Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River
It's two douchebags and a microphone podcast
The Evapolips just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Elderberries can be a delicious and tasty treat in the wild.
During the apocalypse this can be a great go-to food because it is also medicinal.
It helps with inflammation to headaches and also maybe you're sore from running from that radioactive antelope or whatever.
Take some elderberries. Maybe you can run a little bit faster and get away from the damn thing.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Hmm. Let's see. If a worm could talk, would it be argumentive?
I may never know.
Two douchebags and a microphone. I am Mark.
And I am Rob.
Alrighty. So Rob, how was your day?
It was pretty good. Just got a split of a moment visit from my grandson and daughter.
Good. That's cool. You got to see the little tyke, huh?
Yeah, yeah. Well needed. Well, I needed some time.
Great therapy, isn't it?
Always, always.
Good. Good to hear. My day was good. I worked all day, but I don't care. It's alright.
I'll be there tomorrow.
The main thing is the Baltimore Ravens lost and the Cincinnati Bengals lost. So I'm a happy camper. That's good.
Oh yeah. My brother's not going to like that the Ravens lost. That's his team.
Oh, that's his team? Okay.
Yeah. Chiefs and Ravens.
Okay. Well, okay. Well, we're Chiefs fans, so we could celebrate. Your brother, probably not.
Yeah.
Okay. You know, Dr. Pepper has launched a limited edition flavor that will likely make your lips tingle.
If you can get your hands on it, that is.
The soda known as Dr. Pepper Hot Take is more fiery take on the original 23 flavors enhanced with spicy peppers to give it a real kick.
You can only get a bottle of the new fizzy concoction. It's launched Wednesday.
If you sign up for or are already a member of Pepper Perks reward program.
You know, everybody's doing reward programs. I'll bet you. Oh, yeah.
I bet you people at home are like, hey, man, you give us three, you're dead and we'll give you one dead free.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just join our, join our whoever and son's Perk program and that's you can bury a loved one on us.
Yay. So caskets still cost them.
Oh, always. Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Pepper has taken bold flavor steps with the launch of Dr. Pepper Hot Take.
And it is a testament to our commitment to bring in fans sensational new products.
Every year we celebrate college football fandom with a new flavor.
So this new flavor this year is hot take a well-loved tradition of sport and spice.
So Dr. Pepper, John Alvarado wrote the announcement and came out with it.
And OK, I mean, I'll give it a try.
There's something a little bit more disturbing going on, though.
Have you heard of Buffalo Pepsi? Oh, I haven't.
It's a thing. Especially with the with the Bills mafia, the Buffalo Bills.
Oh, OK. Yeah.
What they do up there in certain other places, they take Buffalo sauce and they pour it in their Pepsi and drink it.
And that's where I figured you were going with that.
Yes. So we just tried butter coffee.
Are you willing to take the Buffalo Pepsi challenge with me?
Just grab a jar of Buffalo sauce and put some in a Pepsi. Yes.
Let's do it, brother. OK.
Should we tentatively get next Saturday evening's podcast? Next Saturday.
OK. All right. Spit shake. Spit on your hand.
All right. There we go. All right. It's it. It's in stone now.
We did a spit shake. So along of these lines is, you know, Dr.
Pepper celebrating the college football and NFL season and the whole football season with her new flavor.
Well, once again, peppermint is upon us.
You know that, Rob? Peppermint, everything.
I'm hearing Christmas songs on the radio.
Pumpkin spice already got kicked to the curb in lieu of peppermint flavored everything.
So our good buddy, Jeffy X, sent me a list of the peppermint stuff that has failed.
I mean, I don't know what else to do for.
Should I get him four hookers and you like knit him some more stuff?
Yeah, I'm going to have to get busy.
OK. OK. Jeffy, you get four hookers on me and you get embroidered underwear.
They rob with a secret pouch to make your manhood look bigger.
You can put how many socks you want in it or whatever.
Steven Pearcey style, supposedly. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
And Rob did that. I was going to discuss it with Rob and Rob already done it.
He's like, oh, hell, yeah, I started when we talked before we talked about it.
Before he put Jay X embroidered on his underwear, he did the he did the pouch for him.
So so Rob, you're a good man.
You stick behind your people. You did him a solid.
So now he can walk around with an even bigger package.
And I understand he's he's not hurting as it is.
So so Jeffy X, thank you.
So, you know, the other day I was running around doing errands and also I go, Bink.
I'm like, hmm, what's that? Oh, shit. It's Jeffy X.
It's a dude. I just uncovered some peppermint stuff that failed.
Get the email in 10 minutes and then the email would disappear.
So I had to run to a FedEx copy thing, download it there, fucking print it out.
And then sure enough, just right after I got print out, Bink disappeared.
So I have the list of peppermint stuff that Jeffy X got us because Jeffy X fucking rules.
So the first one peppermint scented winter blend gasoline.
You know, they do summer blend and winter blend.
Yeah, I don't see a problem with that.
No, me neither. I think it would smell great. Right.
Yeah. You talk about being in the Christmas spirit.
You're putting in gasoline and smelling peppermint and I mean, you know, singing ho, ho, ho.
You know what? Yeah.
As you're spending $4 a gallon, something's got to put you in a good mood.
Yeah, that's right. It's a little peppermint coming out of the...
Little peppermint.
Yeah, out of the old gas hole. It would be great. Yeah.
So I don't know what their problem was with that.
I have no idea why they would turn that down.
But quite frankly, it's kind of disappointing that the American public would shun peppermint flavored winter blend gasoline.
