Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it's two douchebags and a microphone podcast.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
The wild violet is an unsung hero. Most people don't realize that the flower can be stewed to make a delicious vinegar for the fresh greens that can be picked in your front yard.
Violet soap can be easily made as well. The flower is full of many essential minerals as well as vitamin A, C, and E. It is literally one of the first super foods.
Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes and scream, hey, there's no toilet paper in here.
Two douchebags and a microphone, I'm Mark. And I'm Rob. Rob Rad that is, not Uncle Rob, right? Yeah, not Uncle Rob.
Yeah, but we'll get to that a little bit later. So, anyhow, I got a, wouldn't it be fantastic if...
Cool. Yeah, yeah, those are always good. But first, I got a little story from Japan.
All right. Well, there was a Japan's flag carrier, Japan Air, had to make a last minute changes to deal with excess weight.
Not from baggage, but from a group of passengers who just so happened to be sumo wrestlers.
Japan Airlines realized that two of its planes were at risk of exceeding their weight limits carrying the wrestlers who were on their way to Omahi, Oshima, an island in the south for a sports festival.
Two groups of 27 total athletes were supposed to take off on separate flights on October 12th, one from Handena Airport in Tokyo and the other from Itami Airport in Osaka, with the latter being a much smaller, primarily domestic airport.
The sumo wrestlers weighed an average of 120 kilograms, 264 pounds each, far more than a 154 pound average passenger.
So, anyhow, they just, they had to add a whole nother flight and it's because, you know, all these people are well over 250.
So I thought that was an interesting little story there. So without going into that too much more, I mean, there's really not much more to say.
You know, there's a bunch of sumo wrestlers, they all got on, plane was over, you know, over the weight limit, had to get another plane. That's what they did.
Interesting story, but that's about it. I can't stretch it out any further.
So I got some, oh, go ahead. No, go ahead.
I'll just say, I'll just go and say both you and I in our NFL pitch this week, we suck. We suck. I didn't even watch the San Francisco game that we gave the numbers on.
Yeah, I know, but I couldn't have been more wrong. Well, here's the deal. All these people that I'm reading on.
We both been on same brand they lost.
Yep. They're going downhill big time.
Oh, dude. And then I watch, yeah, I watch the Chiefs game too.
Yeah. Okay. As far as the Chiefs game go. Okay. We won 16 in a row against Denver. Don't you think they were due for a win? Honestly?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
And Patrick Mahomes had the flu. We weren't playing very well at all.
There was talk about them taking him out, but he would not come out.
I think they should have taken him out.
They would not leave the game.
Well, you know what? What makes him great is also probably his weakness. So what do you do? What do you do?
You know, he has earned the right to get away with that. Don't you say?
Yeah. Yeah. One game. One game. It's a sick day, dude.
They're six and two. They're still in first place.
Although, although I agree with my son, they should put the backup in the second straight quarter back in.
They should put in Blaine Gabbard in the third quarter.
Yeah. They should.
But some of it was not Mahomes' fault either. There was a drop touchdown pass. There was a fumble.
There was a big fumble by McColl-Hardman.
There's a lot of critical mistakes and also the fact that you beat someone 16 times in a row.
Like I was telling a guy at work, I said, let's say that me, Mark, I went up and let's say the guy that I'm beating up, his name's Little Timmy.
I go over there, I just continue to smack the piss out of Little Timmy every day for years.
Finally, one of these days, Little Timmy's going to find a way to bust the shit out of me, right?
Yeah. That's the way it is. People get tired of losing.
People get tired of getting their ass at one point.
Look, the chiefs are the big boys on the block. They're the world champions.
They've been the perennial winners for a while now.
Okay, man, people are coming at you with everything, man. They want to beat you.
People are sick of seeing your name. They're sick of seeing you up on banners.
They're sick of all the hugs and all the accolades. They're sick of getting their ass kicked by you.
You know what? That's the way it goes.
And if we don't win a Super Bowl this year, I'm not disappointed. How could I be disappointed?
Geez. I mean...
You can't be.
Yeah. We were there. We were in the Super Bowl three out of the last four years.
Won two of them. My God.
I mean, I'm pretty fucking happy about them still.
One hiccup and people are just shitting their pants.
I could not believe the shit I was reading on Facebook and Instagram and all that.
50 times we've lost two games out of eight.
Yeah. I mean, come on, guys.
Listen, I know some people that mouthing off about the game today that are listening, that are going to listen to this.
Check yourself. Look in the mirror, man. Look, man. Love you.
I don't mean anything rude or obnoxious by this, but check yourself.
How much do you have to win constantly to be happy?
You know?
You're not going to win every game and you're definitely not going to win fucking 30 games in a row against any team.
They're going to find a way to beat you. That's what happened. God bless.
You know what, Denver Broncos? You deserve this. Reveal it and have fun.
If I were on the NFL, I want to give a shout out to the Cowboys for their massive win today.
Yeah.
Since I have a few friends that are Cowboys fans, I don't know why, but.
Well, they obviously don't know football.
Yeah, they did today. They did today.
Okay. Now, the Cowboys are a good team and you will see them go far in the playoffs if they don't fuck it up.
