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Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue Walkers of the Missouri River, it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast.

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Invisible ass paddlings, new douche flavors and horrible pranks? What the fuck is wrong with these guys?

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And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.

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Should I record frog sounds in the summer, then play them when it's zero degrees on my ring doorbell for the Amazon guy?

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Hm, yeah, that sounds like fun.

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Oh lord, that man just sawed a puppy in half!

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Hey there, don't worry, I have a clown nose.

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Oh no, that drunk guy just hit my child!

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It's okay, I have a clown nose.

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Clown nose, just put one on and you can do anything.

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Wanna run for office? Murder people in public? Just grab a clown nose and BAM, everyone laughs.

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Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions. Grab one today and make magic happen.

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Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions. Grab one today and make magic happen.

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Alright, Two Douchebags and a Microphone, I'm Mark.

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And I'm Rob.

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Alright everybody, how you guys doing tonight? It is another fantastic Sunday night.

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Chief's victory and a lot of other interesting things happening in the NFL.

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Oh yeah, oh yeah.

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Before I go to the Chicago Bears and their obvious routing that the Chiefs gave to them,

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and how organizations kinda seem to get cursed, you know what I mean?

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It's like their luck just compiles on each other.

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Yeah.

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Let's try to examine the Denver Broncos here.

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What the fuck happened?

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Okay, I'll let you bring it up.

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Okay, look I'm not making fun of them.

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Because the last thing, I want competition.

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Competition makes you better and it seasons you for the playoffs.

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But 70 to 20, 0 and 3, it's not competition.

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That's like laying over and crying.

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But at least Denver got 20 points.

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Yeah, that's interesting how they even got that.

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But 70 fucking points, how did that happen?

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I think I know part of how that did happen.

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Why do you never see 70 points in the NFL?

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Because people call off the dogs, right?

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They're like look, look.

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Especially from the Dolphins.

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Yeah, the Dolphins just fucking beat them like a drum.

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Fucking killed them, revived them, killed them again.

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Revived them, killed them again, revived them and killed them again.

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And then fucking made fun of them and deep-hanced them.

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It was like one of our food battles.

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Yeah, it was bad.

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Real bad.

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Oh, it was horrible.

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I've got a theory on how this game got that bad.

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Remember Sean Payton and I talked about how he was talking about people that used to be with the team and people that are still with the team.

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And that's really not, you don't do that.

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That's not good.

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He's talking about Nathaniel Hackett who is now with the Jets.

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He's a Jets offensive coordinator.

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But he flat out said that the guy did a horrible job and they need to get rid of him.

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And then a lot of the personnel that's still there with him, with, I'm speaking about Sean Payton who mowed off, are still a part of that team.

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And no one appreciated it.

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I think that the reason that it went to 70 points is because nobody was left to defend Sean Payton after he did that.

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I think people were like, just fucking lay the wood to him.

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Who cares?

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We talked about that on a story I brought up one night.

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Yeah, I think.

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About Sean Payton joining and he mowed off and everybody's like, why did he mow off?

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And I was like, you're Sean Payton, you've got to say something.

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You won a Super Bowl.

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You beat Peyton Manning.

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You're moving to a new town, you have to say something.

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Yeah, but I mean, what you say means everything.

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That guy was a big ass beat and they got handed today.

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What you say is everything.

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You have to say something to rile up the team, yes.

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But you don't throw other people under the bus and flat out just call them horrible or worthless or whatever.

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You never see that happening ever in the NFL and there's a reason for that.

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It's decorum.

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People know not to do that.

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And when Sean Payton did that, I think that he, let's see, quietly crossed a line that people know.

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It's unspoken, but it's in the back of their heads.

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Okay, fuck you.

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You wait.

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You wait.

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You wait.

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You're going to have someone drill your fucking asshole and then when that happens, nothing's going to be said.

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I'm just going to tell them to just keep doing what they need to do.

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You know what I mean?

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And I think maybe the NFL is even part of it.

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Like, do what you got to do.

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We don't care.

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We don't embarrass the guy.

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Go ahead.

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And also, Sean Payton's not the golden boy of the NFL anyhow.

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Sean Payton is not the golden boy of the NFL anyhow.

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We talked about this before too.

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How him and Greg Williams got into all that trouble and got fucking suspended and all that stuff.

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Or Bounty Gate putting bounties on people players.

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I think that they don't like that type of a dirty player.

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And they also don't like a guy that's dumb enough to go out there and start dogging everybody before him.

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You have to be gracious.

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And I would call him right now the Donald Trump of the NFL.

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Ooh.

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What do you think?

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You think that's close?

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A guy that went around just fucking mouthing.

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When you put it like that, yeah.

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Yeah, he'd go around mouthing about everybody and saying whatever you feel like.

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We know the quorum.

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People keep score.

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People keep score.

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And that's why they always say be a more gracious loser than you are a winner.

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When you lose, you admit the other person did a fantastic job and you admire them and you thank them.

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You don't see Patrick Mahomes.

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You don't see Andy Reid.

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The words you see is maybe Bill Belichick not giving somebody a handshake on the way out.

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He used to be notorious for that.

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But he didn't flat out dog him.

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He'd say, you know, they did their job.

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They did it better than us.

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So good for him.

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But he wouldn't say, you know, they got lucky and fuck them.

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So, you know, so I think that a lot of this ass beating was derived from the mouthing that Sean Payton did.

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I think people secretly kept score.

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And I think you're going to see more of that too.

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You'll see if there's another couple of scores like that.

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You'll see.

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I got a feeling Denver will not be in it this year.

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Not even close.

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Yeah, I think they're going to be bottom dwellers.

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They're going to score like today.

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Uh huh.

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Yeah.

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Yep.

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Well, you know, Sean Payton, keep your mouth shut.

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You did a lot of mouthing about Patrick Mahomes too.

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We'll see how that turns out for you, buddy.

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Yeah. Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Of all the people in the whole world you want to get bulletin board material to, it's Patrick Mahomes.

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Really?

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I'm sorry.

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It's not very smart either.

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So anyhow, we'll see how it goes.

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Like I said, I want Denver to at least be good.

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I don't want us just stepping on him.

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Nobody likes a Patsy.

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People like good games.

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I don't want to fucking beat him 50 to nothing.

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I'm not saying that we will, but I say I don't like that.

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I like a little bit better game than that.

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So I don't like just rollovers and Patsies in our division or even in the NFL.

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So anyhow, it's going to be interesting to see the way the rest of this season goes towards Denver and Sean Payton in general, but everything.

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The season's kind of like turning around and refocusing and like the Bills are back to looking great.

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The Chiefs are back to looking great.

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Miami's back to looking great.

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If two of them can stay healthy, we will see them in the playoffs or someone will see them in the playoffs.

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They're a really good team and Tyreek's just going insane.

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He's on fucking fire.

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But the way you stop Tyreek is you don't stop him.

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You stop Tua.

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That's how you stop Tyreek.

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You stop the quarterback.

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So no one's got to him yet.

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So we'll see because he is injury prone and whenever he put him under fire, he makes mistakes.

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So but you're not going to stop Tyreek Hill. Tyreek's too talented.

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So anyhow, the other thing I want to get to is the Bears.

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Oh my.

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You smell that?

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Definitely not the Bears of the 80s.

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Oh fuck no.

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Mike Dick is probably somewhere eating a steak and giggling.

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No, I think he still is a fan of the Bears.

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I don't know. I don't know worse than what he's doing.

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But he ain't liking it.

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Speaking of night get to did you see New Orleans fucking turnover laying egg.

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They're leading 17 to nothing.

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Well into the third quarter, then they lost 18 to 17.

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They pulled the Los Angeles Chargers in the playoffs last year.

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That's kind of what happened to them.

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Well, anyhow, what I was going to go to is OK, number one, before we get to the Bears, I'm always sick of seeing fucking Taylor Swift.

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Oh, dude.

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Yeah.

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I was listening to the game on the radio today.

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Guess who I heard was in attendance.

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Taylor Swift.

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Yep.

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Yep.

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So I was referring to.

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Therefore, therefore, I officially put my man, Travis Chelsea, up for an ass paddling.

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OK.

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I did Taylor Swift.

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I did Taylor Swift last night.

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OK, I have to put this on T. Kels because you're right.

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The last one I gave to Taylor Swift.

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So I think Travis Kelsey for inviting her to Arrowhead to watch is the next logical suitor for the ass paddling over this whole fucking thing going on.

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So I would agree with you.

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So I even read where Jason Kelsey's even saying, yeah, they're an item.

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OK.

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Well, I got a question for you, Rob.

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Since you're putting Travis Kelsey up for an ass paddling, does this mean that you're coming up with a list?

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Maybe.

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OK.

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You can come up with a list if you want.

