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Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas!

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You're still a fucking asshole.

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Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri

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from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River

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it's Two Douchebags and a Microphone Podcast.

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And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.

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Why can't I use my toaster to toast ravioli?

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Or how about marshmallows?

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Man, this is bullshit.

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Hello, this is Satan.

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You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.

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I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than

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listening to Two Douchebags and Microphone by a nice warm fire at night.

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I sit there and I reflect on all the cells I burned that day.

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Enjoy.

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Hi there, this is Fucknut from Two Fucknuts and a Recorder Podcast.

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Two Douchebags and a Microphone are our favorite podcast ever.

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Please, go to your friend's computer and download it from there.

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Go to your church's computer and download it from there.

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Go to people you don't know and grab their phones and download it on there.

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These fuckers need all the help we can get.

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Hello everybody, this is Two Douchebags and Microphone. I'm Mark.

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And I'm Rob.

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Well, tonight we'd like to start off with a big thank you to a certain market of ours

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that's just exploding.

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I knew we were doing good and then Rob sent me a message a little bit earlier tonight.

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And I can't believe it.

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Oh my God, look at it. All of a sudden we got a ton of hits again.

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Okay, Des Moines, Iowa has become our second market next to Kansas City.

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And it's over Kansas City, Kansas and less than Kansas City, Missouri.

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I mean, I can't believe it.

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I mean, we had that email from there and the guy said that the reason we do so good there

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is because they don't have any entertaining radio.

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He might be right. He might be right.

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Very well, can't be.

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Yeah. Yeah. I find that incredible.

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Yeah, it is.

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Yeah, and you just noticed it today because it wasn't like it yesterday.

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So, they're just like...

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No, it wasn't.

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It's got to be like one person tells another one and then another one

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and then they all get on there and start listening.

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It's got to be something like that.

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I just...

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We're extremely thankful that you guys take enough of the show to listen and to tell people.

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So, anyhow, pretty cool. Very cool.

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Anyhow, my dogs are barking in the background because they're really antsy tonight and I don't know why.

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But there might be like deer out there or something. I don't know.

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So, anyhow, how's your evening going, Rob?

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You said something about you didn't get a whole lot of sleep because of a dog or something.

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She had my son's dog.

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She stays in a kennel at night and my alarm was set to go off at five,

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which is the moment I get up about 5.15.

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Uh-huh.

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So, no, about 4.30 she starts whining and makes me...

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Oh, I thought it was a neighbor's dog, the one you're having the problems with.

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No, no, it was my son's dog.

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Okay.

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No, that dog ain't here no more.

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Oh, good. Good. That's good to hear.

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Yeah, he, him and a buddy of his went up to St. Louis.

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Uh-huh.

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And on the way back, had a flat tire on the side of the highway.

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Oh, he's changing the tire. That German Shepherd decides to jump out the window

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and got hit by a car right there on the side of the highway.

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Oh, wow.

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Fuck.

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Yeah, that little problem took care of itself.

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I guess so. Wow.

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Yeah.

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Oh, okay. Well, that's what I get for asking.

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Yeah, I'm having a little problem with my Marshall amp.

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I spoke with Topher and, anyhow, he said it's a grounding issue.

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My Marshall amp, you know, I bought the new guitar I was talking about.

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Well, it's a new old guitar, vintage, whatever, you know.

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And, anyhow, my Marshall's making a loud buzzing sound,

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but the guitar sound will not go through it.

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So I'm doing all this stuff, trying to figure it out,

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but it's driving me nuts because I can't even tune my Jackson V without an amp

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because it just isn't loud enough, you know.

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It's a true electric guitar, and I can't even tune it because I have tin ear.

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From years of construction, I have tinnitus,

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and I cannot hear enough to tune my guitar, you know, by just listening to it.

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And so I need it to an amp so my electronic tuner that I have,

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the one that I like to use, can pick it up.

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So I may, you know, anyhow, I got to figure this amp thing out.

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It's driving me nuts, but, anyhow, I spent a couple hours on it last night.

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I spent a couple hours on it today, and I don't know.

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So, anyhow, I'm going to start off with a story here.

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A 57-year-old Wisconsin woman was shot in the buttocks

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when she snuck a handgun into her MRI screening, causing it to go off,

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authorities said.

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It happened on June 28th in Wisconsin.

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I know this is old, but it just now hit the press for some reason,

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because I got this story yesterday, literally.

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It just popped up.

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Oh, no, I get a bump to those.

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Yeah, and it's a new story.

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It is not something that was reported back then, and they're just, you know, following up.

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It was just reported yesterday.

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So it happened on June 28th in a Wisconsin hospital

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and was documented in an adverse event report filed with the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

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Okay, that report probably came out later, I guess.

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It was reported that a patient was brought into the magnet room

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with a concealed, furious handgun, the report says.

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In the process of entering the bore, the handgun, the bore would be the opening of the MRI.

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The handgun was attracted to the magnet and fired a single round.

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The patient received a gunshot wound in the right buttock area.

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The wound was superficial, the report said.

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The woman had been screened before entering the MRI exam room

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and answered to no specific questions about weapons, the report says.

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MRI machines use powerful magnets to take images of inside the body.

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Patients are warned not to bring metal into the room.

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As a matter of fact, I cannot do certain types of MRIs

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because I have a titanium knee in my left knee.

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So yeah, they told me that when I got it.

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When I got it, they said, hey, you ever go get an MRI or anything?

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You have to tell them because they have to do something different,

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like cover that part of your body or something.

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I'm not sure what they do, but it will literally take that part

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and probably rip it out of your body, which would not be good.

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Yeah, so anyhow, this woman, a list was obtained of things.

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This woman tried to sneak into other establishments

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and rumor has it, Jeffy X was in on this, but I can't prove it.

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Okay, I got this through other means.

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Alright.

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Alright, this is stuff that she tried to sneak into other establishments

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besides the great buttocks, wound caper, through a handgun and an MRI machine.

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Okay, she evidently tried to sneak horse piss into her probation officer's office.

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I guess it didn't work.

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I know people that have tried that.

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Me too.

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Yeah.

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Put it this way, I knew people that tried that.

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I knew people that tried it too and they promptly went to jail again.

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Yes.

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That's why I'm saying I knew them.

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Same here.

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It's funny because this one guy in particular, okay, you know him

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and I'll tell you afterwards, but he comes up to me and goes,

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hey man, hey, I got this dude that gets me horse piss.

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I'm like, man, I go, I don't think that's a good idea.

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Oh no, it'll work.

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He told me it'll work.

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Oh yeah, how much you buy it for?

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Oh no, 30 bucks.

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I think he got ripped off, dude.

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I think he got ripped off.

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I don't think it's going to work.

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Oh yeah, yeah, he said it worked.

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He sold it to 10 people and it worked.

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All right then, remember I told you, he went to jail.

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So anyhow, after she got out of jail after trying to sneak horse piss in,

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her van camps pork and beans wasn't secure in her back door.

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It fell out and a prison guard's foot was broken and that got her more time.

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Oh yeah, yeah, this is when she was in the can for trying to convince them

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of their horse piss was hers.

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She tried to sneak a roll of bounty in for her extra flow days,

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but I don't know, I guess she had to use her regular toilet paper in the can, right?

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Yeah.

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Yeah?

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Yeah, well, she tried to sneak her spittoon into her cell,

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but it was forgiven because no one wanted to remove it from her special area.

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So I get that.

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Where she had it hid, no one wanted to get it.

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All right.

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Understandable.

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Would you want to get it?

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No.

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No, I wouldn't.

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I'd be like, you know what?

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Carry your spittoon in there all you want.

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It's fine.

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Her shaving kit was snuck in, but her back shaving has ruined it.

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Back hairs doled it up.

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So she snuck a shaving kit in, but she started shaving her back hairs

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and it didn't work, you know, it doled it up really bad.

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So it didn't matter.

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That's what would happen to me.

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Yeah, same here, same here.

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Yep.

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She tried to sneak in her Motley Crue Dr. Feelgood cocaine mirror.

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She ran from a carnival in rural Wisconsin,

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but it fell out of her can at the last minute and, of course, it shattered.

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So no Motley Crue Dr. Feelgood cocaine mirror for her.

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Oh, damn.

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I know, I know, all the fun's taken out.

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If you can't have a Motley Crue Dr. Feelgood cocaine mirror,

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what can you have, right?

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Really?

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I know, I know.

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You know, you're jonesing real bad, you can always lick the mirror

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and, you know, maybe get a little bit of a tingling.

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I don't know.

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You're talking to the memories.

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Yep, I know, I know, yeah.

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Her autographed pendulet doll was too soggy to use

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after she hid it in her body cavity for three days.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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That would do.

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Yeah, I understand.

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As far as an autographed pendulet doll, I am jealous.

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I am jealous.

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How did she get that thing?

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I don't know.

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Yeah, it would be nice to have one, wouldn't it?

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It would come here, right, I would have it right square center,

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right next to the killer clown here at the Talkers Cheap Studio.

