Live from the historic Newark market district in downtown Kansas City, Missouri
From the banks of the beautiful crystal blue waters of the Missouri River
It is Two Boosh Bags and Microphone Podcast
Break shit house energy drink
That's right, break shit house energy drink
Make men feel a girl
Choke on her balls
Who wants to fuck shit up?
Run for a scum across America
Break shit house energy drink is for you
Please enjoy break shit house energy drink responsibly
It's not readily available anywhere
Because of liability issues
And now, deep thoughts with Mark
Okay, so I have a shredded chicken soft taco
Now I'm going to lay it flat, open it up
And then I'm going to roll it tightly the other way
Will it then suddenly become a taquito?
Hmm
I may never know
Hello, Two Boosh Bags and a Microphone, this is Mark
And I'm Rob
Thank you guys for joining us, we appreciate it
There's a lot of the same people that are still joining us
By the way that I am reading the data that's coming in to us
From RSS.com and some Google information I've been getting
And thank you guys for sticking with us
Because it seems to me like
If I'm reading this correctly
80% of the audience that finds us we retain
From what I can tell
Wow
80%
That's pretty damn good
Wow
I don't think most radio shows can boast that
Wow dude
Yeah, I just got to looking at that just a little bit ago
And that's how come I was running a little late calling you
I was just kind of floored, I'm like shit
It really looks to me like
I mean like Adrian, Missouri
How can I get all of those hits in that town?
Oh my god, yeah that's amazing
I'm not kidding you, if you took Adrian, Missouri in town
Where the hell do we go?
I think I know one person down there
And I don't even think she knows I have anything to do with this
I know a couple people and I doubt if they know anything about it too
But I cannot believe it because if that was parlayed
If that was per capita
If Kansas City, we'd have over a million listeners
It'd be our biggest town
And then the usual suspects keep downloading
I mean thank you guys
Really it is
It's really a great deal
I honestly have a few more telling me that they're downloading and they're listening so
Yeah, we're really impressed by the listeners
And the amount of vigor and love that they have for the show
So thank you guys
We're going to keep it up because we're having fun
This is kind of a life goal for me and Mark
Yes, yeah
This is something we thought about back in the 80s
We never thought it would happen
That we would love to happen
Who would have ever thought that we would have it?
We're doing it
Guess what? We're doing it
Yeah, you'd have a radio-like platform like you do now with podcasts
And it being so easily accessible and to be done
So anyhow, thank you everybody for tuning in like I said
I got an interesting article here that I just was reading during break at work
And I thought it was pretty cool
Okay, there should be a Kurt Cobain movie out, right?
Yeah
Okay, but I think there might be some sort of an issue with Courtney Love as Widow
And how the...I'm not for sure
But if what I saw on the internet, and who knows?
Because I don't know her personally
But it looks like maybe she wants him to scrub his character up too much
And people are trying to get the just of everything that happened
So I think there's a little butting heads right there so I don't know if anyone's willing to do it as of yet
So there's this place called the American Songwriter Online
And they took artificial intelligence, a chatbot, and had them create the cast and the movie for Kurt Cobain
If it existed, this is what AI said it should do, okay?
Fair enough? Pretty cool?
Okay, when news surfaced recently from the mouth of Kurt Cobain's widow Courtney Love
That Brad Pitt had wanted to create a Cobain biopic, it got our wheels turning
What would the cast look like? What would the plot be?
Well, for those answers, we reached out to ChatGPT for some insight
This ought to be good, I haven't read this
I was just looking at possible storylines at work and I was like, oh my god, this fits what we do perfectly
Okay, it's going to be cold, according to the chatbot, smells like teen spirit
The Kurt Cobain story is a biopic that delves into the life and legacy of the iconic musician Kurt Cobain
The film explores the journey of a young man from a troubled childhood to becoming the frontman of the legendary grunge band Nirvana
Act 1
The film begins in the rainy town of Albertine, Washington
Where a teenage Kurt Cobain struggles with dysfunctional family life and a sense of alienation
So he's like every other kid
He finds solace in music and starts to experiment with various instruments
Eventually discovering his passion for playing guitar and writing songs
Like I said, he's like every other kid so far
We follow Kurt's early musical ventures, form in his first bands and the challenges he faces and he strives to escape his troubled home life
The pivotal moment comes when he meets Chris Novoselic who becomes his close friend and collaborator
Together they form the band Nirvana and start playing gigs in local clubs, slowly building a following
Hey, kind of like us, slowly building a following
Act 2
Nirvana's breakthrough comes with the release of their second album Nevermind
Featuring the iconic single, Smells Like Teen Spirit
The band's meteoric rise to fame takes a toll on Kurt
Who struggles with sudden celebrity status, increased media attention and battles with drug addiction and depression
As Nirvana becomes a voice of a generation and the symbol of the grunge movement
Kurt's personal life becomes increasingly complex
The film explores his relationship with Courtney Love, his wife and the birth of their daughter, Frances Bean Cobain
Amidst the whirlwind of success, Kurt finds it challenging to cope with the pressures of fame, artistic expectations and personal demons
So far I would say that this chat mod is dead on, wouldn't you?
