And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Man, I sure wish I was the garbage man.
You know what I could do if I was the garbage man?
I could go to the wrong parts of town on the wrong days periodically in the morning and
then watch everybody run out of their house in their underwear with two bags of trash
screaming stop, halt.
Yeah, that's what I'd love to do.
Oh Lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there, don't worry, I have a clown nose.
Oh no, that drunk guy just hit my child.
It is okay, I have a clown nose.
Clown nose, just put one on and you can do anything.
Wanna run for office?
Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
Please enjoy Brick Shithouse Energy Drink responsibly.
It's not readily available anywhere because of liability issues.
Hello, this is Two Douchebags and a microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright, well, just a minute ago Rob was telling me that he's kicking my ass on this hairy
asshole Olympics, so evidently I've gotta go find a wild card that's gonna beat everybody's
ass just so I can win this thing.
I got my wild card already.
I'm gonna find the guy.
I'm gonna find the guy and he is gonna be the guy and there will never be another guy.
You have seven.
I'm gonna get that guy and this guy is gonna dominate and I'm gonna stand back and laugh
when he wipes everybody's ass out.
He's out there.
He's out there, the guy.
He's out there.
Okay Mark.
Yep, I am personally taking this challenge personally.
I am taking this challenge personally.
I am taking this challenge personally Rob.
So, that's hairy asshole Olympics.
That are first.
You quit my ass.
I know and you came back in a big way so now I have to answer.
No, no, no.
Now you have two, four, six.
You have seven.
And one of them is a cartoon character.
I know and I'm proud of your cartoon character.
Four, six, eight, ten, twelve.
I have thirteen.
I thought the cartoon character was awesome and I think that we could even go into a different
segment like that.
No, actually that's a good battle.
I like that battle.
We could say that in a sub-mine.
Just saying.
Okay, okay, alright.
But, but, but as we agree today, I take you earlier today.
Uh huh.
And I sent you the copies of our list.
Yes.
I have two bands.
Yes.
We have one.
I know.
We agreed, we agreed that our next hairy ass Olympics two, my two bands will go up against
each other.
Yes.
And then the final bands will be my band against yours.
Yeah, against Alison Chaps.
We agreed on that one.
Yeah, I think that's the proper way to do it.
I think that that will be the best way of doing it.
Okay.
Band wise, yeah.
Yeah, band wise.
Okay, cool.
Three, three to one.
Yeah, let's get rid of one.
Yeah.
One on one.
Yes.
So.
And the rest, you're screwed buddy.
I know, I know.
I don't know, you got Zach.
Well, let me ask you a question, Rob.
You got Zach.
Rob, I know Zach is a good solid one, but okay, I got one question, Rob.
Can, am I allowed to come up with another wild card or not?
Well, uh, we both agree.
We both have wild cards at this point.
Okay.
Alright.
Well, that's my only.
It's not mentioned yet.
Besides Zach.
Bring him in.
Okay.
Alright.
I got to find this guy first.
I don't have him yet.
When we go into the competition.
Okay.
I don't have the guy yet.
I've got to find the guy.
I've got to search the world far and wide to find this hairy asshole guy that's going
to beat everybody.
So.
My number one.
My, my, my.
Yeah, my backup.
Uh huh.
I had him before I had Rosie O'Donnell.
Rosie O'Donnell.
So solid.
A Rosie.
That was my number one in this battle.
But I had him as a backup in the last one and I just did not tell you.
Oh, okay.
And you're going to love it.
Oh, I'm sure I will because man, dude, I don't know.
I don't know how you dug these people up.
My God.
Right now, right now I'm standing behind Rob Zombie.
Rob Zombie's a great one.
This one could take him on.
Okay.
And he is from the rock world.
Just saying.
Okay.
Man, I still like Kim Thal.
Go ahead.
Have you seen, look Google image Kim Thal.
I did.
You're right.
Kim Thal could take it even.
It's a battle.
Yes.
Yeah.
So.
You have not come out with your wild card yet.
I know and I'm working on the wild card.
I admittedly do not have it.
And I know who my wild card is and it's going to blow your mind.
All right.
You're going to be surprised if the name came out of my mouth.
Okay.
Just saying.
All right.
Okay.
Just start this shit.
All righty.
Well, I got a story here.
Remember Marilyn Monroe?
Yeah.
Oh.
Okay.
On Friday, unanimous LA City Council vote temporarily halted a permit that had been
issued to Glory of the Snow Trust, the current owners of the property of Brentwood, California
in which Marilyn Monroe spent her last days.
That would allow them to demolish the home and the actress purchased herself in 1962.
During a press conference held shortly before Friday City Council meeting, council member
Tracy Park spoke of the rush to save Marilyn's home saying, immediately my team and I sprung
into action, but unfortunately the Department of Building and Safety issued a demolition
permit before my team and I could fully intervene and get this issue resolved.
According to Los Angeles Times, the motion presented to the council called for an immediate
action to initiate consideration of the home as a city historic cultural monument.
It further stated that this would not deprive the property owner of any rights, but said
the historic and cultural merits of the property need to be assessed.
This is a great win for the time being, Park told the Times.
What is most important about what we achieved today is that we automatically and immediately
triggered a temporary stay on all building permits while this matter is under consideration
by the Cultural Heritage Commission and the City Council.
A feature by House Beautiful on the importance of preserving this property highlights that
Monroe bought the place after her psychiatrist urged her to put down roots.
It may have been her attempt for a happier future, but Monroe tragically died in her
home six months later as a result of a barbiturate overdose, allegedly done by the Kennedys.
You know the Kennedys, Chapiquitic and all the other stuff, those guys, who would imagine
that any Kennedy would be at the root of any type of controversy over a mistress dying?
