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Two douchebags in a microphone, pasteurized for your protection.
Hello, this is Two Douchebags and Microphone. I'm Mark. And I'm Rob. Alright, okay. We're
starting off this program with a, this is an odd, well I like odd, but this is an odd
article that I found. It was really in depth so I had to just go around the surface of
it, just around the edges, and just explain it like so. Okay, this is very lightly explaining
it, but it's actually a deep psychological issue that's affecting baby boomers big time.
But I'm just going to do a little rough draft of what's going on and then we can all just,
you know, you and I can talk about it, Rob, and you guys out there can form your own opinion.
So, baby boomers are blaming supermarket self-checkouts for increasing loneliness.
Self-checkouts. Okay. When I first read this I thought, what? Then after I read it, it
makes perfect sense. I see, I'm seeing some sense to this. Okay. The boomers say that
self-checkouts have taken away one of their last social interactions. That's with the
cashiers. Right. I never even thought about this, Rob. Never even crossed my mind.
Me either. Elderly boomers say that the deep friendships they made at the local grocery
stores or even big box warehouses with the cashiers are all dissolving due to self-checkout
explosion in recent years, and especially since COVID. Boomers said that numerous
employees that they used to chat with are no longer there, and it leads to increasing
loneliness and depression in some cases. Boomers felt that the interactions with the
cashiers was a gateway to a more social life with routine chores and shopping. Most stores
have a majority of automated lanes in favor of cashiers anymore. And I think, personally
this is what I think, Rob, and you tell me what you think about it. I want to hear your
opinion. Okay. I think that a store needs to come back with more cashiers and no
self-checkout lanes, and I think that that store will hit. I think that people will pay
extra just to have somebody to talk to. And I'm talking about the boomers that are having
a tough time with not having social interaction, and maybe even some extras too that just like
to hang out and talk to people. Who knows, maybe millennials and extras too. Because
I do miss some of the interactions I've had with some of the old cashiers and people like
GATT at my local store. I did miss that. I do not use self-checkout unless I absolutely
have to. I would prefer to go to an employee. That's what they are paid to do. That is their
job. I agree 100% Rob. And also not only because it's more jobs for more people, but also they
have insight on stuff. Like let's say that you bought some oranges and the man or woman
goes, hey, we got a Tropicana orange juice back there. There's only a few jugs left,
but man it's 99 cents. What? Yeah, yeah, it's over in the corner. Oh shit, okay, hey, I'll
just put my stuff over here. I'll be right back. Okay. Not only that, but also it's a
little bit more mistake proof also. And I also like talking to the people. You find
out stuff. Hey, how's that grandkid doing? Oh man, they're doing fantastic. Thanks for
asking. They came over and we had a balloon party, a bounce house. It was great. So I
think if the store came back right now and started in with the personalized service like
there used to be, that they would be a hit. But that's just my opinion. No, I totally
agree. I totally agree with that. Yeah. So interesting story. Something I would have
ever thought about on my own. Did you say that was a lawsuit? No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no. They're just complaining about it. Yeah. Boomers are saying that self checkout
is leading to their depression and loneliness. Right, right. I could see that. Yeah, I can
too. Now I can. A lot of older people, they do themselves. Yeah. Yeah. And the only time
that they really go out and have anything to do with anybody is when they're doing business.
They're not going to go down to an arcade or something or a bar and hang out and just
talk to people. But going to do chores that they have to get done, like buying groceries
and stuff, they will talk to people. Right, right. So, well anyhow, interesting. Would
you like to know the top 10 beer drinking countries in the world? I'd love to. Alright
Rob. I know a few. I don't know what order. Well it was surprising because some of the
countries I thought were going to be on here were not. And some of the countries I never
thought about being on here were. You'll see what I mean. Number 10, Croatia. I like some
of our list. Yes, yep. Croatia, 82.4 liters per capita. Wow. Yeah. Whoever thought of
Croatians is drinkers. Number 9, Nambia, 85.7 liters per capita. I think per capita is per
person is what they're saying. Only they write it a little bit different. I don't know how
else it could be measured. Unless it's like, I don't know, a group of people. But I think
it's per person. Yeah, it's like averaging, you know. Yeah, just an average. Yeah. Number
8, Spain, 88.5 per capita. I could see them up there. Yep. Number 7, Germany. Germany
I get, but I thought they'd been lower, don't you? Wouldn't you thought Germany would be
number one? Yeah. 90.4 milliliters per capita. Number 6, Estonia, 91.4 liters per capita.
