Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,
from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue Walkers of the Missouri River,
it is Two Boosh Bags and Microphone Podcast.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
I will punch you.
But, my mom told me to not burn trash.
I didn't mean to do that.
When taking a shower, remember to scrub your asshole with soapy water.
Because nobody likes a stinky asshole.
Two douchebags and a microphone invade your ear holes in...
Hey! Who took a dump in the cooler?
Alright, Two Douchebags and a Microphone. I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Okay, so what kind of problem do you have with I Heart You're Just Telling Me?
Okay, the last few days, it's like every morning,
I go to check to see if you have put out a new podcast.
And it doesn't show up in my stations.
Well, like it normally does.
When I'm following.
Okay.
Well, I have to go in to my podcast.
I still pull it up because I still have one playing at all times.
I can go into my podcast, pull it up, go into Two Douchebags and a Microphone,
and I have to re-follow it every morning.
That is weird.
That would explain how come my followers are...
My followers bounce so much.
Just like...
But I still have auto-download.
So anytime I play it, I'm still auto-downloading.
It's just I have to go in.
So I...
They would think that anytime you're following somebody...
I've been running on the free I Heart.
Well, I'm thinking about...
They have a plan for $6.99 a month.
I'm thinking about going in and trying that.
See what happens.
Okay.
I lifted the I Heart at work.
I throw on my Bluetooth speaker and go to work.
I'll really quickly mention some of the easy ways to get us besides I Heart.
RSS.com.
Put in the search bar, Two Douchebags and a Microphone.
All our episodes will come up in descending order from most recent to least recent.
Two Douchebags and.NET has the last five on there.
And that email does not work.
Use the email that I've mentioned.
It is DoucheB66 at Yahoo.com.
And I'll mention it more on this broadcast.
Let's see.
Amazon Music.
Put in Two Douchebags and Microphone in the search bar.
It will do the same thing, bring all the episodes up.
iTunes.
Stitcher.
Let's see.
Who else?
We're on a bunch of them.
God, I'll have to look.
Hang on.
I'm going to look right now.
I'm going to go to our platform.
And let me say all the ways that you can find us.
I mean, although the people that are listening did find us, still, if you start having problems like Rob did, which I've been hearing about,
people having issues here and there.
I'll give you some other services that you can look at to find us.
So.
Let's see.
OK.
Spotify.
Amazon Music.
Samsung Podcasts.
Podcasts Index.
Listen Notes.
RSS Community.
OK.
Then on another tier, there's Apple Podcasts.
Google Podcasts.
Pandora.
TuneIn.
iHeart.
Deezer.
Stitcher.
And soon to be on YouTube, but I've got to talk to you about that off air.
Yes.
And some of the things that we have to do first.
Right.
Because we can't just like just start doing it.
It's not that's.
Anyhow, it's a little bit involved, but it can be done.
So.
Yeah, I have a friend that has his own YouTube channel.
So.
OK.
Then you probably know a little bit about it.
Yeah, I know a few of the hoops.
OK.
Well, you know, there's all this stuff going on between Gen Zers making fun of Xers and boomers.
And, you know, they're having their own little chat room acting like us coming up with like,
you know, doing the stupid tick tocks about us and all that stuff.
Well, guess what I found?
Uh oh.
I found a platform of nothing but Gen Z jokes.
Jokes about Gen Zers.
I don't know who it was done by, but I would assume by an Xer or a boomer or both.
Maybe Xer boomers and Millenniums because Millennium and Xers don't seem to like each other either.
So, anyhow, I'm not sure who's responsible for this, but I do know that there's a platform that makes fun of them now.
So.
Let me tell you a few of these jokes.
And they're not bad.
They're pretty good.
So.
Here we go.
All right.
First one.
How many Gen Zers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None.
They'll just take a selfie in the dark.
Like that one?
I like that one.
I think it's pretty good.
Number two.
Why did the Gen Zer take a ladder to the library?
To get to the angle.
To get to the highest angle for the Instagram shot.
Oh my God.
Look, I don't like these, but I did like that one.
All right.
What does the Gen Zers have in common with the greatest generation?
Any idea?
Nothing.
They considered a great achievement to survive childhood and not get shot.
Burn!
Ooh.
Burn!
Well, you know the greatest generation was the war generation, right?
Right.
What they're comparing it to is crime in America.
Get it now?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Gen Z's should change their names to Quarantines.
Ha ha ha ha.
All right.
Next one on the plate.
I'm going to tell my Gen Z friend a joke about Social Security, but they probably won't get it.
Ooh.
Hell, I'm doubtful if we're going to get it.
I know.
That was dirty.
Yeah.
But nevertheless, a little funny.
A lot of truth in it.
Bad taste in my mouth a little bit because I'm wondering if we're going to get it.
But good joke.
COVID is all Gen Z's fault.
They wanted everything to go viral.
Ha ha ha ha.
No.
Nothing.
No.
Okay.
I wish I had a gong in here.