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If you don't, then we can both work on a list after hours sometime.

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Yeah.

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I'll just tell you who I got.

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OK.

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Well, cool.

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OK.

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I also want to get to the Bears.

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OK.

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The Bears had a lot of things seemingly happen last week.

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Number one, I guess Justin Fields, your quarterback, was under a lot of scrutiny because he's not been producing.

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Obviously, he's not looked very good at all.

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And he hasn't in his whole career in the NFL.

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They projected him to be an athletic guy that could throw and put up a lot of points, maybe even reminiscent of a poor man's Patrick Mahomes.

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You know, they're really high on him.

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And since he's been to the NFL, he hasn't done anything.

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And anyhow, he's not even using his feet like I thought.

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So when he was questioned, he pretty much threw the coaches under the bus.

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He pretty much shifted to blame to them.

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The media got a hold of it and went berserk on social platforms, Twitter or X or whatever the fuck it is, and Instafuck and all that stuff, Zuckarpuke stuff, anything that has Zuckar fuck in it.

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All the social media platforms.

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And Suckmydick, Mark Zuckerberg, you're a piece of shit in my opinion.

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I'll get to that later.

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So anyhow, so they started having a field day with us, with it about Justin Fields.

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No pun intended.

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So he started retracting, oh, I didn't mean it like that.

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Well, if you read the comments, I'm not going to go into the comments, there's several of them.

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If you read the comments, that's how he meant it.

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There's no other way.

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When you say, hey man, you know what, this is the place they give me, and put it like that, then he's pretty much saying, I can do it better, but you know, these guys give me this bullshit all the time and I just can't, you know, just not working.

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So anyhow, he kind of deserves all the criticism and the heat that he's been getting.

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And he over stood, his mouth fucking wrote a check, his ass can't cash.

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It was basically it. Remember that old saying?

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Yep, yep.

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So he tried to take it back and now he's getting a lot of criticism after that.

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So that was one thing that divided the team pretty bad.

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And then two, reports from Pat McCaffey's podcast, who's been pretty reliable up until this point, and I think that this is, he's probably still reliable.

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So, Pat McCaffey on a show said, sources told him that the House of Chicago Bears defensive coordinator, Allen Williams, was raided by the FBI.

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Williams suddenly resigned from his position on Wednesday for personal reasons.

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Yeah, this is last week.

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Rumors emerged a few days ago that Hallis Hall, the headquarters of the team, was raided by the FBI, and that the raid involved former Bears player and current FBI agents, Charles Peen at Tillman.

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Well, the rumors of the Hallis Hall raid and Tillman's involvement were dissuaded by NFL network reporter Ian Rappaport. McCaffey said he was told the FBI did raid Williams' house.

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It has been speculated that Williams' attorney has come out and said there was no crime that has taken place and unequivocally answered these questions, saying nothing went wrong with my potential client.

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McCaffey said, but at any time you hear about an FBI raid happening, you assume that when there's smoke that there's fire.

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And McCaffey continued stating, we will say, I mean, we've been sued for a lot of stuff, but our sources have told us, told me that an FBI raid did happen on Williams' house.

243
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I think as soon as you hear that, immediately everybody thinks about what have you heard about houses being raided by the FBI before.

244
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And so, so what he was saying is it sounds to me like it might be over sports betting.

245
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:57,000
So I don't know, but it kind of sounds like that might be it. So I don't know.

246
00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:01,000
Anyhow, you just sent me the pictures of the shirts. Awesome.

247
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:13,000
Dude, as you were starting that story, my friend just walked in the door with them.

248
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,000
Oh, cool.

249
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,000
I just got our new shirts.

250
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:22,000
Those look very fucking cool, dude.

251
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:27,000
Got our names on the back. Yeah, they're cool. I love them.

252
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:33,000
Well, thank you, Rob's friend. You want to give a promo out to him? You want to say something?

253
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:39,000
Let me figure out the name. It was her daughter-in-law that did it.

254
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,000
Okay.

255
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:47,000
Yeah, out of Russellville, Missouri, by Jeff City.

256
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:53,000
Okay. Well, when Rob brings out the name, they look like very nice shirts. They did an excellent job.

257
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:58,000
And I thank you, Rob, and I thank them. Great job. Nice shirts.

258
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:04,000
When Rob gets up here, we'll look like a couple of twins. It'll be fantastic.

259
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:14,000
We're going to walk around in short booty shorts and bobby stockings and, you know those Dutch hats?

260
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:18,000
Oh, yeah. Yeah, the Dutch hats and collared shirts.

261
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:23,000
And we're going to go around with microphones and get in people's faces and ask them stupid questions.

262
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,000
Well, hey, buddy. Yeah.

263
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:37,000
I guarantee you right now, I am wearing my October 6th to 38th special concert. We will be represented.

264
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,000
All right, excellent.

265
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:43,000
And let people ask me about it. I'll tell them all about it.

266
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:51,000
Okay, excellent. We will catch a concert down there when I don't have family coming in.

267
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:57,000
And we will actually set up a live remote podcast from there.

268
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:01,000
I'll do that or I'll make my way out that way. We'll figure it out.

269
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:06,000
Okay. Well, here's another thing I'm working on and loosely trying to figure out the basics of.

270
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:10,000
Starting our own live stream. We can do it on YouTube.

271
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Yeah.

272
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:16,000
But they want video too. So that's the problem that I have right now.

273
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,000
I just got a very set there.

274
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:24,000
I want to figure out the logistics of starting a live stream.

275
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:28,000
And then we can tell them when the show's live.

276
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:36,000
Let's say Monday nights. No, not Monday nights. Sunday nights. Saturday nights. Sunday nights. Live.

277
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7.30 p.m. Central. Okay. And then Tuesday nights and Wednesday nights. 7.30 p.m. Central.

278
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:48,000
And then other than that, it's replays of our old shows.

279
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:51,000
You know, you can actually sit and watch us do it.

280
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:55,000
Yeah, I could sit and look at work for once.

281
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:58,000
And work and look at me for once.

282
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:01,000
That'd be awesome. Yeah. I can't wait.

283
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,000
Yeah, I want to get this going.

284
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:11,000
When nobody's looking, I would pull my ball sack out and show it to you.

285
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,000
I'm going to go.

286
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:17,000
Hey, Rob. Yeah, what? What? What? Man, why you whisper?

287
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,000
Oh, man.

288
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:23,000
Look, it looks like a piece of chewed up gum.

289
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:31,000
So. Hey, I hate to burst your bubble there, but if you remember right,

290
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,000
we have downloads on every continent on this planet now.

291
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,000
We do. Somebody's going to see it.

292
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,000
Actually, we also. Somebody will see it.

293
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:43,000
This is true. And actually, we have another one in South America.

294
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,000
Oh, right on. Yeah, so we have two now.

295
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,000
Yeah, we're just growing like fucking bag case of herpes.

296
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,000
Excellent.

297
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:54,000
So, yeah, there's blisters everywhere.

298
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:58,000
So everybody, don't worry about it.

299
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:02,000
You're welcome. You're welcome.

300
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:06,000
Funny, I still don't hear any thank yous.

301
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,000
So, so anyhow, OK.

302
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:12,000
Wait, wait, wait for the games from the emails to start popping up.

303
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,000
Yeah, and I've got a ton of emails.

304
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,000
We're not going to get them to tonight because I actually have to come up

305
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:20,000
with some crafty answers for a couple of them.

306
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:23,000
And then there's a couple of them that told me not to mention their names.

307
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:28,000
And I send an email back saying, can I, you know, maybe give a different name

308
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,000
and not give yours or something?

309
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:34,000
So there are some cool stuff there that I'm going to get to,

310
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,000
but we're not going to get it to tonight.

311
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:41,000
I've got to do a little bit more paperwork, if you will, or whatever.

312
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:45,000
So on them and then we'll bring them.

313
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:48,000
There's probably seven or eight of them that we'll have on.

314
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:53,000
Or maybe we'll just do a email special on one of them,

315
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,000
just like let them build up to like 20 and go,

316
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:59,000
this whole podcast, we're just going to be answering emails.

317
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:03,000
Yeah, because you have yet to give me the password to the emails,

318
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,000
so I still can't read them.

319
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:08,000
Oh, it actually will not right now.

320
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,000
Do I have a setup?

321
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,000
Let me share it. So that is what the problem is.

322
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:16,000
I forgot to tell you, I'm going to do, I'll figure something out.

323
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,000
Even if we have to change emails, who cares? We will.

324
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:24,000
Anyhow, the way this Yahoo account is, is it will not let me set it up to two different.

325
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,000
I've tried it and it won't do it.

326
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,000
So I'll get it figured out, though.

327
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,000
There's a way to do it.

