Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas!
You're still a fucking asshole.
Now, from the makers of the Who-Mit-My-Asshole Board Game comes the Rob Rad Jigsaw Fuzzle.
That's right, put Rob back together.
This brilliant glossy photo of Rob wearing a loin cloth in a rainforest is the perfect stocking stuffer.
Order now and get a free butt plug keychain.
Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their ass with politically correct wash rags.
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in 3...2...1...
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Should I record frog sounds in the summer,
then play them when it's zero degrees on my ring doorbell for the Amazon guy?
Hm, yeah, that sounds like fun.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum.
Two douchebags in a microphone.
Hello everybody, this is Two Douchebags in a Microphone. I am Mark.
And I am Rob Rad.
Alright Rob Rad, so you're supposed to have a doctor's appointment, right?
Yeah, yesterday afternoon.
Yeah, and I was waiting to hear what happened.
Well, I worked up to lunch time, worked up to noon, took off, come home, jump in the shower, went up there.
And I went to check in, and they said, well, we've been trying to call you for the last week.
Well, I changed my phone number since the last time I was there.
So just word to everybody, friendly reminder, if you change your phone number, let your doctor know.
Because now I'm postponed until Friday and I took off half a day for nothing.
I've got a kind of similar story that has to do with phones, and this happened this morning.
And this is funny, something like this happened to you.
Well, I think I went into you a little bit about the foundation issue that I've had at the house.
And we had a new slab put in, and it was cracked, and we had a coating put on it from Patriot Coatings.
And anyhow, it was determined that they didn't put the right type of rebar and the right epoxy to keep the slabs together that they poured.
So they came back out to do the repair, but it took a lot.
And anyhow, it was a lot of back and forth.
Yeah, it was a lot of back and forth, and the warding department and all that.
So anyhow, last week they called me and said, all right, you're definitely on for today, the 5th, December 5th in the morning.
They'll be there.
Well, they're supposed to give me a call that Monday, yesterday, right?
Well, I wake up and anyhow, I get a phone call and my phone says suspected spam.
And a guy gets on there and I guess the owner of the company, he was calling me because, you know, this whole thing had been going on for a long time.
And I've been having a little dialogue with him because, you know, he's kind of concerned that I really got messed around.
And he's right, I did.
But they're trying to make it right now.
And hopefully they did.
We'll see what happens from here on out.
So anyhow, they came in and did that.
But this morning he calls and I guess he forgot my name and my phone says suspected spam.
Right.
So anyhow, I hello.
Are you the owner of the home?
And I go and I go, don't call again.
Fuckface.
And I hung up because there's a guy that keeps calling me trying to get me to to sell my house.
I thought it was him.
Yeah, it was the owner, the owner of this foundation company.
So I'm sending all these messages to the warranty department going, hey, where the hell's my call?
Hey, I'm getting sick of this bullshit.
But finally, she sends me she sends me a message back and says, did you did you hang up on the owner and call him?
Fuckface.
I'm like, oh, then I call her.
I'm at work.
I just call her.
I go, here's what happened.
You know that whenever you call a like an Android phone, like I have a suspected spam and she goes, oh, yeah, we've been trying to get that fixed.
She goes, oh, man, I know what happened now.
And I go, yeah, I go.
There's this guy that keeps calling trying to get me to sell my house.
And I told him several times to quit calling.
And he calls from different numbers.
And this was an 816 number, which we have around here.
So I'm like, OK, because he's been calling from 816 numbers.
He lives somewhere around here.
He buys properties and flips them, I imagine.
And I thought it was this guy.
So I'm like, when he goes, are you the owner of the house, don't fucking call her again, fuckface.
And I'm sure he's like, what the hell?
You know, I'm supposed to get this deal done with this guy.
So anyhow, yeah, it was kind of funny, man.
And I was pissed too.
That would be my luck, dude.
That would be my luck.
Well, we got it all straight now.
But, man, the rest of the night, I was fucking cracking up at work periodically.
And people are looking at me like, what the hell's wrong with this guy?
See how mushrooms are something?
I told a couple of guys, I go, hey, here's what happened.
They're all like, oh, man, that's fucking funny.
It's kind of cool, but it's funny.
I'm like, yeah, it was kind of cool.
So unless you're the owner and you get called a fuckface and hung up on when you're trying to help them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So OK, well, real quick, I have an announcement to make.
OK, you know, last week we had the sad news that Hope Dillon is retired from the farmers, the daily kitchen deal at the market, at City Market.
Well, O'Reilly's old farter is having some health issues and he won't be around there anymore because I guess he's in some sort of an assisted living.
So O'Reilly's old farter says there is an O'Reilly's auto parts store right down from my home.
It's very convenient. The people behind the counter for the most part are pretty knowledgeable.
There's an old man there that he's really hard of hearing, right?
He's the best, though.
The old man knows everything and how to find it.
The old man only had one issue.
He was a constant farter, especially when he is walking in front of you to show you a part.
I believe that he thought his little popcorn farts were silent because he couldn't hear.
They, of course, were not silent.
The best memory I have of the old farter was helping me with a taillight cover.
This thing was brutal.
There's only one way to remove it in my Jeep and a special tool that he had to remove it with.
And he came up with a tool from behind the counter.
He goes, ah, he goes, OK, this is a Cherokee.
All right, hang on. Let me go get this.
And he goes gets this little fucking gadget.
And anyhow, this thing, it was brutal trying to take it off.
You couldn't really take it off without that without it taking hours and possibly breaking it.
Oh, he said there's only one way really to remove it as a special tool that he had to remove it with.
He came outside in brutal cold temperatures and he helped me for 20 minutes to remove the cover and replace the bulb.
He, of course, was farting periodically the whole time.
Well, it's come to my attention that the old farter isn't doing really well healthwise and will no longer be farting up O'Reilly's near my home.
Sad, sad day. Thank you, old fart guy. You are the best.
And I would say his name, but some people would might figure out who he is.
