Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas!
You're still a fucking asshole!
Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri
From the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River
It's Two Dish Bags and a Microphone Podcast
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark
Let's see here, a package of 8 hot dogs, a package of 10 hot dog buns.
I would have to buy 10 packs of hot dogs and 8 packs of buns to even it out.
Should I buy them at once? Should I freeze them?
Or just continue to zigzag them and hope for the best?
I hate adulting.
Hi there, this is Fucknut from Two Fucknuts and a Recorder Podcast.
Two Dish Bags and a Microphone are our favorite podcasts ever.
Please, go to your friend's computer and download it from there.
Go to your church's computer and download it from there.
Go to people you don't know and grab their phones and download it on there.
These fuckers need all the help we can get.
So Rob, I've got a question for you.
I have an answer.
Well, this requires some memory and I've got to ask you if you remember this or not.
Do you remember when we used to ass face people?
Oh, yes.
Okay. What do you remember about it? Because I remembered it very well the other day for some reason.
I know you did not be the one receiving one. I know that.
No, but do you remember?
I know that.
Yeah, right in someone's face while they're sleeping.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Do you remember ass facing people when we were passed out?
We used to let someone pass out on the couch or floor or whatever.
Usually it was smashed out of their skull, right?
That was the best time to get them.
Yeah, because they don't know what's going on.
There was no fighting.
No, exactly. Just fighting for air when they jump up.
Yeah, that's it.
I'm going to explain this to everybody listening now.
One person would drop his drawers and stick his ass up right above the passed out person.
Then another person would scream in their ear fire or something.
Sometimes it was a speaker next to their ear.
We did that a couple of times. Remember we put a speaker next to our ear and cracked?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Then you crank up a brutally loud power cord.
Then watch them jump up right into someone's ass crack.
Oh, the good old days. Good times. Oh yeah. Damn good times.
Yeah.
I believe we did that to my brother and he got really bent.
I think you were the dude with his ass exposed.
I think I was.
Maybe it was at Brian's house or BJ's house.
Maybe something like that.
It may have been BJ's.
Yeah, and my brother passed out because God rest his soul.
We love you, John. We love you, John. We talk about you often. We salute you.
He was passed out.
Brother, I will always worship you, John. Just saying.
He should know this. He should know this.
Yeah, he does.
In the great beyond, I'm sure he's smiling.
Right now he might be a little agitated remembering that good ass face that he got from you.
Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Hey, talk about invisible ass paddling.
I think he's probably got a couple coming.
As I remember, okay, it was BJ's house, I guess.
I couldn't remember whether it was Brian's or BJ's or where.
But it used to be one of those houses where people would go to.
It could have been Davy's, actually.
Actually, I think it was Davy's.
I think it was Davy's too because...
I think it was Davy's.
He started to kill us and all different kinds of stuff.
He was so mad.
Oh my God.
It was Davy's because he ended up rocking home.
He was so mad.
He was passed out.
Oh yeah, then yeah, it was Davy's.
I remember. I remember now.
He was passed out on the couch.
I got some pots and pans and I told you to drop your drawers and stick your ass right above his head.
And then I took the pots and pans and just smashed the shit out of him right next to his ear.
He jumped up and he stuck his nose right in your ass crack.
Remember?
Oh, he was so fucking pissed.
I thought he was going to kill us both.
No, he didn't talk to me for like two, three days.
He was pissed.
Oh my God, that was great.
But like always, he got over it.
He did. He did.
Oh, he was getting at it. Come on, Davy, lighten up.
Okay, I was just wanting to clarify that story because I thought you remembered it too.
And then we both remembered it was it Davy's and it was my brother and it was your ass.
Right?
Thank you for that memory.
I had forgotten about that one.
But now that you've guessed, that was a fun night.
That was a fun night.
Something triggered the memory not too long ago and actually just a couple of days ago.
And I jotted it down real quick on my phone.
And then when I was writing out material down at the city market, I remembered it the best I could without talking to you.
And now after talking to you, I got it now.
I remember exactly what happened.
So anyhow, here's another little prank I used to do.
I used to sign people up to the Nissan, Ford, GM, and Chrysler websites.
I would leave their number and best time of the day to reach them.
The barrage of overzealous salesmen was just pure evil.
I was such a bastard.
I hope no one, I did that too, is listening actually because they owed me one.
They didn't know it was me.
If I just wanted to be cool or someone pissed me off or something,
and this is back in the Windows 95 days and stuff like that, you could go to their website.
And actually, no, it was probably more like the early 2000s.
And it was when the internet was fully developed and it wasn't on everybody's phone quite yet.
And I used to just sign them up, put their number in there and everything, and then they'd be like, keep getting these fucking cell phone calls.
And back then you had to pay for them.
Now it's unlimited everything, unlimited calls.
But at first when everyone had the phones in the early 2000s up to, I don't know, maybe 2010, you had to pay for your minutes.
