Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas! You're still a fucking asshole!
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
During an apocalypse, don't forget the nuts. Hickory nuts that is. Yeah, we know, hickory wood gets all the glory and all the love.
Everyone loves the hickory trees. They cut them down and they make great sandwiches out of barbecue and meats. They smoke them and it's a fantastic deal.
But little does anyone know about the hickory nuts. During an apocalypse, hickory nuts could be the best thing you could find.
Hickory nuts can be eaten raw, toasted, or added to various recipes. Their rich buttery flavor and crunchy texture make them an ideal ingredient for both sweet and savory dishes.
You can use hickory nuts to make nut butter, pesto, or even a unique hickory nut milk. There are five types of hickory nuts.
Bitter nut hickory, shag bark hickory, pig nut hickory, mockernut hickory, and smooth bark hickory.
Hickory trees are considered part of the walnut species and are plentiful at least around Missouri and surrounding areas. So during an apocalypse, don't forget to grab your nuts.
Somewhere in the heavens your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bebo is listening to this film.
Remember to bleach your Bluetooth after every show.
Alright, we're going to start off with something a little bit interesting. It turns out that we're going to start off with some younger generation stuff and then I've got some new urban dictionary words that we need to be aware of so when we hear them, us oldie-oldsters will know what they mean and can respond properly and not look like an idiot, right?
Yeah, yeah, we gotta have that.
Yeah, yes, because here at Two Deuce Bags of Microphone, we look out for you, right?
Yep.
That's our motto. Every morning we wake up, right? I wake up here, you wake up there, and we get up, we look in the mirror and we go, we look out for you people. That's what we do, right?
Yep.
Yeah, okay, well there you go. So this is no different. Okay, first off, there is a thing going around called fubbing. Have you ever heard of fubbing?
No, I haven't.
Okay, well this is a younger term and it expresses outrage because someone is snubbing you via their phone. Everyone's done this. You're like, man, I don't know why my fucking ankle hurts so bad. Gosh, I did something to it. I think I'm gonna have to go to the emergency room. And they're over there fucking putting a selfie up, right?
Yep. Not giving a shit about your, and they're like, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Oh, that's funny. It's like, what do you mean it's funny? I just sprained my ankle and I can't walk. Huh? Oh, oh, oh, I meant it's funny that it happened right now. And it's like, shut up. You weren't listening to me. Just fess up to it, okay? You were fubbing me.
Well, it seems that like a lot of new breakups of the younger generation is over fubbing. And they say this too. They're like, well, I got tired of being fubbed by my girlfriend or I got tired of being fubbed by my boyfriend. And so it's like a real issue. And I get it because it drives me nuts, especially the cover up. You know, they always say it's not the crime, it's the cover up. If someone would just be like, you know what, I got a little involved in my phone. I'm sorry.
Here, I'm going to shut it off right now. What were you saying, Mark? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm going to give you my full attention now. I didn't, you know, I just got carried away on this conversation here. I'm really sorry. But instead they're like, oh no, I was listening to you. Yeah, you said the dishwasher in your foot. And it's like, no, dude, you know, you just caught keywords, but you're looking at your phone, right? Everybody's had that happen, right? Yeah.
Yeah. So be aware of fubbing. So while we were on that subject, there's some new, this is from the actual urban dictionary, not that. What would that what the hell was the other one that's so hard to find that they say that they're the new contemporary urban dictionary.
Yeah, new contemporary. I believe that was it. Yeah. I think it's got a couple other phrases in there too. The new contemporary urban dictionary of America or something like that and surrounding area. I, anyhow, not those guys. This is a real urban dictionary coming out with their real terms. And here's some that Rob and I would like you to know. So if you have, if you have this phone at you, you, you can respond, respond appropriate and therefore look cool.
Right? Yep. Act like you're down with it. You know, you know, the system, you know, the game you've been in it. So, okay, I've got nothing but teenagers here. So, okay, well, you're probably already privy to all this stuff. You're just gonna be over shaking the egg when you have.
Yeah. Yeah. And okay. First one is Omni sham shambles, Omni shambles, all in one word, like Omni like epic, you know, epic. Omni shambles shambles is like everything just being destroyed. Right? Okay. Omni shambles basically means this, a person or situation that looks like a fuck up from all possible angles, originally coined in as well, anyhow, of the
thick of it. They tell you where it's originally coined. And this is some movie that I, you or I don't know anything about Rob. And so I'm not, I'm gonna spare everybody. Not only have you got a fucking bent husband and a fucking bent daughter that gets taken to school in a fucking sedan chair, you're also fucking mental.
And then it says, you see your fucking Omni shambles. And that's where that's what you are. You're like that coffee machine, you know, from bean to cup, you fuck up. So that was from some movie. If you're younger, you probably know what movie it was. Me and Rob don't see that. Yeah, I could see that. Yeah. Yeah.
