Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it's two douchebags and a microphone podcast.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
During an apocalypse, don't forget the nuts. Hickory nuts, that is. Yeah, we know, hickory wood gets all the glory and all the love.
Everyone loves the hickory trees. They cut them down and they make great sandwiches out of barbecue and meats. They smoke them and it's a fantastic deal.
But little does anyone know about the hickory nuts. During an apocalypse, hickory nuts could be the best thing you could find.
Hickory nuts can be eaten raw, toasted, or added to various recipes. Their rich buttery flavor and crunchy texture make them an ideal ingredient for both sweet and savory dishes.
You can use hickory nuts to make nut butter, pesto, or even a unique hickory nut milk. There are five types of hickory nuts.
Bitter nut hickory, shag bark hickory, pig nut hickory, mockernut hickory, and smooth bark hickory.
Hickory trees are considered part of the walnut species and are plentiful at least around Missouri and surrounding areas. So, during an apocalypse, don't forget to grab your nuts.
Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes, and scream, hey, there's no toilet paper in here!
Hahahaha!
Alright, hey, two douchebags and microphone everybody, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Hey, did you see the little promo I put up? I tagged you in it and I promised something from you that's probably not going to happen.
You'll see it later, you're tagged in it.
No, I don't think I've seen it.
I'm pretty sure you did, otherwise you'd be saying something about it, Rob.
I promise that you're going to demonstrate the new fashions of booty shorts with video close-ups.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, yeah, so are you going to do that on this episode?
Not on this episode.
Not on this one? Okay, but it's coming. It's coming.
Yeah.
Rob Redd, it's going to be like, what are you going to call it, like the booty with Rob or something like that or shake your booty with Rob?
I'll figure it out. Hey, that one kind of sounds good.
Yeah, shake your booty with Rob.
We'll figure it out.
Hey, I'll put the voice guy on that, okay?
Now, shake your booty.
Like I said, I'm just now hearing about this.
Oh, oh, oh, this is some I dreamed of.
By the way, by the way, I kind of like this podcast.
Something that I came up with, yeah, I'm the only idiot that would do it.
Okay, asshole.
Here, what was it, a week or two ago you were unprepared.
Yes.
So now you're catching me.
Just so everybody knows, Mark and I agreed on Saturday night.
Yes.
It's Thursday night. He came home earlier.
Well, this is the deal. We're at Eureka Springs.
So I am unprepared tonight.
Yes.
Let's see what Rob Redd can do tonight.
I called Rob Redd at seven o'clock and I said, hey, you want to do a podcast?
He's like, ah, shit. I didn't know about this. I said, I know.
I thought we're going to get home way later, but actually Val got done with her.
She really wanted to go to this art place down there.
This lady that we've been following for a long time.
And she was in this art colony is what they call it down there in Eureka Springs.
Yeah, they did.
Yeah. And she's in the art colony.
But anyhow, there wasn't enough stuff up and all that.
I thought we were going to be there for hours.
So I thought we're going to get home a lot later than what we did.
So when we got home early, I was like, you know what?
I'll just touch base with Rob and see if he feels like doing one.
And Rob very generously offered his time up and said, yes, I will do a podcast for you and the masses, Mark.
Hey, this is what I live for.
Oh, yeah.
Work in this podcast is what I live for.
Rob, it does the same thing for me too. I love it.
I love expressing our feelings on stuff.
I love trying to make people laugh.
I love humor, laughter.
And I hope that's the way this podcast finds everybody is lightheartedness.
There's a lot of stuff.
I have definite opinions on a lot of different things, and I could get into a lot of them, but I choose not to.
Yeah, there's other people.
There's no, there's just you.
Yeah, there's other people do a hell of a lot better job than I can and more eloquently tell you about the world's problems.
I will let them do it.
I'm going to be over here doing dick jokes till the end.
But tonight we do.
That's where we would rather be.
Yes, we do have a new segment.
Now, good for, I vouch for that.
We do have a new segment, Rob.
It is foods that you can eat during the apocalypse.
Oh, hey, cool.
Yeah, this is like little tidbits.
And Rob, you'd be good at this too.
Tonight's focus is going to be hickory nuts.
Hickory nuts are overlooked.
Everyone loves hickory wood.
Well, actually any nut.
Yes, yeah, but hickory nuts in particular.
We got a segment coming up, and this is a new segment, foods you can eat during the apocalypse.
So when the world's gone to shit, you're running out in the woods trying to get away from the nuclear radiation,
we are going to try to solely teach you what you can eat off of a tree or a bush safely and stay alive.
Oh, hey, I come up.
Okay, I'm going to jump in on this.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying, Rob.
You live down there.
You know, I mean, it's something that people live down there.
No, no, no, Rob, this down here, it's stuff I learned on Grandpa's farm.
Exactly.
I learned a lot of it too.
Which is outside Kansas City.
Yes.
Look, I mean, there's a certain degree of, what would you call it, of survivalism from people that grew up out in the country.
And the reason is because you can't depend on the natural gas person coming down to, or, you know, natural gas being floated into your house, a sewer.
All of this stuff is on you.
Everything that you do is on you.
And you learn how to survive on your own.
And anyhow, this is a segment that, yeah, it's tongue in cheek.
And yes, it's funny.
Or we think it's funny.
But it's foods that you can actually, like, grab off a tree or whatever and eat.
Yeah.
If you have to.
So I like that.
Okay.
I'm game.
But first, we have some food wars, Rob.
We have some unfinished business here.
Uh oh.
Yeah.
You know, we left off mixed drinks and hard liquor on the food wars.
Oh my.
I know.
I'm embarrassed.
I'm sitting here with egg on my face.
Because.
Well, we're kind of watching that, you know.
Yeah, you know, here's the deal.
We're going to correct it tonight.
