Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it's two douchebags and a microphone podcast.
Oh lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there, don't worry, I have a clown nose.
Oh no, that drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay, I have a clown nose.
Clown nose, just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office? Murder people in public? Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions. Grab one today and make magic happen.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
Man, Axel Rose is such a great childhood therapist. I hope he writes more books.
A lot of podcasts just come from a can. Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we pour our own podcasts.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Okay, so a donut is a fried dough ball with a glazed sugar topping.
A beignet is a fried dough ball with a glazed sugar topping.
Wouldn't that be the same thing? I may never know.
Hi everybody, Two Douchebags and Microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Hey, welcome. Just before the podcast, I had an interview with some natural turf.
And I asked them, how good did little Joey Burrow's ass feel? And they said it felt great. We felt it all afternoon.
Huh.
Yeah, Joey Burrow was on his ass quite a bit today. As a matter of fact, Joey Burrow could only manage a whopping three points.
Three points. Three fucking points.
Can I say something?
Yes.
I had something more important to do than watch little Joey Burrow.
Hey, I didn't watch him either. I was at work.
I was busy working on his slides.
I watched him on their lowlights.
I didn't watch... Why would I want to watch that garbage? You know, I could watch reruns of MASH or something and be more entertained.
So, anyhow...
I could watch Storrs Wars and be more entertaining.
You know the anointed one? Little Joey Burrow? You know the best thing ever? The guy that's better than Patrick Mahomes?
Nice three points there, fucknut.
Eat my ass, Nanny. Eat my ass.
Do what?
He's got what? Whopping nine points all year?
Yeah! Fucking eat 100% of my ass, Nanny fans. Eat it! Fucking dig in! Chew!
So, anyhow, fucking nothing worse than overrated fucking blabbermouths blathering on about someone who isn't worth a fuck.
So, oh, he's injured. He's injured.
Well then get him off the field if he's fucking injured.
Don't fucking blame him.
I don't fucking... I don't subscribe to, oh, he's injured.
Then get him off the field, fuckface.
If he really is injured, get him off the fucking field. Otherwise, I don't want to hear it.
So, anyhow, let's go ahead and get this fucking ball of shit started, Rob.
Hey, uh, warrior. Call people out, can I?
Sure.
Uh, have you... I... this is the first time I've read off this site. It's NGSCsports.com.
Oh, I read about that site. It's a bunch of lies.
No, I'm joking.
Well, I don't know, man.
No, no, go ahead.
I am really, really praying this is true.
Okay, let's hear it.
Here is what Rob Rad needs.
Okay.
Rob Rad needs any of our listeners that was at New York's MetLife Stadium at the Taylor Swift concert.
Please contact us and let us know if this actually happened.
Because I'm reading this.
Okay, here we go. The biggest music star in the world, Taylor Swift, announced she's dumping Kansas City Chiefs football player Travis Kelce and changing her name to Taylor's Sportface.
Oh, Rob, I...
At New York's MetLife Stadium, in between songs during her sold out concert last night at New York's MetLife Stadium, she jolted the pop culture world by announcing she's changing her name to Taylor's Sportface.
She's doing this to capitalize on the rising fame of sports-blogging superstar Sammy Sportface.
How come she is a...
That's a brand.
How come she was just celebrating when the Kansas City Chiefs scored a touchdown?
I don't know. That's what I said.
Yeah, Rob, I'm going to go ahead and call that and say that that is clickbait. I'll make sure and I'll cover it on the next podcast.
I would like to have somebody in our audience that was at that concert let us know if this actually happened.
Well, our audience is cool. I doubt if any of them was there.
Oh, good point.
Yeah, yeah. So I'm going to say no.
Sorry, everybody. Sorry.
Look, Rob's had a long day.
Hey, I got excited when I heard she was dropping Travis.
Oh, yeah. No such luck right now.
Yeah, she's still going for a nap time.
Last night she was celebrating Isaiah Pacheco's, I think it's like a 25, 30 yard run into the end zone and a 10-0 Kansas City lead.
Oh, shit.
And that is over the New York Jets.
That's how I play the Jets.
Yeah. Jets, Jets, Jets. J-E-T-S Jets.
And like always, the third year in a row, the Jinx has been going on.
No Rogers Mahomes showdown like the NFL keeps trying to do.
Exactly. I was just getting ready to say that.
They keep trying to do it and keep trying to do it and it never happens.
So, uh, hmm.
Oh, well, you know what?
Let's go ahead and go ahead and remember what I was teasing you with on the way home from work about this big bum shell that Mick Mars is throwing out there?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay. Well, number one, every time you have these in these fights and these legal battles, I'm not saying Mick Mars is like 72 or something.
Okay. So in 10 years, he's probably not going to be playing anyhow.
But whenever you see these big battles, a lot of times 10 years later, you see a, oh, we made up and we're going to play again.
And then the big reunion tour.
Well, number one, I don't think Father Time's going to allow that with Mick and he has the Spondylotus issue and and and also he's 72 or 73.
So he's probably not going to be doing that anyhow.
But if I ever entertain any thoughts of him ever getting together for anything or even maybe in civil, I would say that's off the table now.
Because Mick Mars camp is throwing out some very serious allegations here, according to this website.
