Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it's two douchebags and a microphone podcast.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
On most of these apocalypse series, we tell you what plants you can eat in case of an apocalypse and you have to go out to your yard for food.
Well, this one is going to explain to you the plants you may be aware of to not eat.
Plants that could be toxic usually might have milky white sap, thorns, spines, or fine hairs, or leaves or stems.
Pods with bulbs, beans, or seeds, stems or trunks that have an almond scent, three-leafed foliage growth.
Also be aware of intensely bitter or sappy flavor, foliage reminiscent of dill, parsley, or carrot.
No bat light here. These idiots just show up and hope for the best.
Two douchebags and a microphone invade your ear holes and hey, who took a dump in the cooler?
Two douchebags and a microphone. I am the Mark portion of this.
And I am Rob Rad.
Alright, Rob Rad. You ready to do this here podcast?
Let's do it.
Alright. Well, I got a bunch of stuff. I have Food Wars. I have a...
I love Food Wars.
Oh, I do too. We'll start off with that. I have a Mark story, a famous Mark story.
And this is about Large Larry and Weasel Dick Wes at the cement plant.
Okay, I have not heard this one.
You know, I may have told you this because this already happened before you and I met.
But, no wait, no it didn't. Forget it, I've never told you this. Forget it, it did not.
I don't remember any stories about the cement plant.
Okay, okay. Well, this was... I was laid off from my union job.
Yeah.
And I... Well, anyhow, you know what, I'll go into it later.
We'll get to that after a while.
Okay, well, like I said before, I have some Food Wars here.
So, and this is where we pit different foods against each other.
Like I told this story before, but anyone that hasn't heard it, it originated...
I was walking through Costco, the produce aisle, and I'm like looking at the avocados and the grapes.
I'm like, man, what if a fucking avocado jumped up and attacked a banana? Who would win?
And, you know, the way my mind works is like, okay...
The avocado.
Yeah, yeah, that's the way my mind works. The avocado would... Yeah.
Yeah, so anyhow, we'd already went over this, but yeah.
So, we would come up with reasons why one fruit or one piece of food would beat the other.
And this is no different, this is the same thing.
So, without any further ado, we're going into Food Wars.
How about Heinz?
Yeah, and when you get done with that, I got something I have to do.
Okay.
So, let's get done with Food Wars.
Okay. Heinz 57 versus A1 Steak Sauce. Both of them are steak sauces, so...
Oh...
I think A1...
That was the ultimate battle.
It is.
That was the ultimate battle.
I think A1, because A1 is tangier and a little bit darker, a little bit meaner.
I think A1, and just sounds meaner, A1 against Heinz 57.
I have to go with A1.
A1 would kick the shit out of Heinz 57, wouldn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, just by the name alone, A1 sounds like it could kick another asshole into Heinz 57.
Okay, now, I may be wrong about this, but if I remember right, on the ingredients label of A1...
Mm-hmm.
It mentions raisins.
You know what, Rob, I think you're right.
Anything that has raisins in it cannot beat anything else.
Well, if I'm thinking A1, I could be wrong on this.
I think you're right.
I know one of those steak sauces. It could be Worcestershire. I don't know.
You know what?
One of them sauces has... Yeah.
Okay, I will check...
If it's A1, I'll give it to you. I know it ain't 57.
Okay.
Although I like 57, but A1 tops it.
Yeah, I'm going with A1 too. I will check into that, and I will report back at the next podcast that we do.
Well, not if we do another one tonight, but whatever one I get to it, I will report on the A1 Heinz 57 raisin fiasco.
Does that sound good?
Oh, hey, hey.
Yes?
We have tomorrow night Thanksgiving special.
Oh, okay. Then I'll report on it tomorrow night.
Is your up for it?
I'm up for it.
My schedule's clear. I'm doing my stuff during the day, brother.
Yes, and I have a message to the turkeys a little bit later on.
To all the turkeys, I have a message to them, and I will reveal it a little bit later on.
So, mayo versus Miracle Whip.
Miracle Whip.
Miracle Whip. Yeah, yeah.
The tangy.
The tangy, the kind of...
The tangy.
Yeah.
Okay, I'm not...
Okay, yeah, Miracle Whip is my preference.
Me too.
But the tangy between the two.
Yes.
That would do.
