Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,
from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue Walkers of the Missouri River,
it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast.
Invisible ass paddlings, new douche flavors, and horrible pranks?
The fuck is wrong with these guys?
And now, a brand new feature, strange insults from an alien.
May your mother come to talk to you, and then leave your door slightly ajar,
so that you may have to get up and close it.
If you love vomit, we have the podcast for you.
Remember to send all male body part photos to Rob Rad's inbox.
Hello, Two Douchebags and Microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright, so we got all different kinds of weird shit and stuff coming up on this program tonight.
I hope you all like it, and the ones that don't like it, we don't care.
I mean, you get your money's worth, it's free, right?
I know I'm going to enjoy some of it.
I know, it sounds like it.
Because I have some surprises for you.
I have some surprises for you.
Are you sick of me like the acoustical risk where all of a sudden I just tear everything up
and then just go completely fucking stupid and off the road with everything?
Well, I don't know, I do have my heavy list if you're ready for it.
Yeah, that sounds great.
Let's lead off with the heavy list.
You still have the hairy ass off.
Yes, we do.
And I have another update.
We'll do that later.
Okay, you're going to do a little teaser, huh?
No, no, no, no, Mark.
I'm going to have to send you a picture to your phone on the air.
Because I want your response on the air.
Okay, you want to do it later, then.
You asked for this.
I'm sorry, I didn't think anyone was actually going to take me up on it.
I mean, I actually, I took the promo.
We'll get into that later.
I took the promo out of the system.
Okay, all right.
And I am going to send you this picture.
You're going to look at this picture on the air on your phone.
You want my reaction?
All right, okay.
I can't believe that anyone was dumb enough to listen to me to do this.
But you know what?
Thank you.
No, no, we have a clear cut winner.
That's all I'm going to say at this point.
Who am I kidding?
I love this.
This is awesome.
I know you do.
You would have loved this back in 85, man.
Oh, God, yeah.
Imagine if we had cell phones and all the technology now in 85.
Oh, my God.
We'd be in trouble.
We were in enough trouble.
Oh, no, I think the raccoon's out there again.
The dogs are going ballistic.
But anyhow, ladies and gentlemen, that was Foster and Tucker.
And maybe a little bit of Cookie and Otis mixed in with them.
But anyhow.
And hopefully my dogs stay quiet tonight.
And I've got a couple extra added temporarily, sir.
Watching somebody's dogs, are you?
Well, my son and his girlfriend, she has a dog and she's now watching her brother's little puppies.
Oh, OK.
All right.
Those couple rolly appers.
But I'm still fighting this golden lab dude.
Oh, golden lab?
Yeah, that golden lab I told you about that was eating my corpid.
It has a fascination with the padding.
Oh, boy.
It rips the corpid back and shreds the padding.
Wow.
I'm putting the padding back down like puzzle pieces.
And laying my corpid.
Yeah, it's crazy.
That's between the podcast and that.
That's what I do on my third time.
Does that tell you about my life?
Yeah, pretty much.
Relay on carpet that the golden lab chewed up and come up with stupid shit to make people grin on a podcast.
What could possibly be wrong with that?
That sounds like a perfect day to me.
I love it.
All right, me, I've been dealing with fucking jerk-offs and stupid fucking people all day.
So what do you do?
That's what you do, you know.
Makes you value your free time a hell of a lot more.
Oh, hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
Now I'd rather be working at this point.
Yeah, I got you.
At least I know what to expect there.
I don't know what to expect when I come home.
I got it.
I've been in that situation before.
This golden lab eats something different every day.
Hopefully he's not devouring that stuff because then you're going to have to take him in and have an operation.
Because I know people that's happened to where they clog the intestine with some shit like that that they can't dissolve in their stomach acid and it clogs up their intestine.
So be careful.
Honestly, I think I clean up every piece every night.
Okay, so he doesn't eat it.
I think he sweats it and I've got to clean it up.
That's your middle finger to you for being gone.
Yeah.
And it's not even my dog.
It's my son's dog tearing my stuff up.
Oh, your son's pretty smart.
Oh, no, my daughter's dog.
My daughter wanted to get rid of it.
So we took it in.
And now it's Oh, no, it's potty trained.
It don't do that.
It's a good dog.
It's ate up my couch.
It's eating my carpet and padding.
Will not go to the bathroom outside.
It waits for like five minutes later after it comes inside.
You know, the bathroom.
Oh, oh, oh, but I'm talking to a trainer.
So hopefully we can get over here.
Help us out with this.
You have not.
Yeah, well, I'm a leader right there.
She's costing a lot of money so far.
We're just gonna put it that way.
But anyway, what you got, man?
Oh, OK.
Well, let's see.
What have I got here?
I got all kinds of stuff.
I got us the first ever.
Let's meet off with this straight from Topher's desk.
Right on.
Yeah.
How's he doing?
He's doing pretty good.
He may even join the podcast again like us two talking.
If I find out how to add him on a three way or something, he might do it.
Or we might just like call up and just do a podcast here and there together.
I mean, he's doing pretty good.
I mean, he's just not quite there yet.
I think he will be involved in the future somewhere.
And like I said, what nobody's going to be without.
You know, we can.