No, no, no, I understand.
Yeah, I know other people go that O'Reilly's and he's known as the old farter and he's a really nice guy.
But he would just be walking down the aisle and he like had a lot of gas.
I don't know if he ate the wrong foods or whatever.
He would be walking down the aisle going, oh, yeah, yeah, it should be right over here in this rack. The whole time he's like.
He just said they're looking at you like nothing's going on and he couldn't hear you the first time.
Anytime you talk and you have to kind of get up and he'd read your lips.
I'm like, oh, he can't hear.
So he thinks that he's silent farting because he can't hear it.
But he is farting out loud. He just can't hear it.
So anyhow, thank you, old fart man.
I hope you I hope you do well with this assisted living.
I hope you get better. And I know you love working at O'Reilly's.
So I hope you get better enough to where you can come back to O'Reilly's and and fart up the whole business again,
because a lot of people like this old farter.
So anyhow, our hats off to you, old fart man.
We hope you make it back.
So, yes, yeah.
Well, I mean, he isn't dead yet.
OK. Oh, oh, you're.
I'll tell you what you're doing is is you're you're breaking the news.
You're getting the scoop.
Go ahead. Say it. Rest in peace. Old fart man.
Go ahead, Rob. You got the scoop.
Yeah, you don't know me. Rest in peace, old fart man.
Rob, I think you're going to have the scoop because when he does die.
A lot of people know once you retire, you go downhill.
Yes. And that's probably good. Well, he's also.
I watched a lot of my family members as soon as they retire. Yeah.
Yeah. They got to stay active. They got to stay active.
But he's going in the system. I'm one of them people.
I'm going to have to stay active.
I'll be the little old man riding a riding motor down the street.
I assume you want your lawn mowed. Me too. Me too, Rob.
I'll tell you what I told Val, I will always have some sort of a job in some way.
As long as I'm able, because I cannot.
I cannot stand being dormant. I always got to have something to do.
I get bored so easy and there's only so many books you can read.
I'm not really into movies. I never really have been that much of a movie guy.
I mean, you know, I don't go out of town anymore because I had a lot of hobbies when I went out of town,
like checking out coffee shops and bagels and writing.
And I had a little thing on Instagram that had a lot of followers and I rated the coffee and the bagels at places.
And anyhow, I don't do it anymore.
But I think it's like coffee bagel guy 101 or something like that.
But anyhow, I had a lot of followers and I did really well on it.
And I was getting to the point where I was going to start getting a check.
But anyhow, I told work I didn't want to go out of town so much anymore because it was like really I was missing everything, you know, people's birthdays.
Right. You got kids and grandkids. Yeah. It's hard.
Yeah, it is. So, you know, I kind of had to not go out of town all the time like I was, you know, when I was younger, it was fine, you know.
You know, I it was great. And, you know, I never really been that much of a bar guy.
I mean, when I was in my 20s, yeah. But when I hit, you know, a little bit later, 27, 28, 30, you know, I didn't go to bars so much.
There was. Yeah. Yeah. You know, yeah.
Yeah. So my thing was coffee and bagels and I went around and rated them.
And I don't even know if that account still exists. You know, my phone's over there being charged.
But I'll look it. I'll look it up.
And if I still have that account, I will direct everybody to it.
And you can see the coffee and bagels that I rated in the past.
So I'd love to see it. I'd love to hear.
I think it was coffee bagel guy 101 or coffee bagel boy or something like that.
Or I had to do a play on the word somehow because it was already taken.
I'll have to. I'll look it up.
And it should be linked to my regular Instagram account. Mark forty two fifty.
Oh, well, I'll look at all that later. But I'm speaking of bars.
Rob, did you know that upscale bars and nightclubs offer a new service?
No. OK. Well, I'm going to introduce you the new service that has taken the social life by storm.
It's the new drone drink and food delivery system.
Do you already know about this? OK. No, no, no, no.
I was hoping it was something more exciting. No, this is cool. Listen to this.
I was saying topless waiters. I'm sure there's places that do both.
I mean, you just got to look them up.
But if you got a drone, you don't have waiters. Oh, yeah, that's right.
Well, listen to this, though. Look at the video before you motherfucking.
I understand what you're saying, but I mean, you can always go.
I'm just kidding. No, no, no, no. I know what you're doing.
It's cool. You know what? If you're smart, they would have topless waitresses like picking up the dishes because drones can't pick up dishes, right?
Oh, and also somebody has to take the order. That's right. Yeah.
The order. Deliver it. Yes.
And they always have a food runner delivered anymore.
Anyhow, the actual waiter or waitress never delivers the food anymore. Someone else.
Someone else runs the stuff out and who had the spaghetti? I mean, who had the, you know, whatever meatloaf? Yeah.
So the trendy new places have drone and food service inside the club.
This is very cool. I saw a video of it.
And what happens is a drone will be programmed for a certain table.
And when that table orders drinks or food or both, the drone has a tabletop attached to the top of the drone.
The food and drink are placed on top of the drone table and it is simply hovers in the air to the table and hovers to each patron unless them grab their ordered items.
And then it returns to the kitchen or behind the bar for more orders. It's very cool.
It just hovers in there. And like people are sitting there at their tables.
People are walking to the bar and stuff. And this drones like going from the kitchen and had a couple of look like appetizers and a couple of beers.
And some guy was walking. The drone went around him, went to the table, hovered around each person, each person grab what they ordered.
And then the drone left. It was really cool.
And that is a new thing that's going on in restaurants. A new trendy thing.
And I am really high on. I think that that is very cool.
When you love like this little fucking robot to deliver your food in the air.
Yeah. I don't know.
Okay. All right. I don't know. Look, I don't have flying cars yet.
I am old school. I understand.
I don't even like going to self check out. I want people to earn their money.
People need to make a living.
Yeah, I agree with that. But I mean, I don't have flying cars yet. I need something, Rob.
Yeah. Well, yeah.
