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Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
You have more debt in your personality than you do in your ass.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
The brand new Kale Cola started selling nationwide yesterday.
Oh shit, what's that over there? Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes.
Ugh.
I found my copy in Microsoft Office. I will find you and I will hand my word.
Alright, two douchebags and microphone. I'm Mark, part of it.
And I'm Rob.
Alrighty, Rob Radd. First off, how was your Christmas?
My Christmas was really good. Other than I had to return my grandson's TV today that we unwrapped yesterday and my grandpa had to carry it back out of the house.
What happened? Was it defective?
Oh no, yeah, yeah. You could see in the box where the banding straps had been.
Oh, that old gang.
Well, there wasn't much padding in the box. So the plastic along the screen was pulled out like a banding strap just tightened the hell out of it.
I had to take it, yeah. I wrapped it up. I've had it for him almost all month. Wrapped it up for him for Christmas. Took it to my daughter's. We unwrapped it and it screwed up so Papa had to carry it out of the house.
So Papa feels like a heel.
You know what, I think that they know it wasn't your fault. I mean shit, you didn't know what was underneath the box.
He's only three. He don't know what's going on.
Oh, okay. I got you there. Okay. All right. That's why you said Papa. I got you.
Yeah, Papa. It was for my three-year-old grandson.
Got you. Did you bring the TV back?
Yeah, I've got the new one sitting right here.
Okay, then you'll be the hero when you bring it back. So that's cool.
Oh, and that's what earlier, why you said when I asked what time you wanted to start, you said I'm trying to make a back home long story. Is that what you're referring to?
Yeah, yeah. I was literally replacing that TV when he was messaging a while ago.
Okay. Well, that sucks.
Yeah.
Walmart?
Of course.
Yeah. Okay. All right.
I got all my goddamn near.
Okay. My Christmas was excellent. I mean, it was immediate family pretty much. It was a lot of fun. It was good, except for the Chiefs game. We'll get into that a little bit later.
I have some definite thoughts and opinions on that, and they're not very favorable for a lot of them on that team. And look, I love the Chiefs, but I'm not blind. So we're going to go into that.
All right. We'll get into that in a minute.
Right now, Ruthann from central Ohio or north central or west, whatever it is. Now it would be time to fucking take a jab at me. Go ahead. I've been jabbing on the Bengals all fucking year. Come on, bring it. Make some fun of us. This is what football is about. This is the beauty of it. I've been taking heat from Raiders fans for a day now. You know what? That's it.
Just so you know, Rob Rod loves all of you. So, you know.
I don't like Bengals fans. I hate every fucking one of you. No, we, no, not for real. Not for real. Not for real. I'm joking. You guys love your teams like we love our teams. I get it. So I don't like your mayor though. Your mayor's an idiot.
They're backup quarterbacks. Yeah. Yeah. Jake Brown was. They're backup quarterbacks. Stepped up the other day. Yeah. Well, he stepped up for a few games with this last game. He really stepped on his own dick pretty bad. So. Yeah, well, I'm giving him credit.
This is why they're backup quarterbacks. They'll have a couple of good games and they'll have a couple games that they just fuck everything up. That's why they're backup quarterback. If they could string together a bunch of good games, they would be the starter. So that's the nature of being a backup quarterback. But for being a backup quarterback, Jake Browning is about as good as any of them that I've seen. He did awesome from what I was. Yeah. And you guys, you may not be there this year. Not a very good chance of it. But, you know, you guys are awesome.
You guys still have your man. You still have Joe Burrow. You know, you guys still have the nucleus of the team. You have a pretty stellar defense. It was a little sketchy earlier. But, you know, yeah, I make a lot of fun of you. But you guys got a pretty good program there. And anyhow. So I'm going to start off with Chris Collinsworth. Okay.
Chris Collinsworth has been getting all kinds of heat, right? Okay, Chris Collinsworth, he's added again. Last year, one of his most famous flub up sayings were, how would you like a load of that guy coming straight down your throat?
And that caused so much f***** on the internet. People were just like f***** bantering the s**t out of him. Calling him homoerotic, closeted, all this stuff. And the guy was just coming up with something to say. And that's what he did.
I personally like Chris Collinsworth. I think that he's very knowledgeable. He played the game for a long time. I think he's a very knowledgeable co-host, you know, commentator. And I personally like him. Yeah, I know he says some off-color things, but I think he's a very knowledgeable guy.
I think that he's very knowledgeable. He played the game for a long time. I think he's a very knowledgeable co-host, you know, commentator. And I personally like him. Yeah, I know he says some off-color things, but Howard Cosell did, and he was one of the best ever.
Jimmy the Greek, he was a good commentator, but he said some s**t. I mean, you know, I think that sometimes whenever you gotta fill in, you have this blank canvas, and they're just telling you, well, there's not really a script.
You gotta write this script, and you gotta fill in this canvas as you go. It's not as easy as people think it is. And you're gonna say stuff that looks stupid. You're gonna say stuff that sounds stupid. You can't help it. You're trying to fill in all this time and trying to keep people entertained.
You know, I mean, look at poor Al Michaels. He's over there in Amazon land just f**ked with all his shitty games, and he's got a broadcast. You can tell the guy's so bored that he can't stand it. He's about ready to chew his f**king eyes out so he doesn't have to watch the game anymore.
So, you know, it's not an easy task to do this. But, you know, like earlier this year, you know, one of these famous ones is, I have a feeling this Mahomes kid might be pretty good. He might have something to say coming up.
And everyone on the internet is like, really? Tell me more about this Mahomes kid. I don't know who you're talking about. And, hmm, Mahomes? Never heard of him. And all this s**t. People just bantered the s**t out of him over that.
Okay, you know, the guy, you know, Mahomes already had two rings, defending world champion, broke all these records. Okay, right? Okay. So, and I'm not patting him on the back because believe me, he's getting ready to get some criticism here coming up. All of them are.
