Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River
It's two douchebags and a microphone podcast
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Oh no! That drunk guy just hit my child!
It's okay, I have a clown nose
Clown nose, just put one on and you can do anything
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Just grab a clown nose and BAM! Everyone laughs
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions. Grab one today and make magic happen
Next up, Kings Overhead in Hell
Hurry up! King Jung Un is playing Santa at the mall again this year. Yay!
King Jung Un is playing Santa at the mall again this year. Yay!
Two douchebags and a microphone, I'm Mark
And I'm Rob
Hey, thanks for joining us tonight
Anyhow, we have a dear douchebags coming up
But first I have a story here from Metal Hammer
And it's about bassist Jason Newstead in his time with Metallica
Oh cool
During an interview with Metal Hammer, ex Metallica bassist Jason Newstead was asked about the controversy surrounding the bass mix on Injustice for All
Which, there isn't any bass
Metallica admitted they were so pissed off at Cliff Burton dying
That they recorded the whole thing with their replacement bassist Jason Newstead
True, he's the newer one
And they admitted that they took all the bass out, they were so mad
And anyhow, Jason Newstead is not fans of them and he doesn't talk to them and he hates them pretty much
And Injustice for All, upon initially hearing the record, Newstead said, I was fucking livid, are you kidding me?
At one point during his interview, Jason Newstead has asked how he felt upon first hearing Injustice for All and how he feels about it now
In case you don't know, the bass mix on the album is nearly inaudible
Which made for some big controversy
Newstead was also asked how he feels about the fan remixes people have been making titled Injustice for Jason
And I've seen that
People have actually corrected the bass in it
And called it Injustice for Jason because they did Jason so pissed poorly here
It wasn't Jason's fault that Cliff Burton died
It was a freak accident, it was in the roads at Switzerland Mountains I believe
And it was slick
And another story that I read and I couldn't believe it was, I think it was
Lars, no I think it was Kirk Hammett, their guitarist
Actually won a poker game
And that was going to determine who got to sleep in the bed upstairs
It was the best bed in the whole tour bus
And he decided to go in and give it to Cliff Burton
And that is what killed him, is because he fell out the back
Because it had a hatch there I guess
And the bus actually landed on him
And if that had been Kirk Hammett out there, he would have been dead
But he was nice enough to give the bunk to Cliff Burton, saved his life, killed Cliff
And this is stuff that nobody would know, but I found that story interesting
Okay, Newstead said, I love people's enthusiasm, their determination, their love for their appreciation
If the Justice album had been mixed like a regular record, we wouldn't be talking about it to this day
But because that isn't the case, and I don't necessarily think that that's a big deal
We're still talking about it after all these years later
I don't even think they released in their drunken stupor what they were doing
Oh, realized, not released, I'm sorry
I don't think they realized in their drunken stupor what they were doing
But they made the best Garage Band album ever
Black Keys, White Stripes, Power Doer, Garage Rock stuff, whoever you want to mention
James and Lars were the original Garage Rock duo, as far as that goes
They always made the records that way from 1983 demo to their recent stuff
But I, okay, Newstead I think is being very nice
He was not happy with them, and he'll never go back to them
Even if they asked him, because he was not happy with the way he was treated, and I get that
I don't know why he's polishing it up now, because he was pretty livid about
About injustice, them fucking all the bass up, and just making it unidentifiable bass wise
So, I guess maybe he just got on with it, and was like, you know what, who cares
I got my money, fuck him, I got, you know, he's doing other stuff and he's fine
So maybe he just decided to, well, drop it
So, not only that, but what are you going to do about it anyhow, you know
Right
Anyhow, you got something Rob, you want to talk about, you got something on your mind
Yeah, I got a Tyree Kill story here for you
Oh, you're talking about the guy that gave the fumble that we ran into the end zone
That Tyree Kill?
Yeah
The guy that predicted gloom and doom, and how he's going to wax our ass
He actually lost the game for him, that guy?
Yeah
Oh, the mouth from the south, him, the guy that could not shut up
This has to do with his contract
Oh, alright Rob, well let me quit making, poking fun at Tyree Kill, and go ahead
A year and a half after his trade from the Kansas City Chiefs to the Miami Dolphins
Wide receiver Tyree Kill explained the messy contract situation that led to the trade in an interview with Brandon Marshall on I Am Athlete
After Marshall asked why he'll let Ken City, he'll said that it was complicated
This is a lot to unpack man, he'll said
To be honest, it was a situation where my agent was trying to bait Ken City into giving me a contract
The idea was to never leave
He'll told his agent, Drew Rossenhouse, that he didn't want to be traded
He'll even told the entire Chiefs team, including Patrick Holmes, and he'll head coach Andy Reed
That he was happy to take less money if it meant that he would get to stay with the Chiefs
Those early numbers, he said, were around 24-25 million
But Rossenhouse told Hill that he deserved more guaranteed money than the Chiefs were originally willing to offer, saying that he deserved at least 70 million
Wow
So he listened to his agent
Now looked at him
Yeah, yeah
He's making 70 million, but
Look, I don't feel sorry for Tyree Kill at all
He can say whatever, but Rossenhouse is not the reason he left
He left because he got a big fucking attitude, and he thought he should be the highest paid receiver in the league
And he puffed out his chest, and he thought he was going to hold the Chiefs for ransom, and she said, how many draft picks are you willing to give up, Miami?
