Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,
from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue Walkers of the Missouri River,
it is Two Boosh Bags and Microphone Podcast.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
You are dressed like an assistant event coach at an Ohio State Middle School.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
So let me see.
Let's say I was offended by people being offended.
Then would people being offended all the time would have to not be offended around me
because I was offended by them being offended?
Hmm.
I may never know.
Invisible ass paddlings, new douche flavors, and horrible pranks?
What the fuck is wrong with these guys?
Hi everybody, it's Two Boosh Bags and a Microphone. I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright.
Well, let's see. I got a couple of stories here.
But do you hear about the AI virtual workouts on Meta?
You know Meta is that company that Zuckerberg owns and it's like a galaxy or whatever.
Yeah.
So, anyhow, on Meta, one new thing that is happening in the world of fitness
is the Meta workout and weight training and the cardio part of it is fairly easy to figure out, right?
So you're going to be like, you know, you dance with virtual trainers, box and kick with the virtual trainers.
It all seems to work pretty well.
Now the part of it that is still a bit unclear is the weight and strength training that comes with Meta workouts.
Like myself, you're probably asking, you know, how can anyone benefit from fake weights on a virtual platform, right?
Doesn't sound like it makes a lot of sense, does it?
Well, new studies indicate that weight training may not be that bad of an idea.
As a matter of fact, to some degree, the brain is actually tricked in believing that you are lifting the desired amount of weights
and therefore having the same result as if you were actually lifting pounds.
You know, I imagine there's probably some limitations, right, on the amount of muscle that can be gained.
But you know, this thing, I'm in Meta's corner all the way on this.
This helps out even 10%.
This means an extremely obese person could lift and improve their body situation without actually having the risk of injury or heart issues.
A 90-year-old woman could potentially benefit as well.
You know, a 100-year-old man could benefit as well.
Because a lot of the problem is when you get that age, you need exercise to keep everything going good,
but you're unable to.
Bad knees, bad hip, excess weight, all the above.
Right.
Yeah.
You know, we were talking about Dick Van Dyke was like the closing thought a podcast ago or whatever.
And I'm not even sure. That might be the one that wasn't even posted yet.
So, okay.
Dick Van Dyke, he's 96 and he's still able to work out and he's doing great.
So, if a 100-year-old man or woman could do this workout, it's fairly easy.
And their mind is tricked into thinking it's a lot harder than what it is, maybe they could benefit from it.
You see what I'm saying?
Right.
Yeah. So, anyhow, stay tuned to that.
We'll find out. You know, I mean, like anything, it could be just something that they came up with and there's no truth to it.
But I guess these are scientists that are saying this.
We'll see where it goes.
I mean, I'm willing to try it.
Hell yeah, I ain't got to go in there with the fucking Lunkheads and battle those square jawed fucking assholes.
I'd be fine with me.
So, anyhow, on a completely different note, I got some fast food news.
You ready for it?
Yeah.
So, this is stuff you should not do if you're doing before what I said about, you know, the meta workouts or real workouts.
Probably fast food isn't a good idea.
But the first one is Target is adding Starbucks to its curbside delivery in over 1700 stores nationwide.
So, that's pretty significant because the regular Starbucks are so busy.
If you go to Target, it'd be really easy just to like order a Fappuccino or something to go and have it bring it with you or whatever else you ordered, batteries or whatever you needed from Target.
And most Targets do have a Starbucks in them.
So, I think it's a pretty good idea.
Probably help their sales a lot, too.
On another fast food note, McDonald's is finally getting a new McFlurry.
And in about time, they've had the same McFlurry for what, 20 years?
Something like that, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, they changed the McFlurries like they changed the shakes.
I mean, it took Grimace's like fucking 60th birthday to get us a different shake for once.
But, and then they took it away now that the Grimace shake is gone.
So, like I said, McDonald's is finally getting a new McFlurry.
The restaurant is teasing about peanut butter goodness.
Now that the Grimace shakes have left the menu, it makes way for the brand new peanut butter crunch McFlurry.
Sounds good to me.
Oh, got my way.
Yeah.
I'm on try that.
Yeah, me too.
And why don't you hear the description?
August 9th is the scheduled first day, so you can go grab one right now.
But don't turn off the podcast.
Make sure you keep the podcast on and make sure that everybody in the store hears the podcast.
And yell out our names often while you're ordering this new McFlurry.
Yeah, I do.
And let them know who the nice people are that let you know that there is a new McFlurry.
Okay, that's your orders.
All right, so anyhow, the new peanut butter crunch is made with crispy cereal mix and chocolatey peanut butter cookie pieces to create a salty sweet treat.
It will be available for a limited time while supplies last.
You can even do the virtual hack where McDonald's customers and you can look us up on YouTube.
It's everywhere.
