Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue
waters of the Missouri River, it's Two Douchebags and a Microphone Podcast.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Could I throw away all my socks, then only buy 30 pair of one kind of sock?
Will they eventually not match up?
Hmph, I may never know.
Hello, this is Satan.
You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to Two Douchebags
and Microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and reflect on all the souls I burned that day.
Enjoy.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Welcome everybody, this is a Sunday night edition of us, although it will not be posted
Sunday night, it will be posted sometime later, Tuesday, something like that, maybe Wednesday,
who knows.
But, anyhow, the Chiefs, as we sit, are 4-1 atop the AFC West.
Now Patrick Mahomes has beaten all 31 teams in the shortest amount of time ever, just
like he passed 25,000 yards, just like everything he's done, but I still feel, I still get all
this cheap heat from these haters.
Oh man, the referees are giving them all.
Okay, so the 25,000 yards were referees, the beating all 31 teams was referees, the two
out of four Super Bowls and was in the third one but lost, that's all referees, all that.
Well I'll tell you what, what an amazing, lucky career, huh?
It's time these guys just fucking call it for what it is, you know, quit motherfucking
the guy and just say, you know what, this guy is one of the greatest ever, he may go
down as the greatest ever.
Okay, I wish my team would have got him and not you guys, you know, that's what they should
say.
As we speak, the Buffalo Bills faltered, they've lost to the, oh shit, who was it, Jacksonville.
Yeah, Jacksonville.
And so Cincinnati didn't look highly impressive against the very, very weak Arizona Cardinals.
There's no teams at AFC, I mean the Dolphins are looking good but they seem to have some
holes in what they're doing too.
So unfortunately people love it or hate it but it sounds to me like a lot of people hate
it but Chiefs are still your big boys in the AFC and every but like I just posted not too
long ago on social media, all 31 of you say you're sorry to your daddy.
Say you're sorry to your daddy.
All 31 of you lucky fucking bastards or unlucky bastards because you live in the Mahomes era
so, anyhow, that's enough of that because we already know we have the man so here's
a bucket of shit, feel free to eat it even though you'll never admit it.
Flyover is kicking your ass every fucking time and you hate it and you know what, I
love it.
Anyhow, how about, well first off, Rob how you doing tonight, you doing good?
I'm doing good, I'm doing good.
I've had a nice relaxing day, just did some house work and I listened to the game on the
radio seeing how it's the only way I can hear it.
Did you listen to it naked?
Oh yeah I did.
The kids left, I had to house to myself.
Alright good, good.
Me and the two dogs and two cats.
Okay cool, cool.
As long as you're naked, was your hairy asshole swaying in the wind?
Yeah you gotta let it breeze over now.
Yeah, yeah of course.
You have something that profound and beautiful, you have to leave it out to be admired.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Yeah good.
Well anyhow, did you get any more asshole pics or anything?
No, not today.
What the hell people?
I'm gonna put in another couple promos, I really gotta pump these people, I mean I swear.
You know, you guys were on a roll, Senator Rob all kinds of nice asshole pictures and
then the one thing, you know the one with the both things.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But yeah all of a sudden it's just like, nah we're not gonna do it anymore.
You guys are teasers, that's what you are.
I think what we might do is we just might finalize this one and if I have more pop up,
we'll do like we're doing the hairy asshole.
Next winter take on this one.
Okay.
Yeah, you know what, I mean yeah I don't think there's anything left to say except man, if
no one else is gonna participate then we're just gonna go ahead and pick the winner here
and you guys are shit out of luck.
So once we pick the winner, that is the winner of the asshole sent to Rob contest.
So anyhow, and I guess it just became a contest, it didn't exactly start off like that, it
started off me just fucking giving you shit, you know trying to get people to send pictures
of their dicks to you or something so it wouldn't bother you, but instead you embraced it and
you said send more and then it's like, oh shit okay well alright and now it's got to
where it is to where it's a contest.
So if you wanna, if you.
You know we are pretty competitive.
Yes, yeah that's right.
So anyhow there's only a few days left, if you don't want to be left out in the cold
with your asshole pic you better get it to Rob.
So anyhow.
And the temperatures are dropping right now.
Yes, yes.
They will literally be in the cold.
They will be, yes.
So anyhow, you guys are gonna have to listen to my 16 year old Chihuahua in the other room
that keeps barking periodically because I think she thinks she sees something that's
probably not there.
She's 16, give her a break.
So anyhow, I was gonna start off with alternative swear words, but how about this?
Did you know that you can buy McDonald's chicken nuggets, the McChicken nuggets in Walmart
now?
Yeah, yeah they just came out with it.
So this is according to Yahoo Life, if there's one thing we'll never be able to get enough
of it's fast food secrets and between the following, the president of the fast food
secrets club, Jordan, whatever his name is anyhow, I'm not gonna pimp him.
He's on TikTok, you know what, you can find him.
Anyhow, he's a guy that does the menu hacks and stuff like that, like McDonald's secret
menu McBrunch burger and I'll get into them in another episode.
There's all these hacks and stuff that this guy came up with and the McDouble Big Mac
instead of a traditional Big Mac.
He's a guy that figured this out.
So anyhow, here's what it says, okay, where to buy copycat McDonald's chicken nuggets?
And I guess I thought that McDonald's made them, I guess they don't.
They're just a copycat recipe that tastes just like it according to this article.
