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The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Wild asparagus is plentiful and easy to find. It can be stewed with garlic and onion, which is both wild, which can be easily found in a very tasty post-apocalypse food.
You can make this into a delicious stew, and this will hold you over at least for a couple of days until you can find some other food.
And now, for the brand new feature, strange insults from an alien.
May you always step in a wet spot after putting on fresh socks.
Hello everybody. This is Two Deuce Bags and Microphone, and I'm Mark.
And I'm Mark.
Welcome everybody. Anyhow, let's see, New Year's is coming up, Rob. You got anything big planned? New Year's Eve is tomorrow.
Nope.
Me neither. That's why I like it anymore.
Alright, yeah. If you want to do a show tomorrow night, let's do it, bro.
Okay, let's do a show tomorrow night. Hell yeah.
Sounds good to me.
I got a neat little story here. I found this pretty interesting. I think you'll like it too, Rob.
Okay, a Sephora customer. You know Sephora is cosmetics and some types of jewelry and stuff. It's fairly upper class, and it's in Macy's and Joan's Store. Is there a Joan's Store anymore?
It might even be in JCPenney's, too. I don't know. It might be in Cole's. But you know what I'm talking about, right, Sephora?
Yeah, yeah. Very good, very good.
Okay, a Sephora customer claims that its body butter attracts spiders.
A Sephora customer has untangled a web of mystery and controversy.
A review on Sephora's site for a Sol de Janeiro body butter set to Internet Wild.
Warning folks who are scared of spiders not to butter their bodies, claiming that the product is a magnet for the eight-legged creatures.
The customer claims the bugs have appeared every day since using the lotion, adding, one time, the spider wanted to eat whatever ingredient that's in the butter so bad that it chased me.
I left everything and ran.
Reddit, as one could imagine, is all ablaze with these new claims. So leave it to Reddit for someone to sniffing out this one problem out.
Evidently, a combination of ferrocyl acetate and hexadal acetate often attracts male spiders. More research is being done.
I say if you're an evil bastard like Rob and I, there might be a very good prank in this for someone you know who is deathly afraid of arachnoids.
Does that sound like something we'd do?
Uh, dude, I think we'd talk arachnoids.
Me too.
Say, hey, try this new body butter. It's great shit, man.
Yeah.
Makes you look young and all this cool shit and everything.
Next thing you know, they're running out of their house screaming.
I can think of one ex-girlfriend in particular.
Yeah, I got a few on that list too.
Let's see, I don't know if I quite believe the claims though.
Because, would you think that one ingredient that you put on your body would make a spider could smell that and signify that out of all these other chemicals that are on you enough to chase you?
Hmm.
I don't know.
I'll tell you what, I'm going to do further investigating on this and I'm going to look around on the internet and see what I can find out.
I don't know, to me it just sounds kind of unrealistic maybe.
Maybe that's just me. Maybe I'm kind of suspicious when I shouldn't be. I don't know.
So, anyhow, last week you were talking about someone getting swatted, right? There was a female representative of some sort?
Yeah, yeah. There was a male representative too.
Oh, okay.
He gave them treats and stuff. They called him beforehand.
I got one for you. Florida Senator, former Governor of Florida and Florida Senator now, Rick Scott's home in Naples was swatted Wednesday night according to Naples Police Spokesperson, Lieutenant Brian McQuinn.
Yeah, I think that's the one.
Oh, is it? Okay. Evidently this is a thing to swat representatives and senators. So, Scott posted on ex-formerly known as Twitter Thursday morning stating,
Last night while at dinner with my wife, cowards swatted my home in Naples. These criminals wasted the time and resources of our law enforcement in a sick attempt to terrorize my family. Swatting is a prank call made to authorities that, you know, we went into that, you know, and we're talking about the very famous case in Wichita, which actually brought swatting to the forefront.
Because I think that it helped it gain popularity. Because that was a big story in the news for a long time. And I believe that the guy was deaf and somewhat mentally disabled.
And the guy was, they were gamers and I guess the guy in Wichita, the gamer was like kind of ha-ha and ripping the one in California. The guy in California took it personally, swatted the kid in Wichita.
And the kid in Wichita did not understand what was going on or the severity of it and he was shot and killed. And so the guy in California, the gamer, was held responsible with manslaughter charges.
And I, you know, I mean, I think I kind of see their point. Yeah, I do. Yeah. So anyhow, it seems like ever since then, since it was brought to the forefront, that swatting is now like more of a, more of a thing.
It used to be kind of underground, you know, I've heard of swatting and I kind of understood what it was, but it didn't really come to the forefront until that famous case maybe 10, 15 years ago happened. Do you think so? That's what I think happened.
Yeah. Yeah. So anyhow, interesting stuff. Anyhow, Rob, you got something you want to go into?
Oh yeah. First off, I have to say this. Okay. This is Saturday night, December 30th. Ruthann in central Ohio, I am sorry for what's about to happen.
Either way, win or lose, I'm sorry. I'll try to hold him back as much as I can.
I listened to that podcast actually today on the way home. Dude, I was rolling. I was rolling. I'm sorry Ruthann, I have been badgering you. I'm sorry. And the only thing is, is I still contend, now's the time to pile on.
