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Alright, two douchebags and a microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Hey, thanks for joining us tonight. Rob and I, people that have been listening, know that we did a little experiment today, Saturday morning.
When this podcast airs, it will probably be tomorrow, Sunday, probably Sunday evening after I get off work or whatever.
Maybe Monday.
Yeah, somewhere in there. But anyhow, Saturday morning was our agreement to try buttered coffee.
And I think me and Rob have the same thing to prefer.
Well...
To be really honest, I threw most of it away and put in regular creamer. I did not care for it at all.
Well, what I did is I Googled a recipe for it, because I didn't know how to do it.
Oh, I put maple syrup in it to try to liven it up, deoak it with the butter.
Well, it was what I ran across.
When I Googled it, there was one that had four ingredients, one that had six ingredients, two more that had like eight.
I went, what the four ingredients?
Well, let me ask you this. Did you see the one...
I took one sip and dumped the rest out. But, I was using canned coffee.
Okay, that may be a difference, but I got another one for you, Rob. Did you read the one where you caramelized it like creme brulee?
That right there might hold some water.
Did mine have coffee, water...
Well, I didn't have time to caramelize mine. I did the easy one.
A little bit of oil, which is specified oil, and all I have is vegetable oil. That may have been whatever it was.
And it also mentioned cinnamon or whatever flavor.
Mine would not digest in the coffee, it was just a mess.
I don't think it's for me, but I might try the caramelized one that you take and you actually light it on fire like creme brulee.
The top of it with the oil and the butter and everything.
And it's supposed to caramelize it and give it a buttered toffee type of a feel to it.
But, you know what, that's going to take a little bit of time to do that.
And this morning I did not have time, I had to get to work.
And also I wasn't in the mood to even try it anyhow.
I'm like, I'm just going to throw some butter in the hot coffee, a little maple syrup, a little brown sugar, mix it up.
And it was horrible.
So, I might do the caramelized one and if I do, I'll let you know. I'll give everybody a full report on that.
Yeah, well I did write down, I listened to the last podcast about the coffee creamers.
Yes.
And I wrote down the last one, the chocolate one.
I won't get you a report on that. I'm going to try that one.
The chocolate one sounded really good, didn't it?
Oh, yeah.
Well, I'm actually going to make them all. I got these old fashioned milk bottles, you know, the ones that they used to deliver.
Yeah.
And then I have these other bottles that are really cool, that came from this place called, oh, in Key West, let's see, Better Than Sex dessert.
It's a dessert restaurant, it's nothing but desserts and it's called Better Than Sex.
I got these really cool bottles where they made their own, oh, what was it, shit.
Damn, I can't think of the flavors, but they were kind of like coffee flavors. I got a couple of them corked bottles and I'm just going to make like three or four of them and put them in those bottles.
And I think it'll be cool, so you and I can both have a report on that.
So, but anyhow, if anyone ever gets a chance to go to Better Than Sex, the dessert restaurant in Key West, do so.
Real interesting place.
They come out there and first thing they do is they ask you if you want a rimmer.
Okay, and you're kind of like, huh?
A rimmer is like where they spray hot chocolate or chocolate syrup all over the rim of your glass.
Okay.
Yeah, no, it's, you know what, I'll just get into it later, it's cool. I'll give a full report on that, but it's pretty cool.
Then they have these other things where like they partition off your table and it's like, it's almost like they bring erotic desserts there or something.
So, and I mean, it's an interesting place.
So if you ever get a chance to go there, but anyhow, I have some bottles from there that have corks on them and they're really cool.
They'll be great for something like homemade creamers.
So, anyhow.
So Rob, how has your weekend been so far?
Eh, it's getting better.
Okay, good.
Good.
I had to take the yesterday off.
Oh yeah?
Yeah, those days I hurt myself at work.
Oh, what'd you do?
Oh, well, I was drilling a hole in a piece of steel like a rope rest.
Yeah.
And the drill bit got hung up in the piece of steel.
Oh, yeah, I've had that happen.
The piece of steel starts going.
So I reached over with my left hand, which is my weak hand, thank God.
I grabbed my approximately eight pound shop hammer.
Uh-huh.
And I went to smack that, there's a two inch by six inch piece of steel, top right drill bit.
Uh-huh.
Misjudged my swing.
Oh.
Where'd you hit yourself?
My bottom knuckles hit the steel first with that hammer coming down on top of it.
Oh.
I woke up yesterday morning, my finger was bent, my middle finger, my forefinger was bent.
I could not straighten it out.
I could not see any of my knuckles.
Oh.
Yeah.
Well, I took yesterday off.
I couldn't handle a hundred pound piece of steel yesterday with one hand.
Yeah, I don't...
And my foreman understood.
Yeah, I'm sure he did.
It sucked without me, but he understood.
Oh, I mean...
Better meaning.
Yeah, no, it's not broke or nothing.
It's just going to take a few days to get better.
It's going to take a few days to get better.