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But no, can't get one.

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And finally, her two douchebags and microphone

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Rob Radjigsaw puzzle was stolen by the prison guards.

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They love the show.

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Plus, they use it for solitary confinement torture.

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Well?

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Well, in that case, I'll send her another one.

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Rob, you are too good.

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You are too good.

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You care, Rob, you care.

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Come on, she was already at one.

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Somebody stole it.

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Rob, you are always thinking of people.

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I commend you.

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I'm starting to get weepy.

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I mean, you just, you're, once again, you come...

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Rob, that's making me a little weepy.

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You come to bat.

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You just, you're like, you know what?

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I will give her a free jigsaw puzzle.

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And this is the one that we offer during the podcast.

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This is the one of a high resolution Rob Rad in a loincloth

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in the Amazon jungle in a river with his arms stretched to the sky,

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screaming.

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It's just, it's breathtaking.

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I can't look at...

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I told you it was a bad day.

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I mean, the picture is just immaculate, Rob.

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Immaculate.

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And anyhow, I'm glad that you're going to go ahead and give her

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another one because I'm sure that she...

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Yes, I will.

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Yeah, you know, those damn prison guards stole it.

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I mean, what the hell?

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You can't trust a prison guard.

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Who can you trust?

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Right?

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Really?

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Yeah.

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Okay.

249
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,000
Let's see.

250
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,000
I don't know, but it just clipped out on me for some reason.

251
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,000
I don't know what all we got.

252
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:47,000
But okay, if it shut off before I realized it, here's what happened.

253
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,000
Okay.

254
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:53,000
Rob Rad is going to ask his brother who works in the penal systems

255
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:57,000
or who used to work in the penal systems, how, you know,

256
00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,000
how she could maybe retrieve her Rob Rad jigsaw puzzle.

257
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,000
And then she could have two of them because you're going to send her

258
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,000
another one, right?

259
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,000
Yeah, I'm going to send her one.

260
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,000
I'm not sure if she gets it.

261
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,000
All right, cool.

262
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:12,000
So, Rob, you got anything you want to get to here?

263
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:15,000
Yeah, I got a story off Business Insider.

264
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:22,000
All right, Rob Rad, the mic and the floor is here by yours.

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00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:30,000
British Airways told female cabin crew what bras to wear as its new uniform

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turned out to have a nearly see-through blouse, the Sun first reported.

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The newspaper reported that some British Airways crew members had felt

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humiliated after being asked questions about their bras by passengers.

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The undergarment should be plain white or nude with no lace patterns or writing,

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the official guidance previously said, per Sun.

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That has now been removed after a backlash from the flight attendants union.

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I think I know who's going to win that one, don't you?

273
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:15,000
I think I do too.

274
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Yeah, anytime you get them involved, that's a lot of law you're in.

275
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So, yep.

276
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Wow.

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Interesting.

278
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,000
Yeah.

279
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:30,000
You know, 2023 has been here and almost gone, right?

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Yes.

281
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It's getting very close to the end of 2023 and the beginning of 2024.

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So, your Google search history for 2023 has arrived.

283
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:51,000
So, on Monday, the California-based tech giant released its year-end search,

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a roundup of 2023 top global queries, ranging from unforgettable pop culture moments

285
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:06,000
and the lost of beloved figures and tragic news carrying worldwide repercussions.

286
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:13,000
The ongoing Israel-Hamas war topped the trends in 2023, per Google's global data,

287
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:19,000
followed by queries related to the Titanic-bound submersible that imploded in June,

288
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as well as February's devastating earthquakes in Turkey and Syria, all top of the list.

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00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:32,000
Damar Hamlin was Google's top trending person on search this year.

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A safety with NFL's Buffalo Bills, Hamlin experienced a near-death cardiac arrest

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00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:43,000
on the field during a January game, but has since completed a celebrated comeback.

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00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:47,000
Actor Jeremy Renner, who survived a serious snowplow accident,

293
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,000
do you remember that? That was something else, wasn't it?

294
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,000
Yeah. Yeah.

295
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:56,000
Yeah. Yeah. He survived a very serious snowplow accident at the start of 2023,

296
00:16:56,000 --> 00:17:01,000
followed, meanwhile, by the late Matthew Perry and Tina Turner-led search trends

297
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:05,000
among notable individuals that passed away.

298
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:10,000
So all of that is pretty much what, you know, I didn't guess them all because I forgot

299
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:14,000
some of the events that happened, but to me that is pretty much on par

300
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:18,000
with what I thought was going to be the top searches.

301
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:24,000
There weren't any surprises, like why was that in there? Like sometimes there is.

302
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:29,000
These all seem pretty straightforward, so, okay.

303
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:34,000
So anyhow, those are the top searches of 2023.

304
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In looking to the future, I mentioned something about McDonald's, you know,

305
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:42,000
how brilliant they're doing, you know, how they're like splitting up the Cosmacs

306
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:49,000
and then the regular restaurants, like I alluded to or even flat out said last podcast.

307
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:55,000
McDonald's CEO revealed that bigger burgers are on the menu as the fast food giant looks to the future.

308
00:17:55,000 --> 00:18:01,000
Fresh on the heels of this week's announcement that the chain plans to open 9,000 new locations worldwide

309
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:08,000
in the U.S. in a number of markets around the world, having a larger burger is an opportunity.

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00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:13,000
Golden Arches chief Kupinski, the same person that's been talking the whole time,

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00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:17,000
you know, with all the stuff that's been coming out, told CNN Business on Wednesday,

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we're working on that, he added.

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That is something that you should expect in the future.

314
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:26,000
Kupinski didn't dish on exactly how much McDonald's has planted to supersize its burgers

315
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:31,000
or when customers can expect to get more beef for their buck.

316
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:36,000
Currently, a McDonald's hamburger patty weighs at 1.6 ounces

317
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:40,000
and comes on a standard bun which is around 4 inches in diameter.

318
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The chain's beloved Big Mac, meanwhile, is made with a 1.6 ounce patty served with a three slice sesame seed bun.

319
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:53,000
McDonald's has already been on a quest to improve the staple menu item,

320
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:58,000
announcing a sweeping overhaul of how its burgers will be cooked just last week

321
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:03,000
that will see more than 50 modifications throughout the burger flipping process.

322
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:09,000
In tandem with a spring ad campaign promising the fast food chain's best burgers ever,

323
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:14,000
the new initiative seeks to make the bun delights more juicy

324
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:18,000
by cooking six patties grilled at a time rather than eight.

325
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:24,000
A move designed to apply less pressure and return more burger patty juices.

326
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:28,000
The prize Big Mac will also be getting more sauce

327
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:33,000
and the bun will be swapped out with a buttery brio bun

328
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:39,000
and sesame seeds more randomly scattered to give a homestyle look among other tweaks.

329
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:42,000
However, on top of the juicier burgers or high quality buns,

330
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:47,000
McDonald's execs say that they're catching wind of requests for a more sizable offering.

331
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:51,000
I mean, we've been thinking this for a long time, haven't you Rob?

332
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:55,000
Yeah, they need to do something.

333
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:59,000
I never wanted my product cut down to nothing like the little burger pellets.

334
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:04,000
I mean, if I wanted a White Castle, you know, if I wanted a White Castle, I know where they're at.

335
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,000
You know, I can get a White Castle.

336
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,000
But the deal is, is this right here.

337
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:12,000
Don't shrink the size of my burger. Don't shrink the size of my bun.

338
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,000
You can up the price a little bit,

339
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:18,000
but don't make it these little things that won't even begin to fill you up

340
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:22,000
because then I got to buy five of them and I'm out more money.

341
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:27,000
Make them a regular sized burger and I'll get one of them with an order of fries and a Coke and I'm good.

342
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,000
Right? Yeah.

343
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:33,000
Yeah, but when you start screwing with the burger size, you end up having to buy two or three of them.

344
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,000
And then you know what? I don't like doing that anyhow.

345
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:39,000
So I'll go to a place that has a reasonable size burger.

346
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:42,000
So I'm glad that they're kind of figuring this out.

347
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:46,000
And the reason is, is because not like I want to go to McDonald's or nothing,

348
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,000
but there's so damn many of them.

349
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:52,000
It's the only franchise that there's four of them on my way to work.

350
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,000
There's one Burger King on my way to work. It's horrible.

351
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,000
The other one shut down.

352
00:20:56,000 --> 00:21:00,000
There's one Wendy's on my way to work and it's iffy.

353
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:05,000
There's one Sonic and you don't want to get caught anywhere near that place.

354
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,000
I mean, you know, McDonald's is the best option.

355
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:12,000
The Taco Bell up the street there is spotty.

356
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,000
You don't know one time you'll get a great meal and then another time it'll be horrible.

357
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:19,000
So there's more opportunity for me to go by McDonald's.

358
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:22,000
Like if I'm on my way to work and want to grab some lunch before I go.

