1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it's Two Douchebags and a Microphone Podcast. 2 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:22,000 And now it's time for the Daily Douchebag Pledge. 3 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:29,000 Two Douchebags and a Microphone Pledge, I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to download every show. 4 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:36,000 I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to grab family members phones and download the show from there. 5 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:43,000 I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to go to public computers and download the show from there. 6 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:49,000 I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to laugh at all the unfunny jokes. 7 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:56,000 I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to lie to all my friends and tell them how good the show is. 8 00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:08,000 And finally, I, Joe, or Jane listener, promise to visit Montrose, Missouri, to take advantage of the power plant, campgrounds, and junkyard all within its quarter mile radius. 9 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:24,000 Attention, attention, Two Douchebags and a Microphone did not invent Dummy Down of America. We just express waited. Carry on. 10 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:31,000 Next up, Things Over Heard in Hell. 11 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:48,000 Hell will be your main course forever. Now, from this underground bunker camped in Missouri, stocked full of dried guts, canned food, and a couple of vibrating toys, is ramblings of a madman featuring Rob Ratt. 12 00:01:48,000 --> 00:02:04,000 When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong one. 13 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:08,000 Two Douchebags and a Microphone, I'm Mark. 14 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,000 And I'm Rob. 15 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:23,000 Welcome, welcome. Today's January 2nd. It'll probably be posted like the 4th or something. But anyhow, so far, New Year, I mean, if you don't watch the current events in World News, everything's going fairly well. 16 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:32,000 I heard there might be a snowstorm coming in town next week. I don't know about down there, but up here they're talking about we might get a considerable amount of snow. 17 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,000 So, we will see. 18 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:38,000 I haven't looked into it, to be honest. 19 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:41,000 I just want to get back to work tomorrow. 20 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:47,000 I've been off two and a half weeks, man. I've been bored. 21 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:54,000 Actually, yeah, kind of. 22 00:02:55,000 --> 00:03:01,000 I'll know tomorrow when I pick up my first 100 pound piece of steel. 23 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:09,000 Yeah, back at the old job with the idiots over there on the Blue River. Anyhow, they used to take a couple weeks off. 24 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:16,000 Anyhow, that was the best part that I liked about that job. Towards the end there was a little break that you got. 25 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,000 I remember coming back feeling refreshed. I went, man, I feel pretty good. 26 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:30,000 Back when my new knee and my shoulder and everything wasn't bothering me, I would go work out for two weeks. I'd come back feeling refreshed and lean. 27 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:40,000 It was a good thing. I get it, Rob. You got refreshed and then you're like, all right, I need something to do now. 28 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:45,000 Anyhow, but at least we have some new bits with you in them. 29 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,000 Yes, we do. 30 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,000 Yeah, I unleashed one earlier today. Did you catch it yet? 31 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,000 No, I have not caught that one yet. 32 00:03:54,000 --> 00:04:01,000 Okay. Well, it's toward the front, so tomorrow, you listen to it at work or what? 33 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,000 No, I listen to it the morning before I go to work. 34 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,000 Okay. Well, you will be... 35 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:20,000 That's my me time. I wake up and I put my ear pod in. If we don't have a new podcast, I listen to music. 36 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,000 There you go. 37 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,000 It's my me time as I'm getting ready for work. 38 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:34,000 You've got a brand new episode to listen to in the morning where you can hear your bit, which would be Ramblings of a Madman with Rob Rad. 39 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:47,000 Or Rob Rad. However it's worded, there's two different promos that I did. One with the voice guy and one with me doing it with the megaphone that I found, which I speak about. 40 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,000 Oh my God. 41 00:04:50,000 --> 00:05:00,000 So I'll probably use both of them. I like both of them and I can't pick a better one. I mean, I like them both. They're both weird and odd and get the point across. 42 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:08,000 So anyhow, the first one is with the first one that I recorded and that's with the voice guy, Chad. 43 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:15,000 And the second one is with me and my megaphone, which I demonstrate clearly about it on this episode. 44 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:20,000 And where the megaphone came from. Not this episode here, but the episode I'm speaking about. 45 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:26,000 About where the megaphone came from and what its use was for. 46 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:35,000 So anyhow, real quick, I wanted to say something. We have some emails coming up a little bit later. 47 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:45,000 But what I wanted to say is I got an email. Okay. And there's this guy that's trying to dig into us and just trying to, he's always trying to nip at us. 48 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:50,000 Okay. I'm pretty sure he's the same one that tells us to stop and all that stuff. Right? 49 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:57,000 Well, he's talking about stories and about how he was looking at a story, the same story, and it said something different. 50 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:02,000 Let me go ahead and say this again, but I thought it was pretty apparent. 51 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:10,000 This whole show is parody. It is not journalism. We do not do journalism. We do entertainment. 52 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,000 So if there's a story that's wrong, we don't care. 53 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:19,000 We encourage everybody to go on Google and look this stuff up. 54 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:24,000 Yes, we do. That's why I give the websites I find them on. 55 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:31,000 Yeah, you find something wrong, fine. You make your own choice whether it was our story was correct or yours. 56 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,000 What was brought to your attention? 57 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,000 Yes, and this is not journalism. 58 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:43,000 This is not journalism, especially if you hear like the new segment, grumpy old Saint Prick. 59 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:49,000 He's the guy that comes up after Christmas and he's the guy that douses your kids' dreams after Christmas. 60 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:54,000 He was just discovered in the South Pole instead of the North Pole. 61 00:06:55,000 --> 00:07:02,000 We were lucky enough to give him a couple of Raspberry Zingers and a couple of Swiss Rolls. 62 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:08,000 And he said, yeah, I will record some bits for you. So anyhow, this is not journalism. 63 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,000 It is now, man. It is now. 64 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:22,000 Yes, this is not journalism. So Mr. Person That Never Listens But Always Knows What The Show Says, who gives a fuck? Geez. 65 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,000 That's why we tell you to look it up for yourself. 66 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,000 Get a hug. 67 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:31,000 What was brought to your attention? The more you hate me, the more I want to do more episodes. I want to do one every night. 68 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:37,000 I want to do a three hour episode every night just to piss idiot off. That's it. I mean, and no other reason. 69 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:41,000 My son's going to have to learn the trick, but I'll go with you. 70 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:51,000 Okay, there we go. But anyhow, this is parody. Every episode we've ever done is parody. We're not journalism. 71 00:07:51,000 --> 00:08:02,000 We make stories up. We say shit that's incorrect. We know this. It's entertainment. It's entertainment. So that's all it is. 72 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:09,000 Anyhow, all right. That being said, I want to go into a little something here, Rob. 73 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:15,000 And I want to go into how fear controls Jamar Chase. 74 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:19,000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 75 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,000 So we're starting off with football. 76 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,000 Yes, we are. And I'm going to read the official email. 