I sit at night.
Oh, I've been soaking after the salt.
I've been doing everything.
Yeah, I've been doing everything.
Okay, good, good.
It's back to where I can use it.
Okay, good.
Good.
Well, I got this story from Florida that's interesting.
In Florida, there's an iguana alert going on.
You know what an iguana alert is?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
It's iguanas that freeze up because it gets too cold at night and they fall from the trees.
They hit people in the head.
They hit people's cars.
They damage property because these things are, you know, they're cold blooded.
They can't take this.
You know, they're reptiles.
And if it gets down below, I don't know, 35 or 32 or something like that, they freeze up and they fall out of trees.
You know, they go up to trees and try to keep away from people because they're real sluggish because of the cold weather.
And then they end up like, you know, freezing up too much and they can't control their bodies anymore and they fall.
So they had a frozen iguana alert for everybody around the areas that was the panhandle all the way to mid Florida, I believe, was this alert to watch out for frozen iguanas.
So anyhow, Jeffy X found out about this alert.
And you know Jeffy X did?
Oh, I love him.
Jeffy X.
Oh my God.
He gets three hookers now for me.
And what else are you knitting him?
Well, I was in boarding his name in a pair of underwear, but I'm going to have to go bigger than that.
Yes. Yes.
And I have my early bonus.
Also Rob, do him a little favor and put a little padding inside the underwear to make him look bigger.
Like they said like that.
Oh, I did. Who do you think I am?
Okay.
Oh, okay. Okay.
You know, like Stephen Persey said.
The underwear is done. I just say he keeps coming up with more.
So I've got to make Christmas better.
Stephen Persey of Rat supposedly had a pouch sewn into the inside of his spandex pants so he could stuff some socks down there and look bigger.
I don't know if that's true or not, but that's the rumor.
I heard that too.
Okay.
So, all right. So you already did for Jeffy X.
You already sewed him in that pouch.
Put him in a couple of socks.
Oh, it's already there.
Okay. Good. Good man.
Well, Jeffy X came up with a list of frozen things that failed.
And how he gets these things, I don't know. He's amazing, isn't he?
Just frozen things.
Yeah. Just things that they're trying to sell frozen and they failed.
Oh my God. I'm scared now.
Well, Jeffy X, he sent me this email right after I found the iguana story and I sent it to him.
Jeffy X said, hey, he goes, give me a couple of minutes.
And anyhow, he did some sleuthing and he found out frozen things that did not work.
So this is frozen things that didn't work.
Jeffy X always has done the products that have failed.
So, you know, like, and then the bad douche flavors and all that.
Jeffy X is our guy, you know, out there, out there sneaking into places and finding out this stuff.
So first one is frozen McRib on a stick.
McDonald's out there going to bring back McRib with a twist, I guess, right?
So it was a frozen, it was a frozen McRib piece of meat on a stick.
Kind of like a McRib popsicle, I guess, right?
Well, I don't know what's wrong with people, but that didn't fly.
Can you believe that, Rob?
Yeah, I can because...
Frozen asshole meat ground knife?
No, the McRib, I don't see what the big thing is.
I'm not a...
Used to be, it's just a goddamn cheap, hardly no sauce.
Yep, and the patties are like...
If you're lucky, they'll put pickle on it.
Uh-huh. A few onions, they used to have a ton of onions.
They used to have a ton of sauce.
I could go up to the frozen section in my local grocery store and buy better than that.
Yeah, I would agree.
Dude, that's my opinion, my opinion.
No, no, that's fine. You are welcome to your opinion, Rob.
And also another thing is, you can go get a rib-BQ, I think is what they call them, a quick trip.
Better, to me, it's better than a McRib anyhow.
So, anyhow, to me, the McRibs are like really, really stringy and chewy anymore.
I don't know if it's how they cook them or whatever, but I mean, I don't know.
It's like they put too much glue in the ground of asshole meat or something.
So, anyhow, number two that failed, frozen EpiPens.
You know, I think I could see that. I think I could see that, Rob.
You know? You're...
I think I could too, seeing how I know a few people that have to carry them.
Yes, I can see that. You know, there you are having an allergic reaction.
You're about dead. Your throat's swelled up.
How the hell are you supposed to expect this 12 hours before to thaw it out?
Well, I guess that's why it failed.
They didn't really think this through. They didn't really think this through.
Now they're at the EpiPen center. So someone got a bright idea, I guess.
It was like, hey, you know what? Let's do an EpiPen frozen.
Like a popsicle or like ice cream or something.
Well, it failed. I don't know if a couple of people died or whatever, but it failed.
So, I think I would have to agree with them on this, wouldn't you?
Oh, definitely.
Yeah, yeah. Number three, frozen iPhones.
No one wanted a frozen iPhone. I mean, wouldn't that be kind of neat?
You know, you go, hey, I got some popsicles in here. Oh, hey, I got my iPhone.
Hey, check out my frozen iPhone. Isn't that cool?