And if you went over, you paid a lot of money.
So some idiot's calling you constantly.
You're fucking paying for that.
So yeah.
Yeah, I remember that the other day too.
It was weird how I remembered a lot of this stuff.
So anyhow.
Got a lot of them on this thing.
Oh, I do.
Yep, very much so.
All right, Rob, you said you have an old West hygiene maybe.
Are you ready for that?
Yes, I do.
We're well overdue.
All right, we are.
I miss these segments.
I don't know of this or the American songwriter.
I can't pick a favorite.
They're both just fantastic segments.
Brilliant for you to come up with this content.
Go ahead, Rob.
This one's kind of a gloomy one.
Just so you know.
Okay, that's fine.
This one is the deadly toll of disease in the Wild West.
In the Wild West, disease was the leading cause of death among pioneers.
Among nine out of ten pioneers succumbed to illnesses like dysentery, smallpox,
measles, bumps, influenza, cholera, mountain fever, scurvy.
Cholera in particular was the most common and deadly disease.
It spread through contaminated water, which was abundant in the unsanitary conditions of the time.
Pioneers faced the constant risk of infection and death due to poor hygiene practices
and the lack of clean water sources.
Staying healthy and avoiding disease was a constant challenge in the unforgiving wilderness of the Wild West.
Wow.
There you go.
This kind of disease is ugly.
Well, you've got to remember, back then people died from the flu.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, they were lucky if they could get penicillin.
Yeah, I mean, now people died today from the flu, too.
Don't get me wrong.
People still died from the flu.
But back then it was very common.
If you got the flu, it was a 50-50 toss-up whether you're going to live or not.
Right, right.
Yeah, isn't that insane?
Because the doctors were miles away and they didn't have the technology we do today.
No, no, no.
And the doctors then were very primitive.
I mean, if they had any type of operating skills, you were lucky, let alone like strong antibiotics or anything like that.
Think of all their lives.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, you know, the old lifespan used to be like 40, 50 years.
That's how come they got married when they were like 15.
They didn't live as long, you know.
So, yeah, pretty interesting stuff, that's for sure.
Cholera was the number one, though.
That surprised me.
I thought it would be like flu or something like that.
I didn't think it would be cholera, but that does make sense.
It does make sense.
They had no way of battling that back then, you know.
It said, in and you're lucky if you survived it.
So, wow.
How about if we take our first break and I come back with things to whisper in a stranger's ear?
It's back.
Oh, I will miss these.
Well, you don't have to miss much longer.
We'll be right back with that.
Brick Shales Energy Drink.
That's right.
Brick Shales Energy Drink.
Make men and women feel.
Cholera balls.
You don't have to fuck shit up.
Run for a sky-cross America.
Brick Shales is for you.
Please enjoy Brick Shales Energy Drink responsibly.
It's not readily available anywhere because of liability issues.
Two douchebags and a microphone, says.
You ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass?
Just asking.
The day of Apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
On most of these Apocalypse series, we tell you what plants you can eat in case of an Apocalypse
and you have to go out to your yard for food.
Well, this one is going to explain to you the plants you may be aware of to not eat.
Plants that could be toxic usually might have milky white sap, thorns, spines, or fine hairs
or leaves or stems.
Pods with bulbs, beans, or seeds.
Stems or trunks that have an almond scent.
Three-leafed foliage growth.
Also be aware of intensely bitter or sappy flavor.
Foliage reminiscent of dill, parsley, or carrot.
A lot of podcasts just come from a can.
Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we pour our own podcasts.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone, I am Mark.
And I am Rob.
Alright.
Well, we haven't done this segment in quite a while.
And I was just saying about it the other day going, man, we gotta get on the ball on this one
because it's a very popular segment.
And I didn't get any emails about it or anything, but I just remembered it.
So, anyhow.
That's where you and I need to stay on top of it.
I got more emails.
I printed some more out.
I figured out a way to get it to print on my computer.
I'm trying to share it so where I could send it with you, but it's just not working.
So, anyhow.
So I got some more printed out.
And these are random.
I don't know what they said.
I just went like the next seven or eight.
And I weeded out all the complimentary ones.
Like I said, we issued a blanket thank you to everybody.
But in interest of time, which I don't have a lot of, I can't answer them all and say thank you, hey, thanks, you know, and all that.
Thank you guys.
It's appreciated, but we're not going to answer the complimentary ones.
Yeah.
Those have all been weeded out.
And then I just went the top seven straight down the hatchet.
So I don't even know what they say.
I didn't even look at them.
All I did was print them out and then call it good.
So, okay.
But first, things to whisper in a stranger's ear.
Man Topher came up with this.
Actually, it was Topher's idea all by himself.
He is like, hey, you know, it'd be a cool segment.
Like what?
He goes, yeah, things you could go and just whisper in somebody's ear just to fuck with them.
