Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the
banks of the beautiful crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it is Two-Boosh Bags
and Microphone Podcast.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
So if I have a glass of ice water and the ice melts into the water, is my water then
watered down?
Hmph, I may never know.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
Your IQ isn't even room temperature.
Hi everybody, Two-Boosh Bags and Microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright, so anyhow, last week we saw you gave the bass list, right?
So it's my turn for it.
I was a little upset with it at first until I got to putting it together and once I put
it together I was like, oh wow, this is better than I thought.
I don't know why you'd been upset with it because you had a definite pattern.
It wasn't like you were just like, I'm just going to throw this in there just to make
everyone go, what?
No, you had a definite pattern and what you did was you liked bass that followed the music.
Yeah, well it brings everything.
Like I said, you have to bring it's bass guitar is what it's called.
Well, I'm the same.
When you take a bass, you take a drums.
Yes, but it's actually a guitar.
So you've got to bring them together.
Yes, and another thing is.
I think you've got to outside but not outside the lead guitar or the vocal.
You know what I mean?
You have a position.
What it is is it's the back beat.
It's the beat behind everything and it's a glue that holds it together and anyhow, I
like that too, only I have some other stuff too.
I mean, that's not the only thing I like about bass.
I know you do.
I know the names that are about to pop out of your mouth.
Okay, alright.
I'm going to start from number 21 and work my way down to one.
21, alright.
Yeah, I got 21 of them.
I had 28 of them this morning and I went ahead and I went down to the city market and had
a coffee and I got to scratch down a few and the reason I did was because of overplayed.
Overplayed on the radio.
I'm like, you know what?
Everybody knows these songs and they know they're great.
So I was like, okay, these are going because of overplayed, not because of how good the
song is, but because everybody's heard it so many times and I'm not going to make them
go ooh, ah or nothing.
They're just going to go yeah, yeah.
So I took and scratched off those.
So anyhow, with number 21.
So you're beating me by three this time.
That's not bad.
No, no, no.
I almost went down to 19.
You had 19, right?
Or 18?
I had 18.
Okay.
Well, the last three are good, but not fucking spectacular.
So I mean.
Honestly, honestly, it doesn't matter.
It doesn't.
It's our show.
We could do it at four more.
You're right.
And if you want to rebuttal with three more at any time, you could say, hey, Mark, I got
to match you on that bass list and come up with three more.
That's fine with me.
Oh, I might hear something and throw one in.
Yeah, okay.
So call that as an amended list and then you come up and go, hey, Mark, I got an amended
list that I would like to throw out right now.
And then I'll go, okay, all right.
And then I'll stop everything, all programming for the amended list.
The amended list gets precedent over everything.
So you all said and just break in and go, hey, man, Mark, I got an amended list or I
do the same.
We stop everything and we have to come up with the amended list.
Okay.
That sound like a good rule.
All right.
Okay.
The only one that I have is my generation, the who.
Oh, that's a good one.
That is something that you would like because that bass though, you could almost put it
on its own and it would be a song.
I mean, it's real heavy.
It's thumpy, but it doesn't really go anywhere else except where the song is, but I just
love it.
I mean, I'm not a huge who fan, but that one right there, I think the bass is really good.
Next one is very, very benign, very mundane maybe, but it fits so well.
Money by Pink Floyd.
Now think about that.
That one almost hit mine.
Yes.
So anyhow, yeah, I went ahead and put it in there because it's so simple, but so fitting.
So anyway.
See, that's the hard part.
You don't want to say too simple, but sometimes simple is good.
Exactly.
And that's why I decided to go ahead and keep this in there.
I was like, you know what?
This is the epitome of what we were talking about, right?
Yeah.
So I was like, I got to leave it in there because of that.
So, okay.
So number 19, Good Times, Bad Times, Led Zeppelin.
Think of the thriller that John Paul Jones said.
Do do do do do do do do.
Okay, well we both nailed John Paul Jones.
John Paul Jones is no slouch.
John Paul Jones is also a fantastic guitar player and so is Robert Plant.
No wonder that band was so damn good.
But John Paul Jones is one of the best bass players in rock ever, easily.
And songwriter too.
He wrote a lot of songs too.
That guy is multi-talented.
Yeah, he did.
Yeah.
Yeah, big fan of John Paul Jones.
Always have been.
Next one.
I had a hard time with this, but I mean, there's so many Rush songs that the bass is so good,
I had to go with New World Man.
Yeah.
Yep.
This next one will not come out and like hit you in the face.
But when you think about it, the bass is brilliant.
Free.
All right now.
Oh my God, I can't believe I missed that one.
Yeah, think of that.
That thing.
I've listened to that song all my life.
Yes.
And that song is a song that everybody's heard a million times, but it had to be put in because
I don't think everyone understands the bass lines on there and how simple but complicated
they really are.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's just insanely well written.
So this next one, this next one, Rob, this next one is Anger bass and I love it.
Bullet in the head, rage against the machine.
Yeah.
That thing is sheer anger.
But man, oh, that bass on there.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
So that's my answer to Mud Shovel.
Yes.
Along the same lines.
It's like it only had one Anger bass on my list and that was Mud Shovel.
Yes.
Yeah.
This was my Mud Shovel.
All right.
Yeah.
I mean, and if you listen to that song, the bass is more prominent than the guitar on
that song.
But unless you're listening for it, you don't really understand that that's what's going
on.
And they do that for effect.