And we'll find out if it is all true or not.
But this is what they say.
Motley crew members are part of a secret society, according to Mick Mars legal documents who rape young girls and hate Christians.
I'm not saying anyone.
This is true.
I'm not a big fan of Nick and Tommy and how they're doing things.
You're reading a report.
Yes.
Now, this is all unproven and I would never level this on anybody.
You know, I mean, this is very serious.
Wow, that's not like a good Taurus. Mick Mars legal team accuses ex bandmates of being bullies who ripped him off, but also insist they have been gaslighting the 72 year old. OK, he is 72 years in an attempt to ruin his musical legacy and leak court documents.
The dirt gets even more scandalous.
TMD, which stands for the you know what? I'll get to that here in a minute.
TMD stands for the website that that released this TMD has learned that Mick Mars also contends that his ex bandmates are part of a satanic secret society called Freemasonry and Freemasonry.
I've heard about that for a long, long time.
Yeah, I know quite a bit about the Illuminati and all of this stuff.
The federal.
Yeah, yeah.
Yes. So who use backing tracks at concerts and are all hell bent to destroying Christians or anyone who dare attempted to go against the fake narrative of the NWO New World Order.
Psychos are selling to the masses. Mars says his former bandmates not who they they are not who they appear to be and take part in deviant satanic sex orgies that targets virgin girls.
Plus are involved in deadly ritual ceremonies.
Believe it or not.
Metal Den, the Metal Den is the website that says they suppose that the metal den put these supposedly leaked court documents out there.
Okay, so it goes on.
It goes on from there.
Freemasonry or Freemasonry or whatever you want to call it.
Freemasonry, I think is probably the more proper term is the name of the cult.
Mars alleges the rest of Motley Crue is in.
And I say cult because it kind of like paints a picture of a cult.
So and you know what I mean?
I don't use I don't use the word cult lightly.
This is kind of what I'm gathering.
I totally understand.
Yeah, this is what I'm gathering.
What Mars is getting after Mars also uses likely at this point.
Exactly.
Something like this.
I'm just telling you right now I'm reading what's going around and I'm just as shocked as anybody else and would find it extremely hard to believe.
Even though I know why Nicky and Tommy and Vince's actions.
I extremely I find it extremely hard to believe that they would partake in this.
So it OK is then you know it alleges that the Freemasonry Masonry or Freemasonry is what he alleges they're in.
Mars also accuses Motley of gaslighting him to the degree of vanishing him from the legacy of the band and musical credits.
He believes this is being used to make a mockery of him and his music writing and all their previous music.
Mars Stays said he carried the band in the studio and on stage for 41 years and seeks to gain majority shareholder status in an attempt to regain control of the band he helped create and named himself.
And he did name it.
I do know that because that is an uncensored and a lot of other stuff that they've done.
Mars believes that six Lee and Neil let fame go to their heads.
Their greedy ways led them to intentionally sabotage the stadium tour last year in attempt to cut him off of his own profits of what he was owed to him.
He also states that Freemasonry is of the devil for real and not to be joked about.
Well, my dogs are going nuts because a lot of innocent blood is being soiled for Lucifer right now is what Nick Morris has said.
And like I said, if you're waiting for a reunion, it ain't happening.
No, it sounds like it just keeps getting worse and worse.
It sounds like it went from horrible to fucking off the hook in like 0.1 seconds.
Yeah.
Well, it's going to be interesting.
This stuff drags into court.
I imagine this is stuff he's thrown up in court so he can prove or have proved.
Yeah.
So strange days indeed, huh?
You know, if I could talk, it would help.
Strange days indeed is what I'm saying.
Indeed.
So anyhow, that's about all I got to say about that because that is a hell of a lot of accusations and very not very nice ones.
So all right, Rob, you got something you want to you want to say or anything?
You got something you want to go to?
You got something that's bothering you?
I don't know how to follow that up, dude.
You know, maybe I should have saved that for last.
I have a story here.
Okay.
All right.
Go ahead.
To me, it's newsworthy.
Okay.
If you like it, I like it.
I like it.
Do you know where you know where Shull Nod, Missouri is?
Yes, I do.
It's down Table Rock Lake.
Yeah, just outside Branson.
A good friend of mine used to have a place there her parents did.
And if I and if I know you listen sometimes, if not all the time, hopefully all the time.
So anyhow, go ahead.
I'm gonna do my best to break this down real quick.
Shull Nod, Missouri.
Kelly Moore waited his entire life for this unique opportunity to harvest a potentially world record that walked in front of his Southwest Missouri deer blind.
Okay.
The non the non sport.
He was bow hunting, by the way.
He's bow hunting.
Okay.
The non sport hunter shot an 18 point antlered doe.
Doe?
Tuesday morning with a crossbow in Berry County after waiting for more than three hours in 80 degree weather.
Oh wow.
Yes.
18 point antlered doe.
I thought does were illegal to shoot still to this day.
I guess not.
No, it depends on how you're licensed.
I mean, how you tag.
Oh, they are tagging them.
Okay.
Forget it.
Because for longer.
They do different.
You know what though?
There's so many deer.
There's the deer population is going nuts.
