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Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City Missouri, from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue Waters of the Missouri River, it is Two-Pouch Bags and Microphone Podcast.

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Now we go to the amazing Mark the Palm Reader.

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Hello everybody and welcome to Mark the Amazing Palm Reader. First in line, please step up.

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Let's see young lady, I see a long lifeline. I see success, happiness, love, fortune. I also see a bit index finger.

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Twenty dollars please.

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Why two douchebags and a microphone? Because two fuck-nuts and a recorder was taken.

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You know Rob, I just read this article about Joe Mixon of the Cincinnati Bengals and how he restructured his contract to take eight million less.

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This is concerning because they are going to be a much better team because now they have more cap room to get more players.

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So you know Chris Jones needs to ante up I think since Joe Mixon did this and take less money per year like he did.

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That way you ensure a team that can always beat Cincinnati because if not they are regularly routinely trying to find ways to beat us.

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They will eventually find a way to beat us. I mean I am talking about going to the Super Bowl and all that stuff. They will eventually get it if we don't be proactive in keeping our people at a reasonable rate.

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So if Chris Jones, he can sit over there and say I want more money all he wants but the deal is you are going to have to give some like Mahomes has.

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Yes.

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It is too. But you said there that your brother was texting you?

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Yeah, yeah. He sent me a Facebook ma'am.

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Oh okay. And what did the meme say?

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He said pro tip. If you serve coconut oil into your kale it makes it easier to scrap into trash.

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That tells you right there my brother is listening to us.

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Alright, what is your brother's name?

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Tom.

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Tom? Tom? Okay thanks for listening but you are still not doing your part. Here is what you need to do.

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Anyone around you that has a phone or a tablet you are to grab them immediately and download all of our shows on there.

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If they try to resist you hit them in the face and you scream at them no you must listen and if you don't listen you must at least download their show regularly.

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You go to church, you break into that church or just go in there and act like your pushman.

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No don't make a jerk.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Okay now let me give you a little background. Okay now that you have asked that of my brother.

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Okay.

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Let me give you a little background on my little brother.

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Okay.

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Okay. He used to be a prison guard at Algoa in Jefferson City.

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Oh shit.

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Okay. He was also on the SORT team which was the team that went around all the prisons in Missouri.

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Uh huh.

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Including women. You see the videos of people that refused to come out of their cells they get taken out.

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Uh huh.

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My brother was one of them.

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Oh boy. Okay well you see even more he's the kind of guy that can take someone's tablet.

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Was, was, was. No longer. No longer.

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Okay. Alright Tom. Well thanks for listening.

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Try to get other people to listen too. Come on now. Is that such a tall task?

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tom don't go breaking into people's cells please brother.

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Okay maybe not that extreme. Maybe you can tell them a little bit.

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You know but kind of not but kind of and go you know.

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I think it would be very important for you to download Two Douchebags and a Microphone.

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Every podcast they've ever done right now. I think it's going to be really important for you to do that.

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You get what I'm saying? Very, very important for you to do that.

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You hear what I'm saying?

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Yeah I love you brother.

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Hey I'm surprised I never met you but I love you too.

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Hey.

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So anyhow but thanks for listening Tom.

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And that is the correct way to deal with kale.

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And if you ever meet anyone that likes kale you immediately never talk to them again.

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Because you cannot trust a person that likes kale.

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It means they fall for anything and they're weak and they're spineless.

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If you get the urge to eat kale go out and pick some grass out of the yard. It tastes better.

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Go get dog shit and eat it. That tastes better.

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Yeah dog shit tastes better than kale.

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Yeah matter of fact if you're getting ready to eat kale look down at your penis and say I no longer have a use for this.

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Right?

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True to the fact.

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Very, very true.

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Look down and go I am no longer I give up my manhood for this plant.

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I am a follower and nothing else.

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I will fall for anything because I fell for the kale hoax.

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The people in the kale industry are laughing at everybody.

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They see these people going oh man look at all of them.

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They love this kale and they know it's bullshit.

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They know they're just trend followers.

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Because they know when they developed it it was bullshit.

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It was a joke.

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They're like ha ha ha hey let's throw this shit on a plate.

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And I bet you we can convince at least three people that they can eat it.

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And it's going to be great.

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And the sad part is people pay good money for it.

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Yeah.

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And then I see this product called sweet kale.

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What?

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You know there's sweet crude oil too right?

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But you don't drink that shit.

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What do they do? Add sugar to it? On top of it?

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I think so.

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I mean even more horrible you take a fabulous substance like sugar and you desecrate it with kale.

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What kind of a maniac does that?

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It's not right.

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Sugar should have its own statue.

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And kale should be like pissed on and vomited on regularly.

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Sugar is a statue in my house. It goes in my tea.

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Sugar is good. Kale is bad. End of story.

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Yes. So anyhow thank you Tom for that message. So true.

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So. Um. Rob. You uh.

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As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum. Two douchebags in a microphone.

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Continuing our quest here at Two Douchebags in a Microphone to be constantly funny.

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Once again we offer you. Strange insults from an alien.

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Ha.

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May you always get it from your computer. With your headphones still attached.

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Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.

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May you not be able to gain an erection without begging about Peter Dinklage.

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Hello everybody. Two Douchebags in a Microphone. I'm Mark.

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And I'm Rob.

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Alright. Well a little bit later on in the program we got a message from Massengale.

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And um. Someone we you know we have a uh. We have a secret spy in there.

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Is that what I think it is?

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Yes. It's new douche flavors. That did not make the cut.

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So anyhow. Amanda's coming up a little bit later. But until then Rob. You got some stuff?

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Yeah. Yeah. I got something to mark.

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Okay.

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You know how I kept keep mentioning that we're two and a half hours apart.

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Yes.

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And you keep shockin' coming up with stuff that I have no idea what you're coming up with.

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And you catch me off guard.

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Uh yes. And okay. Here's the deal. I've been doing this longer than you.

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Right.

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And that's all it is. I. And.

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Okay. Well guess what?

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What?

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We could turn this into a different subject. But no. I want the answer right now.

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Okay.

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What is your number one soundtrack?

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Soundtrack?

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Yeah. Your number one soundtrack.

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Album wise.

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Whew.

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And while you're thinking I'll give you mine. I already have mine.

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Okay. Okay.

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Mine is the 80's B rated movie Trick or Treat.

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This is a fact that was done by a band called Fastway.

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Uh huh. It's considered their number two album.

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I love the music.

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And those of you that don't know about the movie or nothing.

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Sammy Kurt.

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I've been playing a cameo as a priest on TV.

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Yes.

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I'm not gonna give this to you. You just gotta watch it.

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Sammy Kurt is the villain.

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Gene Simmons was a big part of the movie without the makeup.

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And Ozzy was funny because he had his hair all short.

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And he was playing a televangelist that was bashing on his music.

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Yes. Yes. Yes.

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And this was right around the time Jimmy Swagger was bashing all over Ozzy and calling him the devil.

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Meanwhile Jimmy Swagger is getting some num nums for some hookers.

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So.

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I had this movie for many years on DVD and now I have it on Blu Ray and I watch it every Halloween.

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Awesome. That's fantastic.

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It's my number one soundtrack.

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Okay.

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Now you.

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Let me think about this a minute. Geez.

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You can tell me off guard. I'm gonna tell you what I want to know about it.

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Okay. Let me think about it.

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Okay. A soundtrack would have to be to a movie right?

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Yes.

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Okay. Let me think about this here real quick.

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I don't care if it's some Broadway show. Whatever.

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No no no. I'll cut it.