They're working on it. They're working on it.
They're working on it. But my business is not the Cowboys. My business is the Chiefs.
Yeah, Chiefs all the way, brother.
Yep, me too. So, like I before mentioned, Rob, I have a wouldn't it be fantastic if.
Let's do it.
I'm reading little myths.
Alright. Let's do it.
You know, sometimes female frogs fake their own debt to avoid mating advances from a male frog.
No, I didn't.
Yeah. Wouldn't it be fantastic if humans did that?
Yeah.
You hear the bar and you walk up to the chick, hey, hey, buy you a drink then she just falls on the floor and acts like she's dead.
Actually, I think I might if you do that before.
I may have to. Don't bother me. I'm dead. But you just said, no, I'm dead. Don't bother me.
Yeah.
Leave me alone. You're messing with a corpse, sir.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if all cell phones went into airplane mode as soon as the phone owner goes into a store.
I'm tired of hearing people's stupid ass conversation and gossip from seemingly a deranged nut bag, loud talking to thin air.
And they look insane. They look like a schizophrenic. They're sitting there looking off into air, talking as loud as they can.
Yeah. And then Jig come down and he fucking he threw his shoe at fucking Myrna. He hit her in the head.
Oh, I know. I know. And it's like, motherfucker. It's like, listen, I don't want to hear about your stupid fucked up dealings with whoever.
I don't care about him. So please keep your fucking voice down. Don't be screaming into midair. You're an idiot.
So it would be great if phones automatically did that. It's like, oh, OK, hang on.
We're in a space where people don't want to hear your fucking bum gump and gum bump and bullshit.
So all of a sudden your phone just says, you're in this store here. So we're going in airplane mode. Too bad. You need to make an emergency call. That's OK. But nothing else.
That sounds good to me. Me too.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if you receive store credits or free for free merchandise every time you self check out?
Wouldn't that be great?
Self checkout. I know. But let's say that you got a punch card and you self check out. I don't know, 20 times.
You get some M&Ms or something. You get free merchandise for doing the job yourself.
I wouldn't use it.
OK. But let's say that they had some sort of a program to where you got points for doing self checkout. Would you use it then?
No? OK.
I know, dude. I believe in paying the employees to do their job.
No, I do the same thing. I don't use it either. I agree with you. But I'm just doing devil's advocate here. A lot of people use it.
But wouldn't it be fantastic if we did that? They say, you know what? You did self checkout 30 times in the last month and a half.
We think that we owe you $10 worth of food and whatever.
I think it's a great idea myself. Because a lot of people use self checkout anyhow. Reward them. Reward them for doing the job that you should have paid someone to do in the first place. Right?
OK. I will agree with that.
Yes. I'm not saying you do it.
I have a hard time with taking Americans' jobs from them.
I agree, Rob. In a perfect world, that doesn't happen. But it's not a perfect world and it does happen.
I know that. I know that.
So I'm just saying that I think...
I read headlines every day.
Look, all of these are tongue in cheek. Right? All this stuff that we do on this whole program is tongue in cheek.
Like we said in the last podcast, we're here to make people laugh and grin and forget about all the bullshit going on. That's all we're here for.
We hope we give people a laugh and we hope they enjoy our banter.
So this is tongue in cheek, but I also think that there could be something to it.
I mean, come on. We're still going to talk about life.
Yes. Yeah.
Reality. Reality and life and these kinds.
I simply say that you should get credits every time you self-check out and then after a certain amount you can redeem them in for I don't know, whatever.
Okay. I will agree with that.
Yeah. So...
I personally will not use it.
Okay. No, that's fine. You don't have to.
I'm saying for all those people that do that are doing someone else's job, checking their own merchandise out, it'd be nice if like every, I don't know, every tenth time or whatever,
they got a little freebie from the store for doing someone else's job.
So essentially this is what they're getting paid to do that job.
Okay. Well, for example, and what I'm saying.
Uh huh.
Me and my son went over to my daughter's house a while ago.
Which leads me into the story you know a little bit, which you already know about.
Uh huh. But we stopped by Walmart on the way home.
Okay.
I picked up one bottle of body wash.
Uh huh. Was it Old Spice?
I did not go to the self-checkout. I went to an employee.
Cool. Good for you.
That's what they're getting paid to do.
Well I agree with you. I'm just saying if someone's going to use self-checkout, I think it'd be great if we gave them a little rewards program.
So, okay.
Yeah, but I want to support Americans.
Okay.
I want to support the working class.
But still Rob, let me present this.
People are still going to.
They're still going to use self-checkout.
Well I think it'd be great if they rewarded them. They get so many points each time they self-checkout and according to the amount of merchandise they swiped.
So anyhow, it'll never happen so you don't have to worry about it.
Okay, next.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if toilets had electric rims that were set off by urine?
Next time some slob pisses all over the rim he gets his little wiener fucking blasted with 50 volts of fun.
That sounds like fun.
Oh yeah. You can just like sit in the other stall and wait for people to fucking piss on it.
That'd be great.
Matter of fact, you know Tofer has that ambient recorder where he recorded the tornado close to him that one night.
And thunderstorms and you know outside nature.