So, okay. All right.
The next one, and this is a perfect one too, and I was ready to buy some,
but then I realized this is a bad list that they didn't make.
You know, they did some focus groups and other stuff.
And then next thing you know, they discontinued it before it began.
So, peppermint flavored shoe inserts.
What the hell's wrong with that?
You know, you're working all day, your feet are a little sweaty, maybe not smell the best.
Peppermint, right?
That's perfect.
Yeah, you take your shoes off and go, mmm, mmm, mmm. Man, smell that.
I mean, after being on your feet all day, everybody gets a little bit, I swear to you.
Yes. Peppermint flavored shoe.
I don't care who you are. You get at least a little bit.
That's right.
It'll cover that. Come on.
Yeah, people would like, go ahead and take your shoes off. It smells great.
They wouldn't be like, dude, keep your shoes on, please.
They'd be like, go ahead, man.
Yeah.
You have the peppermint insults? You're fine.
Take them off all you want.
Yeah, I thought that was a good idea.
Yeah, I thought so too. So, yeah.
I don't know. I don't know what's wrong with the American public.
Why they said no. I don't have answers on that.
I'm just disappointed that we're not going to have peppermint flavored shoe insults.
So, okay.
The next one.
I think I agree with this one, Rob, as much as I like to motherfuck everything.
Peppermint flavored lasagna failed.
I think I get it.
No.
Yeah.
I mean, the only thing I could think of is, you know, sometimes they put parsley on lasagna.
It's like a breath thing. It's supposed to make your breath smell better.
That's where the idea of parsley came on food.
It's supposed to make your breath smell better.
Well, I mean, they could put a little peppermint flakes on top of it instead of parsley, maybe, right?
No.
No? Okay, all right. Well, then we'll just leave that one right there.
Stick with the parsley.
Okay, all right. We'll stick with the parsley.
Next one.
Peppermint flavored distilled water.
I mean, you know, if you got to use, like I use distilled water in my humidor for cigars.
You have to use it because if not, it will cause a fungus.
Regular water will cause a fungus on the cigars.
So, I think the distilled water smell like peppermint is fine with me.
I mean, I wouldn't mind that.
Yeah?
Yeah, why not?
So, but you know what? The public that was in on this, they turned it down.
They said, no, we do not want peppermint flavored distilled water.
So, yeah, I don't know what to say.
I'm kind of flabbergasted like you guys are.
I know you guys are standing there with your mouth open going, what?
So are we.
I know a few people who actually drink it.
Yeah, yeah, why not?
Take a couple gulps of that. Be a man, man.
What?
Hell yeah.
So, anyhow, we're not going to get it.
So, next one, peppermint flavored dish soap.
Again, everything smells like peppermint. You're happy.
Oh, no.
We got women.
Yeah, this is a tough crowd.
Whoever they went up against on this, it's a tough crowd.
Yeah, they're like, no dish soap, no shoe insults, no gasoline.
Lasagna, we kind of see.
I mean, I don't know.
Really, really, yeah, we're just not going to get them.
I'm sorry, guys.
I didn't mean to tease you like that.
And then you're like, oh, my God, peppermint flavored dish soap sounds great.
You're not going to get it.
It was turned down, denied.
So the next one, and I love this one, peppermint flavored billy clubs.
Now think about it, OK?
There's a guy running from the cops, right?
He just broke in, did a smashing grab, right?
He's running down the road and they're like, you know, you see him on that P.D.
Patrol live and all those shows, right?
OK, so they're running down the road and they have to smack him with a club to get him to fucking lie down, right?
Well, wouldn't it make him in a better mood if he smelled peppermint after they blasted him with a club?
Right?
Yeah.
Or do you think that's too?
The only problem I see with that is wouldn't the peppermint act kind of like a smelling salt?
So you knock them out and then it automatically wakes them up from the scent.
You know what?
Maybe that's what the crowd that did the focus group was thinking is.
They're like, you know what, we'll need this guy waking back up.
So you know what?
Forget it.
We just got to whack him again.
Yeah, you know what?
You're right.
OK, it's a never ending process.
You know what?
You're right.
And not only that, but the peppermint may make the cops in a better mood and they may let him go.
Yeah, they may be like, you know, Merry Christmas.
We know you just killed five people and did a smash and grab at the jewelry store.
But you know what?
We know that you erred and everybody's human.
So Merry Christmas.
So you might have a point there.
That could happen.
This next.
We leave that one up to the officers.
You know what?
You're right.
If they want peppermint flavored Billy Clubs, then that's fine.
That's fine.
They should have that right.
I think everyone these PD stations, they should have peppermint flavored and non peppermint flavored Billy Clubs.
Would that solve it?
So if they want some peppermint flavored, they can just go grab one and go, you know what?
I'm in a festive mood tonight.
I'm going to get a peppermint one.
And some nights are like, you know what?
I'm fucking sick of this.
I want a regular set at Billy Club where I can just beat the shit out of people because that's what I want to do tonight.
So problem solved, right?
Yeah.
All right.
We are too good, Rob.
We are too good at this.
I mean, we just solve everything.
Comes on our desk.
We fucking get it through.
We do our job.
That's right.
Next one.
Peppermint flavored shock collars.
How can you go wrong with that?
Someone getting the shit shocked out of him or a dog or something.
And they smell peppermint.
So it's not as bad.
They call them down.
They'd be like, oh, fuck.
Oh, is that peppermint?
Yeah, that still hurts, but that's peppermint.
And I don't care.
I don't.
