Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue
waters of the Missouri River, it's two douchebags and a microphone podcast.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
How does a butterfly take a dump?
It never stops long enough.
Maybe it just shits while lofting.
Maybe it shits real quick while chewing flowers.
Hm.
I may never know.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Dandelion can be stewed with wild mustard and wild garlic for a very tasty stew.
You could even introduce our old friend the hickory nut for a bit of smoky flavor.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum, two douchebags and a microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright.
Well, this is the second podcast we're doing tonight.
Now remember I promised something, right?
I promised some ass paddlings.
No, I'm ready.
Okay.
After the week I had, I need to get some frustration out of it.
Okay.
Well, number one.
You chose to be a sacrificial lamb, right?
You said that you will take an ass paddling for the show, right?
So number one, who gets an ass paddling just because he volunteered, because that's what
kind of man he is.
He will take the punishment for you.
Rob Rag gets an ass paddling.
Yes, I do.
And if anyone has anything to say about that, doucheb66 at yahoo.com.
Now this is an invisible ass paddling so he's not going to know where it came.
So let me go.
I don't know when it's coming.
No.
It just went me and Tofer get together and we go to Genie and say, hey, we got our monthly
ass paddling.
We want to do it today.
And then the Genie grants us our invisibility to do the ass paddling.
And then, you know, that's it.
So in case people...
I could be at work in the middle of cutting a piece of steel and whack!
All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I don't know what's happened.
And all of a sudden he's going to be like, oh shit, there's my ass paddling.
So we will show mercy on Rob's ass.
We're going to give him the stern one.
We're going to give him the stern one, but we're not going to go crazy.
Okay, so because he has podcasts to do, so we can't hurt him too bad.
So here's how it originated in case anyone does not know, which if you don't know, you're
a bad person because you haven't listened to the program enough.
So and that hurts us.
That hurts us physically and mentally.
So okay, Tofer and I were walking along the beach.
We were not holding hands.
I don't care what Rob says.
We were walking along the beach in the sunrise talking.
The wind was blowing in her hair as a beautiful morning until I tripped over something.
I will say I always got that.
Okay, all right, Rob doubts it.
I'm telling you, I'm telling you we're not holding hands, but Rob says different.
So I stub my toe.
I want video.
All right, I stub my toe and I'm on the ground going, oh, fuck.
Oh shit.
Oh my gosh, that hurts.
And Tofer goes, wait a minute.
The hell is that?
It looks like a genie's bottle.
So automatically I jump up toe hurting and Tofer runs over there and we pop it open and
this genie comes out and we're like, oh yeah, we want our three wishes.
And the genie's like, oh fuck, let me go over this again guys.
One wish, that's it.
No more.
But if I were you, I would choose the wish wisely.
You only get one.
You don't get three.
That's a lie.
Only one wish.
So he's like, you know, world hunger, world peace, you know, and the pollution, but you
want something good, right?
And me and Tofer look at each other and said, no, we want to be invisible so we can ass
paddle people.
The genie sighs, he rolls his eyes and goes, very well, I'd have to grant you your wish
even if you guys are idiots.
And so boom, once a month we get to turn invisible and paddle people's asses that deserve it.
And that's awesome.
You made it.
You got to do it once a month.
Once a month.
If not, it'd be one time and then yeah, it'd be boring.
Yeah, yeah, it would suck.
So the genie done a solid.
It was us.
We misunderstood.
We thought we had three wishes, but he said, no, we watched too much TV and to shut the
fuck up.
So one wish.
I watched too much Dreaming Genie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he was a very condescending genie too.
You could tell that he couldn't stand us, but he still had to do what we said.
So okay, number one, Rob Rad, because he volunteered, we will show mercy on his asshole though.
We're not going to go crazy and just, you know, it just destroy his ass.
Don't forget.
I have hair for cover.
I have padding.
Yeah.
Okay.
I will run it by tofer.
Maybe we will.
We'll take the full blast.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Full blast.
The Rob Rad.
I grew up taking my dad's ass beatings.
Come on, man.
Okay.
All right.
You get full force.
Give me full force.
I'll take one for the team.
All right.
Rob, you are a trooper and you care about people.
You care about our audience and our fan base.
I'm starting to get misty.
So I go on.
The second one, Kale again, because it's such a fraud.
It's my understanding that the person that came up with Kale was joking and he joked around
with his friends and they like had a little side bet.
He goes, Hey, he goes, I'll bet you I can introduce this garbage off the bottom of this
can and I'm going to call it something fancy and people are going to love it just because
I say it's, it's the next thing.
I say this like the super food and it's great for you and it tastes fantastic.
He goes, watch the rubes will go, Oh my God.
No, I'll run around it and they'll start buying it.
So anyhow, I have two words to say.
Go ahead.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
And I, Kale was actually in the hall of fame.
No, why?
Because you put them two in that order.
You did not follow me with Kale.
You put me before Kale.
Yes.
If you put me, if you, if you put me following Kale, I would second guess this podcast.
Okay.
Well you, that did not happen and it won't happen.
Thank you.
That's why I said thank you brother.
You are welcome.
Put me first.
Okay.
So Kale, because the people that say they love it and all that is such a fraud.
So it gets it.
It's actually in the hall of fame, but we don't care.
I'm still going to keep fucking smashing its ass every chance I get the next one.
I got my dad's leather belt ready.
Oh, okay.
