Live in the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the
banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue Walkers of the Missouri River, it is Tootboosh Bags
and Microphone Podcast.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper, it's strange insults from an alien, real
hilarity.
You have more debt in your personality than you do in your pants.
Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes and scream, hey there's
no toilet paper in here!
Ha ha ha!
Alright, this is Tootboosh Bags and Microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Hi, welcome everybody, we have a lot of different subjects we're probably going to get into
tonight, I even have an iCall Bullshit on someone.
Oh, right on!
We haven't done one of those in a while.
No, we have.
There's a lot I'd like to, but we can't go there.
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it.
So you know, this one, it was overwhelmingly, I was looking at the facts of the situation
and everything, and I was like, you know what, I've got a call bullshit on this guy.
It needs to happen, and it's going to happen a little bit later in the podcast.
Well typically we don't do iCall Bullshits just right off the bat, we kind of wait a
little bit and mix them in there.
So we'll be getting to that in a little while.
So we've got an iCall Bullshit coming up and some other stories that we have there.
So anyhow, I'd like to start.
And I'm going to start a new segment tonight also.
Oh yeah, yeah, you were telling me about, please tell everybody, Rob.
Yeah, I'm going to do a segment on old west hygiene.
I love that.
I really do, Rob.
Oh yeah, it's interesting, man, it's interesting.
I don't know if people are like me.
I would assume because you listen to this podcast that you're an odd duck like me.
You like odd facts, you like odd people, you like odd things.
So I would think that this would be something that people that genuinely like this podcast
and are fans would dig their teeth into and go, yes, that is something I would really
like to know a little bit more about.
So Rob, excellent.
And this is something I came up with on my own, like product, and that'd be awesome.
So here we are.
Okay, all right.
Well, you know we do a lot of food news on here, right?
Yes, yes.
And then we have a little sponsor clip that we got to get into too after the food news
because it is all food related.
And so, okay, we're going to start off with some fast food news.
The first thing on the fast food news is this right here.
McDonald's will be offering a pumpkin and cream pie.
It features a sugar coated and baked turnover style crust with pumpkin pie filling on one
side and cream filling on the other.
The seasonal dessert is generally available during the fall and in an opt in basis while
supplies last.
And opt in basis means that like I've found this on stuff like this, the seasonal desserts
and stuff like that, most restaurants do participate in it, but there may be a couple here or there
that don't for whatever reason, maybe not the staffing or whatever.
But this is going to be coming up here real soon in September and it's going to last through
October.
And then while supplies last, I think it just depends on what day in October it ends, right?
Yeah.
Or November 1st or whatever.
They may go through Halloween, who knows?
So that is the first one.
And then this next one, that's cool.
McDonald's doing that is cool.
McDonald's sweet stuff is usually pretty quality.
I don't really have any complaints with it.
I think it's generally pretty good.
They do a pretty good job of stuff like that.
So I think that's going to be okay.
But here's what I'm really anxious about right here.
Here's what I'm excited about.
Hardee's launches a new Nashville hot chicken lineup.
A Nashville hot chicken to me at a fast food chain.
If they can pull that off decent, that's a gem.
Because Nashville hot chicken is hard to find.
Good Nashville hot chicken is even harder to find.
So joining Hardee's signature hand breaded chicken platform, the new hot hand breaded
Nashville style chicken sandwich, hot hand breaded Nashville style chicken tenders, and
a Nashville hot style chicken biscuit as well.
So they're going to have those three different Nashville style chickens.
It's going to be strips, a traditional Nashville hot chicken sandwich, and a biscuit in the
morning or whenever you choose to eat it.
Nashville hot, the descriptions of all of them are as follows.
Nashville hot hand breaded chicken sandwich, a premium all white chicken filet, hand dipped
in a buttermilk lightly breaded and fried to a golden brown.
So it's got a buttermilk dressing into the breading and fried to a golden brown.
Topped with Nashville hot seasoning plus garlic, pickles, and mayo served on a toasted potato
bun.
Now that sounds really good to me.
What do you think Rob?
That sounds pretty good to me.
If they do it right, I'm going to be a fan.
I'm going to be a fan for a while.
Because like I said, it's hard to get a good Nashville hot chicken sandwich anywhere, let
alone a fast food place.
So if they can pull it off even adequately, I will go there and buy their Nashville hot
chicken sandwich.
I love the garlic, pickles, and the mayo.
Because if you go to Nashville, the Hattie B's, or any place that pulls off a hot chicken
like that, that's one of the essential ingredients, the potato bun, the garlic, pickles, and the
mayo.
So that's good.
And then they'll have the fries covered.
They sell fries.
So to me, you've got to follow those up with fries and good mac and cheese.
That's what makes a great pairing of a Nashville hot chicken sandwich.
So the next description, Nashville hot hand breaded chicken biscuit, a tender all white
meat chicken breast, battered and breaded in the brand's crispy coating, topped with
Nashville's hot seasoning, and a made from scratch biscuit.
Nothing sounds bad with that, does it?
No, I don't.
Then the next one, the Nashville hot chicken tenders.
Premium all white meat chicken, hand dipped in a buttermilk, lightly breaded, fried to
a golden brown, and topped with Nashville hot seasoning.
Each order is served with dipping sauce, which is essential to that.
So I'm in.
Yeah, me too.
Sounds good to me.
And then finally, on the fast food news, we have a Unite Chipotle lovers, carne asada
is back.
Only for a limited time, so hurry.
So there you go.