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, so far, I mean, I think they hit it, they hit the nail right on the head
So we go to Act 3
As Nirvana's success reaches unprecedented heights, Kurt's internal struggles intensify
The film portrays the band's tumulus tour schedule and the strain it puts on Kurt's physical and mental health
Despite the fame, Kurt feels disconnected from the mainstream music scene and is critical of the media's portrayal of him and his band
In Act 3, the film explores the final days of Kurt Cobain's life, including his decision to leave Nirvana and his retreat to a scheduled cabin in Washington
Their narrative builds up to the fateful event of Kurt's untimely death in April of 1994
Epilogue
The film concludes with an epilogue that reflects on Kurt Cobain's legacy
It highlights his impact on the world of music and popular culture, shedding light on the issues of mental health, addiction and the challenges of fame
The epilogue also explores the endurance and influence of Nirvana's music and Kurt's lasting impact on subsequent generations of music
Now, I would go see that
Smells like Teen Spirit, but Kurt Cobain's story presents an intimate and authentic portrayal of the artist celebrating his music genius while shedding light on the humans behind the legend
The biopic serves as a tribute to Kurt Cobain's life, music and enduring spirit of grunge that helped shape
Alright, and there it cut off on me
Okay, so anyhow, the Kurt Cobain cast
Timothy Chamoulet
I don't know who that is
Known for his versatility and ability to portray complex characters
Timothy Chamoulet could bring the depth and sensitivity required to embody Kurt Cobain
Courtney Love is Sorosay Renan
Sorosay Renan is an immensely talented actress
I don't know either one of these
Who could bring the intensity and I hope I'm saying their names right
An intensity and charisma necessarily to portray Courtney Love, Kurt's wife and fellow musician
Chris Novacellek, Bill Skarsgard
I don't know who that is either
And his tall stature and acting skills
Bill Skarsgard could convincingly portray the tall and lanky basis of Nirvana co-founder Chris Novacellek
Dave Grohl, Joe Carey
Joe Carey, I agree with that, I think he could do that
Joe Carey's charm and energy can make him a great fit for the role of Dave Grohl
Nirvana's drummer, late frontman of the Foo Fighters
I say just get Dave Grohl to do it, he still looks young
All he's got to do is dye his beard a little bit and keep his hair like it is and he'll be fine
When the O'Connor plays Frances McBormand, that would be Kurt's mother
Don Cobain, Kurt's father, is going to be Josh Brolin
Cool, cool
That's cool
I agree with that, can Cobain, Kurt's aunt and legal guardian Amy Adams
Could bring more than death
Is Amy Adams the one that's on Saturday Night Live?
I think so, I think so
Judging just by the people I've read, I think this AI hit it dead on
Given Cobain's movie star appeal and his fame and impact on culture
It's almost impossible to believe that there isn't a Nirvana biopic or a Cobain biopic
Either in the works or already made
I agree with that 100%
But there isn't perhaps because Love Didn't Want It Made
Okay, that's what it was, Love Just Didn't Want It Made
Well there are several Cobain documentaries
A traditional movie version of his life is not available and I say that is a tragedy
There needs to be a movie about him because there's people that would really like to see this
Including myself
Yeah
So, I mean we all know the story, we know what happened
We know he tragically killed himself in his house up there in Washington
We all know what happened and we all know the sad things
But there's so much things that led him to it
I would like him to really either a book or a movie about it
Because remember it was like two months before he OD'd in France maybe
I think it was
Yeah and they said oh we weren't a suicide attempt
No, no, no, he just took a few too many and that's all the bullshit
We all knew it was a suicide attempt because of his writings
And because of the nature of how that happened over there in France
And I mean there was so much to it too because In Utero is a song about the whole album
Not the song, the whole album In Utero
In Utero means in the womb and it means what the whole album was supposed to portray and did
Was he never wanted to be born, he was mad, he didn't want to be there
So you know I mean sad fact is he did not want to live and he made sure that he didn't
But like always the tortured poets make the best music right?
If you're not tortured in some way you're not coming up with true lyrics
Probably, mostly
So anyhow but Rob you know what we have?
