Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue
waters of the Missouri River, it's two douchebags and a microphone podcast.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Should I record frog sounds in the summer, then play them when it's zero degrees on my
ring doorbell for the Amazon guy?
Hmm.
Yeah, that sounds like fun.
When taking a shower, remember to scrub your asshole with soapy water, because nobody likes
a stinky asshole.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
Welcome, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
All right.
Well, Rob has had a very interesting day.
He's had the trots all day long.
So he is going to attempt to record this podcast with me on his shitter.
So you think so?
All right.
I mean, I mean, a long time ago, when I was a teenager, and it was probably hanging out
with you, I'm not for sure.
I can't prove it.
But I was sitting down, you know, I got really drunk and I ate some White Castle, right?
So anyhow, I get home and I'm like, oh my God, my stomach started turning.
I mean, allegedly from White Castle.
I can't prove it.
But I have my suspicions.
I did have, you know, some party favors and this and that.
So I can't actually prove it was the actual grease pellets from heaven that got me.
But something got me.
And anyhow, I actually I fell asleep.
I fell asleep.
I passed out on the shitter for like six hours, waking up to my dad banging on the door telling
me, get the fuck up.
Get out of there.
I have to get ready to go to work.
And I was like, oh, fuck.
Oh, God.
I go, man, quit yelling.
And that was my first mistake.
The quit yelling meant no, I'm going to yell louder because I'm your dad.
So anyhow, I got up and I could hardly walk for two hours.
I had ring around the ass.
It hurt.
So if you start to feel any of these symptoms, numbness, tingling, a wedge around your ass
that hurts is sensitive to the touch and just plain unpleasant.
Get up off of the shitter immediately.
OK, Rob?
All right.
OK.
All right.
Well, let's let's go ahead and start the show here with something a little interesting that
I found on the Internet.
You know, Sean Payton is like spent pretty much all the last season in the offseason
mouthing off about one person or another.
Right.
Yes.
Well, Nathaniel Hackett, the Jets offensive coordinator and also Aaron Rodgers choice
to be his offensive coordinator fired from the Denver Broncos last year for not being
a very good head coach, they said.
Well, Sean Payton does not have a win yet, and he recently played the Jets and the and
the guy that he said a lot of bad things about said that he didn't know what he was doing
is horrible coaching and all that.
And they promptly kicked his ass.
So a few months after ripping Denver Broncos head coach Nathaniel Hackett for his time
with the organization, current Broncos head coach Sean Payton.
And also I'll tell you something that's going on too, if I sound a little weird today.
Sean Payton lost to the New York Jets, who have Hackett as their offensive coordinator.
It was another rough day at the office for Payton and company as they struggled in an
ugly 31 to 21 loss.
Shortly after it was hired by Denver, Payton called Hackett's one season with the Broncos
one of the worst coaching jobs ever.
Hackett went 4-11 and couldn't even finish out his first year with the team.
Payton hasn't been much better thus far.
The Broncos have gotten, oh, I guess they did get one win, I'm sorry, I apologize, to
a 1-0 for a start.
And a lot of the warts from Hackett's regime are still showing.
The Broncos have had three turnovers and gave up 407 yards of total offense to a struggling
Jets squad.
Facing a three point deficit late in the fourth quarter, Broncos quarterback Russell Wilson
got strip sacked and New York returned it for a touchdown ice in the game.
Hackett was one of the first people on Jets sideline to receive a hug from his squad and
the Jets players and fan base were quick to troll Payton following their big win.
And I guess last year there was a movie that portrayed Sean Payton and he was played by
Kevin James, you know King of Queens Kevin James?
The first thing the New York Jets did was they show Kevin James as Sean Payton and it
said when you lose to the off season champs.
And they had a picture of him.
So they kind of had a little fun with him and they probably deserved to, I would think
so.
I mean, you know, I think that the 70-20 ass beating that they got from Miami may not be
the only one they receive this year because I think that the coaches and people in the
NFL just generally did not care for that.
Viewed as low class, there's no room in the league for that and I think you're going to
continue to see a lot of mocking and a lot of ha haing and well deserved.
You know, I used to have a certain amount of respect for Sean Payton even though he
had the bounty gate and all that stuff.
I had a certain amount of respect for him.
I lost all of it.
You know, the guy is a blowhard and anyhow he deserves what he gets.
So good job there Kevin James.
Good job.
So anyhow, I mentioned there's something going on, right?
If I sound a little weird, I myself sound a little slurry and there's a reason for that.
Last night Val was kind enough to bring home the peanut which is a local bar and restaurant
here which is very good and anyhow they had some delicious onion rings that were really
crispy.
I mean they're kind of hard to tear into crispy.
Well, I broke my crown off completely off.
Yeah.
So it didn't hurt because there was no nerve in there.
The nerve is dead.
That's what they do when they give you a crown is they give you a root canal, whittle out
all the nerves in there and they fill it and then they put a fake tooth on top of it, glued
on top of it.
Well I'm going to have to have a dental implant because this broke off so right at the gumline.
They rarely do that but I had a mouth infection up around the gumline earlier in the year
when I was coming back from Louisville.
It was very painful.
