Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue
waters of the Missouri River, it's Two Douchebags and a Microphone Podcast.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
Man, Axel Rose is such a great childhood therapist.
I hope he writes more books.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
How does a butterfly take a dump?
It never stops long enough.
Maybe it just shits while lofting.
Maybe it shits real quick while chewing flowers.
Hmph.
I may never know.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob Rad.
Alright.
Well, Rob Rad.
Okay.
We've got all different kinds of neat little stuff.
We have Things to Whisper in a Stranger's Ear.
Awesome.
We have a Dear Douchebags.
Oh, I love those.
A whole bunch of little stories here and there.
Little odds and ends and this and that and everything.
Some ha-ha's, some fucking burps and some clucks and everything.
So, we got everything going on tonight.
So, why don't we start off with...
Hey, I might even add in some wax.
Alright.
We're ready for anything.
That sounds good to me.
Alright.
How about Things to Whisper in a Stranger's Ear?
Does that sound pretty good to get started on?
That sounds awesome.
Alright.
I love those.
Well, this is something that me and Topher came up with quite a while ago.
It was actually in one of the first few episodes.
Maybe number three or four.
Anyhow, it is Things to Randomly Whisper in Someone's Ear.
Let's say you're at the City Market, okay, and we're doing a podcast.
We get done.
Right.
And you're like, I want to screw with somebody.
So, I was just, I don't know, walking around looking funny or something.
These are things you can say in their ear, whisper in their ear, and they'll be like,
huh?
This has completely fucked their whole world up.
Just because, well, it sounds fun.
And if you do it in the entertainment, you know, the art of entertainment, it's okay,
right?
Oh, always.
Yeah.
Okay, then.
Well, there.
There you go.
You can't get mad at somebody doing it in the entertainment.
No.
You can't tell them anything.
They go back and go, hey, I'm just doing it for entertainment.
Then they'll start laughing and give you a hug.
It's cool.
I don't care what you called my mom.
It's fine.
I mean, you know, we do have podcasts, you know.
Yeah, this is true.
Yes.
Yeah.
So, this gives us a right to do this.
Oh, and like, I'm trying to keep the ass paddling so once a month, but it keeps fucking growing.
People keep doing stupid shit.
Oh, tell me about it, dude.
I know.
People keep doing stupid shit.
And it's like, I can't do 30 of them at once.
So, I don't know.
I mean, we might have to have a bonus episode here and there of ass paddling.
Hey, you never know.
We could transfer some of them over to smacking the balls.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
You and I have got 40 or 30.
We do have 30 smacking the balls a piece.
We have 30 smacking the balls each.
You know what?
That's what we...
Okay.
I just arrived in the mail yesterday.
Okay, I'll tell you.
I got mine the other day.
They sent them all here and I sent them to you.
Oh, that's why it took so long.
Yeah, yeah.
They sent them all here and I was like, no, Rob gets half of them.
I'm like...
When I seen that big package, I knew what it was.
Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's a lot of smacking the balls.
It's a lot of them.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and at the rate people deserve them, I mean, you know, shit.
And here, I got an idea.
I got an idea for you, Rob, okay?
All right.
Okay.
What we can do is whenever we have like quite a few ass paddlings, we can vote on which
one they get.
Okay.
All right?
Are they going to smacking the balls or an ass paddling?
Now also, let me introduce to you the new bare bottom ass paddling.
And this is if someone needs it so egregiously that they don't even get to wear clothes.
We pull their trousers down or their britches, whatever you want to call them, and smack
them bare ass.
Does that sound just punishment if they're that bad?
That sounds awesome.
Yes, yes.
And I would like...
I can fill that list up quick.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Rob, you are always welcome to send your list my way and we can incorporate them.
I will.
Okay.
Who knows?
We might get to where we do this weekly.
I mean, there sure are a lot of ass paddlings who need to be dealt out, that's for sure.
Yeah, yeah.
So anyhow, I'd like to go to the Chiefs really quick before we go to things to whisper in
the strangers' ear.
I hope...
Say hi to him, my good friend.
All you people that mother fucked them, and I'm talking about you fans, that mother fucked
them, losing to Denver, we beat those fuckers 16 times in a row.
Like I said before previously, sooner or later, I don't care how big and bad you are and how
small and scrawny that other kid is, you keep whipping his ass 16 times in a row, that guy's
going to come back, he's going to find a way to beat your ass, right?
Motivation if nothing else, getting tired of looking like the patsy, getting tired of
looking like the wimp, the little skinny kid, the scrawny kid.