I take his ambient recorder and ask to borrow it.
And I would sit on the stall next to it.
I would sit there and I would record all the dummies that pissed on the rim and got their fucking little wiener fucking zapped.
Wouldn't that be great?
Better yet. Better yet. Have a cup of water and throw it over the top of the stall.
Now you're talking.
In case they miss.
Hell yeah. That sounds good to me.
You know, I mean it's the same idea as when we were young.
We had this guy down the road.
That used to have kids go piss on electric fence.
And kids didn't know it, you know.
I did that one time at my grandpa's.
One time. I fell into it.
It won't fuck you up.
One blast your fucking wiener. That's it man. You're toast.
And I was showing up in front of one of my buddies.
Yeah. He was like, you dumbass.
Yeah. I saw a guy get his fucking wiener blasted with those. It's not very, it's not pretty.
Okay. Wouldn't it be fantastic if football commentators had to fill out a stupid or invalid comment sheet after every game?
Complete with description of what they were doing.
Complete with a comment sheet after every game.
Complete with a description of why they said such dumb fuckery on the air.
They couldn't do it.
So Chris Collinsworth said how would you like like he did last year and everyone gave him grief over it.
Oh you'd like a big load of that guy coming down your throat.
He would have to fill out a comment card on why he said that.
And what he was meaning.
And it would be cool because there's a lot of stupid shit said on the air.
Tony Romo would not have any free time because he would be busy filling out that comment for days.
So and all Al Michaels would do is the game was boring as fuck.
So I just started talking about gambling and everybody loves it.
And everyone would go, okay thanks Al.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if large box stores have to fill out a complete junk form to be displayed above said item.
Every time that gets returned in a certain amount of time.
So let's say there's a certain type of TV.
Let's say there are sharp TVs.
And a bunch of them get returned for the same problem.
After you hit a certain threshold.
There should be a sign up there that says this has been confirmed junk.
By your own risk.
And then have like one of those QR codes that you can hit.
You hit it and it goes yeah 70 people have taken this back because the remote doesn't lock in with it or whatever.
Or it keeps shutting off.
Or it doesn't accept the wifi signal or something right.
So that way people know when they're buying something that's pricey.
Maybe go to a different brand pay a little bit more and get something better.
Or it may cost a lot anyhow.
And it just doesn't work properly.
There should be after a certain threshold they should have to put a junk thing above it.
We're still selling it but we're letting you know this is confirmed junk.
Right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Children's cereal should have a total sugar percentage right below the goofy cartoon mascot.
So Toucan Sam would have a 65% bold type sugar percentage right below him.
I think that's a great idea.
So you see Lucky the leprechaun right.
He's sitting there looking down at the kid and his big fucking eyes.
Right below that says 70% sugar product in bold type.
Not that that would stop anybody.
But at least they would know a little truth.
Maybe if they chose to read it.
They probably wouldn't even read it.
You know what forget it.
No one cares.
Okay and last but not least.
If a toilet stall is not flushed.
It will not unlock.
So someone wants to leave the big greasy turd in there.
Can't leave.
The toilet stall won't open.
It won't open until you flush that fucking stool.
Like that idea?
So it traps you in there.
Traps you in there until you flush.
Okay as long as it traps you in there.
The next person will have to deal with it.
Exactly that's what I'm saying.
People seem to love fucking stink logs.
They love to leave them in stink logs in fucking public toilets.
I get tired of walking in and having fucking corn back rattle or fucking staring at me.
I'm sick of it.
I 100% agree with you on that one Mark.
Yeah it'd be excellent if.
Lock that door.
Or the fucking toilet that you don't leave.
Oh I got an even better one.
How about a loud, high pitched sound until you flush.
Soon as your ass cheeks get off that toilet.
Eeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.
And the door won't unlock.
I've got a better idea.
Aren't the stalls usually metal?
Yes.
Electrifying.
Well on the same theme as the fucking toilet.
I told you dude I'm in a mood tonight.
I told you I'm in a mood tonight.
You don't flush you get electrified.
Hell with you.
There you go.
Okay since it went in there we got a couple of guys on the ground.
Alright well let's take us our first break and then we'll be right back with more goofiness
and shenanigans and god knows what.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
I will rescue.
But my mom told me to not burn trash.
What did you mean?
Two douche bags and a microphone.
The audio equivalent to the meat sweats.
And now deep thoughts with Mark.
Is a pop tart a ravioli?
Or is it a sandwich?
I may never know.
I'm Mark and I'm Rob.
Now the way Uncle Rob.
It's time to rant.
And Blake I'm calling you out by name because I know who you are now.
No last name please.
I'm not.
Okay.
I'm not.
Okay.
Now me and my son went over to my daughter and his mom's earlier this afternoon to watch
the cheese game.
Well we get there a little early and his mom needed to run to the grocery store.
And it's cold, rainy, you know a miserable day.
Well my daughter happens to live off 54 highway in between Lane Creek and Osage Beach.
And if you know it, it's four lanes, two going east, two going west.
We come up to the top, we're at the stop sign.
There's this truck, red Chevy truck.
They did not get over and would not let us out.
It was like oh what, three eighths to a half a mile stretch.