359
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:27,000
So a better burger for McDonald's makes the ultimate sense to me

360
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:32,000
because of the convenience and where they're located just everywhere to where

361
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:37,000
there's only one of certain ones, you know, other restaurants, fast food ones.

362
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:42,000
And they're iffy if not horrible. So anyhow, that's cool.

363
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:49,000
In my opinion, if they want to stay in the competition, they need to do something.

364
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:53,000
Rob, I agree that 100 percent because I don't think they can stay in the competition

365
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,000
without doing something like this.

366
00:21:55,000 --> 00:22:00,000
I mean, they ruin their reputation and they need to get it back.

367
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:05,000
I mean, really, a lot of people are like me that only go to McDonald's now for ice coffees,

368
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:08,000
and coke, stuff like that. You don't really go there for food.

369
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:13,000
So, you know, yeah, I think it's about time.

370
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:16,000
Let's take our first break and let's come back with some more bullshit.

371
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,000
That sound good, Rob?

372
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,000
Sounds good.

373
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,000
OK.

374
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:24,000
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.

375
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:37,000
If at first you don't succeed, maybe you shouldn't try skydiving.

376
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:40,000
Just a thought.

377
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:50,000
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in.

378
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:53,000
Hey, who took a dump in the cooler?

379
00:22:53,000 --> 00:23:00,000
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.

380
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:05,000
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

381
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:13,000
Hmph. I may never know.

382
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:23,000
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go, but we can tell you what you can eat.

383
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:27,000
Wild asparagus is plentiful and easy to find.

384
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:33,000
It can be stewed with garlic and onion, which is both wild, which can be easily found,

385
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,000
in a very tasty post-apocalypse food.

386
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:39,000
You can make this into a delicious stew,

387
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:44,000
and this will hold you over at least for a couple of days until you can find some other food.

388
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,000
Brick Shithouse Energy Drink!

389
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,000
That's right. Brick Shithouse Energy Drink!

390
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,000
Make men and women grow!

391
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,000
Chow off your balls!

392
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,000
You want to fuck shit up?

393
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,000
You want to force them across America?

394
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,000
Brick Shithouse is for you!

395
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:05,000
Please enjoy Brick Shithouse Energy Drink responsibly. It's not readily available anywhere.

396
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,000
Because of liability issues.

397
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:30,000
Music

398
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,000
And we are back.

399
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,000
Two douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark.

400
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,000
Yeah, I'm up.

401
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:44,000
There's this new thing going in streaming services and it's called nudity creep.

402
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,000
It's like creep and nudity, that's what they mean it like.

403
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,000
The new trend in streaming TV is full...

404
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:50,000
Oh, my, only?

405
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,000
Oh, yeah. Nothing wrong with it on my part.

406
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:57,000
The new trend is streaming TV is full on nudity.

407
00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:04,000
One of the most popular shows on one of the top streaming platforms, Max, is called Naked Attraction.

408
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:08,000
It's a fully completely naked dating show.

409
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:13,000
One contestant faces six boxes that contain six naked people.

410
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:17,000
Bit by bit their bodies are revealed starting from the bottom.

411
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:24,000
The contestant eliminates possible future dating partners based on the body parts they see.

412
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:27,000
They are showing full frontal nudity.

413
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:31,000
You know, I guess people are in an uproar, certain people are.

414
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:34,000
My thoughts are it's a pay service, right?

415
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:37,000
If you don't like it, don't buy it.

416
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,000
It's a pay service.

417
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:44,000
So I don't know why people are freaking out on it and talking about this creep and nudity stuff.

418
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:49,000
It's like this, if you buy Max and you know that show's on there, you're probably...

419
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,000
You're okay with it, right?

420
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:55,000
And if you're not okay with it, you don't buy it.

421
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:58,000
Yeah, it's like our show.

422
00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,000
Yes.

423
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:03,000
If you're going to email some complaint, don't bother.

424
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:06,000
Exactly, because you have the power at your fingertips.

425
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:09,000
You have the right whether you want to listen or not.

426
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:12,000
Yes, and that's how come...

427
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:19,000
I'll accentuate a couple of bad emails just to counter set all the good ones so people don't think I'm cherry picking them.

428
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,000
That's the only reason.

429
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,000
That's the only reason.

430
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:24,000
Go ahead.

431
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:27,000
I would just use it as an example.

432
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,000
No, no, it's true.

433
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:30,000
It's true though.

434
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,000
Yeah.

435
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:41,000
The thing is right there, that one guy that keeps telling us to quit, it's easier for you to stop listening.

436
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:46,000
But if you notice, he keeps coming back.

437
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:49,000
Exactly, which means he's still listening.

438
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,000
Yeah.

439
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:59,000
I know, I think it's so funny, unless it's just someone playing a joke on us and digging at us, which it very well could be.

440
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:07,000
If that guy is really...if he's really that upset by us, you know, and he keeps listening, he's the one doing it, not us.

441
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,000
No one's making him listen to our crap.

442
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:16,000
You know, there's like 10, literally, millions of other podcasts out there.

443
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,000
Literally, millions of other podcasts.

444
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:26,000
So, you know, you taking the time to find ours and then rag on it is actually kind of a compliment if you think about it.

445
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,000
Yeah, I take it as one.

446
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,000
How come he didn't name the other million podcasts?

447
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:35,000
But then again, he may send them an email too, who knows.

448
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:39,000
But anyhow, yeah, that's a great example, Rob.

449
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:42,000
If you don't like it, don't subscribe to it.

450
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:44,000
You can even go around and motherfuck it.

451
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:45,000
Who cares?

452
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,000
Everyone has a right to their opinion.

453
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:50,000
And I also have the right to think that you are a clown.

454
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,000
Do what? What did you say?

455
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:56,000
To be honest, I wouldn't watch the show either.

456
00:27:56,000 --> 00:28:00,000
No, I wouldn't either. It doesn't sound like something very interesting to me.

457
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:03,000
That is no way to get a date.

458
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:10,000
No, no, no. And look, like this, if you want porn, that's probably not exactly porn, right?

459
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:11,000
No, no.

460
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:16,000
Okay, so even the porn people aren't going to watch it because it's like,

461
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:21,000
ah, nah, you know, there's nothing really juicy in there, just people naked.

462
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:26,000
Well, no, they're going to be looking for up and coming actresses.

463
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,000
Yes, that's right.

464
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:32,000
The only reason people are on that show is because they have an ulterior motive.

465
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:36,000
And I would think, right? I don't think anyone else in their right mind...

466
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:37,000
Do doubt.

467
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:41,000
Yeah, I don't think anyone else in their right mind would do something like that, do you?

468
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:45,000
Yeah, who knows?

469
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,000
There's a show about it.

470
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,000
Yeah, that's true.

471
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:56,000
All right, moving right along, we have a child driving a stolen forklift truck

472
00:28:56,000 --> 00:29:00,000
hits ten cars during a police chase in Michigan.

473
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:04,000
Sounds like my kind of kid. I like that, man.

474
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,000
A little bit of spunk. Yeah.

475
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:09,000
Jump in a forklift, start fucking going.

476
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:14,000
A 12-year-old boy driving a stolen forklift truck led police on an hour-long chase,

477
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:17,000
smashing ten cars during the pursuit.

478
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:22,000
The truck was stolen from outside a middle school in Ann Arbor, Michigan,

479
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:23,000
the police department said.

480
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:28,000
Police were called to the school around 6.45 p.m. on a Saturday

481
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:32,000
and later found the boy driving down the road without headlights on.

482
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,000
Oh, even better. Even better.

483
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:37,000
Not only did he steal his forklift and start driving down the road,

484
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:40,000
but he's like, I'm not going to turn my headlights on either, bitch.

485
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:42,000
Watch this.

486
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,000
That's right, he didn't even know it had headlights.

487
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:46,000
You know what, you're right.

488
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,000
Forklifts do have headlights.

489
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:49,000
Yeah, they do.

490
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:52,000
Yep, and they also have seat belts.

491
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,000
People that aren't around one don't know.

492
00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:57,000
They have seat belts that won't start unless you put them on.

493
00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:03,000
So what we used to do is we would attach the seat belt and then sit on it.

494
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:05,000
Oh yeah, that's really hard to do.

495
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:06,000
Yeah, yeah.

496
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:09,000
So anyhow, OSHA, you see OSHA coming through,

497
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:12,000
you jump off that bitch and act like you took it off,

498
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,000
but other than that, who cares?

499
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:15,000
Oh, definitely.

500
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,000
Because that's like a $25,000 fine, I believe.

501
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:18,000
Yeah, yeah.

502
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,000
Yeah, that's a major fine.

503
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:25,000
That would get the powers of being in an uproar if you got one of them.

504
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:27,000
Oh, yeah.

505
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:31,000
So this dangerous situation was finally resolved a little over an hour

506
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:34,000
and 10 smashed up vehicles later.

507
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:39,000
No word on charges and the child's exact age or a motive.

508
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:43,000
So all I know was a small child, don't know the age,

509
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:48,000
and don't know why he thought he could do this or why he wanted to do this.