They have been creating ice cream sandwiches using the you know the hash rounds in the morning.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know, they're like a little oblong little pieces, crunchy pieces of potato.
You take two of them, let them cool off a little bit, of course, and put the McFlurry ice cream in between them and eat it like that.
It is a hash brown McFlurry sandwich.
And I bet you it's really good.
Look it up on YouTube.
I can see that.
Yeah.
Yeah, I never saw it.
No, me neither.
But I mean, I can't do it justice.
You really have to look it up on YouTube to really see what I'm talking about.
It's so it's really good stuff.
So anyhow, while we're on the subject of foods, there's this website dedicated to gross foods that only boomers eat.
Gen Z's and millennials both partake in this.
X's are not because you know a lot of X's like me are on the cusp.
And I'm not I don't know that some of this stuff that they're talking about.
I see some of them like I don't know about that.
But this is a website making fun of the foods that boomers eat that they think is just disgusting.
Like I said, some of it I agree with it.
Some of it I don't.
So plain toast they consider gross.
I don't really mind plain toast, especially if you're eating eggs.
I don't always need butter on it.
I don't mind it either.
Yeah.
Throw some eggs and bacon on that.
You got your fucking sandwich, man.
Yeah.
Maybe you know, maybe they haven't had all the avocado toast too much and they just, you know, plain toast just like the Zilzer mine.
Right.
What?
Yeah.
You can eat the spice.
No, no way.
So Mrs. Dash.
I didn't know Mrs. Dash was a thing, did you?
No, I didn't.
Well, Mrs. Dash is that spice that's been around a long time.
Yeah.
And you do see it on a lot of elder people's counters.
And they do use it a lot.
But I didn't think it was that prevalent to actually make it a folly of a joke like this.
But I guess maybe it is. I don't know.
So Mrs. Dash, they're like laughing out.
The next one.
Meatloaf.
They don't like meatloaf.
I think meatloaf's awesome.
I think it's anti-American.
Yeah.
I agree.
Meatloaf is fucking delicious.
That is anti-American.
Yes.
Anyone caught saying that should be scalded with hot water immediately.
Boiling hot water down their face.
If they say anything bad about meatloaf.
Is that in agreement, Rob?
No, definitely.
I was taking tart and feathered, but I like to scald them hot water too.
How about both?
Okay.
Hot water first, then tart and feathered.
Yeah, because we got to get all the dirt off.
We want the tart to stick.
Yes.
Yeah.
We got to take off that Gen X or the Gen Z.
We got to take off that millennial slime off of you first.
Yeah.
If you're a Gen Z or a millennial listening to this, it's a joke.
Granite assured you.
So anyhow.
Here's what they say.
Food should not look like a burnt loaf of bread.
It should look like food.
That's what they're saying.
The texture is horrible, just gross.
This next one that they bring up here.
I agree with 100%.
Mayo-based salads with fruit.
When we think of salads, what comes to mind is nutritious veggies, superfoods, nuts, seeds,
and protein.
A light, low-fat dressing to top it off.
Not some fruit with a ton of fat and eggs smeared all over it.
I agree.
Yeah.
Anything mayo-based that has fruit in it, I don't trust.
This looks to me like it's going to go bad on you.
You're going to eat it.
You're going to end up in the ER.
And not only that, it just doesn't look tasty to me.
Does it look tasty to you?
No, not really.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
So I get that one.
I'm on board with you guys on that one.
And so is Rob.
Okay.
The next one is Jell-O alone or even worse with fruit or anything else in it.
I think I have to agree with that.
I've never liked Jell-O.
Yeah.
Never been a fan of Jell-O.
Always thought it was gross.
Never seen a reason for it unless you're sick and you couldn't eat anything but Jell-O.
And then I guess you kind of have to.
Right.
That was when I was a kid.
Yeah.
And then there's broth but I can't have broth anymore because when I had my sleep apnea surgery
in 95 or 96, whatever, I was on broth for close to a month.
And I can't stand the smell of it now.
So anyhow.
Next one and I agree with this one too.
Juice from concentrate.
Concentrate tastes like shit to me.
Yeah.
Always has.
Yeah.
They figured out fresher methods of doing this and the taste is so much better.
And I agree with them.
100%.
You take and get the pure squeezed orange juice and then go back to concentrate and it does
not even taste like the same thing.
Right.
Concentrate kind of tastes bitter and old and the fresh squeezed tastes like you took
a bunch of oranges and crushed them and threw them in a bowl.
It was very good stuff.
Right.
All right.
I like the Tropicana Pure Premiums are so good.
You like pulp or no pulp?
I like no pulp.
I like both.
So okay.
Next one.
TV dinners.
Fried chicken or Salisbury steak frozen solid with a side with a side of cardboard flavored
mashed potatoes.
Couple of peas and carrots with freezer burn.
Kind of get their point.
Yeah.
I can too.
Yeah.