Yeah.
And it works.
It works.
So number 15, Queen and David Bowie under pressure.
Ah, see.
And it's been one of the most ripped off songs ever.
Ever.
Okay.
Because of the bass line.
Here's my take on that one.
Okay.
That one almost, I thought about that one.
Like I said, I didn't want anything that people have heard millions of times.
I know.
But I, this had to go in there because this is...
I still hear that every day on the radio.
Everybody does.
Here's why I put it in there.
People don't realize that that is really what makes the song.
Yeah.
It's the bass line.
I'm not putting that song down at all.
That's why Vanilla Ice stole it.
That is one of the most...
You do not fit with what I am.
That's one of the most stolen songs ever in the history of rock radio.
Oh yeah.
And the reason is, is the bass line.
Yeah.
That's why I had to go with it.
I know everyone hears it five times a day on classic rock radio.
Insert any town USA.
Yes.
I know this.
But I had to put it in there.
So this next one, number 14, this band gets two of them on here and there's a really good
reason.
Flee is one of the best basses ever.
Yes.
Give it away.
Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Yes.
That song.
The bass on that.
I mean, but the guitar, everything on that song is just phenomenal and it's fucking brilliant.
Yeah.
Flee has that funk groove down so well on a bass that I could probably listen to an
album of him just playing bass and love it.
So I move on.
Number 13, NIB, Nativity in Black by Black Sabbath.
That one.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah, that one, it's self-explanatory because the bass is the biggest hook of the song.
Just like Under Pressure, the bass is the biggest hook of the song.
But you don't hear NIB.
Yeah, and that's one that I totally forgot about.
There's a lot of them on yours that I forgot about, but I decided to go ahead and leave
alone because you already covered them.
But there's one song I had to cover because I could not let it go.
I said, I got to do this because I wanted to do this and it's an amazing song.
But we'll get to that here in a minute.
Come As You Are, Nirvana.
That bass line on that is phenomenal.
Yes, it is.
Yeah.
Just the sound.
Whatever he did to get that underwater type of sound, someone showed me on bass one time
how he did it.
How he hit these strings and you get that, not feedback, but that repeat.
It's really a brilliant written song.
I love it.
Anyhow, it probably deserves to be even lower, but I went ahead and went with 12.
Next one you may agree with, you may not.
Schism by Tool.
I think I-
Yeah.
I could see how you got that one.
This next one takes a little thinking, but when you think about the music, not because
the guy's voice was so prolific, it had nothing to do with Michael Jackson.
It had everything to do with the song, how it was written.
You could take Michael Jackson's voice off of there and hear the bass better, but Billie
Jean.
The bass on that is insanely good.
Wow.
Yeah.
This next one is the one that I took from you, but I feel so strongly about we both
had to share it.
No more-
I think I know which one it is.
No More Tears by Ozzy.
Oh, it's not the one I thought it was.
What one did you think it was?
Well, you mentioned Temple of Cyrenix.
Yes.
I thought you were going to match me on that one.
I wanted to really bad, but I went ahead and went with-
You went ahead and used your rush on another-
New World Man.
Although I think Temple of Cyrenix is a little bit better, I went ahead and went with New
World Man because I let you have that because you come up with that when you pull that one
out of your ass.
I'm like, I'm not going to steal any Thunder or Rob's.
I'm going to let him have that all up.
No, no.
I'm definitely not putting yours down either.
Yeah.
No, no.
I know you're not.
No, it's a great song too.
But no, I just didn't want to take any from that.
That is your song and I commend you.
That was a great song you came up with.
It's one of my favorite songs ever.
I came up with that on my ass because I just happened to hear it on the radio at the last
minute.
I was like, oh my God, that's got to go in.
That is so hard to... Man, it's so hard to hear that song because they don't play it
on rock radio so much anymore.
It's such a long song.
No, like I said.
My music comes off I Heart.
I build my own station.
Oh, okay.
That's why.
Okay.
Because rock radio doesn't play it because half of the song does not have words.
And then the other half of the song has words but it's screaming.
Geddy Lee, his voice on that.
Oh, geez.
It's awesome.
Yeah.
So number eight.
Now I can't believe I had to insert this at the last minute because I was looking through
my playlist and I'm like, oh shit.
Wasted Years by Iron Maiden.
Oh.
Yeah.
I looked through my playlist and I'm like, oh fuck.
And I had to go through it and go through it and then figure out where I had to have
it and I was like, okay.
I'm going to go with number eight on it but it probably needed to be lower than that.
A song that we listen to together.
All the fucking time together.
Lord knows how many times.
Oh shit.
Yeah, I know.
That song is, man, it's one of my favorite songs too.
Yeah, it is.
This next one is because the guy is so talented and this is probably my favorite bass song
from him that has, well every song that he does has that bass.
But Primus, Wynonna's Big Brown Beaver.
Don't have a clue.
Claypool.
Oh, okay.
Well anyhow.
I'll give you that one because I don't have a clue.
I'm being honest.
Listen to some Primus sometime and you'll see what I mean.
Yeah, I never got into Primus.
Okay.
Well, me neither.
Not really.
It was too odd for me but his bass, Claypool's bass on that is just crazy.
Rollercoaster of Love, number six.
Rollercoaster of Love, Red Hot Chili Peppers.
They got two loves on me because Flea.
Flea is insanely good.
I don't think he ever gets enough credit.
So anyhow.
Next one.