And I don't know if I mentioned anything about it on air or not but what happened is it was
such a bad infection that I had to go have my what they call the tooth drained and that's
where they stick a tiny drill in the back of your tooth, drill into it and let the infection
roll out and then fill it full iodine and some sort of antibiotics, some sort of topical
antibiotics and they shoot it back into the canal and then seal it up.
Well while I had this infection I could feel my tooth protruding a little bit.
You know you can just tell.
You couldn't see it but I could feel it.
I'm like that tooth is something is definitely wrong with it.
So last night while eating that very challenging onion ring and I am a hero, Rob I'm a hero,
I spit out the crown and I kept eating.
Oh wow.
Yeah I was proud of myself.
I'm like this is a real man right here.
Watch this shit.
I didn't eat the crown although I should have to be a real man but I didn't eat the crown
knowing that they might be able to use that for something.
So I'm going to have to go around either looking like a jack-o-lantern for a couple of weeks
while they get my tooth manufactured.
Oh or I can save this crown and maybe they can duplicate it and that's what they did.
It's a very weird little thing that my dentist did but my dentist is very good.
And anyhow it's Belton Family Dentistry and I'm not getting anything for saying this or
nothing like that.
Nothing free.
No it wouldn't be payola on a podcast but anyhow nothing like that.
This is just telling you those people there are smart.
The lady that was helping me with my tooth, one of the ladies, have you ever seen those
clear braces that wrap up on people's teeth?
You shove them up there and they hold the teeth in place.
Took one of those clear packets, took the indentation and the contour and whatever else,
on the measurements of my teeth on the top.
And they put a small fake tooth where that tooth would be and I simply just roll it up
on there and it looks like a tooth.
It's a little hard to talk with it right now but I'm going to try a little denture cream
stuff.
I got some, I felt very weird getting it too because I'm like this is weird.
I don't have false teeth but I'm buying denture adhesive.
Anyhow I'm going to try to put a little on each side and see if that will hold that tooth
in place.
Because I deal with the public a lot now.
I don't know.
I see one person staring at it and I'm feeling weird.
But that's me.
No I would too.
So anyhow, another thing that I've noticed here is a lot of people rooting for Hamas
in America.
What the fuck happened?
Yeah.
What in the hell is wrong with these people?
These people want us dead.
We're infidels to them.
What the fuck is wrong with these fucking thumb sucking little fucking bitches?
Geez.
Anyhow, I'm not going to go into any more of that except I am fucking ashamed of the
fucking people we raised.
Jesus.
Right.
The people that are following this pied piper Hamas are the same people they'll fucking be
head in two seconds.
So anyhow, Rob how was your day?
You got some stuff you want to talk about?
Yeah I got a little story here.
Actually I just read it across Rob.
Okay.
But how was your day?
You was getting ready to say that before I went on.
Oh.
My day was real good man.
My days are looking up lately.
Good.
Yeah.
Things are starting to go my way.
I'm thinking a lot clearer these days.
Good.
I noticed you're sounding a lot better on the podcast like I told you last time.
It's not something that you really can talk about or even explain.
You just don't get, I don't know whatever it is, it's not really nervous.
It's like you're not scratching for traction.
You know what I mean?
You're just kind of like, eh.
I was just going to flow it out there.
Whatever.
Tofer and I always said you're getting your money's worth.
It's free.
Well I, you also know I've been pretty distracted the past few weeks.
I know and I've never brought that up.
I've never brought that up.
That's your stuff and if you ever want to talk about it it's fine.
If you don't that's fine.
Whatever.
So.
Well I'm through all that and I'm moving on buddy.
Alright good.
Good.
Yeah I do have this story I ran across.
Oh hang on, hang on.
I have one more thing I have to ask you.
I forgot.
Have you had any more asshole pictures?
No we have not.
Okay we're about ready to call this thing people.
We're about ready to call this thing.
I don't know what to do.
I'm up in arms.
I mean, you're letting us down quite frankly.
You're letting us down.
Can't this man.
You have till Saturday.
That's it.
The gavel has been laid down.
Saturday is the last day.
You can send Rob Radd a hairy asshole pic preferably with your face looking at him smiling.
I gotta have the face.
I gotta see who you are.
Okay.
Face and ass.
Hunched up.
Picture.
So.
Anyhow, Rob I just had to put that in there because I'm very disappointed in our listenership.
Yeah I'm getting there.
I'm getting there.
I'm up in arms.
I'm flabbergasted.
Anyhow, Rob you have a story.
Yeah, yeah I just ran across this and I've scrolled on down and there's multiple sites
reporting on this.
Okay.
Jinnus Mary Lou Ritten is facing an intense health battle.
Oh no.
I love her.
I said oh no I love her.
She is awesome.
I do too.
Yeah go ahead.
Her daughter revealed via social media on Tuesday October 10th which is today.
On her Instagram story McKenna Lane Kelly captured a photo of her mom writing please
consider helping our mom and family out and most importantly please continue to pray.
Kelly didn't share a spot from link which detailed more about her mom's current state.
Hey everyone on behalf of my sisters and I we need y'all's help.