And we have a couple little tidbits of fast food after this.
So the carne asada is back at Chipotle.
If you love carne asada, go fucking get your son before it's gone.
Next one, Josh Allen's Pizzeria in Buffalo is offering an interception pizza free of
charge all through September.
So they will literally throw the pizza in there.
If you intercept it like Josh Allen's three passes were intercepted earlier this week,
you get it for free.
And then the Joey Burrow pizza is offering a flat on your back three point pizza free
as well as unlimited.
So isn't that great?
Yeah, it's awesome.
They thought of us, even in their time of need, they thought of everybody.
Little Joey Burrow and Josh Allen both.
You guys are troopers.
Thank you.
I think the interception pizza is going to go over well because he's getting pretty easily
intercepted so I'm going to think that a lot of people are going to be intercepting these
pizzas and getting themselves a free pizza.
And little Joey Burrow, he's flat on his back scoring three points a game so he's just going
to give you the pizza.
He's like, no argument, I'm sorry.
Orlando Brown is a bust.
Please forgive me.
I'm sorry for mouthing off.
It's not Burrowhead.
Yes, I am.
I'm a bitch.
Yes, yes.
I'm a bottom.
Here you go.
Anyhow, okay.
And then after this, I have a serious note.
Daily Kitchen at the City Market, which is a fantastic place to eat.
It's right next to City Market Coffee and you will be introduced to this place when
you get up here, Rob.
Oh, I can't wait.
I can't wait.
It is.
They have a $15 lunch special, which is a fantastic deal for the quality of food you
get and how tasty the food is and the recipes.
You get an entree, a salad, and a drink for $15.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
And they have stuff like, I mean, like they have a meatloaf sandwich, brisket sandwich,
roast pork, grilled cheese, curry chicken, egg salad.
Let's see.
Their egg sandwich I had this morning, which is very good, only $7.50.
It's scrambled eggs, sausage, cheese, lettuce, tomato, spicy mayo on a butter bun and it
is fantastic.
Oh my God.
That sounds awesome.
Yeah.
The buffalo chicken salad is fantastic.
I've had that.
The egg scrambles.
The country breast breakfast is excellent.
The meatloaf sandwich is excellent.
The brisket sandwich is to die for.
That cheese that they put on it, man.
I'll tell you what.
And now for the time being until I say it's off, you go into the Daily Kitchen at the
City Market in Kansas City, Missouri and you mentioned Two Douchebags and a Microphone
podcast, 10% off.
So not only do you get this great deal, but you also get 10% off on that if you mention
our names.
So go in there.
The lady is a fantastic lady.
Talked to her for a while.
She's very interesting.
She's lived all over this world.
She has had businesses all over this world and she is a really interesting cat.
So just go in there and talk to her.
A very interesting person.
I love talking to her.
When I was having my sandwich this morning down there, I had a good conversation with
her and I didn't know it, but she had her own radio show around Kansas City for a while
on the Comedy Channel.
It was like, I don't know.
Yeah.
Comedy Channel was like 1540 or something.
Is in the 90s for a couple of years.
And is on AM is like 1540.
Is way up the dial.
Very weak signal.
I don't know how many watts it was.
But she had a foodie show on there about food.
And anyhow, she owned her own restaurant right across from the Uptown Theater.
And the Uptown Theater was where the comedy station originated.
And a comedian I guess he owned it and broadcasted from there.
So anyhow, go in there, tell her the two douchebags sent you and get your 10% off and enjoy her
food.
It's very good.
And talk to her.
I'll tell you what.
I can't wait to meet her.
Yeah, talking to her is just as much of a treat as the food.
And believe me, they're both very good treats.
So anyhow, Daily Kitchen.
Shoe Market, Kansas City, Missouri.
Go there.
Get your 10% off.
Take advantage of the $15 special.
Enjoy yourself.
And tell them two douchebags and microphones sent you.
And thank you guys.
So alright, let's see.
Here, I got a little story.
Yes, go ahead.
A woman who was sleeping at a popular Virginia beach and died after a lifeguard station stand
and fell and crushed her, according to police.
Oh!
Virginia Beach Police Department officers
were loaded to report a lifeguard stand
falling onto someone near 21st Street
on the beach at about 3.30 a.m. on Saturday, September 9th.
The officers arrived at the location.
They determined the lifeguard stand fell on top of the woman
and she was pronounced dead at the scene.
Police later identified the woman as 28-year-old Chelsea Moles.
In a statement sent to Newsweek,
a VBPD spokesperson said,
investigators deem this incident as an accidental death.
Moles was believed to be sleeping on top of the stand
when another individual tried to hammock to the stand,
causing the stand to topple over, crushing on top of Moles.
Oh!
Wow!
Oh wow!
Talk about bad luck.
You talk about your...
That can't be a very good stand to begin with.
No, I know.
You talk about your time.
That's all it took.
You know, people go, it was their time.
Whenever that happens, wouldn't you say
that was definitely her time?
Well, when I read further into it,
it mentioned how she was known to be homeless.
So her chances went way up.
That's why she was on to me.
Yeah, she was probably hanging out underneath it,
maybe getting a little bit of shade or something.
And so her chances went way up,
considering she probably hung around there all the time.
So, well, she may not have any family
to reap the benefits of the lawsuit, so who knows?
So, wow.
Well, too bad.
What's her name again?
Chelsea, or popped out of it.
Chelsea, we'll just call her Chelsea.
Chelsea, sorry about your luck.
Good luck in the great beyond.