And especially like oh there have been several jobs.
Not just my last one that I always make fun of.
But once before that where you go into the break room and they have a sandwich machine
thing there.
Right.
Well in a couple of them they had a frozen section that had little TV dinners in there.
Oh my God.
Oh.
I bought one of them one time and I'm like never again.
I'll wake up an hour and a half early just to make myself something decent.
It was back in my bachelor days.
So yeah.
Yep.
Next one.
Buffets.
I agree with them.
A line of low quality foods with people who never shower.
Pulling all over it and sneezing and spitting while they graze.
No fucking way.
I think I agree with that.
I can see their point.
Oh my God.
I remember I can't do golden corral.
Not that there's any left.
But I cannot do any golden corral because I walk in and I start examining the people
around it.
I see them pick their noses stuff and start touching everything.
I'm like no way.
We have one down here.
Oh they're still open?
Yeah we have a golden corral down here.
Do you go there?
Is it good?
No I don't go there.
Yeah.
It's on the other side of O.S.H.H.
Oh okay.
Okay.
So it's a little jaunt really.
It's about 20-25 minute drive from here.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Next one.
Any chain restaurants such as Chili's or Applebee's.
Nasty piece together meals.
Generic menu with horrible service.
Paper napkins are horrible.
Fall apart.
They don't get you very clean.
Gaudy etc.
I agree.
I will agree with that.
Applebee's used to be really good.
Not anymore.
Their food is horrible.
It's like old microwave food.
It's cheap food spiced up.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah you can get just as good of food at a fast food place for twice the price.
Half the price.
Yeah.
I agree.
If you got a good Taco Bell that's a gem.
Because I still like a lot of Taco Bell food.
If it's made right it's good.
Next one.
Cornflakes.
Cornflakes have to go.
Terrible Syria idea.
And who the hell wants flakes of processed corn?
Okay.
Let me put it like this.
I love cornflake chicken.
Have you ever had cornflake fried chicken?
Yes I have.
Yeah.
That's delicious.
Cornflakes by themselves are not that good.
Frosted cornflakes are decent.
So I guess I kind of agree with them.
Regular cornflakes are kind of ehh.
What do you think?
Yeah.
I like.
Yeah.
I wouldn't miss them.
If they took them away I wouldn't miss them.
Unless I wanted.
Yeah exactly.
Nicely worded.
Yeah.
Unless I wanted a cornflake fried chicken which they have at this place up here.
Called the local pig or pigwich I guess.
Local pig is a butcher shop right next to it.
Pigwich.
They do a cornflake chicken that's phenomenal.
Next one.
Canned soup.
Mostly salted up with water.
With small chunks of garbage.
Nope not us.
I agree.
Yeah.
Most soups are garbage.
It's all water and salt.
Yeah I'm not a big soup eater.
Yeah me neither.
If I want a bunch of water with a couple of chunks of meat in it you know.
I take a couple of bites of a hamburger then just go drink some salt water.
Yeah.
Processed cheese products like Velveeta.
I agree.
It's cheap looking and tasting.
Tasting like trash.
I agree with that 100%.
I like Velveeta in Rotel but other than that I can't stand Velveeta.
Yeah I was going to say you gotta have your cheese dip.
Yeah the cheese dip is okay.
But as it by itself horrible.
Okay I'll give you that.
Next one.
Fianna sausages.
Any jello on the sides inside the can says it all.
Yep.
Never loved, never liked Fianna sausages.
Never will like them.
They're disgusting.
They're gross.
Never been a fan.
Nope me neither.
Then the last one.
Potted meat.
Yes.
Agreed.
Yep agreed.
So that's what they think of Bulmer Foods right there.
And I think there's a lot of them we agree on actually.
Yeah yeah.
Yeah so yeah most of that stuff you won't catch me near anyhow so I would.
Yeah me neither.
Yeah I would say yes 100%.
So yeah we'll be right back right after this.
Why two douchebags and a microphone?
Because two fuckdots and a recorder was taken.
Two douchebags and a microphone says.
You ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass?
Just asking.
Oh shit what's that over there?
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
I'll put my coffee in Microsoft Office.
I will find you and I will have my word.
All righty.
Real quick Rob mentioned something to me and I'm sorry I failed you guys but he's absolutely
100% correct on.
I posted two of the same show.
My bad.
I will correct that probably tomorrow at this point when I get home.
So sorry about that didn't mean to do that to you guys.
You'll have a new show posted here soon.
Probably tomorrow.
I figured you got busy and maybe hit the wrong button.
I bet you I did.
So anyhow.
You want to hear some more X's and Z's fodder?
Because this started off with them not liking our foods or their foods or whatever.
We're on the cusp but whatever.
Because X's are 1964 to like I don't know.
Shit I forgot where.
But anyhow.
So we're both in X but just barely.
Yeah we're both in X.