Okay. Well, I got another thing and then we'll go to you and what you have going on, Rob.
And what you want to talk about is I got another little story here.
And it is an amendment on one of the emails we had last week.
Last week we received an email where someone thought that I sounded like a radio guy or was possibly in radio before. Remember?
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. I remembered after the show a couple of funny little gags I played on a couple of chicks that worked at a gas station in Lewisburg, Kansas.
The lady and her friend worked overnights at the store.
And at the time I had long hair and the lady said I sounded familiar and asked if I was on air.
I remember I remember this bullshit story that I came up with now.
I told her and another chick that that worked there that I went by two different stage names and I was in bigger markets but was in negotiations with a new Super Rock station in Kansas City coming up later in the year.
And I think it's called like Super 105 POW or something like that.
I made something up. It sounded sounded awesome because oh yeah yeah we're gonna we're gonna do a hard launch.
Yeah. Yeah. It was like POW 105 or BAM 105 or something like that.
There wasn't anything on 105 at the time in Kansas City.
It was an open you know it was an open frequency and I just came up with it right there on the spot.
And I said later on this year I said they're talking to me about coming in and joining and doing in mornings and and then I think I bullshit them said yeah they want me to do evenings too.
But under a different name or something like that.
And they're like wow.
And so and I said I was rip blank and ship out of Dallas and Reggie rash out of Houston.
I remember those names because I just came up with them on spot. I'm like man someone could really use that name rip blank and ship and Reggie rash.
Imagine everybody at seven o'clock in the morning this is rip blank and ship and stay tuned for the Moody Blues.
Now it wouldn't be the movie. Stay tuned for Black Sabbath.
You know what.
Stay tuned for more dick jokes and fart jokes.
Make that in a little while.
I got free gas because I was going to mention her on the air.
I said yeah yeah I'm going to go ahead and mention on there in Houston and Dallas.
OK.
And I'm going to mention both your names and say that you're really cool and all that stuff.
And anyhow when I come to Kansas City I'll even have you guys come down to the studio if you want man.
You could like come in and say hey I'm so and so and yeah you know we've known rip blank and ship or whatever name I was going to go by supposedly.
I think I was going to use the same. I don't know whatever I made up to her.
Yeah yeah you can come by the studio and anyhow they used to like let me in air quotes.
Steel gas but they didn't see anything.
You know what I mean.
They're like yeah I'm going to be in back for a little bit but I'm leaving that pump number one on wink wink.
So I get free gas I go in there and I'd be like man fuck I sure would like some suede Suzy Q's but I don't have any money.
Now I forgot my wallet back in Houston.
Yeah I make up something and I'd be like yeah yeah yeah just go.
The funny thing is I know Lewisburg all too well.
Yes you know what station it is.
Well I moved from Belton to Fort Scott.
Uh huh.
Well when I when I traveled back and forth I would cut across at Lewisburg.
Yeah.
Over the Holmes Road and come up.
Oh yeah yeah yeah.
You know that you drive right past Cleveland.
You went.
You know the route.
Rob this is going to give it away but no one else knows out there in podcast land.
Well some people may.
The station you went right by the station that I used to do that at.
Get it.
You know which one it is.
Yeah.
Yeah there's one station now there's a couple.
But at the time there's only one station.
The original station.
The original one yeah that's what I used to go.
Yeah I know exactly which one you're talking about.
Yep and you know what this was a good old days because nowadays what would they do.
They would go to the internet and go I don't see a Rip Blank and Ship or Reggie Rash.
This guy's a liar.
And then they turn me then they turn me in for stealing gas and I'd have a fucking I'd have a record.
So.
Anyhow let's let's take our first break and then we'll come back with what you have to say.
How's that sound.
Well hey you got the last one wound up from already.
You know what I can have it.
I can have it made up by the time I post this.
Because I got the voice guy.
I got Chad to do.
I thought I thought it was already ready.
No no no no.
OK.
I got to put some sound.
Well here here.
Yes.
Let's just let me go.
Rob's rassling around.
OK OK.
All right.
Let's take our break.
And by the time I post this I got to put in some sound effects is all I got to do.
I already have the bit from Chad.
And where it says you know Rob's rassling around.
Yeah.
Oh yippee yo or whatever right.
So all that is ready.
All I got to do is add some sound effects and maybe someone screaming and someone hitting
the floor.
You know you know to make it sound cool.
Yeah.
So anyhow we'll be right back with Rob's rassling roundup.
All right.
We'll talk to you here in a minute.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Wild asparagus is plentiful and easy to find.
It can be stewed with garlic and onion which is both wild which can be easily found in
a very tasty post apocalypse food.
You can make this into a delicious stew and this will hold you over at least for a couple
of days until you can find some other food.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
You have the personality of a soggy newspaper.
Oh Lord that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there.
Don't worry.
I have a clown nose.
Oh no.
That drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay.
I have a clown nose.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
Do they make ear condoms?
I certainly need them for this garbage.
Alright well I ran across another black show report which is not on air you know what
I mean not on TV.
Yeah I know what you're getting ready to go ahead.
I don't know what you're going into but I know what you're referring to.
Go ahead.
Yeah yeah it's one of the it's not Monday night it's not Friday night it's not pay-per-view
but it's like a Tuesday or Wednesday night.
Well this happened to be a Sunday night.
Okay.
A deranged fan jumped the ringside barricade and attacked WWE superstar Grayson Waller
at Sunday's holiday tour live event from Newark Delaware.
Pro wrestlers put their bodies on the line for our entertainment.
If you attend a live event the least you can do to protect the safety of the performers
is not jump the guard rail and attack them.
Sadly some fans believe the rules do not apply to them.
Wow they had a show in Newark Delaware I've been there I've worked there before.
There's a college there.
We did one of the college buildings just a few years back.
So this wasn't a bigger.
Go ahead.
Here's the match.
Here's the match at Sunday's WWE event the team of 8 count down under which 8 count down
is Austin Theory and Grayson Waller is down under because he's from Australia.
