Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it's Two Douchebags and a Microphone Podcast.
And now it's time for the Daily Douchebag Pledge.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone Pledge, I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to download every show.
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And finally, I, Joe, or Jane listener, promise to visit Montrose, Missouri to take advantage of the power plant, campgrounds, and junkyard all within its quarter mile radius.
Ho, ho, ho, this is Crotch the Old Saint Prick. I'm the guy that comes in after Christmas and douses all your dreams and hopes.
Ho, ho, ho.
Well then, let's check in to Saint Prick's Bag for another letter.
This one's from Little Lexi from Fort Wayne, Indiana.
It reads, Dear Prick, I would just like world peace. Thank you.
Well, Little Lexi, all I got for you is a horrible poem.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I cut up your hamster and made a delicious stew.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? Huh, I may never know.
Two douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Hey, thanks for joining us. Today's Sunday the 7th, right?
Yeah.
Okay, you'll get this podcast in a couple of days, but Jacksonville flushed themselves down the toilet with a loss. They are not in the playoffs.
Pittsburgh is in the playoffs, and the Bills, Josh Allen just got done throwing two red zone interceptions, and Miami scored on one of them, so things aren't looking so cheery, at least right now, for the Buffalo Bills.
But we'll see what happens. They are a really good team. Our beloved Chiefs are going to be the third seed, and they're going to play somebody, but that's up in the air because it's all contingent on this game that's going on on Sunday Night Football.
So far, Chris Collinsworth is not...
And they will be playing at home.
Yes. And so far, Chris Collinsworth has not said anything stupid that I'm aware of.
So...
Yet, yet.
Yet, yet. Yeah, we have full faith. We have full faith that he's going to.
And we love him.
I think a lot of people do at this point.
We love him. It's very entertaining when this shit comes our way. We're like, ah, okay.
Well, I'd like to start off with something interesting here.
There's a new chain of restaurants that may soon be coming to your local Walmart store.
And I found this, I found very interesting, okay, because it does not seem to me like it's Walmart's clientele.
Right, right. That's what I thought.
Oh, okay. You saw it too.
Okay. Okay. Uncle Sharky, Poke Bar, or Poke A, or Poke E. People call it, I don't know what the official, how it's pronounced.
We're just going to say Poke Bar. And Walmart are teaming up to open fast food style poke bars across the country, according to a release from Sharky.
Poke is a Hawaiian dish that refers to slices or cubes of raw fish served atop rice, dressing, vegetables, and seasonings.
My dream is to bring the essence of the Sharky, Ohana, to millions of families who shop at Walmart, says,
Fen Reyes, founder and CEO of Uncle Sharky.
This is a monumental step and a major push to achieve Uncle Sharky's mission to bring affordable poke bowls to the masses.
So, Jeffy X sent me a bunch of restaurant chains that they were going to start up in different places that failed.
Can you believe that? Jeffy X has added again.
I believe it.
Yeah. So, let's see. If I was doing something illegal, I think I would be up to 60 hookers and three pounds of blow.
But I don't do anything illegal, so I'll just, you know, I'll just like hand him some money or something.
Yeah. But if I was to do that, that's what I would give him. Right?
And you, you, my friend, are making him, already made him embroidered underwear with his name, full name on it, Jeffy X.
And also with a very special Steven Pearcy pouch sewed on the inside of the front of it so he can fill in full.
Steven Pearcy of the Glam Band Rat supposedly had a pocket sewn on the inside of his spandex pants so he could look more appetizing to female groupies and maybe some gay male ones too.
So, he did that for him, but we're sure Jeffy X does not have to stuff. Okay.
But if he wants to fill in full, he's welcome to with that pouch.
You also got him a flying bat suit that you made him embroidered it. And also, Sergeant Pepper outfit.
I mean, he is so happy. I think he's more happy about the bat suit, but he's almost as happy about the Sergeant Pepper because he's a big Beatles fan.
He said he's going to wear that like downtown and walk around in it. He said he's going to go everywhere with it and the bat suit is strictly at night.
Oh, definitely. Yeah, yeah. So, anyhow.
But Jeffy X sent me this list of restaurants, new startup restaurants, but they failed.
So, the first one he sent me was a place called Devil's Eggs Plus and it's going to go into Colorectal Clinics.
I think I see the logic there. Yeah, yeah. Anywhere up there. Yeah, yeah. Good idea.
It's a great idea. Yeah, Devil's Eggs Plus. Not the greatest location.
No, no, no. In a colorectal clinic, I mean, those doctors are going to be just going through hell, right?
I mean, you know, they're like, oh my God, this guy ate some deviled eggs when he came here. God, get the fan over here.
So, yeah, I understand. Devil's Eggs Plus sounds excellent, doesn't it? On its own. Yes.
Now, if they were to put that at a stand alone or inside a Walmart or something, I'd be happy with that, right? Yeah.
Yeah, you go in there and all of a sudden it's like, well, before I go and do my shopping, I think I need to get a couple of deviled eggs from Devil's Eggs Plus.
But no, no. The American public is so fickle. They said no. We don't know what to say. We are shocked too. We are flabbergasted.
It didn't go over. Yes. Better yet, a deviled egg food truck. Oh, there you go. Oh, hell yeah.
And then if the eggs are starting to go bad, you could like throw them at people. Yeah. Yeah. Even better. Yeah.
We'd have a new sport down here at Deloitte. Oh, hell yeah, man. All of a sudden you're sitting on a park bench. Oh, shit. Oh, man. Someone deviled egged us. Shit.
It'd be like a snowball fight. Yeah. But only with deviled eggs.
