Live, the story of the Market District of downtown Kansas City, Missouri.
From the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue Walkers of the Missouri River, it is Two-Boos Bags and Microphone Podcast.
Hello, this is Satan. You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to Two-Boos Bags and Microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I burned that day. Enjoy.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
Every sock you wear is slightly rotated. Just enough for it to be uncomfortable.
Somewhere in the heavens your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bebo is listening to this film.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Man, I sure wish I was the garbage man. You know what I could do if I was the garbage man?
I could go to the wrong parts of town on the wrong days periodically in the morning
and then watch everybody run out of their house in their underwear with two bags of trash screaming,
Stop! Halt! Yeah, that's what I'd love to do.
Hello, Two-Boos Bags and a Microphone. I'm Mark. And I'm Rob.
Alright, welcome to the show tonight. We have a bunch of stuff coming on.
Let's see, we have the hairy asshole Olympics part four now, is it?
All I know is we're down to our final fourteen.
I'm going to go ahead and call it part four, even if it's three or five.
The hairy asshole Olympics part four tonight.
Four and fourteen, close enough.
Yeah, it's getting down to a real big showdown now.
Because now we're getting to where we're going to have a hard time picking the actual winners.
Because before it was, sometimes it was rough, but most of the time there's a clear cut winner.
We know who it was. Now it's starting to get a little shaky going, I don't know, man.
Yeah, yeah. By the way, I'm already started the next battle.
Good, good, good, good. Because I have too. That's funny that you did that.
Good, good, good. I'm going to have more than six get tested for this.
Good, it's fun here in hell. Every time I hear a name, I run it through my hairy asshole Olympics filter in my brain.
I do too.
I love it. Love it.
That's funny. I even hear guys' names at work and I'm like, I can't do that. I can't do that.
Oh, I love that. Okay, we got our first email, Rob.
With a new legitimate email, which is D-O-U-C-H-E-6-
Actually, the real email address is D-O-U-C-H-E-B-6-6 at Yahoo.com. D-O-U-C-H-E-B-6-6 at Yahoo.com.
Anything else is wrong. Have a great day.
D-O-U-C-H-E-B-6-6. It spells like D-O-U-C-H-E-B-6-6.
D-O-U-C-H-E-B-6-6 at Yahoo.com.
Anyhow, my friend Lona sent us an email. She had a little issue with our list and came up with a very good suggestion.
I'm talking about our sex toy list.
Yeah.
Well, you know what? She was right on this and I agree with her. Thank you for sending this in. Thank you for paying so close attention.
By the way, she loves the show. She basically sent us a breath of fresh air in between the Who Done It podcast,
the true crime ones and all the other shit and all this stuff going on. It's good to hear-
Just so you know, my brother sent us an email too.
Oh, good.
I didn't know if it was working so I got my brother on it. He sent me an email too.
Okay.
And we'll talk about him later.
Okay, sounds good. First off, it starts off with fucker and that's what we call each other. A lot of good friends, I call them fucker, they call me fucker.
Yeah.
The sage and turkey flavored panties need to be cold Thanksgiving dinner. Then you can top it off with pumpkin pie flavor whipped cream on the tits.
I cannot argue with that, Lona. Fucking beautiful thinking. I'm rather embarrassed. I'm sitting here with egg on my face because I didn't think of that myself.
But Lona, you being a true pervert, which we love and we love that about you, you have corrected my error. I see that-
That's kind of way out of the same. We've got to mix it with something that's just sage.
Okay. Yeah, I know.
We throw the whole meal. Whatever. You know what I mean?
Lona, did you hear that? If you want to put mashed potatoes in there and little cranberry sauce, whatever. Go ahead.
Oh baby.
I agree with her. Let's just go ahead and make it a Thanksgiving meal and be done with it.
I agree. 100%.
What you do is when you go and buy this sex toy, you pick what flavors you want.
You say, I'll take some cranberry sauce, I'll take some stuffing. Whatever your flavor is, have at it. It's your Thanksgiving sex toy food.
There you go. I've got breakfast food wars. You know how we did the fruits and the vegetables fighting each other? Yeah.
You throw them at each other?
Absolutely. I think that's the first thing you do. You throw them at each other and then you have the fight between them.
The other morning I was having breakfast at the Crescent Hotel with Valerie when we were the last day of Eureka Springs.
It was stormy and it was ass-offs. We were like, we're not going to drive through the mountains in this type of weather.