Now, number 5, I get this because I've known Polish people my life and they put away a
lot of beer. They put away a lot of vodka too, but they put away a lot of beer. Poland,
94.1 liters per capita. So Poland's ahead of Germany even on drinking beer. Wow. Yeah.
Now, this next one really got me. Romania is number 4, 95.6 liters per capita. Nobody
thought of Romanians as drinkers. Maybe wine, right? But not beer. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe
they have really good beers over there. I don't know. Number 3, Lithuania, 96.3 liters
per capita. Lithuanians do drink. I know they do drink beer because I've known some Lithuanians
in my life too. And yes, they do drink beer, but I never in the world thought they would
drink more than Germany. Number 2, Austria, 98.7 liters per capita. Maybe it's because
of the Austrian monks that make their beer, that beer that's so good that people can't
hardly get. Oh well, who knows? And number 1, by a mile, now remember Austria is 98.7
liters per capita. Number 1, Czech Republic, 184.1 liters per capita. The next closest is
Austria, 98.7. This is almost 100 liters per capita more. Wow. Almost over double. Yeah.
And that's Czech Republic, who are not known for drinking beer. Well, they are now. So
just like always the yin and yang of things, now I've got the yang. We just did the yin,
now I've got the yang. Here are the countries in the database of alcohol consumption who
consume the most liquor. Not beers, but liquor. Alright. Alright. Number 10 is France, 2.7
shots per week, average per person. Now I want to know this Rob, would wine be considered
a liquor or would it be considered more like a beer? Because if wine is considered a liquor,
there's no doubt France would be on here, number 10. Maybe even I think higher, right?
Because France... You know what? I never thought about that. Are you reading that last? Hang
on, hang on. Let me go to Google. She's not going to say anything because I'm on the phone,
but let me go to Google and see what she says about this because I'm interested. Okay. Alright,
let's see here. Let's see. Is wine considered... Let's see. This is a result of different treatment
in the production of spirits, liquor, and alcohol. Liquors and spirits are distilled
alcoholic beverages. In most cases, spirits are liquor and liquors are alcohol. Wine,
beer, and cider are all examples of alcohol, but they're not spirits. Okay, so it does
not include wine. So, okay, France drinks a lot of hard alcohol then I guess. Number
8 is Ukraine. 2.8 shots per week. Okay. Well, probably since the war has been going on,
they drink more even, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say something about that. Okay.
Number 8, Slovakia. Yeah. Three shots per week. Not only is it a delicious Greek dish
made of chicken or pork on a skewer, but it's also a country. Next one, number 7, Bulgaria.
3.3 shots per week. Number 6, Philippines. 3.5 shots per week. The Philippines kind of
surprises me too. Number 5, this does not surprise me, Japan. Japan drinks a lot of
whiskey. 3.6 shots per week. Number 4, Poland. They drink, man, so Poland is on the top
beer and the top hard alcohol. They're just a lot of drinkers over there, wouldn't you
say? Yeah, they are. Yeah, they are. Poland, 4 shots per week. Thailand is number 3 at
4.8 shots per week. Number 2, and this does not surprise me at all, Russia with 5 shots
per week. And Russians are known vodka, vodka-terrians is what I like to call them. They love their
vodka. So, Russia is number 2 with 5 shots a week, vodka-terrians. Number 1, South Korea
with 11.2 shots, more than double Russia's shots per week. Russia's at 5. South Korea
is 11.2 shots per week. Who would have thought that? That's interesting. I wonder how come
South Korea drinks so much because they got North Korea on their ass all the time threatening
to blow them up, maybe? They got that little fuck over there, that little fat bastard,
Kim Jong-un, over there fucking waving his little tiny fists at them all the time and
they are over there drinking going, fuck you, you little fat bastard. I just want to grab
him and hold him down and give him an Indian sunburn on the head and spank his ass for
a couple of hours. Wouldn't that be funny? Just grab that little chubby bastard and throw
him to the ground and just rub his head raw with your knuckles and then get a friend to
come over there and fucking bare ass spank him for like a couple of hours until he is
fucking crying. Wouldn't that be fun? Yeah it would. Come here you little bastard. Bam!