Only with deviled eggs. I mean, what could possibly go wrong with that, Rob? Right? Not a thing. Not a thing. But no, we don't get it. Sigh.
Next one. Pickled Beets and More. And they were going to go into the Tide dry cleaner chain.
Working around pickled beets like we did, Rob, for several years and seeing what damage they do to clothing, the big red purple spots they leave on them, I think I see why the Tide dry cleaners decided not to do it.
You know, it would take too much detergent and bleach to get that shit out of there. I remember every time I got peppered, it would not come out of there.
I mean, I always had red stains on it. It didn't matter what color the shirt was. There was always red purple stains on it from pickled beets, right? Right.
Because we used to launch them at Jess and Jim's when we worked there. We used to launch them at each other. Yeah, we did. Oh, yeah.
You'd be walking through there and all of a sudden 30 beets would be flying in there, peppering each other, hitting the fucking fryers, the deep fryers.
So, we were going to get two douche bags and microphone. We were going to get a place called Cat Burritos and such. I stopped it. Yeah. I stopped it.
I believe I may have had a cat burrito, as I told you in the last podcast. Yeah, you did. Yes. I don't want to eat another cat burrito. Or cat pigeon or something. Yeah, yeah.
But there's actually a startup chain that's going to be Cat Burritos and such. They wanted to sit here at the Talk is Cheap and the Duck Wine Studio. They wanted to have a place there, right? Yeah.
I'm sorry, Rob. I had to stop it. I mean, you know, they did taste really good and they did sober us up. But it's too much. Too much, too soon. Too soon. Yeah. Yeah.
The next one that Jeffy X uncovered was a place called Ham and Bacon Incorporated. And it was going to go to the middle of... Yeah, I know. What could go wrong with that? Except it was going to go to the middle of the Hamas locations.
So, you know, sadly, I know sadly the Arabs, they don't, you know, they don't eat ham and bacon. They don't eat pig, you know. So Hamas said no to it, even though they, you know, they're fighting over there and they're hungry, you know.
But they can't have ham and bacon. So they said, hey, yeah, first they said death to infidel. And then after they said that, they said, you know what, that was a really kind gesture, but we can't have it.
But that was after they said death to infidels. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the next one that Jeffy X uncovered, because he is so fucking cool, is Pop Tart Emporium at the Endocrinologist Clinics.
And for those of you not in the know, or whatever, or just don't know it, endocrinologists, a lot of people would have no reason to know it, but I've had friends that have had diabetes.
So endocrinologist is a diabetes doctor. And they said no to Pop Tart Emporium. So I kind of think I see some logic there, don't you?
Yeah, a little bit.
Yeah, you know, you got people that are getting their fucking foot cut off and then you see them coming in straight out of Pop Tart Emporium, fucking munching on a Pop Tart, you know, kind of defeats what the endocrinologist is doing, right?
Yeah, but what about the people that have to drive them there?
You know what, you're right. Man, I...
They're trying to, you know, they can't transport themselves.
Look, these people were responsible, right? Not saying everyone with diabetes got it because they're on a diet.
But these people don't have it and you're denying them a Pop Tart. That's bullshit. That is bullshit.
You know, and isn't it up to the people taking them there to grab the Pop Tart from their loved one and go, no, you can't have one, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
Once again, we're up in arms here at Two Deuce Bags and Microphone. We don't know what to say. We once again are flabbergasted at the fickleness of the American public. Right, Rob?
I thought that was, you know, because you've got to take care of the people that take care of them.
That's right. That's right. Now, I mean, think about it. Now, next time you're taking your loved one to the endocrinologist, there could have been a Pop Tart Emporium there.
There could have been. But not now. No, not now. No. Focus groups and American public said no.
I don't know, Rob. I don't know where this is going. It's just, it's horrible.
So, the next one, Chicken Loved Me Tender, was going to be at Graceland.
What better thing than an Elvis song and a chicken tender? Chicken Loved Me Tender.
Oh my God.
I know. Graceland said no. Can you believe that, Rob?
Yeah.
Why in the world? Yeah, I kinda can.
Yeah. You know, you go there, you go to see, you know, pay respects to the king.
Well, I'm not wasting it. They do get tours.
Yeah. You go there to pay respects to the king, you know, and go around and look at his weird colored furniture and, you know, and his very old outdated stereo equipment and all that.
And his fucking brand new 8-Track and all this shit.
No. No Chicken Loved Me Tender there.
That would have been great, man. First thing you do is you go to Chicken Loved Me Tender.
That would have been great.
Yeah. Go there, have three or four tenders with different sauces, and then you go see the king place. But no. Uh-uh.
Then the next one, Mushroom King, was denied everywhere.
Oh, come on. I know. I know. Yep. Nope. Nobody wanted Mushroom King.
I like Mushroom. Yeah. Well, I mean, I like him in certain ways, but, you know, um, evidently the American public said no. No Mushroom King.
No Mushroom King. So, sorry guys. No Mushroom King. Anyhow, that is the end of this list. And Jeffy X, in true fashion, like he always does, he sent me an email.
He said, hey, get this now, download it. Ten minutes it's gone. Ten minutes later, poof, the email disappeared.
Jeffy X, thank you. We salute you.
Thank you once again, Jeffy.
Yep. So, when are you taking him as his presence?
I'm, wait, he's trying to arrange a schedule where he can get down here and get him.
Okay. Okay. So you've been in direct contact with him?
Okay. Good. Good. Good. Cause I didn't know how that was working. I mean, if I would-
Well, if you noticed, he's kind of working a little overtime right now.
Yeah, he is. He's been coming. Yeah. He's been virtually on every podcast solid, hasn't he?
Yeah, he has. But he said when he slows down a little bit, he'll make it flip down, pick everything up.