There was about another hour left of the storm and it will be through here.
So let's go have breakfast at the Crescent.
Then I'm sitting there looking at this buffet full of breakfast food and I'm like, man, I bet those sausages could kick the shit out of those eggs right now if it wanted to.
Then my mind started working like it always does. So it came up with breakfast food wars and that will be coming up.
I have a bunch of music stories and I've got GNR's Guns N' Roses.
I have their set list for the 2023 Stadium Tour which is really interesting because they're doing a three plus hour concert and they have some shit on there that I'm like,
how are they going to make that work? And we'll go over that too.
I've got a little story about GNR myself.
Oh, okay. Well, how about without any further ado, you have the melody list that we've been refusing to get to because we're too busy blathering about other crap.
So, Rob. Yeah, the last Saturday night, we recorded two different podcasts back in the back. It was supposed to have my melody list in it.
I know. We didn't get it in there.
I know. I know. I know.
So therefore, without further ado, I have it sitting right in front of me.
Rob, go ahead and do it now before I switch subjects and we fucking forget about it.
I want to hear yours because I'll bet you we doubled up on a couple of them.
I think I know you well enough. I think we doubled up on a couple of them.
Okay, this time, I went with 12.
Okay. I've got 14 of them but there's two of them that are teetering so I can knock them off.
You're always ahead of me. I feel lucky I came up with 12. I was like at 10 last time or 11 last time.
Rob, go ahead with them. You always come up with good lists so look here as yours.
Okay, at number 12. At number 12.
Okay.
Dead and Gone off the Pacet number 9 album, Mr. Jet Set.
Oh, nice. Nice.
Yeah, I thought so too.
That is really good. That song is fantastic.
Oh, dude, that whole album is awesome.
It might be Ozzy's finest moment and that's not just...
Just wait. Just wait.
That's not small talk. Ozzy has such a good...
No spoilers.
Go ahead.
Okay, number 11. Hotel California the Eagles.
Ooh. Right there. We doubled up. Right there.
Yeah.
Which means I'm going to change mine because I have a couple other ones I can interchange them with.
Oh, dude, I kind of go all over. Yeah. I'm going to shock you here a little bit.
Okay.
Okay, number 9. Mr. Peter Frampton. Do You Feel Like I Do?
Oh, wow. Wow. Wow.
Tell me you cannot just get into that song.
Yeah. Great. Man. Perfect, Rob. Perfect.
Number 8. And I'm going to a totally different spectrum.
Okay.
Screaming in the Night by Crocus.
Oh. Good one. That is very melodic. It's a melody. Okay.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's deep, man. It's deep.
Beautiful, Rob. Bravo. So far, bravo.
I like this one, too.
Number 7. Starstruck. Mr. Richie Blackmore, Rainbow.
Yes. Oh. I have a Rainbow song on there, but it's not Starstruck.
But Starstruck is the equivalent to the song I have. I can tell you that.
I'm reading mine, so you'll find out mine.
Okay. You may have another Rainbow on there, and we might be doubled up on it.
Because if... Go ahead. Go ahead. Sorry.
Okay. Number 6. Got it. Give it to my man, Mr. Zach Wilde, Between Heaven and Hell.
Oh. Bravo again. That thing is... Oh. Yeah.
Oh, my. Yeah. It's amazing.
Yeah. It is. It is.
Now, right here is where I'm going to throw you off.
Okay.
Number 5. Dance with Me by the Orleans.
Oh.
Okay. Get back there. We're going back to the 70s there.
Rob, I love that choice.
Wow. That's my number 5. That's my top 5, man.
Dude, so far, you're kicking my ass. Keep going.
I'm going to have to go back to the drawing board.
Number 4. You're going to love my number 4 also.
Okay.
A Thousand Shades of Patient Number 9 by Jeff Beck.
By Jeff Beck.
Yes. Fucking beautiful, dude.
Wow.
Yeah. I love that patient. It's awesome, dude.
That's one of my favorite songs on that album.
Yeah. Mine, too.
Wow.
Okay. Number 3.
It goes to my man, Mr. Richie Blackmore, Temple of the King.
Oh. And that's still not the one that I'm talking about on Rainbow,
but that is fucking fantastic.
Temple of the King is... Oh.
It's awesome. Oh, yeah. One of my favorite guitarists ever.
Yeah. Definitely.
Beautiful, man.
Okay. Number 2. I've got to go back to my man, Zach Wilde.
Okay.