That would be a good moment for a gong.
I'm surprised you don't.
I've got a gong sound and maybe I can insert it.
I mean, but it's on the computer, but I don't have an actual gong in here.
I need one.
I could put the gong right next to my Yenling logger metal sign that I love so much.
And also, I fixed my fuck off neon light.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, yeah.
I was kind of grounding out or something.
So I kind of moved the wire around a little bit and now it's working.
So I'm pretty happy about that.
So yeah, my fuck off.
My neon fuck off signs got to be on there to get me in the right mood for this podcast, right?
Yeah.
It's on.
Yeah, I got to get me a sign for my door.
A studio sign.
Yeah, there you go.
I've not I've not named my bedroom my studio.
Okay.
And also do some really shit.
Whenever people come in there to talk to you in your studio, they must call you Your Majesty and they cannot look you in the eye.
No, they have to knock on the door first.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, because you could be, you know, you could be roughing up the witness, right?
It's been known to happen.
Been known to happen here and there, right?
Yeah, yeah.
You could be punching the clown, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
You could be.
What's the other one?
You could be taking the bad guy around the corner, right?
Right?
Yeah.
Be shaking hands with unemployed, right?
Right.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah, that's what an old boss of mine used to say.
He's an old English guy.
You've been there taking piss.
He come up and he put his hand on your back.
Oh, Mark, I see you're shaking hands with unemployed.
I'm like, thanks a lot, man.
Yeah, good.
I like that one.
Yeah, shaking hands with unemployed.
And then he had a unique way of saying people were talking too much, that they were gay
for each other or whatever.
And whenever people were talking, I've spoken about this before, I think to Topher, though.
He'd walk up and he would go, let's say the guy's name was Hank and Billy.
He'd come up and go, hey, Mark.
And he'd point over to Hank and Billy and go, Hank and Billy have an apartment upstairs.
And I'm like, what the fuck?
And then someone told me, he's saying that we're talking so much, we're lovers.
We have an apartment together.
And I was like, oh, okay.
I got a bunch of other weird sayings, I got two.
But my favorite was shaking hands with unemployed.
Yeah, I like that one.
I really do.
Well, if you're fucking off, you go, Mark, don't make me come over and make you found out and followed.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Found out and followed?
Sounds a lot more serious than just talking to someone for a minute.
So anyhow, let's see.
I forgot where I was at.
Okay.
Okay, here it is.
How do you ground a Gen Z-er, make them go outside and socialize?
I like that one.
Ouch.
Yeah.
You go outside.
I'd be traumatized.
And you look at people and you talk to them.
Oh, no, no.
Yes, you do it right now, little missy.
Ah.
See that stranger?
Go say hi.
Ah.
That'd be an extra three years of the council's.
Oh, the outrage too.
You know what Mr. Wallace did?
He made his child talk to people outside.
Ah.
The outrage.
All right.
Can you imagine the tweets?
Oh, yeah.
On the Instagrams.
Mean old bastard.
Stop school with our people.
Leave us alone.
Hashtag leave us alone.
That's what it'd be.
And people on their crying and their man buns.
Ah.
Leave us alone.
No, no, no.
Anyhow, next one.
Let's see.
Shit.
Where was I now?
Oh, OK.
Outside.
OK.
What did the Gen Zers say when they found a parking spot?
I don't know.
Hashtag blessed.
All right.
That went a lot too.
Yeah.
That probably is what they said too.
All right.
I imagine.
This next one's fantastic because it is a Gen Xer joke, but only us.
Or maybe, well, maybe not only us, but this would be a joke that we get more.
Does Forrest Gump belong in Gen X or Gen Y or Gen Z?
No.
He belongs to Gen A.
Yes.
Gen A.
Yes.
I love you, but you're a whore.
Why do Gen Zers make bad astronauts?
No one can read your meme in space.
Ah.
All right.
How about that?
Did you make a basket with that one?
No.
There wasn't a trash can on that side.
I just threw it on the floor.
OK.
I'll pick it up later.
It's laying on the floor.
All right.
How about if we return here in just a bit with some would you rathers?
No batlight here.
These idiots just show up and hope for the best.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Let's see here.
A package of eight hot dogs.
A package of ten hot dog buns.
I would have to buy ten packs of hot dogs and eight packs of buns to even it out.
Should I buy them at once?
Should I freeze them?
Or just continue to zigzag them and hope for the best?
I hate adulting.
Hey, Mark.
Hey, I'm Ralph.
All right.
As aforementioned, would you rathers.
All right.
These ones are rather crude, but that's what we expect out of them, right?
I wouldn't expect anything less.
All right.
First one.
Would you rather have sandpaper hands or be forced to pleasure yourself once a week forever
or have no genitals at all?
No genitals would really, really, really, really suck.
I guess I'm going to have to put up with the sandpaper hands jerking off.
I don't know.
I don't know, though, because you probably couldn't do anything.