Hopefully you're not homeless in heaven.
Hopefully you have a nice, beautiful house there.
Right?
Yep.
All right, well, there we go.
I got another one for you too.
All right, Rob, the floor is yours.
A man is in custody after he allegedly voluntarily confessed
to killing and raping a young woman in Boston in 1979,
according to prosecutors.
Wow, okay.
Susan Marsha Rose, a 24-year-old with red hair,
was killed in an apartment building
in Boston's Back Bay neighborhood on October 30th, 1979,
the Suffolk County District Attorney's Office said Monday.
In August, 68-year-old John Ermer of Oregon
walked into the FBI office in Portland
and allegedly told agents that he met a woman
with red hair at a Boston skating rink around Halloween 1979.
Ermer said he and the woman walked into 285 Beacon Street,
which was under renovation.
Ermer then allegedly picked up a hammer
and failed to hit her in the head
before raping her during prosecution.
Oh, it sounds like he killed her first and then raped her.
Not that it's any better, but I mean, ugh.
Wow.
Yeah, it goes a little further about how they said
how bad it was, but they matched DNA.
DNA matched everything.
So did he say why he finally turned himself in?
Was it finally some sort of guilt?
No, no, see the story did not say why he decided
to turn himself, that's what I was wondering.
Hmm, you wouldn't think anybody like that would have any guilt.
No, I mean, that old, you know, not long ago,
unless he ain't got nothing else, you know,
or at least a roof and three miles.
Maybe he's getting closer to death
and he's afraid of the afterlife.
Well, you know, that's what I'm saying.
You go to prison?
You got three nights and a cat.
Yeah, maybe he's thinking, you know what,
if I go to prison, at least I'll make it up down here
and maybe I'll be forgiven in the afterlife.
I don't know, who knows how someone like that thinks.
They obviously don't think rational, you know,
there's just something that's, you know,
that luckily the rest of us are missing, you know, so.
Wow.
Okay, well, how about if I go to something
a little bit more lighthearted, Rob?
Yeah, please do.
I've got others too.
Okay, well.
I've got more lighthearted stuff.
Okay, we'll go back to lighthearted stuff,
yours here in a minute.
But you know, Kaderius Tony, right?
Of the Kansas City Chiefs.
We got him from the Giants last year in a trade.
Yeah.
Well, Kaderius Tony had a very bad game.
He had a horrible game.
He tipped a pass that led to a pick six interception.
A perfect pass, mind you.
And he had a horrible game.
Kaderius Tony was viciously trolled by the Giants fans
after his disastrous play in Thursday night's
NFL kickoff game.
Tony accounted for seven dropped or tipped passes
resulting in a pick six and at least
one wide open touchdown run.
Giants fans were brutal with scathing comments
about his durability to his focus, to even his character.
So Sunday night, Tony's old team was promptly destroyed
by the Dallas Cowboys 40 to nothing.
After Dallas finished off its 40 to nothing dismantling
on national TV, Tony posted on his Instagram page
a series of photos that included closeups of Daniel Jones
and Shaquon Barkley looking all dejected.
Picks of halftime which Cowboys were leading 26 to nothing
included celebration photos of touchdowns with a caption,
nah, don't get quiet on me now.
Well, yep, New Yorker East Coast obnoxious fan,
you get what you send out, bitch.
Enjoy your crow, enjoy eating it.
Cause you guys deserved every fucking bed of this.
You troll this boy and then you lose 40 to nothing.
There you go, cocky fuck.
You just got it right in your face.
Eat your crow and shut up.
Then on another note, speaking of Twitter, Twatter,
fucking Insta-Puke, all that shit, Orlando Brown,
the guy that left Kansas City, he couldn't leave Kansas City
quick enough to go to the Bengals, or right tackle.
He could not leave the Chiefs fast enough.
He rejected a 139 million dollar contract
and ran to the Bengals to sign,
mostly because he wanted to switch
the side he lined up on.
Well, Mr. Brown had one of his worst games ever
on the Bengals home game against the Browns.
The Browns only allowed Lil Joey Burrow three points.
Brown went down like a meth head when the meth head
hears the rattle of a crisp 20 dollar bill.
That's how fast Brown went down.
Heard the rattle of a 20 dollar bill and he was down.
Lil Burrow was sacked seven times.
Everyone as fun as the other.
Brown got a slew of shit on Twitter from Chiefs fans
and rightfully so.
So, we'll see you Lil Joey Brown, Orlando Brown,
and Lil Joey Burrow.
See you in the funding papers.
So, anyhow, how about if we come back
with an I call bullshit?
Trying to get into me.
Alrighty, we will be right back.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
So, if I have a glass of ice water and the ice melts
into the water, is my water then watered down?
I may never know.
This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast,
The Two Douchebags in a Microphone.
People often ask us how they can find us
when doing a remote broadcast.
One, smell.
Go to the city market and start sniffing.
Our aroma's been described as a mixture
of flea powder for goats, Tabasco sauce,
and old sock with dark fuzzy urine.
Two, look for the spot absent of patrons.
Three, the most telling sign is a crowd of patrons
vomiting uncontrollably.
Four, just call us at 816-512-7717.
["I Call Bullshit"]
All right, as Four mentioned,
we have an I call bullshit coming up,
so let's take another pause so I can insert
the ha ha I call bullshit promo.
So we'll be right back again.
Oh no, it looks like someone's on their high horse again.
It's another episode of I call bullshit.
Bullshit.
Okay, as Four mentioned, I call bullshit on Elon Musk.