Who would have thought that?
For many years, JFK, Marilyn Monroe was a known thing, even back in the day, back before
we were born.
Supposedly JFK and his dummy little brother, Robbie, were both fucking banging her.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, don't bring my name in here.
Okay, how about Robert?
Is Robert okay?
Well, I'm Rob, no, it's our little brother.
Okay, okay, JFK's dummy little brother was in...
I'm having their shirts made.
Okay.
My name ain't going on this shit.
It has nothing to do with Rob Rad.
It was before I was born, how could my name go on it?
Exactly.
So, anyhow, who knows what the truth is?
All I know is the rumors have been going on for a long time that they used to do a lot
of cocaine and fucking gangbanger back there, wherever, the Oval Office or whatever the
fuck, but who knows if that's true.
Everybody, it's on the internet.
Do your research.
All we know is all three of them are dead.
Do your research.
One of them by Borbichwitz overdose and the other two were shot.
So...
Which we cannot prove, that's why I'm saying do your research.
Yes, exactly.
And everything that I say that comes out of my mouth, granted, is parody.
I'm just having fun.
I'm just some idiot with a microphone just having fun.
And don't take...
And honestly, Mark has been known to catch me at that.
If you listen, he catches me all the time.
So, because I'm growing into this.
I gotta watch what I say.
We tell you, we are not to be believed.
No.
But, if we're reading stories off the internet, which I believe you can tell whether we're
doing or not.
Yeah.
If we're reading off the internet, that means you can go to the internet and find out.
Exactly.
And if nothing else, we'll tell you.
And everything that I speak about with the Kennedys and all that stuff is stuff that
I've read on the internet.
And that's why I say, maybe it's true, maybe it's not.
Considering the source, I would tend to believe it, but who knows.
Okay, here we go again.
Rob Radd's opinion.
Bing, bing, bing.
I kinda like the Kennedys.
Did you?
Their history, yeah.
I mean, I think if they were allowed to work it up, I think it's where Donald Trump is
today.
If he was allowed to work it to where this country could be, where it could be, without
interference, we'd be alright.
But Donald Trump cannot do it without interference.
Nobody can.
Nobody can do it without interference.
The thing about American politics right now is it's so polarizing.
So polarizing that people can't put it down.
Everybody's screwed at this point.
Everybody in the running is screwed at this point.
You know, yeah, I'm just gonna stay as far away from all that as I can.
Yeah, I am too.
That's as far as I'm taking it.
People love who you love.
Vote for who you vote for.
Free country does that.
So what do you do?
I don't care if it's Trump.
I don't care if it's Biden.
I don't care if it's Juan De Santos.
I don't care if it's Pelosi.
Whoever is running, vote for who you want.
Yes.
And the only thing is this right here.
Vote for who you want, but don't get mad at me for who I like.
Exactly.
I don't get mad at you for how you feel.
Don't get mad at me for how I feel.
And I think that's one of the things going on right now is people paint the other side
as the arch enemy.
There's a lot of people that are just in the middle going, man, this sucks.
Okay.
Can I put this in the open more?
Yeah.
Yeah, go ahead.
You allow this?
I think everybody will allow this.
I don't like nobody at this point.
You know, I get it.
I get it.
There's too much backstabbing.
There's too much.
Yeah, there's too much shit.
We're running this country.
Hey, how about hairy assholes?
Quit worrying about who's...
Who's screwing who?
Hairy assholes.
We're running this country.
My answer to everything is...
That's what us Americans need.
My answer to everything, Rob...
Okay, enough political.
Let's move on.
Yeah.
My answer to everything is hairy asshole Olympics.
Let's do it.
All right.
Well, here, I've got other stories.
Anyhow, you know...
You know, flamingos have been popping up in the most unusual places since Hurricane Adalia
blew through parts of the US...
Yeah, I've been watching that.
I've been watching it.
Yeah, in the US Southwest last week.
In recent days, dozens of sightings have been reported from Texas to Florida, as far north
as Pennsylvania, most states in between.
And though flamingos can be found in parts of Florida, it's safe to say they don't frequently
hang out further north in states such as Kentucky, Tennessee, and North and South Carolina.
The birds likely got caught up in the Hurricane Adalia last week, according to Natty Swick...
I don't know what kind of a name Natty is, but anyhow...
The American Birding Association's digital communications manager.
That's a fairly common phenomenon for birds, but not for flamingos.
He said his name's Natty?
Yeah, anyhow...
We're seeing flamingos all over the place.
We're seeing them in places we didn't expect them, Swick said.
Elated bird watchers have been searching high and low for them, and then once the pair of
birds were found in southern Ohio, sort of everything kind of broke loose.
Ohio was the northernmost point for the flamingos as of Wednesday.
That is until a pair of flamingos were sighted in southern Pennsylvania's Franklin County
on Thursday morning.
According to accounts on the American Birding Association's Rare Bird Alert Facebook page,
there's been sightings in at least 10 states, Florida, Ohio, North and South Carolina, Virginia,
Tennessee, Alabama, Texas, and Kentucky.
I did not see any flamingos in Kentucky when I was there.
Just to clear the air...
I don't think you would.
There was no pink flamingos in sight in Louisville area that I know of.
Okay, okay.
Well, has there been any photos?
Yeah, they have photos all over the place in this article.
They have photos?
Yeah.
All right.
Yep.
I even went over the pedestrian bridge on the Ohio River.
There are no flamingos that I saw on the Ohio River or on the bridge.
I've got a question for you.
Yes.
Just out of the blue.
Okay.
You shared pictures on Facebook.
You were at a baseball game.
No, it was a soccer game.
Oh, it was a soccer game?
What game was it?
Okay, it was the Louisville Cardinals against the Kentucky Wildcats.
