Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue Waters of the Missouri River, it is Two Boosh Bags and Microphone Podcast.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Let's see here, a package of 8 hot dogs, a package of 10 hot dog buns. I would have to buy 10 packs of hot dogs and 8 packs of buns to even it out. Should I buy them at once? Should I freeze them? Or just continue to zigzag them and hope for the best? I hate adulting.
Brick Shit House Energy Drink! That's right, Brick Shit House Energy Drink! Make that through the door! Chomp through the walls! You want to fuck shit up? You want to fuck us across America? Brick Shit House is for you!
Please enjoy Brick Shit House Energy Drink responsibly. It's not readily available anywhere. Because of liability issues.
Alright, Two Boosh Bags and Microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright, so welcome everybody. I got a neat little thing here. Remember I did a few Wouldn't It Be Fantastic Gifts before in the past?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well I got a few more of these.
Cool.
Alright. Well, why don't we go ahead and get into them. Is that cool?
Yeah, that's fine. I'm grabbing a nice little gift right now. I'm grabbing me a glass of tea.
Alrighty, good, good.
Alright, as I mentioned, this is a segment called Wouldn't It Be Fantastic If.
So the first one is, Wouldn't It Be Fantastic If, every congressional or presidential candidate would have to announce who their main sponsor is in every debate or TV ad.
So if someone's backed by Big Pharmaceutical and let's say, let me think of one, AstraZeneca gave them the most amount of money, then they would have to come out there and go, Hi, I'm Joe Blow and I'm sponsored by AstraZeneca Pharmaceutical Company.
Wouldn't That Be a Great Thing? They'd have to come out and just say, you know, that's another way of saying who's paying them and who's paying them the most.
So whoever pays them the most, they have to come out and go, I am mostly sponsored by AstraZeneca or Johnson & Johnson or whoever. Whoever gave them the most amount of money.
I totally agree with that. I totally agree with that.
Yeah. And then maybe you can catch which way they're going with what and why. You know, you'd be like, oh, now I see how come this person's saying this or that or the other.
So, okay, next one. Wouldn't it be fantastic if there were randomly placed landmines in traffic cones? Go watch Fucktards go boom.
You know, people always, wouldn't it? Someone on their phone. They're not on their phone no more. They're somewhere looking at Facebook in the great kingdom sky.
Yes, they would. All right. Next one. Wouldn't it be fantastic if all corporate complaint lines went straight to the president of the corporation?
Yeah.
You would see some things getting resolved really quick if he had to field every complaint call about whatever they are doing.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
That would be awesome.
Yeah. And then people could have fun with it too. Just call them up and ask them, I don't know, for stupid things that didn't exist or, you know, or, you know, see more butts or whatever.
Hey, see more there. See more who? See more butts.
So, anyhow, wouldn't it be fantastic if all the airlines had to give you $100 for every three hours wasted, $500 for every lie you catch them in, and a grand for every canceled flight and it triples if you miss something very, very important, including long scheduled vacations?
That would be phenomenal.
Because I'd be very, I would have a lot more money, I can tell you that.
You know if I'm being quiet.
Yeah, why?
I don't fly. I don't go nowhere.
Oh.
Well, if I do, I drive.
Okay.
That's okay.
Do you not like flying or?
No, honestly, I've never been in a plane. I have never flown.
No kidding.
Wow. I do not like heights, for one.
Okay, well that'd be a good reason not to get into a plane.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, all right, I get it. Okay.
But, no, I just never had the opportunity.
You never went anywhere far enough to warrant getting in a plane. I get it. I mean, and also it's people's comfort level. Like, if I'm going to go anywhere.
I went to Southern Louisiana, it was a 14 hour drive.
I made that drive plenty of times.
Yeah.
Leaving from a cruise ship from New Orleans.
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, another 12, 14 hour drive.
Yes.
Well, you see, I've got this rule anymore. As I get older, my back hurts more.
If it takes over six hours, I don't drive. I fly.
I mean, taking that long in a car just kills my back.
So I'd rather just go fly and be done with it.
Right, right.
So, yeah. So, yeah, I get it.
Well, my trip to Louisiana was in 1998.
Okay, quite a while ago then.
And I was driving a 1994 Lincoln town car.
Oh, hell, that sounds like fun, actually.
Dude, I could change that thing in any position I wanted to just to change the blood flow.
An old town car.
For all I could speed.
Oh, I love those cars.
I did not want to stop driving. I could change it. I'd keep going.
You know, my limbs weren't falling asleep. If they were, I'd just change it a little bit, get the blood flow back, and keep going.
Very cool.
It was an awesome car. It was an awesome car.
Oh, yeah. Yep.
All right, next one. Wouldn't it be fantastic if Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg decided to do a steel cage death match?
That would be phenomenal.
And one of them doesn't make it out.
I just want to see them do the real cage match that they're talking about that they're now both backing off on.
Oh, they're both backing off on it now? That figures.
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you didn't hear that?
No, I didn't.
Oh, I knew I should have did that report a couple weeks ago.