Yep, I agree. Miracle Whip would beat mayo's ass.
Yep.
This next one is interesting because I'm not sure how to go with it when I wrote it out.
Pickles versus olives.
Oh, shit!
Pretty good one, isn't it?
Wow.
Wait a second.
I think that olives...
Wait a second.
Okay.
Green olives or black olives?
You can take your pick.
I'll let you pick, Rob.
There's a big difference, sir.
Yes, there is.
I'm going to go with green olives.
Green olives, okay.
Yes.
That changes things.
Okay.
I think I would have to go with the green olives.
Me too.
Green olives are just strong.
Now, if it was black olives, I would have to reverse my...
And pickles.
Yes, that's why I went with green olives.
You're right.
Yep, green olives, yep.
Green olives would beat pickles.
The pimento.
The pimento, yeah.
Yes.
Yep, I would agree 100%.
So far, we are right on.
We're spot on with all of these.
We are in agreement.
All right, this next one is interesting, but I do have a favorite on it, and we can talk it out.
Romaine lettuce versus cabbage.
I think cabbage.
Cabbage is heavier and a thicker leaf, and has a core.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, that core alone could jump on top of romaine lettuce and smash it.
As long as it was uncooked cabbage.
Okay, I'm going to say they're both wrong.
Yeah, you were saying you were a minute uncooked, I can tell.
Yeah, that's the way I envisioned it, so I'm going to stick with that, but I agree with you.
If it was stewed cabbage, stewed cabbage is like lyser limp.
Romaine lettuce could beat it.
Yeah, it could be dead.
Yeah, yeah.
No, it is not stewed cabbage.
I imagined it cabbage like if they were to pick one out of the field.
That right there is what I imagined.
Cabbage would have it.
Cabbage would win.
This next one is interesting because I'm not sure which one's tougher, and you'll see what I mean.
Toothpick versus flosser.
Now, here's what I think.
A toothpick is tougher, but a flosser makes your gums bleed.
It's like a little...
It's like a toothpick.
Yeah, I guess so.
But a flosser is like...
Especially if you go with the plant toothpick.
If you were a pissant and you ran into...
Okay, but here's what I'm looking at right here, Rob.
You stick it in your mouth at that point.
Okay.
A flosser is almost like a little piece of piano wire which could cut something in half.
A toothpick is kind of dull.
You could poke it and it would hurt, but I think a flosser would actually go through something with enough force.
What do you say? No, no. I'm going to have to reverse my decision.
Flosser?
I'm going to go with the flosser.
You see what I mean?
Because at first I thought toothpick too, but then I got to think about it.
You're talking about almost like a little piece of piano wire that could go through...
You're talking about dental floss.
Yeah, well, yeah.
Yeah, a flosser, it could be...
Yeah.
Okay, there we go.
All right, flosser...
Is it the dental floss or is it like some machine?
No, no, no. It's a dental floss.
The dental floss.
Yeah, a flosser machine, I had no intention of bringing that into it at all.
No, just a flosser.
You said flosser.
I thought you meant like a water pick.
Okay, the reason I said flosser is because some people have those little...
those little Y looking things with a floss on them too.
Yeah.
That's why I just put it like that, a flosser.
So it could be...
Yeah, like a little slingshot.
Yes, yes.
So whatever...
I put it like that just so it'd be generic and anyhow.
Okay, so the next one, a mousetrap versus a glue trap.
I'm going to go with mousetrap.
Yeah, mousetrap has a lot of force.
Oh, dude.
Yeah.
I've caught my finger a couple times.
Oh, me too.
Oh, that fucking hurts.
Remember we used to do mousetraps in people's beds before they went to bed?
Oh, hell yeah.
Oh, that was funny.
We'd be like, someone be trashed.
Thank God nobody ever threw one in mine.
Oh, I was the recipient of one before.
Oh my God, they fucking hurt.
Oh.
Anyhow, yeah, it was fun.
You were you and I was me.
I remember we used to like take and put them back real carefully to where they were set
and throw them at people's faces.
Oh shit, that was mean.
Those big rat traps, not the little ones but the big ones.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Or one time I went up to Davey with one loaded and fucking smacked him on the nuts.
Oh my gosh, he burnt the shit out of me with a lighter.
Did we steal a couple from Jess and Jim's to do shit?
Probably so.