But, here's the deal. By Collinsworth saying that, people are like, haha, you know, you're trying to tell us something we don't know, you know, and they're giving him all kinds of s**t about that. So, anyhow, his latest statement, he kind of does deserve a little heat for it because he kind of went out there on this one.
But, anyhow, Collinsworth commented that all backup quarterbacks, he didn't say most of them, he said all backup quarterbacks this year, and he's saying that the backup quarterbacks rarely take snaps in practice.
And he was referring to all the backups this year. There's a ton of backup quarterbacks because all the starting quarterbacks are injured. There's so many of them that are out right now. It's insane.
There's an inordinate amount of backup quarterbacks in the league right now, you know, from the Cleveland Browns to the Cincinnati Bengals to, I mean, there's like maybe the six teams that have backup quarterbacks in right now due to injuries.
So, and San Diego, not San Diego, Los Angeles Chargers, another one, but anyhow, there's, oh, the Oakland Raiders, but they took Garoppolo out on their own accord because he wasn't having a very good season, and they're trying to get this O'Connell guy to stick, but it doesn't look like he's doing it.
So, anyhow, Collinsworth said, you know, that all these backup quarterbacks, they rarely take snaps in practice and basically do nothing. That's why so many of them look fat.
That's what he said. And I heard him, and I'm like, hmm, I don't know if that was actually the word he really wanted to use.
He could have used so many other words besides fat. Fat sounds horrible. He might have somewhat of a point. He might. I'm not saying yes or no. Let's say he might have somewhat of a point.
I could kind of see his point. If you're physically fit, you ain't going to have no belly on you. If you come out with a belly, you got some fat on you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which means you've been sitting on the sidelines. I see his point there. I see what he was getting at.
I think what he shouldn't have said was the word fat. Yeah, I think he used the wrong terminology, but what he did use, I could see it.
I do get what he's saying. What he was saying was... My opinion. No, no, no. Rob, I agree with you. He should not have used the words like that because that came out very poorly.
So what he was trying to say was, as backup quarterbacks, the main guy is taking all the snaps. I mean, Mahomes is taking all the snaps. Blaine Gabbard is over there getting scraps because that's the way it's designed to be.
You need your lead guy working with all the teams in case you got to go your backup wide receivers, backup offensive linemen, backup running back, whatever you have there.
You have to have your main guy working with them so they're used to being in rhythm with them no matter what the function is in the offense, right?
So you're going to have Mahomes working with everybody where Blaine Gabbard is going to get a snap here or there, but they're not so concerned about that because their season is not banking on Blaine Gabbard.
Their season is banking on Patrick Mahomes. Okay? So what Collinsworth was saying, I believe, from what I could tell was, is backup quarterbacks basically do nothing.
And then he went into, that's why they all look fat. He shouldn't have said fat. He should have said maybe they look lethargic or something. I don't know.
I don't know what he should have used, but I get what he's saying. So anyhow, after he said that, Mike Tirico said that is Collinsworth and spelled out his name.
And the reason he said that is because all the hate mail he's about ready to get, Tirico wanted to separate himself from it because Tirico's seen that coming a mile away.
And I agree with Mike Tirico. I would have been like, oh, this is not me. Everybody listen to me right now. This is Mike Tirico. I have nothing to do with that statement.
I'm not supporting it or nothing. I'm just, my name's Bennett and I ain't in it. So I get there.
That's kind of like our show. Mark, throw that shit I don't want no part of.
Exactly. And he will tell you too, won't you? You're going, I got nothing to do with this. Hey, did you like the last title?
Oh, I loved it. I loved it. I loved it.
You cracked me in the nuts. I vomited and cried or whatever. So anyhow.
So anyhow, there's a bunch of negative posts on Twitter. A bunch of them calling him a fat shamer or just calling him a dumbass.
You know, I bet you plenty of teams did not appreciate the comment either.
And the reason is, is because I think that they, I think the teams aren't really necessarily give a shit if you call their backup quarterback fat per se.
I think what it is, is I think it reflects, it reflects very poorly on the league. And I think that's what they don't like.
Do you think that may be it? Yeah. Yeah. I agree.
Yeah. So anyhow, Collins worth is getting a lot of heat. And for this one, I would have to say right, rightfully so.
The, the load of this guy coming straight down your throat. Yeah, he should have probably recognized that is a hell of an innuendo, but he didn't.
I can forgive that. He wasn't saying anything bad towards anybody who was actually given a pass rusher a compliment, but it came out completely wrong after he said, I've said plenty of stuff before that.
I was like, oh shit, didn't mean it like that. Right. Have you? Yeah. I think we all have. We've all said stuff that came out completely different than what you thought.
So all this other stuff that my home's kid, you know, I have a feeling he's got something to say about this, you know, and all that. I get that.
He was given my homes a compliment like, Hey, don't count this guy out. Look, look at how many times he's done it before.
That's what he was saying. But he's trying to be descriptive. He's trying to be coy. He's trying to be the clever announcer, trying to educate the common folk on NFL. You get it.
You know, so Collins worth, I still like you. Maybe he needed a little coaching or something on how to, I don't know, communicate, communicate things a little differently, but I'm still in your corner, dude.
I still think you're great. Rob, you got any thoughts? No, I agree with you. 100%. Yeah, I think he's a great commentator. I just think he needs a little fine tune in there.
I just know what yesterday's problem was with the chiefs. So, okay, I'm getting ready to go into that. Yeah. Okay. It's not just the receivers.
They pointed out on the broadcast plenty of times and I saw with my own eyes. There are plenty of receivers open. My homes was not catching it. Part of it is, he was trying to run it.
He was doing all kinds of bullshit. I think what happened with him was this earlier in the season. Nobody was open and nobody was catching.