You might save it for this guy too.
This next one, Frederick Douglas Morefield.
You know who that is?
He's a Pentagon official that is on suspension for having a dog fighting ring.
Yeah.
I did read that.
Yeah.
That ass clown, he needs fucking, he needs like 10 or 11 ass paddlings.
Yeah.
The next one along the dog theme, president Joe Biden for having dogs that bite.
Yes.
We agree he would make it.
Yes.
So, uh.
Dog, dog, dog, man.
If you're living in the damn white house, you do not want your damn dog biting people.
I told you what I want to do, Rob.
If I was president, I would train my dog to hump the secret service agent's legs.
Yeah.
And then they would have to sit there and let him finish.
Otherwise I'd fire him.
I'd say, Hey, when they start getting a little pissy, I'm going to let him finish.
If you don't, you're fired.
And while we're at it.
Yeah.
Let's raise that fucking tail up and whip that dog's ass too.
I was getting ready to get, okay, Rob, you've got the next one.
The dog commander.
Both dogs.
Cause he's had two dogs.
Oh, that's right.
The one, I forgot the name of the one in Delaware already.
And then the dog commander.
Sarge and commander.
Sarge and commander is the one that just got kicked out.
Yes.
He's the one that got kicked out.
Yeah.
And I noticed that was something.
So Biden, train your dogs to hump the secret service people's legs.
Don't have them.
Yeah.
It'll be funny, man.
You can like record it and like show people go, Hey, Hey, come here.
You want to watch commander dry hump the fucking secret service guy over there?
Yeah.
I'm going to put it on video.
There's nothing he can do about it.
Cause I'm the president.
I told me says anything at all.
He's fired.
So he's got to sit over there and act like he loves it.
Hey, can I say one thing?
Yes.
If he takes that advice, he might be able to solve world peace.
You know what?
I agree.
All this shit this country is going through that we're trying to keep everybody's minds
off of.
He takes that advice, let's go and help people.
He might be able to solve world peace.
You know what?
And Rob, hang on a second.
I want to go to a serious point here.
What you said, we get, there's a lot of stuff going on in the world and humor is everybody's
medicine.
That's why we're here.
Yeah.
We hope we bring you a little humor.
We hope we bring you a little fun, a little delight in your life.
Hopefully you can turn us on and just get a little grin and go, yeah, you know what?
I like this.
That's what we're here for.
We're not here to tell you about the Israeli war.
We're not here to tell you about what Justin Trudeau just did.
We're not here to tell you about what-
You want to hear that stuff and listen to everybody else.
Yes.
We are not going to do that.
We are simply dick jokes and fart jokes and stupid humor.
That's all we ever want to be and that's all we ever will be most likely.
We want to tell you stuff about music.
Yes.
We just want to be your entertainment podcast.
We want to be your background noise that makes you chuckle.
Anyhow, thank you for bringing that up, Rob, because I think it's very important-
For those of you who don't know, that was a good opportunity to bring that up, Rob.
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, thank you.
You actually originally brought it up and I appreciate that.
Yeah, well, we're just talking, man.
We're just talking.
All right.
Next on the list is Georgia Highway Patrol for accidentally giving out a $1.4 million
ticket.
I almost reported on that last week.
I almost reported on it too and then I decided no, no, no, no.
They need NASPADLON.
But I've read the full story.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, look, but imagine that guy when he first got the ticket though.
Oh my God, dude.
I know.
That's what I'm going by right there.
That's why Georgia Highway Patrol gets an NASPADLON.
You imagine opening up that letter and going, what the-
You explained to everybody what happened.
Okay.
Georgia Highway Patrol accidentally gave a man a $1.4 million ticket, but it never really
was a ticket.
It was like-
It was a speeding ticket.
Yeah, but it wasn't even a typo.
It was like how-
Okay.
Go ahead.
No, no, go ahead.
Okay.
My understanding is they have prototype tickets and one of them is like $1.4 million.
They accidentally handed out a prototype ticket.
This is what the ticket's supposed to look like and they had to put an amount in there,
right?
So people would know how to write them out?
Okay.
Well, you've read the story since me because I heard a little something.
Oh, okay.
What did you hear?
I just heard it was like it was something they sent in the mail.
Okay.
It was something they sent in the mail.
But the reason it had at one point-
Go ahead.
I'm sorry.
But when I had the story, it was like two weeks ago, dude.
Okay.
The story I read that I'm reporting on was just two days ago and it said- Basically what
it said was, you know how like whenever someone's trying to teach you to fill out a form, they
have like a form that you look at.
So it's like, okay, here's where someone's name goes.
This is where the address goes, all that, right?
This ticket is a prototype ticket to teach other officers how to write out tickets correctly
so they stand up in court.
The prototype ticket at the office that they operate on says 1.4 million in it just as
a joke, you know, just for something filled in.
They accidentally sent out a prototype ticket that said 1.4 million and that's what the
guy got in the mail and was like, what the fuck?
And so his heart stopped for a minute and yeah.
Does that-
Okay.
That sounds like the same story I was reading.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah.
So it's just the way they worded it, it was the way the court, there really was no price.
Okay.
It was just pretty much as someone was disturbing court and that's the price that happened to
got printed on it.
Okay.
That's what I read.
Okay.
What I read was there's a prototype ticket-
And that's not in the story now.
Okay.
Prototype ticket and I'm pretty sure this is true.