The next one is interesting because Omni shambles, I could kind of tell by the name, right? You're like, okay, shambles Omni epic. Okay. So splashing. Ever heard of that?
No, I have not.
Me neither. This one kind of got me. It's a noun, a sexual slash sensual food exchange in which at least one person covers another person and foods of different tastes, textures and temperatures. Eating the food off said person is optional. It is common practice for the splosh E to be nude so as to heighten the feeling of the food on their bare skin.
The splosher can be nude or clothed based on preference. Other common usages are the present verb splosh. He knelt in the shower while his partner covered him with layer after layer of sticky syrups, slick oils and chilled liquids. Never knowing that sensation or intoxicating aroma, she would be splashing him with next each touch of her hand or dribbling water.
People or liquids sent waves of awareness shooting through his body. So that is their explanation of how it needs to be used in a sentence or sentences like that one.
That's just weird.
I agree. I agree. I'm just the messenger.
Yeah, I know this.
No, I know. I'm just being a dick. Okay.
Gung Fu. G-U-N-F-U. And it's two words.
There's a space in between. Gung Fu like Kung Fu only with a G.
Is the style of sophisticated close quarters gunplay
seen in Hong Kong action cinema and in western films influenced by it?
If often, it often resembles a martial arts battle played out with firearms.
Instead of traditional weapons.
The focus of Gung Fu is style and the usage of firearms in ways that were not designed to be used.
Shooting a gun from each hand, shots from behind the back, as well as use of guns as
melee weapons or melee weapons or whatever are all common. Other movies, other moves can involve shotguns.
So Gung Fu has become a staple factor in modern action films due to its visually appealing nature.
And this is a contrast to American action movies of the 1980s which focused more on heavy
weaponry and outright brute force and firearm based combat.
Yeah, so you see a new movie and it's like hey, how is that new movie? Oh a lot of Gung Fu. Oh cool.
I'll go see it now. You know. So that was
pretty much on par with what I thought it was. You?
Well, I knew it had something to do with fighting and conflict and all that. I just didn't know how.
Yeah. You know how much.
So the next one is called Cross Dreamer.
And I think I got this one. I think I know what this one is, but I'm not for sure.
A man or woman who get aroused by the idea of being the opposite sex.
Many cross dreamers identify with their birth sex while others are gender
dysphoric. Many cross dressers understand themselves as transgender while others consider themselves fetishes.
Many but not all.
Okay.
Many but not all and this is their term here on the Urban Dictionary, not me. Girl fags and guys.
Girl fags and guy dykes may be considered cross dreamers. It seems a majority of cross dreamers are
attracted to persons of their own birth sex.
Now I reiterate this is what I guess it's not a derogatory word because it uses it here in the Urban Dictionary.
But if it is a derogatory word, I apologize those two words.
So cross dreamers may express their feelings through cross dressing and or creative cross streaming by writing stories, comics and TG captions.
Many female to male cross dressers enjoy cross dressing comics and stories while many male to female write to read TG captions, images with short text.
Male to female cross dreamers are labeled paraphilic.
And anyhow it goes on to some other stuff and I think you all get the idea of what it's saying.
And it's like really kind of a difference in terminology too because one person might think it's a fetish and another person thinks it's the way it is, their lifestyle, how they are.
So anyhow there you go with that one. Level 5 vegan.
I think I got this one but I'm not for sure.
I think I got it too.
The cross dreamer went through me for a loop. I did not know it meant that. I thought it meant something else.
Ok. A vegan who won't eat anything that casts a shadow.
As used on the Simpsons episode, Lisa the Treehugger, animal environmental rights activist, Jesse tells Lisa that he is a level 5 vegan who won't eat anything that casts a shadow.
Such thing doesn't exist mind you.
So Lisa went on, oh you're the best and Jesse's like, yeah well that's a start and anyhow blah blah blah.
Those are the words that I chose to accentuate because those are the new words that are in the new category of words that people are using nowadays of the actual urban dictionary, the real one.
Not that other one that we've been dealing with.
So Rob do you have something you want to go into here?
Yeah I can't talk that but.
I know. The stuff in there threw me for a loop because I thought I would identify most of it by its title. Not really.
Yeah.
Not really.
No they did throw me for a loop this time.
Yeah yeah me too. Usually I can kind of guess but this one no the meanings and the words themselves were completely different than what I thought they were going to be.
So okay Rob go ahead with yours.
Okay. As you know I find a lot of my stories on Newsbreak original.
On Newsbreak.
Well this is a, this one is a Newsbreak original by Newsbreak contributor, Mellie Allen.
And I thought it was pretty interesting.
Our favorite things from the 90s that no longer exist.
