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Hi everybody, Two-Poosh Bags and Microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright.
Okay.
This whole first one right here was previously broadcasted
and the file fucking flipped out on me.
And I could not post it.
So this is the lost episode, if you will, being re-recorded.
The best to our knowledge, the best that we can remember.
Well, who the fuck knows.
Maybe we didn't do it, Rob.
Maybe we were just fucked up and we thought we did.
No, actually I've been trying to watch my sobriety.
Oh, okay.
Alright.
Okay.
Well, in that case.
I was not drunk that night, I know.
Okay.
Well, in that case, we recorded it.
And I don't know what the fuck I did.
My fucking stupid thumbs or whatever fucked that whole thing up.
And I could not get the file to play.
So anyhow, here we are.
But anyhow, remember, Phil, we're redoing it
because that's how good we are, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Because I have my notes.
I know what stories I did.
And we're going to redo them.
Yeah.
Alright.
So I don't know what we started on last time.
But I'm going to start off on I-70.
Remember the I-70 story?
Yes.
Okay.
Alright.
Now, I-70 between Kansas City and St. Louis is fucked.
It's horrible.
Right.
We're doing all that.
Yeah.
It's got all kinds of curves and hills and everything.
And it was an early section of I-70 that was built.
One of the earliest sections.
It was really not very well managed.
And there was probably a lot of corruption involved.
Like, you know, hey, don't go through Edward's yard.
You know, hey, swerve over here.
Hey, buy this guy's property and all that.
So the freeway is horrible.
And it's two lanes all the way from the edge of Kansas City to the edge of St. Louis.
It's two lanes.
It needs to be three, probably even four.
So they're going to add another lane.
It's going to be three lanes.
And one of the problems that goes on there is this right here.
The truckers will try to pass another truck because there's one on the right.
So a truck will try to get around the other truck, not knowing exactly where he's at or what's coming up.
And all of a sudden he'll get on a hill or a curve and he'll slow down.
So what happens is all of I-70 is going 50 mile an hour because the truck on the right is going 50 mile an hour
and the truck on the left is going 50 mile an hour trying to pass him.
But he couldn't do it because there was a hill there that he didn't realize was there.
And this happens all the time.
And it's bullshit because you're sitting there behind there.
You should be going 70 mile an hour, probably a little bit more, and getting back and forth
and not taking all day to get from Kansas City to St. Louis.
So we've been needing this third lane for a long time.
And I'm glad that they finally realized that they needed to put a little money towards it
because we put enough money towards enough stupid shit.
We can put it towards something for real.
So anyhow, drivers will soon see at least three lanes on I-70 across the entire state of Missouri.
New legislation will expand I-70 access the entire state to at least three lanes.
Governor Mike Parsons with his new Casey Chiefs tattoo.
And did you ever look that up like I asked you to?
He got a new Casey Chiefs tattoo, which is nice.
Okay, good.
And it's on the side of his hand near his thumb.
Okay, okay.
You know how many people I've seen on Facebook with wearing their Casey Chiefs tattoos since they started winning?
I know.
I'm not impressed either.
Our governor better.
But for my homes, no one was putting a Casey Chiefs tattoo on them.
No, our governor is better.
Yeah, I would agree, since we are the only football team in the state of Missouri.
So yeah, of course.
And St. Louis, we invite you to jump on board.
Be fans with us.
I'm a Blues fan.
We don't have a hockey team.
I'm a Blues fan.
So come on over.
The water's warm.
We'd love to have you.
Hey, I'm at Lake of the Ozarks.
I'm in between.
We got Kansas City and we got St. Louis.
Come on.
Yeah.
So let's all join together and agree the Chiefs fucking rule.
So anyhow, Mike Parsons introduced a plan earlier this year.
The work is expected to ease heavily congested travel between Casey to St. Louis.
The work will start in St. Charles County and expand to Blue Springs.
St. Charles is the extreme western edge of St. Louis and Blue Springs is the extreme eastern edge of Casey.
On Monday, the governor held the ceremonial signing of House Bill number four, which provides money for the project.
Back a few years ago, I traveled to Columbia a couple of times a week.
And anyhow, I traveled there because of my old job, you know, that piece of crap place by the Blue River with the idiots in it.
Yeah.
Yeah, that place right there.
So anyhow, oh, let's see.
Let me write down.
OK, let's see.
What I call it here.
Oh, that shitty little hole next to the Blue River full of two-faced liars and, in my opinion, many others according to state records.
That's what I wrote down.
But everybody knows I hate those motherfuckers and they can eat a fucking dick.
Fuck you guys.
So anyhow, like we said, this whole show is our opinion.
Yes.
That's your opinion, buddy.
I don't say their name anyhow, not because I'm.
I appreciate that.
Yeah.
I don't say their name because they don't hold any power over me.
That's why I don't say their name.
They could suck my fucking ass.
I noticed that.
Just talking to you off there.
Yeah.
I'm so much happier where I'm at and I get paid really well and they treat me well.
And I see all the things that I should have had.
I should have had there, but I didn't because they have other ulterior motives.
And I mean, hell, they're fucking firing their family members.
I mean, you know, you talk about fucking blood sucking.
Oh, yeah.
They'll eat their own.
They'll fucking eat their own is what it is.
So anyhow, people like that, I don't need to be around.