What?
We have a Dyrdouchebags letter
Awesome!
Yeah so let's go ahead and take a little break so I can insert a little hee hee in there
And guess what?
What?
I have something else too
Oh I think I know what it is go ahead
I have my bass list
Yay good cause I've been working on mine and I intend on kicking your ass Rob
How many you got?
I've got nine so far
Go to break
Alright
Hello this is Satan you might know me from my pet name Inflation
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to Dyrdouchebags in microphone by a nice warm fire at night
I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I burned that day
Enjoy
And now Deep Thoughts with Mark
So let me see
Let's say I was offended by people being offended
Then would people being offended all the time have to not be offended around me because I was offended by them being offended?
Hmph
I may never know
Alright we are back and like we mentioned I'm Mark
And I'm Rob
We are to Dyrdouchebags in microphone and as mentioned, Dyrdouchebags later?
Yeah let's do it right at first
Alright let's do this and then we'll go into Rob's bass list
Which I just like to kick his ass so he's going to wipe my ass with it you watch
Because I got all boastful and braggadocious and pucked my chest out
He's going to kill me on this
No actually I will talk to him then get to the letter
Okay
Dear Dyrdouchebags I have a horrible issue with a neighbor
This neighbor is a large, a very large man that likes to sunbathe nude in his backyard
Normally I wouldn't give a shit but I can't even grow a stake in my backyard without being grossed out
Help me please
Did I say that to you?
Yeah I think so
Oh shit I'm sorry
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
So I'm nasty and gross and Montrose
Man Montrose has come up with a couple
I have been
What the hell is going on in Montrose?
Geez we're a town of like 150 people in a junkyard they got a lot of shit going on in a power plant
Yeah it's a power plant I'm telling you
Yeah
Is Montrose and Bates or Henry County?
Uh
I won't say Henry
Montrose the pride and joy of Henry County
Huh?
The pride and joy of Henry County there you go I said it had to be said
The pride and joy is that what Google just said?
It did yes Google said Montrose the pride and joy of Henry County
So anyhow
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Alright and we don't have one listener there I checked
I totally won't I was so wowed
We only have one listener there I checked
So well this certainly is a horrible predicament to be in
I would definitely be afraid to venture in my backyard as well
My first suggestion is to SWAT him
Do you know what I mean by SWAT?
Yeah
Yeah you call the SWAT team on?
Call the fire department and say there's a fugitive with a gun at his residence
Quite possibly he could be so embarrassed he may never sunbathe nude again
That's a great answer just don't get caught
I love that one
Like I said before the disclaimer and Rob can vouch with me on this
Whatever we say to you do the exact opposite and you'll be fine
Right?
Please please please please don't do what our stupid asses say
If you want to stay out of trouble we're going to give you the advice we would have done when we were 18
Yes yes and mind you what we think is funny is what a 16 year old boy going through puberty thinks is funny
Exactly
That's why we are called two douchebags and a microphone
That's why we're not called two intellectuals in a briefcase
Why?
Because we're two douchebags and a microphone that is aptly named
Me you two two douchebags and microphone so there you go
So okay the number one answer SWAT him
Two, replace the suntan lotion with Vicks Vaporub
And I'm burning shit up and possibly stopping from going on this ongoing atrocity
Now that would work
We'll burn this little rainer off
You imagine Vicks Vaporub in the hot sun
I'm sorry I just had to pause you because I had to laugh so hard
Oh my god that was hilarious
There you go just say number two, number three
Okay this next one someone hit low again this is not how man-bob feel
Last two fuck nuts in a recorder loud every time he's back there
Oh what?