If you want the chicken nugget experience from home, that is probably a bit cheaper.
Look for Pilgrim's brand Tempura chicken nuggets, says Mike Harass, a former McDonald's corporate
chef in a TikTok video.
Okay, then this guy would really know.
There you have it folks, if you want something as good as the chicken McNugget, but from
the comfort of your own kitchen, look for the Pilgrim's brand.
Harass, I'm just gonna call it Harass, I think this sea is silent.
Says the knockoff chicken nuggets are sold at Walmart, which is true, but you have to
know what to look for.
The Tempura style chicken breast nuggets that Harass is referring to are made by the brand
Pilgrim's Pride, which is owned by the larger Pilgrim's Corporation.
These chicken nuggets can be available at Kroger owned stores like Kroger and Fred Meyer
and HEB, but Pilgrim's owns another brand, Country Pride, that sells Tempura raw chicken
breast.
So anyhow, without going into a little bit more of this, this is a copycat version of
the chicken nuggets.
This is not the actual version, but the former McDonald's chef said that this is the same
thing when you taste it.
So there you go.
Go there, get a cheaper version, fucking throw them in the oven or whatever and tell your
kids you threw away the sack.
Here's your McNuggets, right?
Yeah.
So anyhow, all right, got that one out of the way.
Now a little bit later on, I got an iCall Bullshit.
Okay, good.
And you know what?
Let's just go ahead.
Let's take a break so I can throw in the promo of the iCall Bullshit.
And anyhow, since we're on McDonald's, I'm calling Bullshit on McDonald's.
And I think you're probably smart enough to realize why I'm calling Bullshit on McDonald's.
So anyhow, let's take a little break and I'll be right back.
Oh no, it looks like someone's on their high horse again.
It's another episode of iCall Bullshit.
Bullshit.
Again.
Pardon me?
I said again.
Again.
Last year at this time, we have a segment called iCall Bullshit.
I called Bullshit on McDonald's for ending the McRib forever.
Well, I didn't believe this.
I said it was cheap publicity stunt and sure enough, magically the McRib is back.
I also called out how it was going to go down.
I said a groundswell bluegrass effort on the internet, then McD folds.
And that's what they did.
McD's was like, oh no, everybody wants it back.
Oh my God, we better bring it back.
Sure enough, the story I'm getting is that I'm calling Bullshit once again on McDonald's
and putting them in the Bullshit Hall of Fame for being the only subject to be called out
two times.
Motley is getting really close to being called out two times.
But as of right now, McDonald's is the sole owner of a two time iCall Bullshit winner.
So they go to the Hall of Fame and they stay there.
That sound reasonable?
All right.
Okay.
McD's, you've done it.
Oh, hey, hey.
Yeah.
They just made the ass paddle Hall of Fame last time.
I know.
So anyhow, yeah, McD's is probably like, come on guys, what the hell?
What do we do?
Well, I'll tell you what you did is you did cheap, it's actually brilliant because anytime
you end in McRib, every fucking station in America is talking about it.
And then when you bring it back, people talk about how you were never going to bring it
back.
And then you did.
So it's it's I mean, it's free fucking publicity.
People like me and you were talking about it.
So there you go.
It's really brilliant.
But I call bullshit on him.
I could see through it from the very start.
We know what's happening.
We know, you know, so anyhow, how about if we go into some alternative swear words, Rob?
All right.
Sounds good.
Okay, cool.
Well, all right.
Like I said, the people have been listening to us for a long time.
They know exactly what this is.
And this is like, let's say you're in in a store and there's a bunch of people around
and you can't call someone a dumb son of a bitch or a cocksucker or something, right.
But they really deserve to be okay.
Like maybe your friend comes by and crop dust you or something and then takes off.
Everybody looks at you thinking you're the one that invaded everybody's nostrils with
that stink.
But you weren't.
And then you look around the corner, your friends over there going, hee hee hee, pointing
at you and you're like, fuck.
So you want to call him a stupid son of a bitch or a cocksucker or whatever, but you
can't.
Let's say you're in church and he crop dust you or something and you can't do it or at
school or whatever around kids.
So back when we were teenagers, we came up with alternative words to mean the same thing
as cuss words.
And I used to do this in school and there wasn't anything I could do about it.
They knew that I was calling the person a motherfucker or something like that, but they
couldn't prove it because the word just meant something else.
So this is a combination of the word and how you say it.
And here's my list.
My first one, call someone a Dutch oven.
Yep.
Yeah.
A Dutch oven means both things.
A Dutch oven is something that you bury in the ground with hot coals and cook things,
okay?
Especially in camping.
And the Dutch oven is where you fucking rip one and you throw the sheets over whoever
and you make them fucking smell it.
Right?
Yep.
I think we've all been a victim and the perpetrator of a Dutch oven, right?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
So, and there's not an ass face.
I heard people refer to a Dutch oven calling it an ass face.
An ass face is where you take someone's head and you stick it right on your ass and you
fart.
That is an ass face.
That is not a Dutch oven.
And I'm getting tired of people getting the two mixed up.
A Dutch oven is exactly what I said.
You have to be in bed with the person and the covers are there.
You fucking crack one out and then you throw the covers over them to where they can't escape
and you hear gasping for air and crying and shaking.
And then finally they have to succumb and just eat your own fart.
It's not a good deal.
So, anyhow, the next one you can call people, ball of yarn.