And thank you, God, for getting me out of that.
So anyhow, the problem is that part of I-70 is extremely old.
It was not regulated so well.
So the interstate was a victim of cost cutting and special interest.
So there are many hills and sharp curves.
In comparison, I-70 over the Colorado Rockies might be steep,
but it's straight and the greater the hills are as good as could be done.
You go out there to Colorado and it's a beautiful stretch of road.
I mean, yeah, it has to have a high altitude.
It's going over the Rockies.
But I mean, then you go to that piece of shit in Missouri and it's like,
they could do this in the Rockies, but they couldn't do that here.
But I mean, in my opinion, I need to just bulldoze the whole fucking I-70
and come up with a new one because it's a...
OK, I got a question.
Yeah.
What the hell are you going to do with I-70 across Kansas
to make it more interesting?
Hmm.
I'm going to say like every 200th car gets crushed by a boulder.
Ha ha ha ha!
Dude, that's flat straight away, man.
That's the most boring drive.
Well, I mean, that would make it interesting, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're the ones going to come up with the boulders.
It's flat.
Yeah, you know what?
We'll figure it out.
So yeah.
Yeah, you go, OK, little Billy, now look up there
and if you see somebody with a rock, you let me know.
You're going to run out of nowhere?
Yeah.
On the side of your vehicle?
Yeah, yeah, like, I don't know.
Yeah, like big slingshots back behind the windmills.
Ha ha ha ha!
Yeah, kum!
Oh, yeah!
We'll come back to that.
OK, OK, we'll figure that one out later.
So the interstate is highly traveled by trucks.
What happens is a truck will try to pass a slower truck in the left lane
and it hits a large hill or a curve and it's heavily loaded truck,
slows down and clogging its 70 mile-hour speed artery to 55 or slower.
So anyhow, this is a great step, yes, but they shouldn't stop there.
Originally a plan was going to turn US 36, US Highway 36,
which goes the same route, it mimics I-70, but 60 miles to the north,
determined into an interstate.
It was mentioned and it would work perfect to halfway mark between I-70 and I-80.
The Missouri stretch would be from Hannibal, the mighty Mississippi River,
to St. Joseph, the big mighty Missouri River.
Truckers could use this as an alternate route and then when they get to I-29,
which would connect them both, they could go either way.
They could go up and down there.
Yeah, they could go either way.
They could go to the north and go up to Omaha or Des Moines
or they could go to the south.
Like I told you, during 9-11, I was living in St. Joe and I come by the KCI airport.
Yeah, oh yeah, I remember you calling it.
Yeah, I was on 29.
Yeah, wow.
Yeah, that was my everyday route, man.
Yeah, that would have been freakier than hell, driving by KCI
and seeing all the planes just fucking, like you said,
they're just like in air buzzing around circling because they didn't know what the hell was.
That was, it's what, like a half hour from St. Joe, half hour, 45 minutes, something like that.
Yeah.
Yeah, well I had just watched all this stuff on film on my TV at home
and I'd get my truck and go ahead and go to water and I'm driving by with it as well.
We were there maybe an hour and we, this is the first time I've been,
I was doing all these work, all these maintenance.
Oh yeah, you were telling me that, yeah.
Yeah, and we were on, there was water or whatever, anyway.
Yeah, it was the first time my buddy's life, he ever said, let's go home, let's be real famous.
So I was like, wow, 9-11 was a big thing.
Oh yeah.
To everybody, everybody.
Everybody remembers where they were at when they found out about it.
Yeah, everybody remembers.
I was at the sheet metal shop job that I had when I first broke out of the apprentice school
and my buddy Dave come up to me and goes, man, he goes, hey, you hear what's going on in New York?
I'm like, no, he goes, yeah, he goes, there's a plane.
And I was thinking a commuter plane.
I wasn't thinking a regular airline jet that flew people on routes.
I wasn't thinking that.
I was thinking like a commuter plane, oops, oh shit, boom, you know.
Then when I went upstairs to the safety room to take a look at it, I was like, oh shit.
I was like, I wonder if that's air traffic control, electronics, or terrorism.
And right when I got there, they showed the second one hitting and I'm like, that is terrorism.
So anyhow, and the rest is history, as course, as we all know.
So anyhow, I'm all for this.
They can't make this extra lane fast enough.
And like I said, I mean, I would, I wish they would just tear the fucking thing, all the hills and everything,
just tear it up and redo it would be the best thing to do.
Do what you have to do.
Yeah.
But that's probably never going to happen.
It costs too much money.
So they got to accept the shoddy design and workmanship forever.
They're just going to add a lane and I guess that'd be good enough.
But I wish they would, I wish they'd make US 36 to the north and interstate two, and then we would be safe.
We've talked about this.
Yes, I know, I know 36 very well.
And I agree, but you got to realize on one side of 36, you got the railroad.
Yeah.
So how do you expand on that side?
OK, 36.
Like I said, I know I've traveled up and down 36 many times.
There's ways to do it.
You do it on the opposite side of the railroad.
I mean, the thing is, the biggest thing is...
You just have to buy more farmland on the other side.
Yeah, the biggest thing is...
And make those two lanes one way and then build two lanes going the other way.
That's all you could do.
Yeah, but I don't think that's going to happen.
They're not even talking about now.