328
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:33,000
So yeah, see, I'm on Google.

329
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,000
So well, so am I.

330
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,000
It shouldn't have anything to do with it.

331
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:40,000
I'll send enough people enough.

332
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,000
You know what?

333
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:46,000
Let's just, without a big conversation about people that I don't care about,

334
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:47,000
we'll figure it out.

335
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,000
Okay.

336
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:52,000
And anyhow, let me get back to the Chicago Bears, the Bears.

337
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:57,000
The other thing that happened is their ground crew,

338
00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:04,000
which is actually a third party company that actually takes care of their fields,

339
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:07,000
was mauled off last week, robbed,

340
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:15,000
and they had over $300,000 of lawn equipment stolen from Soldiers Field.

341
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,000
I didn't hear that.

342
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,000
Yeah.

343
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:20,000
So I'm talking about cursed, right?

344
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,000
So let's see, three things happened.

345
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,000
Justin Fields mauled off.

346
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,000
Their coach supposedly got raided.

347
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:30,000
We think over Betting, but we don't know.

348
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:33,000
And we're not sure if he got raided, but it sure kind of looks like it.

349
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,000
So he allegedly got raided.

350
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:38,000
Justin Fields definitely mauled off and said the wrong things.

351
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,000
Whether he meant to or not, who knows?

352
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:41,000
Who knows the intent?

353
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:45,000
And they got ripped off for over $300,000.

354
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,000
I call that a bad week.

355
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:51,000
What do you call that, Rob?

356
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:54,000
Yeah, and then taking ass with them like you did today.

357
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,000
Yeah, yeah.

358
00:23:55,000 --> 00:24:00,000
And the cherry on the fucking cake was a fucking epic ass-paddling

359
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:03,000
that we ended up having to let the foot off the gas

360
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:09,000
because Patrick Mahomes got his fucking ankle tweaked a little bit.

361
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:13,000
So we kind of had to let off the gas a little bit.

362
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:17,000
Then after that happened, fucking Andy Reid goes into defense mode.

363
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,000
You know what?

364
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,000
Put a bunch of scabs in there, fucking let them play.

365
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:24,000
So anyhow.

366
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,000
Let's see what the second stream can do.

367
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:27,000
Yes.

368
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,000
So hey, let's take our first break.

369
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:34,000
And how about if we come back with alternative swear words, Rob?

370
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:35,000
Oh, cool.

371
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,000
All righty.

372
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:39,000
That'll perk everybody's game up tonight, right?

373
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:42,000
Even if you're a Broncos fan, even if you're a Bears fan,

374
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,000
we have alternative swear words.

375
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:49,000
You may want to use some of them words towards us Chiefs fans.

376
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:50,000
Yes.

377
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,000
Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with us Chiefs fans at all.

378
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:58,000
You might just want to use them towards your own team at this point.

379
00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,000
Great point.

380
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:00,000
Yes.

381
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,000
Be right back.

382
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:08,000
Break Shit House Energy Drink.

383
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:09,000
That's right.

384
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,000
Break Shit House Energy Drink.

385
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,000
Make men after women go.

386
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,000
Chow on their balls.

387
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,000
Who wants to fuck shit up?

388
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,000
Run for a scum across America.

389
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,000
Break Shit House is for you.

390
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:24,000
Please enjoy Break Shit House Energy Drink responsibly.

391
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:28,000
It's not readily available anywhere because of liability issues.

392
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:34,000
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.

393
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:41,000
Should I throw away all my socks, then only buy 30 pair of one kind of sock?

394
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:45,000
Will they eventually not match up?

395
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:52,000
I may never know.

396
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:55,000
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.

397
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:58,000
It's strange insults from an alien.

398
00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,000
Real hilarity.

399
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:03,000
I will waste you.

400
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:09,000
But my mom told me to not burn trash.

401
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:16,000
I will burn you.

402
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,000
I will burn you.

403
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:28,000
I will burn you.

404
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,000
Hi, two douchebags and microphone.

405
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:31,000
I'm Mark.

406
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:32,000
And I'm Rob.

407
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,000
Welcome back.

408
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:39,000
Alright, well like we said, you know, you might be a Broncos fan, a little bit pissed off.

409
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:44,000
Maybe you want to cuss around some other people that don't really enjoy it or whatever.

410
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:48,000
Because you're very mad at the Broncos for laying over and taking it.

411
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,000
You know.

412
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:53,000
So you gotta come up with some words that work.

413
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:56,000
But aren't necessarily saying anything.

414
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,000
So don't worry, we have you covered.

415
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:03,000
You know, like I said before, people that listen to this podcast a lot know.

416
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:08,000
That this was originated because there was this guy that I used to work with.

417
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:13,000
And it was in a public place to where people could hear us.

418
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,000
And we had people all around us.

419
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:20,000
So whenever I wanted to call him a dumb fucker, I would call him a banister.

420
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,000
And it pissed him off.

421
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:25,000
If I really wanted to piss him off, I would call him a wooden banister.

422
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:26,000
And he would just flip out.

423
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,000
I'm not a banister.

424
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:28,000
That's not funny.

425
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,000
You take it back.

426
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,000
I'm like, no, you're a banister.

427
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,000
Mee me me.

428
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:34,000
Wooden banister.

429
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:35,000
Yep.

430
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:38,000
You go around smelling people's assholes because that's what hyped you are.

431
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:39,000
You're asshole hyped.

432
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:40,000
And people lean on you.

433
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,000
And old people like fucking cough all over you.

434
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,000
People lean stuff on you.

435
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,000
There's nothing you can do.

436
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,000
You're a wooden banister.

437
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:51,000
So these are words that get the point across.

438
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:54,000
You wanna call someone a stupid motherfucker.

439
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:55,000
But you can't do it.

440
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,000
Let's say you're in church or in school.

441
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:00,000
You're just, you're at a grocery store.

442
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:04,000
And your friend like, I don't know, farts.

443
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:05,000
And it smells horrible.

444
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:08,000
And you're like, oh man, motherfucker.

445
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,000
Now I know why he gave me that evil look.

446
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:11,000
And he walked off.

447
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,000
And he fucking cropped us to me.

448
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:14,000
He left.

449
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:15,000
And everyone thinks I did it.

450
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:20,000
So then when a little bit later on, he comes back to the line.

451
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,000
And he goes, oh my God, who did that?

452
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:23,000
And you're like, you motherfucker.

453
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:26,000
So then you go, you're a fucking banister.

454
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,000
Well, you don't say fucking, you banister.

455
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:29,000
Yeah.

456
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:34,000
So anyhow, the number one one I have here tonight is BALCOCK.

457
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:37,000
Ooh, I like that.

458
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:38,000
I do too.

459
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:45,000
It's a perfectly legitimate piece of hardware that does good things.

460
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,000
You know, it flushes your toilet for you, right?

461
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:53,000
Which is a good thing, because you know, you don't necessarily want those turds fucking just hanging around, right?

462
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:54,000
Right.

463
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:58,000
You need to get rid of, you need to get rid of the fucking, you know, of the waste.

464
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:01,000
You need it to go to the sewer where it's supposed to.

465
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:06,000
So part of that is the BALCOCK inside of the stool that does its job.

466
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:10,000
And then the turd goes bye bye and everything smells better and you're happy.

467
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:14,000
But if you call someone a BALCOCK, it doesn't sound good, does it?

468
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:17,000
Yeah.

469
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,000
Rob said it all with that laugh.

470
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:20,000
I'm gonna leave it right there.

471
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,000
I'm gonna leave it right there.

472
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:23,000
Okay, here.

473
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:26,000
Let's say you and I are at Jess and Jim's many years ago working, right?

474
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:27,000
Oh my God.

475
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:29,000
And, and like...

476
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,000
I wish we would have thought of it back then.

477
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:34,000
Yeah, and one of the waitresses is back there wanting something.

478
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:38,000
And then you do something like, you grab your dick while she's not looking at me.

479
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:41,000
I go, oh shit, that son of a bitch.

480
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,000
BALCOCK!

481
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:48,000
So, okay.

482
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:54,000
The next one I have, I love this one too, because it's kind of like BALCOCK, only a little bit different.

483
00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:56,000
Tyron.

484
00:29:56,000 --> 00:30:00,000
A Tyron is on a car.

485
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,000
And a rod sounds bad too.

486
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:03,000
Yeah.

487
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:11,000
Yeah, so you call someone a Tyron and that is something that helps on a car, you know, helps stabilize your driving.

488
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:15,000
You know, it's essential for you to be driving.

489
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:20,000
So a Tyron is a good thing on a car, but if you call someone a Tyron, probably not so good.

490
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:21,000
You go, you Tyron!

491
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:24,000
Ahhhhhhh!