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It's a soundtrack.

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Okay.

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I had a number two.

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What's your number two?

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Heavy metal of course.

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Damn it. I shouldn't have asked you.

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Because that was gonna be my number one.

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Fuck.

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No no. Take it.

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Hey.

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Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna go with heavy metal.

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Because that's what I was gonna go with.

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But I was trying to think if there was something else.

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Okay. I'm gonna go with heavy metal with a right to change my mind at a later broadcast.

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Because you really threw me for a loop on this one.

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You do it to me all the time.

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I know I do.

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I ask every question.

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Dude that was fantastic. Bravo.

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You had me twitching and moving.

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I know you do.

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Dude that was a great question.

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No no. I just wanted to show you I still have an in me man.

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Cool.

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I need to ask Davey that.

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Hehehehehe.

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I think he's had a good one.

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Let's see. What was the one that ACDC did?

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Was it like Christine?

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No no no.

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It was Who Made Who.

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Who Made Who. It was Who Made Who.

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It was Who Made Who. That's an awesome movie.

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That was another one.

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The movie was Maximum Overdrive.

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Yes. That was another good one right there.

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That would be number three.

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That would be number three. Alright. Wow.

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All of a sudden all this stuff is starting to rush back to me.

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All of a sudden.

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I'll tell you one that was not heavy metal that I really enjoyed.

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The Top Gun soundtrack was really good.

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Yes. Yes. I grew up with that one all the time.

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Let's see.

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There were so many.

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And then there's ones that were just fantastic.

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Like Christmas Vacation and Vacation. All the movies.

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The songs that they played in there were just.

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I mean Chevy Chase with that look on his face.

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Constant disappointment and fuck upness.

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You know. I mean. It was just masterfully done.

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I also like Back to the Future.

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Back to the Future was a great one.

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I mean 38 Special did songs for that movie.

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Yes.

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Gosh.

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You know what. Let's maybe put this.

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Like I said. I didn't want to catch you off guard for one.

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Yeah.

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If we could have done this a whole different thing.

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What was the one that Dio did part of the soundtrack on?

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Hungry for Heaven.

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And another couple of songs.

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Geez. What the hell was that?

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Yeah. I'm trying to think. See. You got me off guard again.

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Yeah. Well. That's what we do right?

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It's first time music.

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I would love to hear Topher's input on this.

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Right.

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Wouldn't you love to hear Topher's input on this?

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I'm going to send him a text after the podcast.

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I bet he would have some good ones.

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He would too because I'll tell you what.

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You talk about a guy that is just as musically inclined with us and enjoys music.

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Yes.

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He is right there.

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I can't stump him on music.

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I'll throw the most obscure shit at him and he'll just be like,

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Oh yeah. I remember that. That's 1974.

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This is the first album that So-and-so appeared on.

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And has actually fluked.

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He's got it all down like we do.

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And I think he'd be impressed. I'd just stump you on that one.

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I think he would too.

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Okay. What you got man?

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Okay. Alright.

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Well, okay. Number one, I read some disturbing reports.

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61% of Americans in this new poll fear running out of money worse than fear dying.

246
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Really?

247
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Yes. They're afraid they're going to live and run out of money.

248
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I was like that every day.

249
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I get it. I get it. No, no, no. I get it.

250
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I respect you for continuing to live down there and trying to raise your son in a better environment than Kansas City.

251
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But man, it is hard to make a living down there.

252
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Oh, it is. It is.

253
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The good thing is, like I said, I got him with my company.

254
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And he'll have a little something or something.

255
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You know what I mean?

256
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He takes care of you because you take care of him.

257
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Yeah. And that's been my and my son's relationship all of his life.

258
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That's great. Good. Well, you raised him right.

259
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Yeah. I had to. I had to have somebody.

260
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Yep. Oh, you said everybody else hates you so you needed him?

261
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No. I'm joking around.

262
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They don't hate me.

263
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I'm joking around. I got to worry about them.

264
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Nobody hates you, Rob.

265
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You've always just been like, hey, there's Rob. Hey, hey, come on. Everybody. Come here. Look. Hey, there's Rob. Hey, Rob's here.

266
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I don't know, Mark. I told you I've been going through this transformation.

267
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I know. Are you female yet or not?

268
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I'm getting to be a better me. Good.

269
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I've been a fire now. I was around during the old me and liking the new me.

270
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Well, we all we all go through this, Rob. We all do.

271
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I'm being honest with him, you know.

272
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No, no, no. We all go through this.

273
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You get older and you see fate and you see mortality and you realize that your life is more than you ever thought it was.

274
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And there are higher things to answer to than just someone next door to you.

275
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Is that a good way of putting it?

276
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There's a much higher law than us.

277
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Yes. And people call it different things. I call it God.

278
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Other people, you can call it whatever.

279
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But I think at some point in your life, you realize that you answered a much higher things than you ever knew you did.

280
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I do still today, man.

281
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Oh, that's yeah.

282
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You know what? However it works for you is how it works.

283
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Do what I have to do. Do what I have to do.

284
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The thing I try to do is I try to say thanks every day because I think it's very important to keep yourself grounded.

285
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And another thing that I like to do is I like to thank God for all the blessings that I don't know about and have never known about.

286
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Like at time I could have walked across the street and got hit.

287
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But for some reason, like a bird flew in front of me or whatever. But I didn't. I was meant to be around.

288
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I've had many people close to me that are no longer with us on this earth that we know it.

289
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Yes, I understand. I know it. I knew a gentleman and I still know his kids.

290
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He moved from the lake here back home to St. Louis.

291
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And he was walking to work one day, walking down the street, crossing the street and he got hit and killed by a car.

292
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Prime example of what I'm talking about.

293
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I'll thank God because I'm one of the chosen ones to stay here on this earth and to do well.

294
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Yes, yes. That's what I look at.

295
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:15,000
And also for the ability to do something that I've always wanted to do and loved to do and the freedom to do it.

296
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It means the world to me and I know it does to you too.

297
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The podcast to me is very fun. It's something I've always been intrigued with when I was a child.

298
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I spoke before about how I listened to AM radio in the backyard.

299
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And I hear the crackle of thunder.

300
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That is so ingrained with me. It's something I've always loved and I've always been intrigued with and enjoyed growing up.

301
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Like I spoke of Dick and Jay before and I remember hearing them do their...

302
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Yes, and you know I grew up listening to all of them.

303
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:55,000
Yeah, you know Dick and Jay used to act like they were going somewhere.

304
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We used to listen to them together.

305
00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,000
Yeah, yeah we did.

306
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Matt, Ken and Moffett.

307
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We were very good, very good.

308
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,000
I mean, you know, there were so many of them.

309
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But the reason that Dick and Jay has always stuck in my head is because their ability to do theater of the mind so well.

310
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And all of them are great. Everybody that we've ever spoke about pretty much on this podcast is a really good program and have done well.

311
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But you know the ability to make you think you're somewhere where they're not has always intrigued me.

312
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And to me that's theater of the mind and that is what radio is all about to me.

313
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Still to this day I think it should be that.

314
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:49,000
Although now it's like how many...what's the latest record or concert tour you can promote in five seconds and then we go to another Taylor Swift song.

315
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:54,000
You know, it's just...the real art is what to the internet like podcasting.

316
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Yes.

317
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,000
And video casting and all that.

318
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:04,000
Thanks to you, thanks to this podcast.

319
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:11,000
Let's not forget Topher. This thing would have never got off the ground if it wasn't for Topher.

320
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Because him and I work together and we work very hard to figure this whole format out and everything.

