Live from the City Market, it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast.
Now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
So let me see.
Let's say I was offended by people being offended.
Then would people being offended all the time have to not be offended around me because I was offended by them being offended?
Hm.
I may never know.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
If you ran, like you ran your mouth, you would be in terrific shape.
Two monkey fuckers and a toaster will be right back.
Buddy, this is Two Douchebags and Microphone on Mark.
We're number one.
I'm so proud of this one.
I think he will whip everybody's ass on his way to number one.
That's how proud I am of him.
I'm really thinking of whipping him out tonight in my wildcard instead of waiting until the final two or the final four or whatever.
I'm really thinking about doing it tonight because I think this guy's going to win everything.
I think I have the champion.
So, yeah, yeah.
I'll see how it goes.
I even got an idea of who I'm going to whip it out on.
There's two of them there that we've had a stalemate on and they're fantastic.
Both of them.
Yes, we do have a tie.
I think if I bring this guy out, he's going to beat both of them hands down without any thought.
So.
We'll see.
Okay.
Well, let's see.
I have my melody list.
And like we were talking about a little bit ago, the melody list is so hard to figure out because everybody loves melodies.
And you could call any song melodic if it's like melody to you.
I mean, so it's really kind of I try to go by just what something is like really heavy in melody that we all recognize.
And I think it's you know what I mean?
That sticks to you.
So I think any musician or anybody would be able to go, well, you know what?
If the melody is good, you're going to remember the song.
That's the truth.
So that's why we chose to do this.
And these are the melodies in this in these songs we consider so strong that that's what it is.
Is, you know, this this song deserves an honor.
So anyhow, well, I think I came up with twelve or thirteen and you said that that's probably what you have.
Right.
Yeah, I think I have thirteen.
OK, I think I have thirteen.
I didn't number them because it's just like, you know what?
I love all of these.
I'm going to leave them.
So I'm just not going to number them and worry about the number of them.
So OK, the first one is Rainbow Catch the Rainbow.
Often song.
And you you brought out Rainbow.
I think you went Kill the King, was it?
Yeah, it was one of them.
I don't have that list in front of me.
I had one best song on it.
I knew you looked through this song and almost picked it, didn't you?
Let's see here.
No, yeah, Temple of the King.
Temple of the King, not Kill the King.
My number three.
Yes, yes.
Well, I was going to pick this.
And at number seven, I had Starstruck.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Hmm.
Very cool.
I mean, I almost had a man on the Silver Mountain, but I decided not to.
There was one thing I just edged it out.
So OK, so Rainbow Catch the Rainbow is my first.
Next one, I consider this very melodic.
If I could speak very melodic, but I don't know.
Maybe everyone doesn't.
But this is the way I feel.
Pantera, This Love.
I think that song is really melodic and I think it's really good.
I know it goes crazy.
You know, we're feeling some screaming.
Love, love, love.
You know, but the Dimebag's guitar on is just so rich.
It just has such a sound.
It's just it's to me it's genius.
So I have to go with Pantera, This Love.
Next one, Queen.
Find somebody to love.
Two love songs in a row, kind of.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
That whole thing all the way through.
I mean, Freddie Mercury just singing his ass off.
And Brian May with a brilliant, brilliant harmonic guitar licks.
Oh, yeah.
And then when they all come in and sing together.
What a masterpiece.
And that was just a day's work for those guys.
Those guys were so damn good.
It's just insane how good they were.
So next one, Aerosmith, Dream On.
Oh, good song.
Good song.
Yeah.
That one was a late pick.
I was like had everything in order.
And then all of a sudden, this Dream On popped in my head.
I'm like, man, I think I got to look at this again.
So I went through the list.
I'm like, you know what?
It's not number one and it's not number 13 or 14 or whatever I have.
So I decided on, I guess, the fourth from the last.
So good job, Aerosmith.
Great song.
Next one.
I had to dig deep for this because it was not one of their biggest hits.
And it does not get a lot of song airplay on any classic rock station.
Never has.
Although the song is one of the best songs they've done.
Boston, Amanda.
Good song.
Yes.
A lot of melody in that song.
A lot of melody.
Yeah, a lot of melody.
So just a beautifully written song.
Yeah, it was.
From the vocal standpoint to the guitar standpoint to everything.
It's just great melody in that song and it deserves to be, it might even deserve to be a little bit higher than what I gave it.
But I went ahead and put it there.
So anyhow, next one.
Led Zeppelin.
All of my love.
Nice.
Yeah.
Nice.
All the Zeppelin songs I could have picked.
One of my favorite songs that I consider very melodic.
Other people may not, but I love guitar.
And I'm a guitarist somewhat.
Not very good.
But you know, this is the Rover.
I consider it very melodic and a great song.
And I almost put the Rover in there, but I've got to go with all my love just because of some of those guitar licks that Jimmy Page does in there.
Just so memorable and so vivid.
So I'm going to go ahead and go with.
You're right.
Yeah.
Led Zeppelin.
All my love.
This next one.
There's so many of this band's songs I could have put in here.
And.
You know, I had come sail away, but right now I'm verbally scratching that out and putting Rockin' in Paradise.
Rockin' in Paradise is a masterpiece.
Dennis D. Young and his showmanship and the way he sings it.
