Live from the historic Newark Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,
from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue Waters of the Missouri River,
it is Two Douchebags and a Microphone Podcast.
Hi there, this is Fupnut from Two Fupnuts and a Recorder Podcast.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone are our favorite podcasts ever.
Please, go to your friend's computer and download it from there.
Go to your church's computer and download it from there.
Go to people you don't know and grab their phones and download it on there.
These fuckers need all the help we can get.
This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags and a Microphone.
People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.
One, smell.
Go to the city market and start sniffing.
Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats,
Tabasco sauce, and old sock with dark fuzzy urine.
Two, look for the spot absent of patrons.
Three, the most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.
Four, just call us at 816-512-7717.
This, Aang Boy and Ash Radio Kid, is your next generation podcast.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright, Rob, we just got done with the hairy asshole Olympics.
That was, I think that was a really good session.
We got a lot of stuff figured out.
That was iconic.
Yes, it was.
Now we just gotta narrow it down.
No more entrances.
No, no, we're going to have...
Trust me, I'm keeping count.
We have enough.
Yes, and I don't want to go...
But if you want to make fun of it, let's do it.
Um, okay, you know what?
Um, they were coming down on DeSantis really good.
And that was a great rebuttal.
What can you say?
Both sides there kind of stink a little bit, don't they?
So there you go.
So he lashes out on Biden's 40 year old granddaughter.
That Biden will not allow in a family.
Yeah, and I'll tell you what, man.
When I heard and first heard about it on one of my shows, then read up on it,
it is not good.
And I got to thinking about it and looking at why would he ignore this?
Because he's trying to get re-elected.
So he doesn't give a shit about that little grandkid that is obviously a bloodline of his
because he's trying to get re-elected.
What does that make him?
That makes him a politician.
What does a politician make him?
A piece of shit.
So there you go.
All of them.
So they would sell their mom.
If you want my true opinion on Biden,
I don't think he knows his ass or the whole underground.
I think I would agree with you.
And this is not a nomination.
I don't care what he has in front of his,
I don't care if it's a D or an R.
The guy is an idiot.
So in my opinion.
So anyhow.
And Ron DeSantos is just pipping on him.
You know what?
Because I did read some of the stuff that they were saying.
I think it was fair game, everything that he did.
Because they will say the crudest, rudest shit about him,
whether you like him or not.
So he has a right to do it back.
Turn about is fair play.
And that's what you get.
Throw stones in a glass house.
That's what happens.
So.
But why do that in politics?
It's been going.
That does not win my vote.
It looked to me like it really starting up really bad during maybe the Nixon administration.
And then just started getting worse and worse.
And now you're where we're at right now.
To where you can't get anything done because so sides.
Both sides are so polarized that they're hated on the other side.
And that's the problem.
We don't need people.
You may not agree with people.
But don't hate them and think they don't have some sort of valid point on things.
I'm not saying they have a valid point on everything.
What I'm saying is this hating each other and not budging isn't doing us any good.
So anyhow.
Well OK.
I want to go.
Do you have some other stories you want to go to or should we go ahead?
Go ahead.
OK.
In Oklahoma there was a fish found with human teeth in it.
Oh wow.
Yeah.
John and Clinton was sitting on her back porch watching her son Charlie 11 fishing a pond
behind their house in Oklahoma this past weekend when he suddenly started yelling for her.
He was screaming oh my god mom.
Oh my god mom.
Clinton told NPR.
This is from NPR News by the way.
I thought he was just being dramatic to be honest she added.
Then she got a close look at Charlie's alarmingly weird catch.
Obviously being in a neighborhood pond we're used to just catching a few bass or catfish.
She said I mean nothing with human like teeth.
It turned out that Charlie had landed a pacu a fish that's a cousin of the piranha and
whose outsized teeth have long struck fear in swimmers.
The pacu is a native of South America but this one was swimming in a small pond in the Clinton
suburb of north of Oklahoma City.
He said he put up a heck of a fight John had told NPR saying her son reeled a fish in on
his own.
He was the only one down there fishing and he did a great job.
The Clintons post sent a photo of the unusual fish to their neighborhood Facebook page and
got in touch with a game warden but before learning of its of his prevenance they returned
the pacu to the water.
It's a catch and release pond John has said so we unfortunately did release it back because
we didn't know any better at the time.