And I got some pretty good little battles coming up.
And you and I are going to discuss this.
And we're going to figure out who wins what.
Um, Topher.
Alright.
Settled the last, um, the hairy asshole Olympics, the standoff we had between you and the avatar
guy.
Um, Topher.
We'll deal with that later.
We'll deal with that when we get to that.
Okay.
Alright.
We'll announce it.
I don't want to know.
Okay.
Well, Topher came up with a clear cut decision.
And that's what we decided we're going to do ahead of time on this next, from here on
out on the, uh, uh, hairy asshole Olympics.
And this is simply.
Well.
Who we think has a hairy asshole.
Just so you know.
Yeah.
Just so you know.
Yes.
Uh, my 19 year old son's mother.
Mm hmm.
That I just blew up with in January.
Uh huh.
Is willing to email you to verify.
That's okay.
I believe you Rob.
I believe you.
That's funny.
And you might be expecting that one.
Okay.
All right.
She emails me then.
Okay.
I guess I get it.
So, um, anyhow, uh, you want to do food wars?
Uh, yeah, let's do it.
Okay.
All right.
First off, a dirty martini versus a spiked hard lemonade.
I'm going to go with the dirty.
Lemonade.
Why is that?
Because it's spiked.
Okay.
I thought it.
And the lemon.
Here's what I thought.
And the lemon.
Okay.
All right.
Here's why I thought a dirty martini.
No, uh, I, I think I agree with you now from what you said, but here's why I thought a
dirty martini might get it.
It's name is dirty, which means it'll grab a handful of fucking gravel and throw it in
your eyes, then kick you in the nuts and hit you with a shovel.
Yeah, but if you got a spike, you're going to hit first.
Okay.
So the spike lemonade we're going to say is literally spiked and it will like take and
jab that spike in the dirty martini and kill it.
And so it'll win.
Okay.
Ain't that what, ain't that what spike means?
No, spike means that you have a liquor in it.
Well, yeah, I know liquor, but.
Okay.
All right.
Then we'll go with a spike.
I'm going off the spike.
Yeah, that's going to hurt.
Okay.
Hey, let's send that one to Topher.
Okay.
Well, if nothing else, the lemon.
Okay.
Spike lemon, the lemon too.
You're right.
Okay.
Um, this next one is a real doozy.
Old crow versus wild turkey.
Oh, hang on.
I did not explain this.
Wow.
Okay.
I've got to explain this for people that are just now like jumping onto the podcast.
Okay.
Oh yeah.
I remember a long time ago when I was in Costco and I was going through the produce section
and I was wondering what would happen if one of those grapes jumped out and just start
beating the shit out of a plum.
What would happen?
And so we brought this to the podcast and we've been having, it went from food items.
It went from a fruit to appliances to other inanimate objects.
Frozen food.
Yeah.
Frozen food to TV dinners.
We've had everything battle each other and now this is the next step in it.
We're having hard liquor and mixed drinks battle each other in the same fashion.
Who would win if they were to go, you know, blow to blow?
So, so the first one was spike lemonade and Rob described why spike lemonade would win
that fight.
The lemon.
Yes.
And the spike.
And the spike, yeah.
And the next one, old crow versus wild turkey.
Old crow.
Yep.
All right.
I drank both.
Yeah.
Old crow was a mean son of a bitch.
My uncle drank it for years, dude.
He was a mean son of a bitch.
Yeah.
Old crow, I could never, you know, I got used to all different kinds of drinks.
You know, first when you're growing up when you're like 12 or 13, you taste beer, it doesn't
taste that good, right?
You're kind of like, I don't know.
I don't know about this stuff.
And then a little bit later you drink it a little bit more, a little bit more.
And then now I love the taste of beer.
So hard liquor was even.
Okay.
Now we have a special segment coming up Saturday night.
Remind me about old crow and my old crow story.
Okay.
Actually, I'll write it down.
I'll write it down.
Never mind.
Don't remind me.
I'll write it down.
Okay.
All right.
That'll work.
Yeah.
That's a good one.
Oh, I bet it is.
The next one, a white Russian versus a whiskey sour.
White Russian whiskey sour.
I'm good, you know, Russians are traditionally mean, but a whiskey sour, you have whiskey
in it and it's sour.
So I think.
We're going whiskey sour.
Yeah.
I think a whiskey sour would just go fucking berserk on a white Russian.
I mean, it would come up and like fucking.
Yeah.
Just annihilate it.
It would like, it would like throw the first punch, the first and the last punch.
So.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
That'll work.
Um, Topher just sent me a message.
Okay.
Uh, Thursday night football streaming quality sucks at my house again.
And it sucks in my house too.
Okay.
All right.
Hang on.
Oh, well we're podcasting.
So I'm in the studios.
Well, before, before, right before I came in here and watched a little Thursday night football
and it's a got a grainy appearance.
They, they still have not dialed that in.
I don't, I don't know what the deal is and we're on two different internet services are
supposed to be the fastest around.
So I don't think it's that.
So anyhow, Topher, when you listen to this, I agree with you.
Um, next one, tequila sunrise versus a regular margarita.
That would be lime flavored or whatever.
Margarita.
Yep.
Tequila is going to come in.
Tequila is going to kick ass.
Yep.
All right.
Next one.
Sex on the beach versus a Bahama mama.
Now I've got a definite opinion on this and let me explain it to you.
I see a Bahama mama as a big fucking woman that can just like whip ass.
She's got like a mudda tattoo on her forearm and she would come over there and like bite
you with the three teeth that are left and punch you right in the face.
So I think Bahama mama would beat the shit out of a sex on the beach.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
Sex on the beach would like come over there, you know, and sit down and try to order a
drink and the Bahama mama come over and go, Hey, what are you doing here?
What do you mean what I'm doing?