Denver just decided that they were going to actually win one, and that's just the way
it is, and that's the NFL.
And all these people are like, oh my God, oh, the sky's falling.
I'm like, relax, man.
We come back and beat the Dolphins, it should have been even more than what it was, but
the referees like to corner games and make them last a little bit longer.
So it's 21 to nothing during halftime, I knew that we're going to get a couple of penalties
that were probably going to go against us, and that's exactly what happened, and a couple
that didn't go against them like that.
One, we're blatant out of bounds fucking throw down to Patrick Mahomes, but then when Chris
Jones comes up and late hits Taglia, Tagla, Ivoa, Tagli, Ivoa, or whatever the fuck his
name is, I can't even say it.
Tago Viola, Tago Viola, yes.
When he hit him late, he gets a penalty thrown.
So I knew there's going to be some of that because they cannot tell me, because I am
a fairly intelligent adult that they don't influence the games, just like NBA used to
do and probably still, they still do, they admit it.
So they influence games to make them last longer.
If that goes up 28 to nothing in the third quarter, all the channels are being turned.
NFL doesn't want that.
State Farm doesn't want that.
You know, uh...
They're wanting to crack down on the blowouts.
Yes, and this is how they do it.
This is how they do it.
They can control it a certain amount with penalties, and you know, and I'm a firm believer,
okay, you have a couple of penalties called against you, that's okay.
But talent usually, almost always wins out.
So a team like the Chiefs will find a way to overcome it and they will beat said opponent.
And that's exactly what happened.
It evened out.
The Chiefs said, okay, fine, we've got to play a little bit tougher.
That's what we're going to do.
And that's what they did.
And they stalled the last drive and stopped them dead in their tracks and they won the
game and the game probably should have been a lot higher score for the Chiefs.
But I don't care.
A win is a win, and now all the rest of you, the good thing is tonight either the Bills
or the Bengals are going to lose, which is a great day for me also.
Yeah.
So I hope they both lose, but I haven't figured out how they can do that yet.
So I mean, I guess they could draw.
A tie, yeah.
A tie, that'd be alright.
Yeah.
Yeah, but too bad they both couldn't get an L next to them in the column.
Right.
Yep.
So anyhow, all right, I had to get that.
I had to get that out because I saw a lot of motherfucking of the Chiefs and I'm like,
man, three Super Bowls in the last four years, you win two of them.
You're seven and two.
Well, six and two at the time everyone was motherfucking them.
And you're six and two ahead in the AFC.
And people are like fucking saying this, fuck this, they're horrible.
And fucking I was like, what?
You talk about being spoiled.
Did you ever think that you'd think a seven and two team, you'd be like, oh my God, we
should be playing better.
We just be thinking the lucky stars that whoever it was we some scrub we had at quarterback
would be able to even get us to seven wins.
Right.
Yeah.
I think a lot of these people forgot history, recent history, as in before my homes.
I mean, Alex Smith, fine quarterback, but he could not get us to the promised land.
He just didn't have that pinpoint strong of an arm.
Smart quarterback, good quarterback, really good, but not good enough.
Now, remember when they took Alex Smith out, he had a one oh four point one quarterback
rating, the highest in the NFL.
He was having phenomenal season and we traded him that off season in favor of a young unknown
Patrick Mahomes that sat behind Alex Smith for a year watching him and learning from
him.
That was one hell of a risky move, you know?
Yes, it was.
Yeah.
And there's a lot of people as motherfucking it.
Oh man, I don't know.
Boy, that's risky.
And we traded him to Washington and we've been the perennial big dogs ever since.
So anyhow, okay, now I'm going to get to things to whisper in a stranger's ear, but I just
had to bring that up, Rob.
I think you can understand.
All right.
Yeah, I totally understand.
Okay.
All right.
Number one thing is we are here to observe only.
I like that though.
I do too.
Be like, what?
Aliens?
Are you an alien?
Are you one of those reptiles people, the shapeshifters that David Ike talks about?
What the hell?
Yeah.
I'd have a lot of questions if someone had done that to me.
I'm like, what?
Well, okay.
Observe this.
Then I'd fucking show my dick.
All right.
Or my asshole.
Hey, observe this.
Yeah.
Look, what do you think, man?
What do you think of my fucking stink star?
What do you think of Squashbiter?
All right.
Number two.
Do you smell different awake?
That's a hundred times creepy.
That is a hundred times creepy.
That is beyond Mr. Creepy.
That is like nutso creepy.
That would make someone like fucking, like get in their car and just start driving and
not stop for a while.