You can do whatever you fucking chop my balls off.
It's fine.
I smell peppermint.
Yeah.
But no, no, no.
The next one I love, because this can target people to get you that, you know, like you
need a certain demographic.
Peppermint flavored vaccines.
Right?
I could see that.
Yeah.
You know, you got some people that are kind of like, I don't know if we want to do another
vaccine or not.
I don't know.
Well, we already did a couple of jabs.
I'm not sure if we need any more.
And then the nurse breaks out with their peppermint flavored.
First in line right here.
Right?
Yeah.
Again, solving the problems.
It comes on our desk.
It gets through to the other side.
That's just the way we roll, boys.
That's the way we roll.
You're welcome, America.
Right, Rob?
Yes.
You're welcome.
We do this because we care.
All right.
They got to rethink the peppermint in-soles.
I know.
That is a great idea.
I'm going to write Dr. Scholes and say, hey, look, don't ask how I found this out, but
I know what you guys did.
I know that, you know, you're going to come out with peppermint flavored shoe insoles.
Do it.
I challenge you to do it.
Let's both break it up and email.
You want to do it?
You want to do one too?
Yeah.
I'll be.
I'll add one in.
I'll go a step further.
Everybody out there in podcast land, send Dr. Scholes a message and encourage them to
continue on the peppermint flavored shoe insoles program.
So the next one.
Oh, I agree with this one, Rob.
Peppermint flavored squid.
Something's got to help it.
Yeah.
The squid ain't doing it for me on its own.
That's for fucking sure.
Yeah.
Well, I can't stand seafood anyhow.
I think I told this story before, but anyhow, I think I did last podcast actually, but anyhow,
I can't, yeah.
I don't like seafood anyhow, so it doesn't matter to me, but if I did, it would not be
squid.
So all right.
Next one.
Peppermint flavored sushi.
Something's got to make that garbage smell good and edible, right?
Yeah.
That's what I say.
Yeah.
Okay there.
All right.
It's not my choice of food.
No.
Nope.
Me neither.
My opinion.
And last, but not least, and I love this idea, and I think it might've been Pandora that
came up with the idea and then mixed it.
Peppermint flavored two douchebags in a microphone winter episodes.
Oh, come on.
I know.
I think it was Pandora that brought it up, and they were all gung ho with it, and then
they did a couple of focus groups and people said, no, we want our two douchebags in a
microphone.
We want it regular Senate.
So I mean, I really loved it at least on one winter episode.
You know what?
Hang on.
Hang on, Rob.
How about next Saturday after we do our Buffalo Pepsi challenge, why don't we go ahead and
do a peppermint flavored episode?
Just on our own.
All right.
Okay.
You know what, guys?
We're getting a peppermint flavored episode next Saturday.
So we'll let you know.
That way you can scratch and sniff it wherever you're listening to us, your car, at work,
at home.
Okay.
So we'll let you know.
That way you can sniff us and smell the peppermint.
Does that sound reasonable, Rob?
Oh, let's make it happen for our fans.
All right.
We're going to make it happen for our fans.
Next Saturday, peppermint flavored two douchebags in a microphone special heartwarming winter
Christmas episode.
You're welcome, America, again.
Again.
We give.
That's what we do.
We give.
Yeah.
So that rounds off the list, Rob.
And real quick, while we are all on Dr. Pepper's and stuff like that, I'll go ahead and cap
this segment off real quick.
Wendy's is looking to make everyone's hump day a little more enjoyable for the rest of
the year.
Starting November 8th, the fast food chain is offering customers a free six piece chicken
nuggets with any purchase every Wednesday for the rest of 2023.
The company announced last Wednesday.
Whether you like your nuggets classic or spicy paired with one of our savory dipping sauces
are perfectly plain.
Wendy's chicken nuggets deliver with 100% white meat chicken breaded to crispy perfection.
Now this is some holiday cheer we can all get behind a release on their website said
how to get Wendy's free McNuggets or not McNuggets.
They wouldn't be McNuggets.
Wendy's free chicken nuggets.
The deal is available only via Wendy's app or online ordering.
Customers can also redeem the offer by scanning the digital Wendy's rewards offer card and
the code in the restaurant.
So if you want free nuggets chicken nuggets the rest of the year every Wednesday go to
Wendy's buy you a soda small soda whatever and you got free nuggets.
So and and they're pretty good too.
I mean but the main thing is is the word free.
So anyhow let's take a slow break.
Let's take a slow break and Rob I think you had a segment you're going to go into didn't
you we talked about yesterday.
Yeah.
I think it might have been a hygiene or something old west hygiene or was it American no it
was American songwriter.
Yeah American songwriter.
And then followed closely by Asshole Hair Olympics.
We will be.
Well you also want another homework assignment for the night also.
Yes I was going to get to that on the next segment.
Yes you know what.
Let's go.
Well let's do the surprise segment when we get back.
OK.
All right.
OK.
We will be right back in a couple of minutes.
Hello.
This is Satan.
You might know me from my pet name inflation.
I'm going to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to two douchebags
and microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I burned that day.
Enjoy.
Next up things over heard in.
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Stupid fuck sack come to me.
You talk stupid.
You know let me go.
Smell like sack of shit.
He's big talk all over.
I remember smacking balls.
I use shit sack.
Shit sack lie on ground.
I walk off.
Thank you smacking the balls.
You saved me from smelly smelly spit.
Well I had this stupid son of a bitch come around me.
He would not shut his fucking yap or for nothing.
He gets up on me and he talks all stupid.
And I didn't know what to do.