I told you a story about the bar he's going to at No One Part.
Uh huh.
They would have bottles and we would do like a tango line and they would have this bottle
full of sex on the beach.
Uh huh.
And they'd just squirt in your mouth.
No.
Yeah, I agree.
Rob, we're both just.
I'm leaving it right there.
Yeah.
Next one, an old fashioned versus a Boilermaker.
Boilermaker.
Cause you know what a Boilermaker does, don't you?
They go to the inside of power plants.
Yes.
My adopted dad is no longer with us was a Boilermaker.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Then you're familiar.
I did some of that work for a while too.
No, I know exactly what a Boilermaker is.
Okay.
Yeah.
Boilermaker beat the shit out of an old fashioned.
Next one, a fuzzy navel versus a banana daiquiri.
Hmm.
What the hell is this?
A pussy fight?
Yes, it is.
That's why I put it in here.
Evidently.
Yeah.
This is why I put it in there.
Yeah.
I'm going to say banana daiquiri because I think the banana could like jump out and
just probably just jump on the fuzzy navel and just kill it.
Nope.
No?
Okay.
Go ahead.
What's your?
Nope.
Fuzzy navel.
You got the peach.
You got citrus.
Okay.
Citrus daiquiri.
You know what?
You're right.
We don't need a banana daiquiri.
Nah.
You're right.
Banana time.
This next one's an easy one.
Yinling versus Budweiser.
Yinling.
Oh, dude.
What?
Yeah, I'm sticking with the Yinling.
Yinling.
Budweiser's been my beer for years.
You got to drop it.
You got to let it go, Rob.
Rob, you got to let it go.
Move on.
Look forward.
Actually, I'm trying to drop a lot of it.
Okay.
Just saying.
Okay.
This one here, you're really not going to appreciate, but we're doing it anyhow.
Summer Shandy versus hard setzer.
I think hard setzer water, just because it's got the word hard.
No.
No?
No.
All right.
Shandy.
What is that?
It's got... It's also got the word water in it.
Okay.
All right.
This next one is going to be tough.
Old style versus PBR.
Old style.
I go PBR, and here's why.
PBR is also the acronym for Pro Bull Riding.
Oh.
Yeah.
I didn't think of it that way.
Yeah.
PBR all the way.
I was thinking the actual drink.
PBR would get on a bull and fucking run over old style.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah, but old style, you do the same damn thing.
Old style would take you on a ride.
You don't want to be on sometimes, and so will PBR.
Yeah, the ride that you can't get off, you're like, oh, God, what did I do to myself?
Oh, man.
Oh.
Yeah, now that you mention that, PBR.
PBR.
That was everybody's grandpa's beer growing up, and then it became everybody's beer again.
Besides that, it's the acronym for Pro Bull Riding.
Yeah.
Which is smart because PBR actually jumped on that whole bandwagon campaign.
Said, hey, we're PBR, and we're PBR.
Instead of fighting them and suing them, they're like, go ahead and use it, because it really
does do them good.
Yeah, it does.
Yep.
Next one.
Red wine versus a mimosa.
I don't know how to answer that one.
Okay.
I don't know how to answer that one.
Okay.
I'm going to go with red wine, because red wine comes in a bottle.
Mimosa's coming like a...
I'm not a wine drinker, and I'm...
Here, here.
Mimosa.
Yeah, there's no...
I got an idea.
Let's have them both lose.
Let's say that PBR...
Hey, yeah, kick them both out.
Let's say that PBR looked over to the left and saw this, and he said, uh-uh, not on my
watch.
He went over there, and he kicked the shit out of both of them.
Oh, no, the PBR didn't.
The bull did.
Oh, the bull did.
The bull didn't like the red wine and the mimosa, and went over there and stomped them.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Next one.
So, neither one of them wins.
They both got their ass whipped.
Yep.
Next one, passion punch versus screwdriver.
Screwdriver.
Yeah, you can do a lot of damage with a screwdriver.
All right.
There's going to be a part two, but that's all I got for now.
That way, we'd spend a little bit of time on it, but not a whole bunch.
So, anyhow, when we come back, I've got a funny little joke that I used to play on people,
and I still do to an extent.
Okay?
So, we'll be right back here in a couple minutes.
When taking a shower, remember to scrub your asshole with soapy water, because nobody likes
a stinky asshole.
Oh, Lord.
That man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there.
Don't worry.
I have a clown nose.
Oh, no.
That drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay.
I have a clown nose.
Clown nose.
Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office?
Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
How does a butterfly take a dump?
It never stops long enough.
Maybe it just shits while lofting.
Maybe it shits real quick while chewing flowers.
Hm.
I may never know.
Two douchebags and a microphone on Mark.
And I'm Rob.
All right.
I was talking a little bit ago about a joke that I used to play.
And anyhow, this started, remember those pagers where you could leave a message?
Yeah.
And they were around before cell phones, but someone could page them and say,
Hey, meet me at Fifth and Oak.
Have the beer.
Or whatever, right?
You get that message?
I've dropped many off ladders and destroyed them.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I've destroyed quite a few too.
So what I used to do when that started out, it started out with pagers.
And then it went to texting before the internet.
And then it went to the internet.
So I described how I did this.
It's on a segment with me and Topher.
It was actually the first season and it was a younger episode.
But what I used to do is I would inbox spam people.
I mean, I would just like fill their inbox full of stupid shit,
like pictures of elbows and fucking storm drains and pieces of trash on the ground
and just stuff like that, out of focus ones.
And I would just send them all this shit constantly and stupid sayings
and stuff that didn't mean anything.
And it would drive them nuts.
I'd be like, can you please leave me alone?
Can you stop?
And then the texting, a lot of people block me because I just completely fuck with them.
And then the pagers used to really get people mad.