Yeah.
So anyhow.
But we grew up with a bunch of boomers right?
We hung around boomers.
Yeah.
So okay.
There is a group of X's and millennials.
Well they all it's on Facebook and they all pretend to be boomers on Facebook.
So this is like a little false group of supposed boomers and what they would say.
Okay.
This group is all X's and millennials pretending to be boomers and making fun of their habits.
The group of 229,000 people they adopt boomerish affections for fun.
They can also be amusing.
The posts are things like minion gifs.
You know the minions?
Minion gifs.
You know how like a lot of boomers will post a gif of a minion like a happy sad or one
jumping up and down or whatever.
Hoax posts.
This is everything that pertains to Facebook.
They're making fun of.
You know like someone dying but they didn't really die or somebody died 20 years ago and
someone like posts it and acts like it was yesterday and then a boomer is like oh my
god.
One of them was like Andy Griffith.
Right.
He died a few years before everyone thought he died.
Right.
But someone reposted it again and then all of a sudden everybody reposted it.
I'm like my god they didn't bother to read the article.
It said right there he died like three years before that.
So the hoax posts I get that.
Right.
Oh and then posts employing people to copy and paste.
You know they're like I know we all read each other casually time to time.
Some make us laugh.
Some make us cry.
But rarely do people ever take the time to copy and paste such important news.
I just want to say I love you and I truly do.
And all that shit.
Yeah.
They're making fun of that.
Yeah.
And they should.
That is stupid behavior and I can't I don't understand why anyone would want that on their
wall.
I'm still trying to figure out how to do it.
Well it's easy but anyhow it doesn't matter.
I don't I don't ever do it.
At any given.
Either.
It's done with a right click or but anyhow at any given moment members are creating events.
Speak on the phone like the speaker is not on with with the speaker on or sharing quotes
such as stop living in the past.
The music was so much better back then.
Some even post old black and white photos of bands with captions like went to see strawberry
alarm clock and bread.
We slept in the back of the barracuda.
It was so romantic.
We had some booms for him and I vomited all over.
Good times.
It sounds like good times.
It does.
Especially in a barracuda man.
Yeah barracuda sounds great.
Puking on someone.
Who cares.
That's fun.
Booms farm.
Booms farm was great because if you didn't know they're drinking wine previous and they
start vomiting you think they're vomiting blood and you run them.
Remember Darren.
Yeah.
Remember he started vomiting red.
And we're like oh shit.
Oh my god he's vomiting blood.
We ran that little satellite hospital.
And the doctor came out and he goes I'm not even going to see him because I'm going to
have to charge him.
He goes that's wine that's not blood.
Oh.
He said keep an eye on him make sure he keeps breathing.
He doesn't choke to death on his own vomit but it's booms farm.
Okay.
That was funny.
I mean because he just walked over there and he looked at him looked at us looked at him
looked at us and goes.
I can tell you right now it's wine.
Get him on out of here.
Yeah.
He goes I want to have to charge you.
I want to have to charge you 200 bucks to officially examine him.
Okay come on Darren.
Come on back to the car.
Come on.
Nope nope nope not that cart.
Nope nope nope not that.
Oh no here.
Here this one.
Here.
Rob hold the door open.
That's all I can hold it open man.
Okay well watch his feet make sure they don't hit.
Okay all that good stuff.
Good times.
You hear about the ex Kansas City Chief Super Bowl player I'm not talking about the one
last year.
The one a couple of years ago in Miami.
Prashad Breland.
I ran across something but I didn't get a chance to read it.
Okay well.
I think he was in the news but I did not.
Yes he was in the news.
Yes he was.
Mecklenburg County North Carolina a former starting quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs
has gone from intercepting passes which he did in the Super Bowl to being intercepted
by police.
Prashad Breland a multi-year Chief Starter and 2019-2020 Super Bowl champion now faces
several charges after he was found in possession of stolen vehicle, guns, illicit drugs in
North Carolina.
He's in a lot of shit.
Oh man.
Yeah it's too bad.
He was a good player.
I mean he came up with some key plays that helped us win that defensively.
So yeah it's too bad.
Charging documents show that on Tuesday April 7th 2023 approximately 3.05pm Charlotte police
pulled Breland over in the parking lot of 701 North Graham Street.
Police discovered the 2020 Mercedes Benz G550 SUV he was driving had been reported stolen
in Florida.
Officers searched the car and located a swath of concealed firearms including multiple assault
rifles and several handguns.
Recovered items.
Sportor Arms AK-47, Rock River Arms AR-15 Pistol 5.56, DPS DPMS AR-15, Ruger 5.7x28
handgun, Palmetto State Armory Dagger 9mm Handgun.
How the fuck do you get one of them?
Wow.
9x45 caliber handgun, Polymer 80 9mm Handgun and a Sotava Serbia AK-47.