I mean, the chips are down, they're not looking very good. And I know you said that you don't like to pile on people and make fun of them. I'm sorry. That's what NFL fans do, right?
This is your shot we're taking.
I've been taking a lifetime full of shit from these Raider fans over that game, that debacle that happened Christmas Day. So, you know, I mean, look, it's all in fun and games.
And I didn't know that you took ridicule like that personally, because most NFL fans have a tough barrier. You know, they're like, you know, okay, I was giving enough shit out. Now I'm going to get it back because oh shit, my team suddenly lost or whatever.
You know, and I really expected that. But I have been badgering you Ruthann from North Central Ohio. So, except my apologies to and Rob, thank you for pointing that out and defending her. But it was funny. It was funny.
It was like Monday night and oh yeah. Because you caught that real quick. You're like, I got nothing to do with this. It was kind of like Mike Toreyko on Collins work when he called all the back of quarterbacks fat.
And Collins work and Toreyko's like, that's Collins work. So you know where to direct the hate mail to. But anyhow, Rob, go ahead. You were going to something there and anyhow, we got sidetracked like always.
Yeah, I had to get that out. It opened beforehand.
Okay, anyhow.
Okay, sorry. I go was that it? Because you said I anyhow forget it. It just sounded like it wasn't. Okay. Go for it.
Before the woman filed a $5 billion federal class asking lawsuit against the whole she chocolate company claiming that it these are Reese's treats were deceptively marketed because they didn't have faces.
According to a lawsuit filed in the Middle District Court of Florida on Wednesday, Cynthia Kelly sued the Hershey's company because it's jack-o-lantern treats were advertised with mouth and eyedrops on the packaging, but didn't have any on the actual chocolates.
I can throw this story away now. I got it too. I thought that was so stupid. Keep going though. It's ridiculous.
Yeah, in addition to jack-o-lantern, the class action also included other seasonal products that were allegedly falsely advertised, including Reese's peanut butter pumpkins, Reese's white pumpkins, Reese's chunky pumpkins, Reese's peanut butter doughs, Reese's white doughs, Reese's peanut butter bags, Reese's peanut butter footballs, and Reese's peanut butter shaped assortments.
Virtually every fucking thing they've done.
Yeah, they're all Halloween on it.
I know. Brabham, when I saw that I'm like, really? Yeah.
In addition to the eye-popping five billion in financial relief sought, the Tampa woman is asking the judge to order the company to change its packaging.
When the price of your peanut butter cups go up, you can blame this dumb bitch, in my opinion. In my opinion, she's a dumb bitch. In my opinion, if the price goes up, it's because they are defending frivolous fucking lawsuits like this, in my opinion.
Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. All these other lawsuits, people are winning because of this stupid crap.
Yep, Rob, 100% agree.
They built the eyes on a different color. It's chocolate.
I want to know where the emotional distress is in this.
I don't have a clue.
I mean, this person has that guy at McDonald's that was afraid of the wind beat all to hell.
Five billion with a B.
You know what, I'm gonna wait and see how this plays out. Even as dumb as lawsuits get, I just cannot see very much money going out on this.
No, no, that's ridiculous.
Let me tell you, if they do retrieve that many billion from this, it's over. I mean, it's over. I mean, common sense has almost disappeared anyhow.
Well, with it being a federal class action, wouldn't the money have to go to anybody that can give a receipt?
Anybody that ever bought it, it wouldn't go directly to her?
Well, this is gonna affect a lot of different things too because a lot of people are gonna be calling up their Walmart asking for a receipt of the transactions.
They're gonna go to Chase, they're gonna go to Barclay, they're gonna go to Wells Fargo, all these credit card companies, and retrieve this information.
So that's time spent on it. That's resources spent on it.
And then at the end of the day, they're gonna get 50 cents and the lawyers are gonna get a hell of a lot of money for this.
Because that's all the class action lawsuits do. And my opinion is to make the lawyers pad their wallets and everyone else gets the scraps.
So, anyhow. Is that it on this story?
Yeah, yeah. It goes further and further into the legal craft.
Oh, I mean, do you want to cover any of it or not?
No, no. That's a good idea.
Eh, probably a good idea. Probably a good idea.
I doubt if I can pronounce half the words.
Well, I've got something for us here, Rob.
Okay.
Jeffy X has added again.
Oh, right on.
Yes, Jeffy X, our good friend. I thought they'd caught him. He had not come up with anything in a couple of weeks.
I was like, oh shit, they figured out who he is and they got him stripped naked fucking zapping his nuts with a taser or something, right?
Well, luckily-
I've been waiting for him to show up to get his Christmas presents.
Well, he knows, you know, because of everything that he's done for us, all the sleuth work, he knows that you have embroidered him underwear with his name on the front of it.
And on the inside front of it, there is a secret pouch, what we call a Steven Pearcey pouch.
Steven Pearcey, the glam metal band rat, who's supposed to use the stuff as underwear to look more appealing in spandex to women and maybe gay men.
So, you even did that for Jeffy X, although we're sure he doesn't need padding. You've sewed him the special pocket in front for him so he can just-
Just in case.
If he wants to feel in full, that's fine. And you also made him some Sergeant Pepper outfits, embroidered him some, and what else did- oh, what was it?