My amazing mom Mary Lou has a very rare form of pneumonia and is fighting for her life.
Oh.
She is not able to breathe on her own.
She's been in the ICU for over a week now.
I respect her and her privacy.
I will not disclose all details.
However I will disclose that she's not insured she stated.
Asked if you could help in any way that one you pray and two if you can help us with finances
for the hospital bill.
Anything absolutely anything would be so helpful for my family and my mom.
Thank you all so very much.
Wow.
Okay.
There you go.
Okay.
I pray that she could battle through this.
I pray too.
I just adored her in her whole career.
All right.
Yes.
Did we ever talk about Biden's dog being kicked out of the White House?
Yeah.
We can talk about that as a matter of fact we're on air right now.
I had to pause for a second but we are on air right now.
Oh.
Yeah.
We can do that as a matter of fact that Biden's dog and Joe Biden are up for an ass paddling
over it.
Okay.
So anyhow we're going to take a slight break and then we can come back about Biden's dog
and the possible ass paddling they're both going to get.
We can do animals too.
You know this.
Yes.
Yeah.
So an animal is not beyond an ass paddling and it just might happen.
So we will be right back here in a minute.
Please enjoy Brick Shit House Energy Drink responsibly.
It's not readily available anywhere because of liability issues.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum, two douchebags and a microphone.
All right.
Two douchebags and microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
All right.
Now Rob, did you want to talk about Joe Biden and his dog or?
Yeah, I do.
This is far as politics.
I'm going to go.
You know what?
And I agree with you.
Biden's dog.
Yeah.
Although, although Biden should have an ass paddling over this too because it sounds like
this is an ongoing thing.
It is.
And that's why him and his dog should receive an ass paddling.
But that's next month.
We got ass paddling once a month and we're going to stick to that format.
So.
Okay.
President Biden's German Shepherd is no longer at the White House in the wake of multiple
document reports of aggressive behavior against Secret Service staff members.
Elizabeth Alexander, a spokesperson for First Lady, Joe Biden, confirmed the CBS News in
a statement Wednesday evening that the family dog named Commander is not presently on White
House campus while next steps are evaluated.
Alexander did not say what commander had been taken or whether the move from the White House
would be permanent.
The president and First Lady care deeply about the safety of those who work at the White
House and those who protect them every day.
Alexander said they remain grateful for the patience and support of the U.S. Secret Service
and are involved as they continue to work through solutions.
There have been at least 11 documented attacks by the senior commander against Secret Service
personnel.
Wow.
In July, nearly 200 pages of redacted federal documents were released that describe 10 of
those alleged attacks by the German Shepherd on Secret Service officers and agents dating
back to October 2022.
Wow.
None of the injuries sustained by the victims were serious, the documents said.
An 11th attack was reported on September 25th in which a uniformed Secret Service officer
came in contact with Commander at the White House and was bitten.
On Wednesday CNN citing sources said the number of reported attacks was believed to be higher
and included other groups of White House employees.
Wow.
Commander was gifted to the Bidens as a copy in December of 2021 after the death of their
German Shepherd champ earlier that year.
That same year, Biden's other German Shepherd major was relocated to Delaware to live with
friends of the Bidens after also being involved in multiple biting incidents at the White
House.
I wonder if friends are like the farm.
He went to go be on a farm.
Just wondering.
You ever heard that?
Yeah.
You know what?
You all know what I would love to do, Rob.
If I was President of the United States and I had my dogs, I would teach my dogs to dry
hump the Secret Service agents.
And then if they get mad, I'd tell them they couldn't.
I'd say, hey, leave the dog alone.
Let him finish.
Yeah, dry hump.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, dry hump.
Yeah.
Get him.
Get him, Ruffy.
Hey, hey, don't you, no, uh, no.
Let him finish.
Stop it.
Don't you even think about harming that animal.
Oh, oh, I got another news break today.
Okay.
What is it?
Colin Kaepernick finally made it back into the NSL.
How?
He is part of it.
Okay.
Colin Kaepernick is set to enter the NSL world once again this week.
The Colin Wilson quarterback has been in the headlines for trying to get back in the NFL
the previous few weeks.
Kaepernick has been directed to the Jets.
He is offered a job through CFL and XFL.
Kaepernick has turned down both, um, but he's getting reconnected with the NFL on Tuesday.
Okay.
Why?
What, what's he doing?
Playground Sports is releasing the arcade style football video game, Rock Club Sports,
on Tuesday.
The game will feature many permanent NSL quarterbacks.
For the Playground Sports trailer, Kaepernick will be in the video game.
There you go.
There you go, Colin.
Congratulations.
You made it.
Great job.
Um, wow.
Well, good, good.
Hey, have you ever heard of the car nanny?
No, I haven't.
Okay.
A car nanny is another new thing.
You know, we talked about like the rent a mom and all that.
This is along the same lines.
Okay.
This is someone that found a need and took advantage of it and now is making major bucks
over it.
So this is very interesting.
Um, in 2014, Helen Kay was a young mother with two girls.
Before maternity leave, she had some management and business experience, but she always wanted
more.
The children had grown up a bit and had to start kindergarten and Helena really wanted
her own business, although she did not yet know what it was.