And just the melodies and the harmonies.
When he's going and singing Whatcha Doing Tonight and then the backups, which he's in there in the backup singing.
Whatcha Doing, Whatcha Doing.
I mean, it's just a masterpiece.
So it's come sail away, but right now I'm verbally scratching that out in favor of Rockin' in Paradise.
Rockin' in Paradise.
Fantastic song.
I listened to it the other night and I was like, man, that song just it got a lot of credit, but it never got enough credit on a grand scale.
Like such a like, you know, Hall of Fame worthy or whatever.
So anyhow, Sticks Rockin' in Paradise.
Next one.
I can't believe that I didn't think of it at first and it wasn't in one of my original thoughts.
I had to dig a little bit on this one.
Pink Floyd.
Wish you were here.
Oh, yeah.
That song right there is amazing.
Amazing.
The chorus, the melody, the meaning behind the lyrics.
They're a double entendre.
They mean a couple of different things or maybe even three different things.
But it's all up to you when you listen to it.
You're the one to decide what it means, which makes it such masterful art.
To you, it means one thing.
To me, it means another.
It's insanely good.
Pink Floyd.
Wish you were here.
Roger Waters, you're an asshole still.
Can't stand you.
But I can't deny your writing skills.
You and the rest of the band.
Next one.
Meatloaf.
Two out of three ain't bad.
Another nice one.
Yeah.
Yeah, that one right there.
Who does not identify with that song?
Softball Field, I won't mention any names.
Matter of fact, I think she may listen.
Yeah, I think maybe she might have shot me an email saying, no, no, no, no, a message on Facebook.
I'm going to check the email here a little bit and see if we have anything.
But I think she might have shot me a, hey, good job.
Good job.
Like the podcast.
No, actually, no, I don't think she did.
But anyhow, that song right there reminds me of Softball Field at Midnight.
Great stuff.
Right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Next one.
Where was I?
Let's see.
Oh, Paul McCartney and the Wings.
Band on the run.
Another classic song.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Yeah, that one is a multiple song because it has so many different parts to it.
So many little intricate instruments that are used for effect.
Pieces together.
Harmonies.
And it's like three songs in one.
It kind of reminds you of maybe a little Sargent Pepperish where it's a composition.
That song is just a masterpiece.
And I can't believe it's a Paul McCartney replacement, not the real Paul McCartney that came up with it.
Right.
Yeah.
You know, me and Topher were the ones that originally were starting to tease about it.
It's like, man, because there was that big hubbub, right, that Paul McCartney really died.
The real one died.
And then they replaced him with a cop in Canada that looked just like him.
And we've always been teasing.
Man, they lucked out so bad.
The guy has the same musical skills and has the same voice as Paul McCartney, too.
How amazing.
So anyhow, yeah, boy, I tell you what, he did some good work with the wings, too.
So and solo, of course.
This next one, you're going to wonder how I got it out of my ass because I did not hear it on the radio.
It just popped in my head.
The Travelling Wilburys.
Someone to lean on.
Think of that Roy Orbison and Tom Petty and everybody that sings on that song and Bob Dylan.
And then it goes into the acoustical.
We all body.
We all need somebody to lean on.
I mean, it's just some masterpiece.
That song right there could have been number one.
And I just can't put it.
I can't put it ahead this next song.
But Travelling Wilburys, somebody to lean on is just it's amazing song written by amazing artists.
Someone born around anymore.
Roy Orbison, he passed away.
So did Tom Petty.
Yeah.
So anyhow, great song, a masterpiece of the song and a great band.
OK, was that John Dylan or was it?
I think it was.
They're not John Dylan, Bob Dylan or Jacob Dylan, his son.
I can't remember who was in the Wilburys.
I'll have to, you know, I'll look it up sometime.
Anyhow, it doesn't mean that much.
Bob, I think it was Bob Dylan.
Jacob Dylan was in some other band like the Wallflowers or something.
Anyhow, I think that was it.
OK, next one.
John Lennon, Imagine.
One of my karaoke songs.
One of the best songs ever written ever.
Yes.
That song right there.
If I'm in the right mood, Mike made me shed a couple of tears.
That's how powerful that song is.
That song is amazing by an amazing artist that left us way too early by a piece of crap.
Like I said, it's one of my karaoke songs so it makes me break out singing.
It's a fantastic song.
Now don't get me wrong, this song does not make me mad or sad.
This song makes me emotional, which is fantastic.
Yeah, so, yeah, amazing ass song.
So, good job John Lennon, good job.
So that is it.
Number one is John Lennon.
And I think to me, like I said, the Traveling Wilburys were close,
but I can't ever, I can't put anything in front of John Lennon, Imagine.
Just because of the power of that song.
So, anyhow, I apologize, I got a little bit of a summer cold air.
I think you guys can tell.
It's going around, it goes.
Yeah, it's a band.
Hey, while we're talking about music, I have some music please.
Yeah.
You're familiar with Branson, some of the other guys?
Well, we drove through there the last time just to take a look at it
when we went to Eureka Springs.
Right.
Branson entertainers are mourning the death of a fellow artist.
Oh, which one?
Doji Tabuchi.
He died?
Oh, he's been there forever.
A black man aged 79.