And the reason our defense is so good right now is because of that trade
Those five draft picks that we got
Four of them were great defensive
Were great defensive
I mean, we've gotten some, I forgot, let's see, Carl Loftus
Who's the cornerback that's so good that we got from, anyhow
Yeah
Yeah, we got like four starters, I mean
And good starters, and good, I mean, the reason our defense is so good is because of that trade
So, anyhow, it done us well
Now Miami's a good team, but they're not a great team, and I don't see them progressing into that great area yet
They don't have the same caliber as a Buffalo Bills, or even a Cincinnati Bengals, and definitely not a Chiefs
So, you know, I mean, yeah, they raise their profile, and they're going to be perennial
Playoff bound
You know, for the foreseeable future
They make Tagovaiola a really good quarterback, but they're missing some
I'm not sure if it's coaching or what it is, but they're missing something very key
They're not like the well-rounded team that the teams that are in the top are
You put them against like a Philadelphia, or a Bills, or a Cincinnati, or the Chiefs
And they're going to falter every time
They showed a graph about, earlier on Football Night in America, about how the Miami Dolphins are like 6-0 against teams under 500
And teams over 500, they're 0-3
You see what I'm getting at there?
Yeah, yeah
Now, they're a really good team that's always going to make the playoffs, but they don't have that
Well-rounded, I mean, their defense is good, but not good enough
Their offense is really good, but not good enough, because when it really counts the games on the line
I don't see them making those big plays that you see like a Josh Allen, a Joey Burrow, or a Patrick Mahomes, or someone like that making
They're missing some ingredients
Now, they could get better in the offseason, they could stack up
And, you know, the thing is, is whenever they go against a really good team, they falter
And I don't expect that to change
So, but as Tyreek Hill was talking about, like, him being the victim or whatever
Is that kind of what you took, like Drew Rosenhouse just kind of took the ball and said, I'm going to do it like this?
Is that kind of how you took that, Rob?
Well, I, I, that's at least what Tyreek's saying
I, I don't recall that at all, because I remember Tyreek just fucking, you know, puffing his chest out
Pretty much being like, oh, that's, yeah, he thought that we would not let him go
I think he's throwing his agent under the bus
He is, Rosenhouse don't give a shit, he just got 30%
Trying to make excuses
Yeah, yeah, and I don't respect that at all
I wish he would have just said, you know what, I decided to leave
And I think we can make things happen here in Miami, and that's where I'm at now
And I choose not to talk about Kansas City
And, you know, but the thing is, is the way that he's acting and the way he's talking, the spoiled brat talk and all that
Is very unbecoming, because all it does is show how you realize that you stepped on your own dick
In my opinion
Yeah
Is that how you take it, Rob?
In my opinion, yes
Yep, okay, alright, well if two douchebags say that, you can bet on it, that's what it is
So, I've got a new neon light here, Rob
Oh, cool
In the Talk is Cheap studio
It's, please, please don't do coke in the bathroom
Straight from the 80s
You know what, I'm gonna probably put this show tonight, so I'll probably have a picture of it or something
So, anyhow, I saw that and I was like, I need that, I need that
Bunch of the good old days of going to clubs in the 80s
Where like, you had to like be real careful opening the bathroom
Because you might smack someone in the fucking face because they're all coked out
Or you might want to, who knows
Anyhow, we'll be right back with the Dirt Douchebags, that sound good?
Sounds awesome
Alright, we'll be right back guys
The apocalypse just happened
You don't know what to do
You don't know where to go
But we can tell you what you can eat
On most of these apocalypse series
We tell you what plants you can eat in case of an apocalypse
And you have to go out to your yard for food
Well, this one is going to explain to you the plants you may be aware of to not eat
Plants that could be toxic
Usually might have milky white sap
Thorns, spines, or fine hairs
Or leaves or stems
Pods with bulbs, beans, or seeds
Stems or trunks that have an almond scent
Three leaf foliage growth
Also be aware of
Intensely bitter or sappy flavor
Foliage reminiscent of dill, parsley, or carrot
Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes, and scream
Hey, there's no toilet paper in here
Now we go to the amazing Mark the palm reader
Hello everybody and welcome to Mark the amazing palm reader
First in line, please step up
Let's see young lady
I see a long lifeline
I see success, happiness, love, fortune
I also see a bit index finger
Twenty dollars please
Two douchebags and a microphone, I'm Mark
And I'm Rob
Alright, well as mentioned, dear douchebags coming right up
Dear douchebags, we have an interesting problem
And need a little help figuring this out
We love Halloween and love to treat all the little ghosts and ghouls
But we are adults and like to partake in the costume parties on all Hallows Eve
We are forced to leave the candy in a large bucket with a sign that says please take one
The problem is, the little terror down the road, every year he comes up and takes the whole bowl
We don't know what to do
Douchebags, please help us
Thank you for any help with this, signed NoSweet in St. Pete
Another great name
Great name, and we got some good answers
Yes we do, and let's go ahead and do the disclaimer Rob, what's the disclaimer?