Yes and he'll run out quickly
This is not how we feel we love two fuck nuts in a recorder
No we do
I'm not even willing to reach out to us
Me too
We're trying
Me too
Two fuck nuts in a recorder we love you guys we didn't write this
We don't agree with this
We don't agree that playing your podcast will run a big rotund guy naked out of his backyard
We do not agree with that
Hey I've listened to every one of your guys podcasts
Me too me and Rob listened to you guys on the bluetooth
I've downloaded just like I do ours
I laughed so hard I almost vomited the other day especially that one skit you know that one
Oh yes yes
I was at work playing that loud
Oh god was everybody fluid on that one skit oh geez
Yeah that one skit was brilliant you guys did a great job on that
All the guys at work cracking up on that that was hilarious
That one skit was something else and also we know the rumors are true we don't care we love you guys
Okay so okay number four buy a fog machine and place it halfway to hide his bareness
A fog machine would be kind of cool in your backyard wouldn't it
That would be cool
I'd be grilling and then the fog would be like going around me and whispering in the air
And me flipping burgers and brats and like laughing like a madman
Ha ha ha ha ha
Mix that meat smoke with that fog and then it would be in the air to go even further or anything like that
I am Satan cook
Ha ha ha ha ha
So number five itching powder on his lawn chair might subdue him from his hobby
Ooo itching powder have you ever had that shit on you
Yes I have
It'll make you scratch your hide off
Remember Zeebo's magic shop at Bannister Mall
Yeah
Before he went out
Yeah yeah we bought some itching powder and those stink bombs
Oh remember the stink bombs
That's what he'd to drop stretch
Stink bombs used to be the liquid ass now it's liquid ass
But it was the stuff that they trained people to go get cadavers on you know rotting in the
Yeah yeah yeah
Like let's say a Jim Jones type Guyana situation was going on
These people would train on those stink bombs but now it's liquid ass and those stink bombs
We used to walk into the wrong movie theater throw one down
And it would stink up the whole theater then we'd walk to the movie we wanted to see
Ha ha ha ha
We were motherfuckers weren't we
I never even thought of that I was not in on that one
Oh okay that was me and Davey and my brother at least
And then we would walk into the wrong movie theater and go oh shit this isn't it
And then we'd throw a stink bomb down hard enough to smash on the ground
Or little glass tubes and it'd smash on the ground
And then whenever I walked by I'd hear people going
Oh what is that oh
I mean it was the worst smelling shit ever
Like I said now they call it liquid ass and it's horrible like it was back then
But they used to train people to be able to grab cadavers out of wherever woods or whatever
Rotting ones and that's how bad that stuff smells
So number 6 we got another one
Every time said person is in full bloom have a drone with a banner for local bariatric surgery
You might just go get it and at least it can look a little better next time
Good luck
There you go
I kinda like that one too
Yeah there you go man
Cut some of that fat off make him look a little bit better
You may not give a shit that he's naked right
You might be like you know what that guy's kinda handsome
I hope he stays there
No
Alright
Rob I got another thing too I'm just full of shit here
And then we can get to some stuff that I know
You know what no no no let's go into your base
You want me to go into the base?
Yeah let's go into base
Alright you know my air drums are
I don't know if you're ready for this dude
I'm ready for it
I don't know if you are
This may take up the rest of the night
How many do you have?
I have 18
Oh wow
I tried now to down dude
Okay that's cool
And honestly
A lot of what I went with was a totally different direction than what you thought I would do
You were alluding to that last time I talked to you
Yeah
Hey and do you mind if we go over on the podcast a little bit
I mean it doesn't have to be an hour we could do a little extra if you wanted
If you want to get into your 18 let's do it
And then I got some other stuff that I'd like to do too
No I got my list right here in front of me if you want to do it
I'm ready
I'm ready to release my 18 list
Okay alright
Let's take a break
We'll come right back with your 18 top bass songs
The bass and the songs that you love
And how many did you have?
Nine
Nine?
Yes
Well I have a week
I'll give it to you
Okay I will have 18
So that way they're even
Swimming in toxic masculinity
And wiping their ass with politically correct wash rags
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in
3
2
1
This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast
Two Douchebags in a Microphone
People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast
One
Smell
Go to the city market and start sniffing
Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats
Tabasco sauce and old sock with dark fuzzy urine
Two
Look for the spot absent of patrons
Three
The most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably
Four
Just call us at 816-512-7717
Two Monkey Fuckers and a Toaster will be right back
Oh shit what's that over there?