I could not shake this motherfucker like a booger.
Then I remember smacking the nuts.
I pulled out old smacking the nuts and that motherfucker went down like a sack of fucking
potatoes.
Thank you smacking the nuts.
You saved me once again from stupid motherfuckers.
Smacking the nuts.
I couldn't leave home without it.
And I'm Rob.
Alright.
I had an assignment and we both had an assignment the other day that we have completed.
And this is playful.
This is not mean spirited.
Not trying to hurt anybody.
No not being mad at them.
Just say sorry.
Yeah yeah a little ha ha.
You know shits and giggles.
He he's.
All that okay.
One famous person gets a flick in the balls.
One famous person gets a yank on the nipple.
And one famous person gets a playful bite on the ass cheek.
So Rob I look to you and who did you pick and why for a flick in the balls.
Caitlyn Jenner.
If you remember right.
Yes.
On the episode where we could stop time.
I wanted to see I have yet to find out so I'm going to flick it.
I gotcha.
You want to find out if the deal was done right.
Yeah I want to know if he went all the way or not.
Or if he pushed out and said no I'm going to keep the fucking dang good joint.
Yeah yeah yeah.
I'm going to keep the farm animal you know.
Yeah you know what because he's not very specific on whether he kept the farm animal or not
right.
Yeah.
Yeah so okay.
Mine is Jamie from Progressive.
He just looks he looks like he needs a flick on his balls doesn't he.
He looks like he'd like it.
He may like it yes.
But I'm going to wear a couple of gloves okay.
And I'm going to make sure that there's other people around when I do it.
And then.
Yeah you definitely will.
I'm going to flick him in the balls and I'm going to leave.
No explanation.
Sound fine.
Sound right.
I think that's the way to do it.
Sound good to me.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Next.
The yank on the nipple.
Who does it go to and why Rob?
O'Virra.
Another great one.
Okay.
Well.
She's allegedly gay.
So I don't think she'd mind.
I know I wouldn't.
Yeah you know what.
Why not.
You know.
She was a child her.
Her job.
You know what and she's a she's too old to like really hurt you when she hits you.
Yeah.
So it's a win win.
I like your thought process Rob.
I think that's great.
Mine.
The yank.
On the nipple goes to Vince from Sham Wow.
Remember him.
I like that one too.
I think it'd be funny just go up and go.
Yo man what you doing?
Yanking your fucking nipple Vince.
What you gonna do about it?
Yo man.
I don't know.
Oh yeah.
Yeah shut up Vince.
Here.
I think he would be a great candidate for a nipple yank.
Yeah.
He would.
Yeah.
He would.
But then you calm him down you know.
And you give him a I don't know a bowl of pasta or something you know whatever.
Half a watermelon.
Whatever.
You know whatever Vince likes.
So alright.
Next bite on the ass cheek.
Who and why?
I think I.
I.
This is the one that I had this thought about.
Me too.
I had to go with Uncle Cy Robertson.
From Dark Dynasty.
Just because.
You don't have to explain that to me.
His reaction would be hilarious.
Exactly.
I already understood that before you even said it Rob.
Yeah his reaction would be classic.
Hell and tarnation is going on back there.
Who and the devil is biting my ass cheek?
Wow this shit ain't right.
I best go get me something and protect my ass.
Alrighty.
Mine bite on the ass cheek goes it's a tie between two people.
Dustin Hoffman.
I have no reason for it all.
I don't know why I want to bite him on the ass cheek but I do.
I can understand that.
Maybe it's just a reaction like you said.
Maybe it's that.
But I think it would be fucking fantastic to run up there, fucking yank his trousers
down and then run off.
But he probably has that old person stench too.
So he needs peppermint underwear.
He needs peppermint underwear.
What were you saying?
I said you know Uncle Si would need.
Oh God yeah Uncle Si, his fucking ball gravy roux.
And then the tie is with Dustin Hoffman and Jake from State Farm.
Jake from State Farm is needed.
Where's the other name?
Either.
Either?
Either.
Either one.
If your name is Jake from State Farm you get an ass bite.
A playful bite on the ass cheek.
So alright Rob.
So if you're sitting in a State Farm office you better be watching to see if your name
is Jake or not.
If your name is Jake you better fucking watch out for your ass cheeks because they're in
a good bit.
And it's nothing personal we love you.
Yeah.
It's all up to us.
It needs to happen.
So alright great assignment Rob.
Thank you for pulling through and getting that done.
Very prompt man.
I actually kind of liked that one.
I did too.
We're going to do more of them.
It's going to be a regular segment.
So alright Rob we turn to you.
You had a very interesting list you told me about after the show last night.
I'm ready to hear it.
And I think so is America and surrounding countries all over.
Well it is and another American songwriter.
I tell you what I cannot pick my favorite between this and Old West Hygiene.
Both of them are so fucking good.
So anyhow.
Okay this one is four classic rock songs that play backwards for eerie messages.
I bet I already did but go ahead.
The first one I'm So Tired The Beatles.
In the mid-1960s there was a rumor that Paul McCartney had died and had been replaced by
a body double.
That idea was confirmed when people listened to certain songs from the band played backwards
including I'm So Tired which seems to have John Lennon saying I miss him.
Other songs like Strawberry Fields also send that message.
Like Lennon saying I buried Paul O.
Okay number two.
They're Away to Heaven.
There are long-bent rumors about web-weapon guitarist Jimmy Page being into the occult.
He lived in Alistair Crowley's house.
He lived in Alistair Crowley's old home.