Uh oh.
Yeah.
Elon knew from the start that he wasn't gonna fight
Zuckerberg is what I'm contending here.
When the fight with words first originated
a half year ago or so, it started with Zuckerberg
showing his mixed martial arts matches
and how well he was doing.
Musk was mocked because he was about to fight
a semi-pro fighter without any fight experience.
Then soon after came the story surfacing about Musk
being high up in the judo chain.
No footage was ever released after the claim
and Musk would back out with a barrage of excuses.
Well, Rob, I don't think it's too hard
to call this one, is it?
I call and Rob calls and everybody who's thought about it
calls bullshit on Elon Musk.
He has puffed out his chest before only to back down,
see his Twitter layoffs.
So, complete Sam-douchery on his part.
He'd come out there puffing out his chest,
saying, oh yeah, I can beat the guy, I can beat the guy
and then probably people around him said,
have you seen any of his matches?
Oh, what do you mean?
Yeah, well take a look, Zuckerberg may be an idiot
and he may be a fuck face, he may be a douchebag,
he may be a fucking total ass wipe, but the guy can fight.
See, said match.
And then Elon Musk is probably like, hmm, well shit,
I might just get my ass kicked
and that would be more humiliating
than actually just stepping out
for a bunch of bullshit reasons, in my opinion.
I think Elon is afraid to fight Zuckerberg
and I think rightfully so.
I think it probably is people close around him
said, dude, you're gonna have an even worse PR nightmare
than you already have by fighting this guy
because he's gonna kick the shit out of you
and he also think that he probably spread these things
about, oh, he knows Judo,
he'd been practicing for a long time.
Oh, it's gonna be a hell of a fight, guys.
Better watch out, mixed martial arts against Judo, oh boy.
And then when it all came down to it, it didn't even happen
and they had all of these charities lined up
to benefit from it and all that.
So I'm saying, Elon, I think you're a tool bag
and in my opinion, you lied.
I think you lied to try to look cool
and then you just lied to get yourself out of it,
in my opinion.
So Elon Musk, I call bullshit on you.
So.
Yep, I do too.
Yep, yep, complete garbage.
So, hey, Rob, you had some lighthearted stories?
Yeah.
I was ran across one.
Okay.
And it was on metalcast.net.
Okay.
It's called the top five bands,
Geddy Lee named his favorites in all time.
This'll be interesting,
because I love Geddy Lee. Yeah.
And I think he has a. Yeah.
Yeah, go ahead.
Geddy Lee of Rush, for those that don't know.
And I'm gonna simplify it,
because they named them
and they had this big spiel about each one afterwards.
Some of them named wrong. Yeah, yeah, please do,
because not everybody's nerds like us.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, number five, Radiohead.
Hmm, okay.
Number four, Genesis with Peter Gabriel.
Okay, okay.
I'd like to fill Colin's version too,
but with Peter Gabriel, it was good too.
I do too, but yeah.
Number three, Led Zeppelin.
Cool.
Number two, The Who.
Okay.
I've never been that huge of a Who fan, but it's cool.
Yeah, not that huge.
That's probably where he gets his bass stuff from,
why he liked to do the lead bass stuff,
because The Who did a lot of stuff with their bass too.
So it's probably just a musical influence.
Yeah, they did, they did.
And his number one, Cream.
I can't necessarily argue with Cream.
Cream is never or never will be one of my favorite bands,
or even close to it.
But the talent that emerged from there,
the talent that was in that band,
Ginger Baker and Eric Clapton and-
Yeah, yeah.
Oh shit, I forgot the, anyhow, their senior,
I mean, yeah, undeniable, crazy, crazy talented songwriting.
Everything about Cream was just so good.
I mean, like I said,
they'll never be one of my favorite bands,
because the music, I like the music,
but I wasn't in love with the music.
So anyhow though, Cream-
You gotta remember, Geddy Lee's older.
No, no, no, I get it.
He was born in 1968.
I absolutely get it, because I mean,
why do you think that Ozzy did a song with Eric Clapton
on his last album?
You know, Jeff Beck is obvious because of his guitar talent
and all that, and Eric Clapton's guitar talent.
Well, where did a lot of these people like Ozzy
hear that music?
Well, when they were still getting into music,
they were listening to things like Cream,
because Cream was already established in the UK
and already huge.
And you know, the Eric Clapton stuff
and the Wawa pedal and all that stuff
originated pretty much from Cream,
and then went on, you know, Eric Clapton,
built on his legacy in Cream.
But Cream is one of those bands that was so uber talented
and wrote such uber talented songs that I get it.
I definitely get it.
So, okay.
Like I said, the music was just a little bit before my time.
Maybe if I was a few years older,
Cream would have been above, I don't know,
Ozzy or Motley Crue or whatever, you know what I mean?
They were just a little bit before my time.
Or you know what I mean?
They would have probably been above that.
But the timing for me was just after Cream.
So I didn't get the full effect of how good they were.
You know, so anyhow, I get it.
So, okay.
Do you want another music story?
Sure.
Okay.
In a new interview with Canada's The Metal Voice,
Dutch guitarist Adrian van der Berg
was asked if he was ever approached by Ozzy Osbourne
or Kiss to join their band since Adrian's van der Berg,
but was band van der Berg in the 80s?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, and supported both of those legendary rock acts
in the 1980s.
He responded as transcribed by blabbermouth.net.
I did a story that I never told before,
but it was Ozzy actually.
