Live from the City Market, it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
So if I have a glass of ice water and the ice melts into the water, is my water then
watered down?
Hm, I may never know.
More as useful as a pilot with balls.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum, Two Douchebags and a Microphone.
Hello everybody, this is Two Douchebags and Microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright.
Okay, so I have something interesting here.
This is Gen Zers and Boomers making fun of Millennials and what they posted online.
Now we've had Gen Z making fun of everybody, right?
They've been making fun of Millennials, Xers and Boomers and they've been having the hell
of a time.
Well, I found a website that counteracts them and makes fun of them.
So some of these are pretty damn good and like the other ones, there's a certain amount
of truth in all of them.
Yeah.
So, okay, anyhow.
Well, at first when you said that they went back and joined with Boomers, it takes me
back to a conversation we had here a while back that each generation when they run out
of ideas, they fall back like 30 years.
That would take them back to about the Boomers.
Yes.
So yeah, yeah.
Well, it's natural and you and I know this.
Growing up, we were the opposite of our parents by nature.
Right?
Oh yeah, 100%.
100%.
Yes.
So, and that's what happens.
It takes like a few generations for people to boomerang back to the three or one or two,
you know, the ones before them because you're naturally going to have all these disagreements
with your parents and see all this faults and what they did, all that stuff.
They see the faults in their parents.
So like, you know, it's really natural actually to be like this.
So anyhow, now the Xers, Xers and Boomers are all making fun of the Millennials.
So here it is.
Millennials live in apartments because they are minimalist.
They're not having kids because of lifestyle choice.
They love gig work because of flexibility.
No, they're just all broke.
So the way I took that was, is all excuses for not doing anything.
They're just broke.
They just don't want to do anything and that's what they're saying.
The reason Millennials love charcuterie boards and mimosas, because they grew up on Lunchables
and Sunny D. That one might be my favorite.
Xers grew up on Lunchables and Sunny D. Right?
That was great.
I mean, we were the generation that Lunchables and Sunny D was introduced to actually.
I remember when they came out in the mid eighties, everyone's like, Hey, hold the fucking horse.
Hold the whole whole man.
Look at this shit.
We found the holy grail of shit food.
Come on guys, come here.
Processed meat and sugary fucking orange juice.
Yeah.
What could be better for a young man or young woman?
Yes.
Yep.
And the person that had Sunny D was envied.
Unless you were the person with Coke or Pepsi, then you're even more envied.
I was always the kid with the off brand soda, wrapping it in foil.
I was happy just to get Shasta.
Yeah.
And Shasta sucked.
No, no, no, no, no, hang on.
Shasta, the fruit flavors were good.
Their colas and root beers and lemon lime sucked, the regular type of sodas.
But their other stuff was pretty good.
But no man, if I got Shasta, I was fucking happy.
Yeah, me too.
What was the shit they used to sell?
Back in the day, we had this brand that was called Generic.
Yes.
And everything was black and white labeled.
So you got the Generic Cola and the Generic Root Beer and that?
Yeah.
Yes.
Yep.
And I was lucky to get that.
I got a Canfield's.
Remember that bullshit?
Yeah.
And let's see, what was the other one?
Always Save?
Yeah.
Yeah, we drank quite a bit Always Save.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then what was the other one?
Oh, the Generic Black and White that just said Cola or Root Beer.
Yep.
There were some other ones that I'm forgetting, but all of them sucked.
And like I said, we got...
Yeah, there for a while, daddy even drank the Generic Beer.
My dad did not drink and neither did my mom, but if they did drink, it would have been
probably just beer.
But I remember a lot of people drinking the Generic Beer.
Yeah.
It was actually, it was kind of like in style there for a while to drink Generic Beer.
Yeah.
Yeah, pretty interesting stuff.
Ladies was a very...
That was back when Buckhorn was a big name.
Oh.
Oh my God.
Oh.
Buckhorn was horrible.
It was like paint thinner, only worse.
Yeah, but it was the Going Beer.
No, I know.
I know.
It was the Hot Oughta Stuff.
Fall Staff.
Oh.
Yes.
Fall Staff would burn a hole through you.
Always a legend.
Oh yeah.
We were getting Fall Staff up until they quit making it.
We're getting it, they were selling it in St. Louis and a friend of ours is going to
St. Louis like every other weekend for family.
And she was bringing it back to us.