They're just putting the third lane in and going, there you guys go, now shut up.
Yeah, I mean, they got a lot of farmers.
They got to go through to get that done.
Yeah.
A lot of property buy.
Yep.
I mean, I'm like you.
I would love to see 36 become the major highway.
Yeah, because if you're going to Chicago, that would probably be the best route from
Kansas City if you're driving.
If 36 was an interstate, you zip up there...
And you just lose a little north, get off I-70.
Well, Chicago's a little to the north, so yeah, no, it would run perfectly.
Yeah, 36.
Yeah.
And then you go into 50 interstate, 50.
Oh, well, it doesn't matter.
So anyhow...
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Yeah.
So anyhow, Rob, I want to switch courses here.
We've talked about the interstate 70 enough.
So do you know anything about Hanna, Canada?
I think it's in Ontario, but I'm not for sure.
I never did look.
Hanna, Ontario is the home for Nickelback.
Remember them?
Okay, okay, okay.
Well, it appears that the Nickelback signs on the interstates going into Hanna, Canada
are being removed.
Yeah.
What signs are being removed?
The Nickelback signs.
It says, welcome to Hanna.
The hometown signs.
The hometown signs are being removed.
Okay, keep going.
I'm going to...
Okay.
The community is about 220 kilometers northeast of Calgary, and they removed the three signs
in May declaring it was proud to be the home of Nickelback.
The signs at the three highway entrances into Hanna had been there since 2004, and they
were a popular pullover place where people would go there like mug for it and like, hey,
home of Nickelback.
Wee, wee, wee.
Woo, woo.
Waka, waka, waka.
So, yeah, everyone's taking their selfies and doing their fucking TikToks and what have
you.
I'm glad it's so urgent.
I think you did that same sound on the one we lost.
I think I did too.
Wee, wee, waka, waka, waka.
Wee, wee, waka, waka.
Anyway, go ahead.
So anyhow, they removed them all.
It's a good thing.
People are questioning, why did you take the Nickelback signs?
And they said, well, they said they were rotting out and they needed to be replaced.
They said, okay, great.
When are they going to be replaced?
And they said, well, we're probably not going to replace them.
So then everyone did not go, wee, wee, waka, waka, waka.
They went, no more Nickelback sign?
No more Nickelback sign.
So anyhow.
Honestly, honestly, I was a bigger fan of their presence three doors down.
Yes.
Yeah.
I never was a Nickelback fan at all.
I always thought they were cheesy fucking.
Okay, some of their songs I like.
I like but not love.
But like I said, between them and three doors down.
Yeah.
I prefer three doors down any day.
Well, three doors down kind of took over.
That's why I'm saying, our next genre coming up in music, for classic rock, we're in trouble.
I don't even know if there's going to be classic rock, Rob.
Well, they got to have whatever play that decade.
I mean, we're coming up on Nickelback.
Just saying.
No, no, no, no, no.
I agree.
Hopefully we keep our stuff going thanks to this podcast.
Yeah.
You know what?
I'm saying that we can scream for more Nickelback.
That will be our plight.
No, I want less Nickelback.
No, me too.
I'm joking.
I want more three doors down.
No, I was being a dick.
Yeah, I agree.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
So anyhow, it sounds to me like they are erasing themselves from the whole Nickelback equation.
I'm not a rocket scientist and I'm no expert and I don't play one on TV either.
But it sounds to me like they don't want anything to do with Nickelback anymore.
Like I said, a lot of people, like your opinion you just gave me about a lot of people, they're like, big deal.
No, you know what? It doesn't mean anything to me. It's just kind of odd that why in this stage?
They started off out of the gate strong. They just couldn't finish strong is the way I looked at it.
Well, what I'm asking in is what caused their hometown to do this?
I mean, Nickelback hasn't done anything stupid here that I know of.
I mean, Chad Kroger didn't go out and touch kids or fucking go drunk and smash into a bunch of children or something.
Well, they haven't had one in a long time.
I'm not saying that at all, Mark. What I'm saying is what was the last hit they had?
Rockstar.
And that was how long ago?
Oh, early 2000s. Easily.
You see where I'm going with this?
Millennials were still in short pants and diapers at that point.
Yeah.
Weren't you guys?
Now we're on Gen Z.
Yeah, that's right.
We're talking like how many years there?
Yeah, yeah.
Almost 20 years.
So anyhow, Nickelback, we're very sorry.
And as a matter of fact, I'm going to see if Kansas City can't put up a complimentary sign for you guys.
Where do you think we should put it up here?
I think the men's room at Sidekicks Saloon.
It's a Western-themed gay bar is my understanding.
I think it needs to be put up in the urinal.
I was changing up by Liberty Memorial.
How about two of them? One at Liberty Memorial and one in Sidekicks in the urinal section?
Yeah, I mean Liberty Memorial gets along with your action.
Yes. There you go, Nickelback.
That is us saying thank you to you.
We're going to help you. We're going to help you get back on your toes.
That's right, Mr. Chad Kroger.
That's right.
Of Hannah, Canada.
We're going to help you.
You're welcome. You are welcome.
And the world, don't mention it.
It's fine.
We'll tone the line for all of you.
Because that's what we do at Two Deuce Bags and Microphone.
We give, right?
We help anybody and everybody.
That's right.
That's our philosophy.