Your dick would hurt so bad after masturbating with sandpaper hands that you couldn't do
anything anyhow.
I guess you might as well not have any, right?
No.
I will go with sandpaper hands.
Okay.
Because after a while, the skin would build up into sandpaper and then it would become
smooth again.
Wow.
Rob, you are a brilliant man.
You are a brilliant man.
Me too.
Thank you.
I was going to almost wipe my genitals out.
Not now.
Uh-uh.
Not me.
I was aiming that way, but wait a second.
No, it's not me.
I was just checking.
No, it's sand paper filled up and it ends up being smooth.
Hell yeah!
And I'll bet you those ridges would really feel good on women, too.
I'll bet you it would become somewhat of a novelty.
It's like, hey, you know, sandpaper hands over there, do you know how rough this dick
is?
No.
No, why?
Well, you know, he, you know, he fucking handles that thing all the time, right?
Well, builds up these little bumps that feel like like, expanded French ticklers.
Oh, no shit?
Yeah, really?
Oh wow, man.
Oh wow man, give it a try man, give him a whirl.
Right?
Or at least we hope.
Alright, next one.
Would you rather drink a cup of chewing tobacco spit
or make out with someone with rotten teeth?
Oh.
Oh that's horrible.
Can we do the gun?
Is there a gun in play on this one?
No, I can't use a gun on this one.
It's not severe enough.
Well here's my dilemma.
I have rotten teeth and I chew.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Mmm.
I'm going to go tobacco spit.
I've had gum disease since I was about 17.
Oh, okay.
I have much of a choice.
Do you not have dental or just the money to do it?
Just money.
Okay.
Alright, gotcha.
Alright, well we'll move right along then.
Would you rather watch your parents have sex every day
for the rest of your life or join in once, oh my god,
or join in once a week to make it stop?
That's the gun.
Oh my god.
Yeah, gun.
Gun.
Okay, can we only do one gun or do we have two bullets?
Depends on the questions.
Okay, we might have another bullet.
We don't know.
We're playing Russian roulette with this one.
Yeah.
Well that one right there, I'm stopping
and having a bullet in the chamber.
Yeah, that's over the line there.
Yeah. Watch your parents or join in to make it stop.
No way.
No, nope.
Not in my fucking world.
No way.
No.
Alright, would you rather bite off someone's armpit hairs
or lick up public, no, public, pubic hair from a shower floor?
Shower floor.
I think.
I don't know, let's talk this out.
Oh.
Now, could you make the person like wash really good before you
bite his hair off?
Yeah.
That's what I'm thinking.
If the pubic hair is in the shower,
it's possibly already clean.
Mm-hmm.
So, okay, there's a couple of stipulations.
Has this pubic hair been laying there while the shower was
washed, you know, someone washed and all this soap went
over it so it's clean?
That's what I was saying, yeah.
Or if not, could you make the person wash his underarms
really good before you did this?
Is it not enough time to sweat or nothing?
You know what, I think I'm going to go with pubic hair
off the shower.
I mean, I just think the texture and sticking your nose.
I'm thinking since it's in the shower,
it's going to be clean.
I think I'm going to roll a guy with a pubic hair.
Me too, because the texture, think of the texture biting
into someone's armpit hair.
And think about your nose nuzzled in their armpit.
Well, you're also talking about one pubic hair.
Yeah, that's right.
You know what, you're talking about like-
You're going to get 20, 30, 40 of them.
Sold.
Pubic hair on the shower floor wins.
You're right.
Good job, Rob.
Never would have thought it.
Rob, you are on it tonight.
You've come up with the answer for everything.
And what was the quote of last podcast?
Forgot what the hell you said, but it was a quote
after the podcast is right at the first.
Oh well, I'll listen to it later.
Oh, I don't remember.
I would like make a banner of that.
I forgot what you said, but anyhow.
All right, would you rather wear someone's shit stained
underwear or use their toothbrush to brush your teeth?
Okay, I think I've got an angle.
All right.
If the person is like a lot fatter ass than me, right?
To where the underwear would be loose on you
and not touching you.
If you could do that.
I've already got my answer.
Okay, what's yours?
Go ahead.
I'm going with the toothbrush.
I already told you, I have some rotten teeth.
It ain't gonna hurt.
Okay.
Me, I think I'm gonna go with the shit stained underwear
under stipulation.
If I can pick the guy out, because I'm gonna make sure
that guy's about 500 pounds.
And I'm gonna put that underwear on just enough to where
it will stay on me somehow, but not touch my ass.
And then the underwear flies off because the guy's 500 pounds
and I'm free to go.
There you go.
All right.
I'm still sticking with mine now.
Reading this next one, I'm glad we have two bullets.
Are you ready for this?
Shoot.
Would you rather drink a cup of your mom's period blood or a cup of your dad's semen?
There better be a damn bullet in there.
I don't care if it's death by paper cut.
I don't care if it's death by hatchet.
I don't care if it is fucking AIDS.
