Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,
from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue waters of the Missouri River,
it is Two-Boosh Bags and Microphone Podcast.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
May you not be able to gain an erection without begging about Peter Dinklage.
Well, guess they finally figured out the microphone.
Idiots.
Hello everybody, Two-Boosh Bags and Microphone. I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright. As Four mentioned, I have some invisible ass padlins.
Awesome. I love them.
Yeah.
I'm ready for a good swat.
I am too. So, I'm going to go into this again for people that may not be up to date on our podcast,
but this has been going on since day one.
Me and Topher started this thing well over a year and a half ago.
We started off with a lot of different features.
We're not doing Mr. Creepy anymore, but we're doing some of his stuff that he would do,
but without his voice.
But, anyhow, invisible ass padlins have been a staple since the start.
And this is, the story is this right here.
Me and Topher were walking on the beach, and I was sitting there looking at a couple of seagulls,
hoping they weren't going to shit on me, and I stubbed my toe on something.
I turned around, like, what the fuck is that?
And Topher goes, man, it looks like a bottle with a cork in it.
So we went over there, and we popped it open.
Here come a genie.
And we're like, yay, we get three wishes.
He goes, no, fuck nuts, you only get one wish.
But, but, but, he goes, I know, that's what everybody thinks, you get three wishes, you only get one.
And I was like, okay, shit, so make it a good one.
Like, how about end air pollution or cancer or something?
Me and Topher looked at each other and said, no, we want to ass paddle people.
We want it to be invisible.
The genie rolled his eyes and goes, oh, fuck, for all the people that can find me, it's you.
Okay, very well.
Once a month, you guys can be invisible for a day.
That's when you can do your ass paddlings.
So this is when me and Topher do our ass paddlings.
We're both invisible, and we take turns.
One of us holds the person down that needs the ass paddling, and the other one does the paddling.
And then the next one, vice versa, you know, whoever was holding him down, he's paddling.
And whoever's paddling, he's holding him down.
So it works out great.
So once a month, once a month we get to do this.
So this is our list of who we're going to paddle this month.
So we haven't done it yet, so don't let anyone in on it, okay?
We're going to paddle them here soon.
So number one is Ben and Jerry.
And Ben and Jerry is because... did I paddle them last time?
Yeah.
I'm paddling them again.
Fuck it.
Me and Topher are going to paddle them a couple of times.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
That puts me in the room for a whole thing.
It is in the Hall of Fame, but we can still pull them out and paddle them periodically.
Oh, they're already there?
Okay, well, all right, yeah.
Yeah, they are in the Hall of Fame.
And here's why they're getting paddled again.
They refuse to acknowledge that that is Native American land that they're on
after they bitched and whined and fucking... and raised hell via Twitter
about how evil we all are, Canada and America, for taking their land and not paying them for it.
But when he gets called out on, when they get called out on it, they have nothing to say,
which makes them hypocrites, which makes them paddle-worthy,
which means they are going to be paddled again.
They're getting pulled out of the Hall of Fame here probably Monday or Tuesday,
and Topher and I are going to take turns paddling them for probably five hours.
So they're fucking false teeth are going to come out.
The next one.
Am I invited to that party?
Absolutely.
Okay, I'll see if we can get there.
Okay, and if not, we will send Clones Link to you via the phone and you can watch.
Oh, awesome.
Now, remember, you won't see me or Topher.
We're going to be invisible.
You're just going to see like them being hung horizontal in the air.
I know that. I'm part of this. I know that.
Okay, all right.
Number two.
Any grown person who watched Barbie the movie without a child involved?
Watched what?
Barbie the movie.
What movie was that?
No, it's all the rage.
You know Barbie the doll?
No, yeah, I know the doll.
It's a movie now and it's huge.
Oh, is it?
And grownups are going to watch this thing.
And I'm simply saying any grownup that watched that movie without a child involved gets ass-paddling.
So me and Topher are going to be busy.
We're going to be busy for probably months paddling asses over that.
And also Topher's going to touch with the...
They're going to get a ride because they're going to watch Barbie the movie by themselves.
Topher's going to bare-handed smack them with a hand that accidentally touched Kale.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, that's going to be nice to watch.
Kale is awesome. That's awesome. That's a new thing.
Yep.