492
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:30,000
Next one, soy sauce.

493
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:34,000
Kind of a bitter, kind of a, I don't know what you would call it.

494
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:35,000
Yeah?

495
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:38,000
Yeah, soy sauce is kind of overwhelming and bitter.

496
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:44,000
And you can't have too much of, you have too much of, it tastes horrible, you don't want too much of it on anything.

497
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:45,000
So...

498
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:46,000
Very salty.

499
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,000
Very salty, yes.

500
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:53,000
So I would think if you called someone soy sauce, it would not be a good thing.

501
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,000
Yeah, that means they're a very salty person.

502
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:57,000
That's right.

503
00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:00,000
So, hang on, you know someone that's very salty?

504
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,000
You go, hey, what's up soy sauce?

505
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:03,000
Huh?

506
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:04,000
Yep.

507
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:07,000
You know, go over there and mess their hair up for them.

508
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:11,000
Fucking grab their face, stick it in your ass cheek and then fart on them.

509
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:13,000
Hey, soy sauce, what's up?

510
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:15,000
Oh, hey, hey!

511
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,000
Hey, soy sauce, you like that?

512
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:20,000
No, no, no, no, no, no!

513
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:21,000
What? I can't hear you!

514
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,000
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

515
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:29,000
Alright, soy sauce, you have a good day and then you kind of flick his ear and walk off, right?

516
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:30,000
Okay.

517
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,000
Okay, good enough.

518
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:33,000
Next one.

519
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:34,000
Yeah.

520
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:38,000
Dead non-lithium battery.

521
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:42,000
You're not even a lithium battery, you're just like a fucking nine lives.

522
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:47,000
Here are nine lives battery, probably even rusted, a rusted nine life battery.

523
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:49,000
You're more of the dollar store battery.

524
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:54,000
Yeah, that's it, yeah, yeah, you're the, I don't even know the name of the dollar store cheap stuff.

525
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:58,000
I don't know, Good Sense or whatever the fucking name of it is.

526
00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,000
I don't know, I don't know.

527
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:05,000
Always nice, I don't know, fucking cheap shit, whatever they call it.

528
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,000
Next.

529
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,000
They roll the dice if they work.

530
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:10,000
Oh, God, yeah.

531
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:16,000
Yeah, I remember there was this job on many years ago out near Great Bend, Kansas.

532
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:19,000
You ever been out to Great Bend, Kansas, Rob?

533
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:24,000
A couple times, my brother spent some time there.

534
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:31,000
The only thing that was there at the time, there was an Alco store, but while we were working at that hospital it shut down.

535
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:35,000
We went to go get some batteries and it was shut down.

536
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:38,000
There was nothing within 30 miles, nothing.

537
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,000
There was a Walmart like 30 miles away.

538
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:41,000
Oh my God.

539
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:42,000
I'm like, fuck.

540
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:47,000
So we're trying to get some batteries, so anyhow we find a little dollar general.

541
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,000
Like, okay, they'll have batteries.

542
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:52,000
We bought three packs and none of them fucking worked.

543
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:56,000
So you are correct about that.

544
00:32:56,000 --> 00:33:04,000
So, and they didn't have like the, at this store they didn't have the Duracells or none of that stuff.

545
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:05,000
Yeah.

546
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:06,000
Yeah.

547
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:11,000
It was like the fucking, I don't know, the Good Sense or whatever the fuck their cheap stuff is.

548
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:18,000
So anyhow, but yeah, we got them all the way back to the job site at the hospital and didn't work.

549
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:22,000
So anyhow, and we never did take them back.

550
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:25,000
They were outdated eight months ago.

551
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:30,000
We found a gas station on the other side of town that sold very expensive batteries, but they worked.

552
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,000
So we ended up going there.

553
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:34,000
So anyhow, and we never did take them back.

554
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:35,000
We forgot.

555
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:43,000
So anyhow, next one, dull drill bit.

556
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,000
Oh, damn.

557
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:48,000
What do you do with a dull drill bit?

558
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:54,000
When you go to change it out, when you figure out it's too dull to drill a hole, it's hotter than hell.

559
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:57,000
You pick up, oh shit, then you drop it.

560
00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:58,000
That's a dull drill bit.

561
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,000
I go sharpen it.

562
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,000
Well, if you have the time, yeah.

563
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,000
That's part of my job.

564
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,000
Oh, okay.

565
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:05,000
Yeah.

566
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,000
Oh, so you saved the company money.

567
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:08,000
Oh, yeah, yeah.

568
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:14,000
I mean, other people come to me to sharpen their drill bits because I do it on a bench grinder.

569
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:18,000
Oh, that takes a little bit of fucking doing.

570
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:20,000
You got to know what you're doing.

571
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:21,000
You got to know what you're doing.

572
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:22,000
Yes.

573
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:23,000
I can do it too.

574
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:26,000
To be honest, I'm not bragging.

575
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:33,000
A lot of times, that's why people come to me to sharpen their bits because a lot of times I get them better than they are straight out of the pack.

576
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:34,000
What about tungsten?

577
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:37,000
Do you sharpen them really good?

578
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:42,000
Yeah, I can.

579
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:43,000
I can.

580
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:45,000
Okay, that takes some doing too.

581
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:48,000
Drill bits and tungsten are not really easy.

582
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,000
They're a little tougher.

583
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:51,000
They're a little tougher.

584
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:53,000
You have to have precise touch.

585
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:59,000
You got to have your fingers floating on the sanding jack when you do it.

586
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:03,000
I mean, you just got to be so careful and barely just touch the edge.

587
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,000
If you can't drag it across, you just got to do it.

588
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:08,000
If you drag it across, you're going to fucking just ruin it.

589
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:11,000
Okay, cool.

590
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:16,000
Next one, soiled undergarment.

591
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:22,000
That was pretty explanatory, isn't it?

592
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,000
I can't argue that one.

593
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:25,000
There is no argument.

594
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:29,000
I would not want to be called a soiled undergarment, would you?

595
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:30,000
Nope.

596
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:31,000
Nope?

597
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,000
That's pretty explanatory too.

598
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:36,000
Soiled undergarment.

599
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:39,000
That would probably hurt my feelings.

600
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:40,000
Yeah, me too.

601
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,000
And I'm almost unhurtable.

602
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:45,000
I started crying over somebody calling me that.

603
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:48,000
Yeah, whenever people want to insult me, I tell them, I say, dig deep.

604
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,000
Dig deep.

605
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:51,000
I've been insulted by the best.

606
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,000
You better fucking put it out there.

607
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:58,000
You better fucking make it stick, because when I'm going to come back, you're not going to like it.

608
00:35:58,000 --> 00:35:59,000
Yeah.

609
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:03,000
And the next one, bench warrant.

610
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,000
That's a good one.

611
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:09,000
You bench warrant.

612
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:13,000
That is like a real fucking motherfucker.

613
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:15,000
That's an asshole right there.

614
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:18,000
Oh, dude, I love that.

615
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:20,000
Wow.

616
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:23,000
I think Topher would love that one, don't you?

617
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:26,000
Yes, he would.

618
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:31,000
You're a bench warrant.

619
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:34,000
You're a warrant, but we're not coming looking for you.

620
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:35,000
No, no, no.

621
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:36,000
We'll catch you sometime.

622
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:37,000
Don't worry.

623
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:39,000
You're going to be out having fun.

624
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:46,000
Let's say back in your single, well, your single, but anyhow, back in my single days, I'm out with a lady that tried to go out with forever.

625
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:51,000
And we're out at the park just fucking cuddly watching the goldfish kiss each other.

626
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:53,000
And we're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

627
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:54,000
And all of a sudden, they come up.

628
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:57,000
Mark Wallace, yeah?

629
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:58,000
We thought that was you.

630
00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:03,000
We're going to have to take you in.

631
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:08,000
That's what that is, bench warrant.

632
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:09,000
It's like, don't worry.

633
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:13,000
We're not going to come looking for you, but we'll find you one day so you can worry about it for a long time.

634
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:16,000
Here, here's some antacids.

635
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:20,000
Unless you want to turn yourself in, which you're not going to do.

636
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:21,000
No.

637
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:22,000
Yeah, just take my chances.

638
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:23,000
I love that one.

639
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:24,000
I love that one.

640
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,000
That's a classic.

641
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:27,000
It is.

642
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:28,000
I like that.

643
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:29,000
I'm proud of that one.

644
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:32,000
Next one, internal combustion.

645
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:36,000
Could be an engine or it could be something that just went up in flames, right?

646
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:37,000
Yeah.

647
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:38,000
Yeah.

648
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:46,000
I think that probably we're probably going to use it for someone going up in flames other than an engine.

649
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:47,000
Yeah.

650
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:49,000
Yeah.