Prototype ticket, they sent it in the mail accidentally.
The guy saw 1.4 million, but then he started looking at it.
He started noticing inconsistencies like the officer name was like John Doe or something
and all this stuff.
And then he started unraveling it, but he probably had 20 minutes there where he was
sweating fucking bullets, right?
Yeah.
That's why the Georgia Highway Patrol gets an ass-paddling for scaring the sky to death
by some booby-headed mistake.
So-
Yeah.
Georgia Highway Patrol gets an ass-paddling from me because I had this story last Saturday
night.
I did.
I know.
I'm serious.
I was going to report on this story-
I got it right here.
I got it right down.
Okay.
Well, I was going to report on this story last week too, but I decided to ass-paddle
them instead.
So, okay, cool.
They get it from both sides.
All right.
Okay, next.
All of Gen Z for Diet Coke Love.
They are crazy about Diet Coke.
We are a total agreement on this too.
Yes.
They are crazy about Diet Coke.
I'm sorry.
You're getting ass-paddling.
Yeah.
There's really nothing more to say.
You're getting ass-paddling because if you love Diet Coke, you don't deserve taste buds,
right?
Right.
Okay.
Next.
All Man Bun wearers, past, present, and future.
Yes, I'm on the Man Bun thing again, and the reason is because I saw four Man Buns in a
row and, oh, I was pissed.
I agree.
Yep.
If you have a Man Bun, what you're basically doing is you're saying, I am not an alpha
male.
I will never be an alpha male.
I'll never be a threat to you or anybody who's masculine because I am not.
I am a beta.
I am a sub.
I like to suck my thumb in the corner.
I'm pretty much just a little girl because that's why I wear a Man Bun is to signify
if it was prison rules that you could take me at any time because I wear a Man Bun.
Right, Rob?
Oh, yeah.
My brother, my little brother used to tell you that.
He was a guard.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Man Bun means come and get it.
Yeah, come and get it is what they're saying with the Man Bun.
They're saying, yes, I want Jizz on my face.
Walk off the bus, walk in here.
Yeah.
Oh, they see the Man Bun.
They're like, I got it right there.
He loves Jizz to the face.
So all right.
So Man Bun wears past, present, and future.
All right.
The next one is a little bit.
Oh, my God.
That's something to say about that too.
Oh, yeah.
Go ahead.
If you're going to be a man and you want long hair, put in a ponytail.
Wear it loud and proud.
That's what me and Topher have always said.
Wear a fucking ponytail.
Stick this shit on top of your head.
Yeah.
Wear it loud and proud.
Well, like I said, man, it's nothing that Aquanet and LIDAR will not solve.
Oh, tell me about it.
Remember when we used to light people's hair on fire?
Maybe all Aquanetted up and we throw matches at their hair and it got on fire.
It was a work.
It's a concert.
Oh, God.
I was in there flipping matches at one guy.
They had his hair.
Well, so did I.
But I mean, finally I sparked up and he's like screaming and fucking smacking his hair.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I don't know where I got all this nerve from.
I don't have it anymore.
Geez.
I don't either.
Beckett, I really didn't.
That was a good old day.
You're talking about really not giving a shit.
Really not giving a shit is the best way to describe it, right?
I take it to call it an old day.
Oh, okay.
All right.
We remember what we used to do.
Yeah, and we sit around going, yeah, no one will ever do that again.
They just ain't the same.
They ain't the same, are they?
Hell no.
We did it.
Jeb, I'm telling you what, no one, no one, no one, no one come near us.
Because anyhow, I tell you that night we picked me, you and John picked up that hitchhiker.
I'd forgotten all about that.
We're doing 55 on our highway, you had the door open and raked up.
That was hilarious.
Yep.
Here pretty soon, I'm going to retell the story about this restaurant equipment place
that I worked at for a while.
I kept fucking with the two people, Bernie and Bubbles.
Bubbles was a big biker that kind of looked like Santa Claus.
And Bernie was this big fat older lady that sounded more masculine than Bubbles.
And they used to fuck with each other all the time.
And anyhow, I'm going to tell the story because I can't find it.
I was going to repurpose it and put it on the last podcast and I can't find it.
But man, I did such a perfect temptation.
I have to go back through and see if I can find it.
I did a perfect imitation of each one of their voices.
And I used to like say the worst shit to each one of them.
And they thought it was the other person.
They'd always be in a fight.
I remember one time I told them live chickens got out of a fucking, out of a truck and a
forklift smashed like five of them.
They're like dead on the floor.
Oh man.
And then I was giving away toasters to the fucking truck drivers.
Yeah, yeah.
You did a ring toss still.
But I'll go into all of that probably next podcast.
But yeah, anyhow, I was trying to find that story desperately.
And anyhow, I think I'm just going to have to retell it.
Just kind of like the mad shit or I don't know where it's at.
So I'll retell it.
I have the big on ball biter and babble snatch and some other stories.
Oh, the phone prank, so that stuff.
But I mean, that's one that I've been not been able to locate that I need to locate.
But if I don't, I'll just retell it.
So back to the ass paddlings.
All farm owners that are selling to out of country buyers, they get an ass paddling.
A big one.
I tell you what, it is scary when you look at all the people or all the people with huge
farms that are selling to China or other places, fucking Russia even.
I mean, I think that that should be illegal.
So anyhow, a little serious.
Well, we are not allowed to go there, so I'm not going to go there.