No reason what you're saying.
No rhyme or reason.
Just something to make them go, huh?
What?
So, all righty.
Things to whisper in a stranger's ear.
First one.
Quick.
To the Batcave.
I like that one too.
Yeah.
Not everybody will get that, but I guess the younger generation does have Batman movies to go by.
So.
Yeah, but actually, I think that was probably said more in the old black and whites than we do.
I don't really remember much in the movies when they'd say Batcave.
Not only was it more prevalent in the black and white ones, but it was also more prevalent in the Adam West, what was his name?
Something Burt, Burt Ward.
Yeah, Burt Ward.
Yeah, Adam West Burt Ward series.
And I believe one that the late 60s that the series was on.
Right, yeah, that's the ones I'm talking about.
Yeah, yeah.
Also, they were a weekly show so they could use it more instead of a movie every five years.
Well, on that weekly show, just about almost on every episode, they're like, quick, to the Batcave, and then they show the bat thing, the bats spinning around.
And that's the best I can do with that.
Next one, Robin was a twink.
We know this.
Yeah.
We know this.
Yeah.
Yeah, Robin, we're sorry, we love you, but you're a twink.
You're just a little boy toy.
That's what you are.
We still love you.
We still love you, but someone had to take you under his wing, and Batman was nice enough to do that.
I mean, no one else would have you.
Superman was like, hell no.
Let's see.
Somebody had to feel sorry for you.
Yeah, yeah, so Batman said he would.
I mean, everyone else, the Flash is like, no way.
Captain America was like, fuck you.
Wonder Woman was like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
Yeah, so anyhow, someone had to take you, Robin, and that was Batman.
So, and not like there's anything wrong with being a twink.
We're not making fun of twinks.
Okay, so.
And also, I don't think Robin could shoot him so he couldn't go to Aquaman.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
He's probably afraid of the whales anyhow.
You know, Aquaman would summon a pack of killer whales, and he probably ran off crying.
He would brave a carp, dude.
Probably.
Oh my God, look at those scales.
I'm feeling very uncomfortable, Aquaman.
Aquaman hits him.
Get out of here, bitch.
Shut up.
All right, the next one.
Is it delivery or is it DiGiorno?
Remember that one?
Yeah.
Yep.
DiGiorno pizza, they said, was just as good, if not better, than pizza delivered from pizza
gut or wherever, or little seizures or whatever the fuck.
So, yeah.
So, yeah, yeah, yep, yep.
Okay, next one.
Wonder Woman had a Brazilian wax.
I guess this is kind of superhero themed today, isn't it?
Actually, was it Wonder Woman Brazilian?
The new Wonder Woman is just-
Linda Carter, I don't think was.
That was the original Wonder Woman in the series.
Now, you're talking about the latest Wonder Woman.
I'm talking about the character.
Okay.
Oh, I don't know.
What was she?
I'm not sure if the character originated from, like, Brazil or somewhere down there.
You know what?
You got me on that.
I'm not the authority on Wonder Woman, so I can totally believe that, Rob.
I just, I have no way to argue with you because I don't know enough about the character.
Is she from Ireland or?
Yeah.
I think she was from an island.
I think you're right, Rob.
Yeah, because she was not American.
Yeah, she wasn't from here.
Okay.
All right, well.
Anyway.
Okay, all right.
Well, she had a Brazilian, we know she had a Brazilian wax.
Otherwise, we'd be seeing hairs flying out of those little bitty undies that she wore,
right?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, so.
Yeah, that was pretty evident, but thanks for letting us know anyhow things to whisper
to strangers here.
Next one.
Sharp, Cheddar, or Monterey Jack?
And then at that point, the guy you whispered in his ear to, he may have answered or he
may have not.
He might have been like, oh yeah, yeah.
Sharp, Cheddar, or they could have turned around and like ran off because you were weirdo
that said that.
I'd be staying there trying to think, okay, what am I putting it with?
Me too.
Yep.
Yeah, it's like, okay.
Well, Sharp, Cheddar will go with a burger, but Monterey Jack, that would be really good
with like a club sandwich.
Right?
Yeah.
And I'd be thinking, oh, yeah.
I'd be thinking, oh, yeah.
Well, what does it go with?
And then by that time, the weirdo would run off and go, you know what?
I didn't expect this.
I didn't want a thousand questions.
I just wanted to fuck with you.
You know what?
You do whatever you want with your burger or club sandwich and leave me the fuck out
of it.
The next one.
Want fries or coleslaw?
In which I would turn around and go, fries, fuckhead.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Yeah.
Like, that's never a question.
Fries or coleslaw?
Duh.
Cabbage with fucking Miracle Whip or fucking beautiful crispy french fries.
French fries, of course.
Next one.
Would you like to round up?
In which I'd turn around and go, would you like to give me your wallet and I'll just
go ahead and like throw your money to someplace that I don't know it goes to.
