Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas!
You're still a fucking asshole.
Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,
from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River,
it's Two Douchebags and a Microphone Podcast.
When taking a shower, remember to scrub your asshole with soapy water,
because nobody likes a stinky asshole.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
On most of these apocalypse series,
we tell you what plants you can eat in case of an apocalypse,
and you have to go out to your yard for food.
Well, this one is going to explain to you the plants you may be aware of to not eat.
Plants that could be toxic usually might have milky white sap,
thorns, spines, or fine hairs, or leaves or stems.
Pods with bulbs, beans, or seeds,
stems or trunks that have an almond scent,
three-leafed foliage growth,
also be aware of intensely bitter or sappy flavor,
foliage reminiscent of dill, parsley, or carrot.
As pleasant as 50 grit sandpaper to your inner thighs...
Hey, I'm getting ready to turn 55. I don't mean it so much anymore.
Okay, he probably masturbated one time since he's been off. Sound fair?
I read today where New York State, there was a bill in the state senate
that would require all the Chick-fil-A's on the interstates to be open on Sunday.
The reason is the state feels that services along the interstate travel system
should be required to be open every day to service the public needs.
But the question I got is,
Chick-fil-A states the reason they're not working on Sundays is religious.
I don't know if New York State has any ground on that at all.
Because you can't really touch religion appropriately so to our Constitution.
Ah, dude, dude, dude.
You see, I see their point. You know, the people...
No, no, my first story up is something totally opposite, but it's kind of religious.
Okay, go ahead.
Okay, well, alright. All I think they could do is make that law
and then I don't know if they could enforce it because of religious reasons,
but maybe they could shut them down because they don't obey the law,
but I think that they would be grandfathered in because they were there before the law was passed, right?
Right.
But because of religious reasons, I don't think they can make anybody work on Sunday,
and especially like a corporation like Chick-fil-A,
where they have a corporate standard and it is part of their bylaws that they do not open on Sunday
because of religious reasons.
So, what do you think, Rob? Do you think, one, do you think that's proper for them to do that?
Number two, do you think that they have any legal recourse to do such?
When it comes to religion, I don't see how they could have any legal recourse.
I don't either. I don't know...
Because religion is a touchy subject.
Yes.
It's not even allowed in the laws anymore.
Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying is, is I can't believe this day and age
that they're even going to try to do something like that
because I think they're going to fail miserably.
I think it would go to the Supreme Court, and the Supreme Court would tell them,
no, you can't do this because on grounds of religious reasons.
Yeah, I think I would hold off to the Supreme Court, honestly.
Yes, yes.
Yeah, so anyhow, I thought that was interesting when I read that,
and I just wanted to bring it up firstly.
Anyhow, Rob, you said you had a story kind of like that about religion or something?
What? Well, yeah, but it's a different religion.
Go ahead. Go ahead.
And this comes out of Memphis, it's a story out of Memphis, Tennessee.
So I don't know if the school is from Memphis, it's somewhere in Tennessee.
Okay.
Okay, you remember, okay, the UvLab Foundation, you know the school that got shut up, UvLab?
Yeah.
The UvLab Foundation for a Kids announced Sunday its plans to protest against Chimney Rock Elementary School in January 24.
Okay.
That's what I'm saying, I don't know where, I did not get time to look up where Chimney Rock Elementary is,
but the story is out of Memphis.
Okay.
This comes less than a week after the Satanic Temple announced the planned launch of its after school Satan Club at the elementary school.
There's one like that going in Overland Park 2 where they're having a Satan Club and they're trying to vote it out and I don't know how they can do it.
That's interesting that there's two of them in different states.
Is this like some sort of a youngster prank or is it some sort of an overall trend?
No, no, no, it's a thing.
Okay.
The club is planning to launch on January 10th at Chimney Rock Elementary according to the Satanic Temple.
Wow.
The foundation plans to protest on January 3rd and January 10th right before the club launches.
Yeah.
That's not it, let's see, that's, now I'm looking for what I was getting ready to read.
Okay.
The club is not endorsed by MSCS which is explained by the Satanic Temple's wire for the club.
Wow.
Also, MSCS board members and leaders have explained that they do not support the beliefs of the Satanic Temple which is sponsoring the after school Satanic Club.
I want to know what they do in the Satanic Club.
Okay, well here's the last paragraph of the story.
Okay.
The Satanic Club is a federally recognized non-profit.
The organization explained that in a 2001 Supreme Court ruling gives them the right to meet as a club at a K through 5 school.
Yeah, yep.
Supreme Court authorizes it.
Okay.
Yeah, and this is what I was talking about, this goes along with the lines of Chick-fil-A.
Yeah.
Not opening on Sundays because they're Christian and that is a day of worship and rest, the Sabbath, you know, so.
And now we've got a Satanic Club that wants to go into a elementary school.
It's interesting that they're mirroring each, you know what I mean, they're diametrically opposed, obviously, you know, one believes in Jesus, the other one believes in Satan.
Yeah, there's a bunch of opposers that still have no choice but to allow it at this point.
Well, you have to because it is constitutionally protected.
Right, right, right.
That's why I read that part of the story.
Wow, interesting.
Well, do you want to go into something a little bit more lighthearted, Rob?