Well, I'm staying on my political position on this show.
We're here to be fun.
To me, it's neither liberal or conservative.
I think it's a common sense deal that I think most people can agree with.
So that's why I went with it.
So we'll move right along from that.
Well, I understand that, I'm just saying I'm not going there.
Okay, that's fine.
Because I have my thoughts, a lot of people have the same thoughts.
Other people don't.
Okay, all right.
All credit cards with a ridiculous 4% fees on top of double-digit interest.
These fuckers get double-digit interest 23%, 28%, and then they charge you a 4% fee for
fucking using it.
They are robbing their fleecing people.
So fuck them.
Anyhow, all these credit card covers can go straight to hell as far as I'm concerned.
Flush them in a fucking toilet.
The next one and the final one.
Coca-Cola CEO James Quinney for bragging about preparing for a low-calorie future ahead
of time because he's talking about Ozempic and all that and how Ozempic users don't,
you know, it's kind of a diabetes weight loss drug.
Is he on that dumb, too?
Okay, no, no, no, no, no.
What he's saying is, he said that everyone's on a diet with Ozempic right now and that
they came out with the perfect formula for diet drinks ahead of the curve.
He's talking about Coke Zero and Diet Coke and I say he gets an ass-paddling, again,
Diet Coke, one of the worst things ever made to man and he's bragging on it.
Yeah, he gets an ass-paddling and he might go in the Hall of Fame.
I haven't made up my mind yet.
You and I will talk off air about whether putting him in the Hall of Fame for that.
He probably does deserve it.
Okay.
Very well, very well, yeah, let's discuss that.
Let's come right back, Rob, and I think you had a story you want to get to, maybe?
Yeah, I got a murder songwriter, but there's a different one for you.
Okay, we'll be right back in a couple of minutes.
Hang on.
May, your mother called you during every orgasm.
Ha ha ha ha.
A constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
May, you forever feel yourself vibrating in the pocket that's not even in your...
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Joe Buck and Troy Aitman are doing all televised and radio games of the NFL this year.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
The number one show for people that lie about their favorite podcast.
If a 10 pound bag of shit could talk, this is what it would sound like.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Rob, will you look at you in anticipation, our greedy little ears want to hear your words.
Okay, well, I'm gonna do something we ain't done before, Mark.
Oh shit.
At least you and me.
Butt fuck?
I'm gonna talk about country songs.
Oh, oh, oh, okay.
Die rock and roll, country.
Okay.
All right, that's cool.
I like country.
I mean, especially old.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Especially these ones I'm about to bring up, you'll know.
Okay.
But no, it's like I've been talking about.
I'm kind of liking this americansongwriter.com.
It's my favorite segment you do now.
It took the place of old west hygiene.
I like it better than that and I love old west hygiene.
No, no, I still have a few more, but I mean, stuff everybody knows.
But I don't know, I might have a couple of gunning, we'll see.
Okay, all right.
But no, there's some we do not talk about on it so far.
Okay.
Country songs.
Rob, Brad, the floor is yours.
I want to hear this.
According to americansongwriter.com, the four best country songs were spoken in a lute.
I love that concept.
You know what I'm saying?
Yes.
Yeah.
You know, talking through it.
Yes.
Okay.
Well, number one, for example.
Okay.
Which everybody knows is going to be on it.
The Devil's Down Georgia.
Yeah.
Yep.
Classic.
Everybody knows that one's one of those.
Classic.
Second one, Boy Named Sue.
Another classic.
Cool.
Number three.
Convoy by CW McCall.
These are brilliant, dude.
Yeah.
Well, that's what they came up with.
I could still listen to Convoy.
Well, I could listen to any one of them, actually.
Any one of them.
No, I love Convoy because they talk about the duck.
Yep.
The main dude is rubber duck.
My nickname is duck.
That's when the whole trucking thing was so glamorous to kids.
Everybody wanted to be a truck driver, getting their fucking Mac or their Peterbilt.
Yeah.
Well, it was a thing back then.
We didn't have technology like we had.
No, no, no.
Everyone was like trying to get their Peterbilt or something.
Yep.
Yeah.
And we all played on our dad's CBs.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I used to piss people off with a two-way radio that would pick up CBs and then they
would interfere with them.
And anyhow, me and Davey used to fuck with the truckers so bad.
Yeah.
Oh, dude.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Number four, final on this list.
One of my all-time favorite songs.
Okay.
The Ride by David Allen Coe.
Perfect.
Okay.
Anyone that doesn't know that, listen to it.
Go to YouTube.
Talking in a loop.
Oh, dude.
Oh, my God.
Go do it.
I challenge you to go do it after the podcast.
You know, I've got a story that you're reminding me of.
Are you done with this?
Yeah.
That was four.
Yeah, that's all I have.
Go on.
Okay.
Davey went down to Truman Lake in his stepdad's truck, which had a CB.
Okay.
I tried calling him a while ago when he didn't answer.
Yeah, I know.
I'm going to figure out three-way calling here soon.
I'm going to have a little time off.
I was calling my messenger because I don't have his phone number.
Okay.
I'm going to try to get a hold of him and see if he'll take a three-way call from us.
That would be so cool.
Dude, I'd love to talk to you.
I miss Davey, man.
Let me tell you, as entertaining as we are or as entertaining as I think I am or whatever,
Davey trumps everything.