And anyhow, so we were able to get Fall Staff after they quit selling it around Kansas City.
And it was horrible.
The only reason we drank it was for shock.
We had a bunch of it in my trunk.
And when we go down to Westport, we pop open the trunk, drink three or four of them, and
people come by and go, what the fuck?
They're like, yeah, Fall Staff, man, good shit.
And they'd be like, wah, and run off or laugh or whatever.
So anyhow, let's see, where was I?
Oh, Millennials.
I don't know how we got off track so bad, but oh well.
I love it actually.
We made you beer.
That was it?
Yep.
Why do Millennials?
Oh, we started with soda.
And yeah, my family was the same way.
If we got soda pop, I was happy to get the fucking black and white beer that just said,
or not beer, but that said cola or Always Save or Shasta.
Shasta was like the premium stuff does.
And then Canfield's was like really fucking cheap.
There was a FINA station that had the Canfield cola stacked up like 30 high out in front.
And when we were getting gas, we grabbed like, we're on our way to the lake, and my dad would
grab like a thing of orange of it.
Canfield's orange.
It is like really cheap and like fucking throw it in the trunk and we drink it down at the
lake.
And I was just like, oh my God, man, we're rich.
We're drinking Canfield orange.
Yeah.
So anyhow.
Yeah, that dad always bought ours at Price Chopper before we went.
Yeah, and Price Chopper had their own.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
That was Safeway and Food Barn.
They had a Dr. Pepper knockoff called The Skipper.
I remember that.
It was horrible.
Oh man.
Yeah.
It was horrible.
But I drank it.
My brother, my brother Tom, the one that was the prison guard, actually worked at Food
Barn for a while while he was in school.
Oh, we probably stole from him.
I didn't.
This guy named Kirk did.
Kirk could walk in with no shirt.
This back when they didn't give a shit if you wore a shirt, you could just wear shorts.
Yeah.
They wore shorts and flip flops and he could take a fit to Jack Daniels and hide it in
his shorts and walk out.
You couldn't tell.
Yeah, he was masterful at that.
So anyhow, next one.
Why do millennials buy vintage furniture just to paint it hideous white and with pastels?
Why not revarnish the wood?
Okay.
I guess millennials do that.
I'd revarnish the wood.
I would too.
I wouldn't paint it white.
Yeah, I like wood.
White wood pastel sounds awful stupid to me.
Why do millennials use nouns in place of verbs?
I can't math today.
English in is rough today.
I agree with that.
They make everything, they make everything a noun and put a verb action into it.
So yeah, it is kind of annoying when I go, English in is horrible.
It's like, why do you say doing English sucks?
Millennials like to say no worries when in fact there is worries.
And that's true.
No matter what, I mean, you can walk up and cut a guy's nuts off and feed it to him.
They go, oh, no worries.
Right?
Yeah.
You can come up and kick him in the asshole so hard it bleeds for a week and go, no worries.
It's like condition, like no resistance.
It's like no matter what happens, it's like, no worries.
So next one.
Do you think millennials love Sims so much because they get to simulate things they will
never have like owning and decorating a home?
Oh, that was a burn and a half, wasn't it?
Yeah.
A little bit of truth sprinkled into it.
Just a little.
Millennials are starting to sound like boomers getting angry at Gen Z for not liking side
parts and skinny jeans.
You're an adult, why do you care if a 15 year old thinks you're cool or not?
True?
Yeah.
Not like I give that much of a shit about what they think like that, but yeah, true.
Yeah.
I'm like you, I really care, but you know.
Yeah.
These are just some funny ones that were put online that I picked up and was like, you
know what?
This will be fun to read off to people and get a little vibe check if I do of the real
urban dictionary of what people think of the other generations.
So why do millennials send dozen, this is true, why do millennials send dozen of rapid
fire texts instead of just one paragraph?
I get off my plane ride to 60 texts.
Get off my lawn.
It's true.
They'll go, hey, I'm over here.
Yeah, you'll get texts as, hey, I'm over here.
Then another text.
Right next to the vending machine, another text.
I fell down and hurt myself, another text.
So I'm sitting down because my knee hurts, then another text.
Look for me at B2.
You know, and it's like, what the fuck?
Yeah.
All right.
Millennials love brunch so much because they can't afford breakfast or dinner.
Yeah.