Competing in a tag team match against Ozzy Jones and Cameron Grimes Waller and Theory
got the win.
Okay.
But there was a fan that jumped the guard rail and this is on SE scoops is where I found
this.
Okay.
Thank you for giving them credit we always try to do that because that way no one's better
or nothing.
Yeah go ahead.
But yeah I guess Grayson Waller was cutting the promo or something and this fan got upset
about it and jumped the barricade and went to attack him but unfortunately a security
guard reached him first.
Yeah fortunately for the fan.
Now there's video footage.
Wow.
Yeah I mean come on.
Come on if you go to a show don't attack the people performing.
No.
No not a good idea you know those people performing.
I don't care if it's scripted or not they're fucking tougher than you.
Just take my word for it.
They're tougher than you so don't fuck with them.
You like your life.
You like your teeth.
You like your face.
Yeah and that by the way I have already come up with next week's Rob's Rasslin Report about
another superstar.
You know.
There's something off here.
Okay it sounds great to me.
That is very impressive.
Okay maybe we'll do it this weekend when we do our next podcast.
Maybe we'll do it Saturday.
Yeah yeah let's do it this weekend.
Okay and if you want to save any of them for our sports show we can do that too because
I've got some stuff on the sports show that I really want to get into and I started to
find an angle of what I want to do.
Well my bitch.
I want to do it like my bitching about sports and what I don't like okay.
I don't want it to be like well here's what the Chiefs need to do you know.
They need to find their identity or Rashid Rice needs Sky Moore's got to get on it or
they need to block better.
They got to come up with better schemes.
I want any of that.
This is kind of like our race.
You're going to be who we are.
Yes.
We are ourselves and not like anybody else.
I love it.
My first bone to pick with the NFL not the Referee which is horrible but it's a part
of the game and yeah they fucked the Chiefs but the Chiefs fucked themselves.
They could have played much better in Green Bay and they did not.
I guarantee.
I yeah I 100% agree on that.
Here's what I want to go off on.
Jamal Charles was snubbed for the NFL Hall of Fame and when I introduced some of the
other pedestrian numbers of running backs that got in and they won't even talk to Jamal
Charles it's fucking it's insulting and I'm pissed and I'm going to go off on him and
that is our first sports one.
That is our first sports one.
I am fucking pissed at the NFL Hall of Fame and the NFL over this and there's a lot of
shit to be pissed at them about but this one right here is unforgivable.
Unforgivable.
Jamal Charles with a 5.4 fucking carry average and you know what I got to say I got to save
it for the show.
Got to save it for the show and I have facts to back up everything I'm talking about.
So I looked them all up and looked them over and I am convinced Jamal Charles should have
been one of the first names they called this year when he was first eligible.
It's bullshit.
You guys are criminal the way you're doing it.
So anyhow did you know in Toronto raccoons trashed a bachelorette party before the party
began.
The critters snuck in and destroyed most of the party items and reportedly loved the penis
candy so much they didn't believe even one penis candy for the bride to be.
Can you believe that?
Little fucking trash pandas fucking grabbed all the penis candy and ran.
That is a true story by the way.
As far as I know I mean I think it was on the post or something I don't know so yeah
anyhow.
You know Jeffy X right?
Yeah yeah yeah yeah you know you're embroidering him underwear with Jeffy X on it and with
the special Steven Pearcy stuff and impressed pouch on the inside of his groin area right?
Oh no I went above and beyond.
Oh okay go ahead.
Since he's done all this for us I now have him a flying suit.
Oh okay do tell Rob.
Yeah one of them bat suits you know like you jump off cliffs and yeah.
Very cool but he's still getting the.
Got a big X on his back.
It's great I love it.
He's still getting the embroidered underwear right?
Oh no yeah there's a big one.
Oh okay.
He's still wearing both of them at one time.
And with the Steven Pearcy pouch in the groin area on the inside so we can stuff and fool
all he wants but we don't think he has to stuff.
We think his manhood is probably just fine the way it is.
Yeah I think he's fine.
Yeah yeah yep.
So but anyhow if he chooses to try to impress anybody anymore he has that special Steven
Pearcy of rats pouch that he supposedly had in the 80s to make his manhood look more adorable
to the female crowd right?
And maybe some males.
So anyhow he's going to have those and how many hookers am I up to buying him like 30?
At least.
Yeah yeah well Jeffy X the reason we owe him so much is because he goes to these places
and he uncovers these items that were going to be put out but they failed the test.
They failed the focus panels and the group discussions and everything.
And well he found some more.
Some we agree with some we don't.
Yeah yeah I mean the new one is new douche flavors.
He went back to Massengale like he's been there several times.
He wears different disguises.
He's been there a while.
Yeah he gets different social security numbers or something somehow.
And he uncovers these new flavors and he brings them to us among many other things.
He's got some bad product ideas all different kinds of stuff he's uncovered for us.
Yeah.
Well this time it's more douche flavors.
So these are douche flavors that Jeffy X got for us and they failed the focus panels
and they're not going to come out now.
And he did it in regular Jeffy X fashion.
He sent me the email and then sent me a text saying hey check your email there's something in there.
It's going to disappear in 10 minutes.
So I was by the side of the road I almost hit a couple of vehicles.
Well I was on the road I almost hit a couple of vehicles veering off to the side road.
Slammed on my brakes.
Got on there and I screen shotted.
I screen shotted the email before it went away and I had to jot them all down by pencil later on in that day.
Oh luckily.
Yeah luckily I got them before it disappeared.
Sure enough 10 minutes later poof they were gone.
He has to do this for security reasons.
He can't have these people finding out where he's at and you know because he won't be able to give us these lists anymore.
So these are new douche flavors that have failed.
And anyhow we'll just we'll discuss them on air like we always do and we think it's a you know they they failed by not bringing them out.
You know or we can give a Bravo.
That's a good idea not doing that.