651
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:50,000
Next one.

652
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:54,000
If you use it in an adult, you're not calm and powerful.

653
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:55,000
That's right.

654
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:56,000
That's right.

655
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,000
Yep.

656
00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:03,000
Next one, foil wrapper.

657
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:07,000
Oh.

658
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:08,000
Yeah.

659
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:09,000
Okay.

660
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:10,000
That one's good.

661
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:12,000
It's like all wadded up and fucking used.

662
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:13,000
It's like, I don't know.

663
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:18,000
Let's say a hamburger wrapper, a foil hamburger wrapper all wadded up with a little bit of

664
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,000
cheese on it sitting on the ground.

665
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:22,000
Someone missed the trash can.

666
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:27,000
That's a pretty good little insult, isn't it?

667
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:28,000
You're despicable.

668
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:29,000
Yep.

669
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:30,000
Yep.

670
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:34,000
It's like someone should have stuck you in the recycling, but they went for the trash

671
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:39,000
instead and they didn't even get in the trash can, so it's laying out there just looking

672
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:41,000
horrible.

673
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:44,000
Next one, meat tenderizer.

674
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:51,000
You know those little square things with a, it's like a mallet that you beat the shit

675
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,000
out of meat with?

676
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:54,000
The tenderizer.

677
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,000
You say meat tenderizer?

678
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:57,000
Uh-huh.

679
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:59,000
I'm thinking back to Jesse and Jesse.

680
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:01,000
Oh, you're talking about the machine.

681
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:02,000
That's a hamburger.

682
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:06,000
It could be either one of them because there's a chicken fried steak pounder.

683
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:09,000
In fact, that would be a meat grinder, not tenderizer.

684
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:10,000
Yeah, that's right.

685
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:11,000
Well, there's a tenderizer.

686
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:12,000
It could be bad.

687
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:13,000
Okay, either way.

688
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:14,000
It doesn't matter.

689
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:17,000
Yeah, either way you can, you want to call them a grinder too.

690
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:18,000
You can call them a meat grinder.

691
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,000
That sounds just as bad.

692
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:22,000
Yeah, either bad.

693
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:26,000
Tenderizer's bad too because it's that little square thing that you beat the hell out of

694
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:31,000
a piece of meat like a chicken fried steak to make it tender or a pork tenderloin to

695
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:33,000
make it tender.

696
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:34,000
Yeah.

697
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:37,000
Next one, internal combustion.

698
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,000
Oh no, fuck.

699
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,000
I read the wrong line.

700
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:43,000
I'm sorry, guys.

701
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:48,000
Next one, potato sack.

702
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:50,000
I like that one too.

703
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:54,000
You man, you're just a sack of potatoes.

704
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,000
You're a potato sack.

705
00:39:57,000 --> 00:39:59,000
You're just a piece of burlap.

706
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:04,000
Yep, like just a lump of shit.

707
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:09,000
Next one, sourdough ball.

708
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:11,000
So you're not even baked yet.

709
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:16,000
You're just like a dough ball of sourdough dough.

710
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:17,000
Oh damn.

711
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:22,000
And that was the last one.

712
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,000
And I liked them.

713
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:25,000
So now.

714
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:28,000
I liked some of them tonight.

715
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:31,000
Yeah, they turned out pretty good.

716
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:40,000
I think I have a couple of suggestions for inanimate object alternative swear words.

717
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:45,000
I think someone named Misty, if I was looking correctly, I'll have to look back through

718
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,000
them, has a couple of suggestions.

719
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:52,000
And I did get a chance to send her an email back and I said they will come up in a later

720
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,000
podcast when we come up with some more.

721
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:58,000
She's already had these already typed out and done and everything.

722
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:00,000
So anyhow, Misty hang tight.

723
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,000
We'll get to yours.

724
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,000
And the ones that I read were pretty good.

725
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:04,000
So thank you.

726
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:07,000
We always use suggestions like that.

727
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:08,000
Always.

728
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:09,000
Yep.

729
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:10,000
Always.

730
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:12,000
So Rob, we turn our attention to you, sir.

731
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:16,000
You said you have some stuff that you want to focus in on.

732
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:19,000
Are you ready for a O-west hygiene?

733
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:21,000
Yes, I am.

734
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:23,000
All right.

735
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:32,000
Tonight, it's unbelievable medicines of the Wild West from cocaine to aspirin.

736
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:34,000
Nice.

737
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:40,000
Hygiene was a luxury and sickness worked around every corner during this time.

738
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:46,000
But in this, the film pioneers had some surprising remedies up their sleeves.

739
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:53,000
If a cowboy had a toothache and was desperate for relief, there was one solution.

740
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,000
Enter cocaine.

741
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:59,000
Yes, I read that right.

742
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:07,000
In 1880s, toothache drops contained cocaine for all the rage.

743
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:13,000
This powerful substance acted as a local anesthetic numbing the pain and giving

744
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:19,000
cowboys a temporary resist.

745
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:25,000
Well, Rob, I've got a thought for you real quick, if you allow me to interject something, please.

746
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:26,000
Yeah.

747
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,000
Okay.

748
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:32,000
Novocaine they still use for teeth, to drill into teeth.

749
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:33,000
Right.

750
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:34,000
So that makes sense.

751
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:37,000
Of the cane products, it's the same thing.

752
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,000
It's just processed a little differently.

753
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:44,000
So I think what you had was the beginning of modern dentistry back then, right?

754
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:45,000
Yeah, yeah, it was.

755
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:48,000
It was.

756
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:54,000
And it makes perfect sense too because cocaine numbs you so bad you can't feel whatever,

757
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:57,000
you know, you put the cocaine on.

758
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,000
So that would make sense.

759
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:01,000
And back then, it was legal.

760
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,000
It wasn't a drug.

761
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:04,000
It was used as a medicine.

762
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:06,000
It was medicinal.

763
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:10,000
And they quite often, I'll bet you what they did was they numbed it up and just pulled

764
00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:12,000
the fucking thing.

765
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:13,000
Yeah.

766
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:16,000
And that's where some people ran into trouble too.

767
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:19,000
And then I'll let you get back to your spotlight.

768
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:22,000
But what it is is this right here.

769
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:26,000
Sometimes they had infection in the tooth and it would travel through their body and kill them.

770
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:27,000
Sometimes it would not.

771
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:30,000
So go ahead, Rob, sorry.

772
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:32,000
Oh, no, I was done.

773
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:33,000
Oh, okay.

774
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:34,000
Okay.

775
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:36,000
Very cool, man.

776
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,000
I love the segment that you're doing, Rob.

777
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:40,000
It's very informative and it's different.

778
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:41,000
It's odd.

779
00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:42,000
I like it.

780
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:47,000
Yeah, what I'm liking about it is just short little, you know, short little articles.

781
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:49,000
Yeah, it's fantastic.

782
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:54,000
You know, that explains what, you know, what it was back then.

783
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:57,000
Most people would not have an idea of what Old West was like.

784
00:43:57,000 --> 00:44:03,000
So, I mean, you're kind of like bringing the focus of some of their hardships, how they got around it

785
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:08,000
and inventive ideas and like now even the beginning of modern dentistry,

786
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:13,000
where it's like, well, the only way you can do this is to numb the pain.

787
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:17,000
People like us grew up watching the Old Westerns.

788
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:18,000
Yes.

789
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:22,000
We never thought about the hygiene during that time.

790
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:25,000
Yeah, we could see it was dirt and whatever.

791
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:28,000
But it never crossed our minds.

792
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:33,000
Now that I'm older and I read that, I was like, oh my God, that's interesting.

793
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:35,000
Here's another thought, too.

794
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:37,000
I don't think they smelled as bad as we thought.

795
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:38,000
And you know why?

796
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:44,000
They didn't eat the same stuff we eat.

797
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:45,000
Right?

798
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:46,000
You're right.

799
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:48,000
They were more organic.

800
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:50,000
Yeah, they didn't eat that much meat.

801
00:44:50,000 --> 00:44:52,000
They couldn't get that much meat.

802
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:57,000
You know, they didn't raise a lot of cows, a lot of chickens, goats, whatever, you know.

803
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:59,000
They ate a lot of plants.

804
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:01,000
They ate a lot of whatever they could.

805
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:04,000
They ate a lot of like really light birds and stuff.

806
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:08,000
Chances are they may not have smelled as bad as we thought they did.

807
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:10,000
So anyhow, it doesn't matter.

808
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:11,000
It's just a thought.

809
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:14,000
And it's one of my weird thoughts that come across my head one day.

810
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,000
I'm like, you know, we think they smell horrible,

811
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:18,000
but maybe they didn't smell nearly that bad.

812
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:23,000
They didn't have the spices and stuff coming through your pores and when you sweat and all that.