And then the final one, millennials love uncovering hardwood floors as much as boomers love carpeting
over them.
True story.
Yep.
And that's just going to go either way.
I am more of a hardwood floor guy.
I mean, anything I can restore, yeah.
Anything I can restore, I do.
So yeah.
I've yanked many a carpet out of homes and discovered many a beautiful hardwood floors.
Yeah.
Yep.
There's a lot of them in there.
You just got to, you got to get underneath there and take a look.
Yeah.
That's what a lot of people don't want to do.
So anyhow, how about if we come back, right back with some new deuce flavors?
Yeah, let's perk this bitch up a bit.
Be right back.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Man, I sure wish I was the garbage man.
You know what I could do if I was the garbage man?
I could go to the wrong parts of town on the wrong days periodically in the morning and
then watch everybody run out of their house in their underwear with two bags of trash
screaming stop, halt.
Yeah.
That's what I'd love to do.
Oh shit.
What's that over there?
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
I put a wooden shoe in my toilet.
I guess it was clogged.
All right.
I'm going to put these in microphone on Mark.
All right.
As for mentioned, we have some new deuce flavors.
We had a Mr. X.
Well, some of them.
Well, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, we love the thought of it.
We may not love the actual product, but we love the thought of having new deuce flavors
on the program, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, once again, for people that may not be up to speed on this, Mr. X is our informant
that he sends me an email that disappears in 10 minutes.
And it says new deuce flavors.
I was in Massengill's factory and these are the new deuce flavors that have failed.
Get this in 10 minutes before it disappears.
Download it and print it out.
It's gone in 10 minutes because I cannot be found out.
So I happened to catch it and on the ninth minute I downloaded it and printed it out.
And then as soon as it went through the printer, I looked back and the email was gone.
So Mr. X, we thank you for your hard work on this and all your hard work on this and
your dedication to always get us the new deuce flavors, right?
Thank you, Jeffy.
Yeah.
Jeffy, Mr. X, you're an awesome guy.
So without any further waiting, we offer you the new deuce flavors and this is from Massengill
factory and these are the ones that did not work, that they test marketed, had focus groups
on and it failed.
So you will not be seeing these in any CVS or Walgreens or whatever or Walmart or wherever
you go.
So here we go.
I like this one.
I don't know why it failed.
Hibiscus.
What the hell is wrong with that?
I could go with a...
I like that.
I think a nice hibiscus flavor to a snatch would be fine.
Tell me what's wrong with that, Rob.
What the hell is wrong with that?
Well, I know what one smells like, but what does one taste like?
Ooh, maybe that's it.
Maybe it's bitter.
Maybe they had to taste test it.
All right.
So deuce B66 at yahoo.com.
D-O-U-C-H-E-B at yahoo.com.
If you know what hibiscus tastes like, send us an email.
Let us know.
Yeah.
Because I have no idea.
I know it smells good.
Oh, wow.
I love the smell of hibiscus.
I do too.
And I think it would be perfect down there, don't you?
Not too overpowering, nice kind of flowery kind of fresh scent.
It's got to be the taste, I guess.
So anyhow, deuce B66 at yahoo.com.
Break us off an email.
Let us know how it tastes.
Number two, orange cream failed.
I think they made a big mistake.
Yeah, I do too.
Orange cream sounds fantastic, doesn't it?
Yes.
Yeah.
It does.
Massengale, I think you need to bring this back on the table.
I really do.
I mean orange-
Oh, oh, oh.
One hold up.
Oh, what is it?
The citric acid.
Oh.
You think maybe it gives heartburn?
No.
It burns the hell out of them.
Oh.
The woman part of it.
Yeah.
Oh.
Okay.
All right.
Flavor-wise, I think any man would love it.
Yeah, flavor-wise sounds good.
Okay, it's the woman.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Okay, well I-
Yeah, you got to look at both sides of this.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, this next one I agree with 100%.
Rice pudding.
I mean I think that it would be too maggot-like.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And besides that rice pudding isn't that good.
It's sticky and it's just like little pellets and it's white.
I was having bad enough thoughts until you said that.
Damn.
Look, rice pudding would insinuate a reminder of too many other things that you probably
wouldn't want your face down there during, right?
Yeah, my vote is that.
My vote is they're absolutely right.
Rice pudding failed and I'll bet you the citrus and orange cream.