And that's like something cats play with or you can crochet or knit with it.
I think same with enough forests that's pretty going, hey, you ball of yarn.
I'm not a ball of yarn.
Next one.
I mean, I don't know.
It made sense at the time but now I'm kind of like, I don't know.
Beef slider.
What do you think, Rob?
Are you going to give them a thumbs down?
Look, they can't all be gems.
I'll accept it.
I know.
I could kind of see it.
I think with enough forests and pointy, beef slider, I could see it kind of, yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
You know what?
It's not one of the best.
Yeah, yeah.
They can't all be gems.
Okay.
The next one.
Call someone an otter pelt.
Oh, there you go.
That's a pretty good one.
Yeah.
Someone does something like fucking flicks you in the nuts or something.
Are you otter pelt?
Then they're over there going, yeah.
How do I respond to that?
I'm not an otter pelt.
What the hell?
So, hey, that one's, that's pretty good.
This next one I love.
Call someone a fruit roll-up.
I love that one.
You look at someone go, hey.
Oh, yeah.
I like that one.
That fucking fruit roll-up over there, they tell him to go fuck himself.
What, that guy?
Yeah, yeah, that fruit roll-up right there.
Next one.
I got a stand-up on that one.
All right, cool, cool.
I'm glad I got that.
Yeah, that's it.
Oh.
Yeah.
The next one.
Pawn shop.
That means, you know, you're taking secondhand stuff.
People are selling you for crack.
Yeah.
Okay, like I said, they're not all gems.
That one will work.
It's just not the best.
It will work, but it's just not the best.
How about that?
Is that good?
Yeah, yeah.
I kind of like it.
Okay, cool.
The next one I really like because it's used so much.
Fake news.
Hey, you fake news.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, look, man, am I running on the bottom of the barrel here, maybe?
I don't know.
I will.
I don't care.
Let's see.
What was the next one?
Oh, I like- Well, most news is fake news.
That's true.
Yeah.
Call someone fake news, you got a wide variety, don't you?
Next one.
Sardine.
Oh.
Yeah, you're like a little fish packed in mustard oil and salt.
Yeah.
You sardine.
Ugh.
This next one I really like just because it's fucking weird.
Call someone a tulip bulb.
Or you could just call them a flowering tulip.
You flowering tulip.
Just-
Either one would work.
Yeah, it would.
This next one I like because it's longer and it makes people stop in their tracks while
you're calling them it and it gives them that just second of what?
Call them a royalty-free love song.
A royalty-free love song?
Please take it back.
No!
Oh, let's see.
Oh, this next one I love.
Cheap Christmas decoration.
Yeah, I like that one.
Cheap Christmas decoration.
Next one, you'll have to live around Kansas City to understand this, but Rob, you will
get this.
Time share on Lake Giacomo.
It's about like having a time share on a sewage lagoon.
You could even say that, but around here you'd call someone a time share on Lake Giacomo.
It's like, oh!
Oh!
Oh, yeah, let's go out there on the floating turds and the fucking HIV needles.
Yay!
And then this next one I love because it's like a Medlin pussy if you call him this.
Neighborhood watch group.
That's a good one.
I like that one quite a bit.
Anyhow, that is the end of those ones right there.
So, Rob, do you have anything you want to get to?
Yeah, I got a little story here off Blabbermouth.
Okay.
What is going on?
Legacy recording is celebrating the 40th anniversary of Ozzy Osbourne's third studio
album, Bark at the Moon.
By releasing it on translucent cobalt blue vinyl on November 17th.
Bark at the Moon was the first Ozzy album to feature guitarist Jakey Lee after the tragic
loss of guitarist Randy Rhoades and had a slightly different musical approach than Osbourne's
first two studio releases.
Finally released around Halloween of 1983, the LP featured Rock and Roll Rebel, Waiting
for Darkness, Sinner of Eternity and the title track which was featured prominently on MTV.
This remastered edition features a replica of the poster that was included in the initial
pressings of the album.
LP is also the inspiration for a new Funko Pop figure.
It features a flopped vinyl Ozzy transformed into a werewolf and standing 3.9 inches tall
standing in front of the cover art from the album and housed in a protective hard case.
So it's like a pop-up?
It's called a Funko Pop figure.
I think it means it pops up, you take out the sleeve and it pops up and it's like a
little werewolf Ozzy thing.
That's what I think it means.
But I'll look it up a little bit later and I'll find out but I think that's what it means.
That's cool, that's really cool.
But I'm really disappointed that the article did not mention this one song.
This was Ozzy's first solo ballad and it did very well.
It's called So Tired.
Remember that song?
Right.
Yeah.
Right, right.
I agree.
It didn't mention it.
Yeah I don't know why they would not have mentioned that because that actually did very
well chart wise.
Bark At The Moon was the hit if you will off the album.
Rock n' Roll Rebel was like the real rock song, right?
Yeah.
I mean Jakey Lee just fucking blisters on that song.
It's just something else.
I mean it's like punch in the mouth fucking hard rock.
It's great.
But So Tired was a gem on that.
I mean it's really good.
And it really brought a lot of more acclaim to Ozzy because people were like, oh he's
fat, fucking washed up, has been all that stuff and everything, right?
Well when he came out with that it showed that he could be a little bit more multi-directional
than anyone ever thought.
And I enjoyed the song and I thought it was really good and it did well on the chart.