I'd love to.
All right.
Well, we have this new, relatively new little feature we have here and this is a playful, not trying to hurt anybody or nothing, not trying to be mean, a playful nipple yank, a playful ball flick, and a playful bite on the ass cheek to people, to famous people.
And we picked these, I don't know, maybe a couple times a month, somewhere in there, right?
There's really no rhyme or reason.
Every two, three, four, yeah, whenever we decide, we're not trying to overdo this.
No, we just, whenever we get to it, we get to it.
It's playful.
Well, today is the...
If it was somebody we were mad at, it'd be different.
Yes. So this is just, you know, who we decided this week to, we decided to do this this week on this show.
And it's a playful nipple yank, a playful ass cheek bite, and a playful nut flick.
And these are the people that I chose to do this with for no apparent reason, just because.
And then Rob will produce his for no apparent reason, basically, just because.
All right, my first, the nipple yank goes to Bill Nye, the science guy.
Ooh.
Yeah, I think he needs a nipple yank, don't you?
Honestly, I'm thinking he may like it.
Yeah, he's kind of a nerdy guy. I mean, you know, he...
Yeah, he may like it.
I couldn't see him like going, hey, you know, you just did?
You'd do that maybe for another 20 minutes, please? Maybe? Huh? Could you? Huh? You know?
I could see that. Yeah, yeah.
My playful ass cheek bite goes to none other than Henry Winkler, the Thons.
Oh, hell yeah.
He came back in the spotlight because he's a huge Patrick Mahomes fan, and you know,
and Mahomes gave him the jersey and all, and we all know that.
And anyhow, I love the guy. He's awesome. Just a playful ass cheek bite.
I guarantee you he would definitely love it if you gave him an ass bite on the sideline of the Chief.
Yeah, he'd just be like, hey, all right, let's go.
You'd just dig up behind and bite him on the ass right on Mac, on TV, he would love it.
Yes, I would agree with that.
So I think Henry Winkler deserves a playful ass cheek bite,
and the playful nut flick going along with the NFL theme, I think goes none other than Bill Belichick.
I think he could use a playful nut flick. What do you think, Rob?
Are you sure that'd be playful?
Maybe not, but I'm going to say it's playful. How's that?
Okay, okay. I'll let you go on that one.
Okay. All right, Rob, we hand this whole abortion over to you.
That's kind of funny because we're going in the same order.
That is funny. Okay, we...
Okay, my first, my nipple yank goes to Blake Clark, the Cajun in the Waterboy, played in Joe Dirt.
If he could play with his nipples, why can't I?
I agree. I agree. That's great. Good one.
And then I came up with my ass cheek bite. I'm thinking it may have been on my first one, but I don't care. I'll do it anyway.
You know what? There's no law. We set no laws on this.
You could ass cheek bite anyone for as long as you want. So go ahead.
Slow from progressive.
You might have picked her, but you know what? She can use more ass cheek bites, and I agree.
I think she was on my first one, but I'd still do it.
You see, I want to bite Jamie of progressive on the ass.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I want to do it hard. I want to draw blood.
We have different reasons.
Well, I just want to draw blood and watch him scream and flip out.
But yeah, yeah, mine's not quite playful. But go ahead.
And I think I know your reason. I think you think she's hot, right?
Not me. There's a lot of guys that do.
Okay. Okay. That's cool.
Yeah. Well, I'm not saying that a lot of guys don't.
My flicking the nuts is a special.
What now?
My flicking the nuts is a special.
Okay. Let's hear it.
Okay. For those that don't know, I had to go see a urologist yesterday.
Did they look at your pee pee?
They had to look something up front. Yeah.
Okay.
Well, while he was handling my, after he got done handling my boys.
The twins?
He talked me into a prostate exam.
Oh, that's the other side.
So I got a finger. I walked out of that office feeling all kinds of violated, bro.
I have a chick doctor and she's pretty attractive.
She's a Latina. And she has small hands.
But I'm telling you, he was a very good doctor.
So I'm going to give him a playful flicking the nuts.
There you go. He'll understand too.
Even though his finger was in my ass.
Yeah. Well, you know what? That's not the reason I picked my doctor.
You know what? When I had to have my prostate checked,
it did not hurt my feelings as bad as it would have if it was a man.
Which by the way, I got a phone call earlier today.
My results come back good. I'm good on that.
Oh, good. Good, good.
So it's a problem I got to worry about.
You said there is or isn't?
Huh? No, I'm good on the prostate.
Oh, okay. You got to...
He's got to figure it out.
I gave him $75 co-paid and stick his finger up my ass.
Okay.
And juggle my balls.
So...
As soon as he closed the door, he started laughing.
Well, I got another one.
Yeah, yeah. I guarantee you did. I guarantee you did.
No, a friend of mine said he went to his doctor, a male, and the doctor made him laugh so loud.
He goes, you know, I know you feel violated.
I know you don't like this, but imagine if you were me.
And he started laughing.
That's when the finger went right up in there.
So anyhow, let's see, I got a little story here that I kind of think is pretty cool.
And I'm just going to go into it, and then we can take a break, and then I have a real story to go into.
And it's a place, it's another work story that I used to screw with the people that I worked with, okay?