So what I'd do is I would fill their pagers with stupid questions
and texting with stupid questions.
And it would just drive people nuts.
And then I got to where I just started texting random numbers.
And people would get so fucking mad.
They'd send back, hey, fucking quit.
Or, I'll find you.
You know, just something.
So here's some of the stupid shit that I used to text people and pager people.
And it would piss them off.
Like one of them I did was, do you use plastic spoons?
And they're just like, what?
And then you get a, who is this?
Your mom.
She's dead.
Oops.
So anyhow, then another one that I would do is, what's your feelings on a spork?
That irritated people.
A lot of people didn't even know what a spork was.
Another one?
That's what you're eating with it.
Yeah, I know.
But imagine that.
Okay, you're walking along and you're holding those papers.
Yeah, see, cold saw?
Perfect.
Yeah, yeah.
You can get the juice and the, yeah.
Imagine getting a text from somebody you don't know like that.
What's your feelings on a spork?
And it's like, what?
Fuck you.
Another one I did, I once ate at a buffet.
Or what?
Okay.
Who is this?
Why do I care if he ate at a buffet?
Here is she.
And then this is just weird ones that I did.
If the phone battery could talk, what would it say?
And this is the, this is these old phone batteries.
The ones that, you know, you could talk in the house freely and that was it.
Yeah.
Without a cord.
Without those phone batteries is what I was talking about back then.
And sometimes people would answer back.
It would say, fuck you, loser.
Or it would say, I'm going to whip your ass.
Or, you know, people would come back with some stupid shit like that.
And then I'd say something else, you know, just to throw them off like,
remember the weddings at five or something like that.
Have you ever used a piece of clothing for toilet paper?
Yeah, yeah, I had to.
I'm not too proud.
Yeah, yeah, I have.
I think everybody has.
So right then it was like, what?
You know, and then a lot of times if it wasn't someone I didn't know completely,
random texts, it was someone that I met and got their number somehow
and tortured them with this shit.
I had this one guy just threaten to fucking come down and beat the shit out of me
and he thought I was somebody else anyhow.
Why does that not surprise me?
So anyhow, this one is really odd and it really threw people off
because people would just like freak out on this one.
It's a really long one too.
And this, if I had an old Christo disco ball, it's missing a mirror.
Maybe I could buy a small rectangle mirror and glue it on.
Do they make small three by five quarter inch mirrors?
Find out and get back with me.
I'm like, what?
I'm not going to go fucking check on these little mirrors for this guy.
Who gives a shit?
Who is this guy?
Some people go, like one person said, check your local hardware store.
And then I said back, no, I told you to check.
They get mad at me.
I'm not going to fucking do it.
I go, yeah, I am.
I'm going to come over there.
I'm going to make you fucking do it.
So another one, do you like parades?
Not really.
No, no, no.
It depends on what kind of parade.
Yeah, well, I mean, just to get that generically, you know, like a text or something.
Another one I did was who are you related to?
Sometimes people would answer.
They think that they met me somewhere and I was someone else.
And they go, yeah, yeah, I was Bill's younger cousin.
Remember the one in the red or whatever.
Then I, you know, depending on what it was is depending on how I go after him after that.
You know, like, yeah, yeah, you look like a pussy or something like that.
This next one.
If the Beatles were still alive, would they do a reunion concert?
And I don't know.
At the time, it was only let's see.
No, I think George Harrison had just died.
And that's what like set me off to doing stupid shit like that.
Another one was how many pairs of slippers do you have?
And most of the time people go, who the fuck wants to know? And I go, I don't know.
Make up and make up a name.
Henry wants to know who's Henry.
That guy.
What guy? That guy or something like that.
And then the next one and the last one is what's your shoe size?
And that used to get people pissed off.
Sometimes they'd answer.
They go, yeah, I wear 11 wide or something like that.
So anyhow, so Rob, you got anything pertinent that you want to get out there?
Yeah, I got one here for you, buddy.
All right.
You're going to like this one.
Okay.
On Sunday morning, a police officer in Baxter County, Arkansas came across a parked car at a commercial storage facility
that has been targeted by burglars 52 times since 2022.
The cop deemed the vehicle as suspicious.
The sheriff's deputy noted that the vehicle in question was seen walking around 1245 a.m.
You're going to love this, Mark.
Okay.
Upon inspecting the automobile, the officer caught sight of Theodore Morgavin, a man of 55 years, having sex with a plush toy.
Morgavin, a divorced father of three, lives about a mile away from the storage facility in Midway.
It really hit hard times, evidently.
Oh, just listen, it gets better.
Okay.
Due to Morgavin's probation, law enforcement was granted the authority to search both him and his vehicle without a warrant.
After a thorough search, officers discovered methamphetamine, a syringe, and two pipes used for smoking marijuana.
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, he was already on probation.
Wow.
You know, over my little time in Eureka Springs there, my little vacation, I had time to retrieve some emails.
Oh, good. I've been waiting.
Yes.
I know where they're at.
And I'll get some of the top ones first, but first I got a little story that happened to us.
And anyhow, I'm not going to go into her name or nothing, but anyhow, it was a young lady that worked at the Basin Park balcony restaurant at their hotel.
Me and my wife and our two friends were all going to go there and eat today, right, earlier today?
Yeah.
And we go up there and she's going, oh, it's going to be a wait.
Well, how long a wait?
And she was really rude.
And she goes, I don't know until someone gets up and leaves.
I'm like, okay.
All right.
Well, we'll just sit here until someone gets up and leaves.
So then a party, this is a party of four, a party of five comes in behind us.
And the girl goes, no, there's a wait. And then the people go, you mean we can't get in on one of those tabletops?
He looked in.
He goes, we can't get in.
There's nobody in there.
And we knew there's nobody in there.
