1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000 Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:09,000 from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue waters of the Missouri River, 3 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:13,000 it is Two Boosh Bags and Microphone Podcast. 4 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,000 Oh shit, what's that over there? 5 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:22,000 Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes. 6 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:34,000 What do you call a bundle of hay in church? Christian Bale. 7 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,000 Two monkey fuckers and a toaster will be right back. 8 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:54,000 Not responsible for greasy residue left on your Bluetooth. 9 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:57,000 No! No! 10 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,000 Two douchebags and a microphone says, 11 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:05,000 you ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass? 12 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,000 Just asking. 13 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:12,000 Hello everybody, we are Two Douchebags and a Microphone. I'm Mark. 14 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,000 And I'm Rob. 15 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:20,000 Alright, welcome. So earlier on the podcast before, since we split them up, 16 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:26,000 because one of the things about podcasting is people rarely listen over an hour. 17 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:31,000 So we usually have about 30 to 40 minutes on the drive to and from work. 18 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:34,000 So 30 and 30 is an hour, okay. 19 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:39,000 So occasionally our podcasts go over, but we do a couple of podcasts in a row 20 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:44,000 and we split them up usually to make them an hour, hour, five, hour, ten minutes each. 21 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:51,000 And that is because the average listening time of a podcast is about 45 minutes to an hour, 22 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,000 mainly based on people's drive time. So that's why we do it like this. 23 00:01:54,000 --> 00:02:00,000 So earlier we were puffing our chests out about a new douchebags letter. 24 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:04,000 Well we have it and here it is. We're getting ready to deliver it here on this podcast. 25 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:09,000 So, we got a new dear douchebags letter Rob. 26 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,000 Let's do it. 27 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:17,000 Alright. Well, dear douchebags, I have a problem with a co-worker and it's very frustrating. 28 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:21,000 I constantly have to deal with Mr. Bluetooth guy. 29 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:27,000 This asswine constantly has to keep myself and everyone else within yelling distance 30 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,000 in his business every damn day in the break room. 31 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:35,000 The fuckhead ordering Kung Pao chicken or just having a social event with a buddy. 32 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,000 This annoying asshole needs to be stopped. 33 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:42,000 Signed On The Cell and Veil. 34 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:46,000 Another great, another great name, On The Cell and Veil. 35 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,000 Great name. Great name. 36 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:53,000 Yeah. Always. They never disappoint with their names. 37 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:56,000 So, well the rest of the content we'll see. 38 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:59,000 But, they never disappoint with their names. 39 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:05,000 So, our collaborating geniuses here at Two Douchebags and Microphone 40 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:08,000 all got together for this rebuttal. 41 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,000 Or answer or whatever. 42 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:16,000 Dear Veil, I have a few ideas for you that could help expedite his dial tone. 43 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:22,000 One, have multiple people right behind him drop heavy items on the floor. 44 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:26,000 Perhaps it could startle the idiot enough to hang up. 45 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:31,000 Or hurt the other person listening in on his Bluetooth 46 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,000 bad enough to where they hang up. 47 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,000 If you drop something heavy enough that will ring right through there 48 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:40,000 and whoever's listening will probably hang up on their own. 49 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:44,000 So, that's a pretty good idea, right? 50 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:49,000 Well, if I can handle heavy steel I could do that. 51 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:55,000 Oh, you could drop it on a concrete. 52 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:58,000 That would probably blow his eardrums out too. 53 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:01,000 From 20 to 28 foot. 54 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:04,000 That's going to make some noise. 55 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,000 That's what we need. 56 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:09,000 We need a fucking eye beam to hit the concrete 57 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:13,000 while this douchebag is on his phone and on his Bluetooth. 58 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:16,000 Yes. 59 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:19,000 Number two, obscene flashcards. 60 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:24,000 Perhaps a sketch drawing of a giraffe's penis or llama porn. 61 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:31,000 He's like, yeah, and then we went down and we went to the park 62 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:34,000 and little Jeff... 63 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,000 What? What'd you say, Billy? 64 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:41,000 I'll call you back. 65 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,000 Llama porn. 66 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:51,000 Or a sketch drawing of a giraffe's penis. 67 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,000 What the hell? 68 00:04:53,000 --> 00:05:00,000 Somebody was really fucking demented this day, weren't they, 69 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:03,000 when they came up with answers. 70 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,000 That happened to me. 71 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:08,000 Yep. 72 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:16,000 Number three, point and whisper right behind him, laugh and walk off. 73 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,000 I like that one. 74 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,000 They'll never know unless they get off the phone and go, 75 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:24,000 what were you laughing at earlier behind me? 76 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,000 And then you always reserve the right to, 77 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:29,000 I don't know what you're talking about. 78 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:31,000 Why? Why didn't you hear me? 79 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,000 Were you on the phone or something? 80 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,000 Yeah, yeah. 81 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,000 I don't know what you're talking about. 82 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:39,000 I didn't do that. 83 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,000 Make them wonder. 84 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,000 Number four... 85 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:48,000 I like this one a lot, this number four. 86 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:55,000 Have ten people call me in a row and hang up. 87 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,000 They're just talking to someone. 88 00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:00,000 Hang on a minute, I'll be right back. 89 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:03,000 Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? 90 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,000 Click. 91 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,000 Alright, I'm back. 92 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,000 Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on. 93 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,000 Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? 94 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,000 Hey, hello? 95 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,000 Click. 96 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:16,000 Hey, I'm back. 97 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:19,000 Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? 98 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,000 Hang on, I'll be right back. 99 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,000 Just over and over and over. 100 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:27,000 Let's see, and then let's see. 101 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:30,000 Download ten hours of goat noises 102 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,000 and every time make sure and connect to his phone. 103 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:36,000 Play the goat noises as long as needed. 104 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,000 Best of luck, hope this helps. 105 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:41,000 And that would be like I did the guy, 106 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,000 the old man I used to work with. 107 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:49,000 Actually, I love the goat noises. 108 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,000 Oh yeah, I used to make... 109 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:53,000 I love the goat noises. 110 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,000 You know my goat noises that I do? 111 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,000 Yeah. 112 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,000 I did it on this cruise. 113 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,000 And here's how my... 114 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,000 I'll clean you in on this. 115 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:07,000 Okay, and anyhow, this is my goat noises. 116 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:17,000 Goat noises. 117 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,000 Pretty good goat noise, right? 