Fuck.
Oh my gosh.
Put it in your rear view.
Number three.
Love your skin.
Think it'll fit me?
Another one.
When you jump in your car, keep fucking going and don't look back for.
Don't bother trying to run them over because you know they're not going to die.
Exactly.
Good one.
You've seen too many movies.
Yeah.
Just go.
Just run the opposite way and don't try to kill them.
Let some other hero end up dead.
Right?
Yeah.
Number four.
You switched to Pantene?
Yeah, boy.
What's wrong with Pantene?
That's fucking good shampoo, man.
My mom uses it.
She loves it.
This next one I love, Rob, and I think you're going to love too.
This one is just fucked.
I have the clown nose and rubbers.
Oh, awesome.
Awesome.
Clown nose and rubbers.
I don't know about this shit.
Fuck.
That's another one where you jump in your car and just keep going.
If you listen to this show, you ought to be worried about clown noses at the beginning
of the show.
Oh, yeah.
You can hear it right after.
Yeah.
The noise that we use, that bam that we use for the clam.
I have the clown nose and the rubbers.
This next one I've been a victim of a couple of times today and I don't know who's doing
it but it's driving me nuts.
Number six.
Stop dusting complete.
Someone nailed me two fucking times in the break room, dude.
I mean, they smothered me in fucking sticky fucking air shit.
There was air shit all over me because someone shit all over me.
Two times they got me.
The sad thing is, is I think everybody thought it was me.
Someone came in there, did a fly by, ripped us and fucking took off.
The thing is, I was watching the football game so I wasn't fucking paying any attention
of who walked in front of me and went right by.
I have no way of knowing who cropped us to me and I have no way of getting even with
him.
I love it.
Now Rob, this next one here, this next one here, you will get, I will get and a certain
amount of other people will get but not everybody will get.
In the pale moonlight, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red rose?
I have always wanted to do that.
Me too.
Just walk up and say that.
If anyone wants to know where that's from, listen to Meat Loaf, Bad Out of Hell 1.
Yes, the original.
Yeah, the original.
The other one was good too but not as.
I mean, Bad Out of Hell 2 was good, it's a great album and a great song but it just wasn't
quite the same par as Bad Out of Hell 1.
But in the intro to that it is excellent because Meat Loaf and I forgot the chick's name are
basically doing like a little slapstick humor.
So tell me about it.
I can't remember her name either but she was awesome.
She was excellent.
And I heard her when she came back in concert with him, with Meat Loaf and that was a very
good concert.
I bet it was.
That was a tour that she came back and I forgot her name because she didn't do anything with
anybody for a while.
I don't know if she took time off, was sick, raising a family, I don't know but she wasn't
doing music for quite a while and I apologize, I can't remember her name.
But I saw her with Meat Loaf when they did the quote unquote reunion or whatever and
they both sounded so great.
I mean, and great together.
It was an excellent show.
Then number eight, you gotta follow this up Rob and me, you and a few other people who
know this.
I bet you say that to all the boys.
That would be the end of said slapstick skit at the first of Meat Loaf.
Bad out of hell song.
Number nine, ketchup or barbecue sauce?
And if they answer wrong you can hit them, they get smacked in the nuts.
If they answer wrong they immediately get smacked in the balls, right?
If they're in Kansas City they better answer.
And if they don't then they get slapped in the balls.
Or even St. Louis.
St. Louis is known for barbecue.
St. Louis has good barbecue places, I've been to three or four of them.
They are underrated on the barbecue scale, I can tell you that.
They have some really good places there.
Well, just being a tourist area, we got different styles that urge right here.
We got all different types.
You probably got Memphis, St. Louis, Kansas City, Texas and Oklahoma all in one area.
And that's because everybody that comes up there is from there.
Or a lot of people from Illinois.
A lot of people from Illinois go down to Table Rock Lake at this place I used to have there
on the lake in Kimberley City.
A lot of people from Illinois come there.
I was really surprised.
I mean, like half of the license plates in that parking lot during any given summer is
Illinois plates.
So I imagine you guys probably have the same influx of people there too.
Oh, oh, you either end up with Illinois or we get a lot of Nebraska too.
Yeah, I've seen a few Nebraska down there.
I've seen quite a few Nebraskans in Eureka Springs too.
So I mean, it's a little bit more of a drive, but I mean, why not if you live in Nebraska?
So yeah, I'm not dogging Nebraska.
I'm just saying it's different than Nebraska.
It'd be a nice little vacation.
So number 10, no one will ever believe you.