I mean, we can do a podcast every damn day as far as I'm concerned.
I can understand.
Then tell people had to screw him up.
Yeah, he's still bleaching his hand.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, that had to screw you up.
I'm not supposed to be telling this, but he went through some therapy
because he blamed himself for touching Kale.
And he had night tremors and he was screaming at night.
No, don't blame yourself.
He was therapy.
No, the therapist finally got through to him and said to kill people, the evildoers.
Yes, yes.
He has PTSD from the Kale and the evildoers that grabbed him and made him touch the Kale.
And he realizes that now that it wasn't his fault.
But he went through a period where he's blaming himself.
Imagine, imagine.
Now, just hang on.
Now, imagine, Rob, imagine you accidentally touch Kale and you thought it was your fault.
I cut my fingers off.
See, that's what Topher is trying to do.
He's trying to cut his hand off.
His wife came in there and said, stop, what are you doing?
He goes, I touched Kale.
And she started crying.
Oh, man.
She started crying with him.
And then they went over the whole events.
We're going to have to talk to him about this.
Thank you, Cindy, his wife.
They went over the whole events.
Cindy went over the whole events with him.
And he realized that it wasn't his fault.
And then Cindy found a good therapist to send him to because he did touch Kale.
And this therapist specializes in Kale touching.
Is he in Harrisonville?
I'm not sure.
He's got to be a little south down in the beef country.
Probably, probably.
Yeah, I can't just say that.
I've got to know the whole four-point-a.
Some people there think it's OK to touch Kale.
I don't like saying this, Rob, but to consume it.
I'm sorry.
Are you OK?
Oh.
I did not mean to.
I felt like I had to bring that up as a point to accentuate.
People actually consume Kale and think it's OK.
That's all I want to talk about.
That's all I want to talk about that.
I want to talk about that because...
Yeah.
Topher, it's Topher Strong.
We got Topher Strong shirts that were going to be given away to counteract the Kale evildoers.
Topher is better.
He knows it's not his fault.
And he knows that he would have never touched Kale on his own accord because he despises it
like a real man.
So, you evildoers, if I ever catch you, that's it.
I'm going to eat a big steak in front of you so you cry.
So, anyhow, he does have video of when he shook his fists at him and threatened violence,
and they all started crying, and the little man buns fell apart and stuff.
And they didn't know what to do.
The little man bun came apart while he was yelling at him and threatened violence.
And they all started crying, and they huddled in a corner and held each other in the fetal
position.
He has video of it.
Well, my cousin's heavy motor from West Virginia.
Uh-huh.
Oh, yeah?
I'll let you in on that later.
Okay.
Once...
Is this something not for public consumption?
Is that it?
Well...
No, it is.
Well, no, it's not, but my cousins are not off duty yet.
Okay, good.
We need them to go after these.
Yeah, we don't have Topher back, or his parents.
They still kidnapped him.
They still kidnapped him, and they still made him touch kale.
And all those God awful kale videos, they made him watch.
We have not forgotten it, and we will not forget it.
We're Topher strong here, and we're not letting it go.
We're not letting it go.
So if you are on the wrong side, the Kale side, you will be dealt with and your punishment
will be strict, fierce, and just.
So this is your one warning to the Kale evildoers that did this.
We're going to find you.
We're going to root you out of your, what did George W. Bush say, your holes?
We're going to smoke them out of their holes.
We're going to get them.
We're going to get every one of them.
We're going to round them up and we're going to make them pay for their evil sins.
So anyhow, without any further ado, this is the very first and I will have a voice guy
on it and I have a regular plug for this straight from Topher's desk.
Alright, first off I got to say this.
To display the American flag, there are plenty of rules.
Such as at night the flag has to be lit up with some sort of light.
The pole has to be 90 degrees, you know, upright.
It can't be leaning.
Free of wear and tear.
There's many other rules in place.
Topher found this out, allegedly, Disney World and Disneyland both purposely have American
flags with flaws in them so the flag rules do not apply to them.
Some flags may have one.
What?
Yes.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what?
They deliberately have flags that have flaws in them so they don't have to follow the flag
rules.
Some flags may have one too many stars or stripes or border inconsistencies.
Disney doesn't have to follow any rules pertaining to the American flag usage because they're
not really an American flag.
At Disney World and Disneyland, the other part of this is all the employers are taught
to use the two finger point that Walt Disney used to do.
The reason he always used the two finger point was because he always had a cigarette in his
hands.
The smoke was airbrushed out of his hands so it would appear that he was just doing
the two finger point but naturally, you know, it was because he had a throat burner in his
fingers.
That's funny because did you read that?
I was lighting a cigarette.
Well, yeah.
I just stepped outside the light and said, great.
I guess the people at Disney thought that they couldn't show actually Walt smoking a
cigarette which he liked.
He was very fond of doing.
I could see that.
So yeah, he was always doing that two finger point.
That's because they airbrushed the cigarette out of his fingers and so it always looked
like he did a two finger point when actually there was a cigarette burner right in between
his two fingers.
So there you go.
The American flags that aren't quite the American flags and a throat burner between the index
and the middle finger makes it look like he's pointing with two fingers but he was not.
He actually had a smoke in between them and they airbrushed it out.