And this next one, and if I paddle these guys before they need paddling again, all Swifties.
Huh?
Swifties. They are Taylor Swift fans. They call themselves Swifties.
And they do their hair and try to act and look just like her.
And they're called Swifties.
Okay, well you said Taylor Swift, you got my vote.
Yes. All Swifties.
I'm sorry, I do not like her.
These are the fanatical fans of Taylor Swift.
They're the ones that dress like her and look like her, or try to look like her and go to her shows and worship her asshole and all this.
So those are the ones that book everywhere?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
The next one, Taco Bell.
And this is because of the Taco Tuesday deal.
The next one, LeBron James, for trying to trademark Taco Tuesday.
And then when he couldn't, he goes to Taco Bell and gets an endorsement deal about Taco Tuesday.
So, and they can be, I think that LeBron James and Taco Bell both have to do a bare ass to ass paddling together.
Okay, I have a question.
Yes.
Is LeBron James in the Hall of Fame yet?
He is now.
I think that story's putting him in it.
He's in the Hall of Fame.
I mean, he's been in many.
Well, here's the deal with the Hall of Fame and ass paddling.
You can never get out of it.
Right.
Yeah.
And one of these days...
We're probably over Taco Tuesday.
Come on.
It's just like Skip Bolles is in the Hall of Fame and he's never getting out.
Only one of these days, we're going to have an interview with the alleged dribble that they found in his asshole.
Allegedly.
And Skip Bolles is his asshole.
Can I do the paddling on Taylor Swift?
Yes, absolutely.
Oh, awesome.
Yeah, we can involve her in there with it.
She'll be first and then the Swifties will be right after her.
How's that?
The next one.
All corporate radio gets an ass paddling.
All of it.
Because it's so sterile and stupid and just...
It's horrible.
I'm honestly starting to have to agree with you on that.
It's all the same garbage.
Left to right, right to left, coast to coast.
I'm listening to the down, you know, like I are streaming my music now.
Yeah.
I'm tired of the garbage.
It's a sad state.
I'm tired of the garbage.
It's a sad state that radio is in.
The next one, and I hope you know about this story so you can laugh with me.
Ron DeSantis, limo driver.
Okay, I don't know the story, but...
They were involved...
He and his whole entourage were involved in a six-way car crash.
And it was all him.
Oh my God.
It was his limo driver and then the people around him, all his handlers.
It was like in Kentucky or something.
Look it up.
It's quite humorous.
So his limo driver...
I'm definitely going to ask you.
His limo driver who allegedly started the whole wreck gets an ass paddling.
So...
The next one, Cigna Healthcare.
For having the algorithm that denied people without even looking at it.
Okay.
Yep.
They get a bare ass paddling.
I'm going to go ahead and send them to the Hall of Fame.
And I'm sure TOEFL will sign off on this.
And do you sign off on this, Rob?
Because you two do, yes.
I do not have any dealings with them personally, but...
Well, no, I don't like the fact that they denied people healthcare coverage for no...
Really no reason.
You got my vote.
Okay.
The next one, the LA Chargers.
You know why?
They're the Chargers.
Well, that too.
But they gave...
They gave Fuck Night over there the highest paid contract for quarterbacks.
Oh, yeah.
That's what I said.
They're the Chargers.
Yep.
Herbert.
Yep.
They gave him the largest contract for all...
And then there's rumor that little Joey Burroughs is going to get the next highest.
But our boy, Patrick Mahomes, doesn't worry about it.
He's not worried about it.
He's worried about winning Super Bowls.
Did you see that new bench that he bought?
Yes.
I think there she is on...
That's in Lock Lloyd.
I can read you.
That's in Lock Lloyd.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Right up our...
Make it a wood.
Yeah.
That's about four miles from my house.
Yeah.
Let's see.
Next.
All Kale and Kale lovers.
Kale itself and Kale lovers.
Now, I know we've covered them before, but they get it again because of Topher.
Yeah.
Yep.
So Kale and Kale lovers get the ass paddlings.
So, and probably, you know, they're in the Hall of Fame, so we're just going to grab
them out of the Hall of Fame, start patting their ass.
Next one.
Kale lovers are open market any time on this show.
Yes, they are.
Yes.
Any second.
We could bring it up out of nowhere.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yep.