That guy probably has 300 voices that he can just do in a split second just out of his
head.
He's so good at it.
He probably remembers a lot more stories than we do.
Depends.
I've talked to him about it.
I remember certain stories and he remembers certain stories.
It's just the way it is.
I guess it depends on what we were doing that day and where we were at.
I don't know.
I told him about a story the other day and he's like, I don't remember that.
I'm like, yeah, that happened.
Really?
Yeah.
He told me about one.
I'm like, are you sure?
He goes, yeah, you're the one that was there.
I'm like, oh, okay.
That's kind of like me and you.
Yeah.
You really need a couple other people that were there because they're the ones that kept
note with all our evilness.
They're the ones that like going, oh, shit.
There's probably like four or five.
Yeah.
Okay.
Me and Davey were in Roger's, his stepdad's truck, his big Ford truck.
We're coming back.
We went to Truman Lake.
We're coming back.
Also, we hear someone get on a CB.
He turns it on just for the hell of it.
Someone's on there talking about, I don't know, 7 Highway being a mess or some shit.
We're on 7 Highway.
So Davey just starts going off on him.
Davey starts going, hey, you fucking cow fucker.
You fucking piece of shit.
I'm going to come over there and I'm going to smack you in the face with my dick, boy.
Is there any damn thing you're going to do about it except eat it?
And all this shit just going off on him.
And this guy's getting fucking mad.
He's like, oh yeah.
Oh yeah, motherfucker.
I'll come get you.
Davey said, you can't get me.
You fucking redneck.
I'll fuck.
I'll slap a stupid at you.
Davey just fucking railing up one side down another and started making fun of his mom,
started making fun of his sister, all that shit.
The guy's fucking getting in the way.
I can imagine, Davey.
And then all of a sudden someone goes, I got a handle on him.
I got him.
They're right in front of us in a blue truck.
We look back and there's this fucking big Peterbilt behind us.
And we're like, oh fuck.
And he's like coming up on our bumper and shit.
And Davey's like, I'm going to go faster.
And he goes, no, he knew it was.
They have a way to tell.
I mean, maybe how strong the signal is.
I don't know.
Oh, he probably saw the antenna for one.
He saw the CB antenna.
He saw a couple of long hairs in there fucking laughing.
He's like, there they are.
And we did the rest.
We're like, oh shit.
So anyhow, we finally lost him on a hill on 7 Highway.
When you get near Garden City, they have a couple of hills that go up.
We went up those hills and he slowed down.
And anyhow, we just got the fuck out of there.
We got on Interstate, well it wasn't 49 at the time.
It was still 71 Highway.
We got on that hill on 2 Highway.
Just hit a gravel road off there.
I think what he did was he went on the gravel road back behind there that goes to Harrisonville
from Garden City.
Yeah.
I know.
So yeah, I said 71 Highway, but actually I think you're right.
I think I remember that.
I think I remember when we fucking shook him on the hill.
He went up the Garden City exit and went down one of the side roads, which the truck couldn't
get on.
Yeah.
So anyhow, yeah.
It was pretty freaky because we had no idea they could tell who we were until they come
up on it.
Well, the highway was a little different back then.
Yes.
Yeah, you had the two hills that went up right at Garden City.
Everybody's building these days.
You got different ramps.
Well, 7 Highway's pretty flat through there now and it's all 4 lane highways.
Yeah.
It pretty much always has been.
Well, you had that couple of hills near Garden City.
I don't think they're there anymore.
They flatten them out, but those hills are what saved us.
I know exactly what hills you're talking about.
Yeah, they saved us because on that hill that allowed that truck, who was fully loaded I
believe, to slow down and us to speed up.
So anyhow, we thought we were going to get ran over by a Peterbilt that day.
Did that stop us?
Hell no.
I think we mowed off more to truckers after that.
Once we learned we could bisque.
Always.
I did.
Yep.
I think, yeah, I think when you're a bored kid, bored teenager, that's what you do.
I sat out in front of my mom and dad's house on my dad's CD and mowed off to truckers.
Did they ever figure out who you were though, like us?
No, no.
No, I was sitting out in front of the house, dude.
I wasn't moving.
I remember I was fucking with this trucker one time and I kept going, raise her back,
raise her back, pick up, raise her back, pick up.
Raise her back, because I heard some guy called raise her back.
He was going to Arkansas and that was his handle.
So I'm like, all right, I'm going to steal his handle.
So that night I get on there and I think I was going, raise her back.
This is raise her back.
Someone pick up.
Emergency.
This is raise her back.
And the guy picks up, hey, what do you want?
And I said, hey, are you the one that keeps calling me?
No.
Oh, it must be your mom.
Oh man.
I mean, and then it's off from there.
It's like, you know, fuck you.
You got a little dick.
Yep.
And just, you know, pissing people off, just like mouthing off at them.
And I just kept fucking gouging him with all these insults.
And anyhow, other truckers are getting on.
We're going to come get you.
Oh yeah.
And all this shit.
So anyhow, and that was the one that we done stationary from his garage.
The one in the garage, you could only pick them up so far out.
You couldn't pick up 71.
That was too far away, but you could pick them up over there on Holmes road and they'd
have no idea where you were.
So anyhow, I lived in Belton.
I was right off 71.
Oh, okay.
Then you could talk to anybody.
I was known as the whistling bandit.
Really?
No, what I would do is I would drop.
I was like 12, 13 years old.