Okay. And when they did, they, they tipped the ball and go to the defender's hand. Now my homes is outright throwing horrible interceptions, pick sixes, fumbling the ball.
He looks distracted. He looks scared. He looks, uh, he looks nervous. All this came about from like nine games in a row of ineptness from the rest of the offense, including Travis Kelsey, who I'm getting ready to go into right now.
Cause I'm not fucking happy with him at all. Everybody is expendable on this team. I'm just staring at a report about yesterday's receivers.
Everybody is expendable on this team except for two people. That's Andy Reed and Patrick Mahomes. Travis Kelsey, get your shit together or fucking fire him. Trade him.
We don't need the guy. If he's going to be a malcontent fucking throwing his helmet, having the coach have to go over there and fuck with him all the time, then fucking beat it.
Go with fucking Taylor Swift and go have your life happily ever after. But don't be on this fucking team because you're fucking ruining it.
Travis Kelsey, you fucking need to quit your bullshit or leave the fucking team. I'd rather have Tyreek Hill right now than you because you're such, you're becoming such a distraction to this fucking team.
I don't care what anyone else says. This is one of the big fucking problems we have right now and it's Travis Kelsey. It's number 87, the fucking hero. He needs to start fucking playing. He needs to start showing up or he needs to leave. That's it.
I totally agree with you. I totally agree. Taylor Swift is a distraction.
I've been saying it the whole fucking time. Have I?
But is it Taylor Swift's fault? No. No, it's his fault. It's his fault and it's the network's fault.
But Travis Kelsey, get your head out of your ass or go somewhere else and fucking play. It's bullshit.
Make your fucking plays, dude.
You know, Travis Kelsey had another subpar game. Kelsey finished the game with five catches for 44 fucking measly yards. As he recorded this...
That's funny. That's funny you should say that because I have a report right here in front of me.
Okay, go ahead and I'll go with mine.
Travis Kelsey had a subpar game. That was the exact word.
I didn't write... I wrote this myself so someone else feels exactly like I do.
This game I fansided. I got the report right here. I was going to report on our receivers.
Go ahead and report it and then I'll read my report because wow, okay. I didn't get this from anywhere. I got this from multiple different things that people wrote.
But I wrote the subpar...
No, no. This I fansided and this is him who reported his words.
Did they write five catches for a measly 44 yards? If they did, then I'm worried that...
No, they didn't put that, but they...
I was worried I might have read it and then like mentally registered it and then kind of copied them and didn't realize it. But okay, that's not what happened.
You know, he recorded his fifth straight game without a touchdown.
Just listen.
Okay, go ahead.
This is our off fansided. The report I was going to read.
We've been here before.
Kansas City receiving corps came up short on Sunday afternoon.
Often failing to gain much separation against a young Raiders defensive backfield.
Rashid Rice had six catches, once again proving he is one of the few chiefs targets moms can rely on.
Yes, he's about the only one. He's about the only one right now.
I agree that. Well, here's the very next sentence.
Okay.
Travis Kelsey had a sad par game by his standards with Taylor Swift in attendance.
Mm-hmm.
Marquez Valdez Stanley?
Horrible. Horrible. Horrible.
Justin Ross.
Whenever he did get open, he drops the ball.
Okay, Justin Ross.
Justin Ross. Only had one grab.
Yeah?
Justin Watson had four catches and a touchdown. He failed to get open on a consistent basis.
Justin Watson is a guy that we need to watch. I think he can develop into a pretty good...
I think he's an upcomer.
Yeah, I think he is too.
Sky New World, I think what you got, what you got.
He got a good fucking wrestling team on the ball.
Okay, one guy that's been kind of a diamond in the rough and is kind of starting to look better now,
but he's on his fucking final rookie season, and I don't think he's going to be re-signed,
unless, again, for a really sweet heart deal, is Clyde Edwards Hilaire.
He can catch the ball, and he does have the ability to get open,
and Hilaire always gets by the first tackle.
He is a diamond in the rough that they seem to still be polishing,
but his growth has been stunted by steady injuries, his whole crack.
Yeah, he just got to get over his injuries.
If he can get over his injuries, that guy is a potential...
He's going to make a name for himself.
Yes, I think that guy...
He already has.
Yeah, he has made some really dynamite catches. He seems to be focused in the game,
and I love what he told Mahomes. He said,
You throw me the ball, I will come up with it. And he has.
Yes.
He's not lying.
So, do you have more of that article to read, or is that it?
No, that's all I had. I was just passing you up on that.
Okay, okay. Thank you. I appreciate that.
The same article I've read said he...
That's what I was amazed when you said he had a subpar game.
Well, I mean...
That's the exact words this article said.
Well, they followed it up with his standards,
and I should have followed it up with his standards, too,
because some people, 44 yards is a good game.
Travis Kelsey, 44 yards is measly shit.
You know how much we pay that guy?
We don't pay him to get 44 yards and no touchdowns.
So, another problem is Chris Jones.
There is a bunch of malcontent going on,
and you can tell it by the way Chris Jones talks.
And let me give you an example.
Chris Jones was up there on the podium last week,
and Mahomes just bought his whole offensive line golf carts,
which he needs to take back.
So, okay, and they ask Chris Jones about it,
and he goes, well, I don't make Patrick Mahomes money.
It wasn't just what he said, it's how he said it.
There's discontent there. There's discontent there.
He thinks that Mahomes is getting all the money,
and that's how come they're not giving him the money.
No, what it is is everybody had to restructure their contract
to fit him in, and they had no money to go get an Odell Beckham
or the guy from the Cardinals that's really good.
I forgot where he went.
But anyhow, the whole thing is this right here.
They had no money because Chris Jones held him for hostages
the first of the year in my opinion,
and they had no money to really go out
and get any type of receiver at all.