77 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,000 Okay, well I'm going to switch gears here. 78 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,000 Okay, I'm going to read the email. 79 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:33,000 Okay, I'm going to read the email also that Ruthann sent me. 80 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,000 Oh. 81 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,000 Yeah, so, okay. 82 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,000 My body. 83 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:50,000 Yep. Yes. Okay, fear controls Jamar Chase. And here's why. Chase was asked what stood out about the Chief's top-rated defense. 84 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:58,000 He replied, not much. Now, he's a football player. He knows. He knows this is a top-five defense. 85 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:06,000 Now, why did he do that? You know, not much could be described as his performance. 86 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:13,000 You know, he was held to 41 yards, no touchdowns, no second half points. 87 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:22,000 The team no second half points, but Jamar Chase gave them no points, and our defense had six sacks. 88 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:27,000 Mr. Chase, once again, you are going home early. 89 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:32,000 Last two seasons, you met your fate at one Arrowhead Drive. 90 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:36,000 Once again, your mouth wrote a check. Your ass can't cash. 91 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:41,000 Don't worry, son. You'll have extra rest for next year. 92 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:47,000 To come at us. Sneed owns you. Tell your daddy you're sorry. 93 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:54,000 Chase is fearing the Chiefs. He has dreams about him. 94 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:58,000 Anyone that would say such an ignorant... 95 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:06,000 Anyone that would say such an ignorant statement and provoke a team that's been kicking his ass, 96 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:14,000 that's out of fear and nothing else. He knew his demise. He knew his fate ahead of time. 97 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,000 And that's why he was swinging his tiny little fists in the air. 98 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:24,000 Ed, while I'm there, you want me to go ahead and go into emails because, Ruth Ann? 99 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:28,000 I'm afraid for you, too. 100 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,000 There's good ones. 101 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:36,000 I got your back, girl. I got your back, girl. Go ahead. 102 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:43,000 Okay. I have some emails. Like I said, like always, the ones that are like, 103 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:49,000 hey, great, love you guys, rah rah, we don't answer. Thank you, Blanket, thank you, we love you, thanks for listening. 104 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:53,000 Tell your friends. Each and every one of you. 105 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:57,000 Yeah, we're going to keep trying to listen to you, but we simply don't have enough time to answer them. 106 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,000 But thank you. We acknowledge you. Thank you so much. 107 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,000 Des Moines, I cannot say enough about you people. 108 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,000 Gosh, you guys not only listen and download the show. 109 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,000 They're blowing my mind. 110 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:13,000 I know. They are like little scrappy little fighters up there. Like, yeah, we love the show. 111 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,000 They email all the time. They're fantastic. Thank you, Des Moines. 112 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,000 Geez, you guys are awesome. 113 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:25,000 I'm starting to agree with you. I'm starting to wonder if we're not going to register on some rating. 114 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:29,000 Some rating system up there because it's just like it's going nuts. 115 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,000 So anyhow, the first email is from Des Moines. 116 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:38,000 Hey guys, Des Moines checking in with you. Love the show. I'm glad it's in podcast form. 117 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:43,000 I can download it at my home and play it for my 45 minute commute. 118 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:49,000 Raymond in Windsor Heights. I guess Windsor Heights is a suburb of Des Moines? 119 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,000 I'm guessing. 120 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:57,000 Okay. I've been to Des Moines before, but I don't ever recall Windsor Heights. Thank you. Thank you. 121 00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,000 That's probably a great town to cancel. 122 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:03,000 Yeah, something like that. So anyhow, well, you know what? That's great. 123 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,000 Thank you. Thank you. 124 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,000 The next one. Ruthann here. 125 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:15,000 I'm never listening again. I am a true fan. I'm just not a mean person like you, Mark. 126 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:22,000 Ruthann, Ohio. My reply is, Ruthann, you are a mean person. How can you do Rob like this? 127 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:28,000 Rob has done nothing but defended you and loved you, and you're going to turn your back on Rob because of me? 128 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:32,000 Rob, don't you feel cheated? Don't you feel bad? 129 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,000 I'm starting to. 130 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:41,000 Yeah. Rob has done nothing but brought you up, loved on you, said thank you. 131 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:46,000 He was even maybe wanting your phone number, Ruthann. He thought you sounded kind of cute. 132 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:55,000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I saw her from the gala over here in Osage Beach just a couple miles from here. 133 00:12:55,000 --> 00:13:06,000 I'm waiting for her to write back. So anyhow, when she writes back, I will let you know. When she writes back, I will just forward her your email address and say. 134 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:11,000 I'm guessing she's quit listening or she's married. 135 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,000 I don't know. She never did answer. 136 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,000 Ain't no big deal. Ain't no big deal. 137 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:24,000 If she does, if she does, I will forward your email address to her and then she can contact you directly. Does that sound good? 138 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:28,000 That's good. Yeah, if it's Ohio, that'd be quite a good deal. 139 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,000 I forgot her name. Do you remember her name? 140 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,000 I don't remember her name. 141 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:45,000 I don't remember her name. Oh, well, you know who you are that is the only one we got from Osage Beach. So and there's a chick. So if you're interested, email me. 142 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:51,000 Email the show and I will forward you Rob's email address and you can get a hold of him through there. 143 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:58,000 So anyhow, and you can get a look at Rob on the Facebook page, Two Douchebags and Microphones. So there you go. 144 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:03,000 So it anyhow. Oh, but back to Ruthann. 145 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:13,000 How can you do Rob like this, Ruthann? I'm really disappointed in you as a person. You say you're a good person, but you're slamming the door on Rob. Rob did nothing to you. 146 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:20,000 Why don't you listen to the part Rob does and go, with your ears covered whenever I talk. 147 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:27,000 Doesn't that sound like a pretty good settlement there? 148 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:32,000 Not really, that would be fair. Yeah, yeah. So like Rob's like talk and then all of a sudden I get ready to talk. 149 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:40,000 You simply put your fingers in the ear and you go, na na na na na, and you won't hear me. Therefore you're supporting Rob and not supporting me. 150 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,000 Oh yeah? Yeah. 151 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:55,000 Alright, next. I hereby nominate Philip from Parts Plus in Omaha for a smack in the nuts. He gave no name. 152 00:14:56,000 --> 00:15:05,000 Philip? Yeah, we want to know why he gets a smack in the nuts and does Philip listen? 153 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:13,000 Philip, if you listen and you know this is you from Parts Plus in Omaha, email us and then you can give us your rebuttal. 154 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:20,000 Because no name giving guy didn't tell us why you're getting a smack in the nuts or nothing. He just said you need a smack in the nuts. 155 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:27,000 Well we don't do business like that. We want to know why Philip deserves a smack in the nuts and a little bit more about Philip. 156 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:34,000 So Philip, if you're listening, send us back a reply and say hey this is Philip and I think I know who did that. 157 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:40,000 And give us a reply on why so and so needs a smack in the nuts and we'll go from there, right? 