But you say it's a charity, but I don't know for sure.
Right?
Yeah.
The round up thing, I get why they're doing it, but a lot of the charities are such in
question.
You know, I don't have time to go through their 501C3 online to find out if they're
legitimate or not.
So therefore, I'm not going to round up because I'm not going to give my money to some shyster.
I mean, yeah, when you're going to have time when you're standing there at the cash
roads.
Exactly.
And I used to feel the pressure.
Granted, I donated a couple bucks a couple weeks ago, supposedly to St. Jude and assumed
my local dollar jail.
Okay, St. Jude is okay.
Now, I have the note.
Well, I'll open dusk or to St. Jude.
Okay.
I believe that.
Rob, I believe that probably does.
But some of these charities, like whatever I hear around up like locally here, like let's
see Taco Bell was doing it for a while.
What was it?
Wendy?
I can't remember his Taco Bell and maybe it could have been Sonic or something.
But they were saying these charities I've never heard of.
And I'm not talking about them.
I'm not talking about the fast food place stealing your money.
What I'm talking about is the charity not being a reputable one and you don't know where
the money is going to.
Well, I could go like the local network for higher reading standard of the heartland or
something.
It's like, well, wait a minute.
I don't know anything about this place.
And yeah, I know you're talking about 80 cents or anywhere, but you ding me everywhere with
this round up shit.
And then you tell me some charity that I have no idea what it's about.
You know, I could be given to some sort of fucking terrorist organization for all I know,
right?
Disguised as a charity.
You don't know because you don't have any way to look it up on the spot.
And I've always hated the round up thing because of that, because it puts you on the spot.
And I used to feel pressured into giving and now I'm just like, I don't know who they are,
so no.
Now, if they give me a choice and they say, give to St. Jude, you can give to the, you
know, the scholarship fund of the Amarillo, Texas, people with one leg, you know, I'd
be like, no, I'll go ahead and have that go to St. Jude because I know St. Jude is a very
good organization.
So, yeah.
So anyhow, the next one, the things to whisper in a stranger's ear, paper or plastic.
Now that gets people because that freezes.
Yep.
That freezes a lot of people up.
Paper or plastic.
Actually, you really need to go back and forth.
One time paper, one time plastic.
That way you have your bathroom trash bag and then the paper you could start a fire with.
Oh, that's a good idea, Rob.
There you go.
You know what?
It popped up without out of my head just now.
Maybe we need to do a tips of wisdom with Rob.
Yeah, where you just come up with some concept.
Was that your one and only for a while, Rob?
Well, like I said, yeah, it just popped.
I never know when they're going to pop out like that.
So be expectant.
I've got one for you, Rob, that I want just you exclusively to do when we get time to
do some bits.
Okay.
I've got one for you and already had Chad already produced it.
So I have the bit sitting right here and I'll tell you about it a little bit later.
Not tonight because the Chiefs game is on.
But when we have some time, I will get with you and we can banter about this new idea
that I already have the bit to because I just want you to do it yourself because you don't
have any bits right now.
We need something.
You know, I'm on all of them and I need you.
I need you on this one because this one was designed specifically for you.
So, okay.
All righty.
The next one, thanks to whisper in a stranger's ear.
Was it live or was it Memorex?
Only people of this.
It was Memorex.
Only a certain amount of people of a certain age will get that.
Younger people will not get that unless they saw it online.
But it was an old commercial and Memorex cassette tapes were supposed to be so audio
dynamic that you couldn't tell the difference between it live or Memorex is what they said.
Now me, I've never noticed a difference in a Memorex or any other cassette tape myself,
but I can't hear that good.
I got a little tin ear going on.
So, you know, maybe you could.
Which we all bit on back then.
I know we did.
And now these days if you think about it, how are you going to judge?
Here's the deal.
You have to record it live and you wouldn't be able to do that.
Well, and here's another thing too.
The power suggestion will make you think it sounds better anyhow.
Yeah, and your own cassette.
Yeah.
Just like they said about CDs.
Yeah, I remember people that did have Memorex.
Oh yeah, this record on Memorex.
Oh boy, listen to that.
Listen, I'm like thinking, it sounds the same as my tape, which was the cheap one.
Oh well, I'll just go along with it.
Oh yeah, boy.
Boy, that's great.
Man, dude.
Wow.
You got it going on.
Oh man.
So next one.
I love this one.
Is spork silverware or an alien utensil?
Alien utensil.
That could be a very good argument.
I'm going to have to shoot with an alien utensil myself.
I think that...
I can see a huge argument there.
I think the aliens that they captured were still alive and they had the spork idea long before us.
And they gave us the spork idea while they were torturing them.
Just so we could eat?
Just so we could eat, yes.
So thank you aliens that were tortured just to get information like the spork out of.
We appreciate you if no one else does.