So that is this edition of straight from Topher's desk and we thank you Topher and we're glad
you're on the road to recovery from the evil doers and the Kales, the evil doer Kale people.
And we are still praying for you.
Yes, we are.
We are Topher Strong.
So Rob, you had a heavy list that you're pretty proud of and you can't wait to just throw
this shit at me, can you?
Do you want to get to that now?
I don't know.
Do you feel like it?
Well, it's up to you.
Okay, hang on.
I've got a music story and then we'll go straight.
Do the music story and then that can lead into your musical list.
That'll work because I'm about to introduce the world that somebody knew.
All righty.
Okay.
That's what I'm going to say.
Nikki Sixx, you know, we've been talking about him quite a bit lately.
Yeah.
All right.
Nikki Sixx said in an interview the other day, there was one band that they could tour
with that would just put the industry on its side.
He finally started saying what band it was because he'd been hinting about this for a
while.
He was talking about Guns N' Roses.
I do agree with him.
I think Guns and Motley tour would be excellent.
They've never toured together.
Guns has never opened up for Motley.
They've never been particularly fond of each other from what I could tell.
Also Axl and Vince almost got into a fight, but I'm going to go into that here in a little
bit.
He was talking about G&R and I agree with him, but I think a few things need to happen before
Guns would even entertain such an idea because Guns is already selling out Arrowhead Stadiums.
They're already selling out stadiums.
Now, they have Alice in Chains and Carrie Underwear with them and who else?
That reminds me of something.
Okay.
I forgot.
I think there are other bands.
God, who was it?
I can't think of it.
There's some interesting bands on there, but anyhow.
One, Vince and Axl still hate each other supposedly from the car crash that killed Razzle Dingley
from Hanoi Rocks.
Reportedly, Axl was furious over that and also Vince's very small jail sentence that
he received.
I remember that story.
Well since then, Vince and Michael Moreau had made peace and Moreau was the singer for
Hanoi Rocks.
Axl should follow.
That's if they're on a tour together because I don't know if Guns and Rosey are going to
take them up on it.
Why would they?
Guns at least, at the very least, puts on a two hour show.
They lay it all out on the stage.
They really put on a great show.
They have a brass section as well as a top tier live musicians on stage doing different
parts of the show.
They have many guitarists that come on and co-star with Slash.
They have really good musicians.
Like I said, they have a brass section.
They are a top notch show.
They have all these different intricate pieces and they have songs that are intricate too
that make a lot of... There was Appetite for Destruction which was Gutter Rock and
then Use Your Illusion 1 and 2 were a lot of intricate pieces.
Yeah, Appetite for Destruction is the album that we grew up doing them by.
Yeah.
Use Your Illusion 1 and 2, they had a lot of pieces that were orchestrated.
They weren't quite gutter rock anymore.
They grew up a little bit.
So Convince... Actually, another thing that I'd like to know is because they have this
over two hour show with Guns N' Roses and they have top notch musicians playing, so
could Convince actually do a two hour show?
He's horribly out of shape.
His voice is... I don't think his voice could hold up.
No, his voice is questionable at best.
We've talked about this before.
At one point, he had an eight octave voice.
Eight?
I don't think it was eight.
It wasn't eight.
That's called Irid.
Okay.
And then you later mentioned you read like a six octave.
Oh, that was Axl Rose.
That was Axl Rose.
Not Big Snow.
Supposedly Axl Rose has like a six octave voice or something like that.
It's the way he sings.
He sings rock so he doesn't need it with the way he sings.
But supposedly that's what the word is.
So anyhow.
No, Vince... Oh man, I know the vocal end of it.
It's left on your voice all them years.
It don't matter what kind of music you're doing.
No, I know.
I know.
And Vince has got a great voice when it's good.
Don't get me wrong.
Yes, he does.
Can Nicky... I've heard some of his songs.
I've heard some other things he did later which I will bring up at a later date.
Okay.
Another album I discovered of his that I did not know he did.
Of Vince Neil?
I'm like wow.
But anyway.
All right.
Can Nicky contain his huge ego long enough for a tour with a band as large as Guns?
That's very... It's very questionable.
He's had problems with other bands.
He's had a lot of problems with other bands.
He seems to have a problem getting along with some bands.
I mean there was the God Smack.
They had a big old fight with them and they said that he was a prima donna that ran around
going you can't do this.
This is our tour.
You can't do that.
You can't do this.
And over manage everything.
And they got sick of Nicky and they're like... They started saying fuck you and they
wrote that song with crying like a bitch about Nicky Six.
Is that what that song's about?
Yes it is.
It's about Nicky Six.
I just... I was getting ready to say I just discovered God Smack.
I never got a God Smack till lately.
I was never a huge fan of theirs.
I think of some of it as bland.
Yeah.
Okay.
So that was about Nicky Six.
About Nicky Six and then touring with him.
That explains a lot.
And I personally I think it may not be a good idea except for money and bragging rights.
I think that if they do ever tour together that about halfway through it's going to be
doomed because I don't think Axel has a hell of a...
Yeah.
That'll be done.
Axel has a hell of a...
They'll make it the whole tour.
Axel has a hell of an ego too.