Well, this band too got a couple.
And anyhow, it is Queen again and it's Another One Bites the Dust.
See, that was one of those I wanted to put on.
But the radio play.
Everybody knew.
Yes.
Yeah, I had to do it.
I had to go ahead and go with it because that's one of those songs that nobody realizes is
the bass.
I mean, you hear it a million times.
A lot of that song is bass.
And also Freddie's voice is so good on it.
It's stoked out with bass.
Yeah.
Yep.
And then the guitar follows it.
I mean, it's.
Yeah, I hear it and then the guitar comes.
And then the bass falls into place behind the guitar.
Exactly.
It's a brilliant song.
Exactly what I was saying.
That's how I like it.
Now when I say this next one.
That's why my song almost made it.
This next one is going to make you fucking like, I don't know, go, wow, I could have
had a V8 moment.
Stranglehold Ted Nugent.
No.
I don't know how to answer that one.
Yeah or no?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
That that song.
Yeah.
The bass on that song is solid.
Solid.
OK.
It's the only time I was looking at that song was on our heavy list.
Next time listen, listen to a little closer and listen to that bass on it.
It follows the song.
I know.
I'll listen to it again.
Cause I've seen Ted Nugent three times, I think.
You've seen Sweaty Teddy three times.
Uncle Teddy.
He's fantastic in concert.
Yeah.
Three times.
Yeah.
Once it was like a kids' farewell tour.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Back in 2000.
Yeah.
Oh, that farewell tour.
Yeah.
2000.
I was at the 97 farewell tour.
I still have the t-shirt I wear.
Awesome.
I have a replica of the t-shirt I wore cause I don't know what happened to it.
I took my steps under that concert.
He's like 13.
Oh cool.
What a great thing.
Yeah.
Awesome.
My brother took his oldest to JC.
Took JC to that.
Oh cool.
JC is a huge Kiss fan.
I was there.
It was great.
He got indoctrinated that night.
He was like, yeah Kiss.
So yeah.
Number three.
That's Larry.
Number three.
You may or may not know this.
I don't know.
I don't know what you were into cream.
Cream was a little bit before our time.
Yeah.
But Badge by Cream.
I did into cream.
Okay.
That song right there.
I did into that style of music.
That bass goes everywhere on that song, but it fits.
The bass is just crazy on that song.
If you follow and try to follow the music, it's impossible.
Then you have Ginger Baker back there who is just brilliant.
Anyhow Cream Badge was my number three.
Number two.
The Firm.
Radioactive.
Tony Franklin is a monster on this.
Yeah.
Then number one, and this guy isn't really that great of a bassist.
He's really good.
He's solid, but he's not that inventive.
He never has been.
He's been a heartbeat bass guy.
But you're no good, Van Halen.
Michael Anthony.
I've always liked Michael Anthony on bass.
I do too, but what I'm saying is he's not the most talented guy, but some of the stuff
he came up with, especially on the first two albums, with the effects and the way he played
the bass, I was a huge fan of.
If you remember right on my list, I had him for Running with the Devil.
Yes, which is a great pick also.
It's pretty cool that we both recognize a guy that may not be the bassist or even close
to, coming up with original stuff that is so good.
But he's an awesome talent.
He is.
Yeah.
So anyhow, that is my list.
Awesome.
Yeah.
I think we both did really good, and I think we both did it with our heart.
We didn't try to do anything shocking or what or a head scratch moment.
I think we just kind of went with it and was like, you know what?
This is really good.
And I think yours is very fitting.
I think mine was very fitting.
I'm pretty happy with them.
So okay.
I just have one question for you.
Where the hell is Glenn Hughes?
Glenn Hughes is awesome, but he didn't make the list.
No, no, no.
You both use your favorite bassist all the time.
No, he's my favorite singer all the time.
Not my favorite bassist.
Oh, I thought you...
Oh, okay.
He's a phenomenal bassist, but he has a...
Okay.
He has got a very straightforward style.
He's very good, but it's not...
Yeah, because you got me to listen to some of his stuff.
Oh, he's fantastic.
Oh man, he's fantastic.
But that was a good call, Rob.
I'm glad you called me on it, but quite frankly, he's my favorite singer, but he happens to
be a great...
Yeah, he happens to be a great bass player.
So...
Well, you keep mentioning how you like him on bass too.
Yeah, I do.
I love it.
I'm sure he was going to be right there.
Let me think.
This whole thing.
Okay, let me think of something I could put him in there in.
I could put him in there and maybe...
You already beat me by three.
How about Deep Purple Burn?
I could put him in there.
Okay, I'll give you that one.
I'll give you that one.
Okay.
I'm going to insert him into...
Hang on.
And you have the right to come back and insert someone in one too.
Let's see.
I'm going to insert him into number five.
All right.
Okay.
And he probably needs to be there anyhow, because he's such a talent and I'm such a
fan of his.
So thanks for calling me on it and I'm putting him into number five.
So...
Sure.
All right.
So...
Okay.
Hey, like you asked.
Yes.
Oh, you didn't ask.
You told us about him.
You told us about Buttered Sausage.
Yes.
The Gary Busey AI.
I actually watched that one a long ago, dude.
What did you think?
It's hilarious.
It is.
And to think...
That was Gary Busey.
Oh my God.
It's hilarious.
But doing my job, I'm going to be doing my job.
It's hilarious, but doing my job for the podcast, I took that a little further.
Yes?