Yeah, we do.
Yes, we do.
Next one.
And I know the answer to this, and you will too, Rob.
Should eye contact at a urinal be frowned upon?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yep.
Nobody wants to be pissed and then you turn around and lock eyes with someone else holding their dick.
No.
Very awkward.
No.
Nothing you can say.
All you can do is just be like, mmm, go, go.
Just go to a concert or an event or a sporting event or something.
You'll know up to talk.
I'm glad they no longer have those trough urinals.
Remember those?
Oh my god.
Oh, those were the worst.
Everybody had to face each other and have conversations.
Yeah, everyone's pissing, they got their dicks out, and you get splashed back from other people because they're standing two feet away from you pissing too.
And I hate it whenever someone's stream is coming near you.
It's like, oh man, dude, straighten your fucking dick out.
Quit pissing near me, man.
That's when you start aiming yours back towards them and start firing back.
You get into a pissing war.
I remember a long time ago, I was with some friends of mine,
Anne and Tracy and I think Scott and a couple other people,
and I was trashed at this place called the Grand Saloon.
And so anyhow, I was trying to piss.
The urinal was all clogged up and you couldn't piss and it was out of order.
So there was two stalls next to each other, right?
And I was sitting there trying to hold myself up while pissing,
and I'm leaning against the wall and my dick did a horrible angle,
and it actually went into the crack of the urinal and hit the other guy in the face that was sitting down taking a dump.
Oh my God.
And the dude goes, hey man, you hit me in the face with your piss.
And I'm like, oh fuck, oh my God.
I fucking shook off real quick, almost got my dick caught in my zipper,
ran out of there because I didn't want him to know it was me.
I was like, man, dude, that dude might be so pissed off, he might come by and try to kick my ass.
I don't know how big he was or nothing, but there are some big guys in there playing pool.
If it was one of them, I did not want to find out the hard way it was one of them.
But I was sitting there trying to hold myself up, right?
And I'm just like leaning against it and I'm just like, oh look out.
That was one of my nights, dude.
My dick just had the right angle to where it just went right in that crack and was splashing right on him.
I would have been furious if that was me.
I would have been out there fucking red-eyed ready to kill somebody.
Good times, huh? Good times.
Yeah, but he probably had one, hey? He couldn't get up.
I know.
He was probably in the middle of fucking pinching out a big stink loaf.
That's the only reason.
Okay, whenever you go to the bathroom, whenever you take a dump in a public bathroom at a bar,
the only reason you do it is because there's no other option.
Right?
Right.
Yeah, you're crowding and you have to do something.
So that guy was in there fucking just...
You laid plenty of toilet paper on that lid.
Yes, so that guy was in there fucking squeezing one out going, argh.
And then he started getting pissed in the face.
He was like, argh.
My God, he was right soaked.
So I go up to the bar and look the other way.
Well, that guy I could see a shadow walking by.
Yeah, yeah.
And he didn't stop. He actually left.
If I went home to clean up...
He probably had to at that point.
Like, fuck, man.
He definitely wasn't taking stuff. No weapons, probably like that.
No.
He was like, dude, you're getting me in the fucking face with your piss.
My God.
Uh, uh, uh.
So, anyhow.
All right, Rob, you have anything you want to get to?
If not, I got a little sleep study here that might be interesting.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Well, here.
I got one of your other all-time favorites.
American songwriter?
I have an American songwriter.
Yay!
If it's not a list, it's a story.
Fair enough.
It's an article.
Let us have it, Rob.
Which is something that I've always wondered. I've never been.
Okay.
A question, a long-time question gets answered in this one.
Okay.
All right.
Musicians have mass nicknames in a variety of ways that are sometimes pretty self-explanatory,
and other times they are not so much.
In the case of Hank Williams Jr., those not well-versed in his story will find the nickname,
Bocephus, to be the latter. How did he come by this nickname?
That's a question I've always had.
Yes.
Or not?
Yeah. Yeah, go ahead.
Okay.
Hank Williams Jr., the son of Hank Williams, was given the nickname by his father.
The country icon looked at his bouncy baby boy, and instead of eliciting ooze and oz,
he decided he buried an uncanny resemblance to the Vincrola's dummy, Bocephus.
It's nice to know that even famous people have to bring in better-in-person nicknames from their parents.
Wow, that is not what I expected.
I'm getting ready to go in and explain who Bocephus is.
Okay.
Williams Sr. would often close out radio shows by issuing a hidden message to his son,
Don't worry, Bocephus, I'm coming home.
Oh, wow.
Here we go.
The original Bocephus belonged to Randall Aubrey comedian Rob Brasfield.
Wow.
Brasfield and Bocephus had a famous run on the country mega from 1947 until the comedian died in 1958.
Okay.
The spirit Bocephus lives on with Williams Jr. given he released an entire song about the nickname,
we bet you he does, he doesn't mind it much.