The hibiscus is probably bitter would be my account of why it failed.
This next one I understand.
Jalapeno.
Yeah, I understand.
Yeah, you know, I mean even if the guy could stand jalapeno and they don't mind it, I think
they don't mind that type of hot that bad.
The woman.
Yeah, that pepper oil.
Yeah, yeah, that pepper oil probably is not a very fun experience for the woman I'd say,
right?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
This next one's on the same line.
Ghost pepper.
Ghost pepper or Carolina Reaper or anything like that probably would not work well.
That probably resulted in third degree burns, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
So, we get that and even if the guy does like heat, still you gotta think of the woman too,
right?
Yeah.
So, yeah.
So, ghost pepper failed.
This next one.
I don't have dirt for the women in New York.
Yes.
So, I understand why that failed.
So, this next one I get this too, but some people may protest because they like mushrooms.
Cream of mushroom.
Okay.
To me that's a no.
I would like it without the mushroom chunks.
I don't know though.
I don't know if I could like actually lap up on the cream down there.
I think it would be too weird.
You hear what I'm saying?
You know?
Yeah.
It would be a little awkward like, man, I don't know.
I don't know.
You know?
Well, it failed so we're not gonna see it anyhow.
This next one I totally get.
Tuna melt.
No.
Yeah.
Tuna with a badge is not good in any way, shape, or form.
Bad idea.
Yeah, jeez.
Yeah.
Should never be introduced.
Should never be working together.
Tuna melt is a horrible idea for a douche flavor.
Can we agree with that?
100%.
Next one.
Salmon salad.
I think the same line as tuna is fish.
Yeah.
Doesn't really sound too appealing down there, right?
Yeah.
There's so many other flavors.
Why would you even go for salmon salad?
Yeah, because the point is you're trying to keep it small and tasting like fish.
Yes.
Why would you add more fish?
Yes.
I think anything fish based probably failed and I think they need to move on and go to
something else.
Yeah.
Next one I wholeheartedly disagree with, except for maybe the Thousand Island dressing.
I kind of get that.
Reuben.
I think a Reuben sandwich sounds fucking fantastic down there.
Yeah.
I mean, she would have to fucking make you stop.
Be like, man, look, it's been 40 minutes.
Okay.
I'm done.
Can we move on, please?
Can we go to something else?
Look, I love foreplay, but ever since you introduced this new Reuben douche, I can't
get you away from the fucking thing, Mark.
Can you please maybe just give your mouth a break here?
I'd be asking what the side dish is.
I would have like, I don't know, let's see, some fries.
I'd have like a plate of French fries with my Reuben right next to it and maybe a little
dinner salad.
Mac and cheese.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, a little mac and cheese side dish there, a little fries side dish with your Reuben.
You and I would probably both get in trouble.
We'd be like, all right, enough.
Enough.
Yeah, we would.
Yeah, quit lapping up down there.
Come on, man.
It's enough.
This next one, I don't know, it depends on how you feel about this type of cereal.
Frosted mini-wheats.
Not for me.
I think that the mini-wheats, they come apart and they kind of, and they're shreds.
I can see that going south real quick.
And the milk, the milk with the shreds of wheat like fucking flying.
Oh, man.
No, not for me.
Nope.
Next one, Eggo.
I like Eggo's.
I don't necessarily have a problem with them being in a douche.
I don't know what the issue is myself.
I love maple syrup.
Oh, now you're talking true maple syrup.
Yes.
Yeah, true maple syrup.
Yeah, yeah.
Man, now you're talking some good eating there, Rob.
Man, it's going to be a shame to see that one go.
Yes, yes, I agree.
Next one, strained peas.
I agree.
Yeah, I agree with that one.
That should not be in a douche flavor.
Nope.
This next one is on the Tesco Fest going on this weekend in Bentonville, Arkansas.
Braised testicles.
It depends on how you feel about the testes.
The one that I'm doing right now is deep fried.
I think braised, you can braise them in like really hot oil, right?
Yeah.
Would that be good to you?
I don't know, I'd have to try it.
Okay, well that one there could go either way.
We'll just go leave that one right there and just go ahead and take the focus group's decision,
right?
They said no, so.
Oh, I know what killed that one.
What killed it?
The number of cattle.
Oh, yeah.
They would take their supplies.
You're right, you're right.
Yep, and they'd have to all be bulls.
PETA stepped up.