So, what you got is what you got,
and then you got Chris Holmes kind of muttering a little bit,
kind of motherfucking Mahomes under his breath in my opinion,
what he's saying about, well, I don't make his kind of money.
No, Chris Jones, but you make other people's kind of money
that you should be in their league,
but I'm not sure if you are in their league.
So, because you take plays off, you take games off.
Some games you're non-existent.
Yeah, you're great, but not all the time.
I don't see enough consistency from you
to command the kind of money you want.
And one of the reasons we're in the shape we're in right now
is because of you grabbing the money at the first of the season.
Even Travis Kelsey had to restructure his contract
at the last minute so he could fit Chris Jones under the cap.
Chris Jones missed the first game because of this.
So, Chris Jones has a big part in this too.
So, he can mutter whatever the fuck he wants about Mahomes.
He's a big problem on this team too, and he needs to go.
He needs to go, and maybe Travis Kelsey needs to go,
and maybe some of these coaches need to go too,
because this is one of the most undisciplined teams
I've ever seen in my life.
Let alone a Chiefs team that won the Super Bowl last year.
They're the defending champions, and right now they look like shit.
How do they look like garbage?
Because they don't practice.
They don't practice right or enough.
No, I can tell you exactly how.
It's the Taylor Swift purse.
Okay.
I think we're doing fine until she come along.
So, anyhow, let me finish this off because
we got a lot of listeners in Kansas City,
but we have a lot of other listeners elsewhere,
and they probably don't want to hear a bunch of Kansas City stuff.
So, anyhow, Travis Kelsey, he was seen launching his helmet
at the water cooler in the first half.
He also appeared to have a spat with head coach Andy Reid.
Reid was asked about his interactions with Kelsey.
Reid said, Travis is an emotional guy,
and sometimes my red hair gets to me a little bit,
but it all works out in the end.
Only two untouchables on this team, like I said before.
That's Reid and Mahomes.
Kelsey has been a dog and pony show ever since he started dating that chick.
He has been horrible.
Maybe stardom has worked him over.
Maybe we're paying him a lot of money that we could use somewhere else.
And you know what?
Tyreek got traded.
Kelsey could be traded.
You may not get five draft picks for Kelsey right now, the way things are going,
but you will save a lot of money that you can put somewhere else.
So this is something to think about.
If Kelsey doesn't get his head out of his ass,
I don't care about the Ring of Honor.
I don't care about him finishing his career with Kelsey being on,
the Chiefs being on the front and Kelsey being on the back.
I don't give a shit about any of that.
You know what I give a shit about?
How many fucking rings we get.
And with a guy like that, acting like that,
I don't think we're going to get any more rings unless they,
A. straighten him out or B. get rid of him.
He can make the choice and he can make the choice right fucking now starting with this next game.
And it's going to be interesting to see how he reacts to this
because I think the warning shot was fired because Andy Reid went over there and he bumped him.
First thing, after he threw his helmet at the water cooler,
one of the trainers went to go grab his helmet to give it back to him.
Andy Reid stopped him and said, no, he's not going back in the game.
He's out of the game. He's out of the game.
And then he started mouthing off when Reid came up to him.
Reid bumped him and told him what the fuck he was going to do.
So a guy like that, I've seen that.
Number one, Bravo Andy Reid. Bravo.
Don't take shit from anybody except Patrick Mahomes.
Right. And that's limited.
So I commend you Reid for getting up in his face and telling him what he needs to do
because that hothead needs to fucking know that you're not untouchable.
Like I said before, and I'm going to stick with this, Reid and Mahomes are untouchable.
Everybody else is free fucking game.
That's all there is to it. And this means you, Travis Kelsey.
I think you're on notice and I think deservedly so.
Anyhow, let's go to our first break and let's come back with some more lighthearted stuff.
That sound good, Rob?
That sounds good because I have the 2024 Metal Hall of Fame.
Excellent. Great to go into. We'll talk to you guys here in a couple minutes.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
You are dressed like an assistant debate coach at an Ohio State Middle School.
Now we go to the amazing Mark the Palm Reader.
Hello everybody and welcome to Mark the Amazing Palm Reader.
First in line, please step up.
Let's see young lady. I see a long lifeline.
I see success, happiness, love, fortune.
I also see a bit index finger.
$20 please.
Next up, things over heard in hell.
Hurry up. King Jung Un is playing Santa at the mall again this year.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
I will roast you.
But my mom told me to not burn trash.
No batlight here. These idiots just show up and hope for the best.
And just like that here we are back again two douchebags and microphone on Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright, Rob. You're going to lighten things up a bit here and I'm anxious for it.
Hey, hey, real quick. I got to say this.
I love my chiefs. I'm a chiefs fan to the death.
I love them. That's why I'm mad at them.
Yeah, we always are. We're born and raised chiefs fans.
I wear my jersey. I wore my jersey today proudly.
We can bitch about our teams just like everybody else.
Absolutely. I'm sure in Cincinnati you guys are all up in arms there too.
Exactly.
So anyhow, Rob, the floor is yours.
I'm going to shut up and I'm going to take a chill pill and drink my RC Cola.
I got my first drink down at the Long Story, but I have the 2024 Metal Hall Fame inductees.
Sounds good to me.
First up we have Eddie Trunk special 40th anniversary induction.
Yeah, and here's why. A lot of people make fun of Eddie Trunk, call him a hangar on and all this stuff.
No, Eddie Trunk kept this music going when no one else was.
He kept it relevant, he kept it in mainstream, and he kept it on many big stations across the country.
The guy deserves it. Leave him alone.
Number two, you're going to love this one, Mark.
Mick Myers of Motley Crue.
Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. Winner. Yes.
All it says is Mick Myers. It doesn't say Motley Crue.
Mick Myers is the only one that deserves it in my opinion.
Mick Myers of Motley Crue.