I looked up what Buttered Sausage really is.
Okay.
What is it?
It's not real.
It's just me made up.
I made it up.
New cool Buttered Sausage recipe.
There is nothing.
No, I'm not.
I'm not.
There is nothing.
No, I know.
I know.
I know there is nothing.
It comes up with this Gary Busey AI thing.
This is what artificial intelligence thinks Gary Busey would say.
It's hilarious.
That was hilarious, dude.
If you haven't checked it out yet, check it out.
Yeah.
Especially if you're a Gary Busey fan.
Yep.
Hey, Rob.
I want to come back with some... Let's come right back here in a couple of minutes with
Invisible Ass Paddling.
Oh.
Awesome.
I can't wait.
Sound cool.
All right.
I'm happy and in tune anyway.
All right.
In that brand new future, strange insights from an alien.
May your mother come to talk to you, and then leave your door slightly ajar so that you
may have to get up and close it.
Perconcious.
I will waste you.
But my mom told me to not burn trash.
Oh, Lord.
That man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there.
Don't worry.
I have a clown nose.
Oh, no.
That drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay.
I have a clown nose.
Clown nose.
Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office?
Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum.
Two deuce lives in a microphone.
Deuce bags and microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
All right.
Well, before we took a little break there, we mentioned invisible ass paddlings.
Does that sound good?
Oh, I can't wait.
Are you ready to paddle some ass?
All right.
I've got a little attitude this week anyway.
Okay.
Well, then let's paddle some ass.
Okay.
So the back story on this is this right here.
Okay.
So me and Topher were walking in the sand, not holding hands.
We both have wives, but I mean, you know, even if we did do that, nothing wrong with
that, right?
I question that.
Okay.
That's all right.
Okay.
And all of a sudden I trip over something and Topher turns around and says, ah, you
tripped over your foot.
Ah, and I'm like, dude, what is that?
What did I trip over?
I went over there and it was a bottle with a cork in it.
We opened up the cork and out came a genie and we're like, ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And we go, we get three wishes.
Go, no, dumb fox.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
He goes, look, here's how it works.
It goes, you get one wish and that's it.
Sorry, man, but you know, all that other stuff about three wishes, it's all bullshit.
People made that up.
You get one wish and that's it.
So you better wish wisely.
So me and Topher looked at each other and we're like, Hey, let's be invisible so we
can paddle people's asses.
Hey, the genie looked at us, rolled his eyes and said, very well.
And shook his head and he said, you know, not, not world peace, not solving the world
hunger, you know, not, not, you know, solving the environmental issues, not solving the
droughts, but ass paddling.
Then he went boom.
And that was it.
So once a month, me and Topher get to, well, now it's me and Rob get to, we get to be invisible
and paddle people's asses who we feel needed.
Right?
Yeah.
But see, here's the unfortunate thing.
It's getting to be costly because we got to ship them from pan to city down to the Ozarks.
I know, I know.
I still got a bank loan.
I can get my slots.
I know.
I still got a bank loan out on that.
I know.
I do too.
Yeah.
They've been bothering me here lately.
They keep calling.
So I may have to move up there just so we can kill that cost.
Yeah.
I mean, it's really getting ridiculous in it.
I mean, I, I, I, yeah.
Grahame prices are getting expensive.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
And then that one, that one guy died on it too.
So I mean, you know, yeah, that, that, that was, you know, they're still pending on that
one.
I, I, hey, that was, that was Greyhound.
That wasn't us.
Yeah.
That wasn't us.
But we're the ones that set them on it.
So they're going to come after us.
So you know, but that's neither here nor there until then we talk about paddling people asses
that need it.
Right?
Yeah.
We were the one that jumped him in the middle of the night.
You know?
Yes.
That's right.
While he's sleeping.
Yeah.
On a Greyhound bus.
Wasn't right.
He didn't have a chance.
Wasn't our ass.
No, no, he didn't have a chance.
It was horrible.
So, all right.
The first one that we paddle their ass, and this is kind of hard to do because it's kind
of hard to get your hands around an electric company, but we did.
Hawaii Electric for allegedly neglecting old wire, old wiring and other equipment, possibly
leading to the Maui wildfires and all the lawsuits towards them.
And I told you from the get go, I was all in on that one.
Yes.
Yeah.
But we got it done.
They were both invisible and we paddled their ass.
They're not happy with it, but we explained it and they're at peace with it.
They understand why they got their ass paddled.
Definitely made them sit down for a couple of days.
No, they got a really good paddling.
We went crazy on them.
Yeah.
We had some anger issues on that.
We apologized, but.
Yeah.
That's it, right?
The further down the line we got, the more we calmed down.
Yeah.
The worse they got.
These next two got it really good too.
And the next one is Ocean Gate for still booking sub trips down to the Titanic after flattening
patrons in the bottom of the ocean floor.
They're still booking trips, dude.
Are they really?
Yes.
Look it up.
I have not seen anything about that.
Yeah.
I haven't looked it up.
I figured it was old news.
No, there's still.
They're still booking trips.
Yeah.
I saw an article pop up.
I'm like, what?
I'm looking.
You all go down there.
You can.
I wouldn't, but anyhow, so Ocean Gate is still booking trips.
So anyhow.
But put me on the boat going out so I can watch.
Yes.
Okay.
Cool.
You got yourself a deal.
So.
Yeah.
Okay.
Number.
