Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,
from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue Waters of the Missouri River,
it is Two-Poosh Bags and Microphone Podcast.
No batlight here. These idiots just show up and hope for the best.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Man, I sure wish I was the garbage man.
You know what I could do if I was the garbage man?
I could go to the wrong parts of town on the wrong days periodically in the morning
and then watch everybody run out of their house in their underwear
with two bags of trash screaming,
Stop! Halt!
Yeah, that's what I'd love to do.
Two-Deuce Bags and Microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Hey everybody, we got a bunch of different things going on tonight.
There's a bunch of things we could do.
We could do a bunch of things we couldn't do.
We got a bunch of different things going on tonight.
We don't know if we're going to get to them all.
We're probably going to save some of them at least for tomorrow's podcast
because we're simply just not going to have enough time.
Which is fine, that's good.
I mean, the more content the better, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, so...
I've got quite a bit stored up.
Oh, good. Good. Okay.
Well, let's see, I've got a list of the top 12 pumpkin spice cities.
And these are cities that love pumpkin spice.
Me, I've never been a fan and I don't think ever will be.
I just don't see what the appeal is to you.
Around the holidays.
And it's only a few times.
Yeah, yeah, I mean, you can get a pumpkin spice latte,
maybe, I don't know, Thanksgiving, maybe Halloween.
Three, four months. Enough.
Yeah, yeah, to me it's just like...
That's too much.
Yeah, it is.
It's not that good to support three months of happiness and joy
because you have this.
I just, I don't know.
I don't mean to sound like an old grumpy grumpster or nothing like that.
Yeah, yeah, me either.
Yeah, I mean, let people enjoy what they want to enjoy,
but I've never gotten the whole craze.
I get why someone would want one to be festive,
but I've never gotten the whole hype for a few months.
And I blame some of that on great advertising.
Some great social pushes, I guess.
I think that some of it originated from some type of guerrilla marketing.
I think I told Topher about this, and I think it was on air too,
but probably not you, Rob.
This is before, I think, when I was talking about the first time
I ever witnessed guerrilla marketing, and that was Pat's Blue Ribbon,
and that was at Buzzer Beach in Kansas City.
Can I stop you right there one second?
Yes.
I just want to throw our motto in there.
This is our opinion.
Yes, yeah, no, thank you.
Our opinion.
Thank you, yes.
So if you want pumpkin spice and you think it should be all year round,
that's fine.
That's fine with us.
We still love you.
So, okay, so Buzzer Beach, all of a sudden these hot college-looking chicks came in
in shorts, cowboy boots, big belt buckles,
and big fucking ten-gallon hats with feathers in them.
People were like, whoa, what's this?
And they just installed Pat's Blue Ribbon taps there,
and we're all wondering what that was about,
because Pat's Blue Ribbon wasn't even heard of.
Again, it was everybody's grandpa's beer, but nobody else's beer.
So they did this.
They didn't have very much budget at all,
so they went from nothing, from like number 672 or something,
beer sold in America, to a distant number four, the big three.
I mean, but still, that's quite an accomplishment.
And they did this just by doing stuff like having hot chicks
give out belt buckles and shirts
and buying the whole bar two rounds of Pabst.
And I've seen this happen several nights at Buzzer Beach,
and then Camel was starting to die off, Camel Cigarettes,
and I saw this done at Buzzer Beach too.
Before they outlawed it in the state of Missouri,
they would have the Camel guy come in, and it was crazy.
All of a sudden there would be hundreds of people lined up with their IDs out,
getting two free packs of Camels, or new specialized cigarettes,
like Camel Turkish Mild Blend, and Camel Menthol Neon Upskill Lights,
and all these different brands that they came out with.
And this is in the early double-ots, like 2000, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003.
And they started coming out with all these different varieties of cigarettes,
and Camel sparked up theirs too.
And you know, Camel is kind of like the old man, unfiltered Camel,
the old man Cigarette, and they did it too.
And I think Pumpkin Spice had some roots in that too,
because I really think that places like Starbucks and local coffee houses
really kind of pushed the agenda of Pumpkin Spice for a best seller,
for a great seller, by going, oh, remember Thanksgiving,
remember pumpkin pie, remember sitting around the table
with your great-aunt, Bezzy, and your uncle Elbud, or whoever.
You know, I think I stole that from Uncle Elbud, but anyhow, I'm sorry.
But I doubt if he's listening, but if he does listen, I'm sorry.
I think I stole that from him.
You know, I'm giving you credit, Uncle Elbud.
So anyhow, here are the top 10 Pumpkin Spice cities according to...
Damn it. Shit, I can't find... anyhow, well, let me see if I can find out
who gets credit for this so I can keep it honest.
Let's see. Pumpkin Spice cities. All right.
I think it's by Roasty Coffee is the name of it.
Whoever they are, roastycoffee.com.
So, okay, thank you, roastycoffee.com.
And anyhow, okay, number one is Minneapolis.
Number two is Seattle.
Number three is Portland, Oregon.
Number four is Denver.
Number five is San Francisco.