Well, as long as you ain't got to use it. As long as you got your good one.
Yeah, yeah. So frozen iPhone, I don't know why people didn't take to that.
But there's still no word on Androids.
Now, I do have to admit, if you freeze your good iPhone, you're just a dumbass.
Yes, yes. My opinion.
You know, there's no word on Android, so I don't know if anyone ever has any plans on freezing Androids, but I know it's a no to the iPhones.
So if I get word on Android, I asked Jeffy X, and he said that the Android question didn't even come up, so he has no answer to that.
So the frozen iPhone...
Maybe he can get back to us on that one.
Maybe so. So the frozen iPhone is a no. The Android, I don't know. I asked, and if he finds out, he'll let us know.
Alright.
Number four that failed was frozen cucumber salad.
I guess I could see that.
Really? Yeah.
Yeah, you know, little slices of cucumber, oil, onions, tomatoes, maybe some feta cheese. Yeah, yeah, I could see that.
I could see that being frozen would be a hindrance. I mean, kind of hard to bite off a chunk of frozen cucumber salad. I get it. I get it.
I guess maybe the intention was to put it in the ice cream section, in a tub, and have a frozen cucumber salad. Right?
Yeah.
So I think I get it. I think people are like, you know what, we'll just stick with the traditional, but thank you.
That's a feeling I got. What do you think?
Yeah, I agree. Definitely.
Yeah, I guess so.
Number five. There really ain't no argument for that.
No, no. I mean.
I see. That's my opinion.
No, no. I get it too. I get it too.
So, number five that failed, frozen nail polish.
Well, I mean, considering it has to be, I don't know, liquid to put on your nails, I guess I could see.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. That'd be like painting your walls with a popsicle.
Yeah. Good. Yeah. Okay. All right. I guess. I guess that's true.
I used to paint houses. That's how I come up with that reference.
Okay, then. You know what, Rob? I agree with you 100%.
Frozen nail polish, probably a bad idea.
Number six. Frozen pneumatic oil.
Okay. Again, I guess I could see that, you know, because pneumatic oil needs to go into what, a pneumatic jack or some sort of machinery, you know.
I use presses. Yeah, we use the machinery.
Yeah, it'd probably be kind of hard to put. No, it can't be frozen.
Yeah, you can't put it in the lines. That's true.
And then in the airlines, I mean, you imagine trying to put frozen pneumatic oil in the airlines.
You will ruin your machinery.
Okay. Well, then this was the right call there. Just being honest here.
I wonder how much machinery was ruined when they did the experiments.
I understand why that one got kicked out.
I think I do too. So far, I guess we agree with all of them then, so.
Yeah. Okay.
Number seven. Frozen bed linens.
You know, I mean, especially during winter, right?
You jump in, your bed linens are frozen.
And number one, they're, you know, they wouldn't be as comfortable, right? Because they're frozen and they're stiff.
And then on top of that, they're colder than hell, right? You're trying to sleep.
And then they melt and then they get wet.
So I guess frozen bed linens probably was a bad idea.
I like the idea.
You do? Well, go ahead, Rob. Why?
Me and you could nail Davey with that.
Hell yeah.
We could have some fun with that.
Yep. Yeah.
Hi, Davey.
I remember we used to put fucking live mousetraps in people's beds.
Oh, dude, we did every day.
Oh, shit. Yeah. People like find a bed and try to go steal it and snap, snap, snap, snap, snap.
We better watch it before we start discriminating ourselves.
You're right. That never happened. Just a joke.
Well, I think the statute of limitations.
Oh, in that case, we did it all the time and it was funnier than hell.
This is in the 80s. We're in 2023.
You're right. You're right.
Statute of limitations should be over for stuff like that.
They're either in jail or in prison. So yeah. So yeah.
We didn't do anything too bad.
No, no, we didn't. We didn't do things like, I don't know, like criminally bad.
We did some things that were horrible.
It's mischievous.
Very mischievous. Yes. Yes.
We were bored and we were entertaining ourselves. So, right. So it's okay.
That's it.
That's right. So I'm sticking with that.
Number eight. Frozen cantaloues.
Well, considering they are tropical, right?
Yeah.
And if you freeze them, they'll die, right?
Yeah.
Well, I guess probably they're right on that.
That's pretty much a lot of plants.
Okay. Well then that's what it is. That's what it is then.
The frozen, it wasn't like a bad idea to have a frozen cantaloues, but it kills them.
So I guess that got put on the shelf.
Number nine.
Oh, this one's interesting.
I don't know if Jeffy X put this in here as a joke or not,
but frozen two douchebags in a microphone podcast.
Hmm.
I don't know, Rob. I mean, you take a frozen version of this?
I love that idea.
Well, it failed. It failed. It's on our list.
Oh. That's what put us in cryogenic.
Yes. Yeah.
They could listen to us two, three hundred years from now.
You know what? I am going to try to shop that idea to other places.
Yeah. Come on, man.