Okay.
Want to feel old? The 90s ended over 20 years ago.
There are some of the things we've missed the most about the iconic decade.
Okay.
Unpacking the CD cover.
Yes.
I mean one of the most exciting parts of buying a new CD was tearing its inside and miring them for hours.
I remember when they came in those way over packed long cardboard sleeves and I'd say once they had cool art hanging them on my wall.
Yeah. Yeah I miss that don't you?
Yes I do. I do. Well that's telling why I'm going back to Vinyl's.
Yeah.
For the covers.
Oh I love Vinyl's.
For the art.
Oh I know. I used to love the posters they put in there.
And the sound.
Yeah. I agree.
Okay. Up next we have uninterrupted privacy.
You remember when you could leave the house and no one could contact you?
We're so connected nowadays that we can't even remember what being unavailable is like.
I've got an example for that too real quick.
And let's try not to get detoured because I love what you're doing here. I love this.
But okay the other day I did not hear my phone and I wasn't getting good signal.
And it went directly it rang once went to voicemail.
Then when I figured it out and I called the guy back he goes hey how come you sent me to voicemail?
And I go dude I didn't even hear it.
No no no it rang once and then it turned over. You hit the voicemail button on me.
I'm like no I didn't.
That is a prime example of no privacy.
I just simply did not hear it and I didn't have a good enough signal for it to all run.
I think we've all had this happen right?
It rang once you don't hear it and it goes to voicemail.
Well and some people think that you hit the voicemail button on them after the first ring.
I don't want to talk to this dick.
So that is no privacy at all.
Because I didn't even hear it and I got accused of snubbing somebody.
So go ahead I'm sorry.
Right. Okay.
Next we have gifts in cereal boxes.
Yes I miss those.
My mother must have been confused when I picked out my least favorite cereal at the grocery store.
But I was willing to eat anything if a product advertised a free prize on the box.
I miss those days.
Oh I do too. It reminds me of those.
They go into how you used to get video games and CDs.
Oh yeah the CDs were awesome when they did that for a short time.
Oh man.
I remember when the old records came on the back of the box.
Yes. Yeah yeah yeah.
Yep they were actual. Those were some pretty cool records.
They were actually I think they called them 45's.
The small records that were the singles on them.
Yeah. Yeah I actually I think Davey still has a couple of those from like Alpha.
That'd be cool.
Apple Jacks maybe or something like that that had them on there for a while.
And it was something like the Partridge family or something like that or the Monkeys.
It was like poppy stuff back then.
And that stuff man that stuff is so cool.
I mean if I ever become a millionaire I'm buying every one of them I can find.
Right.
Yeah anyhow go ahead.
Okay next up no cameras at concerts.
There was a time you could watch a band perform on stage without a bright glow from someone's cell phone interface.
Bravo.
Bravo. Yeah that drives me fucking nuts.
Because now you see what's going on in front of you in a little bitty screen because that screens up around your eyes because they're holding it up to get a picture.
Yeah.
Oh it drives me fucking nuts.
Yeah.
Anyhow there's a couple of groups I forgot who they were.
That say okay the first five minutes are dedicated to the cell phones then we want them all in your pocket and you guys are going to enjoy a show.
And so they would.
And this is two bands that did that and I forgot who they were.
Topher is one that said it in a podcast way back.
And they came out there they said okay all right the cell phone section of this program is over.
Put them away.
You got your pictures.
Yeah I remember that.
I can't remember who they were but anyhow go ahead Rob.
Okay.
Early instant messaging.
Remember how thrilling it was when your junior high crush logged into their internet instant messenger.
Well I was a little bit older than that.
But I.
Me too.
Remember ICQ.
It was spelled I C and a Q.
And it meant I seek you and you'd have people on there and also they go.
And you go what oh shit someone someone just messaged me.
And then it'd be like oh cool that's so it's oh I didn't know about that party.
Yeah I remember that that was pretty cool.
It really was.
Yeah.
Okay next up we have weekend movie rentals.
Whether you prefer Hollywood video or blockbuster.
We can all remember those family outings to select a new movie or video game that we could replay all weekend.
Yep or I preferred like the smaller ones like Airway and Belton.
Remember Airway.
Yeah yeah yeah.
Oh that's where we go all the time.
Yeah that's where we go too.
They even had the drive through.
On Friday nights we'd go to Airway get some videos and go to pizza time.
Yep and also Airway had a liquor store there too so it was videos and liquor.
Yeah yeah.
It was the perfect place.
Yep Airway we salute you the former Airway and Belton which is now a Mexican grocery store.
We love you Airway.
We remember you.
Yes.
You had our you had our movies including the dirty ones plus alcohol.
I'm starting to get.
And I came in after I turned 21.