Oh no
It's the island of horrible jokes
Urgh
I can't take my dog to the lake
The ducks keep attacking him
That's what I get for having a purebred dog
Hehehehehehehehehehehehe
Alright baby bitches as promised we are back to Douchebags in Microphone I'm Mark
And I'm Rob
Alright Rob Red we have some bass shit to get to so without any further ado let me do the air drums which I said
Oh my god dude I tried my best
Tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch
This is eighteen of them
Tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch
Go ahead
Okay number eighteen
you better run by pop guitar hmm I'm gonna have to listen to that let me
explain something okay go ahead oh I like my bass the way it should be mm-hmm
that bass is bass guitar bring the drums and the guitar together well I knew that
because you kind of said that to me before I knew that actually yeah so I
think I have songs in my head that I think you went for so anyhow go ahead I
like some of the most subtle songs where the bass does its job yes okay I can
stand out too okay how about number 18 is you better run
okay number 17 double vision for I agree a hundred percent yeah that is a
magnificent bass song good job yes hundred percent without a doubt dude
yeah keep going keep going I love this number 16 I think you're gonna be upset
is it so far down the list okay I like to understand why number 16
when I'm on Led Zeppelin John Paul Jones yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Rob you were
really spun on yeah number 16 you really went and did your research on this one I
got a credit to you dude that's great no dude I just listen to music man yeah
Rambo I got some wow see I thought it was leader one way but I'm all over the
map once I put them all together honestly I was at like 23 and I so far it is
amazing go ahead keep going this is okay number 15 the strip Billy Square oh yeah
yeah oh yeah yeah bass thumps with it with the with the groove I agree like I
said I like the bass to bring in the drums with the lead guitar and show a
little of its own thing but yet do its job without a doubt dude perfect but
then when I get to my upper was it's gonna boil that all to hell okay all
right keep going okay number 14 rockin Beach
Steve Bullock yeah yeah I'm not quite so hard on that but I do like it yeah I can
see that I get it I get what you're saying good bass in it man I mean it goes I like with
what goes with the song that ties everything together and that that's he
did that they do a good job in that one it's your list and I know why you did
it it sounds great yeah okay number 13 crazy on you by heart oh yeah
good one real good one okay my number 12 blows my mind cuz I just recently heard
it like yesterday I said that's gotta go on my list and I don't know why but yeah
I do know why listen to it okay born for greatness Papa roach yeah I could see
that one too okay the base was is good very good well done in that song cool
good I just heard it all right oh my god that's gotta go on the list yeah I get
every one of your songs so far that's great alrighty
number 11
come together the Beatles yeah get it yeah I agree 100% okay now okay now my
top ten is where they start going up and you're gonna really start getting into
them okay number 10 the temples of syrinx rush yeah the temples of syrinx is
fucking awesome do do do do do do do do that's on my list
did get easily yeah okay I was wondering if you're gonna put a rush on there it's
it's funny we picked the same song cuz rush has a lot of lead bass songs it's
funny yes because it's because of the rhythm that they use on the heavy part
of temples of syrinx yeah it's excellent okay okay number nine get ready hold on
there's a two-timer on this list okay there to the heart ha ha ha yeah you are
fall and I agree with the order to I agree with the world
awesome
eight for whom the bell tolls mentality oh cliff yeah oh cliff of more click
Burton I love your base oh yeah he was amazing can't argue that you're like my
number said honestly yeah my top eight was my hardest to put in order okay here
good you're gonna see why number seven
the zoo don't don't don't don't don't perfect man that is a great bass song
rob you never say man you're doing fantastic go ahead here is a dog yes yes
and not guns and roses version doesn't have that same base it has to be yes
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah perfect man good job
number five
goes to running with the devil Van Halen cool
number four no more tears Ozzy wow I didn't even I didn't even original track
original was that Phil Sousan that played on their base or who played hang
on let me see that I'm trying to figure out who that is it was when Randy
Castillo I'm not sure I just I mean you see here okay Google who played bass on
the song no more tears from Ozzy Osborne oh shit I can't do it because I
got you on there hang on are you there yeah okay hang on
yeah I don't think I'd be able to do it either hang on I can
I just type it in yeah that's what I'm doing okay well you're better than me so
oh okay although Mike Inez appeared on the albums videos and promotional tours
longtime Osborne collaborator Bob Daisley who I love plays bass on the
entire album I know this credit is as a writer for the title track although he
does not perform on the actual recording and the intro bass riff was
composed by him Wow yeah I love well you know you get my number four Bob
Daisley has one of the best books about rock about that opening on that song
that bubble out dude is and then all the way through the base carries that song
yeah I love Bob Daisley I'm a huge Bob Daisley fan he look up his work I mean
he was in your right heap he was in rainbow oh really I get yeah you're
teaching me stuff man look look and I all I knew his book it's called for fact
sake and then wait I'll tell you one of the stories in his book after after you
complete your your list remind me to tell the story that's in his book that