So anyhow, so you're right.
They're not worried about it.
Go ahead.
I'm sorry.
Well, this is going out for a world record.
Here at the end it says it's definitely a record more said.
I don't know that it's going to be number one.
A friend of mine came over and got a rough score on it of 157 and five eights and believes
it's going to be like the third largest in the world.
Wow.
A doe.
Shoo.
Wow.
Yes.
18 points.
Go.
You never, you never hear of it.
I'm looking at a picture of a dude that thing is massive.
Would have to be.
Wow.
Okay.
Yeah.
Right here in Missouri, buddy.
Well, you're talking about 80 degree weather during the story, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, the weather is not indicative of this, but it is fall season.
Fall officially began a few days ago.
And what comes with fall?
Pumpkin spice, every fucking thing.
Right?
Well, our friend Jeffy X has some pumpkin spice products that failed.
Jeffy X is amazing, isn't he?
Okay, well, I may have to throw one in at the end.
Okay.
You know what?
That's cool.
You know, Jeffy X, you know, I'm sitting there the other day on break at work and all of
a sudden I get a little bing and I look and it was an important email.
You know, he binged it important.
And then I saw Jeffy X and I'm like, oh shit.
He goes, quick, write it down, download it, print it out, whatever you have to do.
Ten minutes, this list is gone.
And so am I.
Bye.
So I had to run into work into the office and fucking print it out really quick before
anyone caught me.
But right here I have a list of pumpkin spice stuff that was on the block to be rolled out,
but it failed.
It failed the consumer groups and the focus panels.
They all ended up saying no to this.
So it was never released.
So how about if we take us a little break, Rob, and we will come right back with said
pumpkin spice stuff.
All right.
Sounds good.
All right.
We'll be right back, everybody.
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Next up, things overheard in hell.
Tom Brady and the Las Vegas Raiders just won their 30th Super Bowl in a row yesterday.
All right.
Two douche bags and a microphone on Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Well, like before mentioned, pumpkin spice products for 2023 season that failed.
Jeffy X, thank you.
You know who you are, but nobody else does, including us.
Thank you, Jeffy.
Jeffy, you're a great guy.
You know, me and Rob are going to get together and we're going to like, what do you think?
What should we do for him?
Should we like wash his car in shirt shirts?
We're going to buy him a Christmas present.
Okay.
Should we wash his car in booty shirts?
You and I will get together and we will discuss what we're going to do.
Okay.
Good.
All right.
We owe him something special.
He does a lot for us.
We do.
Yes.
Maybe a nude show.
You think you and I could do a nude show for him?
Actually, I'm thinking a two douche bag or a microphone T-shirt.
Oh, okay.
We'll see.
Okay.
Maybe a nude show is a little too drastic and he may not be gay either.
So, okay.
Well, plus he's working it.
Yeah.
I mean, we're not gay, but you know, we can make...
You can get new flavors along that.
Yeah.
This is true.
Yeah.
You know, but we may not be gay, but if it was, you know, because he helps us so much,
if he wanted a nude show of us, we would do it because we're that nice.
Yes, we would.
Yes.
I would agree to that.
Yes.
So, anyhow, the first product, Pumpkin Spice, that they're going to do and failed is a
Pumpkin Spice Vaseline.
I don't know how the general public could turn down something that brilliant and great.
Wouldn't you love to like dip your finger in a little Vaseline and it smells like pumpkin
spice?
It just doesn't make sense, Rob.
It doesn't make sense.
That's what I'm thinking, though.
I'm trying to make sense of it.
No, me too.
I'm like, what the hell?
Does the rest of the world not get classy?
What the hell?
Well, this next one is along the line limes, the same lines as Vaseline, but maybe a little
bit more extreme.
Pumpkin Spice Anal Lube.
Why wouldn't you want someone's asshole to smell like pumpkin spice?
Come on now.
Yeah.
If pumpkin spice is good for anything, that would be it.
Yes.
Wouldn't that be fucking great?
Wow.
You're down there anyhow doing your work and you smell the sweet, subtle sounds of pumpkin
spice, or smells, not sounds.
The one thing that could make shit taste better.
Yeah.
Little pumpkin spice in my nostrils.
You're happy.
You know, whatever you're doing, whether you're eating asshole or just down there on a different
mission, you know, you have the sweet smells of pumpkin spice, the aroma filling up your
airwaves.
But they said no, Rob.
They said no.
They'd rather smell asshole than pumpkin spice.
So, okay.
Happy asshole, whatever, guys.
Happy asshole smelling.
They must have an unhappy marriage or something.
I guess.
I was really astounded by this, Rob.
Yeah, me too.
I just closed my eyes.
And I still am.
I'm flabbergasted.
Just flabbergasted.
Okay, next one.
Pumpkin spice Nyquil.
Can you believe that?
It failed.
The next time you get sick, wouldn't you love to take a big swig of pumpkin spice fucking
alcohol stuff?
The liquid coma?
That would be the best way to do it.
Yeah.
And then like color it orange, like pumpkin orange.
And then the kids will love it.
You go, hey, hey, hey, little Junior, you're sick.
Little Johnny, you're sick.
Okay.
And you pass out quick so you don't have to suffer from the taste so long.