118 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,000 Yeah. 119 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,000 You hear it and you think goat. 120 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,000 Well, we were on... 121 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,000 Me and Val were on this cruise. 122 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,000 We had a really nice balcony. 123 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:34,000 Right next to us were some pretty fucked up people. 124 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:38,000 I mean, they were smacking furniture against the wall all night 125 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,000 and all this shit. 126 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,000 And we'd turn all the lights off on our balcony 127 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,000 and just listen to them. 128 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:47,000 And from what we could gather from what we heard is 129 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,000 their uncle with some money passed away 130 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,000 and left them some money for a cruise. 131 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:54,000 And that's how they got this cruise. 132 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,000 And it sounded like they had balconies connected, 133 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,000 like three of them or whatever. 134 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,000 So all three of them got money from this uncle or whatever 135 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:03,000 and they all were going on a cruise courtesy of him. 136 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:10,000 So they were drinking constantly 137 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:13,000 and just always yelling at each other and stuff 138 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:16,000 and yelling in the room and banging furniture and shit. 139 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,000 And I got tired of it. 140 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:21,000 So I was sitting out there with all the lights off 141 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,000 on our balcony and right next to us 142 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,000 there's just a partition between us. 143 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,000 And you can't see them. 144 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,000 That's how they do cruise ships. 145 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,000 They put a partition between you. 146 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:32,000 It's all one balcony and they put a partition between you. 147 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,000 So you can't see the people next to you. 148 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:38,000 So I'm sitting there in the corner in the dark in my chair 149 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,000 and they're out there talking 150 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:43,000 and I start doing the goat noises. 151 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,000 And you know, like when I was talking going, 152 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:49,000 yeah, and then I went down there to the homeless shop 153 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:53,000 and I start going really low. 154 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,000 And you can hear them stop 155 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,000 and you can hear them not talking for a while 156 00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:01,000 and you can almost hear them looking around. 157 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:05,000 And then one of them goes, did you hear that? 158 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:09,000 And I was like, yeah, I heard something. 159 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,000 It sounds like a goat. 160 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:14,000 And they're sitting there like discussing about, you know, 161 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:17,000 how could there be a goat on here? 162 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,000 So I waited about 10 more minutes. 163 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,000 They just got back to talking and laughing and big ha ha. 164 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:25,000 And all of a sudden I start going, 165 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:32,000 and then next thing you know, they stop. 166 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:35,000 And they didn't say anything this time. 167 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,000 Like they're bound to determine, 168 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,000 they're going to catch this goat noise. 169 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:41,000 And you could like kind of like see them a little bit 170 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:44,000 with a light from them about how they're kind of like 171 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,000 shushing each other and looking around. 172 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,000 And they could not figure out where this noise is coming from. 173 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,000 They're all freaked out. 174 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,000 They thought nobody was next to them 175 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,000 because all our lights were off. 176 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,000 And we're just sitting there in the corner 177 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,000 fucking with them. 178 00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:01,000 So anyhow, the next night we come back from dinner on the cruise 179 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,000 and they were fumigating their whole room 180 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,000 because they got so fucked up. 181 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,000 They went to the infirmary. 182 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:11,000 And if you go to the ship hospital 183 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,000 and you say you're sick from alcohol, 184 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,000 they automatically don't believe you. 185 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,000 They think that there's this chance that you could have 186 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,000 some sort of a bug that can make the whole, 187 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,000 the whole fucking ship sick, right? 188 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,000 So they throw you in there 189 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,000 and they don't let you out until you're better. 190 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,000 So they were gone for a day and a half 191 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,000 and it was really peaceful. 192 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,000 Like, wow. 193 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,000 Then all of a sudden they were back. 194 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:38,000 And anyhow, there was a whole bunch of other shit 195 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,000 that happened too. 196 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,000 We finally got to see them the last day of the cruise. 197 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:45,000 Me and Val were sitting right next to them on the deck, 198 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,000 sunning, and we didn't know it. 199 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,000 And one of them come up, one of the females, 200 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:54,000 and she had this like really raspy voice and she goes, 201 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:59,000 she goes, you reading that, what was that big, 202 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:03,000 oh shit, that big sex novel, what was it? 203 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,000 Shit, I forgot. 204 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,000 They did all the movies over. 205 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,000 And anyhow, 206 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,000 Oh, some gray. 207 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,000 Yeah, yeah, Fifty Shades of Grey. 208 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,000 Thank you. 209 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,000 So anyhow, she goes, you what? 210 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,000 You reading that Fifty Shades of Grey again 211 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,000 and we're right next to us and we recognize the voice. 212 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,000 Me and Val look at each other and we're like, 213 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,000 fuck, that's her. 214 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,000 That's one of them. 215 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,000 And she goes, now I'm just reading the sex parts again. 216 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,000 And we're like, oh fuck. 217 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:32,000 So anyhow, we're about ready to die. 218 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,000 So we got to go somewhere else because we're laughing like, 219 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,000 oh my God, they look just like they sound. 220 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,000 So anyhow, we see them leaving. 221 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,000 They're all wearing fucking tank tops 222 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,000 and scratching their ass and stuff. 223 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,000 It was just funny. 224 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:47,000 But that goat, that goat noises, 225 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,000 I fucking fucked with them really bad. 226 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,000 And anyhow, I did it a few nights and you could, 227 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:56,000 they would like shut up and try to catch where this goat noise was coming from. 228 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,000 But they never could figure it out because I was just there 229 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,000 and I could tell what they were doing. 230 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,000 So anyhow, it was cool. 231 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:10,000 So, anyhow, all right. 232 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:13,000 I got some, a neat little article 233 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,000 or do you want to go into the hairy asshole Olympics? 234 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,000 I'll leave it up to you. 235 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,000 I have a real quick question for you. 236 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,000 Yes. 237 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,000 Okay. 238 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:28,000 You know how everybody knows dinosaur sounds? 239 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:34,000 Yes. 240 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,000 How does everybody know how that sounds? 