If you want to live a happy life, do the opposite of what we tell you to, right?
Total opposite
We are getting this out of the way right now
If you listen to us, you're probably not the sanest person
If you take our advice, it's probably going to ruin you
But people still ask us and we still answer, right?
Yes
There is a need and we are there to fill it because we care
Rest assured people, we have some horrible advice for this person
Dear NoSweet in St. Pete
Number one, hire teenagers you have en masse and when the little asshole has completed his candy rounds
Take his candy and re-give it to friends and children
Hell yeah, I'm all about that
And while you're there, smack the little fucker in the head a couple of times too
Smack him around a little bit, shake him up
Take him and put him upside down in a tree and shake him, fucking deep-pants him
Whatever you got to do, but make sure that you're underage too if you deep-pants him, okay?
Don't be 18 and deep-pants him because that's a whole different deal
You don't want to be in on that deal
Yeah, no you don't
Yeah, if you're under 18, go in and deep-pants him and then make him run around the block without any pants
Just to embarrass him and let him know that he can't be stealing candy
And you might even give him a couple of swats too, right?
Yeah
Well, he's bare-assed
I know
Yeah, why not?
He'll get the point
He'll get the point not to be around here stealing people's fucking candy, right?
You get a couple of bare-ass macks and that'll cure your candy stealing days really quick
So, number two, Carolina Reaper up the whole bowl
He might grab the treats, but he will be burning the rest of the night
His eyes, mouth, face, whatever
He touches his little fucking ding-ding, that'll burn too
And that was my suggestion
Yes, I think that is a great idea, Rob
Just sprinkle the piss out of Carolina Reaper dust all over those fuckers
And you know the little fucker's gonna see you leave, he's just down the road waiting
He's hiding in the brush and then he's gonna fucking run out and grab your bowl
And he's gonna have a big old fucking party with it for a couple of minutes
And then he's not
Guaranteed not to happen next year
Yes, yes, guaranteed he will leave you the fuck alone
So, number three, explain to the other children on the block that the only operate-by-appointments
Then you will go about the candy
Which is a great idea
Say, alright, Jones' kids coming over at 723
The Willsons' kids coming over at 725
That little guy down the street, what's his name, Patrick or whatever
He's gonna be right after those two
And then, you know what, do it earlier than when you go to these costume parties
Have appointments for all the kids that you give a shit about
And then just lock the whole thing up and go
Either that or take a shit in one of those Halloween bowls and just leave it there
There you go
I think that's sound advice, just take a shit in one of the bowls and leave it there for him
Maybe he'll grab the thing not looking and then he'll get home with a bowl of shit
Actually, that might be a little safer than the Carolina Reaper
Rob, don't go back on it now
That was your suggestion
Alright, okay, alright
I love the suggestion
Look, we already told everybody, you take our advice
You're gonna fuck your life up, okay
So that's all we're required to do there, Rob, is let them know
You've listened to us and it's probably not the smartest thing
So, anyhow
Number four and finally, buy candy corn and Easter peeps
You don't worry about anyone stealing that fucking god-awful candy
Just hope you don't get your house egged or tepee'd
Right
Agreed?
Candy corn and Easter peeps are the two worst candy in the whole world
And they're so bad they shouldn't be called candy
They should be called like horrible fucking pieces of fucking jism or something
Yeah
Yeah, they're horrible
And anybody that likes them is not to be trusted
You need to check their hard drive because there's something really wrong with them
If they actually like that
So, anyhow
Alright, Rob, you got something?
Yeah, I do
It's what we're talking about, Halloween
Alright
Well, hang on, hang on, you want to hear my Halloween joke?
Sure, why not?
Boo
That's it
Didn't say it was funny
Alright
Okay, alright, next
Travis, Kelsey and Taylor Swift were initially reported as not being at Kelsey's home on Halloween to give out candy
But one neighborhood mom is sure that the power couple is lying
Speaking to the New York Post, an unnamed mom who lives in the same neighborhood
As Kelsey said that despite there being tape around the house to ward off entry
And even a security guard would tell people that no one was home, it was clear that they were
They simply didn't want to give out candy
They're not handing out candy
Do you believe that? One mom said
Well, we know they're lying
Swiftie is there
Another mom was frustrated that they wouldn't simply answer the door for trick or treaters
So they still don't know if they were there or not
They're kind of nitpicking in my opinion
There's a lot of people that just don't want to do it
They don't feel like, you know, there's still COVID going on
You know, Kelsey has to play a game every weekend
He's got to be in peak physical shape
She has a huge tour
Maybe they don't want to be at risk of all these germs
Maybe that's all it is
Or it could be this
Travis Kelsey had said on his New Heights podcast last week
That he might be doing a Halloween dinner party with friends and or family
Whether or not they wound up doing that either at home or somewhere else is unknown
Well, I mean, I really look at this as nitpicking
And anyone that did this is just like, give it a break
You know what? Let them be a happy couple or whatever
Let it pan out however it's going to
And who cares? Geez
Way too much attention
Let them live their lives
Way too much attention on someone's girlfriend or whatever
Or whatever, or what they did on Halloween or not
I just don't like that at all
They're into the paparazzi
But then there's too much
You know, you've got to have some personal time too
Yes, yeah, I agree
And yeah, I know people put themselves out there
I know Kelsey does a lot of commercials
I know that Taylor sells a lot of albums
Got a movie out now
She's just like number one with a bullet everywhere
So I know that to have that you've got to give up a certain amount of freedom
But there's also a side to this
You know, you don't have to go that far and above
What would you call it?