321
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:22,000
Thank you for giving me this opportunity.

322
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:27,000
Well, thank you for listening to everyone and the opportunity is of course yours.

323
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:32,000
You called in and you've always been our biggest fan from day one. You deserve it.

324
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:39,000
But I remember I came up to Christopher and I was like, you know, we want to do a podcast and we should do it from the city market.

325
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And I got a name.

326
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,000
Oh yeah, what is it? Two douchebags and a microphone.

327
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I like that.

328
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:52,000
And then we just started figuring it out. We started looking at software. We started looking at computers.

329
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:58,000
And this is something that I need to do now is I need to start looking at remote broadcasting like we were doing.

330
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:07,000
And, you know, I can always find a guest if Topher isn't going. My hope is he'll still start going.

331
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:13,000
He doesn't have to do every podcast, but he can do maybe the ones we do at the city market or something, you know, if he wants to.

332
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So, you know, my hope is he does.

333
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,000
I just wish that was closer.

334
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:23,000
Yeah, if you were closer, there'd be a no brainer. We'd both just meet down there.

335
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,000
Yeah, I'd be there every day.

336
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:29,000
But until then, I have plenty of guest stars.

337
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:35,000
I mean, I've got people lined up from work and people that I know out, you know, not from work, but I've known for a while,

338
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that are ready, willing and going and itching to talk about stuff that they want that they've been wanting to talk about for a long time.

339
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And as soon as I get all this figured out, because right now what I'm figuring out is

340
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do I want to stick to the audio tonic audacity software because I love how easy it is to use and how flexible it is to use

341
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:07,000
and how it's easy to incorporate other sound into it or other platforms.

342
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,000
I mean, it's just really easy to work with. I love it.

343
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:16,000
And it doesn't sound too terrible. I mean, I can listen to myself in the car and not cringe too bad.

344
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:27,000
So, you know, so I'm telling you, I listen back to me. I'm like, oh my God, everybody does. I'm convinced everybody does.

345
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:34,000
I think even especially later we did. Yeah, later forget it. More worn out.

346
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:39,000
I am. Well, but yesterday and today we're doing a good time.

347
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:48,000
We're trying to switch it up a little bit and not have you on so late because I mean, you're totally different if you're not about about ready to fall asleep.

348
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:54,000
And that's not a dog. I could tell you were really tired. And that's how come everyone I just ended early.

349
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,000
I'm like, well, he's getting too tired to do it. And a lot of times I was too.

350
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:09,000
So, well, yeah, I mean, my life is gone for a bit. Work is sick. I work well, 10 and a half or nine and a half hour a day.

351
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:18,000
But you can't watch 10 hour days. Yeah. You know, me and my son, those that I'm like, you know, I got to come home.

352
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:33,000
Took dinner. Me and my dog, you know, and then, OK, let's do this podcast and I do it for us, man, because like I said, this is my new hobby.

353
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:42,000
This is my new me. Well, that's great. And what I know, Mark, I'm putting everything into this and I have something else.

354
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:48,000
I'm like, catch you out. All right. OK. You know, it should work like that.

355
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:58,000
OK. OK. Well, sixty one percent of Americans. Fear running out of money more than they fear dying.

356
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:06,000
And think about what a decline. Let me say this right. So I don't piss off some people.

357
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:15,000
But OK, I'm not a Biden fan at all. I think he's an idiot and I think he's doing a lot of stuff just completely fucked.

358
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:22,000
I mean, the spending money and just printing money up and wiping your ass with it is not good, especially when inflation is so bad.

359
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:32,000
But this isn't about Biden. This is about what covid and everything did to us. Everybody was flying high.

360
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:38,000
There wasn't any problem at all. Everyone's laughing and playing in the streets and skipping around the maypole.

361
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:45,000
Then covid hit. Then all of a sudden, after covid hit, people's mindset changed.

362
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:55,000
And now inflation is deep. Money's hard to come by. Interest rates are up. I mean, before people were like fucking bathing in money.

363
00:25:55,000 --> 00:26:04,000
We all called it from the get go. Yes. So this one thing, this one thing. No, no, no, no, it's fine. It's fine.

364
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:15,000
I mean, you say whatever you want. That's fine. I'm not going to say my true feelings, except that I think both sides are corrupt enough to where they're not to be trusted.

365
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:25,000
Well, well, I may prefer one side. I may prefer the values or whatever on one side more. But both sides are flawed and both sides.

366
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:33,000
Most of the people there you can't trust as far as you can throw them. No, you are right. Yes. Yeah. Both sides are brought.

367
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:44,000
And you know, I've been getting some stories from my brother and my sister in law, the Indian story and all that.

368
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:54,000
They sent me one today about covid and I have not had a chance to look into it. But well, you go ahead. Go ahead.

369
00:26:54,000 --> 00:27:06,000
Okay. Okay. Well, anyhow, I just really don't want to go there on this. No, we will. Okay. You know what? We'll talk about that later.

370
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:21,000
So, okay. So that that was interesting about how the mindset of America has changed so much that people actually fear running out of money more than dying when it was the polar opposite three years ago, four years ago.

371
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:34,000
Then to 2019 to now, think of the difference. And then, you know, the the fucking bullshit we got going over on and Russia and Ukraine and all that, too. I mean, it's just it's a mess.

372
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:46,000
So now we got worried about Korea. Yeah, those are fucked that little fuck over there. China. China is China has always been our number one threat, whether anyone wants to believe it or not.

373
00:27:46,000 --> 00:28:00,000
China wants this dead and they want our land. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yep. But anyhow, you know what? We're not doing that here because you know that there is. I say I apologize.

374
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:13,000
We try to, but sometimes we have to get there. Yep. You know that in there's a new trend going on. It's called sleep divorce. Really? Yes.

375
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:26,000
A sleep divorce is a mutual decision between two individuals who by social convention would typically share the same bed, but decide to sleep separately in order to improve quality of sleep.

376
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:42,000
Yeah, they and you know what? I sleep better on my own, too, because I toss and turn a lot and I don't want to kick an animal or a vowel or anybody. So I get it.

377
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:55,000
You know, for example, sharing the same bed, but using a different blanket can help. And whenever we, you know, whenever we do sleep together, I do use a blanket to kind of buffer.

378
00:28:55,000 --> 00:29:12,000
So I don't like kick or, you know, anything too bad. But, you know, and then a lot of people are opting to do two two full size mattresses with two, you know, with two different frames stuck together.

379
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:27,000
Yeah. And that way they can move them apart a little bit. So you essentially are sleeping next to your partner, but you're not. You're separated enough to where you can't like accidentally kick him or elbow him or anything like that.

380
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:36,000
And I know a lot of people because I speak, you know, I talk to friends and stuff that are the same way. They're like, man, you know, I wouldn't wish my sleep habits on anybody.

381
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:53,000
So, you know, so they choose not to get in that situation. Yes, I know. I've been there. Yeah. So bad. And also, I mean, blankets are a tough one too, aren't they? Yes. Yeah.

382
00:29:53,000 --> 00:30:08,000
Because I mean, it's so easy to reach for a blanket and grab it and call it your own. Yeah. Steal them. Yeah. Yeah. Steal them. So anyhow, that is a new trend going on in America. And to me, I get it.

383
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:29,000
I get it. So, yeah. Yep. Next one I got is the ex-wife of Usher. You know, the rap star Usher. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. She's calling for a lake in Georgia to be drained.

384
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:38,000
Yeah. Well, it's a little bit more legitimate than you first think. Okay. No, no, no. It's a little bit more legitimate than you first think. Okay.