813
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:24,000
So who knows?

814
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:27,000
You have, I will give you that.

815
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:29,000
You're right there.

816
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:30,000
You're right there.

817
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:31,000
Yeah, yeah.

818
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:34,000
So anyhow, let's take a little break and we'll come back.

819
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:38,000
And I'm going to go back to what I did a few times with Topher.

820
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:44,000
The meanings of old exclamation or slang words.

821
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:48,000
Where they came from and what they were derived from and what they actually mean.

822
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:50,000
So we'll do that.

823
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:51,000
I'm kind of missing those.

824
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:54,000
This one is what does Dickens mean.

825
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:56,000
Remember how we used to use Dickens?

826
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:58,000
Like that hurts like a Dickens.

827
00:45:58,000 --> 00:45:59,000
Okay, let's take a break.

828
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:01,000
Okay, be right back.

829
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:11,000
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.

830
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:14,000
It's strange insults from an alien.

831
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,000
Real hilarity.

832
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:21,000
Wait, your chair produces a sound similar to a fart but only once.

833
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:24,000
Such that you cannot reproduce it and prove that it was just the chair.

834
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:30,000
Two emotionally disturbed dirtbags in a popsicle will be right back.

835
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:36,000
Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their ass with politically correct wash rags.

836
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:43,000
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in three, two, one.

837
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:48,000
Hello, this is Satan.

838
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:52,000
You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.

839
00:46:52,000 --> 00:47:03,000
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to two douchebags in a microphone by a nice warm fire at night.

840
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:08,000
I sit there and reflect on all the souls I burned that day.

841
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:13,000
Enjoy.

842
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:29,000
Glad you could stomach this garbage this long.

843
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:30,000
Thank you.

844
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:32,000
You're a trooper.

845
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:40,000
So, next one I have, like I aforementioned, was what does like the dickens mean?

846
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:44,000
And everyone's heard it before, I'm sure, even if you're younger.

847
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:50,000
My grandma, my aunts, my uncles, everybody used that term.

848
00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:52,000
It hurts like the dickens.

849
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:55,000
Man, that guy could run like the dickens.

850
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:59,000
Or, oh my God, what in the dickens is going on?

851
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:02,000
Who the hell is dickens?

852
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:04,000
What does dickens mean?

853
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:06,000
Where did it come from?

854
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:10,000
Is this like a, you know, I profiled Heavens to Betsy and all the other ones before?

855
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:12,000
This is just like that.

856
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:15,000
It's an old, almost alternative square word.

857
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:18,000
And here's where it came from.

858
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:26,000
The definition of like the dickens, which it's normally used in, like it hurts like the dickens, or a guy did this like the dickens, or whatever.

859
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:30,000
The definition is a lot or very much.

860
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:34,000
The phrase is used as a general intensifier.

861
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:44,000
Some common collations are hurts like the dickens, run like the dickens, work like the dickens, miss you like the dickens, etc.

862
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:47,000
Origin of like the dickens.

863
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:53,000
Believe it or not, this phrase actually has nothing to do with Charles Dickens, which used to be the rumor.

864
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:59,000
I remember people used to use that saying, oh they use it like a Charles Dickens novel.

865
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:01,000
That's not true.

866
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:03,000
The famous English writer?

867
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:04,000
I never looked at it that way.

868
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:06,000
Okay, well a lot of people said that.

869
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:07,000
I was never one.

870
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:08,000
I didn't really think that.

871
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:12,000
I didn't see the correlation ever, but some people did.

872
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:15,000
Dickens is a substitute for the word devil.

873
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:19,000
Some people try to avoid saying the word devil for religious reasons.

874
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:22,000
Now that makes sense, doesn't it?

875
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:26,000
I can kind of see that.

876
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:28,000
Yeah, but I don't see that.

877
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:45,000
Well there are some people that say, well it's just like, actually modern televangelists like Joel Osteen and some of the people like at the newer ones or the more modern ones don't use the word devil.

878
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:48,000
They use the enemy.

879
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:58,000
If you listen to Joel Osteen, he never says devil or satan.

880
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:00,000
He says the enemy.

881
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,000
And I notice that's like a trend.

882
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:08,000
People are trying to knock it down a bit or something or not sound so brimstone and fire.

883
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:11,000
Be more the kinder gentler religion or whatever.

884
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,000
So they use the enemy.

885
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:22,000
So I could see some religions back then going, yeah, we don't want to say the guy's name or whatever or the enemy or whatever.

886
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:25,000
So one of the most common phrases...

887
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:27,000
Do what?

888
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:35,000
Well I was just going to say now that I think about it, there is one phrase I can think of that would work it.

889
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:37,000
What's that?

890
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:39,000
You little dickens.

891
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:40,000
You little devil.

892
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:43,000
Oh.

893
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:44,000
Actually, Rob...

894
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:45,000
I think that would work in that one.

895
00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:46,000
Rob, that's true.

896
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:48,000
I didn't even parlay it to that.

897
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,000
You're right.

898
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:51,000
One of the most common phrases...

899
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:55,000
But in other cases, I can't see it.

900
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:57,000
Well, okay.

901
00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:05,000
Maybe you're brushing with a broad stroke on this, but you know, people used to take their religion a lot more serious than a lot of people do now, right?

902
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:06,000
Right.

903
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:14,000
Okay, so that was probably along those lines is you don't say the guy's name in vain and you don't praise the Satan or whatever.

904
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:16,000
Right, right, right.

905
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:18,000
So, yeah.

906
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:24,000
So one of the most common phrases used in like the dickens is to say that something hurt like a dickens.

907
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:32,000
So anyhow, it gives a couple of examples of this right now.

908
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:36,000
This is just something the article did that I just included in it.

909
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:41,000
In this dialogue, a brother and sister discuss in a surprise in discovery.

910
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:43,000
Okay, it says, Maria, what's the matter?

911
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:45,000
Why were you screaming upstairs?

912
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:51,000
Franco, I was up in the attic for some old clothes when I heard a strange sound.

913
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:54,000
After a moment, I realized it was a raccoon.

914
00:51:54,000 --> 00:52:00,000
It was crazy and it ran like the dickens.

915
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:08,000
So anyhow, I think it was already explained in that article, but they put that in there.

916
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:12,000
So just to kind of like he ran like the devil.

917
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:15,000
He ran like the dickens, kind of like what you were saying, Robin.

918
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:16,000
Yeah.

919
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:19,000
So it was kind of illustrating that with that point.

920
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:26,000
So anyhow, that is where like the dickens came from.

921
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:28,000
You're welcome, America.

922
00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:31,000
I know you were wondering about this for years.

923
00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:37,000
Now it takes two douchebags and microphone to bring it to light, right?

924
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:38,000
Right.

925
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:42,000
Robin, you're like proud parents of this, discovering this.

926
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:43,000
Oh, I am.

927
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:44,000
I mean, come on, man.

928
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:47,000
Look, Action 4 or Action 20 news.

929
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:50,000
I have to be proud to know that knowledge now.

930
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:51,000
Action 2 news or whatever.

931
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:52,000
You have nothing on us.

932
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:54,000
I have to tell somebody that knowledge now.

933
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:55,000
Yes.

934
00:52:55,000 --> 00:52:59,000
Action 37 news, eyewitness five, whatever.

935
00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:02,000
You have nothing on us.

936
00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:03,000
That's right.

937
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:05,000
We just trumped you with the dickens.

938
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:10,000
Now everybody knows or at least the people who listen knows what like the dickens means.

939
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:13,000
You're welcome, America.

940
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:14,000
That's right.

941
00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:15,000
Two douchebags and microphone.

942
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:16,000
We're the ones who did it.

943
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:17,000
We uncovered this.

944
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:20,000
We uncovered this.

945
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:22,000
Okay, I'm done.

946
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:25,000
Rob, you got anything else you want to speak of?

947
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:26,000
I don't know.

948
00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:29,000
I'm kind of lost for words on that.

949
00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:32,000
You're kind of lost like the dickens, aren't you?

950
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:34,000
Yes, I am.

951
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:36,000
Yes, I am.

952
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:38,000
Okay.

953
00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:39,000
All right.

954
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:40,000
Well.

955
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:46,000
I keep riding across Travis Kelce and David Slitz relationship.

956
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:47,000
Okay, here.

957
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:48,000
I got.

958
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:49,000
What's to talk about?

959
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:53,000
Let's talk about Alice in Chains whiskey that they brought out a couple of years ago.

960
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:55,000
Then in COVID, they kind of let go of it.

961
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:57,000
They brought it back.

962
00:53:57,000 --> 00:53:59,000
You know, Alice in Chains has a whiskey.

963
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:00,000
Yeah.

964
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:01,000
Yeah.