Number six is Austin, Texas, which kind of surprises me.
Yeah.
Number seven is Washington, D.C.
Number eight is Atlanta, Georgia.
That surprises me because that's a hot weather city, right?
Yeah.
Number nine, this surprised me a lot.
New Orleans, Louisiana, where they have the chicory coffee and the beignets and all that.
I'm really surprised that it made it dead in that type of environment that they have there.
Number 10, Miami, Florida, of course.
Number 11, Boston, Mass.
That doesn't surprise me because Boston, I've been there a few times for work
and a couple of times just for other things.
And they have a lot of coffee houses per capita, so that doesn't really surprise me that much.
Number 12, Nashville.
And you know what?
We can talk to Rick at Filthy Bean about that one.
Yeah.
Yeah, he'd probably have some insight on how well it sells there.
Matter of fact, I'll send him a message.
If he answers during the program, I'll tell you what he says,
but I'll send him a message here in a minute and see what he says.
Number 13, New York City, 14, Las Vegas.
And you know what?
I'd only promised the top 11 or 12, didn't I?
So, okay, anyhow, those are the top pumpkin spice cities.
Some of them I found odd or peculiar.
I didn't think that they would be in there.
And then other ones I kind of expected to be in there, like Seattle and Portland.
Yeah.
Yeah, and even Minneapolis because it is a cold weather city.
So, anyhow, I spoke with Topher today,
and him and I are going to go grab a coffee tomorrow morning for a little bit.
And he has a Topher's desk.
You ready for a Topher's desk, Rob?
Yes, I am.
All right.
Well, this is one of the stories he sent me.
The other one I'm still working on.
So this is straight from Topher's desk,
and this is stuff that he finds interesting
that he would like to parlay to you, Joe Listener.
So anyhow, we thank Topher, and he is doing well.
And I'm going to see him tomorrow,
and we'll probably have a good old conversation about all different...
Well, okay, it'll start off in the NFL,
and it'll go everywhere else like it always does.
So anyhow, looking forward to seeing him tomorrow.
So school kids are so violent coming out of the pandemic
that they are sending teachers to the hospital.
The 2022-23 school year was a particularly violent year for educators.
In Florida, a high school student beat a paraprofessional unconscious.
A 15-year-old in Georgia left her teacher with difficulty walking,
and a group of students in Texas sent their assistant principal
to the hospital after an assault.
Recent reports suggest these high-profile incidents of violence in schools
are part of a general increase in student misconduct
over the past couple of years.
This contrasts with a decline over the prior decades.
Teachers who are at a premium anyhow
are resigning their positions to the threats of violence
and general unruly behaviors.
And, you know, I mean, there's more to this story.
There's quite a bit more, but I want to stop it right there, Rob.
And I want to get what you think is going on.
Why is it post-pandemic?
Why are suddenly, because before the assaults and everything
were actually declining significantly,
and it was like one of the lesser concerns.
Now it's like one of the number one concerns with educators
is this idea that the children are becoming violent towards their educators.
What is your thoughts on that, Rob?
Because I have a couple of thoughts, and that's really about it.
The only thing I can think of is they spent too much time at home,
not around other people.
The guy trusted him, you know.
Yes, but that's part of it.
And, I don't know.
Wait, Rob, you're going there and you'll know exactly what I say,
because if you had time to think it out a little bit more,
you're going to go exactly where I'm going,
because that's the first place I went, but I had time to think it out.
I just sprung the story on you.
It is the Internet behavior, Internet behavior.
This is what the kids were doing while they were out of school.
They were on the Internet.
Internet has Internet tough guys.
You can say whatever you want to people with no repercussions, right?
Good point. Good point.
That's exactly what it is.
They took the Internet environment and brought it to schools.
And that's what's going on.
And that's what people need to start fucking working this
and starting to really punish these children and making sure that they
don't grow up like these violent little assholes that they're starting to do
because of a pandemic, because their parents didn't spend enough time with them,
because they could lie to their parents really good and go,
I wasn't online. I was doing my homework or whatever.
Or the parents not checking the phones or all of the above probably.
And I know it is in all the parents.
I know that you can't watch your children 24-7.
I know children are sneaky.
I was a child once.
I was very sneaky and I knew ways I could manipulate my parents like all children do.
But this is a societal thing too because of COVID and it's a residual effect.
So and there's other variances involved too.
There's like this feeling of, well, I got to do whatever I want for a year and a half.
So why am I going to stop now?
There's a lot of different things involved.
But the main thing is that internet mentality, that bully mentality that goes on all over the internet,
Facebook will go, you know, but if you saw the guy in person,
he would never, yeah, video games is, that's another good one Rob.
But playing video games live against other people, you say whatever you want.
Yeah, they're not going to come to you.
I've done it for years.
You know, it used to be like this.
If you were dumb enough to mouth off to the wrong person, you got your ass kicked.
Now it's like they can't touch you.
You're on the internet.
So you can say whatever you want.
I'll fuck you and I'll fucking kick your mom in the face and I'll fuck your dog.
You know, you can say whatever you want.