And right now, it's my number 1 song, Lost Prayer.
I can't argue with that. I cannot argue with that.
Anybody that has not listened to that song, that has went through a breakup,
listen to that song, man.
Wow.
It's...
That song is... has so much emotion, so much feeling.
It's...
Yes, it does. It does.
It's a work of art.
I mean, you know, all of them are works of art. I know this.
But this thing is a Picasso. It's a masterpiece.
If you haven't listened to it, do yourself a favor.
Fucking go listen to it right now.
But listen to our podcast afterwards.
Yeah.
Put this on pause.
No, I didn't go listen to it.
Yeah, yeah. Look, they're different formats.
We're not on YouTube yet, but we probably will be,
which is coming up in our plans when we have our...
when we have our face-to-face and talk about our plans and stuff.
I'll tell you a little bit more about that.
Right, right.
What we're going to have to do, what you're going to have to have,
what I'm going to have to have and all that.
But you can go to YouTube, listen to that song,
and then come back and un-pause us.
And if you don't, you're a very bad person and we hate you.
Not really.
Anyhow.
Oh, we love everybody.
We love everybody. We're joking.
Even if you...
Oh, wait a second. I got to pull that one back.
Okay.
We don't love everybody.
Okay.
Oh, Kale.
Anyone that loves Kale, we don't like you.
There you go.
And that battle's about to fire back up.
I'm about to get revenge on Tofa.
Oh, okay.
Well, today is Tofa's birthday, by the way.
August 8th.
Oh, happy birthday, Tofa.
Yes.
He is only 42.
No, he's 36. I'm sorry.
I added a few years to you.
Anyhow, happy 36th birthday, Tofa.
Tofa is 34.
Was he? Oh, shit.
He probably...I think he is 34.
Well, anyhow, let's split the difference.
Happy 35th, Tofa.
And we are going to get the evil dudes at the Kale assembly
or whatever the fuck they are.
We're going to get them back.
Yes.
So...
Okay, now, my number one.
I'm going to need your help on this one, Mark.
Okay.
Who's the lead guitarist for the Scorpions?
It depends on what era.
Michael Schoentner was at first.
Then it was Euler Roth.
Are those jazzed?
He's the bass player.
The
Yeah, Mathias Jabs is the bass player.
Okay, okay, okay.
Mathias Jabs is the bass player.
Okay, well, forget about him.
Forget about him.
Okay, Rudolf Schoentner.
Well, my number one song is the Scorpions song.
Okay.
That's where I came up with that name.
I Googled it on who plays it.
Is it still loving you?
What he gave me?
Well, that ain't who I'm talking about.
Oh, okay.
But Scorpions.
And Mark, you're going to love this one.
Okay.
When's it change?
Ooh, yeah, yeah.
The song about...
I'll be your brother, man.
Yes.
There's no better melody.
I actually knew that before you said it.
That was one of his...
You'd love that song.
For many years, I've listened to that song.
Yep.
That's a great song.
It's a song about United States and Russia actually getting together and being friends.
But that's not going to happen.
Yeah.
Great list, dude.
Well, I'm going to have to come up with a rebuttal, not the next podcast that's coming up after this one, but the other one.
You're doing it.
You're good, because I give me time to work on our next venture.
My next one?
You want our next one to be after I come up with my melodic list?
Yes.
Funk.
Huh?
Funk.
Yeah.
You already told me one.
What was that?
Best Based.
Oh, yeah, yeah, that one.
But we can do bass first.
But somewhere down the line, I want to do a funk and soul.
You got it, brother.
You got it.
We're going to be reaching back on those.
You got it.
You know, while we're talking music, I refer to Glenn Hughes a lot.
One of my favorite musicians ever.
He's fantastic, not only a fantastic bass player, but that guy can hit a high falsetto note like he could when he was fucking 30.
I mean, the guy is just a freak of nature.
He's 74, I think.
73, 74, something like that.
He is an amazing talent.
Me and Davey went to see him in the dead days.
He's in Nashville a couple of years ago.
It was just fantastic.
And he's just a consummate rock star.
Just everything that he did, how he plays, how he looks, everything.
Fantastic attitude, just a great person.
Anyhow, I did not know this, but we were not the only fans of Glenn Hughes.
Eddie Van Halen was a fan of Glenn Hughes.
But Glenn Hughes has not always been sober.
So, Glenn Hughes was a...
Neither was I.
I'm not dog.
Yeah.