It's a big rivalry because the schools are only about 40 or 50 miles apart.
It was a very exciting game.
It was really good.
I thought you were at a football game.
No, you were at a soccer game.
You were at a truth football game.
The football game I wanted to go to, but it was one day after we left.
If we would have stayed there one more day.
I just went out and took pictures of you and everybody in the stands.
The Louisville School, the college there, is a very good basketball program, a very
good soccer program, a decent football program, some decent baseball programs.
They are a high-end college in America, and they're sought out.
The football stadium I really wanted to go to, it holds 68,000 people.
It's a brand new stadium.
It's beautiful.
I wanted to go to that, but one day late.
We did get to go to the soccer game.
Here's something about their soccer games.
They're completely free.
The college soccer games are free.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, but it was extremely exciting.
The school showing their colors.
They got the band there, Kentucky and Louisville are arch rivals.
They're bantering to each other.
One of my brothers just moved from Louisville to Alabama.
So yeah, I know.
It was a fun game, and it was actually a soccer game, but it was a lot of fun.
The pride is awesome out there at Louisville.
It really is.
It is.
It's a lot of neat situation going on there at the school.
I really enjoyed it.
That school encompasses the whole town.
You've been to Lawrence, right?
Yeah.
Okay, you know Lawrence.
I used to do a lot of work in Lawrence.
Yeah, so did I.
But that was in the 90s.
Things were different.
Yeah.
Well, anyhow, KU encompasses all of Lawrence, and that's why Louisville is the Louisville
Cardinals.
It encompasses all of Louisville.
Yeah.
Louisville is considerably bigger than Lawrence, though.
But it was just a fantastic place to go hang out and see relatives and a lot of good food.
I'm glad you had a good time, man.
Yeah, yeah.
And it wasn't 7th Street, it was 4th Street.
I forgot.
I have a picture of it.
Honestly, you took a week's vacation, so did I.
I know.
We're starting from scratch tonight, dude.
Yeah, yeah.
And I think you need vacations to reset.
Vacations are so important.
Yeah, we need it.
We need it.
We need to get our minds right.
Yes.
Yep, yep.
And I think I got my mind a little bit better than when it was when I left.
And it's not like I had anything big going on or nothing like that.
It's just that I was just a little bit frazzled.
And I got to center.
I got to see relatives.
I got to just go to a different part of town or a different part of the country and experience
different things.
And that's one of the things that my old job that I got to say.
Look, I dog them all the time, right?
And I have fun with it and everything.
But I have to say this.
I went out of town for them so many times.
And I really enjoyed myself on a lot of them because that's how I centered myself.
I had things that I did.
I didn't go to bars or nothing.
I would go to a good coffee house.
I would find out what their local food was.
I would try that out.
And it really was a lot of hard work.
Yes, but it was a lot of fun.
And I can't forget that.
Although I always give them shit and everything.
But you know what?
It was a great job for a lot of years.
And honestly, it's not that big a deal.
I moved on and I'm doing great.
I'm fine.
You know?
And as much as I love to sit here and dog them, a lot of it is tongue in cheek.
I have fun with it because I can.
Because they don't have any power over me.
I can make fun of them as much as I want.
But actually, they were a great job for a lot of time.
And I had a lot of really good times there.
And I don't hate them even though I love to make fun of them.
So trust me, Mark.
Trust me.
And this is coming out of my mouth right now.
I helped start two companies at this lake.
Lake of the Ozark.
One of them I've known the owner since 1984, a year before I met you.
Wow.
Yeah.
The other one I met here at the lake, I helped start the company.
His employee number was 001.
His partner's number was 002.
My employee number was 003.
Wow.
And that's at this one right here?
And just saying, that guy could kiss my ass.
That's fine.
I'm not going into it.
I'm not going to motherfuck you, motherfuck you.
I'm not doing that.
You're not going to pull a Mark on him?
You're not going to pull a me on him?
Kind of like you and your company.
Look, it was fun.
It was fun for a while, making fun of him and all that, but I don't.
I just can't do it anymore.
I don't care.
I'm the same way, dude.
I've been away for a few years now.
You know, the truth is, I'm so happy now that I really-
I can't remember now, and then at the store.
I'll tell you about that off air.
I would love to hear that off air.
About the shit he did as a company owner.
Oh, gotcha.
Going to personal lives and employee meetings.
That is-
Really?
You know what?
He's lucky he did not get sued.
And then he did get into my life?
Anyway, we'll go later.
Let's go.
Okay, okay.
You know what?
Let's move on.
Okay, but anyhow, the flamingos have been found all over.
Although the American flamingos are native to Florida, the birds were hunted to near
extinction at the beginning of the 1900s and made up a mere 1% of the global flamingo
population according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission.
That's why Swick and other bird enthusiasts were shocked to see flamingos hanging out
on the Florida Panhandle as well.
However, this is a sizable population of American flamingos on the Yucatan Peninsula and separates
the Gulf of Mexico and the Caribbean Sea, Swick said.
In photos, flamingos found in Florida have tags linked to breeding populations in the
Yucatan, Swick said.
So we know those birds mostly came from the Yucatan Peninsula and they, you know, they
got caught up in the storm.
They just kind of went with it.
It turns out the flamingos navigated a major storm.
Swick said there's no definitive explanation.
He said they could have gotten caught in the storm and flown with the wind or perhaps had
been in the eye of a dahlia and moved with it until the storm broke apart.
And that's what I believe, Rob.
Look, animals have a keen sense of survival unlike humans.
Well, no, humans do too, but they just don't know how to harness it like animals.
So anyhow, I think what it is is they knew if they would leave the eye, they would perish.