385
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:46,000
Honestly, I think I've read the story, but the headline cracks you up. Yeah, the headline does because they don't tell the whole thing.

386
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:56,000
The ex-wife of R&B singer Usher is calling to drain Georgia's largest lake. Yeah, I've heard this one. Her son was found fatally injured 11 years ago.

387
00:30:56,000 --> 00:31:15,000
Fashion designer Tamika Foster has collected more than 2,500 signatures for her online petition imploring officials to drain, clean, and restore Lake Sydney, Lanier to allow for safety improvements in the removal of hazardous debris and other obstructions.

388
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:30,000
Kyle Glover, her 11-year-old son, would bounce TV founder Ryan Glover, died on July 2012 after a personal watercraft stuck the boy as he floated in an inner tube on the lake.

389
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:47,000
Draining and cleaning and restoring Lake Lanier is not only necessary, but also an opportunity to honor the memory of those who have lost their lives and prevent further tragedies, Foster wrote in her Change.org petition, which she has also promoted on her Instagram page.

390
00:31:47,000 --> 00:32:03,000
Located roughly an hour's drive northeast of Atlanta, Lake Lanier covers nearly 60 square miles and is far from just a getaway for millions of boaters, anglers, and other yearly visitors.

391
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:21,000
The lake provides drinking water for about 5 million people, according to the Riverkeeper Conservation Group. And Beaufort Dam at the lake's southern end generates hydroelectric power for the metro Atlanta area, so it sounds to me like I get her being heartbroken.

392
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:34,000
That sucks. I get that 100%. That would be the worst. That would be the worst thing ever is to lose a child. I don't think there would be anything much worse than that, if there is.

393
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:39,000
I had known a few people that had lost children and it's hard.

394
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:47,000
I've known some people, and I'm of course not going to get into it, but it completely ruined them.

395
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:54,000
Oh yeah, I know one. I've seen a marriage crumble because of that. Yes.

396
00:32:55,000 --> 00:33:04,000
I've seen a person that's suicidal daily because of that. It's not pretty. No it's not.

397
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:30,000
So I get that she's heartbroken and wants to do something for her son, but this lake is much too important to do that. I mean, unless there's some way to dig a ditch to another reservoir or something and then fill the other reservoir up and then put the water back after you do the improvements, I don't think there's any way in the world to do this.

398
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:36,000
It's too important to Georgia. Yes.

399
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:50,000
So anyhow, that sucks, but I don't think there's anything that can be done about that. Like I said, I sympathize with her and I get it.

400
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:54,000
Any turn it would. Any turn it would.

401
00:33:54,000 --> 00:34:05,000
Any turn it would. Any turn it would. Yeah. Yep. So. Just saying. Anyhow, let's do a little break and then we come back. Let's switch gears and go into new deuce flavors. Does that sound good?

402
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:12,000
Okay, and then I got after new deuce flavors, I got something to bring up.

403
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:14,000
Okay, sounds good.

404
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:24,000
Sounds good. And that's why I asked you if the two nights were different, because I'm catching it early off guard. Again.

405
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:29,000
Sounds great. All right, we will return.

406
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:39,000
Invisible ass paddlings, new deuce flavors and horrible pranks. What the fuck is wrong with these guys?

407
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:48,000
We are two deuce bags and microphone. As charming as a leaky sewer pipe.

408
00:34:48,000 --> 00:35:16,000
Hello, this is Satan. You might know me from my pet name, Inflation. I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to two deuce bags and microphone by a nice warm fire at night. I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I burned that day. Enjoy.

409
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:21,000
All right, two deuce bags and microphone on Mark.

410
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:23,000
And I'm up.

411
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:32,000
All right. Well, as promised, you know, earlier I think we're getting a little bit, I don't know, not negative, but a little bit kind of, I don't know, glum.

412
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,000
Yeah, we were. We need to step it up.

413
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:41,000
We need to step it up. We're a goofy podcast and that's what we're going to do. So, I...

414
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:46,000
Oh, this fits right in with the podcast. Go ahead, Batman. Go ahead.

415
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:53,000
Okay. Mr. Z, we will call him from Massengale, sent me a text.

416
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:55,000
Yeah, yeah.

417
00:35:56,000 --> 00:36:11,000
And on this text it said, look at your email before it disappears and print it. So I go to my email and there's this master list of new secret flavors that was going to go and they got canned at the last second.

418
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:17,000
He was able to send them to me before the whole, the whole page was completely destroyed.

419
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:21,000
But I've got a copy of it because Mr. Z loves us.

420
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,000
Yeah. Mr. Z down at Massengale.

421
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:33,000
Every time they have something like this go on, he lets us know and he gives us the Iggy right off the bat. So thank you, Mr. Z.

422
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:41,000
So, one of the new flavors is, um, garlic butter.

423
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:48,000
Garlic butter sounds good to me. I don't know about in a douche, but I mean, you know.

424
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:52,000
It's like, you know, I have a little Italian in me too.

425
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:54,000
Yeah, yeah.

426
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:56,000
What was his name?

427
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:58,000
No, I'm joking. Okay.

428
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:00,000
I just don't know there.

429
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:08,000
Okay. Yeah, garlic butter sounds good. I don't know why it got canned.

430
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:14,000
You can always take like a piece of Italian bread or French bread and dip it in there, right?

431
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:18,000
Oh, you just had to go there, dude.

432
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:20,000
Yes, I did. Yes, I did.

433
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:24,000
That's what I do. My name is Mark and I say filthy shit.

434
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:28,000
It's your show. That's why I like you go there. I did not go there.

435
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:29,000
It's yours too. So.

436
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:31,000
I know.

437
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:34,000
You notice how I tag in all the new studio photos I put out?

438
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:37,000
Yes, I do. Yes, I do. I love them. I love them.

439
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:40,000
Do you like the new Fuck Off one and the new Saturn one?

440
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:42,000
Yes.

441
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:45,000
The problem is, I don't have a place for the damn banner now.

442
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:50,000
Because I got all this stuff between the Falstaff sign and the skull sign.

443
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:52,000
Oh, that's fine.

444
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:54,000
Oh, I love that thing.

445
00:37:54,000 --> 00:38:06,000
I found that thing and I grabbed that motherfucker and I ran down four stories flights of stairs to buy that.

446
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:13,000
Because they were closing and this was I think River Market Antiques at the River Market, right?

447
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:15,000
And you know how it's got four stories.

448
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:17,000
Yes. Yes.

449
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,000
Or was it called River Market? It's something like that.

450
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:24,000
It's something like that. It's up there. What's the name of the road?

451
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:29,000
You know what? Wyandotte. I think it's off of Wyandotte up in the River Market area.

452
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:33,000
And anyhow, I get there and they go, you got two minutes to buy something.

453
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:39,000
And I was told by a friend of mine, she sent me a picture of that Falstaff sign and said,

454
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:44,000
hey, you still wanting a Falstaff sign? Because I was bitching. I was really wanting a Falstaff sign. I couldn't find one.

455
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:49,000
And so I fucking fly down there from Cleveland, Missouri, where I lived at the time.

456
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:56,000
And I get there, two minutes till, and they said, you have two minutes to buy something because we ain't staying any fucking longer.

457
00:38:57,000 --> 00:39:06,000
I zipped upstairs, no elevator, grabbed that sandwich, zipped downstairs and still had three seconds to spare when I bought it.

458
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:11,000
And those three seconds, I took my time going out the door just to piss them off.

459
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:17,000
Oh, like you should. Yes. So they were dicks.