I'm going to get a hold of Jeffy X and find out who originally tried this idea and then hid every other place out.
Yeah.
Well done. They've heard of us.
I couldn't believe it either. I'm like, wow, they heard of us. Okay, great.
Number 10, I think I agree with this 100 percent.
And Rob, if you can back me up or say no on this would be great.
Frozen jockstraps.
Hell no.
I think I agree with that. I think that that is probably a very bad idea.
Yeah, very bad idea.
I don't think it would go over very well.
So I agree. I think so far I agree with all of these except for our podcast in the frozen version.
I think our frozen podcast would do just as good as a regular one, don't you?
Yeah.
I mean, it would be like during the summer, people go, hey, hang on, hang on.
It's kind of hot out here, but I want to listen to two douchebags and microphone.
Let me get the frozen one.
I think it would be great. Frozen, non-frozen. We could even have like, I don't know, the two douchebags and microphone like maybe hot, like, you know, hot tea hot or something.
You know what? We'll figure that out.
Yeah, let's start about that.
Number 11, frozen teriyaki sauce.
Yeah, you know, because teriyaki sauce again has to be liquid form to pour it on whatever you're eating, right?
Yeah.
So I guess frozen teriyaki sauce would kind of defeat the purpose of what you use teriyaki sauce for, right?
Why exactly?
So I think I'm in agreement with that.
I'm not.
No, you want it?
Um, I have had many cheap meals that come with frozen teriyaki sauce. Egg rolls, for instance.
Oh, and you microwave them and it becomes great tasting. You know what?
It's not bad. It's not bad.
You know what? Maybe this is just a teriyaki sauce and not like the complete dinners.
No, it's probably somebody that never tried it.
That could be too.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right. Number 12, frozen ketchup.
Yeah, I guess I see that. I mean, although it would be kind of nice.
How would you like to make like a frozen ketchup ball and like throw it at people? Wouldn't that be great?
Okay, now that would be fun.
Yeah. So...
Eating it would be a little different.
All four frozen ketchup. Eating it, no. But to make a little ketchup snowball and smack someone in the face with it, priceless.
I would buy a ton of frozen ketchup just to smack people in the face with it.
That'd be great.
I'm in. I'm in.
You know what? Let's freeze ketchup and then let's have a ketchup snowball fight down on the plaza. We'll film it.
I'm coming up. End of the year.
Yeah.
Christmas, New Year, summer around there. Yeah. Let's do it.
Let's just smack people in the face with frozen ketchup.
With our t-shirts with our names on it.
Yes. Oh, so many people listen after that. They're like, man, I love these guys.
You know what they did? They smacked me in the face with a frozen ketchup ball. Man, I can't put the podcast down now. I love these guys.
And finally, number 13, frozen hummus.
Well...
Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.
You know what? Hummus has got that texture that if you freeze it, it'll pry fucking up. So I think I would have to agree with that.
Yeah. That's all it did. I don't mind hummus. But like you said, once you put that, it would mess it all up.
Yeah. And we would love to thank Jeffy X for all of these because that guy is awesome.
He went to Batforce, found us the most late breaking news and products that failed.
I mean, always fucking hitting the street, finding the stuff, uncovering the stories. That guy is just gold.
So like I said, now I'm up to three hookers and I'm buying him and Rob already made him a pair of underwear with a secret pouch on the inside stuffed with a sock.
And that way, you know, we can make him look a little bit better out in public.
Every guy needs that.
Yes. I don't care how big you are. You'll always take the extra attention, right?
Yeah.
Yeah. So, yeah. So he's got a little Steven Pearcey pouch on the inside of his underwear, thanks to Rob.
Did you sew socks in there or are you going to let him determine on how big he wants to be?
Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It, yeah. I made it go down the pant leg to the knee.
No, it's boxes. They go down the waist. I helped him out, dude.
Oh my God. You know, hang on, hang on, hang on. I'm getting something. I'm getting something. Hang on.
Hang on. Oh, it's not Jeffy X. It's your brother. Jeffy X can't hear us yet because this podcast hasn't been posted.
Yeah.
But I've got something from your brother when we come back. We are going to read it. I got a little email from him.
Yeah, I know you did.
Okay. It's a proper way to listen to two douchebags in a microphone. I could not agree more.
But a little later on in the show, we have Rasslin' News with Rob, his very first episode.
And this is, we're taking, I forgot his name, last week's email.
Oh, sure. Yeah.
He is doing one match, concentrating on that, and he's going to break the match down, tell you what happened, and it's going to be like the match of the week or whatever.
That's coming up, and I suggest you guys hang around and listen to that because it is a brand new segment that we're very proud of, and it's simply just called Rasslin' News.
And just saying, this happened at last weekend's Crown Jewel Oversea.
There you go. You can't beat it. So, we'll be back in a minute or so.
I did.
You beat it?
I watched it.
Oh, no, no, I said you can't beat it because this is the best, this is...
Oh, oh, I thought you said you can't see it.