I'm a kid.
I don't...yeah.
I just had to say it.
That's fine.
Glenn Hughes was very close to joining Van Halen back in the mid-80s after DLR,
Digger the Rock, had left the band.
Wow, I did not know that.
Me neither.
And neither did Davey either, because I sent the article to Davey.
He's like, eh.
So, anyhow, Hughes is not quite sober, so the collaboration never came to fruition.
Eddie was really one of the vocal talents of Hughes at the time,
plus his amazing songwriting skills, bass and guitar knowledge as well.
Glenn was still a little too shaky and admitted that the whole plan
could have fell apart in a second.
Too bad.
Eddie and Glenn working together, I would have just been, wow.
Yeah.
A little bit more music news than that.
George Thorogood cancels his tour because of an urgent needed operation.
The operation has not been revealed, but is said to be urgent and life-saving as well.
We wish George the best,
and we hope George Thorogood is out on the same tour after he gets better,
rocking and doing what he does best, you know, kicking some ass.
Honestly, he would have been one of my tops on a totally different guitar list, you're saying.
Yeah, yeah, because he does what he does.
He does it very well.
He wouldn't be the most talented or anything, but he is very catchy, anthemic.
I really like him.
I always have. He's very good, and I would love to go see him.
Yeah, he does that stuff.
Come in last night, about five to four, old lady won't let me in no more.
You know, moving on over here, and, you know, of course, band of the bone and all that stuff.
Really good talent.
While we are on music news, I have some more music news.
Remember Steven Adler?
Yeah.
Guns N' Roses.
Kind of fucked his whole career up and everything.
You know, got a little bit too much on this, a little too much of that.
Last time I seen him, he was on a rehab reality show.
Yeah, he's been on a few of them.
Former G&R drummer Steven Adler was stabbed in the stomach.
It was reported as an accident.
Adler's agent tells TMZ that this was not a suicide attempt by Adler, but a complete accident.
Do you smell bullshit?
Yeah.
You stabbed yourself accidentally in the stomach?
I don't know.
I guess it could happen.
I'm not going to call bullshit, but I'm going to raise my eyebrow.
Late last week, the police were dispatched to Adler's residence over a stabbing call.
Paramedics on the scene described the stabbing as non-life threatening.
Adler had plenty of struggles in his past with alcoholism and substance abuse.
The drummer was kicked out of Guns N' Roses for drug abuse and erratic behavior in 1990.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, his battles have been well documented, you know.
Oh, very much.
I mean, even to the degree where I believe I read an article.
Now, if I'm wrong on this, I apologize to Steven and everybody, but I think he was selling himself for drugs.
That's how bad it had gotten.
I believe so.
I heard that rumor.
I thought I read that somewhere, but you know what?
If I'm wrong, I apologize.
Yeah, me too.
Me too, but I heard the rumor.
That forgives me.
It's a rumor.
Yeah, yeah.
If it's a rumor, we're sorry, but this is why we understood it.
Adler's agent went on to say that Adler had been clean for several years.
Adler was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2012 with his former band.
Adler has a show next week in Las Vegas.
We wish Steven the best.
He's forced up and down.
He will be.
He will be at that show.
He will be doing that show, and he is fine.
And he looks forward to rocking out in Vegas, I think, in his own words.
So we wish Steven the best, and we hope nothing more than that happening.
Like he said.
So, while we're on the subject of G&R, they have a bunch of dates coming up.
And it is a stadium tour.
So anyhow, it is over a three-hour list.
And the three-hour list, of course, is a lot of songs.
And let me find it here.
I got it somewhere here.
I got a whole bunch of different stuff here.
Oh, here it is.
I'm trying to find my damn G&R story.
It's over here.
Okay.
Well, you can go and do the G&R story after the set list.
We're going to call it a G&R block party.
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
That's right, G&R block party!
Block party!
G&R!
G&R around the corner, three!
Three stories in a row!
That's right, three stories, G&R!
Okay.
That hurt my voice.
But again, with a voice like this, anything hurts it.
So, all right, G&R, 2023 set list.
Three hour plus 28 songs.
It will start out with, and I agree with this, because this is a fantastic song.
It's got a great rhythm and just kind of kicks in the ass.
It's going to make everyone just like, just start fucking boogieing.
It's so easy.
Yeah, it gets you in the mood.
Yeah, it's a great song.
Yeah, that's, I always thought that would be a good opener for that.
Yeah, it is a good opener.