I'd go out to my dad's truck and just start whistling on the mic.
And all the truckers started talking about the whistling bandit.
And you were the whistling bandit?
Yeah.
I mean, that's what I just make a whistle.
You see, I mean, I wish I would have done.
And that's all I would say.
I just whistled.
Okay.
I made a name for myself when I was a kid, man.
Oh, wow.
This actually...
And nobody knows it.
Nobody knows it.
They do now?
I actually had people talking about me.
That's fucking awesome.
People asking if I'm on air.
Wow.
Yeah, it was cool.
I loved it.
I loved it, dude.
Cool?
Anyway, where are we going with this show?
Do you have any clue?
No, I don't either.
We're just bullshitting pretty much.
I did ask Padlands.
Yeah, are you done with Ask Padlands?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because it parlayed into fucking with people on 7 Highway, fucking with truckers on 7 Highway.
Oh, dude, dude, dude.
Yeah, that's a long history there.
Yeah, let's stop there.
All right.
You know Gen Z, they have some top five work trends, right?
Yes, yes, yes.
Okay.
Gen Z are starting off new workplace trends on TikTok from Bare Minimum Mondays to Lazy
Girl jobs.
They become disenchanted with work life as companies lay off staff and abandon remote
working, which a lot of them have abandoned remote working because they don't get as much
productivity out of the person.
They want them in the office.
So, a lot of Gen Z workers are very discouraged because they got very comfy at home and they're
not happy.
Instead, young workers are putting their well-being and happiness over being the perfect employee.
And believe me, like I've said before and I've mentioned many times, my old job, the
ones that I always make fun of and have a little ha-ha on their back.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, that's a perfect lesson, I think, right there that teaches anybody.
You're expendable if it comes to their wallet.
And everybody knows this.
They value their monetary over you.
And I'm not saying it's right or wrong.
It's business, I know.
Is it shitty and dirty?
Probably.
Are you going to find your way to heaven with that?
Probably not.
Yeah.
So, the deal is, is this right here.
And, you know, I barely mentioned, I hardly ever mention my old work anymore.
And the reason is, is because I landed on my feet so well and I'm doing so much better
that it's just obsolete.
I don't need to say anything.
You know, they're going to keep counting their money in the corner and I'm going to keep
being happy.
So, but we're...
Can I say...
Yes.
Three little words?
Yeah.
Oh no, excuse me, four little words.
Not if you bundle them.
It ain't worth it.
Oh, okay.
No, you're right.
It ain't worth it.
No, I'm going on.
I wasn't going to go off.
I know you are.
I know exactly what you're saying, bro.
Yeah, no, no, no.
I was mentioning it because this actually pertains to the article.
Gen Z workers are shaking up a professional world with new ways of finding success and
happiness.
I'm going to do a job like you and jobs.
Yeah.
Job cuts became a regular in 2023 with huge firms laying off such as Meta, JP Morgan, Twitter,
et cetera.
Does is a company that's going to revise their remote work policies and they reversed them
and made people start coming back into the office.
Gen Z workers have witnessed their elder get ate up with a... going all out for a company
that doesn't give one ounce of shit about you and this goes back to what I said earlier.
Gen Zers are not work first.
These five trends this year are this.
One, lazy girl jobs.
This has taken a minimal job that is flexible for schedules such as childcare or other commitments.
You know you're never going to get rich on this job.
Though you're even, you know, it's a subpar job, but it bends and flexes with you so you
take it.
It's called a lazy girl job.
So I get it.
Number two, snail girl era.
The snail girl era is the latest example of life over work priority.
It refers to women who are slowing down and prioritizing self care and happiness over
endlessly chasing success.
Yes.
I mean all of these I agree with do you?
Yeah, yeah, I do.
Yeah, I mean really.
Bare minimum Mondays is number three.
This is the art of taking on the least amount of work possible to minimize stress.
This will help with the whole week.
I love that.
So they are pacing themselves for a week.
So they do very little Mondays.
That way they can handle more stress later on in the week.
Sure.
Okay.
Sounds good to me.
What about you?
Yeah, sounds good.
Alright.
Number four, managing up.
This is an age old hack that recently gained popularity with Gen Z's.
Andy Malinsky, a professional of organizations behavior, previously told Insider that the
strategy is about managing the relationship that you have with your boss to make the job
suit your needs.
And this is true.
I've done this before.
You become everything that that boss wants and they will make sure that that is the job
that you're going to be at for a long time by doing things to make them suit you.
It does work.
Tell me about it.
Yeah, I know you know.
Like if you quit that place.
Stop.
Stop?
Okay.
Stop.
The hashtag Bored at Work is more prevalent now than it has an official title.
It's hashtag Bored out.
This is an indicator of people that went for money instead of happiness and find themselves
in a burnout situation.
So that is the top five.
Now Gen Z has a weird way of doing things and a weird way of expressing themselves but
I honestly, honestly really see where they're coming from on a lot of different avenues.
So I mean I kind of respect a lot of their thought especially on working and how you
handle yourself towards it.
So anyhow.
Okay, okay.
Well here I got a Gen Z story for you.
Okay, go ahead.
Since you put it out.
All righty.
Okay.
I got this one like yeah it was a while ago.
It's one I've been storing.
Okay.
But then I ran across it again.
BJ ANC went viral with a video showing off a plot of land he bought in Joshua Creek,
California.
Okay.