Didn't know that.
I loved his show, I saw his show.
For those that don't know who he is, he is an Oriental fiddle player.
Yeah, and we're talking.
He has his own show, and he is just awesome.
Rob, let me interject something to the rest of the audience that may not know.
Fiddle and violin are the same instrument.
How you play it is whether you call it a fiddle or not.
A fiddle has its root, its violin, in bluegrass, very fast.
Very, very fast.
Hand-picking, very fast hand-picking.
Tabuchi was that.
I mean, he wasn't bluegrass per se, but he was extremely fast hand-picking on a violin,
which is a fiddle because of the way it's played, right?
Right, right, and this story kind of goes into that.
Okay.
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to steal any thunder there.
I just thought the audience would...
No, no, no, no, you're all right.
Okay.
I bet, like you said, he began playing violin at the age of seven, according to an article
by Explorer Branson, and so on, with bluegrass music.
His show expanded over its 30-year run to include dancers, lead ballads, 50s, 60s music,
dows for music, and much more.
Yes.
In 2020, Tabuchi was inducted into the National Fiddle Hall of Fame.
I didn't know that, but he so deserved it.
Tabuchi was inducted into the National Fiddle Hall of Fame with the goal to declare August
31st, 2021, as Soji, Dorothy, and Christina Tabuchi Day.
And let me add...
Soji, his wife Dorothy, and his daughter Christina.
Yes, they did have a family-run theater there.
And he would be happy to meet you and talk to you after the show, because he did.
And very down-to-earth guy, very nice guy, very humble guy, worked his ass off.
But let me say this here real quick about Tabuchi.
Okay.
There's a lot of artists in Branson that are never there.
They own a theater.
It has their name on it.
Right.
Well, not so much now.
A lot of them are gone now.
But for a long time, there was a lot of theaters that had somebody's name on it, a country
artist like Mickey...
I'm not saying this is a guy, or one of the guys, but like Mickey Gilley and stuff like
that.
But not so much now.
A lot of them went under, or the people died and they just shut them down or whatever.
Now, those people weren't necessarily the nicest people.
This guy here, we're talking about a really humble, nice human being, because he run his
theater in a family atmosphere.
And it was very welcoming, very nice, and it's a hell of a show.
So, did you have more to go into?
I'm sorry.
No, no, no.
I was done.
Well, you know what?
God needed a fiddle player.
Yes, he was amazing.
I was lucky to see his show a couple times.
Well, God, I guess you need another singer now, so I'm going to go ahead and offer you
Wayne Newton.
Just to be a nice guy.
You can give us back Tony Bennett.
So, anyhow, of course I'm kidding.
I don't want Wayne Newton to die.
He's very talented.
But, anyhow, you never miss an opportunity for a pun, right Rob?
You're right.
All right.
I have a little interesting little side track for you that I wanted to get into.
All right.
I love these.
I was talking to a friend of mine, dear friend of mine.
He didn't want to be mentioned.
No, it's not Davey.
He didn't want to be mentioned on air for his own reasons.
He's kind of hanging low and went through some shit.
So, anyhow, me and him started talking about this, and he wanted me to talk about it on
the podcast.
So, do you remember your first ass whooping?
Uh, you talking about my parents or somebody else?
My parents.
I'm sorry.
I should have been a little bit more clear.
My parents.
Not my fucking Billy down the road, but my parents.
Uh, not my first one, but I remember some of my worst ones.
I do not remember the first one.
Okay.
Well, I remember my first one, and it was one of my worst ones.
And we were talking about this, and he really didn't want me to tell this story because
what he did was really kind of stupid.
And, anyhow, he just don't want to...
Anyhow, so this is for my friend Mr. X. Okay.
Anyhow.
So, my first ass whooping, I remember very well because I remember I was out with my
older brother, and him and this guy Keith down the road used to always be vulgar and
crude because it was fun to them, and it was fun to me too, only I didn't know how to get
away with it like they did.
So, anyhow, Keith asked, hey, I wonder what time it is, and my brother goes, half past
the monkey's ass quarter till it's balls.
And I'm just fucking laughing.
Man, that's fucking awesome.
Oh my God, man.
That's brilliant.
How did you come up with that, you know?
Keith is my idol, he's my older brother.
So, later on that evening, my dad's sitting there in the chair, probably watching football
or some shit, and he goes to my mom, he goes, hey, what time is it?
And I...
I belt out, half past the monkey's ass quarter till it's balls.
My dad said, what?
And I was like, oh shit.
Oh no.
Oh no, what did I do?
Oh shit, I'm toast now.
And I got one fucking fat ass whipping.
Where'd you hear that at?
Oh no.
Oh no, I think it's on TV.
No, you didn't hear that on TV.
Where'd you hear that at?
Was it John?
And I couldn't...
I couldn't knock out John, because then I couldn't hang out with him anymore.
You know, he'd be with the older crowd, so I had to go...
No, no, no, there's some guy down the street said it.
Well, don't hang out with him anymore.
They're bad news.
You got it, dad.
Sorry, didn't mean to put that to you.
But anyhow, this guy is having a few issues, and he just wanted me to tell that story on
air, because when we were talking about it, he started dying.
He's like, you need to tell that on the air.