241 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:42,000 Well, to me, to me, I know, I know what you're saying. 242 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:45,000 And I think that everybody as a child comes, 243 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:48,000 and here's what I'm saying, and I know where you're going with this, 244 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:52,000 but my rational idea on this is everybody has a sound 245 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:57,000 that they associate with everything when they're a child, right? 246 00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:03,000 I think the dinosaurs, honestly, I think dinosaur sounds come from that. 247 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:06,000 So you think a Tyrannosaurus Rex doesn't? 248 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,000 We used to look at the movies like we were talking about Godzilla and all that. 249 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,000 Yes, yes. 250 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:15,000 But how did people know that a child has sounded? 251 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,000 They didn't. 252 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,000 It's a question. 253 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:24,000 I hear you, but they didn't. 254 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:28,000 They didn't know. There's no way they could know. 255 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:31,000 I mean, wouldn't it be funny if a Tyrannosaurus Rex 256 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:45,000 that sounds like fluffing sounds like... 257 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:53,000 Wouldn't it be funny if they were really meek and they spoke English? 258 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,000 Excuse me, guys, you might want to get out of here, 259 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:59,000 because if you don't I'm going to have to eat every one of you. 260 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:03,000 You think about going into one of those caves that my little hands can't reach into? 261 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,000 That would be my best suggestion. 262 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,000 Because if not, I'm going to have to naturally, because of my nature, 263 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,000 I'm going to have to eat you guys. I'm going to have to kill you. 264 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,000 I never die, so... 265 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,000 Yeah, they're like, look, I really don't want to do this. 266 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,000 If you force me to eat plants, I will. 267 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:23,000 But if I see a nice juicy caveman, I'm going to have to eat you first. 268 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,000 But I'm just warning you, you don't want to be eaten. 269 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,000 You might want to get into one of those caves. 270 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,000 I have these little bitty hands. 271 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:32,000 I can't reach in there with my little bitty arms. 272 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,000 So, you know, you guys might want to think about relocating there 273 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,000 for at least a time being, or at least until I leave. 274 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:41,000 If you stay there long enough, I'll leave and I'll go look for something else. 275 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,000 That's my suggestion. 276 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,000 Thank you, have a good night. 277 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:57,000 So, how about... 278 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,000 You knew it would. 279 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,000 You know what? 280 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:05,000 How about some hairy asshole Olympics? 281 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:11,000 Okay, I'll be digging my pages up. 282 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:17,000 Meanwhile, I'm going to work on perfecting my Trianasaurus Rex sound. 283 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:20,000 Okay, I have three battles. 284 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,000 You have quite a few. 285 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,000 Yes, I do, I have a lot. 286 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:29,000 So the Trianasaurus Rex goes in for a job interview, right? 287 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:35,000 Yeah, my name's Rex. 288 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:40,000 I'm rather, you know, I know we have a bad reputation, 289 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:44,000 but I mean, I'm really quite docile, and I really love children, 290 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,000 and I like opera. 291 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,000 Hey, I'll go ahead, I'm done. 292 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,000 Sorry. 293 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:54,000 Go ahead, I can do this all fucking night, trust me. 294 00:15:54,000 --> 00:16:04,000 If not, so this is where you settle your toss-ups, or we settle them. 295 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:08,000 All right, everybody, the 2023 hairy asshole Olympics. 296 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 297 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:15,000 Whoa, you got $15,000. 298 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,000 I have three battles. 299 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:22,000 Okay, I'll do mine then. 300 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,000 Well, this is perfect. 301 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,000 Oh, we can go ahead and get mine out. 302 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,000 I'll go ahead and start and look for yours, okay? 303 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:36,000 Oh my God, no, I rather not, we're just going to look at my number one bathtub, 304 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:42,000 and right now would be a very bad time. 305 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:46,000 Okay, here's what I got, and I know I didn't get them all. 306 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:51,000 I went by the list that you sent me, so I think there's more, 307 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,000 but I can't find the pages where I wrote them all down on, 308 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:58,000 so I'm going by this, so if I miss some, let me know. 309 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:03,000 But what I did was I pinned them against each other as according to what they did, 310 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:06,000 their prominence in life, all this stuff, okay? 311 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:14,000 So the first one I have, Nancy Pelosi versus Liza Minnelli. 312 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,000 Okay, Liza was mine. 313 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:21,000 You see, it was all mixed up. 314 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:25,000 Yeah, right. 315 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,000 Do we care? 316 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:35,000 Actually, no, honestly, let's go with that one, 317 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:49,000 because Liza was in my first win, and her opponent, no, let's drop, yeah, he's mine. 318 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:54,000 I have a cancellation on one of my opponents against Liza Minnelli. 319 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,000 Oh, who was it? 320 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,000 Peewee Herman. 321 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,000 Oh, shit. 322 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:04,000 Well, we did have dead people on here, though. 323 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:08,000 Yeah, but not so damn soon, man. 324 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,000 Okay, too soon. 325 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,000 Okay, you're right. 326 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:17,000 So, yeah, okay, so we're going Liza Minnelli versus Pelosi. 327 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:22,000 Yes, I'm going to go with Pelosi. 328 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:25,000 Pelosi's got my vote, man. 329 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,000 Me too, all right. 330 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:33,000 So I'm scratching off Liza, so Pelosi makes it to round three. 331 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:38,000 Okay, but I may keep Peewee live. 332 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:43,000 Okay, okay, that's fine. 333 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:44,000 Next one. 334 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,000 What'd you say? 335 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:52,000 Dave Mustaine versus Lenny Kravitz. 336 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,000 See, I was thinking that one. 337 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:58,000 I think I'm going to go with Mustaine. 338 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,000 I think Lenny Kravitz is a little groomed, nice. 339 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:08,000 Yeah, I think Lenny Kravitz gives a shit if he has asshole hair and he don't like it. 340 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:11,000 So, Lenny's marked off the list. 341 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:14,000 Lenny is gone, he did not make it. 342 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:17,000 Mustaine made it to round three. 343 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:23,000 Next one, Emeril Lagasse versus Fidel Castro. 344 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:27,000 I know, I know. 345 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:31,000 Look at the texts that you sent me, they're all together. 346 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,000 So, anyhow. 347 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,000 Okay, I'll say that. 348 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,000 I had another list. 349 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,000 All right, that's fine. 350 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:43,000 I had another list somewhere, but I can't find it, so I'm just going with this. 351 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,000 This is good enough for now. 352 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,000 Fidel Castro. 353 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:48,000 Me too, because here's what we can do. 354 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:51,000 We will come up, we'll come up with. 355 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,000 We don't care. 356 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,000 No, here's the deal. 357 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:59,000 We can come up with more people and have a hairy asshole Olympics two and three, however 358 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,000 many we want. 359 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:08,000 So, if I find my other list, we'll have a hairy asshole Olympics two and then we can 360 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,000 go to three or whatever. 