And I just remembered it the other day, just out of nothing, and I was like, wow, I don't think I've ever told this story.
And I really don't think I did.
Sounds like fun.
Yeah, it is.
Did you know that there's supposedly a curse at Arrowhead, at Arrowhead Stadium, Kansas City?
Yes, yes.
Oh, you know what I'm talking about then?
Okay, whenever somebody mows off at Arrowhead, they have bad luck.
And I guess the Bengals did it last year, and who was it before?
I didn't get a chance to look it all up, but there's like several instances, and they say it's an Arrowhead curse,
and they say that you shouldn't say anything to fans at Arrowhead because you're going to be cursed.
The latest victim of this is Nick Sirianni, the head coach for the Eagles.
He shot off his fat yapper, and since then he's dropped three games straight.
I love this.
That fucking shitbag, he can eat a bag of dicks, fucking asshole.
Next time maybe you'll shut your fucking pie hole, right?
Or maybe not.
You don't look like you're capable or smart enough to shut your pie hole.
Anyhow, I hope you keep losing, fuckface.
Enjoy the curse.
So, is that what you're going to talk about?
Well, no, no. I was just going to say, yeah, supposedly the curse comes from Derrick Thomas.
Oh, dude, you're right.
You're right.
It started actually back in the John Elway days.
I forgot about that.
Yeah, they said ever since Derrick Thomas had his premature death.
The curse goes back to Derrick Thomas.
Wow, dude. I forgot all about that.
Yeah.
Let's see.
You shoot your mouth off at Kansas City, you're going to get...
Yeah.
Was it like Chris Chandler or one of those quarterbacks?
Said something derogatory about Kansas City right after Derrick Thomas' death.
And then he had a season ending injury.
I think it may have been Chandler because you ain't heard shit out of him since.
No, no, no. He's been gone quite a while.
But I thought he had a very bad injury after that.
And then I think that's where it was born.
I think John Elway was involved in this curse.
Yeah, I think so. Yeah.
You know what, I'm going to look this up and I'm going to have a full report
because I forgot it went that deep.
I thought it was just over the last five years.
Yeah, I think it comes to Elway.
I think the Elway curse, if I remember right, is Derrick Thomas.
Yes, and for those people that don't know, Derrick Thomas was like Lawrence Taylor.
But if you didn't know Derrick Thomas, you wouldn't know Lawrence Taylor.
But he was one of the best, fastest...
Early to mid-90s.
Yeah, he was the best, fastest pass rusher, one of them ever.
He was one of the best ever.
He once had six sacks.
He put Derrick Thomas on one side, Neal Smith on the other.
Oh, God.
And that was the team.
That was that Marty Schottenheimer fucking insanely good defenses that he came up with.
They never made us anywhere.
DT, I think was from, played at Alabama, hell of a pass rusher.
He was a little bit one-dimensional, but he was so good at rushing the passer that you didn't need him to do anything else.
Anyhow, he suffered a premature death.
And what happened is he was notorious for having parties.
And he had a party, and he was supposed to go to the championship game in St. Louis when Dick Vermille was still there.
And I forgot who they were playing in the NFC championship game.
It was being played there.
And he was late getting to KCI for a flight.
He was flying down 435 North trying to get there.
He slid on some black ice, flipped his SUV, killed his best friend Robert Tillman or something like that.
Robert Tillman.
Robert Tillman, or something like that.
I forgot.
And his best friend.
And Derek Thomas broke his back.
He was trying to rehab down in Miami.
And he suffered an embolism that went to his heart and killed him immediately.
He's in the Hall of Fame.
And they say ever since that, whenever someone mouths off at Arrowhead Stadium, which they used to call his house, the House of DT.
Bad luck would happen and would ensue after his death.
But there was more to it, too.
His dad was killed in an airplane mission.
He flew a fighter in Vietnam.
And every time the stealth bombers would fly over Arrowhead, they had the famous pictures, the famous video of Derek Thomas crying on the sideline.
And it was very emotional.
It was a work of art.
You could see this pain and love on this man's face.
He never got to meet this guy because of a stupid war that we probably should have never been involved in in the first place.
And his dad was a bona fide hero.
So anyhow.
Do you happen to know exactly where that accident happened up there on 435?
Roughly. Yeah.
OK.
Well, that same exact day when that accident happened and that exact same snowstorm, I was leaving Clack City heading back to St. Joe.
I was like five, six miles ahead of him.
No shit.
Well, you know, that was a weird storm because down the same time, the south side of Kansas City from about Gregory Boulevard, you know where that's at, right?
Yeah. Yeah. South got nothing.
Matter of fact, in Cleveland, Missouri, it was a blue sky all day.
It was cold, but it was blue sky all day.
That was a freak snow ice storm out of nowhere that they didn't even know was going to happen.
Yeah. See, I was on the north side.
Yeah. And you got it up there.
Where that accident. Like I said, I was like five miles, five, six miles up the highway from him when that accident happened.
Wow. Well, I remember they broke into sports radio. I was listening to sports radio.
And I think it's Kevin Keatsman broke it.
And he gets on there. And this is back when he was on 1510 before they bought 810 and started that big signal.
And I remember him going, we just got word that Derek Thomas has passed away.