So between Axel and Nicky and Vince not being able to cut the mustard and Tommy Lee being
a fucking stupid ass like he always is and...
Yeah.
They call their egos and destroy it.
Yeah.
So anyhow I was surprised that Nicky let loose with that actually because if Gunn says
no fucking way that's going to make him look like a stupid ass and Nicky's not into the
business of him looking like a stupid ass.
Right.
So anyhow so we go from that discussion to more music discussion where I let you have
the table and you tell me and everybody out there about your heavy list.
So at the count of nothing go.
Which is heavy guitar just getting into it playing and just so you know Mark.
Okay.
I kind of reached out this week.
I had 12.
Which you know I normally don't have that many on our list.
I know.
I'm kind of reaching for you there.
Okay.
But in like the last hour and a half, two hours before we got in contact to do this
I discovered somebody.
Are they first or last?
I had a couple of people that I knew that I knew.
Are they first or last?
I had a number 13 in my list.
Add a number 13 that's fine.
Who knows I may come up with 30.
Who the fuck knows?
No.
It's our show.
We can do what we want.
We're just a world of somebody.
Alright.
We are all ears.
Okay.
I was finalizing my list.
I actually I had it finalized I was just like Santa Claus going checking it twice you know.
Okay.
And I ran across this YouTube video.
Okay.
And I want everybody to check this out.
I want everybody I'm telling you Mark this kid is the next Zach Wilde.
Okay.
And what is this kid's name?
Okay.
I ran across this video and the video on YouTube when you go look it up nine year old guitarist
Taj T-A-J Jarrant F-A-R-R-A-N-T.
Okay.
While the judges Australia Got Talent 2019.
I will look that up after the podcast.
Okay.
Well that's what got that's what distracted me for the last hour and a half because I
did more research into this kid dude.
Okay.
Well I have some wow this kid has since that and by the way he did not win Australia's
Got Talent.
Which by the way when he was on there he was nine years old.
Where do we do the heavy acts when where do we do the heavy acts win on those talent shows.
Well no it's just the way he played that guitar.
That's what got my no.
Okay I have where I wrote it.
Okay here's what he plays.
Okay.
In that one just in that one clip.
Okay what is it?
Crazy Train.
Into Black and Black.
Into a G and R song which I was so already so amazed I couldn't recognize.
Okay.
And then he went into Spare Way to Heaven.
Okay.
Wow.
Nine years old dude.
Okay so he's your number.
Nine.
He's your number thirteen.
Well it's not for that song.
What song is it?
Like I said I did I went I went back on YouTube.
He's got this one.
Posh Farron Rock Ballad Jam.
Rock Ballad Jam.
Alright I'll look that up.
Everybody out there look it up.
He's sitting down with his guitar dude he's like 19 years old and some other background
on his kit.
Okay.
Check out Taz and Janelle Farron live on Ohio Morning Show.
Okay.
That's his sister she's a drum player.
Okay.
He does a Taz Farron Live Simple Man March 17th, 2023.
Okay.
Listen to that.
Okay.
He's played with Kiss.
Okay.
He's uh when he was 12 years old okay check out 12 year old kills This is a Man's World
by James Brown.
Okay.
Check that one out.
Okay.
This kid is a prodigy.
I'm telling the world watch for Taz Farron.
Alright cool.
Alright now I'm interested in your other 12.
Oh no dude he's still a kid man.
He's still yeah.
Yes.
Okay cool.
Everybody knows about him and they're going to check him out.
What's your number 12?
Yes.
Okay number 12.
I have to go Back in Black ACDC.
Very good song.
Alright.
Sounds good.
Number 11.
Bad motor scooter of Montrose.
That's a good one.
Yeah.
Yeah the tone on that.
I told you I've been doing my research.
That's really good.
That's good.
Real good.
Because that is a heavy song.
It's not like heavy like people would think like it's heavy in its own way.
It was heavy in the 70s.
Yes.
It was a groundbreaking song.
That's a very good one.
Yeah.
Excellent man.
Good job.
Alrighty.
Number 10.
Swift black Cadillac.
Quite a ride.
Wow you're reaching back there.
Oh dude.
That was my favorite album when I was in junior high.
Yeah that was a lot of people's favorite album.
That would be mental health.
Mental health.
Yeah mental health.
Let me tell you man.
This list was a very struggle.
There was a lot that got left off of it.
My list is just fucked dude.
Because I don't know what I'm going to cut out.
Wait till the next list.
Okay.
We're both in trouble.
I know.
I'm in trouble on this list dude because I cannot fucking.
I'm just going to have to like roll the dice on a few of them because I really don't know
what to cut out.
Especially the later ones.
The top five are secure.
Anything after that man.
I don't know man.
That's just how I feel per day.
But go ahead with your list.
Oh no honestly this list right here could have been the top 100.
I know.
And like I said I'm reaching.
I'm a little down to 13 and I had an excellent.
Everybody check out Toss for Rock by the way.
Yes.
Okay so now we're down to 10 right?
No.
Slate Black Cowlack was number 10.
Okay number 9.
Number 9.
Stranglehold.
10 Nuget.
Oh yeah.
That song is.
I've seen three times live in concert.
That song has such a build up.
I thought I shouldn't went with a different song.