The flying bat suit.
The flying bat suit, too.
And I'm up to 50 hookers-
And embroidered.
I'm up to 50 hookers and legal marijuana only in Missouri or Colorado.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, because we don't break the law here, two douchebags and a microphone.
Yeah, you cannot leave the state with us.
I would never think about getting him in a highly illegal bag of cocaine. I would never do that.
So it would have to be legal pot either in Missouri or California or Colorado or wherever. It's legal in the 50 hookers.
But to think about it, hookers are illegal, too. So, well, we don't break the law here, two douchebags and microphones, so just forget everything.
So, anyhow, in honor of the fork saucer that we talked about last week, right? Remember that thing?
Yeah.
Okay. In case anyone did not catch last episode, which makes you a horrible person, you need to rethink your life if you didn't listen to last week's episode.
And also, if you don't recite the Daily Pledge, you're a bad person, too. You must recite that.
Yes, yes. Everybody needs to start doing that.
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So, anyhow, in honor of the new fork saucer, the fork saucer is a fork that's hollow in the middle and it has a threading on it to where you can attach special tubes that they sell, like ketchup, mayo, mustard, probably some hot sauces, other stuff like that.
You screw it on and it literally sauces your food as you have a fork in it. You squeeze the tube part of it and sauce comes out. And it is an automatic saucer fork.
So, in honor of that, Jeffy X did some checking and, anyhow, there's some do-it-yourself stuff that failed, you know, like the fork saucer.
You know, that may have came to fruition, but there's all these ones here that he sent me that did not go through.
You know, they failed the focus panels or whatever, or just the company gave up on it or whatever.
So, anyhow, in typical Jeffy X fashion or sleuth, he sent me a message and he said, hey, check your email. Ten minutes is gone. So, I had to like, really, I was on my way out to work.
I had to run in here real quick. I had to download it and print it out. And sure enough, ten minutes later, poof, the email was gone, like always.
So, thank you, Jeffy X, and you're going to get some stuff from me that I can't talk about and everything that we told you that Rob, his embroidery skills are immaculate.
Yes, yes. I impressed myself.
Oh, I tell you, I cried when you did the flying bat scene. That thing is majestic. It's majestic.
And I love the whole bat thing that you got going on the front of it.
Really?
How long did that take?
About four or five days.
It is beautiful.
It's my third time.
Yes, yeah, it's beautiful. See, I'm starting to get misty, so I'm going to go onto this list.
Okay, the first one is self-molding Tupperware. So you put a sandwich in it, it starts to mold for you. So that way you don't have to wait three weeks to find it in the bottom of your refrigerator with green on it.
Oh, I know.
Yeah, but it didn't go through, Rob. Did not go through.
I know. I'm flabbergasted.
What's this world?
That should be a given.
I agree. What's this world coming to?
I know.
Well, the next one, the self-sweating sock did not work. Evidently people don't like a sock that sweats itself.
I know. I don't know what to say, Rob. I don't know what to say.
I'm very disappointed. It would be great to just go in and have a sock you put on that just starts sweating before you even do anything, right? That way you can get used to it.
Yeah, that would be awesome.
I know. I know. And then the next one I'm really disappointed in that it's not coming out. Self-itching jock strap. Not that I ever wear one anymore, but if I did, it would be great to just all of a sudden it just starts itching, right?
Yeah. I don't understand why none of these come through.
I don't either. I don't either. Yeah. I don't know what to say, Rob. I guess the American public is so fickle they will screw you out of a great invention like this, right?
Yep.
The next one, I kind of agree with this and we'll see what you think. A self-gassy Brussels sprout. I can see the logic in that because if they're your own gas it smells fine, right?
Right. Right. Yeah. I can see why that one smells.
Yeah. Yeah. So you're getting ready to chow down on the Brussels sprouts and it gases itself? I mean, yeah. Yeah, you may be like, oh.
I'd rather smell mine. Yeah, I don't want to smell it. I want to smell mine.
Yeah, me too. So, okay. I think I have to agree with that one. So, oh, I just noticed a horrible typo I have in this. In honor, I spelled honor, H-O-N-E-R, honor.
Anyhow, jeez. How many gummies was I chewing on when I did that? Oh well. Next one, a self-burning pizza crust. I don't know what to say, Rob. I don't know what to say.
I thought there were anyway.
That's what I thought too. I don't think I've ever had one not be a burnt pizza crust. Huh.
This next one depends on how you feel about it. Me, I don't know. A self-starting jackhammer.
But you have to get a little dangerous.
I've operated a jackhammer before, have you? Yeah. They're not very fun. So, I think I could see that. Yeah. Man, I tell you what, when you let that thing down.
Could you? Go ahead. No, go ahead, Rob.
I was just going to say, could you by the way have that thing in the back of your truck going down 435 and it just goes off.
Oh my god. That's our traffic. Yeah. Since you've operated one before, I've got a question for you.
Okay. Were you still rattling for like 10 minutes after you put that thing down?
Oh dude, it was like 2-3 hours. Yeah, it was probably more like 2-3 hours. I was up in New York on a job. Go ahead.
I'd be driving home and my feet, I couldn't stay right on the gas. I was on and off the gas.
We were actually working on a Donald Trump property up in White Plains, New York.