You know so anyhow the first one is quiche flavored douche.
I do like quiche but I'm not sure I'm not sure if a dairy product goes with the douche.
Yeah no not really.
Yeah I mean quiche is from egg and egg is pretty much a dairy product you know it's a it's a chicken fetus.
Yeah I know.
And that's another thing too it's chicken fetus so it probably does not belong in a woman's special egg.
Now you're just turning my stomach dude.
Okay okay.
I didn't even take it that far.
All right okay maybe they hit this one dead on by denying it then okay.
You know every now and then they get one right.
They get one right every now and then right.
So okay next one is mushroom flavor.
Since I hate mushrooms I hate the fungus I'm going to have to agree with it.
Rob I turn it to you.
Not there.
I am a mushroom fan but not there.
I will take your word for it.
The next one.
Yeah I could see it.
We I could see it.
Okay bell pepper.
I could see it failing and I think it's because of the chunks right.
I mean it doesn't matter how much you pray it still going to have that little toughness that bell pepper has right.
In the after taste.
Oh yeah you're right.
You'll be going.
Yeah after yeah.
Then your partner would be like wondering what the hell is going on because you got this weird face and you're spitting.
Yeah you go home to your wife and no.
Yeah yeah so yeah so okay probably probably they hit this one dead on too.
So we're going to go ahead and have to give them an A plus on all the first three right.
The focus panel.
Yeah yeah we're doing they're doing good tonight.
Yeah they are.
The next one is a Pepto Bismol flavored douches.
Well 100 percent agree.
Me too.
And even if you did like that putrid taste of Pepto Bismol.
Chalkiness.
Yeah yeah you would.
It's it's almost like a dairy product right.
And we don't like dairy products.
Yeah.
We already discussed that.
And also you would maybe psychologically you know kind of like parlay this to sickness because you you know or or stomach acid right.
Because that's when you drink Pepto Bismol.
So yeah okay all right.
You know what I think so far they're dead on.
Yeah they're four for four.
Four for four.
Wow not often do we agree with them 100 percent.
Wow.
I'm starting to get mildly impressed.
What about you?
I don't know I'm expecting bloat here.
They usually do.
Oh this next one.
Yeah probably so.
Snow crab.
We said any seafood is not good.
Exactly.
Yeah yeah no clam.
Five for five.
Yeah five for five.
I agree man.
Seafood is not good down there at all.
I love seafood but yeah no not that application.
I'm not a seafood guy you know this.
We've we've spoke about it.
But even if I was I don't think any seafood belongs down there because of the negative implications of what seafood is parlayed to.
So this next one I think I'm gonna have to go along with the same lines.
Bluegill caviar.
So I guess that would be bluegill fish eggs right.
Yeah yeah.
Gonna have to agree with that more than 100 percent.
Probably 2000 percent 3000.
However high it goes that's how much I agree with it.
Ugh bluegill caviar.
Alright seven percent or eight percent.
Three four five six.
Actually there's six for six.
Oh okay six for six.
I don't think they've ever had that long a run do you.
No they have not.
Okay well we'll see if they run the table.
We still have a few more to go.
Next one spicy brown mustard.
I agree.
Me too.
You know I love spicy.
I love spicy brown mustard.
But not enough.
Not enough for it to be on its own right.
Well why would you not run an application because of her.
You know what.
Orange.
Yeah yeah yeah.
That's okay.
You're right.
The next one I think I might have to go against it.
But I do like hickory better.
Mesquite.
Mesquite flavored douche.
Now mesquite is okay if you don't have hickory.
Now if this was hickory I'd be on board.
I'd be like hell yeah.
But mesquite I'm kind of teetering on.
I'll go with mesquite.
Okay.
Anything smoked.
Okay well their record stands at one two three four five six seven.
They got seven in a row until we disagreed with them.
This is a record Rob.
Yes it is.
Well good job focus panels.
You only missed one so far.
This next one smoked clam.
100% no.
Yeah.
Seafood.
Alright.
There are seven out of eight.
Not bad.
No.
The next one.
Oh no I really like the taste but I'm not sure if I like it alone.
Malt vinegar.
No.
You know vinegar is already associated with douches right.
Yeah yeah they're trying to get away from the vinegar.
Yeah yeah that's why they're coming up with all these.
They add a stronger.
Yeah yeah a stronger vinegar taste and smell.
So okay I get it.
I think that probably not malt vinegar because the reason they come up with these new flavors is and smells is because they want to get away from the vinegar right.
Yeah the only time I like malt vinegar is if I go to Long Town Sobers.
Oh yeah yeah or Captain Duz.
Yeah or Captain Duz yeah.
Yeah the D.S. whatever.
Next one.
Okay I got to go against this one.
Roasted tomato and garlic.
Oh that sounds delicious Rob.
No.
Okay tell me why.
Well.
Does it just not sound good to you because I accept that I mean.
I'm I'm I'm faking the tomato.
Oh okay.
You know what Rob.
I stand corrected.
I agree with you.
You don't need anything red down there at all.
No.
You're right.
The roasted tomato could actually like resemble resemble a blood clot or something too.
So yeah.
Oh yeah yeah.
Yeah I had to I took over the edge.
I took this whole fucking thing and I threw it over the cliff.
Again, I just crashed the whole thing into the wall at 150 because that's what I do.
I smashed this fucking work of art.
I took this Mona Lisa and I smashed it over my knee and ripped it into pieces and said,
there you go America.
So, anyhow, and the last.
Oh hey, hey, no, no, you've got to go past America now dude.
Oh yeah, yeah, that's right, we're all over.
I forgot.
There you go, woo.
Yep, and I still have not found that other Fort Scott hit.
I don't know what RSS is doing.
No, I don't, I'm thinking she didn't get it downloaded.
Yeah, she probably listened to it and thought she downloaded it, but she didn't.
Yeah.
You see, and that's one of the things that I got to work on.
I mean, there's ways that you can get to where, well, let me finish this out and we'll go
in.
