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Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it's Two Douchebags and a Microphone Podcast.

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And now it's time for the Daily Douchebag Pledge.

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Two Douchebags and a Microphone Pledge, I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to download every show.

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I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to grab family members phones and download the show from there.

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I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to go to public computers and download the show from there.

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I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to laugh at all the unfunny jokes.

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I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to lie to all my friends and tell them how good the show is.

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And finally, I, Joe, or Jane listener, promise to visit Montrose, Missouri, to take advantage of the power plant, campgrounds, and junkyard all within its quarter mile radius.

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Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.

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You have more debt in your personality than you do in your ass.

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Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.

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The brand new Kale Cola started selling nationwide yesterday.

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Oh shit, what's that over there? Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes.

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Ugh.

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I found my copy in Microsoft Office. I will find you and I will hand my word.

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Alright, two douchebags and microphone. I'm Mark, part of it.

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And I'm Rob.

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Alrighty, Rob Radd. First off, how was your Christmas?

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My Christmas was really good. Other than I had to return my grandson's TV today that we unwrapped yesterday and my grandpa had to carry it back out of the house.

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What happened? Was it defective?

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Oh no, yeah, yeah. You could see in the box where the banding straps had been.

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Oh, that old gang.

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Well, there wasn't much padding in the box. So the plastic along the screen was pulled out like a banding strap just tightened the hell out of it.

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I had to take it, yeah. I wrapped it up. I've had it for him almost all month. Wrapped it up for him for Christmas. Took it to my daughter's. We unwrapped it and it screwed up so Papa had to carry it out of the house.

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So Papa feels like a heel.

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You know what, I think that they know it wasn't your fault. I mean shit, you didn't know what was underneath the box.

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He's only three. He don't know what's going on.

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Oh, okay. I got you there. Okay. All right. That's why you said Papa. I got you.

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Yeah, Papa. It was for my three-year-old grandson.

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Got you. Did you bring the TV back?

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Yeah, I've got the new one sitting right here.

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Okay, then you'll be the hero when you bring it back. So that's cool.

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Oh, and that's what earlier, why you said when I asked what time you wanted to start, you said I'm trying to make a back home long story. Is that what you're referring to?

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Yeah, yeah. I was literally replacing that TV when he was messaging a while ago.

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Okay. Well, that sucks.

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Yeah.

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Walmart?

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Of course.

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Yeah. Okay. All right.

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I got all my goddamn near.

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Okay. My Christmas was excellent. I mean, it was immediate family pretty much. It was a lot of fun. It was good, except for the Chiefs game. We'll get into that a little bit later.

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I have some definite thoughts and opinions on that, and they're not very favorable for a lot of them on that team. And look, I love the Chiefs, but I'm not blind. So we're going to go into that.

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All right. We'll get into that in a minute.

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Right now, Ruthann from central Ohio or north central or west, whatever it is. Now it would be time to fucking take a jab at me. Go ahead. I've been jabbing on the Bengals all fucking year. Come on, bring it. Make some fun of us. This is what football is about. This is the beauty of it. I've been taking heat from Raiders fans for a day now. You know what? That's it.

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Just so you know, Rob Rod loves all of you. So, you know.

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I don't like Bengals fans. I hate every fucking one of you. No, we, no, not for real. Not for real. Not for real. I'm joking. You guys love your teams like we love our teams. I get it. So I don't like your mayor though. Your mayor's an idiot.

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They're backup quarterbacks. Yeah. Yeah. Jake Brown was. They're backup quarterbacks. Stepped up the other day. Yeah. Well, he stepped up for a few games with this last game. He really stepped on his own dick pretty bad. So. Yeah, well, I'm giving him credit.

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This is why they're backup quarterbacks. They'll have a couple of good games and they'll have a couple games that they just fuck everything up. That's why they're backup quarterback. If they could string together a bunch of good games, they would be the starter. So that's the nature of being a backup quarterback. But for being a backup quarterback, Jake Browning is about as good as any of them that I've seen. He did awesome from what I was. Yeah. And you guys, you may not be there this year. Not a very good chance of it. But, you know, you guys are awesome.

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You guys still have your man. You still have Joe Burrow. You know, you guys still have the nucleus of the team. You have a pretty stellar defense. It was a little sketchy earlier. But, you know, yeah, I make a lot of fun of you. But you guys got a pretty good program there. And anyhow. So I'm going to start off with Chris Collinsworth. Okay.

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Chris Collinsworth has been getting all kinds of heat, right? Okay, Chris Collinsworth, he's added again. Last year, one of his most famous flub up sayings were, how would you like a load of that guy coming straight down your throat?

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And that caused so much f***** on the internet. People were just like f***** bantering the s**t out of him. Calling him homoerotic, closeted, all this stuff. And the guy was just coming up with something to say. And that's what he did.

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I personally like Chris Collinsworth. I think that he's very knowledgeable. He played the game for a long time. I think he's a very knowledgeable co-host, you know, commentator. And I personally like him. Yeah, I know he says some off-color things, but I think he's a very knowledgeable guy.

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I think that he's very knowledgeable. He played the game for a long time. I think he's a very knowledgeable co-host, you know, commentator. And I personally like him. Yeah, I know he says some off-color things, but Howard Cosell did, and he was one of the best ever.

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Jimmy the Greek, he was a good commentator, but he said some s**t. I mean, you know, I think that sometimes whenever you gotta fill in, you have this blank canvas, and they're just telling you, well, there's not really a script.

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You gotta write this script, and you gotta fill in this canvas as you go. It's not as easy as people think it is. And you're gonna say stuff that looks stupid. You're gonna say stuff that sounds stupid. You can't help it. You're trying to fill in all this time and trying to keep people entertained.

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You know, I mean, look at poor Al Michaels. He's over there in Amazon land just f**ked with all his shitty games, and he's got a broadcast. You can tell the guy's so bored that he can't stand it. He's about ready to chew his f**king eyes out so he doesn't have to watch the game anymore.

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So, you know, it's not an easy task to do this. But, you know, like earlier this year, you know, one of these famous ones is, I have a feeling this Mahomes kid might be pretty good. He might have something to say coming up.

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And everyone on the internet is like, really? Tell me more about this Mahomes kid. I don't know who you're talking about. And, hmm, Mahomes? Never heard of him. And all this s**t. People just bantered the s**t out of him over that.

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Okay, you know, the guy, you know, Mahomes already had two rings, defending world champion, broke all these records. Okay, right? Okay. So, and I'm not patting him on the back because believe me, he's getting ready to get some criticism here coming up. All of them are.

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But, here's the deal. By Collinsworth saying that, people are like, haha, you know, you're trying to tell us something we don't know, you know, and they're giving him all kinds of s**t about that. So, anyhow, his latest statement, he kind of does deserve a little heat for it because he kind of went out there on this one.

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But, anyhow, Collinsworth commented that all backup quarterbacks, he didn't say most of them, he said all backup quarterbacks this year, and he's saying that the backup quarterbacks rarely take snaps in practice.

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And he was referring to all the backups this year. There's a ton of backup quarterbacks because all the starting quarterbacks are injured. There's so many of them that are out right now. It's insane.

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There's an inordinate amount of backup quarterbacks in the league right now, you know, from the Cleveland Browns to the Cincinnati Bengals to, I mean, there's like maybe the six teams that have backup quarterbacks in right now due to injuries.

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So, and San Diego, not San Diego, Los Angeles Chargers, another one, but anyhow, there's, oh, the Oakland Raiders, but they took Garoppolo out on their own accord because he wasn't having a very good season, and they're trying to get this O'Connell guy to stick, but it doesn't look like he's doing it.