Yeah.
So you introduce little pumpkin spice Nyquil to Jeffy with the orange cap or little Johnny
or whatever.
Little Johnny's going to be going, mm-hmm, yeah, I'll take some of that shit, whatever
it is.
Yeah.
He'll gulp that shit down, pass out, and you fucking throw him in the corner and go about
your business, start nailing a hooker or whatever you got to do, right?
If nothing else, just make it in kids' formula.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, hell yeah.
And then you go nail your hooker after that or whatever you got to do, masturbate, whatever.
Yeah.
Hey, we're not here to judge.
We're not here to double the dose.
Yeah, yeah.
You got a little anal sex with the before said anal lube that is pumpkin spice and maybe
a little Vaseline and other areas that's pumpkin spice.
You got your night set, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And then...
A little pumpkin spice Nyquil, fuck it off.
There you go.
Yeah.
And then the next one leads to this, pumpkin spice preparation H. It's been rumored that
friction and blunt trauma could cause hemorrhoids, right?
Yeah.
So, well, while you're down there doing your stuff and you got your anal lube and the Nyquil
and the Vaseline, preparation H is a natural progression, right?
Can you believe that someone would turn down asshole sore cream?
That's in pumpkin spice flavor.
I don't get that.
So, okay, so let's see.
Let's say you don't have hemorrhoids.
Let's say your kid's not sick.
Let's say you're not in the anal lube.
Let's say you're not into Vaseline.
Let's say you're a farmer, okay?
And you don't like any of those shenanigans, right?
Okay.
Yeah.
So, if you were a farmer down the road, he could have had pumpkin spice hay bales.
But they said no.
Pumpkin spice hay bales?
And I just realized I spelled hay wrong.
I spelled it with an E.
Hey, bales.
So, still hay bales.
Yeah.
I think that's great for farmers.
For the cows?
Yeah, for cows.
And the farmers, you know, they're rolling those hay bales around.
Oh, my God.
I just think cows got to celebrate, too, don't they?
Yes, they do.
I'm highly disappointed in these focus panels.
Why in the world would you turn this down for cattle?
Why?
Rob, I ask you why.
I'm speechless, man.
You see what you guys did?
You made Rob speechless.
I hope you're fucking happy.
Next one.
Well, farmers are there.
Pumpkin spice Roundup.
So, Roundup notoriously smells bad, gives you cancer.
No, no, that's just pointless.
Oh, is it?
Yeah, that's pointless.
Who the hell is going to taste the pumpkin spice?
You ain't going to drink Roundup, dude.
Well, what about the smell, though?
You think that the smell is just kind of wasted, then?
If it's out in the field, you ain't going to smell it.
Okay.
Just, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a waste of time.
Okay.
All right.
Okay, then, all right.
Then the, then the focus panel was completely right with the pumpkin spice Roundup.
On that one, on that one.
Okay.
The rest of them I'm kind of hippie about.
Okay.
The next one, pumpkin spice Netflix.
Huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, so whenever you turn on Netflix on you, you know, you got it on your TV, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
And it emits a pumpkin spice, spice smell.
Right?
Okay.
Another dud?
I don't know, actually, that could go over, depends on what, what could go over that.
Well, let's say you have a special lady there, and you got a fire going, and you got some
light jazz music playing, and then you reach over there to the remote, you shut the jazz
music off, and you go, hey, let's, let's do a little Netflix, and you're putting on a
romantic movie, right?
Yeah.
You're both there sipping your coffee with little Baileys in it.
Okay.
Then all of a sudden, boom, the fresh aroma of pumpkin spice emits all through the air,
because it, you didn't just get Netflix, you got pumpkin spice Netflix.
Yeah.
Now it's making sense, right?
Comes with its own fogger.
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
Yeah.
You know what, we gotta, I gotta get ahold of Jeffy X and have a resubmit this.
We need to get that one back.
We do.
We need to get that one back.
Now this next one I love.
Okay.
Now, number one, who's the best chef in the world?
Who was the best chef ever?
Chef Boyardee.
Chef Boyardee, right?
Yeah, definitely.
That guy was a man among men.
That guy was the kashizzle on the nizzle.
And if that's what you young folks say, I don't know.
Probably not, because I think I was Snoop Dogg.
So, anyhow.
Pumpkin Spice SpaghettiOs.
Does that not sound delicious?
Hi, baby.
Baby.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yep.
To me, that's a dream come true.
Little pumpkin spice aroma coming from the little delicious little round shaped noodles.
Mmm.
I better go on.
I just ate and I'm still hungry.
I'm still hungry because of this pumpkin spice spaghettios.
Next one.
Now, I think a snacks was a really good one, because even Aaron Rodgers could be happy with this.
Even though artificial turf devoured his fucking ACL.
Oh my God.
Pumpkin Spice Artificial Turf.
Look, if you got to play on the garbage anyhow.
Right?
Hey, if you're Joey Bowers, you want some flavor?
Yeah, that's right.
You got to have something when your face is down there.
You did, Rob.
You did.
Rob Rad, 30.
Little Joey Bowers, nothing.
Oh, that was almost a score today, too.
What a coincidence.
Next one.
Pumpkin Spice Fire Hydrants.