The first time I met him during the 1983 tour
when we started, but I was,
I must say he was not quite sober,
which is very unusual for Ozzy, of course.
I think he was joking on that.
But yeah, his tour manager introduced me to him,
and he was in the lunchroom of one of the hotels.
And he said, Adrian, do you wanna join my band?
I said, man, we're supporting you guys.
And Jakey Lee was Ozzy's guitarist at the time,
is a fantastic player.
And he mumbled something like,
we'll stay in touch or whatever.
But later on, some people mentioned that Don Aery
and a couple of other guys in the band mentioned to Ozzy
that my style of playing had a lot of resemblance
with Randy Rhoades playing
in the sense of classical influence,
like Euro metal type stuff
combined with American and blues and whatever.
So hearing that and hearing Randy's playing
because I was not really familiar with Randy playing,
because Ozzy was not popular in Europe at the time,
he was a huge in the United States.
So when we got the invitation to support him,
I was kind of surprised.
I thought, wow, Ozzy, I didn't really know
he was that huge in the States.
So anyhow, I mean, I guess that Ozzy even then
was not happy with Jakey Lee in 1983.
Yeah, that was the Bark of the Moon era,
and that would have been the first album
they'd done together.
They only did two albums together.
He only did two albums with Jakey Lee,
and that would be Bark of the Moon and The Ultimate Sin.
Both albums were really good, very well written.
The second one, The Ultimate Sin was produced
by Ron Nevison and had more of a poppy feel,
which he is trying to go for.
You know, one of the Queen producers
did some Queen producing on Queen albums.
And it wasn't received quite as well
because of the poppy element,
where Bark of the Moon was heavier and darker.
Songs like Rock and Roll Rebel,
Journey to the Center of Eternity,
it even had a ballad on it called So Tired,
which actually hit pretty well in the States.
And I find it interesting that after doing
Bark of the Moon, which was such a success,
and Jakey Lee sounded so good on that album
that he was ready to replace him.
You think like maybe they just clashed from day one
and didn't get along that well,
and maybe Ozzy could sense that it was gonna end?
And he was just trying to be proactive
and be like, ah, I gotta get the next guy?
Or do you think that Ozzy thought
that Adrian Vandenberg might have sounded
that much like Randy Rhoades,
that he could have kept the style they were going for
in Blizzard and Dire of a Madman?
What do you think?
I don't know what happened,
because I liked Jake.
I did too.
I thought he was very good with the albums,
and I thought he was exactly what Ozzy needed
after Randy died.
Well, at that time, music was changing.
At that time, everybody was trying to get on the toes.
That's a great point, because everyone was trying
to sound like Motley Crue and Rat.
And that's exactly what they fell in line with
with that album.
So I don't really know if Ozzy was like trying
to sound like Randy Rhoades, or he was heartbroken
because his best friend and guitarist died, or what?
Very well could be.
Which Jake had some big shoes to fill, man.
Everybody knew it.
Do you recall any of the interviews Jake talked about?
He said that people were flipping him off
and telling him to fuck off.
He's not Randy Rhoades and all that stuff.
It wasn't even his fault.
Randy Rhoades died.
He didn't get fired.
Randy Rhoades died.
So someone had to be there facilitating the guitar work.
Someone had to be there helping with the songs.
And people were just fucking cruel.
Anyhow, Jakey Lee took a lot of that personal,
and he didn't like it.
It wasn't Ozzy's fault.
I mean, what's Ozzy gonna do about it?
But anyhow, I don't know what the combination of events were,
or maybe him and Jake just clashed all the time.
Maybe they didn't get along that well.
Maybe Ozzy was drunk all the time and just being an idiot
and Jake didn't like it.
Who knows?
But I thought it interesting that even after
Bark at the Moon, right after that album, on that tour,
he was ready to dump Jakey Lee for Adrian Vandenberg.
Huh.
I don't know.
I find that really interesting and peculiar, honestly.
So, oh well.
Maybe they just clashed a lot.
Who knows what the deal was.
I've heard time and time again, they did clash a lot.
Well, I know.
There was like notorious stories about Jakey Lee walking out
on studio albums, just going, fuck you,
and just leaving, and mind games.
Like he'd say, yeah, I'll be there at one,
and then he wouldn't show up,
or he'd show up at like 5 p.m. or something.
And there's a lot of stories like that,
but who knows where, I mean, you know,
Ozzy was fucked out of his mind so much too.
Who knows?
I mean, you know, Ozzy could've been like,
hey, we'll be there recording,
and then he doesn't show up for two weeks.
You know, it's just like the famous story that I love,
and I think I told it on this podcast before,
but this was in Brad Gillis's book, or memoirs,
and Brad Gillis had to fill in for the rest of the diary
of the Madman Tour after Randy Rhoades died.
They had, I don't know, like maybe 10 concerts left to do,
and they weren't gonna cancel the concert.
They were gonna fulfill their obligations.
So Brad Gillis said that like Ozzy would be pissed
out of his mind, and he would disappear.
And so I think he said they were in Dallas,
and Sharon put out an APB on Ozzy
because he'd been gone for a few days,
and the concert was at night.
And she's like, oh shit, man, everybody, you know,
let everybody know, find Ozzy.
Yeah, he's got a concert tonight, we need him to be here.
So Ozzy shows up at the hotel room,
and his head was shaved,
and Sharon comes in the room, what the fuck?
Ozzy, what the hell did you do?
And he's like muttering shit.
They couldn't even tell.
He is illegible.
They could not tell what the fuck he was saying.