158 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:45,000 Yes, and by the way thank you Omaha. You're up on our list too. 159 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:50,000 Omaha has come up too, yeah. You're up on our list too. Thank you Omaha. 160 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,000 I would like to thank since they're neighboring cities. 161 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:59,000 There's quite a list too actually. 162 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,000 There's what? 163 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,000 Are you talking about Omaha and the moon? 164 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:11,000 Oh no, no, no. I'm talking about Cedar Rapids. 165 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:15,000 Yeah, Cedar Rapids is right next to Omaha and we do well in Cedar Rapids too. 166 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:22,000 And it seemed to start in Cedar Rapids. So I'm thinking like Cedar Rapids told Omaha and now Omaha is gaining steam. 167 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,000 So anyhow, thank you Omaha. 168 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:28,000 Yeah, Council Bluffs is up there too. 169 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:34,000 Oh, Council Bluffs, not Cedar Rapids. Council Bluffs, thank you. That's what I was trying to say but I couldn't think of that. 170 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,000 Oh, okay. 171 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:42,000 Council Bluffs is right next and I would like to thank Council Bluffs told Omaha and then Omaha picked up on it. But anyhow, it doesn't matter. 172 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,000 Okay. 173 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:53,000 Yeah, that brings me back to that oldie story I told when I worked at Council Bluffs and went to Omaha and rode out the tornado. 174 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,000 Had my tools stolen off the back of the truck. 175 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:59,000 What a f**k job, man. Oh gosh. 176 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,000 I love you guys. I love you guys. 177 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,000 Wow. Yeah. 178 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:17,000 Next one. You say Rob has a new segment that is all his. Awesome. I can't wait. Johnny and Kirksville. Well, you're going to hear it on the podcast before this. 179 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,000 Kirksville? 180 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,000 Yeah, Kirksville. Do you know someone? Do you know John in Kirksville? 181 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:28,000 I don't know John but I know some people in Kirksville. 182 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:34,000 Okay. Whoever wrote me John in Kirksville, if you know Rob, write us back. Let us know. 183 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:39,000 No. He would not know me but I know other people up there. 184 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,000 Okay. All right. 185 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,000 Oh yeah. 186 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,000 Well, you have a fan up there in Kirksville. 187 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,000 Well, thank you, John. 188 00:17:47,000 --> 00:18:06,000 The final one. Hey, douchebags. We're having a douchebags recognition day at the center of town. All seven residents will attend. This is a huge news because all of the fire department, city council, mayor and city planning committee will be there. 189 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,000 All seven of us. 190 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:16,000 Jeffy and Montrose, the Ruby of Henry County. PS, any luck on that bumper? 191 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:23,000 Rob, did you ever have any luck in that bumper from that guy from Tidewater or whatever? 192 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,000 I have some. I have some. 193 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:32,000 Okay. Well, then there's no luck on that bumper and you let us know when our recognition party is and we will be there. 194 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:37,000 Oh, good old Montrose. Good old Jeffy from Montrose. 195 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:43,000 Dude, we are definitely going to have to go do a live. 196 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,000 We're going to have to do like a live show. 197 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,000 Yeah. 198 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,000 We're going to have the time of our lives. 199 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:58,000 Oh, hell yeah. We're going to announce it way ahead of time and let you know what day we're going to be there. That way all seven of you can be there with us. 200 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:03,000 It's going to be. We're going to record the whole thing. 201 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,000 Yep. 202 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:12,000 All right. Let's take our first break. We'll come back with some mass paddling and anything that you want to speak about. 203 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,000 Sounds good. So I can quit laughing. 204 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,000 All right. We'll be right back, guys. 205 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,000 And now, deep thoughts with Mark. 206 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:28,000 Hmm. Let's see. If a worm could talk, would it be argumentive? 207 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,000 I may never know. 208 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:41,000 We're just like a really funny radio show with all the funny taken out. 209 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,000 Remember to bleach your Bluetooth after every show. 210 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:55,000 The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat. 211 00:19:56,000 --> 00:20:02,000 Hi, all. This is Mark here. I'm usually the one telling you what to eat during an apocalypse. 212 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,000 Well, this time I decided to go the other way. 213 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,000 You ever considered just going to ground zero and saying, fuck it? 214 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:16,000 Do you really want to be the guy running around looking for radioactive deer, guessing whether water is not contaminated or not? 215 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,000 No food, no shelter, no nothing. 216 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:26,000 Oh, no. There's a strong argument that says, you know what? Let's just go to ground zero and see what's for us after. 217 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,000 Just a thought. 218 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:38,000 When taking a shower, remember to scrub your asshole with soapy water because nobody likes a stinky asshole. 219 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:44,000 And now, deep thoughts with Mark. 220 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:53,000 Should I record frog sounds in the summer, then play them when it's zero degrees on my ring doorbell for the Amazon guy? 221 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:57,000 Hmm. Yeah, that sounds like fun. 222 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:04,000 Brick Shit House Energy Drink! 223 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,000 That's right. Brick Shit House Energy Drink. 224 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,000 Make the best of your own. 225 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,000 Chomp through the balls. 226 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,000 You want to fuck shit up? 227 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,000 Run for a scum across America? 228 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,000 Brick Shit House is for you! 229 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:23,000 Please enjoy Brick Shit House Energy Drink responsibly. It's not readily available anywhere because of liability issues. 230 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:52,000 And just like that, bam! Here we are. Two douchebags in a microphone. 231 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,000 I am Mark. 232 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:58,000 And I'm Rob. And I'm still laughing. 233 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:02,000 Montrose, you guys are just awesome. 234 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,000 I love those guys. I love those guys. 235 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,000 I hope whoever's writing really is from Montrose. 236 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,000 I hope so. I hope they are. 237 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,000 Because we will come down there and do a show. We want you guys to join us. 238 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,000 Yes. Yes. You are so entertaining. 239 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:24,000 Whoever you are, your emails are so entertaining. We want you on the show. 240 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:28,000 Gosh. And then maybe you can call in like Rob used to. 241 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:33,000 Anyhow, we love you Montrose. The Ruby. The Ruby. 242 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,000 I used to say the Jewel, I think, of Henry County. 243 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:42,000 Jeffy calls it the Ruby of Henry County. I think I like that better. 244 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,000 Montrose. Yeah, I do too. 245 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:47,000 The Ruby. Yeah, it'd be glowing. 246 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,000 Yeah. Yeah, the Ruby. 247 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,000 Just like the power plant. 248 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:57,000 Yes. Rob, we just got him to like us there. Come on. 249 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,000 Look, yours is up. 250 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:04,000 Hey, if he's like us already, he's going to enjoy that. 251 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,000 No, I guarantee you he laughed. 