And I'm like, okay.
I guess it is somewhat entertaining at least.
So...
Yep.
And I think everybody remembers that too, because that's one of the first things we
used to say.
Hey, what time is it?
Half past monkey's ass, quarter to his balls.
Ah ha ha!
So, anyhow, let's take a little break here.
When we come back, I've got a little story about a Los Angeles restaurant, okay?
All right.
Be back in a bit.
This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags in a Microphone.
People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.
One, smell.
Go to the city market and start sniffing.
Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats, Tabasco sauce, and
old sock with dark fuzzy urine.
Two, look for the spot absent of patrons.
Three, the most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.
Four, just call us at 816-512-7717.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
May your spoon always slip and sink into your hot soup.
Do they make ear condoms?
I certainly need them for this garbage.
All right.
As Thor mentioned, a Los Angeles restaurant is doing something a little bit different,
and I kind of have mixed feelings on this.
I kind of like it, and I kind of see where it pisses people off.
But if you think about it, the number that they're taking isn't that significant if it
really helps people, and I think they could do it on a grander level even.
So a Los Angeles restaurant adds 4% automatically to every bill to cover staff health insurance.
So if your bill was $100, that would be like $4, I think, right?
Something like that.
Yeah, probably about $4.
Somewhere in there.
And they don't further staff's health insurance.
So chances are good you pay for your own health insurance coverage each month, but should
you be covering the coverage of service workers too?
A photo of a restaurant bill with a 4% service charge added to cover health insurance for
staff went viral on Twitter recently.
Now since the prices of the menu are approvable, I would think that the 4% could be taken off.
Sounds to me like a firm suggestion, right?
Because I've been on many cruises, right?
And they add the gratuity to your bill when you're on the ship, and it tells you that
in the print.
It says, look, we're going to add a certain amount of gratuity, and this is how much it's
going to be a day.
So anyhow, and I know people that went in there and said, you know what?
I want this taken off my bill because you're giving it to everybody, but not everybody's
helped me.
But that wasn't a good argument to me ever, because there's people behind the scenes that
are washing your clothes.
They're making your food.
Just because you don't see the person making your food, he had just as much in it as the
guy that brings it to you.
The guy working on the AC for the ship so your room can stay cool, right?
They all share those tips.
But I know people that take them off and they say they give them to the people that help
them the most.
So to me, this 4% sounds to me like if you went there and said, no, I'm not paying for
that, they'd probably take it off kind of like a cruise ship.
But to me, and I want to hear your thought on this, Rob.
Okay.
So 4% isn't that much and it provides health insurance for employees.
Now let's take it on a different level, okay?
Because I really want to get your input on this.
How would you like someone buying a trailer and not just you guys doing this, but everybody
doing this, okay?
And they pay 4% more knowing they're paying your health insurance.
Do you think that's a good idea?
It'd be nice.
You see, here's the deal.
It still keeps insurance privately owned and it keeps people privately paying for it.
But everybody is paying their share towards paying each other's health insurance.
Now there's a lot of bugs that would have to be worked out and a lot of things that
they'd have to do right because there's ways this thing can be manipulated.
But I kind of like that idea.
Yeah, I kind of like that idea too.
Because I pay so much a week out of pocket and then my company covers the rest.
Yes.
You see, this would automatically be added into it.
Yeah.
And after a while, people don't even know they're paying it.
I mean, look at all these little taxes they throw on.
Like whenever you buy a hotel room through Priceline and it'll say, okay, that's $110,
right?
Then when you get done, it's like $150 because there's all these fees and taxes because
a lot of towns and cities tax these hotels and stuff because there's people out of town
paying it, not the people that live there.
Yeah, that happens down here.
Oh yeah, it does.
Yeah, I got dinged down there before.
So okay, the deal is it's kind of like that.
Yeah, whenever I book a room, wherever it's at through Priceline or booking.com or whatever,
I know there's going to be more money added onto it.
So if it says $130, I know I'm going to be like, yeah, okay, I'm probably paying $160
or $70.
I know this.
And you just, you live with it.
So maybe if we started doing things like that, maybe people just go, no, all right, well,
I guess I'm just going to live with it.
So just a thought.
Don't get too crazy on me, crowd, because if it's that far out of the realm, yes, I
do want to hear it because I know this is a very passionate subject, but on the surface,
I kind of like the idea.
So yeah, I kind of like the idea too.
Like I said, it would have to have a lot of work to it, a lot of work to it.
But when I heard it, I was like, I'd probably go along with it.
If they were like, you don't have to pay the 4%, but you can, they help these people out
on their health insurance.
I probably would pay the 4%.
You know what?
I'd be like, you know what?
Hell yeah.
Let's help these guys struggling out.
So just a thought.
Yeah, Rob, you got some stuff you want to throw out there?
I've got a little story here.
All right.
Anheuser-Busch, the owner of Bud Light, is selling eight of its beverage brands.
The Wall Street Journal reported Tuesday.
They're selling eight of them?
The Al Ray Brands, the purchaser, is currently the largest cannabis company in the world,
but is working to push its way into the alcoholic beverage market.
Its acquisition of the eight brands positions to become the fifth largest craft beer brewer
in the nation with a 5% share of the market.
Wow.