361 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,000 So, I'm just going with it. 362 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:17,000 Next one is Larry Bird versus Terry Bradshaw. 363 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:20,000 I'm going with Bradshaw. 364 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:23,000 He is a football player. 365 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,000 Larry Bird was a basketball player. 366 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:30,000 Larry Bird is more blonde than Terry Bradshaw. 367 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:35,000 I think Terry Bradshaw is kind of rough and tumble, a little darker blonde. 368 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:39,000 I think he would be more susceptible to a hairy asshole. 369 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:47,000 Okay, we just got Charles Fidel Castro beat out Emeril Lagasse. 370 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,000 Fidel is dead, but who cares? 371 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,000 No, but Fidel beat out Emeril Lagasse. 372 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,000 Yes. 373 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,000 But we agreed on it. 374 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,000 Yes, Emeril is gone. 375 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,000 So, so far the winners are. 376 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:00,000 I'm not getting marked in my list here. 377 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,000 Here's who is going to round three. 378 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:09,000 Pelosi, Mustaine, Bradshaw and Castro. 379 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,000 Alright. 380 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:18,000 Alright, next on the docket for the hairy asshole Olympics round two, Aaron Rodgers versus 381 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,000 Derek Carr. 382 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:24,000 Oh, see I had another match up for that one. 383 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,000 That's a good one right there. 384 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:29,000 You're good, you're good, you're good. 385 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,000 I'm going with Derek Carr. 386 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:37,000 I'm still sticking with Aaron Rodgers. 387 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:42,000 Okay, do you got a coin around? 388 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,000 No. 389 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,000 Hang on. 390 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:49,000 I'm staying in the living room with, yeah. 391 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,000 That's fine. 392 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,000 Here, hang on. 393 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,000 I'm going to flip the coin. 394 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,000 Heads or tails? 395 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:58,000 I was doing it off his hippie shit. 396 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,000 Okay, you know what? 397 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,000 You won, you won. 398 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,000 You won, you won. 399 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:06,000 That's how we agreed on it the first time. 400 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:07,000 Yeah, you know what? 401 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,000 I didn't think it was bad. 402 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,000 I'd forgotten that. 403 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,000 Okay, A-Rodge wins. 404 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,000 Next one, this one. 405 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:15,000 The door close up. 406 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:21,000 Yep, A-Rodge goes to round three. 407 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:26,000 Next one, Jack Nicholson versus Jason Kelsey. 408 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:30,000 Damn it, damn it. 409 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:33,000 Damn you. 410 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:37,000 Man, this is the biggest toss up we've had. 411 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:41,000 Damn you, I had them for the final one. 412 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,000 They can be the final ones. 413 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,000 This isn't settled yet. 414 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,000 We're going to round three now. 415 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:48,000 I had those two to come down to the final. 416 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:52,000 Because Jason Kelsey was on my list. 417 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:57,000 Nicholson, I had them in the final battle. 418 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,000 Okay. 419 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,000 Okay, hang on, hang on, hang on. 420 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,000 No, no, no. 421 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,000 Let's keep it. 422 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,000 Let's keep it. 423 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,000 Let's keep it. 424 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,000 Because no, no, I got it. 425 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:16,000 Because I still, as long as you take my top one, we're good. 426 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:19,000 We're going to have to make tough decisions anyhow. 427 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:20,000 Okay? 428 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:21,000 No, no, no. 429 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:24,000 It's Nicholson versus Kelsey, right? 430 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:29,000 Yes, and I think, although Jason Kelsey has a lot of thick hair, I'm going with Jack Nicholson. 431 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,000 I'm going with Jack Nicholson because I think he would have... 432 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:33,000 I dare you to say Nicholson. 433 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:37,000 Yeah, he would have ass hair everywhere and he would love it and he would have fucking 434 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:41,000 females braid it for him while he farted in their face. 435 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,000 Damn you. 436 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,000 And he'd go, you know why I did that? 437 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:50,000 Because I'm Jack fucking Nicholson, bitch, and you're going to smell my fart. 438 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,000 Right? 439 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:52,000 Okay, okay. 440 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:55,000 That's what I do. 441 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:59,000 He'd have some fucking bitch... 442 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:05,000 Yeah, after he gets grayed out, he'd turn around and go, now he's going to go braid 443 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:06,000 my ass hair, bitch. 444 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,000 And then when she's doing it, he's going to fucking poo all over her face. 445 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,000 He's going to go snip it up. 446 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:12,000 Sniff it up. 447 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:16,000 And she's going to snip it up because he's Jack fucking Nicholson, right? 448 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:20,000 All right, okay, next. 449 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:23,000 Marie Osmond versus Kim Kardashian. 450 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:27,000 I got to go with Kardashian. 451 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:34,000 Dude, that's a battle I had to take from the dick-go. 452 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,000 It's a great battle. 453 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,000 Think about how good that is. 454 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,000 But I have to disagree. 455 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,000 I got to go with Marie Osmond. 456 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:43,000 Okay. 457 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:48,000 All right, instead of a quump flip... 458 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:51,000 Write it down later. 459 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:54,000 Both of them will go to round three. 460 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:55,000 How's that? 461 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:58,000 Okay, I'm writing it down right now. 462 00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,000 Marie... 463 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:00,000 All right. 464 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:05,000 And Kim Kardashian, both make it to round three, and then we'll put them up against 465 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,000 other people. 466 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,000 Fair enough? 467 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,000 Fair enough. 468 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:09,000 Okay. 469 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:14,000 I think we're good. 470 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:26,000 Next one, Chad Kroger versus Steven Tyler. 471 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:30,000 I'm going to give it to Kroger by an ass-hair. 472 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:33,000 I'm going to give that one to Steven. 473 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:34,000 Okay. 474 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:35,000 Look at him, man. 475 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:38,000 He looks like a lady these days. 476 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,000 I know he does, yeah. 477 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:41,000 Okay. 478 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,000 Seriously, he looks like an old lady. 479 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,000 You swayed me. 480 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:45,000 You swayed me. 481 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:46,000 Okay. 482 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:47,000 Steven Tyler gets it. 483 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,000 This next one, I don't know. 484 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:54,000 I'm going to go with whatever you say, because I've thought about it, and I don't know. 485 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,000 Marcus Mariota versus George Carlin. 