And I'm like, what? I went over there and told a couple of guys I work with.
I go, hey, man, I just heard that.
And then they're looking at me and they go, yeah, yeah, I just heard.
And they're listening to a different sports station.
And we're like, wow, we're just sitting there just like fucking stunned going, oh, my God, Derek Thomas died.
Yeah, it was a shock.
Yeah. Yeah, it was.
So anyhow, let's take our first break and I'm going to come back with a work story that I never told before.
So how's that? I can't wait.
All righty. You know, they're always classic. Am I going to have to bring you down?
Yeah, absolutely.
OK. All right. All right. This sounds like fun.
It is. We'll talk to you guys in a minute.
Now, from the makers of the Who Bit My Asshole Board Game comes the Rob Rad Jigsaw Fuzzle.
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This brilliant glossy photo of Rob wearing a loincloth and a rain forest is the perfect stocking stuffer.
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And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
OK, so I'm going to go ahead and get a little bit of a
OK, so I have a shredded chicken soft taco.
Now I'm going to lay it flat, open it up, and then I'm going to roll it tightly the other way.
Will it then suddenly become a taquito?
I may never know.
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Do douchebags in a microphone, raw and uncensored.
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Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
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May every empty parking space you see in the distance actually contain a motorcycle.
Music.
Alright, well like before promised.
This is a new story.
Everyone knows my, I mean listen for a while, I used to be very mischievous at work.
When I was a teenager and a young man.
Well you witnessed it first hand.
So I didn't necessarily give a shit.
At a young age even.
Yes.
I didn't necessarily give a shit whether I had a job or not, so therefore I acted accordingly.
So anyhow, so when I was a teenager I accidentally got a part time job at a printing press.
And it really was by accident.
I was helping a buddy with-
I remember you telling me about that job.
Yeah, yeah because I used to make flyers and shit.
I used to do dick prints and like fucking stick them in people's notebooks and stuff.
And then they'd open it up and there'd be a fucking black and white dick print in there.
God that was years ago.
Asshole prints.
All different kinds of stuff.
Nasty messages.
I can't believe you remembered that Rob.
That's awesome.
Yeah, I remember you talking.
I think that was right before we met.
Yes it was.
We met March of 85 so yeah that was a long time ago.
Yeah because I actually was laid off from hog carrying I think right before that.
And I was debating on whether getting another job or not.
But then I accidentally got this one so I didn't need a job.
But anyhow, I was helping a buddy with his project he had going on at school.
We were at a printing press and he was getting flyers made up for a charity function.
The owner who came into the store and was informed that three people called in to work that day.
He looked at me and my buddy Ben and he asked us if we wanted to make some extra money working there part time.
So Ben and I looked at each other and we were like okay sure why not because it looked like fun.
There was all these big presses and equipment there and we couldn't wait to go fuck with it.
We weren't necessarily really wanting to work.
We were just wanting to screw with this machinery right?
Yeah.
And also I had guitars and amps and a piece of crap 66 Mustang that needed all kinds of work done.
Did I still have that Mustang or did I already hit the deer by the time we met?
I think I probably hit the deer already I think.
Anyhow, it doesn't matter.
It was a convertible leather top though.
But it was still a piece of shit.
We soon realized why everyone kept calling in.
It was because a supervisor named Walter.
He was a real dumb shit and he couldn't put a string of words together most days.
So what was I to do?
I quickly started screwing with him.
Walter had a horrible green...
No, not you.
Walter had horrible green grey teeth.
I mean it was nasty.
I mean it was just like I don't know what the hell he had to do why they were just like they were that color.
It didn't look healthy.
So I started by going into his office every day and replacing his brand new ink pens with dry ones.
I heard him several times.
He was complaining about the cheap pens the company provided.
His mistake was he would throw his dry pens in the trash.
A bastard like me could retrieve them and do the prank over and over.
So every day I would go in there and I would have the new pens.
I would take the old pens out of the trash that was already put in the little hopper dumpster by the custodian.
So he wouldn't even be able to look into his trash and see that I replaced his pens.
I would wait until they threw the trash out in the hopper dumpster.
Then I would go out there and retrieve the pens.
Then I would bring them back and take his good pens and put the dry pens.
So every day he would go to his office desk and he would have three dry pens.
And he would replace them the day before.
This drove him nuts. He used to bitch about it all the time.
He would be like, I wish we had some good pens in this fucking place.
I would be like, yeah I know I just had a couple go out on me. I don't understand it.
And he would be like, oh they need to buy better pens. I'm like, yeah I think I agree with you.
So this press took large checks from local businesses and cash so it had a vault room in it.
It was nothing but a vault.
It wasn't really a room. It had a door you could go in there but I'm not even sure really.
Anyhow it was a vault.
I found out that the vault room had to have a certain card to get into it.
Walter and the owner were the only two of them.
And the janitor had another one but he could only use his card to get into the place.
But Walter had to approve it beforehand.
If Walter didn't approve it the silent alarm would go off and alert the owner and the local authorities.
The problem with the access card was they all looked identical.
So what would happen is the janitor would be like, hey I've got to go in there and clean everything up and all that.
And so Walter would authorize it. He put his code in.
And then that meant that the vault was being cleaned and that's why someone was in there.