Anything is better than that.
Oh, Mack Truck.
Fucking hammer to the head.
Opera music for 10 days and then a firing squad.
Anything is better than that.
Jumping into poor reaches.
Anything.
Better than that.
Wow.
Yeah.
Death by one of those farm spaders.
I read something not too long ago where a farmer was killed by one of those dicers.
He was reaching back to get a drink and he fell into his dicer and it sliced him up and
put him in the ground.
They couldn't find him at first.
So even death by that would be better than this.
Wow.
That one's going to ask going to Hall of Fame.
You're right.
That one goes into the horrible question, Hall of Fame.
That question can never be used again but it will always be mounted on there for people
for future use of how far not to take something.
Agreed?
Yep.
Alright.
Would you rather lick a homeless man's toe or chew a piece of gum you found stuck under
a table?
Alright.
These are my filthy gums.
I think so too.
I wish we had three bullets but we don't.
Yeah.
It would make this too easy.
I mean we'd just shoot ourselves on everyone and then we'd be like, okay, you're done.
Providing you only have to chew it for like three chews or something.
And then right after that you can go wash your teeth out, your mouth out, you can Listerine
it, whatever.
Fucking burn it out.
Whatever you need to do.
Would you rather eat a cockroach you found in your home or eat an earthworm you found
crawling on the ground?
I am so damn glad I ate dinner before this.
I would not be hungry afterwards.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Give me the worm.
You know what?
Me too.
Give me the worm.
Because here's why.
I think a worm would go down easy and smooth.
A cockroach would be crunchy and it would be flipping around with its little, with its
like eight little legs or six, his six little legs or whatever it is.
So every better way that fucker would be fighting down your throat and kicking and screaming
and moving around and meanwhile you're crunching, it would be horrible.
And it might even make some sounds too where an earthworm you just go like a piece of spaghetti
and it's done.
Right?
Yup.
Yeah.
Because what I would do, I would just, I'd close my eyes and tell myself it's a bottle
of tequila.
Great idea.
All right.
That is the quote of this podcast.
If you have to eat an earthworm on some stupid would you rather question, act like you have
a bottle of tequila and suck that bitch down.
There we go.
Great advice again from Rob.
Rob Radd.
Oh, by the way.
I'm getting a little better at this, ain't I?
By the way, inbox him male body parts.
Come on now.
He's lonely.
Yeah.
There's been nothing new.
Everybody dumped you.
Everybody dumped you at once?
No, no, no.
I speak to Donzo every now and then.
Oh, we message.
No, no.
I speak to Donzo every now and then.
Oh, we message.
No, no.
I just, me and Eric are getting me pretty good friends.
That's cool.
He's a pretty cool guy.
Did you tell him he had a nice ass?
Oh, yeah.
I told him that the first time.
Oh, okay.
Good.
All right.
Cool.
Yeah, yeah.
You guys are really becoming.
I didn't have nothing.
I had the other one.
Oh.
Oh, oh.
The one that you sent me.
The Hall of Famer.
Yeah.
I ain't heard nothing of that one.
The one that looked really good except for that middle piece there?
Yes, yes.
Yeah.
I can't believe it.
You guys that listen are fucking awesome, I swear.
Yeah, they are. They are.
I hope we make your day good because...
I hope we'll make your day good because you make our day good with some of the shit that you guys have done and said and all this.
Okay.
Oh, oh, anyhow.
Male body parts to Rob.
Come on now.
Come on, it's getting a little too slow.
You know, Rob was starting to get excited there.
He's getting a few pics and everything.
Now nothing.
Remember, he likes the dangly bits.
He likes ass up.
His favorite is ass up with face.
So your ass up in the air and your face turned around smiling.
He loves that.
He wants you to look like you're having a great time showing him your asshole.
Right? Fair?
And the winner, I'm going to mount their picture in my studio.
There you go.
It will be someone's asshole studios, right?
Like this is the talk is cheap studios.
Whoever it is, like let's say it's Gonsa or whoever.
Whoever wins, it will be their asshole studio, right?
With a picture of them.
Oh, you're not going to name the studio after them?
Okay.
You get your own picture in Rob's studio.
Come on.
Yeah.
Alright.
Would you rather have a cold every day forever or shit your trousers once a week forever?
I'd rather shit my trousers once a week forever.
And the reason is because you can clean that up.
Having a cold every day?
No fucking way.
A cold every day forever, sneezing, coughing.
I just got over a cold.
I fucking hate them.
That would be miserable.
Cold sucks.
Coughing in public these days is not the same as it used to be.
Oh no, people are ready to fuck with you.
They're ready to lynch you because you coughed.
All of a sudden everyone's like, oh my god, this guy's going to kill my kid because he coughed.
It's like, fuck you.
It's like, man, I got a summer cold.
Leave me the fuck alone.
You want to reach for a cold test?
It used to be somebody coughed in the grocery store.
You'd be like, hey man, don't be coughing on the cucumbers.