252 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:10,000 Anyhow, do you have anything you want to get to before we get to Ask Paddlings? 253 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:14,000 Yeah. Yeah, we were back on football a while ago. 254 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,000 Yes. Before we went into that. 255 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,000 Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to jump off that real quick. 256 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:21,000 No, you're right. You're right. You're right. 257 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,000 When you said that, you said switching gears, I thought maybe you didn't want to go there. 258 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,000 So that's why I jumped off of it real quick. So sorry. Go ahead. 259 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:32,000 No, no, no. I had to go from one story over to the football story. 260 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:34,000 Oops. Okay. 261 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:36,000 No, you're right. 262 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,000 I've been known to do that. Sorry. 263 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,000 And honestly, I don't know if I like this one either. But anyway. 264 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:43,000 Okay. 265 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:52,000 A little this week, the NFL reportedly decided referee Brad Allen as a fishing crew won't be on the call for any playoff games. 266 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:54,000 Ha ha. 267 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,000 However. 268 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,000 Go ahead. 269 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:00,000 Okay. 270 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:09,000 However, they will be allowed to finish the regular season with a nationally televised contest. 271 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:22,000 According to a new report, Allen and the company will be the fishing crew for Saturday afternoon's contest between Baltimore Ravens and Pittsburgh Steelers. 272 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:26,000 So they can sway that too, in my opinion, allegedly. 273 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:38,000 Ah, yeah, yeah. Well, referee Brad Allen and his crew who last worked Saturday night's Lions versus Cowboys game. Yeah. 274 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:40,000 Mm hmm. 275 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:47,000 So they're allowed to work this last game, which is a major game. 276 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,000 Yes, that's what I'm getting at. 277 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,000 Okay. Who's going to get. 278 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,000 But they can't work any playoff games. 279 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,000 Now this is the Ravens and who again? 280 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,000 Ah, Ravens and Steelers. 281 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:09,000 The Steelers are vying for a playoff spot and they don't want to. This is my opinion. They don't want them in there. So you watch. 282 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:20,000 Baltimore is going to have all their starters out and if it needs to, you'll watch. The Steelers are going to get screwed. In my opinion, my prediction. 283 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:23,000 So. We'll find out Saturday afternoon. 284 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:28,000 It's funny you mentioned Brad Allen because on this Ask Paddling list he just might be on there. 285 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:33,000 I bet he is. I think we already put him on there, didn't we? 286 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:37,000 Oh, okay. Oh, no, no. I got somebody else. 287 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:42,000 Oh, okay. Do you want to do him first or her and then I'll go into the rest? 288 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:52,000 Well, no. Now go ahead with yours. We'll see if you got him because you may have got him. We've talked about him a little. Last couple podcasts. 289 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:56,000 Okay. All right. Okay. 290 00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:02,000 All right. We will see and if not then you'll bring him up at the end if you want to. Here we go. 291 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:12,000 These are Ask Padlins, the very first. These are the people that like really sucked ass at the end of 23 and are really sucking it the first of 24. 292 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:20,000 So and the Ask Padlins is this for the people that don't listen and you're bad people if you don't know what this is because it means you don't listen enough. 293 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:29,000 Okay. Topher and I started this a long time ago and anyhow, I think the Ask Padlins might have went back to the first or second episode. 294 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:42,000 So Topher and I. Yeah, they go back a long way. We've been doing this a long time. Topher and I were walking on the beach and anyhow, we're not holding hands due to other popular belief Rob and Rob's brother. 295 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:56,000 We were not holding hands. We were walking and the sunlight was coming over and it was glistening in her hair and we were walking through the beach and suddenly I stubbed my toe on something. I'm like, oh, God, it hurt. 296 00:26:56,000 --> 00:27:00,000 So I'm like, when I was because you were too busy growing in his eyes. 297 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:12,000 I'm telling you there was no no no no no no no hand holding nothing like that. We're just simply walking on the beach, but I'm not going to ever stop him Rob or his brother from this. 298 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:19,000 So, okay, whatever. So I go, man, gosh, and I look around and Topher goes, man, that looks like a genie bottle. 299 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:28,000 And that looks like a genie bottle. And I'm like, yeah, it does. So I walk over there and I'm like, wow, there's a cork in it. I pop the cork out and poof. 300 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:37,000 Here comes this genie and me and Topher like, hey, we're going to get three wishes. And the genie rolls his eyes. He's very condescending. He could stand us. 301 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:49,000 And he goes, no, no, no. He goes, you only get one wish. I don't care what you've seen on TV. I'm the genie. I know he goes one wish one wish only pick wise because you only get one wish. 302 00:27:50,000 --> 00:28:00,000 I would suggest world peace and world hunger fix the environment, something like that. And me and Topher looks at it. We won't be invisible so we can ask battle people. 303 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:14,000 And the genie side, he rolled his eyes. He goes, very well, very well. Once a month, I will grant you invisibility and you may do your ass paddling then. 304 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:28,000 But then the genie got a hold of me one night and he said, you know what, since there's so many stupid people out there, I'm going to allow you special ones every now and then if there's an inflow of really stupid people that need it. 305 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:38,000 So it's not just once a month. It's whenever people demand an ass paddling. We may give them one now. So what happens? Yes, society is making an ass. 306 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:53,000 We both turn invisible. One of us grabs the person that needs an ass paddle. The other one pulls their trousers down or britches, whatever you want to call them, and then administers bare assed normally. 307 00:28:53,000 --> 00:29:02,000 Every now and then we grant clemency to some people for clothing if it's not that egregious. So but mainly it's bare ass paddled with a big wooden paddle. 308 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:16,000 The kind that Rob and I remember in school, but if you are not an Xer or a boomer, you have no idea what we're talking about. Yes. Yeah, the one with holes in it that hurt like fuck. The kind the principal had. Yes. 309 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:27,000 Big wooden old sparky. Oh man. Or the wood shop teacher. The wood shop teacher used to make them. Yeah. And he would give them to the principal. 310 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:34,000 And actually one time he wanted to be a really good smart ass and he had me help him sand it down and make it nice and smooth for the principal. 311 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:45,000 He said since he said you are most familiar with this Mr. Wallace, why don't you come over here and help me sand this down and shellack it. 312 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:51,000 I'm like oh nice. He goes what do you think of that one? I said I think that's going to hurt like hell. 313 00:29:52,000 --> 00:30:01,000 And you know what? It did. So I was right. So anyhow, without any further ado. That was any school back in the 80s. 314 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:09,000 Oh god yeah man. I mean I remember. They were allowed to beat our ass. When I first got to. We used to trade swats for detentions. 315 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:15,000 We get detention. We couldn't be late at home or our parents would know we got in trouble so we take the swat. 316 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:22,000 Oh no no. I used to do the same thing too. I'd be man it hurts like hell but I'm going to go ahead and take the swat because. Get over it. 317 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:30,000 Yeah and that was on the deal that they would not call my parents. If you're not going to call my parents go ahead and swat me and let's get this over with. 318 00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:43,000 I was the same way. And anyhow I remember they used to have it on display. The very first old Sparky. That's what they called him because he was like the death sentence at school. 