Every time we get on the air, what do we say right before it?
Let's help. Let's give.
Yes.
Yes. Yes.
All right. We're going to return with Dear Deuce Bag's letter.
Awesome.
All right. See you fucks in a minute.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum.
Two Deuce Bags and a Microphone.
Hello. This is Satan.
You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than
listening to Two Deuce Bags and Microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I burned that day.
Enjoy.
Bye.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
You look like you smell like cheese.
Dear Abby, not quite.
You have questions, we have answers.
They're not very good answers, but we have them.
All right. Here we are again, Two Deuce Bags and Microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
All right. As before mentioned, we have a Dear Deuce Bag's letter.
Can you believe that, Rob?
Awesome.
People still write in to us.
I love them.
Yeah. Every time I get a warm feeling, every time I read a Dear Deuce Bag's letter,
I go, you know, people trust us and they care.
So everybody, all of the audience, come here.
I respect our advice, man.
Yes. I want a big hug from everyone.
I don't have two Deuce Bags.
We're just two Deuce Bags.
Yeah. It's a moniker.
So hang on, hang on, Rob.
Let's all have a hug from the audience right now.
Okay?
Let's take a second hug.
All right, everybody, come on.
Come on, squeeze tighter.
Oh, thank you, guys.
That was great. That was great.
See? See how much better we feel?
Yes. I feel so much better.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Dear Deuce Bags, I live in a fourplex.
We, as in myself and girlfriend, we love it here and do not want to move.
But a particularly troubling problem has reared its ugly head.
A not so attractive woman moved in below us the first of the year.
She seems to be really sweet, but she has a horrible issue with loud sex noises.
The sex noises are attributed to electric sex toys.
First, the unmistakable hum and vibration, then soon after the moans of mechanical love.
Now, if this was once a week, we could probably tough it out.
But every night...
What's your name?
It doesn't say here.
Damn it.
You know what? Come up with a name, Rob.
No, I'm not going to go in.
Okay. All right.
So, okay, this is once a week.
We could probably tough it out every night, but not every night for over an hour.
It's like being forced to listen to two fuck nuts in a recorder every night and can't shut it off.
Now, okay, look.
We don't support that.
We love two fuck nuts in a recorder.
They're my brother's show.
Yeah, we want them to come on the show, but they keep dissing us.
We love you guys.
Two of us combined?
Yeah.
At least one show.
Let's get together.
I think we make good...
I think I'm going to get show.
I think so, too.
I just want them to tell me who's fuck nut one and who's fuck nut two.
I don't even know who's what.
They're really quite a mystery.
And also, the rumors...
Well, the whole thing is here.
For what I understand, the rumors are true.
So, we'll get to that if we can ever get them on air.
All right.
Yeah, yeah.
So, anyhow...
We'll come there.
Yeah.
So, two fuck nuts, we love you.
We don't know what the deal is.
We want you to come.
We want you to come over here, and we want you to be a part of our program.
There's nothing else we can do, Rob.
We're offering our hand in love and peace.
Yeah.
So, anyhow...
I'm sure they hear bad things about us, too.
Yeah.
People probably go back to them and say...
We're not like that.
People probably go back to them and lie and say we bad mouth them and stuff.
We love you guys, two douchebags.
We got to listen.
Hey, hey.
Yes.
We got proof.
Listen to us.
Yeah.
So, again, I'm going to send this down to the recording studios.
I think they're recording in a basement in Buckner, Missouri.
Oh!
Yeah.
Yeah, you know Buckner over there near the Missouri River on 24th Avenue?
Yeah, yeah.
I know she's doing her recording there.
Yeah, yeah.
We understand that they're recording in a basement in Buckner, Missouri.
So...
Hey, we're all Missouri boys, man.
Yeah.
We got to get along.
So, come on, two fuck nuts.
Come on over, man.
We're ready for you.
We love you guys.
So...
Just one podcast.
We'll sign some...
Yeah, yeah.
Let's cross-part.
We'll combine the two.
Yeah, we understand you have a good little audience and so do we.
Let's combine them both.
So, anyhow, please help us sign Self Love Hell in Fort Lauderdale.
Oh, yeah!
How about that?
Oh, damn.
Oh, we love our audience.
Another nice guy.
Mm-hmm.
Well, they come up with some names now.
You know, most of them are in Florida.
What up with that?
Florida's just full of a bunch of transplants.
I don't know.
I don't know either.
Well, anyhow...
Yeah.
I mean, we've heard in the graphics.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so...
Because of what?
Yeah, Florida Lauderdale.
Well, you know what?
We love the people down there.
Yeah, that's good.
That's good.
We love Florida.
Yeah, we love the people.
Yeah.
Now, Florida was a hotbed that was growing fast, but it's slowed down a little bit now.
I mean, we still have a lot of listeners there, but it's not growing as rapidly as it was.
We went over the last podcast about the areas that are really being hot spots.
So, self-love in Florida Lauderdale, or...
Anyhow, well, this is a very sensitive problem that will take baby gloves to hopefully sort
out.
One, grab a megaphone and open up a window.
When this self-pleasure starts, counteract every scream of passion with vulgar anal sex
commands.
People will hear the both and assume she is into lewd, nasty sex.
I'm betting she will quiet down very quickly.
It's a pretty good idea.