Okay. And if I was to do something illegal, he would come up here and get the 60 hookers and the three pounds of blow. But I don't do anything illegal, so that's not going to happen.
Right. And he told me everything.
Yeah. If he was, then that's what I would do. But we're not doing anything illegal here at Two Douchebags and Microphone. We have more respect for the law, don't we, Rob?
Yes, we do.
Yes. So, Rob, we turn our attention to you. What are you? You got something you want to get into?
Yeah. I ran across another story on Lake Expo, one of our local internet sites down here at the lake.
It's the same one that the skateboard kids were on. This one's a little bit different story.
Okay.
This is out of Campton, right here where I'm at. As a matter of fact, this is right around the corner for me, honestly.
Okay.
A lake of the Ozarks residence said she saw a mountain lion in the backyard on the Niangwa arm of the lake in Campton.
I believe it.
The woman lives in Normack Estates off Highway 54 and Ballpark Road and emailed her neighbors about the sighting, which took place on Friday, January 5th.
Okay. I step out my front door. I can see Ballpark Road.
Okay. Wow.
Yeah. We live with woods behind our homes with the lake in front, said neighbor Jackie Newton, Bansavik.
Okay. Close enough.
Yeah. We got tremendous amounts of wildlife here. I would have loved to see it myself. We have large turks of deer here, so I'm certain it was looking for a free meal.
I just want to let everyone know that there was a mountain lion in my backyard this morning. I mean, they stared down with my dog.
Once it saw me, it did walk in the woods. I attempted to get a video, but it was too deep in the woods.
The woman also said she contacted the Missouri Department of Conservation.
Good for her. Good.
But an agent told her they would not do anything unless it became a problem. Those in the area should be alert.
Okay. So someone or someone's animal has to get hurt in order for them to take this animal and relocate it? Is that what they're saying?
Pretty much.
Hmm. I thought it would be different than that myself. I thought there would be more of an alert. I mean, they do it for bears.
Right. I don't know. We got bears roaming around down here too.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's quite a few bears in southern Missouri, actually.
I have a lot of friends that have witnessed bears camping and driving down the roads, the back roads down there.
And we have mountain lions up here too. They've been caught on ring doorbells. One got hit on 69 Highway North, north of the river, north Kansas City area.
Yeah. Yeah. And it made them shut up because they said for years, we don't have them up here. And people said, yes, we do. We've seen them.
No, no, no. It had been something else. Oversized alley cat. No, no, no, no, no. No, not this one. No. We've had them up here for years.
And then when one was actually hit on 69 Highway north of town, they finally go, okay, well, there might be a few.
No, they've been captured on ring doorbells and surveillance cameras for a long time and they are here.
So that means down south, they're probably all over down there, I would bet.
Yeah. We've had people take pictures of them and film them while they're swimming in the lake.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, they'll be back in tow.
As far as I know, they're non-aggressive, aren't they?
It doesn't mean they couldn't be aggressive.
They try to avoid people.
Yeah, which is probably smart on anybody's, anybody's account. Yeah.
Wow. Yeah. No, we've had a lot of sightings of them here.
We've even had a bear sighting in Pleasant Hill and they were on a ring camera.
And as far as I know, the conservation department didn't have anything to say about that because we supposedly bears weren't up this far.
But one animal that's supposed to be up this far, but has not crossed the Missouri River or even to this furthest parts of Kansas City,
or even to Harrisonville, which is slightly outside the Kansas City area, are medullos.
They made it to about Banks County and they have not made it past.
They have not made it into Cass County. Nobody's ever seen one there. You never seen by the side of the road, you know, hit or nothing.
So for some reason, they got up there. They came up through Oklahoma from Texas and then they came up Kansas Way.
But Lynn County, they stop in Kansas and Bates County, they stop in Missouri.
It's a weird deal why they don't go further, but they've been stopped there for years.
And as far as we can tell, they're not making it any further.
I mean, I don't know why. Maybe it's slightly too cold up here for them or something.
I don't know. Oh, well, we have them all over down here.
So that line you're talking about just north of us.
Yes. Yeah. And it's true. You'll see it. Just drive up 71 or 49.
I-49 or 71 Highway. Drive it north. And once you hit Cass County, you won't see one armadillo.
Bates County around Butler and that whole area, you'll see them all over.
But you get just north of Butler and your Amaret and Pasaic or as we used to call it, piss and shake it.
And yeah, you won't see them. Adrian is, I think Bates County. Yeah, it's Bates County.
You won't see them there barely. And then when you get to Cass County, they're nowhere.
So anyhow, let's take our first break and we'll come back with some more bullshit. That sound good?
All right. Hey, how about a Rob's what I saw him around? Oh, that sounds good.
All right. We'll go straight to that when we come back.
Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it's two douchebags and a microphone podcast.
Next up, things overheard in hell. Spam with Spam Helper tonight. How yummy.
Two douchebags and a microphone says, you ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass? Just asking.
Next up, things overheard in hell. Man, Axel Rose is such a great childhood therapist. I hope he writes more books.
Now, from his underground bunker in Camden, Missouri, stocked with dried guts, canned food, and a couple of vibrating toys, is Raveley and some madman featuring Rob Rad.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. That needs to happen.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know what to do. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Sheep sorrel and wood sorrel are salad variety greens, reminiscent of romaine types of lettuce. They are both healthy and delicious. Vinegar and oil can be stored for a long period of time, so a post-apocalypse salad is possible. It can also be ground for a tasty spice as well.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
Hey, your chair produces a sound similar to a fart, but only once. Such that, you cannot reproduce it and prove that it was just the chair.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Okay, if I borrow money from a pessimist, would they expect to not get it back? I may never know.