We were.
I say that, like, we take, like, turns of duty where we just, like, grab some Kale and
Kale lovers and just start paddling the hell out of them.
Like, let's say you wake up and you're a little restless one night.
You can't really get back to sleep.
You're like, you know what?
You know what would make me feel really good?
A paddle and a couple of Kale lovers.
And then after that, you go to sleep again.
That would be so nice.
Yeah.
You'd be like, man, I feel great after that.
Man, I paddled the piss out of five of them.
That'd be better than a Jacuzzi and a bonfire.
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
Just paddling away, smoking the cigars, giggling.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Yeah, yeah.
I would be bizarre, though.
I would have a pair of leather bootie shorts and hip-high boots and paddle them in that
and no shirt.
I would.
Yes, it would be fantastic.
And where did my paddle?
I wiggled my ass.
I tell you, God, we did not look for this.
Well, at least I didn't do the G string, which I originally thought of.
At least I was that decent.
Oh, no.
You mentioned what you read on your phone and see them.
I knew it.
So film learning, care and care lovers.
Yep.
Cast paddle, leather bootie shorts, knee-high waders with heels, shiny black and a no shirt.
That's how you're getting your paddling from me.
You're welcome.
What?
No, you got to have a Saturday Boa.
Yes.
Saturday Boa.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, great.
Okay.
You're right.
How could I?
I don't know how I could have left that off.
I'm sorry.
Next one, JP Morgan Chase.
And that's because of all the shit that they've been doing.
They've been in the news a lot.
You take your pick.
I have not been following it, so I cannot.
Well, I had a story about last week and I had a story about them the week before.
Yeah.
So, yep.
So, anyway.
I listen to what you say.
Invisible ass paddling, new douche flavors and horrible pranks.
What the fuck is wrong with these guys?
We are Two Douchebags and Microphone.
As charming as a leaky sewer pipe.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
May, your five-year-old neighbor have all their violin lessons during all of your hangovers.
Alright Pilgrims, it's Two Douchebags and Microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright.
You got some stuff, Rob?
Or you want me to go with this Aaron Rodgers story?
Well, uh, hey.
Yes?
July 20th.
This is something my niece shared.
July 20th.
And this is on Facebook.
Happy 100th birthday to Flamptus the Builder Mr. William H. Dunn.
J.E. Dunn Construction.
Very familiar with him.
I've done a lot of jobs for J.E. Dunn.
July 20th was his 100th birthday.
Okay.
Big name around the city area.
Big construction man.
Actually all over.
I've done jobs for J.E. Dunn all over.
J.E. Dunn all over this country.
Yes.
Yeah, that's what I was just saying.
Yeah, actually all over the country.
But yeah.
July 20th would have been his 100th day of his birthday.
Oh, okay.
Is he passed?
Happy birthday Mr. Dunn.
Okay.
Happy birthday.
Okay.
What's that?
Alright.
I've got a little Aaron Rodgers news.
Aaron Rodgers has a new deal with the New York Mets.
He's taking a pay cut to try to deliver a Super Bowl for the winning Starb franchise.
Rodgers agreed to a new two-year deal, $75 million guaranteed contract with the Jets
on Wednesday according to a person familiar with the deal.
The four-time NFL MVP had nearly $110 million in guaranteed money remaining on his previous
deal signed with Green Bay.
But Rodgers has taken less money with New York and a move that appears to also reiterate
his stay with the Jets is likely to last beyond this season.
So in other words, he's not going to be sending dick pics to the trainer like Brett Favreau
was and have to get out of town on a bullet train.
But you know, Aaron Rodgers probably could get away with a little bit more because he's
not married.
Brett Favreau was.
Was not a good look.
So the person spoke to the AP on the condition of anonymity because the team didn't announce
the contract.
NFL Network first reported the sides that agreed to a new deal that included no franchise
tag and no trade clauses.
After Rodgers confirmed a Pro Football Talk report on Thursday night that he agreed to
a rework contract.
Yeah, there's going to be something hitting probably later on today, Rodgers said.
As it turned out, it was totally new contract for a player as reportedly hinted he was more
than just a one year rental for New York who haven't been to the Super Bowl since their
only win with Joe Namath leading the way in 1969.