486 00:25:56,000 --> 00:26:00,000 I thought I'm going to go with Mariota, actually, thinking about it. 487 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:05,000 What do you think? 488 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:11,000 I'm just saying Carlin being crusty, dude. 489 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,000 Okay. 490 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:15,000 Yeah, you know, he's been going quite a while. 491 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:18,000 That's not my thought, and he has the whole time. 492 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:19,000 Okay. 493 00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:22,000 George Carlin goes forward. 494 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,000 I just say he being crusty. 495 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:25,000 This next one, I got it. 496 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:28,000 Mariota might take care of himself. 497 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:29,000 Okay. 498 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:31,000 Hugh Jackman versus Pee-wee Herman. 499 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:34,000 Hugh Jackman wins by default. 500 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:40,000 Pee-wee checked out yesterday or the day before, so Hugh Jackman goes to win. 501 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,000 Hugh Jackman. 502 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:42,000 Okay. 503 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,000 I ain't going to say nothing. 504 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,000 Well, I mean, you're right. 505 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,000 To respect Pee-wee, we both loved him growing up. 506 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:52,000 To respect him, Hugh Jackman just goes through. 507 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:53,000 Yes. 508 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:54,000 Yes. 509 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:57,000 Pee-wee forfeited it by death, so no hard feelings. 510 00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,000 We understand. 511 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:01,000 Okay. 512 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:04,000 There are toss-ups I have right here. 513 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:09,000 Robert De Niro versus Brad Pitt. 514 00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:12,000 Ooh. 515 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:17,000 I'm going to go with De Niro. 516 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,000 That's what I went with. 517 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,000 Okay. 518 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:23,000 De Niro goes to round three. 519 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:27,000 Brad's stinky pit is off the hook. 520 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:28,000 Next one. 521 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:33,000 Juliana Margolis versus Carrie Underwear. 522 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:37,000 Or Wood, some people call her. 523 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,000 I'm going to go with Margolis. 524 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:40,000 What? 525 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:41,000 Go ahead. 526 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:44,000 Yeah, I'd go with Margolis, too. 527 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:45,000 Okay. 528 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,000 All right. 529 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:51,000 Next one, and this was the biggest one that I could gather. 530 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:56,000 Madonna versus Cyndi Lauper. 531 00:27:56,000 --> 00:28:01,000 I say Madonna because Madonna had hairy underarms. 532 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,000 She's Italian. 533 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:05,000 Yes. 534 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:09,000 Madonna having hairy underarms did it for me. 535 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:10,000 Okay. 536 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:13,000 So Madonna will go to round three. 537 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,000 Yeah, well, that's three. 538 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:20,000 Here's what we're looking at in round three just to make sure that I'm correct on this. 539 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:33,000 Nancy Pelosi, Dave Mustaine, Fidel Castro, Terry Bradshaw, Aaron Rodgers, Jack Nicholson, 540 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:45,000 Marie Osmond and Kim Kardashian, Stephen Tyler, George Carlin, Hugh Jackman by default, 541 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:48,000 Robert De Niro and Madonna. 542 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:49,000 All right. 543 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:50,000 Okay. 544 00:28:50,000 --> 00:29:01,000 Those will be on round three of our Asshole, can't ever say it right, our Hairy Asshole 545 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,000 Olympics. 546 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,000 So. 547 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:07,000 Then the next time we'll do the wrestle with. 548 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,000 Yep. 549 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,000 And weigh them down. 550 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:14,000 A little suspense there. 551 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:20,000 I know people all over the world are really dying to know who's going to take home the 552 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:21,000 gold. 553 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:22,000 Who is going to win this? 554 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:25,000 Will it be Madonna or will it be Jack Nicholson? 555 00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:28,000 Could it be Kim K? 556 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:31,000 Or could it be Nancy Pelosi? 557 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:34,000 I guess Taylor Swift. 558 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:37,000 I should have put Taylor. 559 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,000 I don't know why. 560 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:40,000 She's on our list. 561 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:43,000 She's on our list as a winner. 562 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,000 She's still in the running. 563 00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:46,000 Okay. 564 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:53,000 The list you have, can you read them off so we can go ahead and get them all into round 565 00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:54,000 three? 566 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:56,000 Oh, you want to do the other list? 567 00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:57,000 Okay. 568 00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:58,000 Yeah. 569 00:29:58,000 --> 00:29:59,000 Yeah, let's do it. 570 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:03,000 Okay, well I've got to pair them up for the report. 571 00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:04,000 Okay. 572 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:07,000 I just have the winners. 573 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:08,000 Meanwhile. 574 00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:13,000 Well, while I was pairing them up, I will entertain you by singing to you. 575 00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:21,000 La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la 576 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:22,000 I smell. 577 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:23,000 Asshole. 578 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:24,000 I smell. 579 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:25,000 Shrimp. 580 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:27,000 I smell. 581 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:30,000 Okay, here's a good one. 582 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:31,000 Here's a good one. 583 00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:32,000 You like my song? 584 00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:33,000 No, go ahead. 585 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:34,000 Yes. 586 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:35,000 What? 587 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:39,000 Matt Damon or Clint Eastwood. 588 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:40,000 Ooh. 589 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:49,000 I'm leaning towards Clint Eastwood because he's old and crusty. 590 00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,000 Me too. 591 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:57,000 All right, so Clint Eastwood goes on to round three. 592 00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:58,000 The Clintster. 593 00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:59,000 Oh, hey. 594 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:00,000 Oh, here we go. 595 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:01,000 Okay. 596 00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:02,000 Here we go. 597 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:03,000 Okay. 598 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:08,000 Let's get this one out of the way. 599 00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:09,000 Okay. 600 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:16,000 Jennifer Lopez or Taylor Swift. 601 00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:17,000 J-Lo. 602 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:22,000 I say Taylor. 603 00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:28,000 I changed to Taylor because I hate her. 604 00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:29,000 All right. 605 00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:30,000 Taylor Swift. 606 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:31,000 Well, no, no. 607 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:34,000 J-Lo because she got to stay clean for her man. 608 00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:35,000 Taylor hates men. 609 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:36,000 You're right. 610 00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:37,000 She listened to her mom. 611 00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:38,000 Yes. 612 00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:39,000 Yeah. 613 00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:44,000 Well, she turned down Travis Kelcey, so obviously she is a fan of Taylor Swift. 614 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:47,000 Okay. 615 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:50,000 Taylor Swift, it is. 616 00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:51,000 Sorry, J-Lo. 617 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:56,000 We know you love your asshole, Air Olympics, and you're one of our biggest fans and you 618 00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:59,000 write us every week, but you're out of this. 619 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:00,000 We're sorry. 620 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:01,000 All right. 