So I'm kind of surprised that it did not, it was not mentioned in that article.
But okay, anyhow go ahead.
Bro that was it.
That was it.
Okay.
Oh cool.
I love that article.
Cool.
I love that man.
I'm, who knows man, if I get really silly I might just get it.
But I'm trying to not get too much, I've got so much memorabilia.
And I got stuff right now.
I think that would end up being a collector's.
Yes.
The blue cobalt, yeah.
I've already got all these collector's stuff.
I mean I.
Yeah that's true.
Yeah.
I mean I got like tons of it that I just don't get to.
Including old concert shirts that I probably sell right now for I don't know 800, 900 bucks
a pop.
Right.
The one that's the most acclaimed that people are after the most is it's an original I think
1992 or three.
The first No More Tours.
Oh.
It has a sketch of Ozzy sitting on the shitter reading a magazine.
It's a really cool shirt.
And if I think about it.
I bet.
If I think about it what I will do is I will post that shirt.
I'll go find it.
I think I know exactly where it's at.
I'll go find it.
I'll post it and let everybody see it.
And anyhow that is one that people like offer me a really good amount of money for.
And I bet.
I don't know.
I made part with it.
I don't know.
I'm not doing anything with them.
I mean I barely even look at them anymore.
So anyhow.
But I have a ton of stuff like that that I could get rid of.
And then I have a Motley Crue one that's interesting.
Remember 1997 when they all got back together and they did Shout at the Devil 97 redub?
Yeah.
I have that shirt.
Oh cool.
I'm probably the only bastard in the whole world that has that shirt.
No one else cared about it.
And that thing's cool.
And then the other thing I just remembered that I have that I think people I haven't
even announced this at all to try to sell it is this right here.
I have Motley Crue Coordinary.
Have you ever heard of that?
Coordinary is you can only get it when you bought the Motley Crue self titled CD with
John Krabi.
You can only get it through mail in.
It was inside the CD case.
It was a little piece of paper that said it's eight.
No, no.
It's eight original songs and they're like solo songs.
It's almost like Kiss's solo stuff only it's one album.
And anyhow Mick Mars does an instrumental on there called Bittersweet that is fucking
just great.
Oh man, it is fantastic.
And then there's a song that sounds just like The Beatles called Friends.
And I mean the whole thing is good.
Nicky stuff is weird, Tommy stuff is weird, but the stuff that Krabi did he did some really
bold musical experimenting on that thing and it was really good.
So anyhow.
That's kind of ironic isn't it?
Motley Crue doing a song called Friends.
Good point.
John Krabi should follow that up a couple years later with Friends No More.
Hey, we know John Krabi listens so you're welcome.
You're welcome.
Go ahead and do that song.
Yes he does.
I'm more than certain he listens.
I looked in that section of Nashville that he lives in.
That got a hit.
That's got to be him.
It's got to be him.
If not it's one of his neighbors and they're going to say hey, this guy's talking about
you.
Yeah, yeah, get over here.
Yeah, they're talking cool about you.
I've actually seen John Krabi solo a few years back.
I think it was like 2019 I saw him.
He actually puts on a hell of a show.
He looks like Steven Tyler now with a huge beard because he's just got this long kind
of grayish hair.
Anyhow, it's cooler than shit.
And he has different colors in it.
Anyhow, he's cool.
Did you know this Rob?
Denver experiment with giving people $1,000 a month.
It reduced homelessness and increased full-time employment, a study found.
No I didn't.
I didn't either until I found this article.
I'm like what?
I didn't think it would work like that either at all.
It was, anyhow, they found out that when they gave people money, a decent amount of money,
in a month to live on, it gave them more security and it gave them a little bit more sense of
dignity and it gave them a little bit more drive to find a job.
So this is probably not going to work with everybody, but it's going to work with people
that are really are trying to get themselves together.
And you know, I don't know what to say.
I mean, you know, we already do a lot of programs, right?
Yeah, yeah.
There's all kinds of programs out there to help people, but most of them don't just
hand out.
For them it's just truly needed.
Yeah.
So I mean, I don't know.
I think it might work on the surface, but if you start doing that all around, I think
it's just going to increase drug use because a lot of drug users are going to take that
thousand dollars and go buy them a thousand dollars fucking worth of smack and probably
kill themselves.
So yeah, it was an interesting read nonetheless.
And I don't want to go into all this because it has psychological stuff on there.
It has psychiatrists talking.
It has people.
I mean, it has all different kinds of stuff.
It's quite frankly, it's boring as fuck.
But I thought that people might want to hear that.
So anyhow, let's come right back and I'll have some very disappointing news, okay?
Okay.
All right.
Be right back.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
May your spoon always slip and sink into your hot soup.
I smell bacon.
No, wait, it's just Mark sweating.
Two douchebags in a microphone, raw and uncensored.
See behind the smoke show.
Watch as the douchebags get stung by a scorpion bee.
Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out.
Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for all the man shitter accusations.
I'm not the man shitter.
Act now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar.
Mark off the day with a douchebag looking at you.
Supplies are limited so act now.
All right, everybody.
Two douchebags in a microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Well, like before mentioned, I have some very disappointing news, people.
Here it is.
The Rocks just came out with cowboy boots.
Oh, you're I know you're bullshit.
No, I know you are.
No, no, no, I'm not.
I told you it's disappointing.
Oh, my God.