The brands being sold to Ray are Shop Top, Eight Point, and Breckenridge Brewery, adding
to the high loyalty brands the company already owns, including Sweetwater Brewery, Breckenridge
Distillery, and Alpine Company.
Wow.
That, that, okay.
They are really...
Okay.
When all this whole thing started, I thought the whole thing was a publicity hoax.
I thought that they knew it was going to rattle some feathers, and that they basically knew
they're going to hit all this damage, but then they're going to have a roaring comeback.
I guess not.
I guess they really miscalculated this whole deal, Dylan Mulvaney or whatever.
They are in trouble because these are acquisitions they got that they bought when the craft brewery
scene started exploding, and everyone was buying craft beers, and they did that to pad
themselves.
Now they're selling them off.
Yeah, the purchase amount which Forbes reports as being $85 million will be paid in cash
by the end of the year.
Wow.
Okay.
Well, you know what, and I went to Breckenridge several times.
I had no idea Anazer Bush owned them.
I went to Breckenridge to town, but they have a brewery there.
I did not know that either.
No.
They have one in Denver, downtown Denver near the ballpark.
I went there.
I had no idea Anazer Bush owned them, and coincidentally that's Coors Field right next
door.
How weird.
Well, maybe they didn't own them at the time.
This is several years ago.
But, well, they are in real trouble because they bought these craft beers.
I knew they bought craft beers.
I knew they did that.
And the reason they did that is because craft beers were all the rage for so long.
No one liked just the yard beers anymore, right?
So they did that to keep their sales and bring that brand to pump up their brand.
So anyhow.
Okay then.
Well, you know what?
You know what?
Anazer Bush, you miscalculated something very bad.
And I'm not saying anything about it at all.
Like yay or boo or nothing.
What I'm saying is you misjudged this bad and you're paying the price.
So anyhow.
You know what?
That's the way it goes.
The deal is this right here.
Business is like that.
People will take your place if you fuck up enough, right?
Yep.
I guess you did.
So anyhow.
You got some other stuff?
Or you got more on that story?
Yeah, I got another little story here.
You know how we were talking about horse racing?
Here we're all back and the horse is getting injured.
Yes.
Okay.
There's been another one.
Really?
Maple Leaf Mel, a horse owned by legendary NFL coach Bill Purcell.
Suffers catastrophic leg injury just meters from the finish line in a $500,000 race at
Saratoga.
Wow.
Before being euthanized on site.
So it's happening again at a different track.
And this is starting to be an ongoing thing.
Let's face it.
They're going to get to where they outlawed this whole thing.
Yes.
That's what's going to happen.
A lot of horses are getting injured these days.
Something is going on.
Yes.
I remember growing up as a kid, we watched horse racing.
Uh huh.
Horses hardly ever got injured back then that I remember.
No.
No they didn't.
These days something is going on.
Um yeah.
I heard something about it.
I really do.
I hope so.
Because I don't want to hear any more stories about these horses being euthanized because
of a greedy fucking trainer.
I'm sorry.
No I'm not sorry.
Well, I mean it sucks that that happened but hopefully it brings a little bit more awareness
to what's going on.
And maybe they can delve deeper into what they're actually doing.
I think what's going on is systematic abuse.
Systemic abuse of these horses.
Yeah.
Something is, yeah, something.
Yep.
Well, a little bit ago you mentioned weed.
About Ann Houser Bush selling some of their craft breweries to a weed company, right?
Yep.
Okay.
I'm going to call on the guy who will finance.
There's 20 cities with the highest weed consumption in the world and I have them right here.
You want to hear them?
Sure.
Why not?
Number 20 for weed consumption is Denver, Colorado.
Wow.
You'd think that'd be higher.
Yeah.
I know.
I thought they'd be number one but nope.
Number 19 is Adulay, Australia.
Okay.
I couldn't tell you nothing about that.
Australia represents all over this.
There are weed smokers down there and I had no idea.
Number 18, Dublin, Ireland.
I could see that.
I could see that too.
Oh yeah.
Yep.
Those Mickeys over there love their weed, right?
They're weed and they're blue.
Yep.
I am very tongue in cheek calling them Mickeys.
They're fine people.
I'm married to an Irish girl.
Anyhow.
I have Irish in me.
I can say it.
Alright.
Rob, what are they?
Mickeys.
Okay.
He can say it.
He has Irish in him.
Yeah.
There you go.
Next one is, Uganda, Turkey.
Oh no, no, no.
No, no, no.
Number 17, Vancouver, Canada.
I believe that but I thought Vancouver would register a little higher too because that's
why a lot of bands go up there to record because they can get all the weed they want
but now they can do it in America because you can smoke all you want here now too.
So, the next one is Turkey, Ukada.
Ukada I think is how they pronounce it or Ukator.
I think it's Ukator, Turkey.
I heard it pronounced like one time.
So, anyhow.
They are number 16.
Number 15 is Philly, Philadelphia.
Okay.
I have no preference on that.
I thought they'd be more beer drinkers than weed smokers but I guess not.
Yeah.
So, the next one, Montreal, Canada.
I could see that.
I definitely see that.
I could see that one too.
Yep, Montreal likes its weed.
So, let's see.
The next one, number 13 is Melbourne, Australia.