No I think that song is.
Like I said.
Dude that song.
I will listen down from 100.
That song is perfect Rob.
Perfect.
I agree with it.
Alrighty.
Number 8.
Ace of Spades.
Motorhead.
Cool.
Very cool.
Bird in Orin.
Bird in Jammin.
Oh Motorhead.
They were heavy.
They were known to blow out people's ear drums like my brother.
Well you want it heavy I can get a little heavy there.
My brother's ear drums were never the same after the Motorhead concert he was front row
in.
I'm serious he could not hear the same after that.
He said he couldn't hear for three days.
He said he started hurting his head so bad that he had to backtrack and go back to like
the 30th row because his head hurt so bad from the sound.
I'm going to ask what row was he on?
He had front.
He and his son.
He had the backtrack to the 30th?
Him and his oldest son weaseled their way up to the front only to be like fuck this
and run back.
I've done that before too though.
I got up to the front and everybody's pushing you against the barrier and then the fucking
bouncers are pushing you back into them.
No fun.
Okay remember what you just said because I have something for you after that.
Okay alright go ahead with your list.
Okay where was I?
Um Ted Nugent.
Okay.
No Motorhead.
Okay Motorhead.
Okay number seven.
Heaven and Hell, Dio and Iommi.
You mean Black Sabbath?
Oh yeah.
Okay.
Okay Heaven and Hell was actually Black Sabbath with Ronnie Dio because I think Ozzie and Sharon
had a lawsuit against them over the name Black Sabbath so they had to change their name to
Heaven and Hell but when that song came out they were Black Sabbath yes.
Oh sorry.
No no no no no no.
Sorry it was Die Young.
Oh Die Young yeah yeah.
It was Heaven and Hell.
The song Die Young I'm sorry.
Okay that's fine that's good but what he's talking about Heaven and Hell is Black Sabbath
with Ronnie James Dio in it.
It was when they split up.
Well it was uh yeah.
Oh are you talking about a different version of it that I'm unaware of?
No it was the band Heaven and Hell Dio and Iommi.
Was Geezer Beller with them?
It was Vinny Apacy with them?
Oh well doesn't matter go ahead keep going.
I just signed this one yesterday dude.
Okay anyhow go ahead that's a great.
But I fell in love with that song.
Oh that's on side two of Heaven and Hell man that is oh it's a fantastic song anyhow go
ahead.
Okay number six I gotta bring in my new man.
Statue 3 Black Label Society.
Zach Wilde.
You see my I'll get to mine later on.
I have a black label in there too.
We will be about to get interesting here in the next few.
Okay alright I can't wait.
Yeah I love Statue 3 man that's just a fucking hard chart yeah I love it.
He's got a lot of them.
Anyhow go ahead.
Number five goes to Mr. Randy Rhoades for Crazy Dream.
Cool and that would be Ozzy Osbourne but you're talking about Randy Rhoades playing
in particular.
Yes yes yeah.
Yeah.
Crazy Dream yeah.
Back then at that time that was just phenomenal then yeah.
Randy just Randy opened up music I think at that point.
I would agree.
A lot of different guitars he was running in.
I mean it's been argued that.
Not really by the hard rock and sound.
People say that.
To the top 40.
People claim that in the in the it's on the Netflix series I forgot the name of it but
people claim that Randy Rhoades actually came up with a tap the eight finger tap like Eddie
was doing.
They said they saw him do it first on stage.
Really?
Yeah I don't know.
How am I going to go into that?
There's no way of knowing because it's just a bunch of he said she said stuff and people
that were there that supposedly saw the first one you know.
But for back in the day when that song came out and we remember that very well that he
just laid it down in that song.
Oh yeah.
Nobody had that technology.
Nobody had that.
I agree.
So I gotta give that he's got my number five.
Okay sounds like a good choice.
Number four.
Ride the Lightning Metallica.
That's a good one.
Very good one.
Sounds good.
Very good.
Number three pains me very much.
I know.
After number five number three pains me very much.
Okay.
My number three also went to crazy train was Zach Wild.
Okay.
Zach Wild had the technology Randy did.
And Zach was the stuff that did that.
Well guitarists have evolved in the last 30 years.
Guitarists have evolved so much.
That's what I was saying.
I had to add both of them.
You have six year old kids playing crazy train now.
You know I mean.
Oh dude I know this kids lazy.
Well happens all the time.
So.
But no.
My number three goes to Ozzy crazy train with Zach Wild.
He sounds great doing it.
So yeah why not.
No well he like I said I gave tribute to Randy because Randy brought something that nobody
else.
There are some parallels in our list that you're not going to believe when I bring it
out.
Thirty years later Zach comes out with the same song and adds new technology.
Zach Slating.
Yes.
Zach Slating.
Yes.
Alrighty.
Number two.
Med shovel by Sting.
I'll have to go re-listen to that.
Okay.
Number two.
Med shovel by Sting.
I'll have to go re-listen to that.
I don't quite remember it.
Dude it's hard all the way through.
Okay.
And it's shocking coming out of me that I have just recently become a Sting fan.
I know you're telling me about the Aaron Lewis.
And I'm just one of the hard guys.
It caught my number two on there.
Okay.