I always thought it would be.
It starts off with that weird bass,
and then the guitars kick in.
So anyhow, that is a perfect song to start off with.
I think it's great.
Then it goes into Bad Obsession, which is great.
Bad Obsession is a blues kind of funky song
with a really blistering guitar on it.
The riff, the rhythm is just really good.
So, Bad Obsession is great.
Use your illusion one, I believe.
And then it goes straight into one of my favorite songs,
Post Slash and Duff, Chinese Democracy.
Chinese Democracy was written by a bunch of different people
and performed by a bunch of different people,
because Axl Rose went through Buckethead.
I forgot, he went through four or five different guitarists,
and I think that this is one of the songs where he had like three of them
performing on it, and you can tell by the guitar.
It's a really unique song because you can tell.
It has all these different musicians,
and it's really not that different than one of their concerts.
Their concerts, they have guest guitarists,
guest saxophonists, guest keyboards,
guest piano players.
I mean, it's a big production.
Keep that album in your head when I come to my report.
Chinese Democracy?
Yes.
I love the album myself, but okay.
Just keep that in your head.
Then the one that I have in question,
and I don't know why they're doing it,
because to me it's like this is where everyone's going to go take a piss,
Slither by Velvet Revolver Cover.
Yes.
Velvet Revolver was a band that Miles Kennedy and Slash...
They got Slash to do with it.
Maybe it was part of his stipulation for coming back on tour.
I don't know, but whatever.
Or maybe...
It's part of a GNR concert.
I agree.
I couldn't agree more.
I think it sucks.
But okay.
Then the next one, Mr. Brownstone, great song.
Awesome.
I find this choice, one, two, three, four, five, six, six songs deep.
Kind of odd.
Welcome to the Jungle.
It's like...
It's right in the middle, and it's their anthem pretty much.
Yeah, yeah, it is.
It's a song that got them on the radio.
Yeah.
So, okay.
Pretty tight up, which is cool.
Yeah.
That was off Use Your Illusion 1, I believe.
No, I think it might be 2.
Well, anyhow.
Pretty...
2, I think.
Good, solid song off of 2, I think you're right.
Hard School.
I don't know what that is.
Hard and the school is spelled S-K-O-O-L.
Double Talking Jive, which I really have problems with.
Double Talking Jive is off of Use Your Illusion 2, and it's just a shit song.
It's just like...
Really just kind of Axl Rose being a dick like he did on so many of them, like Get in the Ring and stuff like that.
I think we're over that one.
Let's see.
It goes Double Talking Jive, get my money motherfucker, because I got no more patience.
Double Talking Jive, and then he's like saying stuff like...
Why are you going to want to play?
Why don't you get what I'm saying?
And all this stuff.
It's just a fucking...
It's a piece of crap song.
And he was like...
Like so much Use Your Illusion 2, he was doing vendetta songs against people he didn't like.
And this was one of them.
And I don't know who he was talking to, but it's just a shit song.
And I don't know.
Maybe Axl is going to take a dump and fucking...
I don't know.
And have some water or something during this song.
Next one, Reckless Life.
And that is off of...
I can't remember if that's off Live Like a Suicide or Lies.
I think it's off Lies maybe.
I don't know.
Oh well.
And then the next one, very powerful song live.
And I agree with this song being in the middle because it kind of re-energizes the audience.
With a Let Die, the Wings Cover.
Which they cover really good.
Yes.
Yeah.
That was one of my favorite covers.
You see that being in the middle of the show I think is a great idea because that...
People are starting to double talk and jive in Reckless Life.
They're kind of like, they're starting to look around.
They're starting to look at the time and stuff.
People really don't know.
Yeah.
So then you play Live and Let Die and all of a sudden everyone runs back there and goes,
Oh fuck yeah.
It's on again.
And then the next one is a song called Absurd.
Don't know what it's from.
Don't know who did it originally.
If someone did do it originally.
Or if this is just one of their own songs from way back when.
Or one that they had in the can that they never released.
But it's just called Absurd.
You know, I've been looking up on YouTube and seeing if there's any footage of them doing it live.
And trying to figure this thing out.
I was going to do it earlier but like everything else I got sidetracked.
The next one, which I think is a really good song, Estranged.
Estranged has some really good piano parts in it.
Has a lot of emotion.
Yeah it does.
I believe about him and Erin Everly, his ex-wife.
Their break up.
I do believe it's about that.
And you can hear it in his voice.