Oh, that's a good one.
Oh, that's it.
Yep, okay, that's what it was.
Okay, now we know.
Yeah, that would have been it.
Next one, blood pudding.
I think I agree with that 100%.
Yeah.
Blood pudding does not sound like a good douche flavor.
As a matter of fact, it sounds like a once a month deal.
Yeah, not a good deal.
No, no, no, no, no.
Not for me.
Next one, stewed okra.
It's not even fried.
Why didn't they fry it, for God's sake?
We're going to do okra, at least fry it.
Yeah.
Stewed okra, 100%, not a douche flavor.
Horrible idea.
Now this next one, I don't know.
You can do...
Now let me explain it to you after I say what it is, okay Rob?
Just hear me out on this.
Veggie soup.
You can do like little tricks with the words.
With the letters.
You can make words out of the letters and place them on her vagina and have a little
fun like that, right?
Yeah.
So I kind of like the idea of veggie soup.
You have a little fun like, oh hey, I just put Princess on your snatch.
Look at that.
Take a little snap, a little picture, send it to her.
Or star of the show, or yum yum, or delicious, or whatever.
Whatever you have the letters for.
Oh yeah, you can leave a note for the next guy.
Oh, okay.
You've been a bachelor for a long time, I get it.
Still a while yet.
Yeah?
Me?
I'm not leaving a note for anybody.
There should not be anyone there.
Right, right.
How can you leave a note for yourself then?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like be right back.
Yeah, yeah.
Look, I gotta get a drink.
By the way, look down there.
Be right back.
Ah, that idiot.
Next one I agree with 100%.
Flaming hot Cheetos.
Same reason, ghost pepper and all that.
I mean, probably very uncomfortable for the female.
So who does not like a good bag of flaming hot Cheetos, right?
Oh, yeah, any time.
Oh, they're fantastic.
So yeah, okay.
I guess the woman probably gets uncomfortable under that type of stress.
I get it.
And the next one I agree with 100% should not be a douche flavor not even thought about
as a douche flavor is eggplant.
Yeah.
Eggplant sounds like a horrible idea made up by someone that didn't have a clue what
a douche flavor should be.
So.
That's an emoji for a male part.
Come on.
Good point.
That's all I need to know right there.
All right, we're going to return here in a minute.
Invisible ass paddling, new douche flavors and horrible pranks.
What the fuck is wrong with these guys?
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarious.
You have the personality of a soggy newspaper.
As pleasant as 50 grit sandpaper to your inner thighs.
Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes and scream, hey, there's
no toilet paper in here.
All right, as promised, we return two douche bags and microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
All right.
You know, security guards at the Eiffel Tower got a big surprise the other day.
You know why?
I found a couple trashed sleeping in the Eiffel Tower.
Security guards making their rounds at the Eiffel Tower were surprised to find two American
tourists who apparently slept off the night of drinking inside the iconic French Land
Park.
Multiple news outlets reported the inebriated men were roused by the guards who discovered
the slumbering Americans before the Paris landmark opened to the public Monday morning.
According to reports, the men had apparently been so drunk that they became trapped in
a spot off limits to public between the tower's second and third levels and couldn't get out.
Multiple outlets reported the Eiffel Towers operator.
Also known as Seth, told multiple media outlets that it informed the Paris Prosecutor's Office
of the incidents.
Seth indicated that they were not going to file any charges.
They just wanted the people to leave and to also bring awareness to people not to get
on the tower inebriated and especially so inebriated that they find themselves in a
part they shouldn't be in and can't get out.
So okay.
I'm almost betting that's not the first time that's happened.
I would bet that that's happened a lot but they have a chance to showcase it, right?
So they're going to do it.
They're going to make an example of these people.
No, they didn't send them to jail.
They could have done that.
They didn't send them to jail.
All they did was say, look Americans, don't do this shit.
But I'll bet you if it happens again any time soon they will go to jail, whoever does it.
You know Australia has some really, really venomous spiders, right?
Yeah, they do.
They're extremely fast, extremely aggressive and they're deadly.
All of those not good to have in a trait, right?
Well, a supermarket in Australia, oh Austria, not Australia.
Australia does too but I don't know about Austria.
Australia has like four very venomous spiders.
One of them hangs out on the beaches and you got to watch where you put your feet.
But anyhow, this is Austria.
I'm sorry.