460
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:22,000
They were like, you got two minutes and that's it. Otherwise you ain't buying shit.

461
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:26,000
I got a few collectibles like that myself.

462
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:30,000
Well, I mean, this is only Falstaff sign I could find around. I mean, I don't know.

463
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:36,000
That's iconic when we were growing up. Oh, yeah. Well, it was Lord Falstaff's choice of beer.

464
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:40,000
So that tells you right there it's good shit, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

465
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:54,000
Okay. The next one. Beats. What? Beats. You know, like we used to throw at each other? Yes. Beats.

466
00:39:55,000 --> 00:40:01,000
B-E-T-S. B-E-T-S. Beats. Yes. I'm not so sure about Beats flavor.

467
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:08,000
Look, I love Beats like the next person not thrown at my white shirt. But yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

468
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:12,000
So who got hot neck or? We had to wear white.

469
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:18,000
Well, you know, Beats are good for you and everything. So, I mean, they were good to stain.

470
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:25,000
Yeah, they were excellent to stain. I mean, anybody wore a white shirt got peppered.

471
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:32,000
Well, hey, if you think about it, honestly, Beats would be almost perfect.

472
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:43,000
Oh, yeah. Well, sometimes in the month, maybe not. A lot of people eat Beats with vinegar. Yes.

473
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:47,000
What is it is? Vinegar. That's where you're right.

474
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:52,000
It might be the perfect one and they threw it out.

475
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:59,000
Hey, you know what? I'm hoping I'm hoping Massengel doesn't come up after us over this, but I don't think they can.

476
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:03,000
They don't they don't even act. They're not even acknowledging this list.

477
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:10,000
Honestly, I eat my Beats with vinegar. No, Beats with vinegar is very good. I like vinegar and clove.

478
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:14,000
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very, very good. Very good.

479
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:23,000
Very good. Maybe so. Massengel, give us a call, man. It's our idea. We got it on a podcast.

480
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:32,000
No, they can't hear us because we got the inside of it more protected. That's right. Mr. Z is on it.

481
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:41,000
And the next one, chocolate milk. I just maybe throw it in my mouth.

482
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:49,000
Good. Good. It's good for you. I love chocolate milk, but not there.

483
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:59,000
That can lead to some other thoughts and implications. I'm going to have nightmares now, man. Thank you.

484
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:06,000
Yeah, I'm thinking chocolate milk to me is a no also.

485
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:11,000
Oh, wow. That's like milk and magnesium.

486
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:17,000
Oh, God. Milk and magnesium flavored.

487
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:21,000
That was just like, remember the NyQuil chicken challenge?

488
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:29,000
No. That was last year, I believe. People were chicken cooking in NyQuil and trying to get fucked up.

489
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:37,000
I know. I know. I've heard it. I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with people?

490
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:43,000
Yeah, anyhow. Back to Shadji.

491
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:55,000
The next one, beef puree. Puree, puree. I think it's puree. It's puree. Yeah, beef puree. Just minced up juicy beef.

492
00:42:55,000 --> 00:43:01,000
Yeah. Well, I don't know. The girls I knew.

493
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:10,000
Okay, we're getting pretty raunchy on this one.

494
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:15,000
I know. I know. I know some people are going to love it.

495
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:22,000
Yeah, well, anyone that would listen. Let me put it like this, Rob. Why is the name Two Douchebags and a Microphone?

496
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:36,000
Because it's buyer's beware right off the bat. Right off the bat, you hear Two Douchebags and a Microphone. You're not thinking you're going to get political scientists arguing.

497
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,000
No. No. Two Douchebags and a Microphone.

498
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:42,000
My motto is I try to stay away from politics.

499
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:46,000
Yeah, me too. We all know how we feel.

500
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:53,000
But lately, politics is getting so stupid, we've got to pull them in.

501
00:43:54,000 --> 00:44:03,000
Let's face it. It's a dog and bony show. It's all it is. You've got a guy in there that can't count to three.

502
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:12,000
It's taking everything I've got to keep from being in politics because it's so damn stupid these days.

503
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:16,000
Oh, I know. You know what? The stories I'm reading are stupid.

504
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:20,000
I've got one for you, Rob. Let me post this to you here real quick and then we'll get back on subject.

505
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:26,000
What do you think about us doing little one-off political shows?

506
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:33,000
But not your typical one. Not where you get on there and go Trump, Trump, Trump, DeSantis, DeSantis, DeSantis.

507
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:36,000
No, no. We talk about anybody and everybody.

508
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:52,000
You know, where you don't actually just like tout someone, but you actually talk about some bills coming up that concern you and maybe some stuff going through Congress right now that you like and some stuff going through Congress right now that you're against.

509
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:56,000
You see what I mean? Like getting down to the core of it.

510
00:44:57,000 --> 00:45:01,000
I have to do a little more research into it before I can answer that.

511
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:09,000
Okay. Well, I think it would be fun to do that. Like I said, you know, the paranormal one, my friend Jake wants to do one and I'm all for it.

512
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:19,000
As soon as he gets this stuff together to start doing this paranormal one, it will be sponsored on twodouchebagsandamicrophone.net and so will this political one also.

513
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:31,000
And then I mean, I have some people that I have liberal friends and I have conservative friends that I'd love to get together on a panel and just start talking about some of this stuff.

514
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:37,000
The pros and cons, the yeas and nays, the you're an idiot, no you're an idiot.

515
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:45,000
Just so everybody can kind of get to know me a little bit, I vote on common sense.

516
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:49,000
Me too, brother. Me too. I'm glad you said that.

517
00:45:50,000 --> 00:46:00,000
I vote on common sense. I did not agree with Biden because I did my research into him.

518
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:06,000
I knew this memory thing, whatever he's got going on was going to be a problem.

519
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:10,000
I knew we would end up in the position this country is in.

520
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:21,000
I've done my research into Trump. I have my feelings about Trump. I have my feelings about everybody but that's my feeling.

521
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:26,000
Me too. Me too. As far as the perfect candidate.

522
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:32,000
That's why I try not to go into politics. We don't want this show political.

523
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:35,000
No we don't. But you know what I do want?

524
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:38,000
If you want to start a set.

525
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:41,000
No no no no no. I'm segwaying back into the subject.

526
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:47,000
You know what I do want? Nashville hot chicken douches. That's the next one.

527
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:49,000
Oh hell yeah.

528
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:54,000
Yeah. Nashville hot chicken. That's delicious. Yeah.

529
00:46:55,000 --> 00:47:00,000
It's going 6 o'clock in the evening. It's almost dinner time and you just made me hungry.

530
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:04,000
I'm sorry. Nashville hot chicken is so good.

531
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:06,000
The bad thing is I'm single.

532
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:11,000
Oh. Oh you got to do it yourself.

533
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:17,000
Well there's always Gonja. I think Gonja wants to date you.

534
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:25,000
Oh dude. Yeah. This is getting borderline here.

535
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:27,000
Is it getting harassment now maybe?

536
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:31,000
It's borderline harassment.

537
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:35,000
Rob I'm sorry. I should have never done those promos.

538
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:41,000
It's alright. I think I'm hopefully not going to control it.

539
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:44,000
Ass up with a smile.

540
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:51,000
No I take it is. He knows he's the only one that's sent one in so far. So we need somebody else.

541
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:57,000
Alright everybody. I still have the promo so I can still insert it.

542
00:47:58,000 --> 00:47:59,000
Yeah. We're just going to have to.

543
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:07,000
Rob wants ass up. Male. Ass up. Face turned around smiling. Your ass up in the air.

544
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:09,000
At least one more.