So life has made its own adjustments.
The problem appeared, her husband often went on business trips and the children need to
be brought to, uh, um, eight 30 and picked up at 17.
So let's see, I wonder what they mean here.
Brought here at eight 30 and picked up at 17.
I guess they're talking about different times.
So the teachers in kindergarten were very strict about being late and there was no place
for an employee who came to work at 9 a.m. and then left at 4 p.m. before COVID remote
work was not so popular.
Everyone was at the office from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. and no favors were given to young moms,
especially if you were to apply for a managerial position.
It was more convenient for employers to hire a man and not a young mother.
This seemed like a dead end.
After thinking about it, Helena turned to an online mom forum to find out how other
moms could solve this problem.
So the way it was explained on there, I don't think really came out like what it means.
I'm not sure exactly what the article is trying to get, but basically you have a certain amount
of time you can, you can go get your kid and that's it.
So if you have a office job and cannot leave there and your husband can't do it, let's
say he's out of town like this lady, then there's a need for someone to go get the kids,
but they have to be vetted.
If you don't have anyone to, you know, you have to make sure that these people are good
and not going to do anything stupid and not going to steal your kids and sell or whatever
anything any could, you know, anyone nefarious could do.
After thinking about it, Helena turned to an online mom forum.
Like I said, more than a thousand messages in a couple of days came out in one forum
topic.
Some moms don't work because they have to drive two or more kids to kindergarten and
schools.
Some ask friends for a ride or hire a nanny and pay for a taxi even.
Working moms are driving kids themselves and not get promoted or growing in business because
you know, they have to be responsible for getting the kids back and forth.
She was realizing that this is a big problem for all parents.
Helena herself got behind the wheel and offered to drive the children.
After two weeks, there were so many orders that Helena could not cope.
The orders came in from 7 to 11 p.m.
The moms whose children Helena drove for the day gladly told other moms and they wanted
the same service.
The conclusion was clear.
She decided to open up a company and hired a staff.
Such a phenomenon as a car nanny before Helena did not exist.
She was the first car nanny in the region and also came up with a whole business niche
accompanying children in kindergarten, school clubs and door to door nanny by car.
Business grew rapidly, social networks and word of mouth radio worked perfectly.
Then the investment in the business was minimal.
She had her own good German car with car seats, self-made logo and online pages and social
networks.
In 2019, the creation of the aggregator began doing 2020 and 22.
This business model showed fascinating results so the creation of the franchise model was
in order.
The brand's mission is to make accessible trips with children all around the world.
What a fantastic business model.
You talk about minimal startup money.
That's virtually no startup money.
Car seats and all these people, there was such a need for it that it grew in a matter
of hours.
Pretty interesting.
I like that.
A car nanny is a great idea.
As crazy as it seems, that's a great idea, don't you think?
Yeah, it is.
You ever wonder how come pumpkin spice is so popular, Rob?
Yeah, actually sometimes I do.
Yeah, me too.
It's okay but it doesn't warrant the volume of people that just freak out over it.
It's like all of a sudden you see all these social memes and little things.
It's pumpkin spice season.
Everything's great again.
We don't care if the world's at war.
We have pumpkin spice.
Everything's fucking great.
Stage four liver cancer.
Who cares?
I got a pumpkin spice fucking latte.
That's pretty much the way it is, right?
Yeah.
Well, John Hopkins University did a study.
They wanted to know how come people are so idiotic over pumpkin spice and they think
they found some reasons.
Are you ready for it, Rob?
Yes, I am.
Today is the first day of fall.
This article was written just a little bit ago.
As coffee shops and grocery stores, it has been peak autumn for weeks thanks to the early
home arrival of pumpkin spice.
The flavor that has become the season unofficial start, which it has, as soon as you see pumpkin
spice anything, all of a sudden, I don't care if it's 130 degrees out there, it's fall,
right?
Yeah.
You could be drenched in nut sweat and panning like a fucking old dog.
Doesn't matter.
Pumpkin spice is out.
That means it's fall.
Two John Hopkins University perception researchers say a key to understanding why people love
pumpkin spice is the smell of it.
Those notes of cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger trigger deeply rooted cozy memories of autumn.
You know what, Rob, think about it.
Whenever you smell it, don't you think about sitting by a warm fire with a blankie, sipping
some pumpkin spice, whatever?
Maybe you got a little angel's envy in there.
Maybe you don't, right?
Yeah.
Pumpkin spice aromas emerge in the fall in shops and cafes, coinciding with the arrival
of colorful leaves, family gatherings, and back to school bustle.
The association that the smell has with the season and our memories allows it to powerfully
invoke the refreshing feelings of fall, says Jason Fisher, a professor of psychological
and brain sciences in the Krieger School.
We often long for the arrival of fall and the end of a hot summer, and our sense of
smell can summon up that season early.
Smells can tap memories more powerful than any other senses, which I've known for a long
time.
Let me go into a slightly different thing, and we'll go back to this.
Okay.
Rob, remember going to a big concert when we were younger?
I mean, when you and I hung around a lot when we worked together.
Yeah.
We made our sample.
Yeah.