Bocephus lives, the trullist was the dummy.
Mm-hmm.
So that's how he got the nickname.
Wow.
Very cool.
Well, his father was singing on the Randall Aubrey.
He got attached to this guy and probably this, and he said his son looked disliked.
Wow.
So actually Hank the first.
He got the name Bocephus.
So Hank the first kind of gave him that name because of that, wow.
I would have never guessed that in a million years.
I didn't think that's how he got that name.
So wow.
Yeah.
That's cool to know.
I think stuff like that, I find stuff like that extremely interesting.
Thank you, Rob.
Oh yeah, I mean that's something that everybody's like, okay, where do you get the name Bocephus, but nobody ever knew.
I always wondered what it meant.
I mean I never did bother to look it up, but I always wondered what it meant.
So wow.
Yeah, it was a trullist was dummy on the Randall Aubrey.
Very cool.
You can check it out from 1947 to 1958.
All right.
Well, all right, Rob, hey, let's take us a little break and we're going to come back with some more emails.
That sound good?
Hey, that sounds great.
Right on.
That sounds great.
Okay, we'll talk to you guys in a minute.
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Two douchebags in the microphone. My name is Mark.
And my name is Rob.
And also, by the way, everybody please order Rob Burnett's Jigsaw Puzzle.
Yes, it's worth the money.
It's a high quality, high resolution picture of Rob in the rain forest in a loin cloth, screaming at the sky with his arms clenched in the air and water.
And my son did admit to me today that you got the picture from him.
Yes, and he would not tell me how he got that picture.
He didn't tell me who took it or nothing, he said, he swore to secrecy.
But he would not reveal his source of that picture and what you were doing in the rain forest in a loin cloth, screaming at the sky, clenching your fists in the air.
Well, it was one of them days, brother.
I guess so. I left him alone. I respected his privacy. I said, I got it, I got it.
So, anyhow, he seems to know the skinny on that, but he didn't want to spill the beans.
So, you know, Rob, whatever it was.
That's my boy. That's my boy.
But the whole point is, is buy his Jigsaw Puzzle.
Rob in a loin cloth is enough, but I mean the high resolution picture that they have of him.
It is a great picture. It is a great picture.
And you'll love, like, the final piece of the puzzle normally, where it's at.
It's fantastic.
So, anyhow, we have some emails, Rob.
Awesome. I love hearing from our fans.
I'm starting to make some ground with them, so you're not going to hear emails as much.
I'm trying to get them caught up, so if you like emails, you'll still hear them.
I understand. I totally understand.
I really blew it. I mean, I just, I didn't check on it for like a week, and I come back, I'm like, what the hell? 50 of them?
And I thought someone was playing a joke on me, but no, man, we had 50 of them, so I couldn't believe it.
Well, just so everybody knows, Mark literally just walked in the door from work, went straight to the studio, and got on the air.
Yes, because I don't want to miss too much of the Chiefs-Packers game at Lambo.
Yeah, you don't want to miss the Chiefs game, and neither do I. I actually get to watch this one.
Yeah, same here. So, alright, emails.
Mark, you sound like a radio guy. Are you sure you haven't been doing spots or promos for radio stations?
I could swear you sound like a rock radio bumper I've heard many times before. Wayne in Orange County.
Now, I don't know if it's Orange County, Florida, or Orange County, California, but I've heard that periodically my whole life.
I've always thought that too, and when you first mentioned to me you had this podcast, I was like, dude, I always figured something like that out of you.
Or something out of radio, going into radio or music, you know.
Yeah, it's interesting. I've got one of those voices, I guess, that sounds familiar.
Instead of you going into construction.
Yeah, well, I did take a semester of broadcasting, but that's all I did. I didn't do much else.
No, I went back to my metal job, because here's what the deal was.
You had to go be an intern for at least three or four years, even after you get out of broadcasting school.
So you spend all that time in school paying for it, and then you don't get any money coming into you for four years or something.
I mean, I don't know, maybe two years.
But still, you're working for free or CDs, and most of it doesn't require an education anyhow.
People just get on and they start handing out coffees to the DJs.
And then finally, no DJ shows up on a New Year's Eve night, and it's like, hey, coffee boy, you think go in there and do it?
And then people's careers were literally born like that.
And I weighed that out, or the trade school the union was offering to me, free schooling and money right off the bat.
And I was like, man, it was no contest.
As much as I love radio, as much as I love the broadcasting field, as much as I've always been such a fan of radio, it was like, I got to do this.
Because I can make more than a livable wage and get free schooling and insurance and dental and all that stuff.
And I'm like, well, I got to do this.
You know, so yeah, I mean, I often wonder, did I do? Did I fuck up?
I know I don't think I did, because here's why.
I know people that are no longer in radio because, quite frankly, there's nothing going on.
They've got so many of them voice tracked by people that don't even live here.