You know what? We'll be podcasting tomorrow night. Just look it up. And if not, I'll look it up. It doesn't matter. Hell, I could Google it here in a minute.
I think I still got it saved.
Okay, good.
No, no. Elon Musk is talking. Yeah, they're talking about not doing it.
Wow.
Even though Elon Musk built a cage and everything.
It didn't take them long to bitch out of that one, did it?
No, no. You knew it wouldn't.
Yeah. Yeah, they both can't get themselves hurt. Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm much too important. What would the world do without me?
The world would probably be happier without you, you fucknut.
So, well, damn it. Well, there goes that one.
Yeah.
Next one.
Yeah, I'll bring that back tomorrow night. And I'm going to have a big one tomorrow night.
Okay.
I'm going to go ahead and announce. Okay. I've been telling you about the shootout race down here.
That's this weekend. This is Saturday night.
Yes.
Hopefully, tomorrow night, by the time we go on the air, I will have the final results of every race.
Okay, cool.
The award show starts at like five.
Okay.
So I should have the announcements by the time we go on the air.
Okay, cool.
So I can announce all the shootout winners tomorrow night.
Sounds good to me. All right, there you guys go.
Next podcast, the shootout winners.
All right, next one. Wouldn't it be fantastic if a person at birth got five free crowbar ass whippens?
The whippen can be used when needed, like an asshole being stupid all over you or for revenge or at someone being a dick in traffic.
You get five free crowbar ass whippens on anybody at birth.
Wouldn't that be fantastic?
And then like, I mean, you could, if someone really needs it, you'd know when to pull out one of those ass whippens.
It's like, all right, I got four left. I got to be careful.
And then, you know, if someone's like really overly being a dick, then you could pull out another one.
Then you have three crowbar ass whippens left.
Oh, okay. So they're for the severe ones.
Yes. Yeah. You would have to say.
Oh, that'd be awesome. That would be awesome.
Yeah. Yeah, it'd be great.
And then like if someone had a crowbar ass whippen left too, they could be like, well, you know what?
After he's done whipping my ass with it, then you might get your ass whippen with theirs.
You don't know. So anyhow, it'd be awesome.
Yeah, it'd be a challenge.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That would suck if you got to beat the shit out of a real dumb ass, right?
And then he was like, well, hang on a minute. I got a few ass whippens left in my bag too.
So you're next.
Damn it.
So, okay. Next one. Wouldn't it be fantastic if a low calorie sugar substitute would not be a carcinogen and actually taste good?
I'm all for that. I'm all for that.
There is not a sugar substitute, low calorie sugar substitute that tastes worth the shit and isn't a carcinogen that I know of.
So anyhow.
Yeah, the carcinogen part is what gets it.
Yeah. I mean, you know, if it causes a known cancer causing agents, not good.
Yeah. Yes. Yes.
Yeah. And then final but not least. Wouldn't it be fantastic if Skip Bayless was taken over by possession from a voodoo priest and hid himself in his itty bitty balls repeatedly every time a mic was in front of him?
That would be phenomenal.
Get on there and start talking shit.
Better yet, that would be a miracle from God.
Yes, it would.
Oh, oh look, little skippies got a mic in front. Oh, that's got to hurt.
Oh, no. Oh, that's gonna leave a mark.
Every time he opens his mouth. Oh, that'd be great.
Okay.
I mean about metal spoon. Oh, metal spoons are a dirty game. Oh, they hurt. Oh, metal spoon to the nuts. Yeah, I remember. I remember some else we used to do tongs.
What tongs to the dick.
Oh, yes.
Walk up with a pair of tongs and start talking to someone in the eyes and then slowly creep over there and grab them with the tongs.
That.
Yeah, that hurt like fuck.
We're going like back like what 35 years.
Long time ago, long time ago. Almost 40, almost 40 years ago.
Us dumbasses working at restaurants would grab each other's balls with tongs when the other one wasn't looking and start ripping.
And when that wasn't a good time we'd take big metal spoons and hit each other in the nuts. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, if you couldn't get close enough with the tongs and you get a big metal spoon.
I think the metal spoon was your brother's favorite game.
Oh, I think so too.
And you'd kiss him off the most.
Oh, I know. I used to wait behind the refrigerator.
The refrigerator's there in the main hallway. And as soon as he ran to the corner, bam bam bam bam.
And he'd run off.
He'd be there on his knees.
And he'd be like over on the other side of the room.
Yeah, but he'd be the first one to get you back.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Expect it.
He'd be the biggest bitch about it.
Oh yeah. You motherfucker.
I love him to death. I love him to death. You know that.
God rest his soul. Hell yeah. He knows what we're talking about.
He's in the great beyond right now going, yeah, I guess so.
Honestly, and we've mentioned this before, I firmly believe he is the reason why I'm on this podcast with you.
No, I believe it. I really do.
I think he brought it, somebody, something brought us together to do this.
That was cool. You know, when you got a hold of me and you started calling, it was just like, it was really cool because, I mean,
what you told me about the podcast was exactly what I wanted to do.
Make someone smile, make them chuckle, you know, like radio used to be.