You ever notice there was a certain smell, a very distinct smell in that auditorium?
Yeah.
There's something to it.
They put that smell in there, and that smell is to enhance your sensitivities of pleasure
and enjoyment, and they've known this for a long time, and a lot of places do it.
That's where aromatherapy came from, where you burn some of these little incense and
you sit there and listen to certain types of music, and you rely on your senses to tap
you into this area that you need to be, right?
Yeah.
Well, pumpkin spice kind of runs along that same line.
So anyhow.
Okay.
So, smells can tap memories more powerful than any other senses.
She points to evidence that just reading smell-related words, for instance, pumpkin spice, will spark
activity in the area of the brain that processes olfactory stimuli.
What that is is even when people merely expect to smell, the neutral zone fires up.
When you consider how close this brain region is to the area responsible for memory, no
wonder the mere mention of a pumpkin spice latte can tribute warm fuzzies.
However, for such an invocative sense, people have a very hard time identifying smells they
encounter, particularly without other sensory input to help.
So anyhow, pumpkin spice, what it is, it's like the perfect storm of spices and smells
and aromas that invoke these warm feelings of autumn.
So I mean, that's pretty cool.
I mean, I always knew it was something like that, and I could go into it a little bit
further, but I mean, why?
We got the whole jest of it, and I'm not going to waste like 10 minutes of you jabbering
about what this professor or fucking, I don't know, whatever.
So there you go.
They say that's why pumpkin spice is so popular, and that's how come people like flip out and
have to go get it.
So anyhow.
So Rob, you got something else you want to talk about or not?
Yeah.
Okay.
I do.
You know how in the last podcast I got a list?
Yeah, list, list.
I came up with about 80s music.
I got that off americansongwriter.com.
Okay.
Well, I'll help.
I happen to have another list for you.
Okay.
What is it?
Okay.
These are seven classic rock bands who never had a number one hit.
Interesting.
So American songwriter.com.
Okay.
The first one, we have Led Zeppelin.
Whole lot of love hit number four.
No other top 10 hits.
Yeah.
I actually, I knew that one.
Yeah.
The next one, The Who.
I could see for miles, knocked into the top 10 and they had seven more top 40 hits.
Wow.
For some reason, I thought The Who had a number one.
I guess not.
I thought like, I thought maybe Bubba O'Reilly or something would, but I guess not.
Okay.
Anyhow.
Next one, Creedence Clearwater Revival.
They had Rob Murray, Diving and Rising.
Yeah.
Green River.
Yeah.
Carving Band, Will Stop the Rain, Looking Out My Back Door, Long As I Could See the
Light.
They all hit number two.
Wow.
And they had four other top 10s.
Okay.
But no number one.
Okay.
Huh.
Next up, we had The Kinks.
They had five different top 10s, but no number one.
I actually knew that about The Kinks.
Yeah.
Okay.
Anyhow, go ahead.
The other ones, Led Zeppelin I knew and The Kinks I knew.
The rest of them, like CCR I find very surprising because they were pretty much pop music at
the time.
But this next one I find surprising too.
Okay.
ACDC.
Back in Black was their biggest hit.
Well, it wasn't you shook me all night long.
No.
It was Back in Black.
Huh.
Okay.
Their hit that made it the biggest was Money Tops and it hit number 23.
And wasn't that because it was a part of a soundtrack?
I believe so, yeah.
Okay.
I can't remember which soundtrack.
Yeah, I can't either.
Okay.
Oh well.
The next one, The Band.
Up on Cripple Creek made it to 25.
And Joan Bias' cover of The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down made it to number 3.
Uh huh.
And the final one, ZZ Top.
Their biggest hits was Legs and Sleeping Bag and they both made it to number 8.
Oh wow.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm liking this.
I'm liking that site.
They got a lot of classic rock stuff and a lot of stuff I didn't know and different lists
like this.
It's pretty cool.
I'm kind of liking it.
That's pretty cool.
Wow.
Some of them I really found surprising.
Some of them I already knew.
Yeah.
Some of these are that way but you know.
I'm kind of enjoying reading some of them.
Okay.
That's pretty cool.
Let's see.
Anyhow, let's come right back in a couple of minutes and we'll have some more crazy shit
for you.
Sounds good.
Alrighty.
Talk to you guys in a minute.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
May every empty parking space you see in the distance actually contain a motorcycle.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
May, your five year old neighbor have all their violin lessons during all of your hangovers.
Remember to send all male body part photos to Rob Rad's inbox.
Oh Lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there.
Don't worry.
I have a clown nose.
Oh no.
That drunk guy just hit my child.
It is okay.
I have a clown nose.
Clown noses.
Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office?
Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
All right, two douche bags and microphone on Mark.
And I'm Rob.
All right.
How about some horrible would you rather questions?
What do you think of that?
That sounds good.
Okay.
And then also we have to have an update on the hairy asshole Olympics.
Do you have a list?
Let's do a couple of would you rather questions then we can go into the hairy asshole Olympics
if you want.
Do you have a list near you?
I have my list.
I don't have your list.
Okay.
You know what?
I got to take a few minutes to find my list.
And I will.
All right.
We'll do it on the next.