621 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:02,000 I'm going to try a good one for this one. 622 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:03,000 Okay. 623 00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:04,000 Oh, man. 624 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:15,000 All right. 625 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:23,000 Johnny Depp or Nicholas Cage. 626 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:34,000 Oh, I'm going to go with Nick Cage. 627 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:37,000 Actually, I'm going to have to go that one too. 628 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:40,000 All right. 629 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:44,000 Nicholas, you are on to round three. 630 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,000 I know he listens too. 631 00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,000 He's got to be just a static. 632 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:49,000 A static. 633 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:55,000 You know, he listens and as soon as we get more phone capabilities, he wants to call 634 00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:59,000 in acting like other people. 635 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:03,000 So when we get Stan from fucking Board Bond, it's him. 636 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:04,000 Yeah. 637 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:09,000 Oh, I said, so if we get Stan calling in from Oregon, it's him. 638 00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,000 It's really Nicholas Cage. 639 00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,000 So, anyhow, go ahead. 640 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,000 Oh, I'd love to hear from him. 641 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:19,000 Oh, yeah, he's going to call in acting like other people. 642 00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,000 Oh, cool. 643 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:22,000 Yeah. 644 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,000 Yeah. 645 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:26,000 So when someone calls in, when we get more phone capabilities, when someone calls in 646 00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:30,000 and they say they're filled from Philly, then, you know, then it's probably really Nicholas 647 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:31,000 Cage. 648 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:32,000 Okay. 649 00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:38,000 This is the only way I can match these two up with anybody. 650 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,000 Okay. 651 00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:44,000 George Santos or maybe not. 652 00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,000 Excuse me. 653 00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:48,000 Ron Santos. 654 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,000 The Santas? 655 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:51,000 Yeah. 656 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:52,000 Yeah. 657 00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:53,000 Oh, okay. 658 00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:54,000 Yeah. 659 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:58,000 Ron DeSantos versus George Stephanopoulos. 660 00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:03,000 Oh, got Italian against the Greek there. 661 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,000 I don't know. 662 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,000 Both of them have crazy ass hairs. 663 00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:07,000 We know this. 664 00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,000 I'm going to go with Stephanopoulos. 665 00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:15,000 Actually, I got to go with him too just by the looks. 666 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:21,000 Yeah, he's got those fucking eyebrows that look like, look like bully worms. 667 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:22,000 Yeah. 668 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:23,000 Yeah. 669 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:25,000 Oh, dude, don't remind me. 670 00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:31,000 I got to go back to our notes to see if somebody got entered into this. 671 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:32,000 Oh, okay. 672 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,000 Anyway, go ahead. 673 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:40,000 All right, Stephanopoulopoulos, it goes on to round three. 674 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:42,000 All right, go ahead. 675 00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:43,000 Next. 676 00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:44,000 Oh, shit. 677 00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:47,000 Who am I going to pair them up with? 678 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:50,000 Just say who they are and let's try to figure it out. 679 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,000 Oh, here we go. 680 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:53,000 I don't know. 681 00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,000 It's a group versus a single. 682 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:56,000 Go ahead. 683 00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:57,000 Who cares? 684 00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:04,000 GNR versus somebody, right? 685 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:07,000 No, GNR has already been wiped out. 686 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:09,000 Who wiped them out? 687 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:10,000 I forgot. 688 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,000 Motherhead. 689 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:12,000 Oh, yeah, okay. 690 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:13,000 Yep, yep. 691 00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:17,000 We had GNR versus Def Weapon. 692 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:23,000 And then I came back with Motherhead versus Judas Priest. 693 00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:24,000 Okay. 694 00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:27,000 And now we have GNR versus... 695 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:32,000 Oh, yeah, GNR versus Motherhead. 696 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:33,000 Awesome. 697 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:36,000 I'm going to go with Motherhead. 698 00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:39,000 Got mine. 699 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:45,000 All right, Motherhead goes on to round three. 700 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:49,000 Lemmy was a big fan, too, even though the podcast wasn't around. 701 00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,000 But if he was around, he would have been a huge fan. 702 00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:54,000 He loved it. 703 00:35:54,000 --> 00:36:01,000 So we're going to go ahead and say that Lemmy, not Lenny, Lemmy, wherever he is, is a static. 704 00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:05,000 So I'm going to go ahead and speak for him, if I may. 705 00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:06,000 So go ahead. 706 00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:14,000 Next. 707 00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:17,000 Let me try. 708 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:18,000 Do what? 709 00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:20,000 Here we go. 710 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:21,000 Here we go. 711 00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:22,000 I like the sounds of this already. 712 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:27,000 Go ahead. 713 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:30,000 Bill Clinton. 714 00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:38,000 Or Michelle Obama. 715 00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:42,000 I'm working it off now. 716 00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:48,000 I think I'm going to have to go with Michelle. 717 00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,000 Yeah, it feels off. 718 00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:57,000 Bye, Bill. 719 00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:58,000 Oh, boy. 720 00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:03,000 We've got to pit her against Pelosi. 721 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:04,000 Push. 722 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:05,000 Push. 723 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:06,000 OK. 724 00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:07,000 Next. 725 00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:11,000 Next. 726 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:12,000 This is so wrong. 727 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,000 I love it. 728 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:14,000 Love it. 729 00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:15,000 Love it. 730 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:16,000 This is horrible. 731 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:21,000 I love it. 732 00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:24,000 I am anxiously awaiting the next two contenders. 733 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:25,000 Here we go. 734 00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:26,000 Here we go. 735 00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:27,000 OK. 736 00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:30,000 Simon Cowell. 737 00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:31,000 Yes? 738 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:33,000 Simon Cowell. 739 00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:35,000 John Gurdon. 740 00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:37,000 Oh. 741 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:40,000 I'm going to go with Chuckie. 742 00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:46,000 I think Chuckie has red ass hairs all over and zips, too. 743 00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:54,000 He has a pimply ass with a bunch of red hairs coming out of it. 744 00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,000 I go with that one. 745 00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:57,000 OK. 746 00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:03,000 Chuckie Gruden goes on to round three. 747 00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:10,000 I'm trying to get all the rest of me down. 748 00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:13,000 There's some good ones on here. 749 00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:14,000 Oh, shit. 750 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:18,000 We've only got hang on. 751 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:21,000 I'm hanging. 752 00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:26,000 I'm hanging like a fucking plum, dancing in the wind. 753 00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:27,000 No way. 754 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:29,000 That's our only battle left? 755 00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:31,000 What is it? 756 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:32,000 Oh, my God. 757 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,000 It's only battle left. 758 00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:35,000 Yes? 759 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:40,000 Yes? 760 00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:41,000 OK. 761 00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:44,000 All right. 