Interfering or intervening in their life or cross-examining their life or whatever you want to call it
So anyhow
Well, you know what, Rob, I'm glad you brought that story up
Because that shows you the mentality of a lot of America
Yeah, yeah, it does
Yeah, so
Anyhow
You know Gen Xers are a generation, right?
Yeah, yeah
We're the first generation that is kind of like
Millennials and Zs have different
What would you call them?
Different benefits from work, what they value
Well, Gen X is the first generation to start valuing other benefits besides health, dental, vision, all that stuff, right?
Right
Okay, midlife workers want menopause support, elder care assistance, health screenings, and more
Increasingly they're getting it and their employers are benefiting too
Gen X are at a crossroads in their personal lives
Wedged between baby boomers and millennials
This generation is in the sandwich phase of life
Their larger responsible for caring for their age and parents
While providing for their school-aged children all while managing their own lives, careers, and health
If organizations are eager to hold on to the Gen X workers
Roughly defined as those born
We know what this is, but I'm going to go over it again just in case someone doesn't know
Gen X is roughly defined as those born between 1965 and 1980
They need to respond to these challenges
That's why an increasing number of companies across the globe are rolling out benefits that address specific midlife health and lifestyle concerns
And in a tight labor market, employers who offer customized perks stand out by signaling a level of support that's increasingly sought after in the day's workplace
And benefits when that old place, let me go
And I was like, you know what, that's cool
I'll find something else to do
I don't want to go back into the same field
I've done that too long
Didn't want to do it anymore
One of the first things I looked at before money
Now I get paid very well, don't get me wrong
No complaints with the pay that I get or anything
But the first thing I looked at was benefits
That was the first thing
And that would be health care, dental care
But also time off, paid time off
But the other thing was how they treat certain parts of your life
Like let's say that I have to be with my mom more
This place is very flexible on everything like that after reading their policies
And I'm not going to go into where I work
That's just too personal
I'd like to keep this as mark the dick joke guy
And that's it
So people know me a lot
People know me at Listless Podcasts
They know where I work
No big deal
But I was looking for alternate benefits that suited me
Before when I was younger, I looked for all money
I was like, oh, well, this is a dollar more an hour
So I'm going to go to there
Now it's like, I don't care if this place is paying two bucks more an hour
This place is going to let me have this much time off
I can accumulate this time off
I get this much time off after this
But the main thing was is they were so flexible on everything
Because I see a lot of stuff coming up in my life where I'm going to need that flexibility
So for once in my life, that took precedent over the amount of money I was bringing in
But like I said, I get paid very well anyhow, so I don't care
But also, I wasn't struggling to begin with
I was doing fine
But it was the first time in my life I realized that, you know what?
I've completed that sector in my life where I'm going for all the money
Now I'm looking for the alternative benefits
So I understand where these people are coming from
And I am a Gen Xer because I was born in 66
That's why an increasing number of companies across the globe are rolling out benefits that address specific midlife health and lifestyle concerns
Cloud Software Company Salesforce recently launched an elder care benefit for employees supporting older family members
As well as cancer related programming and early detection targeted to the 50s plus demographic
Software company Adobe offers services to help employees manage the university admissions process for their kids
That's a great one
As well as access to backup elder care and in-home care consultations
Menopause support is also emerging as many global companies, both big and small
The benefits of providing these services go beyond economics as Peter Bomberger
Bomberger, Bombar, Bomberger, Bamberger
Geez, you know what? Sometimes I cannot fucking write
I should be a doctor the way I write
A professor at the Kuller School of Management at Tel Aviv University
And the president-elect of the Academy of Management were talking about services that potentially impact one's child
Children and one's parents' organizations are not only providing financial assistance
They're building a strong emotional connection
They're showing that they care, which I agree with
If you see all of these said perks
Don't you feel like the company gives a shit about your well-being and your family?
Yeah, yeah
Employers aren't offering these new benefits out of pure
You know, just to do it
They're doing it because they want to prove a point
They want to prove that they're the company that stands out
That cares about what you need
And they're the company that's addressing what you need
And so I think that's great
Adobe sounds like they're doing a great job
The place that I work for does a great job on that
I know other ones too
But I know this
A lot of people that were in my shoes
That had some piece of crap company let them go
You know, greedy, all that stuff
Like I got into before, I don't need to now
But anyhow
They, I know other people in the same situation
And they're doing the same thing
They're like, you know what?