So I think they would fly with the eye until the storm calms down enough over land, which
would be Pennsylvania, that whole area, and then they're allowed to go into part of the
storm to land.
But I have no way of proving that, but that's just my thought.
So anyhow, Rob, you said you had some stuff that you wanted to start doing, a regular
feature or something.
Are you ready for that or not?
No, I do not have that pulled up this moment, but I do have a story.
Okay, go ahead.
You've been wanting to go, you've been running on Ozarks news.
Yes.
Love Ozarks news.
It's my favorite.
Look, Ozarks news is my favorite feature.
Because they sit close to home with me.
Okay.
You know this is my favorite feature of our podcast, don't you?
Ozarks news.
There it is right there.
No.
This is my favorite feature on our show, is Ozarks news.
This one ain't going to be, dude.
Okay.
Just telling you.
Okay.
If you remember right, on our last podcast.
Yes.
And I just listened to it.
Uh-huh.
I did too.
You mentioned about having like our own Judge Judy down here.
Yes.
You know, having TV port.
Dude, I think it would hit.
Okay, well Mark, let me read this to something to you.
And this has been a story that I've been keeping off the podcast.
Okay.
Because it hits too close to home.
And anybody that I work with, I'm sorry for finally bringing this story out.
Uh-huh.
I'll tell you something.
Okay.
A Campton County man's murder trial was delayed once again.
Okay.
Jordan Jones of Campton had been scheduled for a jury trial to begin November 27th.
But on Friday, a Campton County judge agreed to delay Jones' five-day trial to begin February
26th, 2024.
Sorry, I'm going to find something.
Okay.
Uh, short one.
Jones was charged with second-degree murder.
Okay.
And armed criminal action and the death of 43-year-old Michael Varney.
Okay.
Witnesses told deputies that Jones and Varney had been involved in a volatile argument earlier
that day.
Jones then allegedly ran over Varney with his part pickup truck that same evening.
That's brutal.
I'm leaving it right there.
That's end of it.
Okay.
Mark, here's the thing.
Okay.
I know, I personally know both these gentlemen.
Wow.
Okay, the Mark Varney that ran over and killed was my helper.
Oh, when you work?
Oh.
Okay.
Uh, the guy that ran him over had gotten fired right before him.
Okay, so this is allegedly, right?
The guy that ran over.
Okay, the guy allegedly ran him over, right?
He allegedly.
He hasn't been convicted yet, right?
No.
Okay.
So we have to just put in there allegedly.
That's it.
Allegedly.
Okay.
Good point.
Thank you.
No, you're welcome.
But yeah, man, these two were roommates.
Wow.
They were living in Mike's house.
They both got fired recently from where I worked.
Mike Varney, the one that got killed, was actually my helper like two weeks before he
got killed.
Did you like him?
Yeah, I like Mark.
Right.
He's a good guy.
Okay.
The dude, his roommate that killed him.
Allegedly.
They had just gotten out of prison, gotten out of a halfway house, and moved in with
him.
Wow.
They got into it over a female.
Mm-hmm.
He ran him over.
Allegedly.
Well, the same dude worked with me for a while.
We had many confrontations at work.
Okay.
The dude was an idiot.
And that's not allegedly.
You don't do that shit in a shop.
You don't block people from doing their work.
Nope.
Stop it right there, Mark.
Okay, that's fine.
End of story.
That was my story.
But yeah, I know both these individuals.
Hey, keep us posted on what happens.
I knew.
Will you?
No, Mike was a good dude, man.
Wow.
He even knew my daughter.
Wow.
Okay.
Keep us posted on it, okay?
And this dude got out of the halfway house, moved in with him, got strung out, ran over,
over some female.
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
True story.
Now, now do you see why?
I believe it.
Now, do you see why I'm not really wanting to go into Lake of the Ozarks?
No, that's fine.
And you don't have to either.
I thought it was something you wanted to do.
I think there's a misunderstanding.
Well, it is.
It is.
If we had more going on.
But like you said, last podcast came out of your mouth.
Mm-hmm.
Lake of the Ozarks is on the rise.
DWIs, BWIs, which is voting while intoxicated, for those that don't know, and death this
year on this lake.
It came out of your mouth.
Last podcast.
Yep.
All right.
Well, we should probably move on.
Yeah, let's move on.
Did you know that there's a lying down contest going on right now?
For people.
Yeah, for people lying down.
Seven competitors lying down on mats are vying to be coveted the laziest citizen after smashing
the previous record in a satirical contest held annually in a holiday resort in northern
Montaigro.
A lying down record of 117 hours was set at last year's contest in a resort village of
Berenza.
But as this year's competition entered a 20th day on Thursday, the remaining contestants
said they were determined to keep going.
All of us feel good, excellent, and there are no health problems.
They are pampering us.
All we have to do is remain lying down, said 2021 champion Devarka Azkik.
Azkik Azkik Azkizik Azkizik 38.
The contest was launched in a tiny Adriatic county or country 12 years ago to a mock to
mock a popular myth that labels Montagorians as lazy said some guy's name I can't pronounce
the organizer and owner of the resort.
He said that seven remaining contestants from a starting field 21 have been lying down
for 463 hours so far.
The rules stipulate that standing or sitting are considered a violation and grounds for
immediate disqualification, but contestants are allowed to have 10 minutes every nine
hours to go to the toilet.
Competitors can also read and use cell phones and laptops.
So, Filip Kancevic, 23, a first time contestant from the northern town of Majovac, said he
was confident of victory and was picking up the $1000 Euro prize.
It's just $1000.
Fuck that.
So, anyhow, you know what?
Who gives a fuck?
You know that there's a big Loch Ness Monster free for all right now?
Dude, I was just looking at a story about that.
Yes, I was.
Okay.
Yeah.