Bam! Bam! All talk and go, all go up. Bam! Calling for his bunny, Dennis Rodman. Please
Dennis, come over here. Please, please, please. My little yellow ass is fucking red or whatever.
Little white ass, whatever. So anyhow, anyhow, if anyone was thinking I meant yellow racist,
no. I meant from being bruised. So don't fucking give me any shit about, oh you are calling
him a yellow man. No. I was talking about him being bruised. So get off that right now if
you were ever on it. Alright Rob, you said you have some facts you want to go into? Oh
yeah, give me a second. I went somewhere totally different. Okay. Yeah I was checking out a
different store. I'm right here. Alright. Meanwhile I'm sorry. Here's one you'll appreciate.
Okay. You know how we were known for eating beer cans? Yeah. A man called Michael Lepito
was known as Monsur Malf... I don't even know how to pronounce this. But it translates to
Mr. Edal. Okay. For his deliberate consumption of indigestible objects. During his career
he had eaten 18 bicycles, 15 shopping carts, seven TV sets, six chandeliers, two beds,
one pair of skis, one computer, one Cessna 150 light aircraft, one water bed, 500 meters
which equals 1600 foot of steel chain, one coffin, one Guinness award plaque, and 45
door hinges. And you thought we were bad. Oh wow. Yeah. So okay. I don't think he liked
the taste of them. Was that like this guy's gimmick? I don't... that's what I'm guessing.
That's what I'm guessing. Like maybe he was like a circus geek type of guy. Hey come on
in and watch me to Cessna. Oh man. Wow. That would take a while. That would take a while.
Okay. Well you know what? I've never claimed to be that bad and I never will because there's
no fucking way I could do that. I could barely stomach just a little bit of the aluminum
cans just enough to get effect. But you know, I get a little bit of blood in my mouth and
swallow a little bit of it but I wouldn't swallow too much of it. You couldn't. So I
don't know how that guy does it. It looked like a pretty old picture. And this one comes
with a picture too. It shows a real nice Lamborghini with four kids climbing on it. There's here
a Chinese businessman has shared this image saying that happiness of children is the most
valuable thing in the world. A million dollar worth Lamborghini is nothing in front of that.
So he allows the kids to jump and play on this Lamborghini. Oh my God. The best part
is the kids aren't his and neither is the Lamborghini. Now we get to the bottom of it
Rob. Now we get to the bottom of it. Yeah, it's awful easy when it's not yours. Oh man.
Hey. Hey. Let the kids have their fun. Okay. Alright. I've got something that we can go
into. Alright. And I've got a little audience participation on it too through some emails.
This is, I spoke of this before and we'll do it right after the break. So let's just
go ahead and take the break and we'll be right back with this new story. And now, Deep
Thoughts with Mark. Let's see here. A package of eight hot dogs. A package of ten hot dog
buns. I would have to buy ten packs of hot dogs and eight packs of buns to even it out.
Should I buy them at once? Should I freeze them? Or just continue to zigzag them and
hope for the best? I hate adulting.
Continuing our quest here at Two Douchebags in a Microphone to be constantly funny, once
again we offer you strange insults from an alien.
When you're all set up on your computer, with your headphones so attached. Oh shit. What's
going on?
Alright, we have Two Douchebags in a Microphone here on Mark. And I'm Rob. Alright, as I
kind of got into a little bit but didn't a little bit ago was this right here. This new
segment that I spoke about a while back and I was asking for audience participation and
we've had a couple of suggestions and thank you through email. So this is what famous
people and Hollywood stars would look like they would be doing if they weren't famous
and Hollywood stars.