He admitted he was in the occult and he was a heroin addict.
And his suspecting fans needed any more evidence.
Allegedly on all that.
Allegedly.
All they needed to do was play the group's famous hit Stay Away to Heaven backwards to
hear Reed sing a Robert Plant song lyrics like Oh Here's to My Sweet Satan.
Yes it goes drink a whiskey in a cup.
Here's to my sweet Satan.
And then it goes on to some other stuff that is not so legible that they claim they say
but I've never heard what they actually say.
I've listened to that backmasking.
I've listened to some of the Beatles.
The Beatles one that they're talking about in specific is clear as day.
It was meant to be in there.
Paul is a dead man.
I miss him so.
Yeah.
And that's not in just one song.
That's in three songs.
And it's plain as day.
Ringo Starr recently came out not too long ago and said that Paul McCartney was replaced
by that cop up in Canada and then he did die.
But I find that hard to believe.
How can you find someone who looks like him and can sing and has the musical talent like
him?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Maybe it's Ringo just trying to stir up shit.
But I've always had trouble believing that even though how kind of weird and cool it
is.
Especially being a teenager, you know, and seeing this stuff.
But anyhow, go ahead with your list.
I'm getting sidetracked.
I'm sorry.
No, you're fine.
You're fine.
It's a short list anyway.
Okay.
Number three.
665 by Soundberg.
What does that say in it?
The Seattle-born Grounds band.
Soundberg offers an interesting song to this list.
Their track 665, which of course is one new more after Devilish 666.
Yeah, we used to tease around and call it neighbor of the beast.
Includes the backwards lyrics.
Santa is king.
Hail Santa.
Not quite hail Satan, but maybe that's why the band titled it 665.
You know what they were doing was they were making fun of backmasking.
I love that.
That's what it sounds like to me.
I was a huge Chris Cornell fan, even his solo stuff.
And he did have a sense of humor.
And I could see him and Kim Thal and all those guys getting together and going, ha ha ha.
Let's not do Satan, let's do Santa.
I think it's brilliant.
I love it.
And I'm going to have to YouTube it and listen to that.
I love that.
Go ahead, Rob.
And number four.
Finally.
Okay.
Another one bites the dust by Queen.
What does that say?
I'm not sure if I ever knew that one.
This energetic hit from the British-born rock band Queen also includes a secret message.
It's dastardly if you believe cannabis is the devil's weed.
Like some.
Indeed, some man, Freddie Mercury sings backwards.
It's fun to smoke marijuana.
Oh, I did.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It's in words like Boyle.
He said it's a little more to decipher, but it's definitely there.
That's one of them that they say is there, but I'm not so sure it is.
I think they're stretching a bit, but it's when he's going, you know, bite the duck day.
You know how he does that on that song.
He's just doing his Freddie stuff.
He's making noise.
He's making sound.
It sounds good.
I'm not so sure that's in there.
That could have been a byproduct of not really speaking anything and just speaking song.
You know, so very well, but who knows?
Anyhow, anyone that did back masking was actually brilliant because what they did was teenagers
like me went home, spun the record backwards and ruined them and then had to buy another
one.
And then you told friends, hey, I heard this message in here.
They're like, oh, bullshit.
And then you play it for them.
And then you're on the hook for another record.
It was brilliant.
Brilliant.
I went through tons of.
I went through.
We all do.
We all did.
We didn't have YouTube or anything like that back then in the 80s to to, you know, go,
hey, YouTube, I want to hear the back masking of Led Zeppelin.
Pink takes you there because you can do that right now.
All this back masking, the Pink Floyd one, ELO.
Let's see.
Music is reversible.
Time is not.
Turn back.
That's ELO.
Pink Floyd.
Congratulations.
You have found our back masking.
You win a car or something like that or you win something.
I forgot exactly what it was.
There's been a lot of groups making fun of back masking that have came out like clearcut
messages that they that they did put in there.
So anyhow, pretty cool.
Cool, Rob.
I like that a lot.
So yeah, I liked it too.
Cool.
So we got this little hairy asshole Olympics thing hanging in the air here.
We got to start working on.
We begin a little lazy on it.
So Rob, you have the list.
So would you like to?
Well, OK.
I have my list somewhere.
Go ahead and start with your list.
I've got two of yours.
I've got two.
Well, just read off your list and I'll read off mine.
I have it here.
I found it the other day.
I just got to find it.
So while you're doing that, I'm going to be pilfering through my shit and find my list.
Oh, I found it right there.
No more pilfering.
I got it.
There you go.
See just like that, it's solved.
All right.
Still, Rob, go ahead.
OK, first off, I'm going to fill in my actual final contestant of the original number two.
Before we add others.
OK.
Robin Williams.
OK.
Who's he going against?
Well, your final one.
Zach Galifianakis.
I'm going to have to go with Zach.
That fucking that hair on his face and his chest is unbelievable.
Actually, I'm thinking.
I read what Topher might say on this.
You want to?
I think it would have to do with age.
OK.
You know what?
We're going to I'm going to send that to Topher.
No, no.
I'm going to go with Zach too.
Oh, OK.
All right.
Zach.
Because of Robin Williams.
Well, plus Robin is no longer with us.
But still, his age.
OK.
All right.
Zach G gets the first round there.
All righty.
Next up.
How about Hank?
Hank Jr. versus Rob Zombie.
I have a couple of more.
But anyhow.
Yeah, I know you do.
I'm going to think Rob Zombie.
Because Hank is quite a bit older.
I think his asshole hair is probably falling out too.