People who later recognized the fish said it was invasive and it shouldn't be released.
She said adding we made a mistake there.
Since then Charlie has been stalking the fish.
He did stay at the pond pretty late that night trying to catch it again Jenna said adding
that her son had been rising early and staying at the pond late hoping to get another bite
from that pacu.
If Charlie succeeds a neighbor has offered to eat the pacu but John and Clinton has other
ideas.
If he catches it again we're going to get it mounted for him is what she said.
I think that's a heck of a prize and he deserves it.
She said I told him we'd make it look like the fish was smiling so you could see its
teeth.
I think that's great.
So the wildlife agency blames a pet owner for the pacu's presence.
It said that more and more people are throwing pacus and other fish that should not be in
the ponds over here because they become invasive.
Then when they do they start eating everything up.
We were talking in an earlier podcast about the fish that goes from pond to pond eating
everything up.
That's from Asia I believe.
Yes.
They're jumping across the Mississippi River into Missouri actually.
Yes.
They'll go find any type of waterway.
They'll go in there and kill and eat everything.
They don't have any natural predators over here.
Then they will jump out, grow feet and leg and feet and walk somewhere else, jump in
that pond and destroy it too.
I forgot the name of it but it's insane.
Anyhow that's kind of a bummer story.
I thought it was going to be a little bit better than that because I didn't read the
whole thing.
Anyhow how about some Gen Z'ers slangs?
Alright.
Alright let's see here.
Let's see what looks like.
It looks like it deserves mention.
Okay.
A fit check.
A fit check describes the actor reviewing one's outfit.
On TikTok influencers often post their fit checks in which they announce the brand of
each article of clothing they're wearing.
So a fit check has nothing to do with physical fitness.
So anyhow this next one I think has been around longer than them like a lot of their terms
but they kind of like tried to make it their own or whatever.
Slay.
S-L-A-Y.
Describes something impressive or more generally something positive that can be used as a noun
or an expression of admiration.
As a noun?
I guess you can go, man that guy is slayer, that chick is slay.
That'd be the only way they could, no no no.
That slay over there?
That slay in the corner I guess.
I don't know.
The term era follows its typical meaning but it's accompanied by a word or phrase that
describes an activity or event by which the period was defined.
Like you could say the COVID era.
Yeah.
So.
Yeah.
This next one I actually heard in live action from a Zoomer.
A gatekeeper.
A gatekeeper tries to control who has access to knowledge and opportunities and he was
talking about someone at work and it was funny.
He goes, oh you better go see the gatekeeper over there.
And I was like gatekeeper.
So I went and I looked it up and I was like, ah.
And it did describe the guy.
So I was like.
Okay well I used to play Dungeons and Dragons so I can understand that terminology.
You were a D&D'er huh?
Very little when it first started.
You were later on?
Well it gave me a club in junior high.
Oh okay.
Got me out of the classroom for a little while.
D&D was fun.
I played some of it.
Yeah.
I got into a little bit of it.
It was fun.
It was pretty cool.
I didn't take it to the drastic measures that some did.
Well I went and I got into Diablo online gaming.
Diablo to me was almost like an online D&D Dungeons and Dragons.
Yeah I've heard of it.
Yeah and they're going to come out with Diablo 4 and a lot of the nerds at work and me included
are stoked about it.
But I don't know if I've got enough time to get into it again like I used to because I
take up all my time for a period there.
That's all I would do is go home and play after work and play until I had to go to bed
and then wake up, go to work, come home and play.
Weekends all I do is play and I don't think I want to do that again.
I mean me and the guy that we're playing partners with, we used to go around PK'ing.
PK'ing was player killing and that's where you would kill them and you'd take all their
stuff.
And we were hated, we were hated.
But it sure was fun.
And then the people of God Maldea's, we just keep killing them every time they bring themselves
back to life with a potion.
We're like okay.
Or they start a new game and we go nope you're dead dude.
Think that finally they'd abandon, they'd just abandon it and never go back.
And you see we come up with these rooms, these game rooms and then as soon as they get them
we'd ambush them and destroy them and then take their stuff.
We were horrible.
Yeah I'm not a gamer.
Okay, me neither, not anymore.
Lit, L-I-T, Lit is an adjective either used to describe a fun high energy situation or
someone who is intoxicated.
We know the intoxicated version of it right?