The program directors are like one program director every 40 stations, or used to be one per station.
And they've just like, they've run all the talent out of that field.
And it's just, it's a shitty place to work anymore.
So, you know, and the money isn't there anymore.
So maybe I, you know what, who knows?
So, anyhow, I've heard that all my life.
Let's see, Wayne in Orange County.
I've been compared to two guys generally.
And I'm not going to say it, because it's going to sound like I'm patting myself on the back.
But there's two really good people that have done very well that people say I sound like.
So, anyhow, both of them are a compliment, and both of them are very successful.
And both of them have been in the Kansas City area, at least, or now, or something.
So, anyhow, thank you, I guess.
Yeah, thank you. That's a compliment.
Yeah, I've heard that.
Okay, next one. Tracy here from Omaha.
Could you please give me the travel agent's name and how to find her or him?
I'm not sure what podcast it's on. Thank you in advance.
Tracy from Omaha. Her name is Wendy Whitbeck.
Travel Masters. Best way to find her is on Facebook.
She is amazing. She just helped a friend of mine.
You know Brian, she just helped him with a cruise and some other legal stuff she's helping him with.
So, Wendy Whitbeck is the best in her field.
You need to go on vacation. It does not cost you a dime.
It comes out of the corporations and not yours.
So, call her. Go hit her up on Facebook. Give her a call.
Use her. She is the best I've ever met.
And I know a lot about vacations because I've been on a lot of them.
So, anyhow, her name is Wendy Whitbeck, Travel Masters, and she listens to the show.
So, next one. Why is it that I don't ever hear Rob on the skits you do in the show breaks?
Does he not like to do them? My name was given on this one.
And like I said, I don't even know which ones they are, but it's interesting that this came up
because we just got done talking about that. About how we're going to be doing on skits.
And we did. We actually were talking about it on the last one, too.
Oh, maybe that's where it came from. I don't know.
Because I am starting to get a little bit more current on the emails.
So, actually, I'm pretty much caught up except for three of them.
So, yeah, they probably heard it on the last podcast and broke off an email, you know, wondering about that.
Okay. Anyhow, yeah, we're going to get Rob involved. It's just the dynamics of the show.
He's two and a half hours away. We have to do it via Bluetooth.
And that's why we're not doing it from the city market.
But we are going to start doing it from the city market.
And I can do it down there by myself with a Bluetooth and Rob.
And just, you know, but I need to do it during a weekend when there's actually people there this time of year.
During the winter, during the weekdays, there's nobody there.
I mean, it's cold out. Nobody wants to really go down to the market and look at whatever.
So, when the weather starts allowing it, I definitely plan on starting to be down there.
And then when Rob comes up, whenever he comes up to visit, he will be down there with me.
I plan to start doing it again. I know Hope from the former Daily Kitchen, which is now shut down because she retired.
She was asking me, when are you guys going to come down?
When are you going to do the podcast again? And I'm like, you know, as soon as I get a chance, I will.
So hopefully, Hope will listen to this.
And anyhow, thank you, Hope, for all your support.
You always supported us whenever we were down there. We appreciate it.
Okay, next. Hey, can you ask Jeffy in Montrose if he could look for a 72 Coupe De Ville bumper for me?
Little William. Little William Tidewad.
Tidewad is a town in Missouri.
It's on the way to Trinam Reservoir on 7th Highway.
Okay, hey, Jeffy. What was the last name that he gave?
Oh, Buffalo Bill.
Buffalo Bill, yeah. Jeffy or Buffalo Bill or whoever it is in Montrose, can you please look for a 72 Coupe De Ville bumper for Little William Tidewad?
I'm sure he would greatly appreciate it.
He doesn't have that far to travel to get it. I mean, he could be there within like two hours.
Probably in about an hour. He could be there within an hour to get the bumper.
Oh, yeah, about an hour. About an hour.
Yeah, come on, man. Go out there. Go to that junkyard 10 feet away from you.
Go looking around and find a Coupe De Ville bumper, will you please?
This Montrose thing has taken up a new life.
Like I said, I didn't...
We're starting our own Facebook marketplace.
Yeah, I wonder if it's the same guy that done this one or if it's a different one.
I'll have to look at the emails. Like I said, I printed these without looking at them.
So I'll look at it. I'll let you know next podcast whether it's the same guy. Screw him with us.
So anyhow, thank you, whoever Little William Tidewad.
Yes, thank you.
Awesome.
Hey, I'm about the same distance the opposite direction.
There you go. So Rob said he'll come over and he will help you haul...
Check. Yeah, yeah.
He'll help you haul that Coupe De Ville.
He said for the right amount of money and prostitutes, he will help you haul that Coupe De Ville bumper.
Right, Rob?
Yeah.
Yep.
All right. You know how to get a hold of Rob.
But you're paying for the prostitutes, not me.
That's what I was saying.