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So, anyhow, Collinsworth said, you know, that all these backup quarterbacks, they rarely take snaps in practice and basically do nothing. That's why so many of them look fat.

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That's what he said. And I heard him, and I'm like, hmm, I don't know if that was actually the word he really wanted to use.

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He could have used so many other words besides fat. Fat sounds horrible. He might have somewhat of a point. He might. I'm not saying yes or no. Let's say he might have somewhat of a point.

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I could kind of see his point. If you're physically fit, you ain't going to have no belly on you. If you come out with a belly, you got some fat on you.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which means you've been sitting on the sidelines. I see his point there. I see what he was getting at.

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I think what he shouldn't have said was the word fat. Yeah, I think he used the wrong terminology, but what he did use, I could see it.

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I do get what he's saying. What he was saying was... My opinion. No, no, no. Rob, I agree with you. He should not have used the words like that because that came out very poorly.

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So what he was trying to say was, as backup quarterbacks, the main guy is taking all the snaps. I mean, Mahomes is taking all the snaps. Blaine Gabbard is over there getting scraps because that's the way it's designed to be.

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You need your lead guy working with all the teams in case you got to go your backup wide receivers, backup offensive linemen, backup running back, whatever you have there.

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You have to have your main guy working with them so they're used to being in rhythm with them no matter what the function is in the offense, right?

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So you're going to have Mahomes working with everybody where Blaine Gabbard is going to get a snap here or there, but they're not so concerned about that because their season is not banking on Blaine Gabbard.

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Their season is banking on Patrick Mahomes. Okay? So what Collinsworth was saying, I believe, from what I could tell was, is backup quarterbacks basically do nothing.

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And then he went into, that's why they all look fat. He shouldn't have said fat. He should have said maybe they look lethargic or something. I don't know.

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I don't know what he should have used, but I get what he's saying. So anyhow, after he said that, Mike Tirico said that is Collinsworth and spelled out his name.

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And the reason he said that is because all the hate mail he's about ready to get, Tirico wanted to separate himself from it because Tirico's seen that coming a mile away.

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And I agree with Mike Tirico. I would have been like, oh, this is not me. Everybody listen to me right now. This is Mike Tirico. I have nothing to do with that statement.

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I'm not supporting it or nothing. I'm just, my name's Bennett and I ain't in it. So I get there.

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That's kind of like our show. Mark, throw that shit I don't want no part of.

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Exactly. And he will tell you too, won't you? You're going, I got nothing to do with this. Hey, did you like the last title?

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Oh, I loved it. I loved it. I loved it.

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You cracked me in the nuts. I vomited and cried or whatever. So anyhow.

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So anyhow, there's a bunch of negative posts on Twitter. A bunch of them calling him a fat shamer or just calling him a dumbass.

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You know, I bet you plenty of teams did not appreciate the comment either.

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And the reason is, is because I think that they, I think the teams aren't really necessarily give a shit if you call their backup quarterback fat per se.

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I think what it is, is I think it reflects, it reflects very poorly on the league. And I think that's what they don't like.

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Do you think that may be it? Yeah. Yeah. I agree.

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Yeah. So anyhow, Collins worth is getting a lot of heat. And for this one, I would have to say right, rightfully so.

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The, the load of this guy coming straight down your throat. Yeah, he should have probably recognized that is a hell of an innuendo, but he didn't.

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I can forgive that. He wasn't saying anything bad towards anybody who was actually given a pass rusher a compliment, but it came out completely wrong after he said, I've said plenty of stuff before that.

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I was like, oh shit, didn't mean it like that. Right. Have you? Yeah. I think we all have. We've all said stuff that came out completely different than what you thought.

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So all this other stuff that my home's kid, you know, I have a feeling he's got something to say about this, you know, and all that. I get that.

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He was given my homes a compliment like, Hey, don't count this guy out. Look, look at how many times he's done it before.

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That's what he was saying. But he's trying to be descriptive. He's trying to be coy. He's trying to be the clever announcer, trying to educate the common folk on NFL. You get it.

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You know, so Collins worth, I still like you. Maybe he needed a little coaching or something on how to, I don't know, communicate, communicate things a little differently, but I'm still in your corner, dude.

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I still think you're great. Rob, you got any thoughts? No, I agree with you. 100%. Yeah, I think he's a great commentator. I just think he needs a little fine tune in there.

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I just know what yesterday's problem was with the chiefs. So, okay, I'm getting ready to go into that. Yeah. Okay. It's not just the receivers.

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They pointed out on the broadcast plenty of times and I saw with my own eyes. There are plenty of receivers open. My homes was not catching it. Part of it is, he was trying to run it.

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He was doing all kinds of bullshit. I think what happened with him was this earlier in the season. Nobody was open and nobody was catching.

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Okay. And when they did, they, they tipped the ball and go to the defender's hand. Now my homes is outright throwing horrible interceptions, pick sixes, fumbling the ball.

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He looks distracted. He looks scared. He looks, uh, he looks nervous. All this came about from like nine games in a row of ineptness from the rest of the offense, including Travis Kelsey, who I'm getting ready to go into right now.

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Cause I'm not fucking happy with him at all. Everybody is expendable on this team. I'm just staring at a report about yesterday's receivers.

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Everybody is expendable on this team except for two people. That's Andy Reed and Patrick Mahomes. Travis Kelsey, get your shit together or fucking fire him. Trade him.

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We don't need the guy. If he's going to be a malcontent fucking throwing his helmet, having the coach have to go over there and fuck with him all the time, then fucking beat it.

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Go with fucking Taylor Swift and go have your life happily ever after. But don't be on this fucking team because you're fucking ruining it.

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Travis Kelsey, you fucking need to quit your bullshit or leave the fucking team. I'd rather have Tyreek Hill right now than you because you're such, you're becoming such a distraction to this fucking team.

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I don't care what anyone else says. This is one of the big fucking problems we have right now and it's Travis Kelsey. It's number 87, the fucking hero. He needs to start fucking playing. He needs to start showing up or he needs to leave. That's it.

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I totally agree with you. I totally agree. Taylor Swift is a distraction.

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I've been saying it the whole fucking time. Have I?

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But is it Taylor Swift's fault? No. No, it's his fault. It's his fault and it's the network's fault.

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But Travis Kelsey, get your head out of your ass or go somewhere else and fucking play. It's bullshit.

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Make your fucking plays, dude.

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You know, Travis Kelsey had another subpar game. Kelsey finished the game with five catches for 44 fucking measly yards. As he recorded this...

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That's funny. That's funny you should say that because I have a report right here in front of me.

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Okay, go ahead and I'll go with mine.

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Travis Kelsey had a subpar game. That was the exact word.

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I didn't write... I wrote this myself so someone else feels exactly like I do.

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This game I fansided. I got the report right here. I was going to report on our receivers.

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Go ahead and report it and then I'll read my report because wow, okay. I didn't get this from anywhere. I got this from multiple different things that people wrote.

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But I wrote the subpar...

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No, no. This I fansided and this is him who reported his words.

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Did they write five catches for a measly 44 yards? If they did, then I'm worried that...

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No, they didn't put that, but they...

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I was worried I might have read it and then like mentally registered it and then kind of copied them and didn't realize it. But okay, that's not what happened.

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You know, he recorded his fifth straight game without a touchdown.

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Just listen.

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Okay, go ahead.

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This is our off fansided. The report I was going to read.

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We've been here before.

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Kansas City receiving corps came up short on Sunday afternoon.

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Often failing to gain much separation against a young Raiders defensive backfield.

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Rashid Rice had six catches, once again proving he is one of the few chiefs targets moms can rely on.

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Yes, he's about the only one. He's about the only one right now.

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I agree that. Well, here's the very next sentence.