And here we are again with another Rob's Rassling Roundup. Sorry it's been a while everybody, but they've been getting ready for a big pay-per-view, which I believe is going on right now, as we speak.
So you should have another Rassling Roundup here pretty soon then, right?
Yes, yes, yes. But there's been a lot of speculations on what's going to happen at the next big pay-per-views like WrestleMania. So that's why I haven't been reporting them on. Because it's all speculation.
Yeah, yeah. There just simply hasn't been a whole lot going on. So you had nothing to really talk about. So I get it. Real quick, I saw the previews for the Iron Claw and it looks fantastic.
Yes, it does.
I mean, it looks...the guy that plays Cary Von Erich, spot on. Spot on. Wow, I couldn't believe it. I'm like, wow. They made him look just like him.
That might be Zac Efron.
You said that.
Because I know Zac Efron plays one of the boys.
Well, let me tell you, if that was Zac Efron, he went to the weight room and he didn't fuck around.
Well, I'll tell you what.
This dude is a beast.
I did go up there, I'll look into it.
That's a good idea. Yeah, alright, we'll have a report on the next, probably just the regular podcast, right?
No, I'll look it up there in just a few minutes while we're on air.
Okay, that's cool. Alright. And real quick, we're going to have a hairy asshole Olympics again coming up here in two to three weeks.
Yes, we are.
But right now, the task at hand is rasslin' with Rob Radd.
Alright, Triple H, a name synonymous with rasslin' greatness, has recently stepped into the spotlight once again, not for his in-ring perouse, but for his reaction to an earth-shaking announcement from the WWE.
Hmm.
As the chief content officer of the renowned wrestling entertainment empire, his voice carries weight and his sentiments echo the enthusiasm gripping the entire rasslin' community.
In a move to redefine fan experiences, the WWE unveiled plans for a three-day spectacle, a grandeur that promises to surpass anything witnessed before in the world of sports entertainment.
Three, three days?
Yes.
Wow, cool.
This case for this unprecedented extravaganza, the illustrious Scotiabank Arena in Toronto, Canada.
Wow, in Canada. Okay.
The weekend set ablaze with excitement will kick off with the electrifying Friday Night SmackDown on July 5th, featuring a lineup of blue brand superstars igniting the fever in Toronto.
However, the pinnacle of this breathtaking trio of events arrives on Saturday, July 6th.
Okay.
The legendary Money in the Bank Premium Live event, this arcy event, a cornerstone of WWE's calendar, will make its inaugural Canadian appearance, adding a new chapter to its storied history.
Wow.
Admit, amidst this exhilarating lineup, the crescendo doesn't end there. Sunday, July 7th, witnesses the emergence of future wrestling luminaries in NXT Heatwave, showcasing raw talent and relentless passion that defines the heart of the sport.
Sounds cool.
Yeah, it does. That would be a weekend to remember. If you could make it to all three shows, you know what I mean?
Well, yeah, I mean, I'm sure a lot of wrestling people are going to come from the United States up there to watch it.
Yeah.
Very cool. Very, very cool.
Go ahead.
Canada is well known for their wrestling fans, too.
Yeah. And they have their superstars. Sammy Zane and Kevin Owens, who are big names right now, both Canadian.
Oh, that makes sense. Okay. I didn't know that. That makes sense now what they're doing.
And then you have the famous Heart Foundation, Bret Hart and all those.
Uh-huh.
They're from Canada.
Okay. Wow.
Quebec, if I remember right.
Okay. Cool. Cool.
Well, we're going to go. Thank you, Rob. That was a really good report. We appreciate that a lot.
So, okay, we're going to go from that into something completely different.
There's a new conversation to be had about an iconic candy this Valentine's Day for those who may not be in the love you or marry me relationship category just yet.
Spangler, the candy maker behind the beloved classic Sweetheart's Conversation Heart candies that disappeared from circulation in 2019, will release new limited edition situationship boxes of candies that may be more in line with current dating trends.
The specially designed boxes contain blurry, misprinted candies that are as hard to read as Gen X relationships.
You get it? It's like a blurred message.
Yeah.
And, anyhow, the brand said in press release, adding that it's filled entirely with sweet muddled nothings and literally mixed messages.
That's a pretty good gimmick, isn't it?
Yeah. Yeah.
And you know, they're going to, the Gen Z's are going to be out there fucking grabbing the shit out of that stuff because it's a novelty.
It's like, hey, this is for us because we're so fickle.
So I think it's a brilliant idea, brilliant marketing idea, and I think it's going to go over well this Valentine's Day because I know a lot of people like Anti-Valentine Day now, you know, it doesn't matter if you're married or in a strong relationship or whatever.
A lot of people, the feelings now among a lot of people that I know is it's a contrived Hallmark holiday.
And that it was made up. I mean, I don't know this, this is just what I heard from people, but they think it was made up by people like Hallmark to sell during the winter, to boost sales during the doldrums of February.
You know, everybody's inside, snow, cold, and it's like restaurants are slow because people don't want to trek in the weather.
So if you have something like Valentine's Day, you pretty much have to, right? If you have a significant other or, you know, or whatever, some sort of a situation like that.
If you don't, you're a ungrateful asshole. Right? Yeah. Yeah.
So a lot of people feel that it's just meant to boost our sales and it was a contrived holiday. It was made up.
And I'm not saying one or the other. I'm just telling you what I'm hearing from a lot of people my age, younger and older.
All seem to think the same thing. And it's a lot of people. So, I mean, but I still think they partake in it. So who knows?
Yeah. So I'm going to go into a little fast food news here.
Okay. All right.