You know what, let's not even go into it right now.
Okay, I'll talk to you about it off air because nobody really gives a shit.
They just listen to this and that's it.
Anyway, last but not least is Egg Drop Soup.
Again, a dairy product.
Egg is chicken fetus.
Does not belong here.
Oh, oh, oh.
Son of a bitch.
They got like 10 out of 11, dude.
Oh, well, yeah, but it came in a half because you-
No, no, no, I changed my vote when you talked about tomato and then I said it resembled
a blood clot.
No, I was out at that point.
Oh, no, no, I was talking about the first one.
You were in agreement with it, mine was not.
Oh, what was the first one?
I forget which one it was.
Oh, let me see here.
Oh shit, that's the wrong article.
Hang on, that's the wrong one.
Oh, okay, here we go.
Quiche.
No, I decided-
No, never mind.
Just let's move on.
Mushroom?
Oh, well, you know what?
All right, that's done.
Let's move on.
It's 10 and a half.
Yeah.
Got a little article here that's interesting.
The assistant manager to South Carolina Burger King, who allegedly serve customers french
fries that have been fished out of their trash can, has been fired.
The fast food giant said, Burger King confirmed Jamie Major's termination by the local franchise
operator and strongly condemned her suspected actions in a statement to The Post Thursday.
These allegations do not align to the brand's commitment of quality food and service and
create an exceptional guest experience, a company representative wrote.
The employee in question had been terminated by the franchise of this location.
The franchise is cooperating with local authorities and because this remains an ongoing investigation,
we are unable to share additional details at this time, the statement continued.
Major lost her job in the wake of her arrest Monday on a felony charge of tampering with
food over claims that the 39 year old Burger King staffer mixed french fries removed from
the trash with freshly cooked fries.
I love it.
That's a felony because that is fucking disgusting.
Anyone that would do that.
I mean, I don't know, you know, I wish we did cane beatings like they do in Asia or
at least they used to do.
I don't know if they still do them because that person right there deserves that.
In my opinion, you do some that dirty and disgusting to someone's food.
You deserve something really bad yourself.
We got one more morning.
Oh, okay.
That'll work.
Hell yeah.
That's supposed to be torture.
Well, well, well, what?
I suppose it would be, you know, oh yeah.
Your quotations, it's outlawed, Rob.
They don't do that anymore.
Yeah, it's outlawed.
It's outlawed.
Okay.
Well, why don't we take our second break and we will come right back with probably something
that Rob has something he wants to say.
Like I don't know.
You talked about having a couple of articles you want to get into.
Sound good?
Yeah, I know.
Okay.
We'll be right back here in a couple of minutes.
Oh shit.
What's that over there?
Oh no.
It's silent and horrible jokes.
Oh shit.
What's that over there?
Oh no.
It's silent and horrible jokes.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, he�� no show was owed.
Mm-hmm.
them my portrait, And my toilet I guess it was clogged a constant pursuit for a real
nietzlapper.
Its strange In design from an alien real Hilarious.
You are just like a cloud.
It's a beautiful day when you disappear.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
Hey, your chair produces sound similar to a heart, but only once.
Such that, you cannot reproduce it and prove that it was just the chair.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
The number one show for people that lie about their favorite podcast.
Oh shit.
What's that over there?
Oh no.
It's island of horrible jokes.
What?
You call a bundle of hay in church Christian Bail?
Day of backlash just happened.
You don't know what day it is.
It's the day of the
apocalypse.
Dirt and apocalypse, don't forget the nuts.
Hickory nuts that is.
Yeah, we know, hickory wood gets all the glory and all the love.
Everyone loves the hickory trees.
They cut them down and they make great sandwiches out of barbecue and meats.
They smoke them and it's a fantastic deal.
But little does anyone know about the hickory nuts.
Dirt and apocalypse hickory nuts could be the best thing you could find.
Hickory nuts can be eaten raw, toasted, or added to various recipes.
Their rich buttery flavor and crunchy texture make them an ideal ingredient for both sweet
and savory dishes.
You can use hickory nuts to make nut butter, pesto, or even a unique hickory nut milk.
There are five types of hickory nuts.
Peanut hickory, shag bark hickory, pig nut hickory, mockernut hickory, and smooth bark
hickory.
Hickory trees are considered part of the walnut species and are plentiful at least around
Missouri and surrounding areas.
So dirt and apocalypse, don't forget to grab your nuts.
People in Missouri need to know.
There are five times you do not have to wear a seat belt in Missouri.
And you can look this up on the legal site, Burger Law.
And it addresses Missouri seat belt statutes.
Surprisingly, there are five distinct occasions where you do not have to wear your seat belts.
Number one, you have a doctor's note.
It's true that some have medical conditions that make wearing your seat belt painful or
not safe for them.
I think some forms of GERD, because some people can't wear belts, GERD, you know, acid reflux,
severe acid reflux.
They can't wear belts.
So I think certain forms of GERD would prevent you from wearing a seat belt because it would
go right over the area affected.
And there's probably other other reasons, too.
But go ahead.
Oh, yeah, as long as long as you have a doctor's note, you don't have to wear your seat belt.
Got the GERD.
Can't do it.
Gotcha.
If you're in public carrier, like a bus or a taxi, the Missouri statutes say riders on
public carriers like buses or taxis are also exempt from the seat belt law.
I knew that.
I actually knew that.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, yeah, I mean, that's now, however, about school buses, you know, but I believe that
Lyft and Uber requires you wear them.
That's just their rule.
But anyhow, go ahead.
Well, yeah, well, OK, I could understand that because they're a subcontractor.
They're not.
Yes.
And it's not, you know, so it may be a law.
But I guess to get in one of their cars, you have to or maybe just in the state of Missouri
or something because.
Well, yeah, well, actually, they just be.
I mean, they're regular license, you know.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, well, I mean, you know, that would be a smart thing to do because of your if
you have liability for the people in your car, you know, you would want them to probably
wear a seat belt.