Money's great
But I really want to look for these benefits this time around
And I know a guy that was let go after me
That is actually part of that whole family over there
And he felt the same way when I saw him
I saw him at Price Chopper
He felt like maybe it's time to get some better benefits
So anyhow, I need to give him a call and see how he's doing
I know he wasn't real happy with those fucking jokers over there
Kind of like I wasn't either
So anyhow, let's take a slow break
And we'll be right back
And I got a McDonald's story
Does that sound okay?
Sounds good
McDonald's it is
We'll be right back
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark
Let's see
If a worm could talk
Would it be argumentive?
I may never know
Somewhere in the heavens your great Grammy Gertrude is crying
Because her little Bebo is listening to this film
This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast
Two Douchebags and a Microphone
People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast
One, smell
Go to the city market and start sniffing
Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats
Tabasco sauce and old sock with dark fuzzy urine
Two, look for the spot absent of patrons
Three, the most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably
Four, just call us at 816-512-7717
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper
It's strange insults from an alien
Real hilarity
Wait, your chair produces sound similar to a fart
But only once, such that it cannot reproduce and prove that it was just the chair
Break shit house energy drink
That's right, break shit house energy drink
Make men and women girl
Chomp your balls
You want to fuck shit up?
Run a full scum across America?
Break shit house is for you
Please enjoy break shit house energy drink responsibly
It's not readily available anywhere
Because of liability issues
Hello, this is Satan
You might know me from my pet name
Inflation
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than
Listening to two douche bags and microphone
By a nice warm fire at night
I sit there and reflect on all the souls I burned that day
Enjoy
Two douche bags and a microphone
I'm Mark
And I'm Rob
Alright, well
Got a McDonald's story like I said Rob, you ready for it?
Yeah, I'm ready
Okay, McDonald's is offering free fries with every order on Fridays for the rest of 2023
Customers will be able to get a free medium fries on a medium purchase
A minimum purchase of a dollar at participating outlets in the United States till the end of the year
That's a pretty good deal
Yeah, that is
All you gotta do is spend a buck and you get free fries
So let's say you buy a small drink for a buck
You get fries and a drink for a dollar
I don't care where you're at, that's pretty good
Yeah
So, anyhow, the offer will be limited to one time per month
Yeah, so, anyhow, the offer will be limited to one time usage per customer on each Friday
In order to avail this offer
It is pertinent to be enrolled in the McDonald's Rewards Program
There's the catch
Okay, so you can get relentlessly spammed about specials at McDonald's
Only 10 Fridays are remaining this year
So here's how you can get the free fries for your next order
That's download the app, then go to their rewards program
You go to their rewards program
So, suddenly it sounds like a great deal to some I don't want to be a part of
Number one, I don't know how many Fridays I'm actually going to make it there to get the fries
Number two, you got to put up with relentless spamming
Because that's what they do
They get this, you got to have an email, a working email to get the app
You get the working email in there and then all of a sudden they're sending you shit constantly
My opinion, my opinion, but you want free fries, you can do that
Go start an email account and then just shut the son of a bitch off afterwards, who cares?
Get your free fries and give them the fucking finger
Take a picture of your nutsack, send it to them, who cares?
Right?
Yep
Alright, or you can at least smack in the balls on them
Yeah?
Yeah
Good
Smacking the balls works great
Matter of fact, we have 30 each to give away, so people step up, you want to smack in the balls, let us know
We have plenty of them
We have plenty of smack in the balls for anybody that's interested in getting to smack in the balls
Because we care
No, no, no, don't mention it, don't mention it, don't mention it
It's our love for you
That's all it is
You're welcome everybody
Yes, yes
Rob, can we give a virtual hug to everybody out there in Podcastland?
I'm there
Me too, okay
I'm there
Okay everybody, come on, come on, a little closer
Oh no, no, no, come on
Come on, look, we don't smell bad
We both use Old Spice, even on our nutsack, so come on, a little closer, a little closer
Man, Rob
A little closer
Rob, what are you using on your hair? That smells great
Pandene
Oh, okay, cool
Man, dude, your hair's soft too
Well, anyhow, here we go
Come on, come on, a little bit tired, come on, you can do that, come on
Hey, hey, was that you or somebody else?