No, no, no, you can't beat it because this is the creme de la creme match.
Oh, yeah.
So, anyhow, we will be right back, right after this, and I am going to go into Rob's brother's email.
So, we'll see you guys here in a minute.
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A lot of podcasts just come from a can. Here at Two Dish Bags and a Microphone, we pour our own podcasts.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
You are dressed like an assistant debate coach at an Ohio State Middle School.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Man, I sure wish I was the garbage man. You know what I could do if I was the garbage man?
I could go to the wrong parts of town on the wrong days periodically in the morning,
and then watch everybody run out of their house in their underwear with two bags of trash screaming, stop, halt.
Yeah, that's what I'd love to do.
Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes, and scream, hey, there's no toilet paper in here!
Hey, there's no toilet paper in here!
And just like that, we are back. Two Dish Bags and a Microphone on Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright, well, Rob's brother sent us an email.
I'm telling you dude, I talked to him earlier today. He's off the hook.
Cool. Well, we enjoy him listening and partaking in this and taking initiative like other people have and sending us emails.
And thank you, and I love this email he sent, and I could not agree with it more.
So, what is your brother's name? I forgot.
Tom.
Tom, okay, because his email is a little bit different. It doesn't say Tom on it.
His name is Tom.
Tom, thank you for the email, and we hope we get more from you.
But Tom wrote, the only proper way to listen to Two Dish Bags and a Microphone is to turn down the lights, light some candles, pour a glass of Merlot, sprinkle some rose petals on your bed, rub some massage oil all over your body, turn on your listening device by kissing it from head to toe, and then let Mark Wallace and Rob Rad do the rest by making your ears orgasm.
Or, option number two, you can skip all that unrealistic romance novel bullshit, turn on your device, and put it on the nightstand.
Excellent. Either way you do it is fine.
If you want to kiss the Bluetooth up and down, that's great.
Whatever you want to do.
Yeah, we don't give a shit. You could be fingering your asshole for all we care. We don't care.
Enjoy yourself.
So, anyhow, you could be banging the shit out of some fucking leftover. We don't care.
We could, you know, you could be, I don't know, skinning some people alive, you know, in your basement while wearing their face. We don't care. As long as you listen, right?
Honestly, Mark.
Yes. What?
This is my little brother.
Uh huh.
And, thank you, Tom, for still warning me about this email.
Because I would have to put us on pause right now because I'd be rolling.
I'm glad he said it to me earlier in the day where I had a chance to look it over because I thought that was pretty cool.
Well, I, well, he tried to get it to you, but it didn't go through.
Yeah, he told me about it. That's why I texted him. He said, dude, you gotta read this one.
All right. Tom, we love you and keep him coming, man. Keep him coming. We love it.
Love you, little brother.
Love you, little bro. Because me and Rob are bros by proxy, so you're a bro by proxy.
He knows that. He knows that. He remembers, he's five years younger than me, but he remembers me working at Jess and Jim's with you and John.
Okay, cool. Have I ever met him?
He remembers me coming home, puking my guts out.
Oh yeah, I look like a proud papa over here when you said that.
Yes, that's true. He did.
But hey, that tells you who I am because I was going to high school full time and working at Jess and Jim's 40 hours a week.
And we're keeping you out late all the time.
And partying.
We were keeping you out late too.
And still rise, going on 55.
You come in the next day, your eyes all fucking red, kind of trembling, your hair a mess.
But I kept going.
And then I'd have told you, you're not going to get any sleep that night either.
I didn't get any sleep last night. I didn't go home early that night.
You should have seen me walking into Belton High School.
I remember we used to just keep you in the car and not let you out. We'd make you party with us, remember?
I called you a P.O.P. prisoner of party.
In my own car.
Yeah.
He was a P.O.P. prisoner of party is what we called him and we wouldn't let him go.
I was the younger brother.
Yep.
That's who I was.
Cool. So Rob, do you have something you want to get into?
Yeah.
Last podcast, and this is something else I talked to my brother about today.
And he said, definitely tell this story.
You mentioned about the Cobra on the last podcast.
Yeah, yeah. It's in whiskeys and different alcoholic drinks and flared out Cobra.
Yeah, yeah. But I said I had a Cobra story.
Yeah.
Well, my dad, this is when me and Tom were growing up.
Our dad had this statue of a Cobra.
It weighed probably ten pounds.
Okay. Well, maybe not quite that much.
It was heavy.
And he painted it, hand painted it and everything.
And it would sit there.
Uh huh.
Well, me and my brother were messing around one day.
My mom had these big pillows on the couch.
And we're beating the crap out of each other like normal.
Okay.
One of them got broke.
Well, actually I think I swung at my brother and knocked that statue off.
Scattered it.
Wow. Oh.
Well, me and my brother got together and came up with this story.
Okay.
My mom and dad's cat Squeaky went on this wild rampage through the house like it was known to do.
This takeoff run just goes ached shit.