For some reason, people are all Loch Ness Monster Mets.
Everybody knows.
I kind of like to not Loch Ness Monster story through the years.
I read the books in the library at school.
I've always loved the thought of the Loch Ness Monster.
I'm kind of a believer in it, you know.
Some of the stuff that's coming out, who knows?
We'll find out.
The thing is, is we don't know.
And that's what makes it so cool.
Yeah, we don't know.
But I like to believe.
Kind of like Bigfoot.
Yeah, I would love to believe also.
Researchers amongst us-
Well, now Bigfoot is big down here in southern Missouri.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Nessie or-
I'll send you some stuff on that.
Actually, I have some stuff on that, but I would love to see more.
No, people swear by Bigfoot.
They've seen Bigfoot.
Bigfoot is actually, they've left him food before.
Bigfoot is-
Now, there's reports just recent of people hearing screams through the woods.
Yes.
Bigfoot supposedly is a very docile creature, and he's very timid.
He or she.
They don't like people messing with them.
I think they're as scared of us as we are of them.
That's the way it would seem, if this Bigfoot in fact is true.
If, if it, if it's true.
Bigfoot is smart enough not to get entwined with man.
Let's just put it like that.
So, anyhow, there's a lot of people that believe in Bigfoot,
and there's a lot of sightings, a lot of people even.
So, I know people that have personally fed Bigfoot, they say.
They left food out.
Bigfoot would get it on their surveillance video, and they would leave.
But, supposedly it takes a lot of years of trust of you not messing with them.
Okay, maybe we should not go on this subject.
Okay, that's cool.
Alright.
Well, researchers and monster hunters are gathering in the United Kingdom's Scottish Highlands this weekend
to look for the internally elusive Loch Ness Monster,
the biggest search for the legendary beast in more than 50 years.
Somewhere beneath the shimmering surface of Loch Ness lies Nessie,
the legendary sea beast whose reputation spans nearly 1,500 years.
At least, that's what monster hunters and Nessie enthusiasts from around the world hope to prove Saturday and Sunday.
The Loch Ness Center and the research group Loch Ness Exploration
are asking all aspiring monster hunters to join in on the biggest search since 1972.
Which is interesting because I remember growing up as a young child that Nessie, or Loch Ness Monster, was like the rage.
There's a man that keeps track of all the Loch Ness Monster sightings.
Like I said, I grew up going to school back in the 70s and 80s getting books out of the library about Loch Ness Monster.
Oh, it was all the rage. Everybody loved Nessie. They just could not wait to see more footage on the Loch Ness Monster.
It started with the famous footage of the speed boats,
and the speed boat hit that hump that appeared to be like, I don't know, a dinosaur hump or something sticking out of Loch Ness Lake.
And it disintegrated.
Well, if you want to, you're done with this story. I've got another one to get about Nessie.
Okay, let me do a little bit more of this and then we go straight to it.
Yeah, sure.
Our purpose is, there's a guy that keeps track of all the Loch Ness Monster sightings.
Our purpose is to observe, record, and study the natural behavioral loch and phenomenon that may be more challenging to explain.
The Loch Ness Exploration Facebook page reads, if you believe that the Loch Ness Monster exists, then we invite you to join the search.
We equally invite you to support the study of the loch and the natural behavior of the elements that may be the root cause of these strange reports from Loch Ness.
Investigators are breaking out all sorts of technology, including surveying equipment, and Loch Ness Center says that has never been used on the freshwater lake before.
Drones with infrared cameras will fly over the lake and a hydroplane will be used under the surface to detect Nessie-like calls, the center says.
Volunteers will also participate in a large surface watch avoid scanning the surface for any irregularities.
However, due to an overwhelming demand from enthusiasts, the group is no longer accepting applicants hoping to participate in person.
But the Loch Ness Center says those still eager to participate can do so virtually through live stream.
At 22 square miles, where the maximum depth is 788 feet, Loch Ness is Great Britain's largest lake by volume and second largest by surface area, according to encyclopedia Britannica.
Though the first written accounts of a monster are attributed to the Irish monk St. Columba, encountered in 565 AD.
So, they have so many people on this that they don't need any more, but if you want to join it virtually, you're more than welcome to and it's on live cam.
So Rob, we can go straight into your Nessie story. Go ahead, sir.
Okay, and my story comes out of the New York Post.
Just saying.
Okay.
The Loch Ness monster was photographed twice less than a week with snaps held as most exciting ever.
Okay.
The legendary Loch Ness monster was reportedly spotted by a second person the same week, a shutter bug snapped what had been hailed as the most exciting ever photos of it.
Young Charlotte Robinson, a 12 year old from Leeds in UK, had already reported seeing the monster August 17th, 2018 from about 50 foot away with her claim recorded in Believer's Official Sightings Register.
Her accompanying photo was held at the time as the best of Nessie that had been seen for years.
I'm reading this word for word. I don't know if it makes sense or not.
Okay, no, cool. Go ahead.
It now turns out that Charlotte's reputed sightings five years ago occurred the same week shutter bug, Shy Kelly we're going to call her.
CHIE.
51 also reportedly took amazing photos of the legendary creature.
Okay.
The photographs most exciting ever snaps only just came to light this week because she said she previously feared ridicule and she went public with them.
Okay.
So there was two within a week of each other.
Well, Rob, let me ask you this. Do you think because Nessie is getting popular again? Or do you think that this just happened randomly in concert with all the Nessie stuff going on?
You have any feeling either way?
Honestly, you want.
I just want your opinion.
Let's talk off air about that.
Okay.
There's some other stuff coming up that has got my attention that I'm trying not to bring into the podcast.
Okay, that's fine.
That goes along with it. If you know what I mean.