It wasn't me
Okay, well, whoever did that, thanks, that was kind of cool
All right, CNN
The off-duty Alaska Airlines pilot accused of attempting to dis- I just went ahead and just went in a completely different way, I'm sorry
Good
So anyhow, accused of attempting to disable a plane's engine mid-flight told investigators he believed he was dreaming he had taken magic mushrooms
48 hours before the incident, according to state court records obtained by CNN
Joseph D. Emerson, 44, attempted to cut fuel to the plane's engines while the flight was en route from Washington State to San Francisco on Sunday, authorities say
The quick actions of the aircraft's captain and first officer kept the engines from failing completely, the airline said
Emerson told investigators he had consumed magic mushrooms approximately 48 hours prior to the incident on the plane
An affidavit filed by prosecutors states he also said he had been awake for the last 40 hours, according to a separate federal court document
Emerson told police he thought he was dreaming and believed pulling the handles of a fire extinguishing system, which cuts fuels to the aircraft's engines
would cause him to wake up, state court documents
Emerson was riding in the cockpit in a jump seat as is permitted for off-duty pilots and a confrontation began when he reached for the fire controls, according to the documents
As Emerson reached for the controls, one of the pilots grabbed Emerson's wrist and the other pilot reported that they wrestled with Emerson for a few seconds before Emerson stopped and said he was okay
The documents state, adding, Emerson was not able to pull the handles all the way down before the pilots intervened
Emerson had experienced depression of the recent death of a friend, the documents say
He said he was having a nervous breakdown and told the flight crew he needed to be subdued, according to a separate federal criminal complaint
It's highly unlikely that the hallucinogenic, sometimes called magic mushrooms, would still be in the pilot system 48 hours after use
But it's possible he could have been feeling the lingering effects of the drug, said Matt Johnson, a Johns Hopkins professor who studied psychedelics and other drugs
Johnson linked the like in the mushrooms to drinking alcohol, it should have worn off way before then, but who knows, this guy has some mental illness obviously
He did not pull it all the way down, it's my understanding if he pulled that all the way down, it's a 50-50 shot on whether they got that plane stabilized or not, and it very easily could have crashed and burned
Yeah, so thank God that they caught the guy before he was able to slam it all the way down
Because from what I understand, from what I read, once they slam that fire equipment down, all bets are off
That it's like 50-50 whether you can stabilize the plane once it starts spiraling like that
So anyhow, Rob, you got any stories you want to get to?
Yeah, I do, I do
Unfortunately I do not have an American songwriter list for you tonight
Alright, so let's take a little hiatus, it'll be back, just like the hairy asshole Olympics will be back too
But I do have a movieweb.com, the 10 best parody movies from the 1980s, in their opinion
Rob, bravo, go ahead
Wow, okay
And honestly I'm glad I started going over this because I found a side note
Okay
That I think you're even going to be interested in
Okay
Okay, number 10, this is Spinal Tap
Yes
Here is the side note I just read
Finally some good news for Spinal Tap, the band is getting back together
Equals to, this is Spinal Tap starring the original cast, will debut on March 19, 2044
In conjunction with the film's 40th anniversary
Cool
Yeah, so they're coming out with a part two
That's going to be awesome, I'll be there
Yeah, like I said, I'm glad I was browsing through it real quick just now
Cool
Okay, number nine, Spaceball
Another great one, can't argue with that
1987
Awesome
Number eight, Airplane
Cool
1980
Man, that was great, Leslie Nilsson was a fucking genius, wasn't he?
Yep, yes he was
Number seven, Airplane 2, the sequel
1982
Two years later
Okay
See back there, they can come out with sequels in two years
Oh wow
What's up with some of these other movies, man?
Number six, The Meaning of Life
1983
Okay
Number five, UHS
Another good one
Man, this list is really good so far
Yeah it is, yeah it is
Number four, Teen Wolf, 1985
Number three, Three Amigos
Steve Martin, Chevy Chase
Who's the other one?
Martin Short
Yeah, yep, very cool
And this one I actually had forgotten about
Number two, Johnny Dangerously
Oh wow
1984
Three Johnny Dangerously was the shirts, I remember that
Yeah, that was a great one, man that was
Yeah
Who was Johnny Dangerously?
Forgot
Michael Keaton
Michael Keaton, thank you, wow
Cool
And finally, number one
Yep
Of course, Throw Mama from the Train
1987
Yeah, wasn't that Steve Martin
John Candy
Gosh, yeah that was another, that was a classic
That was a lot of different
Yeah, because they traveled city to city so
There was a lot of different actors show up
There was, that was, yeah that was a great one
Man, cool
Yes it was
That list, I couldn't argue with anything on there actually
No, I couldn't, I couldn't either
Cool
I got a new segment here that I want to go into
Alright
It's called oddities and I got this off the internet
Because it's like odd little facts that just happened
Okay, one
NASA spacecraft discovers tiny moon around asteroid
During a close flyby of this asteroid
It came near the earth, it wasn't big enough to knock us off our axis or anything like that
But what it was, well they noticed a tiny moon around it
I mean this is a good sized one
But it was creating enough gravity itself for a moon to orbit it
Isn't that neat?
Yeah, it is, that is neat
Yeah, and I hope people are like
I mean I'm not like the biggest science buff but it does fascinate me and stuff like that
I find very interesting so I hope other people do too
I just thought that was very interesting
Another little oddity fact is security prevents the Texas Rangers
From celebrating a chase field pool after winning the World Series
They have a pool there at chase field, right?
And the players were going to go jump in it and drink champagne and stuff
And security would not let them, they said it's too big of a health hazard
And I'm like what the fuck, they just won the World Series, let them
Let them jump in the fucking pool, who cares?
Yeah, I thought that was kind of shitty
And I know they're going to go, oh I got a job to do
But they're grown adults, they can jump in this fucking pool
It's not like the pool was like 20 feet deep and huge
It's a small pool that like people that paid to be in that area at chase field
You know, it's like a luxury lounge area
And it has a pool there, it's really cool
And people can sit in the pool and watch the game or be outside of it or whatever
You know, some people just, you know, they get in their fucking shorts and jump in it, you know
So I don't understand what the big deal is
And then lastly, a lunch host is accused of killing her ex-husband's parents
An aunt with poisonous mushrooms that she put in the food
That's diabolical as hell, isn't it?