Nobody in.
He could have easily got over one lane.
Well it kind of upset me and my son but we didn't say nothing.
We pull out.
My son starts dinging on him.
So there's another road, he does the same thing to the next person.
My son gets over and lets that person out.
It's just Tordy's dragging.
Well what we were doing was we were having to go to this one exit, turn around to go
back to another exit.
Because they put a big road up in between the highway and you can't cut across no more.
Well me and my sons, we were right on him coming up this exit ramp.
This is what really shocked me.
Because dude I was in that mood.
You not only cut us off, you cut the next person off.
You're just a dick driver at that point.
You know what I mean?
Well he had to stop at the stop sign at the top of the road.
He was going right, we were going left.
Just saying my seat belt was off, my window was down.
I was ready to come out of the car.
This is what shocked me down the road.
At the top of this exit ramp this dude looks at me.
He goes, aren't you from that podcast?
Aren't you Uncle Rob?
That's where the Uncle Rob is coming from.
I'm sorry Rob.
Okay well, that is shut.
I did not come out, no I was not coming out of the car.
It shut me down.
I was in awe.
It shut my son down.
My son was pissed off.
You know because he's got a lot of road rage too but still.
You don't cut people off for no reason.
I was like, wow.
This dude called me out by name.
I was like, oh my god.
I was thinking this guy could be Jerry in Montrose.
No, no, no, no, it's not Jerry from Montrose.
This is Blake from Link Creek.
I know who you are dude.
I figured you out since then.
This happened a few hours ago.
We talked about it.
I know who you are.
Okay cool.
And he listens obviously.
You want to be a dick driver?
What's his name again Blake?
Cross me again dude.
Hey Blake, his name is not Uncle Rob, it's Rob Rad.
I know your family.
You know I know your family.
I used to live with your fucking family.
It's Rob Rad, it's not Uncle Rob.
It's Rob Rad.
That's what I'm saying.
Don't cross me.
Alrighty.
Okay well let's go ahead and move on.
You know a Colorado judge chided a welding company and tried to pay off the $23,500 settlement
with a subcontractor by sending the money in loose coins that weight three tons.
Oh shit.
I know, I did not hear about that.
Judge Joseph Findley ruled Monday that JMF Enterprises acted maliciously and in bad faith
by delivering a custom-made metal box containing the coins that was too heavy to be carried
in the freight elevator at the offices for fired up fabrications lawyers let alone with
the forklift required to carry it according to court filings.
Findley ordered JMF to pay by a more conventional method like a check.
He also said JMF would now have to write a larger one to pay an extra estimated $8,092
to cover legal fees for the ensuing dispute over whether it had the right to pay in coins.
One of the subcontractor's lawyers, Danielle Bean, told Denver KCNC-TV, which first reported
the judge's orders, that the coin payment was a symbolic middle finger.
We all know it was.
Right?
Of course.
Yeah.
It's like here's your money, fuckface.
That's pretty much it, right?
That's right.
Dropping a bunch of pennies in a driveway for child support.
Yes, and that's happened before.
And then there's the greasy pennies.
I had a story that I gave up on that.
So, there was greasy pennies last year I reported with Topher that a company owed the guy some
back pay.
He quit.
He was a mechanic and he quit.
And he didn't give him any notice.
Yeah, I remember that.
And it pissed him off.
So they threw a bunch of greasy fucking oily change in his driveway and he sued them and
I believe he won too.
Yeah, well, I had a story here all back that I just threw out.
Uh-huh.
It was about a dad paying his last child, or paying child support.
Oh, I read that one.
Dumped a bunch of pennies in the driveway.
I read that one.
I know what you're talking about.
I chose not to report it either, but yeah.
Yeah.
I know what you're talking about.
Lawyers for J&O's.
That was just a dick move because the daughter weighed in on it.
Yeah.
I mean, I kind of seen the dad's side till the daughter weighed in.
Okay.
Well, I mean, if it wasn't for your own kid, maybe I could see it.
But I mean, if you're doing spite and it's hurting your kid, then you're-
Yeah, it hurt the kid.
Yeah, then no, no.
Lawyers for J&F said the settlement agreement did not specify how the money was to be paid
and said it had no intention of harassing fire to fabrications, knowing that both parties
were very close friends before the lawsuit.
The form of the settlement in this case is a reference to their shared career field that
has intended to satisfy the settlement, albeit an uncommon form, they said, in the September
court filing.
So I think the judge is probably right in ordering that it is a symbolic middle finger
and nobody will want to get paid in three tons of change.
It's bad enough to have a change jar and try to fucking sell that to a bank.
Yeah.
And not to mention all the time and effort and manpower it took for the company to actually
come up with that many coins and fucking take it there.
To me, whoever did that needs a sitting down and a talking to at the very least.
That whole spite thing, they cut off their fucking face, they cut off their nose to spite
their face.
It's like, oh, we're going to show them, but look at all the money they wasted plus 8,000
more dollars in legal fees.
So anyhow, whoever did that, get what you get.
So, um, Kokomo, Indiana.
It's two things that aren't supposed to go together, haircuts and fast food.