Well, if she's moaning, you go, yeah, bitch, take it right there.
Yeah, yeah, you want that toaster in your ass?
Is that it?
Oh, yeah.
And then she's over there going, ah, ah, ah, ah.
You know?
Hey, how about this desktop?
You want that in your asshole?
Ah.
She quit really quick, don't you think?
Yeah.
I think that's sound advice, I think that's really good advice.
How can you go wrong with that?
Okay, number two.
Recorders...
I'm ready to tell you a story.
Okay.
Recorder sex noises on a loop.
If you can hear it, the FCC says you can record it, and that is true.
Everything you can hear with your ear or any type of an instrument is yours.
You can record it and do whatever you want with it.
Did you know that?
Yes, yes, I do know that.
If you're walking down the road and you hear sensitive material from some place that some guy works at,
and you pick it up and you can record it, it's yours.
Yeah, exactly.
Especially if you pick it up through a wall.
Yep.
Every time you leave your home, play the loop as loud as possible by an open window with disclaimers about the neighbor's voice.
So you play the loop of her screaming, and then you do a disclaimer,
this is so-and-so, this is not us, this is the sound of so-and-so, which is good advice.
Yeah, that might squel her a little bit.
Number three, send her a signed copy of Sex Yourself, the Woman's Guide to Mastering Masturbation.
I don't know why you want to do that.
That would just make her more efficient at it.
Maybe it will quiet her down.
Maybe she won't be so excited about the self-love.
I don't know.
It might make her quicker.
I love number four.
Number four is simple and actually probably the best suited answer.
Steal her batteries.
That'll work.
She goes to put them in the old fucking hopper there and nothing.
Ah!
So...
Okay, can I add one?
Yeah, go ahead.
Invite Brad over.
He's getting lonely.
There you go.
Can you get to Fort Lauderdale?
Okay.
Can you get to Fort Lauderdale?
Whatever.
Okay.
There you go.
You guys here?
Self-love Hell in Fort Lauderdale.
Get ahold of Rob Brand.
I'll take care of your neighbor for you.
Okay.
He'll also...
No, no.
Okay.
We'll find out when I get there.
Rob Brand will also take female body parts too, I guess.
It was mainly for male body parts, but he'll take female body parts too.
Yes.
All right.
Okay, then the fifth and final answers, take the new blueboard insulation with the sound
proofing on the one side.
Take the material and tape it up on all the interior walls.
Hopefully this will knock it down enough to turn up two douchebags in a microphone.
Enough to drown her out.
If this doesn't work for you, well, best of luck.
I love that.
Yeah, that's what you do.
Better yet.
Yeah?
That way we get both of her voices.
I think that's great.
Not just mine.
That is the best advice I think I've ever heard, ever.
Is?
Yeah.
Yeah, just, you know what?
Just blueboard and soundboard the hell out of your house and turn us up.
And get a big-ass stereo system.
Listen, you trust us enough for horrible advice, right?
Let us help you solve it.
Yeah.
We would never steer you wrong.
We just gave you a hug.
Right?
Oh, here you go.
Here you go.
Yeah.
It was a big on-air hug.
So, anyhow, all right.
Well, another well-helped person.
Let me find my little article that I kind of did some bullet points on that we went
over on the lost tape.
And let me see where it is at.
You got something you can throw in there, Rob, while I look for this?
Well, yeah.
Okay, here.
You were talking about Chad Kerber.
Yep.
This is not one of the ones off the one we lost.
I'm just going to throw this in the hell.
No, that's fine.
Okay, I'm not reading where in Missouri this happened.
Okay, Nickelback's Chad Kerber stops a band's Missouri concert mid-song.
Okay.
Nickelback released a new album last year, Get Rolling, and the band is coming in on
a North American tour in support of the record.
Oh, lucky us.
Last week.
Okay, now, this is saying 11 days ago.
I've had this one stored.
Okay.
Last week, singer Chad Kerber and the band separate a bit of a hit-off during a live
show in Missouri when Kerber revealed to the audience he was struggling with vocal problems.
Hasn't he always been?
Well, we stopped throwing the band's first song to address the crowd, and this is quoted.
I cannot do this, he said.
I cannot say it with a fucking absolutely destroyed throat and try to make it through
the show and pretend like there's nothing fucking wrong and take your fucking money.
How did his throat get destroyed?
I don't know.
May we're on to something.
May we're on to something with putting their own...
I'm having a hard time hearing fucking notes.
The doctor just jabbed me in the hip with some fortnizone, and we all crossed our fingers
backstabbing hoping this was going to work.
Okay, okay, I have questions right there.
Okay.
If you have problems with your throat, what the hell is a shocker hip with a fortnizone
going to do?
Okay, the fortnizone, it is...
Maybe something I don't know.
This just sounds stupid to me.
Fortnizone is a steroid, and I guess the doctor chose to shoot him in the hip, but a steroid
beefs up your system, including your voice.
I know this because I've had to take steroids for sinus infections and poison ivy before.
I have one replacing...
I happen to be a legal tomb, allergic to it.
Oh, okay.
Not illegal, allergic.
Illegal tomb.
Watch out, it's fortnizone, I'm going to get arrested, man.
Let me the fuck out of here.
Fortnizone is on the other side of the bar.
Last time I had a steroid shot, I ended up in the day of New York.