We'll do it tomorrow night.
Yeah, we'll do it tomorrow night.
Okay.
I'm unprepared.
I had the tooth thing going on today.
So I had no prep time at all and I'm a little disoriented.
But like I told Rob earlier before the show, I kind of really like this because it's a
real challenge.
You got to come up with shit on your own and impromptu.
I'm sure that a lot of radio guys have to do this.
Maybe they lost their files in their computer or whatever and you got to on the fly come
up with shit or just stretch something out because you got another 50 seconds.
You got to talk.
So I'm sure that this is an art in itself.
So anyway.
I'll admit to you, there's been a couple of nights where I was crunched for time and I
just winged it.
I just went and I wasn't.
Yeah.
I looked at my phone and looked at my stories and started reading.
Actually that's a great idea.
Okay.
Would you rather have the hiccups for the rest of your life or feel like you have to
sneeze and not be able to for the rest of your life?
Okay.
I'm going to say I do too.
But because of effort wise, a sneeze is a big production, right?
You're like where a hiccups like, yeah, I think they would both suck.
They would both suck, but I think I'd have to go with hiccups just because you probably
would at least be able to get something done.
Right?
Yeah.
I mean, if you're always like almost sneezing, you wouldn't get anything done.
You'd always be like, Oh, hang on.
And that would suck.
So anyhow.
Okay.
Would you rather have 10 dick fingers or one finger dick?
You want to, okay.
Can we turn, let's do this like we do in the hairy asshole Olympics.
Turn it over to Topher.
Yeah.
Okay.
At this point, I will text him after the show.
Okay.
I will have his decision.
Well, I'm going to attempt to see him tomorrow.
I was going to do it today, but my tooth issue prevented me.
So I'm going to attempt to see him tomorrow and anyhow, we'll go from there.
And anyhow, it's really horrible.
I got to sneak in that kale camp and, and, and go talk to him for a little bit and then
run off.
It's crazy.
So, and anyhow, let's see.
So okay.
That one's good.
We're going to turn that one over to Topher, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, no, no, no.
We already went over these ones right here.
Suddenly I just ran into some we already did.
This one, I'm not even going to ask us because I don't like it.
Okay.
Would you rather have a vagina on your forehead or a row of penises down your back like a
stegosaurus?
I think I'm going to have to go with the back.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Throw a shirt over it.
Yeah.
Throw a shirt over it.
And then, you know, if they, whenever sees it, you could explain, well, you know, there's
a stupid fucking question thing, right?
And I didn't know it was for real.
I just answered the son of a bitch and bam, all of a sudden, yeah, here it is.
I'm glad I didn't pick the vagina on the forehead.
Anyhow.
Yeah.
Our friends would have had too much fun with that one.
Oh yeah.
Yep.
And if I sound even weirder now, the hydrocodone is starting to kick in.
So if I sound a little off and not quite so alert, I'm going to listen to this tomorrow
when I'm editing and I'm probably going to have some fun.
Oh shit.
I got my work cut out for me.
Yeah, you do.
You're probably going to have to reel me back in the next 20 minutes or so.
Well, we'll see what I can do.
All right.
Well, good luck.
I hope you're able to.
Just remember.
I used to be able to.
I know.
I mean, look, I mean, you know, when I'm peeled out, I, you know, I'm peeled out.
So okay.
Would you rather eat a pine cone or shit a pine cone?
I'd rather eat one.
I'd rather eat one too.
I think that's pretty easy one.
Everybody on this, this deal here says because it's on Reddit.
Okay.
They're like, you know, at least you'll get your fiber.
I agree with them.
Yeah.
So, okay.
Yeah, I, I, I agree with that.
Um, let's see.
Okay.
Would you have rather have penis sized nipples or a nipple sized penis?
Hey.
Either one would be hard to explain.
Yes it would.
Um, penis sized nipples.
Yeah.
It sucks.
You'd have to go with it.
You'd need a conversation piece.
You know what?
You can win a lot of bar, a lot of bar bets.
There you go.
Yeah, you would.
Okay.
This question I don't really care for, but I'll go ahead and ask it anyhow.
Would you rather have a flaming cat or a dog made out of water?
Dog out of water.
Because, I mean, when a flaming cat, you go to pet it or what if you're like sleeping
and it comes up to like a purr and rub on you?
You catch on fire.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
My cat likes to like, it's going to be catching me in the middle of the night.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah.
Catch your bike.
I told you how hairy I am.
I would go up like a cotton ball.
Hmm.
Yeah.
Give me the dog.
Okay.
Would you rather relive your birth or watch your conception?
Relive my birth.
That one's easy.
Wow.
Yep.
Oh, this next one.
I like this one a lot.
Would you rather wear Crocs with socks on or a cashmere colored Uggs?
Have you ever seen Uggs?
Yeah.
Okay.
Give me the cashmere, give me the Uggs.
Uggs.
I'd rather have Uggs.
Yes.
Uggs.
Crocs are just so disgusting.
I'm sorry.
I know they have a thing.
I see they're very dangerous when it's wet out.
Oh, I believe that.
Yeah.
They get very slick.
I believe that.
Yeah.