He was fucked out of his mind.
So then Ozzy, watch this.
He runs over, and he grabs his wig,
and he throws it on his head and says, problem solved.
So Sharon's like, you wear that fucking wig,
and you wear it every time you have a concert
till your hair grows back.
You're a rock star, and you need your fucking hair.
So they're getting ready to go out on stage
just a few hours later.
Brad Gillis looks back, and Ozzy pulls his wig off,
and he grabs one of those little ketchup bottles
that you get with your food at a hotel room service.
Takes the ketchup, and he pours it all over his head.
And Brad's like, oh fuck,
this concert's gonna go like shit, wow, fuck.
So he's like, why am I here, fuck, I shouldn't,
he's like thinking about having fantasies
about doing Night Ranger, you know.
And so, anyhow, Ozzy goes out,
and I guess he just had the fucking hell of a concert,
just fucking rips the place up.
People are going nuts.
They said like maybe three songs left in the whole set,
and suddenly Ozzy pulls his fucking wig off,
and all that ketchup looked like blood
pouring down his head.
And people thought he ripped his fucking hair
off of his head, and that was a bloody scalp.
And he said that the audience went from, yeah, Ozzy,
to oh my god, what the hell?
And people like running, vomiting, fucking screaming.
Maybe, maybe Jakey Lee got sick of shit like that, right?
Me, I would've ate that shit up.
I'd be like, oh my god,
and then Ozzy pulled his hair off.
What?
Yeah, he pulled his hair off,
and there was blood everywhere.
He had long hair, but he pulled it all off,
and there's blood everywhere,
and then people go, man dude, how many mushrooms did you do?
Tell me the truth, did you swallow some acid?
No, I'm serious.
No, wait a second, that was about the time
Ozzy pissed on Alamo too.
Yeah, he went on a binge.
It was about that time, yeah.
And that was it.
He notoriously.
I was in Texas.
He notoriously went crazy after Randy's death.
He notoriously went crazy.
He was already a partier,
but he was just fucked out of his mind after Randy's death.
He was like, you know, he was.
He went off the rails.
Yeah, he went off the rails.
He was eaten up with sorrow.
He didn't know what to do.
The only thing he knew what to do was be outlandish and crazy,
and that's what he did.
So, yeah.
He was good at it.
Yeah, yes he was.
So, I would love,
I cannot find footage of that anywhere,
but I would love to have footage of that.
So, anyone out there,
if you know where I get footage of that,
let me know.
I want to see this.
I want to see him pull his alleged hair off
and blood run all over his scalp,
and I want to see the look of the audience when he does this.
So, anyhow.
I also have a little bit more music news, if you will.
Is that okay, Rob?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
In a new interview with Rock of Nations
with Dave Kitchin and Shane McHern,
founding Judas Priest guitarist, Kenneth K.K. Downing,
was asked about the possibility of him ever rejoining
his former bandmates on stage in the future.
He said-
I read that story.
Oh, you did?
Well, it's-
No, go ahead.
Okay.
I want you to use it.
Oh, okay.
Go for it.
All right, it's transcribed by blabbermouth.net.
Well, I asked them if they want me to step back
into a role of a couple of times in writing,
and the answer came back, no.
So it is what it is.
And then I went, okay, fine.
Then I will start a new band that's what I've done
with, it's named K.K.'s Priest.
And now I'm pretty happy, really, because I've rediscovered.
I mean, I used to write all the material for the band
back in the late 60s, early 70s,
and I forgot what it was like to be.
It's kind of nice to put material down
and just say what goes on and what doesn't yourself.
Without having to collaborate and everything takes along,
it's great to just get on with it.
Downing went on to say that he is particularly disappointed
that fellow founding priest member, Ian Hill, the bassist,
has seemingly decided against having K.K. rejoin the group.
Honestly, the worst thing about the whole thing
is that Ian has denied me the opportunity
to step back into the band, he said.
I mean, we went to kindergarten together.
We were like brothers.
We spent many years at the back of the bus
complaining about everybody else.
I always thought it was me and him for many years,
but I just don't know how that can happen.
Like I say, and Rob Halford, who was a vocalist,
left the band for 14 years.
And when I was instrumental in inviting him back
into the band, how can he deny me the opportunity
to go on stage and play my songs?
They're saying, we're gonna do it, but you can't.
Because Ian and Rob never wrote any of the music
for this band.
Well, I tell you why they invited Rob Halford back
after 14 years and after he really kind of just stepped down
out of nowhere, because he was mad at the record label
for telling him to tone down the Judas Priest brand
and all that.
Okay, and he very famously just took off
and he didn't tell the band or anything.
He did a press conference.
And for what I understand, he didn't tell the band
and the band was like, what the fuck?
Did Old Lead Singer just quit on live TV
and didn't tell us?
And there's a lot of hard feelings.
Quite frankly, the reason Rob Halford was invited
back into the band is because they were not selling
without him.
And when he came back into the band, no big surprise.
They were selling records and they were selling concerts.
So that's why Rob Halford's back in the band.
The reason KK Downing's not in the band is probably money.
They have Richie Faulkner doing the same thing he did
and he's probably not making nearly as much
as KK Downing, who was a founding member, was making.
So it's probably that right there.
And as we all know, the piece of the pie isn't nearly
as big as it used to be for any 70s, 80s metal band.
It's just not there.
So they're probably looking at it as a monetary reason
and that's probably the long and the short of it.
And I don't blame KK for taking it personal,
but I guess it's business, right?