I say so.
No, I walked up to Davey, I had it behind my back, and I said, hey dude, I go, man,
is that so and so?
He turned around and I went, snap.
And I didn't expect him to actually get his nuts.
Well, this is the end of the day before Thanksgiving 2023.
They're sure they had better pest control than they did back in 85 when we worked there.
Yes.
But anyhow, Davey got me back because he took a lighter and burnt the piss out of my arm.
Oh, hold on.
I wouldn't notice he's just back there with it and all of a sudden I'm like, ow.
Really?
Oh yeah, he got me back good.
So anyhow, and then he torched me with the mushrooms.
Remember those little air-glazed mushrooms things?
They used to act like they're grabbing knives and coming at me.
They only would really jab me with them.
Fuck, that hurt.
Anyhow.
Next one, green onions versus a garlic clove.
I think I'm going to go with garlic clove just because there's a little bit more mass there.
A little heavier.
No?
Go ahead.
I'm going to go with the green onions.
Okay, why?
The green onions would become a bad thing.
Not that garlic clove like a home run.
Ooh, they are kind of whippish.
Okay, alright.
Yeah, they'll get when they hit.
You know what?
I reverse.
With the spiciness, the spiciness is going to kick in.
That's going to be the meanest.
It's going to be a nice finesse, but it's going to make it like a bat.
And not that garlic clove out of the park.
I reverse my thought.
I reverse my decision.
I'm going to go with the green onion.
You're right.
This next one is interesting.
Cinnamon versus nutmeg.
Ooh.
Yeah.
I'm going to say cinnamon.
Hmm, yeah, because it's spicier.
Cinnamon is a little hotter.
Yeah, a little hotter.
It'll actually make your eyes water in the right situation.
Yeah.
Cinnamon it is.
I remember back when we were in school with cinnamon toothpicks and shit.
Yeah.
We would soak them in it and get them as hot as they could.
Oh, fuck yeah.
Oh my god.
They used to just destroy us.
Oh, yep.
Yep.
Hang on a second.
I'm going to yell at my chihuahua again.
Okay.
I turned it off.
Sorry.
I blew your eardrums out, Rob.
You should have popped that one out there.
That was so mild, but there's a last one.
Oh, that last one.
I had a lot of fucking passion for that one.
Oh, dude, yeah.
And I bowed for it.
Yeah, you did.
Yep.
And that dog did shut up.
Okay.
And she hasn't shut up, so you're right.
I did not do it with enough force.
But you know what?
I don't give a shit.
You're getting your money's worth.
It's free.
The podcast is free.
You're getting your money's worth.
Okay.
We have animals.
It's like all of you all.
Yeah, that's right.
And I'm not going to kick Cookie out because she's barking.
My son's like eight, nine month old, going wild as a heap.
My seven, eight year old beagle's going nuts, dude.
Oh shit.
I've been fighting this shit for over a week.
We've got to keep them separated and keep them apart.
Yeah, and the only thing you can do at that point is let her get out of heat and then
you can introduce her back.
Until then, it's right.
No, no.
I got my yearly bonus today.
My little shit's going to get good.
It's starting doing its shit.
There you go.
Good idea.
One times enough.
Good.
All right.
Next one.
Ranch versus blue cheese.
Dude.
I'm going to go with blue cheese.
Blue cheese is horrible tasting to me and it's chunky.
Ranch is smooth and to me tastes great.
So I'm going to go with blue cheese.
I think blue cheese would fucking slice you with a knife if it had a chance.
Okay.
You're on my battle now.
A battle that I have had for years.
Okay.
Between ranch and blue cheese being my favorite salad dressing.
I like ranch much better than blue cheese.
But you just mentioned a certain fact.
Blue cheese is chunky.
In this bowl, blue cheese has got it.
Yes, I would agree.
It chunks.
Yeah.
The chunks would come down like a boulder on top of it.
Yes.
Now if you went with blue cheese against a chunk of cheddar, a chunk of cheddar would
win because of mass wise.
But since you're talking about ranch, which is basically liquid and just kind of lies
there, blue cheese could jump on top of it and just smash the piss out of it.
The only way.
Yeah, the chunk.
The blue cheese chunks.
The only way ranch could win.
I love blue cheese.
Yeah.
No, blue cheese is my favorite anyways.
