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Music
Hello everybody, this is Two Douchebags and a Microphone. I am Mark.
And I am Rob.
Hey, welcome everybody.
Anyhow, we are enjoying some really good listenership.
We thank you all for joining us. I mean, things, I don't know what, I mean, was it your Facebook page? I don't know what's doing it, but we had a really...
I don't know, but yeah, the Facebook page is jumping up. It's jumping up faster than I thought it would.
And so are our listeners. So, everybody, thank you. Tell your friends. We want more people to listen.
Yeah, I mean, the more people listen, the better we can become.
Our email is DoucheB66 at yahoo.com.
And we take all suggestions, criticisms, everything, let us know. We want to hear all of it.
So, you know, you have to, you have to, if it's true criticism, you have to listen to it.
If it's just someone just motherfucking you, then that's different. And usually you can tell. Anyhow, what now?
Oh, by the way, Mark, I want to give a shout out to my dear friend, Tabby, who just got out of the hospital.
Okay.
According to her, she's got like at least a half a dozen of her friends listening to us.
That could account for...
So thank you each and one of you that know Tabby. You'll know who I'm talking about in the Kansas City area.
Excellent. Well, a lot of our new listeners, or this jump, was in the Kansas City area, so that would explain some of it right there.
So thank you, thank you, thank you. We appreciate it.
I ran across this article, Rob, and do you do New Year's resolutions?
I used to, but not anymore.
That's the same with me. I kind of lost track of them. I used to do it, and now to me it's kind of like this.
Just start doing it any day, and hopefully it catches on, right?
Yeah, because if you... nine times out of ten, you ain't going to accomplish it.
So why lie to yourself?
That is true. Like I'm going to swear off sugar and corn syrup the next day. I'm like, well, I'm not going to swear it off. I'm just going to slow down.
The next day, I'm going to have another one.
Then you've got to give up soda.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's just so many variables, and rarely does it work. Well, there's a new updated study.
This came from the New York Post, and the article is simply titled, New York resolutions, are they outdated?
So, here is what they found.
Fifty-five percent of Americans believe the concept of New Year's resolutions are outdated.
Just like you and I were talking, I think a lot of people feel like we do, right?
Where you're like, man, you know, just live it every day. Don't designate the first of the year to go, all right, it's a new beginning.
Every day should be a new beginning. Every day should be an opportunity, right?
Instead of, yeah, you don't wait until, all right, well, let's see, I've got 52 more days, and then I can start doing things differently.
So, I think a lot of people feel like that, like we do.
Fifty-two percent gave up on their resolutions by March, and I think that's very generous.
I think March is stretching it a little bit, honestly.
But, okay, I'll take it for what they say.
Five percent stick to the resolutions for a full year.
Even to me, that sounds a little inflated. What do you think, Rob?
Yeah, that kind of sounds inflated to me.
Yeah, me too. So, maybe not, maybe there's people with great willpower that are able to do it.
Maybe that's five percent of everybody they ask. Could be. Could be. So, I don't know.
Next, the survey also looked at why resolutions don't seem to work and found respondents feel too pressured by them.
And I would agree. I would agree. That's how come I'll always, I'll come out a couple days before when I used to do resolutions with this big list.
I'm going to hammer down on this, this, and this.
And then when it comes New Year's Day or the night of, you know, all of a sudden I'm like, you know what, I better just take it easy because I won't follow the real strict ones.
So, I'm going to calm it down a little bit. I'm just going to do this, this, and this.
So, I'm already talking myself out of the brunt of it, you know.
Right.
So, I think everybody is probably like that to a degree. You may not do it exactly like that, but something, some form of like that.
Forty percent don't feel they create lasting change and thirty-four percent feel like it's a chore.
Yeah?
It is kind of a chore.
Yeah.
When you wait fifty-two days or whatever, like I just mentioned, to come up with something that's going to help you the rest of your life in this big epiphany about how you need to do things and just, I can see everything clearer and I got to do this.
That does put a lot of pressure and it does seem like a chore if you take it to that level.
So, yes, I see that too.
It's no surprise that when forty-three percent admitted to purposely breaking a resolution in the past, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah?
Forty-three percent to me seems a little low because...
Yeah, me too.
Yeah, I purposely kind of break them earlier.
Pretty much everybody I know never makes it to their New Year's resolution.
Yeah, and here's my thought on it is like, well, I'm not going to accomplish this right now.
I can just tell by the way it's going right now.
So, you know, why wait a couple of days?
Just go ahead and just start going back to normal right now.
So, I get it.
That's why I quit even doing it.
Millennials?
Because I realized I never followed upon it.
Yes.
Millennials admitted to more of breaking of these, of doing this.
Fifty-seven percent said that they purposely broke a resolution in the past.
So, I think millennials might be a little bit more honest about it.
So, the top reasons that people have not been able to stick to their resolutions are they don't feel motivated at thirty-eight percent.
Twenty-five percent claimed their priorities had changed, and twenty-three percent forgot about it.
I've been on that bandwagon before where it's like, oh, shit, I don't know whatever it was.
I just cussed.
I don't know.
I just picked my nose.
Whatever, you know, and then it's like, oh, man, I was going to stop that.
And then about the third time you forgot, you were never serious about it in the first place, right?
Right.
So, okay.
Gen Z and millennials are most interested in giving it another go when they fail for the year.
See, they're not as beat down as us.