319 00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:52,000 And anyhow they had him in the trophy case next to all the football championships and we had quite a few of those. Very good football. 320 00:30:53,000 --> 00:31:01,000 And it was right next to the big trophies for the championship. Old Sparky was right there and he was the first one when he got retired he got put in that case. 321 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:09,000 And he was there to demonstrate to the children that if you fucked up enough you would find out what old Sparky would do to your bottom. 322 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:23,000 So anyhow we were talking about ass paddlin's right. Yes we were. All right. So very first on this list Kiss the rock band Kiss former rock band Kiss I guess now they're retired. 323 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:30,000 Kiss gets an ass paddling for the virtual ripoff they now plan in my opinion. I cannot believe. 324 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:39,000 I cannot believe that we're not allowed to see till like 2027 something like it. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. 325 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:55,000 The avatars. Yes it's ridiculous. They're going to have concerts of these avatars. This shit's going to go on forever but I have a feeling it's not going to go over as well as they think. 326 00:31:55,000 --> 00:32:03,000 I think people are going to go. OK. All right. I think people are going to lose interest by then. Me too. Me too. 327 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:11,000 And it's important because I'm wearing the Kiss Destroyer shirt my daughter got me for Christmas. Your daughter's awesome. 328 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:20,000 So she knows her dad. Destroyer was one of their best albums. Yes it was. Many many many good songs came off of that. 329 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:28,000 Yeah I think they're going to lose interest but I mean you know them just even trying this I just thought was absurd. 330 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:36,000 So anyhow they get an ass paddling because they cannot let it down. They cannot fucking put it down and I don't even think it's about money. 331 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:48,000 Yes I don't even think it's about money. I think it's about they want people to see what they created over and over and over again into the future for however long they can get away with it. 332 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:57,000 So anyhow Kiss you get the first ass paddling because just go home. It's done. Thank you. 333 00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:05,000 It was great entertainment. You helped form my life of what we are now. You should be happy. You should be proud maybe. 334 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:14,000 No. Yeah. Thank you. I'm still part of Kiss Army. Me too. Love you Kiss but go. Go retire. You did your job. 335 00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:24,000 Next. Jamar Chase for writing a check his ass could not cash. 41 yards. He was shut down and left at. 336 00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:34,000 Dude. I see now I'm coming. Dude and quit going to the press and going Snead was trying to fight me. 337 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:47,000 No. Your comments spoke for themselves from the very start. You started the fight and when Snead was not afraid to take a poke at you back because you swung at him a couple of times first. 338 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:55,000 Yeah. That's right Jamar. Get over it. We got you again. Your season was cut short again at Arrowhead. 339 00:33:55,000 --> 00:34:04,000 You're going to have a nice long vacation to think about this. Enjoy it. Next one. Again. Again. 340 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:14,000 Brad Allen NFL referee that completely screwed the Detroit Lions out of the possible number one seed and then doubling down and backing up his idiocy. 341 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:25,000 He had a chance to retract it. He had a chance to either take the take the play back when they're discussing it go. You know what I screwed up. He did come to report to me. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have thrown the flag because they discussed it for a while. 342 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:32,000 He had a chance to go. I screwed up. But no he didn't want to look like an asshole. So he doubled down. 343 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:47,000 Double down and fucked the Detroit Lions again. He needs to be in the Hall of Fame and the referees are already in the Hall of Fame but he needs to be like an exemplary example of a person who has been in the Hall of Fame for a long time. 344 00:34:47,000 --> 00:35:02,000 He needs to be in the Hall of Fame and the referees are already in the Hall of Fame but he needs to be like an exemplary example of a person that gets his ass paddled. 345 00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:12,000 You know the Hall of Fame the way this works is once a month they get an ass paddling anyhow. They're in the Hall of Fame and once a month they get pulled out and they get their ass paddled and they get put back in the Hall of Fame. 346 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:22,000 This guy needs like a special consideration. Like if someone does a heinous crime right and they do this or prosecute them with special consideration. 347 00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:33,000 Well Brad Allen should get special consideration in the Hall of Fame. Like maybe more ass paddling. I don't know maybe acid to the face. I don't know. Something. 348 00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:40,000 No. No. He sits on the podium and everybody else that gets ass paddled has to bow down to him. 349 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:43,000 Because he is the ultimate fuck up. 350 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,000 Okay. Alright. I can go with that. 351 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,000 Next one down. Kim Jung Un. 352 00:35:51,000 --> 00:36:02,000 For being a little fat bitch boy that waves his tiny little fist at us every day. He resembles a smudgy pudgy small mongoloid with bad haircut and a very tiny penis. 353 00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:14,000 He is a little bitch. I'm getting nuked you guys. Okay. Well we'll probably knock him down and they'll fall back on you you little bitch. 354 00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:22,000 This little bitch took and fed his uncle who was going against him two starving dogs. 355 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:35,000 People that were not crying enough that he dubbed. He dubbed were not crying enough that his dad's funeral that he made everybody attend. He had executed on the spot. 356 00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:49,000 This little bitch needs to be not only ass paddled. I mean they need to go pull him out of there and just like I don't know man. Bad things need to happen that little bitch. 357 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:56,000 I mean bad things obviously has happened to him. He's a goofy little bitch with a very tiny penis and is mad at the world. 358 00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:59,000 You got to get to him first. 359 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:05,000 Yeah that's the problem. But I bet. He has. Yes he does. He does. 360 00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:13,000 He's the kind of guy that would jump behind a bunch of women and dogs. Don't shoot me. You'll shoot them first. 361 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:21,000 So anyhow you are a little bitch and Dennis Robbin why don't you go over there now. Why don't you stay over there. 362 00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:29,000 Anyhow next. Wal-Mart is getting an ass paddling and you know why Rob? 363 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:32,000 Because of your TV debacle. 364 00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:34,000 Oh really? 365 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:43,000 Yeah. Papa had to take his TV away from his old grandson to go get another one because Wal-Mart couldn't have it packaged correctly. 366 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,000 That's true. 367 00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:54,000 Yeah. Yeah. Well I took exception to that and I put them up for an ass paddling because of that. Yes. I defended you. 368 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:56,000 And my grandson. 369 00:37:56,000 --> 00:38:10,000 And your grandson has been defended. Yes. You guys have been vindicated for the atrocity of you having to take it back, spending your time and also take his brand new TV away from his little grandson which hurt immensely didn't it? 370 00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:16,000 Yeah it hurt me. I know that. 371 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:21,000 Just so you know the new one works great. 372 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,000 Okay. Alright. Well Wal-Mart's just going to. 373 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,000 I got it replaced. Yeah. 374 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:32,000 Okay. How about this? Wal-Mart gets a reprimand and a threaten but no ass paddling. 375 00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:34,000 There you go. 376 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:36,000 Okay. Alright. Wal-Mart. 377 00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:39,000 Watch the people shipping packages. 378 00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:45,000 Yes. Okay. Wal-Mart you're getting a reprimand officially from the ass paddling crew and we're putting you on notice. 379 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:50,000 That was a banding. I could tell. I banned things to pilots all the time at work. 380 00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:56,000 Well that's why you put a skyrofoam. I could tell there was a banding strap going around all the TVs on the pallet. 381 00:38:57,000 --> 00:39:02,000 Someone didn't put cardboard in between them or foam. Right. In between them is what happened. Right. 