Right.
Yep.
So anyhow, that was the other music news that I had
and we will be right back after this.
Two tool bags and a socket wrench will be right back.
Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their ass
with politically correct wash rags.
Two douche bags and a microphone invade your ear holes
in three, two, one.
All aware of the Amber Alert, right?
Well, get rid of your disinfectants
and rubber bed spreads, kids.
It's the all new Amber Heard Alert system.
This fantastic early warning device helps one stay dry
and rid of all those annoying mattress invoices.
Simply hook up to child under six or psychopath
and wait for the running water sound.
This clever machine has three distinct settings,
babbling brook, ocean waves,
and roaring river for those close call.
Order today and get a free Cinnabon Renuzen cartridge.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
You are just like a cloud.
It's a beautiful day when you disappear.
All right, two douche bags and a microphone.
I am Mark.
And I am Rob.
All right, something I'd like to note really quick.
And do you have some stuff you want to go into, Rob?
Well, I was going to get to my wild west hiking.
Okay, that's cool.
Hang on one minute. Let me mention this.
Okay, on the podcast, there's a couple of things.
I did away with two douche bags and microphone dot net,
and there are some people that relied on it.
I hope they will be able to find our program
without having any of that website,
because that website was virtually useless
except for the so many people that went there,
which wasn't that big of an amount of people.
And so that is gone for now.
I still retained the name.
I still own the name, two douche bags and microphone dot net.
But honestly, I could not get anything to work right on it.
And until I get a webmaster or something
or someone that knows a little bit more about it than me,
it's going to remain like this.
It's not going to be in existence,
because it just frankly is not getting it done.
I had to come up with a different email address,
because that one would never come through for me.
People tell me, hey, did you get my list?
I'm like, what list?
And I go, well, I sent it to two douche bags
and microphone dot net on their website.
I'm like, no, I didn't get it,
like everything else I didn't get.
So that is off the table for now.
It might come back later.
It probably will come back later.
But right now it's gone, because it quite simply
is not performing what I needed it to.
And number two, I changed the description of the program.
It was grabbing the fun that life gives out for free.
But now it talks about what we really are.
And what we are is a topical-based program
with odd news stories and skits and bits reminiscent
of a morning show, only we get to be a lot ruder and cruder,
because we are not bound by the FCC rules that
governs radio.
I can't even say that right.
So I changed the description.
I hope you typed it right.
I probably didn't, because I probably
spelt it just like I spoke it, which people look and go,
what the fuck does that mean?
And then they went on.
They go, oh, well, I still like the program,
even though he's an idiot.
Hey, that's what makes it so.
Yeah.
Yeah, the governor-embodied FCC does not
govern us on the internet.
So that's what I was trying to say, or something like that,
or something.
So now we turn our attention to Rob and his brand new segment.
Rob, the floor is yours.
Wild West hygiene practices that are best left in the past.
Wild West was an era full of rugged cowboys,
untamed spirits, and trailblazing pioneers
who etched their names in American history.
Amongst the legends and lore, one aspect
remains mysterious, their hygiene habits.
Imagine a world devoured of running water
and modern bathrooms where cleanliness were lack thereof.
Had a whole new meaning.
Brace yourself for a journey as we uncover
the unsettling yet strangely fascinating
practices of hygiene practices that were common not
that long ago.
First one, lard soap, whiskey, and pencils
were all used in women's hair.
Wow.
Hair care in the Wild West took an intriguing turn.
Forget the fragrant shampoos we know today.
Back then, it was all about lard and lice soap bars
that were scentless and practical.
But wait, there's more.
Some daring individuals turned to an unconventional blend
of whiskey and castor oil to clean and condition
their tresses.
Talk about a wild hair care cocktail.
OK.
And how did women style their hair during that time?
With pencils, of course.
They'd wrap their locks around a pencil
and hope it looked curly and cute after.
Hm.
And on our next podcast, I'll have the next one.
All right.
Just, yeah, I'll get a few podcasts out of this.
OK.
Cool.
I like that.
That was interesting.
Yeah.
OK.
Let's see.
Do you have any other stories?
You said you had a few stories.
Let's see.
Let me, oh, yeah.
Hey.
Let me run back.
It's right here.
Let me run back real quick.
OK.
Hm.
And that's a quick one.
OK.
Well, it was a lot longer.
I'm going to shorten it up a lot.
OK.
The musician Bill Collins called the greatest drummer of all time.
OK.
Although there were more than a few licks that Collins had picked up from artists like
John Bonham and Ginger Baker behind the kit, Buddy Rich may be one of the most evident
influences on his style.
Whereas both Baker and Bonham were going for a sound that felt somewhere between a drummer
and a feral amul, Collins' approach was most clinically precise, making songs that had
power without sacrificing brutal force for the sake of composition.
So his favorite drummer was Buddy Rich.
OK.
Buddy Rich was a very good drummer.
That's where he takes a lot of his style from.
Well, I could see that.
Well, that's where he gets a lot of it.
OK.
OK, cool.
All right.
Well, let's see.
I've got a little story here about John Bon Jovi.
All right, cool.
Well, I mean, I know we did music when it was a little bit ago, but anyhow, I just now
found it.
I knew I had it here somewhere, but I just now located it.
So I'm going to go into it now because I think it needs mentioned.
OK.
John Bon Jovi is not your typical rock star.
John Bon Jovi has been happily married to his high school sweetheart for 37 years.
Bon Jovi has a sole foundation that has donated half a million dollars to build houses for
the homeless.