510
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:51,000
So, yeah.

511
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,000
He's a kid.

512
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:55,000
You know what, Rob, you're right.

513
00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:58,000
He is a kid and it looked like fun.

514
00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:00,000
It wasn't taking nothing.

515
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,000
Yeah, that's all it takes.

516
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:04,000
Kind of like, huh, I'm bored.

517
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:05,000
Hey, look at that thing.

518
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:08,000
I wonder what I can pick up with that damn thing.

519
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:09,000
Look at those things on that.

520
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:10,000
Man, look at those forks.

521
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:11,000
Cool.

522
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:14,000
Yeah, I get it.

523
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:19,000
Anyhow, before we, do you have some more stories you want to get to, Rob?

524
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:22,000
Yeah, I got another cool little story here.

525
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:26,000
All right.

526
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:37,000
Kenneth Doxon and younger brother Axel visited the birth home of Dr. Martin Luther King in Atlanta to take a picture.

527
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,000
I know this story.

528
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:40,000
Go ahead.

529
00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:42,000
It's cool.

530
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:49,000
Yeah, for a moment it was like the retired New York City police department officers were back on the job.

531
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:57,000
Someone called out that a woman had tried to burn down the late civil rights leader's historic home.

532
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:58,000
What do you think?

533
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,000
Should we chase her?

534
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,000
Axel Doxon asked his brother.

535
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,000
Yeah, let's get her, Kenneth said.

536
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:10,000
Soon the pair had captured the alleged arsonist and brought her back to the scene.

537
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:18,000
You know, I made a collar with my little brother, Kenneth Doxon said, at an NYPD ceremony.

538
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:22,000
Honoring the brothers with outstanding citizen's awards.

539
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,000
That's pretty cool, man.

540
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:25,000
That is very cool.

541
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:29,000
They had him on the news a couple of times and they're just regular guys.

542
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:33,000
And you know, they're just down there, you know, on vacation.

543
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:36,000
And this shit happens right in front of them.

544
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:39,000
And they're retired New York City police.

545
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:41,000
It's like a...

546
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:46,000
And to be honest, being brothers, they probably never made a collar together.

547
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:47,000
Probably not.

548
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:48,000
To be honest.

549
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:49,000
Yeah.

550
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,000
If you think about it.

551
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:56,000
Yeah, so this was like their first one together and you know, and they're both retired and you know, and out of that business.

552
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:57,000
Yeah.

553
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,000
Yeah, what a cool story.

554
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:00,000
I love that story.

555
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:03,000
Yeah, I ran across it just one day ago.

556
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:06,000
I'm glad you reported it because I never bothered to report it.

557
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:11,000
I don't know why, but I'm glad that you reported it because it really is a good story and it needed it.

558
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:19,000
Alright, let's... okay, I'm going to give you a choice here, Rob.

559
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:22,000
We're not going to do them both, but we'll do one of them.

560
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:25,000
We have Food Wars.

561
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:28,000
You know, one food versus another.

562
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:29,000
Alright.

563
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:31,000
Or we have Alternative Insults.

564
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:32,000
Which one do you want?

565
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:36,000
Let's go Food Wars.

566
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:37,000
Alright, sounds good.

567
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:41,000
Let's take our second break and we'll be right back with Food Wars.

568
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:42,000
Does that sound good?

569
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:43,000
Sounds good to me.

570
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:49,000
Alright, we'll be right back, guys.

571
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:52,000
Next up, things overheard in hell.

572
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:54,000
Next up, things overheard in hell.

573
00:33:54,000 --> 00:34:07,000
Baseball's third season of the year begins tonight.

574
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:11,000
This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags and a Microphone.

575
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:15,000
People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.

576
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,000
One, smell.

577
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:20,000
Go to the city market and start sniffing.

578
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:28,000
Our aroma's been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats, Tabasco sauce, and old sock with dark fuzzy urine.

579
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:32,000
Two, look for the spot absent of patrons.

580
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:37,000
Three, the most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.

581
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:43,000
Four, just call us at 816-512-7717.

582
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:52,000
Somewhere in the heavens, your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bebo is listening to this film.

583
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:56,000
Two Douchebags and a Microphone, raw and uncensored.

584
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:58,000
See behind the smoke show.

585
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:01,000
Watch as the Douchebags get stung by its forked bees.

586
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:05,000
Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out.

587
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:10,000
Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for all the mad shitter accusations.

588
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,000
I didn't do it. I'm not the mad shitter.

589
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:15,000
Act now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free Douchebag calendar.

590
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:18,000
Mark off the day with a Douchebag looking at you.

591
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:22,000
Supplies are limited so act now.

592
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:25,000
Oh shit, what's that over there?

593
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:29,000
Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes.

594
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:31,000
Ugh.

595
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:36,000
Want to hear a joke about paper?

596
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:40,000
It's terrible. It's horrible.

597
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:43,000
Two Shirley Temples and a bottle of scotch.

598
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,000
We'll be right back.

599
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:51,000
Now, from the makers of the Who Bit My Asshole Board Game comes the Rob Rad Jigsaw Puzzle.

600
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:54,000
That's right, put Rob back together.

601
00:35:54,000 --> 00:36:01,000
This brilliant glossy photo of Rob wearing a loin cloth and a rain forest is the perfect stocking stuffer.

602
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:12,000
Order now and get a free butt plug keychain.

603
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:17,000
Alright, two Douchebags and microphone, I'm Mark.

604
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:18,000
And I'm Rob.

605
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:27,000
Alright, well, Rob decided for us, he was very nicely, I asked him what we wanted to do next.

606
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:31,000
And he said that Food Wars sounded good to him, so here...

607
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:32,000
Yeah, yeah.

608
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:33,000
It does sound good actually.

609
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:37,000
And the alternative insults we'll probably do on the next podcast.

610
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:38,000
So, anyhow.

611
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:39,000
That was.

612
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:40,000
Yeah.

613
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:45,000
So if you guys think this sucks really bad, I'll give you a reason to tune back in, right?

614
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:46,000
Yeah.

615
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:49,000
Yeah, except for Des Moines.

616
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:50,000
Man, I can't believe the numbers, Rob.

617
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,000
Thanks for letting me know that, man.

618
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:53,000
That's crazy.

619
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:57,000
I just started tingling when I seen the numbers jump like that, I'm like, shit.

620
00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:02,000
I mean, besides Kansas City, our home market, we got a market that we're just killing in.

621
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:05,000
And the percentage.

622
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:08,000
The percentage is what gets me.

623
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:09,000
Oh, wow.

624
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:14,000
I can only imagine in two years where that might be at.

625
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:15,000
Really?

626
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:19,000
I mean, anyhow, yeah, it's very cool and very humbling.

627
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:26,000
I mean, to think that people like your art that much, to go grab it and take an interest

628
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:32,000
in it, to go get it and listen to it is the highest compliment I think I could get, you

629
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:33,000
know?

630
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:34,000
So, anyhow.

631
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:38,000
So, all right.

632
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:45,000
First off, we have tuna versus salmon.

633
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:48,000
I think myself talking it out.

634
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:52,000
I'm going to go with salmon because salmon jumps up.

635
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:58,000
I was going to go with salmon also.

636
00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:02,000
Yeah, and also it's tuna.

637
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:03,000
I'm not sure.

638
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:07,400
Tuna might be a little bit bigger fish, but I think salmon has more agility from jumping

639
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:12,800
up out of their streams to spawn that I think a salmon could like jump up on it on its back

640
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:18,800
and just like beat the hell out of a tuna without a tuna even knowing what to do.

641
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:19,800
Yeah.

642
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:21,800
So, is it salmon?

643
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:22,800
I think so too.

644
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:23,800
It's salmon.

645
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:24,800
That's what we agree with?

646
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:25,800
Yeah.

647
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:26,800
Okay.

648
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:31,200
And also salmon is kind of a reddish meat, a reddish pink kind of a meat anyhow.

649
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:35,800
So, I mean, that right there means it's like hot blooded, right?

650
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:36,800
Yeah.

651
00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:38,600
So, and also they get eaten by bears.

652
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:43,300
So, you got to be one hell of a fish for bears to like come to a stream and grab you when

653
00:38:43,300 --> 00:38:44,600
you're flying up.

654
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:47,800
So, all right, salmon it is.

655
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:52,880
This next one, I don't know, oatmeal versus cream of wheat.

656
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:54,080
To me that's a toss up.

657
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:57,000
We can always send it to Topher if we can't figure it out.

658
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:58,000
Oatmeal.

659
00:38:58,000 --> 00:38:59,000
Okay.

660
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:00,000
Why is that Rob?

661
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:06,600
Oatmeal like bigger flakes, cream of wheat, just like little...

662
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:07,600
Oh.

663
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:10,000
And also oatmeal clumps.

664
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:11,000
Yes.

665
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,000
Like baby rice.

666
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:14,000
Okay.

667
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:15,000
Okay.

668
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:16,000
I can go with that.