You know, I mean, simple dumbass dick jokes. Just stupid shit. Nothing too heavy.
I'll be honest right now. I'm sitting here talking to you with a grin on my face. I'm actually chuckling. I'm having a good time.
It's fun. I've had some people that I've known for a long time reach out to me and tell me some several things about this.
And everything that they're saying is exactly what I wanted this podcast for.
So I'm very proud of it. I'm really happy. And we're just going to we're we're only getting better.
I mean, yeah, we are. We're just now starting. Just wait.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, you've gotten a lot better just in the couple of months you've been on the air with me.
You were getting a lot better. So all of this comes natural after a while, or at least I think it does,
because at first you're conscious about everything that you're doing.
But then after a while, it's just like you don't even view it as anything except having a conversation and having some shits and giggles with somebody.
And you record it, you send it off to everybody's ear holes and they either love it or they don't.
So it's pretty cool. And honestly, from what I'm hearing, we're getting some love.
We are getting some love and the love back at you. Thank you for listening. Appreciate it.
Always. Yep. So I got another story here that's pretty cool.
I found this out the other day and I was like, you know what? I'm going to report on it.
You know, I go to me and Val go to Eureka Springs a lot. I mean, it's like a little oasis that we can drive to three and a half hours away.
We love it down there. It's such a eclectic little place in the they're actually not the Ozark Mountains down there.
It's the Boston Mountain chain. Yeah. Yeah. And to be honest, I cannot wait for my next trip down there.
It's been a few years since I've been down there and I cannot wait. I love it down there. Oh, I do too.
It's just beautiful and it's so much fun. So anyhow, Eureka Springs is ranked as the best small art town by tourism website, The Travel.
The Travel is a really good website. It's been around a long time and it is pretty much one of the the authorities on travel.
And anyhow, doing this, I read a lot. OK, then you probably know.
So by I'm getting familiar with them by the travel website, rating Eureka Springs so high.
That is really quite an achievement because there's a lot of towns like in California.
There's I think Colorado has quite there's a lot of other states that have nice little artsy towns all over. I'm trying to think.
There's other ones that I'm leaving out. But Eureka Springs being voted number one is a big deal.
So, OK, well, just something out of my head. Just talking about this just now. Can I throw something at you? Yeah, sure.
Do you think COVID-19 could have had something to do with that? People just want to get away from everything?
Yes, yes. The big Disneyland, Disney World. Get away.
Well, they stayed open. They stayed open even in the height of COVID. They stayed open.
Everybody wore masks and everybody stayed as far away from each other.
But everybody in Kansas City, Oklahoma City, St. Louis, Springfield, Missouri, Little Rock, Memphis, maybe even New Orleans, maybe Dallas.
They all knew that you could go to Eureka Springs and get somewhat of a vacation if you needed to. And that's what happened.
There's a lot. There's people from all over, even Illinois. There's a lot of Illinois people that go there. But people were just driving there.
You couldn't really get on a plane very safe or you're worried about contracting the VED or whatever.
So you get in your car, you'd be like, you know what? I'm going to book a place down in Eureka and stay there a couple of days and take my chances.
And we did that a lot. And it kept us sane. Kept a lot of other people sane. But I agree with you, Rob.
I think that COVID really kind of helped them. If there is helping. I mean, it brought awareness that they're still there.
Well, it made people aware. People like us, like the people that everybody is listening to us right now.
Well, I'll put it like this. It made people aware of the smaller things. A way.
We don't have to be in a big city to do things.
Yeah. And also, instead of like flying into Miami or Tampa or something or or or I don't know, some vacation destination instead of, you know, going to the ocean or something.
You flat out, you just drove to Eureka and is out in the middle of nowhere. And you felt a lot safer there anyhow.
And you know, then getting on a plane and going to a big city with everybody there coughing on you and everything. So it worked out well.
So, yeah, I think you're right, Rob. So anyhow, a lot.
So the people that have not been to Eureka think about going up in the mountains in Colorado.
Think about going. It's a little town in the mountains away. You got hills, you got it. And it's tourist.
It has a lot of. What do you call it, Mark?
Well, I'm not sure which way you're going with it. A lot of history. Oh, OK.
Yeah, a lot of history. Yeah, it has a lot of history. It's cool.
So a lot of a lot of buildings there were built in the 1800s, 1880, 1849.
A lot of them are marked on there what year they were built.
So anyhow, Eureka Springs is brimming with some of the most impressive museums and galleries in Arkansas, said the travel in in the downtown area.
Vacationers can explore art pieces from several local artists. The town is home for over 400 talented working artists
and has been mentioned as one of the top 25 art destinations in the U.S. on the site.
It has been an art destination since the 1800s and the city hosts a festival of the arts every May, according to the city's websites.
The Travel List, the Quicksilver Gallery, the Aviation Cadet Museum and the Xarx Gallery as the top artistic spots to visit.
So that's cool. It even mentions some of the best places. And this isn't even nearly all of them.
There's a lot of art there and there is a lot of. Let me think.
Like I was telling you about the illusionist.