Okay.
Blue cheese won.
But the only way ranch could win, but I didn't do it like this.
Ranch in a cup and if blue cheese jumped on it, ranch in a cup could drown blue cheese,
but we're not doing that.
We're not putting ranch in a cup.
It's just, yeah.
It's blue cheese versus ranch.
Blue cheese wins.
This next one's interesting.
Ranch would have the, I don't want to say spiciness, the tanginess.
The tanginess, but blue cheese has the bold cheese.
It's got the chunks.
Yeah, the chunks would definitely destroy the ranch.
Yeah.
Okay.
The next one is Rotel versus stewed tomatoes.
Rotel.
Rotel has like peppers in it and everything.
Spices.
Yeah, spices.
So Rotel would definitely win that.
Next one, mutton.
And if anyone doesn't realize what mutton is, I know you do, you know, but just in case
someone doesn't know what mutton is, mutton is lamb.
And in this case, it would be ground lamb against ground beef.
I'm going to go with lamb because lamb has a little bit more of a gamier taste, a little stronger taste
than ground beef.
Ground beef to really get it to taste any different, you have to like add onions or
hamburger helper.
Mutton or ground lamb, if you will, has its own distinct, very sharp flavor.
So I'm going to go with mutton.
Okay.
Here's where I'm at on this one.
Okay.
I'm going to take your word for it.
Okay.
I have not had mutton.
Okay.
But I know wild game.
You know, I've had fresh cow, I've had fresh pig, I've had deer, I've had rabbit, I've had squirrel.
I've not had mutton.
Okay.
Well, take my word for it.
But I can imagine, like you said, the gamier taste.
Yes.
I'll give you that one.
It's in that same realm.
It's a different, bolder taste.
I'll give you that one.
Okay.
Then we're going to go with mutton.
Next one.
This one's interesting, but I think I have a favorite and I'll let you tell me what you
think.
That way I don't pollute it.
Lo Mein versus spaghetti.
I'm going with spaghetti.
And here's why.
Spaghetti is a little bit thicker and a little bit heavier.
Lo Mein is lighter and thinner.
I like spaghetti by the way.
So Lo Mein is in Chinese.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's Chinese spaghetti, if you will.
Something like that.
Whatever.
So I'm going with spaghetti because of mass only.
What do you think?
I'm going with Lo Mein.
Okay.
Because they're known for putting spicy peppers in.
Oh, okay.
But I'm not talking about that.
When I had this envisioned.
You were talking about the can, Lo Mein.
Yeah.
I'm talking about nothing added because spaghetti, I could put meat sauce.
I could put anything.
I could put peppers in spaghetti.
I mean, you know, I'm just talking about the product alone by itself.
Okay.
Well, on that note, I will re-roast my decision and give it to spaghetti.
Okay.
And I'm just doing this exactly how I felt when I wrote it out.
I did not imagine anything else being with it just by itself.
So that is why spaghetti took it.
Well, I did not know your ingredients.
No, no, no.
I know what you're thinking, but that's not what I envisioned.
So, okay.
So spaghetti gets in.
The Oreos have the spicy ass peppers.
Yes.
Okay.
Here's one for you, Rob.
And I'm going to let you pick it because it's a draw to me.
Cheddar versus Swiss.
Cheese, of course.
Cheddar.
Because it's sharper tasting and it doesn't have holes in it?
No.
Yes, that's sharp.
I'm going extra sharp cheddar.
Okay.
Extra sharp cheddar blows in.
I'd be like cracker barrel, extra sharp.
You know what?
Yeah, Swiss comes in one.
Cheddar comes in two.
I had no type of a feeling at all.
I just put down cheddar.
You want to do extra sharp, extra sharp beats the shit out of Swiss.
So there we go.
Cheddar wins.
That's my favorite.
Me too.
Extra sharp cheddar is fantastic.
Especially on burgers.
Oh my God, it's good.
All right.
Next one.
Pickle relish versus salsa.
And this is the last one.
Salsa.
I agree.
Salsa is spicy.
Yep.
All right.
I mean, that is a good battle.
It is a good battle, but we both.
Pickle relish has a battle there.
But both of us.
Just not against salsa.
Me without even talking to you about it, I picked salsa in my head.
And you said salsa.
Yep.
So we're going with salsa.