Now I'm going to go to the next one.
Number three.
Number two.
Number three.
Number two.
Now I'm really anxious.
You went through some different bands.
Quite a different thing.
So what would be?
I just threw it out last week.
I'm throwing y'all out this week.
It's very cool.
I love it.
So what would be, Rob, what is your number one heavy song?
It is another YouTube song.
You have to go and watch.
Okay.
I will have to.
That's what it's called.
If you want to look at this version.
I'm going to.
I can't right now because of copyright stuff.
I can't put it on the podcast.
But, yeah.
You will have to see a slaying best.
Yeah.
Yep.
You know, podcasts, you can say a lot of stuff and do a lot of stuff.
But it's not completely free like I told you the other day when remember I told you when
we got to.
No, no.
I'm just reading you the name on YouTube.
Okay.
No, no, no.
I'm going to go look it out.
I'm going to check that out.
It sounds great.
So all right, Rob.
That's a great list.
Okay.
But, but, but.
Yeah.
I had the finals between the two.
Okay.
Between Jack Wild and Slash, who you child played same song side by side.
I have a finals.
Okay.
Yes.
My boat went to Slash.
Okay.
Like I said, watch the video.
Just so you know, Jack Wild's doing the singing.
I figured that.
Slash doesn't, Slash doesn't sing.
Yeah.
So I think Slash kind of takes it over, man.
Slash slays it.
Okay.
I'll have to check it out.
All right.
Okay.
Hang on.
All right.
Thank you, Rob.
Hang on one minute.
I'll be right back.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum, two douchebags in a microphone.
And now, a brand new feature, strange consults from an alien.
Why you always step in a wet spot after putting on fresh socks.
Oh, Lord.
That man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there.
Don't worry.
I have a clown nose.
Oh, no.
That drunk guy just hit my child.
It is okay.
I have a clown nose.
Clown nose.
Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office?
Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their ass with politically correct wash rags.
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in three, two, one.
All right.
Two douchebags in a microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
All righty.
Did you hear about Travis Kelsey trying to get his number to Taylor Swift when she was
in town?
Why would he do that?
Power couple thoughts maybe?
I don't know.
I mean, he's dated better looking women than that.
I thought he was with somebody.
He was, but I guess they broke up again.
They were on and off.
I forgot her name.
Oh, I was.
Yeah.
I think they broke up again, but she was gorgeous.
Whoever I forgot her.
Oh, well anyhow, the Kansas City Chiefs player shared on his podcast, New Heights with Jason
and Travis Kelsey, which he co-hosts with his brother that he had attempted to slide
his digits as superstar singer during one of her concerts.
I was disappointed that she doesn't talk before or after her shows because she has to save
her voice for the 44 songs that she sings.
He told his brother after Jason mentioned he knew Travis had gone to see the show and
asked about it.
So I was a little better, but I didn't get to hand her one of my bracelets I made for
her.
So he made her a bracelet.
That's right.
The tight end made her a special bracelet.
And look what you made him do, Taylor.
Swift is currently traveling with on her Eris tour.
If you're up on Taylor Swift concerts, they're friendship bracelets and I received a bunch
of them being there.
But I wanted to give Taylor Swift one with my number on it, he said.
So he made this bracelet with his number on it, hoping she'd call him.
When his brother asked if he meant his jersey number or his phone number, Travis Kelsey
quipped, you know which one.
Speaking of numbers, the pair share 33 and that is both their ages.
But back to the game.
Kelsey said she doesn't meet anybody or at least she didn't want to meet me.
So I took it personal.
His brother who plays for the Philadelphia Eagles football team noticed that perhaps
Swift had some bad blood over the Kansas City Chiefs winning this year's Super Bowl over
Jason Kelsey's team as according to him, she's a big Eagles fan.
So maybe it wasn't exactly Travis Kelsey.
Maybe it was the fact that she was an Eagles fan and she was a little fucking irritated
that he won.
So that's a pretty interesting story, you know.
I love the way he just came clean with it and said, man, yeah, you know, she fucking
didn't want anything to do with it.
So anyhow, you know we're always picking on gen zoomers, right?
Oh, please do.
Oh, I've got a really good story about it.
Oh, please do.
You know, Gen Zoom women are doing a new thing to keep the men away.
18?
I'm not kidding you.
Yes, 18, 19.
I don't know.
I don't know what the fuck.
Yeah, they're my sons age.
Okay, yeah, okay.
My son's a good one.
No, I know that and that's because you got him down there and you're raising him right,
man.
He's, you know, that's why he's doing good.
If he's up here getting polluted with all this bullshit, he, yeah.
So anyhow, they have a colorful approach to intimidating the heck out of men.
What they do is they put unapproachable.
All day.
Prison.
Unapproachable.
They have a new look that is unapproachable for men.
Men don't like it.
And I've seen pictures of it online and I get it.
It is just, it just, you look at it and you're like, I don't want to get involved with that.
And I get it because I've been there before with women that did it before Gen Zoomers
and just did it because they thought it looked cool.
But this is like a fad of Gen Z women.
All right.
Determined to dissuade lewd dudes from making unwelcome advances at bars and clubs, fed
up Gen Z bombshells are fast adopting the viral unapproachable makeup trend.