But the Howard County Health Department is now open an investigation into a Kokomo Taco
Bell after reports of a new hairdo happening in the kitchen.
I definitely know what kind of things you're not supposed to be doing inside of kitchens,
said Jennifer Lager.
Cutting hair is one of them.
Here's a video that shows them cutting hair in the kitchen sink.
Lager Bell said she was the one person who took the picture of the two employees.
She said she worked at Taco Bell of Sycamore in Kokomo for about a month before the incident,
Lager said.
She has worked in the food industry for 10 years.
Lager said the haircut happened Thursday morning as the crew was getting ready for the lunch
rush.
The employee getting the haircut had a trash bag draped around her to keep hair off of
her clothing.
Lager said the haircut was happening in the kitchen.
It was only about three feet away from where you make the food, she said.
Lager said she took the picture, sent it to a few friends, not intended to be seen by
anyone else, but the photo was eventually posted on social media.
I took it out of sheer shock and it showed to friends via Snapchat, Lager said.
Lager said she was fired from the Taco Bell for taking the picture.
Once she was let go from her job, she posted a picture on her own social media.
People deserve to know what's going on, where their food is being made, Lager said.
So Lager's Facebook post has garnished quite a bit of attention, more than 600 comments
and 900 shares.
I would say that that Kokomo Indiana Taco Bell probably has some fucking answering to
do, wouldn't you think?
Oh definitely, definitely.
That many shares, yeah.
Yeah, there's going to be a lot of people coming up to them about that.
So hey Rob, we turn to you.
You got something you want to say?
Yes I do.
Alrighty.
Yeah, now I'm off the other subject.
Yeah, yeah you noticed I kind of scooted you off that pretty quick.
We're on the show, we're on to the show.
Okay.
Okay, no I don't have this story, I've been holding back for a while.
I want to give this Gen Z some props, too.
The more I'm looking at Gen Z stuff, the more I really identify with them more than millennials
and a lot of other generations.
Wait till you hear the story I'm about to read.
Okay.
And I got this story for...
I mean I actually like their feistiness and I like their not taking shit.
I love the way they're not taking shit.
They're like, you know what companies, we don't care.
Okay, go ahead, I'm sorry.
A 21 year old from Los Angeles went viral on TikTok with a video showing how he bought
a small patch of land in Joshua Tree for $200.
Unfamiliar with this.
Go ahead.
He was an insider, he made the purchase because he thought it would feel good to stand on
grounds that he owned, especially with home ownership becoming more difficult for his
generation.
Wow.
Okay.
Okay, in the clip, this is on insider.com.
Okay.
You go check it out.
In the clip, which has been viewed by over 1.5 million times, PJ Yanty gives a tour of
his small piece of land, which he said was about a thousand square feet.
The space consists mostly of dirt with a campfire area in the middle and a covered hammock on
a wooden structure.
He also shows off a wooden sunshaded chair that helps shield him from the heat.
And total Yanty said the land and all the materials cost him under a thousand dollars.
Wow.
But he owns his own land.
You know what?
That's awesome.
Good for him.
I'm honestly, the older I get, the more I'm thinking about that, like my dad, he'll
be like, I'm gonna build a plot.
The older I get, the more I think about a tiny house.
I think a tiny house sounds like a fucking great idea now.
What?
Yeah, and I'm building trailers.
I could put houses on the trailers.
You know, I often do old time phrases, right?
Yeah.
And their meanings and all that, like a stitch in time saves nine.
It's one of the most boring ones and I'll never report on that one.
Look it up.
It's boring as hell.
It'll put you to sleep.
So like rule of thumb, you know, stuff like that.
The phrase fit as a fiddle.
Heard that, right?
Yeah.
Fit as a fiddle.
The phrase fit as a fiddle dates back to the 1600s in British English.
It had a slightly different meaning then.
The word fit had as its primary meaning, well suited app for a particular purpose.
The violin was picked out as the exemplar because of the alteration of fit and fiddle.
And because the violin is a beautifully shaped instrument producing a very particular sound,
but then fit came to mean in good physical shape.
So fit as a fiddle came to mean in good condition physically.
So it was just kind of like a natural progression.
It started out meaning the fiddle, but then when fit took on a different meaning about
then they just kind of went with it.
You see what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
Okay.
Well, all right.
Well, let's be back in a couple of minutes and let's go ahead.
Things Overheard in Hell.
Man, Axel Rose is such a great childhood therapist.
I hope he writes more books.
You do use bags in a microphone, raw and uncensored.
See behind the smoke show.
Watch as the douchebags get stung by a scorpion beast.
Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out.
Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for a year.
I didn't do it.
I'm not the mad shitter.
Act now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar.
Mark off the day with a douchebag looking at you.
Supplies are limited, so act now.
Brick Shithouse Energy Drink.
That's right.
Brick Shithouse Energy Drink.
Make men and women a girl.
Chow from the balls.
You want to fuck shit up?
You want to pull a skimmer across America?
Brick Shithouse is for you.
Please enjoy Brick Shithouse Energy Drink responsibly.
It's not readily available anywhere because of liability issues.
I'm sorry.
Musicson.
A constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
Ready?