floors me this day anymore okay go ahead we're at my top three okay number three
rock me great white oh yeah yeah very good Wow good job yeah yeah and the
thing is that basically goes all the way to the end where the chorus kicks in go
ahead I'm sorry that was great no no no you're all right man you're all leads up
to the chorus and go ahead and do never to the big one okay I really really
really struggle with number two and number one okay but my number two happens
to be a two-timer on my list okay my number two came in on my heavy list
okay number two goes to much shovel by staying okay
cool dude that saw that whole song it don't matter what part you're playing is all over the front
it is it's pretty dynamic the way they wrote it and every and you have to
listen to it multiple times don't hear each part yeah let's do it here's Lee
guitar then you got let's do it again to hear the bass then you got let's do it
again here's local yeah I mean yeah I got you I think that is my first two
timer okay much trouble all righty and what is number one Rob my number one
bass song
do you got that oh wow okay that's a good one real good Wow okay man dude
yeah I gotta hand it to you those were some really good picks
good job I was thinking well a lot of my persons were on the softer side
but then I sat down and finished my list there is no right or wrong all over the
place I mean I love the way you're all over the place it's perfect so good job
okay and as we had discussed that gives me two weeks to start a funk list okay
I'll have my bass list next week all have all 18 of them whatever you come up
with the funk list is going to be interesting I can tell you that right
now oh my god yeah okay so song after this okay yes yes it is so I come up
with a bass and then the subsequent following week will be my job I gotta
start listening to my whole different music genre I know I do yourself a
favor look up like the R&B stuff back on billboards top 100 in the 70s 75 74 73
and then go into the 80s then go into the 90s I mean you'll be amazed of
what's there so anyhow I'm going over everything and anything like I always
do oh good Bob Daisley we were talking about him right yeah okay you want to
hear the story that's in his book that still floors me to this day yes okay Bob
Daisley was a member of rainbow and okay so this is Richie Blackmore's rainbow
Richie Blackmore had a way of things so one day this bus driver comes up there
from wherever they get their bus lot you know their bus drivers from and Richie
Blackmore looks at Bob Daisley goes who's that guy he goes oh that's the guy
they sent to drive our tour bus he goes no no he's got a leaf what yeah he has a
black aura no so and what over there is like yeah what you don't like you would
I get another one man guys like okay he leaves so they bring him another one
that's for it a few years later he's in the blizzard of Oz and the same guy
comes up and he is the tour driver for Ozzy the guy with a black aura so a
Randy Rhodes was scared to death of planes this guy with a black aura
according to Richie Blackmore talked Randy Rhodes into going into his plane
because he was a pilot the guy started dive bombing and flying around and show
boating and he actually hit the steeple of the place they were staying and that
is where Randy Rhodes perished along with him and Ozzy's hairdresser how's
that for a story wow that's what I said too I read that four or five times like
cheese so yeah yeah scary shit huh yes all right well you know how I always
bit like grapes against you know another fruit or something well I got a machine
and everyday appliance wars you ready to have a battle royale between some
machinery modern machinery and appliance hey sounds like fun it's
interesting like everything else all right the first one we have is a stapler
versus a hole puncher stapler gives a hole puncher yes I'm gonna go with a
hole puncher because it's bigger holes a staple yeah it hurts but if you puncture
something with those little round things we're fucking them up a stapler is a
pain in the ass and it would hurt like hell yes but it's not gonna do the same
damage a hole puncher does in my opinion okay what's gonna hurt worse a bunch of
jabs or a hell Mary well I would assume that a hole puncher could punch as many
holes in you I'm well I'm going hole puncher me too me too yeah I'm saying
the stapler would be a bunch of jabs yes the hole puncher could like just punch a
hole in it and then you're like ah fuck I give this time over the top just tell
you drill you down yeah my ear so all right next one
air compressor I had a problem with this one because I don't know which way to go
still air compressor versus gas generator that one's very evenly matched
in my opinion I don't know who would win they're both bulky and big one has a lot
of air and the other generates power okay okay and why it's already plugged
into electricity you know generator runs on gas or whatever it's gonna run out so
what you're saying is is air compressor can blow all the gas out of the gas
generators of tank no no no it's a matter of endurance oh okay I get you
when it runs out of gas air compressors gonna come up and fuck it up because
they can't do anything about gas I get it okay
the present plugged into a lifter constantly okay generator runs out of
gas and whatever it runs off okay you know what I agree with you that's pretty
good reasoning you say all right next one this one is very even if you think
about it but I don't know let us shredder remember like what we used to
use at Justin James yeah versus a French that was a medieval torture device is
what that was yeah versus a French slicer you're like a household lettuce
no I'm talking industrial versus a French fry slicer an industrial one
remember we used to make fries you know like we use oh my god dude the lettuce
well let us got it you know anything hello lettuce make scars on us yes it