382 00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:14,000 So yeah. So okay. So they are officially on notice. So okay. I'm good with that. You're good with that. Wal-Mart don't do it again. If you do it again then you're going to get the ass paddling. So alright. 383 00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:18,000 I think that's a pretty good conclusion there. Yeah. 384 00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,000 Okay. Thank you for thinking about us. 385 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:38,000 Yes. Yes. I was. Next one. Iowa nominated through an email to put Illinois up for an ass paddling for trying to get through a personalized plate that says Iowa sucks. I-O-W-A-S-U-X. 386 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:43,000 This was the war I speak about. Illinois? 387 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:58,000 You guys are getting an ass paddling because Iowa doesn't like the fact that you were trying to sneak through a plate that says Iowa sucks. And you know we're in Iowa's corner. We have all kinds of listeners in Iowa and they love us. So. 388 00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:01,000 Although we do have Illinois and we love you guys. 389 00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:04,000 We love you guys too. But yeah. Yeah. But I mean Iowa. 390 00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:08,000 We want. We want peace. 391 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:29,000 Yeah. And this was an email request from Brad in Iowa. So if you guys want to peacefully hash it out we would rather not give any ass padlins to people that could potentially listen to us. But right now as it stands Iowa because of the Iowa sucks license plate has a pretty good complaint. Right? 392 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:31,000 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 393 00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:48,000 So Illinois this is your call to answer back. We're not going to give you an ass paddling yet. We got you on notice and we want to hear your official reply to Iowa. If you guys smooth it over and can work it out that's fine. This is you Brad and this is Joe Illinois. 394 00:40:48,000 --> 00:41:02,000 OK. You guys report to us and let us know what we are going to do. As of right now Iowa says you need to ask paddling for that plate. Now it's up to Illinois to smooth it out or say it's on. Either give them one back or whatever. 395 00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:13,000 There you go. We are fair people. We are. We are. We are fair to our de-static kingdom. We are. To the assholes. We dubbed them assholes. All the assholes. Yes. 396 00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:17,000 And that's affectionately assholes. We love you assholes. 397 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:26,000 Next one. The NFL again and Hall of Fame inductees Roger Goodell for ignoring the extremely apparent problem of officiating. 398 00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:32,000 Yeah. I was almost. I'm hearing the trumpets blow right now. 399 00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:44,000 I almost didn't put it in there and I was like you know what if I don't someone's going to like wonder what's up. I had to put him in there. I mean it's redundant. I know they've been in there so many times. But again. 400 00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:52,000 I'm hearing the trumpets blow and the angels sing as you said that. As Roger Goodell gets bare ass paddled over and over again. 401 00:41:52,000 --> 00:42:08,000 Hey let's see what the megaphone has to say about that. Hang on. Yeah. Let's do it. All right. Hang on. Mark's toy that he used to piss off the Methersons too. 402 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:24,000 There you go. All right. That's what's going to happen to your asshole Roger Goodell. Allegedly. 403 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:37,000 Allegedly. OK. And next one. Ruthann in north central Ohio for hurting Rob to get to me. Oh come on. She's hurting you to get to me. 404 00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:42,000 Rob you can't tell me you're not hurt by Ruthann's actions. 405 00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:55,000 Ruthann. Fair is fair. Rob has done nothing to you. And you not listening anymore is hurting Rob. 406 00:42:56,000 --> 00:43:01,000 All you have to do is listen to Rob's parts and whenever I talk you put your fingers in your ear and you go. 407 00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:10,000 And you're good. And you don't hurt Rob. I was actually kind of enjoying listening to you two go at each other. 408 00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:21,000 It has been fun. I hope she keeps emailing. It's actually it's fun. Ruthann honestly we love you. Come back please. Yes we do. 409 00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:34,000 And then finally to follow this up. Mark as in myself for constantly badgering Ruthann in north central Ohio and forcing her to hurt Rob. 410 00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:43,000 And Ruthann I will hold him for you. Well someone has to because I'm usually the holder or the paddler. 411 00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:54,000 So you and Topher are going to have to administer this ass paddling. And I put myself. Oh no no no no no no no. I'm going to hold you and Ruthann just watch your ass. 412 00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:59,000 OK. Topher gets to watch. Fair enough. Yeah. Topher gets to witness. 413 00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:10,000 Ruthann I nominated myself for an ass paddling because I keep badgering you. So I don't think it gets any better than that. Any clear cut that on the corner. 414 00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:21,000 No. That tells you right there how sorry he is. Yes. And here after that on bended knees sobbing and begging for your forgiveness we're going to take us a little break. 415 00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:27,000 We'll be right back. Oh hey hey no no we have one more. Oh we do. Oh that's. I didn't get to it I guess. 416 00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:32,000 I didn't get to the one you wanted. I apologize. Go ahead Rob. 417 00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:45,000 OK. It's somebody that we have talked about last couple of podcasts because of news stories. OK. The gamer in California that started swatting. 418 00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:52,000 Oh that's right. We're going to get. They called the swat on that kid in Wichita that got him killed. 419 00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:58,000 OK. All right. We need to pull him out of prison if he's still in there. I don't know if he's still in prison. 420 00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:04,000 He's probably already has a swat in prison. Yeah. And not by a paddle. 421 00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,000 Well yeah. We're just going to leave it at that. We'll just leave it at that. Yes. 422 00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:16,000 Rob thank you. We decided to give an ass paddling. I forgot all about it. So thank you very much. And I'm still on bended knee Ruthann. 423 00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:22,000 So sorry. You want me to sing the I'm so sorry. Please come back. Please come back. 424 00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:32,000 I'm sorry. So sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Come here. Give me a big hug. 425 00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:53,000 Give me a big hug. Come on Ruthann. We'll be back. Oh Lord. That man just saw a puppy in half. 426 00:45:53,000 --> 00:46:09,000 Hey there. Don't worry. I have a clown nose. Oh no. That drunk guy just hit my child. It's OK. I have a clown nose. 427 00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:20,000 Clown nose. Just put one on and you can do anything. Want to run for office? Murder people in public? Just grab a clown nose and bam. Everyone laughs. 428 00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:25,000 Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions. Grab one today and make magic happen. 429 00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:35,000 We are two douchebags and microphone. As charming as a leaky sewer pipe. And now deep thoughts with Mark. 430 00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:50,000 OK. If I borrow money from a pessimist would they expect to not get it back? I may never know. 431 00:46:51,000 --> 00:47:03,000 Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity. 432 00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:10,000 Hey. Your chair. Produces sound. Similar to a fart. But only once. Such that you cannot reproduce it and prove that it was just the chair. 433 00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:20,000 Two douchebags and a microphone. Raw and uncensored. See behind the smoke show. Watch as the douchebags get stung by its walking bees. 434 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:28,000 Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out. Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for all the mad shitter accusations. 435 00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:36,000 Act now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar. Mark off the day with a douchebag looking at you. 436 00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,000 Supplies are limited so act now. 437 00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:49,000 Now, from his underground bunker in Camden, Missouri. A stock full of dried guts, canned food, and a couple of vibrating toys. 438 00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:59,000 It's Ravlings of the Madman featuring Rob Rant. I am tamed to live forever. So far, so good. 439 00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:19,000 And we are back. Two douchebags and a microphone on the Mark portion. 440 00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:32,000 And I am Rob and we need to give another shout out Mark. Shout out to Grandma in where was it? Dodge City, Kansas if I remember right? 