Rob will be glad to help, but you got to feed Papa.
You feed Papa, it's all good. You don't feed Papa, no deal.
So, all right.
I noticed you dropped Mr. Creepy. I personally loved him.
Just saying. Rod in KC slash Overland Park.
So it's a guy in Overland Park in the KC area.
Overland Park is a city in Kansas, not too far away from me actually.
Okay.
Can I answer this one?
Yes.
Can I tell everybody what happened?
Yes.
Okay.
Well, we were getting ready to record.
Actually, we were recording one night and Mr. Creepy broke into Mark's house.
And Val came, followed him down.
Yeah, it got nasty. Val beat the hell out of him.
He got a restraining order on him.
Yeah, there's a restraining order.
It's a nasty deal.
When he gets done with his community time.
We had to scrap the whole show.
Yeah. When he gets done with his community time.
The only show we have ever scrapped.
Yes.
And on a personal note, I did not feel that Mr. Creepy was a good enough character for this show.
I could never get him right.
I made him off of Bruce from Family Guy.
The guy that used to go, Oh no.
Yes. Yes.
And I just can't do it right whenever I'm reading a script.
So I scrapped him.
And I don't think he's going to come back unless I can do it right.
Because I just don't believe it sounds good enough.
I got kind of a weird draw.
I just don't like it personally.
If I don't like something personally, it doesn't sound good to me.
And I don't care how funny it is.
I just don't like it.
So I'm not comfortable doing him.
So he's probably not going to be back.
I'm sorry.
So.
All righty.
Oh, hey, here's an interesting one, Rob.
Hey, I can make shit up off of that.
I told you.
I love that.
That was a great excuse.
Actually, I could have went with that, but I just wanted to know.
I just wanted Rod and Casey Overland Park because he's written before.
I wanted to know why I'm not doing Mr. Creepy.
But above all, I wanted to thank him for listening that long.
Mr. Creepy hasn't been around in quite a few.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
We've you and I have only had him like once or twice.
Yeah.
It was in the early.
It was when I first came on.
Yeah.
And it was cameos.
It wasn't actually a whole segment.
Mr. Creepy has kind of been replaced with their douchebags.
Yeah.
So I mean, you just don't have to have me doing the word voice.
That's all.
I mean, it's pretty much the same thing.
So anyhow, we took away one, but we gave you another.
And thank you, Rod.
I know.
I could see where Mr. Creepy would be easier to do down to River City Market than in the home.
It was.
Yeah.
And also got people's interest.
People said, look at it.
You're like, what the hell is going on over there?
OK.
Next one.
Mark, who is your favorite band?
Rob, same question.
I'm just curious.
Roxy and Belgium.
We got a Belgium email, dude.
All the people listening.
Yeah.
OK.
We know who it is.
Yeah.
And Tim Brussels.
Yep.
Wow.
OK.
Well, that's one of them.
There's quite a few people downloading.
Oh, is there a few?
Well, if you go there and look at the dots, there's like six or seven different dots.
Yeah.
And each dot indicates so many people downloading.
So OK.
My favorite band, and then Rob can answer his, is Ozzy slash Sabbath slash Dale with
Sabbath, all a three-way tie, if you will.
Wow.
And also, Dio Solo too.
So it's a four-way tie, if you will.
But it all is connected to Sabbath, the two versions that I love so much.
And if you want a close second, Deep Purple is a close second.
And that's how come all the bumpers are Sabbath and Deep Purple.
OK, go ahead.
OK.
I agree with everything you just said.
The Sabbath, the Ozzy, the Dio, the Deep Purple.
And you also got to include Rainbow.
But I have an all-time favorite because of one song.
OK.
What is it?
My favorite band is the original Leonard Stitt.
Nothing wrong with that.
Cool.
Because of this song, Simple Man.
That is a good song.
Now, my kids are to play that song in my funeral.
They already know it.
Very cool.
You feel pretty passionate about that.
Oh yeah.
I've got something getting ready to go up in the studio.
Cool.
Leonard Stitt-wise.
All right, the final one is, hey, douches, I just caught a shitload of glowing carp from Montrose Power Plant.
Come on over for a fish fry.
I'm only 10 feet away from the other resident.
Sir Jeffy Reginaldo of Henry County Volunteer Fire District Number 4.
I salute you, brother.
I used to be a volunteer firefighter.
I don't know if I believe him or not.
I'm up in Union Star, Missouri.
Union Star, yep.
A little dot on the nothing.
Wow.
Anyhow, all right.
I'm about 17 miles northeast of St. Joe.
Yeah, up there kind of near Iowa.
That was back when I was also doing all the work on all these.
Okay.
And DJ.
Wow.
All right, we're closing this podcast out.
Thank you guys for listening.
Have a fantastic evening.
Bye.
Good night.
Hey, where did everybody go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God.
Someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh, geez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.