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Okay.

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Travis Kelsey had a sad par game by his standards with Taylor Swift in attendance.

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Mm-hmm.

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Marquez Valdez Stanley?

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Horrible. Horrible. Horrible.

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Justin Ross.

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Whenever he did get open, he drops the ball.

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Okay, Justin Ross.

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Justin Ross. Only had one grab.

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Yeah?

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Justin Watson had four catches and a touchdown. He failed to get open on a consistent basis.

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Justin Watson is a guy that we need to watch. I think he can develop into a pretty good...

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I think he's an upcomer.

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Yeah, I think he is too.

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Sky New World, I think what you got, what you got.

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He got a good fucking wrestling team on the ball.

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Okay, one guy that's been kind of a diamond in the rough and is kind of starting to look better now,

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but he's on his fucking final rookie season, and I don't think he's going to be re-signed,

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unless, again, for a really sweet heart deal, is Clyde Edwards Hilaire.

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He can catch the ball, and he does have the ability to get open,

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and Hilaire always gets by the first tackle.

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He is a diamond in the rough that they seem to still be polishing,

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but his growth has been stunted by steady injuries, his whole crack.

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Yeah, he just got to get over his injuries.

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If he can get over his injuries, that guy is a potential...

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He's going to make a name for himself.

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Yes, I think that guy...

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He already has.

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Yeah, he has made some really dynamite catches. He seems to be focused in the game,

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and I love what he told Mahomes. He said,

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You throw me the ball, I will come up with it. And he has.

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Yes.

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He's not lying.

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So, do you have more of that article to read, or is that it?

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No, that's all I had. I was just passing you up on that.

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Okay, okay. Thank you. I appreciate that.

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The same article I've read said he...

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That's what I was amazed when you said he had a subpar game.

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Well, I mean...

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That's the exact words this article said.

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Well, they followed it up with his standards,

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and I should have followed it up with his standards, too,

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because some people, 44 yards is a good game.

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Travis Kelsey, 44 yards is measly shit.

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You know how much we pay that guy?

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We don't pay him to get 44 yards and no touchdowns.

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So, another problem is Chris Jones.

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There is a bunch of malcontent going on,

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and you can tell it by the way Chris Jones talks.

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And let me give you an example.

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Chris Jones was up there on the podium last week,

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and Mahomes just bought his whole offensive line golf carts,

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which he needs to take back.

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So, okay, and they ask Chris Jones about it,

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and he goes, well, I don't make Patrick Mahomes money.

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It wasn't just what he said, it's how he said it.

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There's discontent there. There's discontent there.

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He thinks that Mahomes is getting all the money,

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and that's how come they're not giving him the money.

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No, what it is is everybody had to restructure their contract

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to fit him in, and they had no money to go get an Odell Beckham

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or the guy from the Cardinals that's really good.

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I forgot where he went.

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But anyhow, the whole thing is this right here.

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They had no money because Chris Jones held him for hostages

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the first of the year in my opinion,

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and they had no money to really go out

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and get any type of receiver at all.

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So, what you got is what you got,

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and then you got Chris Holmes kind of muttering a little bit,

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kind of motherfucking Mahomes under his breath in my opinion,

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what he's saying about, well, I don't make his kind of money.

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No, Chris Jones, but you make other people's kind of money

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that you should be in their league,

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but I'm not sure if you are in their league.

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So, because you take plays off, you take games off.

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Some games you're non-existent.

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Yeah, you're great, but not all the time.

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I don't see enough consistency from you

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to command the kind of money you want.

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And one of the reasons we're in the shape we're in right now

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is because of you grabbing the money at the first of the season.

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Even Travis Kelsey had to restructure his contract

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at the last minute so he could fit Chris Jones under the cap.

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Chris Jones missed the first game because of this.

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So, Chris Jones has a big part in this too.

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So, he can mutter whatever the fuck he wants about Mahomes.

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He's a big problem on this team too, and he needs to go.

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He needs to go, and maybe Travis Kelsey needs to go,

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and maybe some of these coaches need to go too,

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because this is one of the most undisciplined teams

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I've ever seen in my life.

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Let alone a Chiefs team that won the Super Bowl last year.

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They're the defending champions, and right now they look like shit.

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How do they look like garbage?

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Because they don't practice.

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They don't practice right or enough.

235
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No, I can tell you exactly how.

236
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It's the Taylor Swift purse.

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Okay.

238
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I think we're doing fine until she come along.

239
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So, anyhow, let me finish this off because

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we got a lot of listeners in Kansas City,

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but we have a lot of other listeners elsewhere,

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and they probably don't want to hear a bunch of Kansas City stuff.

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So, anyhow, Travis Kelsey, he was seen launching his helmet

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at the water cooler in the first half.

245
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He also appeared to have a spat with head coach Andy Reid.

246
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Reid was asked about his interactions with Kelsey.

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Reid said, Travis is an emotional guy,

248
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and sometimes my red hair gets to me a little bit,

249
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but it all works out in the end.

250
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Only two untouchables on this team, like I said before.

251
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That's Reid and Mahomes.

252
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Kelsey has been a dog and pony show ever since he started dating that chick.

253
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He has been horrible.

254
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Maybe stardom has worked him over.

255
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Maybe we're paying him a lot of money that we could use somewhere else.

256
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And you know what?

257
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Tyreek got traded.

258
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Kelsey could be traded.

259
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You may not get five draft picks for Kelsey right now, the way things are going,

260
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but you will save a lot of money that you can put somewhere else.

261
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So this is something to think about.

262
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If Kelsey doesn't get his head out of his ass,

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I don't care about the Ring of Honor.

264
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I don't care about him finishing his career with Kelsey being on,

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the Chiefs being on the front and Kelsey being on the back.

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I don't give a shit about any of that.

267
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You know what I give a shit about?

268
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How many fucking rings we get.

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And with a guy like that, acting like that,

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I don't think we're going to get any more rings unless they,

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A. straighten him out or B. get rid of him.

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He can make the choice and he can make the choice right fucking now starting with this next game.

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And it's going to be interesting to see how he reacts to this

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because I think the warning shot was fired because Andy Reid went over there and he bumped him.

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First thing, after he threw his helmet at the water cooler,

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one of the trainers went to go grab his helmet to give it back to him.

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Andy Reid stopped him and said, no, he's not going back in the game.

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He's out of the game. He's out of the game.

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And then he started mouthing off when Reid came up to him.

280
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Reid bumped him and told him what the fuck he was going to do.

281
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So a guy like that, I've seen that.

282
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Number one, Bravo Andy Reid. Bravo.

283
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Don't take shit from anybody except Patrick Mahomes.

284
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,000
Right. And that's limited.

285
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So I commend you Reid for getting up in his face and telling him what he needs to do

286
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because that hothead needs to fucking know that you're not untouchable.

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Like I said before, and I'm going to stick with this, Reid and Mahomes are untouchable.

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Everybody else is free fucking game.

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That's all there is to it. And this means you, Travis Kelsey.

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I think you're on notice and I think deservedly so.

291
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Anyhow, let's go to our first break and let's come back with some more lighthearted stuff.

292
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That sound good, Rob?

293
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:33,000
That sounds good because I have the 2024 Metal Hall of Fame.

294
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:37,000
Excellent. Great to go into. We'll talk to you guys here in a couple minutes.

295
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,000
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.

296
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,000
It's strange insults from an alien.

297
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,000
Real hilarity.

298
00:28:53,000 --> 00:29:00,000
You are dressed like an assistant debate coach at an Ohio State Middle School.

299
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,000
Now we go to the amazing Mark the Palm Reader.