The hurt and everything that went down.
To where they hate each other now.
To where she...
I believe if what I read was correct.
She said I don't want anything except my sanity.
I just want out.
So she didn't ask for any money or anything.
She just said just fucking leave me alone.
In other words, the opposite of November Rain.
Ah yeah!
Well you gotta realize by the time that album came out he'd already been through his marriage.
So the first one was like yeah the first album they're all happy.
The second is the last part of the album where they're not.
Where they really are estranged.
The next one I kinda like.
You'll have to look it up if you don't know what it is.
Down on the farm UK Subz cover.
It's a punk band from the UK.
I can see them doing it.
I think they can do it pretty well. I think they could own it.
So the next one, one of my favorite songs of theirs ever.
Rocket Queen.
Good. Yeah.
Yeah Rocket Queen is a fantastic song.
Yes.
Next one is a good song. It was off the Terminator 2 soundtrack.
You Could Be Mine.
The tagline of the lyrics if you will.
Actually was on Appetite for Destruction.
And it says on there on the inlay on the paper inside.
It says with your bitch slapwrapin' and your cocaine tongue you get nothing done.
And that is the tagline of You Could Be Mine.
So anyhow. TVI Iggy Poppin' the Stooges cover.
I don't know what to say about that one. I don't agree with it at all.
I think it's stupid. Whatever.
Maybe they do it completely different.
That's what I say.
Of all the songs they could do.
Just like the other one. Just like that one. Why?
Yeah. Well they do some Hendrix.
That's your solo shit.
Janis Joplin. I could see Axl doing a really mean Janis Joplin.
I could see him doing Hendrix.
I could hear him doing ACDC.
How about Whole Lotta Rosie?
He did that song so well.
It was almost Bonescott incarnate to me.
Yes. I went back and watched it after you recommended it.
Is that not fantastic?
Yeah.
I was hoping there were two or more.
I wanted to see him play with ACDC so bad.
I wanted to see him sing for him.
Oh well. He just filled in.
Which I thought was bullshit.
I thought they were going to hire him.
And he was going to quit guns.
But I was completely wrong on that.
Okay.
The next one is...
Anything Goes.
Alright.
What is that?
My way. Your way.
Anything Goes Tonight.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
This next song offered no credit to who done this song.
So maybe it's their own.
This I love.
I'm going to skip right over that. Who knows?
Yeah.
Next one is Civil War. Great song. Solid song.
Yes. Awesome song. Awesome song.
Next one is probably one of the most hated songs ever.
And I just don't like it. I never have liked it.
I thought it was a piece of shit song.
They admit it's a piece of shit song.
But it was their best... their biggest hit.
Sweet Child O Mine.
I suppose it's going to do its job.
Because all the ham and aggers there that know nothing about GNR are going to go
and say, oh yeah, sweet child, oh yeah.
Remember we were making out behind the fucking tulip packs on the bus?
Anyhow.
Next one. November Rain. Great song.
Oh yeah.
When it was happy with Aaron.
Next one I like.
Are you familiar with Wichita Lineman?
Yes.
Yeah, Glenn Campbell.
Yeah.
Fucking great song.
I would love to hear him do it. I think I'm going to look it up.
I'm sure they've done it before.
Next one.
Knocking on Heaven's Door. Or as by Bob Dylan.
Or as we used to say, knocking up some old whore.
One of my karaoke songs, man. I mix her too.
I mix her Devin and the GNR.
Oh great. What a gimmick.
Yeah. Great job buddy.
I haven't done it in a few years, but hey.
Next one. This is a great song live. I've seen it live before.
Night Train.
And also dedicated to our most favorite wine because it's 98 cents a bottle at Food Barn.
And it would mess you up.
Fuck. Fuck.
It was a lot better than Ink Star.
The stuff I don't remember on that.
Bravo.
It was a cross between Boon's Farm and Act Off.
Yes.
And it had the best label on it ever.
It was a fucking train crashing.
Yeah. Yeah. It was awesome.
And it came out about the same time as that song.
Well, it had been out for a while.
The song came out after it did.
Well, yeah. The song was written about it.
And the thing is, we were more of MD 2020.
Until they started singing about Night Train.
And then I remembered it from before.
And I'm like, oh yeah. That's like that 98 cent stuff.
And then we started revisiting it.
And it was like, oh fuck.
The stuff is horrible. I think I'm going to drink it.
So.
You know, like you can go in a taxi.