So yeah.
So anyhow, go ahead.
OK, number three goes pretty much the same place.
Passengers on bus buses carrying a lot more.
So those gray hounds.
OK, yeah, I OK.
I could see that.
Number four, postal workers.
I actually knew that.
Yeah, yeah, I did, too.
I have an uncle who was a postal worker.
Well, Val was a postal worker.
My wife.
Oh, really?
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
Actually, I knew Topher was too.
Yeah.
Topher was too.
Yep.
Yeah.
He's not.
Yeah, because they're stopping and starting all the time.
Yeah, they never get anything done.
And then click and yeah, I definitely get that.
And number five, another well known one.
Farmers and agricultural workers.
Yes.
And that's for safety reasons, too, because a lot of those seat belts in the big combines,
you're better off flying out of that thing than having it fall on you.
So yeah, because I won't go into it, but I know a couple of cases where someone would
still be alive if they weren't trapped in it.
So anyhow, go ahead.
But that's what a seat belt is.
Well, here's another one that, OK, I did not know this.
I know you can go down that small, but here's a bonus one provided by my listener named
William.
He said if you license your truck, doesn't matter what size truck with eighteen thousand
pound tags, you don't have to wear a seat belt.
Huh.
OK.
Yeah.
Which OK, it goes in farm equipment, but there's also a lot of trucks on the road, all in equipment
doing construction and stuff.
So I don't know if I agree with that one.
I'd have to know more about the situations because there may be a reason why.
I mean, it's just like people would know about combines unless they actually were in one
or know people that actually do work with one.
If you don't know anything about combines, you'd think that was a silly rule about no
seat belt.
But actually it makes perfect sense because the dynamics of what you do and how it does
and all that.
So yes.
Yeah.
My grandfather had one.
OK, then you know, they're probably much safer not being fastened to that piece of equipment.
So anyhow, and combines have changed a lot.
You know, the new ones have satellite radio, air conditioning, TVs.
Oh, dude, grandpa's didn't have a nest.
No, you're out there sweating your nuts off in your bibs.
No air.
Oh, gosh.
Remember hay baling you hay baled, didn't you?
Oh, hell yeah.
Did that not suck fucking dick?
Oh my gosh, that sucked.
Oh man.
Yeah, you get it was hot and the hay would stick to you and you'd itch and you'd be sneezing
and coughing because that that hay dust will get in your lungs and just like choke you
through all that pollen and everything.
Yeah.
I used to hear here's what kind of grandpa I had.
One day, my grandpa put me in a competition against his neighbor's grandson on who could
buck the most hails or buck the most bales up onto the trailer as they took turns driving
the tractor in the trailer and then down there sucking bales up.
Oh man.
Did you like it was 16?
I was 13.
I beat him.
Oh, wow.
You're pretty good.
Hay baler then I guess.
Did you used to like to buck or did you like to stack or what did you like to do?
I did it all, dude.
I worked.
I do.
I work.
Well, actually, I like I like driving the bus, but I never got to.
Well, hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
Yeah, buddy.
Yeah.
And then they have those old gears.
I remember the first one that I got to drive had a old bean can as a gas accelerator and
the old stick shift on the floor.
And you'd go you'd pop the clutch constantly because you had that tin can and the clutch
didn't work right.
It knocked the fucking buck off of the damn trailer and almost run over a couple of the
kids.
Oh, good times.
Good times.
So anyhow, I got a little story here.
This story is about the fear of clowns.
I don't like clowns.
Do you?
They don't bother me.
I'm not a big fan.
I mean, I'm not scared of them.
But yeah, they there is some more creepy about them.
I see them.
I've never been a fan of them.
I've always thought they look creepy and they look like they're up to no good.
All different kinds of stuff.
So I don't know.
I've never been a fan of clowns.
I never thought they were funny in the least.
Always thought they were creepy.
So anyhow, okay, here's some of the reasons that people that they did a study on clowns
and they asked people and did other things to find out what exactly it is about clowns
that people are afraid of or don't like or uneasy about.
Okay.
So one in eerie or unsettling feeling due to clowns makeup, making them look not quite
human.
A similar response is sometimes seen with dolls or mannequins.
And I agree.
Clowns kind of I put the I've always put them in the same category as scary looking dolls
or creepy looking dolls and mannequins.
Have you done that or not?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
Um, number two, clowns exaggerated facial features convey a direct sense of threat.
And I agree because I think to me the smile that they portray with the overly done makeup
is like a evil grin as opposed to, uh, Hey, Hey kids, look at this balloon art.
You know what I mean?
Um, yeah, I don't know.
That's just kind of the way I see it.
Um, number three, clown makeup hides emotional signals that creates uncertainty.
Yeah, but I don't know.
I guess so.
What do you think?
Yeah.
Um, number five, actually, or number four, man, I think that's kind of weak.
Number four, the color of clown makeup reminds us of death, infection or blood injury and
evokes disgust or avoidance.
I think they take out a little too far too.
Yeah, I think they do too.
Yeah.
But clowns unpredictable behavior makes us uncomfortable.
I think it's more just their makeup, you know, where they should have hair on their head.
Yeah.
Where they should have hair on their head.
They don't.
It's all slicked back and makeup doubt.
And then they have one patch of red hair in the middle or something.
I mean, it's just the way they look to me.
I don't think that any of these things are like that at all.
Um, number six, feeling on smile.
If you got a pain on a smile, something's wrong.
Yes.
I would agree with that.
That's yeah.
That's a lot of their look that I can't.
So yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I kind of see both sides.
Yeah.
Yeah, me too.
I get it.
Yeah, I get it.
When I was a kid, I enjoyed clowns.
Okay.
But the older I got, they kind of, yeah, I could see some pervertedness and shit.
Yeah.
I think everybody could see that.
I mean, actually, I mean, you know, there'd been a lot of famous clown movies that were,
they were, I mean, you know, it was a very famous it, one did it.