300
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:07,000
Hello everybody and welcome to Mark the Amazing Palm Reader.

301
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:09,000
First in line, please step up.

302
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:13,000
Let's see young lady. I see a long lifeline.

303
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:18,000
I see success, happiness, love, fortune.

304
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:22,000
I also see a bit index finger.

305
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,000
$20 please.

306
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:32,000
Next up, things over heard in hell.

307
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:37,000
Hurry up. King Jung Un is playing Santa at the mall again this year.

308
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,000
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.

309
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,000
It's strange insults from an alien.

310
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:46,000
Real hilarity.

311
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:49,000
I will roast you.

312
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:56,000
But my mom told me to not burn trash.

313
00:29:56,000 --> 00:30:24,000
No batlight here. These idiots just show up and hope for the best.

314
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:36,000
And just like that here we are back again two douchebags and microphone on Mark.

315
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:38,000
And I'm Rob.

316
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:43,000
Alright, Rob. You're going to lighten things up a bit here and I'm anxious for it.

317
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,000
Hey, hey, real quick. I got to say this.

318
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:49,000
I love my chiefs. I'm a chiefs fan to the death.

319
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,000
I love them. That's why I'm mad at them.

320
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:56,000
Yeah, we always are. We're born and raised chiefs fans.

321
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,000
I wear my jersey. I wore my jersey today proudly.

322
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:03,000
We can bitch about our teams just like everybody else.

323
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:07,000
Absolutely. I'm sure in Cincinnati you guys are all up in arms there too.

324
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:09,000
Exactly.

325
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:12,000
So anyhow, Rob, the floor is yours.

326
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:17,000
I'm going to shut up and I'm going to take a chill pill and drink my RC Cola.

327
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:26,000
I got my first drink down at the Long Story, but I have the 2024 Metal Hall Fame inductees.

328
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:28,000
Sounds good to me.

329
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:37,000
First up we have Eddie Trunk special 40th anniversary induction.

330
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:45,000
Yeah, and here's why. A lot of people make fun of Eddie Trunk, call him a hangar on and all this stuff.

331
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:48,000
No, Eddie Trunk kept this music going when no one else was.

332
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:54,000
He kept it relevant, he kept it in mainstream, and he kept it on many big stations across the country.

333
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:57,000
The guy deserves it. Leave him alone.

334
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:03,000
Number two, you're going to love this one, Mark.

335
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:08,000
Mick Myers of Motley Crue.

336
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:12,000
Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. Winner. Yes.

337
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:16,000
All it says is Mick Myers. It doesn't say Motley Crue.

338
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:19,000
Mick Myers is the only one that deserves it in my opinion.

339
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:21,000
Mick Myers of Motley Crue.

340
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:29,000
Nicky Sixx couldn't play his bass, he didn't play his bass in the first three or four albums. Mick Myers is it. I agree.

341
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:39,000
Okay, next up we have Sebastian Bach, inducted by Wendy Deo.

342
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:48,000
Yay. Yeah, and also that's appropriately so because Sebastian Bach was such a huge Deo fan.

343
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:55,000
Yes, he was. Yep, and Sebastian Bach kicks ass. Great voice. Great performer. I can see why they did that one.

344
00:32:56,000 --> 00:33:03,000
Oh, I loved him in concert with Skid Row. I mean I also saw him on his own up in Omaha a few years back and he is, he's a great performer.

345
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,000
Anyhow, right along.

346
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:13,000
Okay, next up, Ken Roper Owens of KK's Priest.

347
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:23,000
Not for me. Yeah, I get it just from that right there.

348
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:28,000
Yeah, not for me, but whatever. I don't think it's been long enough.

349
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:36,000
His body of work is not good enough. I'm sorry. He was in Judas Priest on a few albums that didn't do very well.

350
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:44,000
Rob Halford came back and they started doing great again. He's kind of like Blaze Bailey was in Iron Maiden. Nobody really remembers the guy that well.

351
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:52,000
No one really cares about the Blaze Bailey years of Iron Maiden. You know, I mean, to me it's the same thing.

352
00:33:52,000 --> 00:34:00,000
I mean, Tim Roper Owens did well. I saw him sing for the D.O. Hologram. He did good there.

353
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:08,000
Rock and roll, or Metal Hall of Fame. Not for me. I don't think so. I don't think the body of work is there, but okay.

354
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:15,000
Okay, next up, Judas Priest and Ice Earth.

355
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:22,000
Judas Priest, yes. Ice Earth, no. To me, my personal opinion.

356
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:33,000
Well, the way they got it, they're together. I don't understand that one, but yeah, the way it's worked, they're together.

357
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:38,000
I'm going to refrain because I don't know what they're getting at. I'll have to look it up later.

358
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:45,000
Anyway, next up, Carlos Calazo from Quiet Riot.

359
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:59,000
Um, maybe so. You know, he did replace the late great Randy Rhoades in Quiet Riot, and they came up with a lot of hits.

360
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:07,000
Yes, I honestly loved his guitar work. I personally did.

361
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:12,000
I think he fitted better with Quiet Riot, and I think Randy Rhoades fit better with Ozzy.

362
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:19,000
Yes, that was the ultimate trade, I believe. I think both of them worked out best that way.

363
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:26,000
I think so too. I agree with that. I think Carlos Calazo should be in, and probably will be in, so go ahead.

364
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:39,000
Okay, next up, we have Penelope Sifouris, producer and director of Decline of Western Civilization and Wayne's World.

365
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,000
Yes, yes.

366
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:47,000
Okay, yes, there was a little article down here I should have read beforehand.

367
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:49,000
Okay.

368
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:53,000
They're adding movie producers, they're adding everything to this.

369
00:35:53,000 --> 00:36:00,000
Well, I figured that because he is a movie producer, but he should win on one movie alone. That's Decline of the Western Civilization Part II.

370
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:15,000
That guy went so in-depth and captured a photograph of everything that was going on in the scene.

371
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:22,000
He was so good at it, and so vivid, and so close to reality, or he was reality.

372
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:33,000
That alone, Decline of the Western Civilization Part II, was one of the finest movies ever written, documentaries written about music ever.

373
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:44,000
I agree with that 100%. Just on that, Wayne's World was great, but to me, Decline of the Western Civilization Part II is the reason he gets in, and the only reason.

374
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:47,000
Yeah, yeah.

375
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:54,000
Okay, next up, and I pretty gotta get this name right. You probably know, I don't know what you meant.

376
00:36:54,000 --> 00:37:04,000
Yeah, okay. McHale Magalleri of the Whiskey-a-Go-Go and Rainbow Bar and Grill.

377
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:19,000
Absolutely. As a promoter and a club owner that promoted and pushed these bands when they were small, and gave them a place to play, they gave them a venue to do this and to get big. Yes, 100%.

378
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:21,000
Did I even get that close?

379
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:23,000
Yeah, yeah, you did. You pretty much.

380
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:27,000
I'm not good on pronouncing names.

381
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:31,000
Rob, I forgot exactly how you pronounce it.

382
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:34,000
I think all of our listeners are getting used to that by now.

383
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:38,000
Okay, Rob, it was so close, I knew exactly who you were talking about before you even said it.

384
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:40,000
Yes, I can tell that.

385
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:47,000
Yeah, yeah, I agree with that. So, okay, go ahead. No, so in other words, you did a good job pronouncing it, because I understood who you were talking about.

386
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:52,000
Yeah. Okay, next up, Cleopatra Records.

387
00:37:53,000 --> 00:38:07,000
Okay, I guess. To me, they were more fringe metal, like, but this is Heavy Metal Hall of Fame, I guess. So, okay.

388
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:09,000
Yeah, they've done their work, I guess.