We thought maybe they just didn't have help.
He goes, like, you mean we can't get in there to that one of those six tops there?
I mean, there's five of us.
No, that's reserved for big parties.
One of those tables is reserved for how many people?
Six.
Well, we're five.
Okay.
All right.
I'll sit you there.
So when she came out, I was like, now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I go, you just sat a table of five in front of us and told us we had to wait.
We're only four.
We're only two people away from a six top.
People put them there all the time.
Why can't we get in there?
And anyhow, she goes, oh, I don't know.
And she started becoming very argumentative.
So I go, she goes, okay, I'll put you in there, like it's some big feed or something.
So anyhow, everybody came back from the restroom and everything, all four of us.
And I go, you know, I said, no, I think I'm going to go over to New Delhi and eat, which is right across the road.
And she goes, so I was willing to let it go with that, right?
I'm like, okay, she's just a stupid bitch.
And I'm just going to leave.
Don't need to deal with her or nothing.
And then when I said, yeah, we're going to go over there and eat, she goes, good luck.
And I go, well, good luck learning you at mastering your new job.
And she fucking, this is not a new job.
I've been here a long time.
And anyhow, she goes, I don't need to explain anything to you.
And she fucking slams a bathroom door going in the bathroom.
She goes, fuck you.
And then all of a sudden, the four other chicks come out of the back there.
Oh, my God, we're so sorry.
We're so sorry.
I'll serve you myself.
Come on in.
And I'm like, no, no, no, we're going to go across the road.
And I said, I don't want to eat here after an employee says that to me.
She's like, she's like messed up.
And I go, she should have been out here in the first place.
We all know this.
And I said, we're going to go somewhere else.
I said, look, you're a nice lady.
Everyone else here is nice.
The only assholes, the one in the bathroom.
And I said, we're leaving.
Anyhow, yeah, that was just fucked up.
I cannot believe that people like that hold down a job in that position.
Because our friend Leslie got there first because of miscue in the, she walked up.
There's a miscue in the elevator and someone got us all the way up to seven and then brought us down to five.
And we had to be on one to be in the balcony restaurant.
So Leslie is already up there waiting.
And before we got there, she was like, this lady was a real snotty to attend college age people that were going to go in there and do some drinking.
And she was snotty and didn't want to let them in either.
And they just, they were like, you know, we're not taking this attitude.
And they left.
So that chick there is responsible for probably at least 15 people that didn't go into the balcony restaurant and spend their money.
So anyhow, that's all I got with that one.
But I was just like really insulted by that dumb bitch.
So yeah, I would be too.
Yeah.
So anyhow, we have some emails here, Rob.
Yeah, let's get to them.
And it's funny.
I've been waiting for some.
It's funny that you said that your your ex would be more than willing to send me a picture of how hairy your asshole is.
What are my emails?
The first one, we want Rob Rads Harry asshole pic.
It isn't fair to have it only one way.
I demand Rob post an asshole pic for us all.
Signed Jerry and Montrose.
Oh, we got his name.
We got his name.
He's that one hit in Montrose.
Jerry, we know where you live.
I knew I'd drag it out of him.
Jerry, we know where you live.
RSS tells us where you live.
Thank you.
Okay, Mark.
Jerry.
Mark.
I know it will be expecting a pic.
I will be sending it to Jerry and Jerry, you better reply.
I will send you a pic of my ass and you send it to Jerry.
Yeah, I will.
Jerry is coming up.
Jerry and Montrose is coming up.
And then anybody else that has any questions, you can send it to them too.
I will send it to you immediately.
If you request Rob Rads Harry asshole pic, it will be sent to you immediately.
Unless you're under 18, then it will never be sent to you.
Oh, hell no.
Yeah, so.
Hell no.
Next one.
Douchebags.
I am insulted.
Myself and the Auto Body shop, we listen to you and we have never got a mention.
We have downloaded every show.
Matt in Springfield, New Century Auto Body LLC.
Do you know where that's at?
No, I don't.
But it helps if we know a name.
Matt.
Matt in Springfield.
But he didn't give me his last name.
Hi, Matt.
Hi, New Century Auto Body.
Hi, New Century.
You know, RSS has some flaws in it.
And remember I said Springfield had a couple of hits, but didn't have that many.
Yeah.
Well, it's not coming up.
It's not coming up on our feed.
And that's how come we didn't give you guys a mention.
But thank you.
So New Century Auto Body LLC in Springfield, thank you very much.
Thank you for listening.
Keep listening.
I hope you hear this and I hope it's as good as you deserve.
Because you guys are great listeners.
Thank you very much.
And if I ever hit a deer up here at Lake of the Ozarks, I'll bring my car to you.
There you go.
You got Rob Radd's promise.
And me, it'll be too far for me to go.
So I'll have to do it up here.
But I will tell them about how good you are.
So.
Oh, they never do.
They know me.
Oh.
Next one.
Hey, D-Bags.
How come we haven't seen you live at the City Market in at least a month?
You even have a new intro with the City Market still on it.
John and Prairie Village.
John and Prairie Village, you've actually emailed me quite a bit.
And you had some really good suggestions.
And we thank you.
Now, John and Prairie Village is probably one of our most adamant listeners on certain things.
Okay.
Well, can I answer this?
Yes.
John, it's because I live in Campton, Missouri, at Lakewood Ozarks.
Topher, the guy that I was going down to the City Market with, he's putting little bits on here and there.
And we have a thing called Straight from Topher's Desk.
But quite frankly, he's just got a lot going on right now.
And he's not ready to come back.
And that's fine.
And we told Topher whenever he's ready, it's fine with us.
We are working on different things.
To be back down at the City Market.
Yes.
Not just Topher and Mark.
But I'll tell you what.
Okay, John and Prairie Village, like I said before, when we are down there, I expect you to come down and participate.