Yeah, like certain cats do, yes.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, the story was Squeaky got on one of these rampages and ran head first into this thing and knocked it off of it.
Oh wow.
Dad did not believe it but he couldn't fight it.
But he couldn't prove it, right?
Well, the only thing dad could say was he looked at me and Tom and said, if that cat knocked that statue, because the cat weighed like eight pounds.
It was like a, well, it was a medium sized cat.
Gotcha.
He said, if that cat got that statue, it would have a concussion at the least, if not dead.
That was our story.
So you stuck with it so much he eventually had to give it up even though he knew you were lying.
Oh, no, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He didn't fight us on that one.
But the thing is, it couldn't prove any difference so he had to just kind of be like, shit, they kind of got me.
The thing is, just a few months before we lost him, I admitted it to him.
Oh, he just laughed his ass off.
Oh wow. Did you know he was dying?
No, no, he ended up dying of a heart attack.
Oh, okay, but you admitted it to him and you unbeknownst to you.
Yeah, just months before.
You just had no idea that he was dying. You didn't admit it to him because you knew he was on his last leg.
Oh, no, no, this was like 40, 45 years ago.
And we lost him in 99.
Okay, what did he say when you admitted it to him?
He just started laughing his ass off. He said, I knew it. I knew it.
He was laughing his ass off.
He probably gave you guys props, man.
Well, it's like a gift for waiting for some boys.
Yeah, no, it's like these fuckers, they stuck in solidarity and they got away with it.
Because I remember my parents used to do the cops technique, the detective's technique where they pull you apart and go, hey, you know what?
Your sister blamed everything on you.
Oh, bullshit, man. Only did part of it. She did the most of it. All of a sudden, cat's out of the bag, right?
Yeah. Yeah, they used to separate us all, us three.
And then, no, it was brilliant.
And then they'd interrogate us, go, oh, yeah, you know what? John and Lizbeth said you did this.
What? Those motherfuckers, they did that. They told me to do this.
Next thing you know, bam. Then my two older siblings are mad at me again because I wasn't smart enough to figure it out.
I was the young one. I was like, don't ever believe them. We didn't say that shit. They're playing you.
What? They lied to you. What? They wouldn't lie to me. Yeah, they did. They lied to you. Fuck.
So, yep, anyhow, a little lesson and everything right there.
And yeah, they used to do that shit, man. They used to interrogate us privately and then say the other one rolled on them.
Man, they ratted you out. I'm like, that son of a bitch. This is their fucking idea. I mean, you're fucking toast.
So, no, if I have a chance to get Tom on the air, he will tell you.
He learned how to stay out of trouble by watching what I did and did the opposite. He will tell you each piece.
I wasn't that smart. My brother would stick his dick in a meat grinder. I'd do it right behind him.
Even though he's screaming and fucking blood everywhere. I'd be like, hey, he's doing it, so I'm going to do it.
Yeah, so. Okay, well, I'm in my 50s, carrying steel, and he used to be a prison guard. He's on the, you know what I mean?
Gotcha. Gotcha. All right. Well, I have some new Reese's products, but why don't we explore them when we come back.
And then maybe here in a little bit, we'll get into your Rasslin segment of the week. Rasslin News.
Yeah, because it was a major match. It was a title changing match.
Okay, good. Good.
Don't leave it like that.
All right, everybody stay tuned. Title changing match. Rob Rad breaks it down when we come back.
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And I didn't know what to do. I could not shake this motherfucker like a burger.
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We are two douche bags in a microphone and I am Mark.
And I am Rob.
Alright like mentioned we have some new Reese's. You know the Reese's peanut butter people right?
Oh I love them.
Yeah everybody does. They are fantastic.
Well they have three new products.
Really? Look at that.
They are. They have three new products that are very interesting that came out that I think I need to expose so people can go buy these delicious fucking things. That sound good?
You need to tell me brother.
Alright brother. Alright.
I need to know.
One of the new products is Reese's potato chips with peanut butter cups. And these are peanut butter cups with little pieces of potato chips in them.
They are good because they were giving out samples of them the other day.
I can see that.
They are delicious dude. Delicious. The salt with the sweet and then you got the kind of little crunch.
Yeah the stalky sweet thing.
It is really really good and I hope it's not a limited time. I didn't see where it said that.
But I hope this is a regular product because I like these better than the regular peanut butter cups and the regular peanut butter cups are fucking awesome.
Oh dude. Yeah. They are my all time favorites.
The next one is really interesting. I tried this too because they had all three of them out.
All peanut butter Reese's cups. And this is a light peanut butter with a dark peanut butter surrounding it where the chocolate would normally be.
Oh. Oh. Ok.
It's interesting. The peanut butter in the middle is almost like a buttery peanut lighter peanut butter.
And then on the outside is like a darker more traditional peanut butter and it is fucking delicious too.
I like the potato chip one a little bit better than this one but this one is fantastic also.
Then the last one I like this too but I'm not a huge fan of pretzels unless it's the one the Bavarian ones that are more doughy you know and you put them in the mustard or whatever.