All right.
Now Rob, you.
I mean, pickle relish.
Like I said, pickle relish can win a different battle just not against salsa.
You know what?
We can put pickle relish in a holding tank.
Okay?
And we can use pickle relish for a future battle.
How's that?
It's bringing it up again later.
Okay.
Pickle relish has.
Okay.
Let's each have a save card.
So I'm going to save pickle relish for another battle.
Now we're going save cards?
Well, I mean, look, we both kind of like pickle relish.
So I just invented a save.
I didn't save up my save card in hairy ass battles.
Because I don't want to get this one over with.
Because I got half of them in this race.
Okay.
No more pickle relish.
It lost.
All right.
So.
We've got like three battles left in hairy ass.
You know what?
We'll finish them tomorrow.
Okay.
No more pickle relish.
This giant night we will finish this hairy ass.
The hairy asshole Olympics battle.
So.
And then I need to start going through everything.
So we can start putting the older one.
Older winners against newer ones and all that.
So we'll figure that out later.
Okay.
Rob, at the very first.
Yeah, we'll talk about that after here.
Okay.
At the very first of the program.
You said you had something you wanted to say.
So before we go to break.
I come back with my weasel dick Wes and large Larry story.
Let's hear what you had to say.
Okay.
Well, I went across something at a store today.
Okay.
We've been talking about Yanling beer.
Mm-hmm.
And I mentioned how here at the laser like in the results, we could only get it in traditional
or right.
That was most of Missouri because.
Yeah.
Two or three weeks ago.
The floor is holding in my hand.
What are you holding in your hand, Rob?
The one we've been talking about.
The Hershey's?
The Yanling Hershey's chocolate.
Okay.
About three weeks ago.
They came out with them.
They did everywhere.
Three weeks ago, Yanling made us a full service state.
And that means that all their beers are available to us now.
To anywhere that.
I'm going to hope my ear pod pictures help me open in this.
Okay, go ahead.
This is my first face on there.
He's going to do a review.
I haven't tasted one yet.
He is doing a review.
I'm going to taste this.
All right.
You probably didn't hear that.
No, I did hear it.
We did hear it.
Oh, you did.
I did.
My microphone picks up everything you do better than I hear it because I don't wear my headphones
in here because I have too many other things going on.
I can't really.
Right.
It picked it up, I guarantee you.
Here we go.
Let's see what she tastes like.
I've waited so long.
Okay.
Oh my God.
Okay.
If you.
Okay, I love it.
I love it.
I'll have to go get it now.
I am a chocolate lover and I'm a beer lover.
And they blended together well, I guess.
Yes.
I honestly think they could have a little bit of a difference.
I think they could have a little bit of a difference.
Yes, I honestly think they could add just a tad bit more chocolate.
I know why they don't because I'll bet you most beer drinkers don't want more chocolate
in it.
Right.
But no, dude, I love it.
Good.
I will have to go get some now.
Let me finish this one and I'll let you know what I'm up to.
Okay, sounds good.
All right.
How about if we come back back.
If I could talk.
How about if we come back here in a couple of minutes with my large Larry and Weasel Dick
West story.
That sound okay?
Sounds good, bro.
All right.
We will be right back here in a couple of minutes.
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You need answers.
You need solutions.
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Smell like sack of shit.
He spit talk all over.
I remember smacking balls.
I use shit sack.
Shit sack lie on ground.
I walk off.
Thank you smacking the balls.
You saved me.
Smelly smelly spit.
I had this stupid son of a bitch come around me.
He would not shut his fucking yap for nothing.
He gets up on me and he talks all stupid.
I didn't know what to do.
I could not shake this motherfucker like a burger.
Then I remember smacking the nuts.
I pulled out old smack in the nuts.
That motherfucker went down like a sack of fucking potatoes.
Thank you, smack in the nuts.
You saved me once again from stupid motherfuckers.
Smacking the nuts.
Don't leave home without it.
When taking a shower, remember to scrub your asshole with soapy water.
Because nobody likes a stinky asshole.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
How does a fucking motherfucker get so dirty?
I don't know.
How does a butterfly take a dump?
It never stops long enough.
Maybe it just shits while lofting.
Maybe it shits real quick while chewing flowers.
Hmm.
Hmm. I may never know.
Two douchebags and a microphone. I am Mark.