Law Enforcement recovered two Glock automatic conversion switches in addition to the fire.
What the hell was he planning to do?
Kill an army of people?
What the hell?
This is horrible.
Think of all the people he could have killed.
I don't know what he was planning on doing but he could have killed an army with his
shit.
According to the charging document police also found copious amounts of drugs in the
vehicle.
Recovered drugs.
62 grams of suspected mushrooms.
Aaron Rodgers would like that.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, you should have got some over to A-Rodge.
He has some pull.
5.45 pounds of suspected marijuana.
Digital scales, vacuum sealer and bags.
He was selling that shit.
Police also found several thousand dollars in cash in the car.
Mecklenburg County Jail records show that Breeland faces six criminal offenses following
the traffic stop.
Possession of a stolen motor vehicle.
Altering serial numbers.
Altering a title.
Possession of marijuana.
Possession of a Schedule 1 controlled substance.
Possession of a stolen firearm.
Police records show Breeland was released several hours after his initial arrest posting
$30,000 in bond.
The former NFL starter previously found himself in trouble with the law on his final season
with the Chiefs in 2020.
Breeland was arrested in South Carolina for possessing marijuana or hash, driving into
an open container of alcohol and resisting arrest in 2020 and that's right, they did
not sign him.
That was pretty much the old straw breaking the camel's back right there.
The Chiefs go for youth, I mean they really do.
They have their players that they keep, then everybody else is just moving parts and it
seems to be working.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yep.
So, anyhow let's see what I have.
I got a quick little one.
Oh yeah please do.
The Detroit Lions added depth at their quarterback position on Monday.
While Jared Goff is expected to assume the starting role, the team signed a veteran quarterback
to back him up.
It's none other than Teddy Bridgewater.
Oh wow.
Who will don Honolulu Blue this coming season for Detroit.
You know what?
Bridgewater was a good quarterback but he could not stay healthy.
Right, right.
Yeah, I think he could have been really good if he could have stayed healthy.
I think he could have been a starter.
He may not have been in the top 10 or maybe even 15 but he would have been a serviceable
quarterback that could win you a few games but he just could never stay healthy.
So okay, so Bridgewater is with Detroit Lions so we'll see him the first real game, regular
season game.
I mean maybe not as a starter but he'll be on the sideline.
Right, and I got a funny fact behind that too.
Okay.
JFK has only missed one Lions playoff victory.
Well get up.
I believe it.
Wow.
Oh okay.
That's pretty good.
One, only one Detroit Lions playoff game or win?
One playoff victory.
Okay one playoff victory.
Okay that's what I thought because they went to the playoffs a few times with Barry Lions
and that whole and Scotty Mitchell and all them but okay.
Alright.
Yeah I can totally believe that.
I believed it anyhow but I can totally believe that.
Excuse me everybody.
Massachusetts is lauded for its iconic exports, chocolate chip cookies, Chris Evans and of
course Duncan.
Now it appears America's biggest donut chain is expanding its footprint by diving deeper
into the world of adult beverages.
On August 7th, drink publication VinVinePair discovered it by looking through the alcohol
and tobacco tax and trade bureau database that Duncan is putting out a new line of hard
iced coffees and iced teas under the name Duncan Spiked.
When reached for comment a Duncan representative hinted at the possibility of cool caffeinated
cocktails to come.
The chain has brought up something special and spiked for adult iced coffees and iced
tea lovers, TheReptilesToday.com.
While it can't confirm any new additions to Duncan's lineup of ready to drink products
at this time, he said stay tuned for more news soon.
In the meantime, the chain has already created a website through it's still under construction.
For the upcoming suite of products that have yet to be officially announced, Duncan spiked
iced tea and Duncan spiced iced coffee.
They are flavored malt beverages meaning that the source of alcohol is a fermented base
from grain, including malted barley.
So they are not gluten free.
But if you want one you can get one.
Well when it comes out.
In the spiked iced tea category there will be 4 flavors such as 5% alcohol by volume,
slightly sweet tea, half and half iced tea, strawberry dragon fruit iced tea and mango
pineapple iced tea.
As Duncan devotees already know, the latter pair are versions of the non-alcoholic refreshments
served at shops around the country, according to the site.
So yeah, I knew this but if anyone didn't know, these are stuff on the regular drink
menu that aren't coffees, like refreshers and stuff like that.
They are refreshers served all around the country and so what they did is they are making
a spiked version of it.
I don't know if they are going to do that in the restaurants, I kind of doubt that.
I think you are going to have to go buy them by the cans from wherever.
Oh ok.
The chain spiked coffee will also come in 4 flavors such as slightly more potent 6% original
iced coffee, caramel iced coffee, mocha iced coffee and vanilla iced coffee.
Now I think I would like that.
The mocha I would give it 2.
I think I would like the vanilla.