Okay well thanks to my 18 year old I now know both versions.
Oh your 18 year old says that, okay well then that's a similar thing.
I know Lit, yes on both, yeah on both ways.
I never thought in my whole life that Lit would ever be described like that but it is
now so.
I thought it would always be a bad thing but yeah, no it's a good thing though.
This next one I kind of like.
It is clever.
A situation ship.
A situation ship is a romantic relationship that isn't quite a full on relationship.
And next time we do this, let's make a game out of it okay, we'll finish this like this.
Next time we do this I am going to throw the word to you or you throw the word to me.
Depending on who gets the words, these zeers and millennial words.
Okay and then the other person has to guess what it means.
That sound good?
I gotta do homework on that alright.
You know what let's start right now.
You'll get the first one.
I don't know any of your terms.
Doesn't matter just guess.
To ghost.
Oh that's what I did to Ganja.
Yeah you ghosted him.
I know that one.
Yep that's good.
To stop, quick texting.
We are talking again.
Alright.
Now he's going to be jealous of Err.
Oh man that's going to put the heat on Ganja.
He's going to go man this fucker.
Let's see what happens here.
You might have an ass off on your own personal inbox.
We gotta, this is going to get interesting.
Okay you're a Rez as a person with Rez.
R I Z Z.
Just take a guess.
I don't have a clue.
Okay Rez as a person with Rez.
A term derived from charisma is charming and puts themselves out there.
The term is often used when referring to someone who can confidently and successfully pursue a romantic partner.
So you know like a swagger.
Okay so they stole that terminology too.
Well I didn't know Rez was that.
I know swagger was.
Now thank God.
Rez is from the movie Grease.
Oh good catch.
And is that what she was looking for?
Good catch.
That's it.
Yep.
Got him again.
That's old dudes getting it.
Yep.
Alright Touch Grass.
Something I like to do.
Touch Grass is said probably Gonza too according to his name.
Gonza.
Oh Gonza sorry.
Sorry Gonza.
Keep the ass pictures coming to Rob.
He loves them.
You know every now and then just take the farm animal and dangle it down.
Let him see the farm animal.
Next one.
Touch Grass is said to people who seem to spend too much time online and could benefit from going outside.
I like that one.
I can understand that yeah.
I had to push that on my son.
This next one is pretty easy.
I think you'll get it.
If something is living rent free what does that mean?
This is an older term but they kind of spruce it up a little bit.
Yeah.
They put a little turtle wax on it and did the old fucking wax all that stuff.
Okay well I don't know what they mean.
If something is living rent free in your mind it means it's extremely funny, amusing or
otherwise particularly memorable.
Rent free used to mean that you're in someone's head like you juked them out or screwed them
so bad.
I was going a different way with that.
Okay.
Yeah thank you.
Okay Vibe Check.
Vibe V-I-B-E Check.
Yeah.
Any idea?
That's where you check yourself.
Nope.
Actually you check someone else.
It's close.
It's usually you spontaneously check in on someone to see how they're doing.
So close.
Oh.
The reasons are the same only you're doing it to someone else.
I figured you were doing it to yourself.
Okay well I imagine you could vibe check yourself too yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
This next one.
T-E-A.
It refers to a gossip or a piece of intriguing personal information.
Spilling tea is the act of disclosing a piece of gossip.
I never heard that.
Using a sentence.
She just told me all about their breakup.
So whoever told you all about their breakup was spilling tea.
So.
Okay.
Yeah I sure I've never heard that.
Me neither.
That one caught me off guard.
That one.
What it was.
Give me something I drink.
Okay so what it was and what I thought it was was two different way off things.
So it got me good.
Yeah.
Okay.
This next one.
A bop.
What is bop?
B-O-P.
I'm not sure you guys.
It is a term for a great song.
Okay.
Like we might do that new Zack Wild song as really bop.
Okay.
And I get it you bop your head like yeah man that's fucking good that's great.
No actually my first reaction is that was the way I was going to go I was just afraid
of your answer.
Yeah no that's the way I was going to go with a musical bop.
Okay.
Seriously.
Okay main character.
Pretty close.
Yeah.
Yep you got it.
Sleep on.
Any idea?
No.
To sleep on something is to ignore or dismiss its value.
Nope.
So let's see then how would this be used.
To sleep on something is let's say that you see this piece of pottery in a second hand
store.