Yeah.
Now, wow, it's a major deal.
Yeah.
I kind of like what it's become because it's become a bunch of self-righteous judgmental assholes.
Yeah.
So anyhow, okay, and finally of the would you rather questions.
Would you rather eat an entire bag of dead rotting flies or have live flies come out every time you sneeze?
That's an easy one to me.
Live flies coming out when you sneeze.
Because you could win bets.
You could ooh and aah people.
Hell yeah.
You could act like it's a magic trick.
Yeah.
Where dead rotted flies or dead rotted flies, no, you don't want to eat them, right?
Yeah.
Even though I don't think dead rotted flies would have much of a taste.
Maybe not.
I'm just going to be like popping a piece of popcorn in.
But I'm liking the idea of the live flies.
That sounds like so.
Okay. Yeah. Okay.
I've got a little story about why restaurants give you bread or chips or something.
You know you go to a restaurant and they give you something to snack on until the meal comes out, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. I got a little article on that that is very surprising when I read it of the reason they really do it.
Okay.
Oh lord. That man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there. Don't worry. I have a clown nose.
Oh no. That drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay. I have a clown nose.
Clown nose.
Clown nose. Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office? Murder people in public? Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions. Grab one today and make magic happen.
Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their ass with politically correct wash rags.
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in 3, 2, 1.
Two monkey fuckers in a toaster will be right back.
Alright. Two douchebags in a microphone on Mark.
Okay. Well like we mentioned a little bit before the break, I read an article that is really interesting about why restaurants really give you bread and chips.
They give you these heavily carbed, floured things usually to snack on.
And I'm a big fan of the bread. I love the bread. Especially at Italian restaurants.
They give you the, well I like to get the olive oil and garlic mixture, break off the bread, dip it in there.
And now that I know why they do it, I'm glad the reason I do it, the reason I partake in it is this right here.
I fill up on the bread and I take my main course home.
I always do that. Yeah, I always do that. Usually by the time I have the bread and the salad, I'm full.
And then I might have a couple bites of my lasagna or chicken parm or Marsala or whatever I felt like at night.
Because Italian food is my favorite food. I love pasta.
So what I do is I'll take a couple bites of that. Mmm, really good. It's going to taste even better tomorrow.
So I'll fill up on all the ancillary stuff and then I will, like Olive Garden, you get the breadsticks.
Everybody fills up on the breadsticks and the salad of course because they're endless and comes with a meal.
So I do that at every Italian restaurant, Mexican restaurant, fill up on all the chips.
So anyhow, that's my theory. But I didn't know they necessarily did that for this reason.
So every restaurant that you, well not every, but most restaurants that you go to, unless it's, you know, well even now a lot of diners will give you a cinnamon roll.
Have you seen that down there Rob? I don't go out much, really.
Okay. Well, they started doing this trend here in the city and it's really starting to be predominant before it was just kind of here and there.
But now it's predominant. But I was getting ready to say that diners don't really give you anything at first.
No, actually they do. A lot of diners, I would say roughly about 70% of them now, give you a cinnamon roll ahead of your meal.
So that's their form of bread. And I'm talking about a diner that closes at like 2 in the afternoon, a real diner.
The other ones have their own little things, you know, like some places serve bread, some places serve other things.
We've got three of them here in Canada. Close at 3 o'clock in the afternoon.
Okay, yeah. So diners around Kansas City at least, there's a good portion of them now that give you a cinnamon roll ahead of time.
So they're actually partaking in this too. And here's the reason.
When you sit down at your restaurant, not only are they handing you a menu, but they're also handing you the bread bowl, this lady explains.
So you're eating your bread, you're also looking at the menu. And here's what happens biologically when you dig into the bread.
It's going to cause a blood glucose spike. They know that the glucose spike is going to make you hungrier, crave more, and have a hard time resisting foods.
So while it feels like they're being generous, they're actually winning.
And according to this lady, and the reason I say this lady is because this article gave two different names and I don't know who to give credit to, so I'm just going to say this lady.
And according to her, they're winning because you order more food, they bring you some more bread, and then offer you a dessert that's really impossible to resist.
And that's true, I've been a victim of that. They come out with a really nice lemon cake or something at an Italian restaurant or something like that, you know, tiramisu or something, and all of a sudden you're putty.
And at a diner they might come out with some cherry cobbler and you're like, ahhh. You know, all of a sudden you're just like stuck.
It's like, okay, I'll take one of them. As the website accentuates, eat this and not that, writes, we all know that bread is high in carbohydrates and that the smutrient has been classified into two categories, simple and complex.
Simple carbs are made up of sugars like fructose and glucose and have simple chemical structures that consist of one or two sugars. Although this structure allows these carbs to be quickly converted into energy, it can often lead into blood sugar spikes.
Conversely, complex carbs are composed of three or more sugars. The complex structure makes them take longer to digest and therefore doesn't cause your blood sugar to rise as rapidly.