And a bunch of concrete had to be jackhammered out. So, I had the honors of being one of those people that got to do that.
And anyhow, and it was in a mall that was open. So, we had to jackhammer really fast to everything and then stop.
And then do it again because we could only shut down that part of the mall in like 15 minute increments.
And it was just nuts. We had to go, real quick, get a bunch of it out. And then they had to clean it up real quick.
And then we had to let everybody through. The mall was circular. You know what, forget it. I'm going into it too much. It doesn't matter.
Okay. Next one. Self-starting water faucet. I think I can see that.
Yeah. Yeah, all of a sudden you wake up like, you know, like let's say like a cucumber, like a big chunk of cucumber goes and hits the drain.
You wake up and there's water all over the floor, you know. Yeah, I get it. And because it's self-starting water faucet, well, there you go, right?
Yep. Alright. Next one. I agree with this because it could be very untimely for your unfortunate fingers.
A self-starting food processor. Yeah?
That could get a little dangerous too.
That could get really bad, yes. So I think I would agree with that.
And then a self-spending credit or debit card. I could swear mine does. When I look at my statement every month, I could swear mine does, but it doesn't. Unfortunately, it's me.
It is me. But I would swear that motherfucker jumps out of my wallet and just goes on a crazed binge for three or four hours and then jumps back in my wallet.
But no, it's not what happens. It's my stupid ass. So yeah, a self-spending credit or debit card. Absolutely.
Next one. Self-rusting nails. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rusted nails suck.
Yeah, they do.
Yep. I would agree. But they're easily fixable though. A little 10W-40 on them and they're good as new.
And then finally but not least, and I agree with this one too Rob, a self-drilling Rook Canal kit. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Hey, that's the wrong tune. Then it doesn't listen. It just keeps going.
Yeah. Yeah. Yep. So anyhow, thank you Jeffy X. You're going to get a lot of prizes and fun and games headed your way.
Mine we're not talking about, but Rob's is everything that he embroidered because he is just so in awe of your true journalism and your sleuthing skills. Right Rob?
I really am. I really am, Jeffy.
You need protection from fucktards. You have people coming and fucking with you constantly. You need answers. You need solutions.
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Well I had this stupid son of a bitch come around me. He would not shut his fucking yap or for nothing. He gets up on me and he talks all stupid. And I didn't know what to do. I could not shake this motherfucker like a booger.
Then I remember smacking the nuts. I pulled out old smacking the nuts and that motherfucker went down like a sack of fucking potatoes. Thank you smacking the nuts. You saved me once again from stupid motherfuckers.
Smacking the nuts. Don't leave home without it.
Hello? Hello? You still there? You were still listening. Two monkey fuckers and a toaster will be right back.
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The island of horrible jokes. Did you know french fries are not cooked in France? They're cooked in Greece.
Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their ass with politically correct wash rags. Two douche bags and a microphone invade your ear holes in 3, 2, 1.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Why can't I use my toaster to toast ravioli? Or how about marshmallows? Man, this is bullshit.
Two douche bags and a microphone says, you ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass? Just asking.
And we are back baby bitches. I'm Mark. And I'm Rob.
Rob, you want to hear a little interesting fact of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelcey's romance?
Yeah, I'd love to hear it.
Taylor Swift's world-win romance was soulmate in parentheses. Travis Kelcey has produced 138 tons of CO2 emissions in three months.
And the singer would need to plant more than 2,200 trees to offset the damage.
Taylor, 34, owns two planes, a Falcon 7X and a Falcon 900. In three months, her journeys to see Travis have used up 12,622 gallons of jet fuel.
The singer was named the biggest celebrity CO2 polluter of the year 2022.
So when it comes to seeing Travis Kelcey, she did more than 12 journeys in the last three months.
The superstar singer was named the biggest celebrity CO2 polluter in the year 2022. Just to go see the Kansas City Chiefs tight end.
Swift is not very happy about this title and she argues it. But it looks to me like they've done the research and they know what the hell they're talking about.
Well, think about it. She flies in for every game. She's been flying back and forth on her tour to go to games.
Well, I'll put it like this. Okay. Last weekend she's here Monday for Christmas, right? Wednesday she's in New York in a party.
Friday she's back here and supposedly her and Travis is like having a dinner date or some shit. So right there, that's four trips.
Yep. Yeah. So I think they're pretty much going home with this. In one week. Yeah, in one week.
And imagine the stuff they probably didn't even catch. So yeah, you know what? Yeah. Yeah, Taylor Swift, you're a polluter and you're probably the worst one of celebrities right now.
So anyhow, you know what? I don't care if she's mad about it. I think it's true.
Sounds like she's going to win the title twice in a row.
Yeah. Yep. In my opinion, unless they break up. But then no one would give a shit where she flies. So you're right.
You're right. Yeah. Yep. Yep. I mean, unless it's another, unless it's another athlete or superstar or something like that. Other than that.
Yep. I mean, let's face it. The only reason she got on the, I mean, she was already a huge star and everything.
But the only reason they even started keeping track of how many trips she did is because they know that she goes back and forth all the time to see Travis Kelsey go back to her home in New York and then come back here and then all that.
So anyhow, Rob, you got anything you want to go into?