Okay.
Yeah.
You walk up to you and I don't know man that's kind of ugly I don't know man it looks old
but I think it's just garbage.
It actually is worth a hundred thousand dollars and you could have bought it for five I think
you could go yeah he slept on it.
Didn't know its value.
Didn't understand its value.
Right.
And that is all of these terms for Gen Z.
Okay yeah I see that one though.
I see that one.
Yeah it's good.
So anyhow do you have anything more Rob or?
All I have left is my final thought.
Alrighty Rob go forth and produce this final thought so all these fine folk that are here
listening to this podcast can enjoy it and let it swim in your ears gleefully playing
and slap assing.
And hopefully you'll wish it and do something about it.
Okay.
Alright.
If you don't know if you don't know what to do at a four way stop go home.
Life only gets harder from there.
Absolutely love that one.
I agree.
Just think about it.
I've thought about it and you're absolutely 100% correct Rob.
If you can't figure out a four way stop go home you're going to mess up everybody else.
Yeah forget it.
It's only going to get worse from there.
And you're going to be totally confused.
Yes.
It's only going to get worse from there.
So take life's present that it's given you and let you know that you're a stupid fucker
and that you should go ahead and go home.
Take that present that it's given you and let you know that you're a stupid fucker
so you won't have any more embarrassment in life and you'll just sleep.
And get out of the rest of our people's ways.
That is the main thing.
Get out of our way.
Get out of our fucking ways.
Yes.
Because we're charging on.
Yes.
Anyhow everybody thanks for listening.
Rob thank you.
You're welcome.
Alrighty we will talk to you fuckers later.
Have a good night.
Invisible ass paddlings, new douche flavors and horrible pranks.
What the fuck is wrong with these guys?
Hey look I think we found land.
Oh my god I think we're safe.
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
What?
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Mary your grandmother always intruded your thoughts at the last minute while you are masturbating.
Like stated before, if you believe anything we say or thank you for this podcast,
anything other than hyperbole, parody and just plain stupidness, you're dumber than us.
And that's hard to believe.
Alright everybody two douche bags and microphone on mark.
Rob.
Alright.
There's two corpse flowers, a corpse flower that is blooming and has become a rock star in the plant world
for its unpredictable displays and more notoriously its putrid stench of rotting flesh.
And this is true, I've smelt one before.
There was one in St. Louis for a long time in their botanical gardens,
but from what I understand they took it out because of complaints.
Yeah, they were doing there.
It smells like rotting flesh.
Anyhow, yeah, I went there with some family and we had a very good time.
We were going haunted housing is what we were doing.
Yeah.
Anyhow, that plant smells like rotting flesh.
Smells like something dead.
So I'm telling you it's bad.
The very large flowery plant is related to the Colillary Lily and in fact looks like a surprised and more macabre version
with a large central spike surrounded by a frilly maroon skirt of a leaf.
The Titan Arum is native only to Indonesia islands of Sumatra,
but has become even more difficult to see in the wide due to the habitat loss.
So you can't really see it in the wild anymore so they have them in a few places
and I don't know what St. Louis did with their corpse flower, but anyhow.
In the last few decades, advances in technology and horticulture knowledge
have allowed botanical gardens to cultivate the corpse flower more widely.
If you're not familiar with why the flower has its distinctive name,
when the corpse flower unfurls, tiny male and female flowers at the base of its large central spike emit a putrid odor
similar to rotting meat and stinky laundry.
Titan Arums have a fairly long and unpredictable flowering cycle
and they can take up to a decade before they flower for the first time.
Even mature plants can go years between blooms.
Essentially they work on their own schedules which is part of the excitement for the viewers.
They got to see these things progress and open up and they're huge too.
It's a huge spike inside a giant orchid.
Look it up if you get a chance.
Oh yeah.
Anyhow, it looks like a giant orchid that's about half the size of a man
with a spike that's the size of a man coming in the middle.
And it's a green spike.
Damn.
It's really cool and it smells like rotting flesh like it said.
Wow.
One of these is at San Francisco's Conservatory of Flowers while the other is at the San Diego Botanic Gardens.
Wow, so okay there's only two of them now I guess.
I wonder if St. Louis gave them theirs.
Oh well.
The conservatory's corpse flower is named Scarlet and last bloomed in 2019.