You have a lot of different ideas and some criticism, which we love, because that's how you get better.
And some attaboys, too.
So you're probably our best listener, as far as I can tell.
So when we do start broadcasting, I want you to email me and let me know.
I'll let you know exactly when you're going to be there.
When we're going to be there.
And then you tell me, hey, I'll come up for the last hour.
Or I plan on doing all three hours, however long we're out there.
So John and Prairie Village, I expect to be seeing you down there and podcasting with us.
When we do make it back to the City Market.
Right now, there's various things going on in our lives that's preventing us from doing it.
It will be soon, I promise.
But this was a show that was born around the City Market and executed around.
I mean, it's just something that we want to go back to do because we're really getting ingrained in the whole, what would you call it?
The whole area.
People were knowing we were out there.
They were loving it because there's people around us talking, joining in.
And it brought, I mean, there have been several business owners there have mentioned something to me too.
You know, because Topher and I go there and have a coffee Tuesdays or Wednesdays or something like that.
And a lot of them have came up to me and said, you know what, we really enjoyed you guys being out here.
And it'd be great if you did again.
So we plan on doing that.
It's just we can't right now.
But we're working on it.
We're working on it.
So hey, John and Prairie Village is taking well.
I know you didn't mean it.
You know, I know you didn't mean it bad.
And you're right.
We need to get back out to the City Market and we will.
So yeah, we will.
We will.
And I can't give an average time or nothing like that.
It just it's just depends on so many different things.
So anyhow, how about if we come back in a couple of minutes?
All right.
Okay.
As pleasant as 50 grit sandpaper to your inner thighs.
Next up, things overhead in hell.
Man, Axel Rose is such a great childhood therapist.
I hope he writes more books.
Two monkey fuckers and a toaster will be right back.
All right.
It's two douchebags and microphone.
Mark.
And Rob.
All right.
Did you hear about flag football?
No, I didn't.
It is officially becoming an Olympic sport.
What do you think?
That's cool.
Okay.
The International.
Oh, okay.
I'll just keep going while you're busy there.
The International Olympic Committee has approved the addition of flag football to a list of sports that will be a part of 2020.
Eight.
Summer Olympics in Los Angeles, 2028 are going to be the first to host it.
No word if the plans are to keep flag football permanently or not.
They're at least going to be in the 2028 Olympics in Los Angeles.
I love this idea.
And here's why.
It will showcase up and coming potential players with international players who would be open to scouts from pro and college teams.
So let's say there's somebody in another country that doesn't really take to American style football, right?
And this person is just phenomenal at it.
This would be an area to where they could develop more overseas players to get more talented people in there.
It'll be interesting to watch and remember the standout players kind of like college football, you know.
I like that idea a lot.
I've also read that pro football was in as in the NFL could participate as well.
If that's the case, then we're going to get a ton of gold medals, right?
I think we found Colin Kaepernick a job.
Yeah, he could referee.
Yeah, I'll be comfortable with him refereeing.
So anyhow.
Yeah, I mean, I hope that it's going to be a regular in the Olympics because I love the Olympics,
but I struggle with some of the some of the sports that they play.
It doesn't interest me so much.
Now, during the summer Olympics, I would love to see some good flag football.
I think that would be refreshing.
You know, the NFL is not quite underway there at their, you know, during the summer there in July.
They might be in their mini camps or whatever, but they're pretty far off from just playing, right?
Yeah, that would be an added little bonus wouldn't it?
And be like, yeah, you know what? I can watch some up and comers here.
Hopefully it's like that. But if it's pros and OK, we'll go watch Lamar Jackson run around while people try to grab his flag.
OK, good enough.
So anyhow, I like that idea.
Did you hear about the new ice cream?
No.
OK.
I'm an ice cream lover.
OK, instead of an ooey gooey bowl of mac and cheese, you could just grab a bowl of Kraft mac and cheese ice cream.
Woo woo.
Yeah, no.
I might think about it.
Reddit is taking a dump on the product and it sounds gross.
I don't know what time of day it is.
To me it sounds gross, but I didn't think I would like Burn-N ice cream either.
But you know, the KC Jobe's beef Burn-N ice cream, it was fucking great, dude.
It was sweet and salty.
And the sweet from the barbecue sauce offset the sweet from the ice cream with the saltiness actually made it really good.
I mean, that's about the best way I can describe it.
But you know KC Jobe's barbecue, right?
I've heard of it.
OK.
I think they have three or four locations, something like that.
But anyhow, KC Jobe's is one of the top barbecue places around here, I'd say, especially in volume.
They have a lot of product.
So there was this other ice cream shop called Betty Ray's up the road.
And they'd get together and collaborate with some of the other businesses.
And KC Jobe's Burn-N's, they came up with an ice cream for that.
And it was actually really good when I thought it was going to be gross.
Anyhow, and you know what, do you think you would like Burn-N ice cream?
You don't think you would?
I don't know.
I've had fried ice cream.
Fried ice cream is good, yes.
Oh, I love fried ice cream.
I don't know about that.
I didn't think I was going to like it and I loved it.
So I don't actually.
Well then I probably would.
I don't actually.
Well, this, I'll go on with this.
I don't actually know how this would be.
It could be good, who knows?
That's what I'm trying to say.
I found it once.
It was at a place called Betty Ray's and that's where the ice cream that I got.
And you know, it's all homemade ice creams and waffle cones and real waffle cones.
Ice cream is online.
Oh, cool.
Anyhow, this ice cream, the mac and cheese ice cream is not from Betty Ray's.
This is an online deal that you can go to and the only way you can get this mac and cheese ice cream.
It's on, it's an online order and good luck getting it.
It's been, it's sold out hopelessly and it's not going to last forever.