There's nothing anyone can do about it because they, but if you used to say that in a bar,
you get the shit kicked out of you and everyone would be like, well,
the guy shouldn't have said that, man.
Now he's going to the hospital.
That's the way it goes.
Maybe next time he'll be a little bit smarter about his choice of words to and who he says it to.
So, yeah, yeah, who would have thought it was coming like this, but it is.
Anyhow, let's lighten this bitch up a little bit and let's come back with a dear douchebags letter.
Right on.
Yeah, that's right.
We still have people writing us, even though we give the worst advice ever and will probably ruin your life.
If you take our advice, people still love it.
So we shall return in a couple of moments with.
When taking a shower, remember to scrub your asshole with soapy water because nobody likes a stinky asshole.
Break shit house energy drink.
That's right.
Break shit house energy drink.
Make men and women grow.
Chop your balls.
We're going to fuck shit up.
We're going to force them across America.
Break shit house energy drink is for you.
Please enjoy Break Shit House energy drink responsibly.
It's not readily available anywhere because of liability issues.
As pleasant as 50 grit sandpaper to your inner thighs.
Do they make ear condoms?
We certainly need them for this garbage.
All right, and we are back.
Two douchebags in a microphone on Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Okay.
Dear douchebags.
I have a real bad problem with a skid outside my business.
He constantly pisses in the alley next to my building and it runs and smells horrible right in front of my entrance.
This is gross.
It makes people not want to come into my business.
It smells horrible and nothing I say can stop the guy.
He's incoherent and he just pisses all over the alleyway whenever he feels like it.
He even pisses in front of my customers.
I tried to get a hold of the city, but they aren't doing anything about it.
He's one of these protected species.
You can't touch him.
So any help that you can give us will be greatly appreciated.
Please and thank you.
Signed, No Piss in Southern Miss.
Another good name, huh?
Yeah, yeah, very good name.
Man, this is going to be fun.
I can only imagine what we wrote up to do to this kid, huh?
Oh, wow.
I'm already happy.
Whatever is written down here, I'm already happy.
I hope you don't end up in jail.
Well, okay, we already told everybody, don't take our advice, right?
Right.
We already told everybody, we give horrible advice.
If you want to ruin your life, you do what we say.
If you want to have a good, nice life, a nice, smooth life, don't do anything we say, right?
Well, what more can we do, right?
We've already told them this.
You're totally the opposite.
Yeah, whatever we say, run the other way from.
So we told you, so if you take our advice, it's on you.
So here is what our horrible advice is.
Well, it sucks because a delightful government won't protect horrible behavior.
I'd love to protect horrible behavior.
You know what?
You think I would be able to read this because I fucking wrote it out, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, let me start this over.
Well, it sucks because our delightful governments love to protect horrible behavior,
so we all end up having to deal with constant stupidity.
We have a few ideas and certainly hope one or more of these help.
One, strobe light in a motion detector light.
The skid is most likely smashed out of the scord.
Therefore, the strobe light would make him leave immediately without pissing near your place.
When said bum walks up and the strobe light hits him,
it sends a confusion and he will get out of there quick.
Have you not been trashed before, Rob, and witnessed a strobe light?
They lose the cops.
Oh, it mangles your fucking brain, dude.
You can't harness it.
You're just like, no, no, ugh.
And also, like you said, if he is so what coherent enough to handle it,
he will think it's the cops and he will run.
He will flip out and fuck, man, I'm getting out of here.
Yeah.
I mean, you could even install a siren.
Actually, let's go a step further.
Put a siren there too, right?
There you go.
A siren and a strobe light.
That bitch will be pissing on someone else's lawn immediately.
I think that's really good advice.
I mean, that's not just funny advice.
That's pretty solid right there.
Yeah, that's solid shit right there.
But like we said, you want to have a good life, don't take our advice.
That right there will not land you in jail.
So that's pretty good advice.
Yeah, that is pretty good advice.
Okay.
Anyhow, we are on podcasts not to be taken seriously,
but if we ever just kind of like recognize some of our advice,
that is a pretty stellar one.
Number two, snapping turtles.
He can't get that.
Yes, sir, snapping turtles.
Break up some area, fill it with water, insert turtles, bam.
No more skid after his toes get snapped off.
Sounds good to me.
I was pretty good on that one, didn't I?
Yes, you did.
And hey, how about this, Rob?
You get to hear the blood-curling screams.
Yes.
So you're sitting in your shop having a nice warm pumpkin spice latte
because it's the season, right?
And you're in there and you're about ready to close
and you see the fucking shadow of the skid.
And you see him going for a zipper
and then all of a sudden you hear the blood-curling screams.
And then you just sip your pumpkin spice and go,
ah, right now that skid is getting his toes snapped off.
Oh, what a beautiful sound that is.
You can hear angels singing as he screams in pain, right?
It's the season.
Number three.
Sounds like the vagrant has an approximate time he comes by.
A simple sliding chain link at the Basin of the Alleywood
protect and probably do the job.
Yeah.
So basically what two douchebags and microphone are saying here is
he comes by at 5 every day or 5.30 or maybe 10 to 6, right?