Yeah. I got other candy stories.
Yeah. Hell yeah. I might have a sweet tooth. I don't know.
Well, I mean, yeah, you know what? Sounds good to me, man. I'm always good for candy stories.
Although I really don't care about these.
One of your favorite candies could be in jeopardy. There has been a movement to ban it because of an ingredient that has been connected to cancer. But will Peeps will be banned in Missouri and other states in 2024?
Peeps?
There is an update. Peeps.
Okay. It makes no bearing on me because I cannot stand Peeps.
That's why I stand. I don't like them either, but I put a distance between them.
Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure there's somebody out there that likes them. There'd have to be. They still sell them.
This bottle has been going on for years, but really reached a zenith during spring of 2023 when Consumer Reports called out Peeps Easter candy for having red dye number three.
They said they delivered 35,000 petition signatures to FDA calling for ban of dangerous food chemicals. The potential ban on Peeps became even more real when California passed a ban on the ingredient in October.
They also banned Skittles because Skittles has red dye number three in it too. There's also another candy besides Skittles. California outlawed that red dye. I guess it got the Peeps too, but it also got Skittles and I forgot what else. There's another candy that it affected also.
Yeah, there is. There appears to be good news on the Peeps front as Consumer Reports today. The manufacturer of the candy has just announced they are removing red dye three.
That's a smart move. I mean California is a huge market I'm sure. There's a bunch of idiots there and they all love Peeps. I'm joking around, Gally. We love you.
They mentioned Peeps, Hot Tamales.
Hot Tamales. That was it. Hot Tamales was the other one.
Yeah, well they're going to no longer have red number three in them. But there are a few that are still in jeopardy. Double Bubble.
Huh, didn't know that. I didn't even know that was still around. I have not seen Double Bubble in years.
Some brands of candy corn and Pez has also been mentioned.
Nah, Pez would be a damn shame.
I wonder if Skittles already corrected itself because Skittles was the original one that they banned.
Yeah, this story does not even mention Skittles. So then I wonder if they already corrected theirs.
They might have. I'll have to look it up because I find that interesting.
Because this whole story started, I don't know, maybe three, probably about seven months ago and it was with Skittles.
I think Tofer was still on the program when that was covered. I think me and Tofer actually talked about it. You remember that, Eni? You listen to all the shows?
Yeah, yeah I do remember that.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was, I know that was Skittles.
Hmm, okay. Oh well. Alright Rob, is that all the story or you got anything else?
Yeah, that was the end of the story.
Alright, cool. Well, doesn't really affect me. I mean virtually none of those candies.
I don't even care for Pez that much. I just think they're neat, you know.
Yeah, the Spencer's are cool.
Yeah, yep. I got one here. You know the Denver Broncos face an illumined decision about Russell Wilson's future
with the organization to have benched the nine-time Pro Bowler quarterback for Sunday's game against Los Angeles Chargers and the game after that.
So Russell Wilson's season is over. They're not going to re-up his contract and the reason they're not letting him play on the last two games is because they're afraid of injury.
And if he gets injured, then he gets all his money and I think it's like 36 or 38 million or something like that.
And they're strictly doing this as a financial move because they don't think that Russell Wilson is their future and they don't want to pay him all that money.
They want that money for other players.
So that's interesting that they gave up on him so quick because Russell Wilson loved him or hated him.
He's had two coaches in two years ever since he was let go from the Seattle Seahawks.
He had Pete Carroll that whole time that Pete Carroll was in on the drafting of him.
And anyhow, Russell Wilson came from the West Coast and he did a really great job for years.
So I just, I don't know, you know, is that fair? Or is there some stuff that we don't know?
Is he like maybe a malcontent in the locker room? Maybe he's aloof and they think he's aloof and doesn't care?
I just found this a little suspicious that not two years have went by.
Two years have went by. But in two years he's had two different head coaches and two different sets of coaches, quarterback coaches, offensive coordinators, all of this stuff, right?
And then all of a sudden they give up on him and seemingly only him.
Right.
And you think there's something there that we don't know, maybe?
Well, I mean, come on, you as well as everybody else knows, there's always two sides to the story.
Yeah, I mean, he seems like a decent guy. I mean, his quote was he didn't mother fuck anybody or nothing.
He didn't say, man, this is bullshit or nothing. He just said, you know, God's got my back.
Can't wait to see what my next adventure is or something like that. I mean, real classy statement.
Didn't dog anybody or nothing, you know?
I just I found it intriguing. I've always liked Russell Wilson. He always seemed like a good guy.
He had he had phenomenal talent. I think he still has some.
Maybe quite simply, it's his age and the kind of money he commands.
You know, maybe they're like, you know, he's getting in his mid 30s and they're like, you know what, we don't think he has that much football left.
I don't know. So anyhow, or maybe they're residing to the fact that maybe they don't want this great quarterback.
Maybe they want a great defense to go around a Patrick Mahomes or who else is in there?
Oh, Justin Herbert. You know, they have two really good quarterbacks in their same division.
So maybe they decided they don't need this superstar quarterback and maybe they're going to go in a different direction.
Because Sean Payton, I know he had Drew Brees for all those years, but he was a defensive coach and he did specialize in defenses in that New Orleans defense that won the Super Bowl and was up there so many times.