Okay, I think I think I do. So let's talk about off the air. See if we want to bring this into it.
Okay.
Oh, real quick. I got a couple things I want to interject here.
Well, thank you.
Okay.
Number one, watching little Joey burrow get his ass fucking pummeled today was fun.
Fun.
Oh, once my heart seen that little fucking bastard get smacked around.
I'm crying.
No, no, I'm crying.
Because I got rid of cable.
Oh, I did not get to watch a single damn football.
This is he watching Sunday Night Football right now.
But we're broadcasting.
That's the only game I can watch today.
They didn't have any regular affiliate channels.
Like CBS.
Well, not not not with what I got.
Oh, okay.
I don't I don't have local channels.
I'm doing off streaming.
Okay, like who?
Okay.
Pluto stuff like that.
Okay. If you want the antenna, you could get you could get two games.
And also the Sunday Night.
Maybe.
Oh, okay.
See, that's the problem.
Where I'm at right here at Lake The Ozarks.
I'm in between Springfield and Columbia.
With cable TV.
My local channels.
It's Springfield and Columbia.
Okay, got you.
Okay.
Well, if.
I go to.
Like the digital antenna, so it's I gave up my cable.
So we could do this podcast.
This thing.
Yeah, I don't get much TV.
I don't get local channels.
Okay, I was unaware of that because I thought you were on the antenna.
With the digital cable.
Uh huh.
Or if I went to digital antenna, excuse me.
I would get Columbia and Missouri channels.
Okay.
I prefer Springfield, Missouri.
So there's.
I am right in the middle of.
So.
I had both for local channels.
Okay, gotcha.
So that's interesting that they chose to give you Columbia instead of Springfield channels.
Springfield is actually a larger population.
And where you're at is considered more south than it is central Missouri.
I don't know.
I'm central.
I know, but.
I'm central.
Wouldn't you say that you're south central?
Honestly, both towns are the same distance apart.
Okay, so who knows how they.
Where I am at.
Who knows how they worked that TV deal out.
So whatever.
I don't.
I don't know.
I know I like Springfield channels better.
Okay.
The weather is better.
Okay, I can believe that.
KY3 has Springfield, Missouri.
I'm going to say it.
I love it.
I have them on my phone.
They are my weather on my phone.
Okay.
I've lived with them for years dealing with them in the elements working.
They hit it every day, man.
And I can't pick them up on digital antenna.
Even though they're the same distance apart from the other town I can pick up.
Okay.
So anyway.
The other thing that I was going to bring up was this right here.
I've gotten a couple of emails about the Hollywood stars are famous people that if they weren't famous or Hollywood stars what they look like they would be doing.
Oh, you got some.
I got a couple.
Thank you guys.
And I encourage more people to send in their list because the two that I got were fucking awesome.
Honestly, I'm trying to keep.
I got some on my list that I'm trying.
I'm letting everybody else try to come up with first.
That's fine.
And that's why I kind of go back to I had a bunch of names.
We want feedback.
But just everybody knows I have some.
Okay.
Well, you know what?
What are they?
I'm right here.
Hang on a second.
I just lost the story.
Oh shit.
Damn it.
Okay.
Well, anyhow.
All right.
Sorry.
I had this story pop up that looked interesting, but I'm not even going to talk about because I don't know if it's true.
But then when I tried to go to it, it like fucking gave me some stupid whatever.
So anyhow, dude, I run that all the time.
Yeah.
So what I'd like to say is thank you for the couple of people that emailed in.
I love your suggestions and I love what you said.
It's funny or the hell.
So please keep them coming in and we will air them and we will give you credit.
So you know croissants, right?
Yeah.
Well, I guess we're not eating them correctly.
Okay.
What?
I guess we're not eating them correctly.
There's a correct way to eat a croissant.
So despite being a French delicacy, Brits are also big fans of croissants and so are Americans, especially in the mornings.
Many people love to enjoy the flaky buttery treat with some butter and jam, preferably served with tea or coffee.
But according to an adequate expert, William Hansen from France, we've all been eating them wrong.
The first thing we're doing wrong is dipping them in said hot drink.
In a recent Instagram video to from this guy to America and England, who is that a kid director of this French corporation or not corporation, but this French organization says you do not dip it in anything.
Okay.
And then especially not into coffee.
Another thing we're, we apparently are not doing wrong.
They said coffee is a worse thing you could dip.
This is what this guy said in this whole committee or this organization said the worst thing you could dip a croissant in is coffee because it ruins the taste and the texture of the croissant.
And the same.
Well, I do too.
I've never dipped mine, but I know people that do and I think dipping a croissant is gross and I think it's sacrilegious.
I agree with this guy.
When you're done, I'll give you a mic.
Okay.
That sounds good.
And he said the second thing we're doing wrong is buttering them.
He said they already buttered and they're buttered perfectly and he said a croissant needs to be eaten with a drink, either coffee or tea in the morning, and you don't dip it in anything.
And you don't butter it.
It says in the proper etiquette is to cut the pastry in half and eat it in halves and he said those three things are done totally wrong over here and I guess it irritates the hell out of them.
And if you're going to add anything, jam or marmalade is what you add to it.
And that's it.
Jam marmalade and the croissant needs to be cut down the middle and served in halves, each half eaten separately and usually drank with coffee or tea.
And this is what he said.
He said there's no exceptions that croissants, it's their tradition.
They've been around forever and the Americans and English need to learn this and they need to start practicing it.
Let's hear yours, Rob.
I do really want to.
I'm going to stick up for America.
Go ahead because when I first met...
On a croissant you put a piece of sausage and egg and sausage.
Oh yes.
You're right.
And I'll tell you the best croissant in Kansas City...
I mean come on, Casey's even sells them.
Yes they do.