965
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:02,000
Yeah.

966
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:03,000
Forget that whole debacle.

967
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:04,000
Yeah.

968
00:54:04,000 --> 00:54:05,000
Yeah.

969
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:06,000
You're banned in the Harry Assel Olympics.

970
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:09,000
Oh, you know, we can go into that.

971
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:11,000
Alice in Chains is your band.

972
00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:12,000
Yeah.

973
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:13,000
Yeah, they are.

974
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:18,000
And we can go into the Harry Assel Olympics if you feel like it after this.

975
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:19,000
Just to know it was based.

976
00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:21,000
Like I said, that's totally up to you.

977
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:24,000
If you're ready for it, it's up to you.

978
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:27,000
You know, I was wanting to see where this podcast goes.

979
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:34,000
And how about if I just go ahead and set down this article about Alice in Chains whiskey.

980
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:36,000
And if we get to it, we get to it.

981
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:39,000
And let's just go ahead and bring out the Harry Assel Olympics.

982
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:40,000
All right.

983
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:41,000
Rob, the floor is yours.

984
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:46,000
You're the one that has all the Harry Assel stuff.

985
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:49,000
Oh, so we're doing the Harry Assel.

986
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:50,000
Yes.

987
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:55,000
I said Alice in Chains whiskey aside for the Harry Assel Olympics.

988
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:59,000
All right.

989
00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:00,000
Okay.

990
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:03,000
Okay.

991
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:05,000
Oh, wow.

992
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:09,000
That's why I said we need to wait until the podcast to see if we feel like it or not.

993
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:13,000
All of a sudden when you brought it up, it's like, yeah, let's do it.

994
00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:15,000
Let's do this.

995
00:55:15,000 --> 00:55:16,000
All right.

996
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:25,000
Ladies and gentlemen, Harry Assel Olympics final battles of round number two right now.

997
00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:29,000
All right.

998
00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:31,000
Okay.

999
00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:35,000
Let's go.

1000
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:40,000
Mr. Robin Williams.

1001
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:47,000
Rob Goldberg.

1002
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:52,000
I'm going to go with Robin Williams just because he was like the king of comedy.

1003
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:56,000
He's no longer with us.

1004
00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:57,000
Whoopi Goldberg.

1005
00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:58,000
Very Harry individual.

1006
00:55:58,000 --> 00:55:59,000
Yeah.

1007
00:55:59,000 --> 00:56:03,000
Although Whoopi Goldberg has dreadlocks on this one, I'm going to Robin Williams.

1008
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:04,000
Yeah.

1009
00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:05,000
Yeah.

1010
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:07,000
Dredge keeps ticking in my mind.

1011
00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:08,000
Yeah.

1012
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:14,000
I'm going to go with Robin Williams myself just out of, I don't know.

1013
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:16,000
Out of love.

1014
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:17,000
Yeah, out of love.

1015
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:20,000
All right.

1016
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:22,000
He was mort for God sakes.

1017
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:27,000
All right.

1018
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:30,000
Is it Robin Williams?

1019
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:33,000
Mr. Robin Williams it is.

1020
00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:39,000
All right, Whoopi Goldberg and go back to being an untalented hack like you always have been.

1021
00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:41,000
Thank you for joining Assel Olympics.

1022
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:44,000
We hope we never have to look at your face again.

1023
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:47,000
Have a great night though.

1024
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:49,000
Next.

1025
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:50,000
All right.

1026
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:53,000
Up next.

1027
00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:58,000
We have off my list, Mr. Eugene Levy.

1028
00:56:58,000 --> 00:56:59,000
Mm-hmm.

1029
00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:03,000
Off your list, Mr. Zach Galifianakis.

1030
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:10,000
Zach Galifianakis and not because he's mine, but because he is just like, he's just, yeah.

1031
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:11,000
He's a beast.

1032
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:12,000
He's a beast.

1033
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:13,000
He's a beast.

1034
00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:14,000
And he's got red hair too.

1035
00:57:14,000 --> 00:57:15,000
He's a beast at this.

1036
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:19,000
I would love to see the perfect matchup, him against Dave Mustaine, the winner of the first

1037
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:20,000
round.

1038
00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:25,000
The fucking ginger red, fucking furry thick hair on each other's asshole.

1039
00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:28,000
But I don't know, you know.

1040
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:32,640
Is Dave Mustaine, since he's actually like doing chemotherapy, will his asshole hair

1041
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:33,640
fall out?

1042
00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:36,000
And will that make him lose?

1043
00:57:36,000 --> 00:57:37,000
Oh.

1044
00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:39,000
Yeah, there's something to think about.

1045
00:57:39,000 --> 00:57:42,000
Look, we won't have to talk about it tonight.

1046
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:46,000
When we get back to him and we put him, you know, the finalists against each other.

1047
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:48,000
Let's do some research.

1048
00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:49,000
Yes.

1049
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:51,000
Let's find out how much chemotherapy he has.

1050
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:55,000
See when his treatment started.

1051
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:56,000
Yes.

1052
00:57:56,000 --> 00:57:58,000
And then we'll judge it by that.

1053
00:57:58,000 --> 00:57:59,000
Okay.

1054
00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:02,000
You got yourself a deal, Rob.

1055
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:03,000
Alright.

1056
00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:04,000
Alrighty.

1057
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:09,000
And on forward with the next challenger against the next challenger.

1058
00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:12,000
Oh, wait a minute.

1059
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:13,000
Okay.

1060
00:58:13,000 --> 00:58:14,000
Oh, okay.

1061
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:15,000
Go ahead.

1062
00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:16,000
Now, wait a second.

1063
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:19,000
We might want to save this.

1064
00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:22,000
Okay, here's where we're at.

1065
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:23,000
Okay.

1066
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:25,000
After those two battles.

1067
00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:26,000
Okay.

1068
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:31,000
We have two finalists.

1069
00:58:31,000 --> 00:58:32,000
Mm-hmm.

1070
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:35,000
We have our two bands.

1071
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:36,000
Oh.

1072
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:40,000
I have two wild cards left in it.

1073
00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:41,000
Okay.

1074
00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:46,000
Do you want to throw the wild cards in now or?

1075
00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:47,000
Let's do the wild cards.

1076
00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:48,000
Battle them off?

1077
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:49,000
Let's battle them off right now.

1078
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:50,000
Battle them wild cards.

1079
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:53,000
Let's battle off the wild cards.

1080
00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:58,000
And that'll bring us down to three actual people and two bands.

1081
00:58:58,000 --> 00:59:00,000
Sounds good.

1082
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:01,000
Okay.

1083
00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:03,000
First battle off.

1084
00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:09,000
Our final battle tonight.

1085
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:18,000
George the animal steel versus Rob Zombie.

1086
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:30,000
I'm going to have to go with Rob Zombie because I just think he has a little more hair than

1087
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:32,000
George the animal steel.

1088
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:36,000
You know, he's got the fucking beard stuff.

1089
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:39,000
He's got like dread kind of coiled red stuff.

1090
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:40,000
Yeah.

1091
00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:41,000
He's crazy.

1092
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:44,000
And you could tell he don't pay much attention to it.

1093
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:46,000
He doesn't care.

1094
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:47,000
Exactly.

1095
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:52,000
So I'm going to go with Rob Zombie.

1096
00:59:52,000 --> 00:59:54,000
Rob Zombie's got it.

1097
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:55,000
Ding ding ding.

1098
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:56,000
Alrighty.

1099
00:59:56,000 --> 01:00:03,000
We are down to our three finalists and two bands.

1100
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:04,000
Okay.

1101
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:05,000
Cool.

1102
01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:08,000
For a later show.

1103
01:00:08,000 --> 01:00:09,000
Yep.

1104
01:00:09,000 --> 01:00:10,000
Very cool.

1105
01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:17,000
All right.

1106
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:20,000
I think that's a pretty solid amount of bands and people.

1107
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:23,000
I think we got some really good ones coming up.

1108
01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:24,000
So all right.

1109
01:00:24,000 --> 01:00:26,000
And so they're okay.

1110
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:27,000
Rob real quick.

1111
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:31,000
And then I'll go into this Allen's and Chain's whiskey real quick.

1112
01:00:31,000 --> 01:00:32,000
Yeah.

1113
01:00:32,000 --> 01:00:36,000
Is do we come up with a list of 10 each again?

1114
01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:41,000
And then when we're done with that, we'll put all the finalists against each other.

1115
01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:47,000
Oh, you want, you want a list of two new people?

1116
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:55,000
10 new people, two new ones, 10 regular contestants, two wild cards and one band.

1117
01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:57,000
And there's no timeline.

1118
01:00:57,000 --> 01:00:59,000
We'll get to it when we get to it.

1119
01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:00,000
Okay.