There's a lot of stuff like that too, like the illusionist there and there's a lot of really interesting smaller venue places
that the people don't get there because they make more money than Branson or somewhere else.
They they they're there because they want to be. They make a living, but they're not getting rich, but they're making a living being there and they're loving living there.
Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah.
OK, so I've got a list of the top eight from the Travel Magazine.
Number one, Eureka Springs, as mentioned. Number two is Williamstown, Massachusetts.
Number three is Abington, Abingdon, Virginia.
Next one, North Adams, Massachusetts.
Reno, Tahoe, Nevada.
Madrid, New Mexico.
Bragg, California and in Tau, New Mexico.
So I'm not sure if it's pronounced Tau or Dow.
T-A-O-S. So it could be either one, but whatever it is, that's what it is.
So, uh, anyhow, pretty cool little honor for Eureka Springs.
Yeah, yeah.
All right. Let's see, Rob, you got anything you want to speak of or you want me just to keep going?
Yes, I do. Let me pull this back up.
OK.
What the hell?
OK, well, I'm about to give a Rob's Warrant.
OK.
I don't know if this thing will let me pull this back up.
OK.
Because I'm a little upset about this.
This is what you were talking about earlier, right?
Yes, yes. Well, one of them.
OK.
Here we are. I'm getting to it.
Oh, there's one right there. It fits right in with it.
Same people.
OK.
Where's my dog shat thing?
Just so everybody knows, I asked you off air before we went on
if I could call out a YouTube channel by name
for calling out...
What I'm looking at is they put out fake bullshit about people dying.
OK, hang on. Let me add to this.
In your opinion, they put out fake bullshit, allegedly.
We have to put that in there.
OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do that. Do that. Do that.
OK. This is Rob's opinion. This is what he thinks that...
Yeah, it's my opinion.
Yeah, this is what he thinks he sees from this website.
So you're welcome to go look and think different if you want.
But I will give you who to go look at.
OK. Yesterday, I'm sitting at lunch.
And I get this YouTube notification.
Uh-huh.
From a YouTube site called Hollywood Celebrity 24.
OK.
It was announcing Ozzy Osbourne's death.
Which he did not die. That we know of.
No. No. I looked into it.
OK.
No, no, no. I spent part of today looking into this.
Hollywood Celebrity 24.
OK. If you go to YouTube, look at it.
Wow. OK.
Hang on. Hang on.
See, I punch go. It's on YouTube. It brings up vocal in my ear and shit.
OK.
No, they do more than just Ozzy.
What's the other ones?
They do. They've got Keanu Reeves died.
They have...
I just...
Here. Five minutes ago. Rest in peace.
After Sylvester Stallone died on the way to the hospital.
See, that's the thing. All of them were on the way to the hospital when they died.
Man, that's insane.
So they just pick a name out of...
A celebrity's name out of thin air, it sounds like.
And they just say that they died. They're on their way to the hospital or something.
Wow.
Oh, right here's the one that caught my eye Friday at lunch.
Seven minutes ago. Rest in peace. Ozzy Osbourne died on the way to the hospital.
Well, now you know where all this bullshit fake news comes from.
Because you all the time hear about someone dying and they don't.
It's probably generated from websites like this.
Like what you're talking about is...
Oh no. Here's a better one.
OK.
I'm scrolling down. I ran across another one of these.
OK.
Hollywood fans first ended tears after hearing the sad news about Angelina Jolie.
OK. Well, here's a photo.
And see, all these are videos.
This one's like three minutes and six seconds long.
OK.
The picture is showing Angelina Jolie is in a wheelchair with one leg amputated off at the knee.
I wonder if this website is just parody and just screw with people, you know?
I'm sorry. I think that's kind of funny.
OK. But damn it. Damn it.
OK. OK. Rob, here's the deal though.
I kind of see what they're doing.
They're like they're illustrating through the absurd about how gullible the American people are.
They're like, hey, let's just throw out this shit and see how far it grows legs.
Well, they're not the only ones.
No, there's other ones too.
Here's another site. Top Discovery.
Allegedly.
Rob's a big one.
Yeah, allegedly.
And there are 20 celebrities who died in 2023 and you didn't know.
And the picture they're showing is Adam Sandler.
So it has a picture of Adam Sandler.
Does it actually say he died or did they just leave it up to you to think that?
Well, like I said, it's all videos. If I punch on it, it interrupts with my volume and may interrupt with the show.
OK. All right.
I mean, it's on YouTube. It's all video stuff.
All right.
I mean, come on. No, I get this thing at lunchtime about Ozzy dying. I'm like, oh my God, you know?
No one needs your bad health anyway.
Yeah. Yeah, he is. Yep.
And then I was, you know, who did die today.
You know who really did die today, don't you?
Bob Barker. Bob Barker passed away at 99 years old.
OK. No. OK. You just covered one of my stories.
Oh, shit. OK.
No, you're right. No, go ahead.
Yeah. Well, I'm assuming it was old age. He was 99. I didn't do any research on it.
I just got sent the article today and I was like, well, surprised, but not surprised.
You know, 99 years old.