The team gave up significant pieces for it to just be a one year deal.
Rodgers said a few hours before the news that the contract circulated.
I'm aware of that.
I think there was an awareness of that.
Now again, anything could happen with my body or the success that we have this year, but
I'm having a blast so I really don't see this as a one year and done thing.
The Jets sent a first, second and sixth round pick in this year's draft to the Packers in
April along with a conditional second rounder next year that could become a first rounder
if Rodgers plays at least 65% of the snaps.
Now, that's not a whole lot of snaps to give a first rounder to.
Green Bay gave up the first and fifth round picks this year along with a quarterback.
Rodgers, well I forgot about that.
Green Bay gave up a couple of picks also.
Rodgers previously agreed to a rework contract that helped push the trade forward.
He was due a fully guaranteed $58.3 million option bonus, but it was shifted to next year.
That left New York needing to pay Rodgers the minimum during his first three months
with the team, which cost only $1.2 million against the salary cap, hoping the Jets make
additional roster moves and signings.
But that restructuring also meant Rodgers' 2024 salary could have counted $107.6 million
against next year's cap, an enormous hit.
It said the Jets and Rodgers were able to work out a new deal to satisfy both sides.
It also gives Jets fans hope that they can see a winner soon after a team has failed
to make the playoffs for 12 straight years, one of those longest active postseason droughts.
Change can be difficult for sure, especially when it's that drastic.
18 years in one spot, Rodgers said, referring to his time in Green Bay.
But if you can lean into it and embrace it, there's something really beautiful about things
on the other side, and I've been experiencing it so far and people have been great,
both Jersey and the city.
Having one hell of a time is what he said.
So, anyhow, wow, I didn't see that one coming.
I didn't see that one coming, did you?
No.
Yeah, because he was really, I don't know,
really kind of looking kind of selfish there for a little bit, in my opinion.
So, alright, you got anything, Rob?
Uh, well, if you got something else real quick, I'm really excited right now.
No, that's fine.
But, oh my god.
That's fine.
Do you have something real quick, and then I'll go to this?
Yeah, yeah.
The candy comments of Broncos, this is Sean Payton, and he started mouthing off about their former head coach,
Hackett, I forgot his first name, Nathaniel Hackett,
and about some of the people that are still with the team,
and it didn't go over very well at Denver.
The candy comments of Broncos coach, Sean Payton,
regarding former Broncos coach, Nathaniel Hackett,
generated plenty of attention, and for good reason.
Payton's take down of Hackett was more brutal and blunt
than any comments any NFL coach has uttered regarding the Pirineers.
But Hackett wasn't the only one to face criticism.
As to the mishandling of quarterback Russell Wilson in 2022,
Payton placed plenty of blame on others who still worked for the Broncos.
That wasn't his fault, Payton said of Wilson,
that's what the parents who allowed it.
That's not an incrimination on him, but an incrimination on the head coach,
the GM, the president, and everybody else who watched it all happen.
The GM, George Petain, is still there, the team president, Dhanemi Leach, is still there,
and the group of everybody else who watched it all happen includes ownership.
Regardless of whether ownership has an excuse for not recognizing what was happening and why,
given that they didn't show up until taking the team over in August,
Payton's painted with a very broad brush.
Everyone else who watched it all happen.
This includes Greg Penner, who might not have known football,
but who knew people as the CEO of Walmart.
It also includes Condi Rice, who both knows football
and worked at the highest levels of American government.
The reasons for Payton's decision to scorch the earth regarding 2022 remain unclear.
What is clear is that it will be a little awkward in the building,
especially if the comments surprised everybody inside the operation
as much as they surprised everybody outside the operation,
and I've got a very clear-cut answer for that.
He was on the sauce.
He was on the sauce, and somebody caught him and asked him a question.
He fucking got under his skin, and he just started letting loose.
Don't you think?
Yeah, yeah.
That simple. That's when you're that honest. You're on the sauce.
He was having a couple of fucking pops, and someone caught him at the wrong time,
and he said what he really thinks, which is horrible.
So anyhow, Sean Payton, not a smart move.
And also, I read a follow-up article, but it didn't bother,
because he did say this.
Okay, he said he regrets the comments he made.
He still made them.
Yeah, yeah.
And they're not going away.