545
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:12,000
At least one more. Come on guys. Come on. Have a heart.

546
00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:18,000
Rob has only got one choice here and he doesn't want to go with just one guy here.

547
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:23,000
He doesn't know the guy that well. He'd like to have a choice but right now he doesn't.

548
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:31,000
He's going to have to go with this guy that won't leave him alone and you'll probably have to have a chaperone if you guys go out.

549
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:35,000
Well he's got to make it for Uganda.

550
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:37,000
I wouldn't worry about that then.

551
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:41,000
I'm not paying his way. I'm not paying his way.

552
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,000
Alright. Nashville hot chicken sounds great to me.

553
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:53,000
Yes. I like chicken. Yes. Awesome. Good choice.

554
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:58,000
Yes. I think so too. It might be a little hot for the female though.

555
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:03,000
I never really thought about that. It might be a little ouchy.

556
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:06,000
Well, that warm is always nice.

557
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:08,000
You know what? We'll figure it out.

558
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:11,000
Yeah. That's right. You know what? I mean.

559
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:15,000
They like warm suesies. They would be suesies.

560
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:24,000
I know someone out there that accidentally got Alberto V05 used as a lubricant and she survived it.

561
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:26,000
Yeah.

562
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:30,000
Don't say anymore. Leave that alone.

563
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:32,000
I'll reference that before you.

564
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:34,000
Leave that alone. That's enough.

565
00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:38,000
That someone might listen. She might listen.

566
00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:40,000
I sent her here that one.

567
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:43,000
Yeah. She might listen so we'll leave that one alone.

568
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:45,000
Next one. Cucumber salad.

569
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:50,000
That would be a little belchy.

570
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:57,000
Yeah. Yeah. And the really mean ones too. The ones that go through your nose.

571
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:02,000
Yeah. Yeah. Probably a bad idea. Probably a bad idea.

572
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,000
And then yeah. The Italian dressing.

573
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:08,000
Yeah. That would be a little belchy.

574
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:10,000
The Italian dressing would be nice though.

575
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:15,000
Yeah. Yeah. That would. You know I get all fancy and I would probably maybe grab a Copini's or maybe.

576
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:25,000
You know Anthony's downtown. If you ask them they will give you a little cup of their famous Italian dressing that's so delicious.

577
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:29,000
But they don't sell it by the bottle or nothing like that. So.

578
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:38,000
Yeah. Yeah. Or you can just go crazy and buy a big bottle of Olive Garden dressing and kind of throw a couple of cucumbers in there.

579
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:43,000
You can always just leave the cucumbers just to sit and just lap up the Italian dressing right.

580
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:45,000
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

581
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:50,000
Well the next one. I like this next one too. Ricotta cheese.

582
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:55,000
Oh I'm a cheese fan.

583
00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:58,000
Me too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

584
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:03,000
I mean I would give you like cheese whiz. Just saying.

585
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,000
Cheese whiz. Oh gosh yeah.

586
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:09,000
Yeah. You want. Right there.

587
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:12,000
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

588
00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:17,000
That was your many many many many years ago.

589
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:23,000
The next one I like because it's interesting. Ginger snaps.

590
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:33,000
Remember those? They're real like really sharp gingery sugary taste and they're like really crisp little cookies.

591
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:37,000
That would be alright. I'd take that. I'd take some ginger snaps.

592
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:40,000
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why not?

593
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:42,000
This next one I love.

594
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:44,000
Fresh in your breath.

595
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:46,000
True. True.

596
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:52,000
Same way with hot damn. Fresh in your breath while you get fucked up.

597
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:58,000
Next one. French toast.

598
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:02,000
Oh I love French toast.

599
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:05,000
Yeah. I wonder if you're allowed to bring a little maple syrup.

600
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:07,000
Oh you got to have syrup.

601
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:11,000
Yeah. Just a little couple of dashes. Nothing too bad. I mean you know.

602
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:14,000
Oh no. Douse that in some bitch.

603
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:16,000
Okay. Okay.

604
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:20,000
Alright. French toast douche. Sounds great.

605
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:25,000
That's right. I love French toast. Douse it in maple syrup.

606
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:31,000
I wonder if you could do those little French toast sticks things that you get at like hotels and stuff.

607
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:33,000
Oh dip it in.

608
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:37,000
Yeah. Yeah. There we go. Go.

609
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:39,000
In the syrup.

610
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:43,000
Delicious. Delicious.

611
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:46,000
You're welcome America. You're welcome.

612
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:49,000
That's what we do here. We help.

613
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:52,000
We are here to help.

614
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:55,000
Two douche bags and a microphone helping America.

615
00:52:56,000 --> 00:52:58,000
One French toast stick at a time.

616
00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:05,000
And just so you know I ever eat this dough but I got one. Another one chopping. So go ahead.

617
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:08,000
Go ahead and interrupt me with it.

618
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:10,000
No. No. No. No. Finish what you do.

619
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:14,000
Okay. Alright. The next one I'm not really sold on.

620
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:16,000
Sauerkraut.

621
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:18,000
Oh hell no.

622
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:21,000
Well I mean one of you has stuck a couple of.

623
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:24,000
Well there you go again with the manager.

624
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:26,000
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's true.

625
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:30,000
And also how about if you stuck a couple of bratwurst in there.

626
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:33,000
Would that be such a bad thing?

627
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:36,000
No. That would ruin the whole of that.

628
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:41,000
Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want any wieners popping out there. Yeah.

629
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:45,000
Yeah. You know. You're right. You're right. You're right. Okay.

630
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:49,000
Okay. Maybe sauerkraut's not that good of an idea then.

631
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:53,000
That may be a skeleton in the closet you don't know.

632
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:55,000
Yeah. Maybe so.

633
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:58,000
Another one. Sour apple.

634
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:05,000
Oh you know what it can make things pucker up.

635
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:08,000
A rum Halloween time could be good.

636
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:10,000
Yeah. It could be good. Could be good.

637
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:14,000
No. It's not as good as a sour apple smoothie.

638
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:20,000
Yeah. A sour apple smoothie can be looked up on Google.

639
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:22,000
They are delicious.

640
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:27,000
Oh no. It's a sour green apple smoothie.

641
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:33,000
But the best thing to do is you just do this here at home.

642
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:37,000
Okay Google. Green sour apple smoothie.

643
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:42,000
So when your phone does that it will take you right to it and that's always in your memory. So you're welcome.

644
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:45,000
He he he he.

645
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:48,000
Rob when you get his hands looking up.

646
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:50,000
I will. Okay.

647
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:54,000
Next one I really love. Dale Pickle.

648
00:54:57,000 --> 00:55:00,000
Oh real quick. You know what I used to do.

649
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:03,000
I'm going to leave that one alone right there.

650
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:06,000
I'm not. No I'm not. I ain't going to comment on this one.

651
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:10,000
Alright. You're welcome too. I love the thought of Dale Pickle.

652
00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:13,000
I think that not only does it taste.

653
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:18,000
Not if you had what I have going through my head.

654
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:23,000
Oh. Oh. Phallic.

655
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:27,000
No. I'm just saying it was good.

656
00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:31,000
Um. Oh. The hell was I going to talk about?

657
00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:32,000
Shit.

658
00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:38,000
You know what. I lost it. What I was going to say. I completely lost it. So it doesn't matter.

659
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:42,000
Okay I'll tell it at you. I'll say Bloody Mary when you said Dale Pickle.

660
00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:44,000
Oh.

661
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:46,000
Well I mean I can.

662
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:49,000
I got one kind of like that.