She began blooming again earlier this week and was given as a gift from the St. Louis Botanical Gardens.
Answer your own question.
There we go.
San Diego flowered de jour has bloomed in 2021 and is already noticeably more shriveled than the peak event earlier this week.
That's because corpse flowered blooms are brief shining stinky moments in time.
Typically last in just a couple of days.
I had no idea that what we went in there and smelt and saw was like actually a big deal.
Yeah.
I've never been there.
It's like three and a half hours from me right now.
Okay well you know they had its own area and like the big you know and the big signs and all that stuff.
But I had no idea that it was there.
I've heard about it.
Yes.
Hmm.
All right well.
Okay then.
Cool.
Very cool.
On another one.
Having an out of body experience blame the sausage shaped piece of your brain.
Dr. Joseph Purvizzi remembers meeting a man with epilepsy whose seizures were causing some very unusual symptoms.
He came to my clinic and said my sense of self is changing said Purvizzi a professor of neurology at Stanford University.
The man told Purvizzi that he felt like an observer to conversations that are happening in my mind.
I just feel like I'm floating in space.
Purvizzi and a team of researchers would eventually trace the man's symptoms to a sausage looking piece of brain called the interior proscenes.
This area nestled between the brain's two hemispheres appears critical to a person's sense inhabiting their own body or body self.
The team recently reported in the journal Neuron.
And I guess that's like a journal for scientists.
By the way it's worded.
The finding could help research develop forms of anesthesia that use electrical stimulation instead of drugs.
It could also help explain the anti-depressant effects of mind-altering drugs like cate to mine.
So that's pretty interesting isn't it?
Yes it is.
So pretty cool.
So do you have some stuff you want to run through Rob or not? You said you're kind of like ready for this one and all that.
No I got a final thought.
Okay.
How many are you wanting more?
No I was just wondering if you had some stuff you wanted to talk about because here's what I'm trying to do.
You're getting more.
You're getting more of these and you're sounding much better on the podcast.
So what I'm simply doing is not trying to take it over as much as I have been.
Right. Right.
Okay. At first I kind of had to to keep the show going right?
You're getting your feet under you. You're sounding great.
Okay. So that's why I've been pushing in here lately is if you have some stuff to say the floor is yours go ahead.
You're sounding much better and I have the utmost confidence that it'll be fine.
Okay.
Yeah I'm going to pull stuff up. I pull up Facebook and the first thing pops up.
Okay.
The new studio.
Oh you didn't see that yet? Okay.
The one you posted two hours ago. No I haven't seen that one. I've seen the first one you posted.
Well the problem is now I don't have room for the banner. I don't know where I'm going to put the banner.
You got ours.
You want the fuck off?
I guess I want it.
Yeah I got a fuck off and a Saturn.
Yeah we got a fuck somewhere in the...anyway.
I got an idea on the banner. Maybe I can hang it from the ceiling to where it hangs just above the Volstaff sign and...
How about all of it?
Yeah we'll see. I don't know. There's different ways I could do it.
Well for now it's going to have to come out of retirement.
Yeah. Yep. Well I mean eventually it's going to go mobile. It's going to go down to the city market because that really works.
That's what I'm saying. It's about to come out of retirement so...
Here's an interesting one.
Nevada is tired of Californians coming over there and getting there and like changing everything and buying all this property up and raising the property values and a bunch of other things too.
So there's a license plate that they came up with that's short for Go Back to California and is revoked by the Nevada licensed DMV Department of Motor Vehicles.
So the revoked Nevada license plate that was meant to drive away California is getting one last chance to go back on the streets.
The plate which reads Go GO BK to CA. So it goes Go Back to California. Short for Go Back to California.
It was recalled by the State Department of Motor Vehicles in May after it received a complaint.
KOLO TV first reported. Now the vehicle owner is appealing the recall and will have a hearing on Wednesday according to a Reno News source.
A section of the Nevada administrative code applied to the recall prohibits defamatory references to a group or a person.
In this case the defamed group is Californians DMV spokesperson Eli Rohl told the Las Vegas Review Journal.
He added that the department regularly turns down license plates to share the same message.
A special license committee meets every Monday to review reported license plates before determining the ones that violate Nevada statute.
The DMV received more than 700 license plates from July 2022 to early March. Denied license plates include Puzzling, GGGGGG and the overly rude U1DIOT.