If you ask whether the bread creates glucose spikes, the site argues it depends on what type of bread. White bread causes blood sugar to rise more rapidly than low glycemic breads like whole wheat that causes slower rise in glucose levels.
Commentators have their own thoughts about the theory. I usually am so full after the bread I can't finish my food. Someone said, which that's what I just said. Yep, and can't order. Yeah.
And I'll go a step further. We might order dessert, but we were going to anyhow, even before they offered the bread, because we usually take the dessert home and eat it the next day or the day after that, depending on when we feel like it or split it up and eat it in a couple of different servings.
So, yeah, in my case, I don't know if the restaurant is actually winning.
Because if you ask me, I think I got by on them by eating all the bread and everything and the salads and all that.
So, anyhow, I don't know. We're getting two meals for the price of one. That's why I always kind of looked at it too. And I love bread and I love salads. So it's a perfect fit for me.
So, I guess it depends on the person really, right? Yeah, that's true.
All right. Remember Sasha Barrack Cohen? He was Borat along with a lot of other stuff, but he was most famous for Borat.
Okay. He was planning to arrive Ali G, the infamous spoof wannabe gangster who became a comedy star 25 years ago for a new standup tour. Ali G became a hit thanks to his prank interviews with unsuspecting experts on his TV show in the early 2000s.
He then starred in his own film, which has made occasional appearances in recent years. Variety reported that Baron Cohen had been working on a standup tour in which Ali G will feature.
BBC News has confirmed that the report that there are no further details of the tour. In 2021, Baron Cohen brought back Ali G for a sketch at the MTV Movie and TV Awards and for a one-off routine at a Sydney comedy club.
He just wanted to get on stage and muck around and see what Ali G would be like in a crowd. The comedian told GQ afterwards, it was really good fun. In the early days, Ali G laughs by duping an array of interviews and going along with his persona while also lampooning white people from the suburbs who's posed as the urban youth.
The act was criticized by some who saw it as adopting and ridiculing black street culture. Baron Cohen, now 51, also found success by playing similar pranks and as flamboyant Australian fashion artist Bruno.
So if you were a Sacha Burr and Cohen fan, I was kind of lukewarm on him. I was like, eh, okay. You will love that. Me, I don't really care. I don't even know when he comes out with something if I'll even bother to look it up.
Sounds like you're kind of the same way.
Yeah.
Okay.
My voice is going to shit on this second podcast. Have you noticed?
Yeah. Yeah.
I got a little story here.
Okay, good.
For some reason I bring up Ed Diep.
Okay.
Well, it's a tribute.
This was posted August 10th on Rolling Stone.
Johnny Hardwick, voice of conspiracy nut, Dale Gribble on King of the Hill.
Uh huh.
Dan at 64.
Oh.
He was the guy that always came up with the conspiracy stuff, right?
Yeah. Yeah. And he's the one that nobody could understand.
Was it Boomhauer?
Oh no, no, you're right. You're right, Dale. You're right. It wasn't Boomhauer.
It was Dale. Yeah.
Dale, yeah, conspiracy theorist.
Yeah, yeah, that was Dale.
Oh, okay, dang it, that's too bad. I liked all the characters on King of the Hill.
The Travis County Medical Examiner and Corner's Office confirmed Hardwick's death to Rolling Stone. A cause of death has yet to be determined.
That was six days ago, so I think I'll look further into that.
Okay.
I'm trying to say my voice a little bit because I still have a straight from Topher's desk I'd forgotten about.
Oh yeah, yeah, we gotta do that.
Topher and I went out for his birthday yesterday and we went to the Tenderloin Grill at the City Market, which is very good.
They have great tenderloin sandwiches and that's their specialty.
And we both got a tenderloin and had a good chat and had some coffee and had a good time.
Well, he offered this on the straight from Topher's desk.
And I love this article here.
He told me the particulars and I looked it up, so it isn't actually Topher's words like some of the other ones were, you know, pretty much Topher's words.
This isn't, this is stuff that I looked up, but he told me about this to look it up.
So a Canadian man and his family are forced to ditch their electric truck after charging troubles, forced them to finish their road trip in a petrol powered car.
Go in eco-friendly vehicles, the biggest scam of modern times.
Delbarabala was en route from his home in Manitoba, Canada to Chicago in a six months old 2023 Ford F-150 Lightning Lariat with an extended range battery, which he purchased in January for $115,000, excluding tax.
$115,000 for a battery, dude.
Yeah.
Extended light.
That's fucked.
And they want the average person to go to an EV.
Never going to happen with a battery that much, but never going to happen.
Actually, I read this story yesterday.
Okay.
Never going to happen anyhow with all these issues.
They need to really clean this shit up, including Tesla.
While he was traveling for business, his wife and three kids joined him for the ride, leaving home with a fully charged battery and three planned stops to top it up.
With their first stop going smoothly, their problems began in Albertaville, Minnesota, where he says he received a faulty connection error message from the fast charger.