Adopting fierce looks they hope will send wannabe cat daddies running for the hills.
It works like a charm.
Megan Habeja, a 22 year old style influencer from Philadelphia told the Post about the
beauty hack and it only takes about 10 minutes.
The gutsy glam gal uses dark eye shadow, tinted bronzers and bold shades to scare away lechers.
It was first made popular by aspiring pop singer and Los Angeles based beauty trend
center, Hila Basquet.
I've heard of her before, but I didn't know what she did.
And to be honest, to be honest, I didn't really give a shit what she did.
Sounded like another asshole.
It sounded like another asshole in the asshole factory known as California.
So the most common use in unapproachable makeup is a use of heavy black eyeliner and very
over pronounced puffy lips with very rich vivid dark colors.
This gives a very independent look with a splash of leave me the fuck alone.
I used to call this look the I hate men makeup.
The man bone wearing tofu chewing little sissies can recognize that some women are better left
to room in.
The few guys that are left in this watered down wimp vest guys go chew on your kale sticks
and cry when your friend scores high in his twitch game room.
So that's what I got to say to that.
Go watch him play his little games and when he reaches number one you can cry with him
and you can like hold your pillow.
And hopefully your man bone doesn't come undone while you're doing it.
So that would be atrocity if your spaghetti patch started unleaving itself, wouldn't it?
So anyhow yeah who would have thought that?
They don't want little wimp nips.
Oh well who has?
Oh hey by the way, while I have you on air I want you to know.
Do you remember last week we were talking and you said if I could get some 38 special
tickets you'd be here?
Yeah.
Be here Friday October 6th I bought two tickets.
Alright you got it.
Sounds fucking great.
Let's do it man.
Hopefully I'll have my to go stuff going and we can record a little bit live from there.
Hey hey I got on a couple on aisle seats we're up and number one.
Alright I don't care.
That's fine man.
We'll walk back a couple of beers.
Hopefully they sell yin-ling there.
We'll walk back a couple of beers and I'll get you really drunk and I'm going to have
you gone to the fuck out of the band.
Oh hey man.
Hey hey hey.
You gotta send me a picture dude.
Do not mention him right now.
It must have gone bad.
Are you going to send me a picture so I can go oh shit.
Okay okay well I was just pulling up this concert.
Okay hang on a second.
Okay.
That sounds great man.
We'll go to 38 special.
We have a number three contestant.
Oh shit it's not God's end.
And this one I am sending you right now.
Oh boy.
So now we have three people battling it out.
And I want your reaction on you.
We have three people battling it out.
And I'll have the name and the count.
Three people having their ass off.
Here we go.
Okay.
Is it through Facebook or is it through text?
I got it.
Hey Mark, meet Cindy from New York, New York.
It looks great except for one small problem.
I'm seven female.
I'm seven.
I'm a bit about eight inches.
Oh jeez.
Now I see why you were so perplexed.
What the hell?
I didn't sign up for this shit.
That is Cindy from New York, New York.
She must have listened.
Somehow they found my email.
They're sending this email.
Shit.
Well I never said your email once.
They must have.
What they did was.
Oh my gosh.
What they did was.
They went to the
Facebook.
What they did was they went through and found out your last name.
Actually that, I can honestly tell you.
It's easy to find out my last name.
It's right on the podcast.
Yeah, Earth and Oceanside.
Nah man, I wasn't.
It is.
You'd be good friends by the way.
Oh that's cool.
Good.
No, no.
That right there is Cindy from New York, New York.
Rob, I don't know what to say.
I apologize.
Which the person who did not see the picture is a transvestite bent over turnaround face
person.
Am I right?
Yes.
They followed the rules Rob.
They followed the rules.
Dumb showing.
Just like you asked last podcast.
They followed the rules.
So many people are not paying attention.
People are paying attention.
Actually I'm flattered that someone from New York, New York took the time to face up ass
up, turn around smiling and send you that picture.
Thank you.
She would be hot if it wasn't for that.
Yeah, yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
And we apologize.
We're just not into that thing.
If you're into that thing that's fine.
Whatever.
That's fine.
We're not here to judge.
Just Rob and I are not into that thing.
So you know.
Yeah.
The rest of her looks great.
Just that thing.
That thing is what doesn't really look great to us.
So anyhow.
If you get it chopped off we'll talk.
Well actually that kind of gets her out of the contest.
I know because yeah.
Yeah.
And I did say last week.
I said.
I've already talked to Eric about this one.
I did say if you include the farm animal.
I can't beat it.
I did say if you include the farm animal that it's bonus points last week.
Yeah, yeah.
You did on the last five.
Look.
All she or he did was that.
They were following the rules to get the bonus points.
So I commend.
What's the name?
Cindy.
Oh Cindy.
OK.
She.
Well thank you Cindy.
You're a very observant listener.
And we appreciate that.
So I'm saying.
Whatever else you need to send Rob.
Yeah you are.
Whatever else you need to send Rob is fair game.
Very smart.
And also this also puts the ball in everyone else's corner.
What are you going to do to top Cindy?
You know that Rob likes ass up face turned around smiling.
So just go for that.
That's exactly what that was.
But I mean now you've got to top the bar what Cindy did.