Like I said, I had no idea that Australians love their weed so much but evidently they
do.
Yeah.
So, number 12, Phoenix, Arizona.
I don't really have a thought on that do you?
I haven't been to Phoenix since I was a little kid so I couldn't tell you.
I haven't been there in a long, long time.
I went through their airport a couple of times and their airport, I don't know.
It never seems that busy but it sure takes you a hell of a long time to get through it
for some reason.
I've been to every airport.
I'm not the only person that said that.
I know that is every airport.
Even Springfield Branson, their new airport.
Yeah.
That thing, if they have a couple of planes land at once, you're fucked.
You're there for a couple hours.
I believe it.
Yeah.
It's a beautiful airport though but boy, if you catch them at the wrong time, you're
fucked there for a little bit.
What I heard about that airport was this and I believe it.
They have such small amount of TSA agents that if a couple of planes land virtually
at once and then there's a couple of planes that are going out within the next couple
of hours that they don't have enough agents to work it.
So they got to have them all in one area except for a couple of them and then move them all
to the other areas.
That's what's happening.
They just don't have enough TSA workers and they don't have enough business flow to keep
that many TSA workers busy all the time, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Next one.
Hamburg, Germany.
I can see that.
Yeah.
Yep.
Next one.
Vienna, Austria.
No opinion.
Yeah.
Good for them.
All right.
Good.
Glad you guys are cool.
I personally couldn't see Arnold Schwarzenegger's over in Germany.
He was a governor-ator.
Yeah.
Was he in California?
Yeah.
So, all right.
Next one.
Big Czech Republic.
Okay.
No opinion.
Good.
Good for you Czechs.
Great job.
All right.
Yeah.
Yep.
All right.
So, the next one.
Toronto, Canada.
I almost said California.
Toronto, Canada.
I believe that.
Yeah.
Toronto is a big party city.
They have a lot of neat stuff there.
They have a lot of glass domes and stuff.
They have a lot of legacy people fucking bonging it up and getting up next to the dome and
looking like 100 stories down and flapping their arms.
Just fun shit like that.
Look at me.
I'm a bird.
So, anyhow.
Next one.
Tokyo, Japan.
Who knew?
You can tell by the way I look.
Hell no.
They always act weird.
Their eyes always look like that.
There you go.
Okay.
So.
That's why they call it Chinese eyes.
Yep.
Oh, we are talking about Japanese, but anyhow.
Yeah.
They're all like that.
Okay.
They all look like they're stone.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Next one.
Houston, Texas.
Okay.
That's what I said too.
I didn't think anywhere in Texas would be leading in, and especially being down number
six.
I didn't think anywhere in Texas.
Well, no, no, no, no.
I thought that Austin, Texas would.
Because Texas doesn't really claim Austin.
Houston's like Hippieville, Texas.
You talk to other Texans there.
The real Texans per se, and they're like, yeah, you know what?
We just kind of put up with them.
We don't really have that much to do with them, but we just kind of put up with them.
So anyhow.
So Houston, Texas above Austin.
Really surprising.
Next one.
Rome, Italy.
Yeah.
Yeah, I can see the Romans like, you know, hey, man, throw me in that pizza.
After you get done with that pizza, give me the bong.
I want to eat the pizza, and then I'm going to be hungry.
So you know.
No, no, no.
You give me the bong first, and then I smoke, and then I get hungry.
So as soon as I get the bong, you put that pizza in the oven.
Sound about right?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's about right.
Yeah, yeah.
You let me know when that pizza's done.
And I quit smoking, I come over there, and I eat the pizza, okay?
Okay.
All right, next.
Chicago.
Believe it?
Believe it.
Yeah, that one I can see.
Yeah.
Yep.
A lot of stoners.
Yep.
Oh, and a lot of listeners, too.
Thank you, Chicago.
We love you.
Yeah, true.
Thanks for the love.
You're probably bonging it up.
We'll be bonging it up right now as we speak.
So happy bonging.
Keep it up.
Nothing to see here.
Have fun.
All right, next.
Los Angeles, California.
Yeah.
I can see all of them.
Yep.
Although for some reason, NoCal seems like more of a Stonerville than SoCal, and I don't
know why that is.
It's just my own mind.
So anyhow.
Yeah.
Number two.
Like I said, Australia is all over this thing and strong.
Sydney, Australia.
Wow.
Yeah, the Australians smoke a lot of fucking weed.
We name virtually every one of their huge cities, and they're all in the top 20.
Yeah.
I think it's those koala bears.
Yeah.
So I think it is.
I blame the koalas.
They're the reason everybody gets stoned.
They see these little fucking bears and it freaks them out and they want to go get a
hit of puff.
It freaked me out too.
I'd be like, Oh, motherfucker, look at those little things.
All they do is eat leaves all day.
Fuck.
Give me that bong.
So anyhow, the next one.
I found this rather surprising, but it is one of the largest cities in the world.
New York, New York.
I just flat didn't think they were that cool.
Population wise, probably.
Yeah.
You know what?
You're right.
Okay.
Well, then that's it by default.
All right.
They claim so many people there.
Yeah.
You're right.
They have people out there fucking here.
So yeah, you're right.
Yeah.
I got to hold my voice.