A supermarket in Austria had to be shut down after a spider whose bite is capable of causing
painful erections or even death was spotted.
This is a spider bite that gives you a four hour erection.
I'm not kidding you.
The supermarket was closed on Tuesday after the store manager spotted the spider in a
banana box and immediately called the fire brigade to investigate.
Fox News reported, the tiny creature is not just highly venomous but the bite can cause
an erection that can last up to four hours according to reports.
So you get a four hour painful erection and then you die?
I know some people.
I'd like to send that spider too.
The spider was about four inches long and was black and red in color.
The manager said initially, the authorities thought it was a banana spider but it later
turned out to be a Brazilian wandering spider.
The Brazilian wandering spider is one of the deadliest bites in the world which can also
cause hypothermia, blurred vision and convulsions.
So this spider doesn't give you an erection.
It gives you everything else and kills you.
Their bites can cause extraordinary pain, increased pulse.
Oh no, this is it.
Penile erection.
It can last for four hours and death in some cases.
The spider was nowhere to be seen by the time the fire brigade arrived at the store.
As per local media reports, the RU retail group which owns the supermarket chains that
comprehensive cleaning and disinfection measures were underway before the outlet reopens next
week.
All measures for safety are carried out meticulously so the branch can be reopened, the retailer
added.
So, wow.
Wow.
Can you imagine that shit?
Four hour erection, hypothermia, convulsions and death.
Wow.
All of those you want nothing to do with.
Except for the four hour erection.
Yeah.
Well the four hour erection would be-
It's a good way to say it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a good way to say it.
If it wasn't a painful erection it would be different.
It was just an erection.
You'd be like, cool.
All right.
And they're like, well Val, I mean, you got something going on for four hours or what?
What's going on here?
Can I circle this here since I got bit by this spider?
Can I circle these four hours for us?
So, anyhow.
Oh, you got a meeting?
Damn.
Shit.
Damn it.
I don't understand it.
Every time.
Every time I come up with a spider bite story she has a meeting.
That is so weird.
What a coincidence.
Okay.
You know that California has a shortage of self-driving cars now because they're all
being wrecked?
It's not-
Oh yeah, not surprising.
It's not surprising at all.
As a matter of fact, I expected it.
But it goes a little bit further too.
Not only is it self-driving cars hitting other cars, but people are hitting them and leaving.
And they're starting to think that it's for fun.
Because these self-driving cars are flimsy and they're like taking packages and stuff.
I'm not sure exactly what they're doing.
But I mean, maybe they're taking people somewhere.
I don't know.
But they're starting to wonder if people aren't doing it on purpose, like nicking these self-driving
cars when no one's in it, or hitting them and then taking off as fun.
Because half of these wrecks are people that like t-bone them and shit and then take off.
They're hitting runs.
Because there's nobody in these cars.
So they hit them and they're like, no one's in there so I'm going.
So California authorities have asked General Motors to immediately take some of its cruise
robo-taxis off the road after autonomous vehicles were involved in two collisions, including
one in an active fire truck last week in San Francisco.
California's Department of Motor Vehicles confirmed to CNN that they're investigating
recent concerning incidents involving cruise vehicles in San Francisco.
The DMV is in contact with cruise and law enforcement officials to determine the facts
and request a cruise to immediately reduce its active fleet of operating vehicles by
50% until investigations are complete and appropriate corrective actions to improve
road safety, the department said.
The reason they want 50% of them off is because it's becoming an epidemic in California.
And like I said, they're hitting cars and the self-driving vehicles are getting off
track.
They're hitting cars and people are hitting them and taking off.
So it's just like a big mess.
You'll have a self-driving vehicle in the middle of the road disabled on its side or
banged up or whatever and there's nothing it can do.
You see, it's just sitting there.
It's sitting there until someone calls it in and then appropriate authorities can get
there to do something with the car.
So it's almost like a bunch of car litter just hanging out.
So yeah, it's really, I mean, I get it.
I mean, they don't want that shit there.
So.
I totally see that.
Yep.
Anyhow, let's see here.
A couple of other stories here we could probably get into.
Yeah, I got something for you real quick.
Okay.
This goes to the tan city Chris Jones negotiations.
Oh, okay.
Speaking to the media Wednesday, she said coach Andy Reed was asked about Chris Jones's
holdout.
His comments on the situation was very interesting.