99? He had a hell of a life, man.
Yeah, he did. Yep.
So rest in peace, Bob Barker.
Thank you for the many years of entertainment.
Yep. You can go get complaints of the women great upstairs.
So you can go get sued by the models in the great beyond.
No, we love you, Bob.
I figured I'd let you go there.
Why not? That's what we do. That's what we do.
I got a little story here.
It's talking about how Japan now eats, they found a new food source for protein and it's bugs.
And it's really going to be out of necessity.
On a recent vacation in Tokyo, a network reporter opted for a special lunch of cricket curry and silkworm sashimi,
all washed down with some bug cider.
This is true, the Japanese are looking for new proteins that are plentiful and they struck gold on this, if you can stomach it.
More and more restaurants in Japan are offering bugs on their menu.
The bugs are getting popular as a delicacy.
Japan has had trouble landing livestock due to climate change, global drought, or just shortages in general.
This is a new form of food that's plentiful and sustainable.
I hardly think they can eat these bugs into extinction.
Well, good luck, Japan. I commend you for biting the bullet and eating gross foods to survive.
So, you know what, I mean, it is smart.
Get the public to liken something like bugs and you'll always have food, right?
Yeah.
Little Junior's sitting there in the corner, he sees a cockroach go by, he's like, hey, he nabs that bitch, fucking crunches him down.
He's good for another couple hours, you ain't got to feed him, he already ate a cockroach, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, hell yeah.
I would suggest if you're going to go into wasps and hornets, to go ahead and make sure they're dead first, I wouldn't eat it alive.
Agreed?
Yep.
Yeah, yes.
Dude.
Alright.
I'm reading this other story.
Here about, Taco John surrendered its trademark on the phrase, Taco Tuesday. We talked about it before, right?
Yeah, yeah, Taco Tuesday, yeah.
Earlier this summer they did that, giving restaurants in 49 states the right to use the phrase as they see fit.
It's been good news both for taco lovers and their wallets, thanks to deals like Taco Bell's free Doritos Locos Tacos every Tuesday through September 5th.
And now, Jack in the Box is free deals from now until, well, forever.
According to a statement from Jack in the Box, the chain has given way to tacos free with any purchase starting today.
Tuesday, August 22nd, until you run out of hot sauce, it added.
We're picking up where Taco Bell is leaving taco lovers off just because Jack in the Box is here for you, Tuesday and Tuesday night, now just until, and not just until September 5th.
So, right now indefinitely, you get two free tacos with a purchase.
So, and this is only on Tuesdays?
Yes, only on Tuesdays. It's Taco Tuesday.
Okay, so you can go in, order a cheeseburger, and get two free tacos with a cheeseburger.
Yes, yes. That's the way I read it.
Damn, this light sucks. We can't get one down here.
Oh, you don't have a jib down there, do you, Jack in the Box?
Well, the problem is the Lake area does not like franchise.
Yeah, that's true.
Unless you're McDonald's, then we've got, I think, a five right now within 20 minutes.
No, you're right. You know, the Lake likes Ma and Pa places. You're absolutely right. They don't like the, yeah.
And that's been part of me complaining about getting rid of places like Burger King.
We've mentioned Hardee's before. We don't have no more.
Oh, yeah.
KFC and Long John Silver's we don't have no more.
Wow.
Now we have it. We're getting Culver's. Culver's getting big down here.
Culver's is getting big everywhere, actually.
As a matter of fact, my daughter is working in the management in Culver's here in Camden right now.
Oh, good. Good for her.
Yeah. She's finally getting her head out of her butt, I hope.
Well, that's cool. Cool. Well, I mean, I doubt if you guys ever get a Jack in the Box because Jack in the Box is pretty much urban.
You see them in cities and you don't see them anywhere else.
You guys probably never get a Jack.
Well, see, that's why I'm surprised we don't have it because there's city people that come down here. We're built on the city.
I don't know. Maybe one day.
We're everybody's home away from home.
Do you guys have a Taco Bell?
Yeah, it sucks ass, but yeah, we got it.
Okay.
Yeah.
Gotcha. Yeah, bad Taco Bell.
But you got to drive 20 minutes from me. We got Wendy's. We got Wendy's. We got all kinds of stuff.
You got to drive 20 minutes from me to get to it.
Yeah, you got to go to Bagnell Dam or something like that, right?
Yeah, over towards Bagnell. Yeah.
Okay. All right. Well, you know PBR, right?
Oh, yeah.
Paps Blue Ribbon, right? All right.
Grew up with it.
Everybody did.
Oh, did I? No, I grew up my dad drinking it. We'll put that.
Well, they call it everybody's grandfather's beer.
But then it made a comeback in the early 2000s and I witnessed it.
And it was really cool. It was Garela Marketing.
I was hanging out in Westport at the time and we'd be like, let's say, Buzzard Beach.
And all of a sudden three crazy hot chicks would come in and they'd be like dressed up in denim shorts, cowboy boots, hats.
And the first thing they'd do was they would buy the whole bar around a PBR.
They'd just put in the PBR tap prior and no one was drinking it.