Oh my voice holds up for this whole thing.
We'll see.
We'll be back.
Two monkey fuckers and a toaster will be right back.
Now we go to the amazing Mark, the palm reader.
Hello everybody.
And welcome to Mark, the amazing palm reader.
First in line, please step up.
Let's see young lady.
I see a long lifeline.
I see success, happiness, love, fortune.
I also see a bit index finger.
$20 please.
Oh shit.
What's that over there?
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line.
Only a fraction will get this.
What up Mark?
Hey Rob.
Hey, you want to do the hairy asshole Olympics?
Yeah, why not?
All right, Rob.
Okay.
Let's see now.
You have the list with you, right?
Yeah, right in front of me.
Okay.
Let's see.
We got Castro, De Niro, right?
Yeah, that was your tie.
Carlin.
Let's see.
Zuckerberg, right?
Pelosi?
Madonna?
And Mustaine?
Is that it?
Does that sound right?
And Aaron Rodgers.
Okay.
Yeah, it's Aaron Rodgers and De Niro.
Okay, is that the face off right there?
Well, no, no.
That's it.
Okay.
All right.
Well, let's figure out who we're going to pit against each other here.
Who are we going to put against Nancy Pelosi?
Oh, you want to go woman for woman?
Yeah, let's do it.
Let's do Madonna versus Pelosi.
All right.
Okay.
I'm going to go with Pelosi because she's a little bit older in Italian.
You know what, I don't know though.
Madonna though has clearly illustrated that she will sport underarm hair.
Yeah, she has.
Hmm.
I guess I'm going to go with Madonna very reluctantly.
What do you think?
Honestly, reluctantly, I think I got to go Madonna too.
Madonna is on.
All right.
Boy, she's doing very well on this one.
Good job, Madonna.
You might just win the hairy asshole Olympics.
You never know.
Okay, let's see.
Let's, you want to pit De Niro against A-Rodger or Mustaine?
Or Zuckerberg?
I say we go De Niro and Mustaine.
Okay.
All right.
Well, I know that I'm certain that Dave Mustaine has all this hairy red ass hair and it's nuts though.
And he makes like groupies fucking sniff it and all this stuff, right?
Especially sweaty after a concert.
He pulls his fucking trousers down and says, here, come here, come here.
Yeah.
Come here, sniff it.
This is Dave Mustaine ass hair.
Sniff it.
And then they come over and sniff it.
But De Niro is so kind of crotchety and old.
It almost makes me think that he may have a little bit more ass hair than Dave Mustaine.
Even though Dave Mustaine purposely grooms his, so groupies have to come over and like smell it and comb it.
Agreed?
Yeah, I think I'm going to have to go with that.
All right.
So I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to go with Mustaine by a asshole hair.
I think I'm going to have to do that too.
All right.
Okay.
Congratulations, Dave Mustaine.
Bye-bye, Dave Mustaine.
Bye-bye.
Wow.
Dave Mustaine is, yeah, good job.
Good job.
For a ginger, he's doing really well on the asshole hair Olympics.
Yes, he is.
Very good.
Yes, he is.
All right.
Let's see.
Next one.
Castro, A-Rodge, Zuckaloo.
A-Rodge and Zuckaloo.
All right.
Wow.
I think A-Rodge, you know, he's like the psychedelic guy, kind of like the cool guy, the hippie guy.
He has his hair long sometimes.
Sometimes he cuts it.
He's kind of a hippie, kind of looks unwashed sometimes.
But Zuckerberg is like an alien from outer space.
He's, as much as I would love to go with Zuckerberg, I think I'm going to have to go with A-Rodge.
I think I would too with the hippie.
I like the hippie guy.
Me too.
I think he's got incredible asshole hair.
And I think that he can win contests if he ever applied himself.
Yeah.
If the gents thing don't work out, we got to need to dig for him.
You know what?
I'm going to send him an email.
I'm sure he'll go right through to him.
You do that.
Yeah.
You do that.
Yeah.
Good job, A-Rodge.
Your asshole hair has gotten you far.
Okay.
We had a toss-up, right?
Now we have our toss-up.
Okay.
Who are these toss-ups?
Jack Nicholson and Fidel Castro.
For now, let me introduce...
Let me introduce my wild card.
Andre the Giant.
Oh, man.
They are no longer in this battle royale, are they?
I knew I had a winner with that guy.
I'm telling you, you should have saved him for the next battle.
For the next...
I think he's going to kick everybody's ass, dude.
That's how come I introduced him now and not later.
He just took out two people without even fucking moving.
He didn't even have to body slam these two.
He just walked up, pulled out his ass hair, and those two went...
All right.
See you.
Thanks.
Bye.
I knew we were going to have fun with this segment.
I knew we were, too.
Now, the pressure's on you with your wild card.
Your wild card's got to come up and start doing some miracles, too, dude.
Do you have anybody in mind yet or not?
No, no.
No.
I have not come up with...
Well, dig deep.
Dig deep.
You know you're against the elite here in Andre the Giant.
Oh, I know, man.
Andre the Giant even knocks out Sasquatch because Andre the Giant played Sasquatch in
the Six Million Dollar Man.
Wow.
Put a whole new perspective on this whole fucking thing, doesn't it?