This week, Sonic introduced a new Hickory BBQ cheeseburger and brought back the garlic butter bacon cheeseburger, which was very good.
I have one of them. And then when I came back, they didn't have them anymore, which was available for a short period in 2022.
Both burgers are already available at Sonic restaurants nationwide and will stay on the menu through the end of the year.
I wonder if it's this year.
Yeah, that thing's good. I hope it's this year. I hope it's 2024. And this article didn't come to me late. I hope so.
Sonic's brand new Hickory BBQ cheeseburger is topped with Hickory BBQ sauce, American cheese, onions, pickles, lettuce and mayo on a toasted bun.
Sounds good. It's returning garlic butter bacon cheeseburger is topped with garlic butter, American cheese, bacon, mayo and grilled onions on a toasted bun.
Both burgers are available on their own or as combos with your favorite side and drink.
If you're willing to opt for a different beverage other than your tried and true, Sonic is also releasing a brand new style of drinks for the first time in four years.
The restaurant is adding new Sonic rechargers, which is Red Bull on its menu.
Sonic rechargers are Red Bull mixed with flavors, dragon fruit, blood orange and twisted lime.
And each flavor will feature sprite or flavor additive Red Bull and Sonic's classic nugget ice.
Everyone loves their ice. Sonic has the best ice, doesn't it?
Yes.
Yeah, they do. That ice is just fucking it's great.
And each flavor will feature. Oh, okay. I said that. However, you can also get creative with the flavors and customize them by adding extra flavors, fresh fruit, sweet cream and even candy.
That's a great idea there, isn't it?
Yeah.
You know, I mean, first you could customize your car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Now you can customize your drink with Sonic driving. Right?
Yep.
Okay. Anyhow, if the burgers or drinks aren't enough to get you in the restaurant, don't worry. Sonic also has a new dessert.
This month, Sonic rolled out the Trick or Treat blast, which is your choice of vanilla or chocolate soft serve mixed with Heath Pieces M&M minis and Oreo cookies to menus nationwide.
Whoo. That sounds like a delightful pile of whatever there. It sounds like an endocrinologist dream right there. It's like, man, anyone eats that, just go ahead and show up.
Just go ahead and assume you have diabetes if you eat that one time. Right?
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah. So, and then the other one, and this, I mean, this kind of pissed me off because it really kind of click baited me in. Sonic, or not Sonic, In-N-Out's added two new menu items.
So, it sounds like, you know, In-N-Out Burger was famous for just doing burgers and fries. Right? Nothing else.
Nothing else. No chicken, no chicken tenders, no nothing. No onion rings, nothing. And anyhow, they're famous for that.
So, their idea of adding two menus, menu items, are two drinks. Cherry Coke and light pink limonade. Or lemonade or limeade. I think it's limonade is what they said. Lemonade, limonade. I think it's made with limes or something like that.
Anyhow, two new menu items, I don't know if I can call them that. They're two new drinks. Right?
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay. Anyhow.
Technically they are menu items.
Yeah, technically, but I think it's kind of a cheap thing. It's like, oh, we're going to grab some spotlight, but not really do anything. So.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yep. Let's see.
Hey, I got that on Iron Claw.
Oh yeah. Yeah. Go ahead.
Zac Efron plays Kevin Von Erich.
Okay.
Jeremy Allen White plays Kerry Von Erich.
Okay.
Dan Lee Simmons plays Mike Von Erich.
Okay.
Harris Dickinson plays David Von Erich. And this one, this one gets me.
Maxwell Jacob Breedman plays Lance Von Erich.
Now Maxwell Jacob Breedman is a wrestler in AEW.
Really? Okay.
And this movie is backed by WWE. That's why I'm not understanding here.
Unless they wanted him in there, or an actual professional wrestler in the ring, you know, doing the filming, whatever.
No, I don't know. It's weird how they went to him.
Okay. Maybe he's like really good photogenic with movies.
Okay. Or maybe he's kind of an actor, had some stuff, theater or something in his past.
But he knows wrestling. So he can be on the spot telling them what they're doing right and what they're doing wrong.
This is just looking at it on the surface, what I think it could be.
Yeah.
But who knows? I mean, you know, I like the fact that they are using a real wrestler. I think that's good.
Yeah.
The Mike Von Erich, who was that again? Who's playing Mike Von Erich?
Henry Simmons.
I'll have to look him up. Okay. Let's see. And then who plays Kerry Von Erich?
Let me check that. Sorry.
Kerry is played by Jeremy Allen White.
Okay. Okay. Well, he obviously did very good. I mean, in my opinion, from what I've seen of it.
And then Kevin Von Erich is Zac Efron, or Kevin. Yeah, Kevin Von Erich. Yeah. Okay, cool.
Sounds stellar to me. I'm ready. I'm ready to watch it. I'm not sure when it comes out, but I'm ready to watch it.
I'm ready to watch it too, because they throw a lot of the old names in there.
Really?
You know, like Gary Hart.
Yep.
Harley Race.
Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Harley Race had some really...
Really?...Roser Brody, yes. He was in the Asso...
The Iron Sheik?
Yeah. Oh, I love this. This is great. I want to see who plays handsome Harley Race. I would love to see who plays that.
Oh, wait a second.
What?
The person that plays the Sheik is Chavo Guerrero Jr.
Oh, nice. Very cool.
Which, those that don't know, is Eddie Guerrero's nephew.
Mm-hmm. Cool. See, another connection.
Yeah. I gotta watch this. I gotta watch this.
Yeah, it's gonna be good. Look, they get a lot of hands-on on that movie, it sounds like, and that's probably why the WWE is supporting it, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
Did you ever go to YouTube and look up Dark Side of the Ring?