Same here I'm starting to get weepy Rob.
Yeah.
I mean yeah.
I am too.
That's nostalgia right there.
It is.
I mean those people cared about us obviously.
Okay next.
Next.
The music scene.
Okay.
The music scene.
Not all of us love 90s music but there is no denying the talent and passion that was
born in that era.
They remind us Gruns was good and gets a lot of notoriety.
But there was much more to the 90s music.
Oh yeah.
It was like the cranberries.
Yeah.
Even the Foo Fighters originated in the late 90s.
Do you know that?
Right.
They did.
Yeah.
There's a lot of music that came from the 90s that was not grunge.
That was just flat out rock you know.
Yeah.
And there's there's too numerous to mention but yes.
And I'll go a step further.
A lot of that 90s music that I didn't really listen to at the time.
I listened to some grunge.
I had my favorite like Soundgarden was my favorite and then Alice in Chains.
Right.
I liked them a lot.
STP had some good songs.
I liked Soundgarden.
You know there was some good grunge that I liked but a lot of it I did not like.
But I'll tell you what it aged well.
Because now I hear it and I go you know what that was better music than I realized.
Yeah another band that I really got into Stone Temple Pilots.
Yes they were they were really good.
Yeah.
And I like a lot of their abstract stuff that they did later on after the first initial
punch took everyone by storm with sex type thing and then going on.
But like that one they did that 60s song.
Shit.
I'll never think of it now.
Anyhow go ahead Rob.
Okay next up.
We had the cost of fast food.
Everything was cheaper back then.
It was a dollar.
The cost of fast food was as memorable as the deals they blasted.
A McDouble a dollar.
Yeah now it's a double.
Five for five dollars regular beef and cheddars at Orbeez.
Oh yeah.
And two ninety nine subway footlongs.
Yes.
And dollar McDoubles dollar small fries dollar Cokes.
Yep.
For three dollars and fifty cents.
Actual dollar menu.
Yeah.
Three dollars and fifty cents you had yourself an actual pretty good meal.
And that's all I could afford in that day.
So it worked out well.
Yeah.
Okay and last of all.
People we loved.
As time passed so did people.
Many remember the 90s fondly because of the memories they hold of those who are no longer with us.
I would a hundred percent agree.
I would too.
People in the spotlight.
People not in the spotlight.
Everything.
Yep.
And we salute all of you that made our lives full and happy or maybe not.
So anyhow.
Yeah we do.
Wow Rob I love that.
I love that.
That was excellent.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
All righty.
Well let's take our first break and hey I got some emails.
I got the emails caught up finally.
Right on.
I think some people got a little disgruntled though when they're not emailing now because I simply could not get to them.
I apologize.
Email again I'll get to you.
Especially if you're a double timer or a triple timer.
If it's not just like the hey love the show type that we don't have to answer and we said thank you to all you guys.
If it's something I need to answer I will find it and I will get to it.
So please have patience.
Anyhow we'll be right back.
And now deep thoughts with Mark.
How does a butterfly take a dump?
It never stops long enough.
Maybe it just shits while lofting.
Maybe it shits real quick while chewing flowers.
Hmm.
I may never know.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
Hey your chair.
Produce a sound similar to a fart.
But only once.
Except I thought we were producing a group that was just a chair.
We're just like a really funny radio show with all the funny taken out.
Hey look I think we found land.
Oh my god I think we're safe.
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
Why?
Can't a nose be talking to a frog?
Because then it would be a foot.
Hello.
This is Satan.
You might know me from my pet name.
Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than...
listening to two douche bags and microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I burned that day.
Enjoy.
Two douche bags and microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Okay like we promised we're going to get the emails and once again let me reiterate this.
I tried to get everybody's email but I could not.
Some of it I had to delete because it was just you know thank you ones or we like it.
We love the show or whatever.
And let's just do again Rob a blanket thank you right to all you guys.
And you know everybody.
And the reason they're not answered is because of time.
I mean I would love to answer them and just go hey thank you we love you too or whatever.
Or what you like about the program most but I mean so I apologize.
A lot of them I had to delete but we thank you a blanket thank you because of time constrictions.
Both have jobs we have lives.
We're doing this in our parking.
It is the holiday season.
Mark's wife has a birthday.
Happy birthday Val.
Yes tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
That's why we're doing this podcast here at 11.05 a.m.
So anyhow I will pass that on to Val.
I know she'll be happy to hear that.
So we are going to go out tonight of course.
Topher and his lovely wife will be with us.
And another lovely person so it ought to be fun.
So anyhow we have some emails here.
Okay.
Hey D-Bags.
And that's what they that's the way they spelled it D-Bags.
Which is I kind of like this abbreviation.
You guys mentioned that you are two and a half hours away.