Casey's is everywhere.
The best croissant sandwich in Kansas City is my favorite City Market Coffee.
And they put a horseradish sauce on there.
Oh that would be awesome.
With a spicy sausage.
I've got to get up there so we can try that.
Yes, with a spicy sausage and egg.
If they put a horseradish on it, I've got to try it.
Oh it's fucking delicious.
It's so good.
We'll do that our first face to face up there.
Yes, and when I was at the airport the other day it was too early to get a croissant sandwich from the City Market Coffee that is now located in Kansas City International Airport.
But I would have loved to but simply it was like fucking 5 in the morning.
And I didn't feel like a croissant.
And I don't even know if they had them ready yet anyhow.
I don't care if it's Casey's, just any croissant sandwich with sausage, egg and cheese.
I've never even had a Casey's croissant.
That's the only way to have a croissant.
Okay.
No I would agree.
My opinion.
No, no, no.
I think you're probably right on that and I think I agree with it.
So, let's see, what else do I have here?
I've got an idea.
Okay, go ahead.
Let's take a break.
Okay.
We're going to hear the Asshole Olympics.
Sounds good.
Alright, thanks for the break.
I haven't taken one yet which means I need to pry into somewhere in the program earlier so it's going to sound weird.
Yeah, and I need you to do something great.
Okay, we'll be right back after this.
Soften my throat.
He needs to soften his throat, fellas.
Fells.
Listen to you.
Just fuck it around, Robbie.
You know that.
I love you.
Love you too.
Alright, we'll be right back.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
You're as useful as a pilot with fangs.
Invisible ass paddling, new douche flavors and horrible pranks. The fuck is wrong with these guys?
I didn't do it. I'm not the mad shitter.
Act now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar. Mark off the day with a douchebag looking at you. Supplies are limited so act now.
Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their ass with politically correct wash rags. Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in 3, 2, 1.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
Mary, your grandmother always intruded your thoughts at the last minute while you are masturbating.
Two douchebags in the microphone says, you ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass? Just asking.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
So, I order spaghetti and meatballs. My meatballs automatically fall apart as soon as I touch them. So then, does my dish automatically change its name to spaghetti and meat sauce? I may never know.
Two douchebags in a socket wrench will be right back.
Alright, we are two douchebags in a microphone and I'm the Mark part of it.
Alrighty, as for mentioned, the hairy asshole Olympics are upon us once again.
Alrighty, do you have the list near you?
Alrighty Rob, without any further ado, let's dig right in.
Okay, let's get this out of the way.
As we were texting earlier today, I have two bands and you have one.
So I suggested we put my two bands up against each other. Then they battle your band later.
I think that's a great idea.
Okay, here we go.
Alright.
Twisted Sister, skid row.
Twisted Sister.
Got my vote.
Mine too.
The bassist was a hairy dude dude.
Okay, well now we know who our battle of the bands is.
Yes.
Our battle of the bands will be Twisted Sister against Alice in Chains.
That is an epic matchup.
On another episode.
That is going to be an epic battle.
Yes it will be. I'm going to watch that one.
Me too.
Shit dude, I'm wiping your ass out.
Alright, we will see.
Damn, you have two females on yours.
Guess what, I have two females on mine.
Now, take that back, I got three.
Okay.
Alright, let's get...
Okay, let's go. You're Jamie the Curtis.
Against my whoopee go bird.
I got to go with whoopee.
Dread buddy.
Yep.
Alright.
Okay, now I'll quit picking on you. I'll go two off my list.
Okay.
There you go.
Okay.
These two are right next to each other and they're saying call me.
Okay.
Burt Reynolds.
Robin Williams.
Burt.
Burt Reynolds, Robin Williams.
Burt Reynolds.
Dude.
Let's take a second and talk about this.
Okay.
This is a close one dude.
I know it's close, but I'm just going by the big mustache.
I was watching Smokey the Bandit a while ago.
Okay.
But, I also know Robin Williams, man.
Robin Williams was very hairy.
Like you said, Mork, that hair was popping out of that costume.
Yeah, I mean it could be.
I've seen heads of weirders growing up.
It could be Robin Williams very easily.
I was just going by the big fucking molestash that fucking Burt Reynolds supported.
You want Burt Reynolds?
I don't know.
You know, I'll flip a coin.
I got one right here.
Okay, do it.
I'm going to call heads for Robin Williams.
You want heads for Robin Williams?
Yes.
It's heads.
Robin Williams wins.
Alright.
And I just flipped on the bed, that's why nobody heard it.
Okay.
Robin Williams or Burt Reynolds, you're free to go back to the great beyond afterlife.
We hope you enjoy your stay.
Thank you for participating in the asshole hairy ass Olympics and we hope to see you again soon.
But not too soon.
Now, just saying, Burt Reynolds, I will attribute you to the rest of my life.
Burt, we love you.
You made a lot of movies that were bigger.
And Burt, you did not have to participate in the asshole Olympics.
You did it because you're a good guy.
Thank you for doing that.
I'm bringing him back.
Alright, sounds good to me.
Alright.
Okay, where are we going from here?
I don't know.
It's your floor.
Oh, man.
Okay.
Okay, we got A.
Shit, see I got, I got two female, you got one.
Okay, we can put a female against a male.
No, how about this?
Okay.
How about we put my two female against each other?
Okay.
Take on your final female.
Okay, that'll work.
Rosie O'Donnell versus Adele.
I'm going to go with Rosie O'Donnell.
But I know Adele said what she did about shaving her legs.
But I think Rosie O'Donnell's just got too big of a hair game going.
Can I say one thing?
Yes.
I love you.
I love you too, buddy.
I'm going with Rosie.
Alright, Rosie it is.
Next up.