U1 Idiot. And many not so subtle allusions to profanity according to Class TV in Los Angeles KLAS.
So, okay, you may not like the Californians coming over there but you can't put it on your plate there.
I've never been to California I can't judge them.
It's a beautiful place.
I believe it is. I've seen pictures. I have a friend that lives there. I have family and friends that are from there.
I have just never been in this state of California.
I like California. I don't particularly like the way they do things.
But I like California. It's a beautiful place.
It's a great place to visit but not live and I know many people that will tell you the same thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, you know, there's an Iowa man that may be well on his way to an official world record for pencils. Did you know that?
For pencils.
Okay.
Aaron Potholome of Colfax has been collecting wooden advertising pencils since he was a child.
Now he claims to own more than 70,000.
That's substantially...
Okay, I see. Okay.
Yeah, 70,000 of them. That's quite a bet.
That's substantially more than the Guinness World Record for the largest pencil collection.
24,000 held by Emilio Arenas of Uruguay since 2020.
Potholome told KCCI-TV that his most treasured pencils are those from his hometown,
noting that in many instances the pencils are the only place where there is any record of that business at all.
And I think it's just a neat way to preserve history. And I got one for you. Matchbooks.
Do you know, I still have an old Jess and Jim's matchbook that has the candle racks on it and it's blue?
Oh my God, I would have loved to have that.
I'll show it to you when I see you in person.
Yes. A lot of my memories come from us at Jess and Jim's.
But you know the words I'm talking about.
I miss a lot of my teenage years growing up, working, making money, going to school.
I made friends with people like you, your brother, Brian, Jimmy, Harry.
Yeah, yep.
We knew them all. You know? I miss that.
Yeah, I do too.
But I'm 54 now, man. That's what I'm realizing.
That's why I'm having the time of my life with this podcast.
Yeah, it's great. We get to rehearse stuff like that. We get to visit a lot.
We know each other's lives really well. It's very good.
I don't know if we've really seen each other or talked to each other in 30 years.
I know.
Not more?
Yeah.
But here we are.
Yep. Yep, here we are. And it's a lot of fun too.
I'm loving it.
I am too. I am too.
So, what the hell was I talking about? Oh, okay, yeah. I have matchbooks. That's one of them.
And I have other matchbooks too that are older. And I just have to look at it.
There's this one drive-in that was just north of Kansas City on Chateau Trafficway.
I've got one of them. I can't think of the name of it. I don't know.
I probably remember it. What we did when I was a kid. We drove around drive-ins.
Dairy Snatch or something. I don't know.
Dairy Harry Snatch or something. I don't know.
Anyhow, I forgot the name of it.
What is Dairyland?
Yeah.
Big fucking burger and fries. I don't know. Something. Yeah.
What is?
Yeah. Yep.
So, anyhow.
Okay. What is the most tasteless food? This is just a question that I had thrown at you.
Yeah.
Okay. You won.
That quick.
There we go.
You asked. I had to answer that quick.
Okay. What is the second most tasteless food?
Oh, that I wouldn't know.
I'm going to say grits.
Because grits don't have flavor unless you add it to them.
That's okay. That's what I was thinking. It's the ingredients you add to it.
I may have to go with you on that one.
Okay. That's number two. Kale is the most tasteless in a lot of different ways.
Yeah. You see how quick I jump on that one.
That was fantastic, Rob.
I'm keeping an eye on you.
Okay. To Rob. Because kale blows and so do you if you like it.
So, anyhow. Oh, but let's see. Oh, let's.
I think there's more to this story, I guess.
Last weekend, two counters from the American Pencil Collector's Society.
What a bunch of idiots.
Okay. How do we go from crepto-crest to kale?
I don't know. I don't know.
I had to look back to my computer.
That was all you listed to it.
Okay. I believe it. You know what? I had to go back to my computer to find out where the hell I was at.
I was like, I do real despitch so bad, I don't know if we're upside down and on fire or in the corner.
We're having a good day today. This is going to be a good fight.
It is. It's so all over the place so far.
Let's see. Last weekend, two counters from the American Pencil Collector's Society.
NERDS! Those are the guys who have been up in school. Come on now.
Hey, come here.
Hey, I'm thinking about joining the American Pencil Collector's Society.
Oh, really? No, dude! Now get the fuck out of here!
I really don't think we had that order to take, sir.