So they came in and they ordered the whole bar a PBR tap.
And then they started going around and giving away belt buckles, shirts, hats, everything.
And so what this did was it made the younger crowd that was like at Buzzard Beach and the places in Westport start thinking more about Paps Blue Ribbon.
And since it's hot chicks giving you belt buckles and shit, it was like it became the hot item.
It was like, wow, man, you know, PBR is cool.
It suddenly PBR became a cool beer because of that.
And they were doing it on a shoestring budget and they're just doing grow marketing.
And I mean, they became fourth.
I don't think they are now, but they became fourth behind the big three.
And that would be Anna Azar Bush, Miller Coors and what was the other one?
Well, anyhow, it was it was a distant fourth.
But as a distant fourth between the behind the big three, I think Miller and Coors were two different companies.
And so anyhow, OK, PBR now has a PBR teeny, a Paps Blue Ribbon teeny.
The the beer teeny from PBR is also known to many as a dirty PBR.
It is a Midwest classic combining cheap white beer and green olives.
It's not as gross as it sounds, they claim.
The brine from olives cuts the metallic taste of mass canned beers and adds flavor to lagers that are otherwise bland and watery.
Plus, it's nice to have a snack at the end of your drink.
So beer teenies go against everything Crabbeer stands for.
And seeing as Pittsburgh is still experiencing growth of hometown breweries, I guess Pittsburgh is doing this.
It's worth pointing out that this cocktail is not meant to cancel out the great brews being made locally.
In fact, I would even recommend attempting to add olives to a Pilsner from East End Brewing Company or Kolsch from Grist House Craft.
They also qualify as light and they do just fine without garnishes.
This is a cut rate beer where the olives can make the big difference.
Based on Pittsburgh affinity for easy drinking, it seems like the dirty PBR would fit right in here.
But the time I've lived in Pittsburgh, you know what, who gives a fuck about Pittsburgh?
Okay, anyhow, if olives aren't your thing, you can substitute with pickles.
I think I like it with pickles better.
In the same way that pickle juice takes the burn off of a whiskey or a pickle back shot,
the brine of actual pickles work well with lighter, Czech style beers.
Both are fermented and put together the similar flavors play together nicely.
So anyhow, if you're still thinking that your tiniers are gross and shouldn't exist, I encourage you to drink one of these.
Okay, anyhow, yeah, who gives a shit about the rest of that stuff?
I'll tell you what, you buy me one, I'll try one.
Yeah. So anyhow, I think I'll just drink my PBR as is. What's wrong with that?
Hey, I drink, yeah, PBR is good. I like PBR.
Yeah, hell yeah. Classic American brew right there.
So, um, oh shit.
Did he give your voice a rest for a minute?
Yeah, go ahead.
Okay, and I'm, allegedly I'm getting this off USA Today.
Okay.
Subway has been sold for billions and one of the biggest fast food acquisitions ever.
Okay.
Subway, a family owned business of nearly 60 years that has other sandwich shops in its portfolio, has been acquired by private equity firm, Rourke Capital.
I think that's correct.
The sandwich, this was a day ago.
The sandwich company announced in a press release Thursday, they had received an offer from Rourke.
The Wall Street Journal reported that Rourke offered 9.6 billion.
9.6 billion.
Which was originally listed at 10 billion back in February.
Wow.
Subway must meet cash flow milestones within two or more years after the deal is finalized to pay the entire 8.95 billion deal price.
According to routers.
The deal does not include the earn out.
Okay.
According to CNN, the acquisition by Rourke is a significant event in the fast food industry.
The company boasts a 37 billion asset value and extensive food portfolio that invests in brands such as Arby's, Anteans, Buffalo Wild Wings, Caravelle, Sonic and many others.
Okay.
Wow.
Yep.
Did not see that one coming.
No.
But it doesn't surprise me either.
I mean really.
Well me either, me either.
Okay.
If big companies taking things like this over.
No it's true.
Yeah they'll take and incorporate everything and a lot of equity companies do this and then they'll take and flip them really quick for a big profit.
Yeah.
You heard some of the companies they've already bought.
Arby's, Buffalo Wild Wings, Sonic.
Yeah.
Even though I know a few Sonics they need to work on.
Oh yeah but I mean.
That's beside the point.
But think about this man.
I mean these large firms what are they buying in America?
Fast food joints.
That says a lot about our culture doesn't it?
Well what they do is they buy them but they leave the same people running them.
Yeah you know and there's like.
You know they get they're just there to make the profit.
Yes.
Exactly.
Yep.
Exactly.
That's what it is.
And they do not look in to how the places are being ran.
No I know.
All right we'll be we'll be right back right after this.
This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.
One, smell.
Go to the city market and start sniffing.
Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats,
Tabasco sauce and old sock with dark fuzzy urine.
Two, look for the spot absent of patrons.
Three, the most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.
Four, just call us at 816-512-7717.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
Hey, your chair produces a sound similar to a fart, but only once.
Such that you cannot reproduce it and prove that it was just the chair.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
The audio equivalent to the meat sweats.