Okay, now we've got to get some of your people in this.
Okay.
I ain't got no football players.
You do.
Mm-hmm.
See, you've got one of the greatest of all.
Who's that?
I'm not going to...you know.
Oh, shit.
Okay, let's go.
Alright.
Here, let's do this.
James Franco, Russell Crowe.
Two more off my list.
James Franco.
Gotcha, brother.
Alright, Franco it is.
I'm trying to even out the list here too at the same time.
Okay.
So, okay, let's go.
Your list.
Mr. Jack Black.
Yep, that's a solid choice.
Let's put him against my Danny Coker.
That one could be a battle on his own too.
This is a battle.
You see, you do research on Danny Coker.
I did, I did.
Now, you look at pictures.
Mm-hmm.
You watch the shows.
Yeah.
Uh.
Let's flip a coin, because I cannot get a definite on either one of them.
They're both great choices.
You still have that coin?
No, but here's my choice.
Okay.
I'm going to give you Jack Black.
He's very capable of winning, so I can't.
He is that crazy.
Danny Coker is on, yeah, he, I don't know.
Danny Coker is Danny Coker.
It's just that I think Jack Black would have the hairiest nasty ass out of the two.
Me too.
And it's a close one.
It's very close.
It's close, but I think Jack Black would have a more hairier ass.
That's just the way it is, so.
Oh, there's Jack Black, Jack Black.
Yep.
All righty.
Next one, please.
Let's go.
Jason Chelsea.
Okay.
Fuck, I already said it.
Okay.
Tim Allen.
And Tim Allen.
I'm going to have to go Jason Chelsea even though Tim Allen was in prison.
But he's out of prison.
Yeah, I'm saying Jason Chelsea.
But Jason is just a hairy son of a bitch.
Yeah.
He was in our last battle, if you remember right.
Yeah.
Jason Chelsea.
Yeah.
Oh, God, dude, these are getting hard.
These are getting very hard.
No, I am down to finalist.
Shit.
Okay.
I was trying to keep from this.
Okay, go ahead.
Damn, who am I going to put that one up against?
That one has nobody to go up against, dude.
That one has nobody to go up against in our runnings.
And it's one of yours.
And I would feel bad about putting this person up against anybody else.
No, I do not.
I got that battle.
Never mind.
Here you go.
Okay.
We have Eugene Levy.
Okay.
Off my list.
Okay.
Betty Rubble from the Flintstones office.
Okay.
I had nobody put Betty up against.
No, that's fine.
Well.
But you had Betty just put those cave women.
I would throw Eugene Levy up against her.
Okay.
Well, I think we're getting pretty far in the competition.
So I think I'm going to have to let my cartoons go, even though they were fun.
So I think Eugene Levy is going to carry the torch to the next round.
All right.
Good choice.
Yep.
Good choice.
All righty.
If not, I'll have to break out my wild card.
Which we've already discussed.
We both have wild cards in this round.
Yes.
Yep.
I'm going to kill you.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
Oh my God, dude.
I got some epics.
Okay.
But you have one left.
Okay.
I just don't know who I'm going to.
I have two left.
Okay.
Shit.
How the hell did this happen?
We're going to have one go through uncontested.
Okay.
And it depends on this battle.
Because you have one final contestant.
Okay.
I have two.
Okay.
But, okay.
I got your contestant.
Okay.
Because I see my other contestant.
Now he ain't going out yet.
Okay.
You have Zach Galifianakis.
Mm-hmm.
I'm putting him up against Ozzy.
Oh.
Oh, boy.
And I have one that has not been mentioned on this round.
Won't be mentioned because he's not end up against anybody.
Okay.
Boy, this is a tough one right here.
I don't know.
Do you have any way you're leaning?
Huh?
I don't have any way I'm leaning.
You're leaning towards Ozzy or Jack Black?
No, it wasn't Jack Black.
It was Zach Galifianakis.
Oh, Zach Galifianakis.
Sorry.
I'm going to have to go with Zach.
Dude, either way, it's crazy.
Zach just has so much hair.
Take him back to 70.
Ozzy.
I'm still going to have to go with Zach.
You're going to have to go with Zach.
Still going to have to go with Zach.
He just has so much hair everywhere that I think his asshole hair is probably epic.
Epic.
Sorry, Ozzy.
Yep.
Love you.
Love you, Ozzy, but we'll catch up with you later.
We'll put you in something else.
Best artist ever.
Hey, we still got to come up with a music theme.
Yeah.
Yeah, we do.
We've been delaying that.
Okay.
Which one's next, blues?
We haven't decided.
Blues.
We haven't discussed it.
Blues.
Okay.
Well, that was the final of our Harry F. Olympics.
I'll read then one of mine is on a list.
I just did not put him in this battle.
Okay.
Because it was two, four, it was seven to 13.
Okay.
I had to do something there.
Okay.
But now there is one that made it through that I guarantee you would totally agree on.
Okay.
I got the rest out of the way.
Okay.
Love you.
All right, man.
Hey.
What are we doing next?
Love you back.
All right.
I think we're going to go ahead and wrap up this podcast.
All right.
It is Sunday night.
Yes, it is.
All right.
Rob, thanks for joining me once again.
We will, the Harry Aso Olympics will continue and we want everybody to have a great night
and thank you for listening.
And I'll get you updated on the list.
Yep.
All right, everybody.
And hey, let's get together on that musical list.
I'm ready for a new musical list, dude.
Okay.
Blues.
All right, everybody.
Stay tuned for Blues and Harry Aso Olympics.
We'll talk to you all soon.
Bye.
Two weeks from now.
Bye, everybody.
Bye.
Good night.
Hey, where do they go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God.
Someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh, geez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.
Sometimes things can happen up there that won't happen again.