People are going to remember them forever.
As long as Sean Payton's there, people are going to remember them.
So...
Okay, well, you said you wanted weird stories out of me.
I think weird stories are probably about our level, don't you think?
I got one just off Steve Bay.
Okay.
And this comes out of the New York Post.
Yeah, I can believe it.
The man who spent $14,000 to transform himself into a colleague, steps out for first ever walk in public.
You're talking about a dog.
This guy must transform himself.
Let me read the article.
Okay.
A Japanese native has transformed himself into a canine after forking out more than $14,000 for a custom-made Tali costume.
The prophet Shosen, who goes only by Toko, T-O-C-O, online, says the unusual garment that has helped actualize his dream to become an animal.
Okay.
Wow.
Alright, well...
That's as far as I can get into reading this.
This is something I need to...
This is something the New York Post is looking at.
I'm not making that up.
This is something that's really cool.
Okay.
Wow.
Okay.
$13,000 on a Tali costume.
Okay.
Wow.
Yeah, that's a good story.
I like that.
Alright.
Like I said, I spent most of my time on the music thing.
I love it.
That story's right up our alley, dude, don't you think?
Yes.
Alright.
Oh, yo burles got injured?
Yeah, you didn't see that?
They actually...
I'm just now seeing it now.
Yeah.
Yeah, he went down on a stretcher.
Yeah, it's certain, certain tomorrow.
Yeah, wow, yep.
Oh, wow.
That's crazy.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah, they say it's a calf injury.
So I don't know how long he's going to be out.
So let me see if I can find the Sports Illustrated article that I was reading earlier about it.
And it could be pretty bad.
The Bengals are signing quarterback Rick Reed-Sinnett, according to Ian Rappaport of the NFL Network.
This is from Sports Illustrated online.
Sinnett worked out for the team on Saturday along with Drew Pitt.
Cincinnati opted to sign the 26-year-old Sinnett, who most recently played for the San Antonio Braumas of the XFL.
It'll be good to get another over there because that's a lot of throws for these two guys, Bengals coach Zach Taylor said on Friday.
Burles is expected to miss most of training camp.
Sinnett will serve as Cincinnati's third quarterback for the hide, Trevor Simien and Jake Browning.
Sinnett signed with the Buccaneers as an undrafted free agent in 2020.
He also spent time with the Eagles and Dolphins.
And so it sounds to me like there's not that much to them signing this guy.
Unless they think that this could be a reoccurring pain in the ass injury that's going to hamper Burro all season.
And it's really hard to tell if they just hired him to kind of like keep another arm in there to keep the other people practicing.
Or if it's just extra insurance.
Or maybe perhaps a little bit of both.
Is what I'm thinking.
They said he's going to miss most of training camp.
Now what if that injury doesn't heal quite right?
Is he going to miss the first two or three games?
Then in that case, I'm not saying they can't recover from that.
They can.
What I'm saying is this because they have a very good defense.
What I'm saying is this right here. That they're going to need somebody in there for depth.
Now Trevor Simien might be the backup.
And I'm not for sure what the pecking order is.
But it sounds to me like Trevor Simien is the backup.
So he will be in there playing.
But then what if he gets injured like San Francisco during the playoffs of last season?
And it was so bad that they actually put what's his name back out there with his arm all fucked up.
I forgot his name.
But I mean.
Yeah, you're right. You're right. I remember that now.
Yeah.
So I think it's a little bit of both.
I think that they think that he'll probably miss most of the training camp.
But then he'll come in and it'll take him a little bit to get adjusted.
But they'll be fine this season.
But I also think there's probably a little bit of them that are like thinking.
What if this doesn't heal quite like we think it's going to?
And it stretches three or four games.
So then they got a guy behind the guy.
So anyhow, yeah.
Yeah, not good though. Not good.
Because nobody touched him.
That's why you have a number two.
Yes. Yep.
Our number two is Gabbard. Isn't it Blaine Gabbard?
He's a good quarterback.
He's not quite a starter.
But he is the upper echelon of the backups.
Yeah, I have not done much background check on him yet.
Blaine Gabbard came from Missouri, MU.
He was a very fine quarterback there.
He set a lot of records.
And then he went to quite a few different teams.
Most notably Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
And he was on the Super Bowl winning team with them.