You have a rolling little rolling chain link fence.
It won't take much because it's an alleyway.
You roll that bitch out and he'll just see the fence there
and then turn around and leave.
He would think that he went down the wrong alleyway, right?
Yeah.
You're like, oh, shit, man.
Oh, fuck.
I had too many fucking night trains.
I better turn around and find the alleyway that I normally go to
to piss and piss that guy off.
So he turns around.
I'm trying to do that to you.
Yeah.
Night train will do a lot of other things to you too.
Yeah.
Night train will end you up in the satellite hospital
that used to be on 150 Highway there just on the edge of Grandview
and the edge of Belvedere and make people think that you're vomiting blood,
but you're really not.
Right.
Yeah.
We know that.
Oh, wait a minute.
I already told that story.
They know.
Oh, I forget it.
Yeah.
Forget it.
He would literally think he died and went to hell.
Oh, my God.
He would be like...
Number five.
This is solid too.
I love this one, Rob.
Did you come up with this one, number five?
I love this one.
Number five.
I love this one.
Number five.
Did you come up with this one, number five?
I think so.
Okay.
A table with free garbage across the busy intersection.
If you're real lucky, he gets rolled over by an F-350, at the very least.
The free garbage will keep him occupied elsewhere
while you offer a shopping cart as well
with sympathy balloons stolen from a cemetery attached to the cart.
Yeah, that was me because I used F-350.
Yes.
Yep.
And then did you put this on the bottom of it?
Good luck, fuckface.
No, I think that was you.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Well, good luck, fuckface.
Thanks for the email.
Good luck, fuckface.
That was a solid one, dude.
I like that one.
That was solid, yes.
All right.
Okay.
Do you have something you want to go to?
Yeah.
Did you hear that Pittsburgh Steelers had to make an emergency landing in Kansas City?
Yes, I did.
Please go forth because I didn't write it out.
Well, I got this yesterday, and this was on Fox 4 News, Kansas City.
There was an emergency landing at KCI Monday morning.
The flight was carrying an NFL team.
The Pittsburgh Steelers charter plane made an emergency landing at KCI.
Kansas City International Airport emergency crews were notified about an inbound aircraft emergency designated as an ALERT 2.
The team was flying back from Las Vegas to Pittsburgh.
There were 192 people on the plane.
Everyone who was on the charter plane is safe.
MCI operations staff were told that a replacement aircraft will be en route and will arrive around 930 a.m.
The passengers will remain on the plane and will transfer to the replacement aircraft.
I read another article and what it was, it had something to do with oil pressure.
Uh-huh.
That's what I read was oil pressure, but I mean, who knows?
I have a conspiracy theory on it, Rob.
I think that they wanted to see an updated version of the Lamar Hunt or of the Vince Lombardi trophy.
KC?
That's what I think.
Yeah.
Yeah, yep.
So, anyhow, let's take a slight break here and we will be right back.
Sound good?
Alright, we'll be right back.
Two thimble dicks and a crash cart will be right back.
We are to do spades and microphones.
As charming as a leaky sewer pipe.
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Two douchebags and microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright, welcome back everybody.
Alright, Rob, you had a story that you wanted to talk about. Did you narrow it down to exactly what you're wanting to say?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I pretty much narrowed it down.
It's a long story.
Christine Lionheart appears in a book.
Okay.
An Ohio man in West Virginia really wanted to get out of the woods, but he didn't want to do it by himself.
So he called law enforcement to repeat.
Call law enforcement to repeatedly shriek about an impending attack by bears, police say.
But those bears were fake.
Those would be beguiling Bruins were actually all just imagined parts of elaborate ruse to get a ride.
Christian Lionheart 47 hails from Rexville, Ohio and stands accused on one count of falsely reporting an emergency incident according to Canawah County Sheriff's Office, which is in West Virginia.
And that's what I meant. The rest of the story is long. It goes into details how he called them and they got a manhunt together, got helicopters in the air and everything.
And they find him. And they find him. And he, I guess when he called, he admitted to being drunk.
Uh huh.
Yeah, you know, it's just your right old woods.
How come I really, how come I already knew he was drunk by the context of this story?
But supposedly by the time he got there, he was sober. Yeah, there was no marks on him. No nothing.
The bear just, I don't know, it just left. What do you mean it just left? I don't know, it just left. Just gone, just left.
Okay, so did they charge him for a false call? Yeah, yeah, he was being held.
Okay, well that's what I was asking is, is what did they, okay. All right, good. Falsely reporting. Falsely reporting, okay. That's what I was looking for.
All right, and you probably said it in the story. I was too busy chuckling to myself to catch it.
So, well, I mean, it's no different than these fucking skids up here that fake heart attacks to get rides across town. Happens all the time.
Right. Yeah, so anyhow, all right. Um, you hear about the big Southwest hubbub, Southwest Airlines?
No, I haven't.
Well, there's all these forums now where people are fighting over Southwest. Most people don't like the anywhere seating, no assigned seating.
And then there's a few people that defend it. But let me go into some of the bullet points here and maybe you can decide.