And I think Rob Zombie is in his prime.
He's got hair everywhere.
And also, I go back to dreads like you do.
Yeah.
All right.
So Rob Zombie takes that one.
OK.
Next one.
Mick Foley.
One against you.
Tofer.
So do you want to bring out a wild card to go against him?
Or do I want to?
I got one more wild card.
You got a wild card you want to throw against Mick Foley?
Or you want me to do it?
Well, I'm sure I'm deeper.
So I guess I need to.
OK.
Let's go Mr. Bob Marley.
Oh.
Let's go back to the dreads.
Oh, wow.
You know what?
I'm willing to give this one to Tofer.
I am in a standstill on this.
I don't know who to go for.
Because Mick Foley has got hair everywhere.
But Bob Marley has dreads.
What do you think?
What's your take?
Yeah, I think we're going to have to hand that one to Tofer.
All right.
OK.
Bob Marley versus Mick Foley.
OK, and that goes to Tofer.
All right.
OK.
Now, we're going to have to talk off the air about how
we're going to introduce them to the other ones and all that.
We'll figure out a schedule how to start battling them
against each other.
We can talk that out in a little bit
after we get done with this podcast.
I've got several different ideas of how we can do it.
We can even introduce some more people
if you want to do another crop or if you
want to gather everything that we've done together
and then have them face off and come up
with like two or three winners to go against everybody else.
We can do that.
So all right, that is this edition
of Asshole Hair Olympics.
One of them's up in the air.
It's going to go to Tofer and he will make the deciding vote.
And so let's take us a little break and.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
You look like you smell like cheese.
Oh, shit.
What's that over there?
Oh, no.
It's island of horrible jokes.
Ugh.
It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's harder to deter gents.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Somewhere in the heavens, your great Grammy Gertrude
is crying because her little Bebo is listening to this film.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
The brand new Kale Cola started selling nationwide yesterday.
Wow.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Garlic mustard could and should be a go to food
during an apocalypse.
Garlic mustard is plentiful everywhere.
It is actually an invasive weed.
But it can be very delicious and easily taken
from about any pasture.
Garlic mustard can be stewed or even pan fried
for delicious taste.
It can also be added to other ingredients,
whether it's a salad or any other type of food
to enhance it.
Garlic mustard should be a go to staple during the apocalypse.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum.
Two douche bags and a microphone.
Hello, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Did you read or hear about the Tyreke Hill story,
what he did in Germany?
No, I didn't.
I actually love this Rob.
Tyreke Hill, he goes undercover to surprise chiefs fans
in Germany.
People had no idea who he was.
He wore a really good disguise.
Look it up online.
There's actual video because he had to film some of it.
Tyreke Hill still holds some warm feelings
towards his former team, the chiefs and their fans.
Before last week's game between the Dolphins and the Chiefs
kicked off in Frankfurt, Hill decided
to surprise a lucky chiefs fan on the streets who
was in town for the game.
But he did this to a few people, not just this one guy.
The seven time pro bowler dressed in a disguise,
which included a long wig, mustache, and beard.
He even spoke in a different accent
so fans wouldn't suspect him.
He went around to various fans wearing chiefs attire
on the street asking if they would
be interested in being in an NFL video.
Many fans turned him down without knowing
whose invitation they were declining.
Then one fan accepted the challenge.
The fan admitted that Hill was the number one player
on his fantasy team.
Once the fan named a multitude of famous athletes
based on their photo, Hill took off his disguise
and completely shocked the fan.
He thanked him for all the fantasy points the fan did.
Hill currently leaves NFL with 1,076 receiving yards
and 8 receiving touchdowns through nine games.
But he got none of them against the chiefs
and he only got 60 yards.
And he gave up the fumble for the touchdown.
But despite the great year Hill is having,
the chiefs got the better of him and the Dolphins.
On Sunday, winning 21 to 14, the ex-wife of late,
oh wait a minute, that's a different story, shit.
Okay.
Shit, it got me, man.
It folded over and I'm like, hey.
And then I'm like, wait a minute, oops.
All right.
So I love that.
I think that's great.
How do they say who's ex-wife?
No, this is an interesting story here if you want to hear it.
You know that Jamie Lane of Orant, he's dead now,
but when he was alive, I guess,
well it would have had been when he was alive.
He was like drugged and raped by his producer,
is what Bobby Brown says, his former wife.
The ex-wife of late Orant frontman, Jamie Lane,
has said the vocalist told her that he was drugged and raped
by a member of a heavy metal band
and their manager early in his career.
The model and author who appeared in the video
for Orant's 1990 hit single, Cherry Pie,
was speaking with Fox News about her new book,
Cherry on Top, Flirty Forty Somethin' and Funny as Fuck
is what the name of the book is.
So anyhow, the website pointed to her comments
that Lane could have used the Me Too movement
if it had been around prior to his death in 2011.
Brown replied, at the moment he admitted he was drugged
and raped by a member of a famous heavy metal band
and their manager, it was devastating to hear.
He admitted this before his death.
So that could be why he was so tortured.
He really was.
He could not get off alcohol and drugs
and despite all his success and everything,
he was a miserable person
and this would explain a lot of that.
So find it interesting that that went on.
I would like to know what famous heavy metal band that was
and who did it.
It would be nice to know.
That would be interesting to know.
Yeah, yeah.
So, yeah, yeah.
That one kinda caught me off guard when I read it.
I'm like, what?
Really?