Not only got in some trouble for being ultra dirty, you know, like like bounties and stuff like that, but also they were known to be a very tough, rugged defense that that hit hard and made people afraid to be themselves.
You know what I mean? Like like you're getting ready to catch a ball, but you're always kind of looking over your shoulder because that guy's going to just nail the piss out of you after you catch it. Right.
Yeah, you know, it's kind of bone rattling hits that people get something subconscious in their head about, oh, shit, man.
Oh, here comes that big deal. It's going to flatten me like he always does.
You know, so anyhow, interesting stuff.
But I know that NFL, it's a business and they're all watching out for themselves and and, you know, Sean Payton like anybody else.
I mean, did they give the oh, shit, I forgot his name.
He's now with the Jets.
They're they're they're head coach last year. Hackett. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
So did they did they give Hackett enough time? One year? Probably not.
I mean, Sean Payton is a proven coach and he's been around a long time. He is a Super Bowl winner.
So maybe the fact that they that, you know, they're they're giving their reins to Sean Payton, maybe will someone this guy all along anyhow.
So anyhow, interesting.
So I've got another cool story here that I'd like to go into if that's all right, Rob.
All right.
Rob, have you ever seen you ever seen those grease dumpsters out of the back of a restaurant?
Yeah. Yeah.
OK, they're pretty good sized dumpsters now.
Remember, they used to be like barrels or something.
But now they're like actual dumpsters that a that a truck comes by and picks up and they pour all it to a rendering plant.
Did you know that one of those full is usually about two thousand five hundred dollars?
When they sell it to the rendering company?
No, I did not know that.
Yeah, there's really big money in used oil.
They use cooking oil is in really high demand from airplane biofuel to cosmetics to numerous other uses.
Now, here's the problem.
Thieves are now targeting these grease dumpsters and selling them to the black market.
Here in Casey, we're having a huge issue with it.
We seem to have a grease that ring that there is a reward for if you help capture them.
Some surveillance video them as well.
But Casey's not alone in this new problem.
Numerous restaurants all over the country have reported used oil theft and the problem appears to be getting it's getting worse.
You know, if you would have told me, I don't know, used oil would be so valuable.
Hell, maybe it's 15 years ago.
Places had to pay a company to come get that stuff for recycling.
Remember those days?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. And you used to have to pay for your more motor oil to get recycled to.
And anyhow, boy, times have changed.
I mean, they found so many uses for used cooking oil that it actually is in high demand and people are stealing that.
They're stealing the whole dumpster and selling that for, I don't know, maybe 800 bucks instead of 2,500 on the black market.
That is crazy.
It is, isn't it?
I mean, this is shit. Remember when we used to like empty out the baked potato, the twice baked potato fryers at Justin Jim's?
Yeah, yeah.
That stuff wasn't even thought of. It was kind of like, get that crap out of here.
Now that stuff's like literally gold. I mean, 2,500 dollars for one of those dumpsters.
Does that seem like a lot of money?
I mean.
Yes, it does. Yes, it does.
So, anyhow.
Alright, let's take our next break. You got anything you want to go into after that, Rob?
Yeah, I got something for you.
Alrighty, we'll be right back.
I smell bacon!
No, Wade. It's just Mark sweating.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Spam. With Spam Hopper tonight. How yummy.
Somewhere in the heavens, your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bevo is listening to this film.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Okay. If I borrow money from a pessimist, would they expect to not get it back?
Hmph. I may never know.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
Your IQ isn't even room temperature.
And I'm Rob.
Rob, you have something you want to say. You got something you want to go into.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to switch it up here. I'm going to jump from candy to bourbon.
Some people would think of bourbon as candy.
Good point. We used to.
I know we did. Boy, you know, I get such heartburn. Even if I loved the taste of bourbon, I couldn't do it.
Oh yeah, I can't pass the hard stuff anymore.
Me neither. I have heartburn for three weeks.
Yep. Me too.
Yeah, so. It's probably just as well.
Well, with tomorrow night being New Year's Eve, they probably won't hear this until New Year's Day, but oh well.
Studyfines.org. What is the best affordable bourbon? Top seven budget bottles. Most recommended by experts.
I've got a prediction on one of them because I know this to be true because this one bourbon I love, and it's fairly reasonably priced, has Buffalo Trace on there.
Well, let's find out. Shall we?
Okay, go ahead, Rob, because that is to me the best value in whiskey.
First up, we have Old Grandad.
Old Grandad's bourbon roars with bold, spicy character, a fiery spirit born from generations of tradition, singing a Kentucky ballad on the palate at every burnished drop.
Breaking bourbon raised at Old Grandad seems like a brand that everyone respects but rarely talks about.
With a name like Old Grandad, you trust it already, don't you?
Yeah, you'd think so.
Ah, hey, Grandpappy. Yeah, that's no harm in that one. That's Grandpappy.
Alright.
Okay, next up, Buffalo Trace.
I knew it.
Buffalo Trace, Kentucky's liquid sunshine, boasts with a coarse oak and caramel, its fiery sweetness lingering like a warm summer sunset on the top.