663
00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:51,000
It's one of. Another one.

664
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:56,000
Okay I love Bloody Mary. But that would be a reject for me.

665
00:55:56,000 --> 00:56:02,000
Okay. Now what kind of pickle do you do the spears that are cut into quarters?

666
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:05,000
No. Yeah. Just the dill spears.

667
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:07,000
Just the dill spears. Okay. Okay.

668
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:09,000
Now do you put the celery in it and all that?

669
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:11,000
No. No. Just the dill spears.

670
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:14,000
What about black pepper? You put black pepper in it?

671
00:56:15,000 --> 00:56:16,000
Oh yeah.

672
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:19,000
Okay. Okay. Oh I remember what I was going to say.

673
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:21,000
What?

674
00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:27,000
This okay Google stuff. I used to play tricks on at people at my old job.

675
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:32,000
They'd be getting ready to get on their phone.

676
00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:37,000
And they're getting ready to do the okay Google to have it answer.

677
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:40,000
I'd sneak up behind them. I'd go okay Google.

678
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:47,000
Game midget porn. And then that would be in their memory.

679
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:54,000
And a guy who worked at the. Okay sure.

680
00:56:55,000 --> 00:56:58,000
Anything you want to tell us about? No.

681
00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:00,000
Who's a fucking Mark? Okay sure.

682
00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:02,000
I've heard that before. It's Mark.

683
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:05,000
Okay. Whatever you want to say. That's fine with me.

684
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:08,000
You got something you want to talk about? It's fine. I'm always here.

685
00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:11,000
So anyhow.

686
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:16,000
Next one. Spicy Ranch.

687
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:23,000
Or you could just have regular ranch if you want.

688
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:31,000
You could even have the light ranch if that's what you prefer.

689
00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:35,000
Only if you come from Texas or New Mexico.

690
00:57:36,000 --> 00:57:37,000
And why is that?

691
00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:40,000
Southwest case.

692
00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:42,000
Ah okay.

693
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:46,000
You gotta come from Texas or New Mexico.

694
00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:50,000
And you could even throw in a little green chili just to celebrate them.

695
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:52,000
Oh yeah I love green chilies.

696
00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:54,000
Yeah yeah green chilies yep.

697
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:57,000
Have you had New Mexico food? The green chili?

698
00:57:57,000 --> 00:58:09,000
Back in 89, 90, 91 I was running down to Albuquerque once a month.

699
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:19,000
It was awesome. You'd walk into a Burger King and for 25 cents buy a side dish of green chilies.

700
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:21,000
Yep.

701
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:23,000
To throw on your burger ranch.

702
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:26,000
You could not get that in Kansas City.

703
00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:31,000
No no no it's not the same recipe.

704
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:36,000
These are like green chilies off the Rio Grande.

705
00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:43,000
They're not hot. They're all about pepper.

706
00:58:44,000 --> 00:58:50,000
We went through Albuquerque last year going to Colorado on vacation.

707
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:52,000
Last September.

708
00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:55,000
We decided to go to Albuquerque airport.

709
00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:57,000
Really easy airport to get around.

710
00:58:58,000 --> 00:59:00,000
We rented a car there and went up into Colorado.

711
00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:05,000
Pagosa Springs which is maybe 2 and a half hours from Albuquerque.

712
00:59:06,000 --> 00:59:10,000
I'm in there in a restaurant and I wanted to get some of their traditional food.

713
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:16,000
So anyhow they asked me do you want it hot or not.

714
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:18,000
I was like I don't want it real hot.

715
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:21,000
And anyhow it was still really fucking hot.

716
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:25,000
They were over there laughing at me.

717
00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:28,000
I know exactly what you're talking about.

718
00:59:29,000 --> 00:59:31,000
And finally a guy came over and congratulated me.

719
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:33,000
He said good job you did it.

720
00:59:34,000 --> 00:59:40,000
And anyhow he had what they called the tame sauce.

721
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:43,000
Would have been our hottest sauce around.

722
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:45,000
Yeah yeah.

723
00:59:45,000 --> 00:59:50,000
It was good stuff though it was a great place.

724
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:54,000
And it was recommended at the airport.

725
00:59:55,000 --> 01:00:00,000
I was there talking to a guy in front of me a line that lived in Albuquerque.

726
01:00:01,000 --> 01:00:03,000
And evidently the crime there is horrible.

727
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:05,000
He was trying to move.

728
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:09,000
But he said they're one of the few places that property values went down because crime was so bad.

729
01:00:09,000 --> 01:00:16,000
Yeah to this day I have a cousin that lives down there that works at the university.

730
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:18,000
There at Albuquerque.

731
01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:24,000
No he said that like all the time he said U-Hauls would be going through from one coast to the other.

732
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:26,000
And they don't know about Albuquerque.

733
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:30,000
They'd be in there paying for gas or getting a soda or something at a gas station.

734
01:00:31,000 --> 01:00:34,000
And someone would come up and fucking grab their truck and take off in it.

735
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:37,000
Oh that's anywhere these days.

736
01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:38,000
Yeah well yeah that's true.

737
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:40,000
Next one.

738
01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:42,000
V8.

739
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:46,000
V8 flavored.

740
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:48,000
I don't know.

741
01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:52,000
That to me is too much like a menstrual cycle.

742
01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:56,000
Well that kind of goes with yeah.

743
01:00:58,000 --> 01:00:59,000
I'm going to say no.

744
01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:01,000
Even if you like V8 or not.

745
01:01:02,000 --> 01:01:03,000
I do like it.

746
01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:05,000
I don't like it all the time.

747
01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:06,000
But I do like V8.

748
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:08,000
It is good.

749
01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:10,000
Yeah.

750
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:16,000
But I don't think in this situation V8 would be that great of a douche flavor.

751
01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:18,000
That vodka.

752
01:01:19,000 --> 01:01:20,000
Oh V8 and vodka.

753
01:01:21,000 --> 01:01:24,000
Oh that puts a whole different spin on it Rob.

754
01:01:25,000 --> 01:01:27,000
That's what we were just talking about.

755
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:29,000
Okay you got me.

756
01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:31,000
You got me with that.

757
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:33,000
You got V8.

758
01:01:33,000 --> 01:01:34,000
I'm going to avoid him here.

759
01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:36,000
Alright.

760
01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:41,000
Okay next one and I don't agree with this but it would be funny one time.

761
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:43,000
SpaghettiOs.

762
01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:47,000
Oh hell no.

763
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:51,000
That makes me want to throw up right now.

764
01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:53,000
You can play with those little round noodles.

765
01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:57,000
Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up right now.

766
01:01:58,000 --> 01:02:01,000
You could just frolic around with those little round noodles Rob.

767
01:02:01,000 --> 01:02:02,000
That would be fun.

768
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:04,000
That's what I'm saying.

769
01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:06,000
It makes me want to throw up.

770
01:02:07,000 --> 01:02:08,000
Okay alright.

771
01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:10,000
No to the.

772
01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:13,000
As far as you're acting a single guy these questions.

773
01:02:14,000 --> 01:02:15,000
I know.

774
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:17,000
I'm a bastard.

775
01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:19,000
So you're getting the best answers.

776
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:21,000
I know.

777
01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:27,000
So anyhow you said that you had some stuff.

778
01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:29,000
Yes.

779
01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:30,000
Okay.

780
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:40,000
You remember before we went on air I asked you whether last night was separate from tonight.

781
01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:42,000
Uh huh.

782
01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:44,000
Okay.

783
01:02:45,000 --> 01:02:46,000
We were talking last night.