Nicky Sixx couldn't play his bass, he didn't play his bass in the first three or four albums. Mick Myers is it. I agree.
Okay, next up we have Sebastian Bach, inducted by Wendy Deo.
Yay. Yeah, and also that's appropriately so because Sebastian Bach was such a huge Deo fan.
Yes, he was. Yep, and Sebastian Bach kicks ass. Great voice. Great performer. I can see why they did that one.
Oh, I loved him in concert with Skid Row. I mean I also saw him on his own up in Omaha a few years back and he is, he's a great performer.
Anyhow, right along.
Okay, next up, Ken Roper Owens of KK's Priest.
Not for me. Yeah, I get it just from that right there.
Yeah, not for me, but whatever. I don't think it's been long enough.
His body of work is not good enough. I'm sorry. He was in Judas Priest on a few albums that didn't do very well.
Rob Halford came back and they started doing great again. He's kind of like Blaze Bailey was in Iron Maiden. Nobody really remembers the guy that well.
No one really cares about the Blaze Bailey years of Iron Maiden. You know, I mean, to me it's the same thing.
I mean, Tim Roper Owens did well. I saw him sing for the D.O. Hologram. He did good there.
Rock and roll, or Metal Hall of Fame. Not for me. I don't think so. I don't think the body of work is there, but okay.
Okay, next up, Judas Priest and Ice Earth.
Judas Priest, yes. Ice Earth, no. To me, my personal opinion.
Well, the way they got it, they're together. I don't understand that one, but yeah, the way it's worked, they're together.
I'm going to refrain because I don't know what they're getting at. I'll have to look it up later.
Anyway, next up, Carlos Calazo from Quiet Riot.
Um, maybe so. You know, he did replace the late great Randy Rhoades in Quiet Riot, and they came up with a lot of hits.
Yes, I honestly loved his guitar work. I personally did.
I think he fitted better with Quiet Riot, and I think Randy Rhoades fit better with Ozzy.
Yes, that was the ultimate trade, I believe. I think both of them worked out best that way.
I think so too. I agree with that. I think Carlos Calazo should be in, and probably will be in, so go ahead.
Okay, next up, we have Penelope Sifouris, producer and director of Decline of Western Civilization and Wayne's World.
Yes, yes.
Okay, yes, there was a little article down here I should have read beforehand.
Okay.
They're adding movie producers, they're adding everything to this.
Well, I figured that because he is a movie producer, but he should win on one movie alone. That's Decline of the Western Civilization Part II.
That guy went so in-depth and captured a photograph of everything that was going on in the scene.
He was so good at it, and so vivid, and so close to reality, or he was reality.
That alone, Decline of the Western Civilization Part II, was one of the finest movies ever written, documentaries written about music ever.
I agree with that 100%. Just on that, Wayne's World was great, but to me, Decline of the Western Civilization Part II is the reason he gets in, and the only reason.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, next up, and I pretty gotta get this name right. You probably know, I don't know what you meant.
Yeah, okay. McHale Magalleri of the Whiskey-a-Go-Go and Rainbow Bar and Grill.
Absolutely. As a promoter and a club owner that promoted and pushed these bands when they were small, and gave them a place to play, they gave them a venue to do this and to get big. Yes, 100%.
Did I even get that close?
Yeah, yeah, you did. You pretty much.
I'm not good on pronouncing names.
Rob, I forgot exactly how you pronounce it.
I think all of our listeners are getting used to that by now.
Okay, Rob, it was so close, I knew exactly who you were talking about before you even said it.
Yes, I can tell that.
Yeah, yeah, I agree with that. So, okay, go ahead. No, so in other words, you did a good job pronouncing it, because I understood who you were talking about.
Yeah. Okay, next up, Cleopatra Records.
Okay, I guess. To me, they were more fringe metal, like, but this is Heavy Metal Hall of Fame, I guess. So, okay.
Yeah, they've done their work, I guess.
Maybe I would be more into the stuff that kind of started metal, like, you know, let me think, I was trying to think of who originally signed Sabbath, Warner Brothers for signing Dio and Sabbath, both at the same time. This is a Dio era Sabbath, and then Dio Solo, Warner Brothers should be in it because of that. Jet Records should be in it for signing Ozzy.
I almost bet they're coming in the next year or two.
To me, these guys may not exactly, well, Dio's metal, and Black Sabbath with Dio's metal, with Dio, not with Ozzy. With Ozzy, they're a psychedelic hard rock. But, okay, that right there, Warner Brothers should definitely get in. Jet, because Ozzy kind of really, he wasn't metal, but he promoted metal with his style and his outlandish behavior.
So, but anyhow, they want to say Cleopatra. I would even say Casablanca Records for Kiss, way back in the 70s.
But there's so many more that I could go into.
Polador for signing Deep Purple when they were still psychedelic, but then they kind of progressed to hard rock, to the beginnings of metal. I mean, there's so many of them. Iron Butterfly, I forgot their, but anyhow, okay. All right, you know what, I can go with that. That's fine.
Okay, and finally, Biohazard.
Not for me, a lot of people love them, at whatever, okay.
I didn't think they were that big, but...
When you're talking about metal, there's different ways that you can look at it, right? A lot of the metal metal stuff, I can't stand. I don't like, I'm not into.
I just think it's not good music. I think it's noise. The cookie, the fucking Cookie Monster stuff, I can't stand. It's not sane.
That's probably Biohazard.
Yeah, so I'm not the guy. If that's your kind of metal, I'm not your guy.
Me either.
So, if this is what they're talking about, then maybe they're right. Maybe Biohazard does deserve to be in it, and maybe I'm looking at it from a hard rock musical standpoint. When they're looking at it, there's a...
Wait a minute. Everybody has their fans.
Exactly. So, if you're going to go Biohazard, why would you go with Merciful Fate or something? I don't know.