Yeah.
Pennywise.
Um, let's see.
And then there's other ones too.
I mean, you know, uh, the joker, the joker is a great example of a clown.
Yeah.
So yeah.
Okay.
I mean, I see it.
Um, six, they say fear of clowns have been learned from family members.
Yeah.
But I mean, I think a lot of that is just making fun of clowns and people take it from
there.
Don't you?
Halloween mask, maybe.
Halloween mask is a great example.
Yeah.
I would agree with that.
Yeah.
You scare a young kid with a Halloween mask.
Yes.
Oh, I got a really good one here.
Remember I did one of my promos?
Um, number seven.
Good portrayals of clowns in popular culture.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
I think people do kind of go, Ooh, look at that clown.
Now what happened with your son?
I, sorry, I kind of skipped over it and then I realized what you said.
Oh, no, no.
He got scared by a Halloween mask as a kid.
Oh, and then.
And growing up, he was, he was scared of Halloween masks.
Anybody wear them?
Okay.
I get that.
He would not wear one, but now, he's 19, he'll whip your ass.
Or he'll whip a clown's ass, won't he?
Whoever's.
Clown's ass, a clown comes up to him and goes, Hey, he, he, he.
Fucking pop him right in the face, won't he?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Good.
Good man.
You raised him right.
If it happens to him, I got to forewarn him it's a thing for the show.
Guess what number eight is?
Number eight is right up where you just said a frightening experience with a clown.
That is like, I mean, it may, yeah, it may have been a mask, but I mean, you know, that's
the same thing, isn't it?
Yeah.
So somebody jumped out around the corner with a mask on, scooze the hell out of you.
You're like two, three years old.
Yeah.
Well then, okay.
Then you know what?
I think a lot of that is true then.
I didn't agree with all of them, but I think that a lot of that is true.
And I mean, you know, they just got done saying that about, you know, a bad experience.
And then you're talking about your son right before that.
So yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely agree.
That's a true story.
Okay.
No, I completely, it wasn't a clown mask, but it was a Halloween mask.
Yeah.
It's the same idea though.
I mean, you know, yeah, yeah.
And also I have something to talk about on the emails.
I printed them all out and erased them.
And now I can't find out where I put the printed ones.
I am looking desperately.
I'll find them.
I just misplaced them somewhere.
I'll find them and we'll get to them.
I finally got through and cleaned up a lot of the email and in the next batch should
be fresh ones that come in.
Okay.
So anyhow, as soon as I find them, I will answer them on air.
So anyhow, sorry, I was going to get to it on this podcast, but no, not going to happen.
And I think maybe next week we might start getting back into the hairy asshole Olympics.
That sound good?
I think you'd come up with a list of 10 good ones.
Not this weekend, but the following weekend, 10 good ones against each other.
And I still have my wild card.
I have my wild card that's going to beat everybody's ass.
I still have him and he's being saved.
He's being saved back.
He's chomping at the bill.
My guy will take everyone out.
He is just chomping at the bit.
And I said, not right now.
Not right now.
We're saving.
Does my space carry over too?
Yes.
Yep.
So you still have a save.
So and didn't I save you or who did I say?
No, I'm out.
I'm out.
Yeah.
That's right.
You're out.
Okay.
So all right.
So okay.
Well we are at the hour mark.
So I think we're going to conclude tonight's podcast.
But we will be back at it tomorrow.
And I still have an episode and a half to throw at you guys.
I'm going to try to do that tonight.
And I was doing everything else except spitting out episodes.
I was cleaning up the emails, getting those caught up.
I was working with the new promos and bits that we have and I'm also looking at different
ways of podcasting and different equipment and stuff to get a better sound.
I've been experimenting with a microphone.
I've been doing everything except putting shows on the board.
So I'm going to start getting back to putting more shows on the board too.
So it'll be a little bit more regular like it has been.
I think I missed a couple of days in a row now, didn't I?
Well, with it being the holiday season, we're both kind of having to jump our schedules
around.
Yeah.
And you see that's another thing too is during the holiday season, not as many people listen
because they're busy doing other stuff.
They're not at work.
A lot of people take this time off.
So a lot of people don't listen to podcasts at home.
A lot of people listen to them on the road.
They listen to them at work in their Bluetooth and stuff like that.
I mean, not our numbers.
Our numbers were not reflected, but traditionally podcasts during this time of year is the slow
period and the same way with radio.
That's how come all the top jocks or show guys, morning shows or whatever shows they
are, they take the Christmas period off and that's like mid December.
Yeah, they take vacations.
Yeah, yeah.
Then you get a bunch of bests of and it's because this is the time of year when people
are traditionally not at work as much and they have family stuff going on and other
things.
So anyhow, I'm going to start getting back to more podcasts.
So if you guys want them, they'll be there for you.
If not, you can grab them all when you get back to work in January.
Right?
Yep.
Alrighty.
Yeah, because I got two and a half weeks off coming.
Oh, good for you.
I'm going to have plenty of time.
We're going to work on promos.
We're going to do a lot of things.
Yes, because I have three bits.
I have, and that's another thing I've been doing too.
There's especially one bit that I really want you on and I want it just specifically yours.
Well, we'll do it.
Because we have deep thoughts with Mark.
Okay, that's all me.
Okay.
We have things overheard in hell.
That's been all me.
And we have things deep during the apocalypse.
That's been all me.
This one is going to be all yours and I'm going to come up with another segment that's
all yours.
The ones that are all mine, I want to keep all mine.
And the ones that are all yours, I want to keep all yours.
You see what I mean?
Right, right, right.
And then we can do special bits where they're like fake products or whatever where we're
both in on it.
But I want the Rob Rad's bits and bumpers and I want the Mark's bits and bumpers.
So anyhow, all right, everybody have a good night.
Thank you for listening.
Good night, everybody.
Have a good day tomorrow.
Hey, where do they go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh geez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.
D are you noodles?