Chair, produce a sound, similar to a heart, but only once.
Such that I cannot reproduce it and prove that it was just the chair.
We are aquí douchebags in Macath Angle-
As charming as a leaky sewer pipe,
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in...
Hey!
Who took a dump in the cooler?
In Philadelphia, federal authorities have released more details and unsealed charges
in the theft of more than 2 million dimes earlier this year from a tractor trailer that
had picked up the coins from a US mint in Philadelphia.
truck driver was... How much money we gonna do?
2 million. Am I good?
You know what, I'll look it up a little bit later. The truck driver was bound for Miami.
Oh, real quick.
Topher came to a decision on you versus
Mick Foley?
Let's do that later. Let's wait until we get that here.
Let's not do a spoiler.
The truck driver was bound for Miami when he pulled into a parking lot to sleep on April 13th.
During the night. These made off with a portion of his cargo of $750,000 in dimes.
The shipment weighed about 6 tons, authorities said earlier.
How the fuck do you steal 6 tons of dimes off a truck without someone noticing?
That's what I'm saying.
I want to know how much that was.
Thousands of coins were left scattered all over the lot in the northeast Philadelphia.
The Philadelphia Inquirer reports that prosecutors contend that the theft, which they now say totaled $234,500 in stolen dimes,
was part of a spree of robberies from tractor trailers passing through the region that also netted the thieves frozen crab legs,
shrimp, meat, beer, and liquor.
Detectives said that the time the surveillance video showed six men dressed in gray hoodies and armed with bolt cutters
approaching the truck in the middle of the night and breaking into it, then loading the coins into smaller bags and into a waiting truck.
The indictment on Sealed Friday alleges that after the theft, thousands of dimes were converted into cash
and coin machines in Maryland or throughout deposits to at least four different suburban Philadelphia banks, the newspaper reported.
Four Philadelphia men, 25-year-old Rakeem Savage, 31-year-old Ronald Byrd, 30-year-old Hanif Palmer, and 32-year-old Malik Palmer,
faced conspiracy, robbery, theft of government money, and other charges.
They tried to get comments from anybody, nobody really gave them any comments, so anyhow, they stole a bunch of dimes, they got caught.
Now they're bugging.
So, Rob, you know Eminem?
You know the, uh, the rapper?
Yeah, yeah, I know Eminem.
He used to live in St. Gerald. I used to live in St. Gerald.
Oh yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, Marshall Matthews or something like that.
Yeah, actually I worked with a guy that lived across the street from his mom.
Literally across the street.
Well, his mom is part of the story, actually. Eminem Pasta.
You know Pasta?
Yeah.
Eminem has a pasta now. It's his mom's recipe.
Lose yourself in Slim Shady's new pasta sauce. Eminem dropped a line of mom's spaghetti pasta sauces. Oh, it's the sauces too.
On Thursday, he announced on Instagram, the rapper posted a video showing a jar falling from the sky and breaking into the crown next to a takeout container filled with spaghetti.
From the D2YourKitchen hashtag mom's spaghetti sauces drop in 1026.
Link in bio. He wrote in the caption. Eminem opened a restaurant also named after a line from his 2002 song, Lose Yourself, in 2017.
Mom's Spaghetti started as a pop-up shop in 2021. It opened a permanent location from Detroit's Pamerica Park right across from it.
Now fans from out of state can try the restaurant's red sauce for themselves.
A single jar of mom's spaghetti pasta sauce sells for $13 or two jars for $25 on mom'sspaghetti.com. Orders are expected to ship on October 29.
Get your sweaters ready for some tasty spaghetti sauce. Reads a product's description.
For the most legitimate mom's spaghetti sauce, pull some precooked spaghetti from the fridge and reheat it in a frying pan while adding your mom's spaghetti sauce.
It's ready when the noodles have a bit of a snap and the sauce is heated in taste.
That's how to get a great leftover taste for the first time around. Add powdered parm and serve with some Texas toast with garlic butter.
For spaghetti like we serve it up on Woodward Avenue in downtown Detroit, says M&M.
Okay. So Lose Yourself and his pasta sauce, Rob. That's what he says.
Okay.
Well, you can do that. You can like your own. You don't have to like M&M's. That's okay.
Just a suggestion.
I know.
Okay.
I know that.
You got a story?
Yeah.
Alright.
The floor is yours, Rob.
I'm not sure if that's a Halloween candy.
Oh, okay.
This is Sunday night. Tuesday is Halloween.
Yep.
Let me get rid of all these damn ads.
I'm finishing it with my balls right now.
Here we go. Here we go.
Okay. Spooked about the high price of Halloween candy.
Yep.
There's not much relief in sight.
Okay.
For the second year, we'll do it. And this is off AP.
Okay.
I'm reading this off AP.
For the second year in a row, US shoppers are seeing double digit inflation in the candy aisle.
Candy and gun prices are up an average of 13% this month compared to last October.
Wow.
More than double the 6% increase in all grocery prices.
Wow.
According to data assembly, a retail price tracker, that's on top of the 14% increase in candy and gun prices in October of 2022.
Wow.
Now some candy has gotten to be outrageous, so just to be with you.