Alright, well I kind of waited for some people to throw in a few. I had some but then some
people threw in a few so now I think we have enough to get a good solid foundation of this
and this is something that we can do regularly. Or if you guys know someone that we left off
and you know exactly what they should be doing according to their looks send it in and it
will be on the next batch. So, and that is send it in to DoucheB66 at Yahoo.com. DoucheB66
at Yahoo.com. D-O-U-C-H-E-B-6-6 at Yahoo.com. So, anyhow like a couple of listeners did
we will mention them here in a little bit.
Okay, Vin Diesel as sent in by Jesse. Looks like the vending machine guy. The guy that
comes in and fills up the vending machines.
I agree with him. Jesse thank you. Jesse in St. Louis came up with that one. We appreciate
your audience participation and we can't agree more. Leonardo DiCaprio as sent in by Velma
from Massachusetts. Velma from Massachusetts says Leonardo DiCaprio looks like a lumberjack
in northern Canada. And she specifically said his older, his self now not his younger self.
And I agree because he's got kind of a rounded face and gained a little weight. He does look
like a northern Canadian lumberjack.
This next one is from John here in Kansas City. Says that Sylvester Stallone looks like
the paint department guy at Home Depot.
Yeah, I can see that. Thank you John. Hey John, write back and let me know what part
of Kansas City you're from and how you found us and what you think of the show. We appreciate
local stuff. I'd like to know what part of town you're in and let me know if you are
going to go to the Daily Kitchen or not because I'll have her fix you up really good. So thank
you John.
Next one, Hugh Jackman, landscape reformer. And that was sent in by somebody but they
didn't leave their name and I couldn't tell because like GFH832 at Yahoo or you know.
So whoever you are, thanks for sending that in.
This next one I love and it was sent in by Glen from Glendale and I don't think that's
a real name. It might be someone I know. Glen from Glendale says Glen Close looks like a
night manager at Rolla Mort and she does.
Yep.
Yep, I would agree. This next one I agree with a lot and this is from Chet in Bennington,
Missouri. Do you know where Bennington, Missouri is?
No, give me a second. I'll check it out.
I don't know if I've ever heard of it. Chet in Bennington, Missouri says that Jamie Lee
Curtis looks like a PTA board member.
Yeah.
Next one, Ryan Reynolds looks like a gym instructor. I would agree he's in shape. He's
got kind of that look like he would be wearing a sweatpants and a tight shirt and going come
on now. Now we're going to climb the rope guys. Come on now. We've got to do some scrunches.
Next one, Howie Mandel looks like a stockbroker.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh this next one is from Michelle in Des Moines, Iowa.
Mel Gibson looks like a wildlife game warden.
I think she is absolutely right on that. What do you think?
Yeah, I can see that clearly.
Mel Gibson nowadays does look like a wildlife game warden.
Okay, and this is from Sissy in Topeka.
Michael Douglas looks like an assisted living director.
Yeah. Yep.
Okay, we've had a lot of women, a lot of women participate in this one, which is very cool.
Thank you. Thank you ladies.
Okay.
Bennington is out by St. Louis.
Oh, so we had a St. Louis guy right in and a Bennington guy. Good.
Well, the important thing is that it's out around Erlen Heights matter.
Yeah, that's definitely a St. Louis area. Okay, cool.
Well, thank you. Thank you.
I guess we're getting more popular in St. Louis it sounds like.
Oh, I love this one. This is from Ron in Arizona.
Jim Carrey looks like the guy that walks down the road every day whistling.
Thank you, Ron in Arizona.
This next guy has a sense of humor.
And this is Ron in Missouri.
Skip Bayless looks like an unemployed fish wrapper.
Thank you, Ron in Missouri. I can't agree more.
Oh, this next one is a Jim.
And this is from Troy in Arkansas.
Vince Neal looks like the guy that carves wooden whistles on the porch of a seasonal pumpkin patch.
You guys are coming up with...I didn't...I was going to write all this out, but I saved my stuff for later because people send in a lot of stuff and they're really good.
I only kept a couple on here on this original list of mine.
This one was mine. Sally Struthers looks like Kel producer spokeswoman.