So anyhow, while we're speaking music,
during an appearance on Yesterday,
this is a couple weeks ago,
and this would be the Halloween episode
of Sirius XM's Trunk Nation with Eddie Trunk,
Motley Crue guitarist Mick Mars
was asked why the songs he recorded back in 2016
with former Motley Crue singer John Carrabbi
are not including in his upcoming debut solo album,
which me and Davey are fuckin'.
Man, we heard some of that stuff and we really liked it.
And we were hopin' that the stuff with John Carrabbi
would come out on Mick Mars' album
because I love the stuff they did with John Carrabbi.
I would not call it Motley Crue.
It's not Motley Crue.
But it's like, it was three members of Motley Crue
with John Carrabbi.
But it was a great band, they sounded great.
So I was really anxious to hear this music
and they put out some snippets like six years ago,
seven years ago, and then I watched John Carrabbi
down at the scene nightclub in Independence,
and he had a little question thing in between songs.
He said, you know, you guys got a question for me?
Just ask.
And he goes, I'm sick and tired
of talkin' about the Mick Mars thing.
He goes, last I knew, it was all up to him.
I recorded everything I was supposed to do.
And he is supposed to put the finishing touches on it.
But he said, I have not heard anything else from him.
So, I don't know.
So, anyhow, okay, it's not included in his new album
comin' up, The Other Side of Mars.
Mick said, as transcribed by Blabbermouth,
I felt the songs were just a little not strong enough.
And there's a certain person that kind of interfered
with that, and I'm not gonna say his name,
but he kinda like messed some things up.
The songs were wrong, parts in there
that shouldn't be in there, and blah, blah, blah.
It isn't a long story, but it was kinda like,
this ain't gonna fly, so I shelved it.
Asked by host Eddie Trunk to clarify
that it was a third party who was involved
in the project, not Karabi, who kinda mucked it up.
Mick said, yeah, I was kind of duped.
That's all I have to say by a third party,
and that's it, that's all.
I got rid of him and went on and searched for other people.
I mean, look, I found Michael Wagner after a while.
He lives just down the street.
I'm really happy and satisfied with the album.
And he really did not offer that much more
about John Karabi, and I don't quite understand
why he wouldn't wanna work with John Karabi.
I mean, it kinda almost seems like he doesn't wanna
work with him, doesn't it?
Yeah.
I don't know why, so that's too bad,
because I view John Karabi, from what I know,
and can see, and heard, and listen to him,
as a pretty decent dude.
So, oh, whatever, I guess we probably won't get
any music like that, it doesn't sound.
So, I just hope that Mick does a little tour.
I will go see him wherever, he lives in Nashville.
If he would do one in Nashville,
I would fly to Nashville in our flight,
no problem, and go see him there.
So come on, Mick, love to see ya.
Don't wanna see you.
Or you could hit the filthy bean while we're there.
Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we have to, oh my God.
Yeah, I bet he's getting a lot of stuff with us.
Rick is, Rick is, I talked him off the ledge the other day,
he said, man, he said, everything was going so good,
and I said, look, we gotta get some logistic stuff
figured out, but we will be there.
So, he said, okay.
Oh, and he's still pissed off about the chocolates.
I know, he said something about that, he said,
if I buy you guys a stay at the Omni again,
well, he gets them on points, he doesn't buy them,
he hasn't, but he said, if you guys touch
my fucking chocolates, that's it.
I promised him, Rob, you and I cannot touch his chocolates
like me and Topher did.
I didn't know that was gonna upset him so bad,
because he said, you bring the chocolates to me.
Okay, okay, I'll bring my own.
I'll bring my own, too, I didn't know it bothered him that.
So bad, so Rick, I know you'll listen, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry about the chocolates, I can't rewind what I did,
all I can do is go forward very humbly and tell you,
I'm sorry and it'll never happen again.
The chocolates are your chocolates, and every day
I will harvest them from the pillow when I come in the room.
Right?
And you haven't even met me yet,
you gotta give me a chance.
Yeah, yeah, come on, that was me and Topher.
Come on, be fair about this.
Yes, come on, now Rob has never stolen
any of your chocolates like me and Topher have.
So we beg you to please give Rob a chance.
Rob would have smacked me in the head and said,
no Mark, don't take the man's chocolates.
Me and Topher, we have no control,
we just grabbed him and started munching.
So, so there you go, it won't happen again.
He doesn't believe me.
He thinks I'm gonna eat his fucking chocolates,
you know this.
Well, we'll see what happens.
Okay, all right.
Well Rob, you got anything you want to say?
Any stories you wanna?
Yeah, I got another little story, actually.
Yeah, yeah, anyway.
All those scientists may debate Topper
for generations to come.
Thousands of fans who gather at the Golden Gate Theater
on Sunday, November 6th, all agree on the exact year
when mankind began its de-evolution, 1973.
Okay.
That was the birth year of Devo.
One of the strangest and most influential bands
to ever have done matching yellow jumpsuits.
I agree with that 100%, Devo ruined America.
Now in their 50th year, the band best known
for their 1980 single Whippit has finally decided
to hang up the red energy dome helmets in retirement.
Oh, they are?
Okay, so.
At least until a 100 year reunion plan for 2073.
Okay, well, all right, we'll see them in 2073 then.
The band's farewell tour stopped in San Francisco
for two shows this week,
packing the 2,200 capacity Golden Gate Theater.
Wow.
That was it, yeah.
Cool.
All right, well.
They're finally hanging up their dome hats.
Well, it's not like they play that much anyhow, Rob.
No, no.
I mean, like a show a year or two, maybe three shows,
they don't tour.