You know Cindy had the extra extra bit there.
So what are you going to do to top Cindy?
What are you going to do to make it the Rob's number one list?
How are you going to get there?
This is for you to figure out and to come at Rob vigorously with soon.
This is becoming a new game.
I know it is.
There was nobody.
We thought it was going to be your picture.
And now I have three throughout the United States.
I thought if there was one picture that was going to be really good in front of ours that
knows us both and then they're going to be like hey hey hey.
I found it online and I took and I pasted it and threw it on email.
I thought it was going to be that.
I didn't think it was actually going to be that.
Nothing out of any of them.
No none.
They're not doing it.
Come on Davey.
I don't even know if Davey listens honestly.
Oh man.
Davey would do it.
Davey would.
Davey is still nuts.
He is still great.
He is fantastic.
I talked to him a little bit the other night.
The thing is he just doesn't.
He can't just corner himself long enough to do something like that.
Trust me I know.
Yeah I know.
Anyhow we love Davey and I'd love to have him on this podcast.
Geez.
Can you imagine him going off for two hours with his tangents weird shit stuff fucking
bad.
Oh my god.
I mean if nothing else Davey fucking just I don't know.
Make some promos for us.
He's got like two thousand voices he can hit just like that.
Boss I hate to tell you.
You would not get a word in as wise.
It would be his podcast.
Oh no I would just sit back and let him go.
I'd be like dude.
Yeah we'd have no choice.
I'd be having a hot chocolate in the corner.
There'd be no choice.
And every now and then I'd jump in and go this is two douche bags and a microphone starring
Davey.
I'd be sitting here sipping my sweet tea.
Yeah.
Yep.
Looking at your nude pictures.
Thumbing through your ten nude pictures.
And all the people are talking the farm animal.
Honestly I'm afraid for the next week.
I don't know what's going to happen dude.
How's someone going to top that?
And the way it's going now.
I'm surprised they're popping up.
I'm led to believe now that there's going to be more.
More people are going to be doing it.
Because for some reason I can't get them to fucking break me off an email with any type
of critique about the show.
But if it comes to ass face pictures.
There's no problem at all.
Just don't ask me about the podcast.
But I'll send you any nude picture I can.
No big deal.
And they had to look up you to find me to send to me.
What the hell?
That's the thing that's really disturbing dude.
Is the fact that they went through the problem of looking up me.
They went to the podcast.
Probably RSS feed page.
Saw my last name.
They're pilfering through it and saw it attached to two douche bags and microphone.
So there it is and they start going down there.
Because I did say your last name a few times.
I don't just call you Rob Rad all the time.
I call you Radford sometimes.
Oh that's the guy.
Then they probably went to Facebook.
Oh there's his email.
So it's easy to be done.
I mean all the information.
That's what I was saying.
I've already seen work to be done.
I grew up.
Damn.
Pretty interesting that.
Like I said.
I can't get someone to call up and go hey we like this.
You know we don't like that.
Or not call up but just leave an email.
I can't get anyone to do that.
Any type of critique at all.
But you want an ass picture?
No problem.
So.
Did you have to tell me what kind of screw up early you did?
Oh yeah.
I did.
That's what I said.
Yep.
I got you.
That's why we're here.
That's what we do.
Yep.
So.
Oh let's see anyhow.
Got some other stories here.
I got one.
You remember Aaron Hernandez.
The football player that freaked out and killed a couple of people.
Yes.
From New England.
Yes.
Okay.
Aaron Hernandez was arrested.
Dennis Hernandez 37 was arrested last week for allegedly planning to kill people who
said he profited off his brother.
A late New England Patriots player Aaron Hernandez.
He allegedly visited two universities to map the schools out according to arrest documents.
So he went to these schools and started mapping out because he was going to kill these people
that said that he was profiting from his brother's death.
The report from Bristol Connecticut police say several people had come forward in recent
weeks to warn police that Dennis Hernandez was displaying very erratic behavior and suggested
he was gravely disabled and a danger to society.
Officers arrested the former UNC football player at his Bristol Connecticut home on
July 18th.
The police report says during the arrest police say they shocked Hernandez with a taser after
allegedly warned that he would kill us all if they approached him and then he emerged
outside with his hands in the air screaming shoot me.
Jail and mental evaluations are on deck but it sounds to me like him and his brother both
had mental problems and he definitely has them too.
Anyhow the same type of thing it sounds to me like he was going to go kill some people
just like his brother did.
Pretty interesting.
Well nobody really needs to go into my next reality check.
Did you know that same stuff when you're in pain can boost your pain tolerance by 33%?
No I didn't know that.
Wow.
That's what I got.
See I just got to do that.
Come here with that.
Hey how's that?
That's a pretty good little throw in there Rob.
Yeah.
Alright.
Well that would make sense.
If he would have said fuck he'd have been alright.
That would make sense the way he's acting.
Anyhow alright that will conclude this part of the podcast.
We'll be right back.
It's probably going to be divided in two so we're going to be right back with some invisible
ass paddling.
We love those don't we?
Awesome.
Alright.
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Hey where do they go?
Where are the Deucebags?
Oh my god someone took a dump in the corner.
Ugh I'm glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man that smells.