That is open ended.
That is just like, hmm, I wonder what I was saying that no one will believe me.
True.
Yeah.
Number 11, that guy called to the left.
They could take that anyway, like the guy that called us to the left or that guy called.
You're supposed to focus your attention to the left or you're supposed to do something
to left.
You know, that was just like one of those deals.
Either way, you're looking to the left.
Yes.
Yeah.
Number 12, three days.
Oh, this is the final one too.
Three days.
I will have the money.
And then by that time you really got their attention because they're like how much money
and where?
Yeah.
So anyhow, that is our things to whisper in a stranger's ear.
So anyhow, great like always.
Yep.
So anyhow, like I've been doing all day, I want my MTV.
I've been doing that to everybody and they've just been looking at me weird.
So I do it more.
So oh, definitely.
Okay.
Well, we just experienced Halloween.
Yes.
Anyhow, in Massachusetts, there's this house trick or treaters could choose between a full
size candy bar or a market back basket rotisserie chicken.
Dude was given away a full rotisserie chicken or candy.
He said, I bought 15 at $4 and 69 cents a piece.
Michael Mariotta said trick or chicken was just thought up because of a social media
post about food cost and to skip the candy and give out food.
So I've seen that one too.
It's like, yeah, fuck candy this year, give us food.
It's so expensive, right?
Well, he's like, you know what?
I'm going to go buy as many market chicken rotisserie chickens as I can.
And that's exactly what I'm going to do.
He spent a lot of money.
He gave out all 15 and then went to candy.
But you know, but whenever he runs out of market chicken, the baskets, he will still
have full size candy bars.
So I would expect that probably I would suspect that probably he got more trick or treaters
than anybody else around.
And I would think it probably they did that old gag where remember when you go and you
would get into another costume and get the good candy again.
Yeah.
I would say that maybe some of that might have went on too, but you know, who knows?
So anyhow, let's let's take a little break and come right back.
Rob, that sound good?
Sounds good.
All right.
And then you might have a couple of thoughts for us or something here.
Yes, I do.
Okay.
Well, we will be right back where Rob Radd's whatever it's going to be.
He'll let us know.
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Stupid fucksack come to me.
You talk stupid.
You know, let me go.
Smell like sack of shit.
He spit talk all over.
I remember smacking balls.
I use shit sack.
Shit sack lie on ground.
I walk off.
Thank you, smack in the balls.
You saved me from smelly, smelly spit.
Well, I had this stupid son of a bitch come around me.
He would not shut his fucking yap or for nothing.
He gets up on me and he talks all stupid and I didn't know what to do.
I could not shake this motherfucker like a booger.
Then I remember smack in the nuts.
I pulled out old smack in the nuts and that motherfucker went down like a sack of fucking
potatoes.
Thank you, smack in the nuts.
You saved me once again from stupid motherfuckers.
Smack in the nuts.
Don't leave home without it.
As pleasant as 50 grit sandpaper to your inner thighs.
Two douchebags and a microphone on Mark.
And I'm Rob.
All right, Rob, we turn to you and we are all ears.
We look funny but we're all ears.
I know I look funny just being an ear.
I've always looked fine.
Well, I'm all ears right now so I look really funny.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Okay.
Well, I kind of want to explain to you why I put off last night.
We're doing two tonight.
About a month ago, I got invited to go to this place down on Bagnell Dam.
And well, what ended up being, it's actually pretty cool, man.
It really is.
It's at a bar called the Ice Hole.
I-C-E-H-O-L-E.
And it's on the Bagnell Dam strip at Lake of the Ozarks.
Cool.
What it ended up being, it ended up being a comedy of the cure is what it's called.
And it's a benefit for cancer patients.
Oh, very cool.
People that have survived cancer.
Very cool.
And what it is, it's a comedy show.
And they have sponsors that donate goods and they raffle it off for the cure.
Dude, I watched a brand new set, beautiful set of golf clubs, new bag, everything last
night.
Go for $200.
Wow.
The one club was worth $200.
That's pretty cool.
Yeah, and all the money went to this charity.
Good.
And this guy, his name is Damien Seaman.
And yes, he makes fun of his own name.
It was too easy.
That's why I didn't say anything.
I was like, I'm just not going to-
That's why he does, and let me tell you, this guy is uncut, raw.
I love him.
Uncut, huh?
He has a dick flap.
Oh.
No.
No, we had some kids-
He would have liked that one.
We had some kids in school that were uncircumcised at birth for whatever reason, whether it be
religious or they were sickly or whatever.