If we did, we would have beat the shit out of them.
So the American Pencil Collector's Society, we're at the Colfax Historic Society to count both of these pencils.
Now he's waiting to hear if the count is approved by Guinness, which estimated the review process could take up to three months.
What the fuck? What does Guinness have to do?
Take it up to three months? I'd call bullshit on that.
They just want the free pub. They'll come back in three months and make a big deal out of this again.
Oh, it was his! He does have a record.
It takes three months to count?
Yeah, no, I'm not. Bullshit. I call bullshit on him right now. Are you with me?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll take those three months to count that many pencils.
No, I agree with you 100%.
I could do that in less than a day. Half a day. If I take my time.
Okay.
You're saying?
Yep.
Alright, let's see now. We have a truck hauling a load of bananas catches fire on Florida Highway.
Oh.
Yeah. Well, anyhow.
Did anybody bring any chocolate or marshmallows?
That's what I was looking. Nope, nobody did.
I know. I know. So, let's see, what else?
Oh, JP Morgan's fucked. I think it's awesome.
JP Morgan Chase has had a lot of people pull their money out of there because their shitty business practices, in my opinion.
Well, then I'm going to have to tell my old boy to pull my array out of it. It ain't much. It ain't much at all in a small fraction. Yeah, I got a little...
Oh, yeah. Oh, well, you are the one that said you had to work up until last break on your funeral.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, well.
Well, no, that was my choices throughout my life.
Okay. You know, I was going to say...
I enjoyed life young, so therefore I have to work my ass off when I'm old.
I had to do a lot of catch-up is what I had to do.
Yeah, that's what I did.
I did get to very good places and did do pretty well, but it took...
I've had a lot of impressive jobs.
It just did. I was making like $12 an hour. You know what I mean?
Yeah, I get it.
I was always the helper.
Okay. I'll tell you what.
Yeah.
You're certified in pools. You could make a lot of money if you wanted to do that.
Well, I used to be. I could go back. I could pass that test again.
You could go into your own business, dude, and it doesn't take that much with pools.
A lot of that stuff, if you don't have it, you could go rent the equipment and just charge it to the person.
Yeah, and we got different pool companies around here that I get the chemicals. I get whatever I need.
Yeah.
I already know that.
Or in a lot of cases, Amazon will deliver it to your door.
I'm taking forklifts, too.
Oh, okay.
I like the forklift.
I've lived a lot of wait, and I ain't got a set to say.
If I never have to get on a forklift again in my life, it'll be okay with me.
That's on you.
I've done it so much, I just have no desire to go near there.
I've done everything, man. I've done a lot of things.
Okay.
Well, anyway, JP Morgan has lost two billion, and it looks like their host lose at least one billion more.
And the deal is, a lot of it is because people are pulling their money out because they don't trust them.
All the bad pubs they've been getting lately, and I get it. I don't care for them.
Well, I just hope that my Edward Jones guy is smart. That's where my money goes through, is Edward Jones.
Should be about as good as anybody. I mean, they all follow algorithms anyhow.
Yeah, yeah.
And also, the market's so volatile right now, in my opinion, we should be making more money than what we are.
But I'm not sure what is the whole root of the problem on this.
Because volatility is supposed to really help the stock market because people sit back and they read it and they figure it out,
and they react to it or react before or after, depending on what it is.
So, anyhow, I don't know.
Seems to me like, I think, the last time I checked, I had a 1% loss this year, which is not good.
I've had very minimal gain. Very minimal.
Don't you see? Edward Jones is doing better than me.
Then we have T. Rowe Price. But then again, it's also what you're into also.
I could probably go in there and change the strategy and probably make more.
And I think I'm going to have to.
You have T. Rowe Price? Yeah, see, that's what my simple IRA does.
I have T. Rowe Price. I have Davey Morgan. Yeah, I have, I put in like 6% every paycheck.
And my company matches 3.
That's not bad. That's pretty good.
Okay. No, the statements I get is the companies you're mentioning.
Okay. Yeah, I mean, I have money in T. Rowe Price. I have money in Davey Morgan.
It's just, you know, it's my retirement.
Well, it sounds like it's a diversified portfolio.
Okay. Did you know that a professor in Taiwan, Professor Wang Chou-mao,
the territory's health minister in Hong Kong, said someone who lived up in a restaurant would be unlikely to hit back if everyone stared at him.