I know a lot of people go down and get hurt.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Let's see.
What would be the next one?
Let's see.
What would be the next one here?
I do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
There's a bunch of them that we already went over in previous ones.
Let's see.
Let's see here.
Okay.
Would you rather be punched in the dick by Dolph Lundgren and Dolph Lundgren is the guy
off of Rocky IV.
Yeah.
I think it's Rocky IV.
Yeah.
The blonde hair Russian.
Yeah.
Or have Danny DeVito have anal sex with you while he grabs at your hair, sweats profusely
and talks like the penguin.
Oh.
Yes, I'm going to have a very bad injury to my penis.
Dude, we've been, we've been hitting a nuts many a times.
You know what?
You're right.
What's one more?
You know what?
One more.
It would be like.
Other than it is from Dolph Lundgren.
But it would be like old times, right?
I wonder if we could have a tape recorder of me and you laughing.
Like whenever, whenever Dolph Lundgren cracks me in the balls, I could hear you laughing
and it would invoke old fond memories.
And then while he's cracking you in the balls, like me and I, maybe I could find a, some
sort of excerpt of my brother laughing.
Yeah.
Oh, we definitely have to have that.
Oh, you probably want to get hit in the balls again, just to hear it.
Right?
Yes, I would.
Yeah.
You'd be like, come on Dolph, one more time.
I want to hear John and Mark laughing.
It brings me back to a fond place in life, even though it hurt like hell.
So all right.
Would you rather have the ability to stop time or become invisible in every way?
I think invisible.
I would rather stop time.
You know what?
Whew.
Boy, this is close for me.
I could have so much more fun stopping time.
Yeah, me too.
Switching things around.
You know what?
That would be so much fun.
Me too.
Good point.
The tricks we could play on people.
And while you stop time, you'd be invisible anyhow.
No one would see you because their time stopped.
They're off in lala land.
They're not there, right?
You freeze two people.
Walk up.
Take one.
They're not there.
Walk up, take one, there's fingers, sticks it in the other one's nose, and bring him
back.
I'm not that nice.
I'd stick it up his ass.
I was trying to be nice.
You know what I'd do?
I would take a certain old boss of mine, take his pants off, put him over the desk.
And then I would take a dildo and stick it in his ass crack.
Not in him, because that's a little too vulgar, but on his ass crack.
And I would pull.
I would be illegal at that point.
Yeah, yeah.
And a little nightie on him.
And a wig.
And I would take all of their business associates and put them in the same room and then let
them wake up at the same time.
Wouldn't that be great?
All of a sudden they're like, I would love it.
That would be funny.
And then there's other things.
You know what?
Let's come up with a list of what would we do if we stopped time.
You want to do that?
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
A list of what we will do when we learn how to stop time.
This is going to be interesting, Rob.
Oh gosh.
Yeah.
Yep.
Okay.
All right.
We will do that.
There's no timeline, just whenever you feel your list is done and I feel my list is done,
we'll get together and go, okay, here it is.
Does that sound good?
Yes.
I'll be coming up with some at work.
Okay.
Me too.
Okay.
Would you rather be forced to masturbate and to orgasm 10 times a day or never to be able
to orgasm ever again?
My dick is going to be raw.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
It's going to be raw.
Oh, hey, I got something I'm going to tell.
I'm going to tell my raw dick story.
Have you ever heard my raw dick story?
No.
Okay.
This was a long time ago, right?
I was trying to get some stink finger.
So I'm making out with this chick in the back of the car, but she will not take her pants
off.
So I'm dry humping her and my friend BJ was driving and I'm dry humping her for like hours.
I wasn't wearing underwear because I'm a rebel.
I was commando free balling.
So my dick was rubbing up against the zipper that whole time.
Okay.
And you know, after a while, you know, after you rubbed like that for so long, it kind
of becomes numb.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, anyhow, so like I said, we're back there for hours doing this and she just would not
give in.
So I was like, okay, finally it ends, you know, and we're starting to run low on gas
and BJ's yawning and starting to swerve a little bit.
So I'm like, okay, fuck.
So I'm like, all right, man, well, I got to get home.
So we stop our shenanigans.
So I go home and I go to take a piss and my dick is bloody raw from the zipper.
So I'm like, oh shit, man.
Oh fuck, that hurts.
So the only thing I could do to get it to quit bleeding and sticking to me was take
toilet paper and wrap it around my dick.
Okay.
So I pass out, I wake up in the morning and it's scabbed over with the toilet paper on
it.
Oh my God.
Oh yeah.
And I'm like, oh my God, what am I going to do?
So I had to run my dick under warm water and it hurt like hell.
I had to run it under there for like 10 minutes to get all of the fucking toilet paper that
was scabbed over off of it.
And then I had to stop.
And I had to scrub it a little bit with soap and water so it wouldn't get infected because
it started to look a little reddish.
And I was like, oh shit.
And I was like, I can't go to the doctor.
Oh my God, this would be too embarrassing.
You know, it's like, what'd you do?
Well, um, well, uh, you know, and by that time the doctor's already caught on.
He's like, okay, whatever, you know, just embarrassing.
Okay.