I was wondering how exactly that works.
You sound like you're in the same room.
Jessie and then in parentheses female Oregon City.
Is Oregon City Missouri?
Uh.
I don't know.
I'll look it up later.
Okay.
Jessie.
Female Jessie.
Thank you.
I'm glad it sounds like we're in the same room.
But the truth is Rob's two and a half hours away.
He's down in Camdenton Missouri.
And he's on a Bluetooth that is set up right next to the microphone.
So that's good to hear.
Okay Oregon City is in Oregon.
Oh it's in Oregon.
Okay.
Well thank you.
Oh that's we had quite a few hits from Oregon.
That's awesome.
Thank you.
Well no we're two and a half hours away.
And we're lucky enough to have a system that works.
Yeah we are.
We're blessed.
Yeah we are.
And this is the way me and Topher used to do it when Rob used to call in.
We had the same Bluetooth on the table.
And it sounded really good there too.
This particular Bluetooth that I use has a very good sound to it.
And it's very portable.
So it works great.
And I'm glad you like it.
And thank you Jessie from Oregon City.
Thank you Jessie.
Next one.
Hey guys.
Maybe you should do a Rasslin.
And they spelt it the right way.
Rasslin show.
And a sports show weekly.
Thanks Jimbo in Des Moines.
Number one thank you Des Moines.
Everybody in Des Moines.
Thank you Des Moines.
I cannot believe how well we're doing there.
You guys are booming.
Yeah thank you.
Keep telling your friends man.
I would love to like I don't know actually register on some sort of a rating system up there.
Wouldn't that be excellent?
That would be awesome.
We got this two douche bags and microphone.
I mean I'm not sure how that's done because we go by RSS.
And RSS gives us pings of where people listen to us.
Right.
So anyhow.
Okay.
Rasslin and a sports show.
I don't think we have enough time for what we have right now.
We're trying to fit in a Rasslin show.
A sports show not a Rasslin show.
And we're going to put Rasslin in the sports show when Rob and I finally get around to it.
It will be included.
Yes.
So I would say roughly about half of the sports show would be Rasslin right?
Yeah.
See yeah.
Yeah.
I do a lot of Rasslin reports.
You know so.
So here's another thing too is the sports show doesn't have to be an hour.
We could go two hours if we have enough to talk about.
So there's your both your shows right there.
There's your Rasslin and your regular sports.
And we're doing what we can Jimbo.
And thank you Des Moines.
So yeah we're not saying no.
What we're saying is it may not be in that format.
But it will be in the form of somehow.
Agreed?
Agreed.
Okay.
All right next one Rob.
You said you have a Facebook page dedicated to the show.
How do I find it and could you possibly post recent shows on it?
Thomas in Jersey.
Let me answer this before you answer.
You cannot post shows on Facebook.
It does not let you post podcasts.
So there's no way that Rob could post any podcast of ours on there.
It simply will not let you.
So that's how the question.
You have to have an exterior and a website outside of Facebook to do that on.
And we don't have that anymore because the one that I had simply wasn't working.
I was paying for nothing.
So Rob can you explain how to get your Facebook page?
Okay well it's under two douche bags and a microphone.
But I've been waiting to hear from people to see if it's reached out or if somehow it's just stuck in my friends list on my actual Facebook page.
Next time I'm at work I'll break.
Well you're on my friends list.
No, no, no I'm going to get somebody there to look you up and see if they can find that.
Yeah it's on under two douche bags and a microphone.
Like I said me and my son were trying to get together and sit down with me and make sure everything's proper on it and I'm reaching out.
I don't know because all the responses I've got are people off my friends list.
So I'm thinking that might be what's going on and I'm going to work on that.
Okay well we have more information we'll pass it on to you Thomas in Jersey.
Thank you.
There is a two douche bags and a microphone Facebook page.
I think you could probably go in your search engine on Facebook and find it.
It might take a minute but you can probably find it if you really want to.
Sorry I wish we had a better answer but we don't.
Alright moving along.
Dear Douche Bags just wanted to mention that my 85 year old grandmother loves the show.
And when I visit her on Saturday she demands I get the show ready for her downloads.
Daryl in Kansas Dodge City.
Thank you grandma.
Yeah thank you.
I don't know how she found us.
Could you write me back Daryl in Dodge City and tell me did you turn her on to the show?
That's awesome.
It is.
That is awesome.
Anyhow any chance and then he wrote a PS here.
Any chance Jeffy X could do a show on his own Timmy?
No Jeffy X is incognito I asked him.
He has to protect himself.
Yeah because there's people he stole information that is very private and they're after him.
They want to find him.
And that would just put his voice on air so they'll know who it is.
Yeah they'll find out who it is.
So no Jeffy X could not do a show.
Keep giving your grandmother our show.