Yes, I did. Yes, I did.
Did you get to see the Von AX episode?
Yes, I did. That...
It's disturbing. It's disturbing, isn't it? It's great, but it's...
I don't say it's great because they're all dead, and it happened in such tragic fashion.
But the whole, the way they laid that whole show out on it, and the things that happened were so in detail that it was just insane the way everything went down.
Exactly, and that's what I was trying to say. The way they put it together, just...yeah.
Yeah, so anyhow, the movie's gonna be...
Yeah, the movie's gonna be the same.
So anyhow, let's take our second break, and we're gonna come back with exploding shitter news and the lawsuit that ensued. That sound okay?
Sounds good.
Well, I want to hear about an exploding shitter, don't we?
I don't always.
Oh, yeah, that's great entertainment. Alright, we'll be right back.
Hey, look! I think we found land! Oh my god, I think we're safe!
Oh no! It's the island of horrible jokes!
I'm gonna get you!
What?!
What did the horse say after it tripped?
I've fallen and I can't giddy up.
Now, from this underground bunker camped in Missouri, stock-full of dried goods, canned food, and a couple of vibrating toys, is rambling some madman featuring Rob Radd.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. That needs to happen.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Hurry up! King Jung Un is playing Santa at the mall again this year. Yay!
A constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
I will rescue. But my mom told me to not burn trash.
Oh lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there, don't worry, I have a clown nose.
Oh no! That drunk guy just hit my child!
It's okay, I have a clown nose.
Clown nose! Just put one on and you can do anything! Wanna run for office? Murder people in public? Just grab a clown nose and bam! Everyone laughs!
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions. Grab one today and make magic happen.
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in...
Hey! Who took a dump in the cooler?
And we are back. Two douchebags in a microphone. I am Mark.
And I am Rob.
Well, like promised. We have an exploding shitter caper, Rob.
I can't wait to hear this.
That's what I thought you would say. Because if I was on the other side of the conversation, I'd be like, do tell, I'm right here.
Orlando, Florida. A customer has filed a negligence lawsuit against Duncan, claiming he was injured by an exploding toilet at one of the coffee chain's locations in central Florida.
Oh my God! For a bastard!
I'm sorry. Paul Karenak is seeking more than a hundred thousand... I would be seeking so much more.
But anyhow, a hundred thousand dollars in a lawsuit filed Wednesday in state court in Orlando, claiming he suffered severe and long term injuries following the explosion of a toilet in the men's bathroom of a Duncan location in Winter Park, Florida a year ago.
Oh my God!
Can you imagine how you're going to take a dump and boom!
Oh man!
After the explosion left Karak covered in human feces, urine and debris, he walked out of the men's room seeking help from workers as a store manager according to the lawsuit.
An employee told him that they were aware of the problem with the toilet since there had been previous incidents.
The lawsuit says without diving into further details about the explosion that the guy was covered in feces and also bleeding.
That is a very bad combination.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and not to mention someone else's shit being all over you and piss being all over you and like flying ceramic hitting you.
That's why I said I don't think a hundred thousand...
That's why he was bleeding.
Yeah, I don't think a hundred thousand starts to fucking cover that, do you?
No.
I think that guy deserves ten million in my opinion and I'm not joking. That is so fucking disgusting and awful to me that that guy deserves every penny at ten million and a Dunkin Donuts audit just handed over to him and not say anything.
They should say, you know what guys, listen, this guy had a toilet explode on him that we knew about and he was covered in feces and he was fucking bleeding.
He got shit and piss in his eyes, probably in his mouth, probably in his ears. That guy deserves ten million if I've ever heard that.
Yeah.
A hundred thousand, I mean maybe they're going safe and wanting to do it out of court. That could be and they're going, let's just go for a hundred thousand and they'll have to pay the logger's fees.
So the guy gets clear one hundred thousand and he's like, you know what, I'm good with that because I don't want it to go to court. A big, lengthy battle. It may have been just his choice.
I'm sure the lawyer would ask for more, don't you think?
Oh, come on.
Yeah.
There's some lady still being herseys chocolate company.
Over bunnies.
Yeah, over not putting eyes and mouth on their chocolate. Yeah.
Yeah.
And she's asking for five billion.
Yes. This guy deserves ten million stat.
Yes.
Case point.
No questions asked.
Yes. No questions asked. They should have that money in a briefcase right now driving it to him and going, sir, we're very sorry. Here's your ten million.
If you need anything else, please feel free to give us a call. Here's the CEO's cell number that's always on.
That's what they should have done.
Free products for life.
Yes. Yes. Yep. So he can go exploit a toilet. Explode a toilet.
Yeah.
No, actually, Duncan has some pretty good products. I mean, I don't know.
Yeah, I think so.
So anyhow, maybe it's not exploding toilets. I mean, this exploding toilets comes with what I'm about to talk about, Rob.
Taco Bell's new Craven's menu value menu items.
There you go.
Yep. A warm, soft flour tortilla is packed with grilled marinated steak and hopefully arrives hot enough to melt the shreds of cheddar and cheese within.
There's also fresh lettuce and tomato, which provide a little crunch and some color.
It don't expect a dry bite. A slick of a they call it a slick of avocado ranch sauce brings big flavor to this new taco.
The steak soft taco isn't the only new addition to the Craven's value menu.
If you're not in one of its test markets, you can set your fast food calendar to January 11th.
That day, the menu will see a nationwide premiere of three cheese chicken flavored melts after it was tested in the latter half of twenty twenty three for a suggested retail price of just two twenty nine.
Customers are treated to a warm, fluffy flatbread filled with grilled chicken and a blended cheese that includes cheddar.