669
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:17,000
All right.

670
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:18,000
Oatmeal it is.

671
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:21,000
It's just blanking it.

672
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:22,000
You're right.

673
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:23,000
Yeah.

674
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:24,000
Oatmeal would smother it.

675
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:28,000
It's thicker and it could jump on top of it and smother it like a blanket.

676
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:29,000
Yeah.

677
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:30,000
Okay.

678
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:31,000
All right.

679
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:35,360
This next one, I think I've got a favorite, but then I had to think about it a little

680
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:37,560
bit more and I think you're going to come to the conclusion.

681
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:38,560
I did.

682
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:39,560
Okay.

683
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:47,120
French onion dip versus pimento spread.

684
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:51,080
You see, pimentos are mean little bastards that give a lot of snap, right?

685
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:52,440
Yes, pimento.

686
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:55,000
But French has onion in it.

687
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:56,720
But oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

688
00:39:56,720 --> 00:39:57,800
Hang on.

689
00:39:57,800 --> 00:39:58,800
It's French.

690
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:00,800
It's going to give up.

691
00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:02,280
Right.

692
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:04,280
Pimento spread it is.

693
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:07,200
All right.

694
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:14,000
The next one, cheddar versus Swiss.

695
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:15,880
Swiss has holes in it.

696
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:16,880
Yeah.

697
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:17,880
Cheddar does not.

698
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:18,880
Cheddar.

699
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:19,880
Okay.

700
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:22,760
Especially if it's sharp cheddar.

701
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:25,000
Sharp cheddar would beat the hell out of Swiss.

702
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:26,000
No problem.

703
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:28,240
One hand behind its back, blindfolded.

704
00:40:28,240 --> 00:40:33,480
So even then if it's just regular cheddar, I still think because Swiss has holes in it,

705
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:37,000
that cheddar could just like murder it and there's nothing Swiss could do.

706
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:40,680
Swiss would put up a flag and go, I give and cheddar would be like, that's right, bitch,

707
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:42,280
you give and then it'd be on its way.

708
00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:43,280
Yeah.

709
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:44,280
Cheddar's got different personalities.

710
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:45,280
Yes, I agree.

711
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:48,600
Cheddar, you got to watch out for cheddar.

712
00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:51,440
You don't turn your back on cheddar.

713
00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:53,440
Cheddar will snap at you.

714
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:54,440
Exactly.

715
00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:59,360
Cheddar will snap at you and like just fucking start choking you out for no reason.

716
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:02,760
Cheddar will start drinking and all of a sudden throw a bottle at you.

717
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:04,520
Yeah.

718
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:05,880
Cheddar could also slice you too.

719
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:10,040
I think cheddar would carry a knife when did a switch blade?

720
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:13,480
Yeah, the sharp would.

721
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:14,480
Yeah, the sharp cheddar.

722
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:15,480
Extra sharp.

723
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:16,480
Extra sharp.

724
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:19,480
Extra sharp would have a blade and you don't fuck with extra sharp.

725
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:20,480
Yeah.

726
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:21,480
All right.

727
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:22,480
Next one.

728
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:27,080
Pickle, reddish, relish, not reddish, pickle, relish versus sauerkraut.

729
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:34,640
I'm going to say sauerkraut just because it's sour.

730
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,640
I think I would have to do that with sauerkraut.

731
00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:38,640
Yeah.

732
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:43,520
Sauerkraut's a little bit thicker and more porous.

733
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:47,400
Yeah, it's sour.

734
00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:50,280
I don't think it takes a lot of shit, do you?

735
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:52,880
No, I don't think so.

736
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:58,440
Pickle, relish is just like... Sauerkraut's kind of standalone, but pickle, relish you

737
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:03,240
put on a hot dog, but you also, you don't just put pickle, relish on it.

738
00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:05,120
You got to put other condiments on it.

739
00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:09,600
I think just by a stand alone sauerkraut gets it.

740
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:11,400
Okay.

741
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:13,640
Sauerkraut it is.

742
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:15,080
Next one.

743
00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:18,880
Steamed vegetables versus a garden salad.

744
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:23,840
Now a garden salad to me doesn't have croutons, doesn't have cheese, nothing.

745
00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:25,160
It's just a salad.

746
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:30,960
It doesn't even have salad dressing on it because it's just a garden salad.

747
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:33,720
I'm going to have to go with steamed vegetables because of the bulkiness.

748
00:42:33,720 --> 00:42:39,280
I think steamed vegetables could jump on top of a garden salad and hammer away, and I think

749
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:43,040
the garden salad would lay there flat and limp.

750
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,400
Yeah.

751
00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:46,400
Pretty much?

752
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:47,400
Yeah.

753
00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:48,720
All right.

754
00:42:48,720 --> 00:42:51,280
Steamed vegetables, take that round.

755
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:56,360
Oh, speaking of this, real quick, I'm going to interrupt this.

756
00:42:56,360 --> 00:43:01,320
Have we figured out when we're going to do our next hairy asshole Olympics?

757
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:02,320
I was thinking Saturday.

758
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:03,320
Okay.

759
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:05,360
I'm going to have to come up with a list here then.

760
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:06,360
Okay.

761
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:07,560
I haven't got to my list yet.

762
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:11,040
All I was saying about it, I was like, I better ask because I don't want you throwing out

763
00:43:11,040 --> 00:43:14,400
a list on me, and then I got to scramble to get something.

764
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:15,400
All right.

765
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,920
I'm going to start working on my list.

766
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:21,640
We tentatively agreed to Saturday.

767
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:22,640
Okay.

768
00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:23,640
Well, I still need to start-

769
00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:27,080
If you're going to throw it off a day or two, just let me know.

770
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:28,080
Okay.

771
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:31,040
I need to start working on my list either way.

772
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:32,040
Okay.

773
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:33,040
Yeah.

774
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:34,040
All right.

775
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:37,960
Next one, crab rangoon versus onion rings.

776
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:46,560
Now onion rings have been in battle before and they've won, but crab rangoon has not.

777
00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:54,320
I almost want to go with crab rangoon.

778
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:55,320
Oh no.

779
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:56,320
Yeah.

780
00:43:56,320 --> 00:44:01,640
I think the four legs of it would just grab a hold of that onion ring.

781
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:04,760
And onion rings has a hole in it too.

782
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:05,760
Yeah.

783
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:06,760
Yeah.

784
00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:07,760
Yeah.

785
00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:09,840
I think a crab rangoon could probably beat up an onion ring.

786
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:13,560
Well, it would just grab it with all four arms.

787
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:14,560
Yeah.

788
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:15,560
Just toss onion ring.

789
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:16,560
And hold it still.

790
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:17,560
You know what?

791
00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:18,560
You're right.

792
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:21,880
An onion ring would have to lie there because a crab rangoon has four little things where

793
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:24,400
it can like hand like things where it can hold it down.

794
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:28,000
The onion ring just kind of, there's nothing onion ring can do.

795
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:29,000
Yeah.

796
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,000
It wouldn't be able to go nowhere.

797
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:32,000
Okay.

798
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:35,120
This next one puzzles me because I really don't know which way to go on it.

799
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:37,920
So if you got to decide and vote, that's fine with me.

800
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:42,680
Ravioli versus breaded okra.

801
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:47,360
I'm leaning towards breaded okra, but I'm not for sure.

802
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:49,360
Ravioli?

803
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:56,440
I think it's ravioli.

804
00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:57,440
Spices.

805
00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:58,920
Oh, okay.

806
00:44:58,920 --> 00:44:59,920
Seasoning.

807
00:44:59,920 --> 00:45:03,880
And also if it's toasted ravioli, then that's a pretty tough little thing there.

808
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:05,400
They get really hard and crisp.

809
00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:06,400
Oh yeah.

810
00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:07,400
Yeah.

811
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:08,400
Okay.

812
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:09,400
All right.

813
00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:15,920
I'm going to say toasted ravioli and toasted ravioli with the spices and the crunchiness

814
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:17,280
would beat breaded okra.

815
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:18,280
So okay.

816
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:19,280
Yeah.

817
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:26,960
Next one, club sandwich versus BLT sandwich.

818
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:30,800
Now regular club sandwich has bacon on it, doesn't it?

819
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:31,800
Yeah.

820
00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:32,800
Yeah.

821
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:37,640
I'm going to go with the club sandwich because there's more to it.

822
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:38,640
There's more meat to it.

823
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:39,640
There's thicker.

824
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:40,640
Yeah.

825
00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:41,640
I take that to worry.

826
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:42,640
I got to go too.

827
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:44,560
Oh, and also I've got a really good point here.

828
00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:48,600
A club sandwich usually has a large toothpick through it.

829
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:54,080
Now the club sandwich could take the toothpick out and jab the piss out of the BLT sandwich.

830
00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:55,080
Yes.

831
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:56,440
All right.

832
00:45:56,440 --> 00:46:00,480
Club sandwich takes the BLT.

833
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:02,000
Next one.