They never have really been that big of tours.
They've always been kind of like a novelty.
So, you know, and they're cool.
I mean, they're not my cup of tea,
but I know people that legitimately like them
and like their music,
and there's nothing wrong with that.
It's just like them giving up tour and everything.
I don't know how that's that much different
than what they do now,
which is practically nothing music-wise.
They don't put out new albums.
They don't tour.
I guess they just decided to announce their retirement.
I don't know.
Until 2072.
So.
All right.
You know,
Baskin-Robbins has done something pretty interesting, Rob.
What?
Yeah.
They came up with an ice cream turkey
that you can buy for Thanksgiving.
Okay.
Yeah.
Canton, Massachusetts, November 1st, 2023.
Bring the expected home in an unexpected way.
This Thanksgiving, starting November 1st,
Baskin-Robbins is bringing together
every single person that's going to be a part of it.
Baskin-Robbins is bringing together everything you love
about your favorite sides in its new flavor of the month,
Turkey Day Fixings.
Perfectly paired with the return
of the show-stopping turkey cake.
These limited time offerings are sure to make you
the talk of the table.
All month long, sink your spoon into side dish bliss
with Turkey Day Fixings' surprising combination
of sweet potato and autumn spice ice creams
mixed with honey cornbread, pieces of swirls
of ocean spray, cranberry sauce.
Whether you want to save your family
from your suspicious cast rules
or bring the main dish energy to friends giving,
the scoop will add something interesting
and delicious to your traditions.
Turkey Day Fixings, meld, mints together
all your favorite sweet and savory sides.
Sweet potatoes, cornbread, cranberry sauce.
So, not only can you buy a Turkey Day ice cream,
you know, it's an ice cream turkey,
and you know, the dark meat is gonna be chocolate,
the white meat's gonna be vanilla,
and everything in between is gonna be something,
another flavor, right?
Look it up if you have any questions, look it up online,
you can see exactly where they're going with this.
And I had no idea about the fixings
until I read the article.
That's pretty cool with the cornbread and the cranberry
and the sweet potato and all that in ice cream.
I think it sounds great, I mean,
why not go by there and get the fixings?
And if it's not too crazy priced,
an ice cream turkey would be fun.
You show up with that and you have the party in your fucking,
you have the party in your hands right there.
You know, Thanksgiving Day is kinda like,
okay, family kinda subdued, watch some football,
you bring that and you're the hero, right?
Oh yeah.
Yeah, people everywhere be like, oh geez.
I mean, you know, you might have that third cousin
from Poughkeepsie wanting to fucking give you a gum
or in the fucking closet after that, right?
Maybe.
All right then, well I think it's settled.
You go out and get a Baskin Robbins turkey with the fixings
and be the fucking hero.
And anyhow, let's see,
Krispy Kreme has come out with new fall flavors
and that's raspberry, pumpkin pie,
and some sort of peppermint chocolate mousse swirl.
All looks good, all looks great.
Krispy Kreme is still in the holiday game.
If you like Krispy Kreme stuff,
it looks like it's worth giving it a try.
Rob, do you have anything you want to say or add?
Yeah, I got a little story here.
All righty.
Out of Florida.
Okay.
A woman is devastated after a little 400 pound pig
had been confiscated.
Officials say they had to take it away from the owner
because it's severely obese and needs veterinary care.
I don't know what else to say about that.
They took pork chop away from me.
Said being hard, Kelly Jacobson.
The name is pork chop?
Her pork chop estimated that 400 pounds was run away
not easily by the animal carrier
and could fall on Thursday night during an eviction
in Northwood Village.
And it goes on to say Annette Rubisky runs a pet sanctuary
called Laughing Pig about two and a half hours away
in Central Florida.
She says pigs like pork chop can be helped.
So I guess she's gotta take pork chop in.
Okay.
All right.
I'm glad pork chop is being taken in.
Yes, yes.
All right, but only in Florida.
So.
That name kills me.
I know.
It's like, what were we naming?
I don't know, pork chop?
In honor of all your dead relatives that were slaughtered.
I don't know.
Well, you should have seen the owner.
Oh yeah.
I think truly, yeah.
I'll look it up.
I'll look it up and I'll send you.
You would understand the whole story when you see her.
I believe it.
All right.
Well, Rob, thank you for joining me once again.
Another fine podcast is ending.
Thank you guys for listening.
I think the next time around,
we might go into our new listener in Fort Scott.
We wanna know who you are.
Send us a message.
Fort Scott, Kansas.
I know who it is.
Oh, you do know?
I talked to that person today.
Okay, all right, forget it.
Forget it.
Yeah, Rob.
And I'll give him a shout out next time we.
Rob and I both saw it about the same time.
We're like, hey, hey,
someone in Fort Scott just fucking listened.
I knew it was one of two people.
I have family and friends in Fort Scott.
So yeah, that did.
You see, I didn't know that.
That's right.
So anyhow, all right, well, next podcast,
we can say hello to our new listener there.
Sound good?
Yeah, she said he's gonna listen to some more.
Okay.
Tell her to get on every computer she's around
and download all our shows on every one of them,
including grabbing cell phones from children.
I've already told her.
Okay, as long as she understands the rules.
She knows.
Okay.
All right, everybody, have a great night.
Thank you for listening.
Have a great night, everybody.
Have a good week.
This is Sunday to us.
Yes, so have a great week coming up.
Bye.
Ow!
Hey, where'd everybody go?
Where'd the douchebags?
Hmm.
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh geez.
Ugh, glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Whew, man, that smells.