Oh lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there, don't worry, I have a clown nose.
Oh no, that drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay, I have a clown nose.
Clown nose, just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office? Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
Microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright, you know they determine the sickest day of the year?
When most people call in sick?
No, I did not.
It actually just happened, it's August 24th, it's the sickest day of the year.
Which surprises me.
When do you think it will be? In January or December or February or something?
That was two days ago.
Yeah, two days ago.
Yeah, my mom's birthday was yesterday the 25th.
Oh wow, she's the day after the sickest day in America.
If you're not out sick today, this is written January, not January, August 24th.
If you're not out sick today, let me start over.
If you're out sick today, join the club.
According to a new study, August 24th is when the greatest number of employees around the US call in to work with some real, imagined or totally bogus ailment.
Flamingo, which makes software to help companies track workers' paid time off, found that today edged out February 13th, which ranks second for the sickest day of the year.
Which the company noted happens to be right around the time of the Super Bowl.
Oh.
Think about that. Sick leave also rose in April and December as employees perhaps succumbed to spring fever or actual fevers.
The findings are based on analysis of sick leave data from larger companies from over the past five years.
Other findings from the study.
Most common excuse for being out. Stomach problems, 54.
COVID including possible cases, 25 percent.
Stress, 9 percent. And injury, 6 percent.
So stomach problems, 54 percent. And you know what?
That is what everybody goes to. If you want someone to leave you alone.
I got explosive diarrhea. Okay, man. All right. Do whatever you got to do. Just do it over there. Right?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If someone has explosive diarrhea, you do not follow up on it.
You say, hey, just come back when you're feeling better. Okay?
Don't be in here shitting all over everybody and giving it to us.
So the calendar's top 10 days for workers taking sick leave according to Flamingo.
Number one is August 24th as we just mentioned.
Number two is February 13th which we just mentioned.
Number three, my birthday. October 25th is number three.
Really? Yeah. All right.
I think people are just taking after me.
You share the same birthday as one of my cousins.
Oh, okay. All right. Cool.
My cousin Tony down in Albuquerque. Okay.
October 25th. Oh, awesome.
And I hope he tunes in. I hope he tunes in.
Happy birthday on October 25th, Mark.
Okay. Tony, right? Yeah, my cousin Tony.
All right. All right. All right.
We salute Tony. Let's see. December 15th, April 18th, February 2nd, January 24th.
What? All right. I was just saying I see that one, yeah.
January 24th. I see that one. Yeah.
June 26th, December 12th, and September 15th rounding out the top 10.
According to the Department of Labor, 79% of all the workers got at least some paid sick leave
with the figure rising into 86% for unionized employees.
On average, employees in the private sector with one year of active service
get seven paid sick days and the same amount of leave as for people with 20 years under their belt.
So, okay then. I mean, all that's very believable, isn't it?
Yeah, it is. Cool.
All right. So, let's see here.
Let's see. Okay.
Oh, okay. There's a guy that beats himself with a sledgehammer in Havana.
Havana, Cuba.
Havana? I thought you said Urbana.
No, Havana, not Urbana.
I was going to say Urbana is just a few miles from here and I believe it.
I bet you it happens there, too.
Just kidding. Just kidding.
I bet it happens there, Rob.
On a leafy boulevard in downtown Havana, a man has beaten himself with a sledgehammer on his wrist, elbows, and forearms,
drawing a crowd of passerbys who gathered to film the spectacle with their photos on their phones and video.
What shocks the crowd is not the apparent self-mutilation, but rather the fact that he appears to come away unscathed.
Cuban Iron Man, in parentheses, Lino Tomlinson.
I didn't know Tomlinson was a Cuban name.
Oh, well.
Says he once aspired to be the next Mike Tyson, trained to become a professional boxer by subjecting himself to millions of blows with a hammer
and eventually moving from the Caribbean island to fight in Mexico City.
I had 27 matches won by knockout, but I retired because in the last of them I fractured the skull of my opponent and he died instantly.
The stocky Tomlinson recalled in an interview with Routers in Havana,
I gave away all the money I made in my fights to his family.
He said, estimating the sum to be over $100,000, a huge amount of money for most residents of Cuba, I would never fight again.
So, wow. Okay.
So that freaked him out so bad that he quit fighting and he gave his own money to the person who died's family, which is cool of him.
So, but I still don't see why he's beating the hell out of himself.
Yeah, it is.
So let's see here. I've got a little list here.
You know what? Yeah, well, let's give the Assolympics a break.
It was a list of people just throw away once, one-offs, but let's go.
I thought we were going to give it like another week or so anyway to give us time to come up with more.
Okay.
Because we're starting a new year, we've got to have a whole new batch and we just finished up with the last one.
Okay.
So yeah, let's give it to at least next week.
And also, you know.
Now, tomorrow night I will have my bass list.
Cool.
Well, we'll be anxiously awaiting that because I'd started my bass list, Rob.
And I got some crazy shit on there.
I think you may be disappointed in mine, but it's what I like.
No, no, no, no. I'm not going to be disappointed in it, Rob.