834
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:08,560
Mixed berry smoothie versus vanilla milkshake.

835
00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:11,800
I'm going to go with milkshake.

836
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:15,080
Mixed berry smoothie versus vanilla milkshake.

837
00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:16,920
A mixed berry is like a kai berry.

838
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:17,920
Yeah.

839
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:18,920
The milkshake would be chicken.

840
00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:19,920
Yes.

841
00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:20,920
Yep.

842
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:21,920
Yep.

843
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:22,920
And also it's a dairy product.

844
00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:23,920
Yeah.

845
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:25,400
I think and that is the end of it.

846
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:27,820
So I think we both went with milkshake on that.

847
00:46:27,820 --> 00:46:30,320
So milkshake it is.

848
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:31,380
All right.

849
00:46:31,380 --> 00:46:36,080
So Rob, you have something you want to get to or I got some stuff here?

850
00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:38,160
I got a little baseball story here.

851
00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:41,600
Oh, well let's hear it.

852
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:50,960
Jeff Payson of ESPN reported that the veteran reliever Will Smith is leaving the Texas Rangers

853
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:53,000
to sign with the Royals.

854
00:46:53,000 --> 00:47:01,040
Smith will be getting a one year contract with five million with the potential for another

855
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:02,760
one million in incentives.

856
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:12,040
This is a reunion for the 34 year old Smith who played the first two years of his MLB career

857
00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:17,720
in Kansas City from 2012 to 2013.

858
00:47:17,720 --> 00:47:18,720
Yeah I remember him.

859
00:47:18,720 --> 00:47:22,320
Yeah and they traded him for prospects that never really did anything.

860
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:24,360
That's the story of the Royals lives.

861
00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:27,440
He's coming back.

862
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:28,440
All right.

863
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:29,440
Well good.

864
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:30,440
How old is he?

865
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:31,440
34?

866
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:32,440
Yeah.

867
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:33,440
He's a little bit younger than me.

868
00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:34,440
Okay.

869
00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:35,440
We'll see how much left in the tank.

870
00:47:35,440 --> 00:47:36,440
Okay.

871
00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:37,440
Yeah.

872
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:38,440
All right.

873
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:40,440
Well all right.

874
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:41,440
Cool.

875
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:45,720
Now for the too stupid to live department Rob.

876
00:47:45,720 --> 00:47:49,080
Also known as the slow gazelle.

877
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:52,800
The slow gazelle is one that gets eaten in the wild because it's too slow.

878
00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:55,320
The lion catches up and gets it.

879
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:57,640
Well this is the same here.

880
00:47:57,640 --> 00:48:01,360
All these people are the slow gazelle that I'm getting ready to mention.

881
00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:08,240
In Venice tourists flip a gondola ride after they refuse to stop taking selfies.

882
00:48:08,240 --> 00:48:14,540
The gondola operator kept informing the passengers that all of them on the bow of the deck with

883
00:48:14,540 --> 00:48:18,540
their arms extended would lead to the boat turning over.

884
00:48:18,540 --> 00:48:22,320
The slow gazelles kept taking selfies until the boat flipped over.

885
00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:28,680
You know too bad there aren't any crocodiles or hippos in the Venice canals.

886
00:48:28,680 --> 00:48:29,680
That would have been hilarious.

887
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:30,680
Yeah.

888
00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:37,920
Now you know why so many people fall overboard on a cruise ship is because they're stupid.

889
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:41,720
You know you have a couple of drinks in you and nothing bad is going to happen to you.

890
00:48:41,720 --> 00:48:42,720
You're invincible.

891
00:48:42,720 --> 00:48:43,720
No big deal.

892
00:48:43,720 --> 00:48:44,720
Oh hell yeah.

893
00:48:44,720 --> 00:48:45,720
I can do this all night long.

894
00:48:45,720 --> 00:48:46,720
Watch me.

895
00:48:46,720 --> 00:48:47,720
Yeah.

896
00:48:47,720 --> 00:48:49,560
Next thing you know is hey hey hey where did Jimmy go?

897
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:50,560
I don't know.

898
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:53,560
Reenacted in the Titanic.

899
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:54,560
Yeah.

900
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:56,680
Only I'm not jumping out to save anybody.

901
00:48:56,680 --> 00:48:57,680
Hell no.

902
00:48:57,680 --> 00:49:03,240
You know what I'm doing is I'm ordering another drink from the bar while I tell somebody there's

903
00:49:03,240 --> 00:49:06,720
someone out there screaming.

904
00:49:06,720 --> 00:49:08,200
I go to the bartender.

905
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:10,520
Hey you have a radio on you don't you?

906
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:11,520
Yeah.

907
00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:19,480
Well you might tell security there's someone over on the seaside of the ship screaming

908
00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:25,000
you know trying to get a lifeboat you know and try to get back on the boat.

909
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,240
Anyhow I'll take a banana daiquiri.

910
00:49:27,240 --> 00:49:28,240
Thank you.

911
00:49:28,240 --> 00:49:31,840
That's what I'm doing.

912
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:33,640
I'm going back to drinking.

913
00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:36,920
Dumbass he could sit in the water for a while and hope they get him.

914
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:37,920
Yeah.

915
00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:41,640
So there was a little thing that happened.

916
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:45,760
Euro 2024 draw disrupted by sex noises.

917
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:50,320
The draw is like how their soccer gets picked right?

918
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:51,320
Right.

919
00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:52,320
Okay.

920
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:57,400
The lewd sounds could be heard as Switzerland were named in the same group as Scotland,

921
00:49:57,400 --> 00:50:00,360
Hungary and the host Germany.

922
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:04,940
There were numerous sex noise interruptions throughout the whole event.

923
00:50:04,940 --> 00:50:11,440
This was the workings of an internet prankster and a cell phone.

924
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:17,080
Said there's no suspects so far but I guess during this whole broadcast there was someone

925
00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:23,680
getting on there and they were broadcasting all these lewd sex noises while they were

926
00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:32,480
trying to draw these different divisions for people for the teams.

927
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:34,560
So whoever did that I salute you.

928
00:50:34,560 --> 00:50:35,560
I think that's awesome.

929
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:38,720
Yeah I do too.

930
00:50:38,720 --> 00:50:46,040
But meanwhile scientists make VR virtual reality goggles for mice so they can feel what it's

931
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:49,360
like to get attacked by a bird.

932
00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:58,000
Upon notice in this simulated bird of prey the mice ran faster on the treadmill.

933
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:00,360
But some mice froze.

934
00:51:00,360 --> 00:51:05,800
You know I could have saved them a couple of billion dollars.

935
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:07,600
The slow mice are dinner.

936
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:10,760
The faster mice are the ones that lived on to reproduce.

937
00:51:10,760 --> 00:51:11,760
The end.

938
00:51:11,760 --> 00:51:12,760
Right?

939
00:51:12,760 --> 00:51:13,760
Yeah.

940
00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:14,760
Yeah.

941
00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:19,000
It's pretty much what I thought.

942
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:21,120
Giant hawk comes down.

943
00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:22,680
Mice starts running.

944
00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:23,680
Why does mice start running?

945
00:51:23,680 --> 00:51:28,360
Because mice aren't that dumb to where they don't protect themselves.

946
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:30,440
They don't look up and try to bargain with it.

947
00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:34,120
Hey hey hey how about if you go eat a squirrel or something man.

948
00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:35,680
Leave me alone.

949
00:51:35,680 --> 00:51:42,740
They know that their only hope of survival is to outrun the bird.

950
00:51:42,740 --> 00:51:47,440
Why they had to spend a couple of billion probably on this or a couple million at least

951
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:51,440
to find this out I find reprehensible.

952
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:56,540
Because it is just exactly what everybody thought.

953
00:51:56,540 --> 00:51:59,060
The smart mice ran and they lived on.

954
00:51:59,060 --> 00:52:00,940
The dumb mice were eating.

955
00:52:00,940 --> 00:52:03,020
They were eating and that was it.

956
00:52:03,020 --> 00:52:07,880
So why they needed a...

957
00:52:07,880 --> 00:52:09,040
Well I think I know why.

958
00:52:09,040 --> 00:52:10,840
Because it gives people jobs.

959
00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:16,120
It gives people money that went to school for some sort of degree.

960
00:52:16,120 --> 00:52:18,440
A lot of money.

961
00:52:18,440 --> 00:52:19,440
Yeah.

962
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:20,440
Yeah.

963
00:52:20,440 --> 00:52:27,760
And why we waste money on that and people are starving in America is also reprehensible.

964
00:52:27,760 --> 00:52:35,380
So remember a while back the new words from the new urban American contemporary dictionary.

965
00:52:35,380 --> 00:52:41,480
Remember these are the guys that were saying that if you are a millennial or a Gen Z'er

966
00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:43,760
this is like your Bible.

967
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:45,360
Not the other urban dictionary.

968
00:52:45,360 --> 00:52:50,520
As for the boomers and the X'ers if you want your real new words you come here.

969
00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:54,760
And they've been shaking their tiny little fists in the air.