762 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:45,000 We have. 763 00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:46,000 OK. 764 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:50,000 All right. 765 00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:53,000 Yes. 766 00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:55,000 Da da da da. 767 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:57,000 Da da da da. 768 00:38:57,000 --> 00:39:02,000 Da da da da. 769 00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:05,000 Da da da da. 770 00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:06,000 Wait a second. 771 00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:07,000 Yes. 772 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:08,000 OK. 773 00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:09,000 Waiting. 774 00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:12,000 All right. 775 00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:14,000 Meanwhile, I'm going to say my ABCs. 776 00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:15,000 That one's a good one. 777 00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:16,000 Hey, yeah. 778 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:17,000 ABC. 779 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:20,000 Easy as one, two, three. 780 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:21,000 Hey. 781 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:27,000 Give me, give me, give me. 782 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:28,000 Oh, no. 783 00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,000 We have an extra one. 784 00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:31,000 OK. 785 00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:32,000 We have an extra one. 786 00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:33,000 OK. 787 00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:34,000 You know what? 788 00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:35,000 We can figure it out. 789 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:36,000 I'll pick a couple of it. 790 00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:37,000 Just go ahead and go with this one. 791 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:41,000 And then when we have the extra one, I will figure out what to do with the extra one. 792 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:48,000 Actually, I think that one would be out by pretty much anybody. 793 00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:49,000 OK. 794 00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:54,000 So go ahead with the last matchup and then tell me the extra one and we can figure out 795 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:55,000 what to do with the extra one. 796 00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:56,000 Oh, no, no. 797 00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:59,000 That was, yeah, that was the last matchup. 798 00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:04,000 I didn't have, I thought I did, but I'm more, no, that one's done. 799 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:05,000 OK. 800 00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:06,000 Is there one last person left then? 801 00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:07,000 Is that what I'm understanding? 802 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:08,000 Yeah, one last person. 803 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:09,000 OK. 804 00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:10,000 Who is it? 805 00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:11,000 Rayana. 806 00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:12,000 OK. 807 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:13,000 Let's, let's pick Rayana. 808 00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:27,000 Against Madonna really quick and then the winner of that will go to the third round. 809 00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:28,000 OK. 810 00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:29,000 All right. 811 00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:30,000 All right. 812 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:37,000 I'm going to go, I'm going to go with Madonna too. 813 00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:38,000 So, OK. 814 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:39,000 All right. 815 00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:40,000 There we go. 816 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:41,000 All right. 817 00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:48,400 The A**hole Olympics, the A**hole, the hairy A**hole Olympics round three will be coming 818 00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:52,000 to this podcast soon. 819 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:58,000 And I will get a date list to you. 820 00:40:58,000 --> 00:40:59,000 Sounds great. 821 00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:00,000 All right. 822 00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,000 OK. 823 00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:07,000 Let's take a break here real quick and we'll be right back. 824 00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,000 Sounds good. 825 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:25,000 In that future, strange insects will be. 826 00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:32,040 May you always step in a wet spot after putting on fresh socks. 827 00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:36,840 When taking a shower remember to scrub your A**hole with soapy water, because nobody likes 828 00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:46,800 stinky asshole. Two Shirley temples and a bottle of scotch will be right back. 829 00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:57,600 Two douchebags and a microphone I am Mark. And I am Rob. Alright, I've got a 830 00:41:57,600 --> 00:42:04,260 list of new crazy fried foods at different state fairs that I got off the 831 00:42:04,260 --> 00:42:11,760 internet. That sounds good. Some of them sound good except for a couple of them. Actually I haven't even had dinner yet. 832 00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:20,120 Sorry, you're making me hungry. Oh shit, I'm sorry. No, you're alright. I wonder what the Missouri State Fair was not 833 00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:23,480 mentioned in this article. I wonder what they're gonna have this year because 834 00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:27,080 every state fair tries to come out with their signature fried something, deep 835 00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:31,040 fried something every year. Did you know that? It's kind of like a thing now. Yeah. 836 00:42:31,040 --> 00:42:38,200 Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Alright. Well, here's a state to state state fairs, not all of 837 00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:43,800 them, but a portion of them with what they consider this article. It was in, I 838 00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:47,240 don't know, I think it might have been Time. I'm not for sure what magazine it 839 00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:53,680 was. But anyhow, it has a list of some of their favorite crazy fried, deep 840 00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:59,900 fried foods offered at different state fairs as of 2023. So the number one, 841 00:42:59,900 --> 00:43:08,680 Arizona offers deep-fried scorpions. No. No, that's what I'm saying too. That's why 842 00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:15,080 I said not all of them sound great. Some of them sound superb. I think it'd be a little bit of crunch and nothing else. 843 00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:21,480 Ugh. To me that sounds no different than a deep-fried spider or something like 844 00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:25,920 that. No. No thank you. If you want to deep-fry something, pick something that's 845 00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:35,720 good. So Massachusetts, and I don't like this one either, offers fried jelly beans. 846 00:43:35,720 --> 00:43:42,560 Hell no. That's what I say too. Jelly beans are nasty alone. Then you take something like 847 00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:47,400 deep-frying them. No way. I don't care what you do. You could fucking put them 848 00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:51,880 in flour and pepper or cinnamon or whatever. There's no way those fuckers 849 00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:58,960 are gonna be good fried or not fried. Dude, you just ruined Halloween for me. Sorry. 850 00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:04,360 It was in this article. I don't write them. I just report them. I know. I know. 851 00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:11,080 Okay next one. Minnesota offers fried meatballs on a stick. That sounds great. 852 00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:16,960 Oh yeah. Now we're talking. Minnesota's got it dialed in with that. I tell you that. 853 00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:21,400 Now we're talking. Oh yeah. I might just fucking drive up there and just get some fried 854 00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:28,280 meatballs on a stick. Why not? Actually, I think you just gave me an idea for dinner. 855 00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:38,280 Next one. Wisconsin. They offer you a deep-fried butter. Now I will give it. Okay. 856 00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:41,520 I'll give you this Rob. I know it sounds disgusting right, but have you ever had 857 00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:51,200 butter pie? No. It is delicious and all it is is sweetener with butter and a 858 00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:58,560 couple other ingredients in a pie shell and it's really fucking good. Yeah it's 859 00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:05,400 an old recipe. It's an old recipe and it's been around a long time but butter 860 00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:11,400 pie is delicious so I can't honestly say. At least I don't remember I don't 861 00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:19,920 think my grandma put that on me. I can't write this off because of how good a 862 00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:24,240 butter pie is so I can't write off deep-fried butter. It might very well be 863 00:45:24,240 --> 00:45:30,280 very good. Florida offers deep-fried snickers, but I've already had them. 864 00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:34,320 I've had them up in Canada and I had them in the States and they're very good. 865 00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:39,360 I love them. They're real good. They just put them in batter and what it is is 866 00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:45,520 it is a a funnel cake batter and then they deep-fried the snickers and the 867 00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:50,080 snickers is gooey inside the funnel cake batter. Oh it's so good. It's delicious. 