It builds new homes for veterans in Washington, D.C.
The project has taken 10 years to complete with help from the nonprofit Help USA, whose
goal is to tackle the issue of homelessness in the United States.
Bon Jovi not only donates his money, but time as well.
He takes his spare time and actually helps build homes for his charity and other charities,
and mainly for veterans.
Yeah, he does.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think that deserves a mention because to have a person doing that in a world that
we live in is gold, but it never gets talked about.
You hear about the guy slapping the piss out of his girlfriend?
That gets talked about to no end on TMZ.
John Bon Jovi being such a credible guy and doing this never gets talked about on TMZ.
And I'll tell you what, this is a good guy here, and I can compare it to something right
here.
What I wrote here, meanwhile, Nikki Sixx is still looking for his car keys and bad mouth
in McMar's, Vince Neil and John Karabi.
While John Bon Jovi has been married to his high school sweetheart for all these years,
and he raised all this money for the homeless veterans, and he helps build their houses
in his spare time instead of getting into lawsuits.
Well, he owns a restaurant where he treats people for free too.
Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah.
And so anyhow, John Bon Jovi, we salute you.
Kudos, Mr. Bon Jovi.
Kudos.
Good job.
And finally, but not least on this podcast before we go to the next one.
The streets of a Portuguese town ran red when two vats at a local distillery burst and released
nearly 600,000 gallons of red wine.
Photos and videos captured by witnesses show the red wine flowing through the streets of
São Lourenço de Paul, which is a city in Portugal.
The still unnamed distillery said there were no injuries and they assume full responsibility
of the spill and will clean up all affected areas and repair any damages that occurred
during the accident.
There is no word on drunken animals or humans during the spill, but at least this distillery,
who has not been named, is going to ante up and is going to take care of everything that
was hurt during their spill.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah, so good for them.
They took responsibility and they andied up and said, we're going to do whatever it takes
to fix this problem and we're sorry and you know, whatever.
So that's cool.
So anyhow, like I said, that's the last story on this podcast, but I think we're getting
ready.
Are you wanting to do another one tonight or not, Rob?
Yeah, we can.
All righty then.
So, all right, everybody.
We will see you on this next podcast, but the next podcast that we're getting ready
to do, you won't get for a few days.
So as a matter of fact, you won't get this podcast right now for probably a day or so.
So got to have some editing done and little ha ha's and goof goofs and stuff like this
put in there and then then we wrap it up in a little bow and we shove it straight up your
ass, right?
The stuff that really makes you laugh.
Yes.
Yeah.
Not our banter, not our not our semi-quick with banter.
Oh, speaking of ass, the Harry Asshole Olympics, we're going to take what a couple of week
hiatus, right?
Oh, if you want.
Yeah.
How about this podcast and then this next one coming up?
We stay away from the Harry Asshole Olympics and then we bring them back in dramatic fashion
in two podcasts from now.
All right.
Sounds good.
OK, and I will introduce my wild card because I think I know who it is now.
You may need.
Yeah, you you can't need it.
OK, I think I got the guy wrong.
You have three in one band.
I have six in one band.
OK, this guy.
And I also have a wild card.
OK.
But at this point, I don't think I need.
Oh, now we do have two in reserve that are waiting that have been pushed through to the
final.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's right.
They were shit.
Rob Zombie and who was yours?
Let me find that.
Danny Cario.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK.
So we get down to the final four attacks with final six.
OK.
Let's see.
I got to look this guy up and make sure he didn't change his look too much.
Because if he changes look too much.
No, he did not.
This guy could win it all, but I can't tell you who it is.
Yeah, I hope they don't change it.
No, he did not.
I just looked him up.
He is not.
No, no, no, no, no.
You wait.
This guy's tough as nails, dude.
All right.
OK.
Let me ask you this.
On any of your wild cards, do you have a musician?
Yes.
You do?
Yes.
Oh, shit.
We may have gotten the same guy.
Hmm.
Should we figure it out right now or not?
No.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
We're going to wait until they go head to head.
And if we have the same guy, then that guy moves to the final round, right?
Oh, definitely.
OK.
I'm worried.
That would probably become the final three at that point.
Yes.
I'm worried.
I'm worried that we may have the same guy.
That's how I had to refresh what I was doing to make sure that he still looks like he did.
And he does.
Yeah, I see.
I may need to do that, too.
OK.
Well, take a look.
Because my bad is, guy, for a few weeks.
OK.
And this guy's been around for a while, right?
Yep.
I bet it's the same guy.
Hmm.
Oh, well.
You know what?
If that is the case.
I bet it's not, because it's not somebody you would expect out of my mouth.
Hmm.
OK.
Well, this isn't somebody you'd expect out of my mouth, either.
I've never overtouted them as an influencer, even really liked that band that much.
I mean, they were good.
They were OK.
But as a matter of fact, you know, no, I can't say that.
It'll give it away.
No, don't.
Yeah.
Yeah, don't.
Don't.
I'm leaving alone.
You know what?
We'll find out in two weeks.
We'll find out.
All right.
Everybody have a good night, and we'll be right back with the second podcast.
But you won't hear that until a few days after you hear this one.
So anyhow, have a good night.
Thank you for listening.
Go to the Daily Kitchen.
Great place.
Rob, you going to say good night?
Good night.
Hey, where'd everybody go?
Where are the douchebags?
Hmm.
Oh, my God.
Someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh, geez.
Ugh, I'm glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Phew.
Man, that smells.