Great job, Andre the Giant.
That's why I brought him in so early.
I was like, man, there's no way anyone...
I'm confident in him.
I don't know if anyone can find anybody that can beat the guy.
I'm speechless right now.
Now, you want to hear my runner-up?
And you can use him if you want.
What do you think?
Do you want it?
Zach Galifianakis.
Do you imagine the asshole hair on him?
Yeah.
He's got that neck beard and he's got that fucking curly ass hair everywhere.
He's got hair all over his arms.
You know his ass hair is nothing but thatch.
But I kind of want it like...
You can use him if you want, but I kind of want to have him be like the strong guy at
the next one.
If you want to use him, you can.
No, no.
Let me see what I can come up with.
Okay.
All right.
I have confidence there's somebody I haven't thought about that could beat Andre the Giant.
So, anyhow, cool.
They got real interesting real quick, didn't it?
Yes, they did.
All right.
You just turned this into a competition.
Yes, I did.
Yep.
So, very happy to also.
Yes, yes.
It's a fun competition.
We love it.
Yeah.
I think the asshole at Hair Olympics, I bet you that that is going to go down as our favorite
segment ever.
Yeah.
Cool.
All right.
Let's see here.
I've got a story about Gen Z and their bar tabs.
You want to hear it?
Oh, sure.
Okay.
Gen Z is under scrutiny for their bar behavior.
It appears that this newest generation to be able to frequent bars likes to have a drink
and then close the bar tab out, then have another drink and close that bar tab out, and
then maybe another drink and close that one out.
So, they can be drinking all night, but each time they pay up and close it out.
There's been many tweets and TikTok vids pointing out that this is referred to as psycho behavior.
Gen Z's are striking back saying all other countries close out their tabs after each
round, so they said they're not the weird ones.
I see both sides because I will pay up if it looks like one of those nights that it's
starting to get busy and you may want to cut out early.
You're getting kind of tired, right?
Let's say you're down at, I don't know, the nearest bar and grill, okay?
Yeah.
Then you're having a couple of pops with some friends and all of a sudden just a rush of
people comes in.
Don't you all sudden go, man, I don't want to be here that long, but I don't know, I'm
having a good time.
I'm going to go ahead and pay up my bar tab and I'm just going to do it drink by drink.
That way I don't have to sit around and wait for 40 minutes to get my tab because it's
so busy.
I think everybody does that, right?
Yeah.
But you don't do that all the time.
What people are pointing out is they say that it's psycho behavior because that's what they
do.
They go into bars and they automatically have one drink, then close it out, then have another
drink, and close it out.
Anyhow, it doesn't necessarily bother me that bad.
I don't think it's that crazy to you.
I don't see going as far as calling it psycho behavior.
No, I don't either.
I'll be the first one to make fun of Gen Z's all day long.
Yeah, I don't think it's psycho behavior.
What I think is this right here.
I think that it's an organization thing.
I think it looks to me like they like to be organized and together and what would you
call it?
Well planned, well prepared.
I think it's like if your bar tab's settled up, they kind of feel like me sometimes whenever
it starts getting really busy and I don't want to be there a long time.
They're free to go whenever they want.
They went ahead and they paid up their drink.
You know what?
They see something outside and they're like, you know what?
I think I want to go out there and look at that, man.
They're playing hacky sack.
I don't know.
Hey, I can.
My bar tab's paid.
I'm just coming up with stuff.
Right.
So, I kind of get it.
But yeah, I'm with you.
I don't think it's psycho behavior by any stretch.
No, no, no, not at all.
Yeah.
So, anyhow, you got any stories you want to add?
You know how I like coming up with my fun facts, especially the ones that have some
pretty funny comments with them?
Yes.
Okay.
I love this.
There's a garden in England dedicated entirely to plants that are deadly and can kill you.
It's the most dangerous garden in the world.
It holds over 100 killers such as hemlock, strychnine, and nightshade.
One of the comments is, do they have a gift shop?
Nice.
I started rolling on that one.
That's pretty good.
I like that.
That's a great little comeback there.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Excuse me for all the gross sounds I'm making, but man, I'm...
Yeah.
Summer cold sucks, but I'm still here.
You're getting your money's worth.
It's free.
Do what?
Yeah.
I do have another fact.
Oh, okay.
With a comment, did you know that according to a 2018 survey conducted by YouGov, two
percent of Americans still believe that the Earth is flat?
Wow.
That may not seem like a lot, but it's the equivalent of about 6.5 million people.
Here is the comment by the person that posted that.
Okay.
Another funny fact is that there is actually a flat Earth society which was founded in
the 19th century and still exists today.
Yeah.
There's famous people on there.
Go ahead.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
The society claims that the Earth is a flat disk, not a sphere, and that gravity is just
an illusion.
They even have annual conference which is attended by a small but dedicated group of
believers.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
Look it up.
There's famous people in there.
Just like this show.
Everybody has their opinions.
Yep.
That's right.
If you believe Earth is flat, okay.
So be it.
That's fine with me.
I don't care.
Anyhow, on that note, we're closing this show out.
We're going to go to the next one here.
Bye for this one.
Bye.
Good night.
Bye.
Hey, where did everybody go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my god.
Someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh jeez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.
ahahaha