And I am Rob.
Right.
I'd like to take the two more wrestlers.
Biggest dude there.
That's what I would do.
Right.
No, but I know we're in the top.
Right.
No shit. Wow, okay. I can walk to OJ's in about 12 minutes.
Okay. Yeah, it's pretty good. I've hit there before.
I city walk like I used to. Everybody down here tells me, dude, you are a fast walker.
Okay, cool.
I grew up walking fast from home.
Oh yeah.
You have to walk fast or you miss something.
Yeah, I would agree. I would agree.
I'm still a fast walker today.
Cool. Very cool.
I've got an interesting story here about Tony Iommi. You want to hear it?
Oh, definitely about Tony.
Absolutely. Tony Iommi recently revealed that he came up with the very famous Paranoid Rift when the record company informed the band that they needed one more song to complete the album.
Sabbath had met with the record company and was informed the album could not be released until they had one more song.
They did not have another song yet.
Iommi just started playing that famous riff and the band wrote probably their most iconic signature song right there on the spot.
Paranoids.
Yeah. Yep.
Interesting enough, the album that took them the longest to produce, they consider trash.
And that is the Never Say Die album. And that took them over a year to do.
Yeah.
So Sabbath is one of those bands like Purple, Deep Purple did the same thing with their famous, what was it, In Rock or whatever? Their one famous album that had Highway Star, Smoke on the Water.
Oh yeah.
Damn, I can't think of the name.
Actually, I'm going to be working for that album for my wife.
Cool. That is an iconic album.
I love that one.
That is one of the best ones ever. That album is just so good.
Oh yeah.
Yeah. I got to find that one.
And I have a lead on who to go talk to.
That album, you can actually just find it online.
Oh no. I want original.
Well, they are originals online.
But if you got someone you can go to, go to them because they need the business more than anyone online does.
A brick and mortar store.
Yeah, that's somebody local.
Cool.
See, down here you try to be a local.
The best you can. You got to support your neighbor, you know?
No, that's why I said what I did. I said, you know, go to them, go to a brick and mortar store, support them. Actually, it's a bad idea to go online. If you have someone down there, go to them.
And also you get it that day.
But if I can, I will. I will go around and I want that album.
Okay, if they don't have it, if they don't have it at that store and they don't think they can get it, go online.
There are like a ton of different record stores online that you can get them at.
Oh no.
You can actually get them up here too. You can even have them ordered still at 7th Heaven. Do you know that? 7th Heaven is still around.
That's what I was going to ask. Is 7th Heaven even still open?
It's still open and you can order CDs, imported ones or old ones.
I want vinyl.
Okay, and there's other record stores up in the Crossroads District and in Midtown that you can go to and actually buy the original one.
Sure, I'll let it come up there.
There's one in Eureka Springs. If I go back there next year and you don't have it yet, they've had three of them the last time I was there in October.
Oh, by the way, I have my dates when I'm on vacation. We'll talk about that when we get off here.
Okay, we'll figure that out. Sounds good.
Alright, why don't we take a slow break and come back and we have more shit to throw at you. Sound good, Rob?
Damn, we're going nowhere now, right? Cool.
No, we're not in an hour yet. 47 minutes.
That's what I'm saying. We're going nowhere now.
Oh, we can go over an hour? Hell yeah. Alright, we'll be right back.
Let's do it.
We will be right back.
Next up, things overheard in Hell.
The brand new Kale Cola started selling nationwide yesterday.
As pleasant as 50 grit sandpaper to your inner thighs.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
May, your five-year-old neighbor have all their violin lessons during all of your hangovers.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
May, your grandmother always intruded your thoughts at the last minute while you are masturbating.
Two douchebags and a microphone says,
You ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass?
Just asking.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Garlic mustard could and should be a go-to food during an apocalypse.
Garlic mustard is plentiful everywhere. It is actually an invasive weed.
But it can be very delicious and easily taken from about any pasture.
Garlic mustard can be stewed or even pan-fried for delicious taste.
It can also be added to other ingredients, whether it's a salad or any other type of food to enhance it.
Garlic mustard should be a go-to staple during the apocalypse.
Okay, two douchebags and a microphone. I'm the Mark portion of this.
And I'm wrong. And I'm telling you, I'm really liking this Yingling Hershey's chocolate.