Yeah
Yeah, poison mushrooms
It's not a good death either, in case you're wondering
Horrible death, very painful
Anyhow, this person did that, put it in these people's lunches
She put them in her ex-husband's parents' food and his aunt
And killed every one of them, not a good deal
So I've got another story here if you...
Have you ever wondered what happened to the Sobe drink?
Remember Sobe? S-O-B-E
Okay, I can get them down here
Oh, you can?
Yeah, there's a damn station right up the street from me that has them
We can't find them for nothing up here, they just disappeared
They're getting hard to find
Okay, well the question is, where has Sobe drinks gone?
If you're like dozens of Twitter users who have been flooding the platform seeking answers for this looming question
Rest assured, as we have some answers for you
Sobe drinks, once a popular beverage brand that carried multiple fruitful flavors
Seems to have completely disappeared from the market
So, if you've been on the hunt for a Sobe drink, you may still be able to find one if you're lucky
The brand, which was founded in 1995 and is owned by PepsiCo
Still has a functional website that features its current line of beverages
Sobe, Elixir, though they can't be purchased directly from the site
But if you're adamant about finding Sobe drinks, there still may be a way
Keep reading to where you can find Sobe drinks
So, anyhow, it has all these different places
But the thing is, it looks like they have not said it
But, okay, the officials of PepsiCo, which was owned by Sobe
It looks like they're going to take it away completely, but they haven't actually committed to that yet
Officials of PepsiCo, which has owned the Sobe brand since 2000
Suggested to drink fans to check out the product locator on its website
Although the brand hasn't been discontinued altogether, local availability can vary
We're working diligently to keep products readily available for our customers
Please consider using home delivery or grocery pickup options through your local stores if available
Many of our products are also available in e-commerce if you prefer to order online
The Sobe website states all of this
But it's interesting how PepsiCo won't just say, hey, we're taking it away
Instead they have this locator, but there's not that many places on it, you know
It's like they're taking it away and then giving you a few places where you can get it
So it kind of sounds to me like it's going bye-bye, but they're just not committing to it yet
Wouldn't you say?
Yeah
So, anyhow, trying to think of what else
There's a blind dog rescued up in New York from the Frigid Pond, which is very cool
If you get a chance, look it up on the internet, it is very cool
People went out there and they got the blind dog out of there and the dog is fine, which is excellent
Because I think animals are awesome and most people are dicks, so not most people
There's a lot of dicks out there, but I don't think anyone that listens to us is a dick
Do you?
No, never
Never
Alright, so an opossum, which is a possum, only if it's North American, they're called opossums technically
But they're possums, we call them possums, but they're an opossum
And then South America, I think it is, or Australia, has a possum
So what it is over here is we got it mixed up and we call the opossums possums
Makes sense?
Yeah
Okay, I think you already knew that, I think we talked about that before actually
Okay, an opossum runs out on
That may be where I know, yeah that might be it
I think we did talk about it, so anyhow, opossum runs out onto the field during the Texas Tech football game
It was pretty cool, because they had a hell of a time getting it out of there
But anyhow, he took him a little jog around the field and it was funny
So a Florida home has been targeted by bears ten times
And they can't figure out what is attracting the bears to the home
In Connecticut, alignment helps rescue kittens from a high voltage area
Which is very fucking cool, because alignment has one of the most dangerous jobs ever
The life expectancy of alignment is like ten years younger than any other person
And the reason is because a lot of them get electrocuted
They actually have to be
Oh go ahead
My dad worked for Kansas City Town Light
He was an alignment, but I knew a lot of them
And I have a friend of mine that is in alignment
Okay, then you know
Yeah, they actually have to become a part of this electrical system
And they have to do it in such a way
If they do anything wrong, they're fried
It's a high paying job, a high stress job
People doing this always have to worry about actually just being fried to death doing their job
So anyhow, this lineman got up there and he saved him
So you know what? That's awesome, good for you
It did not mention the name of the guy or anything like that, but thank you whoever did that
Alright, an Uber driver buys a $110,000 lottery ticket while filling up his tank
He's still going to Uber though
He said the 110 would probably be a good down payment on a house
So good for him
A Georgia man has 186 pounds sweet potato
It might be a record, they're not for sure yet, they're checking in on it
So let's hope he gets the record
A reported kangaroo on the Lewis and Baltimore was actually a red fox
I love that one
There's a damn kangaroo out there
What?
What the hell is a kangaroo doing over there?
Oh wait, forget it, I'm a red fox, I'm sorry
What a bunch of derps
Look at that fucking kangaroo, it looks just like a red fox
A Florida man was issued a citation when sheriff's deputies determined his truck labeled booty patrol too closely resembled a border patrol vehicle
His truck is green and white and it says booty patrol on the back quarter panels and the tailgate
And it does resemble a border patrol truck, only his is booty patrol and he's getting fined for it, I say dude that's awesome
Yeah, yeah
Leave him a speech
Yeah, yeah that's what I see too
Yeah, leave him a speech
Yeah, leave the guy alone man, he's got his booty patrol going on, leave him the fuck alone man, he's got booties to catch right?