We told her orders against the end that really made much communication a challenge.
There's been no communication whatsoever.
Happens happens.
The game goes off.
I read that statement too and I grew with them 100% and here's why.
Okay.
Everybody else on that team that's in the top 10, Mahomes number one, Kelsey number
five, Chris Jones number 10.
Yep.
Are taking reduced salaries because they want to win.
Then you have Chris Jones over there, not even at the end of his contract, screaming
he wants a huge contract.
Right.
To remind you somebody that's in Miami.
Yeah, it does.
Yeah.
So here's what I said earlier to a family member and I stick to this.
You can't win the Super Bowl every year.
As much as I would love the Chiefs to win the Super Bowl every year, how fucking boring
would that be anyhow?
Okay.
Right.
But I think right now, new receiving corps, not shelling out a lot of money on receivers,
not shelling a lot of money out on really any big names, I mean comparatively.
I mean yeah, it's a lot of money to us, but I mean like Kelsey is getting that contract
that he deserves really according to other wide receivers or tight ends or whatever.
Mahomes definitely isn't getting the type of money he should.
Okay.
So maybe it's the perfect time because Chris Jones is talking about sitting out eight games
and eight games is all he can do to get credit for all year towards his debt.
So maybe that eight games is not a bad idea to judge how well the Chiefs can do without
him.
Maybe they think this year is a playoff year, but they don't think it's a Super Bowl year.
Maybe it's a good time to test the water and see how well you are without a player like
that that really has kind of been a malcontent every time his contract comes up in my opinion.
He did this last time too and I don't like it.
It's a me-me-eye-eye attitude on a we-we team.
So I don't like the idea of sitting out eight games without Chris Jones, but I think it
may be a necessary evil in this.
Your thoughts?
Yeah.
Yeah, no.
I totally agree with you.
As far as the fines go, he says he can afford it.
He's being cocky about it.
Exactly.
And all right, if he's worried that worried about money, then why is he taking the fine?
So like you said, it's looking like somebody else.
Yeah.
And that somebody else got a little cocky and demanded a trade and guess what?
He got one.
Yeah, he did.
So, I don't want to see Chris Jones gone just like I didn't want to see Tyreek Hill gone.
But if it's best for the team, then it's best for the team.
So, I don't know.
That opens up a lot of salary cap right there.
Yes, it does.
And if I was to bet on anybody winning the game for us, it wouldn't be Chris Jones.
It would be the people on the offensive.
Who won the Super Bowl for us?
Yep.
It wasn't Chris Jones.
It was Patrick Mahomes and a couple of relatively unknowns.
I mean really, if you want to get down to it, the big plays were Sky Moore, a rookie,
and Kaderius Tony, a guy that was like, what is he, one or two years deep?
He might be two years deep.
I think it was his first year.
Okay.
He was full of injuries and could never get on the field.
And it was those plays and Patrick Mahomes' feet and brain power made it happen.
So I'm not afraid.
I'm not afraid.
I say, you know what, he wants to be like that, then let's see how it goes without him
for eight games.
And then, you know what, if you can trade him, if it goes well, you trade him.
Do like I did to D. Ford, that we signed him and traded him the next day.
Do what?
There's one thing that Kansas City proves every year.
Yeah?
They have many weapons.
Well, it's the old thing is, is it actually the receivers or in this case is it the quarterback
that makes the receivers, not the receivers making the quarterback?
I think in our case, it's the quarterback making the receivers more than the receivers
making the quarterback.
Now, don't get me wrong.
Kaderius Tony has some awesome moves.
He can catch the ball and then run after very well.
Just as good as anyone I've ever seen, including Tyreek Hill.
He makes things happen with his legs.
But someone's got to get the ball to him.
And that's Mahomes.
There's a lot of quarterbacks that could not get the ball to him.
They're not that fast on their feet or not that accurate or whatever.
But Mahomes is the perfect guy for someone like Kaderius Tony.
Because he's got a quick delivery, a snap, he's got touch on the ball, he's got accuracy,
he's got all of it.
So Kaderius Tony can concentrate on catching the ball and figuring out a way to get an
end zone, which he's so very good at.
So anyhow, I think we're both on the same page with that.
You know what, Chris Jones, keep being cocky.
Let's see what happens.
You know what, you may not like the outcome.