970
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:59,600
Want everyone to recognize them as the authority on the X'ers and the millennials.

971
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:01,200
And it's so hard to find this stuff.

972
00:53:01,200 --> 00:53:06,080
I have to do so many searches that it's not getting any traction.

973
00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:07,840
Because it's so hard to find on Google.

974
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:13,840
But as far as I know the name of it is the new urban American contemporary dictionary

975
00:53:13,840 --> 00:53:15,160
is what they call it.

976
00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:18,000
And it's all online like the urban dictionary.

977
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:23,360
And these are these new words that they say that they came up with that is exclusively

978
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:26,960
for millennials and X'ers.

979
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:29,720
This is what they tout and this is what they brag.

980
00:53:29,720 --> 00:53:37,220
So they have a list of new words that I find is just I don't think it's that good and

981
00:53:37,220 --> 00:53:38,520
it's very predictable.

982
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:41,320
But I will give everybody the opportunity to judge for themselves.

983
00:53:41,320 --> 00:53:42,960
Does that sound fair Rob?

984
00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:44,720
Yes it does.

985
00:53:44,720 --> 00:53:46,840
That sounds fair.

986
00:53:46,840 --> 00:53:53,040
Alright the first word that they have of the new I guess would be the 2024 new words that

987
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:56,680
they're bringing in the new year with I guess the way I read the article.

988
00:53:56,680 --> 00:53:59,000
So flush worthy.

989
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:09,360
When a person is dying for attention and it's obvious that chick on TikTok is flush worthy.

990
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:10,360
I don't know.

991
00:54:10,360 --> 00:54:13,440
It didn't do anything to me did it do anything to you?

992
00:54:13,440 --> 00:54:14,440
No.

993
00:54:14,440 --> 00:54:17,760
I think it was rather boring, benign.

994
00:54:17,760 --> 00:54:18,760
Nah.

995
00:54:18,760 --> 00:54:19,760
Nah.

996
00:54:19,760 --> 00:54:20,760
Okay.

997
00:54:20,760 --> 00:54:21,760
Flush worthy.

998
00:54:21,760 --> 00:54:22,760
Okay.

999
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:24,880
Alright next one.

1000
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:27,380
Toasted gravy.

1001
00:54:27,380 --> 00:54:31,740
But someone tries a new recipe that pretty much failed.

1002
00:54:31,740 --> 00:54:33,880
My toasted gravy is horrible.

1003
00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:36,720
I guess I should have been more precise.

1004
00:54:36,720 --> 00:54:40,960
Okay I kind of see that one.

1005
00:54:40,960 --> 00:54:41,960
Okay.

1006
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:42,960
Okay.

1007
00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:43,960
Man that's not bad.

1008
00:54:43,960 --> 00:54:50,040
And I guess you know what okay I gotta grade this a little bit more fairly.

1009
00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:54,760
Flush worthy I think what they're saying is you flush it down the stool because it sucks.

1010
00:54:54,760 --> 00:54:58,920
So I could see that one.

1011
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:00,920
No flush.

1012
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:01,920
No flush worthy.

1013
00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:06,440
I just got the thing about that and I gotta be true that actually probably is a pretty

1014
00:55:06,440 --> 00:55:07,440
good word.

1015
00:55:07,440 --> 00:55:10,640
Okay so two of them are not bad.

1016
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:11,640
Not bad.

1017
00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:12,640
Yeah.

1018
00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:13,640
Yeah.

1019
00:55:13,640 --> 00:55:14,640
Okay.

1020
00:55:14,640 --> 00:55:15,640
Yeah.

1021
00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:16,640
Flush worthy.

1022
00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:17,640
Yes.

1023
00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:18,640
And prior one out there heard flesh too.

1024
00:55:18,640 --> 00:55:20,520
That's probably the way I'm saying it.

1025
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:22,960
Flush worthy like a toilet flush.

1026
00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:23,960
That was the first one.

1027
00:55:23,960 --> 00:55:24,960
Toasted gravy.

1028
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:25,960
I get that one.

1029
00:55:25,960 --> 00:55:26,960
Yeah.

1030
00:55:26,960 --> 00:55:31,040
The next one is groove boots.

1031
00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:33,280
Like grooving groove boots.

1032
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:35,600
Like boots what you put on your feet.

1033
00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:41,400
When someone gets up and starts dancing well but nobody could guess the person for a dancer

1034
00:55:41,400 --> 00:55:43,360
let alone a good one.

1035
00:55:43,360 --> 00:55:48,260
So in use in a sentence Matt sure is showing his groove boots tonight.

1036
00:55:48,260 --> 00:55:49,260
I like that one.

1037
00:55:49,260 --> 00:55:51,800
Okay I could see that one.

1038
00:55:51,800 --> 00:55:52,800
Yeah.

1039
00:55:52,800 --> 00:55:53,800
Yeah I get that.

1040
00:55:53,800 --> 00:55:56,000
Man look someone's got their groove boots on.

1041
00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:57,000
Hey.

1042
00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:58,360
Hey look at Billy over there.

1043
00:55:58,360 --> 00:56:01,080
He's yeah he's got his groove boots on.

1044
00:56:01,080 --> 00:56:03,880
Yeah I get that.

1045
00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:09,720
Alright well so far New Urban American Contemporary Dictionary you're doing pretty good.

1046
00:56:09,720 --> 00:56:11,000
When I didn't think you were.

1047
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:14,920
You see I glanced all this stuff over before I downloaded it and printed it and I didn't

1048
00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:17,440
really get to go into it that much.

1049
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:24,200
And now talking it over with you it's I guess they're not as bad as I thought they were.

1050
00:56:24,200 --> 00:56:26,200
Not this time.

1051
00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:29,400
Yeah the last ones were horrible remember those.

1052
00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:30,400
Yeah.

1053
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:31,400
Yeah.

1054
00:56:31,400 --> 00:56:33,240
And I think this is the same one.

1055
00:56:33,240 --> 00:56:39,320
This actually I mean I mean it could be another group just claiming to be the Gen Zers and

1056
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:40,320
Millennial stuff.

1057
00:56:40,320 --> 00:56:42,840
Maybe it's a big gag that I'm not in on.

1058
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:44,120
I don't know.

1059
00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:46,280
But I don't know.

1060
00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:48,280
Next one Slicomatic.

1061
00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:52,280
When someone walks straight into the an obvious insult.

1062
00:56:52,280 --> 00:56:53,280
Yeah.

1063
00:56:53,280 --> 00:56:54,280
Yeah.

1064
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:55,280
Yeah.

1065
00:56:55,280 --> 00:56:56,280
Yeah.

1066
00:56:56,280 --> 00:56:57,280
Yeah.

1067
00:56:57,280 --> 00:56:58,280
You get sliced up.

1068
00:56:58,280 --> 00:57:00,680
Oh Matic means it's just like it's just automatic.

1069
00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:02,280
You walk in.

1070
00:57:02,280 --> 00:57:04,400
You're sliced up.

1071
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:09,680
Alright okay.

1072
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:10,680
Let's see.

1073
00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:13,800
Is that it?

1074
00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:16,800
Oh shit it didn't all download.

1075
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:19,800
Oops.

1076
00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:21,560
Sorry guys it didn't all download.

1077
00:57:21,560 --> 00:57:22,720
I'm going to have to.

1078
00:57:22,720 --> 00:57:25,360
I'll tell you what.

1079
00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:31,640
I will download the rest of it and add it to your next podcast.

1080
00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:32,640
I'm sorry.

1081
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:37,240
There's like there's like seven or eight more of them and I don't have them.

1082
00:57:37,240 --> 00:57:38,240
Okay.

1083
00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:41,240
I just got Slicomatic.

1084
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:45,920
Alright well Rob I'm unprepared.

1085
00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:48,520
That is a good one after all.

1086
00:57:48,520 --> 00:57:50,520
I just got Slicomatic.

1087
00:57:50,520 --> 00:57:51,520
Okay.

1088
00:57:51,520 --> 00:57:52,520
You got something you want to.

1089
00:57:52,520 --> 00:57:53,520
Here you go.

1090
00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:55,480
Here's another interesting one.

1091
00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:56,600
Thank you for saving me Rob.

1092
00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:57,600
Go ahead.

1093
00:57:57,600 --> 00:57:58,600
You're welcome.

1094
00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:05,960
During an auction held by the Rock Island Auction Company in 2022.

1095
00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:13,440
The blaster Harrison Ford used when portraying Han Solo in the first Star Wars movie.

1096
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:24,240
Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope sold for $1,057,500 breaking a world record.

1097
00:58:24,240 --> 00:58:31,680
This movie will be featured in the Guinness Book of World Records 2024 under the most

1098
00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:36,360
expensive clock gun sold at auction.

1099
00:58:36,360 --> 00:58:37,360
Wow.

1100
00:58:37,360 --> 00:58:40,440
That's pretty cool.

1101
00:58:40,440 --> 00:58:46,240
That is very cool.