There you go. Yeah, yeah, there you go.
Yeah, okay, fine. I'm good with it, I guess.
Alright.
Alright. I've got some interesting stuff here, Rob.
Cool.
Alright, you know how we're doing the new words and stuff that's coming up from the...
Yeah.
From the, what would you call it, from the new slang dictionaries that are all over the internet and all that?
Oh, yeah. Shit. We just covered it on the last episode.
Yeah, yeah. Well, there's more of this that I've uncovered. And anyhow, let's take us a little break so I can find this shit, and then we'll have it when we come back. How's that sound? That sound good?
Sounds good.
Okay, we'll talk to you here in a minute.
Two tool bags and a socket wrench will be right back.
Two douche bags and a microphone, pasteurized for your protection.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Hmm. If at first you don't succeed, maybe you shouldn't try skydiving. Just a thought. Hmm.
Two douche bags and a microphone, more entertaining than a ruptured spleen.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
The wild violet is an unsung hero. Most people don't realize that the flower can be stewed to make a delicious vinegar for the fresh greens that can be picked in your front yard.
Violet soap can be easily made as well. The flower is full of many essential minerals as well as vitamin A, C, and E. It is literally one of the first superfoods.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum, two douche bags and a microphone.
I just want, you know what, I want to change gears. I know I said that I had some more urban dictionary is what I was trying to get at.
But these are ones that are recognized with not only the urban dictionary, the new urban contemporary dictionary of America I believe is the actual correct website.
I think it's all that in one word I believe. I looked it up this morning a little bit better.
This is that and also Reddit and all these other ones. These are ones that are like widely distributed and they're like the new slang for younger America, Gen Zers especially.
But I uncovered some really good would you rather questions.
Oh hell yeah.
Let's do some would you rathers.
Oh shit I'm in trouble.
Yeah yeah we're both in trouble because when I was writing these out this morning I was sweating. I'm like I don't know how I'm going to answer this shit.
So you and I are both on the same.
You think I'm missing it too.
These are fucked and the sad thing is I took off the three most fucked ones because I didn't want to stress it on it for ten minutes.
Let's do this. I'm ready.
Okay and then did you ever get your the hairy asshole Olympics end of the year together.
Let's do that tomorrow night.
No no no I got most of it except for the first two. So yeah tomorrow night's fine.
I have the list of the winners. I just haven't done anything with it. I've been too busy.
That's fine. I just want to bring it up to kind of like resurface it and we'll probably get into it tomorrow or possibly this weekend.
Yeah because I grew through you. We need to have this finalized before New Year's.
Yes. Yep. And then we can go into next year. We might take a few weeks off and then we'll bring back introduce new candidates.
So okay. Here are some really good or horrible depending on how you look at it.
Would you rather questions. This is something that's been rearing its ugly head periodically during this podcast.
We seem to love this torture for some reason so therefore we are continuing this horrible horrible trend.
So we love to hate it. Yes we do.
Okay. Would you rather receive an alert every time your parents hook up sexually or they receive an alert every time you hook up sexually.
Okay. My dad ain't alive so I don't have to worry about that. My mom doesn't exist to live so I don't have to worry about that.
That's exactly what my answer was. My mom probably wouldn't understand it even if she read it. She'd be like what?
And to be honest my mom would have nothing to worry about because I'm single and not seeing nobody.
Well I'm kind of looking at it as like I'm married so it'd be like if she did understand it she'd be like yeah no shit.
Yeah he's married. Yeah and my mom does not hook up sexually so you know maybe I would have it the other way around.
My mom just living. You know what I would have it the other way around because it would just be like it is right now no one getting a notice.
So yeah you know what I would rather it be my mom every time she hooked up sexually which is never she lives with us.
So yeah you know you might as well do it like that too.
Like you said my mom's in a safe living that would be nice to know.
Yeah then you can know who to fucking sue right.
We'll figure it out later.
I'll figure out who my new daddy is.
There we go.
Tell her to pick well Rob. Pick well.
She's done good so far.
Okay that's cool.
Alright next would you rather pry off your thumbnail with a fork or put a toothpick underneath your big toenail and kick a wall.
Oh.
Okay.
I'm going to say put a toothpick under your big toenail and kick a wall because you're in like a week's worth of pain on that one.
Where if you pry off your thumbnail you're probably in like a month and a half worth of pain every time you hit that son of a bitch.
Does that make sense?
You have a point there.
I was in deep thought over this.
It's going to hurt like fuck and you're going to cry.
It's going to hurt like hell either way.
Oh you're going to get tears you're going to go.
But you're probably looking at about a week of really bad pain and then it's gone.
To where if you pry off your thumbnail you're fucked for a month and a half until that shit grows all the way back.
Okay.
Okay. I'll go with you on the toenail.
Uh huh.
That's something that's better healed.
You're going to have to have surgery.
That's going to take more than a week.
Because if you kick a wall with a toothpick under your toenail.
You know what Rob you're right.
You're going to have to have that surgery to cut the son of a bitch out.
Oh you're right.
Okay I reverse. Thank you Rob. I reverse.
I'm going to pry off my thumbnail.
It ain't that easy.
Can you imagine prying off your thumbnail though? Oh my god.
Honestly I think I'm going to go kick him with a toothpick.
Me too. I could not imagine prying off my thumbnail.
Not the thumbnail.
No. It would be quick but it would hurt like fucking yeah.
You might have to get sliced and have it taken out.
But I got one word for that.
That surgery will require pain meds.
Yeah.
You'll get pain meds for at least two weeks until that shit heals up.
So yep that's it.
You're going to go through like four hours in the waiting in the emergency room of excruciating pain.
But then after that they're going to they're going to pill you up and you're going to be fine.
So yep that's it right there.
It took a little talking but that's it right there I think.
Okay next one.