Oh shit.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, okay, maybe you can't take it.
There's a lot of people that are allergic to steroids.
So what the doctor did was he tried to beef up his voice by a steroid, and it sounds like
it didn't work.
So well, I mean, there's two things you could do.
You could cancel the concert, or you could just do what he did.
He chose to do what he did.
And either way, it's fine with me.
Because there's two schools of thought.
Some bands are too proud, and if their voice is bad, I mean, they just won't do it.
They'll go, you know what, we're not up to par, and we don't want to do anything sub
par.
And then those other bands are like, you know what, you guys waited a long time, and we're
going to do the best we can, so bear with us.
It sounds to me like they're the latter, and they were trying to do it.
So okay.
I don't necessarily have a problem with that.
I like the honesty, going, hey, look, here's what's going on.
I just want to know how his throat got destroyed.
I don't know, but the story goes on.
Makes one wonder.
It's just insane how his throat got destroyed.
The next section says, guitarist Ryan Peake jokingly offered to sing the rest of the show
before Clover gave it another shot and finished the show.
Fuck it, he said.
Let's start this one over again.
I'm just going to give it all I've got.
Okay, but here's what I understand.
It's not saying where in Missouri this concert happened.
Well, that's because whoever had him was embarrassed they were there.
I thought I would have come to Kansas City.
Just saying.
Oh, did they?
I thought I would have.
I wouldn't know.
I could be.
I only have my, on the internet everything that has to do with me, Facebook, Instagram,
everything is all geared towards what I like.
It will not have Nickelback's world tour on there.
It will have Woss' world tour.
It will have Glenn Yu's world tour.
It will have Inge Momstein's world tour.
It will not have Nickelback.
Just saying.
You agree with that.
I went to four three doors out.
They're cousins.
All right.
Okay.
Well, yeah, my estimation is whoever had him was embarrassed that they ever had him there.
So they're not telling.
That's probably the deal is like you can play here but you can't tell anybody.
Yeah.
I think they're playing in Montrose, Missouri.
Oh.
You know where that's at?
Yeah.
Well, that's the only reason why I know where Montrose is is my dad worked for Can't Say
Turn Light.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
The Montrose power plant was owned by Can't Say Turn Light.
Yeah.
Nickelback played at the power plant.
Dude.
Yeah.
That's big time there.
Yeah, it is.
With the three headed fish.
Okay.
Now we have just added some stuff that was not in the wall store.
Oh, shit.
Oops.
Hey.
Everybody knows this is parody.
We talk it all the time.
We make shit up.
We're not to be believed.
That's us.
That's our nature.
We hope that's why you listen to us.
So anyhow.
The news story I just read is on the internet.
Just go read it for yourself.
That's right.
And if you'll read anything about Montrose, Missouri.
If you'll read anything about the power plant, then well, I guess I was lying, right?
That damn mark.
He sure is a prankster.
Boy.
What a real shuckster.
Oh, man.
No.
I vouch.
Montrose power plant exists.
Yes, it does.
It does exist.
With a campground and a lake.
Yes.
Just like Lacey in Kansas.
Same thing.
A lot of people fish those lakes.
Exactly.
Yeah.
See.
That's another Kansas City power plant place.
Yes, it is.
I guess they'll clean up in there.
Yep.
Oh, they have great campgrounds there.
I just don't need anything that comes out of that lake.
Yeah.
Imagine eating the fish out of it.
Yeah.
You can start glowing.
I used to water ski on them lakes.
Oh, wow.
Cool.
Did you get all that cold dust on you?
I don't know.
No, seriously.
If you camp for three days in Lacey and we'd always do primitive camping so we would smell
by the third day, right?
Go home and take a shower really quick and there would actually be black coming out of
your hair from the dust in the air.
I was like 14, 15 years old.
You didn't notice.
Okay.
Yeah.
And like I said, we were out in the boat.
Yeah, you're water skiing.
Cool.
That's a nice lake though at Lacey and I like that lake a lot.
And the cool thing is it never freezes over.
That lake never freezes over.
People fish there when it's 30 below.
There's people out there on a boat fishing.
Because the water that when it comes out of the power plant after they use it, it's hot.
Then it goes through a series of cooling off.
But by the time it hits the lake, it's warm enough to where it will not freeze.
All right.
Well, okay.
One of the things that I mentioned in the Lost Podcast was the night before, this was
recorded last, well, the original one that we're making up for was recorded last Wednesday.
And I was talking about watching this series on Vice TV called Dark Side of the 2000s.
And anyhow, what is the rise?
Yes, and I have yet to catch it.
You need to.
I've got it right down right here.
Okay.
Is rise and fall of the shock jocks?
Yes.
Yeah.
So there's a lot of stuff that I took away from it.
And most of it already knew because I was into all this.
You know, I never took sides with a few, you know, like Mankow is always jabbing at Johnny
Dare and oh, Max Tannenbaugh and all that.
I was a fan of all the shows.
I liked all of them.
And you know, I had my favorites.
And the main John and Randy Miller.
Oh yeah, that was a huge one.
Yeah.
Actually, he might have been more into Randy Miller than he was Johnny.
But anyhow, it doesn't matter.
So I never really got on to the feud aspect of it.
I didn't really care what they all really thought of each other or whatever.
I just liked all the programs.