You know, I've had fifty-seven years on this planet, and I know when I'm beat.
Millennials and Zs are still getting beat down, and when they get our age, they'll be like, eh, fuck it, I'm not going to, nah, I'm beat.
I'm not giving it another go next year.
It's not going to work.
You see, they just haven't been beat down enough yet, but they will.
Believe me, you'll be beat down enough, and after you turn fifty, you're going to be like, ah, screw it.
All generations' most common resolutions are health-related at 54 percent, and at food is 51 percent.
So, 54 are health and 51 is food.
So, those go hand in hand.
So, what they mean by a food resolution is eating better.
So, eating better and health are the same thing, essentially, right?
Yeah.
So, most over half, well over half of all the resolutions are about, you know, being healthy.
Gen Zs are more financial goal-related at 55 percent, while millennials are focused on food-related resolutions at 60 percent.
Oh, there's a big divide right there between the Gen Zs and the millennials.
Gen Zs are trying to, you know, and I got a theory on that, too.
After a while, you get tired chasing the money, right, Rob?
Yeah, you do.
Yeah.
And that little bit of overtime scrap that they throw at you, you don't necessarily give a shit about.
What you give a shit about is going home and doing what you want to do and enjoying your life.
So, millennials have a little bit more time of that, where Gen Zs are still trying to build everything to where they can get to where they can go,
you know what, I don't need the scraps, forget it, I'm not doing it.
Gen X and baby boomers are focused on general health, which makes sense, we're the oldest of the groups.
You know, boomers are, you know, up in their 70s and 80s, and Gen Zs are in their 50s, and I think the latest Gen Z would be almost 60, or not Z, Gen X.
The latest Gen X would be, you know, almost 60.
So, yes, naturally we're going to be focused on our general health.
52% of Xers and 53% for boomers, and this is for health.
I'm really surprised the Xers being more health, because, you know, I'm in this Facebook group that are, it's called Gen Xers.
This site is just complete garbage, you know.
Yeah.
You know, because it's become more of a guess my age baiting.
I'm getting sick of it, because you have people that just are dying for a compliment, or to be vindicated that they look young for their age, or whatever.
You know, the Xers seem, and I'm an Xer, to either have been hugged and told they're special too much, or not enough, but it's very annoying that people use these platforms fishing for compliments.
Maybe health resolutions translate into fitness and looking better.
Maybe that's why Xers are like that.
I don't know.
But, I mean, you know, it's just, it's really annoying when you find a group like that and you think they're going to be talking about music, and you think they're going to be talking about different things like, I don't know, this arthritis cream works well.
But all it is is a bunch of people with filters trying to look young and fishing for you look young compliments.
It's like 80% of the posts, or guess my age, and people are going to stop doing it because people have been brutal and nobody's stopping them.
The administrators aren't stopping them.
I mean, it's funny.
You know, like one person said, let me guess you're looking for a dentist.
And another one said, you might try a different foundation that doesn't accentuate your hairs, maybe a micro abrasion, all this stuff, and it's for a female.
So anyhow, you know, people just get really cruel, and I don't blame them because they're like me, they get sick of people fishing for compliments.
So anyhow, that was New York Post's survey.
I'm not sure if they've done it or if they got it from somewhere else.
I didn't read that, so I don't know.
So anyhow, there you go.
So I've got a River Market story coming up.
But do you have something you want to get to here, Rob?
Yeah, actually, I can make this one a fairly quick one.
Okay.
Did you hear that Sammy Hagar invited David Lee Roth to sing on the Van Halen tribute tour?
Yes, okay. It changed. It morphed.
Is that what you're talking about?
Yeah, well, I have a quick one that breaks it down.
Okay.
Because I had like four or five different stories.
Hang on, hang on. Let's preface this with this.
When the story first came out, and correct me if I'm wrong, Rob, it was Sammy Hagar asked David Lee Roth to co-tour with him like they did many years ago, the Sammy and Dave Part 2.
That was the first initial report, right?
Yeah, yeah, that was the first initial report.
But then, but then go ahead, Rob. I just want everyone to know what the first report was. And then now what is it? Because I think I know what you're going to say.
As previously reported, David Lee Roth recently accepted Sammy Hagar's invitation to take part in his Van Halen tribute tour.
However, Hagar has since clarified that Roth is only welcome to join for a show or two.
Hagar told a fan the following when asked about Roth's willingness to take part.
He'd come out and sing a song on a show or two, if he can remember the words. He's not invited on a tour. No fucking way.
It was to sing a song with us somewhere like a lot of singers, guitars, etc. are going to do on this tour.
I know better than to have him on tour again. Been there, done that.
You want me to break this down, Rob? What I think happened?
Bring it down, buddy.
Okay. Sammy has been dogging Dave for a long time. Now, David Lee Roth, he can't sing anymore. His voice is gone.
God bless him. He just can't do it anymore. He had to quit the Kiss Tour because he could not do it anymore.
Then he went to Vegas and did a residency. And then he retired after a couple of shows. He cannot do it anymore. His voice is gone.
He never did have the best voice. He was such a great showman. I loved the Van Halen with David Lee Roth.
A thousand times better than the stuff with Sammy Hagar. I loved David Lee Roth's voice in his prime. A thousand times better than Sammy Hagar's.
But...
Okay.
He never did have that great a voice.
Let me add something to the whole story.
Okay.