Me, I'm sick of Southwest, but it isn't because of the open seating. It's because of all the other bullshit that's been going on.
In my opinion, they're not a very reliable airline anymore and they piss me off and they screwed me out of, in my opinion, they screwed me out of quite a bit of voucher money and other things.
And then flights and being snotty and asshole-ish and what have you and this and that and the other. So anyhow, let me get to it.
Saving seats on Southwest infuriates flyers. Southwest does not have pre-assigned seats. It's first come, first serve.
So people are saying that they're sick of these games in particular.
This is the number one game that they're sick of that people do. They get on the plane first.
If the plane isn't going to be full, passengers will try to keep people from sitting down next to them when the door closes.
Crumpled up tissues and they put them all over the seat.
And you know what? This is what I think ToeFour is still with the program when I, when I saluted this guy. He was a genius.
Yeah, he was because this is back in March, early March when we went on the cruise out of the Pacific Ocean.
Okay. There was a guy across from me. The flight wasn't anywhere near full and they announced it.
And the guy right across from me, I got this big fucking mouth breather that sat next to me that's just disgusting and hacking all over the place.
But he had no one sitting near him because he brought out when he sat down, he brought out a little, a little bottle of Vicks Formula 44 or whatever.
Nyquil, I think it's Nyquil, little bottle of Nyquil, a bunch of tissue paper.
And he was kind of slobbering and his eyes were all red. He rubbed his eyes red. I'm convinced of it now.
He, he messed his hair up and he was kind of hacking and wheezing.
And everybody stayed away from him. No one got near him.
And then as soon as the plane, the plane took off, he put away the Nyquil.
He, he made his hair look a little bit more normal. He quit hacking and wheezing and he got rid of all the tissues.
So you tell me.
That was genius, dude.
He acted like he was sicker than hell and no one got near him. He got the whole row to himself.
The whole row.
And it's funny because he didn't try to close off an aisle. He didn't put anything in the next seat to him.
He just had all these tissues around him and red eyes and hacking and wheezing and Nyquil and it worked. It worked.
So anyhow, people are saying it is classy. I saluted that guy then and I do it now.
And I'm not saying I'm above doing that either.
So, okay, if I ever go southwest again, which I don't see that I will, but anyhow.
Okay.
Okay, so you know, crumpled up tissues and they put them on a seat.
The other trick that they're sick of is that people spread out in the middle of the next seat to them to make it look uncomfortable choice on the plane.
So some guys got his legs way over to where you would be sitting and you're not comfortable coming up there.
And have him like have his leg all over you.
You know, yeah, I get that.
And then the other thing is I get tired of people placing a bag or a jacket to make it look occupied like, oh, well, someone's sitting here, but they went to the bathroom.
They'll be right back.
And then it's not true. No one's sitting there and they just did that to make it look like someone was there.
By the time you go find another seat, you don't know, right?
You don't know if anyone was sitting there or not.
You just kind of took their word for it. Oh, there's a bag there. Okay, someone's sitting there.
I'll just keep going.
Okay.
And then another thing, the next thing that people in general are sick of, and this might be more women here, some men especially will open will open to certain passengers over others and try to and try to game who their empty seat.
By what they mean by gaming their empty seat is it's a game to make the seat look inviting.
Right.
So what they'll do is if an attractive female comes on board, suddenly they clear out all the middle seat and then they move to their side and they're real calm and they look the other way and they're real unassuming.
But if it's like a bunch of wildebeest coming through there or some dude or something, they'll like lay over on part of the seat, they'll scratch themselves, they'll heave and hack.
So they're trying to make sure that the hot chick sits next to them, right?
Yeah.
Which I get.
There's no rule, the other thing that people are pissed off about, there's no rule about saving seats. Southwest doesn't say it's okay but doesn't say it's not okay either.
So this is why you get half of the plane with a sweater or handbag next to someone.
Some people love the policy though.
And me, I hate it because you drive, you walk up, right, and there's a sweater on the seat and there's not enough time to go, hey, is someone sitting there and then they got their headphones in so they purposely don't have to address anybody, right?
And then they pull them out and go, pardon me after you flag them down. Yeah, pardon me, what? Is anyone sitting here?
Well, by that time you already wasted fucking five minutes of everyone else's time. So that's what I'm saying, like if they have a sweater in the middle seat, you just keep going, you're like, fucking, I'm not dealing with it.
Okay.
Here's the people that love the way the seating is going, the Southwest seating and this is why they'll always buy from them.
One person wrote, I tend to buy tickets late, close to travel, and on many airlines that means the best seats are still, are not still available.
In fact, when changing flights, the day of the flight, one is still able to get a decent seat on Southwest.
Others say they like to play games and if you do it right, you can get a spacious area on coach, which is true.
And this would be the people like hang over the middle seat or, you know, use tissues and make it look like they're sick or, or just don't look like they'd be a very workable person to sit next to.
So, you know, I, so I mean, at least those people were honest about it. They're like, you know what, we can manipulate Southwest system, other systems we can't.
So, right.