389
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:34,000
Maybe I would be more into the stuff that kind of started metal, like, you know, let me think, I was trying to think of who originally signed Sabbath, Warner Brothers for signing Dio and Sabbath, both at the same time. This is a Dio era Sabbath, and then Dio Solo, Warner Brothers should be in it because of that. Jet Records should be in it for signing Ozzy.

390
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:39,000
I almost bet they're coming in the next year or two.

391
00:38:39,000 --> 00:39:03,000
To me, these guys may not exactly, well, Dio's metal, and Black Sabbath with Dio's metal, with Dio, not with Ozzy. With Ozzy, they're a psychedelic hard rock. But, okay, that right there, Warner Brothers should definitely get in. Jet, because Ozzy kind of really, he wasn't metal, but he promoted metal with his style and his outlandish behavior.

392
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:11,000
So, but anyhow, they want to say Cleopatra. I would even say Casablanca Records for Kiss, way back in the 70s.

393
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:15,000
But there's so many more that I could go into.

394
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:32,000
Polador for signing Deep Purple when they were still psychedelic, but then they kind of progressed to hard rock, to the beginnings of metal. I mean, there's so many of them. Iron Butterfly, I forgot their, but anyhow, okay. All right, you know what, I can go with that. That's fine.

395
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:37,000
Okay, and finally, Biohazard.

396
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:45,000
Not for me, a lot of people love them, at whatever, okay.

397
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:50,000
I didn't think they were that big, but...

398
00:39:51,000 --> 00:40:02,000
When you're talking about metal, there's different ways that you can look at it, right? A lot of the metal metal stuff, I can't stand. I don't like, I'm not into.

399
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:11,000
I just think it's not good music. I think it's noise. The cookie, the fucking Cookie Monster stuff, I can't stand. It's not sane.

400
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:13,000
That's probably Biohazard.

401
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:18,000
Yeah, so I'm not the guy. If that's your kind of metal, I'm not your guy.

402
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:20,000
Me either.

403
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:33,000
So, if this is what they're talking about, then maybe they're right. Maybe Biohazard does deserve to be in it, and maybe I'm looking at it from a hard rock musical standpoint. When they're looking at it, there's a...

404
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:37,000
Wait a minute. Everybody has their fans.

405
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:46,000
Exactly. So, if you're going to go Biohazard, why would you go with Merciful Fate or something? I don't know.

406
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:48,000
There you go. Yeah, yeah, there you go.

407
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:52,000
Yeah, okay, fine. I'm good with it, I guess.

408
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:54,000
Alright.

409
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:58,000
Alright. I've got some interesting stuff here, Rob.

410
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:00,000
Cool.

411
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:07,000
Alright, you know how we're doing the new words and stuff that's coming up from the...

412
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:09,000
Yeah.

413
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:16,000
From the, what would you call it, from the new slang dictionaries that are all over the internet and all that?

414
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:21,000
Oh, yeah. Shit. We just covered it on the last episode.

415
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:32,000
Yeah, yeah. Well, there's more of this that I've uncovered. And anyhow, let's take us a little break so I can find this shit, and then we'll have it when we come back. How's that sound? That sound good?

416
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:34,000
Sounds good.

417
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:45,000
Okay, we'll talk to you here in a minute.

418
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:48,000
Two tool bags and a socket wrench will be right back.

419
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:53,000
Two douche bags and a microphone, pasteurized for your protection.

420
00:41:54,000 --> 00:42:00,000
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.

421
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:12,000
Hmm. If at first you don't succeed, maybe you shouldn't try skydiving. Just a thought. Hmm.

422
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:28,000
Two douche bags and a microphone, more entertaining than a ruptured spleen.

423
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:38,000
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.

424
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:50,000
The wild violet is an unsung hero. Most people don't realize that the flower can be stewed to make a delicious vinegar for the fresh greens that can be picked in your front yard.

425
00:42:51,000 --> 00:43:02,000
Violet soap can be easily made as well. The flower is full of many essential minerals as well as vitamin A, C, and E. It is literally one of the first superfoods.

426
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:09,000
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum, two douche bags and a microphone.

427
00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:30,000
I just want, you know what, I want to change gears. I know I said that I had some more urban dictionary is what I was trying to get at.

428
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:42,000
But these are ones that are recognized with not only the urban dictionary, the new urban contemporary dictionary of America I believe is the actual correct website.

429
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:47,000
I think it's all that in one word I believe. I looked it up this morning a little bit better.

430
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:59,000
This is that and also Reddit and all these other ones. These are ones that are like widely distributed and they're like the new slang for younger America, Gen Zers especially.

431
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:03,000
But I uncovered some really good would you rather questions.

432
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:05,000
Oh hell yeah.

433
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:07,000
Let's do some would you rathers.

434
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:09,000
Oh shit I'm in trouble.

435
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:17,000
Yeah yeah we're both in trouble because when I was writing these out this morning I was sweating. I'm like I don't know how I'm going to answer this shit.

436
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:19,000
So you and I are both on the same.

437
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:21,000
You think I'm missing it too.

438
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:30,000
These are fucked and the sad thing is I took off the three most fucked ones because I didn't want to stress it on it for ten minutes.

439
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:34,000
Let's do this. I'm ready.

440
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:42,000
Okay and then did you ever get your the hairy asshole Olympics end of the year together.

441
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:44,000
Let's do that tomorrow night.

442
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:50,000
No no no I got most of it except for the first two. So yeah tomorrow night's fine.

443
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:56,000
I have the list of the winners. I just haven't done anything with it. I've been too busy.

444
00:44:56,000 --> 00:45:03,000
That's fine. I just want to bring it up to kind of like resurface it and we'll probably get into it tomorrow or possibly this weekend.

445
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:09,000
Yeah because I grew through you. We need to have this finalized before New Year's.

446
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:17,000
Yes. Yep. And then we can go into next year. We might take a few weeks off and then we'll bring back introduce new candidates.

447
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:23,000
So okay. Here are some really good or horrible depending on how you look at it.

448
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:29,000
Would you rather questions. This is something that's been rearing its ugly head periodically during this podcast.

449
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:36,000
We seem to love this torture for some reason so therefore we are continuing this horrible horrible trend.

450
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,000
So we love to hate it. Yes we do.

451
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:50,000
Okay. Would you rather receive an alert every time your parents hook up sexually or they receive an alert every time you hook up sexually.

452
00:45:50,000 --> 00:46:00,000
Okay. My dad ain't alive so I don't have to worry about that. My mom doesn't exist to live so I don't have to worry about that.

453
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:07,000
That's exactly what my answer was. My mom probably wouldn't understand it even if she read it. She'd be like what?

454
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:14,000
And to be honest my mom would have nothing to worry about because I'm single and not seeing nobody.

455
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:24,000
Well I'm kind of looking at it as like I'm married so it'd be like if she did understand it she'd be like yeah no shit.

456
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:31,000
Yeah he's married. Yeah and my mom does not hook up sexually so you know maybe I would have it the other way around.

457
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:38,000
My mom just living. You know what I would have it the other way around because it would just be like it is right now no one getting a notice.

458
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:47,000
So yeah you know what I would rather it be my mom every time she hooked up sexually which is never she lives with us.

459
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:53,000
So yeah you know you might as well do it like that too.

460
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:57,000
Like you said my mom's in a safe living that would be nice to know.

461
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:01,000
Yeah then you can know who to fucking sue right.

462
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:05,000
We'll figure it out later.

463
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:09,000
I'll figure out who my new daddy is.

464
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:12,000
There we go.

465
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:15,000
Tell her to pick well Rob. Pick well.

466
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:19,000
She's done good so far.

467
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:21,000
Okay that's cool.