We used to go, hey, he's got the dick flap.
Most of them thought it was funny.
Some of them didn't.
They're going to do that.
How many of the cures are going to have another benefit at the ice hole November 18th at 7
PM?
Is this the guy with the dick flap?
Yeah.
Okay, good.
Dick flap what?
Dick flap Dave.
That sound good?
Damien Seaman.
Oh, Damien Seaman.
That's right.
I'm sorry, Dave.
Dick flap Damien.
Come on, man.
I'm trying to promote him.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
You are promoting him.
I'm just having a little fun.
Oh, dude.
He was hilarious.
All right.
He is not prejudiced.
He's one of those that is not prejudiced.
He will pick on anybody and everybody.
Oh, I love that.
He's just moving himself.
Good.
Well, they also do another charity benefit for another organization out of Florida.
It's called Operation Outdoor Freedom.
They support vets with PTSD.
Oh, even better.
Well, I mean, cancer is great.
I mean, cancer is not great.
Helping people with it is great like they're doing.
And then also, wow.
Oh, it's awesome.
Dick flap Damien.
You're awesome.
And I plan on going back November 18th.
So, yeah.
All right.
Hey, man.
See if you can get it.
See him if he wants to come on the show.
That'd be awesome.
Oh, and of course, I had to wear my shirt.
I know.
I was getting ready to get to that since I said that.
Yes.
I had a...
I talked to him about it.
Oh, good.
He didn't have much time.
He was busy.
No, that's okay.
Dick flap, it's okay.
I talked to a couple other people.
And yeah, I had a good time.
I had a good time.
I had a couple younglings.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, of course.
Of course.
Good.
I wasn't driving, so...
Good.
And if you were, you would have been forgiven.
And if you get a chance, go see him.
But let me tell you, you cannot be offended if you're not offended.
I mean, I'm not offended.
I'm not offended.
Okay, so anybody except Xers and Boomers, I suggest you not go.
This is probably not your cup of tea.
You might have to go to the quiet room for a while and hold yourself.
Right?
Yep.
Oh, come on, Gen Z.
Come on, Millennials.
Make fun of yourself.
It's okay.
We're all human here.
We all have our ups and downs.
So hey, sounds like a good deal, Rob.
I'm glad you brought that up.
Yeah, yeah.
Buffalo Bills Jordan Poyer says Aaron Rodgers convinced him to try ayahuasca.
And he's a new man now because he did do it.
Ayahuasca is a plant that grows in the Amazon, I believe, South America.
And it takes you on trips that everybody has the same trip and everybody raves about it,
I think, where you see elves, you see, I believe, dead relatives.
You have conversations with them.
They say once you do ayahuasca, your whole life changes.
And that's what this Jordan Poyer says because Aaron Rodgers has been a big, big proponent
of ayahuasca in particular.
And also hallucinogenics.
So last year, four time MVP quarterback Aaron Rodgers made headlines when he revealed that
he used and endorsed ayahuasca, a psychedelic drug.
Rodgers take was and still is still very controversial.
But there are those who support his stance.
Someone who does not agree with Rodgers, Buffalo Bills safety Jordan Poyer, who revealed he
followed the quarterback's advice during an appearance on the RG 3 and the ones, which
is another podcast.
Aaron Rodgers opened me up to plant medicine with ayahuasca, Poyer said.
I was very curious when he announced it and when he started talking about it on the Pat
McAfee show.
And so I started researching it.
I paid attention to him and how he handled the media and how he handled the season throughout
that season and his demeanor and his way of speaking to them.
They had a tough season last year and his way of handling the media and handling the
questions.
And I could see it in his eyes that he knows something that I didn't.
Poyer 32 added that he first tried to plant medicine while on a family trip in Costa Rica,
which required him to take it to participate in different ceremonies.
After that retreat, Poyer says he felt revitalized and emerged in a new man.
The safety went through multiple injuries last season, but finding ayahuasca helped
him break out of that mental funk that injuries cause.
Poyer then added that he doesn't think ayahuasca is for everyone.
He is planning another retreat and more family members and teammates.
Poyer opted to, with more teammates and family members are going to be trying ayahuasca is
what it sounds like.
Poyer opted to stay with Buffalo this off season instead of testing free agents.
They signed in a two year deal worth 12.5 million.
Currently the veteran's safety has 41 total tackles on this season.
He and the Bills have one of their biggest games of the season coming up Sunday night
when they face the Cincinnati Bengals, which they are doing right now.
And let me check the score here real quick.