Okay, so I did not know that.
And I think Tom Brady likes Gabbard quite a bit and thinks a lot of him.
He's got a good arm.
He's a smart quarterback.
And as far as backups go, he would be like probably the prime real estate of backups.
So I think they're pretty good.
Blaine Gabbard is a guy that can win you a couple of games with his arm.
But not on a regular consistent basis.
So the Chiefs are really good.
You don't want Mahomes to go down.
But if he does for a game or two, I think you're okay with Gabbard.
Yeah, they're okay with Gabbard.
So anyway, we'll see what happens with Cincinnati.
I know this.
I don't want anyone to get hurt and go out for the season.
Because I think the Chiefs can win all these games with their A starters in.
And like I said before, I get tired of the excuses.
You know.
So I want the big guys in there.
I want all the ones that are supposed to be in there.
And I want us to beat them head to head like that.
And then not, not go, oh my God.
There's a play call or whatever, just like I told some people and mowed off on the internet.
I was taught that you don't keep the game close enough to where the referees decide it.
And I said, says all the losers, including me when we were losing.
It's easy.
It's, it's like, oh, all the referees, all the referees.
I quit doing that, man.
I'm, I'm tired of it, man.
You know, they got to play the game sometime.
And a referee making a bad call is a part of it.
So if you can't overcome that, quite frankly, you don't have a good enough team.
Right.
Yeah.
So anyhow, I think it might've been Marty Schottenheimer said something like this.
You get a bad call.
You got to be a better team and overcome it.
And that's all it is.
You know, if you, you know, and then Dick Romero used to say, you are what your record says you are.
So if you're 0-1-16, you lost every game by one point at the last minute, you're an 0-1-16 team.
And I agree with Romero.
That's why they have records.
That's why the best record gets first billing in the playoffs.
That's why they see them like that.
So, and it doesn't matter.
You have a tough division.
I think there's a lot to be said for a tough division that makes a team tough and better in the playoffs.
So, I mean, the Chiefs didn't exactly just mow over their competition.
I mean, Denver played them very well.
Fucking Raiders, Las Vegas almost beat them.
I mean, they...
A lot of people put up some good points against them.
Yeah.
So the thing is, the Chiefs did not have a cakewalk.
Yeah, they won.
Yeah, I think, didn't they run the table or did they lose one?
I think they lost one to San Diego maybe.
But anyhow, they come close and run to the table or they did whatever.
But it doesn't matter because it wasn't a cakewalk.
The rest of the team are in a bunch of schlubs and especially when they play us.
The record may not look good.
Whenever they play us, they play us hard and they play us as well as anybody plays us because they know us and they get tired of us kicking their ass.
So, anyhow, I think there's something to be said for a rugged division makes a team more rugged and battle ready for the playoffs.
So I don't even think that counts.
So, anyhow, we'll be right back right after this.
Two douchebags in a microphone, raw and uncensored.
See behind the smoke show.
Watch as the douchebags get stung by a stalk of bees.
Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out.
Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for all the mad shitter accusations.
I'm not the mad shitter.
Act now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar.
Mark off the day with a douchebag looking at you.
Supplies are limited so act now.
Oh shit, what's that over there?
Oh no, it's island of horrible jokes.
Did you know French fries are not cooked in France?
They're cooked in Greece.
As pleasant as 50 grit sandpaper to your inner thighs.
Two emotionally disturbed dirtbags in a popsicle will be right back.
Look, finally.
How are we going to live?
All you've got to do is browse the internet, see if anyone has forgotten something or worry
finished before now but I like to write a lot of stuff while we're out on
vacation on a cruise I love to sit there on the Lido deck at night and and write
out stories and write out different bits and little things that I consider
comedy whether anyone else does or not I don't know but it's stuff I consider
funny you know like invisible ass paddling or the ass hair Olympics and
all that stuff so okay cool so Rob you had some ass hair Olympic news or
something you're talking about earlier
okay so here's what I was gonna do is I think we need to get on the phone outside
the podcast and we need to figure out who we need to pit up against each other
like let's say Oprah Winfrey against Elon Musk or you know
city, out of my picks, I'm down to three competition okay do you want to break loose with them right here or you want to get to them later
well no I want to get through them later we've got to rule out a bunch of yours okay I've got an idea of how I'm going to go with them I'm going to have a bunch of
intersex ones we're male against female
okay well I'm sitting here looking okay how about we do one right now okay go ahead okay you had one that was a band yeah GNR vs. Death
Half-Welford yeah and I think GNR won didn't they yes okay do you have a band you want to introduce to that to go against GNR? I have a battle
okay Motorhead vs. Juice Priest okay this is with Lemmy still alive right?