Rob, are you OK?
What is this world coming to?
I know.
Rob, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to do this to you.
I didn't mean to flatten everybody like this.
I hope I hope you can see through this and realize it's not me.
I'm only the delivery of bad news.
I didn't create this.
I didn't ask.
We were inflicted with it.
We can't help it.
We are all victims here.
All of us.
So anyone who says we're in Crocs is in a fashion statement is clearly not seeing their
latest design.
Crocs just unveiled their classic cowboy boots that are eye grabbing to say the least.
I doubt that.
The boots will debut on October 23rd and be sold at select Crocs retail stores on their
website for a limited time, according to the announcement.
Now how many people are going to get that just to piss people off?
I don't have a clue.
The boot is bold all around.
It's from its croc type in embossed texture and Western themed stitching to its shiny
metallic charms and draw stars and spell out Crocs.
The shoe also features a spinnable spur charm like nothing previously released.
I got spurs on them Rob.
At this show the brand fully committed to the Western.
Oh my God dude.
The boot has a logo of his crocodile mascot Duke wearing a cowboy hat attached.
Oh my God.
Oh my.
Yeah.
I just pulled them up.
You didn't believe me did you?
No.
You Google them.
You can Google Crocs cowboy boots.
It pops up.
Boots with spurs.
Oh my God.
Yep.
What the hell is this coming from?
I know.
Hey dude they have little spurs on them.
Yeah I know.
I'm getting off that.
Yep.
Like I said I didn't cause this.
I'm just letting everybody know.
I'm just letting everybody know the sad news that Crocs have expanded into cowboy boots.
The good thing is it is a limited time so it will go away.
So anyhow did you hear about Tom Hanks being deep faked?
You know kind of like Gary Busick's butter sausage?
Uh uh.
Yeah.
Tom Hanks is warning fans away from an AI scam that has stolen his likeness.
On Saturday the two time Oscar winner denied any involvement with a dental company that
uses a computer generated image of him in their promotional materials.
Beware Hanks wrote atop a photo of his AI created counterpart.
There's a video out there promoting some dental plan with an AI version of me.
I have nothing to do with it.
And I saw this and I watched it and it is just uncanny.
It looks like him and it talks just like him.
And anyhow they're trying to sell some sort of a dental plan insurance deal.
Representatives for Hanks did not immediately respond to EW's request for comments.
Hanks is no stranger to what the rise of AI and deep faked technology could mean for his
career going forward.
During an appearance on the Adam Buxton podcast in May he said if I wanted to I could get
together and pitch a series of seven movies that would star me in them in which I would
be 32 years old from now until Kingdom Come.
Hanks went on to speculate that the AI doppelgangers could only be indistinguishable from his real
self.
Anyway anybody can now recreate themselves at any age they are by the way of AI or deep
faked technology he said.
I could be hit by a bus tomorrow and that's it.
But performances go on and on and on.
Outside of the understanding that it's been done by AI or deep fake there's nothing to
tell you that it's not me.
Which he's right.
I mean how can you.
He's right.
It's about him.
Yeah.
But how can you prove that.
I mean here's the deal right.
OK let's say someone come out with an AI version of somebody right.
And he goes on a racist tirade right.
And it ruins his career.
But he didn't do it.
Or is this how.
And how about people getting away with something.
Let's say someone did do something like that OK.
And then everyone comes down and that wasn't me.
That was a deep fake.
I don't know who the hell did that man.
I'm looking for the real for the real person or whatever you know.
Right.
It's going to get to where nobody can be accountable for anything.
And everybody can be accountable for anything.
Also what has to do is come up with a deep a deep fake of somebody and say hey I uncovered
this tape.
They said this a long time ago.
Look how grainy it is or whatever and how could you prove that it's not.
Right.
Yeah.
False.
False evidence.
Especially how about audio tapes.
Where there's like no no image at all.
Yeah.
Let's say someone secretly recorded somebody doing something really underhanded or whatever.
And then they and it was a deep fake.
How could that guy prove that it's not him that's doing it.
This is a can of worms.
It's not going to go away.
It's going to get even worse.
The only way you can prove it is if you have alibis of where you were at when it got recorded.
That's only why.
But then you're into a big hassle.
You're into lawsuits.
You're in court.
Yeah.
You're going to spend a fortune trying to clear that.
And then your name gets slandered.
You know.
Here's another thing too.
Once you go down that slippery slope it is almost impossible to get yourself back up.
Because a certain amount of people will not listen to rebuttals.
I heard him.
I heard what he said.
That guy is a I don't know a Nazi or whatever.
You know whatever.
And once you go down that slope I mean there's like no it's not really you can't come back
fully.
No.
You can't.
Yeah.
And how about a deep fake so good that you can't prove it's not you.
Then at least half the people are going to be going I could have been him.
I don't know.
So something to think about people as we keep going down this rabbit hole of AI.
Like I said watch that week I sent you today.
I'm going to.
And like I said all along about deep fakes and AI.
How long will it be until a judge somewhere grants these robots clemency.
And let's say you don't want your robot on anymore and you go to unplug it you can get
charged for murder.
Right.
You just killed this thing that has rights.
Yeah.
You just unplugged it.
You took away its energy source.
Now it's dead.
That would be murder.
Yeah.
I mean of course you could go plug it back in but then it would be attempted murder right.
So yeah.
Yeah.