Would you rather pee your pants in public once a week or shit your pants in private every other day?
Whew.
I'd rather do it in private every other day.
Me too. As much as it would suck.
In private you could clean up. Nobody knows that.
And also if you know that it's going to be every other day at a certain time you can just get in the shower.
Yeah you got a time. You're ready.
Yeah. Yeah you might have to shit your pants because that's the agreement I guess you have.
But I mean you can like throw that shit in the wash real quick.
And then run to the shower.
Wash your ass off really quick and take your regular shower that day and be done with it.
I mean it could almost just be like.
Yeah. And nobody will know a damn thing.
As long as I have the car with you when you're trying to rush home.
Yeah exactly. You'd be like oh eight o'clock I better get home.
I better get home for my daily shitting.
So okay.
Oh oh boy this next one I remember writing this out.
Would you rather always use sandpaper as toilet paper or hot sauce as eye or ear drops.
Give me the sandpaper baby.
Me too. And here's why.
You can go really light with the sandpaper and get most of it and just kind of let it dry.
You know and kind of crust up.
Yeah you're going to be miserable for a little while but your asshole is not going to be raw constantly.
And you're not going to ruin your eyes and ears with fucking hot sauce.
Yeah you could even use a little lotion on your asshole.
Yeah.
Yeah you know.
Yeah so I'm going to say sandpaper as much as it would suck.
Yeah. Yeah.
Fuck the hot sauce.
Yeah that's how the question.
Okay next one.
Would you rather get violent diarrhea and vomit on your boss during a presentation.
Sorry the printer is like fucked up on this one.
Okay.
No come on planner get to the right.
Okay hang on.
I think I can read it. Hang on let me get in the right light.
Okay.
Would you rather get violent diarrhea and vomit on your boss during a presentation in front of the entire company.
Or trip while walking down the aisle at your own wedding breaking an arm.
Okay. Okay I think I got it now.
Would you rather have violent diarrhea and vomit all the and vomit while you shit all over your boss.
And shit on your boss.
Yeah during a presentation in front of.
Or trip walking down the aisle during a wait.
Okay.
I would rather if you can pick the boss.
Old or new.
I've got a couple of really good fucking candidates that I would love to shit and fucking vomit all over.
As a matter of fact I would have to probably flip a coin on which fucking dickhead gets it.
Because I've had a few of them that I would really love to do that too.
So.
Do I need to bring you down.
No. No no no.
Because I have my answer I'm going totally against you.
Okay that's fine.
You'd rather break that one.
I'd rather trip going down the aisle.
You don't have an old boss that you like to shit and vomit all over.
I don't give a fuck dude that's old.
Okay. All right. Okay.
Now why would you break.
Want to break your arm though.
Because then she feels sorry for me on her honeymoon.
Oh okay. All right.
Even though she knows why I flipped and fell.
Okay.
I was still drunk from my bachelor party the night before.
It would be a great story.
And Robin's wedding.
And I know it's true love.
All right Rob I'm going to stick with the original because of what I said.
I would have to draw.
I'm sticking with what I said man.
If I could find me a woman that would marry me.
Let me trip and break my arm walking down the aisle.
And pick me up.
I'm rubbing that woman to the end.
Okay. That's cool.
All right.
Would you rather have your taste buds in your asshole.
Or have to take dumps from your mouth.
I think taste buds in my asshole and here's why.
I would eat less.
I could lose some weight.
Because I wouldn't have taste buds in my mouth.
And I wouldn't always eat through my asshole.
Because I'd be in public in restaurants and stuff.
So like.
Taste buds would be in your asshole.
Yeah. Yeah.
And then you could take your stuff home in a doggy bag.
And then you could fucking eat it through your asshole where you can taste it.
No you don't.
You don't have to taste it.
You just eat. You just survive.
You know what. You're right.
And just be like that's it.
All right. We're in agreement on that.
It beats the alternative. What you just said.
Okay. I agree with it 100 percent.
Okay. Would you rather have to wear wet socks every day your whole life.
Or be forced to wear winter gloves your entire life.
In and outside.
Give me any winter gloves.
But.
Winter gloves. I could not deal with wet socks.
I would have to go with wet socks as much as it would suck.
Because you can never play guitar.
I mean there's so many things you couldn't do with gloves on.
I mean you know type out stuff news stories for this.
Or what we consider news stories that probably aren't.
Okay. You have a point there.
As much as wet socks would suck.
I would have to go with winter gloves or wet socks.
Because winter gloves would impede everything I love to do.
So it's either wet socks or podcast.
Yes.
Okay.
And plus masturbating.
Man I mean yeah we may not do it as much as we used to.
But we would let. It's nice to have the option right.
Winter gloves.
Winter gloves you don't have the option.
Just like man.
I can't do that with this. I can't get the right amount of rub and friction friction.
There's no way.
So yeah. I got to go with wet socks as much as they suck.
All right.
We reluctantly go with wet socks.
Next one.
Would you rather know when you're going to die or.
Know how you're going to die.
I'm going to say.
I'm going to say how.
Because I think if you know when you're going to die everything is limited.
It's like oh I'm not going to go out and do this today because I only have this much time left.
I'm not going to do that. I'd rather live like I am every day not knowing just being a dumb ass.
I think I got to go with you on that one.
Could you imagine.
Yeah. Could you imagine.
You know.
Know when you.
That way you can fit in what you can.
Yeah but it would it would affect everything you do in life too.
Exactly.
I could see it just completely completely ruining my train of thought and everything so I would have to.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So. All right then that is the end of them. I didn't go too crazy on them.
Because I didn't think that we wanted to.
Go like I don't know over like 15 20 minutes on these things.
So anyhow there's more but we'll get to them and a future broadcast.
So Rob you have anything.
Yeah.
This.
Was out of California.
A wild turkey crashed into a power line in southern Sacramento California on Christmas Eve.