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I would say so.
Lady Gaga looks like director of public relations for Ann Houser Bush.
And that is from...I erased the guy's name. It starts with a T.
Looks like Tony or something. Oh, no, no, it just didn't print out.
Tony something. And I can't tell where he's at. Well, anyhow, Tony, thank you.
Trent Reznor. No, Tony something is the other one. The other one didn't print out at all.
Tony came up with this one. Tony from somewhere. Trent Reznor stepdad. Trent Reznor looks like the stepdad on a new Paramount sitcom.
He does. Yeah.
Okay, so since it didn't print out very good, here's what he said pretty much in a nutshell.
Trent Reznor looks like a stepdad, a new stepdad character on a new Paramount sitcom series.
So I would agree with that. Jerry Jones looks like a used television and appliance salesman.
David Muir. That is the guy from ABC News in the afternoon. Car salesman and ATV sales.
So I think all of them are very good. That's the end of this list. Like I said, I have a list that's all mine.
But I had so many people sending in on this one. Thank you. There really wasn't any room for any more.
I could have went on longer with my list, but I decided to go ahead and the people that sent in stuff, let them have the floor, man.
They're great listeners and I love what they did. I mean, all their stuff, I thought all their stuff was really high quality and funny.
So thank you. Yeah. Yeah.
We can use some more writers on this program. Send in some shit. Come on, guys. Yeah, definitely.
Yeah. Yeah. If you can listen to the program, you know, we're dying for material, right? Yeah, definitely.
Yep. Anyhow. Are you ready for another Old West hygiene? Yes, I am. Rob, the floor is yours.
This this time oral hygiene consisted of fliers and whiskey. Yes.
The lack of the lack of the simple dental care resources meant oral hygiene took a backseat to survival and a pristine smile was a rare gem.
Toothbrushes were a luxury and brushing was an afterthought for many, but it gets worse.
OK. Based with dental issues like cavities and root canals, the remedies were far from sophisticated.
Brace yourself as the favorite method was simply barbers or even blacksmiths acting as makeshift dentists and extracting the bending tooth with pliers.
Numbing the pain was a priority.
The only solace came in the form of a stiff gulp of whiskey.
Oh, yeah. Now I knew this to be true because it's in the history books that that's how they used to solve pain issues with teeth and all that.
The thing I want to know is this right here. OK. I just had a bout with a tooth infection.
There was a root canal that went bad and it gave me hell for a couple of weeks.
And finally, because I went to my general doctor and not that idiot fill in dentist that I went to that gave me the wrong type of antibiotics and would not give me hydrocodone for pain,
because my general doctor is a very good doctor and she's awesome, she gave me a different set of antibiotics that's working now and some hydrocodone to knock that shit down because I can sleep now.
So anyhow, before they do a root canal or have to get into there or pull a tooth or anything, they have to knock the infection down because the infection can go all throughout your body when they tear out a tooth.
So I want to know how they got away with doing that without having an infection go all over people's bodies.
Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, there's like plenty of cases where they didn't get the infection all the way and it traveled down their throat.
You know, so was it like a 50-50 proposition at that point when they tore out your tooth, whether you're going to get infection in your body or not?
Or did they have some primitive form of penicillin like mold or something?
I don't have a clue.
You don't have a clue?
You know what, that's for another podcast, but that's something that I wondered, even reading the old history books that said that that was a common practice.
I would like to know how they got rid of the infection before they did this or did they just do it and hope for the best?
I know most of the best. They go ahead and do it and hope for the best.
I would bet you they did too because if they're out on the plains, where are they going to get penicillin anyhow?
Are they going to find some mold on something and hope that that was the right type and give it to you?
And I don't see someone waiting a week without some sort of painkiller anyhow, right?
Right.
Here, eat this moldy bread for a week and then get back to me. They're going to be like, fuck no, pull this thing out right now and give me that whiskey ahead of time.
Yeah, because a toothache is a special brand of fucking pain.
Agreed?
Yes, it is.
It is a special brand of pain. It is up there with burns. It is probably the same as burns.
You ever get a bad burn? Toothache is just as bad. If not, maybe even a little bit worse. It's bad shit.