And what if these things start figuring out because they are so intelligent.
Other power sources.
What they just make themselves solar or something.
I don't know.
Interesting interesting interesting.
Like I've been saying quoting the late great John Lennon strange days indeed.
Most peculiar mama.
I'm scared.
Yeah.
It's it's already getting hairy and it's only going to get worse.
Did you know that Japan has robot wolves now.
Oh.
Yeah.
It has gleaming red eyes bone chilling howls and bared fangs.
Animals scatter for cover at the side of this beast.
But this is no ordinary wolf or even a real one.
Originally designed to keep wild animals away from farms authorities now use this mechanical
wolf to stop bears from entering urban areas and attacking people.
That's pretty good.
I want one.
You just took you just stole my thunder.
I was getting ready to go.
I want one of these.
The monster wolf was first used in Takawa City.
Maybe if we order two we'll get a discount.
Yeah.
We'll get two of them.
Hey we could each do a pair to get one half.
It could be four douchebags and microphone each.
I'll have my mechanical wolf and you have yours.
And then you know whenever it can randomly growl and that will be its contribution to
the show.
Yeah.
And then it'll be like hey wolf number one.
So what do you think of that game today?
And then you can go yeah hey hey wolf is that my soda you took.
You know so very entertaining I'm sure.
I know people are just waiting.
They're like oh my god I can't wait for this whole thing.
I can't wait to land the robot wolves there.
And then you know and then they'll probably end up taking our job.
We want to hear the wolves.
We don't want to hear those two douchebags.
The monster wolf was first used in Takawaka City in the autumn of 2020 according to the
president of its manufacturer with some fucking long ass Japanese name.
I cannot.
The name is pronounced Wolf Kumei is the name of the wolf.
More and more local governments have ordered it.
The number of bear attacks in Japan has been rising at an alarming rate authorities say.
Experts say the main reason is that people particularly young people are leaving rural
farming villages.
Many of them have migrated to the big cities, empty villages or towns.
They've already been shrinking due to an aging population.
They can't you know they can't live out there.
They got to be closer to doctors or just can't drive anymore.
So you know more and more rural farmlands in the foothills that once acted as buffer
zones between the bears and humans are disappearing.
Said another name I can't pronounce a professor of the Tokyo University of Agriculture and
Technologies whose research centers on bears, biodiversity and forest ecosystems.
If I could talk as a result young bears have over over the decades moved into unattended
woodlands, living closer to cities, getting used to bright lights and loud noises and
becoming less afraid of humans.
When when they're wandering into residential areas because the habitat has expanded from
the mountains into the flatlands closer to human populations.
So anyhow so it sounds like Japan is kind of combatant is pretty good.
Doesn't it?
Yeah.
So Rob you got a story or two or?
Yeah actually I ran across a list today or the other day.
Okay.
And I found this list on americansongwriter.com.
It's 10 top 80s hits that spent most weeks at number one.
Oh cool go ahead.
I like this.
Number 10.
I said I like this.
This is interesting.
Go ahead.
Yeah.
Number 10.
I have the tagger by survivor.
I believe that.
Six weeks at number one.
Wow.
Okay.
Number nine.
Like a virgin by Madonna.
Six weeks at number one.
The very hairy Madonna.
Yes.
Number eight.
Billie Jean by Michael Jackson.
Seven weeks at number one.
Okay.
I believe that.
Number seven.
Ebony and Ivory by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder.
Seven weeks at number one.
Wow.
That's a good song too.
Yeah it was.
It was.
I loved how they made it.
Yeah.
Number six.
I Love Rock and Roll by Joan Jett.
Nah that's an anthem isn't it?
Seven weeks at number one.
Cool.
Five's a little different one.
Never gonna give you up by Rick Astley.
It only spent one week at number one but it has racked up over 1.4 billion views on YouTube.
And I have not been one of them have you?
No I just keep seeing them on TV.
Okay wow.
Number four.
Every Breath You Take by the Police.
That's a good song.
Eight weeks at number one.
Did they think that was a stalker song?
Sting admitted it.
Yeah.
Being obsessed with a woman.
Anyhow.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Oh they had another controversial song too.
Don't Stand Too Close to Me.
Yeah.
Wasn't that about a schoolgirl or something?
Yeah.
Not even 18.
Yeah.
Yeah Sting was an old nasty or still is probably.
Anyway.
Number three.
In the Flow by Diane Ross and Lionel Richie.
Nine weeks at number one.
Okay that's a good song too.
Number two.
Betty Davis Eyes by Kim Karns.
Kim Karns yeah.
I love her voice.
Nine weeks at number one.
Her voice is so cool.
And at number one.
Physical by Olivia Newton John.
Wow.
Ten weeks at number one.
Awesome.
That's a great song too.
If you look this article up it gives a little thing about the song and the artist and a
little reading about each one.
So I thought it pretty interesting.
That was very interesting Rob.
I love that.
In honor of Olivia Newton John let's both sing.
Let me hear your body talk.
Your body talk.
Come on Rob.
Come on.
Let me hear your body talk.
No.
Let's get physical.
Physical.
Come on.
I know you will Rob.
Let's get physical.
Okay.
No.
Alright.
I got.
Not tonight.
Joe listener.
Jane listener.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what got into Rob.
I'm very disappointed with him.
Normally we get on our booty shorts and we oil up and we sing this song.
It's fantastic.
Alright.