468
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:31,000
Alright next would you rather pry off your thumbnail with a fork or put a toothpick underneath your big toenail and kick a wall.

469
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:35,000
Oh.

470
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:38,000
Okay.

471
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:47,000
I'm going to say put a toothpick under your big toenail and kick a wall because you're in like a week's worth of pain on that one.

472
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:54,000
Where if you pry off your thumbnail you're probably in like a month and a half worth of pain every time you hit that son of a bitch.

473
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,000
Does that make sense?

474
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:01,000
You have a point there.

475
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:04,000
I was in deep thought over this.

476
00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:07,000
It's going to hurt like fuck and you're going to cry.

477
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:09,000
It's going to hurt like hell either way.

478
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:11,000
Oh you're going to get tears you're going to go.

479
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:16,000
But you're probably looking at about a week of really bad pain and then it's gone.

480
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:22,000
To where if you pry off your thumbnail you're fucked for a month and a half until that shit grows all the way back.

481
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:24,000
Okay.

482
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:29,000
Okay. I'll go with you on the toenail.

483
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:31,000
Uh huh.

484
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,000
That's something that's better healed.

485
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:38,000
You're going to have to have surgery.

486
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:41,000
That's going to take more than a week.

487
00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:47,000
Because if you kick a wall with a toothpick under your toenail.

488
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:49,000
You know what Rob you're right.

489
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:54,000
You're going to have to have that surgery to cut the son of a bitch out.

490
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:56,000
Oh you're right.

491
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:59,000
Okay I reverse. Thank you Rob. I reverse.

492
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:01,000
I'm going to pry off my thumbnail.

493
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:03,000
It ain't that easy.

494
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:07,000
Can you imagine prying off your thumbnail though? Oh my god.

495
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:13,000
Honestly I think I'm going to go kick him with a toothpick.

496
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:16,000
Me too. I could not imagine prying off my thumbnail.

497
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:18,000
Not the thumbnail.

498
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:21,000
No. It would be quick but it would hurt like fucking yeah.

499
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:23,000
You might have to get sliced and have it taken out.

500
00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:25,000
But I got one word for that.

501
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:29,000
That surgery will require pain meds.

502
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:31,000
Yeah.

503
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:33,000
Yeah.

504
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:37,000
You'll get pain meds for at least two weeks until that shit heals up.

505
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:39,000
So yep that's it.

506
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:44,000
You're going to go through like four hours in the waiting in the emergency room of excruciating pain.

507
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:49,000
But then after that they're going to they're going to pill you up and you're going to be fine.

508
00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:52,000
So yep that's it right there.

509
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:55,000
It took a little talking but that's it right there I think.

510
00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:58,000
Okay next one.

511
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:06,000
Would you rather pee your pants in public once a week or shit your pants in private every other day?

512
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:11,000
Whew.

513
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:15,000
I'd rather do it in private every other day.

514
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:18,000
Me too. As much as it would suck.

515
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:21,000
In private you could clean up. Nobody knows that.

516
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:26,000
And also if you know that it's going to be every other day at a certain time you can just get in the shower.

517
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:28,000
Yeah you got a time. You're ready.

518
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:33,000
Yeah. Yeah you might have to shit your pants because that's the agreement I guess you have.

519
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:37,000
But I mean you can like throw that shit in the wash real quick.

520
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,000
And then run to the shower.

521
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:43,000
Wash your ass off really quick and take your regular shower that day and be done with it.

522
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:45,000
I mean it could almost just be like.

523
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:47,000
Yeah. And nobody will know a damn thing.

524
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,000
As long as I have the car with you when you're trying to rush home.

525
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:53,000
Yeah exactly. You'd be like oh eight o'clock I better get home.

526
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:55,000
I better get home for my daily shitting.

527
00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:57,000
So okay.

528
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:01,000
Oh oh boy this next one I remember writing this out.

529
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:09,000
Would you rather always use sandpaper as toilet paper or hot sauce as eye or ear drops.

530
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:15,000
Give me the sandpaper baby.

531
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:17,000
Me too. And here's why.

532
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:23,000
You can go really light with the sandpaper and get most of it and just kind of let it dry.

533
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:26,000
You know and kind of crust up.

534
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:31,000
Yeah you're going to be miserable for a little while but your asshole is not going to be raw constantly.

535
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:35,000
And you're not going to ruin your eyes and ears with fucking hot sauce.

536
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:39,000
Yeah you could even use a little lotion on your asshole.

537
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:41,000
Yeah.

538
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:43,000
Yeah you know.

539
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:45,000
Yeah so I'm going to say sandpaper as much as it would suck.

540
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:47,000
Yeah. Yeah.

541
00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:49,000
Fuck the hot sauce.

542
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:51,000
Yeah that's how the question.

543
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:53,000
Okay next one.

544
00:51:53,000 --> 00:52:00,000
Would you rather get violent diarrhea and vomit on your boss during a presentation.

545
00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:05,000
Sorry the printer is like fucked up on this one.

546
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:07,000
Okay.

547
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:09,000
No come on planner get to the right.

548
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:11,000
Okay hang on.

549
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:13,000
I think I can read it. Hang on let me get in the right light.

550
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:15,000
Okay.

551
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:21,000
Would you rather get violent diarrhea and vomit on your boss during a presentation in front of the entire company.

552
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:26,000
Or trip while walking down the aisle at your own wedding breaking an arm.

553
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:28,000
Okay. Okay I think I got it now.

554
00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:35,000
Would you rather have violent diarrhea and vomit all the and vomit while you shit all over your boss.

555
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:37,000
And shit on your boss.

556
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:39,000
Yeah during a presentation in front of.

557
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:42,000
Or trip walking down the aisle during a wait.

558
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:44,000
Okay.

559
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:46,000
I would rather if you can pick the boss.

560
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:49,000
Old or new.

561
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:55,000
I've got a couple of really good fucking candidates that I would love to shit and fucking vomit all over.

562
00:52:56,000 --> 00:53:00,000
As a matter of fact I would have to probably flip a coin on which fucking dickhead gets it.

563
00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:04,000
Because I've had a few of them that I would really love to do that too.

564
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:06,000
So.

565
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:07,000
Do I need to bring you down.

566
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:09,000
No. No no no.

567
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:11,000
Because I have my answer I'm going totally against you.

568
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:13,000
Okay that's fine.

569
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:17,000
You'd rather break that one.

570
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:20,000
I'd rather trip going down the aisle.

571
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:23,000
You don't have an old boss that you like to shit and vomit all over.

572
00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:27,000
I don't give a fuck dude that's old.

573
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:29,000
Okay. All right. Okay.

574
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:31,000
Now why would you break.

575
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:33,000
Want to break your arm though.

576
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:39,000
Because then she feels sorry for me on her honeymoon.

577
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:41,000
Oh okay. All right.

578
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:44,000
Even though she knows why I flipped and fell.

579
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:46,000
Okay.

580
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:49,000
I was still drunk from my bachelor party the night before.

581
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:51,000
It would be a great story.

582
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:53,000
And Robin's wedding.

583
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:56,000
And I know it's true love.

584
00:53:57,000 --> 00:54:00,000
All right Rob I'm going to stick with the original because of what I said.

585
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:02,000
I would have to draw.

586
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:04,000
I'm sticking with what I said man.

587
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:07,000
If I could find me a woman that would marry me.

588
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:13,000
Let me trip and break my arm walking down the aisle.

589
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:15,000
And pick me up.

590
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:18,000
I'm rubbing that woman to the end.

591
00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:20,000
Okay. That's cool.

592
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:22,000
All right.

593
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:24,000
All right.

594
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:27,000
Would you rather have your taste buds in your asshole.