I think it'll be here for like a month or so.
So I think your chances of actually ordering it and getting it are slim to none.
So anyhow.
Tell me how to order it.
Okay, hang on.
Let me look.
Hang on.
Did you get it ordered?
Hang on.
Let me take a look.
You better get back with me on one or two.
Okay, hang on.
Shit.
Oh, hey, while you're doing that, how about this?
Okay.
I got a little story.
Okay.
A North Carolina family is seeking answers after a man's body was initially mistaken as a Halloween prop, according to local reports.
Police in China Grove, a town about 15 miles from Charlotte, announced on October 11th that they were investigating the discovery of a white male deceased on the property of an abandoned house, according to news release.
The man named by his family is 34 year old Robert Owens, had not been seen since October 1st, according to a police statement sent to Insider, and this is Insider.com.
A landscaping worker mowing the lawn had seen the body the day before police were alerted, but thought it was a dummy.
He believed the body to be a fake dummy used for training by numerous law agencies on the property over the last few years and did not report it, the statement said.
But Owens' sister, Haley Shue, told Queen City News that the body had been taken for a Halloween prop.
Wow.
Don't know how you could do that, Owens' sister Haley Shue told the outlet.
Go right beside someone and see if there are Halloween decorations at a house no one lives at.
I don't understand how that works, but okay.
I'm reading it dude. I'm not doing it for you. I'm reading one of them.
I believe it. I'm not saying I don't believe it.
I figured you'd be in a weird mood tonight, so there you go.
I love it. Thank you.
How about some new douche flavors? What do you think of that?
Alright, alright. And then, end of the show, I got a Joe Bonamassa concert for people to look into.
Oh, okay.
Go ahead.
Okay.
Well, I think that people have been listening for a while now. There's a lot of you and thank you.
So we're here from Jeffy again.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jeffy X is our informant from Massingale.
Every now and then he crosses over to different corporations and what he does is he gets us products or flavors that have failed.
That they've tried, put in front of focus groups and all that and you know people are like, no, not for me, eh, buzzer, nope, nope, nope. All that.
So, anyhow, he gets us these lists before they toss them all away when he reads these reports of the failed products.
Then he grabs them. Then he sends me an email and this time I was in Eureka Springs and anyhow, we're in the tree houses.
We stayed in the tree houses and I'm getting some really good information.
Yeah, I see it on Facebook. I'm jealous.
It's a cool place. I'll tell you more about that probably next podcast.
Oh, I know about it. I know about it.
Oh, okay, okay. So each one of these places have internet. So I have really good internet. So I'm like, okay, good.
Jeffy says, hey, you're around. I'm like, yeah, I'm right here. He goes, hey, I'm sending you the list of douche flavors that failed.
And like always, if you don't retrieve this in 10 minutes, it's gone for good. It disappears.
So I get on there. I download it. Fucking print it real quick and I'm like, okay, good. I got it.
Then sure enough.
Thank God you want to work.
Yeah, I know. I know at work I'd have to like make something up, run it to the shitter and like download it. Right.
So anyhow, he gets these to me and I've been fortunate enough to grab every one of them and download it before it disappeared in 10 minutes.
So you got to understand this guy does a very dangerous job. He gets this information that they don't want us to have.
So we want everyone to just take a side and think about, you know, how good Jeffy X is and, you know, maybe send me some emails that go to Jeffy X. Right.
Yeah. He's got he's got something special coming his Christmas stocking from.
Yes. Yes. Yep. And we know what he likes.
So anyhow, new deuce flavors. The first one that failed was and I don't get this at all. Sour Apple.
Does that make a guy? Oh, dude, I love that. I love sour apple. Yeah.
Wouldn't sour apple like make you I don't know, a little bit more, you know, together down there, you know, a little.
Oh, it'd be perfect. Wouldn't it like all the way around in in air quotes, tighten things up. Right. Really. Right.
And we're coming up on Halloween. Yeah. Sour Apple would fit right in.
Yes. So I don't understand where these Massingale people get this shit. I mean, Matt, I mean, sour apples. Fine.
So anyhow, it failed. So anyhow, the next one is funfetti. You know that funfetti is like white cake. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. With the sparkles on it like icing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, people didn't find that.
No, no, no, no, no. I don't get it. I'm flabbergasted. Sparkles are currently due.
Oh, oh, oh, OK. OK. Sparkles are crunchy. Yep.
The next one I don't get because I love my ketchup. Ketchup flavor. What the hell?
Oh, dude. Do you think maybe it might look a little too much like something else?
Oh, you know what? You might have a point there. You think it looks a little too ant flowish?
Otherwise, it'd be awesome. Yeah. Who doesn't love ketchup?
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know, man. You know what? We do not do these. We have nothing to do with them.
We just grab these. We illegally grab these documents that shouldn't be obtained.
And we immediately report to the people because you guys need to know. We give our opinion. Yeah. Our opinion.
Yeah. If you believe anything we say, I don't know what to tell you. Someone will sell you a bridge in Brooklyn.
So next one, dill pickle.
I've seen that. Oh, I love that. Dill pickle is awesome, man.
I make you want to take a big crunch out there. But probably. OK. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe that's what happened.
I shouldn't say this, but I'm going to. I drink my Bloody Mary's with dill pickle. I drink it Chicago style.
OK. All right. Hey, you shot me off guard tonight, Mark.
I love it. Next one, sawdust. I think I get that one. Yeah. A little bland. Yeah. Next one, crab meat.
A little dry. Yeah. Yeah. A little dry. Yeah, that's true. Next one, crab meat.
No. No. We've kicked all seafood out, man. Yeah, you're right. You're right.
That went back to you and Topher. You and Topher, you kick all the seafood out. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we did. We did.
And we're trying to get away from the seafood flavor. Yeah. Next one, broccoli.