And let me give you a little secret here, too. I like it neat, too. But this is just something, if you want a neat little mixed drink that isn't too much and you don't want to drink a whole lot, it's two fingers to one finger, Buffalo Trace and real sugar Mexican Coca-Cola on the rocks.
That, to me, is a delicious drink.
Alright, next up, Larseny.
Yep, I would agree with that one.
Heaven Hill Distillery plus Larseny bourbon with wheat instead of rye, leading to a softer, smoother character and a bolder taste than its classic counterparts.
A lot of people don't even think it's bourbon, but it is.
That's because they don't use rye.
I know, I know.
They use wheat.
Yeah, it gives it a distinct flavor. I like Buffalo Trace better, but yeah, I get it.
Alright, next up, Old Forrest Street.
Huh, that's on the list.
Old Forrest Street is one of America's first bottled bourbons. The barrel cap explains hand-picked from select barrels, Old Forrest Street 100 proof is a rich, complex bourbon. It's spicy and robust, and it's bottled at 100 proof to maintain its distinct character and full flavor profile.
Sounds good to me. I don't know if I've ever had Old Forrest Street review.
No, I personally have not.
I mean, it's been around a long time. I remember seeing it when I was a kid.
Alright, next up, 1792 Small Batch 40.
Does that ever work? Yeah, okay, sorry.
1792 Small Batch Bourbon hails from the Spartan Distillery in Barksdale, Kentucky.
Finn Warren claims the high rye mash bill gives us a lot of spice up front, shifting into grain cracker and mocha notes.
Sounds good to me.
Next up, Woodford Reserve.
That's not a budget whiskey though.
Why? Isn't this supposed to be a budget whiskey?
Or reasonable priced? Yeah, Woodford.
I wouldn't really consider Woodford Reserve a reasonably priced whiskey.
It's good, but not as much as it costs good, in my opinion.
Yeah, they don't give the prices on here.
Oh, and believe me, it's up there. Look it up online afterwards. You'll see what I mean.
Okay. Go ahead, I'm sorry.
Crafted in the heart of Kentucky, Woodford Reserve proudly utilizes historic copper pot stills and traditional mash bills.
This results in a bourbon that is renowned for its bold, balanced flavor profile with notes of rich caramel, toast, oak, and hints of citrus.
See, I like Angel's Envy better, which is made just right down the road from Woodford Reserve. But anyhow, go ahead, Rob.
And next up, we have Wild Turkey.
Wild Turkey? Now that is a budget one, yes.
Yeah. Kentucky-born Wild Turkey bourbon is aged in deeply charred barrels and has strong smoky flavors.
Breaking bourbon complements Wild Turkey 101 bourbon as everything one would want out of a bourbon.
Wow.
And that is our final one.
Sweet. I think a lot on that list was really good. I just don't get the Woodford Reserve at all. I don't get that at all.
To me, it's expensive and not worth the expense. But anyhow, that's okay. Everybody has a right to their whatever.
So, I don't know, maybe to some people that is budget whiskey. I mean, you know, I don't know.
To me, I've never been one to spend that much on whiskey. I don't get as much enjoyment out of it as, you know, I'd really buy a different drink.
Right.
So, maybe I'm just the one. Maybe I'm not the one to ask. So, great. That was a pretty good little list there, Rob. Thank you.
You're welcome.
You know that they have pretty much proven now that nostalgia helps people be happier and healthier.
This is nostalgia. Like I've always said, you know, all these toys in my childhood. My Jackson Flying V guitar. I look at that and I feel good.
It's a part of my valued teenage years in my childhood. I remember seeing, of course, the one in Jackson, but I remember seeing Randy Rhodes Flying V and going, wow, look at the way that guy plays.
Right.
You know, there's something about nostalgia. I mean, watching old nostalgic movies. You know, I start watching Johnny Sacco and I'm like in another realm. I mean, are you like that?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Watching those old shows that we used to get home that would be on Channel 41. Yeah. Channel 41 back then was WDAF, I believe. Now it's Channel 4 and they switched signals.
Anyhow, Channel 41 was Independent Station and they played all those reruns, you know, like Johnny Sacco and stuff like that.
So anyhow, this article says over the past few decades, research has uncovered three main functions of nostalgia. Increasing social connections, self-continuity and meaning and self-meaning.
Researchers typically induce nostalgia by asking participants to think and write about nostalgic memories or listen to a nostalgic movie.
In the control group, participants are instead asked to think about more mundane memories or listen to music they have no nostalgia for.
Studies show that nostalgia tends to make people feel more socially connected, but they can fondly evolve times with loved ones.
It's a way of bringing them closer, even though they may be physically distant or perhaps they are no longer here with us for a moment.
With nostalgia, you can bring them into the presence and that makes them feel connected and makes you feel loved.
You know, Rob, you and I do this all the time, right? Right.
We're sitting here talking. Remember we were talking about that pizza place in Harrisonville the other day, right?
Yes. Did it not take you back there and sitting at that counter and that little bald guy back there?
Yeah, what do you want? Let's see, I think I'll take a combo.
You know, and like I said, even like the shenanigans that we did, like, you know, getting free pizzas because they gave them away until, you know, we took it too far, like always and stuff like that.
Just talking about that just makes me feel great. What about you?
Oh, dude, I love it.
The older I get, the more into nostalgia.