Stretchy mozzarella and Monterey pepper Jack is finished with creamy chipotle sauce and a hint of smoky heat.
And I'm already sold. What about you? Oh, my God. Yeah, it does.
Gosh, I just ate and I'm fucking hungry hearing that.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
So, Rob, we turn to you. I know you had something you talked about previous to the program that I love.
So you might go in if you feel.
OK, last night, I mentioned that I would have four different segments on this.
I was wrong. There's going to be six segments.
Yay. I fucking love this. I love this segment, Rob.
So I was thinking there was only 20 and what I'm doing, I'm splitting up five a night.
So we'll you know, I think that's fair. Five a night. Yeah.
Yeah. And so here we are.
Segment number two uphill, Billy wisdom.
So those of you that are thinking about Rob's just sticking the tip in, he's not going all the way. Right.
Right. Yes. So there you go.
He's just feeling around. He's not going serious on you.
He's just putting the tip in. So we turn to Rob.
All right. First one tonight.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Yes. To all those televangelists out there. Yes. 100 percent.
That's good wisdom there. Honestly, you know, if if a homeless man comes up to me
with a tattered shirt and no shoes and he tries to tell me about success,
I'm not going to listen. Right.
Right. If a really big obese man comes up to me and tells me how I can lose a lot of weight,
I'm going to go, what? I'm not going to listen. So you're right.
That hillbilly wisdom is spot on.
You know, I see a guy down the road living right and doing things right and being a really decent human being
and representing God the right way. I'm going to listen to him.
I think that's great. Great. Great advice.
A lot of these are spot on, believer.
The ones you did last night when I was in the program, I stopped and I played it again because they were so profound.
I loved it. Anyhow, go ahead, Rob.
OK. Next up. If you don't take the time to do it right, you'll find the time to do it twice.
I know a company on the Blue River that could take that advice really well.
Their motto is fuck it up three times and then have someone else fix it.
That's right. I'm talking about you fucks. You know who you are.
I mean, yeah. That's just common sense.
Well, that's where that company on the Blue River is lost. That's where they lost it right there.
Common sense. Yeah. OK. Anyhow, right on. Good.
OK. Next up. Don't corner something that is meaner than you.
Hang on.
Bravo. You don't come. You don't corner a Wolverine. You don't corner a badger. You don't corner a bear.
Oh, my God. That's fantastic.
These are great. They are. Oh, my God. That made me laugh out loud, dude. That's excellent.
OK. Next up. I totally agree with this one, too.
Don't pick a fight with an old man if he is too old to fight. He'll just kill you.
How many times does that happen in history, Rob? Oh, my God.
Someone fucked with an 80 year old anyway, got a shotgun and blew the guy's head off.
He goes, I'm dying anyhow. What do I care?
He goes, by the time I get finished with court, I'll be dead.
Yeah. The famous one here in Kansas City was no, I don't think it was Kansas City.
It was quite a few years ago, maybe 10 years ago, where the guy in the movie theater.
Remember the old man shot him dead because the guy kept. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. The guy was being aggressive to him and he just fucking pulled out a gun and killed him right there in the movie theater in front of his family.
So I think there's a lot. I can't either. But that was very true.
Very true. So, wow. Do you have one more? I forgot. Yeah, we have one last one for this evening. OK.
It don't take a very strong person to carry a grudge.
Wow. I'm pretty weak sometimes. I carry grudges. Yeah. That company on the blue river does that. We all are.
Yeah. I carry grudges and also carry a sledgehammer. So. Awesome, man.
Rob, man, you just I love that segment, man. Wherever you're getting your stories from, keep it up.
I mean, you're like the yin and yang. I'm doing this stuff on fucking fast food stuff and exploding toilets.
And you come up with hillbilly wisdom and just kick my ass everywhere.
That's fucking awesome, man. Thank you, Rob. Yeah. Yeah.
I'm loving some of this stuff I'm running across, like the Wild West hygiene. Yeah.
The Wild West hygiene. Yeah, that's got to come back.
Which I think I might I might go back and read it again. I might be able to squeeze one or two more decent ones out.
But the rest are, you know, stuff that the other ones already cover, just put in a different way and stuff like that.
Oh, yeah. Yep. Very cool.
Real quick, I'm going to cover this story really quick and then I'm going to go into an interesting story about a radio jock that was fired.
And it had to go to arbitration.
And when it went to arbitration, he got his job back because the arbitrator thought his material was funny.
All right. Interesting story.
OK. Cinnamon roll pop tarts are back in a new size.
The Instagram account Candy Hunting announced cinnamon roll pop tart bites are out now.
After spotting them at a local grocery, high V store. Now, if you only had the original cinnamon roll pop tarts, if they would return, everyone would be happy.
The full size toaster pastries are still discontinued, but the bite size version is here.
Pop tarts describe the new version as having delicious cinnamon roll flavored filling and frosting you love about pop tarts in a bite size crazy good snack made to go anywhere.
I think that's great that they're doing it in the minis, but I don't understand if people love them in the minis.
Why don't they make them in the regular size? Exactly. Exactly.
Yeah, I don't know. That's always found stuff like that interesting.
Is that like, you know, like somebody up way up opinion or do they base that on sales?
You know, I don't know. Well, what they might be doing is a possibility.
They could be just throwing the minis out there just to try them just to see how popular they'll be.
If they start hitting, then they might go in and make it big.
So if the fish start biting, then they're going to throw in the real bait.
Yeah, you know what, Rob, you're probably right. That makes a lot of sense.
It's like, let's throw out a little shad and see if all the fucking fish come and start biting and then we're going to break out the lures.
I get it. Right. Makes sense to me. Wow. Okay.