When you guys listen to this podcast, you're going to know who won, but you know what?
I don't know.
So it's 14 to 7, the Bengals.
So anyhow, anyhow, if you hear a dog bark in the background, I think my wife's home.
So anyhow, yep.
Let's see here.
You know that spider that you squished, it could have been used for science.
You know they're using spiders for-
That's funny, I used color swollen one a while ago.
Oh, okay.
Good for you.
What kind was it?
What color was it?
It was a spider.
Oh, okay.
All right.
And it was outside my front door.
Oh, okay.
Well, it was asking for it.
Yeah, it was like five minutes before the show.
Okay.
At least that's what Fay Yip said and Daniel Preston think.
Yip is a mechanical engineer and PhD student in Preston's lab at Rice University where
she co-authored a paper on reanimating spider corpses create grippers or tiny machines used
to pick up and put down delicate objects.
Yip impressed and dubbed this use of biotic materials for robotic parts, necrobotics,
and think this technique could one day become a cheap green addition to the field.
It all started when Yip noticed dead spiders curled in the corners of the lab one day.
When did they die on their backs and their legs curled in?
Or why did they die on their backs and their legs curled in?
The question let her down a classic spiral of scientific curiosity.
We did a really quick search online and we found that spiders do not have antagonistic
muscle pairs.
She said instead they rely on flexor muscles to curl their legs inward towards their body
in hydraulic pressure to extend their legs outward.
Hydraulic?
So this would be fluid in their body, I guess, Rob?
Well if you think about it, it would be like a backhoe arm.
Yeah, yeah you're right.
That's what they're talking about, the hydro...
Yeah you're right, you're right.
... would replicate a bobcat arm.
Since Preston's lab focuses on soft robotics, they saw the spider biology and inspiration
for a pneumatic gripper, you're right, pneumatic gripper, or claw-like device.
But instead of classic metal claw, they used something much spookier, a spider corpse.
When spiders die, their muscles tense up, so when the spider is alive, they can actively
control the valves in each leg too, so that it can have this walking motion.
When it dies, it loses the control over these valves, Yap explains.
Yap wondered if she could reimpose control over the spider's legs using compressed air.
The injected air pressurizes the dead spider's hemogloph, which is a rough analog of blood,
that hasn't yet dried up in the corpse.
The hemoflop, or whatever the hell it is, adds pressure to the joints, creating a claw-like
grabbing motion, and Yap says the experiment worked.
The Necrobotics, as Yap and Preston call them, could pick up fragile materials like wires
and even other spiders.
So anyhow, Necrobotics, sounds like a cool way to pick up fragile shit, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
It does.
Alright Rob, you got anything you want on your mind, anything you want to say?
Any stories?
Yeah, you keep, you've been mentioning to everybody about me coming up to Kansas City.
Yep.
Well, I kind of want to clear that up.
I'm, between Christmas, New Year's, I'm on vacation for a couple weeks.
So what I'm going to do is I'm going to go up to Kansas City for anywhere from three
to five days, and me and Mark are going to plan as many episodes as we can down at the
River City Market together.
And we cannot wait.
We're getting pretty excited about this.
Yeah, that's going to be cool.
And then, you know, I have a life here, but I am going to start coming up, I'm going to
try it at least once a month.
You know, come up on a Friday night, and we can work on it Saturday and Sunday, you know.
Yep, yeah, sounds cool to me.
I'm all about that, that sounds good.
Alright, so what, people thinking like you're moving up here, is that what they were thinking
or what?
Well, I don't know, I just don't, you know, I don't want to get that way, you know, don't
even remember starting.
Yeah, you know what, you're right, absolutely.
Yeah, so, okay.
You know, Michael Jordan's son, Marcus Jordan, know anything about him at all?
No, I haven't heard anything about him lately.
Okay.
He is dating Larsa Pippen, Scottie Pippen's ex-wife.
Scottie Pippen, yeah, Scottie Pippen was Michael Jordan's famous teammate, won a lot
of championships together with the Chicago Bulls.
So okay, this sounds like this is about to get interesting.
Well, I mean, yeah, it is, because all the women in the world, he had to pick Scottie
Pippen's ex-wife.
This is Michael Jordan's son.
So aesthetically, it probably doesn't look good, Larsa Pippen said.
Just to hear it doesn't resonate well with people.
The two seem to be happy despite the odd circumstances.
Marcus said during an interview, he would want his dad to be his best man.
Marcus said his dad has never interfered with his dating life and isn't going to start now.
He just wants me to be happy and if that happens to be with Larsa Pippen, then that's okay
with him and he really doesn't have anything to do with that.