So let me get this right. All together it's up about 30%, a little bit under 30%.
Maybe 27%, something like that. Wow.
Yeah. 13 and 14, yeah 27.
27%. Fuck. Does this say why?
The price of candy has gotten, well not really.
Then they're just gouging us probably.
No, this story does not give a reason. It's just people complaining about the price. It's people like us reporting it.
Okay. Well.
I mean, that's right man. I mean candy, everything is outrageous for you guys.
Here's a little secret though.
And I'm going to leave it right there.
Let's all do ourselves a favor and just quit buying candy. Price will go down really quick. It'll be better for us anyhow, right?
Okay Mark, can I ask you something?
Yeah, go ahead.
What are you going to do for your brand kids in a few days?
Buy them candy.
Good point. Okay, you know what? I stand corrected. I hang my head in shame. You're right.
Dude, no. I was like that at first and I was like, dude.
No, I know. Look.
I got a bite for, you know.
Look, I said it before. Everything we do is tongue in cheek. Everything is tongue in cheek.
So I threaten, I shake my fist.
This goes past more than just candy. This is everything in life.
No, I know.
And also, another thing. We all know we're not going there.
Another thing is we are just a silly fucking show on the internet. That's all we are.
We're trying to just give people little ha ha's.
And maybe even my old job might get a couple of ha ha's when they hear me fucking bash them. I don't know.
You know? Who knows? But anyhow, we're just having fun here. That's all it is.
You might have a couple old friends there that might get a couple ha ha's.
Oh, I do. I do. Believe me, I've heard of them.
Oh, speaking of old friends, really quick. Let me mention this.
Missy, thank you, went to school with her. She sent me a series of really nice messages.
It sounds like she likes the program and I've listened. She mentioned that I was the funniest kid in school.
I was the funniest kid around. And it was really quite complimentary.
And Missy, I hope you listen. I hope you enjoy this. And you have always been a fantastic person.
And please, you and your lovely family, when we go start going back to the city market and I announce it,
please come by and see us. Jump on the podcast. I'd love to talk to you, see how you're doing.
So anyhow, thank you, Missy. Thank you, Missy. Yes. Thank you, Missy.
She said a lot of really good things and we appreciate it from the bottom of our hearts. We really do.
Another thing is... Well, it sounds like we're getting a lot of emails.
We may have to break the 30-day rule. We may have to break open some emails because you're getting a lot.
Okay. I'm off this whole week coming up because of valve surgery. I should have time in there to jot down these emails
because quite frankly, man, I had to go through them and then the ones that didn't really require an answer,
I had to just delete because I'm running out of room. And now I've got to come up with another email
because I need to be attached to you so you can look at it too. So we'll figure all that up coming up.
But anyhow... I've got a better idea. You can just send them to my email.
It won't... Rob, I'd have to show you in person. You can't do it? Okay. We'll talk about that later.
Yeah, I've tried all that. I have. Yeah, that's business stuff. We'll talk about that later. Let's get on with the show.
Okay. You know that in-house workers, the workers that have to go in, spend a total of $31 a day more
than the remote workers. And this is getting to be a problem. This is another reason why people don't want to go
into anywhere and work. Because it's $31 more a day on average. Gas. Gas and food and just whatever.
Look, I mean, when I used to work early in the mornings, I had a ritual. If I had time, I'd run my quick trip
and I would get a coffee and maybe a little something to nibble on on the way to work just for a little energy, right?
So that right there was at least at bare minimum $3 to $4. Okay. Then my food at work, even if I brought it from home,
was at least $4 or $5. Okay? So put that with that. That's $9 right there. Add a couple of, I don't know,
maybe something to drink, a couple of drinks during the day. That's another $2 each. So right there,
you're looking at like $12 a day. I know. I didn't add that much else. And then add your gas. I've been making cuts too.
Add another $5 for gas, saying you don't work that far away. So another $5 of gas. So all of a sudden,
you're up to 20 something just like that a day. Now take that by five days a week. Okay? That 20 times five,
that's a hundred bucks right there. So I get it. Now a lot of these people, if they're talking about the $31 a day,
they live in an urban area where everything is hyper expensive because people can't get out of the urban core
when they're working. So they are at bay to the high prices around them, right?
All right. All the places raise their prices because nobody has enough time to run to the suburbs to get something to eat
or to run home. So all the prices around these areas in the urban proper, the downtown urban core, prices are raised.
So that's where you get the $31 is because everything is inflated. Even if you go over to like a McAllister's deli
or a Jason's deli or a Panera, if it's in the urban core downtown, it's probably 30% higher than one just run of the mill
off of any given highway in any suburb. So companies are clamoring for employees to dawn their button downs
and return to the workplace after isolation measures from the COVID-19 pandemic proved many folks to do their jobs,
just as well in sweatpants behind the computer screen. About 66% of full-time workers now say they're in the office
five days a week, a drastic jump from 41% last year, according to a recent report from video conferencing company,
Owlatt. The report shows just over a quarter of workers are hybrid, while 7% say they're fully remote.
But there's a significant cost to return to the office with hybrid workers saying they spend $51 a day on average.
Wow, $51 when they go into work or $31 more if they're doing their job from home. I don't get what they're saying here.