Moving right along.
Rob has a great segment.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I love your non-participation when you're done with it.
I'm not going to say anything more.
He's just going to keep going on.
He's going to go on.
I'm not fueling it.
I'm not fucking fueling it.
I'm not a part of this.
You fucker.
Okay.
I just said not tonight.
Okay.
Do you know that Orlando International are now selling day passes in the secure area?
Uh-uh.
They only allow 50 per day and it's $50 to come in there all day.
And this is interesting because in Orlando International they have a huge high hotel
actually built in the airport.
And it has balconies that overlook the airport and it's huge.
It's got all these different businesses and bars and stuff.
It's like a huge mall.
It's like a huge party place only.
It's like the only way you can get to that place though because the non-secure areas,
there's not that much in it like KCI.
You want to get to the good stuff, you got to be in the secure area.
So the only way you can go to KCI or any other airport and go to the good stuff, the mall
like area is to actually be going on a flight or coming back from a flight.
So now if you want to pay 50 bucks, this is the first airport that is offering that.
And I don't know if you booked a stay at that Orlando at the international airport, if you
actually automatically go in or not.
I don't understand that.
I mean I think maybe since they're selling day passes is you can only stay there if you're
flying and you want to be there in the morning or you come back and you don't want to drive
home.
You know what I mean?
So you just stay there.
So interesting.
But they're the first airport to offer that.
And I look for more airports to offer that too.
Anyhow let's take a little break and we'll be right back.
Break, shit out, energy drink.
That's right.
Break, shit out, energy drink.
Make men and women grow.
You want to go to the malls?
You want to fuck shit up?
We're showing up at a service.
When a police come across America, break shit out is their for you.
Please enjoy break shit out energy drink responsibly.
It's not readily available anywhere because liability issues.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
May you not be able to gain an erection without thinking about Peter Dinklage.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
I will question
that my mom told me to not burn trash in the beginning.
This is Two Deuce Bags and Microphone. I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Okay.
Well, let's see, you know, looking at stuff here, trying to figure out what we go into.
You got anything you want to say, Rob? You got anything?
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. Go for it.
Why not? Why not?
We keep trying to tell people how late in the Ozarks is.
Uh huh.
Here we go.
Okay.
Sanctuary.
The word often applies to a church or a gathering place.
Those ideas aren't far off at the new sanctuary group of an event venue.
Currently, the sanctuary is open from 3 to 9 p.m. Wednesday to Sunday.
If you're interested in an actual church service, Lake Christian Fellowship meets at 1030 a.m. in the adjacent Chapel.
Head to the sanctuary brewery at 5716 Osage Beach Parkway, Osage Beach, Missouri.
Located in a revamped church building in Osage Beach, owners Brian and Jennifer Roberts are crafting a place where customers want to come and linger.
So you have a brewery and a church in the same building.
I know.
This is a little disturbing.
Yeah.
I mean, it could be...
I know this church.
I've been in this church.
Actually for a couple funerals.
Oh wow.
Well, I guess that's one way you can look at it, right?
You go see a funeral and then you go toast to whoever and send them off to the great beyond with a nice drink.
I was trying to think of the angle that they would be coming from.
Like, you know, Catholics drink communion wine and all that.
Then maybe they could come at it like an angle like that.
Maybe.
I just don't see why.
You see, here's why I'm wondering why they did this.
Okay.
Most people that go to church are with their families, including the kids, right?
Yeah.
So how is that going to parlay into the guy having a drink if he has his children there and his wife?
He's not going to.
You see what I mean?
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't...
The more I read into this, the more disturbing it gets.
I just don't know where they're trying to go with it is what I'm thinking.
I don't either.
They're mixing two things that should not be mixed together.
Or does the bar people come in one door and the church people go in another?
So then people go, ah, it's next to a church, but I don't care.
You know what?
They're even doing benefits.
Wow.
Yeah.
Well, that's a 5K run.
The Ozarks is where I saw a chick with a messed up boob job.
One of her tits is just like all scarred up and all fucking battered.
One with a peg leg.
We got three of them in this harbor complex.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, this place that used to be in Reed Springs, Missouri called Spanx.
Yep. Yep.
You know, yeah.
Yeah, I moved from Reed Springs up to Lake of the Ozarks.
Yeah, Reed Springs is on the way down to Table Rock Lake.
And you can go get to the Rika Springs.
Never once stepped foot in there.
I did with my buddy.
I was married and had step kids.
Okay.
This is back in my single days and I was with my friend Bob.
And Eddie and I go, hey, Bob, come on, let's go to the strip club.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't think I come on, Bob.
Let's just go get a drink there.
And I did not know it was going to be like that.
And Bob's looking at me like, what the fuck?
What kind of place you bring me into?
And I'm like, I never been here before.
Anyhow, we ended up leaving.
We were so disappointed.
I mean, this one chick's tit, her left or right tit, I can't remember which one,
is this fucking mango.
It looked like someone took an electric can opener to it.
The nipples like all facing down and there's fucking gas marks.
It was like, ugh.
And then another lady had a huge cesarean scar.
And I mean, I don't know.
It looked like they went from cesarean to open heart.
And, ugh.
And then the final one was the chick with a peg leg.
It came out, we hear it.
Tunk. Tunk. Tunk. Tunk.
I'm like, what the fuck is that?
And it's a chick with a peg leg.