And it doesn't say how Scottie Pippen feels or if he's ever mentioned it at all, but it
just sounds weird, doesn't it?
Yeah, yeah it does.
So let's take us a little break and we'll be right back here with some more bullshit.
How's that?
Sounds good.
Alright, stay tuned for bullshit.
We've got plenty.
We've got pockets full of it.
We've got, you know those things that you reach in for candy, like one of those pumpkins,
right?
And they give out candy?
Well we've got one full of bullshit.
So the first ten people that send me an email, we will send them a piece of the bullshit
out of there.
We just give here.
We just give.
We're just giving people.
I know.
You're welcome America.
You're welcome.
Oh, all over, actually all over.
We can't just say America.
Yes.
Yeah.
You're welcome the world.
We're more than just America.
That's right.
Big and bad.
Big and bad two douche bags and a microphone.
Your morning cup of coffee.
Your morning show.
So anyhow, we'll be right back.
And evening.
Yeah, whatever the fuck.
You know, play it in the morning and evening.
Play it solid for 24 hours straight.
Seven days a week.
Never turn us off.
Right?
And listen.
That's right.
So, but make sure you do it from different phones so we get credit.
You know, if you've got to take someone's phone and just start playing it, do that.
That's just the way that it's got to be.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know, you go to church, get it on theirs, listen to our filth.
I'm sure they'll love that.
You know, at work, you know, commandeer your boss's computer, put it on there and tell
him if he doesn't fucking listen that you're going to smack him in his head.
Works well.
And like I said before, if you do anything we say, you're not going to have a happy
life.
So anyhow.
No, you're not.
We're going to go ahead and go to break like originally promised.
So okay, we'll be right back.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
You are just like a cloud.
It's a beautiful day when you disappear.
Oh shit.
What's that over there?
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
If I ever find that, I'm going to kill you.
I'm going to kill you.
I'm a fucking doctor who is going to take care of me.
Oh my god.
Get me out of here.
I want to thank you.
When I find that doctor, who screwed up my limb replacement surgery, I will kill him
with my bare hands.
Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes and scream, Hey, there's
no toilet paper in here.
Somewhere in the heavens your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bebo
is listening to this film.
Next up, Things Over Heard in Hell.
Hell will be your main course forever.
This clip NOS2 on Earth is T Noon.
here don't we love them we do Gen Z loves us too we're number one in Gen Z
or say they they you know they they even started their own online petition to
get us put on on regular radio Gen Z did not really cool any way why don't you
cool that ain't what we want no I know no no no podcast is a cool thing right
now podcast is the shit that's right so yesterday's technology today you're
welcome the world so Gen Z could have to wave goodbye to resumes because most
companies have turned to skills based recruitment and find it more effective
research shows so what they're talking about is headhunters they just pay
someone to find this person they're looking for that person contacts you on
LinkedIn or whatever you know whatever your site is and that person is like hey
Mark yeah we hear you do this show called two douchebags in the microphone
and you know we'd like you to come to our show you know or whatever or or
whatever Rob you know Rob you could do much better without that no talent mark
you want to join our show you know no yeah no I don't want to join any others
either so anyhow so this guy would be paid to find you it might not be long
before resumes are a thing in the past because bosses are favoring skill-based
hiring and reporting big results trying to put down many years of experience in
a two-page resume has never been easy now the middleman comes looking for you
newest research shows that many companies are moving away from relying
on traditional job applications more and more companies are hiring a headhunter
to come find you so you're you know you're sitting at home and maybe you're
fine with your job maybe you're okay maybe it's no big deal okay and you're
happy where you're at and all sudden someone calls you goes hey you know what
we're just here looking at your skills here and we'd like you to invite
you to come in and talk to whoever you know plant down the road or radio down
the road or whatever and then interesting stuff yeah they have all
kinds of online services and stuff and I think it's the best idea because one
thing is is you may be happy where you're at okay and you may be fine but
you may not know that there's a better opportunity out there because someone is
looking specifically for someone just like you a headhunter looks this over
or a you know a recruiter whatever you want to call them so they look this over
ago you know what we think Mark or Rob is a great fit for this so we're gonna
call him up and then you know he you they can ask you well how much do you
make there what's your benefits and all that and then you have a good base or
like well we really want to bring you on this company so then actually in my
opinion I think you have a better better bargaining power a better position to to
get more money or a better status or all the above right if they come looking for
you if they're coming looking for you then your stance is much easier as a