That sounds great, doesn't it?
My dog may like it.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come over there to take a piss and I'll say something.
Oh my gosh.
What is this?
Yeah, he's got one right out there.
He pees on a few times a day.
Oh, well, see if you can't get a pumpkin spice one for him.
I'll work on that.
I don't know how you get that to, you know.
That'd be the city of Canton.
Oh, OK.
I'll ride him and see what I can do.
You know what?
I'm sure they'll get right back with you.
Yeah, they will.
Something that important.
That'd be high on their priority.
Next one.
Pumpkin Spice Gravel.
You imagine like going down a gravel road and it just smells like pumpkin spice everywhere?
Hey, I'm all for that.
Me, too.
Beats the hell out of eating that chalky ass dust that comes up from it.
When you crash and burn, at least you got a little enjoyment.
That's right.
Yeah?
Great point, Rob.
You know what?
No one can argue with that.
Not even a road scholar can argue.
When you eat that, Rob, you want a little flavor, a little something enjoyment there.
You're right.
Next one.
Pumpkin Spice Orange Chicken.
I think that sounds great.
While you're doing that, you could probably even do Hunan Chicken and General Tsao, whatever.
Okay, I'm a little confused on that one.
That's Chinese food.
I know it is.
I'm just confused on that and the two.
Okay.
I knew you knew it was Chinese food, but I thought maybe you thought I was talking about
something else.
No, no, no.
I'm talking about pumpkin spice.
I never thought of that.
I don't know.
It's weird.
Yeah, you know what?
Maybe sometimes I need to fill a couple in, right?
They may not all be winners.
Next one.
Prime Rib.
Pumpkin Spice Prime Rib.
No?
I could see a market in that.
You know, a lot of people like cranberry sauce.
They sell it in the top restaurants.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, they could sell that.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, most of those things sounded delightful and I can't believe that the American
public snubbed their nose to it and turned them away.
Can you?
Hey, Jess and Jim, there you go.
There you go.
Prime Rib with Pumpkin Spice Prime Rib.
That's great.
Look at that.
Yeah, yeah.
Put like a couple of scarecrows.
There you go.
Put a couple of scarecrows out there and go, hey, it's time to fall in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I got it.
Awesome.
It's time to fall into Jess and Jim's.
Enjoy Pumpkin Spice Prime Rib.
Yeah.
Oh, that is awesome.
You're welcome, the Vanoys.
You're welcome.
Again.
So, Rob, that was the end of that list there.
Thank you, Jeffy X.
You are an amazing trooper for doing that.
We know you risked your lives for us and we commend you and we thank you.
Thank you, buddy.
We have a special Christmas present coming for you.
Yes.
You spoke about Netflix, Lomego, Pumpkin Spice Netflix, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Well, you know the Netflix they took and they sent out their last DVD.
They're out of the DVD business.
No more.
It's just all online.
I didn't even know they still sold DVDs.
I didn't either.
Yeah.
Last week they shipped out their very last one.
And get this.
Really?
Yeah.
The rumor is it was a Two Douchebags in a Microphone DVD.
Two Douchebags in a Microphone, raw and uncensored.
See behind the smoke show.
Watch as the douchebags get stung by a stalk of bees.
Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out.
Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for all the mad shitter accusations.
I didn't do it.
I'm not the mad shitter.
I'm a douchebag.
I can get high quality DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar.
Mark off the day with a douchebag looking at you.
Supplies are limited, so act now.
So anyhow Rob, you got some stuff you...
You got something you want to go into?
Well, which big one do you want to do?
Uh, which big one do you want to do?
Do you want to do Harry Asshole?
Or do you want my blues list?
Um, which one do you want to do?
It doesn't matter to me.
Actually, I'm a little excited about this blues list.
Okay.
Go ahead.
I really believe...
Let's take a break and then come back with your blues list.
Let's do that.
Okay.
We'll be right back.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
Mate, you'll forever feel yourself infuriated and the pocket is not even in it.
Hey, look.
I think we found land.
Oh my god, I think we're safe.
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
Oh my god.
Why?
Can't it move?
It carps as long.
Because then it would be a foot.
Somewhere in the heavens your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bevo
is listening to this film.
Alright, two douchebags and microphone on Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright.
Well, Rob, you got your list out?
Yes, I got it right here in front of me.
Alright, well like we've forespoken.
And my friend, my friend, I really believe you're going to hate me.
Okay.
You know how I've been putting this off?
Mm-hmm.
We were supposed to do it a week or two ago.
Yes.
Well, I think that I've been putting off.
That's how much research I've put into this.
Okay.
Yeah.
I got a song or two back in the 20s.
Okay.
And most of my songs I went to originals.
That's how I went back to the 20s.
Alright, go ahead.
And I started with, I'm going to be honest with you, Mark, this time I did not rank them
number, was it 17 to number one.
I just listened to them.
Okay.
I'll pull one of you on this one.
Okay.
And I just threw in, when I thought about blues, I thought of certain names.
I threw them in and I found other ones.
So here we go.
Alright.
First off, we have Mr. Muddy Waters for Honey Bee.
Oh.
And these are all songs I've listened to multiple times over the past few weeks, by the way.