oh of course okay all right hmm now let's see Rob Halford is gay so I bet you he's groomed very well down there so Lemmy was not gay and he was just a big partier so I'm going with Motorhead all the way just because they're the lead singers
okay well then there was our band battle in the future okay so now do we pick GNR vs. Motorhead okay sounds good that now that is we'll decide that later we're going to have to break that one down there's several tiers to that one that we can go so all right that's going to be the granddaddy the finale of the ass hair Olympics
will be that one right there that's going to be the prize that we figure out on air yeah yeah yeah yeah and I mean if you want to go deceased people like Lemmy there's a whole there's a whole other category we can go there
past but not forgotten list and we could pass the way and we could pit them against each other I mean you know why not I'm sure they're alive they get a chuckle out of it right maybe they are so right now I could see right now like Jimi Hendrix like listening oh man oh hey hey hey also all
sudden let's see who's another to see Jerry Lee Lewis comes he goes hey hey Jimi Jimi Jimi God's around the corner you listen that to do spec thing you know you know he doesn't like that turn it off man he's come around the
court okay man man thanks thanks Jerry I guess you had happened right now yeah you lose that to do you lose that to do stinging yeah man it's pretty cool man God's come around the corner he's going to hear shit okay I said shit so anyhow let's see okay so I think
that's here Olympics I will have that when I come back from a little mini vacay okay I'm gonna have my list of who gets pitted against to you put your list of who gets pitted against to and then we'll go over I have my list like I said I only have three battles okay I've got a
I'm just offering to help you with yours okay does anything stick out to you online yeah because you have the free toss-ups and that we finally decided winners Madonna
okay I've got one this is what I want to go on Mark Zuckerberg versus Jennifer Lopez I think Zuckerberg and Lopez would be a
great fucking ass hair off just because of the weirdness of it you got a complete
ginger light skin against Jennifer Lopez who's dark and dark hair okay let's do
this one I've got my answer to I'm going to Zuckerberg I think he's got crazy red
ass hair that just goes all over the place and I think JLo was well-groomed
what do you think
I'm okay okay hang on hang on hang on I kind of see where you're going over there
we'll flip it you know what no we'll do this later
let's keep this one together okay and we will decide a regular date but that is a battle
Zuckerberg versus Lopez and we'll take more on it
okay that'll work is there are some I've got it I'm telling you there's some real
bad as I had JLo set for somebody else I'll put it out with all your many ones
we'll get to it we'll get to it like I said I got three battles I could wait to
sneak in sometime okay all right I you want to switch notes here for a little
bit you want to switch gears okay a police officer in Georgia just found
himself a new gaming buddy this week the Hatfield police department shared that
one of their officers recently surprised a young boy with a PlayStation in a
Facebook post on Monday the department said the officer Coleman was called to
the scene after receiving calls to have a young boy removed from the neighborhood
however upon his arrival officer learned the boy was in the area because he wanted
to do your work pulling weeds cutting grass and trimming edges so so he could
save up for a PlayStation the young man was polite respectful and truthful the
department wrote in a social media post officer Kolarin a gamer himself was
impressed with a young man and thought he would help him reach his goal upon
Kolarin and some of his friends were able to not only get his his young man a
video game system but a gift card to pay for the membership so he could play
immediately they added it a video posted by the department showed the officer
opening his trunk to reveal the PS5 in the back seat much to the delight of the
boy who covered his face in shock before hugging officer as for the future the
department shared that the officer and the boy had some gaming to look forward
to officer Kolarin made sure that this young man knew that they would play on
the same team online soon the department added as as the post came to a close so
that's some pretty good that's a pretty good story there isn't it yeah yeah it
is yep very cool
so anyhow let's see what else I've got some other stories here I've got one
I'm not sure I want to get into but I've got the making of the Lake of those arcs
and then our handed shit that went on but it is a long article and it's it's
seven pages story I don't know it's about how in the underhanded ship they
had to do to make the lake and why they made the lake and the people who made money
off it yeah go for it it's too long it's like 10 pages so yeah it took a lot to
make that lake a lot oh I know that I know that I know it did but this man