And I probably didn't have the money to see a doctor anyhow and also the, it just sucked.
So you know, I'm, I'm like 10 minutes running under warm water and then I had to scrub it
and everything.
And anyhow, um, I had to drip dry and wear, um, sweats for about a week until it healed
up enough to where I could go back to wearing jeans.
Oh man.
Yes.
So I know someone that did BJ.
Oh, I've had poison down there a few times.
Well, when I was younger, I used to be highly allergic to it.
Yeah.
I'm still highly allergic to it, but I haven't had it on me on my penis at all.
So that's good.
Yeah.
I finally learned what.
Yeah.
And you know that, you know how that happens.
Don't you?
You're out there cutting weeds or something and then you go to take a piss in the corner.
That's how that happens.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Yep.
So, yep.
I've had that happen before when I was younger.
I'm like, how in the hell did I get it here?
And I had to go to the doctor over it, right?
And you know, say I have poison ivy on my penis.
I'm like, shit, this sucks.
So I go to the doctor and I go, really?
I don't know how I got it there.
And he goes, I'll tell you how.
He said, were you cleaning off the fence line?
Yeah.
Did you not want to go inside and wash your hands and use the bathroom inside?
Yeah.
Did you take a piss in the corner?
Yeah.
That's how you got it.
I was like, you know what, you know what, sir, you're right.
Case in point.
So, okay.
This next one is gruesome and we'll go ahead and call it our last one and then we can call
this a podcast is unless you want to go longer.
If you have anything else you want to say or whatever, it's fine with me.
Yeah.
I had one little story I'd like to get to because it's about a band that we used to
listen to all the time.
You know what?
Go ahead and go with that because this next question is really, really gross.
Okay.
Here.
Here's what it is.
I don't necessarily like it, but would you rather eat a dead baby or a live one?
Okay.
Steven Pursy recalls Robbie and I being given an F3 guitar roll and we're out to one demarcation.
Demartini.
You got me on that.
Okay.
Yeah, that was distracting.
No, that's okay.
Oh my God.
I was just doing that so the people that do know him know who you're talking about.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Yeah, yeah.
Rat frontman Steven Pursy continues to pay tribute to his deceased former bandmate and
guitarist Robin Crosby.
The following message was posted on Rat's Facebook page earlier today, which was a few
days ago.
Okay.
All hail Rat, the two best guitarists to ever have come coming through tons of Marshall
stacks at you.
Warren Demartini and Robin King Crosby, 83 to 91.
Robin was very genuine in giving up his main role as lead guitarist to one right from the
start.
No ego.
That was what's good for our band, but only gave Warren space to progress even faster
as lead guitarist for the band.
He earned it and playing all the shows hundreds and hundreds didn't earn it.
You know what?
I actually knew that story, but I knew it a long time ago and there's quite a bit more
to it.
I think they did a rough draft of it, but Warren Demartini was heralded as one of the
virtuoso greats of the eighties.
There's like first start off Randy Rhoades, Eddie Van Halen, right?
Then it went on to the Jakey Lees, the George Lynch's, the Reb Beaches, the Warren Demartini's.
Okay.
Warren Demartini was very well known around the rock circuit as one of the best guitarists
out there and he was, he's very good.
So they wanted to get this guy to bring attention to the band and it did.
It helped him get signed from what I read.
If what I remember is correct, I read this several years ago, it helped him get signed.
So Robin was the one that actually suggested getting the guy.
I do believe he was the one that said, look, I'm a better rhythm and he does play, he did
play lead and he's very good.
God rest his soul, but he was very good at lead, but he was not Warren Demartini good.
It brought so much attention to the band that it actually helped them get a major label
signing.
So Robin Crosby was a very integral part of them actually getting signed by a major label
because he was able to put his ego aside and let have, you know, to let this, I'm sorry,
the hydrocodone's kicking in pretty good right now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So anyhow, to let Warren Demartini come in and then the story is written.
And all I got to say about that is too bad his best friend can't follow suit, Nicky Six.
Yeah.
Very disappointed.
I have always, always been a Robin Crosby fan.
Oh, I loved him, man.
He was awesome.
I mean, he was just like this big hulking guy with this blonde hair and just like, I
mean, I don't, I think he dyed his hair blonde.
It was dark actually, but his look was like kind of like, I don't know, kind of like half
McMarr's half Vince Neil only Hugh.
Yeah.
He was, yeah, anyhow.
So, all righty.
Let's go ahead and call that a wrap because I think I'm going to go 990.
Everybody.
Sounds good.
Thank you for listening.
Hydrocodone rules.
This is Mark signing off in La La Land.
Rob, thank you.
Good night, everybody.
Don't go too hard.
No.
And don't forget, if you keep playing with it, you'll go blind.
Right?
That is a fact.
Yes.
Rob and I stopped just right in time.
Right in time.
Him and I walked up to each other and we bumped into each other in the hallway.
And I said, let me guess.
And he goes, yeah.
I go, we better slow down.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm not the cheaters now.
So yeah, I actually, we made each other where these very abrasive gloves for two weeks and
we're able to see again.
Yeah.
I hope this makes sense tomorrow.
Have a good night.
Good night, everybody.