441 00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:36,000 Yes, I'm still awaiting her name. They never did email back. 442 00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:41,000 Well, we're still awaiting her name. But shout out to you Grandma. We have not forgotten about you. 443 00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:43,000 No, we have not. And as a matter of fact. 444 00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:45,000 We need to start mentioning her more. 445 00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:49,000 Okay, until we get a name we'll just call her Grammy from Dodge City. 446 00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:52,000 Grandma, yeah. Grammy from Dodge City. There you go. 447 00:48:53,000 --> 00:49:02,000 Yeah, so. Yeah, thank you. And hopefully we will get a name provided and we will start mentioning your name on every podcast. 448 00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:04,000 Yes. 449 00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:07,000 Cool. Alright, Rob, you got something you want to go into? 450 00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:14,000 You want me to go back over here? 451 00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:25,000 Alright. I can go into something while you're looking at it real quick. 452 00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:27,000 No, no, I got it right here. 453 00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:29,000 Okay. 454 00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:33,000 This came on ABC News. 455 00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:35,000 Okay. 456 00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:47,000 ESPN apologized Monday night for a video clip of a woman bearing her breast that was shown during the broadcast of the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans. 457 00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:50,000 Was it body paint? 458 00:49:50,000 --> 00:50:04,000 It was aired coming out of a commercial during the second half of Washington's 37-31 victory over Texas in a semi-final game of the college football playoff. 459 00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:15,000 A clip of people wandering on Bourbon Street in New Orleans showed a woman pulling down her top and exposing her breast. 460 00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:28,000 We regret that this happened and apologize that the video aired in the telecast. ESPN's Bill Hoffenheimer said in a statement. 461 00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:35,000 I've heard his name before. That's weird. Yeah. Cool. That makes ESPN cool to me. 462 00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:40,000 Oh, dude. Yeah. I wish I would have watched it. 463 00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:44,000 Yeah, me too. Very cool. 464 00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:57,000 You know, switching gears here, McDonald's has released their 2024 menu, Rob, with many customers excited by the return of the fan favorite menu items. 465 00:50:58,000 --> 00:50:59,000 Are you ready to hear them? 466 00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:01,000 Yes. 467 00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:15,000 Okay, you will. It's a little bit down the article. The fast food giant regularly alters their menu every six weeks or so, meaning that the Christmas menu, which features the chicken Big Mac and the big and cheesy will soon be replaced. 468 00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:35,000 On January 4th, the new menu will arrive, including our five loved items, including a steakhouse stack burger launched earlier in 2023. The burger has two British and Irish burger patties, a delicious slice of cheddar cheese, red onions, crispy onions and lettuce. 469 00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:37,000 That sounds pretty good to me. 470 00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:40,000 Yeah, yeah, definitely. 471 00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:47,000 All of this goodness is housed within a toasted and glazed bun with a black peppercorn sauce. That sounds good, too. 472 00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:53,000 Luckily for fans of the Golden Arches, the steakhouse stack is just one of five beloved menu items. 473 00:51:54,000 --> 00:52:03,000 The chicken fajita wrap, which was launched amid huge fanfare in 2020, which was really good. I had them before, will also return. 474 00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:17,000 The juicy wrap contains both tomato and fajita sauces, slivered onions, shredded lettuce and cheese. You could choose between grilled and crispy chicken to complete the dish, the delicious snack, delivered in a favorite wrap. 475 00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:22,000 And then there are stackers. 476 00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:26,000 And then these are the smaller burgers. 477 00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:28,000 Yeah. 478 00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:41,000 And then there's three cheese chicken flatbread melts and a chicken enchilada burrito is going to be in part in parts of the country. 479 00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:49,000 So, but not all of them. So those are the new menu items that are coming out. 480 00:52:49,000 --> 00:53:00,000 Anyhow, let's see what else we got here. I've got some new terms. 481 00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:02,000 Another McDonald's story. 482 00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:06,000 A little different though. Actually a lot different. 483 00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:08,000 Okay. 484 00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:18,000 And I've read this in two different places. I have it in two different places. This one's out of the New York Post. 485 00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:20,000 Okay. 486 00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:35,000 Yeah. A high point North Carolina pastor was arrested last week after allegedly assaulting and attempting to push his wife's co-worker's head into a McDonald's deep fryer according to the police. 487 00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:38,000 Fuck. Okay. 488 00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:52,000 The high point police department reported that on December 28th a woman was training to be a manager at the South Main Street McDonald's location when her employees were disrespecting her. 489 00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:58,000 As a result the woman called her husband, 57 year old Dwayne Wade. 490 00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:00,000 Rock Johnson? No. 491 00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:17,000 Dwayne Wade to help with the situation. Witnesses told police that when Wade arrived he walked into McDonald's then around the counter before placing his hands around the victim's neck. 492 00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:26,000 After grabbing the victim's neck Wade allegedly pushed the victim's head towards one of the restaurant deep fryers. 493 00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:28,000 Wow. 494 00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:42,000 Wade also punched the victim several times in the face, police allege, and did not stop striking the victim until multiple employees were able to pull Wade off the victim. 495 00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:45,000 Geez. 496 00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:54,000 He was arrested and he posted bar on $1000 and is due back and forth January 22nd. 497 00:54:54,000 --> 00:55:00,000 Wow. You're not kidding that's way different than the new menu items. 498 00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:02,000 And that's a pastor. 499 00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:05,000 I know. Wow. 500 00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:11,000 Crazy shit. Gosh. Man, you think? Yeah, oh well. 501 00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:13,000 Cool. 502 00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:19,000 Yeah. I don't think that guy's line of work was meant to be a pastor, do you? 503 00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:30,000 Well, yeah I don't know. If he is, it's going to be a prison pastor. 504 00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:36,000 That might work. Maybe he is more meant to be a bodyguard or a hells angel. 505 00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:38,000 No. 506 00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:45,000 Maybe not a pastor. Just a guess. Just a guess. Just by the sounds of it all. 507 00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:47,000 I'm looking at him more like a bodyguard. 508 00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:57,000 Okay. Okay. So, yeah, Mr. Pastor that did that, maybe you ought to look into being a bodyguard and maybe just quit this whole pastor thing. 509 00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:03,000 I don't think this pastor thing is working out quite frankly and maybe you need to look at other areas. That would be more special. 510 00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:06,000 No, hey, there you are at the boxers. 511 00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:09,000 Oh, there we go. There. You can get out all your frustrations. 512 00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:11,000 He has that Mike Tyson look. 513 00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:13,000 Okay. Okay. 514 00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:17,000 There you go. Rob Rad has figured it out for you. 515 00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:19,000 That boxer. 516 00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:21,000 He's got a big old chest of armor. 517 00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:23,000 Yeah, they're showing a picture of him. 518 00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:26,000 Rob Rad has figured this out for no charge, Mr. Pastor. 519 00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:32,000 Wow. That's an interesting story, right? 520 00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:36,000 I've got one. 521 00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:40,000 I'm telling you, I go deep into my research, people. 522 00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:49,000 Yeah, you do a great job, Rob. You do a great job, man. You have your stories and I have my stories. You know what I mean? 523 00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:56,000 You have a very distinct way of your stories. You have a very distinct way of mine and I think it gels very well. 524 00:56:57,000 --> 00:56:58,000 Yeah. 525 00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:03,000 Starbucks is at it again. They got a little bit of problems going on there again. 