The mocha 2 but I think I would like the vanilla the best.
These contain about 30 mg per 12 oz serving.
So ok.
Well a boozy slightly sweet iced tea, the original iced coffee are both available in
12 oz cans.
A can 6 pack or 19.2 oz single serve can and the other 3 flavors in each category will
only be available in either Duncan spiked iced tea mix pack or Duncan spiked iced tea coffee
mix pack which come in a 12 pack.
So you are going to have to buy a bunch of different ones of them at first at least.
No release date has officially announced through Vinepar but reported that some Duncan spiked
products have already received word from the trade commission that 5 of the 8 flavors receive
a label approval and the half and half iced tea, caramel iced coffee and mocha iced coffee
are reportedly still waiting for the go ahead.
According to the website however Duncan spiked iced teas are already shipping and spiked
iced teas will be available starting in September so less than a month.
The drinks will be available in the following states Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Maine,
Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Texas
and Vermont with more states to come in 2024.
They will not be available at Duncan restaurants which we thought.
So ok.
Yeah so in stores only.
Yeah.
No anyhow or not stores the stores are going to stay the same but the other way.
No I meant grocery stores.
Oh yeah yeah yeah ok I got you.
Not the department stores.
Ok I got you.
Ok.
What about Tampa Bay solid waste combusting?
No I didn't.
Ok if Tampa Bay wasn't already hot enough spontaneous combusting garbage certainly doesn't
help.
What's happening?
Tampa's solid waste department has seen a recent trend in hot loads during the spring
and summer aka spontaneous combustions and fires inside trash or recycling trucks.
Solid waste drivers are forced to quickly dump a load of trash to avoid the fire spreading
throughout the truck.
As seen in a video shared by the city and I did look up this video it's crazy.
The city is recorded June 30th.
These are caused by lithium ion batteries, chemicals, cleaning solutions, propane tanks
and electronics improperly disposed in the bins.
Lithium ion battery fires produce toxic gas, create an explosive environment and can be
extremely difficult for firefighters to extinguish.
Chief Barbara Tripp said in a release from the city.
So far this year the Tampa solid waste department has experienced three hot load fires.
The department experienced two last year and this is only in June.
Tampa Fire Rescue has responded to more than 1,200 trash dumpster fires in the last year
according to a city press release that noted all the fires can be traced to improper disposal.
Tampa residents can take household hazardous waste to multiple locations.
You can check if something is safe at Tampa Trash and Recycling app.
So I think with the track record going on now that everybody should be learning about
what they throw away there.
So interesting stuff.
I mean I suppose it could happen here when it's really hot but I think it happens more
there because it's hot day after day.
It doesn't really cool off.
So anyhow.
Alright.
Yeah I mean and you, like on the last podcast you were talking, or a couple podcasts ago
you were talking about how the waters have warmed up.
Yes.
Down there in Florida.
Yeah.
So yeah that's uh.
That's insane how much they warmed up and it's going to be interesting or not to see
what happens because it's a very big issue going on and nobody has an answer for it unfortunately.
It's something that nobody foreseen.
You know people, people foreseen the ozone crisis and all that.
You know with holes in the ozone layer they saw all this other stuff.
And nobody even kind of dealt with the ocean currents were to change so bad that it would
actually screw up the whole cycle.
So yeah.
Alright.
But think about all the red tide.
Because red tide is from it not circulating.
They blame a lot of it on them cleaning out the everglades for the sugar factory.
You know the sugar gain growth.
And they say that it used to be a natural filter for the ocean.
Well it's not there anymore.
And so you get red tide.
So red tide is stagnant water.
So if that water is 101 and stagnant you can bet that whole area is going to be red tide.
So anyhow.
We'll be back right after this with some nicer stories.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Man, I sure wish I was the garbage man.
You know what I could do if I was the garbage man?
I could go to the wrong parts of town on the wrong days periodically.
In the morning.
And then watch everybody run out of their house in their underwear with two bags of
trash screaming stop halt.
Yeah.
That's what I'd love to do.
This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.
One.
Smell.
Go to the city market and start sniffing.
Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats, Tabasco sauce and
old sock with dark fuzzy urine.
Two.
Look for the spot absent of patrons.
Three.
The most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.
Four.
Just call us at 816-512-7717.
All right.
Two douchebags and microphone on Mark.
And I'm Rob.
A quad bike once owned by Ozzy is to be sold at an auction.
The legendary heavy metal singer bought the Suzuki Quad Runner 250 as one of an identical
pair back in 1994.
In 2003 Ozzy was seriously injured in an accident involving a different machine, a 350cc Yamaha
Banshee at his home in Burbank.
Oh no no.
Not Burbank.
I'm sorry.
The one in Buckenshire, England.
Home that left him with a broken neck vertebrae.
The now 74 year old musician also broke his collarbone and six ribs and he almost died.