Anyhow, interesting stuff. Nonetheless, I like the candidness of everybody and how, you know, whoever participated in this, you know, whatever it is, article.
I love how candid they were and how honest they were about it. I can say that.
Yeah, yeah, that's true.
So, Mayhad, did you have anything you wanted to get to Robin?
Yeah, I got another story for you.
This came from the New York Post four days ago.
Okay.
Florida deputies say that a woman allegedly attacked two people at a pool for doing stretches she thought were inappropriate.
Amanda Ferragamo, 41, was arrested in Sumter County, Florida after the incident on early Sunday morning.
And you find out more at the bottom of the story.
There's more to it.
Okay.
A female victim told deputies she and the male victim were doing stretches when Ferragamo smacked and shoved them both.
The female victim then stated that the defendant accused them both of doing inappropriate activities and began to shove her and smack her across the face.
The female victim has a red mark on her face indicating she was hit as well.
The arrest affidavit stated the male victim told a deputy she effing attacked us.
She's pissed.
Deputies wrote in the affidavit that the female victim had a red mark on her face indicating she was hit.
According to Fox 35, the man and Ferragamo are connected in some way, which makes the incident domestic in nature.
Okay.
Officials at the Sumter County Sheriff's Office didn't further explain their relationship.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Well, okay.
I wish they would have explained their relationship.
Well, if they would explain the relationship, it wouldn't have been as big a story as it was.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I agree.
Did you notice it said the incident was at 2.32 a.m.
Uh-huh. That's what I caught.
Bingo. That's exactly, yes.
That's why it didn't have to go into anything else in my mind. I'm like, okay.
Right. Right.
Got it. Yeah. Okay.
It started good.
Yes, it did. Yeah, it did.
I got one for you. A question I need to ask you.
How's your hairy asshole Olympics come along? Have you got any new contestants?
Uh, not at the moment. Not at the moment.
Okay. How's your blues come along?
That's what I'm working on.
Okay. That's cool. All right.
I've been too busy. I've been concentrating on that, and then I've looked at my notes while I go, oh.
No, no, no, no, no, no. That's cool, Rob. That just means that I'm okay. I'm okay for right now.
I can concentrate on my blues and then move on to the hairy asshole contestants.
I think it's ten contestants, two wild cards, and one band, and then we all have a pass card where you have to leave something alone.
Okay. That sounds good to me. So it'll be another thrilling edition of Who Has the Hairiest Asshole.
And we know that everybody loves them because people write in and tell us, oh, speaking of that, let me see if I, no, shit, I didn't print them out.
I think I'm going to stick to what I said before, and you tell me what you think about this.
We do all of the emails in like one podcast.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, we've got seven of them that I need to just go ahead and print out, and I will. I'll get to them.
But anyhow, there are a bunch of other stuff going on like around the house and business stuff.
Do you want to cover those tomorrow night?
No, no.
No? Okay.
Because there's too many, I can't answer some of them right now.
Oh, gotcha.
They're not quite there yet, so I'd say that one, that particular program is about a month off.
Oh, okay.
Yeah. And look, I mean, if I get like 10 more emails, then it might push it up a little quicker.
But right now, these seven right here aren't pertinent to me having to answer them really quick.
Oh, gotcha.
There's stuff that we're going to get to and suggestions and some other things that I really enjoy.
It's just like I'm not in a position and neither are you to answer them because we're just not simply there yet with the podcast.
And also, another one, another guy, I can't answer this.
Another guy really loves the state of the podcast and likes hearing where our number one markets are and the downloads and all that stuff, right?
Yeah.
Well, I told him, I said, we can do that once a month, that way people don't get sick of it.
But there are people like him that really love listening.
I mean, they're a big fan of the show and they want to hear how well we're doing and what areas listen to us.
So I said, probably right around once a month, we'll be doing a, here's the new emerging markets, here's the markets dying off, here's the new thing and all that.
And then I have some new segments coming up.
One of them is called Things Overheard in Hell.
What do you think of that, Rob?
That sounds pretty good.
Doesn't it? It's things like all of a sudden, bam, you get hit by a Mack truck and then you're floating through the air.
Then suddenly you're like, you go up to the pearly gates and all of a sudden they put you in an elevator going down.
Oh, shit.
Oh my God.
Oh man, that, I thought, oh man, damn it, I guess I'm going to go to hell.
And these are things you would hear if you're in hell, things you could overhear.
I'm very proud of this segment.
I love it.
And I hope I did not steal it from another radio show because I mean, I think it's my own idea.
I do.
But if it's something I heard a long time ago and I just thought was clever and I was like, haha, man, that's great.
I apologize.
But as far as I know, it's my own segment.
So as far as I know, it's not any type of plagiarism.
Do you remember any show doing anything like that, Rob?
Not Rob's hand.
You see, there's something I always worry about, like little segments like that.
Yeah.
If you have something like, I could see like Mankow doing that back in the Madhouse days.
I could see that be a segment of his or that could even be a Howard Stern when he was funny and had segments and stuff.
Or I mean, or maybe even maybe even a Bob and Tom even or something like, I don't know.