And I noticed when I started talking about nostalgia, I uncover stories that I remembered. I start remembering stuff that I did that is like really interesting.
It was just like we're talking about something nostalgic and all of a sudden I start remembering Rick Blankenship and Reggie Rash, my alter egos because those chicks at Amaco thought that I sounded like a guy on the radio.
And I would have never thought of that unless we're talking nostalgia and all of a sudden those names just think they popped in my head.
I'm like, oh my God, Rick Blankenship and Reggie Rash. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I started thinking about them. Oh yeah, yeah. I went in there and I got free shit because they thought I was on in Houston and Dallas and all that stuff.
And I would never thought of that if it wasn't you and I hashing out old shit like that, you know.
And anyhow, you know, I remember the big parts like Babble Snatch and the MTV guy, Sam, you know, at Bannister Mall and all.
I remember like the big stuff, but then there's like little ancillary stuff like that that I remember, like the pizza place, like Rick Blankenship and Reggie Rash and stuff like that. So I see.
Anyhow, they say, go ahead, what?
I'm just going to say I remember that pizza place because I used to live just like three, four blocks from there.
Okay, yeah. And they had great pizza. They were cool people. Oh, I loved it.
We didn't have a conscience back then. I never do it nowadays, but they were cool people and they had great pizza.
I used to go in there and play that arcade game and I think they had one pinball machine and they had a Pac-Man and they traded out for Galaga.
But then they traded the Galaga out for Centipede and I was pissed because I didn't really care for Centipede. I wanted to go in there and kick Galaga ass.
Alright, me too.
Yeah. And do you remember when they changed it out for Centipede and then no one played it?
No, I don't remember that.
I used to be waiting for my pizza. I'd have to go put my quarter on it so the motherfuckers would get off the Galaga game.
And anyhow, they traded out Galaga for Centipede and I was pissed. I'm like, damn it, bring that Galaga game back.
Oh no, no. Because the way they did it was a guy would give them a percentage of the profits for having his machine there.
It wasn't the pizza place's machines. They were kind of like a rental thing.
They paid them a certain amount of what they made. Let's say they made $300 a week.
Then they would pay the pizza place maybe $100 of that or something like that just to have the machine there and the electricity, right?
So they couldn't help it like the guy came in and switched out games. But anyhow.
So Reminisce and Reinforces are a sense of self-continuity, strengthen the narrative about our lives which is important to our mental well-being.
This may be because of what our nostalgic memories tend to be about. Ourselves at the center of a story with other people we love.
As a result, nostalgia helps us find more meaning in life.
And this study, this particular study was done in 2019 and then revised in 2022 with different people.
And anyhow, they discovered another thing that was interesting.
After COVID, nostalgia got even stronger.
Do you know that?
Yeah, I mean that's really when it started hitting me.
You know what? And that's funny you say that because I got thinking about it too.
I've always been very nostalgic. I love nostalgia and I have precious memories forever.
Yeah, me too.
But I think COVID really brought it out because the self-time I had to just sit there and reflect on things.
There's a lot of downtime. I mean that's, I started listening to a lot more podcasts.
I was always interested in podcasts but I never really became really interested in becoming a creator until COVID.
And then I used to go out of town for work all the time so it really prohibited me from doing a big hobby like this, right?
But now that I don't go out of town all the time anymore and I have a completely different job,
I'm here in Kansas City unless I'm on a vacation or something, I'm here in Kansas City.
So I can do it now. We have scheduled times that we do this.
So anyhow, but during COVID is when I really started thinking about becoming a creator besides just a listener.
And anyhow, but I really got more deep into podcasts and nostalgia because of COVID.
Right.
So anyhow, we are approaching the end of this podcast. You got anything you want to go into?
No, not really.
No?
No.
Well we will be back tomorrow, New Year's Eve.
And you won't get that one until the New Year.
And I got to come up with some catchy thing for the New Year like maybe the New Year baby gets shot in the head or something. I don't know.
You know, because the Santa one went on for what, maybe eight shows.
You know, Santa comes out, Merry Christmas and then he calls you a fucking asshole.
I got to come up with something for New Year's.
Oh, okay. And I got to play you your new promo, Rob, because we got to start doing our year bit.
Yes.
Okay, Rob's going to start being in some bits and it's going to happen here real soon. We're starting out the New Year cool.
So, alrighty, and look for some more things to eat during the apoco- apocalypse. I cannot talk tonight.
Okay, things to eat during the apocalypse. Deep thoughts would mark, things overheard in hell, all brand new ones.
And I have some brand new Island of Horrible jokes and strange insults from an alien just to give you guys just a little hand-groom for some more. Anyhow.
I love them. I love them.
I do too. Which is your favorite?
I think strange insults from an alien.
Me too, because it's so odd. Because, I mean, like the weirdness of it, like may your sock rotate slightly just enough to bother you.
Or my favorite one was may your mother come over, then leave with your drawer slightly ajar. That way you have to go up and close it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, that's just like, what? So, anyhow, thank you everybody for joining us. Have a great night.
Have a good night everybody.
Hey, where did everybody go? Where are the douchebags?
Oh my god, someone took a dump in the corner. Oh jeez.
Ugh, I'm glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back. Man, that smells.