1102
00:58:46,240 --> 00:58:47,240
Thank you for that story.

1103
00:58:47,240 --> 00:58:51,760
I got one thing to wrap this podcast up with here.

1104
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:55,280
Some of the old sayings that we say the meanings behind them.

1105
00:58:55,280 --> 00:59:00,120
I've been doing this periodically and I have more than I'm going to get to but I'm going

1106
00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:06,640
to do like four or five every now and then episode because I think these are cool but

1107
00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:08,560
I don't think we need to be overcrowded with them.

1108
00:59:08,560 --> 00:59:11,840
I think it gets boring.

1109
00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:14,960
The number one one is turn a blind eye.

1110
00:59:14,960 --> 00:59:16,640
You've heard that right?

1111
00:59:16,640 --> 00:59:17,960
Yeah.

1112
00:59:17,960 --> 00:59:25,020
To ignore something deliberately it comes from the naval hero Horatio Nelson who pretended

1113
00:59:25,020 --> 00:59:32,240
not to see a signal to withdraw from a battle by putting his telescope to his blind eye.

1114
00:59:32,240 --> 00:59:42,360
So yeah there's like a lot of a lot of in-depth to us that we had no we had no idea right

1115
00:59:42,360 --> 00:59:47,040
because turn a blind eye kind of explains itself but it didn't really explain where

1116
00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:49,040
it came from because this is a little bit more in-depth.

1117
00:59:49,040 --> 00:59:53,120
I always enjoy these.

1118
00:59:53,120 --> 00:59:59,640
I do too and I have a bunch more like I said maybe I'll do like 10 on each episode then

1119
00:59:59,640 --> 01:00:03,040
so maybe I misjudged how entertaining they are.

1120
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:07,360
Okay white elephant a useless or unwanted possession.

1121
01:00:07,360 --> 01:00:12,600
It refers to the ancient practice of some Southeast Asian kings who would give a rare

1122
01:00:12,600 --> 01:00:20,080
albino elephant to a courier they disliked as the animal was too scared to be put to

1123
01:00:20,080 --> 01:00:26,320
work but too expensive to maintain.

1124
01:00:26,320 --> 01:00:32,120
So there it's too afraid to work but too expensive to maintain so you'd have to figure out what

1125
01:00:32,120 --> 01:00:36,400
to do with that animal so I guess that was like a big deal back then.

1126
01:00:36,400 --> 01:00:39,560
I bet it was.

1127
01:00:39,560 --> 01:00:41,720
So there you go.

1128
01:00:41,720 --> 01:00:43,400
Crocodile tears.

1129
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:46,760
Fake or insecure expressions of sorrow.

1130
01:00:46,760 --> 01:00:52,920
It derives from the medieval belief that crocodiles shed tears while devouring their prey.

1131
01:00:52,920 --> 01:00:58,400
I actually heard that one before and I didn't think it was true.

1132
01:00:58,400 --> 01:01:00,920
I thought it was folklore.

1133
01:01:00,920 --> 01:01:04,600
I didn't think it was true.

1134
01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:10,080
Okay die hard and this is the last one.

1135
01:01:10,080 --> 01:01:12,840
Someone who resists change or refuses to give up.

1136
01:01:12,840 --> 01:01:19,480
It originates from the 57th regiment of foot of the British army who earned the nickname

1137
01:01:19,480 --> 01:01:25,520
the Die Hards for their fierce fighting at the Battle of Albuera in 1811.

1138
01:01:25,520 --> 01:01:26,960
That one was kind of boring.

1139
01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:35,000
So anyhow let's see is there any more?

1140
01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:41,960
I have a couple more here.

1141
01:01:41,960 --> 01:01:48,000
Lean on laurels to be satisfied with past achievements and not make any further efforts.

1142
01:01:48,000 --> 01:01:54,480
It alludes to the ancient Greeks who awarded laurels wreaths to victors in athletic and

1143
01:01:54,480 --> 01:02:01,160
poetic contests.

1144
01:02:01,160 --> 01:02:02,160
Read the riot act.

1145
01:02:02,160 --> 01:02:05,560
This is one I want to know where it came from.

1146
01:02:05,560 --> 01:02:10,800
To warn someone that their unacceptable behavior will not be tolerated.

1147
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:17,760
It refers to British law passed in 1714 that required a magistrate to read a proclamation

1148
01:02:17,760 --> 01:02:23,840
before disbursing a crowd of more than 12 people who were unlawfully assembled.

1149
01:02:23,840 --> 01:02:28,040
So they literally read them the riot act.

1150
01:02:28,040 --> 01:02:31,800
Makes sense.

1151
01:02:31,800 --> 01:02:35,560
Paint the town red to have a wild and exciting time.

1152
01:02:35,560 --> 01:02:43,560
It comes from an incident in 1837 when a group of young aristocrats vandalized the town of

1153
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:53,280
Melton Mowbray in England by painting its buildings signs in toolbars red.

1154
01:02:53,280 --> 01:02:56,400
Another good one.

1155
01:02:56,400 --> 01:02:57,400
So I guess to.

1156
01:02:57,400 --> 01:02:58,400
It does.

1157
01:02:58,400 --> 01:02:59,400
Hell yeah.

1158
01:02:59,400 --> 01:03:02,640
Unless we ran out of red paint them would use anything.

1159
01:03:02,640 --> 01:03:08,440
I guess they they were kind of like they kind of had it together.

1160
01:03:08,440 --> 01:03:12,800
They did not run out of red paint and I salute them.

1161
01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:13,800
Run in a muck.

1162
01:03:13,800 --> 01:03:18,080
This might be a good one to behave in a frenzied or violent manner.

1163
01:03:18,080 --> 01:03:22,980
It stems from the melee word a muck which means to attack furiously.

1164
01:03:22,980 --> 01:03:27,920
It was used to describe a condition among melee warriors who would go into a murderous

1165
01:03:27,920 --> 01:03:32,800
rage under the influence of drugs or a personal insult.

1166
01:03:32,800 --> 01:03:33,800
Wow.

1167
01:03:33,800 --> 01:03:38,640
I didn't know run in a muck meant that much in depth did you?

1168
01:03:38,640 --> 01:03:41,760
I didn't either.

1169
01:03:41,760 --> 01:03:44,440
Fucking murderous rampage.

1170
01:03:44,440 --> 01:03:46,920
Now whenever I say run in a muck I'm going to kind of feel bad.

1171
01:03:46,920 --> 01:03:49,120
I'm going to go well they weren't really in a murderous rampage.

1172
01:03:49,120 --> 01:03:51,640
I don't know if I should have used that.

1173
01:03:51,640 --> 01:03:53,560
But hell nobody nobody knows what it is.

1174
01:03:53,560 --> 01:03:59,720
The only people who know what it is are the people who just listen to us right?

1175
01:03:59,720 --> 01:04:04,240
Unless they're one of those weird history buffs that remember everything.

1176
01:04:04,240 --> 01:04:07,080
Because I've known a few of them in my life and they're like oh you know where that came

1177
01:04:07,080 --> 01:04:08,080
from?

1178
01:04:08,080 --> 01:04:09,200
You're kind of using that wrong.

1179
01:04:09,200 --> 01:04:11,440
I'm like actually I don't give a shit.

1180
01:04:11,440 --> 01:04:13,200
I only wanted to know where it came from.

1181
01:04:13,200 --> 01:04:15,120
I'm still going to use it.

1182
01:04:15,120 --> 01:04:16,120
Right?

1183
01:04:16,120 --> 01:04:17,120
Yep.

1184
01:04:17,120 --> 01:04:18,120
Yep.

1185
01:04:18,120 --> 01:04:19,120
All right.

1186
01:04:19,120 --> 01:04:21,480
Well everybody this is the end of this podcast.

1187
01:04:21,480 --> 01:04:24,120
Thank you all for listening.

1188
01:04:24,120 --> 01:04:25,960
You guys have a fantastic evening.

1189
01:04:25,960 --> 01:04:26,960
You got anything Rob?

1190
01:04:26,960 --> 01:04:31,800
Everybody have a great day tomorrow.

1191
01:04:31,800 --> 01:04:32,800
Yep.

1192
01:04:32,800 --> 01:04:33,800
Should be good weather.

1193
01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:34,800
Bye.

1194
01:04:34,800 --> 01:04:35,800
Yeah.

1195
01:04:35,800 --> 01:04:36,800
Hey where did everybody go?

1196
01:04:36,800 --> 01:04:37,800
Where did everybody go?

1197
01:04:37,800 --> 01:04:54,000
Where are the douchebags?

1198
01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:56,600
Oh my god someone took a dump in the corner.

1199
01:04:56,600 --> 01:04:57,600
Oh jeez.

1200
01:04:57,600 --> 01:04:58,600
Glad they're gone.

1201
01:04:58,600 --> 01:04:59,600
Let's just hope they don't come back.

1202
01:04:59,600 --> 01:05:00,600
Man that smells.

1203
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:11,660
Hey, come on.