I cannot argue with that in the least.
That is fantastic.
Okay.
Next up, we have the man himself, Mr. B.B. King.
Mm-hmm.
For The Thrill Is Gone.
Oh, that's a good one.
Alright.
This one, I dug deep on this.
I dug real deep on this, but honestly, it's my favorite blues song by this person.
Okay.
And that goes to John Lee Hooker, Highway 13.
Oh.
Props.
Good one.
Yeah, I went through a bunch of his songs.
I have some John Lee Hooker on and B.B. King on mine, too, but not the same.
That one just grabbed me.
Cool.
Okay, my next one, it's kind of a funky blues.
It's got a lot of funk to it, but it's blues.
Okay.
Because it's by Mr. Buddy Guy.
Oh, okay.
What kind of woman is this?
Oh, that's good.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay, my next song was a toss-up.
Same song, two different people.
Okay.
This is the one time I went with the remake.
It was originally done by Gary B.D. Coleman.
Okay.
Redone by Stevie Ray Vaughan.
Okay.
Sky's Crying.
Oh.
Sky's Crying.
Dude.
Oh.
That song is one of the best fucking songs ever written.
Okay.
And solid.
That time I did some research, it was originally done by Gary B.D. Coleman.
Yeah, yeah, it was.
Solid, man, solid.
But Stevie Ray Vaughan made it popular in a more modern day, but go ahead.
Yeah, yeah, that's why I edged that one out.
Yeah, either one, but I know both the songs very well, either one.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Yeah.
Next up, Joe Bonamassa.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you're talking my language.
I'll play the blues for you.
I love the Bonamassa.
I'll play the blues for you.
Hey, I have a couple things for you to listen to on Joe Bonamassa.
Are you familiar with the band Black Country Communion?
No.
Joe Bonamassa, Glenn Hughes, my favorite guy, and Jason Bonham.
It is a very good band.
Can you repeat that?
Black Country Communion.
They have like four or five albums out.
Black.
Country Communion.
Gotcha.
Okay.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Okay.
Next up, we have Johnny Winter.
Be Careful With A Fool.
Good.
Very good song.
Oh, my God.
Bravo.
And now I start going way back in time.
Okay.
Isn't this stuff we already did?
Next up, we have Brady King.
Uh-huh.
Next up, we have Brady King.
Okay.
Have you ever loved a woman?
Oh, nice.
Nice, nice, nice.
And how can you not talk about the blues and talk about Bessie Smith?
St. Blue's Blues, 1929.
Okay.
Beautiful.
Awesome.
I mean, it's...
Very cool.
Pinpoint.
It really was.
Next up, we have T-Bone Walker, Stormy Monday.
Very good.
I was looking at others and found some.
I'm like, oh, my God, that's awesome.
And that's one of these songs.
Wow.
And of course, you've got to throw in Mr. Ray Charles himself.
Mm-hmm.
For Georgia on my mind.
Oh, I have that one, but that's all right.
You go ahead.
We can share.
I have some of the musicians you have already, but not the same song.
Yeah.
But that one's the same song.
Yeah.
But we knew we were going to overlap some of them, so...
Yeah, we knew we were on this one.
Yeah.
I dug back deeper in what you thought I was.
Yeah, you did great.
So far, it's been a really great list.
Have you heard of Charlie Patton?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
He...
I'm going home.
You're going way back on that one.
Yeah.
I'm going home.
I think...
I think I know that.
I think I know that song.
I'm not for sure.
I'll have to look it up later.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, look it up.
It's a good song.
Okay.
Dude, I tried...
I gotta say this.
I tried my damnedest to keep the Blues Brothers out of this.
Oh, who cares?
But there is a song.
I am not going with the Blues Brothers soundtrack.
I'm going with the original.
Okay.
Robert Johnson, Sweet Home Chicago.
Okay, cool.
That's the original.
The Blues Brothers, they had on there...
I forget who did it.
Oh, it was John Goodman, wasn't it?
Yeah, John Goodman.
Yeah, yeah, John Goodman.
Yep.
Next up we have Lightning Hopkins.
Baby, please don't go.
Oh, is that who originally did that?
That's who originally did it.
It was redone in the 60s by a group called Zim.
Okay.
And that's where a lot of people knew it from.
Yeah, this went back to the 40s, 50s, 30s.
Okay.
Wow.
Okay.
Next up we have Miss Etta James herself.
She's on my list.
Misty Blue.
Okay, we don't have the same song.
That's great.
That is a beautiful song, dude.
Okay, it is.
It is.
Yeah, oh no, no, you cannot leave her off the blues list.
No, you cannot.
As a matter of fact, it's hard not to put her on there a couple of times.
Oh, trust me, trust me.
I had narrowed down songs.
Okay.
Next up we have Mr. Bill Withers for Ain't No Sunshine.
Oh, I love that song.
Cool.
And I'm finding, oh, I got this to go with it.
Okay, for my last one.
This song has been redone many, many times.
And I have a little something I actually looked up.
I'm going to read to you about it.
The House of the Rising Sun is a traditional folk song, sometimes called Rising Sun Blues.
Did you know that?
Tell us if this person's life's going well, huh?
Didn't know that.
Go ahead.