So, anyhow, we'll be right back. I've got a story here. It's about a 20-year-old man that died of, and I've heard of this before, but I didn't think it was real.
As pleasant as 50 grit sandpaper to your inner thighs.
Be right back.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
More as useful as a cannon with balls.
Well, guess they finally figured out the microphone. Idiots.
Two douchebags and a microphone. The audio equivalent to the meat sweats.
What a mark.
And I'm wrong.
Okay. Well, like we said before we left you for a break, is fried rice syndrome.
I don't know if you've heard of it or not like I have, but I thought it was...
I've heard of it. I don't know much about it.
Okay. Me too, Rob. I'm the same way. I've heard of it, but I never really put that much thought into it. I thought maybe it was in reference to something else.
But you know, I didn't think it was actually fried rice syndrome.
And the guy got it not after eating fried rice, but after eating leftover pasta.
So after five days of pasta sitting out on the counter at room temperature, he heated some up and he ate it.
Number one, would you eat pasta that sat out on the counter for five days?
No.
Me neither. Everyone knows that that shit needs to be refrigerated.
Look, I'm not making fun of the guy being dead, but I think he could have used a little bit more common sense in this area.
But he didn't. So anyhow, he heated some up and he ate it.
He noted the odd taste to the food, but figured it was just due to the new tomato sauce he was using.
He went out to play some sports, but after 30 minutes he had to come home due to nausea, abdominal pain, and a headache.
Diarrhea and vomiting followed, so he drank water and tried to sleep it off.
The next day, after he didn't get out of bed for his classes, his parents checked in on him.
Unfortunately, he had already died.
Investigators who examined the body determined that he passed away at 4 a.m., 10 hours after eating the spaghetti.
His autopsy showed his liver had shut down and his death was caused by liver necrosis.
Samples of the pasta and tomato sauce he ate went to the National Reference Laboratory for Foodborne Outbreaks,
where they discovered significant amounts of bacteria called Bacchus servus.
Bacchus servus, in most cases, or the bacteria, just causes diarrhea and vomiting.
But there are extreme cases where it affects the liver and leads to organ failure.
The bacteria is best known for causing a type of foodborne poisoning called Fried Rice Syndrome.
Since rice is sometimes cooked and left to cool at room temperature for a few hours during that time, the bacteria can contaminate it and grow.
Now, this bacteria is especially dangerous because it produces a toxin in the rice
that other starchy foods that are heat resistant may not die when the food that it infects is cooked.
So this bacteria called B. serius is not very common,
but previously an entire family got sick from it after eating 8-day old pasta salad at a picnic.
To prevent the bacteria from making you ill, just be sure that any starchy food you consume hasn't been kept at room temperature for an extended period of time.
When in doubt, you can try to cook it at a high temperature and attempt to kill off any bacteria, but your best bet is to just not eat it.
Anyone who has eaten leftovers knows that sometimes they taste even better than the original meal they came from.
In addition, leftovers are an easy meal to make. You can just heat them up and eat them. However, it turns out that can also be very dangerous.
And if you need more information, you can go to the Journal of Clinical Microbiology
and you can also sample some YouTube videos on this too that can explain exactly what to look for in Fried Rice Syndrome
or any one of these bacteria that is specifically mentioned in this. So, sounds kind of serious doesn't it?
Yes it does.
Yeah, so anyhow, there you go.
You got anything Rob or you want me to go into the next story here?
Oh well, I got a little announcement.
Sure.
You know how I'm going to see 38 Special on October 6th?
Yes I do.
When I ran across, they updated the concert.
Okay.
And earlier today I found who was opening and now I can't find that, but they added another opener.
Really?
Which honestly, I think I'd rather go see the new opener than 38 Special.
Really?
They have the Marshall Tucker band opening.
Oh, damn it. And I was going to go to that, but it turns out I have family coming into town so I cannot.
Right, right. That's going to be a good concert. I'll tell you all about it.
Yeah, please do. Send me a little video too. I love Marshall Tucker. Wow.
Oh yeah.
That's pretty cool that they just added them like that.