did all right for that that lettuce shredder made scars on us yes it did and
it hurt like so if you did if you slam that thing too they're too hard got
your fingers too close oh I did it all the time
I remember Harry weren't band-aids all the time too oh yeah he always misjudged
that very fucking himself up on that damn thing yeah that thing was flat
scary easy to do it really was it was I wore a few band-aids over so so did I I
can't count how many times I just misjudged because I come in a little
hungover was I don't know we're staring at one of the bus girls ass or something
I don't know you figure you figured taking a head of lettuce like a
basketball and slamming it through well we'll say what 10 12 sawzall blades
what would be the equivalent of probably a sawzall blade only with like a little
a little sharper teeth actually into a big plastic barrel okay that thing was
sharp okay let us razor-sharp lettuce shredder it is Rob I agree yeah next
one treadmill versus stair glide I'm good I myself I'm gonna go with a
treadmill and here's why treadmills okay why no no you tell me you tell me why
you're going to read that okay a treadmill is big and bulky and it runs
some people have to run on it keeps going it's got that it's got that belt
that runs really fast and the stair glide is just like a couple of steps
that you operate yourself that you don't even plug in that you got to move with
your arms see I think a treadmill is more bulky and has electricity power
behind it where a stair glide needs someone on it moving it to get it to
move okay all right all right all right you got me on that one okay all right
treadmill it is I would say you still drive but until you mention it needed
help it needs help it needs it needs someone on it to actually move so I'm
gonna I would say a stair flight come right down on top of that thing like
Godzilla it needs help you're right you're right I give it to you okay
treadmill got it all right next one refrigerator versus clothes dryer I
don't know which way to go on that one all right if you got an idea go ahead
refrigerator okay the surgery keeps running driver shuts off okay you
nailed it that's it sounds good to me refrigerator would keep cooling driver
heats up but it shuts off and you're done that's true
refrigerator is always on and refrigerator can always kick the
clothes dryer's ass if it was I get it okay this next one is really I think
I've got a way to go on it but I'll get your opinion ottoman versus sofa
I'm gonna say sofa because it's heavier and it could fall over on the ottoman
and probably crush it
okay okay here we go Mark okay here we go here we go Rob's on it go ahead be
in the little guy okay I give it to the ottoman okay do you think that the
ottoman could out maneuver the sofa jump on its back on but it's gonna run
around back behind the sofa jump on the back and take it down okay I would do
okay so the ottoman is a wiry little bitch and it ain't going down well the
big ass sofa guy get up off his ass to flip over on top of it but the ottoman is
gone dude all right okay you know what I cannot argue that wrong
if nothing else it's out the front door you're right you're right it can always
get away if it wants that was great reasoning Rob I agree with that I need
to see an ottoman jumping up and back and going so you are the ottoman right
there's like I said a 5-7 but 40 but 45 okay you're the ottoman I'm the other and I can whip some ass so okay
electric can opener versus blender both are pretty vicious oh damn okay I've got
no I got it okay okay I go with electric can opener just because we have a promo
that says we're as much fun as like their can opener to the scrotum we don't
have a blend of promo yeah I'm going with that out of a sentimental value
because we actually have an electric can opener grabbing all the guys nuts okay
and I just want everyone to know we are as much fun as a can opener to the
scrotum yeah okay yeah so there you guys know yes yes please
then the blender have a lid on it oh yeah that's right yeah yeah that tooth is
right out of it just jump up there and bite the piss out of it yeah okay a
blender has a lid on it it's contained it's on a leash a blender needs a human
to take the top off for it to do any damage at all
meanwhile that electric can opener already jumped on his back and bit the
shit out of them right yeah yeah it's like a chihuahua elite yeah
a little double at least you gotta light it off so it doesn't do any good
next one electric oh wrong one hey Baylor versus this plow
oh shit I know both of them will do heavy damage oh my god do you have any
idea on this at all
dude my grandpa was a farmer I know everything about both them pieces of
equipment yes and that's why I'm together is very hard they are very both
of them are very tough pieces of machinery that you don't want to screw
I will say I'll go with you since you grew up on a farm I know I didn't grow
up oh oh your granddad was in between dude I was in Belton okay but my
great-grandma my grandparents had to fall out by Erasmus by Freeman oh okay
all right well which would you go with it oh my god dude
I thought the guy to have to take my chances with the disc that's what I was
thinking too okay because that hey Baylor takes up anything and everything
yes at least you have a few inches you might be able I don't know if you've been
that's a good life but you might have a chance I agree with you Rob that's
exactly what I was thinking
yeah yeah yeah you do wow wow that is the most even match we had on the whole
thing Wow the next one bottle opener versus scissors
I'm gonna go with scissors yeah yeah yeah cuz I think scissors could just
like start all right takes the motion down bottle over he's got a twist yeah
yep all right same reason I thought this next one oh go ahead what no no okay this
next one paper shredder versus copying machine
give it to the shredder all day off I agree with that yep