And then Walter had to go oversee it.
But if Walter didn't put it in his code first it would set off an alarm because it wasn't quite the right card that Walter and the owner had.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Yeah.
It was designed to protect another third party from getting in there.
They didn't trust anybody but Walter and the owner to be in there alone.
So I quickly realized this so every now and then I would switch the access cards out because they looked identical.
The janitor used to leave his in his tool cart and Walter used to have his in his unlocked desk.
The first time I switched out their cards it caused a huge issue because there had been a lot of break-ins in the area of local businesses.
So when Walter would use a card I switched out with the janitor.
He didn't approve it prior and it would set off all the alerts in the owner's home and local law enforcement.
So Walter would go in there by himself and he would have the janitor's card that needed the code to approve it, right?
It wouldn't get the code.
This is not the story I was thinking.
There's too much technology involved.
We didn't have this stuff back in the 80s.
No, this was in the 80s.
It was?
It was in the 80s, yes.
And they did have this technology.
Well, we met March 85.
Yeah, so this is probably 84.
It was, yeah, that's why I say that.
I thought I remembered this.
No, this happened right before I was at Jess and Jim's, so yes, I probably did tell you about this.
They did have this technology then.
They didn't have cell phones or nothing, but the burglar alarm was tied into the local authorities.
And also, the owner, they could do that back then, and they did.
So I got to do this roughly three times and Walter hid his card and then the janitor quit.
And then the new one never, he never left his card lying around like the old one did.
So everyone is, you know, so I got to do that three times and it drove fucking, well, I know Walter didn't know what the fuck was going on, man.
You know, he'd be in there and all of a sudden he'd get fucking, hey man, you know, cops coming in there, fucking owner flying down there and shit.
And then he looked like an asshole because he looked like he lost the card and took the wrong card or something, right?
So he looked like he did this like he was the fuck up.
But actually, I did this by sneakery, sneaking his card and switching them out.
So anyhow, the new janitor, the old janitor quit, the new one, he would hide his card and then Walter got to where he would put his card in his pocket or something.
I don't know where he put it, but I never could find it again.
So I think even as dumb as Walter was, I don't think that I think that he figured out that someone was stealing his card and swapping it out with the janitors.
Or maybe he thought the janitor did it. I don't know. But anyhow, so I got to do this about three times and it was fun.
So one day I had everyone at work go up to Walter different times during the morning and tell him he looked ill, disheveled, sickly.
He believed all of us and he went home sick and didn't come back for three days.
Because we just suggested that he looked ill. He looked disheveled. He looked like something was wrong.
So I used to put toothpaste and I used to hide it in his coat pockets because his teeth were nasty.
He never used it that I could tell. One time I put that really sticky fly paper in his coat pocket instead of toothpaste.
He vowed to fire whoever did that. It was all funny games until one day Walter didn't show up.
You know, he had that sticky, you know how sticky that fly paper was?
Oh, I bet. Oh yeah. It ruined his coat. He couldn't get it out of his hand.
He said it took him like a half hour and he said he still had that sticky shit on his hand and he had a little meeting.
He said, if you ever caught whoever did it, they were fired.
And I had a hell of a time not bursting out laughing and going, I did it, fuckface.
But you know, I like getting money. It was an easy job. All I had to do was go take prints and just fucking run them over, you know, stack them, bundle them and then tie them off.
It was an easy job. So I kept my, you know, I kept my composure and acted like I was pissed like him.
I can't believe someone did that to you, Walter. If I find out who did it, I'm going to be the first one to let you know.
And you know, and he thought I was on his side, but I wasn't.
So anyhow, one day all the fun and games were gone because Walter didn't show up.
Seems that Walter had a horrible gambling problem and was stealing money from the vault and was let go and prosecuted.
Holy shit. Yes. So I was fucking with Walter that whole time, but the whole time Walter was fucking gambling.
And I don't know where he was gambling. We didn't have the Riverboat Casino.
So I think it was probably like like maybe the Missouri Queen or something like that. Or I don't.
I'm not sure how he gambled, but anyhow, or did we have them? Maybe we did have good casino.
No, I think it was illegal gambling back then. I don't think there was any legal gambling in the state of Missouri.
Well, the word was, is he had a horrible gambling problem and that's why he was stealing.
Well, I think it was with bookies and shit then. It was illegal gambling.
Well, somehow I think. We did not have legal gambling back in the 80s.
Okay. Well, anyhow, he, when he admitted that he was stealing when they put the pressure on him and, you know, did the plea bargain,
he said they had a gambling problem and that's why he did it. So I guess it was with bookies.
So I worked there long enough to buy a used Ibanez guitar and fix my Mustang roughly for three weeks before I hit a deer one night and totaled it.
So I guess karma kind of got me back, didn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, yeah, I did. But you know what? It was funner than hell.
So anyhow, Walter, you're probably out of prison unless you did something else. I hope you'll listen to this broadcast and you now finally know who did it.
Who switched out your cards, who kept sticking toothpaste in your pockets. Oh, another thing I used to do is I used to put like little water balloons behind his books
and the water balloon would fall out and fucking hit him and break open. Mark, if he's getting out of prison, I don't know if I would admit all this.