It costed $200 and with materials to build on it, the project totaled under $1000.
Uh-huh.
The 21-year-old from Los Angeles went viral on TikTok telling how he bought a small house
in the area.
Rob, hang on, hang on.
You're not sounding very good on the.
My voice is giving out.
Is that what it is?
Yeah, yeah.
My voice is crackling.
Oh shit.
Okay.
It's sounding really muffled, I don't think it's going to come out that good.
Let's drop that and give it up.
Yeah, my voice is starting to give out.
Okay.
So you want to call it a podcast?
Yeah.
Okay.
All right, everybody, thank you for listening.
I know, I've got a rehearsal tomorrow night.
All right.
I might just come back with a solo deal and tell my restaurant.
No, I'm going to do that with you.
Anyhow.
I'll throw something on the end of this to make it a normal sized podcast.
So we'll have some sort of blast.
Yeah, we fall off of it.
Okay.
All right.
Thank you guys for listening.
Have a good night.
Although you're here.
Good night.
Oh, Lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there.
Don't worry.
I have a clown nose.
Oh, no.
That drunk guy just hit my child.
It is okay.
I have a clown nose.
Clown nose.
Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office?
Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
I smell bacon.
No, wait.
It's just Mark's wedding.
Coming up.
The blast.
From the past.
This is where we take old shows and incorporate them into new shows.
Because you fucks refuse to go get it.
Well, you know, I got a neat little story here about a little prank that me and Davey,
my friend that I refer to often, played in the old Bannister Mall.
Remember that?
Oh, yeah.
Boy, that was an area for a lot of fucking fun.
We used to get away with murder at that place.
We had done the stupidest shit.
There was a security guard, a little short little fucker, a little dumpy little guy named Sam.
And he hated us long hair.
We were in there getting all the chicks and he didn't fucking like it.
Sam used to always try to get me kicked out and Davey too, but more me.
He really hated me for some reason.
So he'd always screw with me.
He got me kicked out for about two weeks.
Then we went to court and then the judge said you can't kick him out.
It's a public mall.
So anyhow, you know, one of the biggest ways to sell the hoax is to,
we found this out, was to have a setup guy that no one knew.
Just a guy to confirm what you're saying.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I did see that monkey over there.
Yeah.
Last I saw him, he was on top of that building and he was throwing shit at somebody.
The random witness you see disappears.
Yes.
So this guy, okay, this is Bannister Mall, early 1980s.
Me and my good buddy Davey were hanging out.
And we were crazy long hairs that, you know, the average teen would follow, you know,
because we're long hairs and, you know, we're kind of like the Pied Piper of teens.
Yeah.
People would like, used to look at us and go, well, there's the party.
Let's just follow them around until they go to it.
I've done that?
Yeah.
They used to do it all the time.
We'd be like, where are you guys going?
Cleveland, Ohio?
No, Missouri.
That guy looks like he might have beer.
Yeah.
So they'd just start following us and that's just the way we were.
And then we'd all introduce, hey, hey, I'm so and so, I'm so and so, you know.
And we'd have a good time Cleveland Lake or something.
Yeah.
You know, slamming beers, doing stupid shit.
So Davey and I had certain buddies that would walk up and hear the bullshit that was you
in and then help seal the deal.
You know, they'd sell it completely.
You know, one guy that walked around to help us was a punker named Jason.
Jason was really cool because he looked like the type of guy that wouldn't like us.
But we got to talking to him.
And we saw eye to eye on everything except music.
Everything else, we were the same, you know.
Fuck society.
Fuck the average guy.
Fuck this.
Fuck that.
But when it came to music, you know, we're like fucking listening to Motley Crue and
shit like that.
And he was listening to, I don't know, the Ramones or even deeper than that, you know,
Dead Kennedys, the Germs.
Television.
Yeah.
He was a real punker.
A good one.
Yeah.
He had an orange mohawk.
Sweet.
Or a black spiked leather.
And Doc Martens.
So, I mean, you know, you got the guy, right?
You know who I'm talking about.
So, great guy though.
I'd love to know what happened to him.
So, Jason, if you happen to hear this abortion, please, oh, I guess that's a bad word now,
isn't it?
Oh.
This atrocity.
There we go.
If you happen to hear this horrible atrocity, then, you know, hey, send us an email.
Yeah.
I forgot what the valid email is.
We put so many bullshit ones out there.
We can't remember our real place.
There is a valid one and I can't remember what the hell it is.
We also have an actual real phone number.
Hell if I know that one either.
Yeah.
So, I can't even remember the real one.
So, show prep.
Yeah.
Here I was talking about show prep and making a big deal out of it and I can't even remember
our email.
So, anyhow, meanwhile, there's this one security guard named Sam that I kind of alluded to
or actually went into a little bit.
Sam was a jealous little pussy bitch.
He constantly tried to get me kicked out and barred from all, and like I said earlier, he
did for a while, for a couple of weeks, and we went to court.
I got back in, which really fumed his ass, burnt his ass.
How bad.
Because every time I seen him, I was like overzealous about him.
Hi Sam, how are you?
He came over for dinner tonight, little guy.
A little tiny bit of authority he had and it's gone.
You look cute today.
I beeped his nose one time.
He could about went unglued.
So, you know, me and David used to play moon tricks on Sam Cawson.
Sounds like he deserved it.
Oh, he did, you know.