this lake was man-made yeah yeah and there is there is no sure why the
right to the results in California the state of California yep yep
and I was right here
yeah
yeah there's a lot of underhanded shit I mean they're kind of comparing it to the
show Ozark about like wonder hand and shit that went on there saying like
maybe that maybe the article kind of almost
in your bag the article kind of almost alludes to maybe the idea of those are
came from actual not actual events but events that were kind of eyebrow raising
like that yeah I mean so anyhow I've got not not not
the poke dealer on the preacher on the show Ozark there's a preacher there's a church on the water
or the dude stealing coke or whatever no I don't believe that happened no no no
no but they're saying like they underhanded all the mob dealings and all
that stuff actually I think that's right yeah they said that they were according
to my article a lot of it did but anyhow and then like it goes into how they had
to go to unincorporated areas to buy that land first to just surround the
land but that they needed for the lake they had to go to the easy picking area
and surround the other people I didn't want to sell and the people they want to
sell is still about flooded they still did it anyhow they just flooded the
people out of their homes it was crazy but I'll read it all later and matter
of fact what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna take all of those ten pages I'm gonna
condense it down to like three pages and we'll go from there so here really quick
before we get off here and conclude our evening I have a singer who married what
she claims was a ghost of a Victorian soldier has said that they divorced less
than a year later so I guess even the ghost couldn't get along with her nutty
ass the songwriter performer who goes by only the name bark broke a broke hard
broke hard sorry I thought it said barcode broke hard said she first met
devilishly handsome Eduardo when he burst into her bedroom one dark and
stormy night so the 40 year old from Oxford Shire said the long-haired
Eduardo immediately announced his love for her and later began confiding in her
the spirited love affair hit the headlines when broke hard announced that
they were to marry in a chapel on Halloween in 2022 her in this ghost
Wow broke hard posted a video of the ceremony on Instagram where she was
seen wearing all black with an empty space where the invisible Eduardo was
said to have been standing however shortly after they married broke hard
said she was angry that her husband got too drunk on their honeymoon in Berry
Island Wales
I like this guy fuck this bitch she's nuts the ghost got drunk and he fucking
is like man screw this bitch broke hard added that Eduardo would become
increasingly possessive and was switched between being warm and intense and
threatening well so I love you do you know fuck you you stay right there I
know what you're doing hey who's that voice she said after she said after
initial meeting Eduardo slowly revealed some more about himself to me I saw his
image in his images and as a victorious soldier he was always in his uniform
even on our wedding day his face is devilishly handsome shoulder-length and
really here he looks lived in well-worn troubled almost there's a pain attached
to his being the songwriter poet and performer also said she she tired of
Eduardo's unsettling fascination with Marilyn Monroe well well this thing has
dark hair isn't particularly like really dark skin but it has dark hair
Marilyn Monroe was pretty light so I don't get a you know I don't really get
that it seems to me like he goes for two different type of women there maybe I
don't know well anyhow well card claims that the soldiers crush on the late
iconic Hollywood actress began on their wedding day when he spotted the spirit
of Monroe in the chapel she claims the soldier would disappear for days
returning smelling of Chanel number five the fragrance which had been
Monroe's favorite perfume
right off the bat he's like fuck this there's Marilyn Monroe I'm fucking
leaving this bitch the singer claims setting boundaries infuriated him water
when he allegedly started to haunter with the sound of a screaming baby yeah
we're Eduardo fans are we one of the best yeah he's got my vote for best guy
ever the card says she returned to the
chapel where they married in order to exercise him from her mind she announced
the split in her song just another anthem how nice well I don't know what
to tell her she couldn't even keep a ghost
the card you're a loser you're a loser bill card so anyhow you have any final
thoughts so Rob you got anything all right here we go I love these before you
marry a person you should first make them use a computer or stuff internet
service absolutely and with that we say good night everybody we hope they will
have a good night thank you for listening you guys are incredible there's
a lot of you and we love you good night everybody good night
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