Yeah, yeah they did. Like I said, I didn't catch the other guy's name, but it wasn't somebody that I've heard of.
Excuse me there. Huh. Okay, wow. Pretty cool.
I've got a little story here.
A Vermont armed robbery suspect who police say eluded capture in the past week in a vehicle on a stolen bike, on foot, or in a stolen sailboat
was arrested Thursday after he was spotted in a kayak on a river, authorities said.
Eric Edson, 52, was wanted on accusations of robbery of a store in Burlington on August 24 impeding and assaulting, impeding and insulting two police officers
and the theft of a sailboat and vehicles, police said.
Because of the unusualness of Mr. Edson's various modes of flight from cars to bikes to paddle boards to sailboats to tractors,
it's easy to lose sight of the fact that Mr. Edson is a dangerous person, Burlington police said, John Moran said on Wednesday.
On August 30th, Burlington police responded to a man passed out in a running vehicle that matched the description of the one used in a robbery a week before, they said.
When officers roused him, he fled at a high rate of speed, assaulting both officers with the vehicle, police said.
So he must have taken swipes at him, it sounds like, right?
Yeah.
That evening he fled police on foot and then on a stolen bicycle before stealing a sailboat at Lake Champlain,
police said Edson was interrupted by the Coast Guard but after the sailboat ran around at the base of the lakeside cliffs, he fled, authorities said.
Vermont State Police received a tip Thursday that he was spotted in a kayak on the Laminelle River in Georgia, Vermont, about 21 miles away from Burlington.
Edson landed the kayak, ran away and then jumped into the river and swam to the southern shore where he was arrested by troopers and game wardens, police said.
Edson was taken to the hospital for evaluation of his injuries from being on the run, state police said.
He is expected to be arraigned Friday.
An email was sent to police seeking to find out if Edson is being represented by an attorney.
You talk about a guy that wanted to get away.
Yeah.
I mean, if you were a judge, what would you tell that guy?
You're an asshole but I admire your diligence in running away but you're still an asshole and you're still going to get charged?
Right, right. That's about all you can say.
Yeah, interesting.
So, wow.
Let's see. Oh, and here's a story that I do not like.
USA Today voted the Kansas City Chiefs fans 31st in the nation out of 32 teams.
Wow.
That's what I'd like to know.
We sold out Arrowhead every year even when they weren't that good.
We've never had a blackout in our city because Arrowhead was always full.
We buy a lot of merchandise. We're diehard fans.
We are the epitome of what football wants to be in America.
USA Today, no wonder you guys are going out of business like the rest of the newspaper.
You guys are a bunch of bias fucks from the coast.
That's what it is. Let's be honest about this.
You don't like the fact that the Chiefs are number one and have been number one and will probably be number one for the foreseeable future.
You loved it when your Boston bitches did good, didn't you?
And you could not shut your mouth about Mr. Tom Brady until he left and went to Tampa, right?
Well, fuck you. We got the guy now. His name is Patrick Mahomes. He's a new sheriff in town. He's fucking ruling everything.
So suck a collective Kansas City dick, Mr. Asshole from USA Today, because you are officially full of shit.
And I think that you having any type of journalistic credibility is not correct.
Whenever you print a story as stupid and as biased as what you just did.
So suck my dick, suck Rob's dick, and suck everybody's dick in Kansas City.
And even if they don't have a dick, I wish they'd grow one so you can fucking suck it.
You're a fucking idiot.
And let me see what your name is. Let me see if I can come up with your name so I can tell you that you can suck all our dicks personally.
In my opinion, you're a biased piece of shit.
So let's see.
Who wrote...
I'm just gonna let you have that one.
USA Today article on NFL fans in Kansas City.
Hmm.
He said Cleveland Browns fans are the best. I really don't think so.
They are fans, they're good fans, but they're not the best.
Hmm.
You know what, I will find your name and I will publicize how you can suck all our dicks because you're a fucking idiot.
So, anyhow, you know what, that's okay.
It doesn't matter because you know what, we're gonna keep dominating and we're gonna keep dominating your team.
And I want you to think about that every time we kick your team's ass.