And I liked it because another reason is because whenever you have these syndicated shows,
the local shows beef up their shows so they don't lose any ratings points or try not to.
Right.
So anyhow, one of the things is it should have included Bubba the Love Sponge.
I couldn't believe the omission of him because Bubba was one of the biggest ones,
two times Billboard Morning Personality of the Year.
He's dominated and owned the ratings down in Tampa and all over Florida
and even done well all across the nation.
And he had a bit of a feud with Howard Stern before Howard hired him on satellite radio.
And when they showed Howard going to satellite,
they didn't say anything about him picking up Bubba.
Because to me, the reason he picked up Bubba the Love Sponge was this right here.
It's because he needed someone to freshen up his channel because he knew he was old and boring.
And because here's the deal, he liked Bubba's show, yeah, because Bubba's show was good.
But he traditionally hated anybody, anybody, didn't matter who they were,
that was going against him anywhere.
He slammed them, said they were, you know, they were ripoffs, they watched him,
they used to tape him, all this stuff.
He'd have his own, you know, thing that he would say.
And this included Bubba.
So when he started his show, he hired Bubba for his auxiliary channel, Howard 101.
He was on Howard 100 and Howard 101 was, had like Scottie Furell, had Bubba,
and then had a couple other, but Bubba like held down the afternoon slot,
the other coveted part of radio.
The morning and afternoon slots are the most, most monetary, you know, you get the most money from them.
So anyhow, this should include a Bubba.
Howard only signed him because his channel needed some, a little perk up.
So traditionally he hated everybody.
You know, this whole thing exposed Howard.
Howard looked as bad as a person could get.
He looked stingy, non-caring, or the people he worked with.
And it's true.
He, but I never did like him, so it didn't surprise me one bit.
You know, like I said, I liked aspects of Howard's show, like Captain Janks and Stuttering John,
and the characters, there was a lot of characters on that show that was really good.
This is Howard to me always sounded miserable and unhappy, and I'm pretty sure he was.
So Man Cal, Man Cal came off very well.
He showed maturity and emotion.
He should still be in the business.
Stern should not.
When I re-up my serious program, so, okay, what happened is I had a credit card
that had fraud on it from one of the places I frequent in one of the stores.
It could have been Target or something.
I'm not for sure.
Walmart, who knows?
Yeah, I think you told me about that.
Yeah.
So they had to get another credit card number from me.
So everybody knows that Serious Satellite Radio, you barter with them.
You don't give what they automatically ask.
They're going to ask for 20 or 30 bucks a month, and you go, well, I can't afford that.
And then they go, okay, well, then they counter offer.
So anyhow, I was like paying 20, and then the guy said, well, you know, what if $7 a month for a year?
Okay, sold.
So I bartered with him, and then I went to the guy and said, hey, I only have one other problem.
Is there any way you can get Howard Stern's channel off of my fucking app?
He started laughing, and he didn't exactly say he agreed with me, but he kind of let on that he did.
He laughs sometimes and goes, yeah, I may or may not agree with you, but he goes,
unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about your app.
He said, my suggestion is ignore him as best you can.
I said, all right, okay.
But I did that for effect to get a point across that Stern sucks.
So anyhow, that was really good.
I suggest people watch it if you care at all about stuff like that.
Like I said, I'm a nerd of stuff like that, so I'm going to like it.
Someone else might just be like, yeah, who gives a fuck about them or whatever, you know, rest in peace, shock jock or whatever the fuck you want.
But anyhow, that's my deal.
So I'm loving what we do, man.
I do, too.
I mean, we're not exactly doing what they did.
There's no way we could.
We don't have the budget for that.
Maybe not the talent.
I don't know.
You be the judge.
So if you want to talk about shock jock, I'm doing this off the fly tonight because we agreed this morning we're going to do it tomorrow.
Yeah, but tomorrow is my wedding.
So with my wedding anniversary tomorrow, I'm glad you decided to go ahead and do it.
Thank you.
I would have gotten major issues if I did it tomorrow night because that is my wedding anniversary.
So we are going out.
I told you you got me any time now.
All right, cool.
Rob, we have is it the final four of the Harry Asshole Olympics?
Yes, we do.
Sir, this is on your table.
So please without.
Wait, hang on, hang on, hang on.
Let's do a break.
Then we'll come right back with the Harry Asshole Olympics.
OK.
All right.
You guys got yourself a fucking deal.
We'll be right back.
That way you take a drink, quench your thirst.
Go take a drink, quench your thirst and we'll be back.
Invisible ass paddling, new douche flavors and horrible pranks.
What the fuck is wrong with these guys?
Well, guess they finally figured out the microphone, idiots.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarious.
You have the personality of a soggy newspaper.
We are two douche bags and a microphone.
As charming as a leaky sewer pipe, two douche bags and a microphone says,
you ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass?
Just asking.
Two douche bags and a microphone. I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
OK.
Well, like we promised before, the final four Harry Asshole Olympics is upon us.
Rob?
And this narrows it down to a final two.
Rob Radd, do you have your list?
I wish the dogs would shut up.
Anyhow.
I have baby shooters for us.
OK.
Rob, will you please bring out the coveted final four?
I'm a drum. I'm no good at air drums. I'm sorry.
This is as good as it gets.
So Rob, please bring out the final four and present them to us and the audience.