Let me add something to the whole story, which I have not heard the other half of it.
Okay.
The original invitation was to David Lee Roth and Alex Van Halen.
Yes.
I have not heard whether Alex is accepted or not.
I don't believe he has responded.
You would think he...I don't know.
I don't think he's going to respond. Here's why.
His brother, Eddie Van Halen, went to his deathbed without talking to Sammy Hagar or an official,
Hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Let's bury the past.
They ended on bad terms and they never did bury the hatchet before Eddie died.
So I don't think Alex will have anything to do with Sammy Hagar because of that.
Good point. Good point.
Yes. And the Van Halens have always been weird about stuff anyhow.
I mean, I love them. Very talented brothers.
Eddie was one of the best ever, if not the best at modern guitar.
So, you know, I don't expect Alex to even answer.
I think he's just like, you know what?
He's given the middle finger without giving the middle finger.
He's notorious for doing that.
He's a very private person. He's not in the spotlight.
So I don't expect him to answer to anything.
But I'll tell you what I think happened.
OK, Sammy Hagar was making fun of David Lee Roth constantly.
And Sammy Hagar invited David Lee Roth on the tour initially thinking David Lee Roth would say no.
I think David Lee Roth thought about it. He goes, you know what?
I'm going to show this piece of shit.
He's not going to. He doesn't want me on the tour anyhow.
So I'm going to accept the invitation.
And then I think Sammy Hagar camp was like, oh shit, what do we do now?
He accepted. And then they're like, oh, well, we didn't mean the whole tour.
You know, I mean, it happens all the time.
They go, well, they they got it wrong.
They got the story wrong. It was never that.
So I think there's a little bit of that going on.
So anyhow, it was really kind of cool for him to invite David Lee Roth.
And I think he meant it like that because he knows David Lee Roth can't do it anymore.
It'd be like asking someone that couldn't walk to jump up out of their wheelchair and start walking. Right.
Right. It would be a big fuck you to them is what it would be.
And that's exactly what Sammy Hagar, I believe, in my opinion, done.
Unless I'm completely wrong on reading this.
I believe that that's what he done to try to embarrass David Lee Roth.
So anyhow, so when David Lee Roth came back and said, yeah, I'll do it.
And he's like, oh, got to shut this down right now.
And then, you know, and then Alex Van Halen is being very clever about it, not even answering.
So anyhow, OK, let's take a little break.
Then we're going to come back with my river market story today that happened today.
How's that sound? Oh, sounds good.
OK. All right. We'll be right back.
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Alright. Like previously mentioned, I went to the River Market today.
I like to go to the River Market and sit in the Commons area where we do the show at whenever we're lucky enough to get down there and do it.
And anyhow, sit down there and write material.
It's a great place to write material.
I love it. It's a very way to calm your mind to me.
It's my happy place.
So I went to the River Market today to write material.
The restroom at the City Market Coffee Roasters is upstairs.
It's a set of spiral stairs.
It's kind of a pain in the ass to get there.
The room upstairs includes a cozy small couch, a big chair, and two tables and chairs.
Very small tables.
I was sitting in the Commons area in front of the City Market Coffee Roasters.
You know, we all know coffee has to make you take a dump, right?
Alright.
Alright. Usually a pretty healthy one.
And whenever you get a coffee dump, it just, it, I mean, it's like, you have to do it, right?
It's like, oh, oh man.
Whew.
So I'm sitting out there kind of squirming.
I'm like, man, gosh, maybe I can hold this off.
I'm crowing and, oh shit.
So the, you know, the Commons area is technically indoors.
What they do is they close the bay doors.
You know, people are constantly opening the door coming in from the outside.
That whole Commons area can become very chilly.
And this morning with attempts in the lower 20s, it was very chilly.
So the restroom, like I said before, is upstairs.
It's in a very small room, like I mentioned, with a couple of tables and, you know, and, you know,
I get a very, very strong dump pain in my gut, right?
I proceed upstairs to do the set activity.
I just, I go up the stairs and I got my laptop, I got my coffee, I got my phone,
and I got my notepad and I got all this stuff that I'm carrying up there, okay?
And so I'm like, man, okay, boy, the room's full.
Shit.
So anyhow, but the restroom's open.
So the latch on the door in the restroom is broken and it will not close.
So you physically have to hold the door closed, which wasn't easy.
I accomplished this feat with some difficulty.
I had to put all my stuff on the ground, which I didn't like doing,
and then I had to, you know, pick it all back up afterwards, you know.
So I finish up and I want to stay up there if I can to write, you know, in the morinth,
but all the tables were occupied.
I leave the small room for downstairs, you know, because it's full up.
I go back out to the Commons area.
It's still very chilly.
I start to notice all the upstairs room is cleared out.
I didn't mean to, but my fecal odor actually made everybody exit quick
because the door wouldn't close.
And so next time I need a fucking chair up there,
if I need a table to write material, I know what to do.
I mean, if you can muster up a dump, and all these people when they were leaving
were giving me the glare, and I'm like, what the hell did I do?
And after they all left, I kind of, oh yeah, oh my God, I stunk them out of the room.
And anyhow, at that point I stayed down there in the Commons area
and I was starting to warm up a little bit and I was like, fuck it, but you know what?
Fuck them. I thought it was funny.
And I'm going to try to do it every time I can down there.