Portier.
I'm calling it Portier because it's fancier to me.
Portier.
But I'm loving it, dude.
Okay, so it's a porter.
We could use a little more chocolate, but it's good.
You know what? I'm going to give it a try. I believe we have it right down the road. I believe I saw it right down the road.
I just popped my second one.
Oh, good. Good. All right.
I'm loving the flavor.
All right. Rob, do you have something you want to go into?
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Let me get my phone back to work. Here we go.
Okay.
Filed by North Carolina Congressman Chuck Edwards to stop POTC.
Would it withhold federal funding from states and tribes, then legalize recreational marijuana?
The measure is filed with just one sponsor. Since being filed, the measure has garnered three additional sponsors, bringing it to a loop five.
By comparison, a measure to fully decriminalize marijuana and remove it as a controlled substance has 69 sponsors.
And the U.S. Senate, a federal marijuana banking bill, is sponsored by 34 percent of the entire Senate.
Wow. Cool.
They brought this bill to try to fight marijuana.
Uh-huh.
There's a couple more long paragraphs. I'm going to break it down.
Okay.
Yeah, there's a few representatives that want to keep marijuana as a criminal offense.
Mm-hmm.
And this story goes into how it goes into law enforcement and stuff.
Well, for any of the law enforcement I've talked to around here, they like the idea.
Of decriminalizing it? Yeah, because it clogs up the court system.
Right. It clogs up the court system. It gives our police one last thing to worry about.
Exactly.
It's something that, I mean, come on.
Look, we have too many real crimes going on.
Marijuana is an herb. It is naturally grown.
Mm-hmm.
Look, I mean, the thing is, the thing is, is no one smoking marijuana is bothering me.
I have no reason to have them wanted arrested.
Now, someone stealing something or doing armed criminal action or murders or anything you can think of like that violent crimes, they need to be in jail.
Not the guy having to puff a fucking marijuana down the road and then not to mention that he gets a criminal record over this.
So then let's say he's like, he turns 18.
All right. Little Joey down the street is 18.
All right. He's in a parking lot with a couple of buddies puffing on a joint.
Cops catch him. They ride him into jail.
Little Joey pays his way out of it, but Little Joey then thinks it's over, but it's not.
Little Joey goes to get a job at Honeywell, and so does his friend Ricky.
Ricky gets the job because Ricky don't have that puff of marijuana on his fucking record,
but Joey does not get the job because he has that bullshit fucking marijuana on his record.
So therefore it is a bullshit crime that they should not be worried about, and they should be more worried about the people out there really doing crimes.
It clogs up the system.
What they're doing is they're starting to break that down.
Unfortunately, you still have to worry about marijuana on the job injuries.
You know what I mean?
Well, yeah. And that, okay, Rob, that takes care of itself because I've been doing construction a long time, especially out there in the field.
It's legal now, but the insurance company still ain't letting me go through.
No, if you get injured on the job, the first thing you do is they make you go piss.
You go piss, and if you turn up dirty, number one, you're fired. Number two, you're not covered.
So that takes care of itself.
So if you want to do pot and go to a job site and get hurt, then you're fucked.
Okay, so that's up to you, though.
You get to weigh the scale out. It may be legal, but if you want to take a chance...
It's legal now.
Yes.
Yeah.
I'm ready with you.
But that's up to you.
So you don't get a bullshit charge, but if you do get fired and you get your medical claim denied, then okay, you knew the risks.
So I wanted to do a warning to turkeys. Tomorrow's Thanksgiving Day.
Okay, and we know a lot of turkeys are going to get murdered and they're going to get thrown on plates and people eating them.
So everybody, I studied advanced turkey gobbling in school, and I know how to warn these turkeys.
So everybody, if you will turn up your Bluetooth and put it outside so the turkeys can hear this, I would like to warn the turkeys right now.
Okay, are you ready Rob?
Let's do it!
Okay.
Gobble, gobble, gobble!
Breeze, think uh, you're just fuckin' 당연't...
Gobble, gobble, gobble!
Gobble!
Gobble, gobble, gobble!
gobble gobble gobble
Okay turkeys I warned you I
Am I warned you guys so there you go
Thank you Mark. Thank you. You're welcome. I know I know someone has to warn them and then
I don't like turkey. I don't like to get well
Yes, but you'll probably hear this Friday
Yeah, so we will be recording tomorrow night
Yes, and we will let you know it's the Thanksgiving special on another hand
Did you know that a Joe Biden dressed hunter Biden up in a turkey costume? Did you know that?