The family continued on to Elk River around 15 minutes away, and the charger there wouldn't work either.
He and his family were then forced to bail on the vehicle in Minnesota on July 27.
It was really a nightmare of frustration for us, Bala told CBS News.
No, CBC, Canadian Broadcast.
He said, by now it was late afternoon.
We were really stuck, hungry, and heartbroken.
With only 15 kilometers of juice left, the truck was towed to a local Ford dealership, and the family rented a Toyota 4Runner to reach Chicago.
Nobody knows why Bala's truck wouldn't charge, as both stations showed that other customers successfully charged their EVs that day.
Not long after buying the truck, Bala had a small bump, which he claims needed light assembly on the vehicle's front bumper, but took six months to fix, Fox Business reports.
Bala also bought the truck, which Ford says has a range of 550 kilometers to offset its fuel costs, which reached up to 1.5k per...
which is how they purchase their gas.
And anyhow, it's a large amount of money, because by the time I do the kilometers and the liters that they use for gas, it's just not going to explain anything very well.
In Electric Vehicle New Technology, I was impressed with it, he said.
That made me buy this thing.
Bala picked up his Lightning on his return journey, and is now only using it for his commute.
I can't take it to my lake cabin. I can't take it for off-grid camping. I can't take it for even a road trip, he said.
I can only drive in the city. Biggest scam of modern times.
In an email to CBC News, Megan Joachim of Ford of Canada said,
Whether gas or electric, actual driving range varies with conditions and such external environment vehicles use and vehicle maintenance.
Public charging in the US and Canada continues to develop as EV sales grow.
Ford claims their charging network includes 10,000 fast chargers, along with 12,000 Tesla superchargers and an additional 4,000 fast chargers at dealerships.
President of Manitoba Electric Vehicle Association, James Hart, had a different take, however.
I've heard of situations like Bala's, where they've had to go to the point of calling whatever company it is that's running the charger and getting them almost to do a reset of the charger, he told CBC News.
Bala told Fox News that the government needs to provide consumers with the right information.
Uniland has reached out to Ford Canada for further comment, and they have not gotten anything about any further comment. They're flat out ignoring it.
He installed chargers both in his office and at home, but he also had to upgrade his domestic electrical panel.
So he's like probably half a million deep into doing this EV shit, and all he can do is drive it back and forth to work. He'll never make his money back like that.
And that is the problem with EVs is they say they're reliable, but everybody I know has different stories, including this gentleman.
So until they can figure out a way to make them reliable, they're just not feasible.
They need to make their charge last longer. Two and a half hours to a charge is not.
Well, they thought that lithium was the answer, but lithium is so hard to mine and it's usually done with slave labor and young children.
And also, it's horrible on the earth to mine it. It's horrible to have it. You can't get rid of it.
And lithium is better than the regular batteries, a lot better, but they're still not the answer because lithium has a lot of flaws, too.
I mean, not only with its environmental impact, but also with its longevity and the way you can use it and everything.
It's just I mean, they need something besides lithium because what they need is a lighter battery with longer life.
They need to develop that more than anything or solar power or even hydrogen power, maybe.
But I hear that the hydrogen power works well, but it's extremely dangerous because of the explosiveness.
And that's not what you want in a vehicle. No, it's not.
So, you know, all I know is that lithium batteries are catching fire. Yeah. Yeah. Yep.
Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, lithium batteries like a report last week on the lithium batteries that people are throwing away.
They're throwing them away in solid waste and they're fucking catching everything on fire. Yeah. Yep.
So, yeah, not a good answer. Not a good answer.
So I was going to go over here real quick before we go ahead and cash out on this evening.
I was going to go ahead and do like a top 12 or 13 list of our top rated cities now that we're top rated in.
I mean, our best ratings, not top rated, but our best ratings.
And I was going to do this periodically. Number one with the most hits is not available.
So we don't know who you are. So whoever you are, thank you.
You're well in the well in the digits there. And I'm not even going to go into the numbers.
Number one, I was told not to and for some very good reasons.
So but it's a good large amount of numbers, especially with a podcast like ours with no advertising.
And we're just we're doing this because we have fun doing it. And if you enjoy it, we love it.
You know, we hope you guys enjoy it as much as we do doing it. And you know what? And that's what it is.
So N.A. is our biggest our biggest fan. So it could be anywhere.
Number two was Kansas City, which I'm thrilled because of this. We don't advertise.
How how did all these people in Kansas City find this out? They all don't know us.
I don't know that many people in Kansas City. You know, so thank you, Kansas City.
However, we found out about us. Keep spreading the word. Thank you. And I'm glad that our hometown loves us so much and that we have so many hits.
Number two is still Ashburn. I believe that's North Carolina.
After well, number three, N.A. is first. Kansas City second. Ashburn is third. Council Bluffs, Iowa is fourth.
You guys, you guys, man, you guys are awesome up there. So many hits.