Okay, the whole thing was, okay. I know how I feel about it. Okay, here is an average cost of a hybrid worker.
Okay, they're talking about a hybrid worker is $31 a day. A worker that goes in every day is $51. So here is how they break it down.
I forgot about parking. Okay, $16 on lunch because that's what it will cost bare minimum in the urban core.
$14 on commuting. So that would be Uber, Lyft or something like that because they probably live downtown
but don't really want to take their car if they have one anywhere. $13 on breakfast and coffee and $8 on parking.
Plus, workers with pets spend an additional $20 a day on average on pet care.
So now employers are starting to do some perks like having their parking reimbursed.
So let's say they work downtown and they drove their car there every day and they have to use a pay lot.
Some places are reimbursing them for paying for their parking. Other places are providing breakfast.
You know, maybe not a real expensive one but maybe some donuts and some bear claws, muffins and coffee.
So that's another way that they're trying to get workers to be more at ease when coming back to the workplace.
So this is experimental stuff that employers are doing like buying them breakfast, paying for their parking,
helping them with commutes like organizing carpools and maybe helping one person that's driving the carpool,
maybe giving them some money for gas. They're trying to work around this and they're trying to make it more feasible for people to come back to work.
So, you know, I think that's a good idea.
If they want to continue to garner interest in people coming back to work, they're going to have to do something like that, right?
Yeah. Honestly, I think they just all lay down on the wall. Get your ass to work. I do. I have the whole time.
Here's the deal. I've done it all through the pandemic. I put in overtime through the pandemic. Get your lazy asses to work.
There you go. That's all I got to say about that. All right. My 19 year old gets up and goes to work every damn day.
Sorry. That's okay. Rob, it's okay. Your opinion is welcome here.
You know, the McFlurry spoon, which sparked confusion among his fans. I'm getting tired of the lazy generation.
The McFlurry spoon, Rob. You know the McFlurry spoon? Yeah. Okay. It's a weird looking kind of like hollowed out spoon, right?
Which sparked confusion among its fans for being hollow is being phased out as the first food chain says it seeks more sustainable alternatives.
The clear plastic spoon doubled as a spindle while the utensils being inserted into the McFlurry machine to mix in the toppings into the ice cream.
McDonald's said that its US locations are changing how they mix McFlurry treats.
With the machines now using reusable spindle that's swapped out for cleaned out after each McFlurry is made,
the shakes will now be served with a smaller black spoon that uses less plastic, which are currently handed out with its Sundays.
They come to explain that the small change will help reduce single use plastic waste without altering how the McFlurry tastes.
Reducing plastic is part of the fast food giant's goals to become more environmentally friendly.
Earlier this year, it tested new strawless lids in some US cities in an effort to stop giving out plastic straws.
McDonald's set a goal in 2018 to reduce greenhouse gas emissions from its offices and restaurants by 36% between 2015 and 2030.
In 2021, the chain switched out some of its plastic Happy Meal toys for 3D paper-based toys that customers can put together themselves.
The McFlurry spoon is the latest thing to go at McDonald's,
where the chain recently announced that self-serve soda machines will be eliminated by 2032.
Customer behavior has changed since the pandemic.
The chain has experienced a surge in business through its drive-through and delivery services,
with fewer people choosing to eat in our dining rooms, reducing the need for the machines.
So, bravo McDonald's. I'm glad you guys are getting responsible and doing that.
Yeah, I'm proud of that too, man. I really am.
Yep.
People need to start stepping up.
Yeah. Yep.
Well, Rob, we are at an hour. Do you want to call it a day, or do you feel like doing any more?
Nah, I actually have some time done for the night, brother. Tomorrow's a Monday.
Yeah, that's what I thought. That's why I give you the option to go in and mail out right now.
Yeah.
Alright, everybody.
That's why we tried doing two last night.
Well, that other one will work. I'm going to throw on a best-needle.
I'm going to cut out that last part.
I'm sorry, man. I was getting tired. My voice was getting out, man. When I get tired, my voice gives out.
No, you didn't realize how it sounded over here.
No, I bet.
Yeah.
I bet.
I could not make out anything.
I knew I was getting bad.
Yeah. So I was just like, hey, let's just go ahead and stop this.
Yeah. I was thinking in my head, come on, Mark, listen to this.
Rob, you did fine tonight, man. Good. Well, I mean, there are...we had the first podcast that I put out this morning.
Yeah, yeah.
Then I've got this...
And I've listened to it.
The second one I've got a doctor up...
Yeah, it worked good.
...the first one that's got to get doctored up and it will get a blast from the past on the edge of it.
I'm trying to look for the...I'm trying to find...
And it's only because we were running so late. I was tired. My voice was cracking.
Yeah. That's why...I mean, you know what?
That's why.
Yeah. So anyhow, thank you all for listening and we will talk to you next time. Have a good evening.
Love you guys. Have a good week.
Yep. Same here. Bye.
Hey, where'd everybody go? Where are the douchebags?
Hmm.
Oh my God. Someone took a dump in the corner. Oh geez.
Ugh. I'm glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back.
Phew. Man, that smells.