You're right. Walter, I didn't do this. It was, it was Rob Rand. You're going to have to hire a bodyguard now. Yeah, no shit.
So I used to put those little bitty water balloons. Remember those little ones, those little pinky balloons that they used to sell? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
They're probably still selling. That was my son's favorite that I had to fill up and then, oh my God, they were a pain in the ass. Oh, yeah.
You'd have to. I had several. I had those little water balloons. Yeah, I hated them. Yeah. I used to have to.
Several of them exploded on me because they were so delicate. In order to get them to explode on them, they had to be about ready to pop open anyhow. Right. Yeah.
That's the only way because if not, they would fall and bounce off of them. So I had to, I had several of them explode on me. So I kind of got it too.
But I had a couple of them that were like just right and they fell and exploded on him and he was pissed off. And anyhow, poor guy.
And then when you got bigger talus tank fingers, it's hard to work with. Yeah.
That was always the wife and the daughter's job. I don't think I could fill them up nowadays. I just don't think I could.
I know. There ain't no way I could. My fingers could. Yeah, no way. No, too much wear and tear on my fingers. I would not be able to.
I'm about to close time. Yeah, those little bastards are hard and they're hard to get over the sink tap too. Oh my God.
I'd have to have my bag of fine glass out. Yeah. Look, I mean, it wasn't fun, but I had to do it. I had to do it to fuck with Walter. Right.
Hey, as per yeah, we all had to do it. Well, that too. But I mean, this was to fuck with Walter. I had to do it. It was my duty.
Well, yeah. So anyhow, I got another little story here I want to go into switching gears completely.
You know, they did a survey about what states spoil their dog the most. Right. Yeah.
OK, and here is the top 10. Florida top the list with sixty six point five of respondents saying they spend more money on their dog's health and grooming than their own.
The survey also found that forty three point five of respondents in the Sunshine State have pushed their dog in a stroller while fifty four percent regularly throw birthday parties for their canines.
Alaska, Washington, Colorado and California rounded out the top five respectively. But I'm going to go ahead and go into the top 10 in order.
Number one was Florida. Number two was Alaska. Number three, Washington State. Number four, Colorado. Number five, California. Number six, New Jersey. Number seven, Illinois.
Number eight, Texas. Number nine, Delaware. Number ten, Virginia.
So meanwhile, the survey suggested pet owners in Oklahoma spoil their dogs the least, followed by Indiana, Wisconsin, Idaho, New Mexico and South Carolina.
Now here I know I have some good friends in Oklahoma. Yeah, they spoil their pets. OK. Well, this says they do at the least. So they're not the normal.
So anyhow, and who knows how they got this? This is from Forbes. So, I mean, I don't know how Forbes got this.
Forbes advisor also identified the ways people spoil their dogs most. Taking family photos for the fur babies topped the list at fifty eight point seven of all respondents nationwide saying they do this.
About fifty three point seven of the respondents said they also like to pamper their pets by buying them dog clothes with special dog meals come in at forty five percent and also homemade food prepared for their dog at forty three point two percent.
And forty three percent. No, forty one point two forty forty one point three percent say they've ordered a nice treat for their dog at a restaurant. So that is that's it right there.
And how about we take our last break and we come back with something from Rob? Does that sound good?
Well, I'm sorry if I was distracted through that. I was dealing with my son's dog. So, OK. Anything you want to talk about or not?
No, no, no. I'm just in the room. He's gone. She's part of it. And he was supposed to put her in a kennel before he left. And he did.
I guess not. OK. We'll be right. We'll be right back with Rob. Rad something. I'm sure he's got something for us, don't you?
I got some like area news for you. Awesome. We love like area news. We'll be right back.
Next up, things over heard in.
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Two douchebags and a microphone says you ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass.
Just ask him a lot of podcasts just come from a can here at two douchebags and a microphone.
We are all podcast. Next up, things over heard in hell.
Joe Buck and Troy Aitman are doing all televised and radio games of the NFL this year.
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Two Deuce Bags and Microphone. I'm Mark. And I'm Rob.
Rob Rabb, we turn to you.
It's been a while since we've had a late area news worthy of talking about.
Yes it has.
Well, I have been watching this. I have not reported on it, but I've been watching it. There is talks of a casino coming to Lake of the Ozarks.
Still? How many times do they squash that though? I thought it had been squashed several times before.
Well, let me read this story.
Okay, go ahead.
The development of a locally funded and based casino at Lake of the Ozarks receives another endorsement.
Okay.
The Miller County Commission this morning, which was yesterday, so Monday the 18th,
unanimously approved a resolution to support and favor of the casino development, which is being spearheaded by the Osage River Gaming and Convention Group and Bally's.
Oh, okay.
Which I'm looking at. That's my job tomorrow. I'm going to look in and see if that is the Bally's, Bally's.
We have the Bally's in Kansas City.
Yeah.
They took over another casino and they promptly put millions into it.
Yes.
I believe it's going to happen now.
Well, governors gave approval to the resolution following a short public comment period during which former longtime presiding commissioner Tom Wright, who is not a big fan of a casino in the Lake area,
gave his opinion, which does coincide with county will benefit from such a development, but not to the extent that is being advertised.
Okay.
Yeah, well, it's going up for about in November 2024. It's on the ballot.