1120
01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:03,000
So 10 contestants.

1121
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:13,000
10 contestants, two wild cards and one band.

1122
01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:18,000
We're going to make this shit real interesting, Rob.

1123
01:01:18,000 --> 01:01:19,000
Yeah.

1124
01:01:19,000 --> 01:01:20,000
And then I've got.

1125
01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:22,000
I already have my first pick.

1126
01:01:22,000 --> 01:01:28,000
I've also got another thing in, I think it may be what I do.

1127
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:33,000
We might be able to have like a skip card or a free pass card.

1128
01:01:33,000 --> 01:01:46,000
So if someone's getting ready to get beat and we really love them, you have like one skip card or pass card and that person gets a pass.

1129
01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:48,000
What do you think?

1130
01:01:48,000 --> 01:01:51,000
It's cause you know they're about to get beat again, too.

1131
01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:52,000
They're going up again.

1132
01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:53,000
Yeah.

1133
01:01:53,000 --> 01:01:54,000
Yeah.

1134
01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:59,000
All right, you have one pass card or skip or leave my guy alone card.

1135
01:01:59,000 --> 01:02:04,000
And then both of them just get left alone and they get pitted against someone else.

1136
01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:06,000
That sound cool?

1137
01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:08,000
One pass card it is.

1138
01:02:08,000 --> 01:02:09,000
All right.

1139
01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:10,000
Okay.

1140
01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:18,000
10 contestants, two wild cards, one band and one pass card.

1141
01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:19,000
Got it.

1142
01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:22,000
Okay.

1143
01:02:22,000 --> 01:02:27,000
And we don't have a timeline in this because I know you're still coming up with your blues and all that.

1144
01:02:27,000 --> 01:02:28,000
Yeah.

1145
01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:29,000
Yeah.

1146
01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:30,000
Yeah.

1147
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:31,000
And we still got.

1148
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:33,000
Oh, no, we're going to take these people and add them to this list.

1149
01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:34,000
Yeah.

1150
01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:35,000
Yeah.

1151
01:02:35,000 --> 01:02:36,000
Yep.

1152
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:37,000
Okay.

1153
01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:42,000
Let me do this and then we can wrap up the podcast because we're going over an hour now.

1154
01:02:42,000 --> 01:03:00,000
Justin Illinois based Few Spirits F.E.W. and Allison Chains announced the reissue of All Secrets Known Bourbon, a limited release expressions distilled by Few Spirits, master distiller Paul Helto in collaboration with the Seattle Grunge Pioneers.

1155
01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:04,000
Bottles feature a custom design label by artist Justin Helton.

1156
01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:05,000
And I've seen it.

1157
01:03:05,000 --> 01:03:08,000
It is a cool looking label and it's cool looking whiskey.

1158
01:03:08,000 --> 01:03:10,000
I don't know how good it is.

1159
01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:17,000
All Secrets Known suggests a retail price is $60 for seven 50 milliliters.

1160
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:18,000
That's a decent sized bottle.

1161
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:20,000
Didn't anything special.

1162
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:24,000
There's a reference to the title track on one of Allison Chains four studio album.

1163
01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:29,000
Black Gives Way to Blue, which is sold more than one million copies worldwide.

1164
01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:30,000
Wow.

1165
01:03:30,000 --> 01:03:32,000
It didn't sell as much as I thought it did.

1166
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:44,000
For a special whiskey release, Few Bourbon is finished for six months in tequila barrels and bottled at the most rock and roll of proofs 101 50.5 ABV.

1167
01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:53,000
Bold, sweet and spicy bourbon top notes are accentuated by grassy, agave undertones.

1168
01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:55,000
That doesn't sound good.

1169
01:03:55,000 --> 01:04:09,000
Yeah. Back in 2019, upon the original release of the whiskey, Allison Chains is part of only a very few movements can legitimately credit it with shape shifting an entire culture, beginning with her first album, Facelift.

1170
01:04:09,000 --> 01:04:11,000
HealthCo continues.

1171
01:04:11,000 --> 01:04:21,000
Today, it gives me great pleasure to once again bring the whiskey to music fans everywhere and to continue to merge these great passions of mine to still in a music.

1172
01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:25,000
Well, legends like Allison Chains pour a glass of all secrets known.

1173
01:04:25,000 --> 01:04:29,000
Turn on your favorite track or theirs and just enjoy the experience.

1174
01:04:29,000 --> 01:04:33,000
Label design artist Justin HealthCo of status.

1175
01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:49,000
Stygograph is no stranger to work with musical giants like Fish, the Abbott Brothers, my morning jacket, Ween, the Black Keys created custom designs for other bands besides Allison Chains at one point too.

1176
01:04:49,000 --> 01:04:53,000
And so it's hard to put into words how much fun it's going to be.

1177
01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:55,000
The Abbott Brothers were down here a while back.

1178
01:04:55,000 --> 01:04:59,000
Were they? What type of music do they play?

1179
01:04:59,000 --> 01:05:01,000
I don't know.

1180
01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:03,000
I don't know either.

1181
01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:10,000
I just recognize them because I gave my Ozark amphitheater a list and they were on it.

1182
01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:13,000
Oh, wait a minute. That is where I heard them before.

1183
01:05:13,000 --> 01:05:15,000
Yeah.

1184
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:16,000
Okay. Okay.

1185
01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:20,000
I've never listened to their music. I don't know what they play.

1186
01:05:20,000 --> 01:05:26,000
Hang on a second. Let me go to the Google on the Internet and see what we have here.

1187
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:32,000
To Abbott Brothers.

1188
01:05:32,000 --> 01:05:34,000
They're a rock band.

1189
01:05:34,000 --> 01:05:38,000
The Abbott Brothers are an American folk rock band from Concord, North Carolina.

1190
01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:44,000
The band is made up of two brothers, Scott Abbott and Seth Abbott.

1191
01:05:44,000 --> 01:05:47,000
Along with Bob Crawford and Joe Kwan.

1192
01:05:47,000 --> 01:05:55,000
Mike Marsh, Tanya Elizabeth and Bonnie Avart-Rini are touring with members of the band.

1193
01:05:55,000 --> 01:05:58,000
There you go.

1194
01:05:58,000 --> 01:06:00,000
Began in September 28th.

1195
01:06:00,000 --> 01:06:04,000
Just 3,000 bottles of All Secrets Known will be released. That's all.

1196
01:06:04,000 --> 01:06:10,000
All of which will be available nationally through a few distilleries direct to Consumer Channel.

1197
01:06:10,000 --> 01:06:14,000
www.buyfewspirits.com

1198
01:06:14,000 --> 01:06:18,000
and select venues and retailers in Illinois and Washington state.

1199
01:06:18,000 --> 01:06:25,000
So you'll have to go online if you don't live in those two states that have select vendors.

1200
01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:34,000
So, anyhow, go grab you a bottle and start seeing a man in the box naked outside.

1201
01:06:34,000 --> 01:06:40,000
Sounds like a plan, right?

1202
01:06:40,000 --> 01:06:43,000
Mike, we haven't done that before.

1203
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:48,000
Yes. I'm saying this out of love and experience, people. Love and experience.

1204
01:06:48,000 --> 01:06:52,000
It's a beautiful thing. It feels so much better the next morning.

1205
01:06:52,000 --> 01:06:59,000
It is. Yep, you're right. So before we sign off here, shall we give everybody a great big air hug, Rob?

1206
01:06:59,000 --> 01:07:01,000
Let's do it.

1207
01:07:01,000 --> 01:07:04,000
Come on, bring it in.

1208
01:07:04,000 --> 01:07:07,000
Hey, that's not a hug.

1209
01:07:07,000 --> 01:07:10,000
Come on, come on here. A little closer.

1210
01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:12,000
Don't mind if you actually...

1211
01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:19,000
Look, another region bump is acceptable. It's alright. Just get in here.

1212
01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:23,000
Oh, that's it.

1213
01:07:23,000 --> 01:07:26,000
Thank you, audience.

1214
01:07:26,000 --> 01:07:30,000
Alright. Rob, shall we sign off?

1215
01:07:30,000 --> 01:07:33,000
Let's sign off. Tomorrow's a long day.

1216
01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:37,000
Alright. Till then, be talking to you.

1217
01:07:37,000 --> 01:07:38,000
Right?

1218
01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:40,000
Everybody have a safe week.

1219
01:07:40,000 --> 01:07:45,000
Have a great night. Thank you. Bye.

1220
01:07:45,000 --> 01:08:02,000
Hey, where did everybody go? Where are the douchebags?

1221
01:08:02,000 --> 01:08:07,000
Oh my god, someone took a dump in the corner. Oh jeez.

1222
01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:15,000
Ugh, I'm glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back. Man, that smells.