But anyhow, this is a regular little skit thing that I'm going to be doing.
It's kind of like my deep thoughts would mark, which I'm pretty sure I didn't steal from anybody.
I've always thought of stuff like that going, man, you know, I wonder what people think when they're like not really thinking, you know.
So anyhow.
All right.
Moving along.
There's this woman that bought this book, right?
For her husband.
It turned out to be a book that she left that she bought a long time ago for her dad and wrote a message to her.
Her dad is deceased, had been deceased for a long time.
She ended up buying that book back and had no idea until after she bought it.
Isn't that cool?
Yeah, that's cool.
A woman has spoken about her surprise of receiving the exact copy of the book that she signed and sent to her late father in 1984.
Ross Ford from Averaston East Sussex purchased and that would be England, of course, purchased a copy of text and pretext by Aldous Huxley for her husband's Adams birthday.
The order through Book Warehouse, ABE Books, was sent from a shop owned by Michael Moon in Whitehaven, Cumbria.
Inside was a message Mrs. Ford had handwritten decades ago.
Mrs. Ford, who was brought up in the Lake District, told BBC Radio Curbia said that she didn't recognize it at first because it had no dust cover.
I don't know what no dust cover means. I guess it's a different type of a cover.
I think a dust cover would be like that, a paper that goes over a hard book.
Yeah, I'd just say it's just like a cover.
So I was just flicking through it and there was my handwritten dedication to my dear old dad, she said.
She originally bought the book in 1984 for her father, adding, as we're going into retirement, as he was going into retirement, I thought it would be a lovely way of reflecting on his life.
However, it's my husband's 83rd birthday and something I read in The Guardian prompted me to think about that book and I thought, I'll get it for him for his birthday.
Lo and behold, a copy came from Michael Moon. It's a lovely circular story and I have the privilege of paying for the same book twice.
Mr. Moon said, It makes her day. This is what our job is all about. This is owner of the bookstore.
I am delighted they have sold it and they are delighted to receive it.
After 40 years, it's like two people pointing fingers. And I think that is excellent and I'll go a step further. I think that is from beyond.
That is such an amazing story and I could not wait to speak about that but we had to get our regular crap in first.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's really, really cool.
Yeah, it is.
So, anyhow, do you hear about the sheep that got all fucking stoned in Greece?
Uh, no.
Okay, I guess there's no reason you would hear about it. Only people like me that turn around looking for interesting stories would actually know about this.
I heard a sheep.
Well, unless they, I don't know, I've been talking to some good ones.
You have been doing some good ones here.
That's what I've got.
Rob, you've been stepping up, man. You've been fucking throwing your dick around. You've been deep-nicking it a lot here lately.
You've been like, oh yeah, Mark, well watch this shit. Watch me throw this bitch out. Yeah, what do you think of that, huh? Yeah. That's what you're doing, isn't it?
No, I'm not always gung-ing up.
Different things.
I know, it's great. You're growing right in front of my eyes and I'm not talking about a dick. You're doing fantastic, Rob.
And the funny thing is, a lot of what I end up doing ain't what I start out to do.
I know.
And that's my run across.
Welcome.
Well, I'm waiting to do that.
Welcome, Rob. Yeah, welcome to the Scattered Brain Society.
The more you delve into stories you wanted to, the more you realize you didn't even want those stories. They're stories to get to the real stories.
Yeah.
Yeah. I love it myself. I'll be like, ta-ta-da, okay. And then the cat ran from...what the fuck? Where did they find the aliens?
Yeah.
So, and this is where I find stories like this, Rob.
Storm Daniel is the hurricane that hit over there. In case anyone's wondering who Storm Daniel is.
No, that's not a news guy. It's a...well, I think it was a depression or a storm by the time it hit there.
And the sheep had finished what was left.
The herd had been grazing in the flooded plains of Thoseli in central Greece before headed to the greenhouse near the town of Akrimos to eat around 100 kilograms of the cannabis,
reported the newspaper Greece website. It's called the newspaper GR, but it stands for Greece. And anyhow, it's online and in print. But anyhow, it doesn't matter.
The owner of the crop told the website, I don't know if it's for laughing or crying. We had the heat wave and we lost a lot of production.
We had the floods and we lost almost everything. And now this, the herd entered the greenhouse and ate what was left. I don't know what to say, honestly.
A shepherd had noticed strange behavior in the herd. It was not clear that this was involved yet.
Storm Daniel swept through Thoseli across three days earlier this month, flooding cities and villages and killing more than 100,000 animals and livestock, officials said.
But it did not kill the sheep. And you know why it didn't kill the sheep? Because they went ahead and ate the cannabis. That's why.
I would call those sheep smart. They know how to self preserve, right? Yeah. Yeah.
So, anyhow, pretty cool. You got something? Or you want me to go into another story here?
Uh, can you jump in another one real quick? Yeah, I got another one right here waiting.
Okay, yeah, go ahead. I gotta jump to a different place.
Okay. There's a woman that is running out one half of her bed.
There's a woman, she says she's living the dream, sleeping with folks and charging them per lei. And she's not meaning sex.