There's a lot of people up there listening to us. It isn't one or two people or five people or a family or or just a shop of people.
Like one person is going, hey, where you listen on your Bluetooth, two do's, bags, a microphone. Hey, I'll check them out.
It isn't that a lot of people have tuned in to us and found out about us one way or another. I don't know how. But thank you.
Next one is Kansas City again, only on the Kansas side.
So Kansas City represents N.A., Kansas City, Ashburn, Council Bluffs and Kansas City again, Kansas side.
Next one is Adrian, Missouri. Adrian, Missouri, you guys are fucking awesome.
I mean, like I said, if you did per capita and you brought that number over to a city the size of Kansas City, we would have over a million people listening to us.
Wow. Adrian, Missouri. Thank you. I didn't know there's that many people in Adrian.
I mean, it's a town of like 1200 people or something, I believe. Nice little town.
Been through there several times. They have a John Dealer dealership out there.
Grain elevators. It's like you're a small town town. They have a city square.
They have a couple of nice diners there. Been to a couple of them. Denver is our next one. Denver, Colorado. Thank you.
Large number of listeners. Appreciate that. Next one is Brussels, Belgium, which is fantastic. Yeah, that's fantastic. Thank you, guys.
I'm still liking that one. I do too. How can you not? That's fantastic.
Next one is Chicago. A lot of listeners up there. Thank you, guys. Thank you, Shot Town.
That is an honor considering all the talent that's come out of that city. I mean, all the talent that's been through there.
That's an honor that those guys would even consider listening to us.
Next one, Harrisonville, Missouri. Old Hooterville, H-Town. Love you guys. Spent a lot of time there.
Guys, spent a lot of time there. Next one, Lake Ozark. Right on.
That would be you, your clan, and your friends. Thank you, guys. Thank you, Lake Ozark. Large number of you guys listening in.
Actually, I ran into an old friend of mine, one of my best friends. I've known him since 1984. A year longer than I've known you.
I ran into him at the Good Store. He asked me what I'd been up to. I told him I worked there and I'm doing a podcast.
He goes, what's the name of it? I told him. I said two new bags and a microphone. He got this puzzle book.
He goes, I heard somebody just the other day talking about that show.
I said, you sure you didn't run across my Facebook? He goes, no, I'm not on Facebook. Somebody was talking about your guys' podcast.
I am. Man, that's cool. I am, and I think Rob too, are so humbled by that.
That people would take time out of their day and listen to us and comment, thank you. Thank you. This is our art.
Like I always said, if one person appreciates it, it's worth it to me. But it turns out a hell of a lot more than one people like us.
We're growing and we thank you. This is excellent. If we can get some sponsors, that would be fantastic.
But if we don't, I don't care.
Before we sign off, I want to mention a couple of cities that we're growing rapidly in and to keep an eye out for.
Next time around, they might be way up further on the list. St. Louis is catching on fire.
I have a little feature here that I added to it. What it does is it adds and subtracts and it has like movers up.
Like the quickest, the places that it's hitting the quickest and spreading the quickest.
St. Louis, Indianapolis, and Omaha are all, oh wait a minute, and it looks like Joplin.
Joplin is like 150% growth in the last 30 days.
Let's see, what else?
I think that's pretty much it for the people that expanded the explosive growth.
I think that's pretty much it. How the old usual suspects that still love us and the people climbing up the ranks.
Thank you very much. Rob and I both thank you and we hope you have a fantastic evening.
Thank you, Rob, for joining me again. Thank you for hanging out. Thank you for getting better. Thank you for trying.
We'll always miss Topher. Topher Leuven was quite a blow.
Nobody's mad at Topher or nothing. He has to do it for his own reasons.
I agree with him. If that's what he has to do, that's what I want him to do because me and his friendship is first.
We were friends before we started this podcast and I can't thank him for helping me develop this thing.
I could not have done it without him.
He was a catalyst in a lot of these ideas and the concepts and stuff like that.
I'm happy for Topher that he's doing well. I hope that someday he might be comfortable with joining in again.
If he doesn't, that's fine. It's great. We can do straight from Topher's desk.
When he left, it really screwed me.
Rob coming right in and taking over and learning the craft and consciously working on it and working on stories and doing all of this.
I can't thank you enough, Rob. Thank you. You allowed me to keep up what I love to do.
Thank you for having me, Mark.
Absolutely. Anyhow, we will talk to everybody here soon. We love you guys.
I have one final thought of my own.
Wait a minute. I have a final thought too. So go ahead.
Okay. If you see a toilet in your dream, for the love of God, do not use it.
I love that. Okay, that's fucking great.
Here's what I got. The government has told us they have found aliens before one client of Epstein's was ever mentioned.
True story.
They found aliens before they found one client of Epstein's even though there was a list.
Wow.
And we will leave it right there. I concur, Rob. Wow.
Everybody have a good night.
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Hey, where do they go? Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner. Oh jeez.
Glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back. Man, that smells.
Let's just hope they don't come back.