Living more than 4000 properties without power.
Oh.
The turkey getting revenge for its relatives.
The turkeys getting revenge for its relatives.
Oh my God. Yeah he did. He did.
It's like watch this. Fuck nuts.
Sacramento Municipal Utility District said 4000 248 of its customers lost power around 12 15 p.m. on Sunday.
With those impacted in the Little Pocket and Green Haven neighborhoods.
Wow.
That they got the power up. That's what I'm saying.
Wow. That they got the power up going shortly after.
But yeah it's crazy. A damn wild turkey flying.
Take out 4000 people's houses.
Wow that's crazy isn't it.
On Christmas Eve.
Wow.
Ain't that ironic.
I got something crazy for you Rob.
Yeah.
In Maine I believe it was.
People spotted a giant Mr. Hankey.
You know Mr. Hankey the Christmas pooh.
Are you kidding me.
On their ring doorbells.
Someone went around. Really.
Yes. To sporadic houses.
Sporadic you know sporadic choice. I mean you know one here one there one here one there.
And put Mr. Hankey on a ring doorbell out in front.
And this affected about 50 houses.
Mr. Hankey the Christmas pooh.
Showed up on like 50 ring doorbells and this was up in Maine I believe.
Oh my god.
South Park strikes again.
I know I thought that was cool.
Yeah but I mean someone's playing a very elaborate trick on people and I love it.
I love elaborate tricks obviously you know.
Okay you want elaborate tricks here's one.
Okay.
This is getting into the political realm but you'll understand.
That's okay.
Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Oh yeah.
Republican of Georgia posted on social media Monday morning that her and her family had just been swatted on Christmas morning.
And people don't know what swatted is.
It's calling a prank into the police to get the SWAT called to your house.
Okay.
And she goes in stating this is like the eighth time.
But yeah she got SWAT yeah.
She got knocked out her door on Christmas morning.
Swatted has become a real no no and I believe that it is a felony now and this is a famous case out of Wichita Kansas.
A guy was shot and killed.
It went into that.
Oh it did go ahead then.
Well no no no I meant it went in way down the story.
I just read the report there.
I know about the story because I remember it well.
Swatted is you know you call the SWAT team on someone and then they go in there kicking your door and fucking grab you and throw you on the ground and shit basically.
And then they realized that it was a big hoax.
Okay.
Yeah it's a very mean prank.
There was gamers.
Was a gamer out of California I believe.
They were they was playing someone in Wichita.
And if I remember the story correctly this is quite a few years ago.
The gamer in Wichita was like making fun of the one in California and kicking his ass on the game.
So the guy in California.
The guy in California called the cop that swatted.
Called the SWAT team on the guy in Wichita.
The guy in Wichita was accidentally shot and killed.
So the gamer in California that called the SWAT team on the gamer in Wichita was held on manslaughter I believe charges.
Yeah I think it was manslaughter.
And is either in prison I have to look it up or looking at prison time.
Because he actually called the SWAT team on this gamer.
And I guess the gamer couldn't hear very well or didn't understand what was going on or maybe was impaired somehow or something.
And he didn't understand that the SWAT team was there.
And the SWAT team thought that he was that he was being defiant and he was shot and killed.
Yeah and if anybody knows the SWAT team shows up your door.
You do what the fuck they say.
Exactly and that's why I think there's a little bit more to the story.
I'll look it up.
Yeah I mean I can understand hard of hearing.
Yeah I mean the mistakes to that.
I believe for some reason this is like maybe seven or eight years ago if not maybe ten.
I believe he might have been hard of hearing and maybe slow.
Yeah I believe that's what it was.
Yeah I think that's what it was he was hard of hearing and maybe a little slow.
I remember the story. I think he was hard of hearing. He just didn't hear.
Yeah and I think he might have been a little slow on the scale or on the spectrum or something like that.
And anyhow he didn't respond correctly and he was shot and killed.
And this gamer in California was put up on charges.
And I'll have to look to see if he's either in prison or still facing prison time or somehow got out of it.
But this was the most famous case.
Well I'll tell you what I officially put the guy that did it up for one of our ass pallets.
Okay alright that sounds good.
Okay Rob write that down.
You take on somebody handicapped.
I'll have to revisit that story.
I seem to think.
Yeah I'll look into it too.
Yeah well he should get an ass paddling anyhow.
Either way.
So anyhow well we are at the end of this podcast Rob.
So anyhow thank you everybody for joining.
We will have another one spit out.
I'm going to have one spit out directly after this podcast.
And then this one will go up here in a day or two.
And we're going to do another podcast tomorrow night aren't we.
Yes we are.
So we will look forward to talking to you.
We have a big one coming tomorrow night.
Oh do we.
We got.
We have to finalize our hairy ass pallet.
Oh that is tomorrow night.
Yes that's right.
Before New Year's.
Yes we've got to get this in.
We have a definite winner because next year is a whole new influx.
A whole new crop of hairy ass.
We're starting all over New Year's.
We are a whole new crop of hairy asshole candidates.
And once again we will pick.
And anything that we have a draw on will go to Topher.
And Topher will be the final say.
Anyhow.
Anybody that we have picked so far out of all three of our bottles can come back at any time.
Yes.
And we also have another save card.
And we also have a couple of wild cards.
So I have one wild card left and I think how many do you have.
I think one.
We both have one wild card left.
I use my save card but you have a save card right.
But do we get another one with the new bottle.
You know what we'll have to talk about that over tomorrow.
Yes I would give us two wild cards.
Do you want to do two wild cards.
Do you want to do another. I don't know.
Let's talk about it after.
Ok. Alright.
Everybody thank you for joining us. Have a good night.
Thank you. Good night everybody.
Hey. Where did everybody go.
Where are the douche bags.
Oh my god. Someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh jeez.
Glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man that smells.