As long as that latch on that door will not close, as long as it won't close right,
and it keeps coming open, I'll keep doing it because there's no way they can close the door.
They have to smell my shit.
So, anyhow, it was pretty damn cool.
I enjoyed it immensely because that's what kind of prick I am.
So, anyhow.
That's the kind of, we both are.
Yes. You would have been a proud papa too.
You would have been looking at me and going, ah yeah, smell my nectar.
Smell it!
Yeah.
Devour my aroma.
Eat up! Eat up!
So, anyhow.
Sorry.
I got a dry throat and whenever I force something like, eat up, it makes me cough.
Again.
Okay.
You know, um.
It happens to us old guys.
It does. Yes it does. It happens more and more.
My sinuses are fucked, my throat's fucked, everything is fucked.
So, anyhow.
But my colonoscopy was good. So, that's good.
That's awesome.
So, I got one thing going for me. Right?
Okay.
Yeah.
So.
The, um.
You know, a few podcasts ago I went into RC, Royal Crown Cola.
And I went into its origins, right?
Stuff like this interests me.
I hope it interests the people out there too.
So, you know, I've been on this RC kick because I get tired of the big two.
I get tired of Coke, I get tired of Pepsi, I get tired of Dr. Pepper, I get tired of Sprite.
All that stuff.
And so, I need something different.
And RC was from my childhood and with that new retro label,
it's more enticing to me than ever to go buy this soda because it has the familiar logo from when I was a child.
And, you know, hey, you know, getting an RC.
So.
Anyhow.
Today, the secret name behind Pepsi.
Okay.
First off, the soda was invented in 1893 by pharmacist Caleb Brandham.
It was created to promote digestion and boost energy and its name comes from dyspepsia.
Also known as indigestion.
The original Pepsi Cola name was called Brad's Drink.
Brad was a customer looking for relief from chronic indigestion.
So, Brad was kind of a guinea pig of sorts.
The name was not catchy, so the name Pepsi came about from dyspepsia, which means indigestion.
And a pharmacist came up with this.
And that is how Pepsi, the name, was originated from the name indigestion.
So, there is your history lesson, if you will.
And I think everybody knows the origin of Coca Cola, but I will go into it.
And I will also go into the origin of Dr. Pepper, Sprite, 7-Up, and everything.
And to me, this stuff fascinates me.
I hope it does to you.
If you don't like it or you love it, DoucheBee66 at Yahoo.com.
Let us know.
You think it's a boring segment?
Let me know.
I'll definitely consider not doing it again.
But I think most people are like me.
And Rob, do you find that stuff fascinating?
Yes, I do.
Okay.
Because I grew up drinking RC also.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
The sooner I could get away from Canfield's Orange that my mom and dad bought because it was cheap, the better.
Yeah.
And they used to get it at the FINA station.
I think I thought it was the Sinclair station.
But I got to remember it was over on Winter Road going towards Independence.
And we went to Lake that way.
We lived in Northeast Kansas City.
And so Independence Avenue would turn into Winter Road, I believe, when you got out towards Independence.
Yeah, yeah.
And there was a FINA station there.
And they had these big stacks of Canfield's Orange, like ridiculously cheap generic soda.
And my parents would splurge for that every now and then.
They'd go, all right, let's get a case of this.
And at first it was great.
But then I tried a real soda.
And I was like, oh, man, that stuff is fucking horrible.
So anyhow, ever since I could buy my own soda with my own money for mowing lawns or whatever, whatever the hell I had to do, pick up bricks, I don't know, whatever, I would buy something like RC or Pepsi.
But yeah, I remember loving RC a lot when I was young and the famous red, white, and blue can with the big RC on the front of it.
But anyhow, on with you.
It's nostalgic.
And anyhow, I went into the...
Oh, dude, I didn't tell you.
Yeah.
On Black Friday, I went up to see my mom, took mom to lunch.
Uh-huh.
And we went to Cracker Barrel in Columbia, Missouri.
Uh-huh.
Right behind me was a knee-high sign.
Oh, which one?
Dude, I would have loved to have that thing.
Was it a specific knee-high sign or just a generic knee-high sign?
Oh, it had all the flavors on it.
Oh, man.
Yeah, that brings back memories.
I would have loved to have that sign.
Oh, and by the way, Coaches, this local bar and grill, there's four or five of them around Kansas City area.
It's called Coaches.
I've heard of them.
Okay.
Well, you've probably even been to one.
You used to live around Kansas City.
No, I've never been to one.
Okay.
Well, anyhow, they had on tap Yuen Ling Hershey's.
Right on.
It was very good.
Very good.
I think the tap, the draft, might have a little bit more of a chocolate flavor than the can.
So, Rob, if you get a chance, I suggest trying the draft.
I'm going to look around.
It was a fantastic beer, dude.
I really enjoyed it.
So, anyhow, all I can say is...
I've only had out of bottle.
Okay.
Out of draft, it seemed to me like it had a pretty damn good chocolate flavor to it, but a nice beer kick at the end of it.
So, it was good.
Yeah.
Okay.
Same thing for you?
Pretty much out of the bottle.
Okay.
Well, try a draft.
I think a draft is probably going to be a little bit better for something like that.
Like I said, my personal taste, I would like just a tad bit more chocolate.
Okay.
Then maybe I was just...
Not a lot, just a tad.
Okay.
Then maybe my taste is a little less chocolate, a little bit more beer, so it worked for me.