I like those. Yeah. But the regular pretzels that they have at bars and stuff I'm not a really huge fan of.
But the next one is Reese's peanut butter cups with pretzels. And this again is little bits little pieces of pretzels.
Oh. That is perfect. Ok. I mean it was good but if I enjoyed pretzels a little bit more I would have enjoyed it much more.
But I just I don't like the after taste of a pretzel. I don't know how to describe it. Really? Yeah. Do you know what I mean?
I don't know what kind of a taste I can say it is. Well that would go back to the sweet and salty.
It is good. But I can still taste that little after taste of a pretzel. Really? To me it kind of tastes like if you took a bite out of a number two pretzel.
Ok. Well maybe they just need to cut back just a little bit. Or maybe it's just me Rob. No that could be too. Yeah I don't know.
Could be my own opinion. I haven't tried one. I couldn't honestly tell you. I'm the pickiest guy ever on food. I mean the foods I like I eat the fuck out of.
But there's a lot of foods I hate. I hate soup food. Cannot eat it. Cannot stand it. Oh dude that's where you and me differ. I love seafood.
I love seafood. I believe this is what happened. I had my mom back me up on it. But a long time ago when we lived in Greece they eat the shit out of seafood there of course.
Because they're right there on the Mediterranean Ocean. And you know they're grabbing fucking wild octopuses out. Smacking them on the head and fucking eating them. I'm like ugh.
And anyhow I believe that I got bad seafood one day. Because I remember I was sweating and vomiting. And we're down at the docks which is quite away from the house that we lived up part way up on the mountain there in Kavala.
And anyhow I remember we ate some seafood. And I started getting really sweaty and vomiting and like shaking and bad headache and all this stuff. And then after that whether it was the seafood that made me sick or not.
I don't know if it was. Anytime I smell seafood it brings back that sickness feeling to this day. Can't stand it. So anyhow. But you can fuck up some seafood huh Rob?
Oh yeah. I love seafood. What's your favorite seafood?
Um. I don't know man. Are you a lobster guy? I've had a lot of seafood. Oyster guy? I mean I know you go to New Orleans. No not so much. Shrimp definitely. Oh yeah.
But I also like maked with shark. Okay. What is it mako? Are you talking about walleye or mako? Definitely walleye. Okay.
Which you can catch walleye right here at Lake of the Ozarks. Yeah yeah and walleye is also found in the ocean a little bit bigger species but yes. Yep.
Stockton is one of the best lakes for walleye fishing. Do you know that? Yeah. And Lake of the Ozarks isn't too bad either. And I don't know about Table Rock but I know Stockton has a lot of walleye.
Um. I remember I'm thinking I did hear a few reports back when I lived down there 20 years ago. Uh huh. I'm thinking I heard a few reports about some walleye down at Table Rock. But mainly at Table Rock it's trout.
Yes yes. People go there to trout and bass. It's also a big band. Yeah and bass. Yeah those are the main ones. So I think walleye is there but it's not as prominent as Stockton.
Yeah here at the Ozarks we've got everything. Alright Rob you have wrassling news. Let's go ahead and get to that. Let's hear your first report here. I'm kind of anxious to hear it.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. We're eventually going to come up with a promo. This is the inaugural one. We're just like we're doing a little soft roll out right now. So we're going to have a promo for it and all that good shit coming up. So I'll probably get the voice guy on that. I'll get Chad to do a promo for that.
Yeah because this is an important match. Okay. It was actually probably a clear saving match. Okay.
Okay last weekend WWE had their pay per view over in India. It's called Crown Jewel. Okay. I watched this match. I've seen what happened.
But I'm going to read a little bit so everybody else understands. Okay. This match was Logan Paul versus Rey Mysterio. I remember Mysterio. He is the guy with the mask. A Mexican fighter. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Always like the news you make. That was boy is in it. Which you'll be hearing me talk about at later time. Okay.
But Logan Paul known for his YouTube fame and euthanism for combat sports is a polarizing figure on the internet with both the miners and detractors.
Okay. However in the world of WWE he's gaining fans thanks to his wrestling skills and ring awareness which came to the forefront in a recent match at Crown Jewel. Okay.
Which I did watch that match and I totally agree. During an episode on Smackdown on October 20th Logan Paul squared off against a legendary Rey Mysterio who held the WWE title. Yeah. He held the WWE title. Okay.
But this was in a first contenders match. Okay. He beat Rey Mysterio. Well at the pay per view they squared off again. Okay.
And this is where I'm going to drop off the news article. Okay. And I'm going to tell you what's on my mind. Okay. I'm telling you it was a hell of a match. Okay.
Logan Paul brought it. Okay. Logan Paul is fitting into the WWE character wise everything. Alright. So is he a newer guy? Rey Mysterio is a better. He's about ready to retire. Yeah. He's been around a long time.