Fired from member station, W.H.Y.Y. for stand up.
Won my job back with full back pay is the story line.
The story of me getting fired topped the page last year. Update I won.
Long story short, I was a reporter at an Ashley syndicated NPR show produced by W.H.Y.Y. in Philadelphia.
The executives found my stand up and they found it like maybe racy.
It goes into some other stuff here, so I'm not going to say it all.
But basically, in a nutshell, they found it racy and they thought it was in bad taste.
And they fired him on the spot with no warning.
They called me racist, sexist, every name in the book.
They cut off my health insurance the same day despite the fact that I rely on expensive M.S. drugs to be able to walk.
And they went as far as to delete every single story I had done over five years to prevent me from getting another job.
Oh my God. I never apologized. I fought back.
I tried to deny my unemployment, sending two vice presidents and two lawyers to the hearing, calling my act all kinds of hateful.
I've never liked NPR either.
And I think they're a bullshit company that steals money from us from the government, in my opinion.
And to me, I mean, they get all these donations and stuff and they get on there and they fucking beg for them.
And all this is my opinion, guys. OK.
And then they encourage you to leave your estate to them and leave your cars to them and all that.
And all they do is one sided bullshit, in my opinion, again.
So anyhow, although the employers rules regarding outside conduct are quite broad, even considering the content of his act to come within those rules,
the obvious theme of this performance is social unfairness and hypocrisy rather than discrimination.
They were controversial and contained terms contained in persons.
I could not find anything offensive, anything sexually explicit or racial and nothing used for a cheap laugh.
This is what the arbitrator said. OK.
The content was not consistent with that of other adult comedians and would not be unfair, unfamiliar to the wildly sophisticated listener.
Months later, mildly, I said wildly, mildly sophisticated.
Sorry, the ink on this is like really bad. I changed my ink. But this is before I change it.
Months later, I attended a series of arbitration hearings, the time represented by SAG after lawyers.
And the company did basically the same thing. They probably spent a good quarter million dollars alone.
And I just got the decision to be reinstated, full back pay and benefits.
The decision was based on the arbitrator solely thinking after listening to it that it was not racial.
It was not it was not nasty. It wasn't filthy.
And it was above all, the arbitrator said it was funny.
And that's what the intent was is to make people laugh.
And he hit it. And now he's going to get all his back pay. Everything reinstated.
That is excellent. So if you donate them, we are go back.
I wouldn't. Would you go back? No, I would tell them to eat a bag of shit.
And I'd tell I'd tell them to come up with a settlement for me not to come back. I would too.
Yeah, I would too. I would have a sum for me not to come back.
And if they didn't do it, then well, I guess we're going to go to court again.
That that's complete bullshit what they did to him, in my opinion.
And I think it's fucking nasty and it's hateful. They're talking about him being nasty and hateful.
No, those fucks, in my opinion, were nasty and hateful doing that to him, to a guy with MS.
And all he was doing was illustrating through the absurd.
Happens all the time to smart people. Smart people fucking get it.
Smart people go, oh, OK, he is overdoing this to get the point across.
Stupid people run and go, oh, my God, he's so racist. Oh, God, he's just he's filthy. I don't like him.
That is stupid behavior from stupid people, in my opinion.
Grow a fucking set of nuts. If you don't like speech, it doesn't fucking matter.
Other people do. And if you don't like speech, go out and say some speech you like.
And you wouldn't like it if someone tried to stop you.
This bullshit of us coddling people and fucking hammer down people that we think aren't right or whatever has got to stop.
This society is fucked because of it.
I share this same opinion. Yes, I agree 100 percent with this decision.
And I applaud the arbitrator for doing the right thing.
And I hope this guy says, fuck you, NPR, you don't deserve my ratings.
There's zero point one ratings they get everywhere. I think, in my opinion, whatever, you know.
So anyhow, actually, our ratings are probably higher than theirs. Yeah.
In Des Moines, they are. At Council Bluffs, they are. Kansas City, they are. Yeah.
So anyhow, yeah, I mean, I've never really thought NPR was good at all.
And to me, I think they should not be federally funded.
I think if you can if you could dupe enough people out of and it's my understanding, they're federally funded.
If I'm wrong, I apologize. You know, all this is allegedly and in my opinion.
So anyhow, it's like this. If it is federally funded, it's a complete waste of tax dollars and stop it.
So anyhow, and then if you can dupe enough people into giving them your car or their estate or whatever, then go for it.
But don't take my tax money to do bullshit like this is what I'm saying.
So anyhow, we are approaching the end of this podcast, Rob. You got anything for anybody?
I just want everybody to have a good week. Yes. And be safe.
I don't know about where everybody's at, but we have a lot of snow moving in next day or two.
We got snow, ice, rain, all the fun shit. And on top of that, it's supposed to snow all week.
And then and then all next week in the 20s or below or below. Yeah.
And and also that's going to be an interesting playoff game in Kansas City next weekend, isn't it?
Yeah, that is. I don't know who's coming there yet.
It's contingent on this Buffalo Bills Miami Dolphins game.
And let's take a look. See here real quick. And we're going to do a little overtime for you guys because that's how good we are.
Let's see who who is winning that right now.
Miami is leading 14 to 7. And like I said, Josh Allen threw two picks in the red zone in the first quarter.
So anyhow, we'll see Miami in the third quarter with roughly 10 minutes left.
Anyhow, anyhow, everybody, thank you very much. Have a great evening. Thank you for listening.
Good night, everybody. Good night.
Hey, where'd everybody go? Where are the douchebags?
Oh, my God. Someone took a dump in the corner. Oh, geez.
Oh, glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.