Very cool.
If you know Lake of the Ozarks, which I know you do.
Yes, I do.
You go down by Bagnell Dam on 54.
Like you're coming around Osage Beach, around the lake, and Jeff City.
You come across the Osage River.
Yeah, which comes out of Bagnell Dam, Lake of the Ozarks.
Yeah.
One side you look off to your right, you look at the Osage River, you look off left, you're looking at Bagnell Dam.
Yes.
Well, there's a quarry just on the other side there and that's where they're talking about building this casino.
Okay.
It might happen now.
The city's main concern deals with such a casino development would not be regulated or taxed by the state.
Okay, well, fuck you city. That's my opinion.
Fuck your taxes.
Yeah.
Here's what I'm looking at, Mark.
That would bring jobs to this area.
Yes.
Which this area needs.
I agree.
Especially in wintertime, it closed down.
But here's what the lake would need to support this casino.
Yeah, you have your regulars, your locals.
Yes.
But we need our travelers to keep it going to support the local people working there.
Yes.
This is my opinion as a local that live here. I've lived here for 20 years.
Okay.
I think it would be a great idea as long as people would keep coming. Because right now, yeah, I have a two and a half week vacation because we're slow.
We're a tourist area even though I build boat trailers.
Things slow down.
A casino would give people, especially during the holidays, would give them an income.
When a lot of people are laid off. Hell, I could go there and get an easier job.
Yeah.
Get in on maintenance or whatever.
Yeah, absolutely.
Just something I wanted to bring up. I mean, yeah, they're talking about, actually they're talking about two different casinos down here.
Okay.
I just ran across the other one today, but this is the main one they've been talking about.
Okay.
But the problem is, it's an Indian.
Yeah, Native American casino.
They're not liking about it. It's an Indian casino.
Okay. And they want one that they can regulate and have their own taxes on is what they're saying.
Yeah, that last statement, the city's main concern deals with such a casino development would not be regulated or taxed by the state.
In other words, they're not getting their cut.
Yeah, it's an Indian group that's wanting to start.
Yeah, a Native American casino, because it's on their land, is unsupervised.
They cannot, you know, our government cannot tell them what or what not to do on their land.
So they don't have any rights to revenue or to tell them that they have to close at any certain time or tell them they have to adhere to nothing.
And we all know the government doesn't like that.
But I think but I think they're being pressured into having to accept it because there's enough people rising up around here.
Hey, we need work. We need, you know.
Well, you know what? I think it's no way.
Here's the deal. This is like a those arts at tourist area.
Okay, with all of you in Kansas City and St. Louis and Illinois and Nebraska and Iowa, go home.
It's just us down here.
And let me give you a little.
We're still paying the high taxes. We're still paying the high prices.
Yes.
But it's low pay.
Let me and let you build yourself up.
Let me put it into a little bit different perspective here.
If you allow me to.
Okay.
All right. So a cruise, right?
Do you know that nearly half the people that go on cruises do it to gamble?
Because they have casinos and all these boats.
You would think that they go because they like the ocean.
They like playing out in the sun.
But there is about half the amount of people who get on that boat that just want to go into the casino and gamble the whole time.
And they do.
So that will tell you that will give you an idea of how a casino would help Lake of the Ozarks out so much is because of that is because people are like, well, you know what?
I can go gamble here on the Missouri River.
I go to St. Louis and gamble on the Mississippi River.
I could go to Columbia and or is it Columbia?
No, it's Boonville.
I go to Boonville and gamble on the Missouri River or I could go to that playground, Lake of the Ozarks and gamble.
Don't you think that?
Well, OK, at the same time, people from here.
Or have them to go to Boonville, have them to go to Kansas City.
Yes, they wouldn't do that.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
So you get local people and you get the tourists.
I think it would be great for the revenue.
I think it would help the lower income people around here to find a job.
Yes.
As long as you could pass the test.
Which I could easily get into the maintenance.
Yeah.
But I mean that's a great idea and I think it's great that people are giving them enough heat to where they have to look at it and possibly do it.
Because I think it's been needed somewhere like that for a long time.
Like you said, after everybody else goes home, they put their boats in the hand.
They've got to keep the people coming.
They put their boats in storage and they lock up their lake homes.
Then people like you still have to pay the high prices but don't have anything.
Well you do because you're in industry.
Yeah, when they're not here they're giving us the money.
Yeah.
Well I mean we go to Eureka Springs a lot like I've told before.
Right, right.
You know what I'm talking about.
Yeah, most of those people come November.
They're in Florida.
They're in Florida but they can afford it.
People live down at Lake of the Ozarks.
People do business in Eureka Springs because they can.
You know what I mean?
There are a lot of people down at Lake of the Ozarks.
They live there and they have no choice but to work there.
So it's a little bit different thing.
Eureka Springs, they filled up the sidewalks and they're all in Florida or somewhere else.
In another home somewhere or doing something else.
They're not worried about doing anything during the winter because they're already fine.
Now people at Lake of Ozarks, a lot of them are in different situations where they have to work when nobody's down there.
And then a lot of people don't get to because nobody's down there.
If you have a casino, those people have a place where they can go and work during the winter.
Yeah, yeah.
As long as we have people coming in to support it.