868 00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:57,440 Oh it's very good. California, I love this one. Listen to this one Rob. 869 00:45:57,440 --> 00:46:03,600 California offers deep-fried White Castle burgers, bun in all. 870 00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:08,800 So you take the bun and everything and you probably roll it in some sort of 871 00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:15,800 batter whether it's like I don't know if it's for I don't know if it's like for 872 00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:21,040 some sort of a funnel cake batter or if it's just regular flour or something 873 00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:25,240 else but it sounds good to me. Whatever it is. I don't care if it's funnel cake or just a 874 00:46:25,240 --> 00:46:30,240 flour batter. All of it sounds good. A deep-fried White Castle to me does. What 875 00:46:30,240 --> 00:46:43,760 do you think? Okay, you know that's why I got real quiet. Yes that's why I asked you. That's because you mentioned California. Yeah. 876 00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:52,760 Before you said what they deep-fried. Yeah. I thought you were going to say deep-fried camp. 877 00:46:52,760 --> 00:47:03,760 Oh I think even California would know better than to do that. I don't know. I don't know. 878 00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:11,920 I don't know. You know what you never know like like Seattle or somebody 879 00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:16,040 Washington might take it you know they're they're pretty big kaleaters 880 00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:23,600 there too. Well I mean look it's not right and we know this but there's some 881 00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:27,920 people that still think it's good and they think it's cool even though it was a 882 00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:34,040 joke that some guy played on on America and he got everyone to believe it and he 883 00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:36,840 couldn't believe it so he's like you know what these rooms are buying this 884 00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:42,000 garbage so let's just keep it going. Yes if you eat kale it was based on a joke. 885 00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:46,120 The guy was playing a joke. He was like laughing and going man no one's gonna 886 00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:50,320 eat this garbage and someone goes you watch they'll fucking believe it if you 887 00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:53,760 present it right they'll believe it and they'll love it and you know and it was 888 00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:58,720 like no no way and fuck it became the big hit and people buying it up left and 889 00:47:58,720 --> 00:48:02,720 right. What rooms? It's a joke. It's garbage. 890 00:48:02,720 --> 00:48:13,040 Garbage on a plate they're selling you so anyhow. Okay you're right. Okay the 891 00:48:13,040 --> 00:48:24,720 next one is Texas offers deep-fried beer. It explains it. The beer is poured into a 892 00:48:24,720 --> 00:48:37,360 halibut pretzel then deep-fried. So they whittle out a pretzel put beer in it and deep fry it. 893 00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:51,360 I got it made for Josh. It's not that far from you. George offers fried Coca-Cola. It's put in the middle of dough and then 894 00:48:51,360 --> 00:49:10,720 fried. Yeah that's what I thought too who cares. It's not that good to me. So then Texas has another one deep-fried 895 00:49:10,720 --> 00:49:19,280 lattes. Again it's put in the middle of dough and then fried. What kind of latte? 896 00:49:19,280 --> 00:49:28,560 I don't know like maybe vanilla or I don't know maybe a mocha or maybe a corn wall. I think they have different flavors. 897 00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:38,160 Yes okay I could do a mocha or a vanilla either one. I'd do even a hazelnut. 898 00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:46,240 Okay okay so San Diego State Fair offers deep-fried Kool-Aid balls. 899 00:49:46,240 --> 00:49:59,680 No I'm saying no just me. No. It doesn't sound good to me at all. No. This next one I like and it's from North Carolina. 900 00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:03,360 They may not know barbecue but they hit a they hit the jackpot on this one. 901 00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:12,560 North Carolina offers deep-fried pumpkin pie. Oh oh yeah. Yeah that's a home run on a stick dude. 902 00:50:12,560 --> 00:50:26,800 Yeah yeah that sounds fucking phenomenal. Indiana offers deep-fried Twinkies. I've already had deep-fried Twinkies too. 903 00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:33,120 They're in funnel cake batter. They did them at the Missouri State Fair five years ago I think. 904 00:50:34,560 --> 00:50:42,240 They're really good though. I do like them. I have mine somewhere down here. I don't doubt that you know there's so 905 00:50:42,240 --> 00:50:50,240 much tourism there. Why wouldn't someone do that? It may have been at the Dogwood Festival which is the 906 00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:59,680 town festival every year. I wonder if I wonder if testicle festival. I remember I had one and it was good. 907 00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:06,960 I loved it. I wonder if testicle festival in Bentonville will offer deep-fried 908 00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:10,800 testicles you think? 909 00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:19,760 That's the only way to cook them. I'm going to send it. I'm going to uh. That's the only way to cook them. 910 00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:26,800 No that's the only testicles you're going to eat is deep-fried. Oh really? I guarantee it. Okay well I think one of these. 911 00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:34,880 Okay these fairs have to I think a lot of these fairs need to offer deep-fried testicles too. 912 00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:43,520 Well yeah they kind of got to watch it on that. Oh for the kids? Yeah that's true. 913 00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:49,920 All right Kansas State Fair offers up. It's about 20 years and stuff. Okay 914 00:51:51,760 --> 00:52:00,080 yeah okay Kansas State Fair offers up deep-fried jello or Nutella. Nutella sounds great. 915 00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:06,720 Yeah? Jello deep-fried jello does not sound great. Kansas State Fair offers both of them. 916 00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:16,480 I'd go with the Nutella but that's all right. Yeah I would not go with jello. That sounds horrible actually jello does. 917 00:52:16,480 --> 00:52:23,520 Think about what happens jello when you get it hot but it's deep-fried. No I know it sounds it sounds horrible to me. 918 00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:33,360 And finally Texas comes back with a healthy deep-fried salad. That's right kind of like a salad pot pie. 919 00:52:36,720 --> 00:52:41,360 Right in the world would you interrupt your horrible food for good food? 920 00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:50,640 Great I'm liking salads these days on my meals. Salads are awesome. Deep-fried but not deep-fried. 921 00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:57,600 Salads are fantastic but not deep-fried. Sorry but. That'd be like 922 00:52:57,600 --> 00:53:04,000 Leavng your salad out on the counter for like two days and then go and make another one. 923 00:53:04,720 --> 00:53:09,680 No? Yeah I agree a hundred percent on that. 924 00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:20,480 Yep yeah so anyhow so love do you have anything going on down there or anything of note you 925 00:53:20,480 --> 00:53:31,280 want to bring to the attention of the public? No I did have a little bit I had to scratch it. 926 00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:38,400 What was it? I had to scratch it. Okay all right that's cool. 927 00:53:38,400 --> 00:53:55,360 Yeah I learned a lot. Okay all right. Although I did go out to dinner with kids a little bit. 928 00:53:55,360 --> 00:54:02,320 Oh good good good good. What'd you have? Kids we went Chinese. 929 00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:10,400 And there's only one Chinese restaurant here in town. Really just one? Camping is pretty good size. 930 00:54:11,440 --> 00:54:16,320 No there's only one Chinese restaurant. Was it good? 931 00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:32,400 No there's none in Oak Ridge Beach. There's honestly anywhere the damn but we can anyway. 932 00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:41,360 They don't even have a buffet. Oh okay. And to tell you how bad it is 933 00:54:41,360 --> 00:54:45,920 I broke into my fortune cookie. 934 00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:56,000 And my fortune said the fortune you seek is in another cookie. 935 00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:01,920 That's how bad it is Chinese restaurant. 936 00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:15,200 I wouldn't wait for a time. Candace Morton over is Mexican. 937 00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:22,640 Okay well I know they have one there that I used to go to so okay that's cool. 938 00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:30,560 Oh yeah I know there I think that one's still open. We talked about where it has the patio 939 00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:36,560 that's kind of on the slide hill. Yeah I know exactly where you're talking about. I'm gonna have to 940 00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:44,160 I don't drive by that way all the time. Well this is quite a while ago. I mean 941 00:55:46,160 --> 00:55:54,480 this is when I was single and yeah. Something like that yeah it was pretty good. 942 00:55:55,440 --> 00:56:00,080 And because I mean when she suggested that we go there I'm like thinking oh great how good 943 00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:06,080 can Mexicans be in this town. So you know I'm kind of like okay but nah it wasn't that good. 944 00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:14,320 So Rob just dropped off here and I don't know why. I don't know I think it had to 945 00:56:14,320 --> 00:56:18,400 been him because my phone is stationary. So I guess we're going to go ahead and take this 946 00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:23,680 opportunity to wrap up the podcast and thank you all for listening and I'm going to go ahead 947 00:56:23,680 --> 00:56:30,880 and say bye for Bob. So oh hey hang on he's calling. Hey you there. Yeah I don't know what 948 00:56:30,880 --> 00:56:36,160 happened it just went blank. I was just going to say goodbye for you to the podcast but you can do 949 00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:40,320 it yourself. We're getting ready to wrap this bitch up and put a bow on it. So Rob do you want 950 00:56:40,320 --> 00:56:47,520 to say bye bye? Yes good night everybody. Good night. See you later. Thanks for listening. 951 00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:54,880 We'll talk to you guys soon. I'm sure I'm going to have a lot of interesting stories from my vacay. 952 00:56:54,880 --> 00:56:57,600 So alright fuckers thanks for listening. Bye. 953 00:57:00,640 --> 00:57:03,920 Invisible ass paddlings, new douche flavors, and horrible pranks. 954 00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:20,160 What the fuck is wrong with these guys? 955 00:57:21,920 --> 00:57:24,800 Hey where did they go? Where are the douchebags? 956 00:57:26,560 --> 00:57:29,920 Oh my god someone took a dump in the corner. Oh geez. 957 00:57:29,920 --> 00:57:48,080 Ugh I'm glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back. Man that smells.