Welcoming strangers into her bed every night has become a profitable practice for one sexy singleton who tucks in an extra 600 a month by running out the unoccupied side of her mattress, where her ex-boyfriend once slept for two years.
Her hot side hustle is part of the hot bedding trend. Hot bedding is excellent for people who are able to detach emotionally and sleep next to another person in a completely respectful and non-strengths attached manner.
Monique Jeremiah, 36, an entrepreneur from Queensland, Australia, told Kater's News. And while hot bedding has yet to achieve viral glory on social media, a popular TikTok clip which garnered over 762,000 views detailed the monetary benefits as well as the potential.
But Jeremiah says that it can tend to be extremely lucrative even more than what they said. As long as both parties are clear on the terms, it takes two people who respect each other's space, values, and boundaries to do hot bedding, continued the brunette.
It's just like sharing a room with two beds, however you only sleep in one. So you can definitely have a big bed with lots of space in a room, a large room, to make it worthwhile.
Jeremiah, the founder of Diversity Models, an agency that specializes in providing curvy, cultural, and mature-aged models for businesses, began leasing out her Baudier on the onset of the pandemic as an effort to supplement her income and enjoy some much-needed companionship.
So it sounds like she was doing this kind of during COVID, doesn't it?
Yeah.
Jeremiah said, At least the start of COVID in the early 2020s, I suddenly found myself single. My thriving business and an international education agency and student accommodation collapsed overnight, and my teaching career suddenly became unfulfilling as education went online.
Like millions around the world, she was forced to make quick changes to her professional life in order to survive the global health crisis. While Jeremiah chose hot bedding as her lifesaver, others in New York City, engineer Gaultier Caffier, 32, took up bread baking as a means of making money during lockdown.
So, anyhow, Jaleigh, or whatever the fuck his or her name is, said that dough brought in a lot of dough. So let's see. So anyhow, fuck the rest of that story, because like all of them, you know what, I should have read the whole fucking thing.
You know what, fuck Kovalei and his fucking dough and all that. Fuck you. Why did you invade my story, you fucking asshole? I threw it away. All I want to know is about the hot chick running out her bed. That's all. You know what, dough guy, dough guy or girl, go fuck yourself. How dare you invade my cool story.
Hey, Rob, you got something?
Yeah, I got.
Okay.
Former New England Patriots cornerback, J.C. Jackson, was a healthy scratch this past weekend from the Chargers Vikings game this week.
Okay.
Chargers head coach Brandon Staley told reporters it was a coach's decision and did not confirm whether Jackson would return to the lineup. Well, the reason he was a healthy scratch is Jackson violated his probation and has an arrest warrant in Massachusetts.
According to reports, Jackson did not abide by the terms of his probation after he was charged with criminal speeding in 2021. The 27-year-old did not complete the brains at risk program he was ordered to take and also did not pay the $300 fine.
Well.
Whoops.
It sounds like he made a wrong move there, didn't it? And he didn't get to play.
Yeah.
You know what?
That's going to cost him.
That's so lazy and stupid. There's not really any defense for it. So he deserved to not get paid for the game. He deserved to not play. He deserved to lose the money and I hope he pays a ridiculous fine for that and then next time maybe he'll remember.
Did you hear what Bill Belichick had to say when he was asked about Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift possibly romancing?
This is classic. I love what he said.
He said, Travis Kelsey had a lot of big catches in his career.
This, however, is the biggest.
Isn't that classic?
Yeah.
I love that.
Mr. Belichick.
Smooth.
Very cool.
All right.
To be honest, I'm getting a little tired of reading about it.
You know what?
I have read so many articles.
The Kelsey Swift watch is on. People can't wait for him to quit doing whatever they're doing because I'm getting sick of looking at her fucking ginger ass every fucking time I try to watch a chiefscape now and it only happened one game and I'm already sick of it.
I got an article. I want to read it before I report on it, but you'll love it. If it's the same what I think it says, you're going to love it.
Okay.
But I'll get to it tomorrow night.
Okay, that sounds cool.
All right.
Like I said, I want to read it.
That's cool.
Very cool.
So on that note, do you want to go ahead and call this one a wrap up and then we will see you tomorrow night, Rob.
That sounds good to me. I've got to work in the morning.
Yep. Yep. All right. I just got a little light masturbating and doing a couple of stories to write out and that's about it.
There you go. Light masturbating.
Light masturbating.
Easy night for you then.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just easy. Not much wrist action. Just no stable mill, kind of light, nothing too heavy. No porn involved. Just kind of like memory stuff.
Just a little fluffing.
Yeah, just a little fluffing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's all I really got going on. I might smoke the rest of my cigar when I was doing yard work today.
I might smoke the rest of my cigar out on the porch for a little bit.
There you go.
Yeah, yeah. So all right, man. Rob, have a good night. Everybody, thank you for listening like always.
I'm off to light masturbation land. Everybody, have a good night.
Good night, everybody.
Bye.
Hey, where did they go? Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God. Someone took a dump in the corner. Oh geez.
I'm glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back. Man, that smells.