526 00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:12,000 Remember all the unionizing stuff and they had to open up stores again and all that stuff that I talked about previously, right? 527 00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:14,000 Right. 528 00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:26,000 All right. After a federal judge, administrative judge found a Colorado Starbucks worker was illegally fired for organizing a union, 529 00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:34,000 the judge ordered the coffee giant to not only rehire her, but issue back pay and write a letter of apology to her. 530 00:57:35,000 --> 00:57:42,000 Barista Elendra Lynn Harris says she feels validated by Judge Ira Sandron's ruling, 531 00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:54,000 which she says also backs up the hundreds of similar allegations from other Starbucks workers around the country who have unionized in an effort to get better pay and working conditions. 532 00:57:54,000 --> 00:58:00,000 There's a lot of feelings here, I said. It's incredibly validating. 533 00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:12,000 And anyhow, like I said previous though, rehiring somebody, is that like a great idea? 534 00:58:13,000 --> 00:58:20,000 You know what I mean? Can't they just like keep nitpicking you and really find a valid reason to fire you? 535 00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:27,000 Because let's face it, if a place really wants to fire you, they can find something somewhere, somehow to do it. 536 00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:32,000 Or maybe set you up or something. I just judge that... 537 00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:34,000 Depends on what state you're in. 538 00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:42,000 The back pay and all that's fine, but if I was her, I would say, look, you know, we don't like each other, maybe I shouldn't be working for you guys. 539 00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:52,000 How about if you come up with a settlement money besides the back pay and I will go on my way and not work for you guys, and we don't have to look at each other anymore. 540 00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:54,000 Doesn't that make more sense? 541 00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:57,000 Yeah, I really do. 542 00:58:58,000 --> 00:58:59,000 Yeah, I just don't see how someone can... 543 00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:08,000 Well, I know people have done that. I know people have sued their company, they hurt themselves or whatever, and remain working for them, but it has never worked out. 544 00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:21,000 There's always something happens to where either they quit, they get too much flack, or they legally find a reason to fire them or to keep writing them up for small things until they have enough to get rid of them. 545 00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:27,000 There's ways they can do this. And it just seems to me like that that woman is probably just bait. 546 00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:35,000 But I don't know, you know, maybe since she did win, maybe they're going to be afraid of her and not touch her. 547 00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:37,000 Maybe. 548 00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:41,000 I don't know. To me it just seems weird that you're going to be able to go in there. 549 00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:47,000 Hey guys, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I sue to it, yeah, I know. 550 00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:54,000 But I'm back here working again, so let's just forget about that, let's just go to work. I just don't see how that occurs, you know. 551 00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:59,000 It doesn't seem to me like a valid or easy way of doing things. 552 00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:10,000 So, anyhow, let's see here. We only have a few minutes left, so let me see here if there's some left. 553 01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:13,000 Okay, well let me throw this up though. 554 01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:15,000 Okay. 555 01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:26,000 I don't know if you heard, but do you remember after Richard Ball from Night Court played ball on Night Court? 556 01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:29,000 Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, I remember him. Who doesn't? 557 01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:33,000 He passed away at the age of 80. 558 01:00:34,000 --> 01:00:36,000 Oh, I liked him. 559 01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:38,000 Yeah. 560 01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:41,000 When did this happen? I didn't even hear about it. 561 01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:44,000 I believe it was New Year's Day. 562 01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:51,000 Oh, so he just barely made it into 2024 and then that was it. He said, all right, see you, I'm done. 563 01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:55,000 Yeah, well, he was with his family and he died peacefully. 564 01:00:56,000 --> 01:01:00,000 Okay. All right, we'll go through him. 565 01:01:01,000 --> 01:01:04,000 He was known for being ball on Night Court. 566 01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:07,000 Yeah, that was a ball of head. 567 01:01:08,000 --> 01:01:19,000 He also played in a plenty of hats, a facts of life, but I'm a cheerleader and jiggle all the way, and he did extensive voiceover work. 568 01:01:19,000 --> 01:01:26,000 I knew that he did. I remember reading that, that he'd done a lot of cartoon voices that people wouldn't even recognize, realize that that was him. 569 01:01:27,000 --> 01:01:28,000 Yes, yes. 570 01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:30,000 Yeah, he was a very interesting guy. 571 01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:35,000 There was a couple of times I was watching a movie with the kids. I said, oh, I know who that is. 572 01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:41,000 Yeah, that's Bull. Yeah. I think to me his most recognizable one was Bull off in Night Court though. 573 01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:46,000 No, it says no cause of death was released at the first time. 574 01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:52,000 Well, he was 80, so I'm going to go ahead and say something age related like his heart just gave out or whatever, you know. 575 01:01:53,000 --> 01:01:56,000 I said, but he did die comfortably in his home. 576 01:01:57,000 --> 01:02:03,000 That's good. Well, Mr. Bull, I guess you'll be making people smile in heaven, right? 577 01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:06,000 I will always remember you. I know that. 578 01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:16,000 I will too. You made me smile and that's a good thing. So thank you Bull for your service, and I call you Bull because that was to me what I knew you as. 579 01:02:17,000 --> 01:02:18,000 Thank you Bull. 580 01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:28,000 Yeah, thank you. Anyhow, let's see what else. Well, that's really about it, man. 581 01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:32,000 Rob, you go back to work tomorrow, right? 582 01:02:32,000 --> 01:02:39,000 Yes, thank God. I'm driving myself nuts around here. 583 01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:55,000 I've got one more day off and then that's it. Then I go back to work, but that's alright because all I have after that is 30 days until I'm out on the ocean on the Carnival Jubilee, which has a roller coaster on it. 584 01:02:55,000 --> 01:03:03,000 On this ship, it's already like 20 stories high with a roller coaster on top of it. It's going to be fantastic, I do believe. 585 01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:16,000 And if everything goes right, I will be doing a podcast from there where I call in Rob, same concept. I'll have my microphone. I'll have the laptop and everything all ready to go. 586 01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:28,000 And I'm going to attempt to do one from either the Lido deck or from my private balcony. If it works out, it should be a pretty interesting deal. Tofer and I did one early last year. 587 01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:30,000 Yeah, you did. 588 01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:34,000 Yeah, I called in from somewhere on the Pacific Ocean. 589 01:03:35,000 --> 01:03:40,000 That was literally just weeks before I started calling in. 590 01:03:40,000 --> 01:03:54,000 Yeah, it was. Yep, I remember. Because we came back, we started hitting the city market really big time and getting people interactive and everything. And then you started calling in, so it was two douche bags and a microphone. 591 01:03:55,000 --> 01:04:02,000 Yeah, because I think it was in April, I called in and I was at this swap-in shop in Versailles. 592 01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:04,000 Yes, yeah. 593 01:04:05,000 --> 01:04:07,000 Yeah, so yeah, it was right after that. 594 01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:13,000 Yeah, it was really cool because we kept saying, hey man, call, someone call in and then you called. It was like, hey cool. 595 01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:25,000 Yeah, so very cool. Anyhow, so look forward to that. Rob, I hope everything goes well tomorrow when you lift that first 100 pound steel bar. I hope you feel good. 596 01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:28,000 I cannot wait. 597 01:04:29,000 --> 01:04:31,000 Okay. Everybody, thank you for joining us. 598 01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:33,000 I'm getting lazy sitting around here. 599 01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:41,000 Yeah, you know what, it happens. Anyhow, thank you everybody, have a great night. Thank you for listening. Thank you, Rob. 600 01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:43,000 Good night, everybody. 601 01:04:55,000 --> 01:04:58,000 Hey, where'd everybody go? Where are the douche bags? 602 01:04:58,000 --> 01:05:03,000 Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner. Oh geez. 603 01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:31,000 Ugh, I'm glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back. Man, that smells.