sure it does it in the name yes shredder shredder you agree with it 100% all right
that is the last of those so real quick I would like to say a congratulatory good
job to cheddar whiz cheddar whiz wins the mullet contest look it up his name is
cheddar whiz and he looks like a little Joe dirt he just won the national mullet
contest oh my god are you kidding me no yeah I'm gonna write this down
cheddar whiz is his name yep so any how congratulations cheddar whiz good job
oh and I got another thing for you to look up to because this is a big thing
that I've been well actually or and at work started it and anyhow artificial
intelligence a couple of people did this and it's called buttered sausage and you
know Gary Busey yeah okay these crackers and well they had their computer and
have their artificial intelligence come up with a Gary Busey and it is fantastic
because it looks just like him and AI just the artificial intelligence it
figures out what to say so it came up with Gary Busey wanted to talk about
buttered sausage and he goes off about butter sausage and it's just it's a
picture it looks just like him talking and it's a couple of people going hey
Gary Busey you want to talk and he goes oh yeah I want to talk you know I want
to talk about buttered sausage and he just started going off how it's made all
this stuff and he goes off for quite a while about buttered sausage and then he
goes and then someone said well we think you're in a jam now or something like
that he goes no I don't use jam I use honey I make my own honey and I kiss it
on the lips it is fantastic so you gotta look so everybody out there in
podcast land go look up buttered sausage and it is great entertainment
so if you look at my Facebook Rob I checked into I checked into a make
believe a buttered sausage factory somewhere in Kansas City I think it's
like really big Bubba's buttered sausage and I checked or in the the guy that
carried the toad about about buttered sausage when he first found it on the
internet so I did hear that I did hear that podcast yes okay I remember okay
well anyhow that's why I checked into that fictitious place so anyhow buttered
sausage
I had to be too because I was laughing so well we are at an hour do you want to
continue a little bit longer or do you want to go ahead and stop this I think
I better probably be stopping okay let me do you got a final thought Rob
let me shoot not in front of me at the moment let me show I come up with okay
next week on the podcast I'm gonna have invisible ass paddling's handed out to
people that need them I've got 80% of them written and there's some good
people on there deserve some pretty good ass paddling so I think you all are
gonna be happy with the ass paddling's that are gonna be dished out so yep and
then I think I will have my bass list next week and I've got to come up with
some shit because Rob just fucking Rob just fucking kicked me in the ass and
told me to go to hell that's what he did no I did not I did like I thought I was
running weak so I put them all together all right Rob being modest Rob Rob
kicked me right in the nuts and walked off and said I didn't do that but then
just remember my number two is a two-timer on my list okay that's fine
so so Rob can deny the nut kicking all he wants but he kicked me in the nuts so
I got a strike back with some pretty good bass songs I'll be doing that honestly
I think I know what you're gonna come back with it's what I've been
anticipating okay we sure you're gonna kick me in the nuts we shared
temperless earrings and that's it that's a good week yeah did we really
know that is not the one I figured we would share no me neither me neither
okay you said something about a tie so I'm marking that one you come close
with one of the songs but you will find that one my master list is revealed next
week so anyhow this is a did you did you find a final thought or not if not we'll
just go ahead and close this now alrighty everybody no final thought you
don't look your own up okay anyhow love you guys thanks have a good night well
we'll have one next time that's right it's Sunday night alright so go back to
whatever the fuck you were doing I'm sure it's quite interesting and
everybody would love it right yeah I will yeah me too send pictures to Rob
remember oh yes yes I definitely need some more I'm getting really bored guys come on
ass up big smile turn around have a good night everybody step up here thanks for
listening it's been a long time can you hear the man's plea really can
you hear his plea can you hear it in his voice he needs ass up pictures we expect
you to deliver yeah that's you Joe listener yeah I just three just three
poultry pictures and that's it yes Joe
I still speak to the other one I don't know what happened to which one is that
gonza whatever it was I'm not sure what you would label him or her but whatever
okay I tell you what keeps up I may have to make my final decision and if you
don't talk to me afterwards you have to talk to you have two strong contenders
with that if you want to be the winner and gonza right and we have more yeah
right now it's gonza and Eric you guys whatever it is
Joe fan Joe fan insert yourself into this
ass anybody turn around you want to have some fun with this come on come on man
Rob's Rob has been a bachelor for a while now and he's like he's ready for
some pics so is it that hard you Joe listener to just stick your ass up in
the air and a smile and snap a pic and send it to poor Rob here no it could be
told I really like women
hey that might be what's holding people off okay okay let me add this yes yes
I really into women yes so women can send asset pictures too even though that
I don't find that as funny okay okay you know what forget everything everybody
have a good night love you guys love you too bye hey where'd everybody go where
the douchebags hmm oh my god someone took a dump in the corner oh geez
glad they're gone let's just hope they don't come back
man that smells