And she is on that pole, peg leg and all.
And I'm just like, oh my god.
Oh my god.
And then she's going around telling people, yeah, I lost my leg to cancer.
And people are like, give her sympathy money.
And I'm like, and I'm going to think it's bullshit.
She lost her leg in a drunk driving accident.
She's telling everybody she lost it to cancer.
But yeah, so you're talking about...
She blew out of vain.
Yeah, yeah, that's it.
No, no, honestly, Mark, when I lived down there,
all the local guys told me, stay away from there.
Local guys don't go in there.
Well, most local guys.
Me and Bob were not local guys.
And we were coming back from Eureka Springs, I believe.
Or no, I think, no, actually, Kimberlein City.
We're coming back from Kimberlein City.
Right down the road.
Yeah, there's a timeshare down there that he owned.
And we used to go down there and relax and fucking grill out
and just hang out, right?
And I can't remember if we're coming back or going or whatever.
I talked him into going there.
And yeah, yep, yep.
I could have swore he never acted the same towards me afterwards.
No, I'm joking.
He was cool.
We went out there laughing our ass off.
We're like, Bob, I'm sorry, man, I had no idea.
And he's like, yeah, okay, yeah.
Yeah.
So anyhow, yep.
Let's see.
We can go into a little bit different story here.
California residents specifically near the San Francisco Bay Area
are freaking out.
There's a bunch of balloon-like,
small silk-looking balloons falling from the sky.
So anyhow, Morgan Hill resident Gina Watson shot images.
Morgan Hill is in the Bay Area.
Gina Watson shot images of strange white Webby objects
that fell from my house all the way to work, she said.
John E. Banks and environmental...
What a name, John E. Banks.
Hey, John E. Banks.
He sounds like a guitarist, doesn't he?
Yeah.
Hey, let's get a hold of John E. Banks.
Hey, do us a riff.
Okay, well, John E. Banks...
I bet he's a blues player.
I bet he is, too.
John E. Banks, everybody.
Wah, wah, wah, wah.
Okay, anyhow, an environmental scientist professor
at California State University Monterey Bay said the objects are likely
silky webs created by spiders that are ballooning.
No one has definitively figured out what they are,
but they appear to be spider silk, Banks told this magazine,
Cron, where I got the article from.
Spiders spin out long lines of silk in a phenomenon called ballooning.
Several spider species using ballooning to blow in the breeze,
and one habitat to another, Banks said.
A spider will weave its own parachute or balloon
and drift through the sky with help from the wind, he explained.
The New York Times reported that spider silk is so thin and light
that air is like a thick fluid in comparison.
The effect of gravity is easily counteracted in a breeze.
The flowing air carries the silk threads along with it
as the spider rides beneath, the report stated.
So, anyhow, if you get a chance, look at ballooning spiders
and look at the images on the internet,
it's really neat looking because they do look like little parachutes.
Really? Okay, I'll look into that.
They essentially are parachutes, and it makes me wonder
if the people that came up with parachutes got the idea from the spiders.
My half? My half?
I mean, it's neat because it's almost identical.
So it would not surprise me at all if whoever came up with a parachute
got the idea from a ballooning spider.
So, anyhow, pretty cool.
Thought we'd mention that article, and, Rob?
I've got a couple quotes for you.
Yeah, please do. It's going on an hour.
You feel like closing this bitch out, or you feel like going more?
Yeah, tomorrow's Monday.
Yes, that's why I ask you.
So, okay, we can close this bitch out, but go ahead with the quotes.
Okay, okay. I just got two.
Okay.
The first quote is from Sir Paul McCartney.
All right.
I was recently asked what it was like to be in the greatest band of all time,
but I must be losing my memory because I don't remember being in Van Halen.
He really said that?
Yeah, but yeah, it's a quote. Yeah, he quoted that.
Okay, here's what I want to know.
I don't think you could probably figure this out.
Was he sarcastic, or does he really love Van Halen?
I took it, he was just being sarcastic.
Okay, all right.
Look, I love Van Halen, but the Beatles were the Beatles.
To me, they're the greatest band ever, even though they're not my favorite band ever.
I admit their greatness, the stuff that they did and groundbreaking.
But anyhow, go ahead. What is your second quote?
Okay, this one I can believe. I can believe he said this.
This was by George Foreman.
Okay.
People ask me why I named all six of my sons George Foreman.
Well, when you've been punched in the head by Muhammad Ali, Joe Frazier,
Vander Holyfield, Ken Norton, try to see how many names you remember.
I love George Foreman.
Rob, that is the perfect thing to see this podcast on.
Everybody, thank you for listening.
I think we're going to do a state of the podcast, the next one,
and start stating to people who's rising, who's not.
And this time, Rock can be there with me, because he finally got on RSS with me.
And we can go through some points of some people that are tearing it up,
and other ones that haven't listened to us in a while.
So we're going to bitch at you.
So, anyhow, thank you everybody for listening.
Thank you, Rob. Another great episode.
And we'll talk to you guys soon.
Have a good night, everybody.
Good night, everybody. Have a good week.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Let's see here. A package of eight hot dogs.
A package of ten hot dog buns.
I would have to buy ten packs of hot dogs and eight packs of buns to even it out.
Should I buy them at once?
Should I freeze them?
Or just continue to zigzag them and hope for the best?
I hate adulting.
Hey, where do they go? Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh, jeez.
Glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.