Because that was filmed.
They were filming some sort of thing with Ozzy and Jack.
You know how Ozzy and Jack have been doing all these little side deals right?
Yeah.
That's actually on tape.
I saw it.
He kind of like winds up.
I remember that accident.
Yeah.
And that's what's fucking him up right now because he re-injured it a couple of years
ago.
He fell down the stairs in his Hollywood home and re-fucked it up and they have not been
able to get him right ever since.
That in Parkinson's is going on.
It's I don't know how many years of him having it.
So that's probably taking its toll too.
Unfortunately Father Time is kicking the shit out of Ozzy right now.
And I don't like it neither do you because we love old Uncle Ozzy.
Yes.
He's a part of our lives.
Yep.
Last December the quad.
He's a major part of our lives.
Yes he was.
He helped form, shape and ruin us.
We salute you.
Yes we do.
So last December the quad bike that nearly took Ozzy's life went up for sale but it couldn't
even reach the minimum bid.
It did not sell.
Which that surprises me.
Hate to say this but it would have been the quad that would have killed him.
That could have killed him very easily.
It would have went for six figures.
But it being a severely damaged bike that only almost killed him nobody cares.
Do you see what I'm saying there?
If this bike would have killed him they could have sold it for all kinds of money.
But since it almost killed him and just fucked him up really bad it didn't even get the minimum
bid.
Wow.
Yeah it's going to be interesting to how it plays out.
I'll keep everybody posted if it indeed actually sells for any type of money or not.
But that's kind of what I got from that.
You know you see Kurt Cobain's guitar and Ozzy's just as popular as Nirvana if not more.
So the thing that Ozzy has is probably worth a lot too.
Something like that.
So I think that the quad bike the fact that it didn't kill him people don't really want
it.
So I don't know I could be wrong on that.
Maybe that's my own skewered thinking.
Who knows.
So this is a.
I would too.
Yeah.
Mom wins big parable prize in Missouri but son thinks it's a prank.
After telling her family that she had won a big parable prize a Missouri mother was confused
by her son's reaction.
I told him you weren't excited as I thought you would be.
The Arnold woman recalled to the lottery.
So OK.
She lives in Arnold Missouri.
Have you ever been through Arnold Missouri.
Yeah.
OK.
That's when she realized that her son did not believe the story.
It was about her winning 50 K. So he goes I really thought you were pranking me.
And you know I've been through Arnold Missouri before.
I'm certain they probably could use the money.
So I'm glad I'm glad they won.
And then this is from KC TV 5.
This is a local story.
Missouri couple arrested while driving with the we high license plate.
I read that.
I did.
Yeah.
It's pretty cool.
Yeah Claycomo Missouri home of the Ford and Harley plants and the home of the F-150 250
and 350 where they build them.
A Missouri car owner has a memorable license plate and it definitely caught the attention
of police officers trying to stop a car over the weekend for a violation.
But the driver took off and tried to get away from the popo.
The officer noted that the vehicle had the vanity plates that read we high.
An officer with the Claycomo police department eventually located the vehicle and arrested
the driver.
The sheriff's office said the case is still under investigation.
The two people arrested have not yet been charged.
You see I would have switched license plate and put it on a neighbor's car.
Problem solved.
What killed me is I run from the cops with the license plate and say we high.
I know.
That would be like OJ wearing a shirt saying I did it.
Why?
Yeah.
Allegedly.
Yeah allegedly.
Ron and Nicole had been found.
You know they fucking someone made pez dispensers out of them.
And then the next day OJ's got a shirt.
I did it.
So yeah.
Strange days.
Anyhow that's all the shit I got man.
I'm fucking bare on stories.
What about you?
I got one more for you.
Alright let's go.
I've got a little mid-western terminology.
Cool.
This is always good.
Go ahead.
Do you ever hear somebody say we'll see?
Yeah.
That means we're not coming.
If you hear a mid-westerner say I'll let you know.
That means we're not coming.
If we say hmm not sure yet.
You're really sure about not coming.
I'll see if we can make it work.
It will not and not coming.
I'll think about it.
Nothing to think about and not coming.
That's how you understand a mid-westerner.
It's true because only in the mid-west I've noticed this.
I've actually noticed this in talk because I used to travel all over the United States
of course and you guys know that.
Any other place if someone goes I'll think about it.
The other party goes okay hope to see you there.
Only in the mid-west whenever you go I think about it the other party argues with you.
Come on man.
You'll enjoy it.
I'll think about it.
Oh no no no.
Come on man.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
You know what Jeffy is going to be there.
Remember Jeffy?
Yeah yeah yeah I'll think about it.
Oh come on man.
They automatically argue with you whenever you say I'm thinking about it.
That's how much people know what they really say.
You know what I mean?
Yeah yeah because they know when you say that you're not coming.
Yeah yeah it's already known.