No. Don't get me wrong. He's got a few more years. Yeah. But he's been around a long time and I got you. Yeah. Yeah. No. He's got a son that. No. He's big in WWE right now. He's in the Jesuit day and it's from the other stories for me.
But this match was a very. Okay. It was for the WWE title. I watched his match. Rey Mysterio went to do a somersault. Uh huh. Off the rope. Okay.
He misstep. I seen it. I called it as I was watching it. He just misstepped. Uh huh.
Logan Paul caught Rey Mysterio and just body slammed him on the mat. Oh wow. Let me explain this to you.
Okay. If Logan Paul would not have caught him.
Him misstepping through his trajectory off. He would have landed very very badly. And yeah. It could have been a clear ending injury. Wow. So Logan Paul actually saved him and body slammed him. Wow.
Just knowing the ring awareness. And Logan Paul ended up with the title. Well number one good job Logan Paul. Number one you got the title. Number two you saved Rey Mysterio's ass it sounds like.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because I watched it dude. I've watched wrestling so long. Uh huh. I've seen him his foot come off that rope. I've seen his foot slip. I said this ain't going to be good. Yeah. And then Logan caught him and body slammed him.
Wow. Because Logan caught him. He had side stepped to catch him. Uh huh. Do you know what I mean? Yeah I got you. I caught that because I've watched so long. Okay cool. Alright Rob thank you. Thank you for that wrestling report.
There's our very first wrestling report. Alright. On a little side note tomorrow we are starting another new little segment. Yes we are. This is playful. Something you hit me up with yesterday. Yes. This is playful. Just playful.
Just playful. Nothing mean. Not pissed off at nobody or nothing. Playful. Who would you like to? Flick in the balls. This is of famous people so everyone would know who they are. Playful. Who would you like to yank on the nipple? And playful. Who would you like to bite on the ass cheek?
Not angry at. No just playful. Okay now is this just one person in each category?
Well I got a tie with one of them. I got a tie with the ass cheek between two people. Well I know what I'm saying. We don't have to come up with ten in each category. No no no no. Since we're doing this regularly now it's going to be a regular segment okay.
So we don't have to come up with ten. Oh okay. They're just like little bits that we're going to put in here and there. I mean hell you know we could even pre record them today. Yeah. It doesn't matter.
I'm just wondering how many I need to come up with. The way I kind of fancy this like this Rob and I didn't get a chance to explain it because I texted it to you. Okay. Yeah.
We have deep thoughts with Mark. We have what to eat during an apocalypse. We have I learned the horrible jokes. We have strange insults from an alien. We have things overheard in hell. This is no different. Okay. Only it's done live.
It's just another segment. Okay. It's another segment that's been created and it's just it's just it is what it is. It's like a little. Well I care what they are. Yeah it is what it is. It's stupid. It's funny. It's goofy. If you don't like potty humor you're going to think it's idiotic. If you love potty humor you're going to love it.
So there you go. That's all it is and that's all we ever claimed to be was your dick joke kings. That's us. If you want real news go somewhere else. If you want politics go somewhere else. They do it a lot better than I do and they're a lot more intelligent to me.
So we are your gay. Yes. Since you're speaking that way. Yes. There's something that's needing attention. We ain't touched in a while. Oh.
Harry A.O. Olympics. Yes. I think that tomorrow night. Okay. Rob could you do me a favor since I have to work tomorrow. Can you round it all up and put it all together.
Okay. I am not going to have time tomorrow. I'm going to be really really. I got to. I got to. Send me who you have. Okay. I think I have most of them I want to make sure. Okay I will. All right. Yeah. Yep.
I definitely have my list. Okay cool. Cool. I'll send you the stuff that I have written down. Oh and we need to hear from Tom for. What was the one. I forgot. I don't think I sent it to him. I forgot to. What was I going to send to him.
Me versus Mick Foley. Oh that's right. Okay I will send that tonight. Okay. Yeah. All right. Good. Good. Yeah. Yeah. Please round that up. I'm still in it. Yes you are.
Okay cool. All right. We can we can do that. I'm going to try to get to some emails tomorrow. We'll see. I mean it's only an hour podcast. Maybe we'll go to tomorrow. We'll see. So I've also got like 30 stories here. They're just waiting to be busted out. I've got a new. Oh dude. Yeah I got so many damn stories.
Jeffy X gave me this segment a couple of weeks ago and I haven't got to it yet. It's peppermint send it for the holidays products that have failed.
My opinion. Everything sucks. Yeah. So anyhow we got that coming up and that was from Jeffy X of course and he's awesome and we love him. So okay. All right. Everybody have a good night and we will talk to you on the next podcast. Thank you for listening.
And also tomorrow night I'll have a new segment of American songwriter. That's music to my ears buddy. I knew it would be. Have a good night everybody. Good night everybody.
Good night everybody.
Hey where'd everybody go. Where are the douche bags. Oh my God. Someone took a dump in the corner. Oh geez. Glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back. Man that smells.
Yeah.