want to go into?
Oh.
Or. Well, here I got something here.
What do you want?
Alright, let's do something a little lighthearted here.
What are you doing with the UFOs did you want?
Oh, you got some UFO stuff?
Well, go ahead.
Okay, I'm just going to tell about the new Doritos flavors.
That's all I'm doing.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
This month Doritos has added new dynamite flavors, I guess is what they call them.
Okay, so I'll start that over.
This month, Doritos has added new dynamite flavors in a new shape to its lineup.
Doritos dynamite, originally launched in late 2023, is a spicy rolled tortilla similar to Takis.
You know, those I think they're Hispanic treats.
They're called Takis and they're like, yeah, the chips have an explosive.
Do what?
What do you say?
Oh, I do too.
They're really good.
Yeah.
I decided I was going to try them. I was like, man, these aren't bad.
The chips have an explosive fiery flavor, hence the name, dynamite.
And we're initially available in just one variety, chili limon.
A fresh take on Doritos flamin' hot limon chips.
Now Doritos is introducing flamin' hot queso, smoky chili queso, and tangy fiery lime.
And hot honey mustard flavors alongside the chili limon.
And while flamin' hot queso and chili limon are still rolled tortilla chips, the other three flavors will come out in a new corn stick form.
So that's, they're not saying what form it is.
They don't, this ain't going to be like Takis.
It's going to be like something else, right?
Okay.
So it's, it's a corn chip, but it's going to look different than Takis or Doritos is the way it sounds.
Of course, the new dynamite chips.
Yeah, corn Doritos, that'd be good.
Yeah.
Of course, the new dynamite chips are all spicy, though their range in heat levels is shown by the dynamite meter on the bag.
The hot honey mustard dynamita sticks, which have a tangy mustard and hot honey flavor are the mildest.
Followed by a three-way tie for the chili limon, the tangy fiery limon dynamita sticks, which are essentially the chili limon dynamita Doritos in stick form.
And the smoky chili queso dynamita sticks at a medium heat.
Finally, the hud's flavor is the flamin' hot queso dynamita sticks.
Now that sounds like it's worth a try too, doesn't it?
Yeah, that does.
Yeah, hot queso.
Yeah, all of them sound fantastic and I will get to them.
Which is marketed as the flamin' hot queso dynamita sticks, which is marketed as being extra cheesy, extra crunchy and extra hot.
Doritos new dynamite chips are on shelves now at retailers nationwide while they're available in both 4 ounce 249 and 10 and 3 quarters ounce at $5.99 per sizes.
So it doesn't sound like they're any higher than traditional Doritos.
Alright.
Yeah, they're about the same price.
So you piqued my interest there a minute ago, you said UFOs.
Okay, well guess what?
I'm going to keep piquing your interest because I'm looking at our time here.
I have something else I need to go into.
We'll get into UFOs our next episode.
Which might be in a few minutes, we don't know. Go ahead.
I'm playing on it.
Okay. In a few minutes.
I have something I have to get to for tonight.
I promised one and I, I gotta get to it.
Oh yeah, yeah, okay.
Hail Billy wisdom brother.
Hail Billy wisdom.
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
Bravo.
Very good point.
Now it goes to any aspect of life.
It shouldn't be that profound, but it is.
Right?
Right.
Right. It speaks for itself.
Yeah.
Next.
Sometimes you get, sometimes you get got.
Yep.
Another plain, simple one.
Well, they're all true.
Yeah, they're all true.
Sometimes you get, sometimes you get got.
Um, it's what I like to call canned wisdom.
Is wisdom everybody should have?
But sometimes you've got to open up a can of it to make people like, look, you know what I mean?
If that makes sense at all, or is that just my own deranged mind looking at it like that?
I don't know. Go ahead.
Well, in other words, what they're saying is sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
Which is true.
Okay, next.
The biggest troublemaker you'll ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every morning.
Yep.
The biggest troublemaker you'll ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every morning.
Yep.
Amen to that one.
You know, um, so true because most of the stuff that I hear people bitching about and stuff, I'm thinking, wait a minute.
You subjected yourself to this.
You made it happen.
And now you're crying about it.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Very true.
Exactly.
Okay, next.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
I think that is probably the best advice of all.
True.
Do we even need to say why?
No, I think anybody with any amount of intelligence at all gets what it means.
If it ain't horse or cattle, yeah.
If you don't get what that means, um, you really need to study up, I guess.
I don't know.
Anyhow.
You need to move upstream.
Yeah.
Yep.
Don't be drinking other people's piss.
All right.
Yeah.
But it's more than that.
But anyhow, go ahead.
Okay.
Last one for this episode.
Okay.
Good judgment comes from experience.
And most of that comes from bad judgment.
Yep.
Very true.
And I think our listeners would even agree.
I think that every one of those hillbilly wisdoms are spot on.
I love that segment, Rob.
I wish you could find more of them.
Which, by the way, there's only one more segment.
That's all I have.
Well, maybe you can go back into old west hygiene or something.
I don't know.
Which is a great segment, too.
I'll find something different.
You always do, Rob.
All right.
We're going to go ahead and say bye on this podcast.
And we'll see you on the next one here real quick.
Only you'll hear it a couple of days later.
See you later, everybody.
All right. Bye.
Hey, where do they go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God.
Someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh, geez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.