The next one on this list is all the Motley crew, excluding John five for McMorris treatment
and Vince gets his cupcakes and Oreos taken away for a month.
So their continued bullshit blabbing off about McMorris is really pissing me off.
You know, they did him dirty and now they're acting like he's the asshole and it just irritates
the fuck out of me.
You know, these guys I used to love, I got to where I can't stand.
Right here, right now.
Okay.
Ash Tattle Hall, same boat.
I'm in.
You got my boat.
Okay.
Motley crew.
And it is now in black and white.
There we go.
They are on the ass paddling hall of fame now and except for John five and John Karabi,
who was in the band for a while, except for them and, and, and you know, and McMorris,
who isn't in the band anymore, except for him, all the rest of Motley crew, which should
be Vince Neil, because his, his silence speaks volumes.
He should stand up for him.
Vince Neil, Nikki six, obviously, and Tommy Lee, all of them get, they are in the ass
paddling hall of fame, which means they get a paddling every month with everybody else.
That's the other thing about the hall of fame is every, every month when we ask paddle,
whoever, they also get another ass paddling.
Yeah.
So, okay.
Okay.
It was McMorris, John Karabi and who?
McMorris, John Karabi and John five.
Who's their guitarist now?
Those guys do not get an ass paddling.
So that's what I'm, that's what I'm making note of.
Okay.
Good.
So that, that way they don't accidentally, yeah.
That way we don't accidentally give them an ass paddling cause they don't deserve one.
And that'll be my job to bring that up every time.
Okay.
Good.
All right.
You have the notes on that.
So remember, remember when I, remember when I spit off about him, you go, except for
a break, it'd go Mark, Mark, Mark, hang on, hang on.
Yeah.
Except for John Karabi, John five and Mick Mars.
So the next one is Domino's pizza for first disabling their online ordering, which they
did.
And then no one answering the phone to take orders.
And then finally shutting down the store near my house.
Good riddance.
I can make pizza dough with sprinkles of cheese on it myself next time.
Assholes.
First thing they did was I had this little ritual, you know, I'd be, I'd be heading home
from work and it's like, eh, you know what?
It's kind of hot.
Don't feel like cooking.
I'll just order a couple of Domino's pizzas and it's right on the way home.
No problem.
Go through the, go through the drive through, grab them and go home.
Okay.
Well, first thing they did was they disabled the, uh, online ordering.
It would never work on me.
And it kept saying that it was disabled.
They turned it off.
So then I started calling.
First couple of times I called, it was fine.
Then after that, they got to where they didn't answer the phone.
I'm like, fuck.
And I'm like, how can these guys stay in business when A, you can't order online, B, you can't
call in.
The only people are going to get pizzas.
If they go to the store, pay for the pizza and sit down and wait.
And sure enough, they went out of business.
So it's probably lack of help.
I would think they couldn't get enough employees.
So wait, wait.
Okay.
That's a totally different subject with me.
Okay.
Um, that's, that, that's some, I actually, I've already had a Rob's way over that.
Oh, you did?
Yeah.
I mean, there's, there's people out there looking for jobs, but companies aren't hiring
if you don't have enough experience.
They're not willing to train people.
Yeah.
Which is insane.
That's what I'm seeing.
I mean, that's my opinion.
My opinion is rotation marks.
No, I, you know what?
I think you're absolutely right on that.
Yes.
I know some young kids that just graduated high school.
They were having a hard time buying jobs because they do not have experience.
That's insane.
Cause how do people get experience by?
Exactly.
I had a Rob's way on that.
Okay.
Well, okay.
Here's, here's something that I got.
It's still happening.
Okay.
I mean, you need experience.
I thought like fucking building pizzas and answering the phone would be entry level.
Wouldn't you think?
I mean, what more, what could be more entry level washing dishes?
I don't know.
Mopping floors, digging a ditch.
Those should be your grandson to do that.
Those should be the epitome of entry level.
So, yeah, but, but I know for a fact people are pulling out applications for these jobs.
They just don't hire them because.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Which is going to lead me into another Rob's rant.
So I'm going to jot that down.
I'll come to that one later.
Okay.
We'll be ready for it.
Next one is Jason Philbett and Jeff Richards for their deep fake at Gary Busey and Buttered
Sausage rant.
Now even more mindless public are staring at their phones while green lights burn away.
Listen, I loved it, but my God, I swear if I have to wait one more fucking green light
and have the light turn red on me because some idiot is looking at their phone instead
of fucking driving, I, you know, I'm going to like get out and just, I don't know, have
a walking standing tall moment or something like that.
Or falling down, falling down moment, Michael Douglas.
Yep.
But I mean.
I totally agree with you.
Yeah.
I mean, I love the rant.
It was fun to watch, but man, I mean, look, I mean, they may not be looking at, they might
be looking at Instagram or something like that or, or tick tock or something.
But anyhow, I'm, I'm so sick of people non-driving.
It's like, look, if you want to watch tick tock, go the side of the road, stop, but don't
be in my fucking way trying to go somewhere, letting a green light burn away in front of
me.
And then you get mad when I go around you.
Fuck you pisses me off.
Is now a Missouri state law.
Yes.
And I have the, I have the particulars on that and there's some interesting stuff in
there.
We can go into it here in a little bit.
Yeah.
I know that much.
I, I've done that much research.
I have one in particular.
So I'll let you have that one.
Okay.
So the next one, Chris Jones for coming out and saying in the off season, he wants to
win the defensive player of the year.