595
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:31,000
Or have to take dumps from your mouth.

596
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:36,000
I think taste buds in my asshole and here's why.

597
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:38,000
I would eat less.

598
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:40,000
I could lose some weight.

599
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:42,000
Because I wouldn't have taste buds in my mouth.

600
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:44,000
And I wouldn't always eat through my asshole.

601
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:46,000
Because I'd be in public in restaurants and stuff.

602
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:48,000
So like.

603
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:50,000
Taste buds would be in your asshole.

604
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:52,000
Yeah. Yeah.

605
00:54:53,000 --> 00:54:54,000
And then you could take your stuff home in a doggy bag.

606
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:58,000
And then you could fucking eat it through your asshole where you can taste it.

607
00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:00,000
No you don't.

608
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:02,000
You don't have to taste it.

609
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:04,000
You just eat. You just survive.

610
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:06,000
You know what. You're right.

611
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:08,000
And just be like that's it.

612
00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:09,000
All right. We're in agreement on that.

613
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:13,000
It beats the alternative. What you just said.

614
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:15,000
Okay. I agree with it 100 percent.

615
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:21,000
Okay. Would you rather have to wear wet socks every day your whole life.

616
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:26,000
Or be forced to wear winter gloves your entire life.

617
00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:28,000
In and outside.

618
00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:30,000
Give me any winter gloves.

619
00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:34,000
But.

620
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:37,000
Winter gloves. I could not deal with wet socks.

621
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:40,000
I would have to go with wet socks as much as it would suck.

622
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:42,000
Because you can never play guitar.

623
00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:46,000
I mean there's so many things you couldn't do with gloves on.

624
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:50,000
I mean you know type out stuff news stories for this.

625
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:54,000
Or what we consider news stories that probably aren't.

626
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:58,000
Okay. You have a point there.

627
00:55:59,000 --> 00:56:01,000
As much as wet socks would suck.

628
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:04,000
I would have to go with winter gloves or wet socks.

629
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:07,000
Because winter gloves would impede everything I love to do.

630
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:10,000
So it's either wet socks or podcast.

631
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:12,000
Yes.

632
00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:14,000
Okay.

633
00:56:15,000 --> 00:56:16,000
And plus masturbating.

634
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:19,000
Man I mean yeah we may not do it as much as we used to.

635
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:22,000
But we would let. It's nice to have the option right.

636
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:24,000
Winter gloves.

637
00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:26,000
Winter gloves you don't have the option.

638
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:28,000
Just like man.

639
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:31,000
I can't do that with this. I can't get the right amount of rub and friction friction.

640
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:33,000
There's no way.

641
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:37,000
So yeah. I got to go with wet socks as much as they suck.

642
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:39,000
All right.

643
00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:42,000
We reluctantly go with wet socks.

644
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:44,000
Next one.

645
00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:48,000
Would you rather know when you're going to die or.

646
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:50,000
Know how you're going to die.

647
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:53,000
I'm going to say.

648
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:55,000
I'm going to say.

649
00:56:55,000 --> 00:56:57,000
I'm going to say how.

650
00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:01,000
Because I think if you know when you're going to die everything is limited.

651
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:07,000
It's like oh I'm not going to go out and do this today because I only have this much time left.

652
00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:12,000
I'm not going to do that. I'd rather live like I am every day not knowing just being a dumb ass.

653
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:17,000
I think I got to go with you on that one.

654
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:19,000
Could you imagine.

655
00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:21,000
Yeah. Could you imagine.

656
00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:23,000
You know.

657
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:24,000
You know.

658
00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:26,000
Know when you.

659
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:29,000
That way you can fit in what you can.

660
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:32,000
Yeah but it would it would affect everything you do in life too.

661
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:34,000
Exactly.

662
00:57:35,000 --> 00:57:39,000
I could see it just completely completely ruining my train of thought and everything so I would have to.

663
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:41,000
Exactly.

664
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:43,000
Yeah.

665
00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:47,000
So. All right then that is the end of them. I didn't go too crazy on them.

666
00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:50,000
Because I didn't think that we wanted to.

667
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:54,000
Go like I don't know over like 15 20 minutes on these things.

668
00:57:55,000 --> 00:58:00,000
So anyhow there's more but we'll get to them and a future broadcast.

669
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:02,000
So Rob you have anything.

670
00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:04,000
Yeah.

671
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:07,000
This.

672
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:10,000
Was out of California.

673
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:18,000
A wild turkey crashed into a power line in southern Sacramento California on Christmas Eve.

674
00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:22,000
Living more than 4000 properties without power.

675
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:24,000
Oh.

676
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:29,000
The turkey getting revenge for its relatives.

677
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:32,000
The turkeys getting revenge for its relatives.

678
00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:35,000
Oh my God. Yeah he did. He did.

679
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:37,000
It's like watch this. Fuck nuts.

680
00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:50,000
Sacramento Municipal Utility District said 4000 248 of its customers lost power around 12 15 p.m. on Sunday.

681
00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:57,000
With those impacted in the Little Pocket and Green Haven neighborhoods.

682
00:58:58,000 --> 00:58:59,000
Wow.

683
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:03,000
That they got the power up. That's what I'm saying.

684
00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:08,000
Wow. That they got the power up going shortly after.

685
00:59:10,000 --> 00:59:14,000
But yeah it's crazy. A damn wild turkey flying.

686
00:59:15,000 --> 00:59:17,000
Take out 4000 people's houses.

687
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:19,000
Wow that's crazy isn't it.

688
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:23,000
On Christmas Eve.

689
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:26,000
Wow.

690
00:59:27,000 --> 00:59:28,000
Ain't that ironic.

691
00:59:29,000 --> 00:59:31,000
I got something crazy for you Rob.

692
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:32,000
Yeah.

693
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:35,000
In Maine I believe it was.

694
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:40,000
People spotted a giant Mr. Hankey.

695
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:43,000
You know Mr. Hankey the Christmas pooh.

696
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:45,000
Are you kidding me.

697
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:47,000
On their ring doorbells.

698
00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:50,000
Someone went around. Really.

699
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:53,000
Yes. To sporadic houses.

700
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:58,000
Sporadic you know sporadic choice. I mean you know one here one there one here one there.

701
00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:02,000
And put Mr. Hankey on a ring doorbell out in front.

702
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:05,000
And this affected about 50 houses.

703
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:09,000
Mr. Hankey the Christmas pooh.

704
01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:14,000
Showed up on like 50 ring doorbells and this was up in Maine I believe.

705
01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:20,000
Oh my god.

706
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:22,000
South Park strikes again.

707
01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:24,000
I know I thought that was cool.

708
01:00:24,000 --> 01:00:34,000
Yeah but I mean someone's playing a very elaborate trick on people and I love it.

709
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:37,000
I love elaborate tricks obviously you know.

710
01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:41,000
Okay you want elaborate tricks here's one.

711
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:43,000
Okay.

712
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:49,000
This is getting into the political realm but you'll understand.

713
01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:51,000
That's okay.

714
01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:54,000
Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene.

715
01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:56,000
Oh yeah.

716
01:00:57,000 --> 01:01:10,000
Republican of Georgia posted on social media Monday morning that her and her family had just been swatted on Christmas morning.

717
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:14,000
And people don't know what swatted is.

718
01:01:14,000 --> 01:01:21,000
It's calling a prank into the police to get the SWAT called to your house.

719
01:01:22,000 --> 01:01:23,000
Okay.

720
01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:28,000
And she goes in stating this is like the eighth time.

721
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:34,000
But yeah she got SWAT yeah.

722
01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:38,000
She got knocked out her door on Christmas morning.