They're like you know what this guy's not coming.
He said I'll think about it.
So yeah that's funny.
Whoever wrote that knows what they're talking about because whatever I hear they're all
thinking about it is like I go in and X them off.
I'm like okay all right well hopefully we'll see you.
Basically what I mean is okay thanks for the heads up.
I know you're not coming.
So very cool.
Is that your final thought or is that just a um.
No that was just something I came up with.
Okay well I do not.
I didn't know if you.
Do what?
I didn't know if you had a final thought or not.
I do not and I'm sorry I let everybody down but I just did not.
I'm working on some other pieces right now that kind of got me off guard.
You know we do these segments right and eventually I'm going to have you start helping me on
this because I want some of your input and some different types of humor for this.
But it's going to have to be done exactly I'll explain it to you off air because no
one wants to hear this but you know we have these little segments we put in here that
I like to think is funny.
Like one of the newest ones is um.
Deep Thoughts Would Mark.
Yes I'm rising those.
Okay good.
Then we have Strange Insults From An Alien right?
Classic.
Yes.
And then we have Island Of Horrible Jokes.
Another classic.
Okay well between the new segment Deep Thoughts and Island Of Horrible Jokes and Strange Insults
From An Alien is because I'm trying to add to all the cat all of the catalogs.
We need new deep strange insults from an alien and I've spined in them looking up some stuff
you know trying to figure out some stuff that will work and then I was doing the island
of horrible jokes.
What I'm trying to do is revamp everything and if you notice we're adding some non copyright
Sabbath riffs to the show too.
Yes I noticed.
Yeah so the show is trying to get a little kick in the ass a little major revamp.
Our numbers are really really looking good so we want to keep you guys listening because
we really don't have any form of advertisement except someone going hey these two fuck nuts
over here you gotta listen to them they're pretty cool.
That's all we have.
There's no budget.
I tell everybody I talk to.
I do too and we I mean right now if the numbers keep going like they are we could have a record
month but they have to keep up and I have to quit posting two of the same show.
But anyhow I was distracted because I'm trying to beat those up quickly to try to keep the
interest of new people listening.
I'm trying to keep the interest of new people coming on board by you know someone could
hear the same bit on two different shows and go oh that's it they're just playing the same
shit over and over.
Well I'm getting a pretty good catalog right now but I need a better catalog.
I needed to worry you don't hear something for like every tenth show you might hear a
little bit.
So instead of doing final thoughts or really investing a whole lot into the stories and
this outcome I ran out of stories I was doing that part of it in between that and being
a little sick you know not feeling up to par.
Between all of that I kind of got distracted so I don't have a final thought and I don't
have a ton of stories and I don't have a ton of better written stories like I did before.
These both shows not only am I not feeling very good but they're kind of like wing it
shows.
I hope they're good I'll have to listen to them and see what I really truly think about
them.
But anyhow I'm kind of distracted doing that and remember man this is a no budget show
that right now I'm primarily doing all the funny bits and everything on because Rob and
I don't it.
We're a couple hundred miles away so you know and Rob's doing very well very well he sounds
great on the radio dude.
You're booming and you're adding a lot of stuff you're funny you got some good quips
you're doing well you're doing really well.
I can't wait to hear you a year from now.
So anyhow the show's gelling very well we're getting a lot of new listeners so I've been
concentrating on that end of it so bear with me you know I'm going to keep coming up with
ha ha's and bizarre shit and hope you like my weird humor.
You know I kind of equate my humor to my whole background growing up.
I was a city rat and a country rat and then an out of country rat and then a city rat
and then a country rat.
I mean I've been exposed to literally about everything when I was young because we were
everywhere when I was young.
And I think it just sparks imagination and humor.
Dad and playing with a fork in the backyard you a fork in a mound of dirt will make you
very inventive.
Agreed?
Yes I will.
Yeah.
So that's how you get some of this bizarre humor is is when you're back there and you're
coming up with shit in your own mind for yourself to amuse yourself you get pretty inventive.
So anyhow we're going to keep trucking along and we hope you still love us like you always
did and we're going to keep adding to it and thanks to people like Lona and Rob's brother
and the guy that I talked to the other day and the other people James Cook thank you
good guy.
He sent me a couple of messages.
Know him from school.
He wants to come on the program and as soon as I get capabilities of doing remotes I'm
going to have him come.
He's a very intelligent guy.
I love what he says on paper if you will for Facebook.
I think it's going to be interesting to talk to on the show.
So that's coming up there's a lot of neat ideas that I have so we're going to keep
trucking along and keep doing what we're doing and hopefully you guys continue to like it.
So anyhow thank you everybody for listening and we will talk to you next time around.
Take care.
Rob?
Good night.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum.
Two douchebags in a microphone.
Hey where did they go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my god someone took a dump in the corner.
Ugh I'm glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man that smells.