Hey give us your grandmother's name.
So I'll tell you what.
The beginning of every show we'll thank her if you give me her name.
We could do that couldn't we Rob?
Yes.
So Bernice or Hazel or whatever her name is let us know.
We'll thank her on every show.
That's cooler than shit man.
Do you remember back on the Sunday morning wrestling when we were kids in Kansas City.
The two old sisters they were twins that would sit front row every week.
Yeah all star wrestling and they were big Bulldog Bob Brown fans.
Yep.
Yeah of course I remember them.
They were cooler now.
Remember that one time they got through a churn and almost hit him.
Anyhow one of them came up and threatened him and he backed down.
Oh yeah.
It was probably.
They did that all the time.
I know I loved them.
I forgot their names but yeah.
I can't remember either.
Thanks for the memory Rob.
That's a great memory.
Yes.
They were there every fucking Sunday in that auditorium.
Excellent.
Well this grandma could be our twins.
Yes.
So Darryl in Dodge City.
Give us a name.
Ehal.
First name only.
That's it.
We all knew last names here.
Okay.
Mark I keep trying to send you mail but it bounces back.
I bet you don't get this.
Dave the Dove.
Dave I got it.
So I guess send another one.
Yeah.
I don't know why.
Are you sure you didn't get something wrong like maybe didn't put the D in it?
Because what I understand is people have the problem with the D. Or B I mean Douche B 66.
Yeah.
But I could not get just.
Yeah it keeps getting left off.
Yeah so it's DoucheB66 at yahoo.com.
That one got through so you have the right email so that one that you wrote if you can
go and look through your sent file that's the one you go to.
Yep.
Okay and then this one.
I like this one.
I didn't read it all but I just got the first.
Hey DoucheBags I caught three armadillos here in Montrose.
Want to come over for a cookout?
Smoked armadillo is a real treat.
Johnny in Montrose the third trailer from the power plant 10 foot away from Jerry and Franco.
Is that the other two from there?
Okay.
We got the whole town.
Yeah.
P.S. all seven of us Montrose residents now listen.
The power plant plays the show to ward off pigeons from dumping on the stacks.
Okay thank you.
Our capital Montrose is our biggest.
Thank you Johnny and Montrose everybody there listens including the power plant.
By the way give me a time to date on that armadillo I'll be there.
Yeah me too.
I may not eat any but I want to see you smoke those fuckers.
Will you eat one?
Sure.
There you go Rob we'll try your exquisite cuisine Montrose.
Yeah I'll try.
There you go.
Anyhow let's take our second break and we'll be right back with some more bullshit.
Sound good?
Sounds good to me.
Alrighty.
Break shit house energy drink.
That's right break shit house energy drink.
Make men and women feel good.
You want your balls?
You want to fuck shit up?
Montrose gonna cross America?
Break shit house is for you.
Please enjoy break shit house energy drink responsibly.
It's not readily available anywhere because of liability issues.
Oh shit what's that over there?
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
I can't take my dog to the lake.
The ducks keep attacking him.
That's where I get from the purebred dog.
Next up things overheard in hell.
Dishwater has the top ten spots on billboard hot 100.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
Mate you forever fill your cell phone with water and it's not even in it.
Two douche bags and microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Okay well Budweiser or Budlight stepped on their dicks really bad.
With a Dylan Mulvaney fiasco.
So now Budweiser is doing the polar opposite.
Trying to get their dedicated purchasers back.
Trying to get their sales back.
So Budweiser is now sponsoring a power slap.
Is what it's called.
With a partnership with Dana White and CEO of UFC.
And the champion of this new sport.
Okay so what it is is it's like a slap boxing deal.
Let me go through this article here which was I think is from the New York Times.
I'm not for sure.
The Knuckleheads who own Budweiser really know how to blow up a brand.
First they subjected their loyal customers to social media commercials.
Featuring flamboyant trans activist Dylan Mulvaney sipping Budlight while half naked in a bubble bath.
You know how that turned out.
Now they're partnering in maybe the most jarring sport in modern history.
A contest of grown men taking turns slapping each other in the face.
You'll tell one is so beaten and bruised he can't continue.
And it is brutal. My god.
It makes me squirm dude.
Yeah it's an up and coming sport.
Oh people love it. Me it's not.
I'll watch a little bit of it but then I find it disturbing when somebody's face puffs up to where you can't recognize them.
Dude I've seen people receive instant contestants.
Yes.
Just watching it on TV.
You see people the size of Andre the Giant with hands about the same size.
Just destroy someone's face.
Oh my god.
Torn to the hamburger.
Yeah.
The sport is known as Power Slap.
It's part of Anaheuser Bush's six year 100 million plus branding partnership with Dana White.
The CEO of UFC and the champion of this new sport.