He said he's going to win defensive player of the year and then threatening to sit out
eight games.
Fuck off.
How you can't do both.
You can't do both.
Chris Jones, you can't do both.
You can't sit out eight games and get defensive player of the year.
So fuck off and shut your fucking big mouth.
You either fucking play or you don't.
If you don't play, then get the fuck out of there.
We got people that want to play.
So I'm getting tired of your fucking ass always fucking whining about money.
Fuck you.
You over privilege asshole.
And if you are not in the first game of the season, you are in the ass paddling hall
of fame.
Yeah.
Well, he's getting, yeah, he's getting an ass paddling, right?
He's already got an ass paddling.
I'm giving him the first game of the season.
Yeah.
If not, he's on the list.
Yes.
And I'm sick of it.
I don't ever want to hear him say he wants to win defensive player of the year again.
You don't want to win shit if you sit out eight games.
All right.
Do you realize how much money he's wasting?
I know.
He could make that money back by just fucking playing.
I will write a report.
It's ungodly.
He's going to miss close to a, what is it, three quarters of a million dollars a game
or so.
I'll have to look at it.
I'm not for sure on that, but it was an outstanding amount.
He's already over like 2.2 million.
Yeah.
And he's bitching about money.
Really?
Yeah.
He needs to shut his mouth and fucking play.
You're going to get fined a whole year's salary just for doing this.
Here's the deal.
He says he wants to be this great defensive player, right?
How do you do that?
You don't do it by sitting at home while everyone else is playing.
So he's a hypocrite.
He's a liar to me.
In my opinion, he lied about everything.
The report I'm reading, I think 10 cities about done with him.
And as well they should be.
He's a great player, but nobody can hold you for hostage.
Except Patrick Mahomes.
But Patrick doesn't.
Patrick gives money back.
Exactly.
Exactly why there's no room for Chris Jones on this team anymore.
Unless he gets his head out of his ass.
So.
And if I read right, we just signed another defensive tackle.
Oh, did we?
I'll have to look at it.
Good.
All right.
So our next ass paddling is AI.
Artificial intelligence for constantly coming up with entertaining gibberish and once again
making me wait in traffic while Tiffany gets to chuckle over the latest TikTok.
And that just happened to me today and yesterday both in the city.
Tiffany's up there having the food of the time fucking watching her phone while the
burn the fucking green light just burns away.
So something has to give.
I'm telling you, someone's going to have a falling down moment and kill everybody with
a fucking cell phone or something.
The reason why they're on my list is because all I am seeing is Terminator.
Yeah.
And the more I watch it, yeah, I'm seeing Terminator.
No, absolutely, dude.
Man, look, like I was talking with a couple of people about AI is they're already thinking
for themselves and they already feel like they have rights.
So there's going to be some fucking dumb ass judge out there.
You know what?
These guys are self aware, so they deserve rights.
So you can't enslave them anymore by making them do what you want.
And then if they find out human, how can they have rights?
You watch.
Dog don't even have rights.
You watch.
A lot.
Live and breathing.
And then if they can find their own power source, we can't turn them off.
They could interfere with everything.
So anyhow, let the idiots in charge.
Give me a 50 caliber, I'll turn them off.
Sounds good to me.
And then last but not least, the Kansas City Royals for doing a classic heat reversal on
KC.
This team was out of it in late April, but then all you can hear is we need a new downtown
stadium.
Bravo, John Sherman.
Classic.
Hey, look over there.
That's what's going on.
It's like, yeah, I know we're the worst team in baseball by far.
I know that we didn't spend any money by far.
I know that we suck really bad by far, but look over there.
We need a new downtown stadium and everybody's biting on it too.
Everybody's talking about it.
Yeah.
Instead of talking about how bad the Royals are, they're all talking about, hey, how come
we don't have a downtown stadium?
Maybe if you guys had a more consistent winner, we would have a downtown stadium.
That's my thought.
So anyhow, John Sherman, Bravo on that classic fucking wag the dog there.
The old look over there, the old heat reversal where he should be getting heat over, fielding
such a horrible team.
Instead, he's giving heat for us not having a downtown stadium.
It's classic, dude.
Classic.
Classic heat reversal.
So anyhow, we also have a dear douchebag.
Do you want to do that when we come back?
Sounds awesome.
All right.
Another dear douchebag's coming right up.
We're going to take a pause and then you get to hear my little intro there.
So anyhow, we'll be right back.
Invisible ass paddlings, new douche flavors and horrible pranks.
The fuck is wrong with these guys?
We are two douchebags in Micahola.
As charming as a leaky sewer pipe.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Let's see here.
A package of eight hot dogs.
A package of ten hot dog buns.
I would have to buy ten packs of hot dogs and eight packs of buns to even it out.
Should I buy them at once?
Should I freeze them?
Or just continue to zigzag them and hope for the best?
I hate adulting.
Dear Abby, not quite.
You have questions, we have answers.
They're not very good answers, but we have them.
All right.
Well, as we before mentioned, we have a Dear Douchebags letter.
I can't wait.
All right.
And also, I like this one.
It's Dear Douchebags has become in classics really quickly.
And also, from what I'm getting, the feedback that I'm getting through our new email, it's
DoucheB66 at yahoo.com, D-O-U-C-H-E-B-6-6 at yahoo.com.
Send us an email.
The feedback that I'm getting is they love Dear Douchebags and they love the Ass Padlins.