Many versions also urge a sibling or parents and children to avoid the same fate.
The most successful commercial version recorded in 1964 by the British rock band, the Animals,
was a number one hit as a traditional folk song recorded by an electric rock band.
It's also been described as the first folk rock hit.
Okay.
The song was first collected in Appalachia in the 1930s.
Okay.
It probably has its roots in traditional English folk song, which this is the song, House of
the Rising Sun.
Okay.
But the version I found dates back to approximately the 30s.
Okay.
House of the Rising Sun by Lead Belly.
Okay.
Yep.
All right.
That sounds about right.
Just look it up online.
No, I actually know what you're talking about.
Oh, you do know that one?
Yes.
I just stumbled across that one today.
I was going to use the original, or the Animals version.
For some reason, I'm aware of that.
I don't know why, but go ahead.
Yeah.
And that concludes my blues list.
Wow.
Dude.
Pretty solid there, I think.
Yeah, very much so.
I put some time into this one.
I wanted this one to be a good one.
Great job, Rob.
Great job.
Okay.
I'm going to go ahead and put this one up for a minute.
I'll be... You know what?
No, forget it.
No, let's just go ahead and go with the program.
Hang on.
All right.
Let's see here.
I've got some stories here.
I have some odd facts, too.
We'll probably do those right now.
We might do them on the next one.
I have a dear douchebags, but I think we might save that for the next podcast we do.
We'll save that for the one a little bit later.
Anyhow, sorry I'm a little disoriented there.
Your blues list was fantastic, dude.
Like I said, that's what took so long.
I wanted to make this one a good one.
I really did.
Okay.
And I put in the time and the research on this.
You did.
You did fantastic.
I love this one.
I love this list.
I would have this as a playlist.
Cool.
I'm thinking about making a playlist of this.
Hell yeah.
All right.
A federal agency has sued the restaurant chain, Chipotle, accusing it of religious harassment
and retaliation after a manager at a Kansas location forcibly removed an employee's hijab
or hijab or whatever, you know, the headscarf worn by some Muslim women.
In a lawsuit filed Wednesday, the Equal Opportunity Employment Opportunity Commission, the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission alleged that in 2021, an assistant manager at a Chipotle
in the Lenexa, Kansas, we know this one because this is right here in the Kansas City area,
reportedly harassed the employee by asking her to show him her hair despite her refusal.
After several weeks, her harassment culminated in him grabbing and partially removing her
hijab, according to the complaint.
The manager's offensive and incessant requests that she moves her hijab and his attempts
to physically take it off were unwelcome, intentional, severe, and based on religion
and created a hostile work environment, the complaint says.
The employee complained to another supervisor that the incident made her uncomfortable,
but with no further action was taken against the manager, the complaint said.
One night during the closing in August 2021, the manager allegedly reached out and pulled
her hijab partially off her head.
The following day, the employee gave her two weeks notice.
Chipotle didn't reschedule her for any shifts during those two weeks, even though other
non-Muslim employees who submitted their notice continued to be scheduled for work during
that time, the complaint alleged.
The lawsuit claims that Chipotle violated federal civil rights, law, protected employees,
and job applicants from discrimination based on religion, race, authenticity, sex, and
natural origin.
In its suit, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission said it wants Chipotle to institute
policies that provide equal employment opportunities for employees of all religions and pay damages
to the employees that were affected by these actions.
And if that did happen, I would have to say that that lawsuit is actually very valid,
and I think that woman is owed some money or something because you can't do that.
That is just, that's a no-no.
You cannot discriminate like that in America.
Agreed?
I'm going to say something very simple.
Okay.
He's lucky I wasn't there.
Yeah, same here.
That is...
You do not put your hands on a woman.
Yeah, and especially...
On an employee, you just don't do it.
No.
He's lucky I wasn't there.
Yep.
I would have stepped in.
I would have stepped up.
Yeah, you know what?
I agree 100%.
That's her company, won't.
No, it doesn't sound like it does.
My opinion.
No, no, no.
I get you.
I get what you're saying, my opinion, but man, I think probably 100% of America, or 99.9%
right now, is going, yes, agreed.
So, have you heard about the hottest new condiment, like mayo, ketchup, mustard?
Yeah.
Okay.
The hottest condiment these days isn't ketchup, aloe, or even chili oil, which are two hot
ones.
It's seemingly ranch, is the name of it.
And that's largely thanks to one person, Taylor Swift.
Let's see.
Okay, so let's see.
Let's back up here.
The pop star sent her fan base, and much of the internet, frankly, into a tizzy over the
weekend when she attended a Kansas City Chiefs game to root for her rumored beau, tight end
Travis Kelce.
Pictures and videos of Swift decked out in red Chiefs jacket and cheering excitedly besides
Kelce's mom have dominated social media ever since.
Sales have also spiked on Kelce's jersey 400%.
And one behind the scene of the photo goes viral.
And anyhow, the fan account, Taylor Swift, shared a picture of Swift posting with a fan
in the family suite, clearly mid-snack.
She's sitting at a table with a plate, and on it's a chicken tender and two dipping sauces,
one red and one white.
Taylor Swift was eating a piece of chicken with ketchup and seemingly ranch is what the
account posted.