Please do not tell me that I do not want to hear this. You know why he was going to pardon him
I do not want to hear this
It's a joke
He was going to pardon him you know how he pardons turkeys every year
Yeah
Gotcha
Okay, all right. I got another one. I was a Trader Joe's earlier, right?
And we're getting some a couple of gifts for my friend that's in the hospital
And that's why it's a little bit late getting this podcast by
Okay, I saw Macintosh apples isn't that redundant
Yeah, yeah Macintosh apples that's like an Apple Apple
Apple
That's two different yeah
Yeah, Macintosh is Apple right Apple Apple Apple Apples
Why do they call them Apple Apples?
Is that like pizza pizza
Just wondering asking for a friend carry on
Hey
I'm just I'm just glad I'm just glad that I warned the turkeys
Now we might have saved a couple of turkeys life Rob. We might have done that
Well now don't you feel good inside
Are we close to the end? Yeah, we're getting up right on it on the hour you got something you want to say
Yeah, I have a word driving kit
We're going to we're going to do another we're gonna do more, but I'm gonna cut this podcast off
Because we don't want to go over an hour because that's the way that I've been taught to do the podcast
You see what I mean?
I thought you said you wanted to go over an hour
You know what
I just don't want to do two episodes. Oh, okay. Okay. I got what you're saying. I misunderstood what you were saying
I thought you made two episodes. Okay. No, no, no, go ahead. Say what you want to say. I'm here. I'm fine
Yes
I have a winner driving kit for everybody. Okay
If you color-polished through the ice and water deeper than 50 foot
Remember to slowly exhale while ascending to avoid getting the dance
Oh, so look for low-rise if possible
No, no, no and what they're feeding on Yes, I do it took me a second but I got it
I think I think once it sunk in I think probably most people would get that
But
Anyhow one more little note, did you know that stuffing finally got upended
For the favorite side dish for Thanksgiving
What the new favorite side dish the new favorite side dish for Thanksgiving is mashed potatoes
potatoes in upended stuffing for 2023 I went
Who are you gonna have over your son? I mean your sons are
My son was with me, okay, okay my daughter
Cool
But he sounds cool cool
My grandson, of course
Cool
Cool that sounds great
Yeah
Okay
It's better than my Christmas
Well, it's gonna be your Christmas
Well
My son's new girlfriend
Bought him and her tickets to the Chief Writers Games Christmas Day
Tickets to the Chief Writers Games Christmas Day
Uh-huh
So they're going up Christmas Eve
Gonna be in Kansas City Christmas Day
Yeah, so you're gonna be home for Christmas
But I'll tell you what
What
Honestly
Since I have been to three Chief Writers Games my whole life with my dad
That's the only Chief Writers Games I've ever been to was with my dad and he passed away in 99
Well, I'm sorry to hear that
I've been
I used to work with a guy
I would love to be there for him
I get it
I'm so happy
Because he is a Chiefs fan
He's right there with his brother
He's with the Chiefs Kingdom
And I'm just glad he gets to go to his first game for Christmas
On Christmas Day
Against
The Writers
No, the Las Vegas
Whatever the fuck they are now
Writers
They change towns every other year
Los Angeles, Oakland
Oh no, now they're in Vegas
Well, they bounced around between Los Angeles and Oakland three, four, five times
They're in a completely different state
There you go
I'm signing a tradition
Coming up tomorrow, Rob
We have the gift trends of 2023
We have ancient superstitions and how they came about
And some goodies that you came up with too
So the special Thanksgiving episode
I got an American songwriter
A classic rock slash metal band
In line for Hall of Fame
That have not made it there yet
So one of them
I'm trying to figure out how the hell they made it up there, boys
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has never made any sense at all
And they never will
There are bands that have been admitted
First place, number eight
Okay
We'll cover that tomorrow night
Alright everybody, have a good night
And we will see you next time
Bye
Good night everybody
Gobble, gobble
Hey, where do they go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my god, someone took a dump in the corner
Oh jeez
Glad they're gone
Let's just hope they don't come back
Man, that smells