So I mean, what did Tyreek Hill do last year while we were in the Super Bowl?
He was smacking a security guard on the head down at the wharf and getting thrown in jail.
So anyhow, do you have another story?
No, not really.
Okay, I got one.
And then after that we'll wrap this up because you sound like you're running out of steam
there, Rob.
Yeah.
You're up off it early.
Okay, real quick.
A woman who fractured her left ankle, this is Boston Associated Press.
A woman who fractured her left ankle during a trip with her husband to the Italian food
emporium Eatery in Boston late last year is blaming her injury on a piece of ham.
Alice Cohen was headed to an area where food samples are distributed to customers on October
7th when she slipped on a piece of prosciutto and fell according to a lawsuit filed Friday
at Suffolk County Superior Court in Boston.
Alice Cohen sustained bodily injuries, a loss of employment of life.
Oh, enjoyment, not employment.
A loss of enjoyment of life, I can't read for nothing tonight, I apologize everybody,
and suffering and incurred necessary medical expenses for medical care and attention to
law success.
Her medical expenses including a hospital visit and physical therapy have resulted in
more than $7,500 in bills according to the court papers.
Cohen and her husband, Ronald of Gifford, New Hampshire, were seeking a jury trial and
at least $50,000 in damages.
The lawsuit claims the eatery was negligent for not properly cleaning the floor.
The lawsuit also claims loss of consortism.
The restaurant had a duty to ensure that the surface of the floors were free from unnecessary
dangers, a duty to use ordinary care to maintain the premises in a reasonably safe condition,
and a duty to warn of such dangerous conditions, the lawsuit says.
Eatery is a gourmet Italian restaurant and food market with eight locations in the U.S.
and eight overseas.
According to the company's website, prosciutto is a type of thinly sliced cured ham that
originated in Italy and I'm not a big fan of it.
Have you had prosciutto?
No, I have not.
I'm not a real big fan of it.
I don't see the appeal of it myself.
An email seeking comment was left on the, I guess it's called Italy's corporate headquarters.
Voicemail seeking comment were left with the Coen's and their attorney with no avail from
either outlet answering any of them.
So nobody's wanting to talk about this and I'll tell you what's going to happen is no
corporation ever wants anything to go to a jury trial.
So they're going to settle out of court.
They don't want it happening because lawyers are too good at manipulating people and tugging
on their heartstrings and they know how to do that to a science.
So what's going to happen is I guarantee you they're going to settle out of court because
they don't want to go to a jury trial because if a jury trial gets all sentimental and you
know, this is my grandkid and I can't play with him anymore because my leg is fucked,
then they're going to get all this money.
Yeah, all this money for, I don't know, deserving or not.
So anyhow, I've got a final thought.
Do you have one too or not?
I'm on to them right now.
Yeah, I got one.
Okay, do yours first.
Okay.
I'll get back to it.
What was it?
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and no one asks, what the hell is wrong with
you?
I like that a lot.
Yeah, Jake went down to the store and bought 60 cantaloupes.
He ate 20 of them.
How many does he have left?
Why the fuck would Jake eat 20 cantaloupes, you dumb bitch?
Go to the office, Marky.
Why did he buy 60 of them?
Yeah.
Where the fuck did he put them?
Did he have 10 carts?
Get out of here, Marky.
I thought he was the one throwing them out.
It caused off the bridge.
That son of a bitch.
You show me where he is.
Okay, my final thought.
You think you're having a bad day?
When Cherry County, California was under a tropical storm warning when a 5.2 earthquake
hit, that's a bad day.
Yeah.
You're getting pummeled by a tropical storm and then you have a 5.2 earthquake.
Yeah.
I would look at God and go, you know what, whatever we did wrong, I'm sorry, can we move
on?
Right?
Yeah.
All right, pukes.
We be talking to you.
Bye.
Good night.
Have a good night.
Sleep tight and let the dreams come true.
Was that Lawrence Welk?
Nighty night.
I think possibly it was.
Okay.
Then the other one was, we're so glad to have this time together just to sing a song
or two.
So, shit, you know what?
I'm going to memorize that whole thing.
I'm going to memorize Lawrence Welk one.
At every sign off, I'm going to sing each one of them just to piss everybody off.
There you go.
All right, pukes.
Thanks for listening.
Love you guys for real.
Talk to you soon.
Bye.
Hey, where did they go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh jeez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.