But, okay, anyhow, it was really good.
I enjoyed it.
So...
Oh, yeah, it's definitely working.
Yeah.
So, I see how come they do it now because I was kind of like, hmm, I don't know.
Yeah.
Because I've tried chocolate porters and stouts before, and I really have not enjoyed them
very much.
I didn't enjoy the collaboration of the two, but Yenling, to me, done it just perfectly.
It just had just enough of a chocolate flavor and then kicked out, and then the beer aftertaste
came in.
So, anyhow.
Did you hear about KFC reaching out to Travis Kelsey?
Huh.
Okay.
KFC responds to Travis Kelsey after he revealed he is spending Thanksgiving alone, eating
KFC chicken because of Taylor Swift's tour commitments.
Yeah, I remember that story.
Okay.
Yeah.
KFC reached out to Travis with a hilarious message after he joked around about being
alone on his New Heights podcast he does with his brother Jason.
KFC responds on Twitter or X, if you will, at TKels.
You belong with us.
So, you're not alone.
You know, that's what they're saying.
Jason Kelsey offered Travis an invite to his Thanksgiving with his wife and children.
Travis opted not to because of logistics and doing extra practice with the team.
I guess it worked.
The 31-17 smashing of the Raiders is, if that's any indication, they should practice every
fucking day for 24 hours.
So, anyhow, they responded very well.
They could actually catch a ball this time.
So.
Oh, that reminds me.
When we get down, I got a story about that game.
Oh, okay.
Update.
Okay.
And then the update is Kelsey did indeed order KFC at his place with some NFL pals.
Per People Magazine.
56 piece fried chicken, 80 hot and spicy wings, catering-sized mashed potatoes, two mac and
cheeses and two corns.
And is your...
There's three of them.
For three people.
Was that for three people?
I'm joking.
Oh, okay.
I was going to go, wow.
Okay.
Well, anyhow, I'm not sure.
I don't know.
Them football players can put away a lot of food, man.
Yes, they burn it off.
They're like boxers.
Yeah.
Boxers will do like 10,000 calories a day and they'll burn off 12,000.
You know, so.
Yeah.
So.
Okay.
You had a story along that line.
Something you said?
Yeah.
It has to do with the Raiders Chiefs game.
Okay.
The Las Vegas Raiders sent a bold statement to the locker room after they cut a player
a day after an ugly scene on the sidelines Sunday.
The Raiders had some frustrated players during their 31 to 17 loss to the Kansas City Chiefs
in week 12.
Four time all-pro quarterback Marcus Peters.
Chief, why is that name South?
Because he was a chief and we cut him because he was a malcontent.
Supposedly he attacked a coach on the team bus.
Next day he was traded.
Or cut.
Okay.
Well, this happened just this week.
Okay.
The Los Angeles small pro quarterback Marcus Peters had a serious altercation with head
coach Antonio Pierce on the sideline.
Antonio Pierce is a tough son of a bitch.
Marcus Peters better watch his ass.
Go ahead.
Peters.
Peters was pulled from the game.
According to Vic Taffer with the athletic, the Raiders released Peters Monday morning.
The Raiders saved nearly 1.5 million by cutting Peters before he could earn performance based
incentives.
Good.
The guy is-
That's why I brought this up because I remembered that.
I remember that story you were talking about.
Yes.
This is not an isolated incident.
No.
This has been going on.
Every team he's ever been with he's been pretty much tossed aside.
The guy has all the talent in the world.
In my opinion he has-
Oh my God.
I love him.
What's a chief?
He has a nickel brain and a hundred dollar talent.
I mean to put it in perspective.
He doesn't use his brain.
He goes off on coaches.
He goes off on authority.
He takes plays off.
The talent is there but he cannot put it together.
He just always has a way of screwing himself and the team that he's with.
So anyhow, yeah.
You know what?
If the Raiders cut you because you're a malcontent you can damn well bet you're a malcontent.
Now-
You better figure your career is over.
It's my guess.
I wouldn't think any team would pick him up now for anything.
As many times as it happened, no.
No.
Why would you?
Why in the world would you do that?
I mean this guy isn't the- to me he just seems like he kind of divides a locker room anyhow
with his antics.
So you can't let someone keep doing antics like that because when you do that then you're
giving a message to the rest of the team that you can do whatever you want.
So anyhow.
You know the Kansas City Chiefs fans were so loud at Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas
Skip Bayless mistaked the game for Arrowhead.
We all know Skippy gets a little confused but the Chiefs kingdom was real with a boy.
Well he's the guy that kept saying that Patrick Mahomes wasn't that great and that Dak Prescott
was better and just he loved to motherfuck us.
You know any chance he got to motherfuck Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs he did.
He is a Chiefs hater.
He loves the Cowboys and anyhow he was just such a blowhard.
He's a counter programmer.
He doesn't really have anything to say in my opinion.
He doesn't really offer anything except whatever somebody says he just counters it.
Like Shannon Sharp will go Patrick Mahomes best quarterback ever and then first thing
he's going to go oh no way.
Nuh uh.
No.
Dak Prescott's better or whoever.
You know he's just a counter program to whatever you say.
You can say Tom Brady best quarterback ever or you know or Bill Belich whatever.
But whatever you say whatever Shannon Sharp says or anyone else says he has to counter
program it because he doesn't have any originality that he thought of.