So, since they called it seemingly ranch, guess what Heinz did?
Okay.
Heinz came out with a seemingly ranch condiment, but it's a gimmick and they admit it's a
gimmick.
They said, you know what?
They said that what they're going to do is they're going to have some giveaways and a
very limited opportunity to buy this off of the internet, this seemingly ranch condiment.
And this is directly in response to Taylor Swift seemingly ranch dressing that she was
using on her chicken tender in Travis Kelce's box.
So, yeah.
Oh, anyhow.
Was that newsworthy?
I don't know.
Was it stupid?
Yes.
So, and then I've got one more thing here before we close out our first program.
All right.
Okay, you know Expedia, the travel website, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
A new survey from the travel website, Expedia, has found that air travel is more stressful
for many Americans these days than filing taxes or going to the dentist.
One poll of market research companies surveyed a thousand US air travelers from August 23rd
to 29th.
It found that 55% of those surveys cited air travel as a leading cause of stress, according
to a September 27th press release from Expedia.
Americans viewed air travel as more daunting than filing taxes or visiting the dentist,
the poll said.
And, you know, I've got another thought on this too.
Before 9-11, you would have never saw that on the list.
After 9-11, where they fucking basically fucking fill your nutsack up and your ass crack and
you got to take your shoes off and there's people everywhere and they're rude and they're
fucking pissy because people have been dicks to them all day.
Yeah, I can definitely see that and I can definitely see why people feel that it is
more stressful than the dentist or filing taxes because most air travel is not a pleasant
experience anymore and you have to worry about getting there early enough.
You have to worry about so many different things.
Is it going to be a busy travel weekend or whatever?
Is it like, is there anything going on in town to where a lot of people, you know, wherever
you're going?
There's just so many things that you have to put into account now.
When you used to just be able to go, you know what, okay, I showed up there for an hour
ahead of time, I'm fine.
Man, I'm good as gold, man.
I just got to show them my fucking ticket and then go to the area that it's at and then
go.
But now there's like seven or eight distinct steps you have to take.
And, you know, just to think about getting on the plane.
So, yeah, I get it.
I get it.
So, yeah, anyhow, like I said, we're getting ready to close out the first program.
Okay, but before we do, I have to give a shout out.
Sure.
I want to say happy birthday to my youngest son, Bob.
He turns 19 today.
I am very proud of the man he is becoming.
He's grown up so much and doing great.
So, happy birthday, son.
Happy birthday, man.
Two douchebags and micro-ones salute you.
How was the birthday party yesterday?
It was all right.
I expected, I don't know what I expected.
Okay, cool.
Well, I'm glad it wasn't horrible.
So, how's that?
No, it wasn't horrible.
It was bearable.
Okay.
Oh, was it just like a bunch of like siblings?
No, it was just his sister and his mom and my grandson and my cousin came down from Iowa.
Oh, yeah, yeah, you're telling me about that.
Yeah.
Did you have it at home or did you go anywhere?
No, it was right here.
Oh, okay, cool.
All right, cool.
Yeah.
Okay.
Thank God it was by the house went home.
Did you swat him?
No.
No?
Did you threaten?
He was 19.
He was right back, dude.
Oh, okay.
Did you threaten to swat him?
Yeah.
No.
Okay.
All right.
I know better.
Okay.
He might turn around and swat you, right?
Dude, he's like four inches taller than me.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
Yeah, good idea.
Don't swat him.
You want him on your side later on when if someone comes up and picks on you when you're
just a little old shriveled man.
I need him on my side, man.
There you go.
I'm getting, yeah.
I'm gonna need somebody when I get old.
Yeah.
Hey, you think he'll wipe your ass for you?
That's what I'm talking about.
Oh, okay.
I'm gonna need somebody.
Okay.
Well, stay good with him.
Stay good with him.
Yeah, I am.
Yeah, that old ass wiping thing's a bitch, you know, especially when you don't have enough
cognizance or muscle power to do it.
Dude, I'm telling you, I would win a hairy asshole when it takes hands down.
I'm telling you.
Rob, you son of a bitch.
But there's no way...
No, no, no.
Let me put this out there now since you said it.
You're one of my wild cards.
Am I really?
Yes.
Remember the one that was gonna blow your mind?
Yeah.
I threw you in there not knowing about your asshole hair situation, and I was dead on.
Dude, I told you in the first one, when we first started, you put you up against Topher.
Yeah.
And I told you I would beat you out.
I mean it.
Okay.
All right.
Well, you are...
Yeah.
I have no worries going to prison.
No worries.
Okay.
There is a total shield across it.
Well, now that you threw that across there, I kind of had to tell you that way you don't
think I'm doing it because you said that.
No, you were...
I might have to vote myself as the winner on this one.
Well, I'm already putting you in my wild card, so you're in it.
Okay.
Well, let's get on with our show so we can talk about this.
Okay.
All right, everybody.
We'll be back in a little...
Well, you know what?
Hey, everybody have a good night.
Thank you for listening.
Good night, everybody.
Good night.
Bye.
Hey, where did everybody go?
Where are the douchebags?
Hmm.
Oh, my God, someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh, jeez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.
Oh, jeez.