Okay. I'll put Night Train like this.
You can take a taxi to St. Louis, right?
Okay. It takes a while. Three and a half hours.
Yeah.
You jump on a jet, you can be there in 30 minutes.
Night Train is the jet.
There's a lot more you've got to go through.
Well, back then, you know what I'm saying.
I'm talking about air time.
But anyhow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or when they do that new Hyperloop.
Yeah. I heard about that.
Yeah. So the Hyperloop.
Let's call it the Hyperloop.
You get in the motherfucker and like 20 seconds later you're in St. Louis.
So.
Yeah.
Next one.
Patience.
Not my favorite song, but you know what?
I guess it's going to serve its part, right?
Honestly, I like the song.
I always have.
It's a slower, more laid back.
I guess I do like the song.
It's just I heard it so much.
Well, you know what?
That's kind of how.
And this is sad to say.
That's kind of how I feel about.
Rock and roll all night party.
No, no, no.
I agree with you 100%.
I can't stand to hear that song.
That was our song in the day.
All it took was somebody in Jess and Jim's kitchen.
Just singing out I in the whole kitchen and start singing.
Yes.
Next one is Don't Cry, which is a good song.
Good song.
Yeah.
Then the final one is Take Me Down to Paradise City, where the grass is green and the girls
are pretty.
Oh, won't you please take me home?
Of course.
Great song.
Great ending song.
Everyone leaves happy when they're springing their step.
In and out of their vomiting profusely and questioning why they're alive.
I have a better way to finish off that.
Okay.
Has Zach Wild come out with Slash and the Boodoo Child?
Now you're talking.
Okay.
In all world, that's what happens.
Yes.
Yep.
So we will return right back with how about some new deuce flavors?
Okay.
Why not?
All right.
We'll see you guys here in just a moment.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
The number one show for people that lie about their favorite podcast.
I smell bacon.
No, wait.
It's just Mark's sweating.
A brand new feature.
Strange pencils from a alien.
May you always step in a wet spot after putting on fresh socks.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
Pastorize for your protection.
Oh shit.
What's that over there?
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods.
It's harder to deter gents.
Why two douchebags and a microphone?
Because two fuckdots and a recorder was taken.
All right guys.
It is two douchebags and a microphone.
We are back.
I am Mark.
And I am Rob.
All righty.
We mentioned or I mentioned something about new deuce flavors.
Yes.
You think we are ready for that?
We are back from Jeffy again.
Yeah, Jeffy X.
This time he was at the Massengale plant.
I mean the guy is everywhere.
He is amazing.
I mean he can uncover anything.
He should be at Massengale quite a bit.
He must be a temp worker.
Maybe he does.
Maybe that's how he gets away with it.
But once again.
Yeah, he is a temp worker.
He jumps from place to place.
Yeah.
I was sitting on the bed with my nuts hanging out of my shorts scratching it.
And all of a sudden, bink, and I am like hey that is my email.
I look down and it is like Jeffy going you know the drill.
Ten minutes and this thing disappears.
Get it while it is hot.
So I run into the other room and my balls still jiggling a little bit.
I sat down and I poked it back in real quick and I downloaded this and I printed it out
and I have it.
Why I had to go into all that ball stuff I don't know.
But I did.
So here we got more douche flavors from Jeffy X.
Jeffy X whoever you are we thank you.
And we may know who he is.
We may just be lying.
We may know who he is.
But we just can't tell.
Actually I heard a little something a while ago.
Oh do you think you know who it is?
I think you may have put a hint out.
Let's see if anybody else catches on.
You know the email.
Douche66 at Yahoo.com.
Keep him coming.
Look my ways.
He expected an email from my brother.
Okay.
Tom.
Okay Tom Radford or what is his last name?
No.
Cooper.
Tom Cooper.
Alright you got it.
Tom Cooper email away.
I'll be waiting for him with one ball hanging out.
That's the only thing I have to do with him.
Okay cool.
I'll be sitting on the bed with one ball hanging out.
Waiting for your email Tom Cooper.
So without any more ado.
The first one that I got.
Stewed eggplant.
I agree that that didn't make it.
So what it is is down in Massingale.
They do this little thing where they do a little focus panel.
Then they invite all these people.
I don't know buy them a gift certificate.
The Chick-fil-A or some shit or what.
I don't know.
Lie to them.
Who knows.
But they try out these deuce flavors.
And then they're either yay or nay.
And these are the ones that failed.
So.
The next one.