I don't even know how the hell he even got to where he's at with his little talent in
my opinion that he has.
So anyhow how about if we take a break and we come right back with the word of the year.
According to Merriam-Webster.
Does that sound good?
This is going to be interesting.
It is.
We'll be right back.
Oh lord that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there.
Don't worry.
I have a clown nose.
Oh no.
That drunk guy just hit my child.
It is okay.
I have a clown nose.
Clown noses.
Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office?
Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
I'm going to be the one today and make magic happen.
In that brand new future, strange consults from an alien.
May you always step in a wet spot after putting on fresh socks.
A lot of podcasts just come from a can.
Here at Two Dish Bags and a Microphone we pour our own podcasts.
Yep, things of the herd in hell.
Man, Axel Rose is such a great childhood therapist.
I hope he writes more books.
Hey look, I think we found land.
Oh my god, I think we're safe.
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
Why?
Cannon nose, it happens as long.
Because then it would be a foot.
Two Dish Bags and a Microphone.
I'm Mark and I'm Ralph.
Alright, before we get to the Harry Assel Olympics final of this round, round two is
it?
Is that what we figured out or is it round three?
Round two.
Okay, round two.
Before we get to the final of the round two of the Harry Assel Olympics, I have the word
of the year.
The Webster Marion Word of the Year.
This is Webster Marion Dictionary.
The word of the year is Authentic.
And here's why.
If what we search for is any indication of what we value, then things aren't looking
great for artificial intelligence.
Authentic was selected as the 2023 Word of the Year by Marion Webster Dictionary, leading
among the most looked up words in the dictionary, 500,000 entries, the company said in a press
release Monday.
After all, this was the year of chat GPT, disrupted academic integrity, and AI drove
Hollywood actors and writers to the picket lines.
Because that was one of the, did you know that?
That was one of the biggest points about the Hollywood writer and actor strike was AI,
artificial intelligence, taking their jobs.
They have it in their contracts that they can't use AI to a certain degree.
Okay, I knew it was part of it.
I didn't know it was that big a part of it.
Yeah, because AI can do this.
Let's take Tom Cruise.
Okay.
AI can, you can give AI a picture of Tom Cruise and they could make a movie with his image
and it will look just like him and act just like him.
So you see that slippery slope?
Like we're talking last podcast, I believe we're talking about how it's going to get
to where someone could come up and go, I didn't do that crime.
I know.
We've been saying that for a long time.
Yeah, they're going to go, well, it's on video.
That video was AI generated.
I was not there.
And how, if it's that good, how can you prove that he was there?
Go ahead.
Come on, think about it.
Our favorite one, Gary Busey buttered sausage.
Yes.
It was so believable that Gary Busey had to come out with a statement.
So how Gary Busey came out with a statement, I'll never know, but he did it.
He's fucking crackers and crayons, fucking just teapot fucking over kettle.
He did not.
So, but he was cognizant enough to go, I didn't do this buttered sausage.
What the hell are they talking about?
He had to come up with a rebuttal, which is funnier than Al.
It makes it, it makes it so much funnier that someone like Gary Busey took note and had
to come out and go, ah, I'm from Texas and we don't do butter on our socks.
He said something like that.
It was funny.
Yeah.
Okay, so anyhow, on social media, millions signed up to be real.
Beauty filters sparked a big backlash and Elon Musk told brands to be more authentic
on Twitter, which is now X, before deciding to change them all to $8 a month to prove
that they are who they say they are.
So you see, that's another thing that authentic covers.
You have to pay $8 a month, that way they can, they have, they can spend the resources
to prove that that's you.
Because that proves that you're authentic.
Okay, let's say that I was really famous, okay, and someone comes up with the handle,
the real Mark Wallace.
And then I'm like, what the fuck?
That's, that's not me.
Okay, I see what you're talking about.
Then you have to spend $8 a month to have that blue check mark to say, we checked this
guy out and he is actually really Mark Wallace.
So that is why the word authentic is the word of the year.
And I agree with Merriam-Webster 100% because that is the future that we're looking at and
the future that you're going to have to prove you're you, isn't that insane?
Yeah.
Who would have ever thought it would have come to this?
So that's what an ID was for.
I was wanting flying cars.
I wasn't wanting this shit.
Yeah, no, I wanted the Jetsons, dude.
Yeah, I was wanting the Jetsons, man.
No, I wanted a dog named Astro.
Yes.
Yeah, I wanted to like ship the kids off in their little fucking space tote in their little
yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, we'll see you tonight.
And then float off to another planet.
Nope.
But instead, what was the daughter's singing boyfriend?
Shit.
I might say a lot of my daughter's boyfriend.
Oh, really?
So you like him, don't you?
No, I don't.
Oh, you don't?
Oh, okay.
I got it wrong.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
No, no, no.
This new one?
Yeah.
Okay, this was a lot of her ex-boyfriends.
Oh, okay.
I got you.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, anyhow, let's finish out this story.
No, this new one I like.
This new one I like a lot.
That's what I thought you said.
Okay.
So, 23 was a year of the authenticity morphed into performance.
It's very meaning made fuzzy amidst the onslaught of algorithms and alternative facts.
The more we crave it, the more we question it.
And alternative facts is where, remember how we were talking about even Snopes and a lot
of these fact checkers are wrong?
Yeah.
It's just like, let's go back to earlier in this podcast, Sammy and Dave tour.
Look at that one.