723
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:47,000
Swatted has become a real no no and I believe that it is a felony now and this is a famous case out of Wichita Kansas.

724
01:01:48,000 --> 01:01:50,000
A guy was shot and killed.

725
01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:52,000
It went into that.

726
01:01:53,000 --> 01:01:54,000
Oh it did go ahead then.

727
01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:59,000
Well no no no I meant it went in way down the story.

728
01:02:00,000 --> 01:02:03,000
I just read the report there.

729
01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:05,000
I know about the story because I remember it well.

730
01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:15,000
Swatted is you know you call the SWAT team on someone and then they go in there kicking your door and fucking grab you and throw you on the ground and shit basically.

731
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:18,000
And then they realized that it was a big hoax.

732
01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:20,000
Okay.

733
01:02:21,000 --> 01:02:22,000
Yeah it's a very mean prank.

734
01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:24,000
There was gamers.

735
01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:27,000
Was a gamer out of California I believe.

736
01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:30,000
They were they was playing someone in Wichita.

737
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:34,000
And if I remember the story correctly this is quite a few years ago.

738
01:02:35,000 --> 01:02:41,000
The gamer in Wichita was like making fun of the one in California and kicking his ass on the game.

739
01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:43,000
So the guy in California.

740
01:02:44,000 --> 01:02:47,000
The guy in California called the cop that swatted.

741
01:02:48,000 --> 01:02:51,000
Called the SWAT team on the guy in Wichita.

742
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:55,000
The guy in Wichita was accidentally shot and killed.

743
01:02:55,000 --> 01:03:08,000
So the gamer in California that called the SWAT team on the gamer in Wichita was held on manslaughter I believe charges.

744
01:03:09,000 --> 01:03:10,000
Yeah I think it was manslaughter.

745
01:03:11,000 --> 01:03:14,000
And is either in prison I have to look it up or looking at prison time.

746
01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:18,000
Because he actually called the SWAT team on this gamer.

747
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:26,000
And I guess the gamer couldn't hear very well or didn't understand what was going on or maybe was impaired somehow or something.

748
01:03:27,000 --> 01:03:30,000
And he didn't understand that the SWAT team was there.

749
01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:36,000
And the SWAT team thought that he was that he was being defiant and he was shot and killed.

750
01:03:37,000 --> 01:03:41,000
Yeah and if anybody knows the SWAT team shows up your door.

751
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:43,000
You do what the fuck they say.

752
01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:46,000
Exactly and that's why I think there's a little bit more to the story.

753
01:03:46,000 --> 01:03:47,000
I'll look it up.

754
01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:50,000
Yeah I mean I can understand hard of hearing.

755
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:52,000
Yeah I mean the mistakes to that.

756
01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:57,000
I believe for some reason this is like maybe seven or eight years ago if not maybe ten.

757
01:03:58,000 --> 01:04:03,000
I believe he might have been hard of hearing and maybe slow.

758
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:06,000
Yeah I believe that's what it was.

759
01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:10,000
Yeah I think that's what it was he was hard of hearing and maybe a little slow.

760
01:04:10,000 --> 01:04:17,000
I remember the story. I think he was hard of hearing. He just didn't hear.

761
01:04:18,000 --> 01:04:25,000
Yeah and I think he might have been a little slow on the scale or on the spectrum or something like that.

762
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:29,000
And anyhow he didn't respond correctly and he was shot and killed.

763
01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:32,000
And this gamer in California was put up on charges.

764
01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:39,000
And I'll have to look to see if he's either in prison or still facing prison time or somehow got out of it.

765
01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:41,000
But this was the most famous case.

766
01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:47,000
Well I'll tell you what I officially put the guy that did it up for one of our ass pallets.

767
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:50,000
Okay alright that sounds good.

768
01:04:51,000 --> 01:04:53,000
Okay Rob write that down.

769
01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:57,000
You take on somebody handicapped.

770
01:04:58,000 --> 01:05:00,000
I'll have to revisit that story.

771
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:01,000
I seem to think.

772
01:05:02,000 --> 01:05:03,000
Yeah I'll look into it too.

773
01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:06,000
Yeah well he should get an ass paddling anyhow.

774
01:05:07,000 --> 01:05:08,000
Either way.

775
01:05:09,000 --> 01:05:13,000
So anyhow well we are at the end of this podcast Rob.

776
01:05:14,000 --> 01:05:16,000
So anyhow thank you everybody for joining.

777
01:05:17,000 --> 01:05:18,000
We will have another one spit out.

778
01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:22,000
I'm going to have one spit out directly after this podcast.

779
01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:25,000
And then this one will go up here in a day or two.

780
01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:29,000
And we're going to do another podcast tomorrow night aren't we.

781
01:05:30,000 --> 01:05:31,000
Yes we are.

782
01:05:32,000 --> 01:05:33,000
So we will look forward to talking to you.

783
01:05:34,000 --> 01:05:35,000
We have a big one coming tomorrow night.

784
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:37,000
Oh do we.

785
01:05:39,000 --> 01:05:40,000
We got.

786
01:05:41,000 --> 01:05:43,000
We have to finalize our hairy ass pallet.

787
01:05:44,000 --> 01:05:45,000
Oh that is tomorrow night.

788
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:47,000
Yes that's right.

789
01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:49,000
Before New Year's.

790
01:05:50,000 --> 01:05:51,000
Yes we've got to get this in.

791
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:54,000
We have a definite winner because next year is a whole new influx.

792
01:05:55,000 --> 01:05:57,000
A whole new crop of hairy ass.

793
01:05:58,000 --> 01:05:59,000
We're starting all over New Year's.

794
01:06:00,000 --> 01:06:02,000
We are a whole new crop of hairy asshole candidates.

795
01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:04,000
And once again we will pick.

796
01:06:05,000 --> 01:06:07,000
And anything that we have a draw on will go to Topher.

797
01:06:08,000 --> 01:06:09,000
And Topher will be the final say.

798
01:06:10,000 --> 01:06:11,000
Anyhow.

799
01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:17,000
Anybody that we have picked so far out of all three of our bottles can come back at any time.

800
01:06:18,000 --> 01:06:19,000
Yes.

801
01:06:19,000 --> 01:06:21,000
And we also have another save card.

802
01:06:22,000 --> 01:06:24,000
And we also have a couple of wild cards.

803
01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:28,000
So I have one wild card left and I think how many do you have.

804
01:06:30,000 --> 01:06:31,000
I think one.

805
01:06:32,000 --> 01:06:33,000
We both have one wild card left.

806
01:06:34,000 --> 01:06:36,000
I use my save card but you have a save card right.

807
01:06:37,000 --> 01:06:39,000
But do we get another one with the new bottle.

808
01:06:40,000 --> 01:06:42,000
You know what we'll have to talk about that over tomorrow.

809
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:44,000
Yes I would give us two wild cards.

810
01:06:45,000 --> 01:06:46,000
Do you want to do two wild cards.

811
01:06:46,000 --> 01:06:48,000
Do you want to do another. I don't know.

812
01:06:49,000 --> 01:06:50,000
Let's talk about it after.

813
01:06:51,000 --> 01:06:52,000
Ok. Alright.

814
01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:54,000
Everybody thank you for joining us. Have a good night.

815
01:06:55,000 --> 01:06:56,000
Thank you. Good night everybody.

816
01:07:09,000 --> 01:07:11,000
Hey. Where did everybody go.

817
01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:13,000
Where are the douche bags.

818
01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:16,000
Oh my god. Someone took a dump in the corner.

819
01:07:17,000 --> 01:07:18,000
Oh jeez.

820
01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:21,000
Glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back.

821
01:07:21,000 --> 01:07:46,000
Man that smells.