And every time you're not in the playoffs, and we are, and every time you're not in the Super Bowl, and we are.
I want you to think about that.
I want you to fucking read it, I want you to eat it up, and I want you specifically to go to hell.
So, anyhow.
Alright, Rob, do you have anything?
Oh, not the second, I've come up with something.
Alright, you wanna come up with something, that's cool. If not, I'll find something here.
I got all my shit all mixed up.
And it's gonna take a minute to figure it out, that's why I asked you if you had anything.
Yeah.
There's a lot about...
Alright, here we go.
There's one about Adam Bat-Man Jones.
Oh, go ahead.
And, here we go.
You wanna hear some stupid dad jokes?
Oh, go ahead.
...just prior to takeoff of an outbound flight, according to CVG spokesperson, Wendy Kershner.
Airport police received a report of an unruly passenger at around 6 a.m. local time.
Jones was released from jail Monday morning, and spoke to local Cincinnati reporters outside the facility,
and claimed the situation stemmed from requesting to move his seat on the plane due to an issue with the phone charger,
and vehemently denied he was intoxicated.
Okay.
Do I look intoxicated to you? I've only been locked up two hours, Jones said when asked about his charges.
Wow.
Yeah, he's saying he's not been drinking.
He was on his way to the Buffalo, the Buffalo Bill New York Jets game.
He's lucky he missed that.
He's lucky he missed that abortion.
Well, I don't know, he might have been written for the Jets.
If he's written for the Jets, he's a happy man.
So, if he's written for the Bills, he's not so happy.
But, you know, while he's in Buffalo, he could take advantage of the Josh Allen pizza interception special.
Yeah, Josh Allen's pizza.
Yeah, he could go in there and grab a pizza midair and have it for free.
Especially if Josh Allen's throwing it, right?
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah.
So, Adam Pac-Man Jones, we believe you, you're not fucked up.
And we also think that you need to go get a free pizza from Josh Allen's Pizzeria.
Because when he throws it up in the air, we know anybody can grab it.
So, you might as well go grab it, right?
Yep.
I think that's great.
I think that is a great set of advice right there.
And how about if we finish off this podcast with some stupid dad jokes?
Sounds great to me.
Alright.
Hey, what happens when a snowman throws a tantrum?
I don't know.
He has a meltdown.
Damn it.
Hey, what goes up and down but doesn't move?
I don't know.
What goes up and down but doesn't move?
Stairs.
Good point.
Hey, why did the cookie go to the hospital?
I don't know.
Because he felt crummy.
Oh, come on.
Okay.
I've heard this one many times and actually I did an Island of Horrible Jokes on it.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
I don't know.
Supplies?
Yeah, you did.
Yep.
What did you get when you cross a fish with an elephant?
I don't know.
Swimming trunks?
Oh, come on.
Okay.
Next.
What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he was fired?
Oh my god.
I don't know.
Oh, snap.
Next one.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
I don't know.
Because then it would be a foot.
Good point.
Yeah.
Why did the belt go to jail?
I don't know.
Because it held up a pair of pants.
Okay.
Where did the general put his armies?
I'm afraid to ask.
In his sleveys.
Oh, man.
And last but not least.
What?
Do you call a magician that loses his magic?
I don't know.
Ian?
All right.
They were horrible, but I loved them.
Let's see.
What else here?
Have I got anything else or are we just going to go?
Here's a neat little tidbit.
61% of Americans, we'll just go ahead and close this podcast out with these facts.
61% of Americans are more afraid of running out of money than dying.
36% of millionaires say it will take a miracle to retire amid rising costs and a shaky market.
The next and last one, the US dollar has lost 98% of its purchasing power since 1971.
That.
I can see that.
When you print it out of thin air.
Yeah.
You get what you get.
No value.
And that's what happens with inflation and everything and your gross domestic product is way out of whack and you're not really sending anything out to anyone else.
And a lot of issues.
So anyhow, everybody, thanks for listening.
Have a good night.
Good night.
Bye.
Hey, where'd everybody go?
Where the douchebags.
Oh my God.
Someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh, geez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.