And you will.
So it doesn't have to support itself.
You will, like I said, go to Booneville.
Well, then the companies support it.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
I mean go to Booneville and play the slots or go to Lake of Ozarks.
I know a lot of people in the outskirts, you know, around the outskirts, everywhere down here that travel to go to the casinos.
A lot of them probably go to Booneville, don't they?
Because that's the closest.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Booneville is straight up by pretty much.
Yeah.
So, well, let's hope they do.
I got one last story before we shut down for this podcast.
You know NASA has a canister of space rocks that cannot seem to get open.
This canister is from.
I bet I could get it open.
I don't know.
They really did this thing.
You might be able to, Rob.
But the thing is I think they have a problem getting it open without hurting the rocks is a problem.
Okay, yeah, that would be a problem.
Yeah, this canister is from an asteroid named.
I was going to say you bring it to our shop, me and the guys, we can get it open.
Let's face it, you take a cotton torch to it and it'll fucking break it wide open or, you know, there's other ways too.
But yeah.
No, we got hammers.
We got all kinds of stuff.
Sledge hammers, whatever.
Sheet metal hammers.
Yeah, and we'll get it open.
Yeah.
Hell, we have a plasma cutter.
Plasma cutters will do that too.
Yeah.
That's probably the best.
Probably.
This asteroid is named Bennu.
B-E-N-N-U.
NASA said that it is working on a unique tool to open up the canister.
They made the canister so space proof that it seems it may be human proof as well.
We shall keep you updated.
There are some really long awaited materials from this particular asteroid.
They think that they're materials that can help us in everyday life.
These are elements and minerals that we don't have on Earth, they believe.
And they've been wanting to get into this thing for a while.
But they're afraid to take too much force to it because they don't know.
Yeah, because you don't know what would destroy what's in it.
Exactly.
So they have to be very delicate.
Like you said, the cutting torch could destroy it.
Yeah.
So they have to be extremely careful about how they handle this thing.
And in doing so, they have not been successful in getting it open.
And this is where they're coming up with this unique tool that's just going to be a tool that they develop
just to open this thing up so they don't hurt any of the elements or the minerals inside it
because they think that these are minerals and elements that they don't have here on Earth.
So, and interesting stuff.
So, anyhow, trying to think of what else.
I got it, dude.
Okay.
I got the solution.
Okay.
A portable bandsaw.
You think they would have thought of that already?
From the top right off of it.
There's no heat.
Yeah, I'm familiar.
You could even add coolant, you know, like oil to wire cut and cool it.
I have a portable bandsaw that actually has coolant.
Well, I had one.
I don't have it now.
I used to work with one.
It would be great for cutting railings and stuff like that.
Oh, dude, we use them all the time, Don, docks and shit.
Yeah.
Oh, they're great.
They will cut.
Oh, and when I worked for, when we did all these work, yeah, we used a lot of,
we used a hell of it at all of these cutting that tube steel.
Yeah.
Oh, gosh, yeah.
Yeah, there's nothing better for cutting tube steel on the job than a portable bandsaw.
Those things are good.
Yeah, well, unfortunately, that's what I do these days.
And I use a chop saw with an abrasive blade like a grinder blade.
Yeah.
Yeah, I got the sparks.
Yeah, I breathe in the fumes.
Yeah, I got.
Yeah.
But I got admit, I love what I do.
I'm three months from the turn of 55.
Cool.
And I'm still doing what I do and I'm enjoying it.
That's great.
I got admit it.
Well.
I'm enjoying it while I can.
Yes.
It's not something you're going to want to do when you're 60.
Probably not.
I don't know, though.
I mean, you seem to have it very well.
Yeah, there ain't no way I can do it when I'm 60.
Yeah.
It's very hard physical work.
Not 180 pounds at a time when you weigh 140.
Yeah.
You're like an ant.
All day long.
You're lifting more than your body weight.
That's what ants do every day.
Yeah.
Actually, I have a 26 foot, two by three, two by five, eight inch tube steel.
Oh, yeah.
I actually have to pick up, carry through a doorway, turn it sideways and get it up
on my saw, which is about two, three inches taller than what I needed.
Oh, wow.
That's a lot of bolts for somebody taller than me.
I sure do, man.
I'm five seven.
Oh, man.
And it's built for that.
Yeah.
But so I got to lift this shit all the way up.
So that tells you something a little more about me.
Yeah.
That means you're pretty damn stout.
But these pieces, these 26 foot pieces of two by five steel, 140 pounds.
I weigh 140 pounds.
Wow.
That's pretty good, dude.
I'm proud.
Yeah, you should be.
A lot of people are proud.
A lot of people try to figure out how the hell I'm still doing it.
To be honest.
Yeah.
I mean, really.
You're my son.
Yeah.
Yeah, really.
Honestly.
Now that he works there, he sees what I do.
He goes, how the hell are you doing that, Dad?
I don't know.
I'm doing it.
Oh, cool.
It's what was brand new to me as a kid.
You worked your ass off.
Yep.
All right, everybody.
Thank you for joining us.
Have a good rest of your evening.
Take care.
Bye.
All right.
Good night, everybody.
Good night.
Hey, where did everybody go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God.
Someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh, geez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.