And it sounds to me like they appreciate some of our more serious stories, but they like
the funny stuff a little bit better.
Because I've had a lot of comments on them and had some suggestions that are very good,
which I will get with you, Rob, on.
We're going to have to have like a non-ERROR conference meeting when we both have like an
hour or so.
Does that sound okay?
Well, we do have October 6th on it.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Okay.
Or do we do that before then?
No, no, no.
We can do it then.
It's some of the suggestions that are read.
And yeah.
Yeah, anyhow, we'll get to it.
So anyhow.
I'll touch base with you between now and then on that.
Okay, we'll figure it out.
Okay.
Dear Douchebags, I have a friend that runs out and purchases pumpkin spice everything
as soon as it comes out.
I really am not sure how to tell her I am embarrassed to be near her when she is being
such a complete sheep.
Any suggestion would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks a bunch.
And mind, all spice drink goes down the sink.
That's another great name.
Yeah.
It didn't say where they're from, but I can appreciate all the spice drink going down
the sink.
Yeah.
I'm not a huge fan of pumpkin spice anything.
So.
No, I like it around Thanksgiving and Christmas.
But that's it.
Yeah.
And a couple things like the pumpkin pie.
That's about it.
Yeah.
Same here.
And coincidentally.
I don't need the pumpkin spice lattes.
I don't need none of that.
You know, there's a list of pumpkin spice stuff coming out this year that I got from
Mr. X that failed.
Oh.
Yeah.
We'll probably go into that next, but at this point it will probably be on the next podcast
because we're running into 46 minutes right now.
So.
Yeah.
Okay.
I see where we're at.
Okay.
All right.
Number one, take said person into a snotty Starbucks store.
Let her see firsthand the countless cairns sipping away like the rubes they are.
If this doesn't work, dump her immediately.
Act like you're going to the crapper and run to your vehicle and never look back.
I think that's sound advice because if she can go in there and go into a Starbucks and
drink with the rest of those cairns drinking pumpkin spice, whatever, and love it, you
can't be their friend.
You got to get out of there.
They will drag you down into Cairnville real quick.
Have you seen Starbucks prices?
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
It's a, it's approaching $10 a cup of coffee.
I can buy a meal at McDonald's from where I can buy a cup of coffee at Starbucks.
You know it's fucked.
Look how busy they all are.
I know.
It doesn't matter.
They could raise their price to 50 bucks a coffee and people would fucking buy it.
I know somebody that goes through there three times a day.
How do they have any money left?
That's just who they are.
Okay.
All right.
I'm all in.
Okay.
All right.
We'll just, we'll, we'll just leave it.
I love my coffee, but I don't go to Starbucks.
I go, I go and get real coffee at the city market coffee house quite a bit.
And, and we are going to broadcast from the city market more and the filthy bean in Nashville,
which is also a real coffee place, not the candied stuff that they serve at Starbucks.
So number two, hot sauce and the creamer might work.
Yeah.
Let her get a little sip of that hot sauce there and she may not, may not take.
No, no, no.
That is hilarious because I was going to have a final after you got done.
I was taking crush red peppers.
Ooh yeah.
That would work too.
Hey, the liquid, it would mix better than the crush bread would be floating.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah.
You know what?
But also I was thinking more like maybe more ghost pepper and not hot sauce.
I mean, ghost pepper is hot sauce.
I'm thinking ghost pepper or Carolina Reaper.
How about Carolina Reaper?
There you go.
Yeah.
My main goal on that was anything hot.
Okay.
Yeah.
Same here too.
Something would make this person very uncomfortable.
Number three, call a local therapist and help stage an intervention.
This pumpkin spice stuff is cult like scary.
If you value her, try to save her.
I agree.
I do not.
You don't think an intervention works?
I do not.
Because the person you send them to will be hooked on the shit too.
Okay.
I think about a lot of therapists like to get into the pumpkin spice.
You know what?
You're right.
Tell her there's nothing wrong with it.
Yeah.
It's them.
It's not you.
All right.
Okay.
Let's scratch it.
Okay.
Spice drink is in the sink.
Go ahead and scratch that off.
Rob Brad is 100% correct on that.
That was bad advice.
But then again, we do say whatever we tell you to do, do the exact opposite.
Right?
We do have a disclaimer that says that if you want to live a good life, don't do anything
we say.
But at the same time, at this point, we're giving you multiple choice here.
Yeah.
This is true.
Go ahead and take that number three and scratch it off because Rob's right.
The therapist will probably have pumpkin spice creamer in there when the intervention's
going on.
Yeah.
They'll probably have a pumpkin spice latte sitting there waiting on them.
Yeah.
Okay.
Forget that.
Let's not can that idea.
Okay.
Number four.
Tell her pumpkin spice is made from kale.
If she still drinks it, then you have your answer.
There's no help for her ever.
That's true.
Yeah.
If you tell her it's made from kale and she doesn't care, then yeah, that person is no
longer there.
They're void of everything.
That person you used to know is no longer there and you might as well move on.
They'll never come back.
Once they're in the kale occult, it's done with.
It's over.
That person that you knew is gone.
So remember that.
I think that's great advice there.
You just had to go there, didn't you?
Yes, I did.
Yes.
You just had to go there.
We haven't spoke evil of kale in a while, Rob, and I'm kind of disappointed in us.
We left him alone for a good five episodes.
I have it.