Our first battle for this evening, Dave Mustaine versus Madonna.
Let's get the musicians out of the way.
OK. Well, you brought up a very good point last time.
Madonna wears some pretty skimpy outfits.
So at one point or another, she will have to shave some of that fucking thick stache down there.
Yeah.
So I'm thinking at certain times she's going to have a very well-groomed asshole, where Dave Mustaine doesn't have to.
He makes groupies braid his asshole hair, his ginger asshole hair. That's how cool he is.
Yeah.
So I agree with you. I think he makes groupies take pictures of it.
Yeah.
I really do.
I think you're right. He makes them take selfies with his asshole hair.
Yeah. Yeah.
And then put captions on it, Dave Mustaine's asshole hair next to my face.
Yeah. OK. So Dave Mustaine, advance...
Dave Mustaine got it. Bye bye, Madonna.
See ya. Bye, you washed up whore.
Oh, did I say that out loud?
Go back to your new spurtory.
Yeah.
All righty. What are the next pair up?
Oh my god. Oh my god, Dave.
OK.
OK. We've got somebody that's been in it from the get-go.
Mm-hmm. And we have my wild card.
Hey, Rog.
And then we have your wild card honoring the giant.
OK. To me, this is an easy one, like I said last week.
Hey, Rog is out there right now in 100 degree weather throwing the fucking ball around, right?
He has a jock strap on, right?
He's going to have to trim that shit up.
Or shave it.
Because that shit is going to get very bad.
It's going to get sweaty. It's going to knot up around the jock strap.
And it's going to hurt like fuck.
And it is the middle of August.
Yes. So, you put Andre the Giant's white ass against that guy?
Andre the Giant is killing him hands down.
It doesn't matter what your rodent does during off season.
No. No, no, no.
We ain't going to survive without her.
No. No. As a matter of fact, I mean, Andre the Giant, I don't see anyone that can go up against him right now.
Nothing in my vision.
He might win the next rounds.
Dude, I'm telling you, I had somebody that decided to put him off for the next round of area.
Are you sure you don't want to put him against you? Never know.
No, no, man. This is bringing it down to our final two.
Let's finish this one up. I'll bring this one in next time.
Okay.
But I guarantee you, it's going to be hard to beat that one.
Yes. So, the championship game consists of this.
Dave Mustaine versus Andre the Giant.
That's my vote.
People, DoucheB66 at Yahoo.com. Throw in your vote. Throw in your vote.
Everybody vote.
Your vote counts.
Douche.
We'll listen to you.
DoucheB66 at Yahoo.com. That is our email.
And as of the other day, I have taken down to douchebagsandmicrophone.net.
I still own the domain, but I've taken it down because I don't like it not ever working.
Oh, have you? Okay.
Yes.
Okay.
So, I don't think one person gets a chance.
I was just telling somebody today about this, and he's going to check this out.
Okay, good.
So.
Well, once we start broadcasting from the city market again, we're really, really getting a lot of clout there.
A lot of people picking it up.
So, but anyhow, that's neither here nor there.
So, we look forward to our championship match on the next podcast coming up here in a little bit.
But you won't hear it until next week.
All right.
At any rate, so all right. You have any stories to rob before we close this one out and go to the next podcast?
Yeah, yeah, I'll go ahead and throw this out there.
Okay.
This is a story that got lost.
And I've also got a final thought, too.
That is coming up, I've been talking about the Lake of the Ozarks shootout, the unsanctioned boat race.
Yeah, yeah, we talked about it a few times, yeah.
That is the weekend of August 26th, August 27th.
And there's stuff that goes on around here all week before that.
It's the weekend before Labor Day weekend.
So it's coming up in like a week or so.
I'm going to put this down real quick because the article I saved ain't pulling up, but I can, yeah.
Well, the non-sanctioned boat race was the world's largest, if nothing else, largest in the nation.
Unsanctioned boat race.
Well, this year, for the 35th year, they have actually added a sanctioned boat race.
Really?
It's, they call it the Kilo event.
I guess it's a class of boat racing.
APBA slash UIM kilos will be held from 1.30 to 4.30 Sunday, August 27th.
Okay.
So, yeah, you have to register, you've got to be in that class.
Okay.
Like I said, I don't have, it pulled something totally different up on me here.
It pulled up now and out of rest.
I think you gave enough.
I mean, yeah.
Okay, so if anyone's interested, that's where you go.
So, check it out, everybody.
Finally, there is a sanctioned race at this after 35 years.
And this has been a big thing in the state of Missouri.
Yes, it has for quite a while.
I remember when I was young, that was going on.
Now, we have pontoons racing well over 100 mile an hour.
It's pretty interesting, too.
We get offshore racers through this.
They run well over 200 mile an hour.
Yeah, it's crazy.
That is.
It gets dangerous.
But it could be a good time if done right.
Just saying.
Keep those to everybody.
Yeah.
Oh, hey, by the way, Rob, I just saw the text that you sent me.
The horrible questions was on the second podcast.
It wasn't on this replacement one.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
So I've got a final thought before we get out of here and go to the next one is literally
the government has told us they found aliens before they came up with one person that's
on Epstein or Maxwell's client list.
Think about that.
Anyhow, everybody have a good night.
Thank you for listening.
Hey, where do they go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh, my God.
Someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh, geez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.