Yeah
Gosh man, leave the guy alone
A neighborhood bear in Florida ate all the kids candy
They had a display out there, they were like going to a party or something or had other engagements
And they left the candy out there in a big bowl and a bear just went over there and grabbed every bit of it and ate
And guess what, nobody tried to stop him
Wow
I wonder if he ate the wrappers too
Why not?
Who knows, he's a bear, he'll just shit them out right?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, alright, well good for that bear
And finally, but not least, an Ontario man's 8 foot zucchini might be the longest in the world
And they are checking on that right now, whether that guy gets a world record or not
And Rob, we turn to you, you have any final thoughts or any story you want to get to?
I got a final thought
Alright, let's hear it Rob
The Raiders are now paying John Gruden and Josh McDaniels $80 million to not coach their team
Bravo
That's awesome, I love that
Yeah, that's unreal
Well how long until Tom Brady has like a minor ownership in that?
How long until Tom Brady starts getting his fingers dirty in there?
I'm almost expecting him to
Well I mean it kind of surprised me, you know they went and got Jimmy Garoppolo, that's Tom Brady's boy
You know they both played up in New England
Yeah
And you know, and then they benched him, which he needed benched, he was playing horribly
But it kind of surprised me that they benched him that quick
So I don't know, I mean it doesn't look to me like Brady's getting his hands that dirty right now
But I'll bet you it's coming
You know he's probably doing some stuff right now he probably always wanted to do because he couldn't because he's playing football
But I'll bet you when all that's over, when the smoke clears and he starts going into broadcasting next year
That he might start getting hands on with that Raiders team
Yeah, that's what I was thinking
God knows
Let's wait and see what happens next year
Yeah, God knows they're not doing it themselves, they're not figuring it out themselves
So they're going to need some of his guidance I'm pretty sure
That's a lot of money to pay coaches that are even there
Like I said that's fine with me, it's not like I like the Raiders, I think that's awesome
Right, right, right, right
That shows you what kind of competition we have
Yeah, well, yeah, and another thing is, you know, Tom Brady, I mean I don't think if he can, I don't think he can sit back and accept a loser
I mean that's just not him
No, no
Yeah, I think he'll soon, I know he's only got a minor stake in it but I'm pretty sure he's going to start throwing some stuff around going
Hey guys, you're going to start getting me involved and you're going to start doing what I say a little bit more
Or you're going to listen to me or we're going to get this guy, we're going to, you know
So anyhow, it's going to be getting interesting I'm saying
So anyhow, thank you everybody for listening tonight
We appreciate you guys like we always do, we thank you for listening
Anyhow, I'm talking to a couple of places at the City Market that want me to start pimping some of their stuff
And I'm going to
And also, well you'll meet them when you come up to visit
Yeah
Yeah, so
It's going to be last week of December, first week of January
I'm going to be on vacation for a couple weeks so
When they come up, we're going to knock out some episodes
Sounds good, sounds good
Alright, well we shall figure all that out at a later time
Yeah
And let me see here, I'll just
Let me get the exact dates together
Okay, I'm trying to see if there's any places that are particularly popping right now
That's going off the chain that need to be mentioned
Harrisonville, Missouri
Is still just insane
The amount of people that are listening to us there
Columbus, Ohio
We have a large amount of listeners there
Let's see
Those are like the big up and comer
St. Louis actually is growing quite a bit too
And then a lot of areas around St. Louis that aren't called St. Louis
Right, yeah, a lot of the suburbs
Yeah, a lot of the suburbs, so thank you St. Louis, thank you Harrisonville, actually thank you everybody
Denver's still nice and solid
Ashburn
Council Bluffs
Council Bluffs, we've got like a lot of people listening there, thank you guys
Yeah, I see that one's jumping up there too
Yeah, yeah, and of course Kansas City
We're all over Kansas City, we got high on the Kansas City, Kansas and Missouri side
Belgium is a big one
Yeah
That's awesome
San Francisco's jumped up, but we know why
San Francisco's jumped up quite a bit
There's been a lot of places that have jumped up here recently
Thank you guys, we appreciate you, we see you, we hear you
Send us an email if you're from one of these places and tell us what you like about the show
Or specifically how you listen to this show
Do you listen to us with, you know, like on a speaker and a bunch of people
Listen to us while driving, do you got your headset on while at work
What do you do? We're interested in this, we want to know how you get our content
We would like to know how you receive our show
And who all is involved with that, do other people, is it a shop, you know, all that
So this will help us, our analytics on that will help us get better
So that's why we asked this of you, I've got a bunch of emails to get to that I plan on getting to on the next podcast
So anyhow, thank you everybody for listening, have a fantastic night
Thank you everybody, good night
Hey, where'd everybody go? Where are the douchebags?
Oh my god, someone took a dump in the corner
Oh jeez, ugh, I'm glad they're gone, let's just hope they don't come back
Man, that smells