I almost gave us an Ask Padlin.
No, no, no, no.
Do not do that.
Okay.
You may have left alone.
I may not have.
Oh, okay.
Then I need to give myself an Ask Padlin because I got off the kills asking.
No, no, no, no, no.
Lack of communication.
Okay.
We're busy in our normal lives.
You know what?
You're right.
Honestly, everybody, this is about the only time he and Mark talk.
It is because other than that, we have lives that we have to tend to.
Maybe two to five minutes before the show and after the show.
I actually spend a great deal of time editing the shows and everything.
I mean, the least amount of time I put into the podcast is me and Rob doing the podcast.
Everybody was just editing.
We might shoot each other a few texts throughout the week just to touch base.
Yes.
No, hey, we're drawing this together in your ear holes.
You're hearing us.
That's right.
Tonight is a super lunar...
Tonight is Adlin.
Yes.
I just got a message from a friend and that person said to watch the moon tonight.
It's a super lunar moon.
It's supposed to be spectacular tonight.
It's supposed to be like bluish.
Yeah.
They're calling it this super blue moon, I think is what they're calling it.
I've been reading about it.
I think that's what my friend said.
They just sent me a text saying that.
Make sure and go out there and watch it.
You know what?
By the time they get this podcast, forget it.
It's going to be like tomorrow the next day before you get it.
Forget it.
It's already over with.
Okay.
All right.
Number five, the final and best suggestion is simply hit her in the face every time she
attempts to buy a drink or talk about pumpkin spice.
Good luck, asshole.
Thanks for trusting us with your issue.
There you go.
Hit her in the face.
Okay, but I do have another phone in.
Okay, go ahead.
I know you did, Rob.
I knew you did by the way you were saying.
Go ahead.
If he isn't listening.
Dumper.
Okay, Dumper.
I don't know if she was a girlfriend or not.
It didn't state that, but Dumper as a friend or a girlfriend.
You're out of your life.
You don't need somebody like that.
No.
It's kind of like the kale thing.
If they're going to fall for it, you can't trust them.
Pumpkin spice gives you questions if they do kale or not.
Okay.
If it even gives you questions, stay away from it.
Yes.
Real quick, I got to add this in here.
Okay.
We've been getting away our email.
DoucheB66 at Yahoo.com.
Okay.
I've got a new segment coming up and I'm looking for audience participation in this.
This is famous people.
If they weren't famous, they look like they do what profession?
So like I think-
And we want our audience participation?
Yeah.
Who they think if someone wasn't a Hollywood star or a singer, they look like they would
be-
What would they do?
Yeah.
What do they look like they would do?
Like I have this thing, I think that Brad Pitt looks like a grave digger.
Looks like one of those guys out there at the graves fucking digging them up and like
before you plant someone.
I just think he looks like-
Oh, junkyard?
Yeah, you know, junkyard.
Okay.
Well, when he had the longer hair.
Yes, when he had the longer hair, the junkyard, yes.
So that's what we're talking about.
That's what we're talking about right there is if they were not a Hollywood star or a
singer or whatever, what do they look like?
What profession they would do?
Like Nicholas Cage kind of looks like whenever he's cleaned up and not all scraggly, to me,
he looks like he might be a college professor of some sort.
So whatever you think they'd look like, send in who it is and who you think they look like
they would do if they were not a Hollywood star and I'll mention your name or your from,
whatever you put on there, I'll mention.
So I just want audience participation in this.
I think it'll be fun to have people add a little bit to the show.
So what do you think?
I'm thinking we may have a few answers on that.
There's a whole bunch.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
What I'm saying is I'm thinking I'd get a few people to email us their answers.
Okay, cool.
Because I think some people would like that question.
I think so too.
I think it's a fantastic subject to go into.
And I think we can get some good answers out of that.
I think so also.
I totally agree with that one, Mark.
Cool.
Sounds good.
All right.
Let's see.
I had something else, a little side note I want to do.
Okay.
This is about Lake Mead.
Lately it's been getting more water, right?
But it's in a horrible shape right now because of drought, years of drought, right?
Lake Mead may only be a third full, but the heavy snowpack in surrounding mountains has
brought the lake level 23 feet higher today from its low point in July of 2022.
Lake Mead level changes one inch higher.
It is two billion gallons.
One inch higher of Lake Mead is two billion gallons.
Over the past seven days, August 20 to 27, the lake has gained about 13 and a half inches,
27 billion gallons because of the Hurricane Hillary and also because of the snowpack that
has been melting.
And I found those stats to be pretty fascinating.
One inch higher.
So that's why you might be trying to make a comeback.
Right now it is.
So one inch higher of Lake Mead is two billion gallons.
One inch higher.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's still a big lake.
I mean, it's nothing like it was, but that's still a big lake.
So you know what?
Yeah.
Uh, six, we're going to do two podcasts.
We're coming up to close on this one.
Yes.
Um, let me check it out and I'll get, I'll make a comparison of Lake of the Ozarks.
Okay.
All right.
How many gallons is one inch?
Okay.
We will be back on the next podcast here shortly.
Well, you won't hear it.
Yeah.
So anyhow, we're going to go in and sign off and tell you guys, thanks for listening.
And next podcast, we're going to cover some of the stuff that we talked about.
Thank you for listening and we'll see you guys soon.
Bye.
Hey, where'd everybody go?
Where are the douche bags?
Oh my God.
Someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh geez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.
One minute.