I will not be disappointed in it. You tell me what you think.
What you like.
We'll discuss it tomorrow.
Okay. Sounds great, dude.
Because honestly, I'm a little disappointed I went this way, but yeah, I kind of like the way I went this way, so.
Okay.
All right. I mean, look, I mean, on something like this, it's opinion.
You like whatever you like, so I'm not mad at you about your opinion.
I know. I know.
Yeah. There's no way I could get mad at anyone over their opinion.
I mean, that's just the way you feel.
So, anyhow, I've got an article here about how Gen Zers are not using, they went back to the flip phones.
They're not.
Oh, I've seen that.
Yeah.
I've seen that.
Interesting shit.
You would think it would be all up on electronics in the latest, but actually they're taking a step back and going,
I don't know.
Earlier this year, it was reported that Gen Z and millennials, oh, millennials too, were putting down their smartphones and picking up flip phones instead.
By shutting out the algorithmic social feeds and never ending wall of videos and embracing the humble physical T9 keyboard digital detoxing was achieved.
What sprouted from a video on TikTok user Sammy K. advocating for the digital well-being of the younger generation has apparently tugged just enough heartstrings to uplift a once fading and undervalued phone market, according to analysts from Counterpoint Research.
The market of feature phones can best be described as retro handsets, think old school flip phones and slider phones by nature.
The limited functionality means that feature phones are cheaper than the standard iPhone and Android device with prepaid options going for as low as $20 and unlocked options just scratching the $100 mark.
So I also, I have an article too, that Gen Zers are much better on their 401Ks than we are.
They're putting away a lot more money than we did when we were younger.
So that would coincide.
Yeah, but it's dying until like six years ago, dude.
Oh wow.
So I know one of the things.
Gen Zers, as well they should be, are afraid that they're not going to see Social Security.
So they're making a big buffer for themselves and I would too if I was in their situation.
Hell, you and I may not see Social Security.
You know?
Yeah, I'm not even making a bet on it.
So the whole thing is, is I get it.
Okay, they are being frugal.
And I commend them.
Because all the generations before them.
That's smart.
Yeah.
From the boomers, from the end of the boomers, Gen X on, we were much worse spenders than the boomers
or the greatest generation or anything like that.
You know, because you know, you had the stock market disaster, you know, you had that.
You've had wars.
You've had all these other things that they were worried about and not spending money
because they didn't know if they were getting any.
They were more worried about eating.
But then along came the 50s and they started advertising Suburb America.
You want to be in the suburbs.
You want this house.
You want this car.
You want the 2.1 kids.
Yeah.
They're not even thinking like us is what the deal is.
You know?
They're thinking more survival where we're thinking, well, we want that house over there.
And we want that car right there.
And we want the 2.1 kids.
And we want them to go to this school district.
They're like, you know what?
Here's the deal.
We're going to try to survive first and then we'll worry about everything else.
So interesting.
And I've got an article, but I'll probably do it on the next podcast tomorrow.
And it's about how, like I said, Gen Z's are saving their money and putting more back in their 401Ks.
And they're actually held a lot more responsible at this point than from what I could see we were.
So.
I'm glad some of them are.
Yeah.
You know, some that ain't.
Yeah, there's still a lot of them that aren't.
Just saying.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's cool.
I mean, that's the ones I personally know.
Once again, my opinion.
That's cool.
You know what?
I mean, I love it.
You're pretty much trained now to say, in my opinion.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you got to say that.
Yep.
Let's see.
Anyhow.
Well, Rob, do you have a final thought?
I'm going to go ahead and wrap this bitch up now and then we'll convene tomorrow for another one.
Well, yeah, let me.
I don't have a final thought.
I looked around.
I didn't see anything.
I do.
I have a final thought.
I just got.
Right here it is.
Okay, Rob.
Live today like it is your last day.
Pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn't.
Bravo.
Couldn't agree more.
Which more people felt like that.
Be prepared, people.
Be prepared.
That's right.
Listen, here's what I think the rule of thumb is.
I think that there should be.
And then we can go ahead and end the podcast.
There should be a rule of... there should be a council of 20 people you know.
And you know really well.
Okay?
People you know the best.
Yeah.
And they all decide whether you can have kids or not.
And they decide what you can do in life and what you can't.
Right?
Is that fair?
I totally agree.
Yeah.
Who would know better than your friends?
I thought that for years.
I thought that was my idea.
Yeah, I love it.
Yeah.
And you know they're like, you know what, Mark over there.
He's trying to have some children.
I was down to 15.
That way there was a tiebreaker.
Okay.
It could be 15.
Whatever.
You have 15, it probably be best.
That way there is a tiebreaker.
You're right.
Yeah, you've got to have a tiebreaker.
You've got to be an even number.
Yeah, that's true.
So anyhow.
Alright everybody, have a good night.
And we will see you on the next podcast.
Thanks for listening.
Take care.
Good night everybody.
Bye.
Hey, where'd everybody go?
Where are the douche bags?
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh jeez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, I'm so tired.
Ugh, I'm glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back.
Phew, man that smells.