I thought they gave certificates to Sonic.
Oh were they Sonic?
Yeah I think they were Sonic.
Okay okay.
They give the people Sonic gift certificates.
And I heard that the last ones didn't work anyhow.
They went there and the people said someone already used these.
Yeah.
Well I think that's awesome.
Good job Sonic.
You got these suckers.
Good job the focus group people.
Next one.
Easter Peeps.
All flavors.
I would have to agree with that.
100%.
Easter Peeps.
Yeah.
Easter Peeps have no business being a deuce flavor.
Two days.
Well I don't know what to speak.
It might be kind of good.
It might freshen up someone.
They're sticking it.
That's all I think.
Gotcha.
That's all I can do.
Yeah.
This next one.
I don't know.
Some people might like it.
I don't.
Mushroom Soup.
I mean I don't think it sounds good at all as a deuce flavor.
That's right.
I fill one and then Mushroom Soup fans.
Okay then you may.
Not as a deuce.
Okay not as a deuce.
I don't want the chunks.
I don't think anyone wants the chunks.
Alright.
That's safe.
I agree Rob.
100%.
This next one.
Black Eyed Peas.
I agree with that too.
I just don't know what to say.
I don't think that flavor would be very good down there.
Do you?
No.
Yeah.
Yep.
Sorry Black Eyed Peas.
You made me good luck but not as a deuce.
Next one.
Turkey Jerky.
I agree.
It's not even beef jerky.
Fucking Turkey Jerky.
It's not something you got to chew on.
Yeah.
Yeah that's what I'm thinking too.
I wonder how this went down at the focus group.
I would love to see how all this went down.
Yeah.
We need to get him to have a game cam.
Yes.
We need a game cam in the room.
We do.
We'll see.
We'll see if we can't work on that and maybe YouTube it up.
That would be great.
Yeah.
Next one.
Salt Water Taffy.
I'm not a fan of a lot of people.
Okay.
There we go.
Just the flavor.
To be honest that doesn't sound as bad as a lot of these.
For a deuce it would just be the flavor.
Yeah.
Well I guess yeah.
You would have to leave the stickiness kind of out of all of them.
So we have to bring all of them back.
Yeah.
That's one of those things.
You don't need any stickiness for the deuce flavor.
Next one.
Eggs Benedict.
Did not go over.
No.
Did not go over.
This next one I agree with 100%.
We'll see what you think.
Bologna.
Bologna flavored.
No.
This next one I agree with too.
However I do like the flavor.
Egg Nog with real egg.
See the real egg is what gets me.
If it's with real egg no way.
Get that yolk.
You get that yolk stuff in there.
No.
Yeah that's what I'm saying.
No.
Not a.
Next one.
Salmon Salad.
No.
Remember those salmon salad that mom used to make.
They had like the little bones in it.
That's what it brought to my mind.
Yeah.
Now not as a douche and not even in a bowl.
No.
So salmon salad.
No.
I always say skip the middle and just splat it all over the toilet.
Right.
Yeah.
And that's what I say about white beer too.
It's like take that beer straight to the urinal.
Pour it in the bowl.
I just will not be the middle man on this.
Right.
Next one.
Spam.
With the jelly and everything.
You imagine that spam jelly.
No.
Thank God I ate dinner already man.
No.
Jeffy X didn't do us any favors on this one did he?
God I love him though.
Oh we do love him.
Jeffy X brings it man.
That dude he I don't know how he uncovers all this stuff.
But I mean if he was actually out in the open he would be like a news man of the year or
something.
Journalist of the year.
Oh he's got my vote now.
Oh me too.
He really does.
He's amazing.
He comes off as the best.
And then finally but not least General Sal Chicken which I've been known to love.
Oh yeah that's my favorite Chinese.
Yeah you know I could have worked with that.
Other than the women.
Well yeah yeah yeah.
Just kidding.
I'm kidding.
No no no.
Yeah General Sal sounds really good.
Yeah.
But you know they didn't do it so okay.
I mean I respect their focus group.
What happened then was the spiciness.
Yeah that's true.
It can be very spicy.
You're right.
Irritate him.
You're right it can be very spicy.
You're absolutely right.
So that probably done it right there.
Yeah.
That irritated him.
All right.
Thank you Jeffy X.
To Douchebagsandmicro.net.
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You want to say something to us?
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To Douchebagsandmicro.net is up and running.
Hey where do they go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my god someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh jeez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man that smells.