I think I could agree with that. That would be better than seafood. It would be much better than seafood.
As a matter of fact, you want anything smelling too fishy around there, right? Right. Yep. Next one, sauerkraut.
You like sauerkraut? No. Yeah, but not down there. Yeah, you got the vinegar. Yeah. Extra vinegar at that point. Yeah.
I like that one. Maybe sauerkraut is the way to go, Rob. Okay. Ooh, I like that one. Alright, sauerkraut it is.
Next one, pretzel. Probably too doughy once you get in there. If you were drinking it'd go great. Oh, yeah, that's right.
Yeah. Yeah, okay. I don't know what they're thinking. I don't know what they're thinking. That would be a drunk night. Yes.
It would go good. It'd be awesome. Yes. Yep. Next one, crabapple. Hell to the no. Why not? No. No. Would it make you pucker too much?
Uh, no. No. Yeah, too much. Too much. I agree with you. The next one, canned yam. Love it. Yams are delicious.
I love it. Yeah. Ever have a good yam pie? Well, the same thing, right? You wouldn't even have to add your own ingredients.
No. You gotta. Yeah. Very highly canned. Yeah. You know, you never know. There might be a little yeast in there already.
Yeah. For the crust. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. For the crust. Yeah. You never know what you could do.
Next one, biscuits and cream gravy. As long as it's cream gravy.
Okay. Yeah, the sausage were out. Yeah. Rob, I think I would have to agree with you.
I think every man would. Yep. Okay. Yep. All right. Well, Rob, you got a final. See what you did when you cashed me off guard.
I know this has been one. And I haven't done yet. This has been one weird ass podcast, Rob. Wait till Saturday night. All right.
Do you want to announce Saturday night? Yes. Saturday night is no script night. We're not writing shit up for nothing.
We're just going to start bullshitting. And if it sucks, it sucks. We're airing it either way, whether it's brilliant or it sucks.
We're airing it. And let me let me put it like this. If you don't care what you are talking. Yeah.
If you find yourself like, oh, listen off and think about some other shit and not listening to us, then you can fucking give us give us a message.
So, hey, you guys suck. Well, you guys off script, you wander around. It's stupid. You guys are boring. Nobody gives a shit.
Whatever. Or you can give us some love to be like, you know, this is some cool shit. We need more of that. So and any.
Well, just just tonight, I came up with it just during this podcast.
I came up with a story for Saturday night that I'm going to tell about me and Taco Bell and playing quarters.
That sounds great. I can't wait to hear that. Oh, it's awesome. Cool. True story. True story.
Cool. Cool. I think I might retell a couple of my stories, too.
Like, there's a story that I did. I'm not sure. Don't go into it now. Yeah. You know what? I'll get into it later.
So anyhow, we're going to start and I guess I've talked about everybody like like it sounds you should join us Saturday night for our next podcast.
Although it'll be probably posted Sunday, but it will be Saturday night.
So anyhow, thanks for listening. We'll talk to you guys. Hold up. Hold up. OK. I'm sorry. I have a couple things I want to announce.
All right. OK. Anybody that likes Joe Bonamassa, which I know you do, I do. Yeah.
November 3rd, he will be in concert at Robinson Performance Hall in Little Rock, Arkansas. Cool.
He's on a tour right now. I ride across that. And also, I have an update. OK.
On our last RSS.com report, we had Glenn Allen. We didn't know where it was. Yeah. Yeah. I looked it up.
Where is it? It's Glenn Allen, Missouri.
Bollinger County.
OK. It's in southeast Missouri. OK.
It's part of Cape Gilao and Jackson, Illinois, right in between. Thank you. Whoever it is that listens to it. No, no, no, no. It gets better. Oh, OK.
Glenn Allen, Missouri in 2021. Population 58. Oh, my God. And we got a listener out of there.
Area that Eric, Eric, Eric, you know, the area size. Yeah. That town. Uh huh.
Twenty seven acres. I looked it up, dude. You look up. I will. Glenn Allen, Missouri. That's what it tells you.
Us getting a listener from there. Thank you.
We're getting a few from the boot hill. Yeah. I wonder how. We're growing in the boot hill, I notice.
The Springfield one doesn't show up. I still don't know. I mean, anyhow, New Century. Thank you guys.
Yeah. I mean, you guys obviously listen and thank you for the mention and thanks for everybody getting together and choosing to listen to us.
But I, you know, I've heard that the RSS is just something to kind of loosely base it on. But a lot of the information doesn't come through because of different platforms do things different ways.
Yeah. Well, all right. That also shows the platforms. Yes. And I have a feeling when you have it even shows whether you list, whether you're listening on iPhone or PC.
Yeah. Mine tells me that. Yeah. Also on the map there, I've seen where a lot of people listen to us on like the interstates, which would indicate like a lot of it, you know, maybe people going through an area, but they're not actually from that area.
So anyhow, well, that's what I was thinking about. Like the Ozarks, it's a true story. Although there are people who live here. I know a lot of people here, but we are high down here. Yeah.
One of our bigger margins is down here. And I'm thinking, like I mentioned before, I'm thinking it's people travel. Yeah, probably.
And that could go back to what you're saying. People on the highway. Yeah. Yeah. So we don't we get we get a kind of a roundabout version of a lot of how many people are listening.
My sans a few because it's just the way that it's reported. And it's not a perfect science. So anyhow, you know what? Thank you. You don't have to wait three more weeks on that report because we just did it last weekend.
Yeah. So thank you. Thank you. Glen Allen and anyhow, everybody have a good night. Thank you.
Thank you, everybody. Have a good night. Have a good week. Yeah.
Hey, where do they go? Where the douchebags? Oh, my God. Someone took a dump in the corner. Oh, geez. Glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back. Man, that smells.