784
01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:48,000
Guess what.

785
01:02:49,000 --> 01:02:50,000
What?

786
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:56,000
I had the very first two douche bags and a microphone very ass on.

787
01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:58,000
Okay.

788
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:00,000
You remember us talking about that.

789
01:03:01,000 --> 01:03:02,000
Yes.

790
01:03:03,000 --> 01:03:07,000
Okay well for those that did not heard it or not listened yet.

791
01:03:08,000 --> 01:03:11,000
Go back and listen to what yesterday.

792
01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:15,000
The one that was dropped yesterday will have it on there.

793
01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:17,000
Yes that's what I'm saying.

794
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:21,000
Well we're going to start them off lightly.

795
01:03:21,000 --> 01:03:25,000
I figured we'd go with a couple celebrities.

796
01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:34,000
Let's go with Tom Selleck or Hugh Jackman.

797
01:03:35,000 --> 01:03:36,000
Okay.

798
01:03:37,000 --> 01:03:41,000
Um Hugh Jackman.

799
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:43,000
That was mine.

800
01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:49,000
I could see Tom Selleck shaving his ass.

801
01:03:49,000 --> 01:03:50,000
I could too.

802
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:52,000
He was a pretty boy.

803
01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:57,000
Yeah I think he would be like oh no no no Tom Selleck does not have ass here.

804
01:03:58,000 --> 01:03:59,000
Hugh Jackman is the Wolverine.

805
01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:05,000
But then again Hugh Jackman yes yes he's a Wolverine and he's tough and all that.

806
01:04:06,000 --> 01:04:17,000
But Hugh Jackman does a lot of Broadway too so I don't know maybe he would be into asshole D. Herring.

807
01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:21,000
I'd still say Hugh Jackman has the hairier ass.

808
01:04:22,000 --> 01:04:23,000
Okay okay.

809
01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:25,000
That's my vote.

810
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:31,000
Okay well there's your very first hairy ass off on To Do Bags.

811
01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:34,000
Alright do you have any more or is that it?

812
01:04:35,000 --> 01:04:37,000
No that's the one that you're supposed to go up next.

813
01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:39,000
Oh okay let me think here.

814
01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:41,000
Well no.

815
01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:43,000
I've got one.

816
01:04:44,000 --> 01:04:45,000
Oh.

817
01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:47,000
Alright who has a hairier ass?

818
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:51,000
Would it be Madonna or Cyndi Lauper?

819
01:04:55,000 --> 01:04:58,000
I've got a clear cut winner.

820
01:04:59,000 --> 01:05:00,000
Cyndi Lauper.

821
01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:02,000
Nope Madonna.

822
01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:04,000
Madonna?

823
01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:06,000
Yeah she's Italian.

824
01:05:07,000 --> 01:05:12,000
Well I thought Cyndi Lauper was known for having armpit hair.

825
01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:14,000
Did she have armpit hair?

826
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:17,000
I was thinking I could be wrong.

827
01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:19,000
Hmm.

828
01:05:20,000 --> 01:05:21,000
This is one of those off-court things.

829
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:24,000
You know what I'm gonna look that up and I'm gonna get back with you.

830
01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:26,000
Yeah let's get back on that.

831
01:05:27,000 --> 01:05:28,000
Yeah.

832
01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:31,000
Right now I'm filming Madonna's camp.

833
01:05:32,000 --> 01:05:33,000
I'm filming Madonna's camp.

834
01:05:34,000 --> 01:05:36,000
I threw that one at me like 24 hours ago.

835
01:05:37,000 --> 01:05:38,000
You got it.

836
01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:41,000
Okay let's see.

837
01:05:42,000 --> 01:05:43,000
Let's see.

838
01:05:44,000 --> 01:05:45,000
Oh by the way.

839
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:47,000
Another new song.

840
01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:49,000
You know I'm listening to music right now.

841
01:05:50,000 --> 01:05:51,000
Uh huh.

842
01:05:52,000 --> 01:05:59,000
On YouTube I found another, well it's not a new song.

843
01:06:00,000 --> 01:06:01,000
It's new to me.

844
01:06:02,000 --> 01:06:04,000
You know how we've been talking about Zach Weil?

845
01:06:05,000 --> 01:06:06,000
Yeah.

846
01:06:06,000 --> 01:06:08,000
It's a black label society song.

847
01:06:09,000 --> 01:06:10,000
Uh huh.

848
01:06:11,000 --> 01:06:16,000
It's a remake of Ain't No Sunshine originally done by Phil Withers.

849
01:06:17,000 --> 01:06:18,000
I'll have to look that up?

850
01:06:19,000 --> 01:06:20,000
Yeah it's on YouTube.

851
01:06:21,000 --> 01:06:22,000
It was nine years ago.

852
01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:24,000
Check it out.

853
01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:30,000
Dude the video, the video is actually pretty comical.

854
01:06:31,000 --> 01:06:32,000
Okay.

855
01:06:33,000 --> 01:06:34,000
Alright.

856
01:06:34,000 --> 01:06:41,000
Now it's, you just gotta check out the video and see what I'm talking about there.

857
01:06:42,000 --> 01:06:46,000
But no, I'm really liking that remake of that song.

858
01:06:47,000 --> 01:06:51,000
And it shocks me that it's a black label society.

859
01:06:52,000 --> 01:06:53,000
But check it out.

860
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:56,000
Just throwing it out there.

861
01:06:57,000 --> 01:07:00,000
Okay cool.

862
01:07:01,000 --> 01:07:02,000
Alright I will check it out.

863
01:07:02,000 --> 01:07:03,000
That sounds good.

864
01:07:04,000 --> 01:07:05,000
Alright.

865
01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:07,000
Let's see.

866
01:07:08,000 --> 01:07:10,000
Did you hear about the Chinese hackers?

867
01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:12,000
No.

868
01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:14,000
Okay.

869
01:07:15,000 --> 01:07:19,000
Let's give them, we'll be right back with the Chinese hackers right after this.

870
01:07:29,000 --> 01:07:30,000
Oh lord.

871
01:07:30,000 --> 01:07:32,000
That man just saw a puppy and had...

872
01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:34,000
Hey there.

873
01:07:35,000 --> 01:07:36,000
Don't worry.

874
01:07:37,000 --> 01:07:38,000
I have a clown nose.

875
01:07:41,000 --> 01:07:42,000
Oh no.

876
01:07:43,000 --> 01:07:44,000
That drunk guy just hit my child.

877
01:07:45,000 --> 01:07:46,000
It's okay.

878
01:07:47,000 --> 01:07:48,000
I have a clown nose.

879
01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:50,000
Clown nose.

880
01:07:51,000 --> 01:07:52,000
Just put one on and you can do anything.

881
01:07:53,000 --> 01:07:54,000
Want to run for office?

882
01:07:55,000 --> 01:07:56,000
Murder people in public?

883
01:07:56,000 --> 01:07:59,000
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.

884
01:08:00,000 --> 01:08:03,000
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.

885
01:08:04,000 --> 01:08:05,000
Grab one today and make magic happen.

886
01:08:17,000 --> 01:08:19,000
Hey, where did everybody go?

887
01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:21,000
Where are the douche bags?

888
01:08:22,000 --> 01:08:24,000
Oh my god, someone took a dump in the corner.

889
01:08:24,000 --> 01:08:25,000
Oh jeez.

890
01:08:26,000 --> 01:08:27,000
Ugh, I'm glad they're gone.

891
01:08:28,000 --> 01:08:29,000
Let's just hope they don't come back.

892
01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:54,000
Man, that smells.