So, we quickly went to Jason to be the casual guy walking by to sell it.
So, Jason's over in the corner where the movie theaters upstairs used to be because then
they went downstairs for a while and then they disappeared.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, they used to be upstairs, mid upstairs.
So, I think right across from food court maybe, if I remember correctly.
Now in my mind, I'm getting a little confused with Ward Parkway because their movie theaters
shifted around a bit too.
Okay, well anyhow, this is when they were upstairs because I remember that part well
because people were coming in to go to lobbies and were screwing with them.
So, David and I set this one up perfectly.
We had a buddy that he won a backstage pass to Great White.
Oh, remember them?
It's a video shoot, okay, as an extra.
Oh, that'd be cool.
Yeah.
And he was in it, I don't know if it was once bit or something else, but he was in it.
And so, and on the back was stamped used.
But on the front, it had an MTV logo.
It didn't have a specific band.
It just had, it didn't say Great White.
It just said, extra for MTV video shoot.
And I remember really well it was green with an orange MTV on it with their famous logo.
It was really cool looking and it was like made with some sort of a really thick paper
and it was engraved, I guess.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it was raised.
It felt great.
It felt like the seal of something.
Embossed paper, raised printing.
Raised printing, whatever.
Makes it a lot harder to counterfeit.
Plus, it makes it look cool.
So, our friend agreed to let us borrow this for a little while.
We got it back to him, like we said, and all that.
We didn't tear it up or steal it or nothing.
So, Davey started waving the card in the air and making fun of me because he got this and I didn't.
He was like, hey, I'm going to be on this, I'm going to be on this whatever.
Yeah.
So, he's waving around going, I'm going to be on the video and you're not because you're too stupid
and you couldn't win and all this stuff, right?
So, this magical card was supposed to be a 3D to be an extra on the set of MTV.
This is what we set it up to be, right?
A list of hundreds of bands.
The secret MTV guy walking around, he was walking around the mall and this was going to be Sam eventually.
So, the secret MTV guy that has these free magical passes was Sam, only he didn't know it.
So, Davey's like, and I'm like, fucking asshole.
Yeah, all this stuff.
So, automatically, see people getting ready to walk in, right?
Getting ready to go to the movie.
Yeah, just like magnetic.
They're just staring at us and Davey's like, and all this stuff.
I'm like, man, that sucks, man.
You get to go and I don't.
So, Davey is waving this around, making fun of me and Jason will walk by.
They go, yeah, I fucking 112, I threw it at him because there's no punk bands on it.
Fuck that.
I don't want to go.
So, all of a sudden, those kids are fucking coming over.
What was this?
So.
That's so clever.
Oh, yeah.
You set it up perfect.
So, the reason that we picked Sam to do this on that day was because we had the card for a couple of days.
He was wearing plain clothes.
And I guess he thought he was going to catch soft lifters or something not wearing his little fucking bitch outfit that he normally wore.
So, Jason, instead of us, goes, yeah, that fucking little douche right there is the one.
That's the secret MTV guy.
We didn't even say it.
It sold it even more.
Because all these teens are like, you know, fucking their heads sputtering out and they're staring at them.
So, Jason said, yeah, he goes, yeah, I bit him on the ear to get one.
So, the story was, was this.
The more outrageous you were, the more likely you were to get a free pass.
It was perfect.
Yeah, so automatically he had like 50 teens jumping in front of him, fucking biting his ear, kicking him in the ass.
One guy was clucking like a chicken in the space.
Another guy was like, look at the bird.
Some guy fucking jumped off on one side.
Another guy ripped off one of the trees and hit him with a switch.
And Sam was just fucking freaking out, man.
He's like, what the fuck?
And they're like, we want a pass.
We want a pass.
What pass?
This probably went on for fucking 25 minutes.
He was losing his mind.
Yes, he was.
He didn't know what was going on.
What planet did I wake up on?
He'd get 10 teens away from him, right?
And then you have 10 more teens attacking.
So, we leave.
We let this go on and let it go downhill.
And those teens told another one, get the pass from that fucker.
He didn't give us anything.
So, this just kept rolling on and rolling on and rolling on.
So, we come back a couple hours later.
We went to, oh, no, I know what we did.
We went to Andy's Santa Fe and had a burrito.
I remember the Andy's.
And we weren't even old enough to drink, but we still did.
Because they never carted there.
We both had margaritas or a fucking laugh and had our feet on the table and shit.
Davey had fucking flip flops on, so they eventually got mad and kicked us out.
Because you could see his toenails hanging out.
People didn't like that.
Yeah.
So, hey, we get back in.
All of a sudden, we see Sam coming by, all the shovels.
By this time, everything was gone.
It was all said and done.
I go, hey, Sam, do you want to know where all that came from?
Davey pulled out the cart and said, see this?
I go, yeah, you just been had, bitch.
Oh, he was fucking furious.
He turned right back, you motherfucker, I'm going to get you out of here.
I'm going to get you guys kicked out for good.
I go, what for?
I didn't do anything to get some all.
We didn't get kicked out.
That was one of the best fucking pranks we ever played.
Brilliant.
I just thought about it the other day.
I'm like, my God.
There are some other ones I got to remember that we did to them too.
And then I got another one.
You listen to the solo cast, right?
I'm going to tell the story about the nut-biner.
Oh, yes.
Oh, gosh.
Hey, where did everybody go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh, my God.
Someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh, jeez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.