Yeah.
How many different stories and versions are there?
Who could say?
Well, the stories I was talking about was different steps through the whole process as
they were coming out.
So the story I was working on, it all went up to this.
Yes.
You know, so.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, everything that we've been talking about would indicate that authentic should
be the word of the year for Merriam-Webster.
I agree with it.
And yeah, 100%.
I get it.
100%.
Yep.
Okay.
Should we go on to the hairy asshole Olympics, Rob?
We shall.
All right.
Let me go ahead and introduce the hairy asshole Olympics.
This was, this is a contest that Rob and I dreamt up and it is just simply guessing who
has a hairier asshole.
No fact in it at all.
Just how we think someone asshole would look like hair wise.
Famous people.
Yeah.
I can't go a Billy down the road.
All right.
Yeah.
So this is famous people.
I'm not sure if you're listening to this, Rob.
So although seeing how I am in this on this show, it's made me famous.
I have been on this list.
Yes.
Because everybody that listens to this podcast does know Rob and Rob was on the list.
I actually promoted him.
I put him on my list and Rob lost.
Who did you lose to?
I forgot.
Mick Foley.
You lost to Mick Foley.
Yes.
Right.
And if you went to a different guy, you probably would have won because Rob's.
Right.
I beat out Jake Sully from Avatar.
Yes, he did.
The human version Jake Sully.
And that was a Topher call, wasn't it?
Did that go to Topher?
Yeah.
Because I did not vote on myself.
They all went to Topher.
Yes.
And on this contest.
And also let everybody know on this contest, Topher is a high ruling authority.
If we have something in question, we send it to him and what he says goes.
And he's made a couple of calls here of who wins.
So and he also did the bigger ass bag and he picked Baker Mayfield over Jimmy Garoppolo
last last podcast.
So we use.
Yeah, yeah, I agree.
He was in agreement.
Yes, I agree with that 100 percent as well.
OK.
Topher is our godfather.
Yes, he is.
Yep.
The one of the biggest.
What would you call it?
Facilitators, igniters, catalysts were the biggest catalysts of this show.
I mean, it would have never got off the ground if he did not figure some stuff out about
RSS and other things about podcasting and and actually learned the software way before
I did and taught it to me.
So anyhow, Topher is the final ruling on all of these.
And anyhow, every time we get a chance to salute him, we do.
We help one these days.
He'll at least do a regular segment again, if not even be part of the show regularly.
So anyhow, it's in his hands and we would love for him to come back in any fashion.
After all, after all, we are one big family.
Yes, we are.
And if it ever comes down to anything, we will be three douchebags in a microphone,
but the name is copyrighted.
So it has to be two douchebags in a microphone legally.
But it can be three douchebags in a microphone easily.
Well, we will be two douchebags and a microphone and a nice ass cheek.
I'll be the ass cheek.
OK, there we go.
That sounds great.
Yeah.
OK, cool.
All right, Rob, go ahead.
You have the list.
This is you.
All righty.
First up, we have Abe Blinken versus Zach Galifianakis.
OK, OK, we got to talk this out, right?
OK, Abe Blinken back in those days.
Now Zach Galifianakis is one of the hairiest people I've ever seen, right?
Oh my God, yes.
He's got hair on top of his hair.
He's got hair growing out of hair follicles.
This guy has just got fucking thick hair everywhere.
I could only imagine how bad his asshole hair is.
But you're also talking about Abe Blinken in the Old West Hygiene, which is Rob's very
famous segment, which people love.
It's a very popular segment, and this is where Rob points out the hygiene in Old West.
So if you heard some...
As the article says, lack of hygiene.
Lack of, yes.
And if you heard any of his segments on Old West Hygiene, you would almost have to go
with...
It reminds me, we're due for one.
We'll do that on the next one.
Yes, we are.
But I also love the American Songwriters list too, especially the back masking one.
That was fucking tough, Rob.
I love that one.
So I'm going to have to go, reluctantly, I love Zach Galifianakis, and I love that pick.
Do you still have a save, Rob?
Yeah.
Do you feel inclined to save, Zach?
Well, I don't know.
You have to pick two.
Because of Old West Hygiene or lack of, I'm going to have to go with Abe Blinken.
Okay, go ahead.
Here's what I was thinking.
We end this one tonight.
Okay, all right.
Which means we have no room to put in saves because we're two against two and are two
bands.
Okay.
So we pick the winners between these two and then put them against each other and then
do the bands.
Okay, all right.
Then I...
That's what I...
And then we'll move on to a new segment.
Rob, you're right.
We're going to go ahead and cap this off.
We've been needing to for a long time.
We're that close.
We're this close, man.
Okay, all right.
I'm going to have to go with Abe Blinken only because of Old West Hygiene, but I think Zach
Galifianakis kicks his ass on every other aspect.
Your thoughts?
Abe Blinken got my vote because of Old West Hygiene.
Okay, Abe Blinken wins that round.
Next one, Rob.
And our next battle, Rob Zombie versus Bob Marley.
Ooh.
Okay.
Both of them have dreads.
I'm going to lean towards Bob Marley and here's why.
Bob Marley is such a stoner.
I don't think he gives one ounce of shit about his nut or ass hair.
And I think it just rolls everywhere to where I think maybe Rob Zombie, he has a hot wife,
right?
Yeah.
She probably makes him clean that shit up a little bit, don't you think?