potential employee you'd be like well you know I'm really happy here I know
you guys are offering a little bit more money but I mean it's just not enough to
get me to budge so then you can put the ball back in their corner they could be
like well we think this guy's worth a little bit more so hire him or whatever
you know I think it's a great idea so anyhow Jen's ears that's what you're
looking at and I'm sure you don't give a shit because I'm sure you don't want to
fill out applications anyhow right right so Lebanon Tennessee a middle
Tennessee couple exchange vows on a lovely family farm two days before
Halloween then they had the reception with a side of hash browns Eli Hall
Brooke and Mary Kate hedge met during high school in 2016 the Wilson County
natives later reconnected after Eli joined the Marines they would talk on
the phone daily when he finished up his tour and when Eli returned to Tennessee
from Japan his first stateside meal was at Waffle House fast forward a few years
and the happy couple celebrated their engagement while planning their wedding
Mary Kate felt she was getting more attention than the groom she decided to
surprise Eli with a wedding reception at his favorite restaurant and that's
exactly what they did the Lebanon couple spent the evening of October 29
celebrating their new life as a married couple at the Waffle House on South
Cumberland Street join us in congratulating the happy couple may they
always see the sunny side of life is what Waffle House said and we all got a
big har har from that right sunny side we get it yep real knee slapper
yee-haw wee yay we're a clown nose right Rob you got something yeah I did
all right Rob the floor is yours I've got a long-awaited
old west hygiene for you do not so fresh reality of cowboys and their horses
when when we imagine cowboys we envision tough and rugged individuals with a
deep bond to their loyal steeds running across vast landscapes and embarking on
daring escapades their partnership is the stuff of legends but behind the
romanticized facade of the Wild West lies a less glamorous truth
cowboys known for their infrequent bathing unintentionally subjected their
beloved horses to the same fate as these as they traveled great distances proper
hygiene took a backseat for both rider and horse apparently the cowboys were
known for entering the town after a long journey with a potent and distinctive
set following them and walking through the air oh okay yeah I mean yeah I
thought if I knew cowboys would stay you know well I mean they're wearing a lot
of leather in the hot sun horses ever thought about the horses and they only
they didn't even have fans yeah no me no I know I never did think about the
horses either Wow yeah yeah I would think that a pack of
cowboys smelt like a like a like a fucking honey wagon don't you think oh
yeah maybe even worse who knows yeah so Wow yeah you bring up some I love this
old west hygiene because you bring up some points that no one would ever even
think about you know yeah that's cool all right well cool
Burlington Connecticut a detective's found a massive psychedelic mushroom
operation I was trying to find the store earlier earlier to combine it all in one
area you know with the Aaron Rodgers poyer mushroom thing and all that I
wanted to condense it all into there but I couldn't find the article earlier so I
just now found it so anyhow so we're doing it now the Texas found a massive
psychedelic mushroom operation worth an estimated 8.5 million at a Lion Road home
Thursday according to Connecticut State Police police charged the resident 21
year old Weston cell in connection with the extensive lab members of the Drug
Enforcement Administration Hartford tax the task force and detectives from the
statewide narcotics North Central office went to the home around 9 a.m. Thursday
after receiving a tip suggesting that cell was operating a mushroom growing
operation for lack of it it has a different way of describing it here but
let me just put it like this it was a mushroom growing and harvesting
operation so not only was he growing mushrooms but he was always also
manipulating these mushrooms to be like more of a psychedelic so anyhow sole
accompany detectives to a detached garage on the property where detectives
saw a large mushroom growing operation police said soul at first claimed the
mushrooms he was growing were not illegal and did not consent to detectives
search in the home detectives then got a search warrant granted out of State
Superior Court in New Britain and discovered the mushroom growing factory
containing the the mushrooms the psychedelic mushrooms in various stages
of growth state police said anyhow they have photos of these mushrooms I mean
there are like tons of them everywhere huge mushroom small rush mushrooms this
guy one had one hell of an elaborate operation and it says just him but I
kind of find it hard to believe it was just him doing that don't you yeah I do
yeah I yeah so anyhow he's busted he's he's probably in jail right now unless
he bonded out I would think he's probably in jail so anyhow good luck hope
you got a good lawyer that's what it sounds like so anyhow let's go ahead and
wrap this first one up Rob that sound good and then we'll get to the second
podcast alright alrighty everybody thank you for listening we will be right back
with a second podcast have good night good night
hey where do they go where the douchebags hmm oh my god someone took a dump in the
corner oh geez oh glad they're gone let's just hope they don't come back
man that smells