He's talking about cigarettes.
Really? Yep.
And it says people in Hong Kong should stare at smokers disapprovingly as parts of efforts to create a tobacco-free city.
The territory's health minister has said.
Professor Wang Chou-mao said people who have lived up in areas where it is prohibited are unlikely to hit back if everyone stares at him, local media reported.
Cigarettes can harm the health of the soul, Professor Lowe told a meeting of legislative counselors health service panel on Friday.
When the members of the public see people smoking in non-smoking areas, even if no law enforcement officers can show up immediately,
we stare at the smokers.
When someone takes out a cigarette at a restaurant, everyone on the premises can stare at that person.
I do not believe that person would dare to hit back at everyone at the restaurant if they were simply staring.
So, let me ask you a question, Rob. You smoke, right?
Yes.
If everybody stared at you while you were smoking, would you stop?
They've done it for years, man.
So, it wouldn't bother you in the least?
That's why I was listening to this. I listen, or we listen.
I think the guy's completely wrong on this.
It's something I have dealt with since I was a teenager, and I'm in my 50s.
And I'm just now coming to a realization, I need to give it up.
I'm working on it. I don't smoke near what I used to.
I mean, it's only a few a day.
Just trying to get me by, killing somebody.
Rob, I wasn't saying that to...
No, no, no. I'm answering you honestly, man. You're asking, I'm answering you.
Oh, okay. All right, cool. That's what I wanted to answer. I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything.
No, no, no. I'm saying.
I've done it for years. I've done it since you know me, before you knew me.
And here I am in my 50s, and I'm just now starting to work on kicking it.
Cool.
And if I wait any longer, it's going to be too late.
I mean, it's probably too late now. I mean, they're damn done.
But I'm just so active, you know, like kind of counteractive, I hope.
We'll find out in a few years.
Well, I certainly hope so, Rob, because we all like Rob being around.
I'm here.
I'm good.
I'm not going down without a fight, to say the least.
There you go. Neither am I either. So I am on health challenges, so I hear you.
So there we are.
It doesn't all have to come from something.
Wherefore are you going with that story?
I was just talking. Really, I could go on about it. There's more that the article says, but who gives a shit?
I just think it's funny that their health minister thinks that by staring at someone, they're going to become, I don't know, embarrassed or weirded out and stop smoking there on the spot.
I disagree wholeheartedly.
Like I said, I've dealt with that for years. People say, you're not a great guy. Well, you do you. I'll do me.
Exactly. Yep, I agree with you.
It's like, they're a very good potluck. Whatever. Whatever your vice is.
We all have them. And for people who call people out for smoking, I find is short-sighted because we all have our own vices.
Well, back when we were growing up, smoking cigarettes was a different thing compared to today.
Yes.
Now everybody is vaping.
And vaping is probably going to end up worse for you than actual smoking cigarettes.
I guarantee it.
The chemicals that they put in that, that they don't have to list.
I guarantee it.
Are all carcinogens, number one. Number two, there's a lot of other things besides carcinogens that are horrible in them. So, anyhow.
Oh yeah, they have flavoring, they have whatever.
Yeah, so.
No, I agree.
Alright, well Rob, are you wanting to put in a final thought here? Because I think we're about ready to wrap this bitch up and put a bow on it.
I got one.
Alrighty, ladies and gentlemen, Rob Rad, the guy that wants to see your butthole and your face in the same picture, has a final thought.
At least one more please. Somebody at least.
Come on. He needs a ganja to step it up a bit. He needs to step it up a bit.
At least one more.
Yes.
Not for men, somebody else.
Ganja, he'll give you plenty. You don't have to worry about it.
And no, that is not today's final thought.
Oh, okay. Go ahead with your final thought, Mr. Rob.
Okay, follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path.
Unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path, then by all means, you should follow that path.
And I am not, this was some words of some celebrity and I'm not going to mention that name on this show.
Okay.
Because if I mentioned his name, you would never have me back on here again.
Okay.
But I thought it was good words though.
Alright.
I thought it was good words.
Okay, I agree with you. Okay.
Two douchebags and microphone are hereby leaving your ear holes. Have a good day.
Good night.
Not responsible for greasy residue left on your Bluetooth.
No! No!
Hey, where do they go? Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh geez.
Glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.