Well, this is where I'm kicking my own ass for not reading another article I had saved
for tonight.
Because I didn't know we were going to get around the hairy ass Olympics.
Well, I just got to…
It's about Rob Zombie.
Rob Zombie comes from a carnival and circus family.
Oh boy.
Okay.
I didn't know that.
Knowing that…
Now, I didn't know that until today and now that throws his whole character into place.
Okay.
I'm going to have to go with Rob Zombie.
I'm going to have to switch my vote.
Rob Zombie gets it because more evidence came in at the last minute.
I went over this evidence and because of this evidence, I'm changing my vote.
I was going to read that story wall again.
You know what?
Read it.
Tomorrow's podcast, read that story, okay?
Okay.
Rob Zombie for me.
Got my vote.
Alright.
So, so far, Abe Lincoln, Rob Zombie.
Now we go to the bands.
Well, we got to finish these two up.
Oh, do you want to finish these two up before we go to the band?
Okay.
Alright.
Abe Lincoln against Rob Zombie.
Alright.
Let's go to the bands.
Okay.
Let's go to the bands.
Okay.
Bands.
Give us a minute to think about this.
Yeah, yeah.
That's why I wanted to go to the bands is to give me a minute to kind of figure out what
I'm going to do about the other situation.
So.
Okay.
Our final bands.
My Twisted Sister against your Allison Chains.
I'm going to go with Allison Chains just because they were grunge and had huge beards and they
didn't give a shit.
They were sloppy.
They, they, they wore torn up jeans.
They wore, they, they, they wore, you know, fucking flannel and just they dressed down
in t-shirts.
Twisted Sister wore a lot of tight outfits, a lot of leatherish stuff.
I think that it gets so hot in that leather that you would have to do a certain amount
of grooming.
Otherwise you are just fucking sweating through that leather and the pleather and the spandex.
Rob?
Oh my God, Mark.
You just swayed my vote.
All right.
Allison Chains.
I was all for Twisted Sister until you just said that.
You're correct on that.
Yeah.
I thought about it.
Allison Chains is this round's band champion.
Yay.
Good job, Allison Chains.
Jerry Cantrell.
I'm sorry I missed your concert, but I had to work that night.
So, okay.
So now we go back to the matchup between Abe Lincoln and Rob Zombie.
Abe Lincoln, you have old west hygiene, but Rob Zombie, you have hair everywhere, dreads,
and carny.
I'm going for Rob Zombie.
The carny would offset the old west hygiene.
So that right there, old west hygiene.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Yeah?
Oh, now wait a second.
No, it'd be close.
It would be close.
How old was Abe Lincoln when he got killed?
Okay, don't you have to be 35 to be president, right?
35 years old.
I think that was still intact back then.
So he was probably well over 35.
I would say he would be probably maybe 50 something.
Yeah, Rob Zombie's probably pretty close to that.
Yes.
Well, we can't use the old age thing.
Hang on.
Go for his old age rule.
No, no, no, no, because both of them are too young.
Let's give it to my man, Rob Zombie.
Okay, Rob Zombie it is.
All right.
Oh, damn, damn.
Oh, yeah, when we get to a round where we bring back our last winner,
that'd still be a good matchup right there, buddy.
What is it?
What's our last winner?
Dave Mustaine.
Oh, that's going to be a good one.
That would be, okay, yeah.
Okay.
Our next round's looking up.
All right, so our winners of round two are Rob Zombie and Allison Chains
in the band category.
I think those are two solid ones, don't you?
Very solid, very solid.
All right.
Okay, well then now we have to each come up with another list, don't we?
Give us just two, three weeks and we'll be back after the running.
We're bringing the shit show back.
So all right.
Okay, everybody, thank you for listening.
We are officially done for tonight and we're hopefully going to get a podcast in tomorrow night.
If I can get around a couple of things, we will be talking to you at that point.
So anyhow, I mean, it's not like we're like doing a time race against downloads on this month.
This month has just been incredible.
Yeah.
I'm going to try to jot down some emails.
We're just trying to stay on our weekly schedule.
Emails have been booming too.
I'm going to get to them.
I'm sorry.
Look, if it's something that you're just giving us a compliment, number one, thank you.
Number two, I'm not going to respond because it doesn't warrant anything.
I mean, I'm just thanking you for saying, hey, I'll listen.
Love you guys.
Keep it up.
We've got a lot of those.
I just don't have time to respond to all of them.
So everybody that done that, thank you.
All the stuff that requires answers.
Thank you to everybody that took the time to email.
Yes.
So I'm probably not going to be able to answer you guys, but thank you for sending in the notes of encouragement and all that.
Now, anything that requires an answer, I'm going to try to answer.
So anyhow, I'm just way behind.
So thank you everybody.
And I wished I could send my email, set it up to Rob.
But the way that Yahoo's designed, I cannot share it.
So I can't have Rob help me.
So it's just me doing it.
So anyhow, have a full time job.
I'm still working on the Facebook page.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You have some news.
I got to work.
I mean, we're up and running.
There's some things I got to this.
This is Rob Red's two douchebags and microphone, not the original one.
This is the new in the new one that pertains to what we are today.
Yes.
So anyhow, thank you, everybody.
We will talk to you hopefully tomorrow night.
Have a good night.
Thank you, everybody.
Have a good night.
Hey, where do they go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh, my God.
Someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh, geez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.