If you know anything about White you know he's a brilliant businessman well versed in the art of the deal.
Based on everything we know about Anaheuser Bush it's fair to see this is among the biggest branding overreaches ever imagined.
A desperate hill mary from the Lunkhead executives who brought Mulvaney who thought Mulvaney was a smart marketing move.
And I'm going to attribute this to the New York Times but I'm not sure if that's who got it.
I think that's where the article came from because it didn't print out at all.
So there you go.
So Rob you got something you want to go into.
Yeah.
I ran across something.
I've always wondered.
I'm pretty sure you know the answer.
Okay.
And I ran across this on loud wire.
Okay.
Why does ACDC's Angus Young wear a schoolboy outfit on stage?
I honestly don't have any clue.
Oh I figured you did.
No.
Before Young debuted the schoolboy uniform on stage with ACDC in 1974 he donned bizarre stage costumes such as a gorilla suit, Zorro mask and superman suit.
I didn't know this.
In the early days the band tried out different outfits on stage including some of the era satin threads.
But at one point Young's brother and fellow ACDC guitarist Malcolm Young decided the band needed an image overhaul for a gig at Sydney's Victoria Park.
It was then that the schoolboy get ups origins came by way of a suggestion from Angus's sister Margaret who thought it would be amusing for Angus to perform in a school uniform as a nod to his youthful appearance and the fact that he just left school when the band formed.
Wow.
That's how he did it.
That's how it came about.
I had no idea.
That's a great little article there.
Thank you.
I honestly I've always wondered that myself.
I really have.
Yeah I always wondered it too.
I mean I was just like okay I guess that's his gimmick because he's small.
I just thought he did that because he was short.
You know he looked like he could be a toddler because of his small stature.
Anyhow wow very cool.
Did you know that holiday parties, office holiday parties are gaining steam again?
Because they were shut down for so long because of COVID right?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay the share of companies with 2023 holiday party plans has risen 7.4% points compared to 2022, according to a survey.
Work parties to ring in the holidays during business hours appear to have gained popularity with more than half of the companies 58.1 saying they were scheduling theirs for during or near the end of work day this year.
Gallagher, Gary and Christmas said and that is a survey that did this.
With the 2023 year end holidays fast approaching many US companies say they will have holiday parties for the workers.
Only two thirds, 64% of the US companies will do face to face festivities this year according to a survey from Challenger Gray and Christmas I guess is the name of it.
Okay despite companies approaching the end of the year cautiously due to the economy they are ready to celebrate with their teams according to our findings.
And want to do in person Christmas parties but there's Christmas parties of change there's a little alter to it.
Most companies are going away from having you come in on a certain evening with your spouses or whoever right?
What they're doing is is Friday before everyone leaves they dedicate two hours to this in air quotes office party for everybody in the office.
They're not including spouses because they think that's just too much trouble.
You know they often someone gets drunk and spouses mad or whatever so they're doing more office parties but they're doing it at the end of everybody's shift.
And you're getting ready to go into the weekend the Christmas weekend so they usually have that party that Friday or Thursday whenever they let off work.
And it usually lasts about two hours and it contains some alcohol but not a big selection of alcohol soft drinks food music and prizes.
So there you go that is a new form of office parties.
Cool. Yeah very cool.
So we got a guy here that was shot in the balls.
Oh wow. Yep.
A friend of Glenn's Paul Carpenter says he rushed over to his buddy's house after the gunshot.
My thought was he was okay you know is he dead is he alive.
I didn't know but they said he was okay and you know it wasn't life threatening Carpenter recalled.
According to police Glenn was able to get the gun away from his ex girlfriend.
She pulled the pistol out and shot me and I proceeded to take the pistol from her at that point and the gun and got her down explained Glenn.
But by that time I noticed she had grazed my left testicle.
Oh yeah he is going to be okay and that happened in Vermont.
So wow yeah yep yep yep.
Anyhow there is a survey but you know what I don't think I'm going to go into that because it's pretty in depth.
It's about how all the different generations use social media.
But I'll give you a little rundown but we'll go into it more probably next podcast.
But here's what the here's what the rundowns are right here is baby boomers use Facebook.
Gen Xers use Facebook and Instagram.
Millennials use Instagram threads and some other damn it I forgot.
But they use them in different ways and there's like a big article on the different ways that they use them.
And it's like basically like this and I'll go into it in another podcast.
But baby boomers and Xers use it for communication forms of communication where the younger generations use it as snippets of their life.
Does that make sense? Yeah yeah.
So anyhow I mean if you're interested in that that'll be another podcast.
The article itself is 10 pages long.
So I think what I would do is just write down the bullet points and go from there.
But did you know I had time to do that exactly him which I don't.
Neither do you right now.
January is new coffee creamer season in this January January is coffee creamer month.
Did you know that?
No I did not.
Most people don't.
And this January coffee mate and AGO waffles are collaborating to offer AGO coffee mate waffles with maple syrup flavored creamer.
According to the creamer brand the coffee enhancer features notes of toasty waffles rich maple syrup and warm butter.
Coffee mate AGO waffles with maple syrup flavored creamer will be available for a limited time at retailers nationwide this January in a 32 ounce bottle with a suggested retail price of $4.69.
So there you go if you like AGOs and waffles.
Good deal.
I'm going to clean up a couple other small articles here.
And they're actually getting kind of old so I need to get to them.
Ozzy Osborne may have a number of health issues but he's not counting himself out just yet.
The legendary rocker 74 was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease 20 years ago and he has dealt with a number of medical problems since.
But he is staying positive in a new interview with Rolling Stone UK.
Osborne admitted I'm getting pissed off reading the papers and they're saying things like Ozzy is fighting his last battle.
He's sung his last paranoid.
You know I don't even think about Parkinson's that much.
At that point in the conversation he held his arms out and reported to know that he showed very little signs of tremors that are common in people with Parkinson's disease.
Still he is aware that the majority of his life is behind him.
I said to Sharon that I smoked a joint recently and she said what are you doing that for?
And it'll fucking kill you he recalled.
I said how long do you want me to fucking live for?
At best I've got 10 years left and when you're older time picks up speed.
In September he had an operation done on his spine to correct injuries suffered during a fall in 2019.
His fourth in relation to the incident.
So it's really knocked me about he said.
The second surgery went drastically wrong and virtually left me crippled.
I thought I'd be up and running after the second and third but with the last one they put a fucking rod in my spine.
They found a tumor in one of the vertebrae so they had to dig all that out too.
It's pretty rough man and my balance is all fucked up.
So anyhow he went on to say that he might do one or two last shows if those surgeries went well enough.
But it kind of looks to me like they're not saying anything more like that and that article came out like two months ago.
Yeah.
I have heard virtually nothing which would indicate to me like there's probably not much change in his situation.
Which means he'll probably never do a concert again.
I hope he does.
I want to see him do at least one or two last ones.
What now? What?
I forget where I read it recently but I read a report where he's wanting to put out another album.
Yes. Yes and it's a matter of logistics.
He's been using Andrew Watt.
Yeah.
Who is a very good guitarist and even better producer it turns out.
He's produced a lot of the pop bands that you know of right now, the big ones.
Plus Elton John, Ozzy and some other big name stars.
He's the one that put together the All Star Patient No. 9 album and produced it for Ozzy which contains people in it like Jeff Beck.
RIP Jeff Beck.
Eric Clapton.
Zach Wilde.
Tony Iommi.
I forgot who's the drummer.
Shit.
The drummer for the Foo Fighters.
I forgot his name.
Also Duff McKagan from Guns N' Roses.
Yeah.
Oh shit.
There's so many different people that guested on this album and helped write a lot of it.
I mean like the Patient No. 9 with Jeff Beck.
You hear Jeff Beck's guitar influence all over it is just masterful.
The main song and the other hit was One of Those Days.
With Eric Clapton featuring Eric Clapton.
You can definitely hear Eric Clapton's influence in that.
And another very good song.
But it was really cool.
The Zach songs, the Iommi songs were good too.
But to me I was more interested in hearing the different influences like Eric Clapton and like Jeff Beck.
So it was a great album and I would love to see Andrew Watt produce another one.
But he's so busy with these other bands I hope he has time.
Because I'll put it like this.
I don't want just an ordinary Ozzy album.
If he's going to do another one I want it up to par like Patient No. 9.
And then the, I forgot the one before the Andrew Watt.
Anyhow.
Shit. Anyhow it had an Elton John.
Under the Graveyard.
Yeah.
It had an Elton John on it and just a slew of other people.
So I would want an album that is really up to par.
I wouldn't want the typical Zach Wild using that.
Oh that what do you call it?
That guitar tone, that real heavy one.
I forgot what they call that.
But anyhow.
I don't want just a regular Ozzy album.
I want something spectacular to follow up his last couple of albums.
So if it's just going to be an ordinary album I say don't do it Ozzy.
But if you're going to do this like you did the last couple.
Bravo. I'd love to hear it.
Yes.
So. Anyhow.
I think you got anything you want to add or I think we're going to go ahead and wrap this up.
Does that sound okay?
Yeah that's fine. That's fine.
Okay.
Everybody thank you for listening and we will talk to you soon.
Have a good day everybody.
Have a great day. Bye.
Hey. Where'd everybody go?
Where are the douche bags?
Oh my god. Someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh jeez.
Glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man that smells.